#I don't feel like the suppression is shutting down something that is myself. I feel like it's shutting down an intrusive parasite.

[neverendingford]

.

[lymtw]

Dressing Room Shenanigans

"Toji, um," you struggle with your balance, wobbling when he starts pulling down your underwear. "I don't think this is a good idea. There's a really big gap in this stall. People can see us, or at least me."

He makes you take a few steps back with him until his back meets the wall you share with the next stall. "No one can see you now, okay? Come on." He slides his rough hand up your thigh, pulling your dress up to reveal your bare ass. "You look stunning in this dress, mama," he murmurs into your ear. "You're putting me through hell by having me just stand here and watch you try it on." His breath lures goosebumps out onto your skin. "Just makes me wanna fuck you in it." His other hand paws at your boob, squeezing it repeatedly.

"Well... what if they catch us?" You ask, your defense crumbling as he kisses your shoulder and up the slope to your neck.

"We'll just have to be quiet, won't we?"

"F-Fuck, Toji—mmph..." Toji's hand comes up to muffle your sounds.

"Shh... mama. You trying to get us caught?"

You shake your head, but it's proving to be a lot harder than you initially thought. You knew it would be hard, but you didn't know you'd be so terrible at holding your sounds in.

"You look expensive, doll. You want this one?"

"Mhm..." you mumble into his palm.

"Yeah? You can have it. On one condition." He leans in close to your ear. "You only wear it for me."

"Mm-mm..." you shake your head and push his hand away from your mouth. "I-It's a dress, Toji."

"Clearly," he says, smugly.

"I-I wanna wear it out."

He kisses your neck. "That's not what I told you, baby. If you get it, it's for my eyes only." His grip tightens on your hips. "Can't have you prancing around in this little thing. All that spare attention on you," he chuckles in your ear. "my knuckles would never heal."

"Oh, fuck," you whimper, your hand holds onto the stall door, the lock rattling noisily.

"That got you?" He snickers. "You really are the embodiment of chaos." His hand continues to paw at your clothed breast. He can feel your nipple hardening over the material, something that fuels the lust his body is feeding you. He groans at the feeling of your cunt clenching sporadically.

"What's it gonna be? You gonna be good and wear it only for me, or are we leaving it behind?"

You don't hear a word he says, the adrenaline pumping through your veins blocking everything out.

"Am I talking to myself, now? Answer the question, baby."

You gasp, your head hanging low. "Mm... okay, okay. It's for you... o-only you."

"Smart girl," he murmurs. "Gonna look so pretty like this on my bed."

"C-Can I cum, please?"

"We're taking too long in here, huh?"

You nod, your grip on the door faltering as your legs threatening to give out.

"Alright, you gotta keep your voice down, though."

Toji reached down to overwhelm your neglected clit, enduring the way your body jolted at the rush of stimulation.

"Come on, baby. Feels good, huh? Make a mess on me.

You shudder, unraveling at the constant feeling of Toji thrusting into you. Your teeth sink into your bottom lip, almost drawing blood from how hard you bite. Your brows furrow, your eyes shutting tightly as you try your best to suppress the moans that are dying to leave your mouth. Toji watches you, a smirk on his face when he hears the smallest squeak slip out, followed by shuddered breathing.

"Good fucking girl," he praises. His arms wrap tightly around your waist as he keeps rutting into you until he feels like he's about to burst. You tap his thigh when the overstimulation starts creeping in, falling to your hands and knees when he releases you and pulls his cock out to bust into his hand. You could hear his little hums and breaths behind you, a couple fucks muttered. This was his way of not groaning or moaning out loud when his load spurted out.

He looked down at you stretching your back on the floor, still on your hands and knees. The sight made him realize that this little incident wasn't enough to sate his lust for you.

"Get dressed," he says, tucking himself away. He watches you with a wolf-like hunger as you sluggishly take the dress off. You put your underwear back on and got dressed into your outfit. Green eyes bore into your frame as you tried to make yourself look as presentable as possible for when you exit. You could still see the lingering desire in his gaze when you told him you were ready to go.

You clung onto his arm, leaning against him as you walked out. He grabbed the tag number from the stall door and gave it to the woman working the dressing room area. She looked at the weary smile on your face and the random parts of hair that messily stuck out on your head. She reciprocated the smile but with worried eyes.

"We'll be taking this," Toji says, interrupting the woman's focus on you. He raises the dress by the coathanger it's on to briefly show it to her, before quickly dragging you away from her concerned expression.

"We're done here, right? Ready to go home?" Toji mumbles into your hair as he walks you back to the center of the store.

"Mhm, 'm tired. Just take me home already." You start trying to lead him towards the store's exit.

"Whoop, this way." He maneuvers both of you towards the register area. "Gotta pay first."

[devilstruly]

SUB (?) JASON TODD (18+)

pairing - red hood x fem reader

includes - bondage (m), masturbation, vouyerism, riding, sub turning to dom (if that's not a thing it is now), pet names (princess bc jason is 100% a princess guy and i will die on this hill)

a/n - i think about this man 24/7 i have nothing to say for myself

Imagine tying this 6'5 man down to a chair. it's near the bed, angled just right so he can see everything you're doing. Now you're no fool, tying him down with something as weak as a rope simply won't do.

So you do the next best thing, two sets of handcuffs, not the cheap ones, the actual metal ones that have a key, currently hanging on a chain around your neck. A chain that he gifted you and that he's sure you wore on purpose.

Anywho, he’s sitting in his Red Hood suit, helmet and jacket off, hair sticking to his forehead with sweat, cock straining painfully against his pants.

'Eyes on me, Jay, c'mon. I'm doing this for you.'

Your voice is an octave higher and you barely manage a full sentence due to your ragged breathing.

Jason groans, growls more like it, eyes narrowing at you.

'You're playing dirty, princess.' He grits out, arms flexing and hands clenching into fists.

'Who? Me?' You bite your lip to suppress a moan as you curl your fingers. 'Dunno what you're talking about.'

His eyes watch like a hawk when your thighs flex and shake, your head thrown back in a loud moan of his name.

He curses violently, tugging at the restraints for the milionth time. The keys jiggle with your breasts as you move from the bed slowly, throwing your legs over his to effectively straddle him.

Jason's eyes don't leave your body for even a second, completely in a trance. It's only when you hook a finger under his chin and force him to look you in the eyes that he regains focus.

'You're driving me fucking insane, I hope you know that.'

The admission makes you smile, almost seductively and Jason swears he feels his dick twitch in his pants.

You start grinding on him slowly, spelling his name with your hips. His eyes roll back in ecstasy, strings of curses leaving him between breathless moans and whimpers.

He takes one look at the keys between your breasts, deciding he's had enough of your games. Taking you by surprise he leans forward and snaps the chain using his teeth.

Somehow he manages to take it in one of his hands, quickly escaping the first set of cuffs.

'Hey! No fair-'

You protest, still straddling him, hands on his chest. Jason merely grunts as he unlocks the other pair in record speed, hands flying to your hips immediately.

'You've been in charge enough, princess. Now it's my turn.'

His eyes are blown with lust as they rake over your figure and the small pout on your face.

'But I wanted to- Ah!'

Any complaints you might have had are shut down immediately when he starts moving you at a pace he likes, a loud sigh of relief escaping him.

'You were saying?'

[kingkat12]

procrastination (roman godfrey x reader)

WARNINGS: FLUFF, biting, suggestive content, mentions of sex

summary: Roman knows exactly why you're up so late-- and now it's time to get you to admit it and go to bed

word count: 1,155

a/n: enjoy this oneshot i wrote at one a.m. yesterday to talk myself into going to sleep, and i hope it might work as efficiently for u as well<3333

"You should go to bed,"

I turned away from my computer, staring back at Roman with an annoyed look in my eyes-- still, I was sure he would spot the heaviness of my lids instead, along with the way my lashes moved in slow strokes as I continued to battle sleep. "I can't. I have to finish this,"

"You don't have to do anything at all," he murmured, taking off his reading glasses as he put today's paper down in his lap-- I was glad he finally wore them after I had dragged him to the optician to get a prescription. "This is just yesterday's argument all over again."

I cocked a brow; "We're not arguing, though?"

"... You know what I mean,"

"We didn't exactly argue yesterday, either,"

Roman sighed, the yellow hues of a lamp nearby dipping into the golden brown of his hair. "Yeah, you're right," He placed the paper next to him on the couch, crossing his legs as he stared back at me. I wasn't sitting too far away as he had allowed me to use his home office today, and he was on the couch a little further away from the desk. I loved being in this room; it smelled like Roman. It looked like Roman. Everything from the minimalistic style of the interior to the whisky glasses scattered all around the room which he had forgotten to put coasters beneath. He continued; "We didn't argue, and I'm not going to argue with you now either. I'm simply saying that you don't have to get that stuff done right now."

"But--"

"It's not life or death, is it?" Roman shifted, uncrossing his legs as he moved to the edge of the couch. "How much work do you really think you can get done at one in the morning?"

I shrugged. Being put on the spot like this wasn't my favourite thing in the world. Realizing I had to get real with him to get my point across, I let my shoulders slump as I rolled the office chair an inch or two away from my previous spot near the desk. I had to do everything in my power to not start spinning around on it like I usually liked to do with chairs like these. "I don't want to sleep, though,"

Roman nodded, ready to attack the root of the problem; "Why?" he asked, voice soft and gentle. 

I wanted to shut down. Go quiet again and get back to work. Still, I had a feeling this was coming from genuine concern-- and when Roman Godfrey is concerned about your sleep schedule, you know something is off. "I've procrastinated all day," I mumbled, tapping my fingers against the table as I grew uncomfortable with the truth I had suppressed. "I'm procrastinating now. And if I don't make my mind busy with something, I will think about the fact that I haven't gotten anything done today."

Humming, Roman folded his arms over his chest as he listened. Had he not been my boyfriend, I could've mistaken him for my therapist. "You staying up any longer won't change that, though,"

"Yeah," I breathed, no longer meeting his gaze. "But at least I'm not rolling around in bed right now feeling guilty about it." My sentence ended with a sigh, and it didn't take long before I drove my elbows against the hard wood of the desk and buried my face in my hands. Just talking about sleeping made me further exhausted-- was this what he wanted to get out of this conversation? My next words were muffled against my palms; "You don't have to stay up with me, if that's what you're doing. You should get some sleep."

Roman remained quiet, nodding to himself as he kicked back on the couch and ended up in a casual manspread. He grabbed the paper beside him-- "I'll make myself busy with this crossword. By the time I'm done, I hope you've come to your senses,"

I peeked at him through my fingers, and I couldn't help the confusion coursing through my veins as I spotted him reaching for a pen. Was he actually going to do this? Roman Godfrey... doing a crossword puzzle? I must've opened a portal into an alternative universe with my whining. "Come to my senses about what?"

Roman shrugged, filling in his first word on the paper as he no longer met my gaze. "How much nicer it would be to roll around in bed with me instead of doing whatever it is you're doing on your computer,"

Oh. He had a point. I hated when he did that. "Doesn't sound like we'd be getting much sleep that way either,"

Roman chuckled softly, mostly to himself, and wrote down another vertical word across the puzzle. "Perv,"

"... Me?"

"Yes, you," He tsked, pulling his pen away to think about which word to go for next. "Rolling around in bed doesn't necessarily have to mean sex."

I cocked a brow-- "Roman, are you perhaps having a stroke? Everything usually means sex when you're the one talking,"

"Well, tonight I'm a new man," He smiled as he found the answer for a word going across, finally meeting my eyes as he finished filling in the empty slots. "What do you say about making out like we're sixteen and sexually repressed?"

I nearly choked on air. "That's specific,"

"I'm not denying that,"

"How is that different from just... making out like usual?"

Roman leaned his head against the back of the couch, staring up at the ceiling as he thought out loud; "I think it'd just be messier. So uncoordinated that we'd constantly be knocking teeth,"

It was impossible not to laugh-- "You want to knock teeth, Roman?"

He turned his head to me, his green eyes meeting mine with the loveliest of smiles. "Fuck yeah. I'll even bite you if we get that far,"

"... Christ," With a giggle, I shut my laptop. "Fine! I'll go to bed, but only if you promise to keep your teeth far away from mine."

Roman sucked in a sharp breath as he got up to approach me. He spun the chair to make me face him, and he leaned down far enough for his hot breath to graze my cheek; "Actually, I'll bite you right now if you don't get out of my chair, young lady,"

Oh, I loved this mood of his. "Your chair?"

"Yes. My chair," His classic smirk made an appearance as his eyes darkened; "And my girl." 

It didn't take long before Roman scooped me up, hoisting me over his shoulder as I yelped. Still, I knew there was no fighting him. If I did, I'd get another one of those bite marks on my thighs that would linger for days, and I couldn't go through that again. To be frank, I planned to wear more short skirts going forward-- I was visiting his actual office tomorrow, and I planned to make my visit one he'd remember for longer than I had ever had a bite mark lingering on my skin.

[bvnnichu]

𝐅𝐈𝐑𝐒𝐓 𝐓𝐈𝐌𝐄

𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: mikey x f! reader

𝐜𝐰: inexperienced reader, unprotected sex, petnames, breeding kink, slight hair pulling, riding, fingering and oral mentioned, pussydrunk! Mikey, degradation, doggy style, spanking, mentions of pregnancy, overstimulation, multiple rounds. ( lmk if anything slipped my eyes! )

𝐚/𝐧: wrote this at 3 am, don't judge 😢

"mm.. my precious baby, 's gonna be okay"

Mikey mumbles while caressing your cheek, staring at you with his hooded eyes. He has the softest and most reassuring smile on his face, almost as if he isn't Japan's most wanted criminal. How could he not? You're his precious baby, his everything.

He's caressing your hips, urging you to push yourself down into his cock. Your face is buried into his shoulders, too scared to move. Suddenly you feel something prodding against your entrance, making you let out a gasp. You look at your boyfriend with teary eyes, and he just stares back with a lazy grin plastered on his face.

"'m sorry love, couldn't help myself.."

He starts caressing his shaft, swirling circles on your slippery cunt. He'd made you orgasm before this with his mouth and slender fingers, so you were well prepared. He grabs onto the back of your head, tilting his head and pulling you in for a kiss. His tongue entered your mouth, swirling it against yours, exploring all over your mouth.

While you were distracted, he slipped an inch of his cock in, eyebrows furrowing from the feeling. Your gasp turned into a muffled moan in the kiss, nails digging into his shoulders. His grip behind your head tightened, tangling his hand into your hair and giving it a light tug. He couldn't help but thrust his hips up just a bit, but it had you biting his bottom lip and jumping at the pleasure.

You pulled away from the kiss, tears swelling in your eyes. "m-manjiro... it hurts!"

You were pouting, and he caressed your cheek. He stopped all movement, staring at you with loving eyes.

"'s gonna be alright darling, the pain will go away soon"

He caressed your cheek, wiping off a tear that was about to escape. You buried your face into his neck, sniffling 'cause of the pain. He caressed your back, leaving kisses on your bare shoulder.

"gonna put it in now, babe"

With that he pushed slowly pushed in inch by inch, muttering curses as he felt your warm pussy envelope his slender cock. His head was thrown back, eyes shut in pure pleasure, burying himself all the way in.

"fuck princess.. so fuckin' tight f' me hm?" He groaned in a raspy voice, watching you tremble from the unfamiliar feeling inside your tummy. You were too far gone to answer him, the feeling of his cock inside your gummy walls making you feel dizzy.

"m-manjiro.. mmph.. need more of you inside me.."

He bucked his hips in response, biting his lips at your words.

"fuck baby.. how 'bout you help y'self hmm?" You blink at him a few times, flabbergasted. Then you can feel a blush slowly creeping its way to your cheeks.

"what?! b-but I don't know how..."

"c'mon baby, y'have to work for good things don't ya know? chop chop, get to work now"

You whine in protest but you still have to feel your release so you oblige. You start grinding down on him, mouth agape at how fucking amazing that feels. He hisses, nails digging into the soft flesh of your thighs to suppress his loud moans. He helps you go up and down, occasionally bucking his hips up to give you a lil boost.

After riding him for a while, your legs get tired and you start slowing down. But Mikey doesn't seem too happy 'bout that. He grips your hips tightly, slamming you back down onto his cock so hard that it feels like he just rocked your world.

"d-don't fuckin' stop.. mmf.. keep going babe"

"I c-can't mikey! 's to much"

You sob into his shoulder, making his eyes shift from demanding to soft. He starts caressing your back, giving a reassuring kiss on your cheek.

"wan' me to take over mm? I'll make you feel good angel, I promise.. make you feel so good you'll be begging f'more"

You nod, lifting your head up to look at him. His hair is disheveled, sweat making his dark strands stick to his forehead. He gives you a peck on the lips then pushes you off of him.

"go on all fours f'me babe"

You oblige without much complaint, arching your back a little for better access. He gives your ass a spank before lining his dick up with your entrance.

"ready or not.. 'm going in"

With that he pushed all the way in, grunting at your gushing wet pussy clenching his dick for the nth time that night. You whimpered, not being able to keep yourself up for too long, your legs almost gave up on you. He grabbed your hips before you could melt into a puddle on the bed, starting at a steady pace.

"mm.. fuck, so good f'me baby..." he moaned out, gripping your hips so tight it might end up bruised.

"fuckkkk.. m-mikey 's so good" your eyes were rolling to the back of your skull with each thrust, your words coming out slurred from your face being mushed into the pillow.

"oh yeah? does my dumb fucking slut like bein' a pillow princess?" he said in a mocking voice, and you could hear the grin in his voice.

"'m boutta cum! mmph.. m-mikey" you slurred out, drool spilling from the corner of your mouth.

He started speeding up his thrusts, chasing both of your releases. You were moaning uncontrollably loud, gripping onto the bedsheets so hard your knuckles turned white. You were slurring random shit that Mikey could barely comprehend, your pussy being the only thing in his mind right now.

"'m cummin' inside babe.. gonna breed my fucking children into you" he growled, face buried into your neck while he was pounding you into heaven.

You couldn't even think straight, too fuckin' dumb on his cock to comprehend the consequences. You felt his cock up in your cervix, pushing you all the way over the edge. He came when he felt you gushing around your cock, but he had no sign of stopping.

"m-mikey 's too much! too much! fuck— s' too sensitive!" you sobbed into the pillow, only making him thrust even harder. Yeah, he definitely wasn't stopping anytime soon.

© 𝐁𝐕𝐍𝐍𝐈𝐂𝐇𝐔 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟑 𝐀𝐋𝐋 𝐑𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓𝐒 𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐄𝐑𝐕𝐄𝐃.

[ghostlythunderbird]

The Pack ~ Boiling Point

Pairings: Alpha!König, Alpha!Simon “Ghost” Riley, Alpha!Keegan P. Russ X Omega!Fem!Reader

Warnings: 18+ Minors/Ageless Blogs DNI, Omegaverse, Ghost and Keegan being really mean, Mentions of domestic abuse and Omega Rehab camps, Angst, König being a sweet cinnamon roll at the end

Words: 3,225

Author’s Notes: Please do not repost, edit, or translate my work. This blog and all content will be marked 18+ even if there is no NSFW content, if you are underage or have no age I don't want to deal with you. So sorry for the long time to update, life has been a little busy and rough to say the least. I do hope you guys enjoy!

Summary: A Month has passed since you first moved in. But it seems like Ghost and Keegan still want nothing to do with you. It eventually creates tension between everyone, and one small argument caused the eruption of the tension that has built up for so long.

It had been almost a month since your introduction to this odd pack of alphas, and why did it seem that the other two alphas in the house still seem to avoid you at all costs completely? It was beginning to make your skin crawl, especially when there were times that they would purposely get on your nerves so much that you wanted to just go off on them for being such idiots. Simon, well he hadn't spoken to you since the suppressants argument. It only seemed to create this invisible divide between you and the two phantom-like alphas; the only person who seemed to try and make you feel somewhat welcomed was König, and the poor apex seemed to be at his wit's end with the unnecessary tension between everyone. And to think all this started over a small argument about Suppressants.

Everything had been fine for the first two weeks between your new pack, although Keegan and Simon never seeked you out as often as König did. The apex was a massive sweetheart for someone his size, but he seemed to have been trying his best not to upset any of you, especially when the arguments began to ensue between everyone else. Of course, the man didn't really have a choice when he was working so hard to help in the overall adjustment to everyone's lives. You had tried to appeal to the alphas, providing food and comfort when distressed, but they hardly even gave you any appreciation for your efforts. You started to understand that these alphas were rough around the edges, but even this was a bit extreme. Your inner omega cried at the thought that these alphas assigned to care for and protect her only seemed to shun her.

König tried to comfort you during those times, never getting too close to the nest you've built but staying near enough to whisper sweet nothings to calm your omega. Once he was sure you had drifted off to a peaceful slumber, His inner apex had him searching for the others in the house to give them a stern talking to. He had barely crossed the bedroom threshold before catching the two alphas getting ready for bed; something in him snapped at that moment, watching them getting ready for bed as if they didn't have to soothe their crying omega by themselves. He towered in the doorframe, staring at them with an authoritative glare. "Why do you continue to treat our omega like that?" he spoke as he moved to shut the door to the bedroom behind him. Enclosing all the alphas in with each other.

Keegan paused before looking towards the apex, who was now looking at the ground and his fists drawn up tight against his sides. While Keegan wasn't blind to how aggressive Konig could be on the battlefield, this was a rare time Konig's anger showed at home. But while Keegan had paused to listen to the apex, Simon continued while tugging his shirt over his head. Never once stopping to look towards the apex, who looked like he was preparing for a war in this small room. "What are you on about, König?" he questioned as he threw the shirt onto the bed, sitting down on the edge. "I'm not treating her like anything, I just keep to myself."

"Keep to yourself?!?!" König bellowed at the top of his lungs as he stepped toward the blonde alpha.

"How is keeping to yourself helping in this situation right now? It isn't helping with our Omega crying her heart out two doors away from you because half of her supposed "pack" doesn't even stay in the same room as her!" The words flew from the apex's mouth before he could stop himself. There was silence between the three alphas as they stared at each other; Simon even took a step back into the corner of the bedroom, his breathing starting to pick up slightly. Keegan stood up straight as he spoke next. "I don't want her to feel any more alienated than she already is. Just at least show her you aren't a cruel-hearted bastard."

Nothing was said between the alphas as they knew saying anything wrong would surely set off the apex's ever-growing anger. With a final glance towards Keegan, König opened the bedroom door to leave for his own room to turn in for the night. The apex couldn't help but feel drained after the overall confrontation. He knew Ghost and Keegan were wary of having an omega around in their den. But was it wishful thinking that König wanted them to accept the sweet little omega who was graced to them, to cherish her and be doting alphas like they were expected to be?

With a fleeting glance towards your door, König released a breath of air, silently hoping you didn't hear his outburst only moments ago. He didn't want you to be upset again; your tears felt like swords in his heart. No omega should cry because their alphas have no idea what they're doing. The apex retreated towards his room to gather his thoughts and hopefully get some semblance of sleep.

As he lay down on his massive bed, he stared up towards the ceiling giving a silent plea before closing his eyes for the dreamless slumber to take over his mind.

'Please let this all work out soon,' He prayed.

~~~~~~~~

Those words only seemed to mock König now as he was caught in between a heated argument, All centering around you.

The very thing that started the entire argument? A single bottle of Omega heat suppressants that Ghost had found when he was bringing in some washed blankets to give to your nest.

The air was tense as Ghost stood before you, almost standing right over you as he held up the bottle. "What in the fuck is this supposed to be!?" Ghost yelled as he pointed the bottle in your direction, anger radiating through his body like a bright sun. As much as he hated having to ask the question, it needed to be asked. You flinched slightly under his angry stare, unable to meet his gaze as he stared down at you. "Well, Omega? Are you even going to try and explain yourself?" Ghost inquired harshly as he still held the bottle of heat suppressants.

"Um..." you stammered out, unsure what to say to calm him down. "It's um..." You took a few steps back towards the wall, but Ghost only followed you; almost backing you completely into the corner. He remained so close to you that if you moved one inch closer, you would've been pressed up against him. You had no idea why he was so hostile towards you, but you could tell he was extremely annoyed. Why is he trying to get you to explain yourself after he never spoke more than a single sentence to you the entire time you've been here? If anything, he avoided you the entire time you were there, unless he was forced to speak to you. And for someone who avoided conversation with others, he sure wasn't avoiding this one.

He pushed you harder into the wall as he brought the bottle to your face. "I thought that these fucking things weren't supposed to be taken anymore when we were assigned. Are you that fucking dumb just to throw out what we all agreed on?!?" His harsh voice trailed off after that last word as he removed the bottle from your face; glancing at the label before tossing it into the trash can near the doorway. Watching as the last thing you had control over being tossed aside by this alpha, Your Omega reared her head. You couldn't stop yourself as you turned back to the alpha and let out a deep growl; the embarrassment was washed away in mere seconds to an unbridled anger. "What WE agreed on?!? Since when did I get a say in this fucked up ordeal?!" You pressed as you slid away from Ghost and towards the center of the living room where Keegan and König hadn't strayed from the couch. Taking a deep breath, you felt your fists balling at your sides as you tried to contain your rage.

Before either of the other two could reply, You had turned back to Ghost. The fire in your eyes had never glowed that color before but better now than never. "I never agreed to anything, for your information, so I apologize if I wasn't informed that I was to stop taking something I've been given since I presented." The air around you was dangerous, daring the alphas in the room to say one more thing to set you off worse than before. But now it only invited Keegan to interject himself between you and Ghost. “We all agreed not to use any sort of medications that could alter our regular cycles; how did you skip over that part?” He spoke. The apex beside him looked towards him; giving him a small glare that gave the silent words ‘Behave’

"Uh, once again, I never fucking agreed to shit. I didn't realize using suppressants was such a horrible fucking thing now that Im packed." Keegan continued, “You must have forgotten that you came here to adapt to us and not the other way around, right?” The alpha moved to stand finally. Konig doing the same in case he had to intervene. "Look, getting upset isn't going to solve anything. Let's just take a breath first," The Apex pleaded. However, Ghost had other ideas "No, I'm not done; you need to quit protecting her, Konig. She needs to answer why she is still taking fucking suppressants!" Ghost exclaimed.

This was the straw that broke the camel's back, you looking towards the blonde alpha. "Just because you are my assigned alphas doesn't mean you can throw out how I feel or decide what I can or can't do!" The room was silent after you spoke; none of the alphas moved or even attempted to speak for a short time.

"God, if I knew how much of a handful you were, I never would have fucking agreed to this." The hurtful words spewed out of Keegan's mouth before Ghost or König could stop him. Those words made you bristle, your teeth clenching before slowly turning to face the dark-haired alpha feet from where you stood. "Oh, you think you're angry because you agreed to mate with someone you don't know? How do you think I feel, being forced into a contract with not just one but THREE alphas I've never met!" Tears began to collect in your eyes as you tried to keep your gaze on Keegan.

 "At least you had a choice! Do you wanna know how it went for me? I was forced out of the only home I ever knew, only to be paired with three alphas, who, mind you appear to have NO experience being around an Omega whatsoever! Only to be locked in their knots and treated like a goddamn broodmare for the rest of my life." 

Tears began to run down your cheeks as your throat tightened, beginning to choke your words. "I wanted to live a normal life just like everyone else on this godforsaken planet, but no, I was told to sit down, shut up and be a 'Good lil' Omega'. Just because of what I presented as!" Those words made your skin crawl, and your alphas seemed to share the same sentiment. König's gaze dropped to the floor before shifting his body away from you, his scent becoming sour. The tension in the room continued to increase as your rant began its downhill slide.

"The only person here that's made me somewhat comfortable in this fucking house is Konig; you and Ghost have given me NOTHING. You've done nothing but criticize everything I've done since I got here, and you dare to say that YOU'RE upset over this arrangement?" A growl brewed in your throat. If your dam heard you right now, she'd die on the spot, saying it was Un-Omegalike. None of the alphas could meet your tearful stare; not even the battle-hardened Ghost could look at you. It only solidified that these alphas, ones you were supposed to bond with, didn't fully understand how you felt during this rough change. It had to take you completely going off on them for them to even get a glimpse of what you've had to deal with since day one after presenting as an omega.

You couldn't stand to be around them anymore; the need to return to your room, to your nest, was steadily becoming overwhelming. Swiftly turning on your heel, you began to leave the living room. The alpha's head snapped back to your frame as you walked away. The skull-faced alpha took a step past Keegan. "Love wai-." As you spun around to face him, your speed was near enough to snap anyone's neck. "Don't. You. Dare. Say that. After everything, you don't get to call me that; I can't fucking be in here with any of you right now. Just leave me the hell alone" The snarl left your lips was deadly.

The air was stagnant once you turned around and left.

However, it was swarmed with an enraged apex scent; the smell was sour yet made it feel like you were choking on a Carolina reaper once your form had disappeared up the stairs. Ghost and Keegan ducked their heads as they looked toward König; the apex was livid. Chest heaving in anger, fists drawn up tight, soon turning white from the pressure. In mere seconds his head snapped towards the two alphas, closing in on them; he soon laid his hands on the scruff of their necks and pushed them to sit on the couch before him.

There was a strong growl coming from his throat. "Tell me what in the fuck you think you're doing? After everything that has happened, do you really think it was alright to do that?" An enraged roar erupted from him. If the talk a few nights ago was him angry, now he was more than livid. "After everything, you decide to go through her things instead of us talking about this as a pack. Your best plan of action was to fucking corner her about it?!? Do you even realize that this could make her not ever trust us?" The apex was near breathless as he emptied his lungs, screaming at the two alphas who ducked their heads submissively. "Do you understand what that would cause? She would be taken away from us forever to be either put in a fucking omega camp or reassigned to someone much worse! Not only that, we would never be allowed to have an omega ever again, Im not about to lose my only chance of having a happy omega and pups just because you two are absolute shit at showing your emotions." König snarled as he ran a hand through his hair. His apex wanted to stay and set the two alphas in front of him straight, but he knew his omega needed his comfort even if she didn't want it right now. "You two need to figure yourselves out before something even worse happens." He sighed as he withdrew before leaving the stunned alphas, soon treading softly to follow the path you had taken only minutes prior.

~~~~~~~

Your sour scent was just beginning to leak past your door; it made his apex whine, 'How had it gotten this far so quick'. Bringing up a fist, the apex knocked softly on your door, soon listening for your voice to either allow him in or to tell him to fuck off. For a few moments, nothing was said; no movement was made by either side. Finally, your voice cracked through the silence, quiet tears leaking from your eyes. You weakly replied, "Come in...please?" He obliged, soon pushing the door open and entering your room. The sight he was greeted with was absolutely heartbreaking. In the midst of blankets and pillows, you lay in your rather massive nest, your back to the door as he caught sight of you holding a pillow close to you. One that he had realized was Keegan's; it was drowned in his scent when he had first given it to you. But now it was overwhelmed by your own scent.

König approached the nest cautiously, not wanting to startle you in such a vulnerable state. "(Y/N)?" The apex cooed quietly. You finally turned to acknowledge him; you couldn't hide the tears or the roughness in your throat. "Alpha......why do they hate me so much." You sniffled. Konig moved to sit near the edge of the nest at your words, "Oh (Y/N), my sweet omega; they don't hate you. They just.....have a hard time showing their emotions, Mein schönes Mädchen." His voice rumbled. It was soothing. The way he spoke to you always made you feel special. Wanted even. "I know you didn't want us to find out you were still taking suppressants, but why did you have to hide it from us? From me?" The apex questioned. To be completely fair, you didn't have a full answer, but he deserved an answer, at least.

After a long pause, you decided to continue, although your voice remained soft. "I-I had thought about letting you guys know. I figured since the pills helped me calm down and made my life easier, it wasn't hurting anything to keep taking them. I just didn't know how." Your voice trembled softly as tears began to well up again. It pained König to know you didn't feel safe enough to tell them about this; he couldn't help but feel like he had failed you somehow. The apex didn't see you move until you had reached for his hand; looking at it, he instantly intertwined his fingers with yours. The contact seemed to soothe you slightly, but you wanted more; scooting further into the nest, you pulled on König's hand. gently guiding him into your nest.

Sitting next to you, König stroked your forehead with his thumb. Even though he had only been in the nest for less than five minutes, he could already tell you were feeling much better. He leaned in, pressing his nose against your shoulder as he pulled up into his embrace. His inner apex was howling in joy; to be the first one into his omegas nest and to even be allowed into a nest, in general, made him dizzy. "Don't worry, my sweet omega; they will come around. Just be patient with them; we have never been able to have any of this for most of our lives. But I know they will figure it out." König spoke softly as he started to run a hand through your hair to soothe you.

The only reaction he received from you was a small purr of contentment as you relaxed in his hold; sensing you were finally worn out, König moved to lay down with you tangled in his embrace. Surprisingly sleep found him sooner than it ever had before.

Tag List: @silentmel, @thisperspective, @thebestgirlever2, @ghostalina, @pascallllllll1, @jujitsuito2069, @hypernovaxx, @frazie99, @v1naco, @littlezarp, @thatoneautor0123, @credince--writes, @4ndjelij4, @alonelyteenagebroncinbuck, @alonelyteenagebroncinbuck, @random0lover, @wintersnnowie, @operatorinvestigatesco, @marytvirgin, @nightriver99, @l-lend, @kelpiesummer, @quietlyignoringyou, @teehee-47, @warrior-of-justice, @missbunnybunny, @maechanexe, @numberonemetalheadexpert, @littlemiss-nightshade,

[lalacliffthorne]

I don't even know what this is, it just basically flowed out all in one and urgh did it make me feel all warm and *suppressed squeal and kicks feet as buried in pillow*

aka warm fuzzy Azriel fluff in form of a tiny lil drabble

The soft whisper of voices slowly pulled me out of my slumber; footsteps, heavy but quiet, followed by the gentle creak of leather right in front of me making the haze of sleep slowly disperse.

Shifting a little, I breathed out, and a warm weight settled on my jaw, a calloused finger slowly brushing over my cheek.

Something rose in a flutter against my ribs, and cracking open an eye, I squinted against the warm glimmer of the fae lights. My tired gaze needed a moment until it focused on the male crouched next to the sofa, dark hair tousled and eyes warm like amber as they slowly moved over my face.

Feeling the thrum in my chest, I exhaled slowly, my heart beating steadily as I blinked slowly and whispered: "Hi."

One corner of Azriel's lips curved upwards until a soft crease formed in his cheek. "Hi."

My gaze dragged over him, his dirty leathers, wings tucked in behind him and shadows quietly swirling around his feet as Azriel slowly swiped his thumb over my cheek. Then I blinked and pushed myself up a little, Azriel's hand sliding from my neck down to rest on my bare knee as I looked over the back of the couch and found Rhys and Cassian at the entrance to the living room.

"You okay?", I whispered, the peaceful quiet of the house at night making my voice sound even softer.

Both males nodded, sending me tired grins, then Rhys dipped his head in a silent goodbye and vanished in a cloud of darkness, and Cassian saluted tiredly and turned around, his huge frame disappearing into the foyer.

Turning back towards Azriel, I felt something swerve a little in my chest and my brows furrow when I caught a glimpse at the dried blood over his right eyebrow.

Reaching out without thinking, my fingers softly brushed over his skin as my eyes darted towards his, and the thrum in my chest intensified when Azriel reached up. His hand closed around mine, gently tugging it down, and my breath hitched, my heart fluttering gently when Azriel pressed his lips against my fingers.

"I'm fine,", he mumbled, his low, deep voice sending a soft, pleasant shiver through me as his lips brushed over my skin.

Keeping my hand engulfed in his for another second, pressed against his lips, Azriel pushed himself up, my fingers sliding out of his when he leaned down. His scent washed over me, and I wrapped my arms around his shoulders without hesitation when his slid around me and lifted me up. My body curled into his chest like muscle memory, my temple falling against his neck, and my eyelids began to droop a little when I mumbled sleepily: "I can walk, you know?"

The warmth of Azriel's body seeped through his leathers when he started to move, and I knew his lips were curving just from the tilt in his voice when he mumbled back: "Sure. And fall asleep before you reach the third floor."

Sliding my fingers into his hair to tug gently, I tried to keep my heavy eyes open, nuzzling my face into the crook of Azriel's neck. There was a soft swerve in my chest that wasn't mine, and I felt my lips curve into a slow smile.

"If you'd just gone to bed like I told you to, there wouldn't be any carrying." Azriel's quiet voice reverberated through my body, quiet and so low and deep, it caused a tingle to run down my spine as he made his way through the foyer. His scent started to fill my lungs, making my lids even heavier as the smile on my lips widened just a little.

"Shut up, shadowboy. You'd be waiting too if it was me in your place."

Azriel huffed, but I felt the thrum rising in my chest as he started to climb the stairs. My eyes slowly drifted shut as I focused on the warm tug under my ribs that led to the male carrying me, the steady rhythm of Azriel's heart and the way my body seemed to fit perfectly into his.

By the time we reached the fourth floor, I was almost asleep. Before, the reason I had dozed off was simple exhaustion that had overwhelmed me despite the soft nag of worry. Now, with all of the males back, Azriel back, it was nothing but tiredness and comforting, familiar warmth gently coaxing me back to sleep as Az pushed open the door to his room with his shoulder.

Feeling a soft sound escape me, I tightened my grip when the shadowsinger leaned down, gently placing me on the mattress. His scent rising from the sheets made me curl my fingers into his shoulders, and there was a soft tug in my chest, gentle and teasing when Azriel mumbled: "Come on, sweetheart."

Grumbling, I slipped my hands of his shoulders, rolling heavily onto my side in the soft sheets and cracking open an eye, and my heart performed a gentle backflip when Azriel dropped his head and pressed his lips against my temple.

"Be right back,", he mumbled against my skin, his voice vibrating through me, and exhaling into the pillow, I nodded, my heart tumbling when Azriel's fingers brushed over my neck and he straightened up.

Listening to his steps and the sound of heavy leather hitting the floor, I shifted, burying my nose in my pillow as I sleepily blinked into the warm light, something thrumming steadily and firmly against my ribs as I watched Azriel's wings stretch, his boots the next thing landing on the floor, the muscles in his back shifting as he dropped his knives onto a chair and disappeared in the bathroom.

My mind drifted as my eyes drooped a little, tiredness taking over again as I pulled in my legs and sleepily watched the movement of the shadows that were shifting in the room, gentle and quiet.

"Hey."

My eyes must've fallen shut, because when I forced them open again, Azriel was crouched next to the bed again, the ghost of a crease formed in his cheeks as his gaze moved over my face. His hair looked damp, curling over his forehead, and something tipped over in my chest a little at the sight of his bare shoulders, broad and muscular, muscles shifting when he held up a towel silently.

Warmth washed over me like a tidal wave, and I slowly pushed myself up as Azriel took a seat on the edge of the bed. His amber eyes followed me when I slipped off the mattress, knees parting readily as I stepped between them. One warm, scarred hand slipped around the back of my thigh, pulling me closer as I took the damp towel from his other, and my heart got stuck in my throat when Azriel's gaze dragged over my face, head tipped back a bit to look at me. With him sitting, I was just a little taller, his chin tilted up slightly so his gaze could track over my face, quiet, calm.

Brushing a strand of hair away from his temple, I carefully started cleaning away the dried blood, the only indication of the towel brushing over the wound a light shift in Azriel's grip around the back of my thighs. His legs were pressing against mine, and I felt my heart rise and sink like it was riding waves when I mumbled, feeling my lips curve: "Why do you always want me to do this? You'd be perfectly fine clean this yourself."

Azriel's eyes fluttered a little even as the crease in his cheek deepend.

"Are you complaining?"

Sliding my hand to the side of his neck to tilt his head back a little, I huffed. "No." I gently wiped over his brow. "Just wondering."

Raising my hand to brush his hair back, my heart swerved at the soft, low grunt leaving Azriel's throat when my fingers raked through the damp strands, his grip tightening as his eyes fluttered shut, and his low voice reverberated through me when he mumbled huskily: "Just feels good."

My breath fluttered, and I tried to suppress the stupidly wide smile threatening to break out over my face.

Carefully wiping away the last bit of dried blood, I leaned forward a little to examine the cut. It was already half healed, and I gently brushed my thumb over it before dropping my head and pressing my lips onto the wound.

I thought I felt a soft shudder travel through Azriel's body as the feeling in my chest flared, then I pulled back and dropped the towel to the ground, blinking contently and a little sleepily as I mumbled: "Give it an hour and it's all gone again."

Azriel pulled me closer, his nose brushing against mine, and feeling the rising thrum in my chest, I breathed out. My forehead dropped against his, my arms wrapping over his shoulders, careful to avoid his wings as my eyes drooped.

Azriel's right hand started to slowly move up and down the back of my thigh, gently stroking over my skin and causing soft shivers to run through me that made me shift closer. My nose bumped against his, and a soft, deep sound left the back of the shadowsinger's throat that made me dip my head just a little, my lips brushing over his.

The male's grip tightened. Then he raised his chin, and I kissed him, my fingers curling into his hair.

Azriel gave a quiet little groan that made my body shudder; his hands slipped up, closing around the back of my thighs right beneath my backside and tugging me into his chest, and he kissed back, deep and world tilting as the thrum in my chest rose into a violent flutter.

Pulling back only when breathing became difficult and I could feel my lips tingle, I dropped my forehead back against Azriel's, feeling his quick breath on my lips as his nose softly nudged against mine. Then his grip tightened, and I felt the way one corner of his lips curved.

"Maybe let's don't start anything when you're about to fall asleep on the spot."

I whined and tightened my grip, and feeling Azriel huff and break into a grin, I let him tug me onto the mattress.

@azrielshadows1nger @waytoomanyteenagefeels

[jenniferjareauwife]

On Repeat

pairing: jennifer jareau x cowgirl fem reader

category: hurt/comfort

warnings: rape

word count: 1063

summary: it's around the anniversary of when you were raped but you haven't told jj so she keeps trying to initiate sex but you're not in the mood

JJ's hand rode a bit higher up my thigh, caressing it teasingly as she bit her lip. I was watching tv but her eyes were only on me. "Look at me baby." She demanded in a low voice.

"I'm not in the mood Jayje." I mumbled, putting her hand on my knee instead of my upper thigh. She sighed and squeezed my knee. I could tell she wanted to say something but was holding back. "What is it?"

"Did I do something?" Her voice was small. I furrowed my brows.

"What do you mean?"

"I've tried to initiate sex probably a thousand times the last few weeks and you've turned me down every time. It's ok if you don't want to have sex but you've never turned me down this many times before. So...did I do something to make you mad? Or uncomfortable?"

"No you didn't do anything." I huffed and got up to get some water. I didn't realize she had noticed I was turning sex down so much and I didn't realize she was thinking it was because of her.

"Then what is it baby?" She got off my couch and walked over to me, hugging me from behind. "We see each other two days a week...and I love having sex with you. I'm not gonna force you to do anything you don't want to do. It's ok if you don't want to have sex that's completely fine...I just want to know what's wrong."

"Nothings wrong JJ, ok?" I gripped my glass tightly.

"Ok...ok I'll stop pushing. But if you ever want to talk about it, I'm here." I nodded and went to my room for some alone time, crying into my pillow so quietly she couldn't hear.

When I went to DC the next weekend to see her she tried to initiate sex again. I didn't have the heart to tell her no, especially after I realized that she thought it was her fault. So I gave in and the next thing I knew I was naked on her bed. She kissed down my neck lovingly while I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to suppress memories I had tried so hard to forget. "You're so fucking beautiful baby." She moaned against my neck. "I can't wait to make you feel good. Get up. I wanna hit it from the back." My heart dropped but I did it anyways. I rolled over onto my stomach and she lifted my hips so my ass was in the air. This was the exact position I was in when it happened. I tried to tell myself it was JJ. It wasn't him, it was my beautiful, loving girlfriend who would never do anything to hurt me.

No matter what I told myself my brain kept spiraling. My mouth was dry and the memories were playing on repeat. I felt her like herself up and I froze, my whole body just stopped working. Suddenly I was the 19 year old girl again who got raped in the back of a bar. "Hey...hey baby." I felt JJ's hand on the small of my back. I didn't feel the tip of the strap anymore. Did she realize something was wrong? "Hey hey hey baby talk to me." I tried to speak but my voice caught in my throat. "It's ok. Can you get onto your back for me?" I did as she said very slowly. It was taking so much brainpower just to move my limbs. "Good girl."

"JJ." I was able to say her name.

"Yeah baby? What is it?" She reached out to touch my face and I gave her a small nod, telling her she could.

"I can't...I can't do it I'm sorry. I thought I could but I can't." I sniffled, my bottom lip quivering.

"That's ok my love. We don't have to do anything you don't want to do." She caressed my cheek gently, leaning forward to kiss my forehead. "And I know you might not want to talk about it right now but I need to know what happened. What made you react this way?" My lip trembled at the thought of telling her. Would she even look at me the same way? She looked at me with soft, loving eyes and it took me everything in me not to break down.

"I-I when I was 19..." I trailed off, avoiding eye contact. I wasn't going to be able to do it if I was looking at her.

"Would it be better if you couldn't see me?" JJ asked softly. I nodded so she got behind me. "Is it ok if I spoon you?" I nodded so she draped her arm over my waist, pulling me as close to her as possible.

"When I was 19...I was in a bar." I sniffled. "I had a fake ID and I wanted to go out with some friends, you know? Normal dumb teen stuff." JJ pressed kisses on my back from behind, calming me down. "A-and I met this guy. I think he liked me or something cause he kept trying to talk to me. I-I told him I wasn't interested but he kept talking to me." I let out a choked sob.

"Oh baby." She cooed, rubbing my stomach. She knew where this was going.

"I don't really remember what happened after that...I just know...that the next thing I remembered-" I got cut off by a shaky breath. "I was in the back of the bar- and he was behind me." I sniffled. "Thrusting into me."

"My love I'm so sorry that happened to you. Did it trigger you when I got you into that position?" I nodded.

"It's around the anniversary."

"So all those memories are coming back up, huh?" She kissed my shoulder and stroked my hair.

"Mhm. And I know I should've told you sooner-"

"Hey. None of that." She kissed my ear and my jaw. "You tell me things on your own time." I relaxed and pressed my back further into her. She held me tighter before kissing the back of my head. "You're safe with me baby."

"Thank you...for making me feel safe."

"I'm glad you feel safe with me. I'm happy to be your safe space whenever you need me to be. I love you so much. Don't you ever forget that."

"I love you too."

[hardstraykidshours]

👀 if you're still taking requests: "enemies to lovers"-esque where reader insinuates that bang chan has popcorn muscles. pabo chan takes the bait and sees red #strengthkink

anonnnnnnn...omfg. i love a good enemies to lovers trope and don't even get me started on strength kink 👀👀👀 i also went wild and decided to sprinkle in some jealousy because i just couldn't help myself. i really hope you like what i came up with for you! enjoy!!!!

❤️ abbie & courtney

-------------------------------------------

pairing: chan x afab!reader

genre: smut, 18+ (minors dni)

length: 3.3k (oops)

warnings: profanity, sexual/suggestive content, dom!chan , sub!reader, jealousy, taunting, degredation if you squint, fingering, orgasm denial, hate sex (kinda?), unprotected sex (please wrap before you tap), creampie, afab reader, nsfw 18+ (minors dni)

“holy shit how is he carrying that?” you didn’t even realize you had said the words aloud, too transfixed by the way changbin was carrying three boxes at once. “like what the fuck? is he superman or something? i wish he’d carry me like that.” you mumble to yourself, completely unaware that chan had walked up behind you and heard every word.

you couldn’t help it. it’s not like it was your fault every single muscle in changbin’s arm was bulging with strain as he helped move your boxes up the stairs. when you had asked the guys to help you move into your new apartment you had expected them to show up and move some boxes, not give you a whole goddam show. you would have never thought you could get so wet over some cardboard. 

changbin bends down to pick up yet another stack of boxes and you have to literally suppress a moan at the way his arms flex and contract. how did you never realize he was so shredded? like jesus christ, he’s so built. you find yourself imagining what it would be like to lick every single inch of his body, feeling the curves and ridges of his strong muscles beneath your tongue.

“can you at least close your mouth if you’re going to watch him? you’re literally drooling.”

the sound of chan’s voice makes you jump and you snap your mouth closed. a blush creeps up your cheeks as you whirl around and realize he was watching you. of all people to catch you staring, of course it had to be chan.

"i don't know what you're talking about.”

“uh huh, sure. that sounded super believable.” the blatant sarcasm in his tone makes your defensive nature start to rise to the surface.

“and what’s that supposed to mean?”

“you’re really going to try and tell me that you weren’t staring at changbin’s muscles? as if i didn't just find you blatantly watching him, mouth wide open like you were looking at your next fucking meal.” 

“well….i…." you stumble over your words as you try to devise a plausible excuse. "oh just shut up." you don’t miss the way he chuckles softly in response, clearly enjoying how flustered you are.

god, he's so fucking irritating. he knows exactly what all your buttons are and goes out of his way to push them. and of course he also has to be friends with changbin and jisung. you love hanging out with them, but chan is just always there, annoying you with that cocky grin and his stupid comments.

“what are you doing here anyways?" you snap, already on edge after only a few minutes of being around him.

"helping you move, duh."

"last i checked i asked changbin and jisung to help. not you."

"well we all have plans later so they asked me to come lend a hand so we aren't late. i figured with my help we'll finish in half the time."

he flexes his arms dramatically and you can't help, but roll your eyes. "oh please, you may look good--"

"so you admit i look good?" he smirks and you have to fight the urge to smack the grin off his face.

"if you would let me finish, i was going to say, you may look good, but we all know those muscles are just for show. unlike theirs." you nod across the room towards changbin and jisung who are carrying a dresser into your room. their arms are bulging under the weight of the heavy furniture and you watch as a bead of sweat starts to run down changbin's face. god, you'd like to lick that off.

"could you be any more obvious?"

you snap your gaze back to chan, another wave of irritation rolling through you. "could you be any more annoying? it's not my fault i like a man who can actually use his muscles instead of just flaunting them like a fucking trophy."

"i'm only annoying because you make it so easy sweetheart." he taunts condescendingly, knowing how much you hate it when he calls you that. he reaches out to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear and you smack his hand away harshly, frustrated that he always knows just how to get under your skin.

"and for your information, these arms can do more than just look incredible. a lot more." with that he strides across the room, tossing a sly wink over his shoulder.

he quickly gets to work, moving heavy boxes and furniture with ease. as the afternoon wears on he never breaks his brisk pace and you have to admit you're a little impressed with how strong he is. not that you would ever give him the satisfaction of saying that out loud to him.

as your getting some things settled, you end up changing your mind about the layout of your living room, so you ask the guys to move the couch when they finish dropping off the boxes they're carrying.

"where do you want it?"

you turn around from the bin you were unpacking and your eyes widen in surprise for a moment before you manage to fully mask your reaction. apparently, chan decided not to wait for the other guys to move the couch. so now he's just standing in the middle of your living room, holding an entire fucking couch. like it's not a huge couch, but still.

"ummm, over there against that wall." you mumble, trying not to stare too heavily at his bulging biceps or the thick veins snaking down his forearms and hands. he walks across the room and settles the couch into the spot you indicated gently. the entire movement looks almost effortless, as if moving a whole couch took little to no exertion. okay, so maybe you're more than just a little bit impressed with his strength.

the look on your face must have betrayed you a little because when chan turns around and looks back at you his lips tilt up into a smug smile. "i told you they weren't just for looks."

"oh just shut up and get the rest of the boxes."

"whatever you say sweetheart," he taunts, a knowing smirk on his face as he heads downstairs to grab the rest of the stuff from the moving truck.

"hey is there anything else you need moved?" jisung asks as he walks out of your bedroom, changbin close behind him.

"no, i think that should do it, chan's getting the last of my things right now and i'm pretty happy with where all the furniture is. thank you guys again for helping me, there is literally no way i could have done it all myself. and i really didn't want to have to pay movers and then awkwardly stand around for a couple of hours while strange men came in and out of my apartment."

"of course! you know we'd never subject you to the horrors of having to talk to a stranger alone. but, if we're all done, i think we are gonna head out. we need to swing by our place before tonight because there is literally no way i'm going out with this one if he doesn't shower first." he glances over his shoulder, a look of faux disgust on his face and changbin shoves his shoulder playfully. "shut up, we both know you smell like a fucking locker room right now. anyways, if you need anything or when you inevitably decide you hate where everything is in three days just hit us up, we are pretty free this week."

"thanks guys! i totally owe you one!"

you wave as they leave and plop down on your couch, exhausted from all the moving and unpacking. pulling out your phone, you start mindlessly scrolling, not looking up when chan comes striding into the apartment a few moments later. he moves to set down the last of the boxes, talking as he does.

"i ran into the guys on my way back in and they said that we're all set. so i guess that's my cue to leave as well."

"yup, thanks for your help today. i guess." you mumble, still not looking up from your phone.

you hear him chuckle lightly at your half-hearted thank you as he heads back to the door. "oh and don't forget to hydrate after all the drooling you did today."

your eyes snap up to find him leaning against the door frame, that irritating smirk painting his lips.

"i was not drooling!" you defend, wishing he would just leave. it was bad enough having to deal with him when the guys were here to help act as a buffer. but when you're alone with him it takes all your self control to not strangle him and you're just too tired to deal with that right now.

"oh please, i should've gotten you a towel to help clean up after you watched me move that couch."

"oh my god, just let it go." you return your attention back to your phone, slumping further into the couch. you don't register that you never heard the door open and close until chan's hands suddenly land on the cushions on either side of your head. you jump in surprise, dropping your phone into your lap.

"why are you still here?"

"because i'm not going to leave until you admit that you were wrong."

"what are you talking about? and get out of my space," you shove at his chest and have to force yourself to not think about how hard his muscles felt beneath your hand.

"admit that you think i'm strong." he leans over and you can't help but notice the way his biceps bulge with the motion. you swallow thickly, trying to pretend you’re not affected by his suddenly invasive presence. you will not give him the satisfaction of knowing that this is turning you on a little. so, you pick your phone back up and start scrolling again, pasting a bored look on your face.

“oh, is that how it’s going to be?” he asks while plucking the phone out of your hands and crowding into your space even further. “you’re going to pretend i don’t exist? don't think i didn't notice you staring at me today. i bet you were wet all afternoon while you watched me work."

taking a breath to steady yourself, you move your gaze to connect with his. “well sorry to disappoint, but you couldn't be more wrong.” the words come out much more confidently than you feel with his large body towering over you.

“oh, okay, sure,” he replies before dipping down to plant a chaste kiss against your neck. your body freezes, every muscle locking up as all your senses zero in on the feeling of his mouth on your skin. “you keep telling yourself that you didn't notice me.” he mumbles the words against your sensitive flesh and you have to fight the urge to moan as his soft lips brush against your skin again and again. "that you weren't thinking about all the things i could do to you."

"i...i wasn't. you're the last person on earth that i would want to sleep with." your words sound unconvincing even to your own ears. the denial loses even more credibility when you find yourself threading your fingers through his hair as he moves to latch his mouth to the other side of your neck.

"who said anything about sleeping with you? i just mentioned all the things you were thinking about me doing to you. careful sweetheart, your horny is showing."

"i fucking hate you."

you feel his breath puff across your skin as he chuckles lightly before leaning in again. your head tips back against the couch behind you as he nips at your throat and you can’t suppress the soft moan that escapes when he laps softly at the sore spot.

you tug at his hair to pull him closer to you and you feel him groan against your neck. his hands are suddenly underneath your thighs and you feel yourself being lifted, and then moved, until your back is pressed against a wall. heat floods your core at the feeling of his hard body against yours, but before you can even fully absorb the sensation, chan’s mouth is against yours and you lose yourself in his tongue.

bright hot arousal courses through you as his mouth moves with yours, every lap of his tongue and nip of his teeth sending bolts of electricity straight to your core. his hands grip your thighs as he makes out with you and you can’t help but focus on the way his fingers press into your flesh, as if they are trying to memorize every inch of you before you disappear.

you know this is a bad idea. he's never going to let you live this down and you're definitely going to hate yourself for this later. but when his mouth is on you like this, you can't find it in yourself to care.

he shifts so he's holding you up with just one arm, his other hand moving up to wrap around the back of your neck, pulling your mouth closer to his. you moan into the kiss and you wrap your thighs around his waist, his arousal even more present as you start to roll your hips against him. you’re vaguely aware of the way he moves the two of you down the hall as you continue to make-out. he suddenly drops you onto your mattress, the movement abruptly breaking the kiss. he crawls onto the bed after you, settling between your legs before reconnecting his mouth with yours.

“oh god, chan,” you murmur against his lips, thrusting your hips into his, desperate for more contact. his mouth starts to move down your neck, sucking on the flesh hard enough that you know it will leave marks.

"look at you. i've barely done more than kiss you and you're already moaning my name. when are you going admit that i drive you crazy? that you're completely desperate for me. that--"

"just shut and fuck me before i have time to remember how much i can't stand you."

you try to grind against him but he presses his broad body down against yours, preventing you from moving.

"nice try there sweetheart, but i'm in charge here." heat floods your system at the dominance in his voice. with one quick movement he rids you of your panties, his fingers quickly replacing the fabric. he strokes your soaking pussy a few times before diving in, plunging his fingers deep inside of you.

"god you're so wet for me. i've bet you've been dripping all afternoon, just waiting for me." you open your mouth to protest, but when you feel his thumb press against your clit, your brain empties of all thoughts. he continues to work you with his fingers and you feel your high rapidly approaching. just when you think you are going to tip over the edge, he pulls away and you whine in protest.

“no!” you gasp, barely able to form words beyond your desperation for him. “i need more! please, give me more!”

“oh? now you'll admit you want me?” he asks, smirking down at you.

"no that's not what i meant. i will never admit--" your words die in your throat as he plunges his fingers back inside of you, curling them to hit that spot just right. a loud gasp escapes you and you throw your head back, overcome by the sudden pleasure coursing through your veins. he continues to stroke you, pumping his fingers at the perfect place, drawing you closer and closer to release until…

“no! please don’t stop!” you practically sob when you feel him stop his ministrations yet again, just before your orgasm. 

“you think i’m going to let you come without my cock buried inside you? you think i'm going to give you the satisfaction of release before you admit how desperate you really are for me? no, no, no, that just wouldn’t do."

“please, chan, please just give it to me,” you beg, dying for his touch, your release teetering on the edge.

“oh i will, but not until you say the words." he looks down at you and you bite your lip, determined to not give in. but then he starts to move away from you and your hands lash out, gripping onto his biceps with deadly force.

“okay fine!” you practically scream. “i was staring at you all afternoon and i hate it. i hate that i couldn't get myself to look away. i hate that all i could think about as i watched you was what your muscles would feel like if you used them on me. so please, please, i’m begging you, take me. fuck me until i’m screaming around your cock, make me come harder than anyone has ever made me come.”

“there. now that wasn't so hard, now was it?”

he quickly removes his pants and boxers. before you can even blink he’s pounding into you in a way you have never been fucked before. your eyes roll back as pleasure overtakes your system once more, his cock hitting you just right with every stroke.

pure bliss starts to overwhelm your senses and you move your hands to his stomach, dying to feel the way his abdomen contracts as he thrusts into you. his hands catch your wrists and pin them above your head before you get the chance to feel anything and you can’t help but whine in protest.

“oh, so now you want to feel my muscles?” he taunts as you squirm beneath him. “did you really think that after all your arguing i would just let you have whatever you want?” he flicks his thumb across your aching clit and you can only mewl in response, your hips jerking towards his hand, eager for more contact.

he smirks at your reaction, reveling in the effect he has on you. he starts pounding into you harder than before, his thumb working your clit in earnest. it takes no time at all before you feel yourself tip over the edge, thighs beginning to shake as pleasure wracks your body. curses and cries of his name pour from your lips as you come, your legs wrapping around his body to hold him close as you do. 

you try to wrap your arms around him, but his hands continue to keep your wrists hostage, holding them to the bed as you come. you can feel his strength surrounding you. you're completely at his mercy and that thought makes you come harder, aftershocks rippling through you as he keeps you pinned beneath him.

“fuck, yes, that’s my girl,” he murmurs as your orgasm washes over you, his words only heightening the experience. “god you feel so good… fuck… you’re gonna make me--” the feeling of you pulsing around his throbbing cock becomes to much and his hips stutter as he starts to lose control. he curses when his release finds him, dropping his head to your shoulder as he comes deep inside of you.

he collapses against you as he finishes, his body pinning you to the bed beneath him. you feel yourself drowning in him, but for some reason you feel comforted rather than overwhelmed, his large frame surrounding you in every way. 

silence overtakes the room, the only sound filling it being your collective gasping as you both try and catch your breath. finally, chan speaks, his deep voice rumbling against your skin. 

"i'm glad you finally decided to admit how you really feel. lying's not a good look for you."

"oh my god," you groan, shoving at his shoulders. "i still hate you."

"oh i know sweetheart. i know."

tag list: @sensitiveandhungry

[sadnymi]

"My Dreams Are Just Dreams... Until They're Not" modern Mattheo riddle × reader [ chapter three ]

[Previous chapter] [Next chapter]

Warnings: SMUT18+, strong language,childhood trauma ,abusing, cheating ( not the main characters)

Please understand that from this chapter onwards, the story will delve into darker themes. I urge you to pay close attention to the trigger warnings provided.

words: 2,216

Reading Time : 8mins 26sec

Summery: A week at my best friend's beach house, surrounded by our friends as we meet her soon-to-be fiancé's companions, marks a turning point where the very fabric of my beliefs begins to unravel. It's during this week that I encounter the boy who incessantly appears in my dreams, blurring the distinction between the world of my subconscious and the tangible reality before me. Matthe Riddle emerges as the poison I willingly imbibe, a curse that feels akin to a dream, weaving its tendrils into the very essence of my being.

[ Gif is not mine ]

Red – the hue of blood, the symbol of power, the embodiment of pain. All I could see was red, engulfing my vision in a swirling, crimson haze.

“ you can’t hide forever princess “

Close your eyes and breathe he can’t hurt you- if you can’t see him that’s mean he won’t be able to see you

“ comon , daddy hates waiting princess, he’s going to punish you when he finds you “ shut up - shut up - shut up

Then I hear it—the sound of his steps, each one drawing him nearer and nearer.

“ he’s not coming you mean nothing to him you know? Why would the heir of the most powerful house care about someone insignificant, someone so worthless like you “

“ liar “ I screamed and then it was red all over again all I saw was red

I jolt awake, gasping for air as the tendrils of the nightmare slowly release their grip on me. My heart pounds erratically in my chest, echoing the frantic rhythm of my dreams. Sweat beads on my forehead, and I take deep, ragged breaths, trying to ground myself in reality.

I sit up in bed, my body trembling with the aftershocks of the nightmare. I run a hand through my disheveled hair, trying to calm the racing thoughts in my mind.

" must not fear," I repeated

" | must not let it consume me, fear has no power if he did not find a body to take “

I rush to the window, desperate for a breath of fresh air to quell the turmoil swirling within me. But as I peer outside, my heart lurches in my chest at the sight of him, his gaze locking onto mine. A wave of uncertainty washes over me, leaving me paralyzed with indecision—uncertain if this encounter is real or merely a continuation of the haunting dreams that plague my nights.

Fingers trembling, I hastily pull on my hoodie, seeking refuge in its familiar embrace as I make my way downstairs. Each step feels heavy with apprehension as I navigate the familiar path to the spot where I last saw him standing outside my window. My mind races with questions, my emotions tangled in a web of fear and longing.

As I reach the spot, the air around me feels charged with tension, thick with unspoken words and unanswered questions. I stand there, searching the darkness for any sign of him, my heart pounding in my chest as I grapple with the overwhelming rush of emotions that threaten to consume me.

"Please, tell me I'm not dreaming," I implore, my voice trembling with fear as I search his eyes for reassurance.

He appears bewildered but responds softly, "You're not dreaming, love."

The weight of his words offers a brief respite, but the turmoil within me refuses to be quelled. "What's wrong with me?" I whisper, tears threatening to spill over. "Something is wrong with me."

The floodgates open, and I succumb to the overwhelming wave of emotion, tears streaming down my cheeks in front of him. I despise my vulnerability, yet I cannot suppress the torrent of fear that grips me—the echo of the monster's voice from my nightmare still clawing at the edges of my consciousness.

"I... I don't know what to do," I manage to say between sobs, my words barely audible through the tears.

Suddenly, and with surprising swiftness, he enfolds me in his arms, drawing me close until I can feel the steady rhythm of his heartbeat against my chest. The warmth of his embrace offers a fleeting sense of familiarity, a small respite from the overwhelming flood of emotions threatening to engulf me.

As I bury my face in his chest, the tears continue to flow, unchecked and unbidden. Despite my efforts to maintain composure, I find myself crumbling under the weight of my fears and insecurities.

But he holds me steadfastly, his presence a comforting anchor in the storm raging within me. With each gentle stroke of his hand against my back, I feel a measure of the tension begin to ease,

In the safety of his embrace, I allow myself to release the pent-up emotions that have been consuming me, to surrender to the vulnerability that lies at the heart of my fear. And as he continues to hold me, offering silent reassurance and unwavering support

Stepping back slightly to meet his gaze, I find his hands still wrapped around me, offering unwavering support in the midst of my emotional turmoil.

"I... I think we know each other," I begin, my voice trembling with uncertainty. "I know you said we don't, but I can't shake this feeling. It's as though I've known you before, as though we're connected in some inexplicable way. I can't explain it, but I feel it deep within me. Maybe it's from another life, or maybe there's something more at play here. But I know you—I feel like I always have."

His touch is gentle as he wipes away my tears, his eyes filled with a tenderness that takes my breath away. For a moment, the world fades away, leaving only the two of us standing together in the quiet intimacy of the moment.

And then, with a softness in his voice that sends shivers down my spine, he responds, his words carrying the weight of unspoken truths and hidden desires.

He gently suggests, "You should go back to sleep and rest. Let me take you to your room, love. We can continue this conversation when you're feeling better."

Feeling vulnerable, I murmur, my voice barely audible, "You think I'm crazy, don't you?"

He meets my gaze with unwavering sincerity. "I think many things about you, but questioning your sanity is not one of them."

With his reassurance echoing in my mind, he guides me back inside the house, his steady presence a source of comfort in the darkness. But as we reach the doorway to my room, I hesitate, a wave of unease washing over me at the thought of being alone.

"I don't want to go back to my room," I admit, the words tumbling out in a rush. The thought of being alone in the darkness fills me with an overwhelming sense of dread, and I cling to him, desperate for his presence to chase away the lingering shadows of fear.

He pauses, gently brushing the hair away from my face before speaking softly, "Would you prefer to stay in my room instead?"

"Can I?" I ask softly, my voice barely above a whisper, unsure if I'm crossing a boundary by accepting his invitation.

"Yes, you can," he replies with a tender smile, his voice a gentle caress that soothes my nerves. With a grateful nod, I acquiesce, allowing him to lead us both to his room.

His room is a sanctuary of simplicity and cleanliness, a haven of tranquility amidst the chaos of my thoughts. The soft hues and minimalist decor create an atmosphere of serenity, wrapping around me like a warm embrace.

As he guides me to the bed, his touch is tender and reassuring, his fingers lingering against my skin as he tucks the blankets around me with care. With delicate precision, he begins to play with my hair, each stroke sending shivers of pleasure down my spine.

His touch is intimate yet gentle, his fingers threading through the strands with a tenderness that speaks volumes. I close my eyes, losing myself in the sensation, allowing myself to be carried away by the warmth of his touch.

"I feel bad, it's your bed," I murmur softly, a pang of guilt tugging at my heart as I acknowledge the intrusion.

He chuckles softly, his breath warm against my skin as he leans in closer. "Don't worry about that, love," he murmurs huskily, his voice sending a shiver down my spine his lips brush against my cheek with a feather-light touch, eliciting a soft sigh of contentment as I close my eyes.

As I finally begin to drift into a peaceful slumber, cocooned in his embrace, I feel his lips press against my forehead in a gentle kiss. "Sleep well, my love," he whispers softly, his words a promise of comfort and security.

In the hazy borderland between wakefulness and sleep, I feel his lips tenderly brush against my forehead in a gentle kiss. catch the faint echo of his words something that sounds like how he’s going to fix everything whispered into the stillness of the night..

As I wake, I find myself enveloped in a sense of peace that has eluded me for far too long. There's no lingering fear, no remnants of the nightmares that used to haunt my sleep. It's been a year since I last woke in terror, a year since the darkness of my dreams consumed me

"You're awake," he says, his voice breaking through the fog of my thoughts.

I turn to him, the memories of what I said to him flooding back, and my smile fades as I blurt out, "I'm so sorry, Mattheo. Oh my God."

He sits beside me on the bed, his presence a comforting anchor in the storm of my emotions. "It's okay, love. It was just a nightmare. You were terrified, but it's just the fear talking. There's no need to apologize."

I take a deep breath, trying to calm the rapid beat of my heart. "I'm sorry," I whisper, feeling ashamed of my panicked reaction.

"Don't apologize, it’s okay “

"I must have scared you," I murmur.

He smiles, his eyes warm and understanding. "Believe me, it will take more than that to scare me."

I glance at the clock and realize how late it is. "Oh, God," I mutter again , feeling a surge of panic at the time.

"You looked so peaceful sleeping," he says softly, his words tinged with affection. "I didn't want to wake you up."

I want to tell him how grateful I am for his presence, how his calming influence eased the terror of my nightmare. "It's been a while since I slept like that," I admit quietly.

"I must go and get ready if I want to go to this party," I say, reluctantly tearing myself away from his comforting presence.

I rise from the bed, casting a shy glance towards him, my lips curving into a smile. "Thank you," I murmur softly, feeling the warmth of his nod and the softness of his smile drawing me in.

As I make my way back to my room, butterflies flutter in my stomach.

Relief floods over me as I reach my room, grateful that no one witnessed my departure from his room. Yet, as I settle in, anxiety grips me, threatening to overwhelm my senses. I try to distract myself, my thoughts wandering to someone with black hair and captivating eyes.

Closing the door behind me, I lean against it, closing my eyes and savoring the memory of his soft lips against my cheek. It's a fleeting moment of solace in the midst of my tumultuous emotions, a reminder of the undeniable connection that binds us together.

After a quick shower, I begin to prepare for the day ahead. Deciding on an off-shoulder, short red dress, I carefully slip it on, relishing in its vibrant hue. Sad started to put some makeup on couldn’t help but wonder what mattheo would thought about my look

I heard a knock on the door, and Sarah entered, concern etched on her face. She inquired if I was alright and mentioned that I had missed breakfast.

“ you sure you’re okay baby ? “

I smiled “ yes , never been better “

"You look amazing," she remarked with a smile.

I returned the compliment, "So are you. Green is definitely your color."

Sarah grinned, adjusting her emerald dress. "Thanks! I was a bit hesitant about it at first, but now I'm glad I chose it."

"It suits you perfectly," I assured her, admiring her confidence.

As we continued chatting, Sarah's presence brought a sense of ease to the room, and I felt grateful for her

“ I will be waiting for you downstairs “ I nodded with a smile

I frantically searched for my small bag before making my way to join the group. Suddenly, I heard it—a sound that chilled me to the core. It didn't sound like a dream; it was too real, too sinister.

Driven by an inexplicable force, I followed the sound, my heart pounding with fear. It led me to a door I hadn't noticed before. Hesitating only for a moment, I pushed it open, plunging into darkness so deep I could scarcely see my hand in front of my face.

And then, I saw them—three monstrous figures from my nightmares, lying in wait for me. Their eyes gleamed with malice as they fixated on me, sending shivers down my spine.

The pain and terror I thought I had escaped flooded back in an instant, threatening to overwhelm me. Among them was the source of my deepest nightmares, the embodiment of all my fears—my stepfather.

"You kept daddy waiting, princess," his voice echoed through the darkness, dripping with menace.

Paralyzed with fear, I could do nothing but stare at him, the realization sinking in that my nightmare was far from over.

Tag list:

@hereticdance

[yourgamemasterthewhiterabbit]

Both my parents actually suffer from HORRID emotional dysregulation and are prone to snapping and going into rages. My sister is the same way tbh. I am now realizing this is why they are constantly baffled by the question of whether or not I am mad at them.

I don't have external meltdowns.

I could. I don't let it happen.

I keep my rage on the inside and stay pretty quiet about it. It's just as strong as theirs [physically shaking nose bleed from high blood pressure kind of bad], but like as a kid I saw how terrifying it was to be around [dad breaking dishes, mom putting our lawn chairs into walls] and I just internalized that I wasn't going to wear that anger on the outside.

So my mother genuinely cannot tell if I am just being quiet or if I am silently hearing the dial-up noises of pure rage. This has lead her to both making strong and confident statements like "You are a pacifist who would never hurt a fly U.U" but also acting like I am secretly dangerous maybe... It's because she has never seen me snap.

She knows what her temper is like [throwing chairs through walls], she knows what my father's temper is like [pick up child and toss out door], and she can tell I am being tested, but she doesn't know what happens when I snap or where that breaking point is.

Her -perhaps unhinged- solution to this, my whole life, has been to do things that should obviously enrage me or shut me down completely, like ignoring important boundaries, repeatedly, punishing me for expressing emotions or needs at all, etc... And then to constantly ask me if I am angry with her when I get too quiet [right after near directly telling me to shut up].

It has occurred to me now, they have never once seen me lose my temper, so they literally just can't tell if I am angry at them. My sister is easy, my mother fights and screams with my sister constantly, my mother understands this. My mother doesn't have any grasp of feelings or boundaries that are not screamed at her [apparently, and I fear my sister is the same way]. Her and my sister are close despite constant fucking fighting because they understand each other.

They are trying to get me to engage the same way and it is not working. I realize now that this has been hard for them.

I was so successfully taught to suppress my emotions, by being punished for any outburst, that rage quiet looks the same as any other kind of quiet from the outside. To them anyway.

I did tell her. For the record. I used my words. I did tell her very calmly that my response to rage, in order to avoid doing the things that terrified me as a child, was to simply leave [the autistic urge to GTFO]. When a situation or person causes too much of the dial-up rage noise, I simply extract myself from that situation, up to and including never speaking to a person again. I explained this calmly. I explained it calmly 100 times and I explained that I explain myself calmly as my rage response 1-5 [also pretty much every other negative emotion tbh], and I told her that what came next was me simply opting out and fucking off. I told her this. I couldn't understand why she never took me seriously, or why she never fucking understood.

I couldn't understand what made her like this.

But it's the same problem I have with everyone else multiplied by a factor of 10.

If I am explaining myself calmly, they can't understand that it's actually serious or that I am actually upset. ESPECIALLY because they read me as "female" and women "aren't that rational" so if I am not screaming and crying about something, which I never do, people assume I can't be upset and it isn't serious.

And then after having my boundaries ignored too many times despite having calmly explained how and why it's a problem [shaking inside or not]... I leave. I leave and everyone gets upset like this is unexpected behaviour, even though I told them 50 times that is how I would respond if they kept doing *the thing.*

And for neurotypical people especially, they are expecting there to be a disconnect between what someone says they need or feel and what their actually boundaries and feelings are, and they expect the latter to be demonstrated with emotions. Telling them bluntly you do not function that way somehow never helps?

My mother isn't just looking for normal yelling or a few tears to know I am serious, whether or not I do those either [I don't], she's looking for an explosion to know there's a problem at all.

Fucked if I know how she proceeds through life this way in general or if this is just her expectation of her own kids???

And I couldn't get why my mother couldn't read my emotions and didn't seem to think I have any. It's because she's testing for the rage limit to see where my 'actual' limit is instead of taking my word for it. Never the fuck mind that she could simply *not* test at my boundaries instead of letting me have them. Separate issue.

I couldn't figure out what made her *like this*

She's expecting me to throw a giant meltdown violent tantrum at people when I have 'actually' had enough. Maybe she got away with those being like 5'4" in another time, but I am the size of the average man, I do not get to have giant screaming rages, whether or not people perceive me consciously as a woman, and least of all because a lot of people -at least unconsciously- read me as 'masculine' or at least always "they guy" of the situation compared to all other women and some men [bigger stronger and more rational, more able to just absorb the damage and let it go so the less rational screaming/crying one doesn't have to be dealt with]. Even if it was in me to be willing to terrify people [usually never], there are such limited instances where it wouldn't just blow back on me. Potentially very dangerously.

I am going to be the quiet calm one. You are going to have to let me use my words, bitch.

So she kept ignoring my boundaries until I had to cut her out of my life, and she probably doesn't understand and probably thinks it feels sudden -after 36 long years of bullshit- abrupt and unfair.

But I told her hundreds of times.

I probably should have just screamed at her.

[nerves-nebula]

Remembered Mikey dissociates and imagines up all sorts of fantastical stories and adventures in his head, not grounded in reality at all. And I was thinking about how I also did that as a kid, thus none of my art or stories related to my deeply suppressed trauma at all. Except I actually just now realized it definitely did, just in more subtle and hard to see ways. It was stuff like scenes accidentally paralleling all the running away from home plans I made, and deity and angel type characters being exactly what I wanted my parents to be (guiding and safe etc.)

Anyway, are there any sorts of weird consistent themes like that going on in ur Mikey’s daydreams?

dissociation as a term evades me at times. like, I actively and intentionally ignored my surroundings a lot as a kid, especially when things got bad. i'd just spend time thinking of my fantasy worlds and tweaking situations between characters and stuff. i could be snapped out of it, but it's also a reason that I can't remember a lot of my childhood lol. but like, is that dissociation? at the time i thought of it more as just "ignoring stuff" if i didn't want to listen to my siblings fighting or i was bored or tired or annoyed, i'd force myself to think about other stuff. and that other stuff was daydreams cuz its not like i had shit going on as a kid. it was a distraction and one i did on purpose.

though there was a thing called "shut down" which I would do to myself when i was under extreme stress and pressure, which was kind of a further step, and more akin to real dissociation. but also somewhat akin to autistic shutdown so idk. these things overlap.

uhh anyway i think what mikey does is more like the "ignoring stuff" thing. you could probably call it maladaptive daydreaming. that's probably what it was.

I mentioned in one of my earlier Neglected posts that he writes his stories down and has like, a long ongoing epic about him fighting what is obviously a stand in for his dad. I think at the time i said he did that on purpose but I think I'mma change that, because it'd be more likely he does it on accident. I also brought up a character he made called "pizza horse" who learns to love herself despite people calling her an abomination for being half pizza half horse.

i think a lot of Mikey's stuff has to do with people being appreciated for things that make them weird, or learning to love themselves or something. first of all cuz that's an easy and popular thing to write about but secondly because splinter thinks he sucks and is weird and stupid and Mikey. doesn't like that! he doesn't like that his dad thinks he's weird and stupid!! it hurts :D sad thing is that even if you decide to say Fuck The Man!! it won't mean u no longer care that your dad hates you :3

anyway sorry i keep rambling the answer is YEA. there are reappearing themes of like, evil guardians, or maybe princes who were stolen by evil people or thrown out into the rain as babies to die- who eventually reclaim all the praise and power they were supposed to have. Kids getting often killing or otherwise "defeating" the people who abused/bullied/hurt them. typical abused kid power fantasy stuff.

I think there's probably a few edgy oc's in there too, like, shadow the hedgehog type edgy. like black and red with glowing eyes and half angel half demon and they end up killing the evil king who keeps them in the dungeon and beats them daily. and there's blood everywhere.

ok i started rambling again about something else under the cut uhhhh sorry its not relevant to ur ask at all asdfsadf

i like the idea of Mikey snapping at Leo, Donnie, and Raph later on cuz he was the first one to realize splinter sucks and they just kind of didn't listen to him for years haha. I like to think about them sitting in like a gay ass therapy circle or something talking about their feelings and mikey thinking.... "isn't this what I wanted? they all agree with me now. We don't live with splinter anymore. It's great. they're even talking about their feelings and trauma... why am i like. kind of angry."

it's something along the lines of him getting annoyed that they all wanted sympathy and companionship and brotherhood now that they realized Splinter is awful but when MIKEY was the only one saying Splinter Sucks nobody listened. Because they believed splinter when he told them Mikey was stupid. Because as poorly as splinter treated them, at least they were all worth something to him in some way.

Like, they all believed Splinter was an Ok Dad because they had stake in believing that. They didn't want to think their dad was awful, of course, but they also had stake in their identities as the favorite (leo), as someone who was making a meaningful contribution (raph), or as helpful towards someone/something good (donnie) and if Splinter turned out to not be worth all that effort- then that'd mean they all suffered for NOTHING.

but Mikey didn't get that. The identity splinter gave him was Useless, Stupid, Annoying one who wasn't as good as his brothers at anything important. And in Mikeys mind (though the reality is more complex), his siblings didn't care enough about him for the way splinter treated him to be seen as an indictment of splinters character. saying "splinter is a bad dad cuz he says i'm stupid" gets met with "but you are stupid tho." and "splinter is a bad dad because he starves me" gets met with "omg mikey you're not special we're all hungry stop whining"

and now they all want to whine about how bad things were??? AND THE WORST PART OF IT is that a lot of the time Mikey doesn't feel like he as a right to complain- i mean they were all doing way worse than him, right? they're sharing all these horrible stories! Donnie was in mental health hell and constantly getting groomed by ppl, Leo was getting sexually abused constantly and had all these secret rules and expectations, and raph had a hand in both mental health hell and sexual abuse AND he had a ton of responsibility when it came to their houses upkeep. Mikey got ignored and belittled but, like!! so what!! that's nothing compared to them.

but it still hurts :D growing up knowing you were in no uncertain terms that your dad thinks you're untalented and wishes he didn't have to deal with you.

Donnie got to be the weird but ultimately useful prodigy, Raph got to be the strongest, Leo got to be the leader, and Mikey got to be a joke.

[waklman]

fake it is my bread and butter I’m in love thank u. I feel like reader is going to start pulling away. OMG WHAT IF jake kissed the reader in front of a bunch of people when he was beyond drunk or did something that made the reader embarrassed and uncomfortable so she isn’t talking to him and jake pleads for her forgiveness and it’s angsty and fluffy

note: okay i don't really know what this was but i'm just happy i was able to finally write something honestly, anyways here is more jake and princess until i pull myself together to work on the next chapter </3

warnings: mentions of drinking, insecurities.

If you were merely a book, you’d be a forgotten composition of bounded paper, quietly collecting dust on the unreachable bay of a shelf inside a fading bookstore—barely visited by anyone but the owners themselves.

And Jake would be the first person to ever be drawn in by you, setting off the soft chime of the entrance, walking right up to the shelf you sat on, extending himself to gently pluck you from the rotting oak that previously held you upright, and take you home with him.

When it’s finally just you two surrounded by the shrouding walls of his bedroom, Jake would slowly run his calloused finger down your uncracked leathered spine to ease you open, gaining your trust. Eventually, your pages would unfurl themselves to him—revealing stories that breathed life into your biggest aspirations and smallest insecurities, laid bare for his naked eyes to see.

And Jake would read those inked lines, over and over again until he could recite your contents in his sleep, until his heart filled with fondness when he thought of you, until you became his favorite piece of literature. 

That’s how you’d like to think of your relationship with Jake, anyway. You were something that existed solely for his mind to study, for him to understand. No one else. 

Jake would never return you back to that shop, Jake would never make you feel a semblance of regret for opening up to him, Jake would never laugh at things that would wear down your stitched pages. 

Oh, but he did, right in your face too. 

The moment Jake’s drunk laugh spilled out his chest at Jeremy Duncan’s sloppy joke about you being so quiet he forgot you were there—it was like you entrusted a stranger to hold your red solo cup. 

The same lips that read over your fear about feeling invisible, were the same ones that curled into a smile when a jab was made at you.

Rather than facing that reality head on, you glued back shut, reverting back to that lonely collection of narratives that you didn’t let anyone read. But this time, you couldn’t go running back to that high shelf that hid you away—all you could do was slowly withdraw from the person who took you off of it. 

Jake knew you needed solitude at times, and he respected that, it was how you recharged your energy after any social event.

So, for the last few days he let you do just that. He let you wordlessly walk past him when he tried to reach out for you to join him on the couch. He let you say less and less to him when he just wanted to hear your voice over dinner, afraid he might forget how it sounded. He let you sneak out earlier each day, just so you could avoid walking to class with him.

He let you do all of that, suppressing his slight worry—until he picked up on how you would nervously stand outside his door at random points in the night, only to eventually go back to your own room. And to make matters worse, if Jake hadn’t been staying up late, racking his brain about you rather than sleeping, he wouldn’t have even noticed that you started to do that.

Jake knew you needed solitude at times, but he also knew that something was wrong. 

So, that’s when he decided to stop letting you walk away from him, because it was starting to plague him with concern at this point. 

But, when Jake weakly trailed past your door frame, and kneeled at your seated figure at the corner of your bed, you flinched when he instinctively extended his hands to hold yours. 

Refusing to meet his stare, you miss the subtle traces of disappointment that flit across his features.

“You..don’t want me touching you?” Jake’s quiet voice is colored by hurt, hands cautiously dropping to fiddle with the cuffs of your loose sweatpants instead. You at least let him do that, because it keeps him at a distance, because the fabric he’s gently playing with acts as a safeguard between you and him.  

Gaze casted down into your lap, you reverently shake your head. “No, Jake,” you refuse him, your own strained voice mirroring his own. 

If you were merely a book, he’d laugh at the way you awkwardly sat, he’d playfully bump shoulders with the same people who looked through you like you weren’t there. 

With that, he feels an unsettling guilt well up inside his stomach, rising up to his throat like bile. “Okay, I see. Will you tell me what I did wrong then?” Jake sucks in deep breath, only releasing it when he sees you let out a somewhat steady breath for yourself. 

Even when a burn spreads through his lungs for what feels like a full minute, he still doesn’t feel deserving when he goes to cool it, not when you probably don’t think he’s deserving of it either. 

“No, Jake,” you reinforce, shoulders beginning to tremble from the pressure of refusing him, from the pressure of closing yourself back up.  

If you were merely a book, you wouldn’t let him take you into his careful hands, he’d only read your unshared secrets to the world. 

For Jake, it feels almost sinful to hold himself back from soothing his palms over your shaking body. His fingers clutch the ankles of your pants tighter, a desperate bid for solace. “Please, talk to me princess,” he helplessly begs, not knowing what else to do with himself. “You won’t even come into my room.”

“No, Jake,” you repeat, unaware of the tear that glides down your cheek. “You laughed, when Jeremy said I was practically invisible. You laughed at me.” The crack of your spine urges you to stay resilient like you did before, but the crack of your spine can’t help how much it aches for him to gently coax it again.

Jake stills as realization washes down on him, chest unwinding at your explanation. 

If you were merely a book, you would want to be perched on that shelving unit. You don’t need Jake to be drawn in by what your pages held, you don’t need him to not feel put off by the plain cover that held you together. You don’t need—

Without a warning, Jake scoops you up from where you’re sitting, forcing you to encircle your legs around his middle as he leads you into the threshold of his room. 

“I laughed because I thought it was the stupidest shit I ever heard,” he carefully explains, keeping you in lap as he goes to sit on his sheets. “You’re funny if you think I didn’t tell him off the morning after,” he continues, recounting the string of threats that fell off his tongue when found Jeremy after class.

When you finally look at him, cheeks sticky from streaky tears and waterlogged lashes fluttering at him, Jake feels his heart swell in his chest. Naturally, he goes to playfully tousle your hair, gently, mindful of the migraine that tends to follow after your crying. 

If you were merely a book, he would have corners of the most important pages gently folded in, ingraining each word and punctuation mark that made you vulnerable into his memory. 

“Jake, what would you do if I was a book?” You ask through a weak smile, heart gently throbbing as you notice the tenderness reflected in his eyes.

Smoothing down the hair he’s ruffled with both hands, Jake gives your question some thought. “Is this one of those, would you love me if I was a worm kinda questions?” 

Clutching the hems of his shirt between your hands for solace, you nod at him, waiting for one of those lighthearted responses he always gives you.

But sensing that you’d want a genuine answer instead, Jake gives you just that. 

“If you were a book,” he starts, brushing strands of hair behind your ears. “I would never get sick of reading you princess. Think you’d be my favorite,” and he means it.

[keeponquinning]

Yes, Professor — Part One of Three.

Joseph Quinn x Erotica Novelist Fem!Reader. 18+

Word Count — 4.6k

Summary — slightly based on this, but mainly. You're Joseph's secret writer girlfriend who you met amidst the start of his convention tours, things are hot and heavy between you two, though strained for the inconvenience of not living in the same city and not being official. You're forced to spend a week apart but plan to meet up with him back in London on the last day of his Con appearance, and after teasing him for his Professor type choice of outfits, well, you just couldn't resist showing up dressed as your professor's favorite student, now could you? We thought not.

Part One | Part Two | Part Three

Part One — He's in London, you? Are not. In a party for you best friend's boyfriend, you manage to get him in a call, hearing his voice, laughing, conversations wishing to see his face, but you can take what you can get.

Preview —

Warnings — Not too many, nothing really smutty happens this part, maybe some dirty talk. Established relationship, it is a big ol' RPF and my first attempt. If not your thing, that's valid AF, just don't be mean / a dick about it. I am but a drop in this massive ocean called Tumblr, just swim on past and enjoy the waves without me if it bothers, I beg. There's also cursing. 18+ so minors, PLEASE, DNI!

Notes — Oh, this came out sooner than my last one, huh?? Mainly because I decided to split this into three parts instead of one big ol' one shot. I def learned my lesson lmao I had a lot of fun writing this, dialogue and banter are my fave things and there was a lot of that in this. Kinda fell in love with these two and planning on doing an actual multi-chaptered fic with them, how they met, all that jazz, let me know if it's something you'd want. Or not, if I get just one person like "yes, please" I'll do it bc people pleasing tendencies fuel me. I've left Reader pretty vague and ambiguous but we do have her mentioning Joseph's British-ness and obviously not living in the same continent because transatlantic romance is so rom com it hurts, but, feel free to ignore that and implant your own background on her, kinda the point, right?? Alright, hope you like this! Like, Reblog and Comment, they fuel me and make my heart go pitter patter!

Taglist — @lunaapis , @munsons-mayhem28 , @inourtownofhawkins , @hopperscock ( i fucking love this url you have no idea )

"What are you wearing?"

You hear an amused chuckle on the other end of the call, along with a distinct clicking of tongue. "...don't I get a hello first or are you missing me that much?"

A snort comes out your way, totally undignified, but he'd never call you out on it. "I mean, I am, but... Shut up." He's cackling now, that laugh that makes you smile stupidly and you're glad you're on an audio call rather than face time — though you wouldn't mind seeing his stupidly pretty face. "I'm serious, what are you wearing?"

"Why are you asking?" his voice strained, amused, but strained. He must be smiling, his laughter barely dying down.

Taking a deep breath, you explain, "Because I haven't seen you in a week and from the photos I've been seeing of you all day today... I need to prepare myself for when I see you tomorrow."

"I need you to repeat that, not the nonsense about my clothes but the...seeing me tomorrow bit."

Your eyes closed, lips stretching in a smile that, in the crowded room you were in the middle of, you tried to suppress. Teeth biting your lip, eyes cautiously looking around the party you were attending but your mind being on a man across the pond as it were, you let out a soft scoff. "....I need to prepare myself for when I see you tomorrow."

"Damn fucking right you will," his voice low, almost a growl that was...unfortunate, considering your surroundings. But more important, his tone was wistful. You heard the sound of gentle squeak, taking to mean that he sat on his bed, one that you missed very much at the moment. "I can't wait for that, and you will be needing to prepare yourself once we're alone... I fucking miss you."

"Mmm, your voice notes kinda gave that impression, yeah," you chuckled, hearing his as well. "Though I enjoyed hearing them when I wake up. It's lame, but, I do miss hearing your voice first thing in the morning." You hear him take a deep breath, exhaling with a soft hum. "Among other things. Hotel beds are just a bit too cold without you."

"Mhm, feeling the same way with my own bed, darling. Have to remind myself it's just been a week, but, feels a bit longer. Can't wait to have you back, though I know, temporarily."

"I know," this time it was you that sounded wistful. You knew you shouldn't, it was a good reason you'd be away from him. The latest in your book series was out there, digitally and in a week, in physical form. The gap between that and the previous book a bit too wide for your liking, or that of your publisher and readers. It was good that you finally finished it, but in that, included a tour of the book, which meant away from him, your sort of boyfriend. "At least you'll have me for a week, well, between your filming, anyway. Enough time for your friends to get sick of me and then wish I went away to have you to themselves again and for my friends to miss the me that isn't attached to your hip."

"Hah," he scoffed, a sound of a stretch that you could only assume was him laying down on his bed. "My friends are sick of me now, keep complaining about how I miss you. Even have Wes saying if I'm this needy without you, can't imagine how you handle me by your side, so, you've somehow got their sympathy and on your side, I'm the problem now, apparently." You couldn't hold in the laugh that barked its way out of you, and you could hear the offense even from the other line. "Oi. Don't laugh, you knew I was needy from the get go, I made no attempt to hide that."

Recovering from the laugh, you have a nod, though you knew he couldn't see, "Yeah, you are a bit of a clinger." Your smile still lingering, eyes soft, "But... It's...kinda one of your more endearing qualities, so... I'll take it."

"Oh, how gracious of you, accepting that I fucking adore you to the point of being miserable enough without you and getting on my friends fucking nerves"

He always made you laugh, you didn't even know if he intended to, but you could hear him laughing alongside you, so he must have, right? "God, hearing you curse is the best, y'know? You seem like a nice, proper boy, but then you curse and it..." You shake your head, "Makes me miss you more."

You heard him scoff, a wet sound, and you could almost see him licking his lips with a smile. "I know, dead sexy and all that... Hard to resist."

A shrug of your shoulders, more to yourself, of course, "...it kinda is. Makes me wanna do things to you to make you curse more..."

He groaned, which was also a lovely noise on its own. "Don't say things like that when you're not in grabbing distance, it's not fair."

You smiled, almost wickedly, eyes catching sight of your best friend, the only reason you were away from him at the moment. "Yeah, well, at least you're alone on your bed, I'm surrounded by people in my pretty dress, not getting grabbed and kissed by you and..." you trailed off as said best friend stopped in front of you, a pointed brow arched. You cleared your throat, smile still in place, "Which is totally fine, because I'm here to support my best friend and her crazy talented boyfriend on his birthday and album release and I'm totally fine with it."

"Mhm," she let out with a nod, "What I thought. Hi, Joe, can you two say goodbye because said boyfriend is gonna start up in a few minutes and I will not have you two have phone sex while he's performing, thank you."

"Excuse me!"

"You're not excused! You're so not excused — you're not allowed."

"That's just—" you were about to say rude when you very clearly hear the cackling on the other end of your call. "Stop laughing! You're not allowed to laugh right now, that's not fair."

"I'm sorry!" he let out, his voice thin, high, and you could hear an attempt to calm the laughter — but an attempt he did not win as more laughter came rolling out, making your lips twist and wanting to laugh despite yourself. Why did his laugh have to be so infectious sometimes? "I'll stop, I swear..." he continued, making you roll your eyes, looking at the smirking face of your best friend. "....oh, god... Tell Jen I said hello."

You couldn't help but let out a soft laugh, looking over at her, "The painfully British one says hello, because manners maketh the man I'm sure."

Jen cackled as well, shaking her head, "I'll give you two like, ten minutes, tops. You're introducing them, remember?"

"Of course. Ten minutes." A mock salute given, you watch as she turned toward the stage of the intimate venue, just a smaller group of closest friends. Taking a deep breath, directing your attention to your phone, "J o e."

"Oh, no, not Joe. I'm always in trouble when I get Joe instead of your usual Joseph."

"Damn right, that was not cool, I know we're not official, but, you have to have my back. It's the most chivalrous thing to do."

He snickered, "I'm... I'm sorry, I'm sorry! But, well," you heard him release a soft laugh, then heard, "...not to point fingers but you did start the conversation asking me what I was wearing... So was that...not where this was heading...?"

You clicked your tongue off the roof of your mouth very disappointingly, kind of. "No, you perv, I just wanted to know if my sort of boyfriend is going to continue dressing up as a slutty professor so I can figure out how to handle seeing that in person."

"I—" he started, but words cut off with a snicker, and then a proper laugh. "You—Okay. Several things. Don't fucking call me your sort of boyfriend. I am your boyfriend, just.... Well. Secret boyfriend. At least for now—"

"—until your publicist deems me worthy of being known to be dating you."

"No, just... Until we're more established, is all. And I am looking forward to that, taking you to events and such. I'd love to go to the book tour with you, show off how fucking proud I am of you and this book. But... I also don't want to overshadow your accomplishment, the way it's so mad right now. But I am your boyfriend, I know you say it in a joking manner with Jen and our friends, I get it, but... And it's fine to joke about it. Really. But I need you to know it's real for me and I hope it is for you, too. It... It is, isn't it?"

You smiled softly, his words warming your heart more than they should, once again blown away by his sense of sincerity. You never really dated anyone like that before and sometimes, it honestly takes you by surprise. "... Yeah, I know. And I don't mind it, honestly. I'd end things if I did... You're my boyfriend and I'm your girlfriend and...if my joking around hurt you in any way, then I'm sorry, you know I don't mean it. Not with something like this. You...mean a lot to me in a very short amount of time and...it's kind of overwhelming sometimes."

There was a soft sigh, a pleased one, from the other end of the call. "I know. I feel the same. Was never expecting you, or anyone, not like this. And no, you didn't hurt me, not one bit. There's no worry of that. I just needed you to know, I'm in this with you."

Though you certainly didn't need to hear it, there's a lightness from within your chest at his words, a light ease in your breathing and your soft smile grew wide. You didn't need him to confirm what you already knew, but, it was lovely to hear. "Me too. I'm in this, too. Especially if you're going to be sweet like that," you end with a light chuckle, joined by his own. "Not fair on your part. But, I'll let it pass."

"My girlfriend is very gracious like that, I'm so lucky to have her."

"Don't you forget it. Okay. I'm assuming you had more to say?"

"Yes, thank you for that. Was quickly getting side tracked... I just wanted it to be known that I am severely disappointed that phone sex is off the table, that broke my heart since we've been in an almost constant state of phone tag, its ridiculous," you giggled at that, actually giggled which was rare. And he knew it, you could hear his chuckle, and though you couldn't see him, you knew he was pleased with that smug little smirk on his lips. "But, I'll survive that. Also. Slutty professor? I've no idea what you're talking about."

"Oh, come on. You dress like a romantic, slutty professor to these things and you know it."

"I think someone's too far into their own erotica stories and confusing some things, I... Dress as a professional. I have to. My stylist deems it so and I just...do as I'm told."

"...Joseph. What were you wearing today, and don't lie, I've seen the pictures. I just wanna hear you say it."

"You're being absolutely ridiculous, I... My loafers, my favorite ones, trousers, erm... Blue button shirt and... Well, a cardigan..." There was a pause, and you knew he was rethinking it all. "...beige cardigan and.....my dark grey...coat—okay. Maybe... Maybe it was a bit professor-ish. You...might be on to something there..."

"Uh-huh. Dressed like a professor who cares and has long office hours for any of his students to come by to unwind..."

"Stop that," he let out with a laugh. "That should be your next book."

"Oh, who says it won't be? I'll dedicate it to you, for inspiration. I'm assuming you'd be open for me to come to you for...brainstorming? Test out scenes, just, y'know, for the sake of art and authenticity?"

"Morning, noon and night, yes, I'm all yours and your....creativity." He chuckled, softly, there was a lingering silence between the two of you, and then a groan from his end. "Just out of curiosity... Would... I dunno, say...a sweater vest, erm... Like....Oof, a grey one with a dark jacket, that um... Is that slutty professor chic, you think?"

"I fucking knew it."

"Hold on! It was... It was a thought... Are you into the slutty professor look, though?"

"Why do you think I called you in the first place? Yes, of course I'm into it. Do you know what it's like, seeing your pics all over my social media, people sending me pics of you with that cardigan and long coat and just... Do you?"

You could almost hear his smug smile as he let out an even soft chuckle. "I do, actually... You're wearing that burgundy dress aren't you?" Your brows rose, though you didn't say anything, not yet. A soft little hum buzzing into your ear through your phone. "I've been stalking your instagram the past week, so I saw the picture you posted today. It's that burgundy dress I like. The one with the bow at the hip and the... The matching choker with the jewelry that you think is almost tacky but... I like it. Gave me something to look at the other time you wore it, remember that? Was it New Years? Took you to an empty room right before countdown, lifted your skirt and—"

"S t o p, we're not doing that, not now," though you smiled, remembering the moment quite clearly, feeling your skin flush especially as he laughed then. He had such a nice, deep, warm laugh sometimes. "...okay, so, yes, I'm wearing that dress... It's not the same, though, like, aside from that choker you love so much, it's pretty tame in comparison..."

"Mm, not for me. I love that color on you. I love anything on you if it means I can take it off of you. And—a cardigan's tame. A long coat is tame."

"The hell a long coat is tame, that's... Anyway, you wear the slutty professor really well and it's not fair. Especially if you're going to to do tomorrow. After being away from you a week... That's cruel, baby. I won't even be able to touch you until the con's over." You heard him hum, probably thinking the very same. A thought comes, making you chuckle suddenly, "I should retaliate."

"...oh god," he let out, clearly recognizing when a wicked thought comes to mind. "Pray tell, how?"

"Why... Professor..."

"....Oh, fuck."

"Yup. By dressing up as one of your favorite students, of course."

"....jesus fucking christ." You heard a small groan, "God, you would, wouldn't you? I don't know if I could take that. It's been a week, body going in withdrawal without you and the sight of you with knee high socks..."

"Hmm. Telling that the knee high is the first thing you go to. Noted."

He chuckled, "Yes, well... The thought of you in knee highs is rather... I wouldn't take them off. Not the entire time."

Your smile widened, biting your bottom lip. "Yeah? Mmm. Well, good, because I'd definitely wear your favorite colors, just for you, Professor."

"Fuck off," he said softly, though, and when you laughed, you heard him let out a breath. "Shit. I can't shake the image, now. My favorite student, dressed so pretty for me. Looking nice and soft...with uh..." He exhaled, "Burgundy knee highs, snug and soft..."

You kept a careful eye around you, trying so hard to suppress your smile. But the sound of his voice was so...alluring, finding yourself squeezing your thighs a little bit. "Keeping up with the color theme, I see..."

"It is my favorite color at the moment, especially on you."

You hummed, "Okay. Question, knee highs or thigh highs?"

"No," his voice instant, "Gotta be the knee highs. I'd want... I'd want your thighs absolutely bare. For my fingers to run and roam over the skin... And...then, y'know... I wouldn't be able to resist to kiss you there as well. Gentle ones of course, but, being away from you this time...wouldn't be long until I start biting..."

A breathless laugh escapes you, now not even caring if anyone looked or listened in on you. It had been a while since you talked to him in real time, without having to push play, it was too good to cut away from. "For someone that says they can't write for the life of them, you're not doing too bad, Professor. You might give a run for my money if you ever decide to go into the erotica business."

"Mmm, tempting, but no. I'll leave that to you. It'd just be a novel of me fucking you and I'd rather have the real thing. But... Was I good enough to get you wet for me, darling?"

It shouldn't make you blush, you built your whole career in literary dirty talk and seducing your readers with your words... But when Joseph did it, his words and voice always struck you deep. Much deeper than any other partner had, which was slightly scary and mainly thrilling. You felt the heat creeping up your neck, a soft giggle being awarded to him. "....you know you are." You heard a pleased sigh from him, taking in a deep breath as you try to calm yourself. That no, sneaking off wasn't an option, that the growing ache between your legs would have to wait, even if you wouldn't have him talk you through it, guide you toward climax in the only way he could. But. "You got me wet and feeling it now every time I walk around in my pretty burgundy dress in a room filled with people."

"Well... I'm alone in my lonely room with a very bothersome hard on and... Probably feel lonelier still when we say our goodbyes and I'll only have my hand and thoughts of you in your pretty burgundy dress, wet, wishing I can feel just how wet you are."

You let out a breath, closing your eyes a moment. "...and I'd wish it was my hand, my mouth, on that...bothersome hard cock," you heard him groan, making your heart flutter, as well as your cunt. "Like I've been fantasizing this past week."

He took a deep breath, you could hear the exhale produce static on your end, a soft hum. "Same here, love. Suppose we'll be doing the same thing tonight..."

With a dejected sigh, you have an affirming hum, "Our ten minutes are about done. Otherwise I'd sneak to a room somewhere and..." You chuckled, "Tell you in excruciating detail the things I'd do to you to make you curse." His laugh comes out at that, making your smile spread further on your face. "But. I am due on stage to introduce my best friend's boyfriend and his band, so... She'd kill me if I missed that, and then would go and kill you, and no one wants that."

"No, no, we do not. That's fine. More to release when I see you tomorrow. Probably keep you to myself for the rest of the week, fair warning, darling."

"Yes, Professor. I'm very okay with that."

The way he groaned at that made your heart flutter again, as well between your legs. You did miss him, terribly, your fingers and toys did little to satisfy you, not without his warmth, his kiss, the moans you'd swallow and hunger for more. "...keep that up and I won't want you to call me anything else."

"Is it bad I kinda like it? P r o f e s s o r?"

He gave a helpless laugh, "Shit, it is. It's very bad of you. Naughty, even. Wicked. My poor coc—"

"Tomorrow, only until tomorrow. And then I'll make it up to you, in any way you want me to. I'll call you professor if you want me to."

"I knew there was a reason you're my favorite student..." You smiled and you could feel he was smiling too. "Okay. I'm going to give you back to your best friend, again. Thank her for me, for letting me have you to myself for this long."

"I will, she'll expecting nothing less. Think of me?"

He chuckled, and you could picture him shaking his head. "When am I not? Especially right now, left to my own devices... Until I have you to myself again." You heard him take a sharp intake of breath, "Have fun, yeah? I love you."

You felt like a teenager again, at the sound of those three words, said recently, right before you left. A slip of the tongue, but meant with sincerity from you both. "I love you, too. I'll see you... Bye."

"Bye, darling. I can't wait."

There was a heaviness that weighed on you as you ended the call, knowing it had to be you, otherwise you wouldn't end it at all. The warmth of his voice lingered, the image of his face imprinted on your brain, curling your fingers around your phone. A thought hitting you like lightning, going to messages and tapping quickly.

Send me a voice note. I wanna hear you.

He liked it.

Your smile widening as you turned around, dumping your phone into your purse and with your heels, made it toward the small stage where the band were setting up. Hands went to Jen's shoulders, hugging her from behind. "I'm all yours, now. He said thank you for letting him have me for the call."

She scoffed with a roll of her eyes, "Gross, you guys are gross."

"Shut up, we're cute." Jen seeming unconvinced. "Whatever, I'm happy."

Your best friend gave a shrug, "Then that's okay." You pulled away and stood beside her, and she took a breath. "He does seem to make you happy and... I don't hate that. Just the whole...secret relationship thing gives me pause." Crossing her arms, she looked to you, raising her brow. "Be honest.... You really okay with it? Because if you are, I'll back off and be one hundred percent for you guys. Because he is nice and seems crazy about you and I haven't seen you this happy in a while... I just don't want you hurt, y'know? I'm not being a bitch—"

"You're never a bitch—" you interjected, pausing as you two looked at each other, and you smirked. "Okay, well, yeah, you are, but for good reasons. A boss bitch, through and through." You paused a bit, giving a shrug of your shoulders. "I dunno. We talked about it... I kinda get it, he kinda blew up overnight and doing...so many things and I... I can't even imagine. I got booktok and like... Well, this book tour, but, obviously nothing on his level. He seems more concerned about if it came out, he'd overshadow my book and the press for it." Which you did appreciate, you worked hard, but part of the reason you got the book done as fast as you did was his encouragement. Being the first to read your pages, his excitement over the story you crafted holding a huge part. "It would have been nice to dedicate the book to him, but, since we aren't....out, didn't really feel right."

"Mmhm..."

"But. I don't know, at first it was kind of fun, sneaking around, dodging photographers, you know. Secret affair type of thing except not being horrible with spouses to cheat on, that kind of thing? And we were casual at first, seeing other people, until... We weren't and...not casual anymore. I mean, it's kind of still fun but also...not."

Taking a deep breath, she sighed. "And how long until it's not kind of fun for you?"

Looking over at her, you frowned, hating that she had a point. "I don't know. I'm not there yet... And I'm hoping it doesn't come to that because... I'm really fucking happy with him." Raising your brow, you give her a reassuring smile. "I'll be careful. And if I'm not, you can kick my ass about it."

"Deal," she agreed to, seeming a little lighter about the situation. "So, is he still going to dress all Mr. Darcy as a Professor when you see him?"

"I swear, he's a walking Jane Austen leading man, like it's just straight up Professor without him even trying." She laughed, you joining in. "It's gotta be a British thing, it has to." Laughing a bit harder, "I teased him with an idea, though, dressing up like a student."

"Oh? Oh, that'd be perfect. Are you meeting him after that con or...?"

A sly smile comes across your face, then, looking at her with a slight chuckle. "Mmm... Don't laugh, but... I actually planned on surprising him at the con?" Your smile widened as she gasped, looking at you agape. "I bought a photo and autograph with him. I knew there'd be no chance on the day of and I thought it'd be cute, you know? He doesn't know."

"Oh, God, I hate to say it, but that's fucking adorable! And kinda genius." Her eyes widened, "You know, though... I mean... The set up's too perfect, you have to dress all slutty student."

"Hey, slutty is for Halloween, I'd be dressed as his favorite student, with knee highs, he seemed very into that."

If her eyes could widen even further, Jen's would, letting out a bark of a laugh. "Oh my god, knee—no, no," shaking her head. "You are doing this. You are gonna do this. Listen...we're gonna make this happen."

"We don't have time, I'm getting the red eye, remember? And by the time this is over—"

But she was determined, shaking her head, "Nope, look. You're gonna introduce the band, because you are my amazing writer friend and words are your thing. We'll stay for a few songs, and then I'm going to take you shopping, okay? I'm making this happen, I'm gonna make this happen for you."

"I thought he gave you pause and you're gonna work this hard to make a fantasy come true for him?"

She wagged her finger from side to side, "Oh, no, no. Not for him, for you. Look, he seems great and he probably is, and maybe there will be a time where he's like a brother to me, but right now? I believe you when you say he makes you happy and that you're happy with him, I see it, so, I'm doing this for you. Because you are my best friend and that's love, bitch."

"I love you. Like... You'll always be my first love, in a totally platonic kind of way. Only because of the fact that you're annoyingly straight."

Jen sighed, "I know, it's a pain, but, we'll always have each other's backs and our hearts, before anyone else." Her gaze going toward the stage, her musician boyfriend giving her a nod, releasing a soft smile. "We didn't do so bad, though. You're up. Make me proud of my boyfriend, okay?"

"Oh, yeah, how do you want me to go about it? Soft and emotional, very serious or...roast him but from the heart?" You both looked at each other for a moment, the answer quite clear.

"Roast him."

for your consideration....

[virtuousweakling]

Hantengu finds out you have an ED.

⚠️ mentions of ED but not ed sheeran, b-ing/p-ing, restricting, etc. ⚠️

Includes: steaminess

Enjoy! ❤️

(❇)❇(❇)❇(❇)❇(❇)❇(❇)❇(❇)❇(❇)❇(❇)❇(❇)❇(❇)❇(❇)

(❇)❇(❇)❇(❇)❇(❇)❇(❇)❇(❇)❇(❇)❇(❇)❇(❇)❇(❇)❇(❇)

Hantengu was watching you silently as you sat across from him at the dinner table in the well-hidden rickety little cabin you shared together in the woods. The sun was beginning to set and it wasn't time for him to go out just yet, so he had nothing to do but observe you eating your own dinner. You cleared your throat, breaking the awkward silence. "Um...could you not stare at me while I eat? It makes me uncomfortable. I'm sorry." You spoke in an almost defensive tone, trying to suppress the negative feelings that were arising in you. Feeding yourself was hard enough to do already and feeling someone's eyes on you while you did so was a hard no. "I-I wasn't staring!" Hantengu quickly looked down at the table, avoiding eye contact with you. "Hantengu, really, it's alright just... Try not to do it again." "But I swear, I wasn't doing anything!" You noticed he was beginning to tremble. "It's fine. Let's just drop it, ok?" You were not in the mood to argue so you decided to let it go. Hantengu sniffed as he nodded and you sighed, putting your fork down and excusing yourself to toss the remaining food in the trash. You were washing off your plate when you realized the sky behind the shabby cloth you put over the window (to protect Hantengu) was dark enough for him to head out. "You're probably starving, it looks safe enough to go out if that's what you need to do." Hantengu stood up and as he was about to walk towards the door, you asked him to come to you. He cautiously approached you and you leaned in to give him a quick peck on the cheek which made him flinch and as he turned away from you, you grabbed his bony wrist which caused him to shriek. "Wait a sec," you requested, as he shot back around to look at you. "Be safe, ok? I love you." Hantengu gave you a dying marriage side-face kiss and somberly exited the house.

The moment you saw the door shut, you charged towards the bathroom to evacuate the food you ate. A few minutes in you heard shuffling in the next room. "Y/N, I forgot to tell you that I-..." You quickly straightened your back and wiped your mouth, specks of blood vessels had burst beneath your eyes. Hantengu just blinked, noticing the vomit in the toilet and wondering if you became sick off of the food he'd been bringing you. Hantengu didn't let you leave the house in fear that you would abandon him (you know, the way he abandons you so frequently) so he had a tendency to steal human food from his victims and bring it back to you, claiming he "didn't know how he got it." He wasn't prepared to be accountable for any food poisoning you may have contracted. You began to talk with a rasp, "I can explain, I just..." Hantengu glared at you with a worried stare, listening. You flushed the toilet and rinsed your mouth with some tap water before asking him to sit down in your makeshift living area. He agreed, still nervous you were going to tell him he was at fault for something, but once you both sat down you reassured him it had nothing to do with him and that it was a 'you' thing. "Look, I'm going to explain this in a way I think is easiest to understand and if you're totally disgusted by me after this I get it." Hantengu's shoulders relaxed a bit as he realized it wasn't going to be a confrontation, but he looked so confused and he tilted his head slightly as you spoke. "Sometimes... I make myself throw up after I eat. I dunno I guess I've just done it for so long I..." He furrowed is bare, swollen brow bone, processing. "I restrict a lot, too, which is when I don't eat anything at all for a period of time and then I'll usually eat a ton of food and feel guilty about it. I feel like it's the only thing I can control, you know? I've never liked my body, and I never really felt like I...was in charge of anything. So when I do this, I feel like I'm the one in control." Hantengu took some time to consider everything you were saying, and he knew deep down exactly what you meant but in his own way. He thought to himself about how as a demon, he wouldn't be able to survive without human flesh and he honestly couldn't handle the idea of deliberately depriving himself of that, but he didn't enter that discussion solely because he'd have to open up about actively killing and consuming people. Hantengu paused before speaking and finally perfected the script in his deranged mind; "I...can't imagine why anyone would do such a terrible thing to themselves! Especially in a world where people hurt one another for no good reason at all! How pitiful it is to make yourself hurt when this evil world is capable as it is!" You honestly weren't too interested in reacting to what he'd just said you were so overcome with different emotions. You hugged your knees close to your chest as you looked up at the ceiling, attempting to dry your tearful eyes. "I guess... I guess I'm just going through a hard time, that's all. It's always been this way, I just don't talk about it. Not because I don't want you to know, it's just... Who really wants to hear about me, anyway?" Hantengu just sat quietly, looking down at the floor, taking in as much as his frantic mind would allow him. "Anyways," you tried to divert the subject, "you need to eat. Don't worry about me, I'll be fi-"

Suddenly your sentence was broken off by a kiss. Hantengu's dry lips pressed deeply into yours for what felt like five minutes. He pulled away and placed a frail, cool hand on your cheek. "I'm going to make a deal with you," he said calmly. "I won't eat if you won't eat." "Hantengu... It's not so easy..." Hantengu made another offer, this time more reasonable towards your own feelings. "I'll bring something back for myself and we will sit and eat together, how does that sound? And we'll sit together until you feel better. And if you feel bad, we'll figure it out." Who was this man? Is this the same Hantengu you knew? His consideration surprised you. You gazed into his glowing red eyes and pulled him in for another kiss, savoring the moment. "Ok. You have a deal." It's not as though your relationship was entirely distant and cold, you knew he was possessive over you and did indeed engage in sex with him quite often despite his frequent disposition of absolute terror and fear. In all actuality, Hantengu and you had sex on multiple occasions, a few of those times should have gotten you pregnant but your lack of period prevented that and you just never told him.

You leaned your head back in pleasure as he kissed your jawline, moving down your neck. He inhaled a spot on your throat deeply, particularly close to your main artery and you could tell he was beginning to drool at the scent like a hungry vampire. You caught your breath after a few light moans, "baby... Baby, you're starving. You need to eat." Your fingers were gently entwined in the remainder of his wavy black hair and he was slowly losing control of himself, nipping at you between kisses. You gave him a light, playful push and ordered him to go find someone -or "something"- to eat immediately. He already looked unhinged and emaciated as it was and him being in this state made him look even worse. Hantengu easily could have killed you right then and there and why he didn't was beyond you, perhaps your emotional vulnerability was a useful pawn in his narcissistic plans and hearing you vent was an extra bonus. Finally he agreed to leave and stood up, asking if you were absolutely sure you'd be ok if he left and he even offered to stay in for the night. "No, it's ok, really, do what you have to do. I'll see you when you get back." As Hantengu headed for the door, you stopped him one last time. "Hantengu?" "Hm?" He looked back. "What is it you'd forgotten earlier? You know, when you came back in?" His narrow, sunken red eyes looked so intense in the dim house only partially lit up by a couple of lamps. "I was just going to say that...well, I...I forgot to tell you that..." you looked up at him with big doe eyes, anticipating his next words. "That I love you."

Your heart almost skipped a beat at his kind words and you approached him for one last hug and kiss before sending him off. "Please be safe out there, I love you soooo much." He flashed a smile at you which he rarely ever did and nodded. You saw him out the door and once you knew he was officially gone, you squealed and threw yourself onto the pile of pillows you were sitting on. You kicked your feet in excitement at what he said, your heart still slowing down after your little session. You didn't care if he meant a single word he said, what mattered was the fact that he said it. Could he walk off and never return? Sure, but you knew how gullible you were to stay behind and wait for him. He could have turned up dead after a fatal encounter with a demon slayer and you still would have waited for him, devoted, never engaging with another man after him. You laid on your back, stretching your arms out and staring at the ceiling, daydreaming about you and Hantengu. Silly thoughts, such as picnics, freely and safely frolicking in the sun, kissing beneath a Sakura tree, etc. when...

"Oh, shit."

Suddenly your little fantasy was interrupted.

"How am I going to explain this to all of the clones?"

[orcasoul]

Reckless

Summary: Joel and reader are paired up as patrol partners. Both have suppressed feelings for each other. He's frustrated with her sometimes impulsive actions and she's fed up of his coldness towards her. After an almost fatal encounter during a supply search they both admit their feelings for one another.

Warnings: Swearing, angst, infected attack, age gap (reader is in her late 30's and Joel is in his late 50's), Use of Y/N.

Word Count: 5,588

"Stay close and don't do anything reckless!" Joel turned to you and gave you a look that left no room for arguments. You rolled your eyes and in a mocking voice replied "Yes sir," with a salute. Joel rolled his eyes in return before turning away. You can't help the smirk growing across your face, knowing how much it bugs him when you do that. But you can understand why he felt the need to say it. You wouldn't admit he was right when he accused you of acting before thinking sometimes, but there are times when risks are worth taking and you'd never willingly put yourself in a risky situation if you weren't confident you could handle it. You and Joel have been patrol partners for two months now, since you happened to stumble across Jackson on your way to..... nowhere, really. You were just existing at that point and so close to giving up until you were fortunate enough to cross paths with one of Jackson's patrol groups, and were welcomed into the community. They'd given you a purpose again so you took your patrols very seriously, wanting to do all you could to serve your community and prove yourself as a valuable member of Jackson.

At first your patrols with Joel were a little awkward. The man hardly spoke, unless it was to give you orders, or to voice his displeasure of being "stuck with a kid" on patrol. Kid! I guess to a grumpy 56 year old dinosaur a 37 year old is a kid, you once scoffed mentally. "I'm not here to babysit. I'm here to show you the ropes so you can do your part efficiently, got it?" Joel gruffed at you from his horse on your first patrol. "Good thing I don't need a babysitter then," you snapped back, glaring at him. Joel huffed and rolled his eyes. "Look you'd better be able to handle yourself out here because you're not my problem and I'm not gonna make you my problem, Okay?" "Jesus Christ," you muttered to yourself. You now spoke louder so he could hear you. "If I couldn't handle myself I'd have been dead a long time ago. I don't need a protector and you and I know damn well I wouldn't be assigned to patrol if the council didn't deem me capable. So how about we just get on with the task at hand, eh?"

Joel turned back around on his horse, letting out an annoyed mumble. The truth was he'd already made you his "problem" and he didn't like it one bit! He'd caught the odd glimpses of you when you'd first arrived at Jackson and was immediately struck, not only by how beautiful you are but also by the look of disbelief written across your face. A feeling he knew all too well. Shock and awe, that a place like this could exist. A piece of heaven in a hellish world, he'd once described it, and if this was heaven then you must be an angel. After a few brief chats with you (well actually Tommy and Maria did most of the talking while he mostly just sat and listened to how sweet and genuine you came across) he knew then that you were different to other women he had known. There was just something about you. It was ridiculous! He hadn't felt this way about a woman in over twenty years, and he sure as hell wasn't going to start acting like a love-struck teenager at 56. So he decided it was best to push down any feelings he had developing and keep you at arms length.

And that's what he did. He barely spoke to you and quickly shut down any conversation you tried to strike up with him. After a few weeks he'd noticed you'd stopped trying. A part of him felt that maybe he was being too harsh and probably came across as an asshole but he couldn't allow himself to get too close to you. The more people you care for, the more you have to lose, besides it's not like someone as sweet and beautiful as her would be interested in a middle aged grump, he'd keep reminding himself when he felt like letting you in. So he did what he does best; He built a wall and hid behind it. At first Joel's stand-offish attitude irked you but you thought if you were going to be partners you'd at least try to get him to loosen up. Maybe he just needs me to take the first step and initiate the conversations, you mused. But after a few weeks of trying and being met with short answers and gruffs you realised you weren't going to get anywhere with him, so you just accepted the silence that mostly accompanied your patrols.

You tried to convince yourself that it didn't bother you but truthfully it did. And you knew why, even if you refused to think about the reason too much, trying to distract yourself whenever your thoughts went "there". You were attracted to him, had been since you met him. Even though he didn't speak much, something in his eyes and the way he looked at you ignited a desire and a need for this quiet, but extremely handsome man. You wondered if he was like this with everyone. He had a good twenty years on you so maybe he'd just seen a lot more horrors than you. Horrors that have no doubt moulded him into this brooding entity of a man. He also seemed to have had a lot more encounters with infected than you have, if the rumours were anything to go by, and they were probably true otherwise he wouldn't be alive now. So giving his experience you decided to mostly follow his orders while on patrol. Better safe than sorry, eh?

Today's patrol was going to be somewhat different than the usual checking and resetting of traps and scanning the area for trouble. You'd both been sent out to a small town about four miles to the east of Jackson, to a veterinary surgery to pick up some medical equipment that had been hidden away by the last patrol group, their bags being to full to take them at the time. You loved Jackson's animal's and since veterinary equipment and supplies were always in short supply this was like hitting the jackpot! Upon arriving you both dismount your horses and tie them up in an overgrown wooded area not far behind the building. Joel quickly sneaked around the building as you followed suit, guns at the ready for any kind of trouble. Peering in through the once glass glass entrance doors it appears the building is empty. "Let's go," you say with confidence as you begin to walk through the door frame, only to be roughly pulled back by Joel's calloused hand on your upper arm.

"What the fuck you doing, Joel?" you scold him as you rip your arm out of his grasp. "What the fuck are you doing?" He shot back angrily. "Just because it's quiet here it doesn't mean there's no infected further inside the building. I'm going first." As he brushes passed you, you can smell hints of sandlewood, earth and something.... Joel like. Damn it, does he have to smell so good? You shake your head to try and rid yourself of the intrusive thought. You hated that whenever he got too close you felt a rush of heat to your core and your heart would beat faster. Sure, you'd known from the moment you'd met him that he's the most handsome man you've ever seen, but you never imagined in a million years he'd be interested in someone so much younger than himself. Not when there were plenty of women his age in Jackson literally fawning all over him every Friday night at the Tipsy Bison.

So for the most part you'd just try to ignore your feelings and focus on your patrol duties with him. Even though sometimes you got the feeling he saw you as a hindrance, sometimes you felt like he hated you, you weren't about to let that get in the way of doing your job. And today is no different. You follow Joel quietly into the surgery, your senses on high alert, looking in every direction. As you pass the front desk you notice leaflets about pet insurance with the most adorable cat and dogs pictures on them, covered in 20 years of dust and mould. You smile sadly, imagining what this place would have been like in it's heyday and how you would have loved to work in a place like this. Focus, you idiot!" you mentally scold yourself, snapping your attention back to the present moment. You follow Joel down the darkened corridor of the building, the only light coming through the windows of rooms with open doors, just enough to see clearly.

Both of your heads scan from left to right as you make your way past the doors, some open, some closed. You'd both been instructed to go to the operating theatre at the back, push the grey cabinet from the wall and you'd find the supplies hidden in a hole behind it. You both approach the theatre slowly and silently. Once you were sure you were alone you closed the door and shrugged off your backpack, dropping it to the floor, as did Joel. "I got this," you say to Joel before he can walk over to the cabinet. As you pushed the cabinet the high pitched sound of metal scraping across the floor made you clench your teeth. To you it was like nails on a chalk board! But that sound was nothing compared to the sound that came next and it made your blood freeze. "SCREECH!" "SCREECH!" "SCREECH!", all at the same time. BANG! BANG! BANG! Both of your heads snap to the rattling door, then back to each other.

"Shit!" Joel cursed. "Hurry, fill the bags and hide." Looking around the large theatre it's evident that there aren't many things to hide behind, just some operating tables and crates. You only manage to fill the bags half full before the door bursts open, slamming against the wall. Joel grabbed your hand and pulled you behind an operating table with him, communicating with his eyes that everything will be okay. He brings a finger to his lips, silently telling you to be quiet. You hadn't realised just how hard you'd been breathing, as your rapid heartbeat had filled your ears with the sound of rushing blood. You take slow, quiet breaths, desperately trying to calm your nerves. You both pull your knives out. Guns are loud and clickers are abnormally fast. If there were only two of them you could take one each, but it's just your luck that there are three of the fuckers, making it too risky to fire your guns. Joel throws his head over his shoulder, gesturing for you to follow, the both of you taking agonisingly slow, crouched steps around the table.

After a series of deafening screeches and clicks, the three clickers began to clumsily stagger around the room, scanning for whatever had caused the noise. As you follow Joel across the room you suddenly realise the backpacks have been left behind. You gently pull on Joel's arm to get his attention and point to the backpacks. Joel looks to where you are pointing but he shakes his head 'no'. The supplies are important, yes, but all that matters to him in this moment is getting you to safety. He can see the silent protest in your eyes and he knows just how stubborn and impulsive you can be. Before you can begin to crawl back to the bags Joel roughly grabs your wrist, pulling you closer "Leave them," his words are barely a whisper. Frustration bubbles within you, leading to anger. You hate having to leave such valuable and needed equipment behind just because these rotting bastards chose now of all times to turn up!

They must have turned up not long after you and Joel entered the building because the previous patrol would have put them down or at least warned you two before hand. Great fucking timing! You think to yourself, sarcastically. You roll your eyes and reluctantly nod, following Joel's lead. He seems so confident in this moment that you wonder how many times he's had to do this in the past, and for the first time since your patrols began you're grateful to have him with you. As you cautiously sneak behind Joel across the room you can't help but notice how broad his shoulders are and you find your gaze heading lower to his ass, his thick thighs, the sliver of skin between his jeans and jacket, now visible because he's crouching..... now's not the time, you quietly chastise yourself.

It's becoming more difficult to navigate the room with these fuckers aimlessly wandering around, and every click and shrill screech makes you freeze for a few moments. Joel seems to sense your unease and he gentle reaches back to take your hand in his. This is the gentlest he's ever touched you, and the sensation of his warm, big hand engulfing yours has your heart racing and butterflies flitting in your tummy. The concern and care he's showing you now is a stark contrast to the usual treatment he gives you.

Joel's heart is in his throat! The door is so close, yet so far. Gripping your shaking hand he slowly leads the way to the open door. As you both approach it he stops and pulls you in front of him to go first, then turning, he grabs the door, slowly moving it so it doesn't make a sound and pulls it ajar. He stand up, shaking out his aching legs one after the other. He turns to you as you stand, brings his hand up to cup your cheek, and whispers "You okay?" You can feel your cheeks heating up at his touch, his intense gaze boring right into the depths of you. Nervously you nod, trying to calm your breaths. It's not the infected that has you breathing heavily this time. Joel's hand slips from your cheek, down your arm and into your hand, linking his fingers through yours. Quietly you both make your way to the entrance doors, the sounds of clicking becoming more distant.

Once outside Joel breathes a sigh of relief while sheathing his knife. This could have ended badly, so badly. Weather you like it or not he has taken on the responsibility to always keep you safe and he would never have forgiven himself if he'd let you get infected or killed. He's pulled from his pensive state when you stop suddenly, releasing his hand. He hates the emptiness he feels in his palm, now that your soft warm touch has abandoned him. "Joel," you mutter as he turns to look at you in confusion. "We can't just leave everything behind. We can't go home empty handed." "Forget it," Joel replied with finality. "We're not going back. I barely got you out of there in one piece." It wasn't lost on you that he'd said you instead of us and it brought a warmth to your heart to know he cared about your safety somewhat. "We wouldn't have stood a chance in there but I'm sure we could handle them from out here. We just have to lure th-" "No!" he cut you off sharply. If he'd been with any other partner they would have dispatched those clickers quickly but he's not going to risk your life.

You huff and narrow your eyes at him. "So what? We just leave them behind because of a few... obstacles? They're too important. we need them." Joel shut his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose in annoyance. "Look, I'll come back with some of the others in a few days. We'll get rid of the infected and grab the supplies." " But they're all over the floor in clear sight. What if raiders come back through here and take them before you can return?" you ask with your hands on your hips and irritation in your voice. "Well then.... they take them," Joel snorted. "Let's get to the horses," he orderd before walking away from you. Sighing, you reluctantly follow, but not before throwing a glance over your shoulder and silently cursing those damned infected for ruining this golden opportunity. Golden opportunity, you thought. Yeah, this is a golden opportunity and how many of them do we get these days? After a few more moments of deliberation you decided it's worth the risk. "Fuck it," you muttered to yourself, slowing your pace behind Joel. He was already quite a way in front of you but you wanted a bit more distance between you two so he wouldn't notice you walking back.

When enough time had passed you slowly turn and make your way back to the surgery. Part of you feels foolish for doing this but damn it, Jackson needs these supplies and you're not going to fail them. You understand it's risky to take on clickers, especially alone but now you have the upper hand. You quickly form a plan as you near the building, grabbing a brick off the ground to use as a distraction. As you cautiously re-enter the surgery you draw your pistol, taking the safety off. Creeping stealthily down the dark corridor, the clicking becomes louder, making you tremble and your adrenaline spike. You silently open the door on your left, doing a quick check to make sure it's empty. A brick to the window will make for a pretty good distraction. Leaving the door wide open you slink to the theatre door, opening it as quietly as you can while trying to keep your breathing calm. The clickers are now almost motionless, swaying like jellyfish in the ocean, with no purpose or goal. You carefully retreat backwards, placing every step as delicately as you can to avoid making any noise, until you are in front of the other door. With your gun ready in one hand you lift the other hand holding the brick, take a deep breath, pray to any god that might be listening, and throw!

Joel knew it didn't make sense to leave the supplies behind and you were probably right to say you could both handle them now that you're outside, having space as an advantage, but in the two months you've been patrolling together you've never come as close to death as you did today and he won't lose another person he cares for, not now, not ever! The more he thought about it, the more he realised that pushing you away doesn't change how he feels about you. He hoped these feelings would fade away over time but if anything, he cares for you now more than ever and today has proven to him just how much you mean to him. Shit, he inwardly groaned while shaking his head. What the hell do i do about this? After a few more moments lost in his thoughts it dawned on him that he can't hear your footsteps behind him anymore.

Spinning on his heel his eyes frantically search the surrounding area for you but you're nowhere to be seen. His heart feels like it's about to bust through his rib cage as fear grips him with an unrelenting force. Before he can call your name the sounds of smashing glass and inhuman screams fill the once silent air. "Y/N!!" Joel screams your name so loudly his throat feels like it's on fire and he makes a desperate sprint for the surgery. A series of shots ring out as he nears the building. Now matter how fast he's running, it feels like he can't get to you fast enough, all the while imagining the worst. Charging through the foyer he hears clicker screeches mixed with your own screams. The sound of your screams absorb deep into his being, fuelling the same fury he felt when he learned what the fireflies were planning to do with Ellie. He rounded the corner of the front desk to the corridor and the world slowed down when he took in the sight of you pinned under a clicker, desperately pushing at it's neck to keep it's face from yours with one hand, and wildly flinging your other arm above your head in a blind search for your knife that is just out of reach.

All rational and deliberate thought abandoned Joel's mind and a primal need to protect possessed him. He lunged toward the clicker, knife drawn, and plunged it deep into it's decaying skull. The horrid, clawing monster became limp and silent before being lifted and thrown aside like a rag doll. In it's place was Joel, bloody knife pointing downwards, heaving deep breaths and looking at you with a mixture of anger and terror. You've never seen such raw emotion etched onto his face before and you were sure you were in for it now. "Joel," you rasped, relief mixed with trepidation. Still trembling from the encounter, you slowly sit up while staring at Joel wide eyed. You braced yourself for the angry admonishment you knew you deserved, but to your surprise Joel dropped to his knees in front of you, his knife clanging as it hit the tiled floor. "Are you hurt?! Are you bit?! Are you okay?!" The words came tumbling from his lips a hundred miles an hour as his hands wondered from your face to your neck, to your shoulders, to your arms, to your legs and finally your torso.

You can only stare at him in bewilderment, noticing the tears glossing over his eyes and how his entire body is shaking. You place your palms over his trembling hands to try and calm him. "I'm okay Joel, honestly," you reassure him in a gentle tone. He looks down at your hands placed on his and realises he's holding tightly onto your waist. Embarrassed, he swiftly drops his hands, clears his throat and stands up. He offers his hand to pull you up, which you gingerly accept. You stand, looking up into his dark eyes that now seem to want to tell you... something. No words are spoken for what feels like forever. You break the silence first. "Guess we can get our backpacks now," you whisper nervously, your arms and legs still shaking from the adrenaline that hasn't quite left your system. Joel stands as still as a statue, his face now emotionless and it was unnerving to say the least. You're used to him being grumpy and irritable, you're used to seeing him confident and meticulous, but this was something else, and you don't know how to even speak to him right now. It's almost as if he's not even there, as if he's in a trance!

You swallow the lump in your throat as you head towards the theatre, glancing at the bodies of the other two clickers you managed to shoot in the next room. After filling the backpacks with all of the medical equipment, you rise to find Joel standing in the doorway, still staring but now he looks furious. "Um... here you go..." you murmured as you walked over to him and held out his backpack. Joel snatched it from your grasp, causing you to flinch slightly, and stormed outside. "Shit," you mutter under your breath and follow him outside with your head hanging low in shame. The walk to the horses was unbearably quiet, the air thick with tension and unspoken words. You know you had just fucked up, big time! He'll probably never patrol with you again after this.

At least one good thing has come of this. You have the supplies, so maybe it wasn't all bad. "Hey, Joel?" you utter his name shyly as you reach the horses saddles. Joel stops, slightly turns his head to the side, huffs and mounts his horse. Blinking back tears you mount your horse and gently kick it's sides to make it move, making sure to keep a few paces behind Joel's horse. The silence is deafening. With nothing else to occupy your mind it replays that almost fatal encounter over and over again. If Joel hadn't have got there when he did you'd be dead now, that's for certain. You had been so sure you could handle them yourself, but once again Joel was proven right; You don't think before you act, and this time you almost paid the ultimate price. But the worst part for you was that you'd put Joel in danger. If he had died because of your actions you'd never be able to live with yourself. Guilt begins to gnaw at you, an oppressive and gut wrenching sensation that just grows stronger the more you think about it.

You could have gotten him killed and now you're responsible for this strange.... episode he's having. Unable to suffer the crippling guilt and uneasy silence any longer, you sidle up beside Joel. He's still looking dead ahead, unwilling to acknowledge your presence. "Hey," you clear your throat, awkwardly. "Thanks for saving me back there." Joel just tensed his jaw and nodded ever so slightly. "I'm sorry about what happened. Can we talk for a minute?" "No," Joel snapped. "Joel," you say quietly. "I said no." Joel kicked his horse to make it move faster. You glare at him and sigh in frustration at his stubbornness. For god's sake, I'm trying to apologise and he's being a dick, you bitterly think. You pull on the reigns, bringing your horse to a sudden stop and dismount. Joel quickly stops his horse and turns to face you. "What the hell are you doing?" he asked in exasperation. "I'm not going anywhere until you talk to me," you reply with your arms crossed over your chest, chin held high.

"We're not doing this now. Get back on the horse Y/N." "Not until you talk to me!" you yell at him, frustration seeping through your words. Joel could feel his anger flare and before he could think, he jumped off his horse and stormed over to where you stood defiantly. "You wanna talk? Fine. What the fuck where you doing, going back in there by yourself?!" He roared. "You got a fucking death wish, or something?!" His hands are balled into fists at his sides, chest heaving with angry breaths and his face turning red. You've never seen him this angry before. It was confusing that he'd show this level of care over your well being when most of the time you could swear he hated you. "I'm sorry," you sigh. "I didn't think it through-" "No, you didn't, as usual!" Joel retorted. Okay you'll give him that one. "I just didn't want to fail the community. These supplies are important-" "More important than your life?" Joel asked, his words laced with frustration. "Well... maybe... yeah," you spoke quietly.

Joel blinked and snapped his head back in stunned silence at your words. He didn't expect you to ever say that. "What do you mean 'yeah'?" he cried in disbelief. "The animals are vital to Jackson. Everyone depends on them for food, clothing, transport. So maybe it was worth risking my life. At the time it seemed like the right thing to do. I just hate myself for putting you in danger. I'm really sorry Joel." Your voice trembled slightly on the last few words. Joel couldn't believe what he was hearing! "I don't care about me, I'm furious with you for putting yourself in danger. What if I had been a few seconds later? You be fucking dead now!" "I know," you looked down at your feet, feeling like a child who'd broken their parents' favourite ornament after being told to leave it alone. "I just can't believe how goddamn stupid you are!" Your head snapped up like a pissed off cobra as he spat those words out at you. Here you are apologising and he goes and calls you stupid, oh hell no! Your cheeks burn in anger as the blood in your veins begins to boil. "Excuse me?! I've just apologised and accepted all your criticisms, but don't you dare call me stupid!" Now it's your turn to curl your fists.

"What else am I supposed to think when you do shit like that? You almost died!" Your guilt is now being burned away by anger, filling you with a need to defend yourself. "What do you care if I died anyway?" You throw your hands up in indignation. "Yeah I made the wrong decision, but it was mine to make. Don't pretend that you care all of a sudden. Most of the time you fucking hate me!" Joel's eyes widen at your accusation. "Y...You think I hate you?" He asks, taken aback. "Well....yeah," you reply as though it should have been obvious. "I mean in two months you've only ever spoken to me to order me about. You won't even speak to me when I pass you in town. So what am I supposed to think?" "I don't hate you!" Joel can barely contain his vexation at this point. "Christ, do you realise what it would do to me if I lost you?" He stopped suddenly, realising what he had just let slip. He could see the astonishment on your face and knowing there's no turning back now, he continued, his voice calm but hesitant, "I don't hate you. I hate how I feel about you."

His confession was the last thing you had expected. After a few moments you collected yourself and walked closer to Joel so that you were looking up into his eyes. "And what do you feel?" you asked softly, while searching his rich brown eyes. The want and longing he feels for you is now abundantly evident in his gaze but he's unsure of what to do next. He was determined to keep his distance, so if he ever lost you it wouldn't hurt as much. But distant or not he almost did lose you and it was excruciating! He realised now he'd wasted enough time trying to push you away and he doesn't want to do that anymore, especially not now with the way you are looking at him. You delicately bring your hands to his chest and repeat the question. "Joel, what do you fe-" Before you can finish his lips crash onto yours, his hands grabbing your waist to pull you against his body.

You return the kiss eagerly, wrapping your arms around his back, opening your mouth to allow his tongue to caress yours. His hands tenderly wander up your back, one staying there while the other gently cups your cheek. After several more seconds he pulls away from your lips, guiding your head to the crook of his neck. "Fuck Y/N, I can't lose you, not you," he breathes the words into your ear. You smile deliriously into his neck, hoping this isn't a dream. You dreamed about having him for so long, but never once thought it would ever happen. "So you don't hate me, then?" You grin as you look up at him and rub your nose against his. Joel looks into your eyes adoringly and chuckles, "Of course not." "Then why have you been acting so cold towards me?" you enquire with genuine confusion. "I just didn't want to... feel anything for you. I was afraid to." You've never heard Joel speak with such vulnerability and it made your heart swell for him. "I've lost too many people and I thought pushing you away was for the best. But I can see now that it's the stupidest thing I've ever done. And I never even thought you would feel the same way about me. God, I can't believe how much time I've wasted when I should have just been honest with you."

The sincerity of his words has your head swimming and you kiss him again, hungrily. The tickly feel of his beard, his strong arms wrapping around you, the warmth of him as you press against his chest has you yearning for more of him. "I really like you Joel," you pant as you pull away. "I really like you too, darling," Joel replied just as breathless as you. His southern drawl on the word darling made your knees feel weak! "So let's not waste any more time. Meet me for a drink at the Tipsy Bison later? "Definitely," he answers while placing a quick peck on your nose. "I'm sorry for calling you stupid. You're not. I shouldn't have said that, I was just afraid." "It's okay," you reassure him. "And I promise, I won't take risks like that anymore." "Good, cause next time I'll kill you myself." Joel teases. You roll your eyes playfully and salute, "Yes sir." Joel shakes his head and laughs under his breath, causing a giggle to leave you and he knows now he'll be enjoying the sound of your laughter for a long time to come. You both return to your horses and mount to begin the journey back home side by side. This time the silence is comfortable and cozy, filled with soft glances and gentle smiles.