#I don’t know does anyone else feel this way?

[sonarspace]

⋆✴︎˚｡⋆STUDY BREAK (FT. GOJO)

꒰ synopsis. being in the same class as gojo satoru was bad enough; having him as the professor’s insufferably smug assistant made it worse. content. college au. nsfw. (teasing. slight praise kınk. fıngering. oräl. p in v. multiple ōrgasms.) wc. 5.3k. an. to clear up any confusion 😭.. satoru’s a senior student + the professor’s assistant in the course you’re both taking. (fic is kinda all over the place so idk if this works but let’s pretend like it does).

there’s something about gojo satoru that drives you insane. not in the fun, heart-fluttering way that comes with a secret crush or the thrill of banter. no—this is the kind of insane where you want to hurl something, preferably at his stupidly smug face.

“class,” he drawls, leaning lazily against the desk at the front of the room, his shirt slightly rumpled like he doesn’t give a damn—and he doesn’t. “these papers? a mixed bag. some of you really impressed me. others… well.” his lips curve into a smirk. “let’s just say the recycling bin was hungry.”

you groan inwardly, already sensing where this is going. he’s done this before, holding your work hostage like it’s part of his routine entertainment.

“and here,” he continues, brandishing a paper like a prop. your paper. “is a prime example of someone… almost getting there. strong ideas, decent execution, but the conclusion? oof. fell harder than my GPA sophomore year.”

a few students laugh. your jaw tightens, the heat in your chest bubbling up into something sharp and biting. he doesn’t have to name you; everyone knows exactly whose paper he’s waving around.

“anyway,” he finishes with a shrug, tossing the paper onto the desk like it’s disposable. “there’s potential. keep at it.”

you don’t even wait for class to end before your resolve solidifies: you’re going to kill him. maybe not literally, but metaphorically? absolutely.

you don’t plan on storming to his dorm room. it just… happens. one moment, you’re replaying his smug grin and the way his eyes gleamed when he mocked your paper, and the next, you’re standing outside his door, your fist raised to knock.

he answers quickly, and the sight of him makes you falter. his hair is damp, sticking out in soft tufts like he just got out of the shower, and his plain white t-shirt clings to him in a way that’s almost—no. you shake the thought away.

“well, this is unexpected,” he says, leaning against the doorframe with a grin that’s all teeth. “if you wanted private tutoring, you could’ve just asked.”

“don’t flatter yourself,” you snap, brushing past him into the room without waiting for an invitation.

he whistles low under his breath. “feisty tonight. to what do I owe the pleasure?”

you spin to face him, your hands clenched at your sides. “what is your problem with me?”

he blinks, his smirk faltering for a fraction of a second before returning full force. “problem? sweetheart, i don’t have a problem with you.”

“you humiliate me in class,” you say, your voice rising. “you make these comments, you single me out—what, are you that bored with your life?”

“humiliate?” he echoes, feigning a wounded look. “i think you mean ‘motivate.’ you’re one of the smartest people in that class. if i don’t push you, who will?”

“that’s bullshit,” you fire back, stepping closer. “you don’t ‘push’ anyone else.”

“because no one else is as fun,” he replies easily, his grin tilting into something sharper. “the way you react, the fire in your eyes—it’s addictive.”

your breath catches, the heat in your chest spreading to your cheeks. “you’re insufferable.”

“and yet, here you are,” he says, his voice dropping just enough to make the air between you feel heavier. “in my room. alone.”

“because you drive me crazy,” you snap, the words tumbling out before you can stop them.

his eyebrows lift slightly, as if he’s genuinely intrigued by your outburst. “good crazy or bad crazy?”

he takes a step closer, too close. the kind of close that makes your pulse stutter and your instincts scream at you to step back—but you don’t. instead, you stand your ground, your jaw clenched as he waits for your answer, his gaze steady and almost daring.

“what does it matter?” you mutter, your voice quieter now, the heat of your earlier anger ebbing into something more uncertain.

“it matters,” he says, his voice low as his eyes flicker to your lips. “because I need to know if I can do this.”

before you can ask what he means, he leans in, his lips brushing against yours like he’s giving you the chance to pull away. but you don’t. his hand finds your waist, tugging you closer as the kiss deepens, his mouth hot and insistent against yours.

it’s like a dam breaking. weeks—months—of tension and unspoken words all come crashing down in a rush of heat and urgency. his other hand slides into your hair, tilting your head to kiss you deeper, and the sound you make in response is embarrassing and needy, but you can’t bring yourself to care.

you should stop this. you should push him away, tell him he’s crossed a line. but the way his thumb brushes against your waist, the way he tilts his head just right, the way he kisses like he’s been waiting for this moment as long as you have—it’s addictive. you can’t stop. you don’t want to.

but then reality slams into you like a cold gust of wind. what are you doing? your chest tightens as the weight of it crashes down all at once, the heat between you dissolving into something sharper, more terrifying.

you pull back abruptly, your breathing uneven. “i can’t.”

he blinks, his expression softening from one of heat to confusion. “what?”

“this—this is a mistake,” you stammer, backing away. your hands feel clumsy as they fumble behind you for the door. “i shouldn’t have come here.”

“wait.” his hand reaches out, almost instinctively, but you’re already opening the door, your chest tight and your mind racing as you step out into the hall. you don’t look back, even as the warmth of his touch lingers on your skin.

────

you avoid him after that. in class, you sit as far from him as possible, claiming a seat in the back corner, close to the door. the usual tension he brought to the room—his teasing remarks, his piercing gaze when he caught you rolling your eyes—feels conspicuously absent. he doesn’t call on you, doesn’t glance your way, doesn’t even acknowledge you.

it’s been weeks since that night in his dorm, and as the semester nears its end, the distance feels heavier with every passing class. his silence, once the thing you desperately wanted, now presses on your chest like a weight. you wonder if he regrets it, if he’s just as caught in the what-ifs as you are—or if he’s already forgotten.

the final project looms, deadlines creeping closer, but the distraction isn’t enough to stop the quiet ache that’s settled in your chest. you remind yourself it’s for the best. boundaries were crossed, a line you know you shouldn’t have stepped over. it doesn’t matter how he made you feel, how his kisses left you breathless and yearning. none of it matters.

and yet, every time you leave class, you rush, head down, praying he won’t stop you. and every time he doesn’t, the ache grows.

when class ends today, the air feels heavier than usual. your peers chatter around you, their voices blending into background noise as you pack your things quickly, eyes fixed on the door. if you can just slip out unnoticed, avoid another day of walking the tightrope you’ve been balancing on since that night—

but then a hand wraps gently around your wrist, warm and familiar.

“you’re avoiding me,” he says, his voice low and steady. there’s no edge to it, no teasing grin or smug undertone. just quiet certainty, like he’s stating a fact.

you freeze, your heart thudding in your chest. it’s been so long since he’s said anything to you that the sound of his voice directed at you feels foreign.

“i’m late,” you mumble, tugging your wrist weakly in an attempt to free yourself. “let me go.”

“you don’t have any classes after this,” he says, his grip loosening but not letting go. his eyes meet yours, calm but resolute. “i checked your schedule.”

your jaw tightens, irritation flashing through you. “you shouldn’t have access to my schedule.”

“probably not,” he admits with a shrug, a hint of the old satoru creeping into his voice, “but i’m me.”

you open your mouth to snap at him, to tell him to back off, but he cuts you off first. “come have coffee with me.”

you blink, caught off guard by the casual offer. “what?”

“coffee,” he repeats, his tone light, as if this is perfectly normal. “you like coffee, don’t you?”

“that’s not the point,” you snap, yanking your wrist free from his grasp. “what is this, some weird apology?”

“it’s not weird,” he says, his smirk faltering slightly now, his expression open and strangely earnest. “it’s just coffee. with me.”

you stare at him, struggling to find the right words. “gojo,” you begin, your voice heavy, “you and i are not friends.”

his face falls, the shift so quick and unexpected that it makes your stomach twist. you see the way his shoulders tense, the way his gaze drops for just a moment, but you force yourself to look away. without giving him a chance to reply, you turn and push past him, your steps quick and unsteady as you leave the classroom.

the ache in your chest grows with every step, and even as you round the corner, out of sight, the image of his expression lingers. there’s no relief this time. only guilt.

────

you don’t know why you’re here. no, that’s a lie—you know exactly why you’re here. the memory of his expression, the slight drop of his shoulders at your retort, has been looping in your mind, making it impossible to focus on anything else.

your feet carry you down the familiar path to his dorm, the ache in your chest twisting tighter with every step. before you can talk yourself out of it, your fist is already knocking on the door.

it opens almost immediately, and the sight of him steals the breath from your lungs. his white hair is a mess, sticking up in chaotic directions, and his glasses are perched crookedly on his nose. there’s a faint crease on his cheek, like he’d been leaning against a book, and his shirt hangs loosely off one shoulder, rumpled from sleep or hours spent working. he looks… soft. disarming. almost painfully cute.

“coffee,” you say, holding up the cups like a white flag. “can i come in?”

his lips twitch, a hint of a smile breaking through the haze of surprise as he steps aside. “bribery, huh? didn’t think you had it in you.”

his dorm is as cluttered as you remember—papers and notebooks sprawled across his desk, a blinking laptop shoved precariously to one side. you set the coffee down on the edge of the desk, your gaze catching on the scrawled notes and dense blocks of text.

“grading?” you ask.

“research,” he replies, dropping onto the edge of his bed with a tired sigh. his hand rakes through his already-messy hair, making it stick up even more. “finals prep. you know, glamorous TA things.”

you hand him a cup, your fingers brushing against his as he takes it. the simple contact sends a jolt up your arm that you stubbornly ignore. “thought you could use it.”

he hums as he takes a sip, his lashes fluttering briefly before he lets out a quiet sound of approval. the noise is so low, so soft, it makes your stomach twist. you glance away quickly, your grip tightening on your own cup.

“about the other day,” you start, the words quiet and tentative.

he glances up, the coffee still in his hands. his expression is unreadable, but his fingers still against the cup, like he’s waiting for the other shoe to drop. “you don’t have to explain,” he says, setting his cup down on the desk. “if you don’t want this—if i got it wrong—just say so.”

“it’s not that,” you blurt, the words tumbling out too fast, too raw. warmth floods your cheeks, creeping down to your chest. “i just… i don’t know what this is.”

he doesn’t respond immediately, doesn’t fall into his usual teasing deflection. instead, he stands, crossing the small space between you with deliberate steps. his gaze holds yours, steady and unguarded, and it makes your stomach flip in a way you can’t control.

“let me show you,” he says softly, his voice low, uncharacteristically serious.

he’s so close now, his hand brushing against yours, his touch light, almost hesitant. and then his lips are on yours, and everything else fades away.

this kiss is nothing like the first. there’s no uncertainty, no restraint. his hands find your waist, pulling you flush against him as his mouth moves against yours, hot and insistent. your grip on the coffee slips, the cup hitting the floor with a dull thud as your hands find his shoulders, clutching at the fabric of his shirt.

when his hands slide under your shirt, the roughness of his palms against your bare skin makes you shudder. he guides you backward, his body pressing into yours until the backs of your knees hit the mattress. you sink down, the weight of him grounding you as he follows, his lips trailing fire along your jaw and down your neck.

his hands are everywhere—tracing the curve of your waist, brushing the underside of your ribs, exploring like he’s memorizing every inch of you. when he pulls back to look at you, his lips are curved in a wicked, breath-stealing grin.

“you’re infuriating,” he murmurs, his voice low and rough as his eyes rake over you, drinking in every detail.

“you’re worse,” you manage, though your voice is barely more than a whisper.

his grin widens, and his laugh is warm against your skin as he dips his head, his teeth grazing the sensitive spot just below your ear. “you’re already so worked up. it’s cute.”

“shut up,” you snap, though the way your hips arch into his touch betrays you.

“make me,” he challenges, his lips brushing against yours before descending lower, kissing down your collarbone and tugging your shirt higher with every inch. his hands roam greedily, tugging the fabric over your head and tossing it somewhere behind him without a second thought.

his mouth is back on you immediately, nipping and kissing along the swell of your breasts as his hands work the clasp of your bra. when it comes free, his lips part in a satisfied hum, his hands kneading your soft skin like he’s savoring every second of this.

“so fucking perfect,” he mutters, his voice husky as he leans back slightly to take in the sight of you. his gaze is heavy, filled with something dark and hungry that makes your stomach twist in the best way.

“stop staring,” you grumble, though the heat in your cheeks betrays the sharpness of your words.

“can’t help it,” he says, his grin tilting into something softer, more genuine. “you’re gorgeous.”

before you can respond, his mouth is back on you, his tongue flicking over your nipple as his other hand trails down your stomach, fingers dipping just beneath the waistband of your pants. your breath hitches as he pauses, his gaze flicking up to meet yours.

“can i?” he asks, his voice quieter now, his expression serious.

you nod, and he wastes no time. his fingers hook under the fabric, tugging your pants and underwear down in one swift motion. the cool air against your bare skin makes you shiver, but the warmth of his hands is there immediately, coaxing you to relax under his touch.

“look at you,” he murmurs, his voice low and thick as his hands part your thighs, his gaze drinking in every inch of you. “so fucking pretty.”

your cheeks flush, and you try to turn your head away, but his hand cups your chin, gently coaxing you to meet his eyes. “don’t hide from me,” he says, his thumb brushing against your cheek. “not tonight.”

his other hand slides between your thighs, his touch featherlight at first, teasing. when his thumb brushes over your clit, a jolt of heat shoots through you, and your hips buck involuntarily.

“sensitive,” he murmurs, his lips curving into a wicked grin. “i barely touched you, and you’re already squirming.”

“shut up,” you snap, your voice shaky as your fingers clutch at the sheets beneath you. but the way your body reacts—arching into his touch, chasing the pressure—makes it clear that his teasing isn’t far from the truth.

“you don’t really want me to, do you?” his voice is low, almost a growl, and the sound of it sends a shiver down your spine. “i think you like when i talk to you like this. when i tell you how good you’re doing, how fucking beautiful you look right now.”

your chest heaves as his fingers dip lower, sliding through your slick folds with infuriating slowness. every movement feels deliberate, calculated, like he’s savoring every second. when his fingers finally slip inside you, the stretch makes your head fall back, a gasp tumbling from your lips.

“that’s it,” he murmurs, his thumb circling your clit as his fingers begin to move, slow and deliberate at first. “you feel so fucking good, baby. so perfect.”

your hands fly to his shoulders, your nails digging into his skin as he curls his fingers, hitting a spot that makes your vision blur. “oh my god—gojo—”

he tuts sharply, his fingers pausing inside you, his thumb stalling its maddening rhythm. your head snaps up, breathless and confused, to find him staring down at you with a dark look, his lips curving into a smirk that doesn’t quite reach his eyes.

“no,” he says firmly, his voice low and commanding as he tilts his head. “say satoru.”

“w-what?” you stammer, your heart racing as his fingers remain perfectly still, the tension building with every passing second.

“not ‘gojo,’” he says again, his free hand sliding up to cup your jaw, tilting your face toward his. his thumb brushes over your bottom lip, his grin sharpening. “say satoru.”

you hesitate, your breath hitching as your body trembles beneath him. he presses his fingers deeper, curling them just enough to make your toes curl, and your resolve shatters.

“satoru,” you gasp, your voice breaking on the syllables.

his smirk widens, something dark and triumphant flickering in his eyes. “good girl,” he murmurs, his thumb resuming its slow, torturous circles on your clit as his fingers pick up their rhythm again, harder this time, deeper.

your head falls back against the mattress, your body arching into his touch as the pleasure builds again, higher and hotter than before. his name tumbles from your lips like a mantra, breathless and needy as he drives you closer to the edge.

“that’s it,” he coaxes, his voice dripping with praise as his free hand slides down your body, his touch possessive. “just like that, baby. let go for me.”

the coil in your stomach tightens to the breaking point, and when he curls his fingers just right, pressing against the perfect spot, it snaps. your orgasm crashes over you, white-hot and overwhelming, and his name spills from your lips in a broken moan.

“satoru—fuck—”

“that’s my girl,” he murmurs, his voice rough with approval as he works you through the waves of pleasure, his movements slowing but never stopping until your body goes slack beneath him, trembling and spent.

he pulls his hand away slowly, his gaze fixed on you as he brings his fingers to his lips, licking them clean with a deliberate, satisfied hum. “even better than i imagined,” he says, his voice dripping with arrogance, his eyes gleaming as they roam over your flushed, trembling body.

you blink, your breath still uneven as his words settle over you. “wait—” you say, your voice catching slightly. “you’ve thought about this?”

his grin widens, slow and deliberate, and he leans down, bracing himself on his forearms so his face is just inches from yours. “oh, sweetheart,” he murmurs, his voice low and teasing, “you really think i haven’t?”

your cheeks flush even hotter, your pulse racing as his words sink in. “you’re—” you stammer, at a rare loss for words. “you’re ridiculous.”

“ridiculous?” he repeats, feigning offense, though the wicked glint in his eyes never falters. “i’d say i’m a man of focus. you’ve been in my head for weeks, driving me insane with that sharp mouth and the way you look at me when you think i don’t notice.”

“i don’t—” you begin, but his lips curve into a knowing smirk, cutting you off.

“you do,” he insists, his tone softening just slightly. “and every time you glared at me, every time you rolled your eyes or bit back some little retort, all i could think about was how much i wanted to shut you up. like this.”

his lips capture yours again, and this kiss is slower, heavier, laced with an intensity that makes your toes curl. his hands roam, sliding over your bare skin with a reverence that feels almost out of place against his words.

when he finally pulls back, his gaze is still on you, his expression uncharacteristically serious. “and now that i’ve got you,” he says, his voice dipping into something darker, “i don’t think i’ll ever get enough.”

the weight of his confession leaves you breathless, and before you can respond, his lips are trailing down your body again, his hands parting your thighs as he settles between them.

“what are you—” you start, but his eyes flick up to meet yours, and the look in them steals the rest of your words.

“relax,” he murmurs, his lips curving into a soft, almost mischievous smile. “i’m not done tasting you yet.”

his hands slide to grip your thighs, pulling you apart with ease as his lips descend, brushing over your inner thighs, teasingly slow. his tongue flicks out, hot and wet against your skin, and when his mouth finally finds you again, you feel your body arch instinctively, your breath leaving in a sharp, unrestrained gasp.

he’s relentless. his tongue drags up your folds in a languid stroke before circling your clit with maddening precision. his mouth is hot, the slick, wet sounds mingling with your soft moans, and his breath—warm and uneven—fans against your skin with every movement.

his hair brushes against your thighs, soft and messy, and your fingers thread through it again, tugging sharply enough to make him groan against you. the vibration of it sends a jolt of pleasure straight through your core, and your hips buck against his mouth.

“satoru,” you gasp, but it’s barely coherent, your voice breaking as he latches onto your clit, sucking just enough to make your toes curl. “oh my—”

the cold press of something against your inner thigh pulls you out of the haze, just barely. it’s sharp, unfamiliar, and you glance down—his glasses. they’re still perched on his nose, slightly crooked, the metal frame fogging faintly from the heat of his breath. he’s so lost in the moment, so focused on the way his tongue works against you, that he hasn’t even noticed.

your hand drifts down, brushing against the cool frame, and you slip them off without a word. the absurdity of it—the way he’s been eating you out with his glasses still on—makes you want to laugh. the corners of your mouth twitch, and a soft sound bubbles up in your throat, but then his tongue presses flat against your folds, dragging up in one slow, deliberate motion, and the laugh dissolves into a sharp moan.

your head falls back against the pillow, your hand tangling back in his hair as you toss the glasses onto the bed with the other. the noise they make as they hit the mattress is faint, drowned out by the obscene wet sounds of his mouth, the low hums of satisfaction he lets out as he devours you.

“fuck,” you whimper, your thighs trembling as his tongue flicks against your clit again, faster now, more insistent. your body arches instinctively, chasing the pressure, and his hands tighten on your thighs, pulling you even closer to his mouth.

he growls against you, the sound low and rough, vibrating through you in a way that makes your toes curl. his tongue dips lower, teasing your entrance before sliding back up, and the sharp scrape of his teeth against your swollen clit has you seeing stars.

“so fucking sweet,” he mutters, his voice muffled against your slick skin. “can’t get enough of you, baby.”

you can’t respond, can’t think. the only thing you can focus on is the way his tongue works against you, precise and relentless, building the heat in your stomach until it’s unbearable. your fingers twist in his hair, pulling harder, and the groan he lets out in response sends you spiraling.

“satoru—” his name falls from your lips like a prayer, breathless and broken. he doesn’t stop, doesn’t let up, his mouth dragging you closer and closer to the edge until you can’t hold on any longer.

your orgasm hits you hard, ripping through you in waves that leave your entire body trembling. your hips jerk against his hold, your moans loud and unrestrained as you ride it out. his tongue slows, working you through every aftershock until you’re left panting, boneless against the bed.

when he finally pulls back, his chest is heaving, his lips and chin glistening with your slick. his hair is a mess, strands sticking up where your fingers had tugged, and his eyes—those impossibly bright blues—flick up to meet yours, gleaming with satisfaction.

“twice,” he says, his voice low and teasing as he wipes his mouth with the back of his hand.

he sits back on his knees, his hands smoothing over your trembling thighs as he takes in the sight of you—flushed, panting, your chest rising and falling as you try to catch your breath. his grin is lazy, self-satisfied, like he knows exactly what he’s done to you.

“you’re staring,” you mutter weakly, your voice barely above a whisper.

“hard not to,” he replies, his tone low and full of amusement. his fingers trace lazy patterns on your skin, his touch soft, teasing. “you look so fucking good when you come.”

your cheeks burn, and you want to glare at him, to tell him to shut up, but the words catch in your throat as he reaches for the hem of his shirt. in one fluid motion, he pulls it over his head and tosses it to the side, the movement effortless and maddeningly confident.

your eyes follow the shift of his muscles, the way they ripple under his skin, lean and defined. a faint sheen of sweat glistens across his chest, catching the dim light, highlighting every sharp line and curve. your gaze drifts lower, down to the sharp ridges of his abdomen. the faint trail of white hair starting just below his navel draws your attention, leading your eyes further, until his hands move to the waistband of his boxers.

he doesn’t rush. he hooks his thumbs under the fabric, dragging it down slowly, deliberately, letting the anticipation coil tighter in your stomach. as the fabric falls away, your breath hitches.

he’s fully bare now, and your mouth goes dry.

his cock is… breathtaking. thick and flushed a deep pink at the tip, already leaking beads of precum that catch the light as they drip down the length. it’s long, the kind of length that makes your thighs press together instinctively, wondering how he’ll fit, but the heat pooling low in your stomach burns hotter, overriding any hesitation.

his hand wraps around it, and he strokes himself slowly, his thumb swiping over the head to collect the wetness there. the motion is deliberate, almost lazy, and the soft groan he lets out sends a shiver down your spine.

you’re staring—you know you are—and he notices, his lips curving into a wicked grin as his eyes flick up to meet yours.

“don’t worry, baby,” he murmurs, his voice low and teasing as he leans forward, the head of his cock brushing against your folds, slick and hot. “i’ll make it fit.”

his words send a shiver through you, his voice low and dripping with confidence. the weight of his cock against your folds, hot and heavy, is enough to make your hips twitch instinctively, chasing the friction. but he doesn’t push in right away—of course he doesn’t. instead, he drags the head up and down your slick, letting it catch on your clit with every pass, teasing you until you’re squirming beneath him.

“satoru,” you whimper, your nails digging into his shoulders. you’re not above begging at this point. “please.”

his grin widens, his head dipping to press a kiss to the corner of your mouth. “what’s the rush, baby? we’ve got all night.”

“satoru,” you repeat, more insistently this time, and he groans at the sound of his name on your lips, his cock twitching against you.

“fuck,” he mutters, his voice tight now, losing some of that smug edge. “you sound so pretty when you beg.”

he lines himself up, his hand still wrapped around the base as he presses the head against your entrance. the stretch is immediate, a sharp, overwhelming mix of pleasure and pressure as he pushes in slowly, inch by inch.

“holy shit,” he breathes, his voice rough as his head falls forward, his hair brushing against your cheek. “you’re so fucking tight.”

your fingers clutch at his shoulders, your breath catching as he sinks deeper, the fullness stealing every coherent thought from your mind. he pauses halfway, his free hand sliding up to cup your jaw, tilting your face toward his.

“you okay?” he asks, and there’s something softer in his voice now, his eyes scanning your face for any sign of discomfort.

you nod, your voice shaky as you answer. “yeah. just—keep going.”

his jaw tightens, and he exhales slowly, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead before he starts to move again. every inch feels impossibly deep, your walls stretching around him, and when he finally bottoms out, you both pause, your breaths mingling as you try to adjust.

“fuck,” he groans again, his voice strained as his hips twitch against yours. “you feel so good. better than i ever—” he cuts himself off with a shaky laugh, shaking his head. “shit, you’re perfect.”

you can barely respond, the stretch and fullness leaving you trembling. but then he starts to move, pulling out almost entirely before sliding back in with a slow, deliberate roll of his hips. the drag of his cock against your walls is enough to have you moaning, your head falling back against the pillow.

“that’s it,” he murmurs, his voice rough and approving as he sets a steady rhythm. “good girl. taking me so well.”

your hands trail down his back, your nails scraping lightly against his skin, and the groan he lets out sends a fresh wave of heat through you. his movements quicken, the sound of skin against skin filling the room, and every thrust has him hitting that perfect spot deep inside you, making you cry out.

“satoru—” his name falls from your lips again, and he leans down, his teeth grazing your neck as he thrusts harder, deeper.

“you’re gonna make me lose my fucking mind,” he growls, his hands gripping your hips tighter, holding you in place as he drives into you. “you feel so good—so fucking perfect for me.”

the coil in your stomach tightens with every roll of his hips, the pressure building higher and higher until it’s unbearable. his thumb finds your clit, rubbing in tight circles that make your vision blur, and your moans grow louder, more desperate.

“come for me,” he demands, his voice rough and low in your ear. “let me feel you.”

the command sends you over the edge. your orgasm rips through you, your body arching into his as you cry out, his name spilling from your lips like a prayer. your walls clench around him, and the sensation makes him groan, his thrusts growing erratic as he chases his own release.

“fuck—” he gasps, burying himself as deep as he can go as he comes, the heat of him spilling into you, thick and warm. his head falls to your shoulder, his breath ragged against your skin as he rides out the last waves of pleasure.

the room is quiet except for the sound of your heavy breathing, the air thick and charged as he finally pulls back, his weight pressing into you as he collapses onto the bed beside you. his arm slides around your waist, pulling you against his chest as he presses a soft, lazy kiss to your temple.

“told you i’d make it fit,” he murmurs, his voice still rough, but there’s a hint of smugness there, his lips curving into a small grin.

you can’t help the laugh that escapes you, your body still trembling against his. “you’re such an asshole.”

“yeah,” he agrees, his tone light, teasing, as he brushes a strand of hair from your face. “but you like it.”

you roll your eyes, but there’s no heat to it, your lips curving into a faint smile as you bury your face against his chest. “shut up, satoru.”

“never,” he replies, and the warmth of his laughter vibrates through you, grounding you as your breaths slowly even out.

an. gojo with glasses... *hnnggghh*

DO NOT COPY, TRANSLATE, OR REPOST MY WORK ON OTHER PLATFORMS!

[notlongtolove]

the fox and her hound

“a fox?” he repeated, and you nodded. “a vixen.” spencer doesn’t understand why you call yourself a fox, not really. so you show him. not all at once, but in pieces, small glimpses of your world that you let him catch—if he can keep up.

pairing: spencer reid x fem!reader (second person, no y/n)

genre: fluff with a pinch of angst

content: a love story told through the allegory of a fox and a hound, mentions of metaphorical wounds

word count: 2k

note: no linked poem bc idk just thought of this and wanted to write it. mayhaps im taking this nature trope a tad too far lol but anyways i will probably come back to edit this.

a line: They don’t see it, do they? The way the fox rolls in the field when she thinks no one’s looking, laughing under her breath as she goes.

On your first date with Spencer, you’d asked him what animal he’d be. He had paused, tilting his head just slightly. He’s never understood why people ask questions like these. What animal? What color? What season? Animals are animals, colors are colors. It would be impossible to pick one to embody his entire being. Such separate realms of nature, totally different worlds, he thinks.

But you’re sitting across from him, head tilted, eyes glinting under dim light. Pretty. So pretty. He doesn’t want to disappoint you, doesn’t want you to think he’s boring or stiff or unfun. He wants to answer correctly, even though he knows there’s no “correct” answer to this.

“Maybe a golden retriever,” he said, trying to keep casual, “or a beagle. Something friendly.”

Something safe, he thinks. Something pretty girls statistically like.

You had smiled then, slow and soft, lifting the glass of whiskey to your lips, you said with all the certainty in the world:

“I’m a fox.”

“A fox?” he repeated, and you nodded.

“A vixen.” 

You didn’t explain it, just swirled your glass like you were swirling the word on your tongue. You loved the taste of it, loved the way it warmed your chest on the way down. Foxes are well-adapted to stay warm. Their thick winter coats, their long, bushy tails. They don’t need anyone to hold them when the frost bites or when the wind howls through the trees.

Spencer doesn’t understand why you call yourself a fox, not really. The dog stays close to the house. He doesn’t stray far, never been anywhere else. He doesn’t know. So you show him. Not all at once, but in pieces, small glimpses of your world that you let him catch—if he can keep up. The forest is dense, you see, the paths are winding and uneven. The shrubbery is thick, sharp branches clawing at the skin. There are logs in the way and the dog stumbles over them sometimes. You wonder if he’s getting tired, if your hidden path is too hard for him to navigate. If the spiders that weave their webs in his face and the fire ants that bite at his ankles are too painful to endure.

So, sometimes, you stop. You sit together on the forest floor, catching your breath. You wag your tails lazily and just talk.

“You know I’d never do anything to hurt you, right?” he asks one evening.

The fox doesn’t answer right away. Her ears twitch, and her eyes flicker toward the trees.

“I don’t like the word never,” she says finally, “It feels like an impossible standard.”

The dog thinks about this, his brow furrowing. “Okay,” he says after a moment. “I don���t ever want to hurt you.”

“I know,” she replies, her voice soft.

Because the fox knows her way through the forest. She knows every twist and turn, every trap hidden beneath the leaves. You tell the dog he’d never catch up, sometimes hiding, sometimes running faster—just to see if he’ll try. Spencer doesn’t tell you how he sees that every time you disappear into the trees, you always turn back. Always looking over your shoulder, always checking to see if he’s still behind you. 

Eventually, you reach your den. Your fur coat is scratched and bruised from the branches and the logs, the forest leaving its marks on you like it always does. But you’re here. He’s here.

Silently, you wonder how many more times you’ll have to make this journey. You don’t think you can endure another. But you don’t say it.

Instead, you take him inside.

Your den is small, cobbled together from dirt and leaves, from twigs and scraps you’ve gathered over the years. You show him your dirt mantle, how you’d packed it tight with earth and how you’d lined with relics of your life. You show him the first flower you ever found, or what’s left of it—a brittle stem, its petals long gone. You tell him the story of the hound who crushed it. 

There’s a feather on the wall, light and fragile, from the first bird you ever caught. You smile as you tell him the story of the chase, how fun it had been to run and run with your foxes until the world blurred around you. Until you were the only one left. In the corner, something glints: A metal buckle, tarnished but unmistakable. From the shoe of the first hunter who’d ever caught you.

You trace your fur with your fingers, telling Spencer your adventures and stories of the traps and the teeth, of the hunters who came with rifles and ropes. The dog sits, listening, understanding. You show him how the edges of your den are marked, too. The walls are carved with notches—five, ten, fifteen. Each one a hunter or hound you’d escaped from. You’re proud, you say, even as you run your hand over the rough lines. They’re proof you survived, that you’ve outwitted them time and time again. Not unwounded, not unbroken, but alive. 

You tell him you’re very proud of yourself.

The dog tilts his head, watching you carefully. He sees the way your voice falters when you recount the stories of cages and leashes, how your tail twitches when you mention the hunters. Spencer thinks the fox is lying.

So, the dog tries to teach the fox his ways.

He clears out your mantle first. He takes down the brittle flower stem, the feather, the tarnished buckle. Then, he takes your paw and shows you how to sniff out the bright pretty toadstools, the ones that make the forest less dark. He shows you the rain puddles, not just for drinking, but for jumping in, for splashing until your laughter scares off the birds.

Together, you fill your den with new relics. Ticket stubs from the village fair, postcards you write but never send, laughter tucked away in secret corners. Kisses, soft and warm, planted like seeds that grow slowly into something that feels like home.

Spencer rubs off the old notches on your walls with the pads of his paws, the dust of their memory falling to the floor. In their place, you make new marks. Not notches, but drawings. A fox curled in the safety of her den. A dog lying beside her, his muzzle resting on his paws.

Night after night, you curl up beneath your mantle, snouts touching, tails tucked beneath you. 

And then winter comes. Now, your walls feel too big for just a lone fox.

You see, the dog always listens to his master. He sits, he fetches, he stays. But always under command, always under the whistle’s call. And when his master calls, he has to go. Tail wagging or tucked low, he goes. 

“You’re hardly ever here anymore,” your voice cuts sharper than you meant it to. 

“Can we please not do this now,” he says almost pleadingly, his jaw tight.

For the first time, in the quiet of your den, the fox feels the cold.

The dog goes. The fox doesn’t follow. She can’t. She doesn’t belong where the dog goes—to places of shiny badges and polished shoes, of clean, carpeted floors and voices that echo off tall, glass walls. So she waits in her den, her fur bristling against the chill, her paws worn from pacing the same patch of dirt.

You try to remind yourself of who you are. A fox, sly, swift, clever. A fox, who doesn’t need to wait for anyone. 

But still, when the forest quiets, you glance toward the trees. You press your ear to the ground, hoping to catch the faintest echo of his steps, the rustle of leaves under his paws. The fox runs her fingers over the edges of the drawings, tracing the uneven lines, patching the spaces in her den where the light and the wind get in with twigs and leaves. She roams the fields, trying to race the clouds again. But she doesn’t think she runs quite as fast without Spencer beside her. She chases her tail like he taught her, spinning in quick circles, but it’s not as fun when she’s alone. She doesn’t try to catch the birds anymore. It doesn’t feel the same.

When Spencer comes back, his coat bruised and worn from his time away, the fox licks his wounds. The scrapes and the scratches, soft and slow, patching his paws with the leaves she’s saved. ​​He carries something in his teeth—a token, a peace offering, a sign that he thought of you while he was away. 

A flower. 

He’d found it near the river, petals still dewy, fragile and bright. He hopes you like it. You do.

You take it from him with careful paws, eyes tracing its delicate form before placing it on your mantle, next to the postcards and ticket stubs, next to the daffodils, peonies, dahlias, irises and all the other flowers he’s found for you over time. You think back to the brittle and dead stem you once kept and wonder if there’s any way to hold onto something that beautiful forever.

Because sometimes even beautiful flowers die.

And when it comes to fight or flight, the fox always runs. They say it’s in her blood, in her very nature to flee. So she bolts. She runs away from the den, away from the mantle and the flowers he’d collected. The fox doesn’t know if she can find flowers quite as beautiful as the ones Spencer has given her.

You don’t need the flowers, you tell yourself. You’ll find a new den, find new birds to catch, rebuild your mantle from scratch, carve new notches in your walls once more. You always do.

But the hound finds you. Bred for hunting. Tracking. Scenting. For knowing where to look and how to catch. Bred for the hunt, he always finds you. Your crouched back, tail down, ready to pounce or bolt if you have to. Every instinct telling you to run, to vanish into the underbrush before he can catch you. 

“Open the door,” a voice calls, low and insistent.

The fox is curled in the corner of this den. It doesn’t hold the warmth of the last.

“I know you’re home.”

She shuts her eyes and digs deeper into the wall.

“Open the door,” he says, voice softening, pleading. "Please."

The fox exhales, and with a shudder that shakes through her, she reaches out and opens the door. She misses her flowers.

It’s not the chase you expect. No barking, no growling. You bare your teeth. But he doesn’t move. Doesn’t even flinch. 

“What do you want?” she asks, claws sharp.

“I want to talk.”

“I don’t have anything to say to you.”

“Then I’ll stay here until you do.”

And so the fox and the dog sit. They wait and wait then talk and talk. By the time the first rays of the sun creep above the treetops, the fox is laughing again. It’s a sound that is warm and bright, something that makes Spencer’s heart feel a little fuller, a little lighter. He thinks he understands now. 

They don’t see it, do they? The way the fox rolls in the field when she thinks no one’s looking, laughing under her breath as she goes. The way she finds the sunniest patch to lay in and closes her eyes, tail swishing in contentment. They only see the scars and the snarls. They don’t ever see the joy.

“Why don’t you trust me?” he asks, his voice gentle but steady, the kind of tone that makes it clear he already knows the answer.

“I do,” you say quickly, instinctively.

He doesn’t push. He waits.

“I know you don’t,” he says finally, not accusing, just truthful.

You look away, fidgeting with your tail between your legs. “I’m trying,” you whisper.

“I know,” he says again, softer this time, his tail brushing lightly against your side.

⋆✴︎˚｡⋆ hi if you're here! thank you for reading! feel free to like or reblog or comment or reply!

ᯓ★ song recs if you feel like it: you’re here that’s the thing by beabadoobee tsunami by niki

[inkyarcturus]

I think there’s two ways that Harry could react to this continued mistreatment, implosion or explosion. While I love a good implosion, I think that’s a lil too much angst for the night, so explosion it is >:D (I gave u some fluff at the end)

Harry’s jealousy starts getting the better of him. He starts screaming a lil louder, mouthing off more often, disobeying Severus more.

It starts slow with Harry muttering more insults under his breath, it becomes automatic whenever he sees Severus treating one of the other kiddos.

Then, he starts rolling his eyes, sighing, huffing, nearly stomping like a child whenever Severus does something. He recognizes how infantile it all is but he just can’t seem to stop himself.

Then he starts insulting him in his face, purposefully putting the wrong ingredient in while brewing, turning in poor work, coming in late to class more often than not.

At some point he stops thinking of this as retribution for the pain hes caused/missing Harry’s abuse, or as a way of protecting his friends, and instead starts seeing it as more a desperate cry for help.

A desperate “HEY LOOK AT ME!!! IM BEING A PROBLEM, WILL YOU HELP ME NOW?”

Throughout the entire time, Hermione is watching this unfold with keen eyes. She tries warning Snape, he does not listen.

It gets so bad he starts trying to get Ron and Nev to stop going to the lil check up meetings the Snape has for them throughout the year. He notices how much he’s changed and all it does is make the feelings feel bigger and worse. He is tearing everyone else apart and himself in the process.

Everything comes to a head when Snape catches one of his comments while helping Nev. Snape asked Nev to stay after class to check up on him. They had just got done with a potions class where the two of them partnered up together and their potion exploded, causing them to get harsh burns on their arms. Harry quickly hides that he was affected by the explosion.

Snape only asks Nev to stay after, not Harry. Harry stays anyways, stalling to watch as Snape grabs some burn ointment to help Nev.

“It doesn’t hurt THAT bad, it’s just some burns you don’t have to heal him.”

Fuck.

Snapes head snaps up at him and he glares.

Double fuck.

Harry winces at his own words, still pulling down his sleeves so the burns don’t show. He regrets it as soon as the words come out of his mouth. Cuz he has the same burns as Nev and he knows they hurt like hell, he knows his jealousy is what’s speaking.

Snape looks back at Nev, done applying the burn ointment and sends him off, voice soft. He forces Harry to stay back.

The argument is catastrophic. It includes Harry’s accidental magic going haywire, it includes screaming, crying, attempts at running and too many realizations to count on Snapes side.

While Harry tries to run out of the classroom, Snape grasps at his injured arm, causing him to yelp in pain. It’s the catalyst for Severus’s noticing. He pulls Harry back and pulls his sleeve back, revealing the burn. It’s quiet, it’s still as Severus is forced to confront his own negligence.

Then he moves, quickly as he can accioing a bottle of the burn ointment (a stronger dosage, of course potter was injured worse than Longbottom) he tries his best to calm the wriggling Harry in his grasp, softly shushing him as he puts on the ointment.

Harrys sobbing trying to deny it, screaming his frustrations over why Snape just couldn’t fucking see it dammit, it’s written in his mind, in his body, in his soul.

All the while Severus just continues to softly apologize for it all in hushed tones, continuing to apply the potions, not letting him run and hide from him this time. Because while Harry is right, in a way it was obvious the entire time, his body kept the score, but his brain just couldn’t seem to let anyone see the score board.

And in the end, It is not the best, but it is better. It is a start.

(Something something, Harry ending up on snapes lap sobbing his eyes out and Snape just letting him until he falls asleep, tension gone from his body as he finally feels safe and seen)

Tw: Child abuse

While I don’t envision Harry to be a particularly jealous person in the books, I can’t help but think about certain situations with Severitus where that emotion might come out.

I especially think about it when fanfics depict Severus as a protector for abused children in slytherin or Hogwarts as a whole. I think Harry seeing how Snape treats other children compared to him would enrage him.

Just seeing everything that he could have if things were just a little bit different, if he was sorted into slytherin, or if he just had a different father, or some other insignificant thing, he could have had the love, care and protection he always wanted. He could have had someone on his side who actually fought for him, was willing to do the hard stuff for him.

But he doesn’t just get jealous of how Snape treats other children, he gets jealous of the fact that Snape FINDS OUT about the other children’s abuse. He sees how easily Severus seems to pick up on other kids flinching, hiding injuries, or peculiar behavior, taking them aside after class within the first year, first month of school. Yet, after years of knowing him, Snape seems to have no clue. He sees that and can’t help but think why not him as well, he gets so so angry.

The anger and jealousy doesn’t stick however as he just ends up thinking maybe the way the dursleys treat him isn’t so bad, after all, if the number one person in the school for detecting abuse can’t see it, maybe it’s not actually abuse. And anyways, he should be grateful the other kids have someone to go to.

And somewhere deep down he thinks it’s his fault, because he has gotten rather good at covering up their tracks over the years. How can he blame the Professor when he purposefully hides the evidence?

Anyways hope yall enjoyed this rant :D

[flwrkid14]

Tim and Jason: Caught Between Healing and Fear

note: completely inspired by this amazing post! tysm to @timdrakewhump for letting me use it as inspo!! <33

Tim doesn’t flinch around Jason. Not exactly. It’s more of a stiffening, a tightening of his shoulders, a flicker in his eyes that he knows Jason catches. He hates it. Everyone else has moved on. Dick forgave. Bruce rebuilt. Even Damian, with all his sharp edges, has softened into something survivable. But Tim? He still expects a hit that doesn’t come, still hears the echo of fists in the dark.

And that? That’s on him, right? It has to be. Because if everyone else can move on, why can’t he?

They don’t talk about it. Not directly. The bats have always been good at side-stepping, at smoothing over the cracks with enough shared history to pretend the damage never happened. They act like everything’s fixed, like Jason is something fragile they have to keep close, hold together. They ignore the way Tim’s shoulders tense when Jason’s voice gets too loud, the way his hands shake when shadows fall just right. They brush off his excuses to leave the room or, worse, look at him like he’s the problem.

“Jason’s trying, Tim.” “He’s better now.” “Don’t hold onto the past.”

But Tim isn’t holding on. He’s bracing.

Every patrol with Jason is a test. Every sparring match, a gamble. Jason keeps it light—punches pulled, jabs softened with crooked smiles—but Tim knows what Jason’s hands are capable of. He remembers the brutality, the raw fury that doesn’t vanish just because it’s been filed down to something more manageable. He knows Jason’s trying. He knows Jason’s better. But there’s a thin line between better and safe, and Tim’s still learning how to balance on it.

When Jason starts spending more time at the manor, no one questions it. They welcome him with open arms, eager to fill the empty spaces his absence left. He’s part of the family, they say. He needs support, they insist. So Jason sits at the dinner table, helps out on patrol, lounges on the couch like he’s always belonged there. And Tim... Tim watches from the corner of the room, a shadow on the periphery, pretending he doesn’t notice the way everyone else orbits around Jason like he’s the sun.

They send Tim on solo missions now—so Jason can have space. They say it like it’s a good thing, like they’re doing Tim a favor. More responsibility, more autonomy. He should be grateful. And he is. Or he would be, if it didn’t feel like being exiled. The irony isn’t lost on him. They don’t want Jason to be alone, so Tim has to be.

The apartment is quieter than the manor, the kind of quiet that presses in too close. No hum of the Cave, no distant footsteps of someone always nearby. It’s fine. He’s used to it. He tells himself that every night, like a mantra. He likes the solitude. It’s familiar, comforting in a way that makes his chest ache. But sometimes, when the silence stretches too thin, he thinks about calling. Jason always picks up now. He’d probably offer to come over, bridge the gap that Tim never asked to be there.

But what would Tim say? Sorry I still see the blood on your knuckles? Sorry I can’t forget how it felt to be the replacement? Sorry you came back, and I thought it would fix things, but it didn’t?

He doesn’t call.

They’re terrified of losing Jason again. They hold him close, desperate, like he might slip through their fingers if they let go for even a second. Tim understands that. He really does. He remembers the hollow ache that filled the manor after Jason died, the way grief settled into the walls like a permanent stain. No one wants to go through that again. They’d do anything to keep Jason safe, to keep him here.

But no one asks what Tim gave up. What he’s still giving up.

Jason is here, but Tim feels like he’s the ghost.

Sometimes, when they’re all gathered together—Bruce at the head of the table, Dick and Steph cracking jokes, Duke helping himself to another slice of pie—Tim looks around and wonders if anyone would notice if he slipped away. Just stood up, walked out, and didn’t come back. Would they miss him? Or would they be too busy watching Jason, making sure he doesn’t disappear again?

He catches Jason watching him sometimes, eyes sharp and knowing. Jason’s not stupid. He sees the cracks. Tim wonders if he feels guilty, or if he’s just waiting for Tim to say something, to break the silence that’s grown too thick between them. But Tim won’t. He can’t. The words stick in his throat, heavy and bitter.

So he stays quiet. He goes on solo missions, patrols alone, comes back to an empty apartment that feels less like home every day. And he tells himself it’s enough.

Because it has to be.

[aizenify]

[💌] AIZEN SŌSUKE RELATIONSHIP HEADCANNONS

[NOTE]: Aizen has a variety of character arcs, so this won't be limited to any specific one. I do plan to create a more detailed version covering the different Aizen arcs in the future, but you're welcome to request any specific one in the meantime.

[ ☕️ ] My ask box is open! If you have a specific prompt you'd like me to write about—whether it's relationships, everyday activities, or anything else—don't hesitate to ask! I encourage you to suggest whatever your heart desires.

TW: none!

This will be split into 2 sections

What does Aizen look for?

— If you were Aizen’s partner, you’d definitely be someone very special to him. Looks wouldn’t be as important; rather, it would be your personality and ideologies that matter most.

— For instance, Aizen values someone who enjoys challenges and is willing to take risks. He’s all for that, but, of course, you’d also need to be cautious at times.

— Aizen greatly appreciates a deep understanding of the world. I like to think that he and his partner would engage in philosophical conversations daily. He’d want someone to explore the world with, to venture into new places, and try new experiences. Aizen definitely strikes me as the type to enjoy travel.

— He would want someone who challenges him. Given who Aizen is, he wouldn’t be interested in a partner who is passive or follows the crowd. He wants someone who will challenge his ideas, his ethics, and his worldview. He seeks someone who is on the same intellectual level, someone equal to him, or perhaps even better. This is something he has always longed for.

— I believe Aizen is sapiosexual, meaning he is attracted to people with high intelligence, and also likely demisexual or somewhere on the aromantic/asexual spectrum. He deeply values intelligence and personal space. For him, the sexual aspects of a relationship would not be his focus; instead, he values the fundamentals. His understanding of "love" is more complex than that of most people.

— Building on what I mentioned about his view on love, you would also need to respect his needs and be patient. Trust is essential here. Aizen doesn’t easily trust anyone, so the idea of him loving someone would make him feel extremely vulnerable. While he views trust as a form of reliance, his approach to trust in relationships is different. His way of showing trust and love will likely be expressed through his actions. Perhaps after Muken, Aizen would become more open and free. Muken Aizen, after all, is much more carefree and relaxed.

I’ll keep this section as is since it’s getting long. I’ll leave the rest for another day!

What will Aizen be like with his S/O?

— Aizen would likely ask for your thoughts on his plans or if you have any alternative suggestions for execution. He enjoys the sound of his own voice, so don’t be surprised if he rambles on about his strategies or just shares his thoughts from time to time.

— He will shower his partner with gifts and words of affirmation. Aizen is incredibly attentive and will take note of even the smallest details about what you like, even if you haven’t explicitly told him.

— Quality time will be very important to him as well. Despite his preference for solitude, having someone by his side will be a refreshing change. After being alone for so long, it’s natural to crave companionship. Aizen will likely plan a variety of activities for you both to enjoy together, whether it’s shopping, cooking, or simply taking a walk. Every moment with you will be meaningful.

— Physical touch is something Aizen might find unfamiliar at first. He’s used to being cautious with those around him, especially with anyone who gets too close. However, I think he would offer hugs from time to time as a way to show that he’s there for you and cares for you. If he knows you enjoy physical affection, he’ll make an effort to meet that need, even if it takes him a while to become fully comfortable with it!

— Expect a lot of playful bantering. Aizen seems like He enjoys a bit of lighthearted back-and-forth.

— Aizen will take you out on extravagant dates or to fancy venues. He is undoubtedly classy and chivalrous, he will treat you with the utmost respect and make sure you always get the best of everything!

That’s all for now! Thank you for reading!!! This is my first published hc 🧡🤎☕️

[unabashedly-so]

Reaching

word count: 920

warnings: mentions of alcohol, sex, and kind of self-destructive vibes I guess?

Similar to and taken some inspiration from @snailmail444's fic, "Elliot Situationship"; but I promise while are inevitably structural similarities, the content is, hmm, unfortunately organically homegrown. Hope you don't mind the mention--it's a fic that stuck with me and I just felt it fair to acknowledge the similarities! 💕

----------

Elliott needed a muse; you needed a release. Neither of you were ready for commitment, but neither of you were ready to be alone.

So together, per the agreement, you do everything except love.

He reads you his manuscript. You tell him the town gossip. You dance, you drink, you dance some more, you drink a little more. You discuss philosophy, politics, religion, family, and all the things neither of your last partners knew very much about. You smell salt in his hair, the cherry wine on his breath, and taste the cherries when he kisses you.

It’s well past 3am—and not for the first time nor for the last—when he asks you if you’ve ever…? And the answer is complicated—it always is. When he listens, you’re certain you see it—in his intention, disbelief, sadness, care. When he holds you in his arms, it’s secure.

Then you make love. Or, you would, but it can’t be that, so you… what was the word he used, ever the wordsmith?

“Fuck.”

He tries to say it smoothly, but it trips out of his mouth like an accident. Elliott doesn’t curse. He could euphemize, allegorize, wax poetic… but whenever it comes to this, he curses instead.

He is gentle, tender, slow as he lights sparks down your body.

The first several times, everything feels right in the world. Riding the high of release and connection, you hardly notice it’s not the same. Then its absence begins to grow heavier on you, time after time, until you finally recognize—it hurts.

You spend your days raking yourself over different scenarios: we have to stop doing this, or I can’t keep doing this, or this is no longer beneficial for me, or you’ve begun to mean too much to me, and always, I’m sorry.

You spend your nights chasing, reaching for what you know you cannot have, and telling, lying to yourself that the act of reaching is enough. Because you can’t, but you do. You do, you do, you do.

If you think you are in love, and you feel like you are in love, then how far of a reach is it to say you simply are?

Pain’s like that, too.

“Harder,” you tell him the next time he’s between your legs.

He kisses you just below your ear, whispering as he does not falter in his steady pace, “Patience, patience…”

“Harder.”

Now he pauses. He looks at you, his beautiful auburn hair tossed in a way he never lets anyone else see, and you look at him. His voice is soft but firm.

“I don’t want to hurt you…”

--but there’s a lift at the end, you heard it. He’s weak for you. “You won’t,” you lie, sinking your teeth into his weakness. “Please.”

You blink and hope the lowlight hides what had welled in the corners of your eyes when he’d stretched you to tears only moments ago.

His eyes hold yours in the winded silence between you. He opens his mouth to say something, then looks away, lips pressed into a thin line.

This is what we signed up for, isn’t it? If you don’t love me, then fuck me like it.

“Do it,” you press.

And not without hesitation or passion, he does.

It hurts, but at least it’s an honest hurt.

Afterwards, you lay your head on his chest and listen to his heart gradually find its steady rhythm again. His arm is wrapped around you. He pauses before he kisses your hair, where his lips do linger.

When it is time to leave, because someone must always leave, his fingertips trail against your skin. For a split second, you imagine they twitch, reaching, as if to grab you and bid you stay. But you stand up and only feel the chill of empty air on your skin.

It’s not the first time you’ve done this together, too, so there’s a ritual around leaving. You go through it with mechanical precision. He thanks you for coming by, says he enjoyed your company. You say the same, and together, at an arm’s length, you do both mean it.

“Good night, Elliott,” you bid him as you reach for the door.

“Good night, love,” he says back to you without flinching.

Why would you say that? you want to scream, Why would you say that?

And so, instead of screaming, you don’t say anything at all. You open the door and step outside and away from the cabin, and maybe the door closes behind you, maybe not, it doesn’t matter. Your eyes transfix on the sea as the roaring of the waves crashing against the shore drowns out everything else. They swell, they break, they reach and reach and reach, and then they’re dragged back, cast back into the devouring void. To be re-congealed, reformed into swells destined to break again and get dragged back again—

and reach. And reach. And reach.

It’s high tide, and the sand an arm’s length away is solid and cold from a wave for now receded. Another wave swells, breaks, reaches, and is dragged back, leaving barely a trace to show so that each wave looks fresh and new, and not an infinite plus one.

You are not so lucky. Though your tracks in the sand quickly erode in the breeze, you will hold the memory from each and every time you find yourself here again.

How many more times will it be?

You begin to count the waves.

[letteredlettered]

Hey! I really enjoyed reading your comments on feedback and fanfic this week and would love to get your input on something similar-ish I’ve been struggling with. I’m recently back on Tumblr (lurking) and writing fanfic (secretly) after quite a few years away from fandom spaces. I’ve never posted my work on AO3 before but I’ve been considering pulling that trigger lately. I’d love to share my writing with anyone else who might enjoy it and admittedly I do dream of finding some community by putting myself out there like that. However, so intimidating to put myself out there like that. Do you have any advice for someone thinking of posting their fics for the first time? Anything you wish you knew before posting yours? Truly any perspective you can share would be very much appreciated :)

I posted my first fanfic probably about 24 years ago, so I don’t know if I’m the best person for these questions, but I’ll address what you’ve asked. At length, it seems.

1. I guess the first thing I’d say is search elsewhere than AO3 to fulfill your dream of finding community. As I said in this post, AO3 was built as an archive for community that already existed, and it doesn’t have robust community-building tools.

2. I’ve tried. I have literally posted fics partly to ask where the discord was, a question I have put in the A/N that was eventually answered but not without numerous follow-ups. I have often posted my tumblr handle in A/Ns, asking people to come scream with me about a fandom. While a flattering number of folks over the years have sent me asks and chats saying they really liked my fic, there have been striking few who have come to scream at me about the canon.

This is my fault, not theirs. I’m bad at starting conversations; I’m of an unsocial, taciturn disposition unwilling to speak unless to say something that will impress the whole room. But I am also a pretty popular writer, and I have made precious few connections this way; I think it should tell you something.

3. To fulfill your dream of finding community, as I said in the above-linked post, I don’t actually have great solutions. Since discord is basically hidden, the only way I know of to actually find community is to start cold-messaging people you vibe with through asks and chat on places like tumblr.

4. Re finding community through writing fic, @reads8hoursperday made an interesting addition to that above-linked post here, pointing out that in the journaling days of fandom, it was very common to write fics in the comments or even on your journal. They didn’t get archived and in that way were effectively ephemeral. While it’s nice to have a permanent archive, they were pointing out that the permanent nature of AO3 contributes to the feeling that there is some kind of status associated with fic.

One way to a) deal with nerves posting fic for the first time, b) shatter the feeling that your first fic must accrue beaucoup stats, would be to post on one of the other platforms first. If you post somewhere like discord, it feels less like a presentation and more just like part of a conversation you want to have: hey, what do you think about this fic? Is it good? Does it need work? Should I post to AO3? The folks there can help encourage and cheerlead you to post somewhere more intimidating, like AO3.

But okay, you also said you wanted to share your fics, and AO3 is an excellent place for that, and imo, the best, so here are some further ideas about how to post fic on AO3 without feeling like you might die of stage fright:

5. Title your fic something you would want to read. Write a summary for your fic that would make you want to click on it. Do not title your fic something you think the most people will click on. Do not write a summary you think will entice the most people. Giving your fic the title and summary that would attract you is setting up the expectation, for yourself, that this fic is for you, and maybe, a little bit, readers like you—instead of for a big audience that will accrue the most stats.

I say this as someone whose fic summaries have been endlessly mocked and derided. I’ve literally had people come into my comments angry at me because my summary wasn’t “eloquent” enough to let them know my fic was “good” and so they “missed out” on reading it for far “too long.” It’s a wild world out there, let me tell you.

But my summaries have also been complimented. They have been what made someone click. In the end I’m putting this out there for someone who likes what I do, and it’s been really liberating to say to myself, “You know what? I would read this. And the people who wouldn’t? Maybe they’re not the readers I’m interested in.”

6. I think setting both hopes and also setting expectations around that kind of audience—an audience who wants to hear what you have to say—rather than stats, is important. Ultimately, if you’re writing to be popular, or to attain a certain number of comments or kudos, you’re going to be disappointed. But if you’re sharing what you’ve written because you want to reach people who like what you have to say, if you don’t get comments and kudos, then the problem is that those people haven’t found you, not that what you have to say is worthless.

And I think bearing that in mind can soothe a lot of the heartache around posting a fic that doesn’t do well.

I posted a fic in a fandom that was new for me two years ago. It was the juggernaut pairing in a megafandom, the kind of fandom where even new authors get over a hundred kudos and a decent number of comments. But my fic was a little darker than what seemed to be the norm for the pairing on AO3; it didn’t have porn, and it didn’t have a very strong plot with an ending.

This fic tanked, stats-wise. But my conclusion is that the people who would’ve liked this fic didn’t see it, or even that the people who would’ve liked this fic aren’t even in the fandom, because they saw how much fluff there was on AO3, or the canon is too light-hearted for them. I didn’t conclude my writing sucked or that it was a bad story. Some people might think that! But what I told myself was I just didn’t find my audience.

You might say it’s easy for me to say that because I am a pretty popular author who does have an audience with most other things I write. I would agree I am a very confident writer, but I do think, even if you don’t have my kind of confidence, going into it knowing that not everyone’s going to love it can really help.

7. Relatedly, I think that loving what you’ve written, working on it and editing it and creating something that you care about and adore, something that is exactly what you want, can help with feeling proud no matter what. You might think that if, then, you don’t get a lot of comments and kudos also adoring it, it can feel demoralizing, and it can. It can definitely feel that way.

But there is something really liberating in creating a thing that makes you happy. And if you honest-to-god wrote something that you love, I guarantee someone else will love it. They might not find you on AO3, which can be really disappointing. But think of how many times you’ve loved something strange or unusual you thought no one had ever even thought about before, and then you read a book or saw a post or a video and realized there was a whole world out there that loved it too. There is a whole world out there, and they’re there for you. You’re sending a signal out there to the world. Maybe it can really touch someone.

8. Since I’m suggesting that the trick is really “finding your audience” some people conclude that what they really need to do is market their fic, really sell it to people, link it every chance they get, beg authors they like to read it, etc. I really recommend against this. People will think it looks gauche, but who gives a fuck what they think. What’s really detrimental about it is that if you go hawking your wares like that and you’re still not getting the attention and validation you’re craving, you’re going to be even more disappointed, and it’s going to feel really bad.

I’m not saying “let the universe do its work,” or anything mystic. Fic does require a certain amount of signal-boosting so people know what’s out there. Certainly, post a link to your fic on tumblr, mention it in discord, tweet it on bluesky, or wherever. My wife even tells me I have to reblog my fic posts on tumblr a few times so people don’t miss it in their feed. All of that is fine. But if you are giving your whole self to “finding your audience” and you don’t find it, it’s going to leave you raw and unwanted.

9. All right, so you’ve written the fic you love and you’ve prepped yourself for the idea that you’re just looking for readers to love what you love—and yet, somehow, you’re still concerned about stats. Don’t beat yourself up about it. Almost everyone is concerned about stats. It’s impossible not to fret over it in this economy environment.

People think I must never be concerned about getting a little kudos because I get a lot. I really think people think there’s some kind of popularity threshold where people must feel they have “arrived,” where they no longer care about being popular. I’m not sure where they are getting this idea. It’s just not true. Everyone wants praise and attention; they don’t stop because they get it.

So yes, I think about stats. I think about them a lot, and you probably do, too. That’s okay. Here are some more things you can do:

10. Set expectations around this too, and set them very, very low. One thing that people don’t understand about expectation-setting is that it requires some real time and imagination. Don’t just tell yourself, “I’m going to get two kudos” and that’s all. Imagine your timeline. Imagine looking at your fic’s stats. And imagine how you’re going to feel when you see that stat.

For instance, if I imagine two kudos is all the attention my fic will ever get, I don’t imagine that one minute after I post, I’ll see it got two kudos. I imagine that a week later, I will be looking at my fic, and I will see that it has two kudos. I check in with myself--how does it feel? A little disappointing, maybe. I thought more people would read it. What will I do next? Maybe I’ll go out for a fun coffee with my wife. Ah, it’s not that bad, really. It’s too bad only two people kudos’ed it—but in the end, it wasn’t the end of the world.

Now, imagine I set my expectations at two and I got three kudos—well, that feels spectacular! And if I get my two kudos, well, okay, maybe it feels a little worse than I imagined, but it’s still not that bad. But imagine if I was expecting five and only got two—I think I would be crushed.

11. I will make this a separate point because I think it’s important—really, imagine how your email will look. There’s a thing we do with our phones, where we get hopeful someone has messaged us, or we get hopeful that there will be something new for us, that someone will have paid attention to us in some way. Then we look at our phone and there’s nothing for us. It’s crushing. The chemicals in your body cause your whole being to plummet. And then the next time you look at your phone they cause you to anticipate, to get tense and stress again, and then when your phone has nothing for you, you’re that much more depleted.

You are putting your body through a roller coaster. Many people’s solution is not to look at their phone, but I don’t actually think this is a great idea for many people, because they will fail. They will fail, be crushed by whatever attention they didn’t receive on their phone, AND they will feel bad that they failed to stay away from their phone.

Meanwhile, if you say to yourself: what am I hoping to see when I look at my phone? What can I realistically expect from my phone at this moment? How will I feel when I see it? What will I do after that? Then you can manage these expectations much more easily.

12. Relatedly, I would suggest you have an activity planned that will start the moment after you post your fic—an activity that takes you away from your computer and, if possible, your phone for four to eight hours. Going to the cinema is a great idea for a few of those hours, because most people are really able to keep their phone off for the duration. I like to go out with friends after I post a fic, but I am not someone who really looks at her phone during social engagements.

I remember once I posted a fic and went directly to an anti-Dobbs protest; the friend who had informed me about the protest and met me there was a fandom friend. She said, “Did you really just post porn and then come to a demonstration about the right of a woman to choose?”

I said yes. This is the best way to do it. So here is my final advice: post on AO3 and then allow people with a uterus the right to choose.

[sheerfreesia007]

Little Book of Love

Pairing: Seungmin x Reader

Word count: 2,555

Content warnings: Fluff

Summary: Seungmin enjoys his journaling time and loves the fact that he’s found a close friend that enjoys it just as much as he does. But what happens when he realizes that you’ve got two different types of journals and won’t show him what you write about? 

The quiet chirping of some birds in the nearby tree to his balcony soothes Seungmin as he sits at the table lazily writing about his day and the things he found important for him to remember in his journal. The sun was still high enough in the sky to give him enough light to be able to write and he found himself gently closing his eyes as he listened to the quiet busy noises of everything around him. He smiled softly as he heard the scritching of your own pen against paper before he turned his head to look at you. You were sitting curled up in a chair not far from his, your knee drawn up to your chest with your own journal resting on your knee while you quickly wrote about your own day. He sat there soaking in the peace between the two of you as he watched your pen move swiftly across the page. He loved that he was able to share this hobby with you and you enjoyed it almost as much as him, it was something he had come to cherish about your friendship. The way the two of you were able to just exist in the quiet as you wrote your thoughts on how life was going, it was something that he wasn’t able to find with anyone else and he knew it was special with you.

Just as he was about to open his mouth and ask you what you were writing so swiftly about, he watched in surprise as you shut the journal and slipped it into your backpack before pulling out a separate journal and begin writing slower in it almost as if you didn’t feel rushed to write in this journal as opposed to your other one. He watched as your eyes darted around the page and a soft smile slipped onto your lips pulling the corners up into something so pretty. Flinching at his thoughts he quickly shook his head before nonchalantly speaking.

“I didn’t know you had two journals.” he said softly and your head whipped up to stare at him wide eyed before you ducked your head in embarrassment. He tilted his head to the side curiously at your reaction and he wondered what the other journal was for and why would you need two journals.

“Oh yeah, one is my regular journal for my day to day stuff and the other one is special.” you tell him cryptically and he frowned softly as his eyes focused shrewdly on you. “And no, I won’t be telling you what it’s for. So don’t ask.” you tell him primly already knowing that he’ll ask you about it. He huffs softly at you before pouting as he widens his eyes and you laugh loudly at his antics. “Stop with the puppy eyes. You know it doesn't work on me.” you told him dismissively before turning back to your journal and continuing to write in it.

“Then can I see what you write in your regular journal?” he asked curiously, hoping that you’d let him but ultimately knowing that you wouldn’t. Your journal was private and sacred to you just like his was to him, you never asked to see his journal and until now he never asked to see yours. But the fact that you had two separate journals made him desperate to know what you wrote about that required two.

“No.” you scoffed offendedly and he quickly raised his hands trying to placate you. He knew he overstepped as your eyebrows furrowed darkly over your eyes.

“Sorry, just a shot in the dark.” he said quickly and you huffed at him. “I know, I know. I shouldn’t have asked. But I want to know why you have two journals.” he said imploringly as he stared at you.

“Get it out of your head. Just forget you saw it.” you told him with a shake of your head before you returned back to writing in your journal Seungmin leaned back in his chair and continued to watch you before he heard your alarm start to ring and he frowned softly knowing that you would have to leave now. You finished up your last thought before gently shutting your journal and slipping it into your backpack. Standing from your chair you stretch your arms out to either side of your body and arc your back groaning softly when you hear it pop. Seungmin stands also knowing that he won’t be able to keep you here tonight, you’ve got too much going on tomorrow and you have an early morning tomorrow.

You smile warmly up at him causing him to roll his eyes at you before opening his arms to you. You chuckle softly and quickly step up to him wrapping your arms around his waist as you rest your face against his chest. Seungmin wraps his arms around your shoulder before squeezing you tightly making you cry out in surprise and delight. You try to struggle against him but he chuckles darkly into your ear as his arms keep you held close to him.

”Nope, you wanted this so accept your fate.” He said amused as you tried again to struggle out of his hold. When you find that he won’t let you go you melt against him smiling and Seungmin smiles as well as he loosens his hold slightly before resting his head on top of yours. He wonders if you feel as light and happy as he does in this very moment as he gently closes his eyes listening to the chirping birds as he hugs you close before he has to say goodbye.

*-*-*-*

Over the next couple of months whenever you and Seungmin hang out no matter what the two of you wind up doing the hang outs always end the same. You both sit together in peaceful silence while you both journal about your days. And he always notices the different journals, you try to hide them from him but he notices one has a deep navy blue cover that’s dotted with gold flecks almost like stars in the night sky and the other one is a simple brown leather bound journal that seems to have been used so often the leather is buttery soft and flexible. He thinks the brown one is your regular journal and the navy blue is the special one used for a different purpose but he doesn’t know for sure. He wants to ask again why you would need two journals but he’s learned after the first time not to ask again.

It’s the week in between his birthday and Jisung and Felix’s birthdays, he knows the guys are planning a special birthday dinner for him, Jisung and Felix to celebrate all together this year since all of their schedules are all over the place and they don’t have many overlapping days. He’s already asked Chan if it would be alright to invite you as well as his guest and the boys all teased him heartily for wanting to invite you, but Felix had come to his rescue and said he’d also like to invite you, shutting the boys up as they all agreed.

As he checked his outfit once more in the mirror he sighed softly, feeling as if the black button up shirt didn’t sit well on his shoulders. Felix walked past his open bedroom door and halted in his steps when he spotted Seungmin standing in front of his mirror frowning. Seungmin watched him through the mirror as he came to lean against his doorway and cross his arms over his chest as he eyed Seungmin critically.

“You know she’ll love whatever you wear. She doesn’t care about the clothes, she cares about you.” Felix said knowingly as he smirked softly as Seungmin as the man blushed softly.

“It doesn’t feel right.” Seungmin admitted and Felix shook his head before he stepped into Seungmin’s bedroom and over to stand in front of the worried man. He reached up and popped the top two buttons and laid the fabric out on his chest so that it hung looser at the top showing off some skin.

“Try that, it won’t feel as strangling.” Felix suggested as he patted Seungmin on the chest a few times. “But you have nothing to worry about. I promise.” Felix said confidently and Seungmin sighed softly before nodding his head. He knew he was being silly but something felt different about tonight and he couldn’t put his finger on it. There was something in the air, some sort of tension or excitement.

The car ride to the restaurant was fun, all of them had piled into the car and they were all being their normal loud crazy selves as Seungmin checked his cell phone for any text messages from you. You had let him know when you had gotten out of work and had told you’d get ready quickly before meeting them all there but ever since that text he hadn’t received anything else from you. Suddenly feeling a weight against his side Seungmin looked up into the warm sparkling eyes of Chan who had a wide knowing grin on his face.

“Is she on her way?” he asked softly and Seungmin frowned softly before shrugging his shoulders.

“How do you know I’m checking for her messages?” Seungmin asked petulantly and Chan scoffed softly while his grin widened on his face.

“C’mon Seungminnie, we all know you’ll be checking for her messages until she gets there.” Chan teased softly and Seungmin rolled his eyes at him before huffing quietly. Just then his phone dinged and he quickly looked down at his phone to see your text come through making the tight feeling in his chest relax slowly. On my way birthday boy! I can’t wait to see you!

“She’s on her way.” Seungmin said softly and Chan grinned widely before nodding his head at him.

“Good, I’m glad.” Chan responded before patting Seungmin’s knee.

*-*-*-*

The restaurant has a warm cozy feeling to it as they are led to the back into a large room where a long table is set up for all of them to sit and eat at. Seungmin walks in and gets settled in a chair halfway down the table on one side, Jeongin takes the seat next to him and then Seungmin sets his jacket on the other chair next to him just as Changbin is walking over towards him.

“Yah! What is this saving seats?” he asks loudly and Seungmin blushes lightly as everyone turns to him at Changbin’s loud words.

“Don’t be jealous Changbin, it’s not a good look for you.” your voice rings out loud enough for everyone to hear and Seungmin perks up with happiness when he whips his head to watch you walk in. You quickly greet Jisung and Felix, giving them each a quick hug wishing them a happy birthday before handing them small gift bags. You then turn and walk proudly over to Seungmin and envelope him in a tight warm hug that he melts into happily. When you pull away you present him with a slightly larger gift bag and an eager smile. “Happy birthday Seung” you tell him happily as he takes the bag from you.

“Thank you.” he gushes softly as a blush dusts his cheeks.

The dinner is lively and such a warm celebration of the birthday boys that Seungmin finds himself losing himself in the camaraderie and the happy feeling of having everyone around to celebrate him, Jisung and Felix. Once dinner is finished and everyone is relaxed, full and happy he turns to you and finds you laughing at something Hyunjin is telling you from across the table. He sits there silently just watching you before her jerks in his seat when he feels your hand grab his under the table, another blush dusting his cheeks lightly.

“Alright, so I think it’s time for the birthday boys to blow out their candles and open their gifts!” Chan calls out happily as everyone cheers in agreement. Three small cakes are brought out and everyone sings a cheerful Happy Birthday to them all while Seungmin hears you sing his name last as you lean into his side happily. Once the cake is divided and handed out he then reaches down to the floor to grab your gift bag, he peers into it and when he spots the journal inside he whips his head up to stare at you wide eyed as you smirk softly at him.

He gently pulls out the navy blue journal with the gold flecks and looks at you surprised and shocked. The boys all glance at him curiously due to his reaction to your gift. Changbin even leans over to ask you quietly what’s with the notebook. It’s your special journal. Frowning softly, Seungmin wonders why you were gifting it to him before he’s suddenly opening it with eagerness, dying to know what it was you have been writing inside of it. On the inside page are the words Things I wish I had the courage to say to your face. He tilts his head to the side before slowly turning the page and his breath is instantly stolen from him as his eyes dart around the page avidly. Filling the page are free formed loving, funny and sweet thoughts that you’ve had about him in the last year of your friendship. As his eyes travel over the words and his hands turn the pages he can feel his heart start to skip beats as he realizes that he’s reading exactly how your feelings developed for him.

Nobody is perfect, but you’re pretty darn close, sticks out to him and he grins wildly at the words written there. I can’t believe how not sick of you I am, makes his chuckle softly to himself before his eyes land on another thought you’ve had about him. I absolutely adore you and can’t imagine my life without you in it. I wish you could see yourself as I see you and I wish I could tell you this to your stupidly handsome face. 

When he looks up at you, your face is a pretty blushing mess as your eyes are downcast towards the table, he’s shocked to his absolute core that you could have these types of feelings for him. Not to mention finding the courage to give him a notebook full of these thoughts and feelings. His heart races in his chest as his hand reaches over towards you and cups your face gently guiding you to look at him. He sucks in a sharp breath when your eyes stare at him with wariness shining through.

“I love you too.” he whispers to you as he stares into your eyes, finding joy blossoming in his chest when he sees your eyes fill with love and adoration for him before he leans forward and presses his lips to yours sweetly. Cheers rise around the table as Jeongin makes a comment of bewilderment about what Seungmin thinks he’s doing. “I will cherish this gift for years. May even tell our future kids about how their Mom made the first move.” he says cheekily and you grin widely at him before kissing him once more.

SKZ Taglist: @intartaruginha, @kayleefriedchicken, @babigriin, @simpforleeknaur, @inlovewithstraykids

[maul-of-shame]

[Following that ask received this morning:]

TW: mentions of violence, dark themes, r*pe threat, d*ath threat and more.

Anon, I won't give you the grace of showing your pitiful ask.

First off, let me make something abundantly clear: I do not owe you or anyone else an explanation for the disgusting accusations you’ve hurled at me, but since you’ve decided to stoop so low as to accuse me of sending anon asks to myself to “attract pity”, I’m going to address this ONCE, and only once. After that, you’ll get nothing from me, because frankly, you don’t deserve my time or energy.

Of course, you came as an anon.

Of-fucking-course.

Because that’s how it always is with people like you, isn’t it? You lack the guts to attach your name or account to your words because deep down, you know how pathetic they are. You know that if you showed your face—or username, in this case—you’d be put on blast for how ridiculous, hateful, and downright childish you’re being. And honestly? That’s the funniest part of all of this. You’re so convinced of your moral high ground, so sure of your ability to judge and ridicule others, yet you can’t even stand behind your own words.

What does that say about you? It says you know this behavior is embarrassing. It says you know people would see your messages for what they are: a desperate attempt to project your own bitterness and insecurity onto someone else. You’re hiding because even you can’t defend the nonsense you’re spewing. You’re hiding because you know if anyone saw this coming from your actual account, you’d lose whatever credibility or standing you think you have.

You accuse me of creating fake messages for attention, yet here you are, skulking in the shadows, hoping to stir the pot without getting burned. That’s rich. That’s laughable. If you were so certain of your stance, you’d have the backbone to come forward and say it openly. But you don’t. Because you’re not confident. You’re a coward. You’re someone who throws stones from behind a curtain and runs away before anyone can see their face.

And let’s be real: this isn’t about me or anything I’ve done. This is about you.

Your insecurities, your inability to handle the fact that people enjoy my space, my writing, my theories. It eats at you, doesn’t it?

I fucking bet it does.

That I have a community of people who actually appreciate what I do, while you’re stuck anonymously spitting venom into an inbox, hoping it lands somewhere, anywhere. But it doesn’t. It just makes you look smaller and more pitiful.

Let’s start with the facts.

Over the past few days/weeks, I’ve received countless anon messages filled with hate, harassment, and vile threats. Yes, threats.

Including one particularly disgusting message where someone decided a rape threat was an appropriate way to communicate their displeasure with me. I’ve reported and blocked more people than I can count, and still, this kind of behavior keeps crawling out of the woodwork. So let me ask you this: does that sound like the kind of thing someone would do to themselves for “pity”?

Really? Do you hear yourself?

Do you know what it’s like to wake up, open your inbox, and see someone wishing you dead, telling you to bury yourself six feet under, or worse? Do you know what it’s like to open your inbox and see someone saying they hope you’ll die with a sword shoved up your body and drown in your own blood or listing out all the ways they hope you’ll be hurt, humiliated, and brutalized? Do you know what it’s like to open your inbox and see someone saying you should kill yourself for the theories you have?

Do you have any fucking idea what it feels like to see someone detail the ways they’d enjoy seeing you in pain—whether it’s physical, emotional, or otherwise—all because of fictional characters and shipping preferences?

Because I do. And let me tell you, it’s one of the most exhausting, soul-crushing, and frankly disgusting experiences I’ve had to endure while just trying to enjoy and share my creativity. I thought the Star Wars fandom was bad, but it turns out the LOTR fandom has some groups that are straight up sent from Hell.

Despite all of that, I’m still here. I still write, create, make puns, keep a cheerful face for my friends and share—not for people like you, but for the wonderful, kind souls in this fandom who bring joy, support, and light into what should be a fun and welcoming space. But to accuse me of sending this kind of bile to myself for “pity”? That’s not just absurd—it’s pathetic.

Truly. It says far more about your warped sense of logic and moral compass than it ever could about me.

The fact that you can even entertain such a thought, let alone say it out loud, reveals just how twisted you are.

To you, apparently, it’s easier to believe I’d inflict this level of vitriol on myself than to admit that people in fandom can be so hateful, so unhinged, that they’ll send another human being rape threats, death threats, and graphic depictions of violence over fiction.

FUCKING. FICTION.!!!!!!

Let me ask you this: what kind of person looks at someone who’s being harassed—being told they should be raped, tortured, or otherwise harmed—and thinks, “Oh, they must be doing this to themselves”?

What kind of mindset do you have to have to jump to that conclusion instead of, I don’t know, maybe looking at the toxicity in fandom and addressing that as the real issue?

Do you know what it takes to keep going in the face of constant hate, to open your inbox day after day not knowing what vile message might be waiting for you, and still find the strength to create and share your work? I do.

And while I’ll never stop fighting for my right to enjoy what I love, I shouldn’t have to fight for that in the first place.

And certainly not against people like you, who think it’s acceptable to make baseless accusations to justify their own bitter, hateful existence.

Let me make another thing crystal clear: I am not doing you the mercy of responding to your anon ask directly. You’ve been reported to Tumblr, and I hope they deal with you accordingly. If you think you can just toss out baseless accusations and vile comments without consequences, you’re mistaken. This is the only time I will speak on this, because frankly, you’re not worth any more of my time.

People confide in me. They share their thoughts, their theories, and even their insecurities about fandom, life, or writing because they trust me to listen, to offer support, or simply to be a safe space. I’ve had people thank me for the fics I write, the theories I post, and the space I try to maintain here—a space for joy, creativity, and thoughtful discussion. I've received lots of sweet dms, requests and people just coming up to be nice and genuine.

And now you’re standing here, twisting that genuine kindness and connection into something vile and accusing me of fabricating it all for attention? You are so far gone in your own bitterness and hatred that you can’t even comprehend the idea that people can be kind, vulnerable, and open to others without some ulterior motive. It’s mind-boggling.

And honestly, I would almost feel sorry for you if it weren’t so disgustingly vile. The sheer audacity of crawling out of whatever troll cave you call home to spew this kind of venom is both pathetic and revolting.

The messages I’ve received—be they from someone crying over a fic, thanking me for a theory that made them think differently, or simply reaching out to tell me that something I shared helped them feel less alone—those are real.

Those are people. Real people.

People who see value in what I do, who connect with me because of shared interests or mutual appreciation, and who know I’ll meet them with warmth and understanding. To suggest otherwise—to claim I’m sending these messages to myself—is not just laughable; it’s deeply twisted. It just shows your inability to see goodness in others.

Maybe you’ve surrounded yourself with so much toxicity that you can no longer fathom a world where people can just… be nice. Or maybe it’s just easier for you to believe I’d fabricate everything rather than admit to yourself that people actually like what I create. Either way, that’s a you problem, not mine.

Do you know what’s really embarrassing? Not me, sitting here, being an ear for people who trust me enough to confide in me, or taking the time to write, share, and theorize because I enjoy it. No, what’s truly embarrassing is you, sitting in your little echo chamber of hatred, so consumed by your own pettiness that you can’t even comprehend people reaching out with genuine kindness. That’s sad. That’s pathetic. And that’s on you.

I am not the one who is broken here. I’m not the one projecting my insecurities and bitterness onto someone else’s joy.

You can accuse me of whatever wild nonsense you like, but at the end of the day, it won’t change the fact that people trust me, people value me, and people care.

And no matter how many times you try to convince yourself otherwise, the fact remains: this space isn’t about you, your hate, or your inability to see past your own resentment.

It’s about community, about connection, and about creating something positive in a world that’s already far too full of negativity.

To everyone else reading this, I want to be transparent because this is a space I’ve worked hard to make welcoming and creative. If you’ve ever sent me a kind message, engaged with my work, or supported me in any way, thank you. You are the reason I keep doing what I do.

And to those who think it’s acceptable to harass or threaten someone over fandom content? Get a grip, get a life and touch some fucking grass.

This is fandom. It’s supposed to be fun. If you can’t handle someone enjoying something you don’t, then maybe the internet isn’t the place for you.

So, to this anonymous coward: crawl back to whatever pit of bitterness and insecurity you came from. This is the last breath I’ll waste on you and it's already more than you deserve.

[vigilskeep]

Do you have any thoughts on the differences (or similarities!) between Sol’s relationship with Viago and Lucanis’ relationship with Caterina? In a mentor/protege sense, I mean

Viago clearly cares about Crow!Rook and worries about their safety so it’s hard for me to imagine him being as cruel as Caterina was, even if it is the norm for the Crows. Then again, Caterina is a prime example that you can love someone and still hurt them

i think the different age gaps are one main difference on a basic level!!

viago is in his like late thirties maybe early forties currently, and probably only became talon after most rooks were finished with training. i can’t imagine anyone is going for more than a 20yr age gap tops, and for my rook i usually hc a 5-10yr age gap. he might have mentored them a little and seen potential in them, but it’s still closer to growing up together than being raised together. he’s not responsible for their situation in the same way, he’s just someone ahead of you going through the same situation. the previous talon would have been in power, so they would have had a “shared enemy” to blame for the hardships in both their training. also, viago is so all bark no bite with rook that personally i truly cannot imagine him being cruel in the direct way caterina was. he doesn’t have that in him imo

(does any of this make rook feel better about the fact that, now he is talon, he must be putting more kids through what they went through together back then? well that’s a different question!)

anyway, my point is that caterina is lucanis’ grandmother and was afaik already first talon. she had all the power in the house and was singularly responsible for raising him. there’s no-one for either of them to blame but herself!

also, you have to remember where viago and caterina were coming from and the effect those differences probably had. caterina had spent a long life in the crows, watching all her family members die and determining it was because they hadn’t been pushed hard enough. viago spent at least the first decade of his life outside the crows, in at least superficial comfort, and probably compared to almost any crow isn’t quite hardened to how their children are treated

caterina devoted a lot of her own energy to her remaining grandchildren (or, you know, to lucanis, and illario was also there) and seems to have been personally training them day to day. whereas i would not be surprised if the worst things that happened to rook were because the person they had latched onto/earned favour with was just a young assassin answering to somebody else and couldn’t be there all or even most of the time. if viago was planning some kind of takeover and that is how he became talon, as i like to hc, it might even have been a bad idea for rook’s safety and a liability for himself for him to be too overtly invested and always intervene when they were having a bad time. which is a hell of a way to justify letting a kid you care about get hurt but that’s the crows for you

to summariseeee i don’t want to completely soften the rook viago dynamic and make them the “exception” to how i read the crows but as i see them as kids who ended up in a survival horror together, i think they basically did the best anyone could’ve expected? whereas caterina was a grown powerful woman fully responsible for her grandchildren, and because she let her own trauma and ambition rule her, she chose to hurt them like that. i think those are quite different setups

[sufferu]

So, my question is; What the hell is Satella doing during all of this? The way things are going I'd expect her decimate the entire planet. And how is she feeling during everything?

Now, personally if I were in her shoes I'd snatch up Subaru right there and then cuz' even if everyone has their reasons and believe what they're is for Subaru's own good. This plan of theirs is completely and utterly stupid!

I understand the whole Emilia and Julius situation but couldn't Emilia have tried a gentler approach to this?

Honestly this just proves that none of them deserved Subaru and I get the feeling they feel that way themselves.

Keep up the great work!

Well — what was Satella doing during the whole White Whale Incident, or the Wolgarm situation, or the Great Rabbit attack? What was she doing when he killed himself to save other people, or was getting tortured in the woods by Rem for hours on end, or slowly bleeding out to Elsa? What was she doing in Ayamatsu, Oboreru, Kasaneru, Tsugihagu? If she didn’t interfere in any of those really, REALLY horrible situations — why would everyone seemingly being a dick to Subaru out of nowhere suddenly cross a line?

We don’t know the exact nature of Satella’s interference yet but — what I’m going with is that she will not interfere unless Subaru actively attempts to break his taboo. Everyone else suddenly knowing comes CLOSE, but considering that Roswaal figured half of it out and was fine, I’m gonna say that the only way Satella can actively attack anyone is if Subaru goes out of his way to try and intentionally reveal RBD to a third party. Which means she’s kinda just. Watching all of this go down.

(She also does not know what the hell is happening btw. She didn’t go back in time either, so she’s just kinda like “The minute Subaru gets somewhere safe I’m resetting his checkpoint so that he’s away from all of these people.” It’s all she can really do from her angle rn.)

[cloudsbrainpopped]

💚🤍 for captain laserhawk?

Hiii! So. I reread the questions and I think this entire post is about Sarah god bless. I will try to make some points about some other folks but I can’t lie. I do think about her a lot.

💚 - What do people get wrong about your favourite character?

Sarah is not just evil and hot whilst committing crimes against humanity. She is inherently a victim of Eden herself. She was indoctrinated via the propaganda Eden put together through Rayman, who need I remind people, his entire thing was a government ploy aimed at impressionable children (granted, Rayman does actually care for the wellbeing of children but his intent and his actions are not the same thing.) And then there’s the entire military complex and what Eden is capable of, brainwashing for one, memory altering for another. I desperately need a proper breakdown into all of the practices within the government because it cannot just be that. Point is. She looks like she’s been through a bunch of experimentation (ESPECIALLY post Sam’s death. Maybe there’s reason we see much more put into her than anyone else with Eden tech on them. To ensure submission and loyalty. I have my theories but I don’t really have the evidence to back them up as much as possible.) I don’t think she’s just an evil, manipulative and for what it’s worth entirely selfish. I just think what most of who she is or could’ve been has been wholely wiped out of her system. To be fair, she is mostly a system now. And continues a cycle set by systems before her. I feel like she is a weapon slowly losing tap of any and all emotions. And I’m not sure what she’d do if she recognised that. Or if she’d die before that. (This is why I need season 2 soon as. I need it for multiple reasons but if a running theme is character’s recognising their mistakes… uh oh.)

Anyway. My personal speculation aside. She is evil, yes. But not as much as the fandom likes to bring her down to. She does what has to be done to reach her own goals, firmly set in doing that. Who cares about who she takes with her, they’re enemies of state anyway. I feel like Captain Laserhawk as a whole is very clear on who’s unforgivable, whose crimes are reprehensible for the sake of being reprehensible. I don’t get that in Sarah. I see someone desperate for their goals, I see someone stuck in their ways, remorse dead with their family and just… suffering. It’s the methods that bring being evil into it. Although I will not refute the fact that she is fine as fuck. She’s got an undercut, she’s buff, stubborn and has severe father issues. And to be honest I have a thing for most of that when it comes to actual women too so. LMAO… girl I don’t care if you’ve got problems with your father we can share mine.

🤍 - Which character is not as morally bad as people think?

In short. Sarah again but for the reasons listed above. She is not a bitch for the sake of being a bitch. Yeah, she’s a villain and has done absolutely abhorrent shit. But there’s a difference in the fact that she does everything explicitly for her goals. Sometimes I feel like someone would say she kicks stray animals or something because ‘evil’. (She Would Not. She absolutely would not but sometimes it’s just so… flanderised.)

In addition to that. I know this happens in fandom frequently, and fanon will happen but it. Really boils my blood and I’m sure that everyone sitting here has something they’ve seen or the general way a fandom treats a character they like that just. Irritates them but yeah. Also I feel like Dolph deserves an honorary mention for this one. His morals aren’t skewed, they’re for his own goals too but his mental health is naturally in the shitter. I have no idea if that made any sense but I hope what I’ve said has come across alright!

[quibbs126]

Okay, I feel like this is something I have to get off my chest, mostly because the ship has been in my head recently, but I just don’t really like darkmilk

Like, nothing against the people who do ship it, I just can’t get behind it

I think for me, part of it is the whole age difference thing, since as we know in Kingdom, they met when Milk was a child and Dark Choco at best a teenager. Now I realize that things aren’t nearly as bad as they could be, considering they haven’t met since and they both seem to be consenting adults in current day. But I don’t know, is it weird to date someone you once met when they were a kid and you much older, at least in terms of maturity? And you remember meeting them at that age?

And then there’s the whole idolization Milk has for Dark Choco. Milk grew up seeing Dark Choco as his hero, and it feels a bit weird for Dark Choco to then date someone who’s spent a long time seeing him that way. Like it seems weird to date someone who’s been a fan of you for years and saw you as their hero

Now Milk having a crush on Dark Choco, at least when he’s younger? I can absolutely see that, from what I understand it’s not that uncommon to have a crush on someone you idolize, especially when they’re older (I mean, I never had that happen, but I did know someone who did). It just gets weird to me when Dark Choco reciprocates feelings and they start having an actual relationship. Because it’s one thing to have a crush on your idol, but it’s another to actually date them and have a serious relationship

But I can concede, I don’t really know that many situations with either scenario, so I can’t really say whether or not this properly weird. And maybe I’m just not getting it. But still, I just wanted to give my own two cents on the topic

[sesamestreep]

“requiem for methuselah” crazy ass episode for many reasons. Kirk is being fully insane, like I don’t actually think, even controlling for how quickly and easily and readily he seems to fall in love with anybody at the slightest encouragement, that he’d go that bonkers for that android woman he just met while everyone on the ship was this close to dying, but that’s neither here nor there, because in the background you’ve got an equally but much more subtly insane episode for Spock, who extremely uncharacteristically admits to experiencing an emotion (or nearly experiencing, whatever) and that emotion is ENVY of all things. And then spends the rest of the episode warning Kirk away from this new love interest (something that doesn’t usually happen, even when Kirk has very inadvisable love interests) and is, in the end, the person who accurately identifies that Rayna’s competing love for Kirk and Flint is ultimately what overwhelms and destroys her with the most killer line in maybe history???

And then to wrap it up we get an equally uncharacteristic sort of denouement scene (TOS loooves to cut an episode off right after the actual climax, leaving little time for falling action or character reflection, or to stick a sitcom-y button on the end where the gang all smiles and laughs at their misadventures and everything resets to zero, which is not a criticism, it’s just the style of that era of tv, honestly) where Kirk is literally miserable over Rayna’s death (again, kind of unusual for a lot of his love interests, he tends to be able to move on pretty quickly) and Spock goes to see him and he falls asleep right in front of Spock (also odd) and then when Bones comes in to give the final word on Flint, Spock waves him off from waking the Captain (tender) and Bones gives him that awful speech about how it’s sadder that Spock can’t even imagine the love Kirk felt for this random android woman than it is that Kirk lost her in the first place (debatable but also rude) and how his great tragedy is that he can’t love at all like they can and how all he wishes is that Kirk could forget about all of this and move on. AND THEN, to have Bones leave and Spock go over to Kirk and very gently, tenderly, reluctantly touch him and put his hand to his forehead and tell him to forget and HAVE THAT BE THE END OF THE EPISODE??? What am I supposed to do with that??

[im-out-of-it]

PSA KIND OF A RANT BUT ALSO JUST A GENUINE QUESTION BUT LIKE DOES ANYONE FEEL WEIRDED OUT THAT THE SHADOWHUNTER SERIES ARE KIND OF TARGETED FOR TEENS (I mean, aren’t they though)

I know I hate and shit on the shadowhunter series (SORRY IT DESERVES TO BE CRITICIZED) and y’all, I’m seriously okay with having characters have trauma and being complex (seriously I’m all for it!!!! I love those fascinating characters) but make these people young adults or something. because this should not be targeted for teens!!!!! LET ME REPEAT MYSELF!!!! THIS SHOULD NOT BE TARGETED FOR TEENS!!!!! I just don’t like the message it sends. I think it’s probably the worst in TMI.

oh if you’re abused or have a shit childhood, it’s okay to put that on others and make it their problem. oh if you’re boyfriend is toxic and emotionally abusive, it’s okay because y’all are soulmates apparently and your whole identity is about him!!!!!!! I don’t mind insane fantasy romances!!!! but don’t target it towards teens!!!!! I still get amazed that this incest toxic fantasy is for teens???????

I don’t know, it’s just weird that a 50+ year old woman is writing about teens having sex. like does anyone feel Cordelia was extremely sexualized????? there’s just so much problematic shit CC writes. and once again, I don’t believe that fantasy books should be “real” “make sense” or whatever excuse people want to use to defend misrepresentation, incest, or heavy topics (abuse, trauma) that are written poorly.

I don’t care if clary and jace aren’t actually siblings- they thought they were and they’re both toxic to one another, also the fact that clary is there to serve jace’s happiness is wild. so like if you want an outrageous fantasy world, that’s absolutely valid but don’t have it targeted for teens. this is my whole beef with the shadowhunter series (and more let’s be obvious) is that teens pick up these books and maybe they don’t understand (doesn’t a brain fully develop at 25 or something?????) and thinks the type of stuff that is in this book is okay or to be admired.

maybe I think too much of this (I’m a very heavy and emotional thinker/person who feels A LOT) and maybe teens don’t actually think this???? maybe they can differentiate that this is fiction and not to be admired? but it’s just weird reading about teens and all the problematic stuff they do. I’m in the young adult ish category so it feels uncomfortable at times for me. make them young adults or something!!!!!!

I’m probably just thinking too much into this lmao but does anyone else feel this way about the books???? and before someone says OmG dOn’T rEaD iF yOu DoN’t LiKe It- the only reason I read these books was because of show Malec and I stupidly thought it was going to be the same masterpiece and I was sorely mistaken- and then I read about the insane stuff CC has gotten away with (plagiarism, how she treated people in the Harry otter fandom, how she treats her own fans when they criticize her, like I think she’s actually insane) and I just feel like this fantasy world and some of these characters deserved better treatment and should’ve been put in the hands of an author who actually cared more. I’m just tired of problematic authors and writers ruining shit for us

[deepseawave]

obsessed w the tags on ur last reblog

Omgg, thank you haha, it was a quality post so I just had to appreciate it in full force 😂❤️

Can‘t believe someone would actually enjoy my yapping :,D