#I don’t even care for the idea of religiously maintaining the idea of a ‘genre’ tbh but that’s a whole other discussion.

[alectology-archive]

Genre isn't real. Subversion is good for literature.

insane that I’m still getting asks on this blog but I never meant to imply that rigid genre distinctions have any real benefit in categorising literature or that they’re anything but a tool for capitalism. nothing on that post also says anything negative about subversions - instead I made multiple reblogs clarifying, for the people misreading the post, that I have a lot of fondness for subversions and think that they represent the best of literature’s capability to examine itself, ponder on its legacy and tackle genre conventions and messages that might not have necessarily aged well with time.

[natsubeatsrock]

Should Hiro Mashima die?

My answer is no. 

Though, this isn't about actually killing Hiro Mashima. Kinda got you with the title, though, huh? (This was originally going to be titled “Is Hiro Mashima dead?” and released on his birthday. You’re welcome.)

This post is about a widely debated topic of analysis known as the "death of the author." I've talked about this a few different times in passing in a few posts over the years. You could argue that this belongs in my series rewriting Fairy Tail and I considered placing it there. However, I feel that it's better that I keep this detached from that series. This topic concerns criticism of any series. Naturally, being a Fairy Tail blog, I plan on engaging this with the context of Fairy Tail's author being dead or not, hence the title. Still, this is helpful to think about for analysis of plenty of other series.

Again, though, my answer is still no.

Let's start with the origin of this term. The term comes from an essay by Roland Barthes called "La mort de l'auteur". Use your best guess as to what that translates to. I highly encourage you to read the essay as it's pretty short. It's about six or seven pages, depending on the version. There are three main points to his essay.

Creative works are products of the culture they come from and less original than people expect. 

The idea of the author as the sole creator and authority of creative works is fairly modern. 

The author's interpretation of a work shouldn't be considered the main or only interpretation of a work.

Of these three points, I'm sure you recognize the last point. But first, I want to talk about the other points. I believe it is important to understand the arguments being made as a whole.

The first point should be fairly uncontroversial. The vast majority of creative works use established language, tropes, and elements to create a new thing. I wouldn't go as far as Barthes does in this regard. Not to mention, this is somewhat weird to know considering his third point. However, I agree that creative works should be considered products of the culture and genre they come from.

The second point is a bit trickier for me. To be clear, the point is true. You only have to look at various cultural mythologies as an example. There isn't a single version of the Greek myths. There are several versions and interpretations of the various stories and myths. 

Even recent popular fictional characters have had several different interpretations. This is especially true with comics. There have been multiple different Batman interpretations, Spiderman runs, and X-Men teams that fans love. Fans even love and appreciate numerous forms of established characters like Frankenstein's monster and Sherlock Holmes. So, as a consumer and critic of art, I can understand this.

My problem is as a creator of art. I understand this being contentious when it comes to something like religious myths. But, if I create something, I want to get the credit for it. I want people to love my music or writing. But I also want people to recognize me for my skill in crafting it.

This is true even if you hold to the first point Barthes made.  Even if you believe that no art is truly unique, isn't the skill of synthesizing the various tropes and influences around a person worthy of credit in and of itself?

Then again, I am not without bias in this. Barthes says that the modern interpretation of the author is a product of the Protestant Reformation. As a Protestant myself, I get that my background plays no part in my view of this. Barthes also blames English empiricism and French rationalism, but personal faith is the biggest influence on me that Barthes lists.

That being said, there's also something Barthes completely misses in his essay. In the past, stories were passed down by oral tradition. As the stories were passed down from generation to generation, they slowly evolved and became what they are known today. Scholars today can gather a general consensus of what a story was meant to be and some traditions were more faithful about passing traditions down than others. However, you can't always tell the original author of a mythological story the same way we know who gave us stuff like the Quran or the Bible. 

As time passed, stories were written down. With this, it was easy to share single versions of a story and identify its creator. We know who made certain writing of works even before the 1500s. For example, we have the Travels of Marco Polo and Dante's Inferno and know their authors. We could tell the authors of works were before the Protestant Reformation. 

By the way, the Reformation happened to coincide with one of the most important inventions in human history: the printing press. Now you can easily make copies of an individual's works and you don't have to rely on word of mouth to share stories.

I can't stress how important an omission this is. The printing press changed the way we interact with media as a whole and might be the most important invention on this side of the wheel. And yet Barthes doesn't even mention as even a potential factor in "the modern concept of the author"? In his essay about understanding written media? That’s like ignoring Jim Crow in your essay about Birth of a Nation bringing back the KKK.

Now, we get to the final point. The author's original intentions of their works are not the main interpretation. This is understood as being the case after they create the series. Once the work is written and sent into the public, they cease to be an authority on it.

It's worth recognizing how this flows from the other two points. Barthes argued that works of fiction are products of their culture and our current understanding of an author is fairly modern. Therefore, the interpretation of the reader is just as valuable as that of the author. As Barthes himself wrote, "the birth of the reader must be at cost of the death of the author." 

At best, this means that a reader can come away with an interpretation of a work that isn't the one intended. With Fairy Tail, my mind goes to the final moments of the Grand Magic Games. My view of Gray's line "I've got to smile for her sake" has to do with romantic feelings for Ultear. I don't know of a single person who agrees with this. Mashima certainly hasn't come out and affirmed this as the right view.

It's good to recognize that a work can have more meanings behind it than the ones intended by its creator. Part of the performing process is coming to a personal interpretation of a work. In many cases, two different performances will have different interpretations of the same work, neither of which went through the creator's mind. At the same time, both work and are valid.

That being said, there is an obvious problem with this: readers are idiots. Not all readers are necessarily idiots. But enough of them are idiots. The views of idiots should have as much weight as that of the creator. Full stop. Frankly, I maintain that idiots are the worst possible sources to gauge anything of note. (At the very least, policy decisions.)

I know this as a reader who has not been alone in misunderstanding a work. I know this as an analyst who has had to sift through all kinds of cold takes on Fairy Tail. (Takes that are proven wrong simply by going through it a second time. Or a first.) And I definitely know this as a creator who has to see people butcher my works through nonsensical "interpretations."

At the same time, the argument Barthes made comes with an important caveat. He also argued that works are the products of the culture and surroundings of the author. Barthes isn’t making the argument that author’s arguments don’t matter.

As far as I can tell, Barthes doesn't take this to mean that those influences are worth analyzing. Doing so would be giving life to the author. However, there should be some recognition that a creative work didn't come to exist out of nowhere. There's a sense in which Fairy Tail didn't just wash up on the shore chapter by chapter or episode by episode. It came to be as part of the culture it came from.

Now, you'll never guess what happened. Over the years, the concept of "death of the author" lost its original intent. Nowadays, people usually only care about the third point. "Death of the author" is only brought up to dismiss "word of God" explanations of work, after its release. I'd venture to guess that most people using the term casually don't know anything about its roots. I honestly don't know how Barthes would feel about this.

I can understand what might fuel this view. A writer should do their best to write their intended meanings in a work. It would be wrong of a writer to make up for their poor writing after the fact. I don't love Mashima's "Lucy's dreams" explanation for omakes. I know Harry Potter fans don't love the stuff J.K. Rowling has said over the years.

At the same time, my (admittedly Protestant) understanding of "word of God" and "canon" is that they have the same authority. After all, the canon IS the word of God. It is a small section of what God has said, but it isn't less than that.

Of course, it's worth recognizing that nearly every writer we're talking about isn't even remotely divinely inspired or incapable of contradiction. This understanding should cut two ways. An author should never contradict their work in talking about it. Write what you want and make clear what you want to. On the other hand, writers can't fit everything they want to in a work. I'll get to this soon, but their interpretation should be treated with some value.

By the way, people will do this while throwing out the other arguments made by Barthes in the same essay. People will outright ignore the culture and context that a work comes from in order to justify their views. Creators are worshiped and praised for their works or seen as the sole problem for the bad views on works.

What worries me most about this modern interpretation of "the death of the author" is its use in fan analysis. People seem to outright not care about the author's intent in writing a story. They only care about their own interpretation of the work. Worse still, people will insist that any explanation an author gives is them covering up their mistakes. Naturally, this often leads to negative views of the work in question.

This is just something I'll never fully understand. It's one thing if you don't like something. If you don't get why something happened, shouldn't your first move be to figure out what the author was thinking? Instead, people move to the idea that it makes no sense and the writer's a hack.

If all of this seems too heady, let's try to bring this down to earth. Should Hiro Mashima die so that his readers can be born?

Hiro Mashima is one of many mangakas who were influenced by Akira and Dragon Ball. He considers J.R.R. Tolkien to be one of his favorite writers. Monster Hunter is one of his favorite game series. He's even written a manga series with the world in mind. 

It would make sense to look at Fairy Tail purely through this lens. You could see Fairy Tail as a shonen action guild story. Rather than seeing the guild as a hub for its members, Fairy Tail's members treat those within it as family. Rather than focusing on one overarching quest, the story is about how various smaller quests relating to its main characters threaten their guild. Adopting this view wouldn't necessarily be an incorrect way to engage with the series. (Mind you, I haven’t seen this view shared by many people who “kill Mashima”.)

Though, there's more to Fairy Tail than the various tropes that make it up. If you were to divorce Fairy Tail entirely from its creator, you'd miss out on understanding them. There are ways Mashima has written bits of himself into the series. Things that go farther than Rave Master cameos and references.

My favorite example is motion sickness. I often think back to Craftsdwarf mocking motion sickness as a useless quirk Dragon Slayers have. It turns out that its origin comes from his personal life. Apparently, one of his friends gets motion sickness. He decided to write this as part of his world.

This gets to the biggest reason I don't love "death of the author" as a framework for analysis. I believe the biggest question analysts should answer is why. Why did an author make certain decisions? You can't do this kind of thing well if you shut out the author's interpretation of their own work. Maybe that can work for some things, but not everything.

I've had tons of fun going through Fairy Tail and talking about it over the past seven years. More recently, I've been going through the series with the intent to rewrite the series. I've made it clear multiple times in that series that I'm trying to understand and explain Mashima's decisions in the series. I don't always agree with what I find. However, trying to understand what happened in Fairy Tail is very important to me.

It's gotten to the point that I love interacting with Mashima's writing. I talk about EZ on my main blog. I can't tell you how much fun I've been having. I'll see things and go "man, that's so Mashima" or "wow, I didn't expect that from him." HERO'S was one of my favorite things of last year and I regularly revisit it for fun. It's the simplest microcosm of what makes each series which Mashima has made both similar and distinct.

Barthes was on to something with his essay. I think there should be a sense where people should feel that their views of the media they consume are valid. This should be true even if we disagree with the author's views on the series. But I don't know that the solution is to treat the author's word on their own work as irrelevant.

There's a sense where I think we should mesh the understandings of media engagement. We recognize that Mashima wrote Fairy Tail. There are reasons that he wrote the series as we got it and they're worth knowing and understanding. However, our own interpretation of the series doesn't have to be exactly what Mashima intended. We can even disagree with how Mashima did things. 

I know fans who do this all the time. They love whatever series they follow, but wish things happened differently. Fans of Your Lie in April will joke about [situation redacted] as well as write stories where it never happens. You love a series, warts and all, but wish for the series to get cosmetic surgery, or take matters into your own hands.

And who knows? It's not as if fans haven't affected an author's writing of a series. Mashima's the perfect example. I've said this a few times before, but Fairy Tail has gone well past its original end at Phantom Lord (or Daphne for the anime fans). Levy rose to importance as fans wanted to see more of her.

Could Mashima have done that if we killed him?

Before the conclusion, I should mention another way “death of the author“ comes up. People will invoke “death of the author“ to encourage people to enjoy works they love made by messed up people. Given everything we’ve said up to this point, that’s obviously not what should be intended by its use. For now, though, I do think that we can admit that we like the works of someone even if we don’t agree with everything they did as a person. (Another rant for another day.)

In Conclusion:

“Death of the Author” is an imperfect concept, but it’s not without its points. I don’t think we should throw out the author’s intent behind a work. However, we should be able to have our disagreements with the author’s views without killing them.

[avelera]

One thing that has me excited about the Amnesiac!Nicky fic is it’s my first stab at the old “person from the past gets ‘brought’ to the future” “omg what is a toaster?!” trope, because for a long time I have had MANY Opinions™ about how others have handled this trope. 

- One thing I want to get away from is the idea that certain household appliances would be SHOCKING to a historical person, rather than simply neat. To many people throughout history, a refrigerator would just be a cold storage cellar in a smaller form, nifty in how small it is and how it works above ground, but not inherently a difficult concept to process. Ovens have existed throughout history, as has toasted bread, so the joke about a toaster freaking out a historic person to the point where they faint seems implausible to me, it’s just a tiny oven. That said, a microwave actually would seem pretty damn magical (as it was for people in the last few decades, even those otherwise familiar with modern amenities.) 

- Now, I’m writing someone from the 11th c. Mediterranean coming to the future from a bustling coastal trade port. Obviously you could pick someone from a really remote time and place and shock the hell out of them with just about anything. But then, you don’t actually have to make up a fictional event here. Plenty of non-industrialized societies have had encounters with industrialized societies, but many were not impressed. This is important to note since so much “person from the past in the future” fiction tends to give off a strong whiff of self-congratulation, an almost desperate self-reassurance by modern city dwellers that their way of life really is so much better. 

- A lot of what people think of as “modern” ideas aren’t that modern at all. Ancient Roman men shaved their legs and the women wore silk imported from China. They had curbside fast food, public fountains and bath houses with running water, as well as seven story tall buildings, which is about as tall as modern cities got until quite recently with the invention of the elevator to allow buildings to grow beyond what is comfortable for a human to climb on foot. Myths of the lack of bathing in the Middle Ages are greatly exaggerated, bath houses were quite common then as they are in many cities today where space in an apartment for a full bath is limited.

- A few things that I think would be shocking? Just to name a few that I rarely see in fiction utilizing this trope:

1) Fully stocked supermarkets. We can go back as recently as the Cold War to see that this modern invention is shocking even to contemporaries. Descriptions of a magical paradise in Medieval Europe were often less about elves and fairies and more about a place where food is bountiful and endless.

2) Speed is a big one, I’m actually digging right now for accounts of the first reactions to high speed travel because there was a lot of anxiety about humans going over 30mph/50kph. The sight of cars, trains, and airplanes carrying people at high speeds and even through the sky would be genuinely mind-blowing.

3) Painkillers and functioning (non-superstitious) medical care would be huge (the guy who invented ibuprofen just died). The rarity of people on the street not being visibly scarred by childhood diseases or cancer, and social services that reduce (tragically, not eliminate) the number of elderly or vulnerable people dying on the street without assistance would be a major change from historic urban norms. Receiving medical care based on a scientific understanding of the human body, undiluted by pervasive myths, was a rare privilege throughout human history and its visible effects on the health of the wider population would be an enormous shift.

4) Kindness to animals - the reduction of animals to do labor like horses to draw carts, the fact that farming is now a largely centralized industry outside the view of most members of the population, instead of something the vast majority partake in, has massively reduced our exposure to animal cruelty or even the daily necessities of killing the food we eat. Our sensitivity to animal suffering would be mind blowing to a historical time traveler. Not that kindness to animals didn’t exist, or horror at cruelty to a dog or a cat, but it was usually the exception, not the rule. 

- But I also as a final thought exercise like to ask this: what would be horrifying today to historic eyes? Not just crowds and bustle and speed, or egalitarianism or cleanliness or medicine, things we like to congratulate ourselves for. What would a historic person actually see as a huge step backwards? 

My answer to that tends to be: atheism. Religion is still a big part of may people’s lives but it’s not central to the functioning of daily life in industrialized countries the way it once was. Prayer was more than about moral cleanliness in many ancient societies, it was what kept the world functioning. A leader who did not meet their religious requirements could be violently deposed for failing to protect their people. Religious rites kept misfortune at bay and maintained social cohesion. Go back even 100 years and interview your own ancestors, and while they may be happy that you have access to an education, food, and medicine, you may not have to go back very far to find out just how horrified they, and most of your ancestors throughout history, would be to learn that even devout Christians (my own frame of reference, as I cannot speak to others) often only go to Church once a week or worse, only a couple times a year, when once prayer was multiple times per day.

So often this trope is only about modern people congratulating themselves for the accident of being born into modern times. There’s definitely a lot of stuff I haven’t thought of or included in this already pretty long essay. There’s a lot of stuff that’s my own conjecture, but I hope when writing my own take on the ‘historic time traveller’ trope that I break from some of the bigger cliches of the genre in favor of a more historically-informed take.

[baddly-well-done-translations]

Who is (and who was) who in Marilyn Manson | by Lala Toutonian (Madhouse magazine N°84, year 1997)

A very normal family

  Stop with the Reverend, for Satan’s sake! It’s the turn of the rest of the band, those relegated who maintain a lower (although not less controversial) profile. It’s difficult growing behind the shadow of such a character as Marilyn Manson, because of that is essential to maintain a spiritual strength and a fire-proof constancy. Here, an article (with the most solicited data) about the members and opus of the group which has most given to talk in this time.

Twiggy Ramirez: androginous (but sexual)

  The second place in the category which refers to a visual phenome, is undoubtedly for the androginous bassist. Twiggy Ramirez is only one step away from taking the name of Antichrist Superstar, as his mentor. 

  “I pretend trying to break that barrier between what’s femminine and masculine” says the one who insists with dresses; “I think I had my first erection the day I put on my mother’s undergarments. It’s a part of me which feels comforted with that, as so many other people. Obviously I’m not a hermaphrodite, although people believe so. There’s a very thin line between hetero, bi, and homosexual”.

  His thing is terminant. “We’re here to change today’s mainstream because it’s very mediocre. There was a time in which music wasn’t exciting anymore, there wasn’t a single one rockstar, it depressed me. I’m proud of being part of the mainstream now, somebody had to change it, turn it more exciting”. 

  He asegurates his thing was there since his mother’s womb. “She danced in a cage for the Kinks and Leslie West’s band”. His father could be the legendary guitarist West or Ray Davies from the Kinks: “I grew up surrounded by music. I lived with an aunt who was a groupie and very friend of the Ramones. I remember she hung up with one from the Bee Gees too”. If he hadn’t got success with music, he assegurates he’d be a prostitute. 

  And he continues with polemic themes: “I was raised without religion, I’ve never been cristian or satanist, I’m nothing”. He’s a rockstar: “Our music is so straight forward… There’s a group of idiots who simulate they don’t want to be rockstars, like if they felt pity for themselves. We’re the exception. The last time I talked with my mother, she told me little boxes with pubic hair were arriving at the house. I thought it was spectacular. Someone has to raise and care for those children. If their parents raise them, they’ll be just like us”. 

  Twiggy’s musical career started in primary school. He started playing violin because of a Star Wars film. In secondary school days, “Shout at the Devil” by Mötley Crüe and “Stay Hungry” by Twisted Sister were the albums which had most amazed him and the ones which ended up being decisive in his career. “Dr. Hook and the Medicine Show” was his first band: “A blend of country-wester disco with rockabilly bits”. 

  Ramirez met Manson in a Shopping Mall. “We had a band called ‘Mrs. Scabtree’ in which I dressed up as a black woman and sang. Then we started ‘Satan on Fire’, christian death metal group. I also sang and played guitar while Manson played the bass there. All these projects were while the creation of Marilyn Manson was taking place. He (Manson) played drums and bass, mostly so I could improve with guitar”. 

  Attracted by most dark metal genres “because of its message and rage”, Twiggy realized there was a lot of limitation, you couldn’t go further and the audience was minimal in this type of events. 

  He was invited to join the band after the recording of “Portrait of an American Family” and after two rehearsal weeks, they went on tour. “First album was recorded as a live band. In ‘Smells Like Children’ most of the material were covers. Scarcely in the song ‘Scabs, Guns and Peanut Butter’ I could give my own musical idea”. 

  Until that moment nothing could prevent the path the “Antichrist Superstar” would take, although the creepy version of “Sweet Dreams” deatheached a rotten smell. Ramirez assegurates that while in the “Smells..” tour, Marilyn and him had the same dreams, so they started composing together because it seemed that inspiration had the same start point in common: “In those days we talked about telepathy. We knew what the other was thinking and what we pretended for every song”. 

  The recording process of “Antichrist Superstar” ended up being pretty stressful for Twiggy since the moment in which Daisy was fired out of the band: “I don’t really know what was up with Daisy, but I was feeling alone, I wasn’t contributing in anything. I was lucky that there was Trent (Reznor)” Twiggy, with Marilyn Manson, plus Madonna Wayne Gacy’s contributions, were some of the pillars that helped “Antichrist Superstar” being the success it is.

God’s chosen one

  The last thing the group’s members needed after the recording of Antichrist Superstar was having to search for a replacement for Berkowitz. But in the face of Daisy’s inability to get into the Manson family, they had to search for a six string player. This was in May 96’, and after a year they crashed into Zim Zum. While dozens of musicians paraded around Treznor’s house, the trio Manson-Ramirez-Gacy was acting as a judge while watching auditioning aspirants. 

  Although his name doesn’t derivate from a sex simbol and a murderer, the nickname has a particularity worthy of emphatize: the idea was taken from Hebrew. Zim Zum was the angel God had chosen to do the dirty work at the start of times; the same function was given to him by Mr. Manson while including him in the band. There are other dark sides in his ambivalent personality too: Tzimtzum refears, in cabbalistic terms, to the place God left for giving place to humanity. Also his name could be attributed to the serial assassin from the 60’s, called Raymond Zum. 

  From Illinois, Chicago, he worked for a long time in a guitar factory (In fact, three guitars of his are self-made). Apart of LSD (Life, Sex and Death), he had never participated in a band before. He debuted recording the live version of “Irresponsible Hate Anthem”.

A simple guy: Olivia Newton Bundy

  Brian Tutunick is an original member of the Spooky Kids, after the initial project of Marilyn Manson, he continued his career in Collapsing Lungs and now he plays in Nation of Fear: “Nation of Fear started in 1995 after the dissolution of Collapsing Lungs. This project really was in my plans before that Marilyn Manson thing, as something more industrial. But some members of the bands preferred hip-hop. Then I met DJ Grinch, who was a Collapsing fan, and we started Nation together”.  He assegures his thing is industrial, goth, alternative and a bit of rap and hardcore, everything blended with computers. 

  How was his history in Marilyn Manson? “Perry (Zsa Zsa Speck) and I were working on the Collapsing thing, and we were very friends. We had never made music before, but we wrote a lot of poetry. He started hanging out with Scott (Daisy Berkowitz) and recorded something like six tracks. That way they started Spooky Kids and I was asked if I wanted to be part of the project.  I joined them, although I always pretended returning to Collapsing. Everyone gave ideas about performance and the visual part, but Manson already knew what direction we had to take. Between 1989 and 1990 we had only five shows. Madonna was bizarre. When we quit off the band because we wanted to keep up with Collapsing, we told him to take charge of the samplers. He was an encyclopedia of bizarre acts”, tells Olivia. 

“I basically left the band because Manson and I have our own messages, someones in common, others not (...) I’m not on the musician's side. I hate musicians. I’m with entertainment, because of that I have more in common with a stripper than with Billy Joel”, concludes Wayne Gacy like if he wanted to make clear his mental lucidity. 

  Olivia practically doesn’t see the members of Marilyn Manson anymore, unless they met in a club or pub in the city. “Marilyn Manson is a shock rock band. They’re what they’re because they’re very controversial. There’s a thing I find particularly funny: religious groups which attentate in it’s shows. I consider that threatening a stadium full of kids with a bomb is a lot worse than a simple guy who’s trying to play his music”.  Simple? Guy?...

Leafing the Daisy

  When Daisy Berkowitz said goodbye to his peers in the middle of Antichrist Superstar’s production, fans were left totally shocked. After desperate searches by the press hand, he finally appeared, only to present Three Ton Gates, his new aggrupation. Now he’s heading towards the trial Manson initiated because of his composition’s rights. 

  “I wasn’t fired. I felt like I didn’t have credit for what I was doing and certainly not the opportunity of doing my music, while that was all I did between the first album and Smells Like Children. Manson didn’t accept any of the compositions I had for Antichrist Superstar. He only wanted ‘Wormboy’ and I felt deceived. He didn’t respect me. He changes opinions every five minutes, I’m not exaggerating. He was always searching for a sonorous personality and I contributed a lot in that field. When you write, you cannot simply transmit what you have in your head. He isn’t a musician, so he doesn’t understand that. He never appreciated my effort in creating a big sound unity”. 

  He assures Manson wanted to work with Twiggy and not with him, because the bassist took charge of the guitars after Daisy’s departure. “When I noticed I had only participated in a third part of the album, I decided to go away. They didn’t even include lots of guitars! They literally didn’t let me enter the studio, I only entered two times per week to do the basics with guitars. I played in five tracks: ‘Warmboy’, ‘Tourniquet’, ‘Mr. Superstar’ and ‘Antichrist Superstar’. Then they told me ‘Now you can leave’ and they hadn’t even ended the album. I realized I had to leave...“ laments Daisy. 

  He criticises the Reverend saying he had never had a band before and he doesn’t know what professionalism is. He doesn’t hang out with any of the band members now: “Nobody has even invited me to a show”. What does not being “Daisy Berkowitz” anymore feel like? “A bit better”, he tries to convince us. 

  The ones who want to contact the ex-Daisy, can do it at http://www.spookykids.com/threetongate (It’s a magazine from the ‘97, I hardly believe the page even exists now)

[desert-thinker]

Ok maybe I’m alone but I loved the soundtrack in The Old Guard, it was perfect. I don’t understand why people shit so much on it, what did they expect, Ennio Morricone style music? It is a superhero movie that is about how shitty this world is but also hopeful and daring in the idea that fighting for it has meaning, has purpose, and that fighting for change is never ending and the soundtrack is a clear reflection on it. Sure, it’s hip and none of the songs will win awards, what about it

The focus are immortal warriors, how can you tell me that ‘if it’s the end of the world I’m going down fighting with my finger on the trigger you know I gave it a shot/ if it’s the end of it all, god knows I’m trying because this world is all that we’ve got’ wasn’t right for Nile right after she found out about the change that the other immortals had brought in the world through the centuries? also while she was taking the decision to fight to free them and take direct action against the people who captured them even if it meant she was gonna die over and over, also especially considering she’s also one of the two characters that have been established as religious?????

Are you gonna tell me that the song ‘this is the world we’ve made’ isn’t amazing because of its pace and theme in the scene it was used where Andy decided she had enough of this shit and attacked numerous men while mortal trying to protect her team and while she slowly regained her faith in the battles she had been fighting for millennia?

Are you really going to say that the lyrics ‘Yeah, I'd rather be a lover than a fighter /'Cause all my life, I've been fighting/ Never felt a feeling of comfort/ All this time, I've been hiding/And I never had someone to call my own, oh nah’ when they all go inside the car at what was the epitome of the found family trope in the story and the lyrics ‘ I found peace in your violence/Can't tell me there's no point in trying/I'm at one (with the silence), and I've been quiet for too long’ doesn’t play so well with the theme of immortal warriors that have to maintain faith and hope and will to live after they have seen so much violence in the world aren’t good ?????

What about Cruel World by Active Child playing in the background while they all look at what they have done through the years, how they have been ‘good and bad depending on the centuries’ (not literal quote but you know, what Joe said)???? ‘I dedicate my life to something richer/And all the things that come 'cause thats no price at all/And I know you'll be there/And I want you to know I care because/Keep your head up, hold your head up/Even though it's a cruel world/Count your blessings, you won't need them/When you're gone, its a cruel world/You can't see it, you can't see it/Even though it's a cruel world/We're thrown into this life, no raft, no savior/Masked in self contempt and wrapped in cotton cloth/And its just like a prayer/The way you showed me you care to be there’. It’s just right.

Did we even watch the same movie? What did people expect? Great epic orchestral music during battles? Again, it is a superhero movie with music that fits perfectly themes and characters. Yes, it’s hip hop. Yes, it’s a bit on the nose. Yes, none of the songs will be remembered as the great music of our time. Was that the point? No. Was the point to have music that fit the movie, characters, and genre well? Yes.

[eldritchsurveys]

554.

What's your name, or what would you prefer to be called? >> I just want to say real quick that this blog has 73 followers for some godawful reason, and only like... 15 of them at most seem to be survey takers. Aside from Jay, what are the rest of y’all doing here. It’s getting weird. Now that I’ve gotten that out of the way, my name is Mordred.

How old are you? >> 32.

When's your birthday? >> 28 May.

How would you describe your appearance? >> I wouldn’t describe my appearance. I have no reason to.

What's your style of choice (clothing-wise)? >> I like goth shit and band t shirts. Mostly I just wear a lot of black.

Do you have a significant other? >> I have several.

What's your level of education? >> I graduated high school.

What is your passion in life? >> I don’t think I have a general “passion” that somehow guides my life choices.

Do you have a big or small family? >> I have no family.

Are you political at all? If so, what do you classify as? >> I’m not political, no. 

Are you religious at all? If so, what religion do you practice? >> My relationship with religiosity is complicated.

Do you know your sexuality or are you still exploring? If you know your sexuality, what is it? >> My sexuality is like a quantum thing. When I’m forced to observe it for the sake of others, it collapses into something like “asexual”. But that really doesn’t tell you anything about me and my relationship to sexuality, does it.

Do you have any illnesses or disorders (physical or otherwise)? >> If I do have any disorders, I’ll let that be someone else’s job to figure out.

What's your favorite drink (non-alcoholic or otherwise)? >> I like a lot of drinks, idk.

What's your favorite movie genre? >> Horror or space epic, I guess.

Is your favorite movie from your favorite genre? >> The Fountain is neither a horror movie nor a space epic. I’d call it “existential fantasy”. Maybe.

What's your favorite book genre? >> I don’t have one.

Is your favorite book from your favorite genre? >> ---

What are your favorite foods to have for breakfast, lunch, and dinner? >> I like to eat veggie burgers for breakfast. I don’t have any preference for the others.

What's your favorite color? >> Gold.

What's your favorite letter and number? >> V, 19.

What's your favorite thing to study or learn about? >> I have several, but one is death (from either a philosophical or a practical perspective).

What's your favorite website? >> I don’t know.

Do you use your favorite website more often than other sites? >> ---

What's your favorite dessert? Do you prefer sweet or savory ones? >> I don’t have a favourite dessert, but in general I’m not crazy about sweet things.

What's your favorite mode of transportation? >> ---

Do you take that mode of transportation more than other modes? >> ---

Do you have any physical illnesses? >> No.

Do you have any mental illnesses? >> If so, I’ll let someone else name them. I’m done with trying to understand myself from a diagnostic standpoint.

Do you take your health (physical or otherwise) seriously? >> Sure. But not too seriously.

Do you try to eat well? >> I do, by my standards.

Do you try to get enough exercise? >> No.

Do you try to get enough sleep? >> Yes.

Do you wash your hands as often as you should? >> I wash my hands after I use the bathroom or touch anything that leaves a residue. To me, that’s as often as I should.

Do you take any medications (prescription or otherwise)? >> No.

Do you routinely visit your doctor? >> No.

Do you routinely visit your dentist? >> No.

Do you frequently get sick (colds, viruses, or the flu)? >> No.

Do you try to help others be more health-conscious? >> No.

Do you try to maintain a healthy weight? >> I assume my weight is a healthy weight.

Do you disinfect things as often as you should? >> How often is “as often as I should”? I rarely even think about disinfectant, and I seem to be doing fine.

Do you support religions outside of your own? >> Yes.

Do you support political persuasions other than your own? >> Yes.

Do you support people who have different lifestyles from your own? >> Yes.

Do you believe that everyone, regardless of any bias, is equal? >> I suppose.

Do you consider yourself to be open-minded? >> Yes.

Do you consider yourself to be judgmental? >> Yes.

Do you think people of different ideologies can get along? >> If it’s their desire, and their ideologies aren’t so conflicting that it prevents interaction. Like, I wouldn’t expect a Klan member and a Black Lives Matter activist to have anything constructive to say to each other.

Do you think the world is more loving or hateful? >> I don’t think the world is either. It’s just the world, with all its facets.

Do you think it's better to coexist or have forms of segregation? >> I don’t know. It seems to me that there are benefits and drawbacks to both. I suppose it depends on the long-term goals of the communities in question.

Do you think social classification is fair or unjust? >> Sometimes it starts out fair and drifts into unjust territory as things get more complicated. Sometimes it starts out unjust and just gets worse. Even with the best of intentions, though, I doubt any social classification can remain purely just to all parties involved, indefinitely.

Do you feel the justice system is truly just or corrupted? >> Well, the US justice system has been some level of corrupt for a long time, from what I gather.

Do you feel people judge others too harshly for trivial reasons? >> I do feel that way sometimes. But on the flip side, who am I to call their reasons trivial?

What job did you want growing up? Which do you want now? >> *shrug* and I definitely don’t want any now.

What was your favorite show as a kid? What is your favorite now? >> I don’t think I had a favourite show. I have a billion favourites now.

What food did you like as a kid, but hate now? >> Hot chocolate.

What food did you hate as a kid, but like now? >> I can’t think of any right now, but I know at least one exists.

Where do you hope to be within the next five years? >> I don’t imagine that far ahead.

Where did you live as a kid? Where do you want to live someday? >> In New Jersey, mostly. I haven’t decided where I’d like to live.

Do you feel your past was better than your future will be? >> No.

Do you feel your future will be better than your past? >> Yes.

Are you currently comfortable in your life? >> Yes.

What do you most hope the future holds for you? >> More self-actualisation.

Have you ever been in love? Do you think you ever will be? >> I have no idea, on both counts.

Was your childhood tougher than your current life? >> My childhood was tougher in the sense that I had no agency and no way to speak up for myself and get what I need. My current life is tougher in the sense that I now carry the weight of years with me.

Would you rather go back to your childhood or skip to the future? >> I’d rather stay where I am, thanks. I’m doing just fine right here.

Are you proud of your former-self? >> I am proud of it, yeah, because it did its best.

Are you artistically-inclined? >> Eh, maybe.

Are you musically-inclined? >> Only as a fan.

Are you a talented dancer? >> I am a dancer who has fun when dancing. I don’t know anything about skill but I do know about gettin jiggy and that’s all I care about.

Are you mathematically-inclined? >> Not really.

Are you scientifically-inclined? >> Neh. Interested, sure, but not necessarily inclined.

Are you more gifted with "book-smarts" or common sense? >> I think I have a healthy combination of both secondhand knowledge and experiential knowledge.

Are you more creative or logical? >> I guess I’m creatively logical.

Are you business-savvy? >> Nah.

Are you computer-savvy? >> Sure.

Are you better in the public eye or behind-the-scenes? >> I’d prefer to be behind-the-scenes than in the spotlight.

Are you gifted in the culinary field? >> No.

Are you gifted in athletics? >> I’m probably the least gifted in this.

Are you better or worse under pressure situations? >> I’m good in a crisis, but sometimes I can also be pressured to the point that I walk away and let whatever happens, happen.

Are you gifted in the field of animation? >> Nah.

[rap-liine]

50 questions tag

tagged by: @nervousatthenightclub omg sorry this took so long but thank you!!!

1. What takes up too much of your time? prolly tumblr tbh

2. What makes your day better? just getting time to myself to chill and watch stuff

3. What’s the best thing that happened you today? a bunch of stuff actually!! i got a bunch of compliments on my outfit + hair, maintained first place in my gymnastic competition in gym, got my daily approval from my favorite teacher, finished the oreo ripple icecream i didn’t know we had until my sister told me and i discovered red oranges are a thing apparently 

4. What fictional place would you like to go? oooohhhh maybe Alagaësia (the place where the Inheritance Cycle is)

5. Are you good at giving advice? yupp

6. Do you have any mental illness? nope

7. Have you ever experienced sleep paralysis? no

8. What musician inspired you the most? honestly i think the entirety of bts was really a big inspiration for me to get deeper into dancing and other things but hobi especially motivated me, and even though hyunjin’s backstory is super inspiring i don’t know how it helped me personally yet

9. Have you ever fallen in love? huh even 9 year crush don’t count as love imo

10. What’s your dream date? i’ve never really thought about it but probably a fancy dinner and a walk through the city at night after 🌌

11. What do others notice about you? i try to be optimistic and upbeat 24/7 so I really hate being around negative ppl, even tho ppl hate me for my smarts idgaf about them and genuinely care about my education, although im v confident im also v grateful for everything, and can cut people down but im really caring (mom friend literally everywhere) and i know what i want and i get it done

12. What is the annoying habit you have? ok my mom can fight me on this but burping isn’t that bad ok

13. Do you still talk to your first love? no? he moved but even before not really

14. How many ex’s do you have? 0️⃣

15. How many songs are on your playlist? pandora ain’t letting me see the full list but either way a lot of what i listen to isn’t on there, so im gonna take a guess and go at 500? it’s different for each playlist tho

16. What instruments can you play? i’m relearning piano and i want to pick up guitar

17. Who do you have the most pictures of? lmao one of my best friends and trust me they’re all ugly

18. Where would you like to go before you die? either mecca for religious purposes or greece/rome/brasil

19. What is your zodiac? virgo ♍

20. Do you relate to it? yES omg it’s like a 98% match

21. What is happiness to you? the emotional, physical, and spiritual contentment of a person OR (bc i think i understood this wrong) being with people i love, the feeling of accomplishment / pride, reading books that take you away from reality, debates and physical exercise

22. Are you going through anything right now? only high school my dude 🤙

23. What’s the worst decision you’ve ever made? even though this technically wasn’t my choice but eating nutella sandwiches for lunch every day and not getting into team sports as a kids 😭

24. What’s your favorite store? MARSHALLS, HANDS DOWN

25. What’s your opinion on abortion? women are absolutely entitled to the rights to their bodies and men should have no say whatsoever in this aspect, but at the same time don’t use it as an excuse to hoe around and constantly get pregnant

26. Do you keep a bucket list? not really, but i have an idea of some things i want to do in life

27. Do you have a favorite album at the moment? stray kids’ miroh (liSTEN TO IT)

28. What do you want for your birthday? silver/grey adidas soccer sweats, a new pair of black sneakers, and a permanent ps account

29. What are most peoples first impressions of you? 1) looks bc (majority of) ppl aint blind and 2) im super energetic and outgoing and just really friendly in general, 3) confident and a bunch of other things

30. What age do you seem according to most people? okkk literally all adults think im 5 years older than i am but?? i’m not 20 believe it or not

31. Where do you keep your phone while you’re sleeping? on my dresser next to my bed or charging on my cabinet

32. What word do you say the most? the duh lmao prolly bruh or either of the second two words

33. What’s the oldest age you would date? no one older than me but maaaaaybe sixteen

34. What’s the youngest age you would date? no on younger than me past a few months

35. What job/career do most people say would suit you? teaching but HUH i do not have to patience to teach kids

36. What’s your favorite music genre? pop (more specifically the kind with a k before it)

37. If you could live in any country in the world where would it be? i’d stay in the US

38. What is your current favorite song? hmmmm beside the ones that will always be my favs then maze of memories by stray kids

39. How long have you had this blog for? only a few months but i made so many amazing mutuals already!! 💫

40. What are you excited for? my april trip to spain & morocco with my best friend and my move into my new private school in late august

41. Are you a better talker or listener? uhhh both?? i love talking but i’ve always been a human diary so i can't really chose

42. What is the last productive thing you did? finish four pages of my history hw 🙃🙃🙃

43. What do you want for Christmas? nothing bc i ain’t christian

44. What class do you get the best grades in? omg my grades are lowkey sad rn they’re all a minuses but!! i do really well in p much everything but us history honors, bio honors, and spanish ii are two classes i love and excel in

45. On a scale from 1-10, how are you feeling right now? gotta say a 9.3 bc im regretting all the sugar i ate today

46. What can you see yourself doing in 10 years? working in a lab in boston

47. When did you get your first heart break? if you don’t fall in love you can’t get hurt :0

48. At what age do you want to get married? hmmmmmm i don’t wanna have a huge gap between me and my children but i also want to have a stable successful career first, so i’ll say before 30 ig

49. What career did you want to have as a child? veterinarian but then i realized that meant looking at sick animals all day and i went n o p e

50. What do you crave now? a gym bc i wanna exercise

tagging: @sonqmingi @parkseonghwa (whenever she comes back from hiatus), @lqhhj, @forhyunsuk, @ultvisual, @cuteez, @ateezsbitch @taengyo @astarlightmonbebe and ofc anyone who wants to!!

[weshallneverrevolt]

Trauma! at the Disco: “This is Gospel” and the Ghosts of Mental Illness

Like many people my age, I have a soft spot for mid-00s rock music. Being a teenage music listener in that time was very exciting; MySpace was thriving, and it opened up previously obscure genres. Before then, I doubt most people my age had never heard emo, or horrorcore, or post-hardcore. But by the time 2005 hit, we were all awash in black clothing and crunchy guitar riffs and lyrics about dying.

We loved this music for its emotional rawness, despite its clumsiness. If you listen to, say, Hawthorne Heights in 2018, lyrics like “cut my wrists and black my eyes” are cringey enough to be physically painful. But for a teenager of the time – even one not actually self-harming – there was nothing more cathartic than these over-the-top one liners.

Still, the emotional truth was there, underneath layers of embarrassment. We can still feel it today, as one of those bands – Panic! at the Disco – is still capable of writing an emotional powerhouse of a song. That song in question is called “This is Gospel,” and for disaffected millennials it may be more cathartic than ever.

Note: this essay addresses psychological trauma, alcoholism, and substance abuse. Read with care if those things may upset you or hamper your path to recovery.

As we’ve all grown up, very few bands from the emo era have had real staying power. The ones that do embrace a theatrical edge that stretches beyond their genre. For instance, My Chemical Romance took teenage angst and made it into a Queen-esque rock opera called The Black Parade, and Skrillex parlayed his role in From First to Last into the equally angry, frenetic dubstep phenomenon.

This makes Panic! At the Disco especially interesting. Even on release of their debut, A Fever You Can’t Sweat Out, these guys were obviously something different. There was no screaming. The music was tinged with drum machines and accordions. Singer Brendon Urie’s voice was bright, clear, and almost operatic. The lyrics were literary – freshman year “I just read Fight Club” literary, sure, but still literary. Yet underneath these new elements beat the same teenage energy, where casual hookups were epic romances and someone not answering your text was the ultimate betrayal.

Though all of the original band members except Urie have since left, Panic! are still putting out albums in 2018. Their newest, Pray for the Wicked, sounds almost nothing like their debut. Given the band’s tumultuous history and shifting lineup, such a shakeup in their sound is understandable. Most of their original fans are probably as lukewarm on their current catalog as I am, but they’ve found their lane and stuck to it.

One element of the original sound, however, still persists: Brendon Urie can sing his ass off.

Nowhere is this more apparent than in the piano version of “This is Gospel,” from their 2013 album Too Weird to Live, Too Rare to Die. The album version has the bombastic, electronic arena rock sound other bands from their era have (unfortunately) gravitated to; it’s rather generic, and the over-the-top production and poor mastering drown out Brendon’s voice.

But the band also released a gorgeous, stripped-down piano version, and it’s that version that really matters.

I mentioned earlier that Panic! has a bit of a tumultuous history. They started making music in their late teens, and when “I Write Sins Not Tragedies” launched their careers, they were too young to handle the fame. That had the most pronounced effect on drummer Spencer Smith, who eventually left the band due to his persistent drug and alcohol problems. Being a rock star is hard, but being a rock star at 19 sounds awful.

Per his own annotations on Genius, Brendan Urie wrote “This is Gospel” about Spencer’s addiction. It’s obvious from the lyrics, which are equal parts rage and a desperate plea. He leads off with this biblical verse:

This is gospel, for the fallen ones

Locked away in permanent slumber

Assembling their philosophies

From pieces of broken memories

From there, the song builds to a soaring chorus with the refrain of “if you love me, let me go.” Brendon’s voice is at once powerful and delicate, and his lyrics – comparing words to knives, expressing a “fear of falling apart” – convey a suffering but authentic friendship. Brendon’s anger is not at Spencer, but instead at Spencer’s addiction, a disease and all the awful things that caused it to fester.

Backing up to the opening verse, that biblical theme runs throughout the song. For Brendon, his friend’s addiction feels religious. It doesn’t always make sense, and his friend doesn’t always believe in it, but it still shapes his life. If you grow up religious, you can renounce it when you’re older…but the memories still persist.

Addiction and trauma can go hand-in-hand, but even separately they are almost mirror images. As an addict might drink til blackout night after night, a traumatized person relives their troubled past by acting out, or self-harming, or self-loathing. It’s a cycle you get trapped in, and most of it is tied to something that, far in the past, really messed you up. It becomes a set of rules you live by. A gospel.

There is a concept in psychology called the "repetition compulsion." It's the idea that most human behavior is driven by a need to relive past experiences, even if those past experiences were harmful. It's why people can repeatedly date terrible partners, why addicts can relapse, and why parents who abuse their kids were often abused themselves. Often, these people know what they're doing is wrong. They know they are hurting themselves and others. They fully understand that they should not do these things.

And yet, there is a powerful, emotional tug binding them to their trauma, one they may never overcome. It’s a past assembled “from pieces of broken memories.”

In this way, trauma is scripture, both functionally and figuratively. Like the Bible or Qur'an, it's a way of dealing with huge questions. Why am I here? Why do people do bad things? Why does my heart hurt so much? Trauma provides the earliest and most convenient answers, with the unfortunate caveat that those answers usually hurt you.

Brendon Urie was raised in the Mormon church, and left when he was 17. As a pansexual, slim suit-wearing singer in a rock band, he's pretty far from his LDS roots. Perhaps this is why his performance here - and his lyrics - are so heartfelt. Coming to terms with your trauma often feels like renouncing a religion, complete with all the burned bridges, strained family relationships, and sense of being eternally lost.

The aching truth of surviving trauma is that it follows you forever. It gives you rules for how you think, how you maintain relationships, how you view yourself. Because of those rules, you think it gives you stability. Sometimes that stability feels like love, in the same way that a good partner makes you feel safe. It's precious predictability. But if your trauma truly loved you, then - as Brendon sings - it would let you go. Admitting that is both important and unimaginably painful.

Another of my favorite vocalists, Frank Ocean, has a similarly beautiful ballad called "Bad Religion." In it, he croons "if it brings me to my knees, it's a bad religion." Trauma is a bad religion, and worse than any of the others we create, it is often one we cannot choose. Leaving it behind feels like betraying an old friend. It’s a "fear of falling apart."

If trauma is the holy book of our lives, we can only move forward by burning it. Build a pyre with your trauma and stoke the flames until the heat frightens you. Let it all burn to the ground. Use the ashes as war paint, and maybe listen to Brendon’s advice:

Don't try to sleep through the end of the world

And bury me alive

Cause I won’t give up without a fight

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #157

hey instead of lyrics, there’s a warning for a religiously offensive answer.

How many kids do you want to have?  Only too many scaly and furry ones. <3 Who’s the last person you smoked weed with?  I've never smoked it. Who is the person you have hurt the most?  Probably Mom. Who is the person that has hurt you the most?  Jason. Who was the last person who cried around you?  Mom when she found out about my cousin Brenna. What was the last thing you cried about?  Emotional conversation with Sara. What’s your current problem?  Just friendship stuff after breaking apart from Colleen again and being ignored when I've been reaching out to old friends, something I've been putting a lot of effort into lately.  I just don't get what's wrong with me/what's that damn unlikable about me that I can't make or maintain friendships. What brand of face wash do you use?  Biore.  Or I think Neutrogena if I have a pimple. Do you know anyone who owns a boat?  Dad. Did you get carded the last time you ordered an alcoholic drink?  I surprisingly didn't.  Nor did I get carded when I bought something from the liquor store for Mom and me.  Do I look 30 or something now that my hair's cut. Did your parents give you an allowance as a kid? No. Do you know anyone who’s died in childbirth? No, thankfully. Are you (or have you ever been) a vegetarian?  I am.  Took a brief break for weight loss purposes but seeing as that did nothing, I went back to it and plan on staying that way. Do you ever use Snapchat?  No. What was the last show that you watched a full episode of? The Good Doctor. Do you get your feelings hurt easily?  Yup. When you go to McDonalds, what drink do you usually get?  Coke. What’s the nickname of your home state?  The Tar Heel State. What’s the worst type of weather in your opinion?  Hot and humid. Do you have a Kindle or iPad or neither?  Neither. Would you rather read or write? Write. Is there a dead end road near where you live?  Most likely. Have you ever had to call and complain about a product you bought?  No. Do you have a sensitive gag reflex?  YUP. Are you at risk for any medical issues?  Heart issues run in my family, and I'm finding out if I have hypoglycemia like.  Tomorrow. Is there an upcoming concert you want to go to?  Metallica in January, desperately. Do you own a robe?  No.  Don't really need one.  I get dressed right after showering. What is your favorite mark of punctuation?  Question mark. How many deep dark secrets do you have?  I don't really keep it a secret, but I don't just happily share it either.  One. Where is your father right now?  I'd assume at work. How comfy is your bed on a scale of 1-10?  I guess like... 7? What was the spiciest thing you’ve ever eaten?  Hot wings at BWW doused in like the... fourth-hottest sauce. Who last called you sexy?  The only one who is insane enough to call me that is Sara. Do you want any more piercings?  Collarbones when they're prominent again, more in my ears, and then if/when I lose enough weight probably lower back dermals and bellybutton. Do you believe in heaven and hell?  Not in the Christian concept, but in some manner, probably.  Certainly a heaven of some sort for the good.  I don't know about a hell, but maybe purgatory as earth-bound spirits?  I mean there's no way the evil are going to a lovely place. Which do you think you're most likely to go to?  Hopefully a heaven, but if it turns out the Christian god is real, happily to Hell because fuck him for a multitude of reasons. How will the world end?  A meteor strike seems logical.  Flooding from global warming (I don't know how much it actually would cover if all ice melted, but).  The sun dying, if Earth is lucky enough to possibly survive that long. Are you scared of the dark?  No. How many true friends would you say you had?  Like 2-3, lol. Do you have a motto?  Not really. When was the last time you went on a trampoline?  Couldn't guess. What’s your best memory with each of your parents?  Dad, maybe him teaching me to ride a bike.  Or playing softball.  As for Mom, maybe the time we were driving around one night, grabbed some milkshakes, and jammed out to Judas Priest way too loud lol. Do you believe that leaving a significant other for someone else is ever a good idea?  I mean, sure.  If you truly loved your s/o, you wouldn't even consider someone else.  Better than cheating. Is it possible to ‘fix’ a ‘broken’ relationship?  I'm not sure, honestly.  This will never in any universe happen, but let's just say Jason and I got back together.  It wouldn't work.  At all.  Our relationship was Heaven to me until it ended, and I know it could never be repaired. If you found someone seemingly perfect for you, but it turned out they had a child… would you still give the relationship a chance?  Nope.  I could never take on the role of a parent figure for a child.  Nevermind one that wasn't mine or Sara's. Is it possible to ‘fall out of love’?  Yeah, been there. Why do you think people choose to get married?  Some people just enjoy the idea of a legal union with each other to signify their love, some don't want sex or kids before marriage, etc. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged?  We're both girls, but if it was physically possible, definitely. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?  Mom or Sara, depending on the subject. Who was the last person you danced with?  Sara. How many tattoos would you get?  Arms covered, hands, knuckles, neck, sternum, hips, back, ribs... lots.  The only place I'm not very interested in tattooing are my legs, but it'll probably happen if I find something I love and also to balance things out.  Might look kinda weird to have so many but then none below my hips. Abusive relationship: leave him/her or keep it a secret?  TELL.  SOMEONE.  I'm sure the idea is terrifying, but what's scarier is staying with someone abusive.  Tell someone who can do something. Besides your mouth, where is your favorite spot to get kissed?  Breasts. Who was the last member of the opposite sex you laid in a bed with?  Jason. Do you prefer broccoli or asparagus?  I like the broccoli, the latter is disgusting. Do you like gore?  Sometimes it's aesthetically pleasing to me, sometimes it gives me a quick gag if it's something real gross with humans because then I can actually imagine it on myself. Have you ever read Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov?  No.  Pretty sure I know the basis of it, though, if it's about the lolita fashion.  My friend had a phase where she was deeeep into it and told me about a book of that name.  Gross. Do serial killers fascinate you?  Not especially, but sometimes it is intriguing to learn just how fucked they can be.  I wonder how the mind can make up some shit. Besides your own, what’s your favorite country?  That I'm at least somewhat aware of, I find Japanese culture quite interesting. Would you ever get a septum piercing?  Nah, don't think it'll look good on me. Are you lactose intolerant?  No. Are you allergic to gluten?  No. Do you know anyone who is missing a toe?  No. Do any lights stay on while you sleep?  My snake's and iguana's lamps. If you have a notepad in your phone, what do you use it for the most?  Lmao tattoo ideas. Have you ever had a crush on someone of the same gender?  At least three girls.  Two before I even realized I was bi lmao.  Just looking back, my bond with them on my end wasn't straight, Alon especially. What store do you shop at the most for clothes?  HotTopic. Would you ever get your nipples pierced?  I very recently actually briefly considered it lmao.  I wouldn't tho.  Tbfh mainly just because of foreplay reasons shhhh. How many pets do you own?  Six. What’s your least favorite season? I loathe summer. Do you like tacos? Omg no. Are you an introvert or an extrovert? Introvert. Do you like to play board games?  Not really, no. Are you fond of romantic novels? When I read, I wouldn't actively seek them out, but I enjoyed quite a few. Fruit Loops or Cocopops?  Fruit Loops = Good Shit. Would you eat a live spider for one million dollars? Biiiitch yes for that much. Do you believe in aliens? I've been more open to the possibility lately.  Maybe. If you were the last person alive besides one other person you get to chose, who would it be?  My Sara Jane. Dogs or cats?  Cats. Do you like cotton candy?  I can only manage a couple bites.  Too sweet. Would you ever use a dating site? I like to pretend that never happened lmao neeeever again. Do you believe in ghosts?  Absolutely. Rap or pop? Pop, if I had to pick between the two. Do you like Lady Gaga?  Some of her songs are super catchy. What about Nick Minaj?  She's very talented in her genre, but I'm not a fan of her music. How many pairs of jeans do you own? None. Do you have an addiction to anything?  Technology. Do you like cheeseburgers?  Probably what I miss most being a vegetarian.  I love burgers. Do you have a Flickr? Yes. When did you last vacuum your room? Few days back. Who was the last person to sit on your bed?  Mom. Do you have a favorite flower?  Orchids. Do you like to cuddle with your S.O. or do you prefer your space?  Depends on how comfortable I am in the relationship.  In my current one, I am like.  Soooo cuddly. Do you like being called pet names or not?  Depends on the person.  Parents, s/o, friends, sure. Do you care if your produce is organic or not?  Not really, but I mean if I was to pick between something organic or not and I was aware, I'd certainly pick the organic. Do you get enough calcium?  I love milk, bro. Who is it that you’re in love with?  Sara 100% 100% 100% my babygirl. Is your significant other of the same ethnicity as you?  Yes. Do you have any friends in a band?  An old friend is the guitarist of a pretty nice metal band. What’s your favorite flavor of potato chip?  Classic, probs. What’s the worst thing that’s ever happened to you?  Suicidal depression. Do you ever donate money to charity? If so, which charity and why? Once I have a source of income, I plan on donating to every charity livestream Mark does.  One, because it's just being a generous human, but also because I try to actively support everything he does. How many are too many partners for one person, in your opinion? Basically, I only support monogamy. What has been the most exciting moment of your life thus far? Meeting Sara. What’re your plans for your next birthday?  Lemme get my Mark tattoo, man.  Go out to my favorite restaurant.  Family time. Have you ever kissed anyone with a tongue ring?  No. Thinking back to the last person you kissed, have you ever kissed them on their bed?  Yeah. Have you ever slept in the same bed with the last person you kissed?  Yeah. Thinking back to the last person you really, truly passionately kissed, how many times have you cried because of them?  Waaaaaaaay too many times. How cold does it have to be before you put on a sweater?  Like low 50s. Has anyone ever pulled a gun on you?  Whoa no. Kisses on the cheek or the neck?  If you're not in the mood to make out, don't kiss me on the neck lmao. One word to describe your most recent ex? Hilarious. Fried, poached, boiled or scrambled eggs? I only like scrambled. Have you ever gotten into a club, whilst being underage?  Never been to one. When do you plan on moving out?  When Sara and I are ready to move in together. Before Facebook became popular, did you use any other social networking site like Bebo or MySpace?  I had MySpace. Do you think when someone says “I love you” that you are obliged to say it back?  Definitely not.  Those are strong words. Which Disney princess do you think is the most beautiful and why?  Hmmm, I think Pocahontas.  I just think she's very pretty. What’s the best food to have at a sleepover?  PIZZA. How did you meet the last person you shared a bed with?  YouTube. Do you have any half-siblings?  Four. When going shopping for junk food, what’s the first thing you pick up?  Usually chips. At sleepovers, do you usually stay up all night or actually go to sleep?  Go to sleep. Is there anything in the room you’re in that’s really dusty?  I neeeed to dust my fan. Do you know anybody with different colored eyes?  No. Are any of your relatives vets?  Not to my knowledge. How many minutes do you consider late?  More than 5. What kinds of food do you dunk into milk?  Just cookies. Do you have any current or past teachers on your Facebook friends?  Yes. How much sugar do you like in your tea/coffee?  I hate both. Have you ever seen your mom or dad drunk?  Yeah. After seeing a movie, do you go to a site to enter a review about it?  No. Do your parents vote?  I know Mom does.  Guessing Dad does. How would you react if your best friend was pregnant/got someone pregnant?  My best friend is my girlfriend, and I'd support whatever she decided.  She doesn't want kids at all, nor do I think her body could handle it, so I'd understand if she aborted, and if she didn't, I'd try damn hard to be an amazing parent. What restaurant has the best fries?  Bojangle's fries got all her challengers SHOOK. What does your mailbox look like?  Just a normal 'ole mailbox. Would your mom make a good president?  No. What’s your favorite thing to eat during a movie?  Popcorn. Do you consider cooking to be an art?  Sure, it can be. What browser do you prefer to use?  Chrome. What genre of films do you like the best? Paranormal horror. Have you ever had a crush on someone several years older than yourself?  No. Does your best friend have any tattoos?  No. Who was the last person you were rude to? Did you have a good reason?  Probably Mom.  There's never a good reason to be rude.

[howyoutalktostrangers]

This interview was originally published by the Humber Literary Review

So,

Yasuko Thanh is an acclaimed short story writer and novelist from Victoria, B.C. After winning the Journey Prize for her short story about an island leper colony, “Floating like the Dead”, she went on to gain wide acclaim for her historical Vietnam-based novel The Mysterious Fragrance of the Yellow Mountains. Her work often features spiritual or fantastical elements, as well as brutality and violence, and fixates on those who exist just outside the margins of polite society. Her latest is a memoir called Mistakes to Run With that details her upwards ascent from teenage prostitute to literary icon.

The Humber Literary Review’s Will Johnson caught up with Yasuko to talk about George Orwell, what it’s like to leave Christianity behind, and how it feels to be truly naked in public.

HLR: George Orwell once said “Autobiography is only to be trusted when it reveals something disgraceful. A man who gives a good account of himself is probably lying.” I thought about his words while reading your book, where it seems like you’re relentless about unearthing all your past foibles and sins for everyone to see. I admire your dedication to the truth, to introspection, but I wonder what compelled you to complete this public moral inventory. 

Why share your darkest secrets and shames with such a huge audience?

YT: When I started writing this memoir, I was still in therapy after a stay in the psych ward. It was Christmas of 2016, and in a six months period I’d won the Roger’s Writers’ Trust Prize and been abandoned by my husband of nine years. Now it was Christmas and my new anti-psychotic meds were addressing the worst of my mental illness symptoms. I no longer spent each day contemplating how to take my life, so I stopped going to therapy, and convinced myself that the writing of the memoir could serve as a replacement for Dialectical Behaviour Therapy. All my life, writing has been a sort of processing mill for experience so this idea, of writing as pseudo-therapy, was nothing new.

I used my experiences to shed light on certain issues. I wanted to examine the stigmatization of street-workers, and its contribution to a social milieu in which violence against sex workers has flourished. The experiences didn’t have to me mine per se but they were the ones I was most intimate with. Stories come from everywhere but the best ones often come from our own lives, what we think and feel, who and what we care about. 

At the time of the Pickton murders, the city of Vancouver propelled a harmful myth: that street workers were less valuable than other people. This thinking, this stigmatization of a group, was an obstacle to safer working conditions for them, and created the kind of environment on Vancouver’s downtown eastside from which nearly 60 women went missing. 

Various studies have looked at why adolescents start selling sex. At the time I was working the streets, I often felt that Social Services and the legal system had driven me to it.  I’d been denied Independent Living – welfare for youth under eighteen – I’d been jailed for shoplifting and could no longer maintain my career as a "booster."  I had seen friends arrested and forced by the police to violently choke up whatever acid or hash they had stashed in their mouth.  The sex workers I saw wore fur coats and red pig skin boots.

Money was the trade off for the conflicts I would experience with the law and abusive customers and pimps.  

I spent much of my career in the sex trade in Vancouver.

From the age of fifteen onward, my life included prostitution, arrests, drugs, an abusive relationship, and struggles with mental health. In 1998, when I realized I was pregnant with my first child, I began to examine my past and consider what I wanted my future to be like. What would I tell my child about the kind of person I was?

The seeds for the memoir were planted back then. 

My hope with this book was to begin a dialogue about the continued criminalisation of street-imbedded youth. A new model for understanding is needed, because their criminalisation entrenches them further in street life without addressing the social issues that put them there in the first place. I’d love for this book to spur a dialogue between legislators and the people for whom the skills and attitudes of the streets are logical means of survival. I’d love to contribute in some small way to the struggle for tolerance and open-mindedness.  

HLR: In an interview with the Vancouver Sun, you said that you hate the “role of victim into which the sex-traded are often cast — because of all the accompanying pity”. I thought one of the most striking and refreshing elements of your memoir was that you never moralized about sex work, or wrote condescendingly about the people you met during that time. It was simply a choice you made, and a milieu you existed within, before moving on. That being said, the danger and violence associated with that lifestyle clearly took its toll both on you and others you love. 

With all the stigma and misunderstanding surrounding the industry, is there something you’d like the average citizen to understand about that world?

YT: During the mid-1980s, right when I was entering the sex trade, working in both Victoria and Vancouver, I remember being chased from sidewalks with a garden hose, and men and women marching with placards.  I hid behind dumpsters and waited for the mobs to clear.  I was engaged with a profound feeling of puzzlement that people could be so self-assured without even knowing me or my name. 

One night, when I was about eighteen-years-old, I was sitting with my friend Frances in a diner called the Korner Kitchen, on the same corner where we caught dates, the corner of Richards and Helmcken. We drank coffee in the vinyl-seated booth; she stirred in her sugar and licked the spoon before laying it on the table. Neither one of us could see ourselves turning tricks forever, and we shared the conviction that we’d be good at a multitude of things, if we only had a chance to try them. She wanted to be a teacher, could see herself in that role. 

“But I wonder about a criminal record,” I said. 

Both of us had one.

 “With the kind of work you want to do,” she said, knowing I wanted to be a writer, “it won’t matter, anyway.”

The British philosopher and writer Iris Murdoch said that the goal of every writer was to cultivate what she called “true sight,” the ability to recognize other people really exist. I’m currently reading The Wisdom of the Body by Sherwin B. Nuland. In his chapter on “Biology, Destiny, and Free Will” he quotes Percy Bysshe Shelley. “Without imagination of another’s mind there can be no understanding of the other and therefore no love, and without love there can be no morality.” To be good, he says, is to imagine intensely and comprehensively the pains and pleasures of others. The great secret is love, or a going out of our own nature, an identification of ourselves with the other. 

The intimate tone of a memoir made it the ideal genre to negotiate such intensely personal material, and I hope it gives people the means to walk a mile in someone else’s shoes.

I guess what I’d like people to understand is that we/they have names. We have parents, siblings, spouses, children. To understand that “there but for the grace of God, go I.” That everyone has an identity outside of the roles we play even if, or maybe especially if, that role is dealer, junkie, prostitute, panhandler, street kid, etc. 

HLR: You were raised within an evangelical Christian context, but left the church and your faith behind as a teenager. This is a painful and confusing process, one that I went through, that often leaves people without something to replace their beliefs with. Have you ever been successful at filling the God-shaped hole? And is there any sort of spirituality you embrace?

YT: The spirituality I embrace is my personal religion of honouring anything and everything that spurs my writing. I deal with any number of doubts on a regular basis. Will I be good enough? Is what I have to say worth saying? Will anybody care? 

It’s enough to stop you in your tracks.

But stopping isn’t the same as quitting. 

And what keeps me going, and writing, is, at its core, akin to religious faith. 

Writing is what helps me battle the daily truth that people are separated by vast distances. And one of my main motivations,  one of the reasons I write, is because it helps me capture something from the inexorable, outward flow of time.  It’s nothing less than a fight against my own mortality, and a balm against my sadness at the transience of all things.

“No man writes except to get out of hell,” Antonin Artaud wrote from an insane asylum. 

I have to strongly believe in what I’m doing or I can’t do it. 

Toni Morrisson, expressing a similar dichotomy, wrote that love “is or it ain’t. Thin love ain’t love at all.” That sums it up nicely. 

I write all chips in, plunging ahead confidently, blindly, without real proof that anything will come of it, though maybe being published is a little bit like proof that one is on the right track -- but you can’t wait for signs. My belief or practice is based more on a type of apprehension: that, if I don’t write, something bad may happen. 

I’m not sure what. 

Maybe I’d stop being me. Or I’d go insane. Or the sky would fall. Not-writing is my version of hell. 

I love the Wallace Stevens quote that goes: “After one has abandoned a belief in God, poetry is that which takes its place as life’s redemption.”

Reading can be a spiritual act, in the way it affects the soul. Writing, for me is a way of expressing my hopes and wishes, and in that sense, it is a form of prayer.  

HLR: I’m working on a memoir at the moment, and one of the constant concerns is whether or not I’m honestly depicting the people involved—especially if the truth is less than flattering. I know you’ve changed some names, and utilized a composite character, but I’m sure there are people from your past who could potentially read your work and take issue with what you’ve written. How did you navigate these concerns while writing Mistakes to Run With, and how did you decide what to include and what not to?

YT: As you’ve pointed out, the people who share our lives may have very different opinions from us about what is appropriate and what is not to include in a work on nonfiction. I did ask one of my children about a specific episode in their life and whether they would feel comfortable with me sharing the story. They didn’t. So, out of respect for them, I didn’t include it in the book. However, the rest of my family and friends were fair game. 

That said, my aim was not to vilify anyone, because that’s bad writing, and I even pulled some punches with the intent of creating well-rounded characters. Good writing portrays character with all its complexity intact. Though, I’m sure there are people out there who are angry about things I wrote about. My answer to them is, Write your own book. I knew well in advance that I wasn’t going to let friends or family read it before it was published. I didn’t want to be swayed by their comments. I didn’t want to censure myself. I think writing by consensus is kind of a terrible idea. Post-publication, I’m happy to talk to anyone who takes issue, but the idea of being vetted beforehand? 

I think the prospect of allowing friends and family to sound in with their evaluations and appraisals of the work would make me too nervous to write at all.     

HLR: I love how diverse your work is, and how you seem to effortlessly jump genres. Your next novel is about Julia Pastrana, a 19th-century woman born with a genetic condition that resulted in abnormal growths of hair all over her body. I’m curious whether you’re purposefully challenging yourself to try new things, or if inspiration just happened to take you there. How did you land on this particular premise?

YT: That particular idea came about at a time I was reading a lot of books on so-called “freaks.” One book I remember in particular was A Cabinet of Medical Curiosities but Jan Bondeson. I came across Julia Pastrana’s story in there. What intrigues me about her story is the fact that she married her manager and toured across Europe and North America, even meeting royalty according to some versions. The hook (for me) is the way the story can be read one of two ways: her manager was just another kind of pimp who married her and told her he loved her to keep his paycheck close to home, or he was a man who, despite her unlikely appearance, was able to look past her outer shell and see her, love her, for who she was...I like the idea of playing with both versions, and having portions of each stand in for the truth. I like the idea of, perhaps, the truth being unknown even to Pastrana and her manager. 

We’re, all of us to varying degrees, mysteries to ourselves, often acting on our feelings whose origins lie in conflicting places. In these apparent dichotomies is where people come most alive for me. These contradictions in ourselves -- that’s when characters come most alive for me.

But here’s where I’m going to burst your bubble. That project has been put on the back-burner. Right now I’m working on two other projects. One is a collection of short stories with the working title, Death Rituals for a Modern Age. The other is a novel set in the present day, tentatively called, The Administration of Elementary Hopes. They share common themes of love and death (what else?) and I’m trying to lighten the load of the material through the use of dark humour, and in the case of the novel, the structure and tropes of the Gothic tale. 

HLR: Quill & Quire once quoted you saying “a good scream is worth a whole couple of months of therapy.�� You were speaking about your musical projects, including your neo-punk band 12 Gauge Facial. I imagine the artistic impulse involved in creating your music is different than the much slower-paced process of writing a book. How does music fit into your artistic practice?

YT: The artistic impulse involved in creating music is different than the much slower-paced process of writing a book. Music fits into my artistic practice like a really good chocolate bar between meals. It’s one of the things I do between writing different works, or to jog something loose.

It also gives me a chance to express in greater depth things that continue to haunt but that were glossed over in the memoir. You can’t fit everything into the pages of a book. If I had it would have made a better doorstop than a book. The original plan was to release an album at the same time as the memoir. My idea was that it could form a kind of soundtrack for the book -- but, alas, money and time conspired against me. That said, the project hasn’t been abandoned. Only postponed. I have sixteen original tracks that I’m hoping to release at some point in the near future. 

HLR: I really appreciated the conclusion of your book, though I won’t share any spoilers here. What I appreciated about your approach was that you didn’t tie things up with a tidy bow, claiming your life issues are resolved, but rather acknowledged that you continue to be a work-in-progress (as we all are) with problems to face. Life doesn’t have endings, really, and neither does your book. Did you have to resist the urge to include a “What I’ve Learned” passage to the end?

YT: Resisting the urge wasn’t hard — in fact, I fought against this type of ending. Initially, the memoir ended many years earlier than the version which iI published. Both my editor and agent urged me to look at the material again, and consider extending the narrative up to the present day. In the end, I agreed to have the ending of the book coincide with the Rogers Writers Trust prize, and I’m happy I did so. But rather than have the book end with a Frank Capra-esque moment, where we know that everything from here on in is going to be rosy, I wanted to convey the sense that, as you said, life doesn’t have endings and we all are continuously working on ourselves by squarely facing our problems. I attempted to do this structurally, in terms of chapter headings, and through repetition of certain key lines or phrases. 

I’m glad you think it worked.

The Literary Goon

[lovejustforaday]

2020 Year-end list - #1

SWIMMER - TENNIS

Main Genres: Twee Pop, Soft Rock A decent sampling of: Pop Soul, Psychedelic Pop, Dream Pop, Art Pop

I’ve been a casual fan of Tennis for a while now since their last LP Yours Conditionally dropped in 2017. The band has an established niche, making music that fuses twee pop sensibilities with the retro sounds of so-called ‘dated’ genres like soft rock, surf, and 70s pop soul. Someone who spends less time with their music might shrug them off as just another cute little indie band obsessed with the times long past, and I’ll admit myself that this wasn’t on my AOTY radar when it was first announced. But then they dropped the lead single “Runner” at the end of last year and I had the faintest feeling that this was gonna be a big moment for them, and it turned out that my intuition was right this time.

Swimmer is a gorgeous and delicate musical experience about a love that survives to the end of the world, an ornately decorated wedding cake laced with celestial hallucinogens. While I’m at it, here’s a quick hot take that’s sure to get me murdered by some boomers: this album is better than Rumours by Fleetwood Mac and pretty much all of ABBA’s greatest hits (both artists that I am also fond of). Tennis has been refining their craft and their sound for a decade now, and if past releases in their discography represent footsteps in the band’s evolution, then Swimmer is closer to a parsec of evolution.

The band consists of Alaina Moore and Patrick Riley, a quirky couple who celebrated their 10th wedding anniversary this year, which is essential context because Swimmer is largely a testament to Moore and Riley’s beautiful relationship and a mature reflection on what it means to spend that much time with someone and know them that closely. When I say the two are quirky, I mean that in the best way possible – Moore and Riley seem to be a genuine two of a kind, a pair of unabashed, offbeat love birds who would gladly leave their regular lives behind to spend months living on a sailboat together with only a few possessions (they did this twice, in fact).  I mean, they even dropped this LP on Valentine’s Day. They’re so genuinely nerdy with their love for each other; I want to say that this LP wouldn’t work nearly as well if it was anyone else’s relationship.

Regardless, the music of Swimmer still speaks for itself. Everything is a huge improvement of their last LP, with better production, incredibly infectious hooks, more ambitious songwriting, and a surprising amount of lyrical depth. Still largely maintaining the band’s guitar-driven, twee 70s pop fusion formula, this time they add little traces of sparkly psychedelia that are just enough to leave you feeling love struck. Riley’s guitar work is a big highlight, gliding around melodies and leaving little musical bits of fancy frosted sugar coating everywhere without ever coming off as flashy. The album has a retro sound, but it also has a distinctly modern quality with its honest reflection on darker subject matter and characteristically millennial elements of irony and subversion.

“I’ll Haunt You” begins the album with a gentle, wistful ballad examining the unlikely topic of mortality, as Moore reflects on her own signs of aging before proclaiming “I will haunt you when I’m gone” to her lover Riley. The saccharine twee pop veneer of Moore’s golden voice is so thick that it’s easy to miss the lyrical depth of many of these songs, betrayed only by the conviction of her words.  The mood picks up fast with “Need Your Love”, a lively soft rock composition with prog influences, featuring a major tempo shift between its verses and chorus that is ridiculously gratifying to hear each time it switches.

“Runner” is absurdly catchy, both a brilliant pop song and a shimmering sea of little stars that goes higher and higher as Alaina Moore reflects on her very religious upbringing and how it has influenced her perception of human desire. Apparently this track took Moore and Riley a full year of almost non-stop songwriting and editing to get the end result they wanted, and the care and work that was put into it really shows. Title track “Swimmer” is the only song where the darker undertones are fully reflected in the instrumental composition, with a gloomy psychedelic rock dirge about Moore’s fear of swimming and the time she and her husband went to release his late father’s cremated ashes into the sea. In this context, the water itself represents death.

The album reaches an epic climax with its finest song and penultimate track “Late Night”, a warm twee pop serenade that begins soothing the listener with its twinkling refrain, all while Moore philosophically ponders the topics of love, religion, sex, womanhood, and identity. The track eventually bursts into a whirlwind of ecstasy as she triumphantly declares “I am the master of my ship / My ship, the master of the sea” and “I think I'm finally feeling free”, conquering her fear of the water and likewise her fear of death, while asserting her freedom to live as she chooses. This was my other favourite song of the year besides Jessie Ware’s “Spotlight” – “Late Night” fills my heart with joy whenever I hear it and it makes me want to spin in endless circles of euphoria.

Finally, the album closes with “Matrimony II”, a soulful baroque pop song that celebrates the idea of love as a gravitational orbit between two celestial bodies as they pull closer and closer until they are mutually destroyed, beautifully mirroring the opening track’s reflection on the relationship between love and death. This song in particular was written by Moore in dedication to Riley to commemorate the anniversary of their wedding, and I think it’s the perfect choice for a closing track because it really ends the album with such an elegant thought.

In short, Swimmer by Tennis is a collection of indie pop songs that’s not that far from perfect. It’s so funny, this was only the second album from this year that I listened to and it ended up crushing everything else in its path.

It’s almost a miracle that during such a dreary year we were given an album that is so celebratory, so life-affirming, and so unafraid of what the future may hold. Truthfully, Alaina Moore and Patrick Riley have given me more than just faith in the future of the music industry; they have given me faith in the future of humanity with their good vibes and their determination to live as their own true authentic selves. So here’s to Tennis and 2020, here’s to the radical past, and here’s to a better future.

Edit: Bumping this down to a 9. Still the most exciting thing I heard in 2020, but in hindsight I think it flows a bit awkwardly at times (particularly the intro “I’ll Haunt You” which feels like it was cut short) and I don’t think this is quite up there with my other 10s. 2020 was kind of a slow year in music for me (crappy year in general obviously) so I wanted a clear decisive AOTY masterpiece. Looks like I didn’t get one this time, but I’ll be checking out some of the stuff I missed.

I still stand by this being better than most of the 70s soft rock it pays homage to, and indeed better than any other act right now that has been putting out similar 70s “kitsch” revivalism.

9/10

highlights: “Late Night”, “Runner”, "Matrimony II”, “Need Your Love”,  “Swimmer”, “How To Forgive”

[thelovearesick]

Favorite Fanfics

I know nobody asked me and nobody put me in the challenge number where people ask fanfiction questions, but then I don't care, I do whatever I want (?) so I'll make a list with my favorite fanfics. 

Hetalia.

1.- Auf Wiedersehen sweetheart by George deValier. I think this has been the first fanfic that made me cry and get completely into the story. Everything that has to do with war stories causes me a lot of emotions, and this AU of World War II perfectly combines the canon personalities of the characters in a different universe, where they are all ordinary people.I highly recommend it even if I'm not a fan of Hetalia.

2.- Drag me Down by Kastiyana. I've always been a fan of reading High School AU and this fic is one of the best I've read of the genre. The situations of adolescent drama complemented with references of general culture in music, musicals, films, books and other things makes an excellent combination. It's a fanfic it's Spanish but it's worth trying to read it.

3.- La media vuelta by Kastiyana. UGLY CRYING. This phrase defines this drama. It includes death of characters and a plot that involves a very passionate relationship.This particular author was one of my favorites when she was very involved in the Hetalia fandom, her stories are simply incredible. Again, fanfic in Spanish.

Mad Max

1.-  The Birth of Evil by J.C. Bruyere. I got so much hype when I saw Mad Max The Roard Warrior that I started looking for Wez and Golden Youth fanfiction and found this 2009 forum with these wonderful jewels that tell the canon universe where Wez lived until he met Golden Youth and took it under your care.The narrative manages to convey what it is to live in Wez's mind completely, being a wild vision for survival and territoriality.

2.-  The Birth of Humanity (Sequel to The Birth of Evil)  by J.C. Bruyere. This sequel is a counterpart of the first fanfic, where new characters are exposed and a plot far from the canon of the film, but keeping the same essence. Again, the narrative manages to convey the harshness in the survivors within the canon. Forum authors are a completely different thing than usual lol it is so great to see the level of commitment that these people had, that many times they did not even have any interaction with the readers.

Outlast

1.- To be well by Variant. The Holy Bible of the Eddie/Waylon ship. This story manages to portray the life of Waylon Park and its slow process of recovery after the asylum events, being recommended by his therapist to interact with some of the patients he helped to save, as is the case of Eddie Gluskin. Unfortunately the author decided to delete her AO3 account and the fanfic is unfinished, but the end that is here manages to convey the feeling that reflects the whole story to be able to give a second chance to each character and recosuntruir a life after the tragedy. It's just amazing and one of my favorite stories by far.

2.- Hooked on a Feeling by Billywick, hisboywriter. These authors in particular have many excellent fanfics, but this is my favorite by far. It combines elements of the canon in a different context, where Waylon becomes Eddie's adorable neighbor who manages to conquer him little by little, even though Eddie has mental problems and is a part-time serial killer. There is a particular moment of the fanfic that I manage to wake up many emotions, but I prefer not to give details. I recommend it totally.

3.- A Gentleman by @grimmy88​ I love reading stories in the canon and more when they are so well written and give a turn at the end of the game. The writing of Grimmy is amazing and plays with the point of view of Eddie and Waylon, alternating it in each chapter to know the thoughts of both.

4.- The nightmare never ends by @kipsiih​ Another story located in the canon, but this one was quite crude and hard to read. I remember that I finished it at 3 in the morning and I had to spend a long moment reflecting on my bed and assimilating all the things that Waylon had done in this story. I feel that it portrays very well the horror of living next to a person like Eddie inside the asylum. As a warning I can say that it handles mpreg, but it is totally out of the ordinary. It is not something ... nice to read but it is excellent to portray the asylum.

5.- A little less sixteen candles by Billywick, hisboywriter. Seriously, I love high school au. In this fic we can find how everyone ignore the horrible life of Eddie at home except Waylon Park, which is willing to help and support him in all possible ways, even if it is a matter of his own life. 

6.- Broken Things by @justapegacorn​. Speaking of High School AU... I think I'm deeply in love with this story. Waylon is the typical nerd guy who feels an attraction for the least indicated person in the school, without being able to avoid wanting to know and get closer to Eddie Gluskin, who has a bad reputation and seems to enjoy making him suffer at every moment. I love and hate this Eddie with intensity, since he is an aggressive idiot but everything has a reason. Peggy is amazing author, amazing friend and one of the people that has motivated me to continue writing, I love her a lot lol.

7.- Jailbirds by @peachycans​. I'm happy to have as many talented friends as Peachy is. This story combines elements of the canon in a novel-like atmosphere of mystery, where a group of friends are trying to discover the mystery that hides the reformatory where they were locked up for their different crimes (some of them being incensed of these crimes). All are young and stupid and maintain a fellowship that is strengthened with the passage of time. It's just great!

8.- Stay with me by @daliakoen​. Hospital drama where Waylon is a nurse and must attend a particularly stubborn patient with memory problems that confuses him with his wife. It is a story in Spanish, but there is currently a translation in process, made by a talented person who has also supported me throughout my creative process. I am very happy that she is also doing her stories!

9.- Call of the Void by @social-deception​. Religion, mystery, temptation and drama are combined in this dark story where Waylon goes to a city in search of information about the disappearance and murder of various people, knowing in the church Eddie Gluskin. The religious references perfectly complement the way in which the relationship arises between Eddie and Waylon, who soon create a connection despite the indicators that impel Eddie in the case. Something worth comparing with the film noir, excellent indeed.

10.- Music of the Night by  OneThousandAngels. The last but not the least important. This story is an AU where Eddie is nothing more and nothing less than the Phantom of the Opera, being set in a more current era. Music, passion, drama and death are combined here, where Waylon will have to face what it is to be the muse of the entity that lives in the theater where he works. By far one of my favorite AUs in this fandom, being a concept that I really love, since I consider that Eddie and Erik have many characteristics in common. I am very fond of this story that has an incomplete second part ... I hope someday I may know more lol.

Honorific mention: All Good Things in Time by pennysparkle. This story causes me many emotions and conflicts. I love it, I like the idea, I like the concept, but I can not help but feel a deep sorrow for Eddie and feel bad for the situation that the story exposes, although it seems inoffensive. Basically it is a story where Waylon and Miles are roommates and lovers and have a neighbor Eddie Gluskin, who presents a romantic interest in Waylon. The story is meant to be a polyamory. The writing is excellent and the characters have a background, which is a story much more complex than it sounds. It is incomplete however and I am not sure if the author will resume the project.

I was eager to put many other stories but I think I'll leave it here lol. What fanfics are your favorites?

[manifestoonmoralmanlove]

Faps, what do you think is a good way to introduce conflict in a BL story that isn't just cringeworthy jealousy fodder? Do you have any examples of stories that have well-executed conflict or even just more general thoughts on what could come between a couple besides jealousy? Also as always ilu *kissyface emoji*

I LOVE YOU MORE! HAVE A KISSY GIF!

Anyway that’s a great question and one I’m not going to gooverboard on…that’s for sure.

How to do JealousyRight:

I have seen jealousy done well in Café Latte Rhapsody wherethe jealousy is explicitly stated as an outgrowth of a character’sinsecurities.

It was also done well in hide and seek because the maincharacter was under the impression that he was in a fuck-buddy relationship. Sowhen he sees him with another man he assumes that is his ACTUAL boyfriend.

Other Manga I’ve seenwith well-executed conflict

Embracing Love –This gets a shout-out because, despite being a long manga it never getsrepetitive. There are a lot of different conflicts they touch on includingfamily acceptance, and marriage.

Silver Diamond –Not really a BL but it has a classic fantasy conflict that gets subverted in alot of interesting ways.

I hear the Sunspot –Deals with the (not seen often in BL) conflict of having a hearing disabilityin a non-condescending way!

What did you eatYesterday – While this isn’t a favorite of mine, it touches on some bigissues.  It tends to do it quickly butwith respect and sometimes with trope subversion.

Kizuna – (Thismanga has its problems for sure and the first few volumes do not do a great jobin terms of conflict) but without going into huge spoilers at the end the mainpair comes out to family and that was handled very well.

What issuesbesides jealousy?

-         Homophobia– It’s still real! For bonus points don’t make straw-men out of thoseexhibiting homophobia.

-         Otherdiscrimination – Did you know your character could not just be gay/bi/panbut also be disabled, non-binary/trans, neuroatypical, poor, or part of areligious or racial minority? IT’S TRUE!

-         Financial– There can be trouble making ends meet or one could be envious of themoney someone makes.

-         Career –Trying to obtain/maintain a career or co-worker drama!

-         Hobbies –If written well the two will have passions outside of anal sex that don’t haveto be career orientated.  Maybe they’repouring too much energy/time into a hobby? Maybe they’re going to enter acompetition.

-         Sex! - Not“HOW DO 2 MEN DO IT!?” but “How do I please my partner?”, and “How do I spicethings up now that we’ve been together so long?”

-         Non-monogamy– It’s a thing!  Can have problemsoutside of jealousy!

-         Long-distancerelationships – Nuff said!

-         Commitment– When and how to accomplish it.  Thetwo could have different ideas on what it means to them.

-         Family – lotsof possibilities here!

-         Friends –lots of possibilities here too! …Which don’t have to include jealousy…ofcourse.

-         Responsibilities– Do they have to take care of pets? Help out a friend with their kid for aweekend? Do they share chores? Does one partner have to take care of theother’s fussy garden while they’re away?

-         PersonalStruggles – A particular person’s body image, how they cope with stress, identity,personal expectations, goals, dreams, and so on and how their partnerhelps/harms that.

-         Sub/main genre– Is it more than a romance story? Are they on a never-ending quest to savetheir boyfriend?  Are they trying tounravel a murder mystery? Are they trying to survive in the apocalypse? So oninto infinitely!

-         Illness –One or both of them suffering from a physical/mental illness or an injury?  You can go as serious as hospitals and rehab orsimply a cute little scene of the one taking care of the other during a cold.

-         NaturalDisaster – Nuff said!

-         A trip – Ahappy vacation or day-trip doesn’t always end well. Car breaks down?  Do they get lost? Do they lose something?Ants get into their food? Long waits? Something they were looking forward to is rained/sold out? AND MORE!

-         Crime – Ithappens!  Theft, vandalism, muggings, andmore!  And yanno, they don’t have tohappen because of a jealous harpy on the side-lines.

-         Culturalclashes -  Are the two from differentcultures? Or simply raised differently? This doesn’t have to mean ~wacky misunderstanding about what a kissmeans to their culture.~  They could havedisagreements on what’s polite behavior or what’s good food.

-         PersonalityClashes – You remember how a couple is made up of two DIFFERENT people?Weird right! The two could have different beliefs.  It can be everything from politicalperspectives, a meat-eater vs. a vegetarian, or simply one’s a bit of a slobwhile the other is a neat-freak.  Theycould both face the same problem and disagree on how to fix it.

SO THERE!

Not just a list of a few thingsbut a list of 20 CATEGORIES of conflicts that can happen.

Feel free to add to this listyourself if you folks think of anything else!

[rhetoricandlogic]

Revelation Space - Alastair Reynolds

I first posted a review of Alastair Reynolds' fearlessly ambitious Revelation Space, what was to become the first book in a trilogy, in 2002. And while I acknowledged most heartily that Reynolds "has more imagination in two brain cells than perhaps the entire populations of several small towns," I was, in the end, disappointed, giving the book two stars and labeling it "a colossal bore." Reynolds' adventure, I thought at the time, was simply crushed under the weight of his verbose, detail-obsessed prose.

But something kept nagging at me in subsequent years, in a way that I am almost never nagged after disliking a novel. No, it had nothing to do with the fact that mine was a minority opinion among critics, most of whom were tossing out "Best Science Fiction Novel of the Year" clichés as fast as their fingers could type. I try never to let either popular or critical opinion influence me if I can help it. My thinking is that going into a book as cold as possible will result in the most honest opinion.

What was nagging me was that, despite my disappointment, images and bits and pieces of the novel simply would not get out of my head. This is saying something, since, with the volume of SF and fantasy I read, I do not exactly retain an eidetic memory of everything I've read that I can call up in a second or two unless the book literally bowled me over. But in the case of Revelation Space, two and three years later I still could remember the opening scene in the archaeological dig on the lonely planet of Resurgam with remarkable clarity. The dark, eerie corridors of the vast starship Nostalgia for Infinity still brought haunting images to mind. Had I just missed something? Perhaps I had read Revelation Space at a time that I was not very receptive to epic SF. (I suspect that having since gone on to read the work of Peter F. Hamilton and Dan Simmons, SF of this monumental scale has become more appealing to me now that I've seen it done well.) Or was this all just wishful thinking, and the book truly a soporific snoozefest?

There was only one thing to do: re-read the book. And while re-evaluating something you've originally panned isn't a common practice among critics, we should be open-minded to doing so when the occasion warrants. (And it doesn't always, so don't expect a new review of The Eye of the World.) Often works of art are released before their time, like Blade Runner. Or their qualities are only evident to some audiences right away, while other audiences have to warm to the work over time.

Well, upon re-reading Revelation Space, I will say that to a large extent I maintain some of my original opinion. This is an often ponderous epic. Reynolds has so many Big Ideas to communicate to his readers that he falls into the hard SF writer's most commonplace trap: the infodump. Passages go on at g-r-e-a-t length to elucidate some aspect of Reynolds' extravagant future. But there's nothing anywhere that could be called bad writing. The complaint is more akin to that hilarious line from Amadeus: "Too many notes!" Clearly Reynolds' universe is more important to him than his characters. So not only does the cast never fully reach the point of perfect reader identification/empathy, it seems that Reynolds knows it and couldn't care less. It's the big picture that matters to him. But if, in a manner of speaking, Reynolds can't see the trees for the forest, you can't deny that it's an astonishing forest.

The story revolves around the quest to discover what led to the extinction of the Amarantin, a pre-technological race that once inhabited the bleak world of Resurgam, orbiting Delta Pavonis. Resurgam is now a human colony wracked by political upheaval. Dan Sylveste is the son of one of Resurgam's founders, the infamous leader of the Eighty, the unwitting victims of a bungled immortality experiment. Sylveste is on the cusp of a crucial discovery — an Amarantin obelisk with engravings that hint at technologies this species should never have had — when he is unseated from power in a coup. He is only released after 20 years when his former rival, Nils Girardieau, requires his help in understanding the dazzling discovery that the obelisk has led to: a buried Amarantin city, encased two kilometers beneath the surface of Resurgam in a black sphere.

Two other groups of players enter the stage. From the rather Ridley Scott-ish Chasm City, on a planet in the Epsilon Eridani system, we meet assassin-for-hire (this seems to be the job du jour of hot chicks in the far future) Ana Khouri, who is hired — well, conscripted, actually — by a mysterious wealthy dowager named the Mademoiselle to travel to Resurgam and, for reasons cloaked in obscurity, take out Sylveste. Through plot machinations that, it must be said, are a bit clunky, the Mademoiselle forces Khouri to work for her with the aid of a rather implausible twist concerning Khouri's long-lost husband. Then, Khouri infiltrates the crew of the Nostalgia for Infinity, an unimaginably massive ship ("unimaginably massive" seems to be the only level at which Reynolds will even deign to consider an idea) whose skeleton crew of cybernetically enhanced human "Ultras" are journeying to Resurgam also to find Sylveste. But they aren't looking to kill him; they believe Sylveste can help combat a mysterious viral plague attacking the ship's systems and endangering their captain, Brannigan, who's been in suspended animation at near absolute zero at little better than "brain in a jar" status. But why, Khouri wonders, is the ship looking for a gunnery officer? And where did it get all its gargantuan WMD's, some of which could probably take out whole stars?

Before the characters all come together, Reynolds shows a deft hand at building cosmic mystery while slowly weaving thematic threads together. The Nostalgia's previous gunnery officer went mad, raving to Ilia Volyova (one of the ship's triumvirate of commanders), before she was forced to kill him, about some being he calls the Sun Stealer. And Sun Stealer appears to be the name attached to the sculpture of an enigmatic winged deity, not previously known to be part of Amarantin religious traditions, found within the buried city.

Tied into all of this is an even more bizarre enigma, that of the unspeakably alien Shrouders, who maintain areas of distorted spacetime — the Revelation Space of the title — which are rumored to protect vast repositories of wildly advanced technologies. Dan Sylveste is the only human to have ventured into Revelation Space and returned alive. And what he learned there is a key mystery of the plot.

All of these riddles wrapped in mysteries inside enigmas sometimes, not surprisingly, overwhelm the narrative. It will be the patient, not easily daunted reader who will find Revelation Space most rewarding. (For one thing, we're nearly 200 pages into the book before we get anything resembling action.) The narrative is non-linear in a way that sometimes lacks clarity, popping forward then back again over gaps of decades, and there are odd hiccups in plausibility such as the one I mentioned before. Most readers who choose to tackle this book may find it's best read in small chunks. The meticulous, nearly obsessive attention to detail in this huge narrative results in a story that can be as daunting and difficult as it is compelling.

Still, you'll find a lot to like in those details, including hints at Reynolds' disparate influences. Khouri's career choice in Chasm City — she stalks clients who pay to be stalked, and it's all captured by the media — has echoes of Robert Sheckley's The 10th Victim. And there's something about that buried city (not to mention the Shrouders themselves) that's more than a little Lovecraftian.

Finally, the reason this book satisfies where similarly overwritten epics don't is that Revelation Space does have a focused storyline that Reynolds is driving towards a climax. (And what a climax!) Too many books like this commonly leave several unresolved plot threads gaily swinging in the breeze, leaving readers with the forlorn hope that all will be tied together in some distant future sequel. Revelation Space leaves plenty open for its sequel, too, but it doesn't do so in such a way that it's a letdown in its own right.

Given that this trilogy's second and third novels are even longer than Revelation Space, I don't get the impression that Reynolds' self-indulgence is a thing he's felt any particular compunction to rein in. But I have confidence he knows how to smooth his rough edges. And as writers like Simmons, Martin, and Hamilton have proved, there are ways to do Bigness well. This debut reveals a powerful imagination straining at the leash to explore the Biggest Ideas it can tackle. And as we all hopefully would agree that SF ought to be, at the best of times, a literature of Big Ideas, to criticize a novel too harshly for attempting to excel at what this genre is all about — as opposed to falling back on the same overworked tropes — seems churlish. As Reynolds' career evolves, I suspect it's more likely that, rather than make his stories more accessible to readers who've long cut their teeth on undemanding work, he'll expect readers to evolve to his level, just to keep up. That's not a bad thing, and it might even prove a revelation.

Followed in the trilogy by Redemption Ark, as well as Chasm City, a stand-alone novel set in the same future.

The Nostalgia for Infinity

[markwatkinsconsumerguide]

Consumer Guide / No.87 / Top Of The Pops LPs archivist & blogger Terry Wilson with Mark Watkins.

MW : Tell me about your background...

TW : I grew up in Aylesbury, and from as early as I can remember, I loved music - and it was these very Top of the Pops LPs which were the earliest I had, bought for me as presents when I was four or five, and spun on an old mono Dansette. Little did I know, the LPs were being pressed in a small plant five minutes from where I lived (I found that out about forty years later!).

I guess Top of the Pops started me on the road to what would become quite a serious record collecting habit, and a love of music generally. I went on to play in a number of unsuccessful bands, before taking up music writing (plug: Tamla Motown - The Stories Behind The UK Singles). I'm now 50, and live in Sussex with my wife and child, and although I completed my Top of the Pops vinyl collection years ago, I still splash out on the odd rarity or overseas pressing when I see it. The overseas ones especially fascinate me, although I'm no longer able fill my home with records, like I did in my bachelor days.

MW : When & why did you set up your Top of the Pops website?

TW : The project started around 1999, and I knew nothing about web design at that point. I'd started collecting the series (as an adult, that is - my childhood LPs were long gone), but this was when the internet was still in its infancy - nothing like we have today. For example, there was no such thing as a Top of the Pops LP discography, so I had no idea how many I needed, what the catalogue numbers were, or what the LP sleeves looked like. 

The website project actually began as an Excel spreadsheet, where I started listing the volume numbers, catalogue numbers and so on. A few of the albums had gotten into the LP charts back in the 1970s, so the relevant chart books were consulted and provided a few more snippets - that's how hard it was to find anything out before the internet, young people. That listing gradually expanded to the point where I thought I'd try my hand at making a website, which was a steep learning curve for me. I guess it went online around 2005.

MW : How have you developed the site since its beginnings?

TW : The first site I made was quite different to the current one. The technology was much more clunky, and the pages were all out of line. It wasn't great, but at least gave me a grounding in web design, so I knew what I needed to do. I made the decision around 2008 to re-invent it using a different host, whose layouts I much preferred, and that's where it still lives today. From my perspective, the website was more than just a space to write up and organise the discography; it was also a forum for research. I've lost count of the number of kind people who've contacted me through the site, and given me information, photos and even records over the years.

A Russian collector, for example, used to send me Top of the Pops records from the old Soviet Union, pressed on flexi-disc and coloured vinyl - I'd never even have known about them otherwise. Plus, every new discovery meant a new page for the site, and whole new sections came into being - it has expanded to the point where it's now quite vast. It's because of the size of the site that I started a blog (http://copycatcovers.blogspot.com) where I could flag up new discoveries which might otherwise not get noticed - not just Top of the Pops, but across the whole genre of what I call copycat cover versions.

MW : How do you store and maintain all your vinyl?

TW : I'd love to say I have a dedicated room with security cameras and temperature control - but in reality I store my collection in a humble way on ordinary shelves.

I used to have them in a series of proper LP cases, but they became unwieldy, so I took them out again. Just having them stacked vertically away from undue heat or humidity is all the care they need. The more precious ones are in heavy-duty protective covers, but I don't go to great lengths to look after them, or treat them like precious jewels. 

They rarely encounter a record deck, though, as I got together with a few fellow collectors some years back, and between us we digitised the whole set - so the vinyl can stay safely inside the sleeves while I listen to MP3s. The rarer tape editions in my collection are less hardy than the vinyl, so they are housed in protective cases and kept in a safe place.

MW : What are your views on these kinds of LPs - in the sense that they were once seen as cheap and cheesy - until The Mike Flowers Pops lounge music revival in 1995…

TW : There's a part of me that sees them exactly as you describe - cheap and cheesy - but there's another part of me, which I guess is the dominant voice in my head, which sees them as creative fun. It's important to remember these are not compilation albums. The making of them required a band to go into a studio, red light running against the clock, and capture track after track after track - and in this way, the original 'Top of the Poppers' group recorded around 70 full LPs in ten years - by any measure, that's dedicated musicianship, arranging and singing. I can't think of any band in history with such a prolific work rate. I once wrote a tongue-in-cheek article in which I argued these were the most important albums ever made, and by the end of it, I'd almost convinced myself! Two of them even made Number 1 in the UK album charts. That's two more than Frank Zappa, The Velvet Underground, The Doors, Jimi Hendrix, etc…

MW : Do you search charity shops and similar for these albums? Your best finds? Any missing?

TW : My UK collection is essentially complete, and has been for a few years - so I no longer hunt them down. For better or worse, I'm past the point where I still find anything I need in charity shops. Overseas releases are a different matter. I buy them when I can, but I probably have more missing than I will ever know. (To my knowledge, I am the only person who's ever researched them.) 

When I was buying the UK albums, charity shops and car boot sales were my main source, and I frequented them religiously - there was Ebay, of course, but it costs a lot more to have an LP posted to you than to chance upon it for 25p in a charity shop - so I held out and gradually finished the set. My best find was probably Volume 90 - I'd never seen it, and I was killing time in a town in West Sussex when I had a rummage in a junk shop and found it for pennies. Back then, Ebay was around, but the number of sellers was a fraction of what it is today. On the very rare occasions something like Volume 90 or Volume 91 turned up, they would command prices in the £100 bracket - and that's no exaggeration. (I thereby learned I was not the only one collecting them!) 

But most of my truly astonishing finds have been via the internet. I'll never forget discovering one of the LPs had been issued in Argentina, and I bought it immediately. When it arrived, I slipped it out the sleeve to find it was pressed on starburst multi-coloured vinyl. Amazing! And still it goes on - just last year I chanced upon a UK release, a double album of disco tracks by The Poppers, which I'd never even heard of! You never know what will show up next.

MW : Tell me about some of the famous (now) but not famous (then) musicians who started their careers off doing Top of the Pops cover versions...

TW : It would be great to say a succession of stellar names cut their recording teeth on these Top of the Pops albums, but in truth, there aren't that many examples. Those who know about the cover version sub-industry (and Top of the Pops was only one LP series among many) immediately think of Elton John. He did record a good number of anonymous cover versions in the late-1960s for labels like Avenue, Marble Arch and Music For Pleasure, but only one for Top of the Pops - ‘Snake In The Grass’, issued on Volume 5 (which is, consequently, worth a few pounds). 

It's frustrating that the session men and women are largely unknown to this day, but a couple more famous names can be confirmed. Tina Charles, for example, who had success with her hit, ‘I Love To Love’, can be heard singing ‘Stand By Your Man’ on Volume 45, while well-known singer Laura Lee performs ‘The Man Who Sold The World’ on Volume 36. We might also mention Elvis Costello's dad, Ross McManus, who sang on more than one LP - including the same Volume 5 which Elton was on. Rumours that David Bowie appears on some are probably not true, but who really knows?

MW : What are your favorite album covers...why?

TW : It may seem paradoxical, but I've never really been a fan of the album covers. There are many collectors of the 'cheesecake' sleeve genre, but I'm not one of them. Mostly, I find them amusing, with the ridiculous poses and whacky clothing - they are sometimes described accusingly as soft porn, but I think that's taking them too seriously. Maybe they were considered more shocking back in the day, but there's one in particular, Volume 8 - in which the model sports a fur bikini! Can you think of a more absurd garment?

I like the quasi-psychedelic cover of Volume 16 but my favourite is probably the ultra-hideous Volume 22 - one of the ones I had when I was a kid. That's famous actress, Nicola Austin, in what can only be described as a roll-neck leotard, capped off with matching sailing hat! We should give a shout-out to Bill Graham, a designer for Pickwick Records, who came up with the iconic sleeve design in 1968. Even into the mid-1980s, when models like Sam Fox and Linda Lusardi were by then appearing on the covers, the design was essentially unchanged. He came up with a classic.

MW : What are your long term plans for the site / collection?

TW : The site continues to grow, every time another record comes to my attention. One area I never did get into was reviews of the LPs. I would have, but a fellow enthusiast, called Tim Joseph, has been preparing a book about them for years, and I didn't want to tread on his toes, so to speak. It's something I might do one day though. As for my collection, I don't know what will become of it! I have some bona-fide rarities in my possession - autographed sleeves, advance promo copies, a genuine gold disc award, and numerous overseas pressings, one of which accidentally includes a real hit recording by Elton - don't ask me how that happened, but so far as I am aware, the album is unknown to his fans and collectors. If they found out about it, they might make me some handsome offers! But who, besides, me, would really want the rest of it?

I doubt I will ever sell my collection, so I guess I'll keep it until I shuffle off this mortal coil, then what will become of it, I don't know. I could offer it to a museum, but I fear they would die laughing! In a sense, I feel I've done my bit in preserving the LP series by photographing, cataloguing and documenting it all - at one point I actually lent some records back to Pickwick so they could make digital versions of some they couldn't locate - and so they were my copies, loaded up globally to iTunes. It's a honour for me, and that's reward enough.

MW : Away from the website, what are your other interests?

TW : I've always had many interests to pursue - I have what's sometimes called the collector's gene. 

So when I'm not mulling the small print of old record sleeves, I might be cataloguing every Aston Villa football card ever printed, or compiling a collection of every King George VI postage stamp. 

I tend to go for ambitious projects - all or nothing - so when I wrote my Tamla Motown book, for example, I researched and wrote up every single 45 they ever released - a mammoth task which had to be squeezed between building websites, playing football, playing in a band - and also, a full-time job (Special mention here to my patient wife!). I've always had in interest in writing. I used to work as a journalist and edited a few magazines. 

These days, much of my spare time is consumed with mixing and remixing music on pc. It's great fun, and the technology is so freely available, anyone can do it.

MW : What's to see and do in the area you live in?

TW : I grew up in the countryside, and moved down to Brighton in my 20s. It's a place I still love - so much going on all the time with bands, nightlife, festivals and so on - but one way or another, I've ended up back in a village.

Life here is quiet, and the village is a bit other-worldly - which is fine - but very different from the pace of city life. Cars will actually pull up to a stop in the middle of the road, if someone's waiting to cross! 

The village has its own events - an annual village day, a dedicated fireworks society and various arts’ groups, which I take a passing interest in. Fortunately, there's also a choice of good pubs.

MW : How do you intend to spend the summer holidays?

TW : I have no plans yet for the coming summer - which is leaving it late, to say the least. I quite like the idea of getting a last-minute deal and flying off to who-knows-where, but I'm not sure what we'll do. I get bored easily and like to have things to do and see, whereas my wife likes to lay in the hot sun and do nothing. So, we find things which work for both of us. Last year we headed down to Cornwall to a seaside resort and went out on a few adventures, so it worked for both of us. This year, who knows?

http://topofthepopslps.weebly.com/

(c) Mark Watkins / May 2019

[themclbird]

Can you share more about your candy please?

Okay, I’ve had this ask in my inbox for the longest time. It’s just taken me a long time to accumulate all of the information I want to share with you guys.And seeing as it’s a stupidly long post I’ve put it all under the cut for those of you who really just don’t care (which I totally understand)But for those of you who do care: keep reading to learn about Phoebe~!

Name: Phoebe GardinierGender: FemaleZodiac Sign: VirgoSexuality: PansexualCrush And Why: Castiel and Lysander (if the game allowed it they would be polyamorous, so that’s the headcanon I have for her), she loves the contrast between them.With Castiel she feels like she can truly relax and speak her mind about anything. Being able to lie around on the couch with him, or walk Demon, is her favourite way to pass time with him.With Lysander she feels like a princess. The fact that he treats her like one is the main reason for her sudden burst in confidence after they started dating. Being able to read classics, discuss opinions, and go on more than romantic dates are how she loves to spend her time with him.If she had the same taste in music as them, she would happily play/practice with them. Unfortunately, her music taste is on the more classical side. Although she does love watching them play.Favourite Colour: This changes every other day, but it often tends to fall back on blueFavourite Singer/Band: Asking her to pick a favourite singer is like asking her to pick a favourite between Castiel and Lysander. She can’t do it. But, the genres she prefers are classical, jazz, and swing.Favourite Food: Cotton candy, pizza, and coffee (technically a drink, but still counts)Last Movie Watched: Marie Antoinette (she loves the colour palette)Described In 5 Words: Indecisive, cuddly, relaxed, bookworm, animal-loverFirst Kiss: When she was 13. It was a dare.Optimist Or Pessimist: Wants to be an optimist but is more of a pessimistResponse To Change: So long as she is the one initiating the change she is all for it. If it is her…she’s a nervous wreck.Confident Or No: Socially no. In order to be confident she needs reassurance from those close to her. Fashionably yes. Phoebe can be found wearing anything from comfy sweaters and scarves to outfits that cannot fathomably be comfortable with the brightest colour schemes within the span of a few days.Relationship With Jealousy: Phoebe isn’t a naturally jealous person. It takes a lot of work to make her genuinely jealous.Proudest Moment: When she won a dance competition at her school when she was 14Opinion On Waiting In Line: Honestly, she loves it. Although slow moving lines means she reaches her destination slower, it also gives her time to just be in her own world.Response To Babies: Thinks that they are adorable. She will smile at/with them, play games with them, and just generally have her mood lifted by their presence.Response To Crying Babies: Stress. She has no idea what to do with someone her age when they’re crying let alone what to do with a baby. If the baby is in her arms when they start crying she’ll just pass them off to the nearest person to deal with it.On Time Or Running Late: Running late. Always. If she’s ever on time consider it a miracle.Friend Group Size: Although Phoebe considers herself to be pretty likeable, she only has a small handful of people that she considers her friends. Having to keep up with large groups of people tires her out and so she generally just sticks to three or four close friends. Of course, Lysander and Castiel are included in this three/four.Opinion On Parties: Phoebe enjoys them so long as she has a friend nearby that she can cling to. Not for social support, or as an excuse to escape, but rather just so she has someone to reassure her that she isn’t making a complete fool of herself in front of strangers.Queen Bee Or Wallflower: With her sense of style it’s difficult to be a wallflower, but Phoebe is definitely not a Queen Bee. She likes to keep to herself and her friends, never attempting to hold the spotlight, but she also doesn’t mind having the spotlight handed to her occasionally.Religion: Phoebe grew up in a Christian home, but her beliefs turned more into just questioning the more she aged. Now she doesn’t consider herself religious but will humour her parents with the idea.Opinion On Afterlife: She’s decided to not come to a conclusion until she’s learnt firsthand what comes after death.Desire For Immortality: Phoebe used to play with the idea when she was a child, and even now still likes to think about what it would be like. But now every time she thinks about it she begins to delve into theories on how she would either a) keep her loved ones alive or b) preserve their memory.Studies: Phoebe’s studies aren’t her biggest concern. She has an average natural intelligence and therefore can pass most tests in school without too much studying. Without a desire to do much better than average means that she spends very little time studying beyond what she feels she really needs.Best Subject: LiteratureWorst Subject: Biology and Maths equallyLanguages She Speaks: English and conversational FrenchSchool Structure Or Self Learning: Phoebe much prefers learning things that she finds interest in as opposed to the compulsory topics learnt in school.Ideal Home: A small cottage on a large piece of land where she can create a beautiful maze-like garden with many little hideouts within.Tidy Or Messy Room: Phoebe’s room is generally tidy except for when there is a major stressor in her life. When that happens mess just begins to pile up in her room and becomes out of control.Handiness: Phoebe isn’t even remotely handy. If something in the house breaks, her attempts to fix it just make it worse.Dream Job: Being a writer of any kind. Whether it be a fiction author or a journalist, she’ll be happy as long as she gets to write for others. Not to mention being able to mostly work at home would be a nice bonus.Amount Of Time Spent At Home: Being at home is a love of Phoebe’s and so she is at home whenever she can be. If she’s leaving the house she needs to be with someone she’s comfortable around to help her maintain a feeling of homey-ness.Relationship With Family: Phoebe is very close to her family. She has her mother and father who she spends every Sunday with during a movie night. She also has a younger brother called Ryan (13 years old) that she is often helping her parents run around to all of his extracurricular activities. Between Phoebe and Ryan, he is the one who has a stronger devotion to school.