#I don’t have the energy to try and lose weight because I HAVS been trying and nothings worked
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#“omg haha I lost so much weight I didn’t even notice#genuinely kill yourself#I’m so sick of it I’m so sick of my body I’m so sick of hearing other people talk about it constantly#it was in good faith but one of my classmates looked at my lunch today and was like “woah that’s a huge portion#and it really wasn’t? but it made me want to kill myself infront of her?? as if I don’t want to do that enough#I’m too depressed to go to the gym and I don’t have the shoes for it anyway#I just saw an ex friend and he’s. lost a lot of weight and gotten more muscle and it’s like oh#because not only did I lose his friendship but he was like . a bit of a beacon of “you can be a fat transmasc and still be happy#I know he’s not happy but like. hm. idk#no one looks like me and is happy#no one can be normal about food or healthy eating habits and it’s just. so blatant how ingrained in society it all is#I don’t want to go out and eat I don’t want to stay in and binge I don’t want to get drunk but I don’t want to stay sober#I kinda just want to die and thats the only good outcome I can see from this#I don’t have the energy to try and lose weight because I HAVS been trying and nothings worked#I’m just like this and nothing makes me feel worse#it just. sucks. I read all these fuckingb papers and accounts of how people get treated noticeably better when they lose weight#and I know that would happen to me. I know it. and I want it so bad but I just#it feels unattainable#stability and happiness and love and whatever else I want feels unattainable#call me cquackity the way I’m a walking second place medal
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