#I don’t wanna have to go public w a breakdown ever again lol

[khamomile-kitty]

Really sorry for freaking out last night, and thank you to all of you that helped me, I can’t express how grateful I am. Just being there helped a lot. I’m a lot better now (I slept 7 hours till 2 pm lol) and the ad isn’t showing back up, so hopefully it’s gone.

[iredreamer]

I really hope that we aren't bothering u with all this questions about Gentleman Jack and I don't know if you're in the mood for longer answers, but I would really appreciate it if u could tell us more about Ann Walker. Was her mental health really that bad? Did she really fall in love with Anne when she was 14? And other stuff like that. Idk, maybe u could just list some interesting bits you've learned while reading about Anne :) Also, are there any preserved paintings of Ann (that u know of)?

hey :) thank you so much for your message, and don’t worry, you are not bothering me at all, I love talking about these kind of things and I’m happy to share what I read and learn about Anne Lister (and Ann Walker). And I’m totally okay with long answers I just hope my english is good enough lol (I’m Italian). Okay, so, I’m gonna first answer your questions and then write some interesting facts about Ann Walker.

Miss Walker’s mental health was really that bad, yes, even worse that what we see in the show. It’s safe to say that she suffered from anxiety, depression (from a young age) and religious mania. She also seemed to have had some kind of anorexia (Anne Lister writes: “Back at five to dinner - she [AW] had put on an evening gown - & a sort of set-out dinner for me”, AW does not eat). By the end of 1832 Ann Walker starts showing symptoms of obsessive compulsion and refuses to go outside (she suffered from agoraphobia). In 1833 she has a mental breakdown (she goes in Scotland to her sister in February of that year). After all the things that happened to her (her parents’s death, the death of her brother, Mrs. Aisworth’s death and the death of an ex lover) and because of her relationship with Anne, she develops a fixation on her sins, she writes to Anne: “It is not only death in this world, but a far worse death that I fear. If ever the prayers of a so true friend may ever avail for another, may yours be heard for me this night, that the gate of Mercy may not be forever closed upon me, for I am wretchedness itself” (they do quote this letter in GJ episode 6). During this period Ann Walker couldn’t sleep if Anne wasn’t with her, she writes to her: “I will try to get over the night tolerably and pray that the ill I fear may not come upon me but it is very difficult without you. How I long to see you”. And she also was really indecisive, one minute rejecting Anne and regretting it the next, telling her she couldn’t travel and then saying the opposite for fear of losing her. This situation went on for months, Anne writes in her diary that she can’t stand it anymore, she’s tired and she’s hopeless because she doesn’t know what to do and how to help Ann. Ann Walker’s health really affected Anne Lister’s mood and when Miss Walker leaves for Scotland Anne’s sadness is mixed with relief. It is known that Anne was a really positive and optimistic person, the opposite of Ann Walker, she never dwelled too much on the bad things that happened to her, she always tried to move on as best (and as fast) as she could.

Anne Walker didn’t fall in love with Anne at 14, but they did meet for the first time around 1820; in 1822 Anne writes about Ann: “A stupid, vulgar girl indeed” (lol). Anne Lister didn’t like the Walkers because they came from new money.

Two small random things that are in the series that actually happened and that I love “(…) she asked me to dine with her at five & stay all night” and Ann Walker laughing after Mrs Priestley walked in on them: “Miss W- laughed & said we were well-matched – we soon got to kissing again on the sofa….” .

From what Anne writes, Ann’s sexual confidence really surprised her: “I had my arm on the back of the sofa – she leaned on it – looked as if I might be affectionate, & it ended in her lying on my arm all the morning & my kissing her & she returning it with such a long continued passionate or nervous mumbling kiss – that we got on as far as we, by day-light, mere kissing, could - I thinking to myself, ‘Well, this is rather more than I expected – of course she means to take [me]’” (October 4, 1832). And there are more entries about how Anne didn’t think Miss Walker to be the “passionate little person I find her”.

Ann also received anonymous letters warning her about Miss Lister but she didn’t really care much about them, especially when she was with Anne: “Miss W- much troubled with anonymous letters – said she would get rid of all troubles of cousins or letters when with me”. I find her behaviour really interesting, in these little things I can see how courageous and strong she was being in her own way, and how not easily scared she was by what other people may think about her. Very different from Mariana (Anne’s first and long lasting love) who was ashamed of Anne Lister and didn’t want to be seen with her in public.

After they married in 1834, Ann Walker moved to Shibden Hall. In 1839 Ann went traveling with Anne. When Anne died in 1840 in Russia, Ann Walker not only managed to transport her body but also the diaries back to Halifax (it took her six months). After Anne’s death, Ann Walker’s mental health was worse than ever. In 1843 Ann Walker was forcibly removed from Shibden by her sister, Listers’ solicitor Robert Parker, and a doctor friend. She was designated ‘a lunatic’ and put in an asylum (she didn’t die there tho). This is what they found when they entered Shibden: “Every room was locked, including Ann Walker’s Red Room. There were no keys, so they directed the Constable to open it which he did by taking it off the Hinges - the Room was in a most filthy condition, and on the side of the Bed were a Brace of loaded Pistols … The Shutters were closed - an old dirty candle stick near the Bed was covered with Tallow, as if the Candle had melted away on it … Papers were strewn about in complete confusion. In the Red Room were a [great] many Handkerchiefs shatted [?splattered] all over with Blood …”. Anne Lister had left her entire estate to ‘my friend Ann Walker’ and that’s why both the Walkers and the Listers wanted Ann out of Shibden: the Walkers didn’t want to have Ann’s money lost and the Listers wanted Shibden.

About the paintings of Ann, from what I know there aren’t any (no reliable sources ever talk about a painting of Ann in what I’ve read). There’s a painting of her on this site, I don’t know who posted it and from where it comes from so I can’t say if it’s actually her or not. EDIT: Anne Choma confirmed that the woman of that painting isn’t Ann Walker.

So, I guess this is it for now, this is pretty long and quite all over the place but I hope you found interesting things in here! And if you wanna know more specific stuff just ask away, if I can (if I know the answer), I’ll try to answer as best as I can! I’m probably gonna be able to tell you more once I’ve read Female Fortune which covers Anne Lister’s life from 1833 to 1836.

My sources: Gentleman Jack: The Real Anne Lister (Anne Choma); Nature’s Domain: Anne Lister and the Landscape of Desire (Jill Liddington); Presenting the past: Anne Lister of Halifax, 1791-1840 (Jill Liddington).