#I don't even know who exactly my therapist will be bc it would've been my first appointment

[thatbitchery]

My thing with self improvement is if you don't know who you are not only will it obviously not work but you will also leave the space feeling like you're a lost cause that can not be helped. The same way a beautiful dress can look ugly on the wrong body and an ugly dress can look right and pretty on the right body- that's exactly how people are. I'm so glad when I started leveling up I didn't even know I was leveling up and it just happened as a consequence of adaptation so I wasn't watching creators bc the damage would've been irreversible. When girls and boys come to me for help or coaching and they just sound like an Alibaba version David Goggins the wizardliz its like slow down. That's not how it works babes. I want to wake up at 4 am and workout - you're a night owl your productive hours are after 10pm when the whole world is sleeping and you hate working out be fr with me rn. Even THEY don't do all that chill. You're not a tall skinny white Russian baddie or a Mariner with Severe ED YOU'RE 23 middle class average body who wants to succeed in medicine not sugar dating, chill. Like it literally NEVER works like that. Also you're an individual thats unique in every single plane, but mostly the 4D babes of course another person's blueprint won't work for you be fr.

For example when people say be a leader not a follower I just laugh because I am 100% a follower no part of me wants to make the big decisions I do NOT want that pressure pls. YOU focus on taking the risks I'm happy to clock in my eight hours and go home thanks. Or "Move in silence" sounds good but I'm a manifesting generator I have to yap my plans to someone it's how i Think. Literally for me to figure something out I need to be talking to someone and will find what I'm looking for in conversation it'll serve me better to find two people to overshare with than not overshare at ALL that's the exact opposite of my 4D blueprint? 'Make A PlAn anD sTicK tO' ADHD. ADHD ma'am. In fact 90% of mainstream level up advice works the EXACT opposite of me so I know the Universe loves me because it didn't allow me to be consumed in content that will send me the exact opposite direction of where I'm supposed to be and make me think there's something inherently wrong with me bc why does it work for everyone but me?

First of all, people on the internet do not exist. We out here lying in the real world what do you think we do in the virtual one. The 'Ever Since I started Watchung Your Videos I have Started Earning 2000k Per Month comment in that Iman Ghandhi (is that the name) is made by a social reject 14 yr old looking for comradery in identifying with a figure he idolizes baby no one is making 2k from doing that ok? ok. That 'My Life Has Changed' only lasted 2 months. That's not how lives change. That's called motivation it wears out. Lives are not supposed to change in a month. Fires that burn that fast die that fast ok. There's nothing wrong with you you're just not looking for community by appealing to bots. You're good.

Second, learn who you are and find what works so your therapist / coach doesn't spend the first 3 months of your money shedding all the dumbass weight you attach to yourself that is doing literally nothing but hold you down. Save time save money save yourself from self loathing and 'I'm lazy I'm stupid I'm bla bla" and just learn yourself. Your blueprint is unique to you that's why no one else's is working. Of course you feel shitty you're fighting yourself in favor of someone else of course your essence and spirit will fight back??

"Mother how do I-" who are you lets start there. Bc I could throw words at you all day and actually mess you up over helping you bc I told you what I would do and ma'am is you me? So I spend the first two months of personal coaching talking about light topics like fashion and grades trying to get who is this person? Based on actions and reactions (reminder to RP with your therapist and coach. Demand it. You're paying so you're the boss.).

Third PLEASE stop consuming How To content. See how I don't tell you how to do X and Y i throw sociology at you? Because sociology is uniform people are just monkeys with watches and houses we are programmed by evolution but How To X is personal your actions are programmed by your personal environment, internal and external. Also, I love you I really really really love you so I'll tell you this rn for free- there's a very thin line between being inspired by someone and downright wanting to be them. Stop that. STOP IT ok ok? Make moodoards on pinterest like the rest of us and stop looking up to Kendall your mom isn't Kris Jenner. I think it's important to have someone to look up to and in my books its better to cosplay someone else instead of bedrotting yes go do wonyoungism but not at the expense of you okay? Its better than bedrotting doesn't mean it's good. Extreme bodybuilding is better than anorexia but that doesn't make it good though does it? Just the better poison but ED is ED.

Fourth, I will NEVER stop preaching about how not only stupid but also impractical Morality & Co are because 90% of the time to 90% of the people I talk to that's the issue. I get it how ok I shouldn't kill people is an issue yes but why is it hard for you to accept that you don't want a 9-5 and you don't want to get married you want to be some rich man's mistress like. Even people IN THE BIBLE did it sooo why are you acting like that degree you're going to uni for won't just rot in your closet be serious. I get how some things do need moralization like yes we don't steal from orphans but you know that in every single relationship you get into with a man, romantic platonic family etc, he will be the taker you will be the giver like this is set on stone right. Like you know this. Women give men take. Even just by vicinity. Just rob him sis he's robbing you by virtue of existing in your life look at your brother. BROTHER? DAD? That one boy in class that makes you uncomfortable and steals your joy just by the way he looks at you? Just rob him how is this a moral debate. A man exists in your life? He's robbing you. You want good grades but hate studying? Ok are you going into medicine or something that genuinely requires studying for? No you're studying business. Just cheat . The school itself is cheating you otherwise Justify tuition. Tell me I'm paying 80k $ in tuition bc this and this. Be fr. You can not accept what you are because you're moralizing them. "I want X BUT-" yeah no one cares. At least not me. You can't unwant something desires are inborn, lets save time and your money and work on how you'll get it I'm not a therapist I'm not bound by a license. My job isn't to make you palatable in society and easy to exist with you're paying me to get results. Lets save the preaching I go to church I got that covered let's focus on how to get you results who cares about all that. You're a monkey in a dress. The only laws that matter are evolutionary, the only god that matters is you. Heaven is Gstaad on a horse not white cloths and rivers of gold in a place with no economy to give the gold value you're pushing 30 be serious.

BMAC

[liebelesbe]

augh I still need to reply to the job interview email AND call my therapist to reschedule my appointment 😑😭

[rinisbowen]

ASK 1. I know you are a Ricky stan, I will talk a little bit about him in this ask. This is the last ask about EJ’s arc.  

I will start by talking about something I would have liked to be included in EJ's arc (apparently, initially, the writers wanted, but they didn't go in that direction at all and Idk why bc it would've added more realism to this character; however, they filmed a scene that seems to indicate that (it's in the s1 medley video), but it didn't appear in the show). Idk if you know about the initial character descriptions. I will talk about a specific part of his description: "E.J. is supremely confident but secretly prone to anxiety attacks when anything goes off-plan". Lbr, someone like him who does so many things, with the pressure he feels from his family should have shown signs of tiredness and anxiety (not necessarily anxiety attacks), but at least these 2. I am myself a perfectionist and hardworking person (and I didn't achieve as much as him) and I've recently experienced anxiety attacks during my senior year bc of all that pressure. Maybe there is time to include this in the story, Idk how exactly they will do it (just mention it happened, or sth happens, Irdk). What I know is that this pb should've been explored and should be explored. I am sure that many viewers can relate to that.

Ricky has shown signs of anxiety and I am all in for a plot where he goes to a therapist (this starting with s4; Idk if you've watched Never have I ever, but the plotline with the therapist is very well done (like I'd go to that therapist :)) ) and is one of my fav parts of that show). If that description about EJ turns out to be true somehow, I feel like it will be a great way to make these two bond. A good way they can do this is if it is revealed that EJ went to therapy (I saw that meme with him about lying to the therapist bc of the image he has to maintain and I laughed so hard when I saw it. I can picture him saying something like: "I lied to my therapist for 3 months until he figured it out bc I couldn't keep up with all the lies" :))) ). Ricky, being afraid of change and talking about his family pb mostly with Nini (he tends to open up, sometimes, when he is asked about his pbs, but willingly he went only to Nini), will certainly not like the idea of talking to a stranger about his pbs. Maybe, if he talks to someone who went there, will help him open up to this idea.

I know that they prob won't go in the therapy direction. Ricky already started to accept the situation (ex. the talk with Miss Jenn in 2x12). I feel like his friends will be there for him and he will learn to open up to them and the things will get easier for him by having their support. Anyway, I hope they don't resolve this pb as easily as they did with EJ's "conflict" with his dad. As much as I want to see Ricky being fully happy by accepting the divorce situation of his parents as soon as possible, I don't want this story to be rushed. I want it to be sth gradual. However, I think this season is the start of his happy era.

Some s2 thoughts

Coming back to EJ, another thing that I hoped would've gone a different route is his relationship with his dad. In ep 2x4, from his conv with Nini, you can see that it is hard for him to tell his father about his failure. Also, he looks afraid when he tells his dad about not going to Duke in ep 2x8. So, it was implied that he is somehow scared of his dad. But, in ep 2x11 they ended that storyline (ok, for s2 it ended and I know that story can still be explored) with a few good talks. To me, the conflict was resolved too easily. I guess we'll have to wait and see how this storyline continues.

EJ's arc is also very similar to the arc of the Beast. He started as the bad guy. I saw many ppl talking about what he said in ep 2x10, about the fear of rejection, that he was rejected by Nini bc of his fault. It is true, but they're missing some things. Nini told him that she can't trust him and even after she saw that he was trying to do better (to apologize for everything he's done wrong) she still rejected him in ep 1x10. He knows that everyone knows about his past mistakes. In ep 2x8 he blames himself for them and can't forgive himself. That's why he is afraid of rejection, bc how can sb love him knowing all the bad things he has done.

okay! part 2 of our little series of asks. let's go!

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the ej character description involving anxiety attacks... i think the reason they changed that was likely when they made a bunch of other changes, including we know that when they cast josh as ricky, they made alterations to his character (and since he was the first one cast, they may have changed others to fit better with what they changed about ricky). i would be willing to bet that either a) with the anxiety factor that josh brings to his portrayal of ricky bowen, they thought it was better to keep this mental health aspect to one character, and not make ej too similar to ricky in that sense, or b) that disney wasn't ready to go there. but for the first point- they really don't want these two characters- rivals on their face in season 1, to look too close to one another where the lines get muddied. ej being very different from ricky makes him a far more attractive option to a nini who's trying to be entirely a new person (and entirely over ricky. dating someone who seems like ricky is not very conducive to that).

i did have to look up the medley video to watch it and find what you were talking about, and honestly- i really don't remember if i've seen it before or not. i don't know that i have, and if i did it was a LONG time ago. i knew the medley was a thing because of the soundtrack, but i did not know they'd done an almost trailer type thing with it. it gives a lot of focus to the dancers which is cool? (i'm assuming to avoid too much spoilers but y'know- still neat). i'd guess maybe it's from the original pilot though, if you're talking about him sorta collapsing against the lockers looking drained anyway. maybe in relation to not getting the lead, maybe it's to go with his frustration with the whole nini thing later in the season so not in the pilot... idk. we do see him breaking down in his car in front of nini's house in s1, though that's not connected to any potential anxiety i'd say. scenes also just get taken out sometimes, just for time restrictions. who knows...

ej's pressure filled life with perfect grades and lots of high pressure extracurriculars, on top of that presumed need for the duke admission (not technically an ivy but it's close) could for sure make someone stressed out and anxious. to maintain that sort of grade point average can take a lot of work, given the number of aps he'd have to be balancing. idk if they have time to bring that in for ej's character this late in the game, but they could reference it i suppose.

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ricky has 100% shown signs of anxiety, and honestly even depression as well, which i could totally make a post about ricky's mental health sometime, but i struggle every day with whether or not i think the show is willing to actually go there. like even if tim wants to- whether disney's down with that. they did go there with jonah in the last season of andi mack (i think it was the last season), and representations of anxiety and mental health in general have improved a good bit, like never have i ever's inclusion of those excellent therapy scenes, and even when katie in alexa & katie (another netflix teen series, so good job to netflix i suppose), has struggles with anxiety. alexa also sees the therapist, but not for anxiety in the way katie does. i still don't know if they're going to do it or not. also yes- i have seen love never have i ever, i love that show so much and i'm genuinely so excited that they're the ones the cast is facing on family feud.

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ricky does struggle with opening up to people, in some ways not wanting to burden them with his problems, but also it is of course an issue of he doesn't know these people too... so that makes it harder. plus- he doesn't even talk to big red about stuff usually, it was always nini. like you say- he does open up to some characters when asked, gina for example, but he doesn't freely share with anyone but nini. and he even struggles to talk to her a bit at times. talking to a therapist would for sure be tough for him in that sense, bc it's a complete stranger. if ej has gone to therapy, that could for sure be something where ej could be like listen dude it can really help you. and even though ej and ricky aren't particularly close, maybe ricky would try listening to him, given he listened in 2.10 when ej mentioned letting nini go was a good choice. (though that was self reflective on ricky's part and not ej giving ricky advice)

i wish they would've kept lily on to a greater extent this season, because i think that would've been a really smart choice to help him get through the divorce / his parents dating again thing. but i agree that ricky maybe starting to rely on his friends a bit more in general could be a positive development for him. idk if that's something they do this season or not. i agree that he's not there yet, but he's making positive steps in the sense of giving miss jenn his blessing to date his dad. even though we all know that's for sure going to be sucky for him to watch. i never know whether to expect this show to let ricky be truly happy- my inclination is usually no- but hopefully he'll have more than his season 1 total of 51 seconds of happiness at least lol.

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ej's college thing was lowkey his only personality trait in the first few episodes and then they really didn't use it as much as they could've at the same time especially in that latter portion of the season. i do think they could've given a bit more to the dynamic with his family- given what he says in 2.04 about how is he going to tell his dad... and of course in 2.08 that sense of trepidation... idk if ej's so much afraid of his dad as he is afraid of disappointing him / breaking the family tradition, etc. but that's not established super well by the show so lbr it's up for interpretation. they didn't exactly entirely close the door on the story- though they did wrap it up with that moment where ej said he and his dad have had some good conversations. with ej likely considering what he actually does next, we could see more of him thinking about what his family will think of this pursuit he winds up going for.

they could've done a lot more, particularly in the career day episode. and as much as gina wearing the duke sweatshirt (which was very much not the duke sweatshirt- that continuity was not done well) was a decent moment for the ship in question especially bc it added layers to the jack thing and such, if they had ej and ashlyn exploring childhood memories and ej with his duke sweatshirt sort of... thinking about his past and his future together it could've been a really powerful thing. (this could be another post lowkey i'm getting ideas...)

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i do think ej and nini's relationship failing was a culmination of a lot of things... the actual dissolution that happened when it did was in fact his own fault for overstepping some serious boundaries. but let's be honest- she didn't love him like she did ricky and that was always going to be an issue whether ej violated her privacy or not. i'm proud of her for breaking up with him when she did and then standing her ground on it though. too often disney expects these things to be brushed off and forgiven. good luck charlie's spencer the two timer comes to mind. (not comparing the actions taken, just the concept of betrayal and then fawning over the same guy later like it's no big deal). maybe i'm mostly proud of the writers for not doing that- rather than nini. but also nini. i think it's fair that even after someone works to improve themselves, you don't have to take them back. and i think nini can see ej's improvement (like she clearly has by 2.04, given they seem civil if not friends in their little convo), without feeling like she could trust him as her boyfriend because he broke that. (and again- she doesn't like him enough to want him again anyway.)

i'm going to ask really quickly- what do you mean when you say nini rejected ej in 1.10? like yes she got with ricky in 1.10 but- i don't think ej was still trying to pursue nini romantically in 1.10? so she couldn't have rejected him? idk. him getting off stage so nini could do the scene with ricky wasn't about a romantic rejection, (in some senses one could consider it ej backing off his romantic rival, but i think the scene is far more powerful emotionally if you see it as ej not needing to be The Lead rather than ej not needing to be with nini.) like it's a better moment for ej's character if it's about ej's growth personally rather than ej not needing to get with nini. as a sidenote i hated that whole ordeal in a theatre sense because what in the heck are y'all doing talking out of character while performing and stopping the show while the orchestra confusedly vamps... but it was sweet. and also it gave us the rini breaking free scene which was- truly the most iconic thing. i miss them.

for your last point- about the reason ej's afraid of rejection being about his past history of mistakes... i think that plays a part in it, but i do think the reason we talk about nini a lot with this is because the interpretation i got of his character is that she's probably the first person to ever actually reject him / be the one to call it off / not say i love you back when he says it... he has a hard time forgiving himself for his past, and i don't want to downplay that, but i don't think we can say he'd be beating himself up for all of those things on the same timeline if he hadn't had to face that consequence of nini breaking up with him for the phone thing. i think his inability to feel like someone can love him for who he is is hard to separate out from his fear of rejection, they're for sure intertwined, but i do think they're slightly different.

i think ej becoming more self assured again over the course of this season is looking quite likely- but whether he goes down again first will be interesting to see. i'm really curious to see if we see any regression from him this season, given this is the probably the same summer camp he poisoned emily pratt with the deviled egg at. at the very least, he's going to be confronted with that fact when he goes, and that can lead to some really interesting trajectories for his character if the writers decide to go there. he was Mr. Popular when he last was at camp too- the guy who potentially had a new girl every summer... it's going to be interesting for sure. i'm so curious to see where they take ej's storyline this season, and i really do hope it's not solely about his relationship with gina because they can do a lot with him outside of that as well. i think there's room for both, but yeah. college is definitely going to be a big focus for his character this season i'd expect, so i'm hoping they go deeper than just college on the surface but college in terms of growing up and stuff. i think they will- but idk how much they'll devote to it over such a short time span.