#I don’t like posting these usually but Im feeling extra quirky right now

[xxwelxx]

250 likes!

Yippee ??

[cham-chammity]

Hey, everybody. I'm just gonna have this post be some kind of rant or word vomit thing, I guess TW for emotional/mental distress? I don't know.

Anyways, I apologize to those who's messages are sitting left on read in my DM's and to those who have asks sitting in my ask box unanswered. I struggle really hard with getting back to people or answering them. I feel really bad because I'll ghost someone because it takes too much mental energy to text or reply to them, I even ghost people without even realizing it. It makes me feel so, so bad--I promise I don't want to ghost or ignoring anyone. It's just a constant struggle for me.

I've also lately been having a really hard time with my emotions. I experience intense, prolonged amounts of emotion such as sadness or excitedness. The experiening sadness part has been much worse for me lately. I also am having such a hard time with doing school work, and it's only been two weeks since school started up again. I'm already behind on homework with some classes and I'm freaking out because I don't want a repeat of last school year. Last school year I was unmedicated for my depression amd anxiety so it was a literal living hell. I'm so goddamn scared I'm going to somehow go through all of that again. Hell, my mom is already on my ass about some "missing assignments" I have and I just cannot deal with this.

You see, my anxiety and depression was worse than ever last year. Because of that they heavily masked my ADHD symptoms. Now that I am back to how I normally function, I'm realzing now how much my ADHD really affects my day to day life. And it's so goddamn stressful. My mom won't let me go on medication due to quite a few reasons I don't feel like explaining right now--but if it means I can get tasks done and actually be able to regulate my emotions like a goddamn normal person, I want to try it out. I do however regularly drink caffeine since it is a self-medicating way to help treat ADHD, but it certainly isn't enough.

And what's worse about all of this going on is, whenever I reach out, people always say "omg that's so me too!" "Ugh I can relate" "i have trouble with x and y too hahaha!" And it makes me so goddamn fucking mad.

No, you dont know what I mean. You cant relate. YOU DONT KNOW WHAT IM EXPERIENCING. why?? Because if you did, you'd empathise with me and take me seriously and not jokingly laugh while you explain why its so "hard" for you to do something that doesnt even relate to what im talking about all while by default sayinf "oh same lmao". Also, most of the people I reach out to about this arent neurodivergent like me. ADHD makes things x10 harder than what youre experiencing. Im sick of the bullshit responses I recieve whenever I talk about my struggles.

I know I talk a lot about ADHD on my page, but I usually only ever adress the silly, stupid, minor stuff. The surface level stuff. Im gonna be honest, ADHD sucks. Its not some personality trait that makes someone extra quirky and cute. It legit makes life so much fucking harder. And so many people in real life I talk to about this dont fucking realize that.

Anyways, I just needed to get that all out of my brain. Thank you so much to those who read through the whole thing.

Please be patient with me, and I know there's quite a few people who follow me that are neurodivergent as well, so some of you here probably know exactly what Im talking about. But all in all if i ever take awhile to respond to something or my actual response is weak and short, please please please know it's not that I dont like you or arent interested in what you have to say.

Thanks everyone, I love you all :)