#I don’t usually put my tutor rambles here but idk I felt like it

[vanilla-poisons]

Tutorship Post Time

I will never not find the idea of Professor Bastion and Pro duelist Jaden funny. Like that’s his wife husband partner…like the most professor looking man in his academia clothes is married to that spunky bi-gender pro duelist who’s frankly kinda insane and dresses like he’s 22. What the public doesn’t understand is that they are both insane and love each other very much

[spacedikut]

hi different anon here! but what if spencer had to take a mandatory arts class of some kind for his degree (i don’t know how caltech or phd courses work but we’re going to ignore that) and he’s getting super frustrated because he’s so good at all of his other academic classes but he just! can’t! figure! out! the arts!!! but then reader is in the same class as him and notices that he’s struggling so they offer to help him out?

it’s kind of a role reversal of the usual spencer-tutors-reader in college (because he’s a genius so it’s an obvious [and very good!] dynamic)

and bonus points if it’s a pottery class and they have a “ghost” moment 🙈🙈 (reader is obv patrick swayze 🤤) but make it any medium you want! or even a music class!! up to you my dear <3

ok for some reason i immedaitely thought of finger painting but. have decided against that

idk how art classes work either but if it’s anything like art was in school then you’re kind of left to you own devices? so let’s go with that. it’s fiction babey!

this was meant to be headcanons/random concepts but turned in a messy blurb so it’s under read more

he loves art and isn’t so bummed out that he has to take the class because - again - he likes it But the issue is he likes Looking at it, Not creating it. he’s got jiggly hands that squirm and twitch without his consent constantly and that doesn’t bode well for drawing fine details and intricate patterns, so he’s hoping because it’s an introductory course it’ll be. maybe more theory than anything else? or at least just basic tools and mediums so he can struggle through with a grimace from the professor

he ends up with /oil/ paints though and he’s looking from the bowl of fruit to his easel to thr OIL PAINTS and derek is there, in spirit, going hahahaha good luck pretty boy! and spencer Could ask to change the type of paint he’s using but he’s awkward and so. grits his teeth and goes. alrighty this is it this is life im using oil paints, something notoriously difficult for a beginner, which is what i am, a beginner, and i am now putting these expensive paints to this expensive easel with my inexperienced hands-

and you’ve been watching him since he stepped in, because he’s pretty, and now you’re grimacing cause Oh Boy he does not know what he’s doing and he’s. he’s breaking the paintbrushes. you can hear the bristles cracking from across the room.

spencer would’ve noticed you if he wasn’t so Humiliated (he, too, easily notices pretty people) so when you creep up behind him and say, “oil paints are difficult, aren’t they?” in this understanding voice that he follows with his head, his first thought is- oh, so to top it all off a piece of art has come to life? this is where we are now?

he does that thing where he forces out a little breath along with a small smile and goes, “ah, yeah. i didn’t want to ask for something else, so,” and weakly lifts the palette in his hand as if to say, it is what it is.

“i could help, if you’d like?”

and he agrees cause he’s eager to learn! and you, a masterful artistic genius, blow him away with not only your knowledge (you’re into the theory kind of stuff too and at one point he jolts himself, realises he was staring at you with his mouth open, and deeeeep down wishes someone would think of him the way he thinks of you when you ramble) but your actual skills too! and you’re a great teacher! patient, understanding, and did he say patient? because he has painted a damn sky at least 15 times and every time he Somehow makes clouds look phallic and you just go hehe :) and he’s like I love u (internally)

several weeks in, when you and spencer have become arty friends, the subject turns to drawing people rather than objects - you tell him getting people /right/ is something you struggle with yet you love doodling your friends and family in your sketchbook. the first body spencer draws (that isn’t a stick man) is done in crayons, which he’s found is the medium that works best for him (only when the crayon is properly wrapped. because the waxy feel of them Freaks him out)

you help him learn about drawing anatomy while he tells you /about/ anatomy, he attempts to sketch a hand and it’s so odd looking he laughs so hard he CRIES and you finally convince him to try charcoal, your personal favourite

it’s messy and gets everywhere (spencer opens his mouth to complain about his expensive grey cardigan but then- the little mark is a physical representation of this memory between you and him, huddled close together as you both draw aimlessly in your sketchbook, and the mark feels more like a blessing) but spencer ends up agreeing that charcoal sketches look the best.

then he sees something he shouldn’t have.

you’re talking about how you sketch your family all the time - there’s several of your roommates and your pets and a sheep u saw this one time - then there’s...someone oddly familiar? that he catches a glimpse of? and before he can think he goes “wait-“ opens that page and it’s him. him, standing too close to an easel with his tongue slightly poking out in concentration and it’s a charcoal sketch of him from last week.

you’re embarrassed. “that’s weird, im sorry-“

“you make me look good” he tells you, smiling sweetly, and you’re convinced it’s just to comfort you but you’re too glad he isn’t filing a restraining order you let it slide

i mean. have you seen his face? how can anyone look at that and not want to start chiselling marble?

then he gets secretive, weird, a little odd and definitely is avoiding you. he paints and draws with his back to you, still talks to you but over his shoulder and can never really look you in the eyes. you think this is it and that the sweetheart you’ve come to see as more than a friend is Done with you, because you’re a CREEP, and then after a weekend of silence on his end this happens:

while you’re getting your stuff ready, he walks up silently and slides a small sketchbook in front of you. you stare at it, wondering what it’s for, and he nods at it and tells you to open it. when you go to, he stops you-

“a-actually, let me give you a page to start on-“

when he manhandles the book his hands brush yours, his already bright red cheeks get redder, and you bite your tongue so you don’t sigh dreamily.

he’s drawn you.

it’s not perfect and kind of not pretty - a lot of harsh edges and weird shading - but you can tell its you. it’s you, drawn by him, probably from memory, and he’s drawn little hearts around your head because he’s the cutest? evidently?

“it’s really bad, but i thought-“ you look directly at him, making him freeze. he’s got a little charcoal just under his eye. unabashedly, you reach up and wipe it away, hand remaining at the side of his face when you’re done. “i thought you deserve to feel how i felt when you drew me.”

“and how did you feel?”

he gulps. “loved.”

all you can do in the Classroom you’re in is beam sickeningly sweet at one another, lost in your own world while there’s a wordless exchange. the rest of the sketchbook is full of half attempts at sketching you - in different positions, with different expressions, some with a full head while others are half a face. some of them are hilarious, but they’re all made with the purest intentions. “i love it.”

and when you share a look then, you don’t need to verbally say what comes next just yet.

(and. yes. the second you see a pottery class is available you drag him and Make him sit between your legs and he’s never blushed so much in his life the teacher asks if he needs air. at one point you think it’d be funny to peck his neck and the shiver it sends through him is so shocking your mould on the wheel is squished between his hands)

[luvdsc]

hi miss cat!! I was just wondering if there’s any advice you would give to a high school freshman/rising sophomore?? sorry I know I’m a bit young to be interacting on your blog but I’m just,,, so lost.

my freshman year ends on May 28 and I just realised how fast this year flew by, and I’m never even gonna get it back…

I didn’t get off my ass and run for an officer position in the clubs I’m in even though the opportunity presented itself many times and I can’t stop beating myself up over it (metaphorically that is)

the only thing unique I did this year was run for student council and um that didn’t work out too well HSDMGFK no surprise there

but on a more serious note I just don’t really have the motivation to do anything right now and this is gonna sound really funny but it’s giving me such a hard time even though it’s self imposed ://

I don’t know why I can’t find motivation to be involved at school

maybe I would be more active if I knew what I want to major in or be in the future?? I used to want to be a biochem major but then I realised I wouldn’t be happy with that lifestyle or salary and now I really wanna major in business but I also feel pressured to major in econs because my dad is an econs major and my brother will be entering college as an econs major this fall so like ;;;;

thankfully my family wasn’t as affected as other families or people during lockdown because I fortunately live in Singapore and the lockdown was a bit less than two months, and the situation here was taken care of quite well. some of my relatives live in Seoul and I also have some relatives emigrated to Washington DC way before the pandemic so I was a bit worried but they seem to be doing fine!! which is again why I don’t understand my slump

because I was in a slump I had shitty grades and ended semester one with such a shitty GPA and such terrible grades that I literally didn’t qualify for APUSH next year which idk if I wanna take or not but still, it would’ve been nice to have the option…. and I literally got a b in biology which is so fucking terrifying because if I had done worse I wouldn’t have even qualified to take AP bio or chem

I mean I am putting effort but not enough for me to get better grades than I do right now so I genuinely feel so lost :// I’ve no idea what to do after high school and my grades aren’t good no matter how hard I try :// like, I’m not even kidding I have tutors for my hardest classes but I’m still not;;; getting good grades…

I honestly feel the urge to start cultivating hobbies that I stopped doing but idk if i should.. like I could spend that time studying, you know?? I’m scared that the rest of my high school career will fly by just like my freshman year did and I won’t even notice it… and my finals are literally in 2 weeks….

and as I’m typing this I realise I have a Chinese test tomorrow and another Chinese test next Tuesday so ummm I gotta go study sorry about all that rambling!! I just don’t have anyone else to tell sorry if this burdened you!!

miss cat if you have any advice to offer I would really really appreciate it!! also I’ve sent like 2 other tells rambling about your fics and idk what to feel rn cuz a few weeks ago I was crying about p*ssy blocked on your blog and now I’m sitting here pouring my heart out:;; but anyways thank you for reading!!❤️

- 🥰

hi, sweetpea 💕 oh gosh, it’s been... almost 8 years since i was a rising sophomore asjhdflkasflkhsakl i feel so old rip and it’s ok, you don’t have to apologize! my blog is sfw, so it’s alright, lovebug :’) i’m gonna give my two cents / advice in regards to each part of your message, instead of my usual numbering, so i hope that’s ok! 💓

i’m sorry to hear that this past school year has been tough for you, honey bee, and that you’re having a hard time ): i know what you mean with motivation... some days, i just don’t wanna try anymore and it’s just like... what’s the point? i worked this hard and didn’t get the results i wanted, so why am i still doing this? it’s disappointing, i know, but i suppose the thing that pushes me forward is that, well, it has to get better at some point, doesn’t it? if i keep going, if i keep pushing myself, if i keep trying, my efforts will be rewarded one day. one day, it’ll all be worth it, honey bee 💛

and while you regret not running for a club position this year and how your freshman year went, make sure to not regret it next year and go for it during your sophomore year, lovebug!! run for a position!!! you’re still so young, and you have so much time ahead of you, sweetpea. enjoy the moment, spend time with your friends, join more clubs that interest you, etc. you got this 🥳 please don’t end up regretting next year as well - become more involved next year and run for an officer position like you wanted to this year 💘  i believe in you, lovebug 🌷🌷

and running for student council was a big step! you should be proud of yourself for trying and putting yourself out there, honey bee 💗 even though it didn’t work out in the way you hoped, you gained experience, and that’s important too!

also, heck yeah for majoring in business, sweetpea 🤩🤩 as a double business major, i support you :’) askljdhfkals ngl econs was my least favorite business class though, so big props to your dad and brother for majoring in it 🤧 i felt that pressure too because my dad and sister both majored in engineering, but in the end of the day, you have to remember that this is your future and your happiness, not anybody else’s. choose what you want to do, honey bee. this isn’t your dad’s choice nor your brother’s choice, it’s your choice. they’re not the one that’s gonna have to study all your classes and do your job in the future. it’s you, and i know it’s hard, but you have to block out what everyone else says and choose what’s best for you. 

if you aren’t sure what you want to study, is it possible to take classes for different majors? perhaps, that’ll help you decide! or you can talk to upperclassmen who are in the majors that interest you, and you can see which one appeals to you the most 💕

i’m so glad to hear that the situation there for you is going well though, lovebug! 💛 and i’m happy that your family and relatives are doing well too 💞 sometimes, slumps just happen, honey bee unfortunately ): it’s like i don’t want to feel this way, i’m in a decent place in my life, but why do i feel this way? it has to do with mental health, and my best advice would be to talk to a therapist or psychiatrist. they truly are really helpful and can help you understand better why you feel this way and help you reach a better state of mind.

i’m sorry to hear your grades didn’t end up as what you expected, lovebug ): (and as someone who took apush, it is not fun rip i do not recommend aksjhdflkas you dodged a bullet there) but as a positive way of looking at it, what class can you now take instead of apush? is there another class that you’re excited to take? and a B is still good!!! forget the what if scenario, you still made it to AP bio and AP chem, and that’s what matters, and i’m proud of you, honey bee 💖

 personally, i think there’s a healthy balance between cultivating hobbies you like and studying. i don’t think you would want to look back on your sophomore year and have all your memories be of you sitting at your desk and memorizing ionic bonds and plant cell organelles. yes, it’s important to study, but it is also important to have fun and have hobbies that help you destress and relax and make good memories 💗so i’d say go for it, lovebug!!! indulge in your hobbies and find something you love doing! maybe that’ll inspire you to find a major in a similar subject?

best of luck on your upcoming chinese test, honey bee, and i hope your last one on tuesday went well 💜 aaaa i kinda put my advice here and there throughout my response, and i hope it all makes sense for you, sweetpea :’)  also omg alksjdhlfakshjdf thank you so much for sending in asks about pussy blocked and for reading it, too 🥺💗💗💗 that means so soo much to me, so thank you, lovebug 💛  i hope life treats you kinder, and that you’re doing better this week! i’m sending you all my love, support, and well wishes, honey bee 💌💌 (also that’s such a cute emoji anon !!! 🥰🥰)

[mucdonald]

Hey y’all!! I’m Jinx, I’m always tired and I use caps lock too much & ramble like it’s no one’s business. I’ll be playing Mary MacDonald and she’s truly one of my favorite characters I’ve been writing for years -- so I’m so so excited to bring her here to this wonderful RP! Most of what’s under the cut are just some fun rambles, trying to give you a proper look at Mary but I’ve also included a stat sheet and biography for further insight! 

AESTHETIC: Double winged black & gold eyeliner, graphic nerdy tees, tight fitting jeans, staying up all night, being the best friend you can be, giving the best presents,  perfectly manicured hands, always biting back, dark purple lipstick, scattered newspapers, marijuana smoke, Queen on vinyl, horned rimmed glasses, faded denim, quiet optimism, open cynicism, being messy with the words you speak but not write.

CHARACTER INSPO: Margo Hanson ( The Magicians ), Gina Linetti ( B99 ), Spencer Hastings ( PLL ), Cristina Yang ( Grey’s Anatomy ), Rachel Green ( FRIENDS ), Ben Wyatt ( Parks & Rec ), Ella Lopez ( Lucifer )

INFO: �� biography • stat sheet • pinterest 

TRIGGERS: racism, prejudice, ptsd, drugs 

so mary is a libra/virgo cusp, which fits her p well tbh. september 23th, hoes, so she’s a lil older than the rest of her classmates though she definitely doesn’t act it.

her parents are sucky to her tbh but her brother and her are partners in crime. unfortunately he’s in his last year of uni before med school rn and he’s totally focused on that and not around as much.

coming to hogwarts was a dream and she met these people who are undoubtedly family.

in her fifth year mary had made a newspaper of her own for the school, only to find it all RUINED bc some ppl had fucked it up the day before she was gonna hand them out ( if u wanna be that person hmu ). it really upset her but it made her even more want to be a journalist and hasn’t stopped writing since. it’s not really a thing she talks about often, tbh? she used to a lot but she’s v scared deep down that something’ll happen again so she’s kept it to herself and in the future will get an offer from the prophet to write for them ( she’ll be treated p shitty due to being a muggleborn woman of color BUT ). at the moment though she really doesn’t know what to do with her life and feels particularly aimless despite her being super intelligent and having p good grades. really really aimless.

did i mention she loves her friends more than she loves herself????? BC SHE REALLY DOES. i imagine when she was in the hospital after her attack ( bc of mental reasons ) they came to visit her and it just made her love them more. regarding the incident though, while we don’t have a mulciber ( this is also very much open ended until we have one ) i imagine that mary, while she didn’t ask to be attacked, definitely instigated it to a degree. i imagine she could’ve easily egged on mulciber, as she usually does not know how to have a filter, and honestly i could’ve seen her doing it for a long time. in my opinion, this is why mulciber didn’t get kicked out from school -- because i could imagine the administration bringing up some BS like ‘well she instigated it’ also just being prejudiced bc she’s a muggleborn and a woc! but again, all of this is really open to changing as i don’t want to godmod! 

if you can handle her personality and shit, she’ll most likely love you. 

loves the bad guys with the sad eyes and the mouth full of white lies TBH it’s such a mess. not even because she thinks she can change them or make them better … it’s just her type it seems like … it’s REALLY FRUSTRATING. don’t ask her about her ex. she also love dorks tho. mary is definitely not interested in any kind of love or relationships though.

but she’s also BI BI BI she really thinks girls are a gift to the universe. she’s really figuring it out more so NOW, is probably out to her friends but not AT ALL to her parents, yikes

in the future she WILL have a chewbacca costume, too bad star wars hasn’t come out yet

is pretty rich and would buy her friends all chewbaca costumes if they wanted ( in the future )

is one of those stoners who are also perfectionistic and hardworking

WILL FIGHT BIGOTS ALL DAY EVERYDAY, will NEVER compromise who she is bc they hate her for her BLOOD. NEVER EVER. will ALWAYS PUNCH ASSHOLES AND BIGOTS IN THE FACE

she does suffer from ptsd, but she’s had a lot of therapy over the past summer that have helped her deal with it. she does still sometimes have random angry misplaced outbursts and still have nightmares but they’ve gotten a lot better thanks to the miracle that is Marijuana. she’s definitely still in the messy ass healing place though

would probably share her pot with you too she’s p nice about that

OH SHE WEARS GLASSES AND SHES GOT FRECKLES ACROSS HER NOSE AND CHEEKS!!!!!!

she really loves her friends, btw, idk if i mentioned that. i wanted to put peter quill as one of her character parallels bc she really acts like him sometimes and can be that reckless and stupid but it felt really random along side everyone ELSE so like THERE’S THAT FUN FACT

 CONNECTIONS ( though i’m doing badly at thinking of these rn ): 

FRIENDSHIPS: i need every sort of friendship! i need mary’s best friends! friends who bond over having a fucking hard time right now! stoner friends! friends mary stays up with all night to study with!

PURISTS AND ASSHOLES SHE’S PUNCHED IN THE FACE: self explanatory! 

FLINGS: mary is v much the type to casually hook up with people so i’m open to all these sorts of connections!! 

ANTAGONISTIC: these two butt heads whether it’s because they’re so alike or because they both just have a different set of ideals but do like challenging each other!!

TUTORS: mary is great with her school subjects in theory but in practice she’s definitely not the strongest witch and needs help from other people much more talented at magic!

BAD INFLUENCE: especially this year, mary is giving into her vices, into her complicated feelings, up all hours of the night, maybe someone who indulges this, someone she doesn’t realize is really trying to get her to give into this negative shit!

GOOD INFLUENCE: someone who helps mary see the good still, who pushes her to push through her pain or at least accept it. just a good human you know! 

MOM FRIEND: i mean y’all see she’s a mess someone give her a mom friend. pls. 

PAST RELATIONSHIPS/ROMANTIC TENSION: i’m open to maybe one or two lil cutesy relationships?? mary’s first love/everything broke her heart the summer before her fifth year so anytime before that. even if it was just something cute and innocent and it just didn’t work out or maybe they had something, it was there, but when she went home and fell in love w/ the dude who then broke her heart, she was TOTALLY closed off and it just never progressed from there. 

PARTY FRIEND: they always have a great time partying together, some of mary and them best times! tbh this could work for anyone as long as they’d be able to put up with mary and have a fun time

ANYTHING ELSE: i personally love talking about ideas etc so! anything else is great too!

[mcunibrow]

chapter 1 (rough draft)

this is the rough draft of the first chapter of a fic i decided to write. The plot basically follows Torunn (a 16 year old girl) as she learns about strange powers that she has, where they come from, the truth about her family, and how she fits in as an Avenger. There might be a little peter x torunn later on, idk yet. Let me know what you think about the first chapter. :) (I also haven’t thought of a title yet, so if anyone has ideas lmk!)

Word Count: 1399

a/n: please please no not copy or steal my writing. all of my writing comes straight from my brain. constructive criticism/feedback is welcomed and encouraged, thank you so much for deciding to read my work! 

####

“Torunn Foster to the principal’s office, Torunn Foster to the principal’s office.” The loudspeaker announced. 

I looked up from my book that I was reading on the bleachers in the gym. Coach Wilson paused the centuries-old TV that was playing an outdated recording of Captain America telling the class that drugs were bad.

“You heard ‘em! Go, Foster, go!” Wilson yelled at me. I dog-eared my page in my book, and stood up, not acknowledging the unnecessary yelling from Coach. He waited until I had trudged down all the steps of the bleachers and was at the door where he thought I was out of earshot to mumble a “that Foster is always in some kind of trouble”, and played the TV again.

Captain’s voice echoed in my ears all the way down the hall, until I was standing outside of the principal’s office. I looked down at my navy blue basketball shorts and shirt with the science symbol in it, wondering what it would be that I was called in for this time. 

I glanced at my scuffed up white tennis shoes, took a deep breath, opening the door to the office.

***

The final bell rang, signaling the end of the day (finally). I pulled my hair into a quick ponytail, put in my headphones, and swung my backpack over my shoulder.

Stepping out of my Physics class, I was met with the usual sound of high schoolers excited to hang out or go home after the day was over. I turned up my ‘80’s’ playlist to drown out the noise, and headed for the front door. 

As I shoved through all the bodies blocking my way, I thought about the words that Principal Morita said to me. It turns out, he had nothing new to say. Just the usual “your grades are dropping” and “Let me set you up with a tutor so you can succeed”. 

I opened the front door, and was greeted with gray clouds in the sky. This was typical, usually when I felt frustrated the sky would look like this. Just some big cosmic sign or some shit, as my mother says. 

I started walking on the sidewalk, humming the tune of Elton John’s “I’m Still Standing”. I fiddled with the paper form that Principal Morita gave me. On the top of the sheet were the words ‘NOTICE OF UNSATISFACTORY WORK’, basically a piece of paper saying that I was failing all of my classes. 

The sidewalk turned into the white stripes of a cross walk, but instead of looking to see if it was a red or green light, I kept walking. I was too distracted to notice the shouts that when I looked up, it was too late. All I saw was the white of headlights coming at me, and then nothing at all.

***

Everything was black. I couldn’t see, but I could distinctly hear the sound of a car horn ringing in my ear. Then, the sound of the horn faded into the steady beep, beep, beep of some sort of heart monitor. 

I blinked a couple of times, and started to see blurry light. After a few minutes, the room I was in came into focus. I was alone, save a multitude of machines. The room was sterile and white, reminiscent of a hospital, but something about it felt off. 

I tried reaching for the blanket that covered my jeans and t shirt up to my chest, when I realized my arms were cuffed down to the table in some sort of metal. Panic set in, and I started thrashing the whole bed around trying to get the cuffs off. Ever since I was a little kid I could bend metal. None of my family really knew how or why, but I was just strong, I guess. But not now.

A door that blended into the wall was opened, exposing a gray hallway, a stark difference from the whites of the room I was trapped in. This was definitely not a hospital, since the man that opened the door was not in scrubs or a white jacket, but instead was wearing a suit. “You should stop pulling on those. They are made of Vibranium. The more you pull, the stronger they get, since they absorb your energy.” 

“And who the hell are you?” I spat at the man. He seemed to be in his 40’s, had a hard, aged face, and a little bit of a receding hairline. 

“You can call me Phil. I’m not the enemy here. I’m here to help you.” He stepped closer, and pulled a chair from beside the bed that I hadn’t noticed earlier, taking a seat in front of me.

“I’m just kid, I don’t know what you could possibly want from me.” I made my voice sound as innocent as possible, hoping he would let me go from whatever this makeshift hell was.

The lights flickered above my head, and the heart monitor beeping seemed to speed up. 

“Just a kid who got hit by a car moving 60 miles an hour, and is up and coherent only two days later. You took some serious damage kid, and not even 72 hours later, your bones have healed and your bleeding has stopped.” He leaned his head on his hands, studying me intensely.

“I don’t know what you are talking about, but seriously I think my mom is going to be really worried about me if I don’t get home soon.” I rambled, discreetly continuing to pull on the shackles holding me down. If I could just get my hands loose, I would pound this grandpa into the ground and bust my way out of here.

“Your mother, Darcy Foster?” He paused, and I nodded my head quietly. He continued, saying, “That’s not your mother.”

I looked at Phil like he grew three heads. Of course she was my mother, there are baby pictures to prove it too. “Yes she is. And how do you know her name? And if you are here to help me, then why am I strapped down to this damn table?” I raised my voice, again trying to pull on the metal to no avail.

“No, Torunn, Darcy’s real name is Darcy Lewis. We don’t know who your true mother is, but that woman’s DNA doesn’t match yours.” He gave me some sort of pitiful look, completely ignoring my questions about why I was cuffed and how he knew my mother’s name. I didn’t believe him. Or, at least, I didn’t want to. I did always find it suspicious that she didn’t like talking about her life before me, let alone the fact that she ‘has no idea’ who my father is. To be fully honest, I have been skeptical of this very thing for a long time, but the last thing I am going to do is let this old Phil guy know that.

When I did not respond, he continued talking. “Your mother’s name is Jane Foster, which is where your last name foster comes from. Your father’s name is Thor.” Phil leaned back in the metal chair, this time waiting for me to acknowledge what he was saying.

I laughed. I couldn’t help it. “Seriously, the dude with the hammer? Whatever, just let me out of here.” 

The hint of a smile on his face faded with my laughter, but I honestly didn’t care if I hurt the old man’s feelings. I needed to get home and go back to my life. This guy said I was out for two days, which with my grades, is enough to get me completely suspended from Midtown High.

“I think it’s time we go on a little field trip.” Phil left the room, and shut the door.

Before I could even think about what Phil meant by ‘field trip’, the door opened again, and in walked another man, this one wearing an eye patch. Behind him, two people in black suits, one woman and another man, came and started to fuss with my handcuffs. 

“I assume you work for Phil?” I asked the man. At the same time, I felt a pinch in my arm, and started to feel faint.

As everything started to fade, the man laughed, a deep sound that under other circumstances would probably make everyone else in the room laugh too. “Oh, little girl, Phil works for me.”

[ramle17-18]

week 1

well! i’ve already written several journal entries about this past week, but the website i was using to write them deleted them :) thousands of words! isn’t that exciting. so i’m gonna summarize the first week here and then continue using this blog, i guess, because even though this website is literal hell at least it (usually) saves posts lol

SO

i landed last friday (sept 1) and stayed with rachel and david garber. they were incredibly sweet to me even though i did pretty much nothing other than sleep or hide in my room and read. at one point we visited a monastery nearby in modi’in, which was beautiful! also jet lag is a bitch

the program started monday, so that’s when i moved into my house and met everyone. it’s actually a pretty sizeable house! we could have probably almost double as much space if there wasn’t so much storage from the program, tbh, but it’s ok because the other groups are all living in apartments, many of them with more than 6 people. so it’s cool.

there are 6 of us, 5 girls and 1 guy:

rachel - very very sweet! kind of like. a naive liberal with p infuriating politics, but she’s incredibly nice. kinda like dorky and awkward sometimes but in a very endearing way (also like aren’t we all lol)

sultana - sultana is so cool lmfao. she’s pretty and smart and has family from all over the world and has been all over the world and has done so many cool things! also some odd politics but like. whatever

marleigh - i love marleigh she’s so laid-back and chill and sweet and fun to be around!! she never learned the alef bet so i’ve been helping her, and she’s picking it up really quickly

madeleine - a purple-haired vegan lesbian with an “animal rights is a feminist issue” sticker on her water bottle. very much like a Tumblr Person. she’s incredibly kind and her girlfriend has been hanging out with us all week and i love them both and they’re adorable

matt - he’s like 28 and can be kind of an asshole sometimes but never toward us. he’s been super nice and funny and helpful around the house and stuff

and then me!

so somehow i managed to score the single room, which is honestly a godsend because i don’t know how i would survive without it. i really was unsure how i was going to deal with being overwhelmed and needing alone time and stuff, and that was one of my biggest sources of anxiety for this program. but everyone seems cool with it (matt has his own room too obviously) and also when i mention that ive never lived not at home, i have anxiety, etc, they all seem happy for me that i have the single so that im able to be a little more comfortable :)

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tuesday was destination israel orientation, and basically we just went to a place in bat yam and poorly mingled and then had to introduce ourselves in front of everyone and it was just bleh. i was stuck standing by myself a few times, or otherwise following rachel around. i don’t know how to be social lmfao i’m gonna have to work on that

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wednesday we did a walking tour of ramla’s old city, which was really beautiful. we started in a little museum and then walked through the road of the old city (and passed a building where napolean stayed for a night or two!) and then saw the white tower (and climbed all 121 steps up to the top) and the pool of arches, which was awesome.

and then this guy david leichman came for dinner. he’s a friend of jerry kaye’s, i found out, which kind of didn’t surprise me based on the way he talked. he just kind of...rambled about his philosophies on life for like over an hour and seemed very self-important lmao. but it was whatever. everyone else kind of seemed to be hanging on his every word but i was like eh

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thursday we visited the center where we’ll be tutoring kids in english and also doing our ulpan and pedagogical training. and then thursday night we went to samir’s and i actually got drunk!

before we went to dinner i had a conversation about politics with marleigh and sultana, and ending up revealing that i’m a leftist before revealing that i’m a lesbian lmfao

and then yeah at samir’s they gave us a free shot of lemon vodka so i took it and ended up taking 2 more, and i didn’t even get nauseous! so i was a nice level of drunk but definitely still functional, and everyone seemed to love drunk jami. 

i ended up telling sultana that i’m a lesbian and then also telling madeleine’s gf and then madeleine, which felt good. it was actually a super fun night.

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friday sultana marleigh and i went to the beach in tel aviv! it was stunning and soooo nice, but i ended up getting pretty badly sunburned even though i put on sunscreen like 4 times. the salt of the mediterranean was a little much and i hate getting sand everywhere but that’s just what it is.

after the beach on the way home we stopped at one of the shuks in tel aviv, and i got a pair of those light airy middle eastern long pants which i’m incredibly excited to wear.

and then for dinner nurit invited us to her apartment! there was SOOOOOOOOOO much food, it was insane.

nurit and her sister had invited some couples as well, and one of the guys is from nigeria, so we were sitting and talking to him about america for a bit. naturally i ended up ranting about income inequality and classism and stuff and they were so surprised when we talked about like, how expensive education is, food deserts, the opportunities denied to poor people and subsequent blame of poor people for their problems, etc.

and at one point i was like “yeah in america rich people hate poor people” and rachel was like “well that’s not true, not every single rich person does” and then i almost jumped off the (beautiful) 16th floor balcony.

dinner was delicious but there was so fucking much food that i ended up feeling nauseous all night. potentially because i ate some spicy fish. it was so good though i couldn’t turn it down lmao. but they just kept bringing out course after course and people kept trying to persuade me to eat more, and i’m proud to say that i held my ground! not that i really had any other choice bc if i had eaten more i genuinely think i would’ve thrown up.

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it’s saturday morning so i’ll probably wait to write tonight’s entry, but idk what i’m planning on doing today. probably nothing.

i had a vivid dream about cameron last night which really fucking sucks. every so often i’ll have a really sweet and intimate and tender dream about him and i wake up feeling so uncomfortable and confused. in the dream i was literally identifying as a lesbian and was like “hm well maybe not” because of him and it was so awful lol. i hate him and i hate what he did to me and i hate that i still dream about him or think about him even though he’s literally such an awful person. like he wants to join the navy i hate him and if i met him now instead of in high school i would still hate him so @ brain what the fuck are you doing!!!!!!