#I do love the intimacy of... soft contact sometimes yknow

[pinkyjulien]

Valentin & Mitch | 675/?? 🌑

[ferie-anon]

Hi!😍How are you? Can i get a ship with Ateez? I'm capricorn sun, venus and mercury, gemini moon, sagittarius rising and pisces mars. Thank you so much 🙏🤩

I’m good! You’re a capricorn sun with a gemini moon, these two placements make an intellectual power source. The intellect and capability of utilizing your brain and details is impeccable, and with cap sun when you put it to work, there will be success with the effort/hardwork you attempt. Capricorn mercury, you keep it real. Rather than a brutal honest way to your communication, you are more stating things matter of factly in a honest way, but kinda chill yknow. If virgo mercuries were more of a fact and organzied direct speaker, you would be similar to that but in a more chill way like you’re only being realistic, not critical. Capricorn venus seem to rather show off their love to their partner theough hardwork and presenting the notion that they are responsible and trustworthy in that aspect. They care a great deal about their close ones/loved ones, but not usually in an affectionate physical displaying mannerism. Lastly, your pisces mars indicates you may easily be sensitive at times, and can be more on the whimsical outlook towards your goals. However with your other earthy placements, you are not too wishy-washy. Sag rising prompts others to view you at first to be optimistic or an exuberant vibe. Sagittarius is ruled by jupiter, the planet that is ruler of prosperity, expansion, good fortune (luck). These aspects may be projected to your outer appearance, so you may seem more youthful or healthy, and you view the world in an openminded positive way sometimes.

In Ateez... your match is Seonghwa!

Momhwa here has a motherly side and a strict honest side. I think the dynamics between you two are similar yet balanced in a way where you both share different perspectives that can benefit each other~ Seonghwa’s sun is in aries, and these individuals are determined, honest, and morally inclined. You can definitely see his passion when he dances or his facial expression during performances, and despite his soft disposition at times, he can be quite the savage person if needed. His moon is in cancer and I will elaborate further in the next paragraph, but since his moon sign is in this placement, that is why he is sensitive yet very compassionate or able to understand others (in a motherly way as seen to Ateez). These two placements create a a nice parallel to each other. Similarly, you seem to have two parallels within you, you can be quite the dilligent, responsible person when you need to, the student that does well when they do their work, but with your gemini moon you could be prone to many new thoughts occurring that may cause you to be flighty in your duties at times: hence the student that may be smart but not exactly labeled as the teacher’s pet. You don’t wanna bore yourself of only study and academics, you still retain fun within while enjoying your intellect. Seonghwa thought you were interesting, how you could show such a sunny disposition (child-like expressions) of the world yet retain a serious practical side when you decided to do so, a side that heavily appealed to the natural caretaker and responsible one of Ateez, Seonghwa.

Now to the elaboration of his cancer moon. Cancer moons are quite the baby of the water sign family in the moon aspect, as the moon is the ruler of cancer the zodiac sign, thus this aspect naturally is more powerful or at home within this position. Seonghwa is empathetic, has a lot of emotions (inherently sensitive), and has a lot to give to others emotionally (as a supportive pillar). These traits make Seonghwa more of a little compassionate fluffball despite his other contrasting personality traits (cough cough Seonghwa is duality, Duality is Seonghwa). Your gemini moon on the other hand is less emotionally inclined, I would say you may not display your emotions or discuss deep topics on how you feel, but it doesn’t mean you are insensitive. You deal with your emotions and feel them in a different way, you may feel easily overwhelmed or change how you feel right after experiencing a new resolve. Seonghwa loves your new fresh perspective, how you come up with new ideas or brightly display your thoughts of knowledge of your favorite interests. Seeing that beaming smile just makes Seonghwa go heart eyes ya know~ I think with Seonghwa, you feel like you can be more comfortable in confiding your emotions as Seonghwa would not judge you and he would listen to your little worries or temporary thoughts of complaints on a bad day. It is something balancing that you both would feel soothed and healing within.

Seonghwa’s mercury is in aries! These natives are honest and not keen on hiding the truth, they desire the truth back to them as well. As you can see, Seonghwa is pretty strict such as cleaning or nagging the members to clean, puck up stuff, and to take care of stuff. Aries mercury inherently are just very true to themselves and if there’s something they want to say, they will say it but it’s not purposely directed to tear down or hurt others. With your capricorn mercury, you are similar in the fact you wanna keep it real as well, hence you both have similar values in communication-wise. Seonghwa will find himself agreeing and working well with your unfiltered communication, as you both aren’t afraid to say or give your opinion towards others and each other.

Next, Seonghwa’s venus is in aquarius. With your capricorn venus, these two will seem like an odd match of love styles but complements each other well. Capricorn venus like to show they are capable and not too dependent, similarly venus aquarius like to show how different they are from others, a rebel at heart, charming others with their cool detachment. However, you both value your privacy or are not usually very expressive in physical affection, however you both have a mutual understanding of reasoning and thinking. Seonghwa may appreciate your independency and admire ur outward approaches, likewise you may appreciate Seonghwa’s logicality or problem solving attitude in a situation. These placements give me two badass anime characters who fell in love with each other, and are each others partner in crime and lover.

Lastly, his mars is in aries! Direct, pursuing, and passionate about the things he love, goals and aspirations, it is also evident in his love style. He is direct in how he wants to approach you, and rlly has heart eyes a lot and with prominent aries energy he may initiate more physical contact but ofc nothing that crosses the boundary if you dislike it. Your mars pisces is someone who wants someone to guide them or despite your earth signs not very vocal about intimacy, you crave for some emotional bond and affection still. Which Seonghwa can give :3

Overall, you two are the ones that are independent and internally strong but are really just little soft marshmallows that wanna cuddle with each other, but you two maintain a cool face while you do so. You two have an underlying softness in your compassion and love for other and each other, yet you don’t lose your reasoning/logical sense of self from it. You two are balanced very well and I k I said that too much lol 😂 You two radiate -> 🍓🌹💌📝💕🌿☘️🌓🍟

[the0ther-side0f-dawn]

LONG POST - PERSONAL - do not reblog

2 a.m. revelations (posting a draft from last night)

im never going to be loved. like putting aside the fact that im ugly as shit, and barely have any personality; all of my relationships (of any nature) are poisoned by my terrible and inescapable anxiety, an anxiety which also prevents me making new or deep connections, and i have a terrible fear of intimacy and vulnerability (which are both things i want to be able to have), but also i have a tendency to idolise almost anyone who gives me attention or shows me kindness which is an absolutely terrible foundation for any kind of relationship, and i have a tendency to repress things, and let out quiet bursts of brutal honesty, like i will never raise my voice or display signs of anger or aggression (noone will ever see me angry. i have never been permitted to be angry and -circa me at 10 years old- when i used to get angry i was a terrible human), but i explode in ways where everything just spills out all at once, because to not repress things, to always present the truth, is to always and constantly confront the possibility and fear of abondonment or scorn and i cannot live with that constant fear. these are moments which give me actual panic. heart racing. adrenaline. dizzy panic. i cannot face that on the daily, so i repress, and eventually it is too much to hold in, and honestly is a virtue i wish i could stop portraying, how i wish i could just lie and let things slide and be okay with that.

i am always going to be scared because i have never trusted anyone since i learned that even the people closest can turn on you in an instant (a lesson i learned a decade ago, and was really truly cemented last year), and who is going to love someone who cannot trust them? and like, that’s a trauma thing, an anxiety thing. thats not just something i can change my mind on, thats something that has to be worked on, and learning to trust someone takes, well, i dont know how long, because there isnt a person on this earth who i trust fully, like i do not trust anyone not to turn on me or lash out at me, and abandon me, and i mean, i try really hard. and it is a really fucking ingenuine way to live. i feel like i am betraying everyone i know, because everything i do is so calculated, that im fooling them into thinking theyre interacting with a person, but i am not a person. i try to let myself exist,i try to exist in moments, without removing myself to make sure everything my body says and does is correct, but i cannot just let myself be, i cannot trust myself not to fuck things up, to not say the wrong thing, not to embarrass myself, and i havent yet learned how to live with mistakes, how to live with embarrassment and regret and how to forgive myself. i hold myself accountable for everything, for far too much, and i should. i have done unforgivable things. some of these were conscious decisions, where only in retrospect did i realise the ramifications, and other things just happened, impulsive flashes of emotion, because it is so so so easy to do something unforgiveable. and well, i guess, these things, most of them, it is only my own conscious that does not forgive me, because those whom my actions hurt have forgiven and/or forgotten. i tread lightly around everyone, constantly, every interaction- every word i speak is mulled over a dozen times in my mind before i allow myself to interact. who could love someone who is so completely terrified of living and is so fucking insecure that she thinks if she makes the slightest error that her s/o would explode at her and leave her? and it is terribly unfair to be with someone and for me to have that fear because it would suggest that i think so little of them.

also i have high af standards so that doesnt help. like i hate myself, but i do have some morsel of self-respect.

and yknow, that internalised homophobia like heck, i dont even feel like i have the right to look at girls.

also, being closeted and having that homophobic family doesnt help.

and also, i reallt feel like i have missed my window? like im 19 and i have never dated anyone, ive jever kissed anyone, ive never even come close to hitting any of these milestones which i should have right now, and im scared that it makes me so so childish and that noone is going to want to be with someone who is so unsure of themself and doesnt know anything about anything and someone who is experiencing everything for the first time.

like by my very nature, my nature being anxiety, and all that relates to it: insecurity, lack of confidence, untrusting, - i am someone who should not be loved. because i am so incompatible with this entity that is romance.

and what i want, i dont feel is something fair to ask. like i dont want to have to conform with preconceived notions of what a relationship is. i want all the things which i think a relationship should be. i want honesty and communication, i dont want games. i want every shade between the binaries- i dont want things to be polarised between yes and no. i want fluidity. i want things to be slow. i want things to be soft. i want things to happen when we want them, not when we think they should happen. i want friendship, at the beginning and at the core, and everything else is secondary. i want to be a priority. i want to know that i am wanted, i want to learn what it feels like to be important and valued. i want to feel special. i want someone who lets me invest myself in them, who doesnt think i am too much, who is patient, so fucking patient and understanding and compassionate. i want someone who doesnt belittle me because i dont understand sarcasm- because i always believe people are tellinf the truth. i want someone who will let me be pissed for a few days when i need to be, and will give me the space to workout my feelings, who wont pressure me into confronting things when they happen, who understand that good choices arent made in agitated moods, and will let me collect my thoughts and compose myself and will forgive me for the time i need to do that. i want someone who will let me write or be silent when i have too much in my head to talk, i want someone who understand that somedays i just cant talk and listen. i want someone who lets me exist, and accepts my forms of existence. i want someone who understands that (not to use this cliche line) but im not like other people, i have always said thst if people were wavelengths, then id have both a very short amplitude and a very long fequency, but not so flat that im a straight line, i exist very quietly and mostly serenely, and i need to be allowed to be small, because sometimes this means locking myself away for a couple days, sometimes it means not talking or making eye contact. im always very close to be a flatline, shutdown, dead. and i need to be allowed to be close to that. i need to be allowed to not be lively and big. im realising i might be discribing my depression. the thing im trying to explain, is i want someone who is rational and will let me exist as long as i am not causing them, myself, or anyone else any harm, (which is actually a p big deal considering i have not had the luxury of being allowed to be depressed).