#I don’t even know what I’m talking abt anymore..... this is just me overthinking again...

[sttoru]

hi anya.. i saw you talking abt being good at giving advice to ppl, so,, wld you mind giving me some advice..?

rant: i've been an anon for this person for a while and, not so long ago, i came out of anon to talk to them on priv, bcs they said they wouldn't be active anymore, and they told me i could talk to them on priv, if i wasn't uncomfy.

i did take up that offer, bcs i rlly wanted to keep in touch. but, they make 0 effort to talk to me. i'm always the one sending the first message. they never reach out first. and every conversation consists of like, 3 messages from each of us, talking about our lives, then we don't talk for months until i reach out again.

now, they announced they would be active again, and they're back to posting, but they just won't send me a message. i don't know if i'm being pushy and annoying by wishing they would talk to me. idk if i'm uninteresting, or if they're anxious or forgetful, or what.

it's just been very one-sided and instead of making us closer (like i thought it would) it feels like it's driving us apart. the last time we talked was in march. when i sent them a happy birthday message. i haven't send anything ever since. and neither did them (as always). i saw them as a friend, but i don't think they care about me at all.

anyway: what do i do?? do i try and talk to them about it? (what if they're just busy and i'm overthinking??) do i ignore them forever, just as they have been ignoring me? do i send them an ask instead and act like i've never been out of anon? help.

haiii anon! im glad you decided to reach out to me w this ^_^ thank u & i hope i can be of help with the following advice below ! (i actually typed more than i intended bcs it hit home hehdnsnsnd)

first of all; i applaud u for being brave & coming off anon to keep in touch with that person! a lot feel too uncomfy to do so even if they desperately want to keep in contact with someone, so i feel proud, if i can word it in that way ahsha

soooo let’s start;

if i read this correctly: when you actually begun to reach out privately to that person, you are always the first one that tries to strike up a conversation. you feel like they could be uninterested in you & don’t consider you a friend like you do.

i’m sorry to hear that— especially the ‘reaching out first part’, because it can be super uncomfortable and could understandably make you overly anxious (like thinking they aren’t interested, are ignoring you on purpose, don’t want you talking to them or they’re uncomfy talking to u etc etc. it can cause a lot of anxious thoughts. that i get & it can be extremely upsetting).

this is also a huuuge problem i’m struggling with. you are NOT pushy or annoying for wanting them to reach out to you out of their own initiative. i think every one who struggles with this can agree with me and guarantee you that.

why? because feeling like your friendship is one-sided is not how most work out. that’s how most friendships FALL out instead, like you had stated yours was at the end.

march is a long time ago. the fact that they are active & posting means they are on their socials & are checking their dms etc etc. to say that they’re forgetful is really doubtful, because march is MONTHS ago & i’m sure that if they cared about your friendship — they for sure would’ve thought of at least reaching out to you once in all those months (as harsh as that might sound).

but, they didn’t — it shows that this is indeed very one sided. of course, as a busy person myself i could look at the other side of the story as well: maybe they could be busy or they could be anxious about reaching out first too!

i know people who do, at least. but the difference is that those people i know (who are anxious of reachig out first) always make an effort to keep the conversation going once i msg them. they are interested, send me random stuff & the convos can go on and on without stopping for hours because they put effort into continuing the convo i started.

now that is considered two-sided to an extent as well. but reading that your convo’s are short & usually only 3 messages back and forth — i’m… feeling a bit iffy. if they were anxious about reaching out first, but were still interested in talking with you, they would at least make the effort to appreciate you starting the convo & continue it. so, i personally don’t think they’re forgetful or anxious.

that rules out any more possibilities to be honest. the moment you said that they havent ever reached out first made me already go ‘well…’ in my head. and its been months since you last talked. if they wanted to continue your friendship like you want, they would’ve put in the same effort as you (or at least tried once or twice to show their interest). judging by your explanation of the story, i don’t think they want to put effort in talking further with you.

which—is not your fault, maybe not even theirs. some friendships aren’t meant to work out. maybe they aren’t feeling it? maybe they don’t feel the ‘click’, you know? once again, not your fault at all! it happens to me every time — and it even happens to the best of us.

as someone who’s been in this situation for over ten times in different ‘failed’ friendships, i say let them go. maybe see where it leads you. i don’t think they will reach out to you first since march was the last time you talked without you taking the initiative, but just let it go. if they at least want to keep the convo or spark between you alive, they’d reach out themselves.

as anxious as one can be about reaching out first, if they desperately want to feel a connection between the other person, they would find a way to do it. like maybe a simple ‘hi’ in dms or indirect post on dash.

but it’s also valid that you want to continue what yall had. if you choose to want to reach out again; here’s a different & more positive solution / piece of advice:

send them one message filled with your worries and feelings about your situation. don’t make it too long (could be a bother to read, might make you seem a bit too desperate to them?) — but also maybe not too short.

this could be included;

• ask them how they’ve been lately.

• out your feelings about the situation briefly (abt reaching out first).

• simply ask for a clarification. don’t demand it! ask if they maybe would like to continue talking.

wait & check their response to that message and be critical! if they ignore completely, red flag. if they’re dismissing your feelings, red flag. if they say ‘i forgot’ or ‘i was busy’, understandable, but see if they actually make an effort to reach out to you afterwards. if not—stop putting in the effort and let go (saying this in the nicest way possible. it avoids any more heart break / anxiousness, i promise)

though, it may also be your last message to them if they say that they don’t feel the same (aka dont wanna continue talking), so maybe prepare yourself for that too.

anyhow! it’s ok if friendships don’t work out, once again, don’t blame yourself! it hurts, of course, but once you get through the heart break — there are many more possibilities for you to make friends out here.

remember, relationships are the most healthiest when there’s good communication between both parties.

xoxo

[t0shii]

what do they do if they get jealous? you can use whichever character you want! i just want to see what you could come up with, ur one of my fav writers on here :)

% hq boys when jealous

.! timeskip! suna, akaashi, atsumu (sep) x gn!r

.! angst + fluff/ not proofread

.! ty for the request! hope these characters were okay :))

suna

— silent treatment

— doesnt get jealous easy

— but when he does he gets a little mean

— doesnt do it on purpose though

"rintaro?" your call is met with silence as you step into your shared bedroom where he lays on your bed. "rintaro, why are you ignoring me?" you stand infront of him, frown evident on your face. he doesn't look up from his phone, "i dunno why were you letting osamu flirt with you at the team reunion dinner?" he mocks your tone and chuckles followed by a roll to his eyes. "what are you are you talking about?" his smug smile fades and he looks up at you, glaring. "y/n i dont wanna get into this right now-" "no rin, youre gonna tell me what i did wrong so i can fix it." he rolls his eyes again at your comment "you let him flirt with you at the dinner!" he yells standing up, hovering over you breathing heavy.

you shrink back and he immediately realizes he's fucked up when he sees tears threaten to fall from your eyes. "oh fuck, baby, no no" he takes a step forward and pulls you against his chest, "i didn't mean to raise my voice, baby i'm sorry." he shushes your cries and rubs your back, apologizing profusely. "i didn't even do anything wrong, rin." you hiccup "of course i know that, i was just- i just wasn't thinking. i don't know- fuck baby I'm so sorry." he lifts your head up and cups your face with his hands, "i didn't mean it okay? i know it's know your fault i was just frustrated at samu. i shouldn't have yelled at you like that that. fuck baby, i'm sorry." he looks to be on the brink of tears himself. you nod and sniff a few more times, "'s okay" you mumble, pressing your forehead against his, he lets out a sigh of relief before pressing a kiss to your lips. "next time just tell if something bothering you, okay? this could have been avoided." he nods "im sorry"

akaashi

— doesnt usually get jealous

— tries his best to stay trusting in you

— but sometimes he cant help but let his thoughts race

— asks u abt it but is rlly scared

"hey baby?" your name could be heard from the kitchen, "what's up?" you pad your way to man calling for you, face softening when you see the sad look on his face. "uhm... i just..." he stutters, unable to find the words to say "keiji, is something wrong, baby?" you walk closer to him, resting your hands on his waist, he just looks at you awkwardly, "you can tell me." you urge him to speak. he lets out a deep sigh, "uhm well... you don't want to break up right?" your heart breaks at his question, "of course not. keiji, why would you think that?" he looks down, ashamed "i just- i noticed you and konoha were being a little touchy earlier at the team reunion and i just wanted to be sure." he mumbles, barely audible. you hook your fingers under his chin forcing him to look at you, "keiji, i'm so sorry i made you think that way, i didn't even realize. i love you and i'm not planning on leaving you so don't overthink it okay? i'm sorry." you kiss his lips and he sighs in relief, hugging you tight, "i'm sorry for not trusting you i just had to be sure." he says, words muffled by your hair. "no baby, i understand. i'm sorry my actions caused you to feel that way, if won't happen again okay? i promise."

atsumu

— omg he gets so pouty

— sulks until you give him affection

— i feel like he doesnt rlly get jealous jealous

— just sad u gave someone else the slightest bit of attention

"tsum, is something wrong?" you ask, noticing the frown on his face, "no baby, i guess not." he shrugs his shoulders dramatically and lays on top of you. five dramatic huffs from him later you cant take it anymore, "can i help you? why are you huffing so much tsum?" he again shrugs his shoulders "nothin' 's just that you were givin' kita too much attention earlier." he pouts, wrapping his arms tightly around your torso. you fight back a smile at his dramatic behavior, "tsum we were literally talking about rice." you giggle "so you're giggling at my despair?" "no no, im sorry. what can i do to make it up to you, baby?" he thinks for a moment, "play with my hair please." "figured." you mumble, raking your fingers through his hair, he groans when you scratch and massage his scalp. "you're so weird." you whisper, causing him to whip his head to face towards you, "thats not something you say to a who whose heart you broke." he grumbles. "ohhh poor baby im so so so so so sorry. let me give you kisses to make up for it?" of course, he doesn't refuse.

[ironmandeficiency]

rain clouds

pairing: maxwell lord / reader

word count: 2813

summary: i don’t even know what to say abt this one except it’s filled with yearning

a/n: this was gonna be super soft and happy but then it got soft and sad and then soft and happy again. posting from mobile yet again. tbh idek if this makes a lick of sense, we will see

warnings: mentions of shitty parents (maxwell’s dad & alistair’s mom), hints at child neglect & cps, anxious max, don't worry it gets fluffy

maxwell lord hasn’t had a day off since he founded black gold cooperative. that business was his baby long before he had a living baby with his ex wife, and loved both just as much. there was no such thing as a “sick day” to max; any day spent sleeping or healing is a day lost in the pursuit of greatness, the pilgrimage to the top of the corporate food chain. the only one he would ever make an exception for is alistair, and even then work would sometimes interrupt.

there was a time, almost too long ago for him to vividly remember, where maxwell did more than work. when he actually got his hands dirty in something that didn’t have anything to do with corporate schemes, and laughed with genuine glee more often than scowled. it was a long time ago now, and no one would ever believe it if they were told that maxwell lord ever got dirty with, well, dirt.

“come on! you gotta try this, it’s great!” the memories of his only friend have become worn with constant reminiscing, his mind unsure as to what’s real and what he imagined to fill in the gaps left by age and new priorities.

maxwell had found a secluded section of the park down the street from the apartment you both lived in, one safe from the eyes of bullies and adults alike. his feet were bare as the day he was born while making leaps and bounds in the abundant mud puddles from yesterday’s rain. he did his best to not let what little joy he found be dwindled by circumstance — his shitty father and reticent mother and the lingering ghost of poverty — the way others lost theirs. max believed himself different than that and carried himself as such no matter what others said.

you were still on the sidewalk, watching your best friend with awe and curiosity. the idea of traipsing through mud barefooted was exhilarating, but you knew that if your clothes got dirty, your mother would hang you out to dry alongside the clothes you were wearing. how did it feel to have the mud between your toes, the rainwater soaking into your skin? you didn’t remember, but you would like to.

to be honest, maxwell didn’t expect you to join him. he didn’t think you would ever try to break out of the box of propriety your family shoved you in, not now or ever. but the next thing he knew, he heard another set of feet splashing around in the puddles he had just vacated, making a path to where he stood. a playful shriek he knew as yours rang through the air and he immediately turned to you, wanting to see your face as you enjoyed yourself for the first time in a long time. “maxwell, this is wonderful! why didn’t you get me to do this earlier?”

you never looked more beautiful to him than when the afternoon sun shone on you, your smile bright and laughter clear and joyous. you were free as lady liberty, splashing around like there wasn’t a single other thing you had to do. then you take his hand and max swears that he’s seeing stars. before you know it, you’re dancing in the mud to the song of the birds in the trees. is it just max’s imagination, or do you tell him you love him?

your lips are on his and it’s magic. his shirt is being gripped in tight fists and his hands are magnetized to your waist, holding each other tight enough to need a crowbar to separate you. there’s nowhere he would rather be than back there with you…

but it’s been far too many years since he’s seen or heard from you, there’s no telling if you’re even in the country still at this point. it took a long time for him to not dolefully gaze at every door you could walk through once he left for college, hoping to see that radiant smile and hear you say his name so reverently.

but these days, reverence is the last thing maxwell thinks he deserves, not after the dreamstone debacle. hell, he isn’t even completely convinced that he can adequately take care of alistair despite the low standards his father and his ex-wife have presented him with. despite these doubts (and the perplexing way that everyone acted as if he never almost took over the world), he was just given full custody of alistair when the school called cps on his ex-wife for neglect. it was a terrible way to get a second chance at doing right by his son, but it’s a second chance nonetheless.

after seeing sense and liquidating black gold while he still could get something to survive with, he and alistair found a two bedroom apartment in a nice part of town. it was miniscule compared to what he had but it was a sight more than what he could have ended up with. besides, max had no time to be frivolous when he had his son to protect.

back to the grindstone he went. he knew that people would recognize him if he kept his current appearance and name, so he retired the lord name and decided on another fresh start. he slowly adjusted to using lorenzano after so many years rejecting it, got the blond removed from his hair. he found a job in financial advisory, and ironically enough, he was damn good at it. he knows what he’s doing when it comes to money that isn’t his, who’d have thought?

he actually knew a couple people from work that he almost considered friends. honestly he wasn’t sure what that word meant anymore, didn’t remember the feelings that were supposed to be associated with having them. but it was enough, truly more than enough; because this progress meant that he was dragging himself out of the grave he dug, because he was taking care of his son first and foremost.

alistair was put into a new school; nothing fancy, just the nicer public school that was a pleasing midpoint between work and their apartment. the first day he attended, alistair came home with so many good stories about the friends he made and the games they played at recess. within a few months he had been contacted by his teacher who had nothing but praise for little alistair lorenzano. his little boy was excelling and max couldn’t have been more proud than he was during that phone call. seconds after he hung up, he found alistair in his bedroom and wrapped him in a massive hug, making sure to emphasize the fact that max was proud of his son.

and then there was his neighbor. they lived across the hall from him and max would only catch the tail end of their arrivals and departures to their apartment. he did think it was rather odd, their strangely adept ability at avoiding him. if he didn’t know any better he’d think it was on purpose.

it wasn't intentional — not quite.

you had been avoiding your neighbor, but it had nothing to do with the oil commercials or dreamstone debacle — your new neighbor made you sad. the feeling would hit every time you saw him. his mere presence dusted off long-worn and cherished memories of a time where the sun felt warmer on your skin, where smiles came easier than heartache.

it took a long while before you realized why: it was because this mystery man reminded you of a love long lost to the dagger of circumstance. something about his walk, or maybe his hands during the times you’d see him open his apartment door, reminded you of what an older maxwell lorenzano could have been. the section of your heart that housed your thoughts of maxwell had been wrapped in caution tape with every hazard sign known to man flashing around it for many years, not wanting to venture there for more than a few moments in fear of hurting yourself even more.

if only you realized it was really max that you were so adamantly avoiding.

three months went by of max wondering why he still has yet to meet his neighbor. not that it was imperative to his daily survival, but his curiosity was all but tearing him apart at the seams. he didn’t know what else to do; yes he wanted to know his neighbor, but how did he go about that when they never saw each other?

“just knock on their door, daddy. be their friend, like you tell me to do when i go to school.” the childlike innocence alistair speaks with betrays the actual feasibility of the idea. maxwell was overthinking everything! people talked to their neighbors all the time! this could just be a simple “hey are you doing okay?” and the chips would fall where they may.

maxwell ruffles his son’s hair affectionately, pulling him into a small hug. “you know what? that’s exactly what i’m gonna do. thanks buddy, i’ll be right back.” it’s only across the hall, max isn’t gonna be gone long.

it’s been years since he’s done anything this casually daring. everything he did for decades was all high risk yielding high reward. talking to his neighbor should seem simple in comparison — it presented no drastic consequence if it went belly up, he almost never saw his neighbor anyway. that wouldn’t change after he finally sated his curiosity, certainly not.

once alistair’s homework is finished and is entranced by the television, maxwell decides to head next door, being sure that the house keys are in his pocket before shutting the door. he probably should have thought it out more than he did — he had no idea about his neighbor’s work schedule or if they had kids or a spouse, if they were a serial killer or an introvert. or even worse, if they happened to be someone who remembers everything he’s done. that would be his luck, his first true attempt at making a friend being thwarted with the magnitude of his past sins.

he doesn’t hear his own front door open, alistair’s head poking out to watch his dad. “knock, daddy!” he whisper-shouts and nearly shakes maxwell out of his skin. the little boy laughs at his dad’s startled expression before nodding and shutting the door back.

max went to knock but realized with his knuckles only an inch from the wood that his hands were peculiarly slippery. when did maxwell’s hands get so clammy? there was nothing to be nervous about. he was just going to attempt to make a friend, like his son simplified.

but the thing is, maxwell knows that it’s been decades since he’s had a friend. the last time someone outside of his son was kind to him not for the zeroes he wrote in checkbooks was you, and sometimes he even doubted that you were real. there are hazy memories of him as a teen that splashed in mud puddles and kissed a being of pure sunshine with the innocence of youth. he hopes they’re real, for his sake and for the sunshine he romped around the park with. maybe memories of him are keeping you sane the way your memory did for him.

as his thoughts spiraled, maxwell lost his nerve. with a heaping dose of irrationality, he didn’t want to disappoint whoever was on the other side of the door. turns out, there was no one on the other side.

“excuse me, did you need something?”

your first instinct when seeing a man almost knocking on your apartment door, on a normal day, was not to be so polite. but you were having a strangely good day and there was no reason to bring down the positive energy with an abrasive attitude. plus, the man looked so conflicted. he seemed to need a friend.

“i, uh, live across the hall, have been for a few months and never got to meet you.” a small gesture to the side shifted your attention to the door across from yours — and the little boy who had the door cracked just enough to see the interaction between you and who you think must be his dad.

this man’s voice, something about it was familiar. he moved from in front of your door and extended his hand towards you in an effort for a decent introduction. “i’m maxwell lor-lorenzano.”

maxwell lorenzano. you never would have thought that out of all the people to have graced this apartment building, he would be one. his hands were still softly strong and shoulders still broad. his eyes were still the same striking shade of brown, but there was a lot more pain there, a lot of experience that was clearly pushing him down by his shoulders and into the depths of anguish. yet there he was, keeping his head above water and still being kind. this truly was your max.

you take his hand with a soft smile, squeezing it gently as you give your name. “it’s been a long time, max.”

max couldn’t believe it. after all these years, it was you.

you had moved in across the street from him in his early teenage years and had become acquainted when walking to school and home. the two of you trekked through high school together, ignoring the cruelty of classmates and focusing on getting to the future, to freedom. hope of being friends after high school was abundant in the beginning, but soon your paths sent you further and further away from each other and towards a future neither of you were sure you wanted without the other.

“it really has been a while. i- i uh,” he could barely string a sentence together anymore. his shock and joy of seeing you again had his brain melting into goo and his tongue an almost immovable weight. “i missed you.” the blood rushed to your face the way it always did when you were with max. even when stuttering over his words and a hand rubbing at the back of his neck, he was still charming.

max noticed your attire and the wet umbrella in hand and was immediately taken back to that day spent in the park after it rained, when he . the sunshine on his skin, your smile that never failed to take his breath away…

a soft smile was on max’s lips but his eyes were somewhere else. “max? is everything okay?”

“do you remember the day we went to the park, when we splashed in the puddles and-“

“and when i kissed you? i could never forget if i tried.”

you really did kiss him! it made him want to do it again, as many times as you would let him. but that brought one little stipulation with it: alistair.

what would you say when you found out he had a son?

before max’s thoughts could dampen your reunion, you continued, and with every word, you solidified your place in his heart. “maybe we could do that again some time, just like we used to. and you could bring your son too, if you’d like.” you were jumping out on a limb by assuming that the little boy was his son, but with the apparent protectiveness max displayed around him when you see them together, what else could he be?

“that sounds so fun! can we, dad?” alistair made his presence known by pummeling into max’s legs, nearly knocking him over with an excited hug. you grinned at the affection, watching max’s eyes fill with warmth as he gazed at his son. “i don’t see why not. just change into some play clothes and get your raincoat from the hall closet.”

alistair shoots with glee and is immediately running back to the apartment, excited to change clothes and play in the rain. you watch max’s eyes as they light up at alistair’s happiness, that flicker reminding of you of when you were younger and the world was kinder to you both.

here was your second chance with max, another opportunity to be with someone who never stopped loving you even as the seasons changed and the zeroes increased. “i’ll let you guys get changed, come knock when you’re ready to go.”

feeling an uptick in bravery, max placed a quick peck to your cheek before he turned toward his apartment. “will do, see you in a few.” the risk he took was well worth seeing you grow bashful at the affection, eyes flitting to your shoes before back at him, a soft smile across your lips. you watched him walk away before going back into your apartment, waiting for the rest of your life to begin at the rapping of knuckles on solid oak.

maxwell lord taglist & others: @phoenixhalliwell @likeshootingstarsinthenightsky @obirain @themarcusmoreno @captainrexstan @battletales @stardustsunrisekisses @senator-nahberries @max--phillips @jedi-mando @veracruz-djarin @andysficrecs @purelypascal @whovianwar @iv7867 @kaermorons @princess76179 @pedropasscals

[caffeineaddicted-noonie]

Hi love bug! Thank you so much in advance this is super sweet of you.

So, I’m Elsie, she/her/hers, and bi (but I lean heavily towards men rn). I’m a Virgo sun, Scorpio rising and Aquarius moon. I’m also an introvert, but I love being around other people! I just ,,, get tired easily

I’m East Asian + Southeast Asian (Chinese and Vietnamese). I’m barely 5’0 tall! Long, black hair that reached my upper thighs and dark brown eyes that you can’t even see the pupil lmfao. I always have painted nails, usually red. I’m pretty athletic and I also like to think I have nice thighs—most of my workouts include building up my legs lol. I wear big gold hoop earrings. I also wear round Harry Potter glasses. My body isn’t very curvy, in fact I’m pretty flat but I am COVERED in stretch marks. I also have acne flare ups from time to time but it’s usually nothing noticeable anymore. I also love wearing black lipstick now lmfao.

I’d like to think I’m a pretty chill person, likes to go with the flow and stuff like that. My friends say I’m often their therapist or their mom, which is kinda funny because that’s what I’m in uni for, to be a therapist. I’m a pretty determined and motivated person? I like to push myself pretty hard ngl but I also like to just hang out and take it slow. I also like to do stupid things like exploring abandoned buildings at 2am. I’m also big into intersectional feminism. I’ve also been told I’m really approachable and friendly, but bro I am so shy and quiet in public unless I get to know you.

I can get pretty stubborn tbh, it depends once again on what the topic is but once I’ve set my mind to it, that’s how it’s going to be. I don’t really have self esteem issues anymore but every now and then it flares up Y’know— and my depression sometimes makes it hard for me to even get out of bed at times. I usually don’t know when to stop giving myself to other people, which means I get pretty exhausted and fast. I’m also prone to overthinking which stresses me out. And when I’m stressed, I can honestly get a little bitey.

I apologize to inanimate objects if I’ve bumped into them, and I also have a tendency to talk to myself? I also am a witch! Currently focusing on deity work and kitchen witchery.I also have a weird habit of waving to security cameras I see in public because I like to think the people watching those cameras get a kick out of it lol.

I really like coffee, tea, singing with my ukulele, playing piano, drawing and art in general. I haven’t been able to draw as much as I’d like recently but I do have some animatics in my head. I also really like Victoria’s Secret perfumes, specifically strawberry pound cake—it’s what I always smell like lol. Crystals are super fun imo. I live next to a huge lake and it’s honestly one of my favorite places to be. Ocean animals are my favorite! I also really like car rides with like, one other person and just exploring the world and talking. The music I listen to is a lot of classic rap, lofi-hip hop, modern rap, some pop artists and Ella Fitzgerald, Gloria Gaynor, HaroinFather, KYLE, and ofc Hollywood Undead.

I cannot stand centipedes those things horrify me. I also don’t like rude people, bigots, people who purposely start drama or hypocrites. People who put other people down aren’t cool either. I don’t really like parties or being around lots of people, they make me anxious and kinda suffocated. People who try to force me to do stuff aren’t cool in my books either. I also think red meat is kinda gross, but that’s just because it makes me exhausted.

I think that’s long enough and hopefully tumblr didn’t eat this one—but thank you so much again, lots of love to you.

Hey Elsiee!! I had fun doing this and thank you for sending the infos ^^ It really helped. Right lets go to who i match u up with XD TBH, it took me a whilee to think of WHO. It was either Toby or Hoody. My head was debating over it with each fact abt them. In the end. It Clicked! 💡 And...

I MATCH U UP WITH (DAN DUN DUNN)

HOODIE / BRIAN📹

let us begin the lovely journey... log.1 - friends 🌹

+ you two did not talk much at first, to be honest, there was no interest in the both of you to even start a conversation. You two are introverts all along. + tho you two often share a few words like "Can you help me get that?" "Jane was looking for you" and so on + however, one particular evening you were told to help him with a search for Toby. Although he's usually with Tim, Tim had other plans. so there you two were, searching for a lost raccoon boy. you found him eventually somewhere in the woods. Hoodie was impressed. It usually takes him abt 30 to 40 to find Toby. "Good job" "Oh thanks, it was a bit easy since his tracks were visible," you said, pointing to the forest floor. *Tracks? How come I've never thought of- hmm* he thought to himself. + the next time Toby goes missing, he would definitely bring you and ask if you could teach him how to track.while you were teaching, you guys had small convos about interests, hobbies, thoughts, all does introduction stuff. + "you can speak mandarin?" "a bit" "could you teach me?" "hm why?" "i wanna make Tim look foolish for once in a while haha" "Oh that would be interesting to see..sure!" "cool" + Even after fooling Tim, the both of you still studied mandarin together. besides that, you guys did a lot of things. He enjoys it. I mean, where can you get a girl who explores abandoned buildings at 2 AM in the MORNING. Where???And a witch??? Nowhere right?? It's literally a RARE occasion. So, while you two venture you would talk about what you do as a witch. "Well, those glasses and earrings suits well for your job haha" "Very funny hah" "and I would really like to see a witch singing with a ukelele" "you can, but you gotta pay up, my performances are not for free" "ya serious?" "hahaha noo, but are you?" "..yeah.." "oh,ok, I only accept cash tho" + "what are you apologising to?" "uhh the table?" "why?" "because my foot hit it" "then the table should be apologising" "but it cant!" "and? are you apologising for yours and its behalve??" "kinda" "what" But,oh Elsie, he finds it adorable.

log.2 - lovebirds❤️

+ the relationship vibes you two have is like thiss + how did you manage to become a thing? well, it all started with *ahem; prepares story telling voice* nah jkjk. So, it all strated when Hoodie couldn’t sleep one night. He was busy thinking about some things and then you came in mind. He thought about the things you told him. And then he wondered, what happens if you weren’t here? his mind goes blank. he doesn’t know and want to know what will happen. Then, it clicked. He has feelings for you… + the next day, after breakfast, he asks you out of the blue if you had feelings for him. You hesitantly nodded. he was stunned. How? Why? When? so many questions…But only one came out of his mouth ”If it is so, then, would you like to date me?”. your eyes widen. You couldn’t make out any words and only managed to mumble a ”yes of course,” he couldn’t hear you but he knew what you said from the movements of your mouth. ”Ok, why not a date at 12 am right by the river?”. you nodded and he left the scene. *Elsie, do you realise whats happening?? A DATE aajjssjd-* + after that first date you guys were officially a thing. The best part is, you asked the question before he did ”Would you like tob be my boyfriend?” ”i-i emm *smooch* I wanted to ask first” *Elsie has gone to space…*. *such sweet love* + he would take videos of you secretly and openly. There are videos of you singing and playing the ukelle or piano, the both of you adventuring abandoned places, at an aquarium and so on. +i think his love language would be quality time. Man keeps an album of photos to. He would listen to the songs you suggested ONLY if you would listen with him, yes he has conditions. Exercise with you (now the both of you have gud lookin thighs eheh) + Affection? cuddles, kisses, words of affirmation, basically anything that comforts you. You being shorter than him is is a blessing! It adds a lot to your adorable meter (theres no limit Elsie, therefore it’s infinite heh)Also, you waving at camera in public gives him butterflies of hoe cute you aree. If anything’s wrong he’s there. He usually knows when your not fine, but he also knows when you need personal space (he knows everything). In some occasions, since you talk to yourself abt something that you can't let out, sometimes he would uhh stalk you? He's over-caring hahah. + you dont have to worry about parties! he doesn’t do that stuff. And he would definitely wont force you to do anything. hes a pretty chill guy. And why do i see him as a bit of a poet?? Like he said this to you once, ”The sky is just like an ocean of stars, yet has an endless depth. The ocean is like a sky of water, nontheless, not a vaccum of infinity” (copyright me haah) + HE LOVES EVERYTHING ABOUT YOUU. HEAD TO TOEE. *Chef Kiss*

I hope you like it <3 I really enjoyed doing thiss :] Have a nice day, Take Caree.

[seoafin]

it’s mad embarassing how fast i tapped on the tumblr notification 🏌️BUT,,, THE SERVE???? HELLO??????

forget abt gojo & rip! mc getting together, right now in my head, it’s established that the ms. ieri shoko asked mc out and he’s forever trapped in a pining zone. i’m in the verge of tears, it’s not even funny. gojo’s pining and that underlying possessiveness got me screaming. aside from the fact that the “character a is possessive towards character b even tho there’s no romantic relationship (just yet)/ eventually bound to be a star crossed one” is one of my fav. ///head in hands/// maybe u caught me lacking just this once.

ALSO i love that u bring up that gojo’s awful with words even tho he talks like he’s on sugar high 24/7. and maybe i’m overthinking it b-but, this line let me a glimpse on dark gojo : “You shouldn’t be giving that much thought to anything but him.” and then the implication of him going batshit crazy if mc d word and could possibly curse each other like rika and yuta? 🧎‍♀️ maybe u rly shld think abt stop writing,,, u don’t understand the power u have over me

not to mention that THE KITTEN SCENE MADE IT. u keep mentioning getou like he’s a literal ghost, and for what? it’s just painful to think that he might be a bad habit that the trio continuously do, like looking at the vacant spot after someone tells a joke and realizing “oh, right they’re not here anymore” and the atmosphere becomes quiet and a ting bit tense. gojo is unapologetically selfish and he has the power and right to be that way but i feel like he’s subconsciously afraid that someone like mc who’s not selfish and put others b4 her will left him just like geto whose wish sound selfish as hell but all he wanted was a world where young shamans don’t need to conform to the fact that they’ll always die in their line of work to exorcise a curse that’ll eventually came back after their death. now lemme get thru the ripverse again and a tissue - 🐱

ISHDJDJDN THE ONLY REASON WHY I DIDNT ANSWER THIS ASAP WAS BC I WANTED TO KEEP IT IN MY ASKBOX AND LOOK AT IT

It's so funny that you say that abt the shoko part bc as soon as I reread it after I posted it I thought damn I could've made it so much more gayer LOL

I think gojo's inability to articulate anything past surface level emotions should be brought up more!!! Mans has the emotional intelligence of a ROCK!! you reminded me that I need to get that drabble of gojo "jokingly" but not really telling rip!mc he'd curse her before he lets her die bc let's face it...he sucks and he would. Gojo has so much angst/dark potential that I'd like to explore more bc gojo is a rlly complex character. Also the fact that gojo has considered rip!mc "his" since their mid twenties while she has no idea 😭

I'm glad you liked the cat scene!! Tbh I debated on putting it in considering that it wasn't as fleshed out as I wanted it to be but I thought it would be show gojo's disconnect from rip!mc pretty well!! Also gojo as a maine coon

and geto...JEJDNDN GETO!! Rip!mc sitting down next to gojo but leaving enough space for a ghost of a person. When she goes out to buy drinks she buys an extra and calls it a mistake but gojo and shoko know better. Gojo stopping by geto's favorite bakery bc he "likes" their melon bread, so rip!mc doesn't bring up how he always complained about it not being sweet enough when they were with geto. Shoko occasionally leaving out an extra cigarette on the windowsill when rip!mc sleeps over and gives her a knowing look. I am going CRAZY

[lesbiancarat]

hi! i know i've not been around lol. and i'm back with a depressing ask lol. i just got my henggarae album and i.... do not know what to feel? i'm not really feeling anything? i've been taking a svt break, and i thought maybe after a while i would be ready to interact with their content again, but i'm not really sure anymore. which sucks, cause they rlly meant alot to me. idk, i just kinda wanted to talk to someone abt this? feel free to not respond to this ask lol - 🌙

first of all, don't feel bad for not being around much! it's been fun having a regular anon and I do enjoy your asks, but don't feel like you have any obligation to keep sending them if you don't feel like it, take care of yourself first <3

hmm, it is a tough situation. since I dont really know what other factors might be going on in your life, I'll make a few suggestions, and hopefully you'll find at least one of them helpful. I'll pose a few questions here, but I don't expect you to answer any of them to me (though you can if you want), nor are they the only possibilities. they're mostly just to get you thinking

if you don't know already, it might help you to think about why you're losing interest, so you can come to terms with it. some questions you can ask yourself for this: is it because of the fandom? is it because of a specific event? is it because I don't like svt's music anymore? am I just more interested in other things right now? is it because of external factors (ie, depression, which can cause one to lose interest in things they normally enjoy)?

once you identify why you're losing interest, you can start thinking about how you want to address it. is it something you want to fix? for example, if you discover the fandom is putting you off from svt, but you still Want to enjoy svt's content, you can try engaging with fandom content less. or maybe you discover you do just need to take a break for a bit longer

but it's also ok if you it's not something you can or want to fix. it's ok to lose interest, regardless of the reason. and it doesn't mean svt didn't or won't continue to mean something to you. I was trying to find it and I couldn't, but I know minghao once said something along the lines of 'its ok if you lose interest in me/svt. I'm grateful to have been a part of your life/journey for even a little while'. (edit: 7:34, "...in the journey of you growing up, me being a stepping stone in your life... if you can grow up after 'stepping on' me and not like me afterwards, then I think I'll already feel very comforted. Because at least I accompanied you for some time, right?)

just because you're a fan of someone/something, doesn't mean you have to be forever. your time enjoying svt doesn't have to be any less meaningful because it didn't last forever. it's also ok to feel sad, or not sad, or confused, or whatever it is your feeling

I also feel like in kpop fandoms, there's a lot of pressure to be all in, or not in at all. but just because you don't keep up with every interview svt does, or watch every gose episode, or any gose episode, doesn't mean you can't still consider yourself a carat. consume as much or as little content as is enjoyable for you. it doesn't have to be all or nothing

I probably gave you a lot to think about, so the last suggestion I'll make is, don't think about it. it helps to work through negative emotions, but if you have other stressors going on in your life and this is making it worse, then don't think about it. rather than focusing on your lack of interest in svt, focus on the things you Are interested in right now. you don't have to actively decide if you want to keep up w svt or not, just watch the content you feel like watching, and don't overthink it.

as I said earlier, whatever you're feeling right now, even negative emotions, is ok. but the one thing I don't want you to feel is guilty. if svt was able to bring you some happiness for even a little while, then even if that's over, it's nothing but a good thing <3

[dreammutual-remade]

best friends to lovers!lucas

request: ok ur SO FUNNY when i was reading ur hyunjin scenario i almost pissed my pants istg ur fckin hilarious !! and could you do like a best friends to lovers type trope with lucas from nct? love ur writing and please go nuts my guy <3 <3 - @nctro​

word count: 3.7k

a/n: djfhgkhdj thank u sO MUCH everyone who compliments me on here makes me blush dhbfkhsbdk anywhom I actually enjoyed writing this so much mainly because I love big dumb boys and Lucas is one of those !!!! I hope u like it bby<3

warnings ?: cursing and brief mentions of underage drinking 

okie doke babe

l e t s d i v e i n

let’s set the scene fellas

you’re in like the second grade right

boys are: disgusting and mean

but this is when you meet your bestie !!!!!

lucas was a new kid all the way from china and he was , the only boy you’d ever found cute

(i mean y’all have seen those baby pics oh my gOD HE WAS SO CUTE)

and when the teacher introduced him he was obviously a bubbly kid but none of the others in your class seemed to warm up to him

:((((

later when you all are at recess he keeps trying to join the boys but they won’t let him because as previously stated

THEYRE MEAN AND GROSS

he looks so so sad and lonely and you’re a Sweet Baby Girl so you go up to him and ask if he wants to play w/ u :)))

he’s so excited !!!! hooray !!!!!!!!!!

you guys play house and BAM

BEST FRIENDS FOREVER

your friendship lasts all through elementary school !!

even in fourth grade when you guys were in different classes he would come find you at recess and your moms would arrange play dates :))))

middle school was,

middle school

we don’t talk abt that

all you need to know is that it was embarrassing

and yeehaw we’ve made it thotties aLL THE WAY TO SENIOR YEAR

let’s do a brief summary of 9th-11th grade

9th grade:

lucas is taller than you but only by a little and his voice breaks every other sentence

his ears are still too big for his body :(

you are a late bloomer and still look 12 but you’re , TRYING YOUR BEST

you guys have about half of your classes together but remain really close since you eat lunch together and hang out after school too

lucas attempts to join the basketball team

he . doesn’t make it and is v upset so you have to come over and comfort your Pitiful Man Baby

he cries a little and ouchie yOUR HEART hurts

but then he’s like u never saw that THOT

and so you are forced into silence rip

10th grade:

lucas FINALLY gets his permit halfway through the year because he fuckinh forgot to do it last year and you’re TERRIFIED but it’s fine

you’re starting to look more like a female and less like a fetus congrats !!!!!

lucas has now grown to almost 6 feet tall what the FUCK BRO

he grew at least 6 inches over the summer and you don’t really notice until one day you’re like uhhh excuse me since when are you half a foot taller than me

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

and this boy LORDS his height over you

purposefully places things where you can’t reach it so he can be like

*tips fedora* m’lady , are u in need of assistance

after this you have perfected the art of pinching his arm til he screeches

also his voice has gotten sooooo so so deep

like okay darth vader CHILL OUT

with all this height though he is even clumsier than before

it’s like he forgets he’s now a giant 15 yr old

he’s always covered in scratches and bruises so you’ve taken to carrying disney princess bandaids

they’re disney princess because you thought it would embarrass him and encourage him not to get hurt but

he loves them so it didn’t work rip

he tries out for the basketball team again and genuinely makes it based on height alone

i mean the boy can barely dribble but ??? he can learn i guess

he calls you when he makes it and screams for 45 seconds straight

you don’t know wtf goin on so you’re like oh mY GOD ARE U OKAY

and he’s like yES BITCH I MADE THE TEAM

and then you scream for 45 seconds

next time you see him in person you tackle him with a hug and he lifts you up and spins you around because wow !!!!! so happy !!!!

11th grade:

ah, yes

the year of PARTYING

you always go to parties together and switch who’s dd each time

eventually more friends start coming with you so that you can both get drunk tho ayy

but for the first couple times it’s either drunk lucas half draped on you as you drag him home or sober lucas carrying your lightweight ass to the car

he’s a real one so he won’t say anything about the time you were really drunk and got separated from him so you stood on a table and screamed his name til he came and snatched you down lmao

lucas has reached full height as well so he’s like, so much bigger than you

also he’s gotten so much better at basketball and is practically the star of the team

you go to every game and cheer as loud as you can bc that’s your BOY

puberty is Complete for you and you look female and everything!!!! go off queen 

lucas is now on Protective Mode since you’re really cute and a very agreeable drunk and under no circumstances will he allow you to be taken advantage of

NOT on my watch- lucas

alright we’re gonna make senior year the present timeline bc

YOLO

lucas is officially more popular than you

BUT

he actually sticks around because he’s The Best

okay also this guy just keeps getting larger

like he got all tall but THEN

he was doing basketball so much and just genuinely enjoyed doing sports in general that our boy was thicc with two(2) got damn c’s

you don’t notice that much until he gets into a habit of throwing you over his shoulder whenever you won’t pay attention to him

and it’s , unnerving how easily he does it

he’s started wearing shirts that show off his, eh hem, assets

long story short he’s hot as fuck and even you see him and you’re like DAYUM

also every female in your school is. ALL OVER HIM

it’s hard to walk next to him in the halls because people genuinely shove you out of the way to get next to him

at first you just kind of let it happen and he didn’t notice the first few times

that made u hella emo :(((((

but now he INSISTS upon holding your hand and dragging you behind him through the crowds

you highkey blush the whole time and everyone is all ArE yOu GuYs DaTiNg ?!/&:&:$

lucas is like NO.

:))))

ouchie

you start overthinking things because ??? would it really be so bad to be dating you jeez

you’re not terribly ugly or anything ???

at least you don’t think so

oh my god he thinks you’re ugly and annoying and he hates you

self hatred commence in 3,2,....... someone play the icarly theme song

you lowkey start distancing yourself and he himself is busy busy bee so

you start seeing less of each other :/

and you miss him soooo so much (this is your own doing BITCH) but it doesn’t even seem like he misses you at all wtf

he’s just having a great time w/ his basketball boy(friend)s and everyone loves him and you’ve been hashtag left behind :(

he really didn’t mean to he just !!!! has so much going on aaaa

and like in his absence you start realizing a lot of things

like how much you actually liked his cringey ass flirting

you would always smack him every time he was like “oh sorry, just got lost in ur eyes what did u say :3”

you miss his hugs because they were really rEALLY GOOD

he tucks you under his chin and squishes you or he’ll just wrap his arms around and pick you up

your feet just ???? dangle

you miss when he would show up at your house at like 11 with a bunch of shitty foreign films and force you to watch them with him

you miss when you both would fall asleep in a pile on the couch and he would wake up and carry you to bed

because he’s an angel THATS WHY

anywhom

you miss everything about him and you just are so upset that he doesn’t pay that much attention to you

it gets WORSE when you notice some other girl hanging out with him

and she’s prettier than you and apparently good enough for his attention when you aren’t and you’re just so full of

what’s the word

JEALOUSY.mp3

go listen to jealousy by monsta x

but obviously you’re not going to acknowledge that because what’s a good friends to lovers story without a hearty helping of denial

he still tries to hang out with you so you guys do see each other in class and at least a couple weekends out of the month but :(((

it’s nowhere near how close you were

it all comes to a head when one day you’re walking in the hall and it’s hella crowded

way worse than usual

and in the center of the crowd is

you guessed it :’-)

our boy yukhei

and he just asked this girl to the winter formal and she’s nodding and smiling and hugging him and he’s smiling too and you

gotta go

your eyes are already starting to water and you start skirting around the edges of the crowd to get to a bathroom

one of your other friends jeno who also plays with lucas on the team sees you and smiles and lifts his hand

but it immediately shifts into a frown when he sees your face

he reaches out to grab your wrist and asks if you’re okay and what’s wrong

you just bring your other hand up to sloppily wipe at your watery eyes and whisper that it’s nothing

the hand he’s got in his grasp has started to shake and he looks really worried so he tugs you around the corner until he doesn’t see anyone around

and he turns to look you in the eyes all Serious

“alright. spill”

and you just

BURST INTO TEARS

he panics and hesitantly puts an arm around your shoulders to pat your back

you just press your forehead into his shoulder and cry

it’s a short cry though because although we are dramatic out here we aren’t doing The Absolute Most

you pull away and wipe your eyes and take a few deep breaths before you apologize

jeno smiles sadly and pats your head and says it’s okay and that he hopes it helped

you stand there for 37 seconds exactly in silence

jenos been counting

and then you let the cat out of the bag

you adMIT FINALLY !!!!!

that you are really in love with your bff/sort of ex-bff and you’re really jealous and sad because he doesn’t even CARE about you anymore

at first jeno is quiet but then he starts laughing

and he won’t stop

and you’re like if you keep going i’m going to cry again please i’m so sensitive

and he shuts up immediately and is like o_o

but then he grips you by your shoulders and is like hEY

“guess what”

“god jeno i am really not in the mood”

“no for real guess what the fuck is up”

“what is up ???? what is up you asshole ???”

“yukhei is in love with you too”

you scoff and roll your eyes

“this is a really lame attempt to make me feel better”

“no really i’m not even lying i swear he talks about you all the time in the locker room and he literally thinks you’re an angel”

“okay but its platonic as hell like obviously we love each other after all these years but he doesn’t like ME in the way i like HIM”

“how do you know??”

“how do YOU know ?????”

“,,,,,, you got me there”

you pat his shoulder and you’re like listen i really appreciate you trying to make me feel better but it’s time for me to accept my fate

now you and lucas still text semi regularly and send each other memes and stuff

but you just, cut him off because you physically can’t move on if you interact with him at all you LOVE this boy

he def notices and texts you a few times like

y/n ??? hello? is your phone broken?

but when you stop waving back at him in the hallways and actively avoiding him he realizes you’re not talking to him

and this poor boy cannot for the life of him figure out why

he doesn’t UNDERSTAND

god he’s dumb but we still stan

he figures you want him to leave you alone so he just stares at your forlornly from afar

this just pisses you off bc like wtf nOW YOURE GONNA PAY ATTENTION TO ME ??????

a couple weeks pass and it’s time for winter formal

yay.

you’ve been dragged here by jeno who is SURE that something important is gonna happen tonight and lucas is gonna Fix Everything

yeah OKAY

SURE

you may not want to go but you wouldn’t be caught DEAD not stunting on these hoes

you show up looking absolutely SPICY

QUEEN OF WINTER

you know you had to do it to em

jeno forcefully pulls you into the doors of the gymnasium and then disappears after he threatens you with an

“i told chenle not to let you leave”

and you turn to look at chenle who is SGA and helping with the dance and he gives you an “i’m watching you” hand motion

god this is ridiculous

you sigh and go find some of your other friends

you hate to admit this but. you actually had a little fun

and then of course

a slow song was played

and the dj is all yo everyone find you a honey it’s time to slow it down for a bit

sigh

you go to walk off the dance floor or find jeno or do SOMETHING other than stand around looking awkward surrounded by couples

but someone has snatched your hand up yo wtf

it’s LUCAS

and you just look at him with confusion

“dance with me, please. just this once,,,”

and you’re like hmmm pls don’t make me do this

but he hits you with Them Puppy Dog Eyes and you’re a goner

so you let him pull you close and hold you against his chest and rest his chin on the top of your head

you lift up on your toes so you can talk in his ear

“where’s your date?”

“dancing with her girlfriend”

“um. what”

“she’s not super duper out yet so i’m being her beard for the night. it was mainly to get her parents off her back”

“oh. huh”

“plus i missed you :(((( you disappeared”

your hands tighten in the fabric of his button up bc you’re like aw FUCK

you just shake your head and rest it back on his chest and close your eyes to enjoy it while you can

as much as you want to be convinced that things can go back to the way they were now

they cANNOT because you still love him and he still just thinks of you as a friend

maybe not even a best friend anymore :(

(again,, YOUR FAULT BITCH)

his GIANT warm hands slide across your waist to press you forward by the small of your back

at this point you are pressed together basically head to toe

and you can’t tell for sure but , you think he kissed the top of your head ???

maybe you were freakin hallucinating though since you’re losing oxygen fast due to his close proximity

the song ends and you slowly stop swaying and pull apart while everyone gets back to being wild

“can we.. go talk outside”

this sentence strikes FEAR in your heart but you take his proffered hand as he leads you outside

it’s cold as hell so you’re already wound up tight and wrapping your arms around yourself to keep warm

he notices quickly and wraps his jacket around you before turning to face outward towards the road

it’s quiet other than the muffled music from inside and crickets and other night noises

he opens his mouth to say something but you just blurt out

“i like you!!!!”

and he whips around to face you and you just. keep talking

“it’s oKAY i know you don’t like me back like that and i would never be mad at you about that i didn’t distance myself from you bc of that!!!! i just had to because it was hurting me to be around you and see you be with other girls and i really wanted to move on so that we could get back to being best friends if you even wanted that i just !!! IT JUST HAPPENED OKAy i’m sO SORRY AND I ComPLetely understand if you never want to speak to me again”

and he’s just staring at you and panting

why is he out of breath he’s just been standing there

you’re getting super duper nervous because he hasn’t said aNYTHING and it’s been at least a minute

and then he just goes

“you… like .. me ???”

and you’re like ugh YES you dumbass have you even met yourself you’re so cute and sweet and such a goofy boy and you’re way too nice to me and also HOT so like. you were asking for it

and he immediately swings you into his arms and gives you a big sloppy kiss on the cheek and buries his face in your shoulder and squeals

this man. SQUEALS

and you giggle because it’s tickling your neck hey stop that

and he’s laughing that loud ass cackle of his so you’re laughing too i mean have y’all heard that shit

GOOFY AS HELL

also he’s hugging you almost just like he used to with your feet dangling off the ground

and he pulls back to set you down but then

HE GRABS YOUR FACE

AND KISSES YOU  ??!/&8:$:$:92&

b i t c h

he’s so gentle and is patient when you kind of freeze at first, pulling away and pressing his lips very gently to the corner of your mouth before going Back In

and even though he’s given you NO EXPLANATION FOR THIS you kiss him back because this may be a one time only opportunity and you will NOT be wasting it 

he goes very slow and sweet and right before he pulls away he presses a cute lil smooch to your bottom lip and presses his forehead against yours

“what was that for?”

“oh yeah, i forgot to tell you!! i’m in love with you”

“oh hEY me too ??!!?!&/&”

and you’re both pressed together and giggling

“hey, you wanna ditch and go get some ice cream”

“absolutely”

so he lets his date know and you text jeno

(you: bIIIIIIIITTCHHHH    jeno: I KNEW IT)

and you’re off

he holds your hand the whole way there and when he parks he spRINTs around the car so he can open it for you

you each get an ice cream cone and sit next to each other at a picnic table and just talk and catch up with each other since you haven’t been talkin :/

one of your hands is laced with his and your head is leaned on his shoulder and he’s like hEY watch it this is my favorite shirt

and he flexes his arm with your head on it and you’re like god dAMN that’s a bicep

and he’s like ayy lmao arent u glad ur dating a greek demi god  🤪🤪

and you smack HIM

“i cant believe you just declared us as dating in the same sentence as calling yourself a greek demigod”

“are we ,,,, not dating”

“i mean personally, i haven’t gotten asked on a date yet. hmmmm, have you? :-)”

and he sighs dramatically before wrapping an arm around your waist and leaving a somewhat sticky kiss on your temple from the ice cream

he leans down to your ear

“hey so there’s this girl and her name is y/n and she’s so beautiful and funny and i love her so much do you think she would go on a date with me ? :3”

“hmmm well i guess so,,, she could give you a chance…..”

you hold a straight face for less than 5 seconds before you get all blushy and smiley and he squeals at you

......again

and grabs your face with his hands since he literally dEVOURED that ice cream cone

he presses a kiss to the tip of your nose and then to your lips and says against them,

“please~”

another kiss

“for me?~”

another

“cmon~”

and he goes in for another but you’re like oKAY okay i’ll date you you giant pain in my ass

and he’s like :-(((((((

(DONT BE MEAN TO THE BABY BOY)

and you’re like aw i’m sorry you’re MY giant pain in the butt

he seems pretty satisfied with that and after you finish your ice cream cone he is already at the door waiting with the door open

“if you dARE say m’lady i will walk home”

“of course ,,,,,,,,, m’lady”

“alrIGHT THATS IT”

he grabs your hand and pulls you back toward him to keep you from leaving and presses a kiss to your forehead and ruffles your hair a little

before he kindly and gently shoves you into the car

he drives home with one hand on the wheel while you mess with the fingers of his other hand because wow

that shit is amazing he’s got some big ole beautiful hands

when you arrive he walks you to your door and

this mf presses you against it and presses an absolutely SINFUL kiss onto your lips before turning around and heading back to his car

“bye, baby!! i’ll see u tmrw at school :-)))))”

and first of all: KKDKDNDKDJ

second: he called you baby it’s officially over for you bitch

you wave back blankly because what the hell just happened and then you go inside

you press yourself against the door after you close it behind you and press your hands into your warm cheeks

and woooo bOY what have you gotten yourself into

a supportive and caring boyfriend who LOVES YOU THATS WHAT !!!!!!!!

okay goodbye i really love wong yukhei xuxi lucas whatever the fuck his name is

[minhyukie]

hi amy! i'm a chemical engineeringbebe and saw that you're an engineeringbebe as well so i was hoping you could relate.. i'm now in my third year and honestly it's really tough?? like second year went by like a breeze but now third year is a whole other level so yes i had to accept the fact that my gpa won't be high this year but it has been so stressful with almost quarterly midterms and weekly assignments?! i got a test result back today and i failed it (but at least they’ll only.. (1/3)

consider the best 2/3 tests and since I did pretty well on the first test that means I just have to study hard for the next test which is next week.. but up until now I know I should feel upset but right now I feel so indifferent? or numb? I do know my confidence this year has dropped by a lot though) I’m just overall struggling even though it has already been 2+ months since going back to school.. I’ve had to put my blog aside and refrain from giffing/watching videos and then I see you.. (2/3)

you seem to be on top of everything and love what you are studying and even have time to gif (I’m a bit envious :/ I barely even have a social life anymore because I’m constantly studying and being stressed) how do you do it? It’s so hard for me to find the passion in what I’m studying and I’m scared I may have lost it T_T I’m sorry for putting all of this on you but you seem like a really genuine person and I don’t know who else to talk to (3/3)

hi!! first of all please dont apologize!! u guys really dont have to apologize when u send me things like this like im happy trying to help anyone out :-( gonna put under a readmore bc it’s long and semi personal?

anyway yes i’ll be completely honest i relate to this.. A lot. :-( it’s my third year too and honestly i’ve been super overwhelmed since it’s my first semester taking solely classes for my major and also all upper level courses... it’s a lot :( as for the test... like u said dont overthink it too much!! you still have plenty of time before next week and if you plan your time well i believe u’ll be able to do as well as u want to !! :-D

as for being on top of things... please i WISH i were as on top of things as u think i am fdksjlfds i’ll be completely honest probably the reason im able to have time to spare for mx is bc i’ve been having a lot of tensions with irl friends so it’s rly just studying and mx for me? and for making time for both.. i just gotta preface this by saying this is how i do things!! and i know it Really doesn’t work for some people but im most productive when i take.. long breaks.. like if i have a few homework assignments to do in a night i’ll do one assignment and then take an hour break to watch some vlives and then go do the next assignment and so on... and im p good at knowing how i need to manage my time i.e. like how long assignments and studying will take me? so i plan out each week with which days i Need to get certain things done and i can plan my free time around that!! and i know this is Not Good as a student and probably not good advice but tbh for me i need mx.. like i’ve genuinely considered taking a break from tumblr before to kinda get my school stuff a bit more together but i cant imagine what i’d do for a few days without mx like it’s rly my escape from not only school but my other irl shit and it’s rly important to me so i make sure to hold onto that.. :( sometimes yea it’s probably a bit too distracting to me but sometimes u just need to Breathe!!

but trust me no one has it together as much as they appear to (especially not me... please... im a mess most of the week fjdks) and i rly hope you’re able to get through this :-( i’ve been in a similar slump for the semester with like.. starting to feel almost indifferent about not only classes but a lot of things? and it takes a lot for me to kinda push myself together and think about the motivation and dedication i had a year ago and how i still want to be that person!! if u ever wanna talk abt things more u can message me on or off anon bc honestly i think talking through things helps a lot just being able to get it all out there and then think things through!! i love you!! i really hope ur exam goes well and that you’re able to find your strength again♡

[xomaleriestar]

Collection of notes

17.02.2021 at 10:02

so what i wanted to say before initially

is that i read the letter

and was wondering if its still relevant

ok so my response letter its so in heat of the moment and gross but whatever. i wanna share before ur travels and not think about it

i think i have feelings for you too big time but im hella damaged and have big problems w trust so its hard to accept any thoughts of them. i literally cant stop thinking about u and it burns in my chest when i do

its recent, like 2 weeks. always thought im totally tripping out and were totally chill but like bro when i went to take that covid test the other day thats when i realised that it might be a fucking problem cuz i literally felt empty inside w out u and im soso scared sooooo scared of being ok with "feelings" and its really goddamn hard to talk about them as well for me but lets see what happens in the next month

slight overview of damage: the more i open up the more distant i get usually. i've always felt im not worthy of anything good in life and im rotten throughout and its my "destiny" to lean how to give myself away to """"god"""" and reach enlightenment through my own methods

i think all comes from my relationship with my mom which i need to fix before being capable of love cuz ive felt my whole life like i have no idea what it is as i think my mother does not know either. so its been my plan all along to try and learn to love my mother on this trip and forgive her (my whole life i ive been dealing with trauma from my dad so new level now spiritually)

it completely quiet in estonia so my mind is racing but whatever

our souls are connected forever and i feel a very strong connection to u and ur very good to me or just are good

18.02.2021 at 08:15

i love you so fucking much. everytime i look at you or think of you i feel blessed. writing these letters im not sure you even exist anymore. (having flashbacks of i love dick :D)

and i relate with everything you've said

i'm honestly very very very confused as well with these things so don't be scared to move at your own pace and trust yourself first..? there's nothing to prove and we both are free and i dont need you to give me anything you dont want to. everything

at the right place right time. i feel lucky?

on the topic of trust... you are the first person in my life i've connected with only based on my gut feeling. i overthink a lot, but with you i havent had the need to. in the past i would change a lot for a person, but with you i've only gone deeper within and it's gotten me to a point where i have you and for the first time i feel ready and i dont want to distance myself to avoid getting hurt and im totally okay with being completely honest with you. the feeling of trust came very naturally but it's still scary. usually i search for understanding and i always feel i never get it but with you its so different, i dont think about it. i've never actually realised before now that it's trust i've struggled with and it makes sense with every part of my life. trusting myself with my art, trusting others with myself. again, coming back to my upbringing-it defo makes sense cuz i've never trusted my mother

it's defo a strange point in our timeline but im glad we've talked about these things and opened up more

please have a safe flight, i cant wait u to be in nyc already and defo call me i miss u so

15.03.2021 at 01:00

i just remembered that i almost gave away my room away in july and cuz i was so depressed wanted to stay in estonia. found a new person but she literally cancelled like a week before i came back to uk and my init

2:42 am

literally i cant sleep and am spiralling so hard. yesterday i found this voice memo from my dads bday in the summer where my mom got super depressive/manic and is crying and im talking with her and i cant get the fucking sounds out of my head and honestly im shocked i even recorded it. my whole childhood was literally spent by her facing the window in our kitchen, not showing her face and crying and later locking herself up in the bathroom and i literally got the whole thing recorded and its so painful to listen

ugh i cant fall back asleep, spiralling so hard. yesterday i found this crazy voice memo from summer, dads bday where my mom got super manic and i had recorded it and found it yesterday. listened to the whole thing a couple times and now its stuck in my head like some random song. i'll play it to u one day, it's literally my 9-18yrs explained in that recording. my thoughts are rapidly shifting between that voice memo and you, i literally spent the whole day thinking about you.

i once dreamt that i needed to speak to my mother, grabbed her by her shoulder to turn around to see her face but she kept turning around and had no face, only hair. i never saw her face and this one time when i was stoned, i was trying to remember her face and couldnt. now realising that maybe it was because of these moments

19.03.2021 at 10:42

i love you so fucking much i love you i love you i love you so mich i love you i love you i love u love u i love you i love you i love you so much i love you so much im in love woth you i miss you im in love with you im in love with you l love you i love you im in love with you im in love with you i love you i love you im in love im in love love i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you so i love you so i love you so much i love you so much i love you i love you i think i really love you i love you so much its hard to breathe and i think i really love you and it feels great to really say it to you

20.03.2021 at 17:12

love u so fucking much coumba honestly i hope youll have an amazing day. im gonna go offline for a bit 

had a really strange dream, really mundane. took the metro home from some festival and was living in my grandmas apartment again and elevator was broken so had to take the stairs. but it was super slow and dramatic. on my way up (the apt is on 6th floor) i over heard my neighbour family fight and i left the door open to overhear what the topic was and they were yelling at their child? 

i crave physical touch

hey hope ur being productive!! goddamn, ive just been writing and reading the whole day and figuring out this creative block situation/ why am i so triggered by work. found the right stuff to read and feeling full of life again. hope u are too

hope you're not second guessing me for getting sad yesterday. im feeling fucking crazy and it might be cause im starting my period. i keep rereading your letter. 

26.03.2021 at 19:21

bless you

ur so nice to me

had a walk and it was really refreshing. feeling better but have so many anxieties that sometimes i just explode

i fucking love u too. sometimes its like ur my lifes worth of care i never 

sometimes i feel like my lifes worth of good is coming to my life through you

......ur so nice to me....honestly i love u too so much..... i think it might be bc of full moon but im just like a total wreck today :D thanks for hearing me out before. and yes i'm excited to see whats waiting for me in london!! 

in other news -.... called me rude and an egomaniac bc i told her i was depressed and feeling xtremely anxious blabla basically overview of what i told u today so will postpone thinking about countryside stuff. feeling like shit again lolzzzzzz bc of it.... we were supposed to go together with misha but misha cancelled right so im not really in a hurry which she knew and wished me a happy trip back to london. like whenever she doesnt get what she wants she goes off but i mean i do understand that im being an asshole as well so its like the perfect way to end this day

baah mh im just gonna rant here u dont even have to respond :D but i used to be really really selfless growing up and my parents always bring it up that i let my friends use me lol and ive been hella defensive abt it always bc i never knew how intense it was?. friends literally always came first and i kinda repressed my true self bc of embarrassment etc etc and two years ago it slowly started morphing into hurt and disappointment idk why i expected sth back (now i dont thats prolly why im super self centred and delusional as well i guess) so like after all this shit when im like yo having a hard time i get called a fucking egomaniac... i think im tired and honestly the fact that im getting along w evert so well makes me so happy but yeah since eliann is horrible at expressing emotions its harder 

31.03.2021 at 20:20

❣️ is for  🚬👄👗COOL🕶☕️🏙❣️

❣️ is for 🎀🎀🎀ORIGINAL 🎀🎀❣️

❣️ is for ⭐️Ur A Star ⭐️ ❣️

❣️ is for MUSIC 🎧🔊🎶❣️

❣️ is for 🦋🦋 BEAUTIFUL 🦋🦋❣️

❣️ is for 💫💐🧚‍♀️ANGELIC 🏵🖼🔮❣️

❣️❣️❣️❣️❣️❣️❣️❣️❣️❣️

02.04.2021 at 14:24

miiisssssssss uuuuuuu sooooo muuuccchhhh aaaannndddd caaannnnoooottttt wwwaaaaaiiiitttt toooo seeeeee uuuuuuu aaallllrrreeeaaaddddyyyyy iiimmmm sssoooop eeexxxccciiittteeeeddddd ffffoooorrrrr iiiittttt

11.04.2021 at 12:54

i really reaally love you

13.04.2021 at 21:53

have said this before but im drunk AGAIN and will say this AGAIN that i think ur amazing 

14.02.2021 at 01:46

im in love w u

[winecals]

how i became addicted to my eating disorder and being sick // trigger warning

its 2019. i started off the year w yet another b/p cycle after beating myself up for some weeks of being clean with occasional slip ups. after 6 years of disordered eating in general, going into 5 of bulimia, my ED is actually so bad to the point that:

i feel guilty for keeping anything down

any day i don't b/p isnt a day it's a wasted opportunity

i dont wanna eat outside of b/p but sometimes i do anyway

any day, week, month that i dont b/p i automatically feel fake and invalid. "do i still have an eating disorder?" i ask myself as i feel like a complete and total failure for making it even a week or two without b/p'ing. surely this must be SeLf ReCoVeRy just because i didnt spend the day b/p'ing but still constantly thought abt it and felt guilty and mad at myself for having one day without binging and purging everything or at least trying to.

eating anything, regular meal, snack, whatever and actually keeping it down for once and not turning it into a b/p the second i start eating or not just purging it anyway feels like giving up

allowing myself a day or 2 to try to fast and restrict also feels like giving up because "i know you dont wanna eat but you could be using this opportunity to b/p again" my mind tells me.

everything is abt how i'm gonna get away with purging it. how can i make this quick enough to not get caught but still make sure i get up as much as i can fucking force myself to?

my parents' suspicion worries me but also encourages me to try harder at sneaking around because i'm convinced i'm doing a good enough hiding that i'm still struggling everyday and still can't escape this mindset even on days i dont b/p. and what even is the point in trying to be sneaky abt it when they've known for going on 4 years as of this year?

"i'm not pro-ed but what if my ED is all there is to me?" my brain says, everyday. recovery sounds like giving up. the concept of allowing myself to not struggle and not be sick anymore sounds terrifying because i'm so used to my illness at this point that getting my life back and coming out okay in the end sounds like a nightmare when its actually what i should be aiming for.

"what if my ED is the only form of control i'll ever have?" i ask myself. how can i give it up now? after all "I AM in control! nobody controls what i eat except me!" but how can that be true when my parents still randomly question me to see if i kept something down or not and half the time they ask i have to lie to them and the other half i just feel upset because i planned not to keep it down but their nosy suspicion got the best of me so i did.

"you can't take my eating disorder away from me!" my brain and mind scream internally just because my online friends care enough to show concern about me. and when the occasional real life friend cares at all. or when my parents even bother to remember that i'm sick. eating around them and my family at all feels like a marathon that i will never finish. i can't have meals with family without overthinking or worrying until i either purge or keep it down and feel like a failure.

thinking abt recovery makes me want to punish myself for even considering letting go of my pain and sickness. i feel like the biggest bitch ever for feeling upset when ppl encourage recovery and taking my life back

once when i was in a restaurant with my parents and stepdad's best friend we were on the subject of my bad teeth/the dentist/that kinda thing. i reminded my mom that my ED still makes my bad enough teeth even worse. my stepdad's friend was like ??? and my stepdad loudly states out loud "she has a problem!" because that's all i am and i know it. a basket case. a poor broken soul that everyone expects to get better and come out on top like an ~ inspirational success story ~ when i know i'll never be able to do that

i no longer see dates and years the same. after all, everything MUST be somehow brought back to my eating disorder and self-harm. i see a year. oh what year is that? the year i started cutting? the same year i failed at starving myself everyday and didn't know what i was in for? maybe it was the year i started purging and falling into binging and purging before i knew what i was doing. the same year my parents found out i self-harm. or was it the year i graduated high school but all i see is "the year my parents found out their daughter is bulimic". my mom literally told her best friend who lives in a different state now "My Daughter Is Bulimic". i felt like a child that was being put in time out because they forced me to go back to counseling. they still think the word Stop is some ~ magic word ~ that's gonna talk me out of binging and purging. if i ever even wanted to ask for help for real they would probably just throw me back in counseling and baby me even worse than they do now. despite the fact that i'm 22 years old. they see me as a problem child. they act like i need to be monitored. "oh she has problems. she's been through a lot. but she just needs to believe in herself, have confidence, be positive". like i'm not already just procrastinating suicide. i'm not some kind of "It Gets Better" poster child. i'm the kind of girl that eventually will give in to those suicide urges. i've came so close to killing myself so many times that at this point that when i'm not thinking abt my ED, i'm thinking abt suicide and my self-harm. or all 3.

i'm either gonna have to recover or eventually just die. and based on everything in this post, clearly recovery isn't for me. you don't have to try to tell me all the health risks. how it's not worth it. how i'm beautiful the way i am. i'm never gonna be beautiful. i know that this is destroying my health and my body. i'm not stupid. i know it's not worth it but like my disordered brain and mind give a fuck anymore. accepting myself the way i am? well that would just be giving up.

i know i've already lost this battle. after all, i'm addicted to my illness. just the idea of trying to recover makes me wanna cry. i hate being like this. but i'm past the point of no return now. when recovery sounds like the biggest method of giving up to my disordered brain and mindset, how could you not realize how sick i actually am? would i love to just be normal? yeah! of course! but now that this mindset has taken over my life and every aspect of my already non-existent self-esteem i know that anytime i even try to recover. to rise above the urges. to fight back against the mindset. that i'll always see it as me giving up. i'm not me anymore. i'm the bulimic girl. the girl that can't imagine what she would be like without her illness. the girl that can only be in control by harming her body.

so if anyone thinks eating disorders can't be an addiction, just know i'm living proof they can. at this point i legitimately hope bulimia kills me. this is who i am now. a burden. a problem child. a sick girl that doesn't want her mental illness to be taken away from her because she can't imagine not killing herself everyday. i deserve this. i can never go back to That Girl. the one that was me before bulimia.

[mynlov]

i feel like i am floating above water in a safe peaceful manner, but on an ocean underneath which i have been told live.... many krakens

the things which are impending are my english written assignment, final draft due tmr: this is ok, i am enjoying working on it. only mildly aware of the possibility that not everything will be fixed by the deadline but hopefully even at the stage it’s at now it should get a pretty good mark. i mean sure i’m aiming for the highest possible. but life is hard.

the other thing is my math internal assessment. this is the proverbial pile of shit in the corner of my brain, which not only stinks but is very visible and difficult to forget about. i do not know where to start, but the deadline is further away, 2 weeks more or less so i’m not worrying about it for now.

i have been watching stranger things w J. i do not know why but it keeps me alive. the atmosphere, probably. why does reading/watching things always save me. i can’t work hard, i’ve realized. it just doesn’t ever happen. but that’s ok, i think it doesn’t mean i’m not capable of cool stuff. despite what this school made me believe i don’t think working hard is the only way to be valid or virtuous. what’s a good word for what i mean? idk. but stranger things is my favorite thing right now. it reminded me agAIN of why i wanted to act a while ago. i think i would still love to act but i’m not stupid enough to pursue it. or good enough. i don’t mean to imply that anyone who pursues it is stupid. IM isn’t, she’s a genius.

on tuesday L suddenly disappeared from the room and i texted her bc i was watching stranger things w J and she was having a horrible freakout so i went to find her in the snug and she was curled up on a beanbag crying and watching taemin sing sekkaide live with only a watery blue light on. my brain just went wHAT THE FUCK and i felt so so so so bad and we talked for ages. she overthinks EVERYTHING, she thinks that J doesn’t care abt her and one of her teachers is making her life difficult. after she was done and seemed to feel ok i felt like absolute shit and i started crying. but it was so nice although sad to be in there with the blue light and the windows all around us and we were just cuddling on the sofa. but obviously i felt terrible and i couldn’t even talk about it. talking doesn’t make things better anymore. but crying does. 

anyway after that we got tea and i did not enough work but it was ok. i’ve been handling things well recently. the only thing i’m worried about is the math thing. that seems like an ok amount of things to be worried about. i’m starting to repeat myself which is frustrating me. but i’m surprised and sort of “at peace”. after reading taipei my writing displeases me again. i’m too personal. 

i’ve been running a bit although i’m frustrated at how slow losing weight is. since last year i’ve dropped 5k. L annoys me about meals but i’m fine. ytd i ran outside for the longest time w the same music on alone in the dark. it felt good bc i was rlly screeching inside my head for the whole day. but then i was so tired that i only worked for 10 mins bc the rest of the time i was watching stranger things w J and talking w L abt stupid things on the beanbags in our room. 

i need to work for an hour on the english ia! i told J i can’t watch today :( that makes me sad but we’re saving episodes at least, bc we’re both worried abt not having any left when we reach the end of season 2. there aren’t any other shows we want to watch.