#I don’t think I have a single break in community work until mid November

[cipher-the-sidhe]

At this rate it’ll be MerMay again before I have enough backlog to post What the Tide Keeps ;-;

Or idk, maybe being trapped inside over winter will help me write more. When community obligations die down a small bit… a SMALL bit. Because I DO want to be posting it. I want tooooooo

[anthonycrowley]

this is a genuine question, but if the spnhater blog was part of a sociology project would it even be ethical to use the data gathered from it?

okay, i do actually feel qualified to answer this, because i was actually a soc major in college (and i would like to maybe eventually get my phd, although admittedly right now i am working a 9 to 5 where i don't really use that part of my degree) just please note that while i have done a couple of (minor) qualitative studies, i was always more into quantitative research, which doesn't have the same issues with consent that qualitative does.

would it be ethical? short answer: maybe. depends on what they were planning to do with it, mainly, and how the data was presented, and, depending on how long the 'study' goes on for, if you continue to keep your identity a secret.

long answer: i think the real question is whether or not the data would even be usable for sociology, actually.

for the couple of qualitative observations i've done, i find that consent can get a bit. murky. and when you think about it, it makes sense, and i don't think it's even really unethical - sometimes, sociological observations take place in big, open, public spaces. i've done an observation in a public park, once. two problems arise from this: 1. how could a researcher possibly get informed consent from every single person who happens to be in a public space, every time, and 2. if they did, that would inevitably change how people acted, rendering data useless. you want to see how people act in a situation. think about how you act when you know someone is watching you compared to when you're just doing whatever. it changes, right? in a discipline where you are studying a group and how they behave naturally, this knowledge will likely skew how people behave. you should get consent, when you can, but that's simply not always possible.

the main aspect of consent in sociology when it comes to observational studies is more geared toward anonymity of participants, to the point where someone cannot identify them later, and not outright lying about who you are. (informed consent comes more into play once you've already gotten some of your observational data and perhaps start interviewing people in the group you're observing - at that point you have to identify yourself as a researcher, say what the study is on, talk about how their identity will not be revealed, etc. and actually get consent from the participant). if you're doing a long term ethnographical study, yes, you will probably have to tell residents of the area why you're there - if i wasn't joking about observing people since november 5th, for example, that probably would have been an ethical dilemma in terms of, maybe, people i was following directly, because i would have gotten A Lot Of Data from people who didn't consent or know they were being observed, but if i went to my local grocery store and observed the meat counter for an hour, taking down notes about how people spoke and how they acted, i probably would need permission from the business, but not necessarily the individual people as long as i didn't identify them in any way that could be traced back to them.

the best way i can think of to explain what makes for problems in consent in observational data for sociology is a book from the 1960s called Tearoom Trade by Laud Humphreys, which if you're interested in knowing more about the modern day ethics of sociological research, is basically a manual on what not to do. Humphreys wanted to do research into 'tearooms,' which at the time were a slang term for men's bathrooms where men would meet up and have homosexual sex. problem number one with this is that, well, at the time he was married to a woman and was by all accounts heterosexual*, so he didn't actually have a way to get into these spaces to study participants. what he did was presented himself as a voyeur, so he was allowed entry, and would then observe how these men acted around each other.** that isn't really the main issue with the study though - the real ethical problem came later, because Humphreys would, under false pretenses, interview participants, and he would then record the participants' license plate numbers, find their home addresses, and interview their family members. i hope i don't have to explain to you why that's wrong for like, a bunch of reasons. but his actual observations weren't the problem in and of itself - it was the deception of who he was and the complete disregard of privacy for participants, whether they were a large part of the study conducted by Humphreys (ie a participant who was interviewed) or not.

anyway, circling back. really, the main way that blog (or frankly, any sociological researcher), would be breaching ethics when it comes to observing the tumblr community as a group is if they identified specific people, either through urls or through content. i would argue it may not be wise to directly quote a post, because google exists and the text will be online, but i think as long as you sit back, watch, and discuss what happens around you, you're good, at least until you get to the interview stage. maybe you could argue that if the blog was active for more than like, a couple of hours, they may have needed to get consent of people they were following, but other than that i think the observation aspect is pretty above board. the biggest ethical problem with that blog is more that the blog was deceptive in who they were, which is a problem, but hell, it's a public platform and who's to say the person running the blog doesn't enjoy supernatural? that they're a supernatural blog? i joked about how i was observing supernatural fans since november 5th, and i do enjoy supernatural. if it just went that far, if i just started a separate blog and just. observed for a short period of time, maybe reblogged a few gifsets so people didn't think i was a bot. would that be unethical? i'm not completely sure one way or another.

but i would argue that, if that blog actually were for a sociological study, even if we could determine it was 100% by the books ethical, the data gathered would be completely fucking useless - and for that matter, if i was telling the truth about studying people, that data would probably be largely useless as well. the reason is because both that blog and me actually impacted the community we were quote unquote researching. the blog is now a variable. obviously there is more than one blog, but would those specific people have said those specific things if that specific researcher wasn't there? in general, sociological studies don't have varibles in the same way as psych studies or scientific studies or whatever, because we're studying a group, not the effect a researcher has on a group by doing something the group would not otherwise have done. it's bad research. now, if someone not running the blog observed that, it would probably be fine, but that wasn't the implication. it would be like me sitting in a park and happening to witness a fistfight break out, rather than me doing something to cause the fistfight.

anyway, if it wasn't clear the person who runs that blog (who is not me) is not actually a researcher, and neither am i, currently. but if we were, we probably would have had to be a bit more sound, morally, but there are ways you can get data from an event like that without it being unethical if you don't get informed consent from everyone involved - but you probably would have to be very lucky when it comes to timing. but the person running the blog or their friend certainly could not be the people doing that research. hope that kind of answers the question, if people disagree feel free to discuss.

*this is worded as such because wikipedia just told me, interestingly, Humphreys came out as a gay man in the mid 70s , separated from his wife, and had a male partner from 1980 until his death in 1988. he actually later did a lot of research into gay communities - presumably now from the perspective of a gay man - but, frankly, i think his lasting impact in sociology is still unfortunately on ethics and protecting research participants.

**i suppose it's worth noting, probably because of the above asterisk, that i had heard (yes, before i had heard he came out as gay) that there are theories that the voyeur thing was a front and he was participating to gain entry into these spaces, which he obviously didn't want to disclose, because it was the 1960s and he was married. i only bring this up because, if this were the case, i'd argue that at least the deception to gain entry into the space is no longer really an ethical issue, although the study is still obviously riddled with problems.

[pivitor]

My Top 10 Albums of 2019

2019 will go down, for me, as the year my beloved iPod died, and I finally bit the bullet and signed up for Spotify Premium. Thus, I listened to more new music in 2019 than I ever have before, and realized how much of it I found disposable. Bands I grew up loving put out mediocre efforts, new darlings grew in directions I wasn’t interested in following, but thank god, thank god there are still plenty of terrific musicians putting out work that resonates deep within my soul. Music is subjective, so I wouldn’t dare call this a “best of” list, but below are the ten new releases of 2019 that I listened to the most, vibed with the most, that just plain ol’ meant the most to me this year.

(PS: Don’t think too much about the exact order and ranking here. It changed multiple times even as I was writing this. What really matters is that all ten of these records rule)

10. Radar State -- Strays

Radar State are the Avengers of the early 2000s mid-west emo scene -- a band combining The Get Up Kids’ Matt Pryor and Jim Suptic, The Anniversary’s Josh Berwanger, and The Architects’ Adam Phillips into a single supergroup. Pryor has described the project as “just having fun with [his] friends,” and that dynamic shines through loud and clear in Strays. It’s like each member is pushing the next to just create the catchiest song they possibly can, and the competition leads to great results; Pryor favors fast and sloppy punk and Berwanger moody earworms that fuse themselves into your brain through sheer repetition, but it’s Suptic who fulfills that edict best with his shiny, addictive pop love songs. Radar State never quite hits the emotional highs of its members’ main projects, but that was never the point in the first place; Strays is just fun from front to back, and it’s an album I’ve returned to consistently throughout the entirety of 2019.

Highlights: Making Me Feel, Self-Hurt Guru, Artificial Love

9. The Early November -- Lilac

Lilac is an album about learning from your mistakes and making a conscious choice to be better, and it’s a theme, an ethos that truly defines this release on every level. The Early November originally planned to release Lilac back in 2018, but ended up scrapping the original recording and going back to the drawing board, knowing that they could do better, and funneling that ambition, all their lessons learned, into their most ambitious release outside of The Mother, The Maker, and the Path (“but less self-indulgent,” I say with love). Horns, piano, and a wide variety of tempos spice up the proceedings, and the lyrics are more raw and honest than ever, but Lilac’s greatest weapon is the vocals, which Ace Enders wields with virtuoso skill. He plays with different cadences and deliveries, giving every song a unique feel, moving from soft and pleasant (“Perfect Sphere [Bubble]”) to menacing (“My Weakness”), from the joy of “Ave Maria” to the cathartic, powerhouse vocal explosion of “Hit By A Car (Euphoria)” to the pure, crackling, barely contained emotional breakdown threatening to burst right out of the chorus of “Our Choice.” There’s no other vocalist out there quite like Ace Enders -- and no other record quite like Lilac.

Highlights: Hit By A Car (In Euphoria), Ave Maria, Comatose

8. Magazine Beach -- Sick Day (EP)

Most year-end lists probably overlooked this record, a debut four-song EP from a small DIY band released in mid-December, and man oh man are those critics missing out. Sick Day isn’t just the biggest and best musical surprise I received all year, but quite possibly the most fun I had listening to music in 2019. Seriously, I played this on loop probably two dozen times the day I discovered it, and spent that evening forcing friends to listen to it too. Magazine Beach’s tongue-in-cheek lyrics, gonzo riffs, and stunning background harmonies are combined with vocals whose flatter, sardonic tone initially masks, but soon reveals their perfect cadence and quick crackles of emotion; they’re as close to a perfect pop-punk package as I heard all year, with their quirky, relatable songs about flaky friends, overstuffed social calendars, and other mid-twenties challenges filling that gaping Modern-Baseball-You’re-Gonna-Miss-It-All-shaped hole in my heart. If this had released earlier in the year, and I’d had more time to see how long it truly stuck with me, it might have placed far, far higher on this list, but either way I look forward to carrying this album forward with me into 2020, and I look forward to following Magazine Beach’s future career closely. I think they could go places.

Highlight: Living Room

7. Masked Intruder -- III

It’s easy to look at Masked Intruder and think that they’re more of an act than a band, just because they’re so good at playing hardened-yet-harmless criminals on stage, at enchanting an audience with their antics and banter alone. Thankfully, they’re equally skilled as musicians as they are performers; III isn’t just quick content for their live shows, but an entertaining, addictive, artfully made pop-punk record in its own right. Okay, maybe pop-punk is a bit too restrictive a descripter -- between the doo-wop, call-and-response harmonies and the raging riffs and solos, III sometimes sounds like a modern spin on sixties rock and roll, which is something I did not know I needed but absolutely needed. The lyrics never break kayfabe, but there’s some real clever stuff going on beneath the surface of these silly crime-themed love songs; contrasting the creepiness of Blue’s romantic pursuits with the shenanigans of a typical radio love song shows how few differences there actually are between the two, how creepy the entire genre is when you stop to give it any thought. It’s thoughtful and subversive without ever being preachy, just one more spinning plate kept perfectly balanced in the act that is III.

Highlights: Not Fair, Maybe Even, I’m Free (At Last)

6. Martha -- Love Keeps Kicking

Martha’s secret weapon is the empathy and compassion their songs cultivate for their subjects. Love Keeps Kicking is an album largely about the way love can kick you when you’re down, yet throughout the album Martha never villainizes even the bad actors in relationships. “Into This” finds the narrator jerked around by a potential partner who just won’t clarify what they are to each other, but the song isn’t out to attack the partner, simply to get a solid answer. Likewise, “Love Keeps Kicking” lays out a myriad of detailed complaints about romance and relationships, not to insult, but simply to find a way to endure them. “Orange Juice” rues the way the narrator diluted their partner just by being with them, showing impressive (and heartbreaking) levels of self-awareness. That kind of emotional maturity and complexity makes the true love songs (“Sight For Sore Eyes,” “Wrestlemania VIII”) all the more joyous, and makes their social commentary (“Mini Was A Preteen Arsonist”) that much more effective. Martha are a wonderfully catchy, fun band filled with great harmonies and British twang, but it’s their earnest, compassionate storytelling that truly made me fall in love with them, and with Love Keeps Kicking.

Highlights: Wrestlemania VIII, Love Keeps Kicking, Orange Juice

5. Aaron West and the Roaring Twenties -- Routine Maintenance

Hot take (?) incoming: Dan Campbell is the best songwriter of our generation. I already sang his praises pretty thoroughly last year when discussing my favorite album of 2018, but Routine Maintenance is just further proof of this truth, almost Campbell flexing. The previous Aaron West record was a character study of the worst year of a man’s life, but Routine Maintenance expands Aaron’s world in terms of scope, characters, and themes, all to the project’s (and character’s) benefit. The record is a tale of redemption, taking Aaron from rock bottom to a new place of security, all through the power of friendship and community, the power of music, and the power of family, of fulfilling your responsibilities to them, of finding your role and your home wherever you are, with the people who care about you, with people you can make proud. They’re themes Campbell has been exploring throughout his entire career, but brought down to a more personal level, and somehow that makes them hit harder than ever, perhaps because it makes the way they can fit into any listener’s life that much clearer. I’ve cried listening to this album. I’ve cried hearing these songs live. There’s true, true catharsis on Routine Maintenance, and it’s because Campbell’s taken Aaron West on a real journey, and it’s one I feel blessed to have been able to follow.

Highlights: Runnin’ Toward the Light, Rosa & Reseda, Winter Coats

4. Pkew Pkew Pkew -- Optimal Lifestyles

Pkew Pkew Pkew’s 2016 self-titled debut was an album told solely in the present tense, not worried about the future, but simply about the drinks, pizza, skateboarding, and parties to be had right here, right now. It was a blisteringly fun, gang-vocals filled powerhouse of a record that solidified Pkew Pkew Pkew as one of my new favorite bands. Optimal Lifestyles, though, is an album that has started to look back, if only to question the present. Are they still content to be these same fun-loving, hard-drinking party guys? Ultimately, as proven by lyrics such as “Shred until you’re dead, or until you break your wrist again” and “We lead thirsty little lives, and all we want’s another,” the answer they come to is a resounding “yes,” but the journey they take to find that answer not only makes it feel earned, but opens Pkew Pkew Pkew to some exciting new songwriting avenues, be it the touching introspection of “Drinkin’ Days” or the surprisingly beautiful nostalgia of “Everything’s the Same” (or even the more raucous nostalgia of “Mt. Alb,” for that matter). Don’t let words like “introspection” and “beautiful” scare you, though -- The Boys still rock as hard as ever, as the wailing, chugging guitars and even a totally rockin’ saxophone solo fully attest to (though I do miss all the gang vocals). And I’d be remiss to not mention “I Wanna See A Wolf,” an absolute songwriting clinic. In only a minute and nineteen seconds, Pkew Pkew Pkew takes a simple statement -- “I wanna see a wolf” -- and unravels it until it reveals a song about longing for freedom from the careers that cage our lives, even when they’re our dream. I don’t know if Pkew Pkew Pkew could have written this song three years ago. Talk about growth.

Highlights: I Wanna See A Wolf, Point Break, Adult Party

3. The Get Up Kids -- Problems

After their most popular record -- 1999’s Something To Write Home About -- the Get Up Kids’ next three albums all went on to be incredibly divisive among their fans. While all three records showed significant creative growth, none really sounded like what came before (personally, I very much enjoyed two of those records -- sorry, There Are Rules -- but I guess I’m not most fans). Problems, though, sounds like the natural evolution of Something To Write Home About without ever feeling derivative of it -- it sounds more like “the Get Up Kids” than anything the Get Up Kids have released in over a decade, which is an incredibly exciting thing let me tell you. Yet, Problems still benefits from everything the band has learned in that time: there’s new introspection (“The Problem Is Me”), a wider storytelling scope (“Lou Barlow”), and a shift from wallowing in their own pain to examining the pain of others (“Satellite,” which Matt Pryor has said is based on one of his sons). Problems also manages to pack in absolute bangers like “Fairweather Friends,” sensitive, tender ballads like “The Advocate,” and mid-tempo jams like “Salina,” a guaranteed future Emo classic that threatens to dethrone the Kids’ own “Central Standard Time” as The Quintessential Emo Song. Problems is the synthesis of just about everything that has ever made the Get Up Kids special, and it not only makes for one of the year’s best albums, but one of the Get Up Kids’ best as well.

Highlights: Fairweather Friends, Lou Barlow, Salina

2. PUP -- Morbid Stuff

The A-Side of Morbid Stuff is perfect -- a legitimately flawless five song stretch of punk rock that continues to blow my mind almost ten months after its release. The unmistakable opening notes of “Morbid Stuff”; that irresistible background riff from the bridge returning in “Kids’” second chorus, combined with some of the most nihilisticly romantic lyrics I’ve ever heard; the raucous sing-along that is “Free At Last”; the purest, most undiluted diss-track of the year in “See You At Your Funeral”; and, finally, the best song of the year bar none, “Scorpion Hill,” a sonic journey through multiple musical genres, telling a story of uniquely American misery that legitimately moves me to tears. The B-Side doesn’t quite live up to these first five tracks -- there’s a couple stand-outs (“Bare Hands” needs to make it into a live set pronto), a couple songs more interesting in concept than execution (sorry, “Full Blown Meltdown”), and a few more perfectly fine, standard PUP tunes (and I swear I don’t mean that as an insult!) -- but, well, how could it ever really have anyway? All together, it still makes for an outrageously enjoyable album that reaches the upper echelons of what 2019’s new music had to offer. That PUP was not only such a terrific band right out of the gate, but has remained so this far into their career, makes me so, so happy.

Highlights: Scorpion Hill, Kids, Free At Last

1. The Menzingers -- Hello Exile

It took me a few listens -- and, truthfully, seeing it played live -- to truly crack this album. At first it was a bit too slow, the vocals a bit too filtered, but once it clicked, I lived and breathed Hello Exile and nothing else for months. The slightly slower pace gives the Menzingers a chance to play around with some new musical tricks, be it the back-and-forth opening or the fun background guitar melodies of “Strangers Forever” or the almost hypnotic vocal melodies in the choruses of “Portland” or “Hello Exile,” and they pay off with great effect. Lyrically the Menzingers are at the top of their game; tracks like “High School Friend” and “Strain Your Memory” are more adept than ever at painting stories that make you nostalgic for a life you never even lived, but absolutely feel like you have, and lines like “it only hurts til’ it doesn’t” hit your heart with sniper-like precision. “Anna��� may be the quintessential Menzingers song, a tale of longing, love, and location that drove the entire scene into a frenzy that still hasn’t subsided. “Farewell Youth” is the best closing track the Menzingers have ever released, a song about grief in multiple forms that manages to find poignant takes on each and every one of them. I’m not yet sure whether Hello Exile is the beginning or the end of a chapter for the Menzingers, but either way, it’s clearly an essential and unmissable part of their story, and one I feel privileged to be able to experience.

Highlights: Anna, Strangers Forever, Farewell Youth

[marcoshassanlevy]

Screamo, emo’s slightly more ferocious outgrowth, might not be quite as big as it was around the turn of the millennium, but the subgenre still thrives in the underground; young artists still find power in its mathy arrangements and throat-destroying scream-a-longs. As it turns out, some of the most exciting bands playing this type of music at the moment come from Latin America and/or feature predominantly Latinx members.

These groups, hailing from countries like Mexico, Colombia, Ecuador, and even the U.S., share the strong work ethic and DIY principles that helped older generations of bands establish a distinct circuit for themselves. Throughout the mid ‘00s, many different post-hardcore and screamo scenes operated in the Americas, with bands releasing records on small labels as well as split releases, and in some cases, occasionally touring Europe and the U.S. These included bands such as Arse Moreira, Te Lloraría Un Puto Río, Non Plus Ultra, and Zarathustra Has Been Killed In The ‘70s from Mexico; Asamblea Internacional del Fuego. Amber, Teoría De Un Sueño Muerto, and Leidan from Chile; Árboles En Llamas, Arde Hollywood, Agitamares, and Los Años Mueren from Argentina; and Angkor Wat y Fútbol Peruano 97 from Perú.

After this relative heyday, some of the bands above have broken up, with members moving on to post-rock, powerviolence, and even indie folk—see Apocalipsis, Richard Harrison, and Garcya. However —as documented by outlets such as the blog El Basurero Del Emo— these scenes never really disappeared, “There have always been bands playing this kind of music,” says Joliette’s Azael González, who also played in Te Lloraría Un Puto Río, among other projects. “And it’s always been a global thing, all connected throughout the world. There has been a resurgence of this kind of music in the U.S. and Europe as well; there are more bands involved in the scene right now.”

Indeed, a new generation of bands making discordant music have emerged in many Latin American countries and communities, keeping the tradition alive. González thinks this new renaissance is due to the younger generation being more open-minded about genre and subgenre conventions. “I don’t think many bands today are screamo, per se. I think they take elements from that sound and mutate it into something else,” he says. “I also think that the perspective younger people are bringing into the music is very healthy. It’s like everything that you get passionate about: you find something that moves you and you surround yourself to it, even if you don’t know why it speaks to you.”

By adding musical elements from other genres and keeping things raging with heart and guts, this new generation of bands is capturing the imagination of an ever expanding pubic. Here are ten groups worth checking out.

Zeta

Although they call Puerto La Cruz, Venezuela their hometown, Zeta’s closest thing to a place to call their own is the road: they’re almost always on tour. Founded in 2003, the quartet makes spiky, passionate post-hardcore—think At the Drive-In meets Saetia—with the occasional non-standard element to keep things interesting. (Most notably, they incorporate Afro-Caribbean percussion.) Their willingness to experiment—and to play anywhere—has helped them land some notable gigs, like Gainesville, FL’s Fest. For those intimidated by their large recording output, their latest, Mochima (2019), is a further refinement of their sound, making it a great place to start.

Vientre

One of the signature aspects of this Cali, Colombia outfit is their use of melodic guitar lines against vocals that oscillate between all-out screaming and vaguely alternative rock-inspired singing; in fact, it’s not unusual for the guitars to go without distortion for many of the tracks. This doesn’t mean they’re not full of fire, though. They work at a prodigious pace—they’ve put out two full-lengths in the past two years, 2017’s Las Huellas Que Dejamos and 2018’s Semillas (a new EP, Fronteras, is expected to drop before 2019 is over). Their dedication to uniting scenes can be seen through their constant networking and touring, which has resulted in trips to Mexico and the U.S.

Nossara

This five-piece San José, Costa Rica band describes their sound as melodic hardcore, a term that has been associated with everything from Adolescents to Comeback Kid, something that leaves a lot of room for interpretation. Having said that, for Nossara, it means bridging the gap between the more commercial sounds of post-hardcore and the harsher side of emo, as heard on 2017’s Pacífico (2017) and 2019’s Sobre La Brevedad de La Vida. They also incorporate the united-we-scream attitude of classic hardcore, placing them in the same neighborhood as bands like Blacklisted.

Joliette

Since 2011, this quartet from Puebla, Mexico has refused to stop even for a second to take a break, a quality that carries through in their music. With a few transcontinental tours under their belt, Joliette has spent their time in Puebla in the studio, resulting in albums, EPs, and splits with the likes of Frameworks, Life In Vacuum, and LYED. Their latest full-length album, 2019’s Luz Devora, finds them at their most artistically ambitious, featuring to-the-point tracks like “Vacío” and “Pudre Infante” as well as longer, more atmospheric fare like “Defenestra.” Through and through, Joliette have kept their music complicated and heavy without going sacrificing gut-churning intensity, and there are no signs they’re stopping any time soon.

Quiet Fear

This L.A. quartet wear their roots on their sleeves and their lyrics; they sing entirely in Spanish, to particularly intense results on records like 2016’s Delirio, 2018’s Melodías A La Luna Muerta, and 2017’s split EP with Joliette side project Aves. Their screamy brand of hardcore uses clean guitars to sharp effect, and their jazzy arrangements up the jitter factor considerably. There’s a definite influence from the noisier corners of the Dischord Records discography—and they’ve got some of the finest screams in the business, something that has helped Quiet Fear land a spot at this year’s Fest.

Anhedonia

Perhaps there’s something in Cali, Colombia’s water. Like scenemates Vientre, Anhedonia’s music have a hint of ‘90s alt-melodicism. And there’s also real underlying sense of drama in Anhedonia’s music, something borrowed from the early ‘00s screamo scene. Their lone release so far, 2018’s Estar Rotos Nos Hace Indestructibles, features guitars that switch from melodic lines to power chords in an almost unpredictable fashion, lending the whole thing an epic feel. It’s just a matter of time until this young band ventures outside their scene and embarks on an international tour of their own.

AMBR

For contemporary artists practicing screamo, elements of math rock are useful tools used to make the music more exciting. Of all the bands on this list, Mexico City’s AMBR is probably the one that is closest to crossing over to this subgenre. There’s plenty of high-speed virtuosic runs in most of their music, making everything sound more nervous and exhilarating. Yet they are definitely a screamo band—their remarkable use of vocals, ranging from raw to melodic, makes their album Rompes/Quemas, as well as their EP Hey Joi, some of the catchiest, most challenging music to hit the worldwide screamo scene.

Finlandia/Singapur

Although this Quito, Ecuador trio is immediately recognizable as a screamo band, there’s plenty here to indicate they’re intent on expanding that sound. Their guitar work is some of the busiest and most inventive in the game, while their song structures are everything but common yet completely mesmerizing. Founded in 2014, this trio has done a little touring over the years but have not dropped a proper release so far—Facebook updates from 2018 suggest they are working on an LP. For a taste of their magic, check out Singles and 19 Junio 1955, and don’t miss out on their split with Quito post-rockers Escape From The Machinery.

El Incendio Más Largo Del Mundo

Hailing from Medellín, Colombia, El Incendio Más Largo Del Mundo are one of the most extreme bands currently operating in the screamo business. While their songs don’t qualify as skramz or emoviolence in the fast-and-loose sense, it’s extreme in a very specific and satisfactory way: vocalist Angelo Franco has a wide ranging arsenal of voices, from throat-shredding wails to harsher guttural cries and black metal-like screeches. The band’s music mutates seamlessly throughout—from thrashy riffs to math rock-like fragmented time signature to melodic motives—resulting in music that keeps listeners constantly hooked, and always guessing. Their 2018 debut album, Condenadxs, is a highlight of the recent wave of Latinx emotional hardcore.

Satón

Probably the newest band on this list, this trio from Mexico State know how to keep a listener waiting in suspense until their songs explode into shouts and distortion, a trick borrowed from ’90s underground heroes like Still-Life and Policy of 3. Tapping into post-rock as well as classic screamo, Satón demonstrate their use of dynamics and patience can pay off big time—just listen to their debut album Lleno de Hienas . From the desperate cry of (internal) war on “Transitorio” to the tension-filled slow burner “IV,” the range and inventiveness displayed here is second to none.

-Marcos Hassan

November 14, 2019 at 11:01 am

[lululawrence]

Hi, I was wondering if I could ask you about like, how often you write, and how much you write when you write. I always look at your writing and im like dammmn lulu is so well written and writes so much and I was just wondering how you manage to get it done and if you have any tips and advice for making the time and getting the writing done?

Hi!! I meant to answer this while I had my laptop out earlier today and forgot so now you get my likely very untidy phone type up of my thoughts. Apologies in advance hehe

So how often I write! It depends on the time of year. Usually once school is in session I write at least 4-5 times a week. It’s sometimes only fifteen minutes here and thirty minutes there, but I do try to get at least two or three good hour+ writing sessions in a week just because I emotionally and mentally do better with that and with the kids in school I have that opportunity more often. Once November comes along I write pretty much every single day because of nanowrimo. November is also the start of what I call my anxious season and writing is a BIG coping mechanism for me, so i write pretty much daily all the way until the anxious season is over. (Sometimes that’s mid January, sometimes that’s April. It varies.) then it goes back down to about 3-4 times a week until summer break and at that point who the hell knows??? I do get at least one or two good writing sessions in each week generally during that time though.

This is all going to be basically going out the window this winter though with baby #3 coming in January so keep tuned on that. Hahaha!

As for how much I write, it depends on a lot of factors. What I’m writing, how much time I have, what deadlines I’m working with, what my mood and focus level is like that day, how well I’ve been sleeping, etc etc etc. generally speaking I don’t sit down and tell myself how many words I wanna write. I might have a goal of “I want to finish this scene” or just “write as much as I can in the 20 minutes before I have to leave for appointment c” or whatever, but I don’t hold those in too high regard. If it happens it happens, and if not, maybe next time. The only reason I even know how much I write in one session or hour or whatever is because that’s how my writing support group chats are able to help cheer me on even if no one else is writing at the same time. I tell them my starting word count and when I’m checking back in, and then when I come back I give my end word count. If possible, I write for an hour at a time, so I come to know my usual hourly word count abilities etc. if I’m in a good vibe I can usually get anywhere from 1700 words an hour to 2200 words, but that obviously fluctuates.

ALSO. This isn’t how it’s always been. I used to do writing parties with writers far more experienced than me and they’d get numbers like I just gave you while I was struggling to write 800 words in that same time frame. I sent think I would ever get higher. But I wasn’t writing as frequently, I hadn’t learned the best writing practices for myself yet, I hadn’t found my writing groove, you know? I was still learning and growing and getting to where I am now, five years after I started. And I’m being serious right now, the comic sans trick works. Lol

As for how I get it done, it’s like i said in the previous paragraph. I learned what works best for me in loads of ways. Settings of where I’m writing plays a big part. I can write at home but I’ll be writing at least half speed that I would at the library or Starbucks. I write best in the afternoon but my other big writing groove time is between 7-10 pm generally speaking. I am HUGELY motivated by deadlines. If a fic doesn’t have an actual deadline, I have to make one up for it in my head or it won’t be written and if it is it’ll be so drawn out and I’ll drag my feet even if I wanna write it and love it and yeah. I also know I need to talk to people about my writing. I have to tell someone I’m doing it and have that feeling of reporting back to prove I did it cause I am a FUCKING LEO and I need other people to applaud me when I actually do what I set out to do. Haha all of these things combine and have been learned piece by piece for me over the years until I’ve gotten to where I am now. I was NOT this efficient before. I also did a stupid personal challenge of writing a birthday fic for every friend I was close enough to to know their birthdays one year which resulted in my writing over 42 fics in a single calendar year (I also had exchanges and other challenges I wrote for so there were hella deadlines and that taught me a lot about my writing limits, how fast I could write an entire fic, how to condense fics and ideas, and so on and so forth) and I felt like the insanity of that year opened every door and window for me writing wise. I feel like I can literally do anything I set out to do in fic writing now. I’ve also come to appreciate me writing fics for myself too though hahaha

SO. Tips!!! Keep going. Keep trying. Keep stretching and using those writing muscles and try new things. Find what techniques work for you. Is it motivation you’re lacking? Support? Rewards? Deadlines? Typing ability? Confidence? Figure out what you think is your biggest hurdle and try to rectify it. Try writing new and different things you haven’t tried before, even if they’re just drabbles. Just don’t let mental constraints of what you think you can and can’t do force you to stay in certain bounds because you learn from every experience and through time you’ll come to know how you work best as well. Keep swimming!

But also, keep reading. Reading gives me the biggest motivation. I love reading and giving comments to other writers who help entertain me and inspire me and cultivating relationships with other writers too. The writing community here in this fandom is SO deep and SO beautiful and loving and supportive. We are incredibly lucky and I love being a part of it. everyone here helps me keep going all the time and I love reading what they put out just as much as I love writing. So. I also recommend you continue reading as well. ☺️☺️

This is SO LONG and I apologize. I’d do a read more if I wasn’t on mobile. But I do hope you find this helpful or at the very least not boring!

What it all comes down to is this. Everyone’s process is different. Everyone’s speed is different. Part of the reason I can write so fast is I don’t edit as I go. I just. Don’t. I throw an entire sopping heap of messy writing at my betas and they clean it up and make it pretty. Others can’t work like that. They have to edit as they write which will naturally slow them down. So just also don’t compare yourself. You can always aim to improve, but in the end the numbers don’t matter outside of helping you attain your own personal goals.

Good luck!! You’re doing and gonna continue doing amazing things. I can feel it. ☺️😘😘😘😘😘

[tobns]

                            BREAKING CASTLE WALLS (2017)

                                                               click beneath the cut for more (do it) !

so, i decided that i wasn’t gonna post anything about what i was working on for nanowrimo up until i at least hit 50k (which has taken much longer than i anticipated, but i did it and that’s all that matters) because i failed in epic proportions last year with sfp, and i've said so many times over the last 5 years that i’ve “been working on the book version of bcw” only for that to fail as well, and i’d kick myself if i put it out there that i was working on this yet again, hype you guys up and fail yet again — HOWEVER, i am officially 50k+ in and still going pretty strong, therefore i feel pretty confident that this is gonna stick

talking with jackie inspired me to finally push forward to this; my excuse every other time was that “there will be a better time to do it” and i came to the conclusion while planning with amanda that there will never be a “better time” and i need to just do it. and so i did. after five painstaking years, i have written bcw the fucking book.

a lot has changed; movie plots, essential storylines, names, ages, characters, whole nine yards - bcw is now somewhat able to stand on its own two feet separate from fandom, which has been a really big worry of mine. i’m only 50k in, which equates to about chapter 3 in the original bcw, however, with this version of bcw, i’m only writing about their time filming. the mall tour bit almost stands as its own individual story and realistically, following both my plan for this AND adding in bcw 23-44 makes for a book the length of an unabridged dictionary, which publishers/agents are not going to want to pick up. this leads into my next point — i have every intention of publishing this. since summer of 2012, the thought of someday publishing bcw has been in my brain, and it has never been a dream i’ve been willing to let go of or compromise. i wanted it then, and i want it now. i’ve self-published twice now, with both tempted and transient, and while that’s been a rewarding process, i want to go about things a more traditional way. i want to have this book published by a publishing house; i want to go into barnes and fucking noble and see this sitting on the shelf. that’s the dream, and i’m sticking to it until it’s just no longer a possibility. so where to from here?

first things first, i need to actually finish (timeline wise, i’m at the start of july and i’m going into mid/late august). depending on how i feel by the end of november, i’ll either keep writing on into december or take a short break, write some other things, catch up on the tv i’ve missed, etc. january and potentially february, i’ll go back and revise, shape things up, make it even better. from there, things are a tad bit hazy: i’ve yet to decide if i’m going to go about the traditional way of finding an agent or if i’m going to take a risk and put the manuscript up on swoonreads. swoonreads, if you don’t know, is an “online community” where you can post your manuscript for said community to see, and depending on a few factors, the book could potentially be published by macmillan. right now, i’m leaning towards this option because it allows you guys access to reading the story sooner than you would be able to if i go about finding an agent before submitting to publishing houses. nothing’s set in stone, though. i’ll keep you updated as time goes on, but please please don’t be scared to give me your thoughts and opinions? as i’ve always said, bcw is just as much y’alls baby as it is mine, and i think it’s only fair that you get some say in the process. it may seem a bit unrealistic, but i would like to have this book in your hands by, at the latest, 2020. if i have to self-publish, i will, but i don’t really want to.

there’s a few people i want to thank really quickly before i get back to writing:

@catolovesclove (i’m tagging you on this url bc it’s what came to mind first, dwi) amanda you have been my saving grace during the last 21 days and i love you more than i can put into words. i could not, cannot, and will not do any of this without you. 

@pixiedustandverygoodadvice i met you through this story, and it’s so much of your baby as it is mine. thanks for meeting jackie, bc we both know that’s what got us here - our dramatic readings of bcw have been the highlight of this month, you give jackie a voice in my head and i just love you so much

@shadcwthings you keep me sane, and have done so especially well this month, thanks for putting up with me

@orchidellee years and years ago, you sent me a message saying “even if you have moved on from that chapter in your life, don’t forget how amazing bcw was and how many people you made happy!!” i have it screenshotted on my phone, and every single day for the last month i have looked at that message to remind myself why i love this story so much, why it’s important, and to keep me moving even in the slumps. i never replied to it because i knew i’d need it at some point, and this was it. THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart

@brinshannara your advice on my posts about nano really has kept me moving, so thank you, and i love you so so much. i went from loathing everything i had to writing ~300 words to 4.5k just with your encouragement

@alwaysthreegoodthings you have sent me so many kind, thorough, thoughtful messages over the years about my writing and they have never gone unnoticed or unappreciated. i’ve gone back and read them quite a bit over the last month because they held some advice i needed to hear and just...thankyou. i love you. 

@eretriahs @greaseful @farrah-fawcett-spray @lttleodesta @martinskis @scfiafalcone @jeemmasimmons @brokencastlewalls @podamerons @lessthanthreejoanamarie / @speak-yourheartout @flicitysmoak @submeringue @hereistheplacewhereiloverue @dangerouskoshy y’all have been around since the dawn of time, always willing to talk with me or liked my posts about “the thg days” and every time i got so exhausted with pushing through a chapter, i thought about how y’all were there every friday reading, every summer fangirling and i just...kept at it. y’all were my motivation then, and y’all have been my motivation now. ily all

there are so many of you who have changed urls, moved blogs, stay anonymous, or are long gone and may not even see this that i want to personally mention, but for every single one of you who clicked on that read more, send me a message, followed my blog, played any single part in the bcw madness, i literally couldn’t have done it without you. seriously - on days i was in a low, i went back through my blog back in 2012 and 2013, read all the posts and messages and comments and it reminded me of how much i loved this story, this world, and these characters. you kept my dream alive, and for that, i love you and thank you. 

okay i’m done being annoying and sappy, i’ve got some arguments to write!! if you wanna know more, shoot me an ask, but until then, i’ll be 84 pages deep in word and jamming to reputation xx

[l-l-kristofferson]

My Last Semester Of School

For those who have been following me on Instagram, you guys have been up to date about things I've been doing. Including the fact that I have finally finished school as of Thursday the 14th. When I finished, I could not describe the feeling that came over me. It was pure and utter joy. I have been going to school since I was five years old. I am about to turn twenty-two next month. That's nearly seventeen years of school. Seventeen years of busting my ass. Seventeen years of stress, irritation, and frustration. But after all that, I have finished with the best grades I've ever had. For the first time since I've been in college, I made the Dean's List. And I am proud of myself.

Although it is the end, the road to get here was not an easy one. There were numerous challenges that I faced to get to this point. I could not have made it without the support of my mom and stepdad, my friends and their kindness, my teachers, my classmates, and the countless number of customers that encouraged me while I was at work. I would also like to thank the staff at my school: my friends in the lunchroom, my friends in the library, my friends at the bookstore, and the many friends I made through the social events I attended in my final semester. From the bottom of my heart, I thank you all. For your kindness, sincerity, and encouragement. It really carried me through.

Now to get into specifics.

The summer before my final semester, I sought out an internship. To do this, I had to seek out the coordinator of the Experimental Learning program, Angela. She was the sweetest and most hip of most of the people I had met at my school. She liked a lot of the music I liked. Brownie points for that. So she was my push to get the perfect internship. She helped me every step of the way. From the search, to the interview, to the resume, to the cover letter, and to the final stages. I came to her when I was having issues with my internship. For those who don't know, I interned in downtown Philadelphia at a place called US Dream Academy. It is a wonderful program that provides a lot of opportunities for children and teenagers. I got a chance to interact with the staff behind the scenes and the kids on some level. Although it was a good program, my contact person was not the best at communication. Which made no sense since they had Drexel interns and volunteers. Long story short, I had few hours and it was nearing the end of the semester. In light of that situation, I had to get another internship. I interned with the Associate Dean of the Arts at my school. I've had her as a teacher before so we had a preexisting relationship.

At the end of it all, I succeeded in my assignments from both internships. I made a post about author and writer Julia Kristeva. If you have not seen that one, go check it out. It is titled "I Love Writing" and it was by far one of my favorite assignments ever. My favorite assignment of all time was designing a poetry workshop for the kids of US Dream Academy. It was a six week program and it was a tedious task. But it was something I loved. I hope they get someone with as much enthusiasm as me to teach it.

If the internships weren't enough pressure, I had to do the homework for six classes. That's a full course load for a full time student. The least to take for a full time student is twelve credits (four classes). I was taking eighteen (six classes). I was initially supposed to take five classes with the internship being something extra. But when it was fully integrated and now a requirement in order to graduate, I was shit out of luck when I thought I could just drop the internship when I wasn't getting the hours. Thanks to Angela and the Associate Dean, it was all made possible. Some of the assignments were ridiculous, especially from my Junior Seminar class. This teacher wanted us to do weekly responses, do a minimum of a five page paper and read three to four hundred page books in a WEEK. A WEEK! I know this is college but come on. We have other classes to attend to. This guy assumed we could solely devote ourselves to his work and get it all done. Despite all this, I got a B in his class. It only got fun near the end when we got to the Zombie Apocalypse. I love that stuff sooooooo much. I love all things zombie.

When I wasn't at home doing homework, out at my internship, or at home sleeping, I was at work. I wasn't scheduled a lot but I was always scheduled to close during the week. The night shift on a weekday is very busy when you work in retail. This is the time that people get out of work and come to pick up the things they need for dinner, the house, or things for their families. The busiest days at the store are Mondays, Fridays, the first of the month, and weekends. If you work in retail, you know that this is all true. At my job, I would have to snack on something during my shift. I only got a half hour lunch. That isn't enough time to relax and eat. So I would have to buy snacks to sustain me as I worked.

During my break, I would listen to music and text so I could detox. Those who have never had a job in retail think that it is easy to be a Sales Associate. You have to deal with customers that get angry when things aren't a dollar or the price they want it to be (I work at Dollar General. Because dollar is in the name, everyone thinks it's a dollar store), customers messing up displays and merchandise, leaving carts in the parking lot, and putting things back because they can't afford it. I have some words of advice for most of the customers that come into my store: please read the signs closely and come in with a budget. If you did that, you wouldn't have problems you have when you come in.

If I wasn't dealing with anything about school or work, I would have to deal with problems in my personal life. For those who have followed me and have gotten to know me, you know I suffer from horrible insomnia. So I normally don't sleep well at night. And when I can't sleep, I am up writing or chatting online. On a lot of mornings, I would have to drink a strong cup of tea to get through the day. I try to drink as little caffeine as possible so I don't end up dependent on it. But I would always deal and get through the day. Thank you Lipton black tea for keeping me awake on those long school days.

But when it wasn't sleep problems, it was problems with my mood, hygiene, and basic self care. In a previous post, I spoke about my two and a half month low in a crippling depression. That spanned throughout most of the semester. It wasn't until mid November that things started to improve. So from the end of August until mid November, it was a struggle to even get out of bed. I nearly lost myself. But I held on and got the help I needed. I thank those who supported me through that hard time and lifted me up to get to this part of my journey. You are all wonderful people.

Now I'll talk about the fun stuff.

I got really close to my friends Amber, Meggie, Jordan, and Rich. There were countless others like my friend Chris (Big Brother), my fellow loco Puerto Rican Manny, my very close female friend (I've talked about her before), my friend Karyn (Danni), and my good friend and coworker Adriel.

This year, I got to help out at my school's haunted house, which my friend Meggie ran this year. We raised money for the Ferocious Fighters, a charity that supported research and treatment for the neurological condition RSD. My friend Meggie suffers from the condition and has for nearly five years. She is by far the strongest friend I've ever had. She has to deal with constant pain everyday. But she doesn't complain and she faces every single day with a bright smile and a strong sense of determination. I admire her very much. She is a fighter like me. And the kindest soul. I love you Meggie.

My friends Amber and Jordan were like the dynamic duo. I would hang out in their class if I happened to be free on Thursdays. We would chat it up and have a good laugh. Jordan was the king of memes. He would make them all the time. He is also my go to guy when it comes to anime pictures. If I ever needed something, he was there to find it. As for Amber, she was queen of Vans merch, along with being queen of the bands The Front Bottoms and Modern Baseball. She reminds me of Tina from Bob's Burgers. When the three of us were together, Jordan was Gene, Amber was TIna, and I was Louise (mostly because I was an outspoken, crazy and at times mischievous guy). They enjoyed my weird humor and quirkiness.

Thank you guys for being my friends. You brightened my days when they seemed so bleak. For listening to my problems and never turning me away. You guys will always have a place in my heart and a place in my phone. I've never met a group of people so awesome. And Alisitie, don't think I forgot about you. I love you too you amazing human being.

This post was not only about me. It was also to appreciate all the people that played a part in me getting to this place. I love you all so much. Words cannot describe what you mean to me. I am grateful for you.

Quick update for you guys. I have a new email address to interact with you guys. If you want that email, DM me here. I will also post my social media and story handles for you.

Instagram: lame_dude_20 (Profile picture of Roxas)

Kik: kingsebastianisdead (Profile picture of Ventus. Username is The Roxas Joker)

Wattpad: WarriorEmpath

I will be posting a yaoi vignette on Wattpad before the new year. So stick around for that.

Thanks for listening. Write again soon.

[micahblissd]

I

LAYER ONE : THE OUTSIDE

Name: Micah Lee Bliss

meaning of name: Micah is a diminutive of Michael, which of course means “Who is like God.” Lee means dweller in the wood or clearing. Bliss means joy.

Aliases: Chet, Mickey, Cuzzo, Tadpole, Johnny Fuck, and maybe a couple others. More are definitely welcome.

place of birth: Huntington Beach, California

Species: Human

Race: White

Nationality: American

Gender: Male

Sexuality: Straight

Profession: Writer, journalist

eye color: Brown

hair style/color: Curly, black

Height: 6’ 2’’

clothing style: Casual, usually t shirts and jeans, though he cleans up well.

best physical feature: His favorite is his eyes.

Weight: 185, mostly muscle

Complexion: clear, can be a little pink when he wakes up

build: athletic

voice: mid pitch, sometimes scratchy, especially if he’s sick or he’s smoked.

LAYER TWO: THE INSIDE

fears: that people will use him for money or misguided notoriety 

guilty pleasure: harlequin novels, listening to music too loud, eating bags of chocolate in one sitting

biggest pet peeve: cruelty when it isn’t deserved

ambition for the future: to do “real” movies

one bad habit: smoking when he’s nervous

one good habit: paying for food and giving it to a homeless person outside whenever he sees one

one habit they can’t break: pulling at the hair on the back of his head

one they’ve broken: He used to drink quite a bit in his mid twenties, and wound up getting a DUI. He’s got a little over four years sober.

LAYER THREE: THOUGHTS

first thoughts waking up: coffee, now.

what they think about the most: tattoos. He has a black dragon on the inside of his thigh and he wants more.

what they think about before bed: eh, he doesn’t think about much, but he does play like thirty minutes of merge dragons before bed.

what they think their best quality is: he doesn’t really think about it that much. Probably that he forgives.

what they think would completely break them: if he got married and his significant other died.

what they think was the best thing in their life: The best thing he ever had was the working relationship he had with Erica Caine.

what they think was the worst thing in their life: the awkwardness that sometimes came with people recognizing him in public.

what seemingly insignificant memories stuck with them: he did an awful lot of staring straight into a camera when scenes were happening.

LAYER FOUR: WHAT’S BETTER?

single or group dates: single.

to be loved or respected: to have both, there must be respect.

beauty or brains: brains.

dogs or cats: both.

coffee or tea: coffee.

showering in the day or night: day.

taking baths or taking showers: showers.

tv or movies: tv

writing or reading: reading

platonic or romantic love: both are good

iced tea or lemonade: neither

ice cream or smoothies: smoothies

cupcakes or cake: cupcakes.

beach or mountains: mountains

LAYER FIVE: DO YOU?

lie: rarely, unless he has to.

believe in yourself: he believes in something.

believe in love: yes.

want someone: sometimes.

work so that you can support your hobbies or use your hobbies as a way of filling up the time you aren’t working: make hobbies work.

have something you’re reluctant to tell people: if he’s dating someone, and they don’t bring it up, he almost never tells them he’s been in porn until it’ll eat him alive.

have an opinion about sex: yeah. Just be clean about it. Make good choices.

have many friends: some.

have as many friends as you want: he only wants like two

have something to make a scene in public about: no

have something to give your life for: that's… pretty dramatic.

have major flaws: he can be slow to commit, and if he’s having a lot of anxiety, may not communicate well.

have something you pretend or try to care about: no? You either care or you don’t. Simple.

have an image you project: no

think you’re polite or rude: polite

LAYER SIX: FAVORITES

favorite color: green

favorite animal: owls

favorite movie: Forrest Gump

favorite game: Skyrim

Sound: Elephants trumpeting

Song: Meg Myers’ cover of “Running Up That Hill,” Oliver Tree’s “Cash Machine.”

Band: Badflower, Post Malone, Oliver Tree

Outfit: White t shirt, blue jeans, converse, flannel, leather jackets, only wears ray ban sunglasses

Place: Huntington’s titular beach, november, 2am

Memory: The first time he ever had a fluffer “fluff” him in between scenes. He squirmed and even shouted.

Person: Lowkey Erica Caine, highkey all of George Washington’s spies

Show: that 70’s show, everything Bob Ross, basically anything about murder on netflix

LAYER SEVEN: AGE

Age: 35

date of birth: 10/25/1983

day your next birthday will be: Sunday

zodiac sign: Scorpio

age you lost your virginity: 17

does age matter: bITCH YES 

LAYER EIGHT: PERSONALITY

moral alignment: chaotic good

Enneagram: type 8w7

four temperaments: phlegmatic

tarot cards: the fool

LAYER NINE: FINISH THE SENTENCE

i love: eighties music and eating burritos while laying in the sun

i feel: deeply, even if it isn’t obvious.

i hide:  quite a bit, unless it’s specifically asked that i reveal it.

i miss: warm weather and swim shorts.

i wish: i had a dog.

i hate: unreasonable cruelty.

LAYER TEN: FAMILY

Relationships: A rich friendship with Erica Caine, though mostly casual friendships through work and pottery classes. Exes include in the emotionally abusive Lita Crombie, and some half baked relationships that fell apart with other entertainers. His childhood best friends are three guys from Huntington Beach. Tendo Weaver, Matt Barker, Teddy Kope, respectively called Matt B., and Teddy K. Tendo’s real name is Ethan, but he will only play games on an original nintendo ‘64. Those are his brothers.

Parents: Andrea Bliss, Walker Bliss.

Siblings: None.

Children: None, yet.

favorite childhood memory: He went to Tendo’s 12 birthday party. He and the boys walked through the woods at the park, and he tried holding onto a branch as he went down into a deep creek. The branch of the tree broke and he had nothing to hold onto. Tendo dies laughing, and makes everyone else turn and watch Micah fall into some dirty salt creek water. Good times. The best part was when he came up, he was dirty and covered in scratches. Tendo looked at him, a fat twelve year old, crying his eyes out with laughter, gasping, “You… Didn’t!! Make — a sound!”

favorite childhood toy: Nerf guns, usually. He got pretty good at shooting his shot, ayyye.

embarrassing story: Any time on set in the early days with a fluffer, accidental sexual injuries, or the time he had to get stitches because he tried to skateboard and landed left buttcheek first on a really sharp rock

favorite family member: He loves the FUCK out of his mom.

a story about that family member: When he, Tendo, Matty B., and Teddy K., snuck into Wes Craven’s New Nightmare. He played cool the entire way home, but was afraid to sleep. His dad was working night’s at the meat packing factory, but he woke up his mom crying, telling her what he did and asking with straight sincerity, “Can that happen, mom?!” She didn’t mean to laugh, but she did. Then she got up and made them each a cup of tea and they watched some public television until he fell asleep on the couch. It was 1994, and everything was cool; he was twelve at the time.

[toldnews-blog]

New Post has been published on https://toldnews.com/lifestyle/living-on-the-water/

Living on the Water

When Aislyn Greene and Jeannie Cruz decided to buy a home last summer in the San Francisco area, they knew the suburbs wouldn’t be right for them. But they also quickly realized that living in a city center in the kind of home they wanted was way out of their budget.

“We were depressed and demoralized,” said Ms. Greene, an editor at Afar magazine in her late 30s. “We needed to do something fun.”

Ms. Cruz, a sonographer in her mid-40s, had noticed a community of houseboats in Sausalito during one of her sailing lessons. And that led the couple, on a lark, to tour a three-bedroom, two-bathroom, 1,000-square-foot house on the West Pier, where they fell in love with the beamed-roof living room and the light and views in every direction.

“I never thought I would be living in a floating home,” Ms. Greene said. “But we both had a strong feeling we wanted to go for this house.” They moved in last November.

Across the country, other couples and professionals are also turning to houseboats as a way to live in the heart of cities without breaking the bank. While some live in houses that sit on concrete hulls, like the place that Ms. Cruz and Ms. Greene own, others choose smaller sailboats or yachts.

The relatively low cost of buying a boat and low docking fees can help reduce monthly housing costs, and boat owners say added bonuses include stunning views and vibrant social communities.

But living on the water has its challenges. Not only do you have to empty the septic tank, you also have relatively little living space. And bad weather can make you feel like you need to find shelter elsewhere.

Ms. Greene and Ms. Cruz paid $645,000 for their home in Sausalito. They had to draw a little from their Roth I.R.A. accounts and get help from family members to buy it. But to them it was worth it. While they haven’t officially christened their new home yet, its working name is “The Love Boat Has Docked.”

The Sausalito floating home community has 11 docks lined with houses of varying sizes: Some are as small as 400 square feet and relatively affordable, while others are valued at more than $1 million, with names like Unlimited Joy and Fairy Tale.

The community is so serene that geese and otters also call it home. And yet it’s only a 30-minute ferry ride to San Francisco, and downtown Sausalito is a 10-minute drive away. There is an ice cream shop, an organic grocery store, a seafood restaurant and a quaint cafe — all within walking distance.

“I love the peace and calm that comes from living on the water,” Ms. Greene said. “It’s truly soothing. No matter what is going on in our lives or the world, I feel my shoulders loosen when I look out the windows and see the water, or when I come home from work and walk down the docks.”

This is particularly true at night, she said, as there is little ambient light, apart from the light that comes from the homes, and it feels almost as if they are camping.

At first, Ms. Greene said, she noticed the motion during windy weather or when the tide was rising, but now it hardly registers: Her floating home feels just like any home built on land.

The couple’s house is attached by enormous brackets to pilings driven into the bay, so technically they are permanently docked, although the structure can be towed out if major repairs are needed. The couple pays for a berth lease, which includes water, garbage and sewage service, as well as maintenance of the docks and the ramp and pier that lead to their home.

More conventional boats used as homes can cost much less or much more, depending on scale.

“It could range anywhere from $1,500 to $15 million,” said Chris Mitchell, who lives on a houseboat in Jersey City.

The cost of docking a boat differs depending on where it is. In New York City, for example, a lease is based on a boat’s length and varies by season. In the winter, it can range from $70 to $90 a foot in some marinas, and in summer it can go up to between $250 and $320 a foot.

Kevin Wright, 44, a film producer in Chicago, used to get seasick, but that didn’t stop him and his wife, Colette Gabriel, 38, who runs a camera rental company, from moving permanently onto a yacht five years ago.

They owned a single-family house in the city that desperately needed an upgrade. They didn’t have the money to do the work properly, nor could they afford a nicer home. And becoming renters, and spending $2,000 a month on an apartment, they felt, would be a waste of money.

“One night we were drunk at a bar and said, ‘Let’s just move to the water,’” Mr. Wright said.

So they bought a 42-foot cabin motor-yacht with 350 square feet of living space, including a master bedroom, a small guest room, a living room, a kitchen and two bathrooms with showers. “That’s one more than we had in our house on land,” Mr. Wright said.

The yacht cost $77,000, and they spent another $25,000 on renovations. They rented a slip in the River City Marina in the South Loop for $1,200 a month, a fee that includes electricity, water and internet service.

While spending less on housing is certainly a perk, what keeps the couple on the boat is the lifestyle. There are nine houseboats in their marina, and many of the owners are their age. In the summer, they build fires in the firepits on the marina lawn or sit on the deck with cocktails.

“It feels like we are on vacation every day,” Mr. Wright said.

On the weekends, they sometimes take the boat to Michigan — “We don’t even need to pack,” he said — or to other marinas where the city has set aside free parking for boat owners.

Mr. Wright said he has gotten used to living on the water, and storms don’t usually bother him, as their home is well protected in the marina. “I only get seasick now when boats drive by too fast and set off waves,” he said proudly, something that happens only a couple of times a year.

Many marinas hold social events. Ms. Greene and Ms. Cruz said they can’t wait for summer, when their marina has float-in movies: Someone projects a movie onto the side of their house, and residents head over on boats or other floating objects to watch it.

Pavel Kocourek, 33, a doctoral candidate in economics at New York University, decided to live on a sailboat in a marina on City Island, in the Bronx, to save on living expenses. He bought his 41-foot boat for $10,000. It has a living area, a kitchen, a bathroom, four single beds and two double beds. Now his only expense is renting the slip, which costs much less than a conventional mortgage payment on a piece of property. In the past six months, he has paid $1,400 in total.

“I could live in New York City, but I would have to commute a lot, and I would have to live in a place with no light,” he said. “I feel happier since I’ve been living on a boat.”

He relishes the peace and quiet he gets after a long day of work at his office in Greenwich Village. “Most New Yorkers have no idea this place exists,” he said. “New York can be so overwhelming, so I like that I can go into the city and have excitement and then come here and have peace.”

Of course, there are other costs to living on the water. For Mr. Kocourek, it’s the commute. New York City has few marinas in the East or Hudson Rivers for a variety of reasons — among them, that ferries run so regularly their waves would ruin docked boats. To get home, Mr. Kocourek takes the 6 train to the last stop and then boards a bus or walks for 40 minutes.

“Last night, I went to a bar, and I was out until 3 a.m., and there are no buses,” he said. “It was too cold to walk, so I had to spend money on a cab.”

There is also the space issue.

“You can’t have much stuff,” Mr. Wright said. “If you love shoes, and you have to have 100 pairs of shoes, that isn’t going to work for you, because you don’t have a place to store them.”

Some boat owners see this as a positive, though, because it forces them to live minimally.

And winter can be particularly brutal. In the River City Marina in Chicago, the water sources that boaters use to fill their tanks are turned off to prevent exposed pipes from freezing.

“There is a building next to the marina, and there is a water spigot at that building,” Mr. Wright said. “Some of the other boaters, when the weather looks decent, we will get out a series of hoses and fill up our tanks.”

To conserve water throughout the season, he and his wife often shower at the gym.

He also worries about ice and snow. The docks can get slippery during a winter storm, and wind and sleet can also cause damage to the boats if they aren’t tied up properly.

But storms generally don’t bother the couple. “We stay,” he said. “We have thunderstorms, but in the Midwest we don’t have hurricanes, so it’s not a concern.”

But winter weather is the reason Will Haduch, 29, a contestant on “The Bachelorette” who works at G.M. Hill Engineering, left his houseboat in Jersey City in September 2017 to live on land in Hoboken, N.J.

“I’d do it again in the summer any time, but the winters were tough,” Mr. Haduch said. “Being out on the water, you’re so exposed to the wind.”

Another disadvantage is that houseboats don’t appreciate the way conventional houses on land do, said Skylar Olsen, the director of economic research at Zillow.

“When we think about home buying as an investment, the investment part generally comes from the increasing value of the land,” Ms. Olsen said. “As cities fill up, land with good access to amenities and jobs becomes more scarce, and the value of the home increases. So a houseboat — where you own the house itself, but rent the slip where the house is docked — doesn’t make a good long-term investment.”

The financial value of a boat often isn’t enough to be meaningful, said Chris Mitchell, 50, who owns a foreign-currency exchange business and lives on a boat in Liberty Landing Marina in Jersey City. There is a great deal of wear-and-tear on boats, he noted, and older models are generally replaced by shiny new ones: “Boats depreciate. That’s all there is to it.”

But money isn’t everything. Living on the water has other, intangible benefits — one being that it brings you very close to nature.

Recently, Ms. Greene and Ms. Cruz noticed that geese had built a nest on their pier and laid some eggs. “They are our neighbors,” Ms. Cruz marveled. “How amazing is that.”

For weekly email updates on residential real estate news, sign up here. Follow us on Twitter: @nytrealestate.

[laurengabrielle27-blog]

February 1st

Have you ever met someone that made you feel so special it almost felt unreal? If so, welcome to the club. I recently went through a break up almost a month ago...crazy how time flies because it honestly feels like it was just last week. But anyways, this boy....I don't know what it is about him, but something just won't allow me to let go. Sure, I tell everybody that I couldn't care less about him, but in reality I care more than anybody will ever know. Let me start on how this whole love story began. So September 2016, this boy followed me on twitter (super cliche, just how majority of people meet now a days) & he of course slid into my dm's. He was super sweet & for once not like those creeps you encounter on twitter almost everyday. He asked me to help him complete a survey for school & i of course said I would help him & the next message he had sent me was a screenshot of a blank contact, hinting of course that he's wanted my number l. I thought it was so funny & it made me laugh, so I just said why not & gave him my number. We would text quite often, but in the beginning I had no interest in him. I enjoyed talking to him, but I never had thought of him as anything more than a friend. Around October he had told me he was interested in me, but I still seemed to have no interest in him as anything more than a friend (or so I thought). I told him he was a sweet guy & that I had just wanted to take things slow if anything (due to a previous incident with another guy but that's not relevant lol). He accepted it & seemed eager to do whatever he could to keep my interest. From the moment I gave this boy my number we would literally text & FaceTime every single day (no exaggeration). After some time it made me happy to know someone actually enjoyed spending what seemed like just about every second of their day taking to me. It made me feel special... November came around, & my friend & I were on our way back from Disneyland & it was around 10pm. I was texting this boy & asked him to hangout & he agreed. We met up with him & his friend at a view in the mountains & it was about 11pm now. It was my first time meeting him in person & even though he was really quiet, something about him intrigued me, but I couldn't figure out what it was. Overall, it was fun & we didn't leave each other until about 2:30 in the morning. His birthday was a couple days later & he again spent just about every second of his birthday talking to me (again making me happy). As we continued to talk everyday, I started falling little by little each day for the boy who I thought I saw as nothing more than just a friend. As each day passed, my feelings grew more & more for this kid. Anybody who knows me, knows that I don't just like anybody & when I fall for someone that my feelings are genuine. He wasn't even my boyfriend (yet) & he made me so happy to a point I didn't even know existed. I was hooked on him & I knew these feelings weren't going anywhere. We started to hangout a lot more & I met his other friends & immediately became so close with them. Today I'm still close with them & I love them like they're my own family. We did have some rocky moments before we officially started dating where we would fight & argue, but I looked past that because I knew he was the one I wanted & I was set on him. On December 30, he officially had asked me to be his girlfriend & at that moment I don't think I had ever been so happy. I, the girl who hadn't had an actual boyfriend since she was 16, finally had a boyfriend after being single for 2 years. I still couldn't wrap my head around the fact that I had a boyfriend. It all seemed to crazy & unreal to me. Although we did fight, as I had mentioned before, that didn't matter to me & those were minor issues because as everybody knows, every couple fights. Everything seemed to great to me, this boy had even told me he loved me. I loved life & having him in it. I felt so complete. I finally felt like I found what I had been missing. A couple weeks later, around mid/late January, I had such an off feeling. Something just did not feel right & I didn't know why. I chose to ignore it & carry on with my relationship. 2 weeks passed & this feeling still remained with me. I didn't know what to do. I felt lost & helpless. How do I tell my boyfriend that something between us doesn't feel right without sounding crazy? On the night of January 27th, I decided to tell him about how I had been feeling lately. I told him that something felt off with us & that the thought of even losing him scared me to death. His response was not something I was expecting...he replied with "honestly Lauren, I like you but I don't know how I feel to be honest". That message broke my heart into a million pieces. How was I supposed to reply to that? I begged him to tell me how I can change the way he feels because that's how badly I wanted to fix this. I was willing to do whatever it took to put my relationship back together. I was in so much shock all I could do was bawl my eyes out. He swore he didn't want us to break up and he wanted us to fix things. So I agreed. 2 days later we went on a triple date. I was supposed to be having a great time but in my heart I knew nothing felt the same. It truly upset me to know this. The car ride was even uncomfortable. On the way back we both sat in silence. Except I had tears coming down my face. I didn't know what else to do. We sat in my car at the in n out parking lot waiting for our friends. As we waited for them, we talked about everything & of course, I cried even more. I was so confused & hurt & I didn't understand why this was happening to me. He came to the conclusion that we should take a break & have no communication until he came back from him vacation in Mexico (March 25). Although he was only leaving for 2 weeks, we weren't going to talk for almost 2 months. He thought not talking would bring back the feelings he lost. This devastated me so much, but out of desperation I agreed to this idiotic plan. 3 days into not communicating, I couldn't do it. It was killing me inside, because deep down I knew it wouldn't work, but I tried to convince myself that it would. Everybody knew except me. I felt like an idiot. I texted him that night telling him that it wasn't fair of me to wait almost 2 months just to see if he could even gain feelings back for me. That his feelings should be natural & not forced. His text back is what killed me...he ultimately agreed with me & said he didn't think it was going to work out but that he would always have love for me. I told him it was alright that he didn't need so lie because I knew he didn't really love me & he replied with "SORRY". Not once but 3 times. That killed my heart.....how could somebody tell me they loved me but never mean it? I think it hurt more because I actually meant it..... It's been almost a month & it still hurts like crazy. I've never let any boy have such an impact on me, but this one really got to me. I love this kid & it hurts so much because he left me broken hearted & clueless. The one time I let my guard down proved to me why I should always keep it up. I would honestly never wish this feeling upon anybody. Except him, just to make him understand how he made me feel....empty & hurt.

[keyhala]

So, about 2016—

It’s already 2 weeks into 2017 and I said i was going to talk about this once everything was all well and done with, and it’s not REALLY, but I’d really not like this to ruin 2017 as it did 2016, so I’ll talk aout about it.

Warning, long, probably incoherent rant ahead.

2016 kind of fucked me up (and shortstuff too, but I’m not going to try and talk about her feelings on the matter), in many ways.

To make sense of it, however, we need to go back to 2013. Yeah, all the way back.

Before I went to Japan in 2013, me and Shortstuff we’re living with her mother in a rental house. Split through 3 the rent was nice and I was going through selling my apartment, so it worked out well for us. Once I had sold my apartment, I had enough money to put in a deposit for another — bigger — apartment, or even a house. 

I suggested to Shortstuff we’d find a place for us to live.

There were two reasons for this. One, it’s nice to own a place, rather than rent one, and two, the rental house was for sale, but at a lot steeper price than we were willing to give. So the risk was that we’d end up homeless during the time was in Japan.

So we started looking at apartments, but eventually, Shortstuff’s mother mentioned to us it would be cheaper to buy a house. Generally this is correct. Mortgage + rent in a bought apartment usually corresponds to mortgage + costs of a house at around the same size; but house prices are more stable and less dependent on market.

Sounded like a good idea, so we switch to houses. A month or so in, she comes with another suggestion; find a house big enought to make two ‘apartments’ out of, and move in all three. Cheaper cost for everyone, but with decent size for living.

This should have been a warning bell, but money-wise, it made sense, so we thought this was a good idea.

We buy a house — using my profit money — and I go to Japan. Shortstuff spends the autumn and next spring paying me back so we end up having 50% each of the deposit costs.

...Shortstuff’s mother, on the other hand, puts in a bit to help Shortstuff pay me back, but she doesn’t want to be part of the ownership, or the deposit.

This should’ve been warning bell two.

This comes up a while later, when I ask about it. Shortstuff’ mother has a huge debt, so she has no credibility. that’s why she needed us to move somewhere together, because she would never have been able to get an apartment of her own.

...Things are okay for now, so that shouldn’t matter, right? It should’ve.

Spring of 2014 comes around. Shortstuff’s mother things it’s a good idea we cook our meals and eat together, since it’s cheaper for everyone. This means the idea of two ‘separate’ apartments is no longer a thing, despite her living in the bottom floor. I bring this up, and she mentions it’s ‘only until there’s a kitchen fixed downstairs’, so I give in.

in August 2014 our basement/bottom floor floods. It takes 7 months for it to dry out, and we use the money from insurance to fix Shortstuff’s mom’s stuff, build things up downstairs. In the meanwhile she sleeps in our guestroom. In February 2015 we build a kitchen downstairs.

We still eat our dinners upstairs.

Back to Summer/Autumn 2014. Shortstuff’s sister get’s kicked out of her community (she’s got a mild mental disability that prevents her from working, so she’s on an LSS program; the municipality is supposed to support her and pay for her living, and she has a pension) and has nowhere to stay while the dispute is going on. She comes to live with Shortstuff’s mother. When I mention we didn’t have that sort of agreement, She says that she’ll support the sister, and we don’t have to worry.

All bills are still split in 3; me, Shortstuff, and her mom. Everyone uses the same heat, water, and food. We buy special foods for the sister when she wants it. Ergo, we ALL support her, contrary to shortstuff’s mother’s words.

The sister still lives in the house. Shortstuff’s mother is ‘safekeeping’ her pension in case the municipailty tries to take it (wtf? I’ve counted; the amount should be close to $25.000 by now).

2015 things get worse. I want to take away the things in the garden, because I’m not into gardening, I’d prefer a lawn that’s well-mowed and clean, but shortstuff’s mother thinks this is a bad idea and says she can take care of the garden. This doesn’t happen, but she still gets angry every time I suggest just clearing it out.

My ‘job’ (because shortstuff’s mom thinks it’s a good idea to divide tasks in the home; they’ve always done that) is cooking. Shortstuff cleans, the sister does the laundry, and the mother does the garden.

Now, I did a brief calculation of a week’s work. I cook approximately 2 hours a day, seven days a week. On weekends, I sometimes cook longer, so in total, I estimate 16 hours a week. Shortstuff cleans about 30 minutes a day, and we help each other out on the weekend. about 5 hours of work. The laundry is about the same. The mother spends about 2 hours in the garden per week at most. Nothing during october-march, and only mowing the lawn during july-september.

Cooking: 16 hours a week Cleaning: 5 hours a week Laundry: 5 hours a week (we have drier and everything, and everyone sorts their own clothes out) Garden: maximum 2 hours a week, max 6 months a year

...I failed to make dinner one day because I — and I said this upon getting home from work — was too tired, and I got chewed out because everyone else were doing their jobs and I was just being lazy.

I digress, but things were weird.

I suggested we cut down on candy and soda, because we were paying more than $200 a month for it, and I got chewed out for being stingy and greedy, and that I only said that because the sister usually drank only soda during the days, so I was out to specifically target her.

Me and shortstuff wanted new furniture, so we checked that out. Shortstuff’s mom offers to pay one third of it. We say it isn’t necessary, but she insists, since we let her live there and we would do the same for her if she was in trouble.

This happens a lot of times, and we should’ve taken that as a sign.

Winter comes around, I’m constantly tired, upset, generally moody. We buy Shortstuff’s mom a new iPad in December, cause her old one broke. This sounds like it has nothing to do with anything, but keep this in mind until later.

2016 starts, and I break down at work so hard I call my insurance company and get an appointment with a therapist.

We have 10 meetings, and during these meetings we discuss my stress and anxiety, and everything boils down to one thing.

The situation at home.

I mull this over a long time. In May, I tell shortstuff that this isn’t working. I just want to sell the house, and move somewhere, just her and me. She is upset and obviously conflicted, but we talk about it for a while longer. In mid-June, she talks to her borthers about it, because she’s unsure how to bring it up to her mother without problem.

Especially considering if we sell the house and move, both her mother AND her sister will have no place to live, due to her mother’s bad credit.

We eventually make a deal with her younger brother. He wants a house but doesn’t have a deposit. It’ll take him about two years to work one up. He has a rental apartment in the city; me and shortstuff want an apartment. Sure, we’d like to buy one, but at the time, we’re so desperate for a solution, we agree to just swapping.

He takes the house, takes over the bills, pays our mortgage. We take the apartment, and cover those bills.

It sounds like a good solution, and Shortstuff brings it up with her mother that weekend.

She explodes.

I have no idea what the hell happened, really, but suddenly we’re liars, backstabbers and just out to hurt her. She doesn’t speak to us for days, but forces us into admitting everything we’ve had a problem with by all but barricading us in the living room a few days later. No matter how many times we try to say that it isn’t anything that can be changed, that we just want to live alone together, she won’t hear it. No matter how much I try to explain that the living situation is affecting my and shortstuff’s relationship, she can’t get out of her bubble about how this is all about her.

She says this was the worst thing we could’ve done to her, and that she no longer has any respect for us.

...as if we couldn’t have sold the house, rather than keep it for two years to give her a chance to find something else... or find some other way to find something else.

It hasn’t stopped since. We moved out in November, and all the way there she’s been mentally abusing and harassing shortstuff, pulling her aside and telling her a lot of horrible things (and trying to force her to not tell me, which is bullshit), she starts pulling up every single thing she’s helped us buy, by EXACT price, on a list that she’s kept; she wants to be paid back for it.

...so much for just wanting to help, huh?

She also told us, time and time again, that she’s done so much for us and we’ve Never done anything to help her, or done anything for her sake. Remember the iPad? Remember housing her homeless daughter because she couldn’t be bothered to take up the dispute with the municipality now that Shortstuff’s sister actually had a place to live?

But the BEST one, that I always fall back to and I just can’t understand, is from when she forced us down to explain our problems, while shooting them down by being awful and telling us what we experienced and felt were lies.

You can’t believe how much it hurts, to know that I, who have done everything to make you feel happy, have caused you pain. Do you know how horrible and sad that makes me feel?

...while expecting us to APOLOGIZE for this. Apologize for not being happy because of ‘everything she’s done for us’...

I’m sorry, but you can’t demand people to be happy just because you helped buy furniture. Especially not after you’ve been an ass about it.

I don’t know, I know we’re not entirely in the right, but she’s just kept doing these things. It keeps going even now. Shortstuff wanted to go back to school, but she’s felt too stupid to do it, and that is something that has been pounded into her. Maybe not consciously, but it has. Yet when she tells her mother this, her reply is ‘you can’t blame me for something like that. That’s on you. I’ve done nothing but support you’.

The same mother who told her not to move in with me when I was in university because it was a ‘stupid’ idea since she ‘wouldn’t be able to’ get a job there.

We talked about selling the house two years from now. She goes up in anger again. ‘why hasn’t anyone thought about me? about my future?’ because apparently she’d imagined us all four living there ‘like a family, like we said’ (although the plan was to have two separate apartments), and that she could ‘retire and live cheaply there for the rest of her life’...

as if we signed up to housing and taking care of her for 40+ years?

She also keeps persisting that no one has thought of her, even though the ENTIRE reason we haven’t sold the house yet is because she and the sister would have no place to go. Even though all mine and shortstuff’s savings are in the house? Even though we now have little funds to use when Shortstuff is in school?

Sure, we’ve only thought of ourselves.

She keeps saying she feels horrible and sad and no one cares or asks about how she feels, but during the fie years I’ve stayed in the same living space as her, she hasn’t asked me once how I feel. NOT ONCE. She doesn’t ask how my therapy sessions go, or if my stress is better. She doesn’t care. She’s too busy pitying herself.

...I’m rambling about too many things by now, and this is long enough already, but I just can’t wait until we can finally sell and leave that damn house and those years behind us, and start building our relationship and lives up again.

Which is terrible, considering we were out to buy our dream home, initially.

At least that’s a few lessons learned, right there.

[biofunmy]

Living on the Water – The New York Times

When Aislyn Greene and Jeannie Cruz decided to buy a home last summer in the San Francisco area, they knew the suburbs wouldn’t be right for them. But they also quickly realized that living in a city center in the kind of home they wanted was way out of their budget.

“We were depressed and demoralized,” said Ms. Greene, an editor at Afar magazine in her late 30s. “We needed to do something fun.”

Ms. Cruz, a sonographer in her mid-40s, had noticed a community of houseboats in Sausalito during one of her sailing lessons. And that led the couple, on a lark, to tour a three-bedroom, two-bathroom, 1,000-square-foot house on the West Pier, where they fell in love with the beamed-roof living room and the light and views in every direction.

“I never thought I would be living in a floating home,” Ms. Greene said. “But we both had a strong feeling we wanted to go for this house.” They moved in last November.

Across the country, other couples and professionals are also turning to houseboats as a way to live in the heart of cities without breaking the bank. While some live in houses that sit on concrete hulls, like the place that Ms. Cruz and Ms. Greene own, others choose smaller sailboats or yachts.

The relatively low cost of buying a boat and low docking fees can help reduce monthly housing costs, and boat owners say added bonuses include stunning views and vibrant social communities.

But living on the water has its challenges. Not only do you have to empty the septic tank, you also have relatively little living space. And bad weather can make you feel like you need to find shelter elsewhere.

Ms. Greene and Ms. Cruz paid $645,000 for their home in Sausalito. They had to draw a little from their Roth I.R.A. accounts and get help from family members to buy it. But to them it was worth it. While they haven’t officially christened their new home yet, its working name is “The Love Boat Has Docked.”

The Sausalito floating home community has 11 docks lined with houses of varying sizes: Some are as small as 400 square feet and relatively affordable, while others are valued at more than $1 million, with names like Unlimited Joy and Fairy Tale.

The community is so serene that geese and otters also call it home. And yet it’s only a 30-minute ferry ride to San Francisco, and downtown Sausalito is a 10-minute drive away. There is an ice cream shop, an organic grocery store, a seafood restaurant and a quaint cafe — all within walking distance.

“I love the peace and calm that comes from living on the water,” Ms. Greene said. “It’s truly soothing. No matter what is going on in our lives or the world, I feel my shoulders loosen when I look out the windows and see the water, or when I come home from work and walk down the docks.”

This is particularly true at night, she said, as there is little ambient light, apart from the light that comes from the homes, and it feels almost as if they are camping.

At first, Ms. Greene said, she noticed the motion during windy weather or when the tide was rising, but now it hardly registers: Her floating home feels just like any home built on land.

The couple’s house is attached by enormous brackets to pilings driven into the bay, so technically they are permanently docked, although the structure can be towed out if major repairs are needed. The couple pays for a berth lease, which includes water, garbage and sewage service, as well as maintenance of the docks and the ramp and pier that lead to their home.

More conventional boats used as homes can cost much less or much more, depending on scale.

“It could range anywhere from $1,500 to $15 million,” said Chris Mitchell, who lives on a houseboat in Jersey City.

The cost of docking a boat differs depending on where it is. In New York City, for example, a lease is based on a boat’s length and varies by season. In the winter, it can range from $70 to $90 a foot in some marinas, and in summer it can go up to between $250 and $320 a foot.

Kevin Wright, 44, a film producer in Chicago, used to get seasick, but that didn’t stop him and his wife, Colette Gabriel, 38, who runs a camera rental company, from moving permanently onto a yacht five years ago.

They owned a single-family house in the city that desperately needed an upgrade. They didn’t have the money to do the work properly, nor could they afford a nicer home. And becoming renters, and spending $2,000 a month on an apartment, they felt, would be a waste of money.

“One night we were drunk at a bar and said, ‘Let’s just move to the water,’” Mr. Wright said.

So they bought a 42-foot cabin motor-yacht with 350 square feet of living space, including a master bedroom, a small guest room, a living room, a kitchen and two bathrooms with showers. “That’s one more than we had in our house on land,” Mr. Wright said.

The yacht cost $77,000, and they spent another $25,000 on renovations. They rented a slip in the River City Marina in the South Loop for $1,200 a month, a fee that includes electricity, water and internet service.

While spending less on housing is certainly a perk, what keeps the couple on the boat is the lifestyle. There are nine houseboats in their marina, and many of the owners are their age. In the summer, they build fires in the firepits on the marina lawn or sit on the deck with cocktails.

“It feels like we are on vacation every day,” Mr. Wright said.

On the weekends, they sometimes take the boat to Michigan — “We don’t even need to pack,” he said — or to other marinas where the city has set aside free parking for boat owners.

Mr. Wright said he has gotten used to living on the water, and storms don’t usually bother him, as their home is well protected in the marina. “I only get seasick now when boats drive by too fast and set off waves,” he said proudly, something that happens only a couple of times a year.

Many marinas hold social events. Ms. Greene and Ms. Cruz said they can’t wait for summer, when their marina has float-in movies: Someone projects a movie onto the side of their house, and residents head over on boats or other floating objects to watch it.

Pavel Kocourek, 33, a doctoral candidate in economics at New York University, decided to live on a sailboat in a marina on City Island, in the Bronx, to save on living expenses. He bought his 41-foot boat for $10,000. It has a living area, a kitchen, a bathroom, four single beds and two double beds. Now his only expense is renting the slip, which costs much less than a conventional mortgage payment on a piece of property. In the past six months, he has paid $1,400 in total.

“I could live in New York City, but I would have to commute a lot, and I would have to live in a place with no light,” he said. “I feel happier since I’ve been living on a boat.”

He relishes the peace and quiet he gets after a long day of work at his office in Greenwich Village. “Most New Yorkers have no idea this place exists,” he said. “New York can be so overwhelming, so I like that I can go into the city and have excitement and then come here and have peace.”

Of course, there are other costs to living on the water. For Mr. Kocourek, it’s the commute. New York City has few marinas in the East or Hudson Rivers for a variety of reasons — among them, that ferries run so regularly their waves would ruin docked boats. To get home, Mr. Kocourek takes the 6 train to the last stop and then boards a bus or walks for 40 minutes.

“Last night, I went to a bar, and I was out until 3 a.m., and there are no buses,” he said. “It was too cold to walk, so I had to spend money on a cab.”

There is also the space issue.

“You can’t have much stuff,” Mr. Wright said. “If you love shoes, and you have to have 100 pairs of shoes, that isn’t going to work for you, because you don’t have a place to store them.”

Some boat owners see this as a positive, though, because it forces them to live minimally.

And winter can be particularly brutal. In the River City Marina in Chicago, the water sources that boaters use to fill their tanks are turned off to prevent exposed pipes from freezing.

“There is a building next to the marina, and there is a water spigot at that building,” Mr. Wright said. “Some of the other boaters, when the weather looks decent, we will get out a series of hoses and fill up our tanks.”

To conserve water throughout the season, he and his wife often shower at the gym.

He also worries about ice and snow. The docks can get slippery during a winter storm, and wind and sleet can also cause damage to the boats if they aren’t tied up properly.

But storms generally don’t bother the couple. “We stay,” he said. “We have thunderstorms, but in the Midwest we don’t have hurricanes, so it’s not a concern.”

But winter weather is the reason Will Haduch, 29, a contestant on “The Bachelorette” who works at G.M. Hill Engineering, left his houseboat in Jersey City in September 2017 to live on land in Hoboken, N.J.

“I’d do it again in the summer any time, but the winters were tough,” Mr. Haduch said. “Being out on the water, you’re so exposed to the wind.”

Another disadvantage is that houseboats don’t appreciate the way conventional houses on land do, said Skylar Olsen, the director of economic research at Zillow.

“When we think about home buying as an investment, the investment part generally comes from the increasing value of the land,” Ms. Olsen said. “As cities fill up, land with good access to amenities and jobs becomes more scarce, and the value of the home increases. So a houseboat — where you own the house itself, but rent the slip where the house is docked — doesn’t make a good long-term investment.”

The financial value of a boat often isn’t enough to be meaningful, said Chris Mitchell, 50, who owns a foreign-currency exchange business and lives on a boat in Liberty Landing Marina in Jersey City. There is a great deal of wear-and-tear on boats, he noted, and older models are generally replaced by shiny new ones: “Boats depreciate. That’s all there is to it.”

But money isn’t everything. Living on the water has other, intangible benefits — one being that it brings you very close to nature.

Recently, Ms. Greene and Ms. Cruz noticed that geese had built a nest on their pier and laid some eggs. “They are our neighbors,” Ms. Cruz marveled. “How amazing is that.”

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[sadwriterperson]

November 14th, 2017

Just gonna throw out there that this is really long, so read on if you've got like 10 minutes to spare.

Alright, hello again, I'm writing this real early because I can't sleep. I work a lot of 3rd shift at my job, which is fine until I can't sleep when it's dark out, haha. Im starting this at 10 after 5am and I've checked all my social media, checked all the mindless games I keep on my phone for no reason, and now I'm here, still wide awake and bored as hell, and I could use this time to catch up on the nearly 12000 words I'm behind in for NaNoWriMo, only I'm so incredibly unmotivated that I thought, why not finally get around to writing about Tristan Haynes, my main character, and some overall backstory to how this novel came to fruition. There are a lot of ins and outs to this, a lot of pieces of my life weaved into this, so I'll try to make that all make sense.

So, Tristan, my good human, I hurt him more than I should, but, I'm hurting all of them more than I should. The character of Tristan goes way back into my past, starting when I was 6 years old. Growing up and even in my more recent years I would have these dreams that when I woke up I swore they were real, and a few I've had have actually happened, more than I'd like to admit. Some aren't as big, but, they still get kinda weird, an example of this is when I was in grade 8, just shy of 14, I had this dream that my best friend would buy this necklace, she was the definition of the goth kinda person, and it fit her, the setting was in our English class, the first class we would share that day, 3rd hour, so around the 10:30ish time frame and it didn't happen right away, it took a few weeks, but, she came to school wearing the necklace I had the dream of. That's just one instance in a long life of thousands of dreams, but, they still happen like this. So Tristan, he came way before that, and in this dream, I'm trying to find this white house over the hill, and I keep walking, the sidewalk is endless, and the grass on the side of me, my left side rises into a wall, a stone wall and then without explanation I turn around and there is Trit. That's what I called him, Trit, and I don't know who he is, why he existed, but, he was standing on the lower side of the stone wall, the grass was fake, turf, is what my brain supplied to me mid dream and under the corner of this turf, Trit points down and I follow his lead pulling out a red notebook, it wasn't an important notebook, just a regular red notebook, like you can buy anywhere for 94 cents at Wal-Mart. He smiled at me and even tho he was standing right in front of me, he sounded miles away and it was like the breeze was talking to me and I heard "you found it, you found it" I followed it, Trit at my side, following the breeze I would find the white house in the middle of a field of long grass swaying peacefully in the wind, Trit runs ahead and I follow him into it and then wake up.

Trit became this beacon, I've never forgotten that feeling of peace, and Ive carried Trit in my head for years, using pieces of that dream in countless stories I've written, but, I've never been able to describe it as well as my dream showed me. It will truly always be one of those things that unless you're in my head you will never be able to experience who Tristan is to me, but, I'm Trying.

So fast forward, people come and go, die, grow apart, and without going into to much detail because it's a time in my life I don't care much to talk about, i believed I was the reason someone died, and it genuinley broke my will to live, and I took that out on myself, Lord did I, and then after carving words into my legs and some other good depression stuff I adopted the phrase "My decision for living isn't mine to decide" a lyric from the song "Hole in the ground" by Twenty One Pilots, the band that's saved my life countless times, with lyrics I relate to on a molecular level, and decided that I was going to write. I had to live with my decision, i needed to learn to live with my guilt, and over the period of a year I got better, but, at times it would break me over again and while it's better now, it's still kinda raw. Anyway, so I decided I was going to write this story - Only the long grass remembers - and it was no debate who would be the star of this story. Deciding Tristan was my main character was the easiest part of the entire process, and I wrote the first chapter in 15 minutes, and thus the second character of the novel was born. Parker Middleton was born, and he plays an important roll in the novel that is important to many and I hope will be responded well too when someone finally reads this thing, but, that won't be until I'm at least 30000 words deep probably.

After writing the first chapter, and deciding that Trit couldn't just stay as Trit, i knew I needed to get a real name for him, and all of me couldn't bear to part with the name of him so I knew it needed to be as close to Trit as I could get it and that's how he got Tristan. Well, sorta.

HERE COMES MORE BACKSTORY

So August of 2015 I started watching the CW show: Supernatural. Binge watched it hardcore and later on would do roleplay as the characters on Facebook with a bunch of people and we were all super tight knit, not only because we bonded over the show, but, because most if not all of us were and are dealing with mental illness or some other physical ailment and we all used the RP and the community to keep each other alive . On top of that, there were the actors if the show, Jared Padalecki one of the main stars of the show suffers from mental illness, and so the actors all bonded together to make campaigns for people suffering, and they are along the lines of 'always keep fighting' and 'you are not alone,' and so it felt important to me to tie in these people with these great causes to this story that I'm writing for the same reason, you know? Its because of this mindset that I decided Trit would become Tristan. So Jared Padalecki, he plays Sam on supernatural, and he is who Trit is physically paired with for the novel, and it was in this I decided Trit would have a twin brother - Ross.. Trit didnt have family in the dream, but, it felt wrong to me to not include Ross, because Ross is based after Jared Padalecki's co-star Jensen Ackles. It would be wrong because they're currently on their 13th season of Supernatural, and a commonly used phrase is 'Family doesn't end in blood' and after 13 years, Jared and Jensen truly do see each other as brothers, and I wanted to incorporate that into the story, and wanted to link them both together in a binding way, and it worked out really well, all things considered. Their middle names are what binds them from my from the real world, to my mind to the page, respectively:

Jared TRISTAN Padalecki

Jensen ROSS Ackles.

Is this all making sense? Its a lot, or it feels like a lot at least to me, but it's 6:02am now.. So that may be something to do with it too.

I should probably try and sleep again, so I think I'll end this here, but, I hope that it makes sense why Tristan is so important to me, because he's been with me for 15 years.

Not only just Tristan, but, the dream is why the novel is called "The Long Grass Remembers"

It's all connected, and its important that I keep it as true as possible, to do justice for me, for the people I've met online, for friends lost, for the actors who gave them a name, for the musicians who helped me through for the musicians who breathe life into this story every single time I write, the people in my life who have shout outs, for the people in my life for as much as they may make me angry, ground me, for who they are, are motivation for me to be a better person then I was the day before, the story is for me, and no one else. To many times have I stopped writing out of fear that the people I know won't like it, because I'm revealing to much of myself. It's why I stuck in the horror genre for years, horror was easy to write, but, this, this is for me, and I am revealing all of it, and I'm ready, Trit at my side once more, only this time, he won't just stay in my head, now everyone gets to know him, and my heart is warm.

Thank you for sticking through this long winded, rambling, less than stellar wording from Bry, have a beautiful day or night.

Stay tuned, stay hyped and most of all, stay alive!

-- Bry

[wecluelesswanderers-blog]

I always like to ask people to describe themselves in five words.  Why?  I like to get the home fires burning and the brain neurons firing.  It’s sometimes hard for a person to box themselves into five little adjectives, but Erin does not disappoint.  She describes herself as Ambitious, Curious, Adventurous, Driven, and a Nemophilist.  I had to look that last word up and here’s what I discovered:

Erin Hyde is also one of the Ambassadors for the Facebook group Adventure Some Women.  It was started as a community for like-minded women to find others to adventure with, get tips and advice, post events, and just share stories.  Not only does Erin find inspiration from doing this, she also inspires others to get outside and maybe, even become nemophilists themselves.

Hello world,

My name is Erin and I am addicted to adventuring.  I was born and raised in Southern Pennsylvania where I lived for most of my life until I started my own adventure about two years ago and made a career and lifestyle choice to move to beautiful central Oregon.  I am a single lady who fuels her fun by working as a research pharmaceutical chemist. My curiosity for the outside world has always been instilled in my soul since I was a child. My mother would have to drag me inside from playing outside when I was growing up because it was getting dark, or dinnertime.  Ugh.

As a teenager I would watch the winter Olympics and it was then I wanted to learn how to do a snow sport.  I joined our ski club in high school, started working at our local ski shop and became very interested in snowboarding.  That sport has taken me around the country and Europe.  It has given me the best friends someone could ask for and it genuinely made me happy and still does!

I then expanded my horizons, I started kayaking, mountain biking, hiking, a little bit of climbing and even joined roller derby. I would like to say I am not really stellar at all of my activities, but I get out there and I enjoy what I do.

Aside from her using .50 cent words to educate the rest of us, Erin is a pretty simple person.  “I love being outside whether it be on a bike, sliding in the snow or just simply on my own two feet walking around.  I would say there is always more time I could commit to going outside, but sometimes life gets in the way. My biggest passion is snowboarding, which is limited by when the mountain is open.  But I hope to get more in to backcountry riding so the limit of the resort will be a non-issue!”

Sooooo, do you like your job?

I really do enjoy my job.  I don’t let it encompass my life and the company I work for really understands the importance of a work/life balance. Just today I decided to take a walk on my lunch break and enjoy the beautiful weather and gorgeous mountain views.  Working in the PNW where people value being outside has been a wonderful change to the rat race of the mid Atlantic.  My work has led me to working on big name client pharmaceuticals that need pediatric dosing and formulation work. It’s my job to test potency, purity and dissolution of drugs that will meet FDA and client needs. It’s rewarding being part of the drug development team to help people in the long run.

What can you do today that you could not do a year ago?

Up and moving from everything you know to a new place where you don’t know a soul has definitely taught me to stand up for myself a little more.  If I want to go out and do something, I just go.  I have stopped letting myself talk me out of things I want to do, and that’s a big deal.

  What would you regret not doing?

Travel.  Hands down.  I have always had the travel bug.  I love seeing new places, even if it’s a town an hour down the road.  There is always something new to see and learn.  I eat the culture stuff right up!

When was the last time you traveled somewhere new?

I just recently went on a mini road trip to eastern Oregon, to explore Steens mountain and the Alvord desert with my main curiosity being the hot springs out there.  A group of us left Bend early on a Saturday morning and headed east through the sage brush and gnarly juniper trees, quintessential high desert. After getting in to the foot hills of the Steens, our under maintained road turned to gravel and we scooted another 20 miles with the mountains on our right and the desert on our left.  We pulled up to our campsite where the woman in charge told us we have the place to ourselves aside for the hunters coming and going.  We set up camp on bluff overlooking the desert which gave us the best seat for a chilly mid-November sunrise.  The hot springs were rustic to say the least.  Two concrete poured pools, one protected from the desert wind by some old bullet holed metal and the other open to the elements.  They steamed as we approached the shack.  They were refreshing as we sat on old dryer drums and reminisced about our day.  Such a fun weekend trip!

Have you done anything lately worth remembering?

Yes, I booked an amazing hiking trip in Peru with my best friend.  It will be one of the biggest hikes I’ve ever done regarding the elevation gain. So right now I guess my memorable events have been taking the steps to get ready for that hike.

What does success mean to you?

Happiness.  If you are surrounded by positive engaging people, have your health (as mom would say) and have a solid career that allows you to fund your fun and live the life you want to live. I’d say you’ve made it.

    What are you doing to pursue your dreams right now?

I think taking the step to move to a place that has endless adventure was a big step in making my dreams come true.

What are you most scared of?

I have always been scared of not being able to explore.  The travel bug is not something I plan on losing and if anything were to happen to stop my travel, I would be heart broken.

What are you most proud of?

I’m proud of who I have become.  A no nonsense gal enjoying her life here on this earth. Coming from a small town in Pennsylvania I was raised to see no boundaries, I have always been encouraged to go after what I want. You betcha, that’s what I do!

Where would you like to live?

Right where I am.  It was a tough decision to move but very worth it.  Sometimes jumping out of our comfort zone opens up a whole new door we never could have imagined.  I feel like no matter where I go or end up I will always make the most of it.

What bad habits do you want to break?

Bad eating.  Food has been my vice and it has slowed me down when it comes to doing the things I love.  I need to learn how to balance my love of dessert and how hard I want to ride on the mountain.

If you were someone’s life coach, what would you tell them?

So cheesy, but you can do it.  I am really a master of none.  I enjoy so many things but I’m not necessarily really good at any of them, I just enjoy the experiences. So I would urge those to always try something new.  I can’t tell you how many times I have people tell me I do so many fun things. Well, what is stopping you?  Don’t live vicariously through others, get out there!  You’ll realize all of the anxious energy will disappear!

  Fun and furious questions:

If you could do it all over again, would you change anything? No regrets.

How old would you be, if you didn’t know how old you are? 23

What activity makes you lose track of time? Snowboarding

Best cheat indulgence? Gimme all the sweets!

If you could only speak one word today, what would it be? Hope!

  Thank you Mo for your inspiration and being my most favorite adventuring buddy.  I love you.

Erin, I always have you in mind whenever I question an adventure.  I can always imagine you saying YES, which spurs on my spirit.  I love you, too.

  To stalk Erin Hyde, you better be nice or I’ll cut you, check out her links:

Facebook

Instagram

  Much love and Aloha,

your Erin and I like to be weird clueless wanderer

Have you ever met a nemophilist? Well, meet Erin Hyde. I always like to ask people to describe themselves in five words. Why? I like to get the home fires burning and the brain neurons firing.