#I don’t trust giant ceremonies those are always rigged

[little-bullheaded-shit]

Hate to sound like a hater but any game that wins GOTY award isn’t all that

[cksmart-world]

The Completely Unnecessary News Analysis

By Christopher Smart

Oct. 29, 2019

SAVE THE RICH, TAX THE POOR

& SHUT UP AND GET THE COFFEE

The Utah Legislature has a good idea — tax the poor. Maybe they got it from Republicans in Congress. See, here's the deal: poor people are ripping us all off. They drive Cadillacs and eat free government cheese. They want free health care, free bus passes and free tents and sleeping bags when they become homeless. As you probably already heard, President Trump last year shepherded the best tax cut ever — $984 billion — so the rich and corporations could keep us free. Sure, the deficit ballooned by 26 percent. But that is easily fixed by cutting social programs, like food stamps and medicaid that poor people use to rip us off. Well, monkey see, monkey do. Now the Utah Legislature will follow suit with its own tax cut. According to that bastion of soothsaying, The Salt Lake Tribune, 40 percent of the tax relief would go to the top 20 percent income earners in Utah. To make it all work, the Legislature would increase taxes on food and gasoline, so that them poor people won't slide. Their main diet is beer and cigarettes, anyway. In the end, the middle class gets screwed by those slackers. The rich and corporations, by contrast are just good Americans who have pulled themselves up by their golf shoes and really do deserve a big tax break.

SHUT UP AND GET THE COFFEE

Women, you should be “polished, have a good haircut, manicured nails and well-cut attire that complements your body type,” according to an employee guide from Ernst & Young, the giant accounting firm. “Don’t flaunt your body ― sexuality scrambles the mind.” In the age of #MeToo, Ernst & Young apparently wants to make sure its female employees don't tempt men to — well, you know. According to Huffington Post, which obtained a copy of the 55-page epistle, the company's executive females got the low-down during a day-and-a-half seminar on “leadership and empowerment.” When women speak, they shouldn’t be shrill. Clothing must flatter, but short skirts are a no-no. The brain trust at Ernst & Young may as well have said something like this: This ain't “Mad Men,” ladies. No more sleeping your way to the top, so dial back the cleavage and no come-on looks. But the guide didn't stop there. It says that women should wait their turn and raise their hands before speaking and then “speak briefly” and not ramble on, as they are prone to do. And, by all means, don't be aggressive, like men. Women should display feminine traits that are “Affectionate,” “Cheerful,” “Childlike,” “Compassionate,” “Gullible,” and “Yielding.” You've come a long way, baby. Can you get us some coffee.

MIKE LEE: FEDS RUIN PUBLIC LANDS

There has been a Mike Lee sighting. Utah's senior senator was thought to have gone missing. But it turns out Mike was just hiding under his desk so reporters wouldn't ask him stuff, like, Do you think it's right for the president to use U.S. foreign policy for personal political gain? Mike materialized at a town hall last week to rage against federal management of public lands. Ah yes, the tried and true strategy of demonizing the feds and public lands because, well because they just ruin everything. “The federal government is one of the least environmentally responsible stewards of the land imaginable,” Lee said. “It’s not that anybody wants to install a drilling rig underneath Delicate Arch,” he added. Oh, no, of course not. “It's not the wealthy and well-connected who suffer from excessive federal land ownership.” Of course not. “It’s the poor and middle class in our state, particularly those in rural communities who are hardest hit.” And Trump's tax cut that Lee championed was all about helping the little guys, too. It's actually the BLM, Forest Service and the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service that are the enemies of the people. A recent Government Accountability Office (GAO) report reveals that at least 360 threats and assaults against employees of those agencies occurred from 2013 through 2017. Gee, wonder why anyone would want to harm them. Maybe it's because they're enemies of the people.

BASEBALL FANS CHEER TRUMP

Ah, yes, nothing like the World Series, the fall classic that puts the icing on the cake of the baseball season. And although President Trump didn't throw out the ceremonial first ball, like most presidents before him, he did grace the Washington Nationals Sunday evening with his presence in the nation's capital during their losing effort to the Houston Astros. It was a rare public appearance by our commander in chief and the first lady who arrived at a special executive box in the third inning. When the couple's likeness flashed across the jumbo-tron, the capacity crowd erupted in cheers. Well, not exactly. Trump was greeted with 41,000 boos followed by a thunderous chanting, “Lock him up. Lock him up...” (Could be a bumper sticker.) To some it may seem like just deserts to the man who would stop at nothing to defeat Hillary Clinton. At his rallies, as well as the Republican National Convention, Trumpers were led in choruses of “Lock her up. Lock her up,” ad naseum. Yes, Hillary the criminal should go to jail forever for doing something with emails. She stole them. She hid them. She used them to murder babies. And who could vote for such a monster? Whether turnabout is fair-play or not, the cleat was on the other foot as the fans at Nationals Park gave the president the Bronx Cheer. Don't you just love baseball.

Post Script: Holy moly, what a week it has been here at Smart Bomb. Our president is really getting P.O.ed. He traveled to Chicago to tell the chief of police what a loser he is. He told Shifty Adam Schiff, who is running the impeachment inquiry, what a loser he is. He told the acting ambassador to Ukraine, William B. Taylor, what a loser he is... well, you get the picture, there are a lot of losers who keep insisting that Trump screwed the pooch. Wilson and the band have had enough of the wall-to-wall Trump news coverage, so they've gone into a cone of silence of sorts. Every time the subject of Trump comes up, they start singing “Sunshine Superman” by Donavon. We're not exactly sure why they chose that instead of something like, “I'm An Ape Man” by the Kinks, which seems more apropos if you think about it. Maybe it's because they keep thinking about marijuana and beaches and Spanish women. For the rest of us, there's always football — Go Utes!

All right, Wilson, we know you and the guys are dying to do it, so take us out with a little Donovan: Sunshine came softly through my window today / Could've tripped out easy but I've changed my ways / It'll take time, I know it but in a while / You're gonna be mine, I know it, we'll do it in style... Superman or Green Lantern ain't got a-nothin' on me / I can make like a turtle and dive for pearls in the sea...We stood on a beach at sunset, do you remember when / I know a beach where, baby, it never ends / When you've made your mind up forever to be mine...