#I do love my friends in the uk but yeah I'm realising it was a LOT.... I'm so glad I'm spending the holidays home

[oceanmoss]

wow 24 hours back home and I'm already almost fully mentally healthy 😭😭 girls I didnt realize how detrimental my living conditions were to my already miserable psyche ........

[captain-huggy-bear]

A Little Misunderstanding

Pairing: Quinn Hughes x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Lil' angsty at points, but ends sweet, lots of mutual pining and two idiots not realising the other is also in love with the other, meddling mothers (for the best this time)

Summary: Your parents assume that Quinn, the man you mention over the phone all the time, is in fact your boyfriend. He's very much not, but Quinn thinks its funny to pretend he is...until it gets a little too real and maybe some truths are told and feelings are aired.

Notes: Thank you to the anon who requested fake dating to lovers with Quinn, I had this idea which is a little different from the usual fake dating so I hope its okay and you still like it 😊

Tried to keep it ambiguous as to where the reader originated from so that us UK girlies can relate as well as anyone else not from Vancouver and/or Canada.

Reminder I typically use UK spellings because I'm English so...don't come at me if you wish I spelt it the US away. If I have to read US spellings all the time, you can handle the odd UK spelling

Totally happy to take requests/ideas/prompts at the moment in my ask box :)

Writing Masterlist

"When does your flight get in?" You balance your phone between your shoulder and ear, picking up a stray sock that had fallen out of your laundry basket as you attempt to tidy your apartment.

"7am your time, sweetheart, remember?" Your mother's voice rings clear down the line, familiar and warm. It's been a while since you saw either of your parents. You having moved all the way to Vancouver, more miles than you could count from your birthplace and hometown around two years ago. You were excited to have them finally able to come out and stay with you for a week, they'd never been to see you, and it had been a while since you'd been able to see your parents, not having time to fly to see them. While you were glad for the move to Vancouver, living in a completely different place away from your family wasn't always the easiest thing in the world. You so often felt like you were having to fend for yourself without much of a support network. Luckily you'd made some good friends in the time you'd been in Van.

"Quinn offered to come with me to pick you and dad up, we'll be there waiting for you so don't worry about getting an Uber." You dropped Quinn's name casually because that's what it was, he was just another part of your existence. Your friend, who admittedly you had a small crush on, but just your friend nonetheless. Just because you thought he was beautiful and wanted to kiss him didn't mean you were allowed to kiss him or that he'd even want to kiss you. He was a friend who happened to be a man and you both happened to be single. This had not changed for two years and wasn't likely to any time soon.

"Oh, Quinn'll be there?" Your mother's voice was suddenly more upbeat, excited. She'd been eager to meet Quinn for months now, you're not sure why she finally took an interest in one of your friends but you can't help but be glad. Quinn had become a massive part of your life, a support network you very much needed when you'd first come to a strange new place all by yourself. He was part of the fabric of your life now, and you knew he'd charm your parents without even thinking about it. It shouldn't matter to you that your parents like your friend, its not like Quinn was your boyfriend, but it did matter to you. You wanted them to like him as much as you did because you wanted him around for the foreseeable future.

"Yeah, I mentioned you were coming to visit the other day and his car is bigger than mine, so he offered to come along, he has to get up early most days anyway so he's not too bothered by it." It helped that Quinn had a couple of days off, but still you were thankful. He could have spent his rare enough free time doing something much more enjoyable than helping you pick your parents up from the airport.

"Your father and I look forward to meeting him, we've heard so much about him, darling!"

There's something about your mother's tone that makes you stop for a second suddenly feeling a little awkward about the whole thing. Maybe it's just how eager she is or maybe it's something else, but there's a little red flag waving in the back of your mind with some small print on that you just can't quite read yet.

"Right...um, look I'll see you tomorrow morning then? I gotta get everything ready for you guys."

"Of course, of course! We love you!"

"Love you too, mum."

"You're sure you don't mind?" You look over at Quinn from the passenger seat, the two of you look exhausted, big bags under your eyes and even bigger hoodies to hide in because a 5am wake up to get to the airport in time was just a little much for both of you. This early in the morning it's still dark and the streetlights do something to Quinn's face that makes him even more handsome than usual, even as he looks like he might fall back asleep at any minute. It doesn't help that his scruff has grown out or that his hair is in those perfect waves he always seems to get even when he's just taken his bucket off.

"I wouldn't have offered if I did, besides the amount of time we spend together isn't it about time I met your parents? You've met mine." He smiles over at you, cheeky, the sort of Quinn most people didn't see. It's silly that it makes your cheeks feel warm, he's just your friend. You shouldn't be flustered by him.

"Your parents are at as many of your games as possible, of course I've met them."

"So are you. Sue me for wanting to meet the parents of one of my best friends."

"I'm your best friend?" You lean your head back on the headrest, tilting slightly to grin at him all silly. Quinn can see it from the corner of his eye and as much as it's ridiculous, that little grin makes you even more beautiful than normal.

"One of." He rolls his eyes at you, partly because of your silliness and partly rolling his eyes at himself. You're his friend. He shouldn't feel this way about you, men can have female friends...he just can't seem to have you as a female friend without wanting to kiss you at any given opportunity. It's becoming difficult, even more so in the early morning when the low light level puts your face in stark contrast and your hoodie, one of his, makes you look so cozy and sweet.

"That's just your way of avoiding admitting how much you love me and need me in your life."

Quinn's cheeks flush bright red, so bright that even the low light can't hide it nor hide the way he bites back a smile at you, eyes fixed on the road and the last few miles to the airport.

"...Shut up."

The silence that fills the car is comfortable, the sort that comes about from spending so much time together. You have friends that aren't Quinn, of course you do, but Quinn had been your first friend in Vancouver. He'd shown you around and made time for you in his incredibly busy schedule. You were often the first person he saw when he came off a roadie and the last person to see him before he left for one. There were nights when you stayed round Quinn's after a game or vice versa. You spent so much time together that you simply coexisted, being around Quinn was as easy as breathing. You rarely argued or disagreed and when you did it was always resolved properly. You simply worked. There wasn't ever much to think about with Quinn. You could just...shut off.

"Thank you, though...seriously." You take a moment, thinking how to word your next few thoughts, your warning as the signs for the airport come into full view, "Just, my mum seems really eager to meet you so...just brace yourself."

"Eager?"

"You know when your parents are excited to meet a new partner?" You think back to the few times you'd introduced a boyfriend to your mum, the excitement that she exuded...it was starting to concern you that she was that excited to just meet your friend. Because that's all Quinn was. Your friend. Not your boyfriend. Your friend, you remind yourself, even as he looks so good smiling over at you with his beard. He'd let it grow out just enough that he looked rugged and mature.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, she's that sort of excited which is really weird...she normally doesn't' care that much about my friends. Just, sorry, if she's really weird about it?" It's awkward enough talking about, you and Quinn have always stayed firmly platonic, you didn't talk about the fact that people assumed you were dating or even the concept of it. Talking about it felt...it felt like you were opening the curtains up, letting him see in a little too far.

"You didn't tell her we were married or something, did you?"

"Quinn! Shut up!" He laughs so loud that you can't actually be that mad at him, not when he's grinning at you like that, not when he's been so stressed as of late about the performance of his team. Even if it's at your expense.

"What? Just checking! For all I know you could have told her we got married in Vegas during one of my games or something?"

"If I'm telling my mum I'm married to you, it'll be because I'm actually married to you, you idiot." You roll your eyes at him, arms crossing over your chest as you turn to look out the window.

"Oh, so you do want to marry me?" He's joking, but he's not...he's thought about it. There's not a day that Quinn hasn't thought about what it would be like to be yours and you be his, not since he met you...and then promptly managed to land himself so far into the friendzone that he was scared to crawl his way out lest he leave you behind in the process.

"...I hate you."

"No you don't." His voice is singsong in intonation and sweet and he's right because you love him and it hurts...god, it hurts how much you love someone you can't have. Someone you see every day, someone who is so deeply ingrained in your life that removing him would be like carving a hole into your own chest.

You just sit and glare at him, even as a heavy sort of sadness hits, as he pulls up into one of the parking bays for collecting passengers.

It's okay that he's just your friend, you remind yourself as you get out of the car. It's okay because he's the best friend you could ask for, he's here at 6.45 am in the morning to collect your parents from the airport, not because he was asked or because he had to, but because he wanted to. You can live with loving him in silence, so long as you always have him around.

"I think they're over this way, probably, near gate 1?" You're just getting your bearings, trying to figure out roughly where your parents will come out at after they find their things from baggage claim when you hear it.

"My baby!" The squeal of a middle aged woman who hasn't seen her daughter in far too long pierces the air. You barely have time to brace yourself for impact before your mother is wrapping you up in a gigantic hug and pressing as many kisses to your face as possible, you know without a doubt her signature mauve lipstick is smudged all across your skin.

Your father stands behind her, rolling his eyes in amusement but the smile he gives you is no less warm, "Hey there, princess."

"Hi, mum, hi, dad," You pull yourself free from your mother just long enough to get a long awaited hug from your father, big and warm and so familiar that you almost feel like crying. How long has it been since you last hugged your dad? Half a year? Nine months? Longer? You sometimes don't realise how much you miss something until you get it back.

When you turn back around your mother is already pulling Quinn into a hug that he accepts, if a tad awkwardly, his hands patting her on the back like he's not quite sure how hugs work.

She has his face in her hands before you can intervene, overly familiar and friendly as she grins up at him like he's made her day just by existing. "You must be Quinn, Y/N's boyfriend..."

"Oh, he's n-" You're pretty sure your eyes bug out of your head, startled by the suggestion because at no point in the last few years of living in Vancouver had you ever called Quinn your boyfriend. Ever.

You're cut off by Quinn who's grinning at you wickedly over the top of your mother's head like he's just been giving the greatest Christmas present he could ever ask for and in that moment you know...you know that he is going to make your life very difficult with this tiny piece of information.

"Yeah, hi, nice to meet, the boyfriend, that's me." God, he wishes it was true. There's nothing more he wants in that moment than to be able to say to your mom that you are 100% his girlfriend, but he can't...he can, however, enjoy the roleplaying while it lasts. He can't really stop himself, not when you look so aghast at your mother calling him your boyfriend, not when he can use this to tease you for at least the next 30 years. He grew up with 2 brothers, sue him for taking advantage of the situation.

"Quinn!"

"What? Am I not allowed to call myself your boyfriend anymore?" He sidles up to you, slipping out from your mother's grip to pull you into his side. His arm rests naturally over your shoulder, yours finding his waist, and it is natural...because you've done this a million times before. The kiss he presses to your hair is new though, different and as much as your mum clearly believes the ruse, you can see your father just looks amused. Something tells you he knows this is all an act, but he finds it enjoyable to watch. Typical. No support from him when you need it most. Dads.

"Oh, she's just grouchy in the mornings, has been ever since she was a baby!" Your mother looks at the two of you with such pride that you're certain her heart actually might break when she finds out Quinn isn't actually your boyfriend. You've never seen her look so happy with your choice in a man before and you're certain she won't be able to cope when you have to inevitably tell her that it was either a) a lie or b) that Quinn just wasn't the guy for you (another lie just to make your life more complicated).

"Mum!"

"Oh don't worry, I know just how grouchy my baby can be in the mornings." This time he presses a kiss to your cheek and when he does, you hiss lowly in his ear, 'I'm going to kill you.' and Quinn can't help but laugh at you, biting his lip at how much fun he's having riling you up.

"Here let me take your bags, Mrs Y/L/N," Quinn's bending down before your mother can even begin to protest, her carry on backpack being slung over his shoulder and pulling up the handle of her suitcase to wheel it behind him.

"Oh, you don't have to, Quinn!"

"I insist." He knows he's making it harder on you, can see the look you give him because he's just going to make your mother fall in love with him. But, even as he enjoys riling you up, he was also raised right and he's not letting your mother carry her own bags.

Your mother hangs back with you while your father and Quinn start walking ahead with the suitcases. She slips her arm through yours walking with you to keep up, as she does so she does a very bad attempt at whispering. The sort of whispering that means you know Quinn can hear every word and is probably enjoying it immensely.

"He's such a gentleman..."

"Yeah, a real gentleman." You mutter sarcastically, watching the way his shoulders rise and fall in a silent laugh that he's no doubt doing his best to swallow down.

"Don't be grumpy, he's just being sweet on you. You should be glad for such a loving boyfriend..." Your mother scolds you before raising her voice back to normal, Quinn and your father slowing down slightly to help keep the four of you together, "So, Quinn, my daughter tells me you're a hockey player?"

"Yeah, you talk about me, baby?" Quinn's grin is wide, and you can't help the warmth that fills your entire face because you can't actually deny it. You talk about Quinn all the time, he's your best friend and whenever your mother phones, you inevitably talk about him. Whether it was a game of his you went to or a coffee place you'd visited together or gala he'd invited you to. Maybe, you talked about him too much? Maybe, it was obvious in the way you talked about him that you loved him? Maybe that's why your mother had made such a large assumption about your relationship status. Maybe this was your fault, why wouldn't she assume you were dating?

"She talks about you all the time. Quinn this, Quinn that...did you know that Quinn did this today and broke this record?"

"Mum..." You groan out, looking to your dad for help but all he does is shrug his shoulders at you, amusement bright in his eyes. Even if he could do something you know he wouldn't because he's clearly enjoying your torture.

Quinn can't help it, the tables seem to reverse. You're embarrassed still, but now he is too, bright red in the face, ears flushed the colour of a fire engine and a hand rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. All because you talk about him to your parents...you talk about him when he's not around...he feels like a twelve year old, giddy because his crush smiled at him for the first time.

"I play for the NHL."

"Vancouver Canucks, wasn't it?" Your mother asks as the four of you step out into the cold Canadian air, her attention making Quinn squirm and you smile, enjoying the discomfort being swapped around for a moment.

"Yeah, I'm the captain of the team." He smiles at your mother awkwardly as he opens the boot of the car and starts to pile in the suitcases, organising them in just the right way that they fit without hassle.

Your father chimes in as he lifts his own suitcase into the back, Quinn helping him shove it back further, "That's impressive, I used to play field hockey myself, never got out of the amateur league but got a few bruises in my time. You had an injury recently right?"

You still remember phoning your mum to talk about it, at first worried and then over time growing more and more frustrated with how sullen Quinn was being. He'd grown restless from not being able to play hockey and you'd been his distraction, a distraction that had grown fed up with his moping no matter how much you loved him.

"I've had a few this year, most recently my hand." He raises his braced hand, the brace a point of annoyance to him at this point in time. He was itching to be done with it, but put up with it because it meant he could still play hockey at the moment.

"Oh, you shouldn't have been carrying my bag then, Quinn!" Your mother fusses over him, flapping about as if she might have a miracle cure for his hand injury.

"Honestly, it's fine! It looks worse than it is, I promise. I wouldn't get away with it otherwise, this one would kill me." He nods his head at you as he closes the boot, opening one of the backdoors for your mother to slide inside.

"Damn right I'd kill you, I cannot take more days of you moping that you can't play hockey and that you're bored despite my amazing company."

"You know I enjoyed spending time with you, sweetheart...but..."

"But, you can't live without hockey, yeah, I know..."

He follows you round to the passenger side door, opening it for you like a gentleman and letting you slide inside. You find yourself enjoying the attention even as you catch your mother's eye in the rear view mirror, a little smirk reaching her lips as she watches Quinn buckle you in. Something he does from time to time when he's feeling particularly sweet...because he was a good friend.

"So, Quinn, how did you meet our daughter? I'm not sure she ever mentioned it?"

The entire ride home is filled with your mother peppering Quinn with questions, encouraging him to talk more and more about your 'relationship'. Everything from when you first met to the first date you went on (which Quinn told her was the first time he took you ice skating, you were under the impression that that was a friendly family skate event and most certainly not a date).

The conversation lulls while you set your parents up in your spare bedroom, helping them settle themselves and showing them around your apartment. They hadn't ever seen it in person and they spent half the time cooing over your choices, the photos of family and friends on the wall, the ones of you and Quinn, as well as your mother checking your fridge and telling you to buy more vegetables.

It's as you're sitting down to a breakfast of pre-bought croissants and pain au chocolat that your mother restarts her question. This time even more invasive than the first.

"So Quinn, when did you know?"

"Mm? Know what?" Your best friend looks at your mother with furrowed brows, taking a sip of his orange juice and almost choking on it when she proceeds to clarify her question.

"When you loved my daughter."

There's a long beat of silence where your eyes stay fixated on your plate, watching your own hands intently as you spread Nutella inside your croissant, far too focused on that to be anything casual or calm. You're certain you're going to be sick because he doesn't love you but you love him and your poor mother is so oblivious and this...this is going too far, it feels like it's gone too far.

"Expected answer or honest answer?"

"Honest answer."

"The second week I knew her." Your head snaps up with a start only to find Quinn looking directly at you, green eyes crinkling softly at the corners. "She heard that I had been hurt on the ice the night before and she stormed round my apartment with a bunch of food, medicine and a blanket. Spent the whole day looking after me and making me watch 90s movies I hadn't watched growing up. No one outside my family had ever done that for me before...it made me realise that if I wasn't already in love, I would be pretty quick." You almost believe him, the way he looks at you, the way he speaks so softly. Almost.

You look down at your plate, tears welling in your eyes because you know he doesn't mean it. He's spinning a yarn for your mother and it hurts that he would go that far when you both know this is all some ruse he's decided to pull. You swallow hard and take a bite of your croissant, refusing to look at him for the rest of breakfast.

You won't meet his eyes until he goes to leave after breakfast, your parents hanging back so you can say goodbye to your 'boyfriend'.

"Mind if I come over after dinner? We could watch a movie with your parents?"

"Quinn..." You go to challenge him on his behaviour today, but the words won't come out.

"What?"

"Nothing...uh, sure, after dinner?"

"After dinner, baby."

You want to tell him off as he says it, as he presses a kiss to your cheek so your parents can see because you aren't his baby and he's hurting you. He's hurting you without realising it because you so desperately want to be his baby. But, you don't. You just watch him walk away down the corridor of your apartment building and out of sight before getting ready to show your parents around Vancouver for the day.

You try to put the whole thing out of your mind throughout the day, showing your parents the sights of Vancouver, including the arena...but it's hard when they keep bringing Quinn back up and asking about your feelings. They probe you for half the day and it's emotionally exhausting balancing the truth with the half-truth, even more so knowing that they're going to be just as disappointed as you are when they realise your relationship with Quinn is just a sham, a charade, a fake.

Eventually they seem to grow bored of talking about the topic, however, and dinner goes relatively smoothly, you taking them to a nice restaurant Quinn had shown you back in your first couple of months in Vancouver. Even that feels bittersweet though, filled with memories of the two of you dining together. You can't help but feel like the whole issue needs addressing as you get them back home and pop a film on ready for Quinn's arrival.

When he arrives he continues the act as if it isn't one, greeting you at the door with a kiss to the cheek and pulling you down onto the loveseat opposite your parents, curling one arm around your shoulders and urging you to lay against him, your cheek pressed into his chest. In some ways it's familiar, not an act, because you cuddle for movies all time, completely platonically of course, but both of you are touchy feely and it's always been part of your dynamic. In others though? The way he talks to you, the pet names, kisses to your hair, that is all new, all a way to show your parents he's the 'doting boyfriend', even though he's not your boyfriend at all.

Your parents lap it up, every now and then you catch them smiling at each other and then over to the two of you and you can't help but feel heavy with it. With this feeling of unrequited affection. You love Quinn, you've known that for a while now, but it was easy to be around him because you didn't need to address it. You could love him in silence and from afar...you had never considered how hard it would become when what you wanted most was being dangled in front of you like a carrot on a string.

Quinn has a similar dilemma going on in his own head. He's always known he loved you more than a friend, even when you barely knew each other...had he been braver he would have asked for your number for a date that first day, not so that he could show you around a new city as a 'friend'. But, he'd been a coward and since then he'd continued to be. He enjoyed every ounce of affection he got from you, every hug, every cuddle, ever time you held his arm at an event, all while feeling like that had to be enough...now he's had more? He's not sure it'll ever be enough, he's greedy for you. Greedy for your affection, your attention, greedy in the way he wants to keep kissing you, keeping calling you sweet names and greedy for the way you grow bashful. Greedy for more than just being your friend...he's given himself a taste of what life could be like and now he can't forget it.

It's halfway through the movie, your legs slung over Quinn's lap and his fingers carding through the ends of your hair when your parents stand with a groan from the other couch.

"Princess?" You lift your head to look at your father, who's stretching out his back after sitting for so long.

"Yeah, dad?"

"Your mother and I are getting a little tired...we're going to go to bed, if that's alright with you two?"

"Of course, don't let us keep you up." Quinn confirms your own thoughts as well, telling your parents it's not problem at all. It's all so...so domestic.

Your dad presses a kiss to the top of your head, as does your mother, before yourself and Quinn wish them goodnight. You wait until you see the door to the spare room start to close, not waiting for it to do so fully, before turning to Quinn. You pull out of his arms, the missing warmth of you an immediate loss to him, but it has him sitting up straight and taking you seriously.

Your face is sullen, sad, eyebrows pinched, mouth turned down into a frown and he's alarmed to see that your eyes are glassy like you might cry.

"Why on earth would you let my parents think we're dating? Why would you tell my mother you're in love with me?" You're certain you're going to cry, angry, frustrated and sad all in one. Lovesick because it hurts to hear him tell your mother he was in love with you when you know he's not.

"Why not?" He frowns at you, hands reaching out but you keep just out of reach as if touching him is the last thing you want. You've never shied away from Quinn's touch and he recoils, breathing a little heavier out of anxious worry that he's upset you, that he's fucked this up. Maybe you've been uncomfortable with his touch all day? Has he been making you uncomfortable all day? Is he one of those guys?

"Because we're not dating and you're not in love with me, Quinn. My mother is certain we're going to get married and I'll stop being an old spinster! You're getting her hopes up." The unspoken words lay heavy on your tongue, 'you're getting my hopes up', you want to say.

"Who said I didn't love you? Who said I didn't want to marry you?" The look he gives you isn't the cheeky one he's had all day, it's not joking or silly, it's dead serious. He scoots closer to you, but doesn't reach out for you this time. But, Quinn can't help but want to be close to you, to be drawn into your orbit, into your gravity.

"Quinn..."

"What?"

"You're being mean..." Your voice is filled with tears, wet, pathetic sounding and you choke back a sob as a tear falls down your cheek because he's being so mean...he can't dangle that in front of you, everything you've ever wanted, not when he doesn't actually mean it.

He realises in that moment that you don't believe him. You believe he's spent the entire morning and evening telling lies, saying that he loves you when he doesn't, that you're that important to him when you aren't. You believe he's being mean because you don't believe him, that the tears are because you think he's holding this thing, this idea out in front of you, only to snatch it away.

"Look, I said a lot today...but none of it was a lie." He can't help himself this time, hand coming up to cup your cheek, thumb wiping away that pesky tear that shouldn't have been there in the first place. It's the way you lean into his touch that brings him a sense of confidence, of relief, you wouldn't do that if you didn't want him touching you.

"I know our first date wasn't a date, just a stupid family skate I was too scared to ask you out to as more than just a friend. I wish it had been a date and I wish I had been brave enough from the start to tell you I didn't just want to be your friend."

"Quinn..."

"And I was telling the truth...when your mother asked me when I fell in love with you." He tugs you closer, until your legs are back over his lap and your practically sitting on top of him, arms wrapping around your lower back and pulling you closer. The way he stares up at you is nothing short of reverent.

"Q..."

"The second week we knew each other you came to look after me when no one else did...and I knew...I knew that I was going to love you and that I was stupid for not asking you out in the first place...but I was...I was too scared to say anything. I didn't want to lose my new friend...I thought..." He hesitates, tongue coming out to nervously brush against his bottom lip, capturing your attention like a magpie with a shiny button.

"You thought?" You're whispering, quiet as if to speak any louder might scare him, might disrupt this little bubble you've found yourself in.

"I thought having a tiny bit of you...any bit, was better than having none of you at all." Quinn confesses, shifting you on his lap as your legs fall either side of his hips until you're so close your noses brush.

"Is it?"

"It was...for a bit..." It's self-deprecating, sardonic, like he finds himself ridiculous, foolish.

"And now?"

"And now I've had a taste of what it's like to love you, to be able to kiss you and hold you...call you mine...and now I'm greedy and it's not enough...Baby, it'll never be enough."

"You...you love me?" It's like even after all of this, everything he's said, every tender touch, you still don't quite believe him. It's hard to believe that everything you've ever wanted is sat in the palm of your hand just waiting for you to capture it, to take it. That your feelings, the ones you believed were unrequited for two years, were actually returned all along.

"I love you...and...um, if...if you'll have me, maybe I could be your real boyfriend this time?" His face is bright red, so warm to the touch when you're fingers reach out to trace his cheeks that you're surprised he doesn't combust.

"I'd like that...I...I love you too,"

"So...I'm your boyfriend?" He says it like he doesn't quite believe it, the beauty mark on his cheek moving as he grins up at you giddy like a little kid getting his first bag of sweets.

"You're my boyfriend." You press a kiss to that beauty mark without overthinking it...because you can now, because now it's not a lie when you tell your parents he's your boyfriend, because now you're allowed to kiss him and hold him and tell him how much you love him.

"Fuck...that sounds good."

He can't help but just stare up at you from where you're straddling his lap. The healthy glow to your skin, the soft smile directed down at him, the way you seem to curl into him like you're not close enough even now. God, you're beautiful and you're his...you're finally his and he's yours and...and he can't comprehend that the thing he wanted to happen for so long has finally happened. What had he been scared of all this time? He could have been with you for two years, instead he'd squandered it out of fear...

"Quinn?" Your voice is soft, melodic, so so sweet that almost closes his eyes at the sound.

"Yeah, baby?"

"Kiss me?" You whisper as if it's shameful to ask, as if you've asked for something more sordid than a simple kiss...your first kiss together at that.

"Anything for my girl."

He's gentle in the way he cups your neck and jaw with one large hand, thumb pressing just below your jaw bone as he pulls you in. There's nothing rushed about the way Quinn presses your lips together, the smooth glide of his bottom lip against your top. Even the way his tongue brushes against your lip until you open up for him is slow, steady, adoring. You can't help the way you sigh into him, fingers gliding through dark chocolate strands, eyes closing shut with the sense of home, sense of relief that you find in him.

The two of you lose yourselves in each other, slow kisses, wandering hands, nothing too extreme, but a new found intimacy that you're finally allowed to indulge in before you curl back up together to watch the remainder of the movie. Watch being a loose term for what you're really doing.

"Did you know?" Your father turns his eyes away from the scene outside the spare bedroom, the way you're curled up in Quinn's arms like you were always supposed to be there. Neither of you realising that the spare bedroom door had never fully closed, both your parents eavesdropping like Samwise Gamgee.

"That they weren't actually together, dear?" Your mother looks sly and devious as she looks over at her husband. The face of the woman he loves, but also fears in equal measure.

"Yes."

"Of course I knew...but I figured they could both use a shove in the right direction, I mean, look at them?" Your parents both turn to watch the two of you, the way you curl up together on the couch is the epitome of young love. There's no real watching of a movie happening, instead Quinn's fingers are rubbing circles into your shoulder, while you look up at him lovingly from where you're curled against his chest. Every now and then he dips his head down to press a kiss against your forehead, and each time you giggle, face pressing briefly into his neck. The giddy feeling of a new, fresh love, making film watching the least of your interests.

"They just needed a little push." Both your parents smile at each other even as your father playfully scolds his wife, "You're a meddlesome woman."

"And you love me for it."

"Yes, yes I do."

Perhaps it took a bit of meddling, a fake misunderstanding, but that would be their little secret...at least for now. Your mother was rather looking forward to seeing you squirm in the future as you reveal the truth, that you hadn't actually been dating Quinn as long as you said. Yes, she certainly was happy to help, but she also was still your mother and lying to your mother was certainly not the done thing. A little squirming was good for you sometimes, but first, she'd let you enjoy the fresh bloom of love...and she'd go easy on you.

[starrywyatt]

chapter 3: he let you have his bed? man's in love!

☆ never saw it comin'- a george clarkey story ☆

! THIS STORY READS BEST IN DARK MODE !

intro

chapter 1

chapter 2

───────── ౨ৎ ──────��──

madison pov:

i woke up and my surroundings were unfamiliar and then i remembered i was in george's room... in his clothes. i rub my eyes and sit up, deciding i should probably get back changed before facing the others as i don't want to give off the wrong impression.

i get changed and head to the living room to let george know he can go back to his room if he wants to. i open the door and george is already awake stood over the stove, cooking something. "morning" i say, trying not to make him jump. "ahh good morning, did you sleep okay?" he asks. "yeah your beds actually a lot comfier than mine, i think i need a new mattress" i laugh. "did you sleep okay?" i ask. "the sofa is actually not that bad, but i was awoken by arthur leaving early this morning, so i just decided to stay up and make breakfast" he says and i do still feel bad. "ahh that's annoying. thank you so much again for letting me stay over, i'll probably call abi and then we'll get out of your hair" i say, pulling my phone out. "i promise, it's no bother. you can stay for breakfast if you want, i've definitely made enough" he suggests. "are you sure? i wouldn't mind staying" i smile and he begins to plate up some pancakes and bacon.

we sit just us two at the kitchen island and tuck into the food george had made. "oh wow, it's really good. thanks george" i say between mouthfuls. "that's alright, may as well complete the bed and breakfast status" he says and i laugh.

we make small talk about our plans for the week and i realise just how easy he is to talk to and i can tell he takes a genuine interest when i talk to him. "when are you on tour?" he asks. "well, the proposed dates are in june, so in a couple months but i'm just waiting for my manager to let me know if arthur's confirmed the dates" i say. "ahh okay, going all across europe?" he asks. "pretty much, yeah. europe and the uk and ireland so should be good but scary" i laugh. "i'm sure you'll smash it, i mean how many live shows have you played? probably a fair few and festivals? their crowds are probably 3 times the size" he says, trying to reassure me. "you're so right, will just be weird. probably weird for arthur too" i say. "yeah, i mean i've been to all his london shows and i think the biggest is 1000" "aww that's cute that you've been to all of them" i say. "yeah, i mean of course got to support my friends and it's so nice to have friends that make genuinely good music. you included if i'm being nice" he says, jokingly rolling his eyes. "we're friends? aww" i say sarcastically. "don't try it otherwise i'll never be nice to you again" he says, making both of us laugh. and suddenly, we're interrupted by abi and chris walking out his bedroom. abi was in a tshirt that was way too big for her and what looked like chris' boxers, how did we both end up this way? "sounds like you two are having a good morning" chris says and walks over to the kitchen to begin making drinks for him and abigail. she walks over to me and gives me a side hug from my seat. "you okay?" i ask her. "yeah, tired" she yawns. "you slept all the way through the best movie ever, how are you tired?" george says. "you literally turned it off as soon as chris left" i say. "shush" he says and turns back round to his food.

i finish my food and george kindly takes my plate and puts it in the dishwasher and abi finishes her coffee and has some toast as chris' cooking abilities don't stretch too far. she goes and gets changed and we head back home. "thank you so much for having me, hopefully see you again soon" i say, hugging george, i turn round and see abi and chris chatting away in the corner and turn back to george and shake my head and he just laughs. i clear my throat and they both turn around and hug goodbye before me and abi head downstairs.

"so, did you kiss?" i ask abigail. "no! just cuddled. it was nice but no he didn't make a move" she shrugs. "maybe the boys were right about his bad rizz" i laugh. "you and george? there's definitely something going on" she says, changing the subject. "literally no! i just had no other option because someoneeee fell asleep" i say, nudging her side and she just looks away. "it's fine, i slept in his bed and he took the sofa." "he let you have his bed? man's in love!" abigail says. "shut up! he's literally not... is he?" i smirk. "i'm joking! i'm joking" i say straight after, laughing. "do you like him?" abi, nudges me as we get onto the tube. "i don't know him well enough to like him! but he's good to talk to i don't know. i'm saying no right now. i think we'd just be friends" i say and abigail just smirks.

i get home and olivia finally calls with the final decision from arthur's team. "hellooo" i say. "right, finally spoke to arthur's management and tour is a go! he is free for all the dates and as i'm sure you're aware, very keen to come. someone from the label is making the graphic as we speak and then you can post it tonight" she explains and i'm excited to finally tell everyone the exciting news.

as i'm laying in my bed scrolling tiktok, i receive a message from andrew.

i was planning on bed rotting for the rest of the day, so i suppose it gets me out the flat. i flick through my wardrobe and spend far too long deciding on an outfit but i finally do and decide to tease the tour announcement on instagram...

my dms are immediately flooded with questions and i have to fight the urge to leak it to everyone. as i'm about to leave, i get a notification:

georgeclarkeey liked your story

why does that plaster a stupid smile on my face? i snap out of it and wait on the corner for max and andrew to appear as my flat was on their way to wagamamas. "oh hello" i hear max's voice from behind me. "hellooo" i hug both of them. "you look nice!" andrew says and we pull away. "thanksss" i smile and we head to the restaurant.

"so, did you speak to arthur?" max asks as we sit down. "yeah, it's happening! i went to the boy's flat the other night and told him" i explain. "umm where was our invite?" max says. "sorry! i was just gate crashing abi's plans with chris" i explain. "yeah, what's going on?" max asks and i explain that there's pretty much nothing but they're being very flirty. "speaking of flirty, george told me you stayed over" andrew says. "what? when did he tell you that?" i laugh nervously. "i went to their podcast filming today, he seemed pretty happy with himself for it" andrew raises his eyebrows. "that makes it sound like we slept together. abi fell asleep, so i went in his bed and he slept on the sofa" i shrug. "interesting" max says. "what!" i laugh. thankfully the topic is diverted and we have a nice meal.

"it's so fun being a third wheel" i say sarcastically as max and andrew have a quick kiss. "well, we could've invited george" max says. "right, i'm going toilet" i say, actually needing to go.

we pay the bill and head home, i get in and abi's not here. i pull my phone out and have a few notifications:

💬messages george clarke

i assume abi's already messaged but she's come over to see chris

if you're free after dinner, me and arthur are just hanging out if you want to come over

💬messages abigail <3

just heading over to see chris, feel free to come also after dinner! hope you had a nice meal

the messages were sent over an hour ago and it was now 10pm, so i decide it's probably a bit too late to head over now. i message both of them back.

i take a seat on the sofa and turn the episode on and am laughing within the first 20 seconds. max and george's personalities just fit so well. i make it through the first 15 minutes and then the story begins. i vaguely remember george telling me about this when we were drunk but he didn't explain the full thing. however, after listening to the story i actually just feel really sad for george because from what i've seen of him he does seem like a genuinely sweet guy and that is a really horrible thing for someone to do.

(aware 10pm on a sunday is a random time to announce a tour but for the sake of the story just go with it lol)

george also shared the post to his story...

i answer the call and am met with george's face right up close. "oh, camera's on. hello" he says, making me laugh. "hello" i reply. he turns the phone around to face abi. "oh hello. sorry, i came over to the boy's flat and now we're building lego so i'll probably stay over" she explains. "damn, i've been replaced" i fake cry. "you could've come!" she says. "i know, i know i'm joking. i kinda like having the empty flat" i shrug. "i can't lie watching these two build lego is tedious. i'll probably head to bed soon" george explains, sitting back in his seat. "how was your dinner with max and andrew?" george asks. "yeah it was nice. ended up staying much later than intended because max had a million things to tell me" i laugh. "classic max" george sighs sarcastically. "but it was good. actually, when does the best episode of the useless hotline so far come out?" i ask. "my solo episode isn't happening for a few weeks" george says in joke confusion. "ha ha, i mean my episode bitch" i reply. "oh, i think it's been pulled, callum predicted views to be too low... next sunday" he sighs. "good, give the people what they want" i shrug. "is arthur there?" i ask. "yeah, do you want to talk to him?" george asks. "yes please" he walks into the kitchen and hands his phone to arthur. "hello! oh george george, that hinge girl just messaged you that your penis was really big and she wants to shag again" arthur says pretending to read a notification, looking up at george and i laugh. "shut up arthur, that can't be true because it's tiny" george replies, not appreciating arthur pretending to embarrass him.

"how do you feel about the tour announcement?" i ask. "good! most of the comments have been positive" "yes, people are so happy you're coming! i'll probably come to yours when tickets go on sale so we can be nervous together" i laugh. "yeah definitely. when is that, friday?" he asks and i confirm. "can you guys shut up now, i want my phone and my bed" george walks over and me and arthur say goodbye. "rude" i smirk to george. "well, i'm tired and watching chris and abigail is like watching paint dry" george says. "can i say bye to abi?" i ask and george walks over with his phone. "goodnight guys" i say. "night night, i'll be home tomorrow morning" abi says. "okay, have fun but not too much" i raise my eyebrow.

george walks back to his room. "right i'm gon-" he starts. "wait, have they kissed?" i whisper. "umm, i don't think so. lots of physical contact but chris is a pussy so i don't know if that will happen" george says. "for fuck sake, he needs to hurry up" i say. "he's only got little legs bless him, he probably can't even reach her lips" george jokes. "for fuck sake" i say through laughs.

we wrap up the conversation and i decide it's also time for me to head to bed. "alright, good night george" i smile. "good night madi" he says and we end the call. madi? that's the first time he's called me that.

apologies about the way the text messages are laid out, transferring this from wattpad and tumblr layout is funny

[wri0thesley]

I am so sorry if this is invasive and weird, but may I ask what you work as? I'm at the stage where I have to build my future and I know you don't have an age specified but you seem to be doing really well (at least from the posts we've seen, again I really hope not to be invasive) for yourself and your partner and 25+ is still young! Again, I hope this isn't mean or weird, I'm just curious. (and severely nervous. First year of college is ruining me harder than any fictional man.)

ahh anon i'm afraid that the answer is probably not what you're looking for!

for the record, i am 27, i just find getting fandom older a little scary, especially having it listed right there!!!

i actually intended to be a performer and a singing teacher (my degree was going to be in music & musical theatre); unfortunately, due to a plethora of reasons (mostly my undiagnosed autism, unmedicated ocd/depression/anxiety combo, a nervous breakdown and my partner's physical health declining) i dropped out of my degree before the end of my first semester.

for about three years or so after that i was severely agoraphobic. talking 'can't answer the door' agoraphobic; 'never left the house alone, and even when with someone only went to the doctors and therapy' agoraphobic, 'rotted in my bedroom in an absolutely non romanticised way' agoraphobic. i was on the equivalent of disability because i literally could not function. meanwhile, my partner, who lived with me and my parents was getting physically worse whilst i was mentally struggling (since then haz has been diagnosed with ehlers danlos syndrome, fibromyalgia, lipoedema, thyroid issues and a lot of other things; they have a lot going on). i DID access several therapies, had . . . a couple of very bad relapses, went under crisis teams and all of that stuff (i had occupational therapy too which was HONESTLY i think one of the most useful things and helpful things for me in the long run; i cannot imagine what i would be like if i hadn't had the occupational therapist the crisis team found for me).

(coincidentally, if you are an og jojo follower you probably remember how bad it was; i've said it a hundred times, but running this silly little reader-insert blog probably helped save my life at a time when i had almost no contact with the outside world. i couldn't leave my bedroom, but i had my blog and i had my little internet friends and discord server).

i have gotten a lot better.

haz, unfortunately, has not gotten better physically and probably never will. they need help with a lot of things most people don't even realise disabled people might need help with. brushing their hair, fastening clothes . . . when haz first moved in, they were doing the same dance-intensive college course that i was. we danced maybe three or four hours a day. nowadays, haz needs me to hold their hand and keep them steady when they go from our bed to the bathroom (the room next door).

so i don't really 'work' as anything. well, my therapist would tell me off for saying that; the uk government classes me as an 'unpaid carer', which basically means i am on call for haz literally 24/7 and they pay me the pittance that is carer's allowance (carer's allowance assumes you care at least 35 hours a week, and pays you the privilege of about 45 pence per each of those hours. if, like me, you live with the person you care for and do more than those hours, it gets . . . yeah. oof. the government unfortuately know that most unpaid carers are loved ones and family members of the person who needs care and won't just stop doing it, and they'd be in the shit if we did because trained carers are expensive, so they can get away with that - FUCK the tories, honestly.

i am EXCEEDINGLY lucky that i live in a cheap area of the uk, that haz and i are internet savvy enough to be able to access carers/disability discounts, that we are in rent-controlled social housing (which my crisis team helped find for us because living with my parents was taking such a toll on us both, woo!!!!), and that we've been able to access services to help on the nhs. i got my autism assessment and diagnosis; haz is under several pain management teams.

all in all, i'm happy. i'm so much happier than i was seven years ago when i'd dropped out of university and felt like a huge failure, because all of my life i was a gifted overachiever and i thought my self-worth was tied to my academic achievements (and as an extension, what roles i got in what shows and when and who saw me and so on). i don't have a lot of money (i am a bargain shopped fgbnkjgjnfb) but i know what i like and because i'm Older Now (tm) i've amassed collections of it.

i am absolutely sure that you'll boss college, anon! that you will find that thing that works for you (one day i would LOVE to go back and get my degree! pre-covid i had an acceptance for a creative writing degree and i was getting ready to go back to uni as a mature student, but haz's health got bad again and then covid happens - and now ofc i have my autism diagnosis i can access so much more help!). but even if you don't, you can absolutely find happiness without 'traditional' success.

i don't have a lot in the grand scheme of things. but you're right in that i am doing pretty well, in terms of where i am, and where i've been. i have my own little home. i have my partner of ten years who is my soulmate in every conceivable way. i've had experiences that make me feel so happy i sometimes cry when i remember them. i have my own little cat now!!! things still stress me out. but i have come so so far and when i feel down i remember that.

good luck anon! i believe in you <3

[vole-mon-amour]

3x10, a mix of everything, part 2.

Rebecca is Keeley's best friend. and Jack is a fucking liar. what the hell is going on this season? especially with Keeley's plotline?

Roy & Keeley holding hands and Jamie walking in the room? hello?

on the other point, Keeley deserves better than constantly pushing people around her on their way to growth. first Jamie (which, fine, it was necessary and he did all the work by himself and came out beautifully). then Roy (that I presume will realise his mistake and will become better and such). still, can Keeley finally have some happiness and sense of confidence and self-worth that doesn't depend on her love life and personal relationships?

people keep thinking about Jamie being the matchmaker for ot3, but to me rn it looks like it's gonna be Keeley. and i'm not sure if I like that they're using a woman to do that.

This is nice. I like this. Something about Keeley being Richmond's football team best friend and finally making it to Mae (while Ted and Beard been visiting her place since the day they arrived to UK).

Red Right hand while Roy walks in the building? I have Peaky Blinders flashbacks. an interesting use of that song, for sure.

I want what Ted and Beard have.

same, Trent, same. maybe this is gonna be Roy's colorful awakening era.

somebody save them.

it's not the first time we see Isaac with an earring, but we don't label him bisexual the way we do with Jamie. it's the attitude, really.

this is not even funny. how are they not supposed to be romantic? how? i don't even ship them you just rub this under my nose. platonic after the matchbook and supposed to be a mother? what IS this? i seriously have questions to the writers. can they make up their mind? bc one is gives to her by an ex lover and one is given to her by, according to writers, her brother from another mother. all i keep seeing is how they keep connecting Ted and Rebecca and not in a platonic way. there's no romantic chemistry between them for me, especially this season, but hello???? WHAT? IS? THIS? what are they trying to achieve?

you tell them.

rainbow <3

oh, don't start with that, as if it sends Roy on some righteous path back to Keeley. "hope it didn't cost too much" i'm so tired of that plotline.

Keeley is such a sweetheart and deserves so much better.

this is so bad. i feel for Rebecca.

oh, fuck off. not a good look is a room full of rich men that can make an influence but choose not to. even decide to charge more. and if we're talking politics for some reason, have you also seen other nations' government? even the mess that happens in UK, where you live? seriously, fuck off and take P*tin with you, maybe then it'll start looking better.

she learned that from Trent & you can't convince me otherwise. i LOVE the parallel. QUEEN.

POV: you're an only woman in the room of white rich old cis men and a black one. ew.

she gets it now. the power of Ted Lasso and Coach Beard.

i'm not sure what they're doing there with Rupert. redemption arc through Rebecca's words? why? forgiveness? also why? Rupert and Rebecca laughing together? what is going onnn??? AND then Rebecca hanging back Hockney aka the drawing Rupert gifted her? i'm confused.

"we just borrow them for a while" hello?? they keep connecting Rebecca to Ted???

i was screaming a lot of NO's as Rupert went for a kiss. I'm glad Rebecca stopped it. i was seriously scared for that moment. what a shitty person he is. you can never have that wonderful woman again. suffer and die in suffering, bitch.

no way Keeley has a glass wall in her bathroom???? also, what's with both of her exes coming to her house instead of calling, texting and facing her face to face? why ot3 if not ot3?

*peels my face off with skin and muscle* if you're not adding Jamie to that, I swear to the Outsider—

hell yeah <3

you suuuure?

[danielfeketewrites]

How Eurovision 2023 Should Have Ended

Well, not quite. I just really want to talk about my favourites.

Because I've been a bit obsessed. This was the first Eurovision I actually watched. I didn't think this would be something for me, but as it turns out - I was wrong! There were so many amazing songs, iconic performance, etc.

The thing is, after re-watching and re-listening a lot of 2023 ESC, I realised that none of MY top 5 actually reached top 5. So that's what I want to share with you today.

But first - honorable mentions (actually turning this top 5 into a top 10)!

10. Lord of the Lost (Germany) - Blood & Glitter

Budget Rammstein is still some amount of Rammstein. These dudes just seem really nice.

9. Mae Muller (UK) - I Wrote a Song

Was she out of breath? Definitely. But still... The song is really catchy and the visual presentation was incredible. Didn't deserve the last place for sure.

8. Loreen (Sweden) - Tattoo

Basically everyone and their mum pointed out already how convenient it is for Eurovision to come back to Sweden for the ABBA anniversary... Still, Loreen has a beautiful voice and this was a solid song.

7. Käärijä (Finland) - Cha Cha Cha

Cha, Cha Cha, Cha Cha Cha Cha!

6. Alessandra (Norway) - Queen of Kings

She was a favourite of a friend of mine and I can really see why. Strong, beautiful voice. Powerful song. Nice performance.

And now, finally, my top 5!

5. Voyager (Australia) - Promise

I... really like this. At a glance this seems like a mix of generic synthpop and genric rock, but that crescendo! It feels so optimistic, so nice and fun. I have no idea why but this song just always puts a big, stupid smile on my face.

4. La Zarra (France) - Évidemment

I feel like instead of bringing generic popsongs, it's always better when Eurovision contestants bring something that feels specifically "of their nation". This is definitely a great example of that. Gotta love La Zarra's voice and presence. She's incredible.

3. Teya & Salena (Austria) - Who The Hell Is Edgar?

This is actually my favourite song of the whole competition. I've listened to it so goddamn much in the past few weeks. Also, I'm in love with Teya. And possibly Salena. They are amazing, incredible, and just overall iconic.

Just the creativity of taking a name of one of the most famous writers on the planet and turning it into... a beat? It's a song about getting possesed by the ghost of Edgar Allan Poe, but also about up-and-coming female song writers getting nothing for their work. I love Teya and Salena and I love this goddamn song.

Oh mio padre, there's a ghost in my body!

But, when we're talking performances, there are two that I would rate even higher than that...

2. Pasha Parfeni (Moldova) - Soarele şi Luna

This was where my vote went. I'm not even that into the song, but the performance is... well, spellbinding, really. I don't even know how to explain it. It's really the combination of both that works for me so well, I think.

And finally, my number 1...

Vesna (Czech Republic) - My Sister's Crown

Yeah, they're from my country.

But I genuinely thought they were incredible! An awesome, cool song mixing modern pop with folk music. An amazing, complex choreography. Singing in four languages!

And that's not even taking in account the messaging of the piece. Not just the call for female empowerement. But also the radical, pan-slavic yet anti-russian sentiment. And also - the hands! Specifically, the SOS sign that they are doing. Everything here has layers to peel off.

This was overall an incredible song and performance. Vesna is brilliant. It's a crime they didn't make it ito the actual top 5.

That's it! Those are my favourite performances and songs of Eurovision 2023. What do you think of my takes? Hot? Cold? Shit? Let me know!

Thanks for reading this!

[teacherstudiies]

Apply! You have nothing to loose by applying (other than your time and sanity…). At worst you’ll be rejected and need cheering up at best you’ll be given the option of doing something cool! If you feel like sharing- what makes the post act reactive to you? What parts of it are making you think twice? (I do realise it a Massive Change and a Big Deal but I’m also curious what you think cause we’re in similar circumstances job and age wise and I do look at overseas jobs a lot so… maybe you’ll be the push I need!

Hello! Hmm I love lists, so let's make one:

Pro moving to Tokyo and working there:

I'm young, without a partner and kids. Now is the time.

It's temporary

I'm interested in Asian cultures and getting to know Japanese culture would surely be beneficial and cool

German schools abroad are very international and have good reputation - cool for me and cool for my CV

living far away from family and friends may allow me to challenge myself and grow

free Japanese learning classes

travelling across Japan when I'm off

time to rethink whether I want to be a civil servant or not (and if yes in which German state)

always dreamed of living abroad

the school supports you moving and finding an apartment

Cons moving to Tokyo and working there:

barely any time to move (my summer break starts a week before the term in Japan starts)

money. I don't have any savings and I have no idea how much the whole moving process would cost

finding an apartment in a foreign country without speaking the language (and in one of the major cities!)

HUGE language barrier

i'm a new teacher. Brand new. It might be too much.

Living on the other side of the globe without family or friends in a country you can't speak the language of is scary

big cultural differences (I hope I'd be fine though)

not sure how much I would earn

need to find a doctor for my asthma

social anxiety disorder :)

never lived on my own. a lot of independence at the same time

my parents don't think it's a good idea

I had hoped to find a school in UK or Canada because then I'd be fine with the language but yeah...if I was a little bit more brave I think I'd try

Where are you looking?

[nausikaaa]

i'm from the UK so my experiences are slightly different, and no way near as bad as some of these stories, but once i started thinking about it, i realised just how many times the police had failed me and people i know, so here goes:

when i was about 15, me and my friends (some just 13 at the time) were hanging out at a park when a group of other teenagers came up to us and started harassing us for being perceived as gay. we decided to leave and they proceeded to follow us and throw rocks at us, so we called 111, the non-emergency line, to ask if we should call 999. they said no, it wasn't a priority. we eventually just went into somebody's house. the next day, a policeman showed up at the house of my friend who made the call, and we all had to go and give statements. he kept asking "yeah, but are you gay? are you actually?" and when we said yes, some of us were, he told us it was really our own fault for being openly gay in a small town, what did we expect? so yeah, i'm never calling the police if i get hate crimed.

about a year later we got stopped and had our bags searched by the police, while simply walking down a town high street at about 5pm on a friday. our bags contained a speaker and containers of chinese food. that was all. a guy my age known for having a thing for underage girls and a gaggle of, yup, 14 year old girls, walked right past, all stinking of weed. the cops didn't seem to notice. years later i learned that the police had no right to search our bags. i still don't know what they were hoping to find.

my sister's boyfriend's motorbike was stolen. this is ridiculously common where i live. the thieves were teenage boys who recorded themselves stealing it, joyriding while being chased by the police, and burning it in a field, and posted the video on tiktok. in what world that isn't damning evidence i don't know, but the case was dropped. coincidentally, one of the boys' dad is high up in the police.

my dad bought his apprentice a van on a friday. the next monday, he got a letter that the van has been caught speeding in a city three hours away. the apprentice had cctv showing the van never left his street that weekend, and there weren't enough miles on the thing for it to have even gone there and back. the van has been cloned. my dad went to the local police station, planning to just give a statement and show an officer the cctv and miles on the van, so that when he refused to pay the fine and had to go to court, he would have proof that it wasn't his van. except the receptionist at the station told my dad that all the police were too busy to speak to him. he could see right over her shoulder into the break room, where a bunch of them were sitting around doing fuck all. he pointed this out and she still insisted nobody could see him, so he raised his voice at her. immediately, all the police came out to see what was happening. turns out, none of them were that busy after all.

my aunt who lives in London was a cop. in her early thirties, she realised that she was a lesbian, left her horrible husband, and moved in with the woman she loved. she said she was the happiest she had never been. a year later, she killed herself due to the extreme homophobic harassment she was receiving from her coworkers and her complaints to higher-ups being ignored. she had a teenage son. at pride that year, a cop gave me and my friends little flags advertising the police and crime commissioner's election campaign. i felt too intimidated to refuse them.

....really fucking fed up with the amount of people ive seen imply or outright state that anyone advocating for police abolition has never experienced violent crime.

guess what, some of us have and for many of us a huge part of the reason we support it is because of how absolutely horrible our experiences were.

things police have done for me when ive come in contact with them

tell me that a person strangling a coworker wasn't a reason to call and then refuse help

get pissed when i called back because someone was being fucking choked and they were forced to send someone out

get pissed and accuse the staff of purposely attracting problems after we installed a sharps container to reduce the used needles we'd been dealing with for months when they saw them after we reported another assault....

which took them an hour to arrive at and then they got pissed the victim had gone with paramedics to the hospital and we hadn't somehow held the person who did it for them

harass two witnesses to an assault because the were homeless

harass me because i carry narcan and they overheard me say i used it to paramedics at an overdose

see the shelter van in a parking lot and come in to harass the shelter workers as they helped someone

and so much more

there has never been a situation where police have helped me when i experienced violence and there are a ton where they have made shit much worse.

if the police disappeared and none of the money was redirected i would be much safer, let alone if the money went to organizations and groups who actually gave a shit about people beyond using them as punching bags

who would i call if i needed help? definitely not the people who've repeatedly harassed me, refused to help when needed, and take a fucking hour to show up when someone is being beaten.

probably one of the community groups that's managed to do a significant amount more with a fraction of the budget without guns or harassing victims.

[my-chaos-radio]

Release: December 1, 1999

Lyrics:

Come on

Ooh, yeah

Never be the same again

I call you up whenever things go wrong

You're always there, you are my shoulder to cry on

I can't believe it took me quite so long

To take the forbidden step

Is this something that I might regret?

Nothing ventured, nothing gained

(You are the one)

A lonely heart that can't be tamed

(Come on, come on)

I'm hoping that you feel the same

This is something that I can't forget

I thought that we would just be friends

Things will never be the same again

It's just the beginning, it's not the end

Things will never be the same again

It's not a secret anymore

Now we've opened up the door

Starting tonight and from now on

We'll never, never be the same again

Never be the same again

Now I know that we were close before

I'm glad I realised I need you so much more

And I don't care what everyone will say

It's about you and me

And we'll never be the same again

I thought that we would just be friends (oh yeah)

Things will never be the same again (never be the same again)

It's just the beginning it's not the end (we've only just begun)

Things will never be the same again

It's not a secret anymore

Now we've opened up the door (opened up the door)

Starting tonight and from now on

We'll never, never be the same again

Never be the same again

Night and day

Black beach sand to red clay

The US to UK, NYC to LA

From sidewalks to highways

See it'll never be the same

What I'm sayin'

My mind frame never changed 'til you came rearranged

But sometimes it seems completely forbidden

To discover those feelings that we kept so well hidden

Where there's no competition

And you render my condition

Though improbable, it's not impossible

For a love that could be unstoppable

(But wait)

A fine line's between fate and destiny

Do you believe in the things that were just meant to be?

When you tell me the stories of your quest for me

Picturesque is the picture you paint effortlessly

And as our energies mix and begin to multiply

Everyday situations, they start to simplify

So things will never be the same between you and I

We intertwined our life forces and now we're unified

I thought that we would just be friends

Things will never be the same again

It's just the beginning it's not the end

Things will never be the same again

It's not a secret anymore

Now we've opened up the door

Starting tonight and from now on

We'll never, never be the same again

Things will never be the same again

(You are the one)

Never be the same again

It's not a secret anymore

We'll never be the same again

It's not a secret anymore

We'll never be the same again

Songwriter:

Never be the same again

Never be the same again

Never be the same again

Never be the same again

Rhett Lawrence / Melanie Chisholm / Paul Cruz / Martin Lorenzo / Liza Lopes

SongFacts:

"Never Be the Same Again" is a song by British singer-songwriter Melanie C from the British girl group Spice Girls, featuring American rapper Lisa "Left Eye" Lopes of American girl group TLC. It was released on 20 March 2000 as the third single from her first solo album, Northern Star (1999). The song was co-written by Melanie C, producer Rhett Lawrence, Paul F. Cruz and Lopes.

"Never Be the Same Again" entered at the top of the UK Singles Chart, beating Moloko's "The Time Is Now" to the summit and it was Melanie C's first solo single to reach number one. It sold 144,936 copies in its first week and was Britain's eighteenth best-selling song of 2000. The song was successful in other markets, topping the charts in seven countries and receiving positive acclaim. By April 2021, the song had sold more than 477,000 copies in UK. The music video was directed by Francis Lawrence. It shows Melanie C waking up in a futuristic home and practicing tai chi with Lopes.

[m-jelly]

Hey jelly! How about a college!au with football captain Levi 🥵 up to you how the story goes hehe

Helloooooo. I'll give it a go. Sorry, I'm from the UK so, I'm guessing by college you mean University here and by football you mean American football? Sorry if I'm wrong! Happy to do this :D

I only want you watching me.

Pairing: Levi x Reader.

Genre and tags: Romance, falling in love, Levi has a crush on you, American football, cute Levi, flustered Levi, awkward Levi, confessions.

Concept: Levi is the football captain who everyone looks up to and is the centre of affection and attention, but he doesn't care for those around him. However, one girl does have his heart, you. Levi has had the biggest crush on you for a long time and has loved you from a distance, but never had the guts to ask you out. The two of you do talk now and then, he also has classes with you and makes sure he sits near you. Levi eventually builds up the courage to be more romantic with you and asks you to go to his game, an after-party and eventually on a date. He protects you and cares for you, because you are seen as the sweet alternative girl at school.

"Fuck me, man, just look at those cheerleaders."

Levi slammed his locker shut and rolled his eyes at his team eyeing up the cheerleaders. "Tch, oi shitheads? They're women and human beings, so stop treating them as objects." He turned to his team. "If I hear or catch any of you being disrespectful to women, I'll break your fucking bones."

One held his hands up. "Sorry captain."

He sighed. "If you hear any guys around campus treating women like shit, you set them straight, got it?"

They all answered. "YES, CAPTAIN!"

Levi hummed, then looked down the hall to see you walking towards him chatting to your friend Hange. Levi gulped hard and begged you in his head for you to notice him. He blushed when you smiled, then glanced at Levi. He watched you walk past and got a whiff of your perfume. "I'll see you lot at practice." Levi jogged down the hall after you and called your name. He slowed down and sighed. "Hi."

You smiled at Levi. "Hi."

He cleared his throat. "What uh...what are you doing?"

You hummed. "Walking down the hall."

Levi blushed. "Yeah, of course, you are." He frowned a little. "Tch, shit ah...do you...do..."

Hange smirked when it clicked in her head. She knew Levi was in love with you and she knew you had a cute crush on him. "You know what? I just remembered I have an experiment to do. Levi? Could you take my sweet friend here to lunch? Cool, thanks!"

You watched her run off. "Hange!?" You sighed as a blush burned your cheeks. "Lunch, huh?" You gulped hard. "You umm, you coming?"

Levi nodded. "Y-Yes. C-Can we go off-campus? I umm, I know a good teashop."

You hummed a little laugh making Levi's heart flutter. "I never thought that the captain of the football team would be into tea."

"I love the stuff. Do you?"

You nodded and started walking with him. "I do. I find tea claiming."

Levi gripped his bag. "I find you calming."

You frowned a little. "What was that?"

He blushed bright red when he realised he'd let his feelings slip. "I was agreeing with you. S-So, how are your studies?"

"Good. I'm a little stressed, but I'm trying to do things to relax me and make me happy." You nibbled your lip. "You?"

"Ah, good." He frowned. "I have to keep my grades high, or I lose my spot on the team."

You hummed a laugh. "Well, you are top of the class. You know, you drive Hange fucking crazy sometimes. You get better grades than her." You laughed when you remembered Hange's dumbstruck face. "Poor thing. It just makes me more impressed with you."

He opened the teashop door and let you go in first, then he pulled your chair out for you and ordered everything. "I'll pay." He cleared his throat. "Anyway, you're impressed with me?"

"Who wouldn't be?" You sighed. "And I want to pay half."

"No deal. I'm paying."

You groaned. "Fine, but know I am unhappy."

"Noted." He fiddled with his hands. "So, do you need help with your studies?"

You raised a brow. "Not really, but it would be nice to have a study buddy. Why, do you know someone?"

Levi blushed hard and pushed himself internally. "Me?"

You stared at Levi and saw how hopeful he was. "You know what? Sure."

"Great!" He winced at how overly excited he sounded. "Sorry, I umm. I could come to your place?"

You nodded. "Yeah. I share a home with Hange and some others. We're the rejects who didn't want to be part of some weird sorority. It's like a damn mini cult. You're not part of a frat, are you?"

He shook his head. "No. I can't stand them. I share a house with Erwin, Mike and two other guys."

You smiled a little. "It's nicer that way, right?"

"It is." Levi frowned when you huffed. "What's wrong?"

You waited for the tea and food to be put down before you talked. "You shouldn't be seen with me."

"What do you mean?"

You shrugged. "Well, you're the Captain of the fucking football team and I'm just so weirdo nobody."

He frowned a little and felt a bit hurt. "Well, I don't give a shit what others think. Who I hang out with or like is no one's fucking business but my own and the person I'm with."

You smiled a little at him. "That's really sweet of you."

"Well, I uhh...I...you..."

You hummed. "Damn, this is nice tea. You picked a great place." You blushed. "Oh, sorry I interrupted."

Levi smiled a little. "No, you saved me. I don't have my thoughts together. Give me some more time, yeah?"

You laughed. "Sure. Honestly, I know how you feel. I suck with words as well."

"Do...do you ever come to the games?"

You shook your head. "No, I've never been interested and the whole cult aspect of it just puts me off. Sorry, I'm kind of shitting on your thing."

"No, you're right about it." He gulped hard. "I was going to ask if you would come to the game at the end of this week. I would...I would love your support."

You nibbled your lip. "I'll think about it."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Levi looked for you everywhere before the match and when it started, but you weren't there watching him. He felt sad because he wanted you and only you to be his cheerleader. He liked you a lot, but part of him understood why you hadn't because it wasn't your thing and there was an astmosphere around the game as well with who could be with the football players.

Levi looked again at half-time and finally saw you arriving. He smiled as you slipped into the row and said sorry. He waited for you to sit and then look at him. Levi waved at you, but you looked behind you as if you thought he was waving to someone else.

Levi pointed at you when you looked back.

You pointed at yourself.

Levi nodded, then waved.

You blushed and laughed a little, then waved back. You patted your palm against the side of your head to say you were stupid.

Levi shook his head at you to disagree.

You smiled at him sweetly, then gave him the thumbs up and mouthed good luck.

Levi bowed to you, then mouthed thank you.

You sighed and watched the game and new the basics. You'd researched beforehand so you knew what was going all. What you could gather was Levi was kicking ass and his team were winning. You were so impressed with Levi and how well he led the team. You were a little shocked at how big Erwin was muscle wise and how tall Mike was. You just thought they were cool, but Levi really had your heart fluttering.

You stood up at the end of the match and clapped. Levi's team had won by a landslide. People in the crowd said they seemed to have gotten massive inspritation in the second half. You blushed and thought maybe you being there gave Levi a little boost.

You waited for most people to leave, then you walked down and went to leave but heard Levi shout your name. You turned and smiled at him in his game things with his helmet off. "Hi."

Levi smiled a little at you. "Hi."

You hummed, then playfully punched him in the chest. "You rocked out there."

"Thanks."

You blushed a little. "I'll be honest, I didn't know much of what was going on, but I was impressed."

Levi stepped closer. "Thank you."

You hummed a bit. "Are you okay? I mean, you guys take a beating out there. I know you're all padded up, but still."

"I'm perfectly fine."

"Good."

He blushed. "You were worried about me?"

You nodded and felt nervous and flustered as your feelings creeped up. "Yes. Anyway, I should head home now."

He grabbed your hand and stopped you. "So, there's an party we're all going to in order to celebrate. Do you want to come with me?"

You smiled at him. "That's sweet of you to invite me, but I'll decline." You looked over at the jocks and the frats. "They're not really my people."

Levi looked over at the madness of the guys, as well as the girl. "Tch, yeah they're a bunch of idiots."

"Have fun though." You backed up. "Sorry I was late, but I had fun."

Levi chased you. "W-Wait."

You stopped and turned to him. "Yeah?"

"So, ah...how about I walk you home?"

You stared at Levi, then hummed. "Do you like hotdogs?"

Levi frowned a little. "Hotdogs?"

You nodded. "I know a great diner that has these hotdogs of different kinds, like chili dogs, new york dogs, you know?"

Levi smiled a little. "I do. I'll change up and join you. You okay to wait here?"

You nodded. "Yeah."

"Okay." He ran to the changing room and felt so excited. He cleaned up, then ran past the party group and ignored their pleas. He smiled when he saw you sat on the bleachers waiting for him. "Perfect."

"Levi?" The head cheerleader walked closer. "You coming to the party or what?"

"I'm not. Enjoy."

She grabbed his upper arm. "Just one drink."

Levi pulled free. "Nah, I have plans." He ran over to you and smiled. "I'm ready."

You stood up and smiled back. "Great." You looked back at the cheerleader giving you evils. "If you've got something to say, then say it."

She flicked her hair. "You're a charity case."

"That so? Well, at least I get him for the night and you go to a party all alone. Ya fucking loser."

She gasped. "Bitch!"

"Bite me!"

"I'll ruin you."

You hugged Levi's arms. "No! Levi will tonight!"

Levi blushed hard. "Wh-what?"

You smiled at him. "It's a joke."

He sighed and nodded. "Right." He looked to the cheerleader. "Fuck off. I'm having fun." He walked with you off-campus and noticed you were cold. He pulled off his jacket, then put it on your shoulders. "Here."

You hugged it around you and smiled. "Thanks. It's a bit big, but it's warm."

"I'm glad." He frowned a little. "You know, I'm really sorry about all that and the shit you get. You don't deserve it. You're wonderful and I like you."

You bumped against him. "I like you too."

Levi held back a smile, but he was so happy that you cared about him. You both went to the diner and ate together. You spent all night laughing and talking about different stories about your lives. You kept going until the sun started to rise letting you both know you'd talked all night. You ate breakfast together, then walked with Levi back to you place.

You stopped outside, then turned to Levi. "You know, I really like you Levi."

Levi smiled a little. "I love you too." He went white. "Shit."

You stared at him, then you kissed him lightly. You searched his eyes for a moment, then you both wrapped your arms around each other and kissed over and over. Your tongues moved together in heated mouths. Legs grew weak from passion and love. The world slowed down to a stop.

You pulled back a little and panted. "That was better than I'd been thinking it'd be."

"You've been thinking about kissing me?"

"Yes."

Levi smiled a little. "Me too. I've had the biggest crush on your for a long time."

You nibbled your lip as you felt you needed to be honest. "Me too, but I was so worried about status at school. However, now I know you love me for me and will stay by my side no matter what people say. I love you Levi, I really do."

Levi picked up up, then spun around with you. "Best day of my life."

You giggled, then looked to your house. "So...do you want to come in?" You blushed. "Not for what you're thinking. It's just, you must be exhuasted from the match and we've been up all night. I was wondering if you wanted to nap together?"

Levi stared at you, then carried you into your house and to your room as quietly as possible so he wouldn't wake your roommates, mainly Hange. He locked your door, then lay you on your bed. He lay next to you, then lightly touched your cheek as you both smiled at each other. He kissed you, then dragged you into his arms and held you against his chest. He closed his eyes and slowly drifted off into a deep sleep. Both of you knew that you were in the best love and relatioship of your lives. You both had the person you wanted to grow old with.

[not-poignant]

Hi! In FFS I love the emoji system between Ef and Arden, it inspired a similar system for me and a friend of mine. Still I think that chatting/talking on the phone is different than processing feelings while together in the same room. I was wondering how you think technology changes authenticity, and how you go about showing it in writing?

Honestly I think it just depends on the person, what value they find in technology, what kind of technology it is, and how much the person needs that technology?

Like, there is no universal answer to this. Even in writing, how characters use technology really depends on the person. I think Heartstopper did a really good job of depicting how technology is often an augment, and a positive part of being authentic among younger peers. It especially allows shy, introverted or anxious people more avenues in which to speak their mind, and say things they wouldn't be able to say in person.

As for how to show it in writing, that also just depends on the author? Some authors use literal emojis. I describe them in words (like 'thunderstorm emoji'). Some authors use extremely fancy formatting - or even screenshots with fake character accounts - to show text exchanges (these can be inaccessible). Other authors write them out in a more analog manner (like myself). I use a lot of dialogue rules around text messaging, especially short exchanges, because text messaging is dialogue. So that makes sense to me. Homestuck authors often scripted and wrote in the exact same style as the webcomic. Some authors put gifs into their stories. Some put hyperlinks to everything they researched, so people can see what they researched (or images of what they're describing).

If you think chatting/talking on the phone is different than processing feelings while together with someone in the same room, then it is for you. But that's all it means. There are people out there who feel like it's exactly the same. And other people who feel like chatting/talking on the phone allows for better processing of emotion and more authenticity. (Certainly the friends I have online, where we've mostly only ever talked online, know more about me than any of my friends irl do). And people who can't connect via phones or online chatting at all and just don't do it.

It's just...not a universal experience. It differs person by person. Therefore it will also naturally differ character by character. And the depiction will differ author by author.

I have no...generalised answer for you anon. I studied mass communications at university, which meant also learning a lot about 'new' modes of communication, and mostly it involved old people going 'oh no people are so disconnected now' and young people going 'omg I can finally find communities that allow me to realise who I am and I have queer support for the first time in my life, and this friend in the UK - we're going to meet in a few years!' and both are stereotypes anyway because there are old people who are dependent on digital online technology for communication and there are young people who don't really get it.

Technology can reduce, increase, or do nothing with authenticity. It depends on the person's relationship to every aspect of technology. Someone who is extremely raw in Discord may still have an extremely curated and superficial Facebook.

Not even the same people have the same relationships with all forms of communication-via-technology.

So yeah! Idk, I feel like I'm not really giving you what you wanted, because like it is just different for every person, character, and author.

[hedgewyse]

1 & 7 for the ask game 💚

Thank you for the ask @mybabybright! 💕 1 - favourite main couple

Once again we have to tackle the 'is The Untamed a BL' argument. Because at 50 episodes there is plenty of time to do some real character growth, and it's the ultimate Good Boy who lives by the rule book falls for the Bad Guy doing evil things and spurned by the society Good Boy has spent his life revering… and I just think Lan Wanji and Wei Wuxian are an unbeatable couple for that. They have layers.

If not Untamed, then my choice is Kang Seo Joon and Han Ji Woo from To My Star. Again, it helps that they have two series so we get growth, and I tend to like more adult plots/problems. I just love the way they learn to live with one another, navigate the awkwardness of life and relationship pain, and adjust to each other. I have a lot of time for 'your flaws don't seem like flaws to me'.

I'm guessing this is a little surprising given my reblogs, but a lot of other mains have a trope that I drool over but I find one of them annoying. These two are one of the few couples where I genuinely love them both.

Others I considered: FighterTutor, PatPran, WeiLan

-------------------------------------------------------------

7 - top 5 bl

The Untamed (if we're counting it!)

Layers, layers, layers. Everything from the names and how they change (or don't), the dynamics around spiritual weapons and who can touch them, the incredible angst around the golden core (which completely passed me by the first watch because I didn't KNOW. I DIDN'T KNOW! I guess I thought yeah he's given up his magic its sad. NO, MY FRIEND! He's given up his EVERYTHING. His status in society which was already strained given he's an orphan. His place as head disciple. His magic. His IMMORTALITY. And thus His Future With LWJ *weeping, I am weeping!* no wonder he didn't want to tell him!). It just has so much hidden depth, and slowly peeling it apart has been like peeling off layers of angst around my poor heart.

Utsukushi Kare/My Beautiful Man

This has such hidden depths. There's a big element of misunderstanding and missed signals between the leads which leads to a really interesting reversal of the uke/seme dynamic. They're both so wonderfully awkward, and eventually realising and beginning to learn to navigate each other is very sweet.

To My Star/To My Star2

For reasons mentioned above already. Also I like that they are working adult jobs and adult lives and trying to make sense of their feelings amongst all that. It's so bloody relateable, honestly.

Love in the Air

Not even gonna pretend. The incredible acting in the high heat scenes is my interest in this (plus a bit of motorbikes I guess). They took one look at how high KP raised the bar, then gave it a Red Bull. There are a bunch of other good things about it, but the heat was it for me.

Semantic Error

This is such a perfect little all-rounder. It's really well paced, there's very relaxed bi rep, the friends feel real, the respect for touching consent is good, the little thrills of experimentation that our very serious SanWoo allows himself, the way JaeYoung is such a good chaotic foil for SanWoos seriousness, how very natural they seem together in the end. It's so Feel Good, I love it. Also it gave us Song JiOh *heart eyes*

Others I considered: Bad Buddy, We Best Love, Kinnporsche, History3: Make our days count

Things I'd like to have included: The Devil Judge (if it was BL), Choco Milk Shake (if it was truly poly), Love is Science (almost poly, almost a BL, not quite either)

[hands-around-your-throat]

Heyy, found the asks list now hehe and uh okay i selected a lot of questions so just like elaborate as much as you want but long answers preferred please 👉👈

Also my notes app might've messed with the numbers but whatever

6. is it hard for you to get over someone?

7. what was your life like last year?

10. are you good at hiding your feelings?

15. personality description

16. have you ever wanted to tell someone something but you didn't?

17. opinion on insecurities.

24. height

28. i’ll love you if…

31. 3 random facts

32. are your friends mainly girls or guys?

35. favourite subject

50. something i’m talented at

(Also i figured why stay on anon now so hi again :3)

6. is it hard for you to get over someone? Erm.. I guess yeah. Like I mentioned in the other ask I've not really ever been in love, so I don't know what that's like. But I've had strong crushes in the past and it took me a while to get over them fully. But smaller crushes or infatuations I can usually get past if I realised they're not really vibing in that way.

7. what was your life like last year? Honestly, not too different than now. Covid meant working from home most of the time and so that hasn't really changed since. I supposed biggest differences now is that I moved out of my parents home in January of this year to stay with a friend whilst the house I was buying was being built and now I'm in my own home! Oh and making this blog was a big change too and has helped me get more confident with my appearance, though there's still a long way to go there.

10. are you good at hiding your feelings? In general, no. I can lie pretty effortlessly honestly, for better or worse, but when it's something/someone I truly care about my feelings flow out pretty easily.

15. personality description Generally quiet, nerdy, reserved. Pretty anxious and lowkey depressed (🤙)

16. have you ever wanted to tell someone something but you didn't? Not really! I'm usually pretty open about everything and even tho I know it might hurt someone's feelings I'll still tell them, in the nicest way possible of course. There's no point keeping things to yourself if it's something that affects multiple people.

17. opinion on insecurities. I feel like everyone has them and you should do your best to acknowledge them and let people know that it's okay to think those things. Just support them and eventually I'm sure they'll come to see whatever they're insecure about is pretty minor in the grand scheme of life.

24. height Like 5'7" ish? idk for sure

28. i’ll love you if… Already answered this one.

31. 3 random facts 1. I've swam with sharks and manta ray (is the plural manta rays??) 2. Birmingham, UK has more miles of canals than Venice, Italy. (less individual canals, just longer ones) AND purely because of the nature of my blog I'll make the last one a lewd fact 3. I once masturbated and came like 12 times in one day (exact number I'm not sure of but it was defo over 10 and somewhere in the ball park of 12)

32. are your friends mainly girls or guys? Mainly guys I think, definitely in person at least, but I feel like I get along better with girls than guys.

35. favourite subject At school and stuff? Definitely IT / Computing. I ended up doing a degree in computer science after all 😅

50. something i’m talented at Erm... I don't particularly consider myself talented at anything?? I'm a decent writer, and I can memorise things pretty easily?

[lokiondisneyplus]

Sophia Di Martino was launched into the pop cultural consciousness thanks to her role as Sylvie – AKA the Loki variant on Marvel Disney Plus series Loki, where she trades barbs and shares background stories with Tom Hiddleston's God of Mischief.

Episode Three of the series found Loki on a wild adventure with Sylvie, after he accidentally sent them both to the doomed moon Lamentis-1, on a collision course with a planet. Facing an apocalypse, the pair hatches a plan to find the escape vessel that some of the moon's wealthier residents are hoping will carry them to safety and, while on the train to the ship, they discuss everything from the nature of love to their respective magical abilities.

When the opportunity arose to talk to her, we naturally jumped at it, so here is part of Chris Hewitt's conversation with Di Martino, who was frank and funny while chatting about getting the job, Loki's sexuality and more.

The last two weeks in particular must have been a heck of a whirlwind for you. What's it been like being at the centre of the storm?

It's been a strange one. Because I feel like I've been waiting in the wings for quite a while. And I haven't been able to talk to anyone about this until today. So, it's been a really strange few weeks, just watching the show start and listening to people's reactions, but not being able to talk about it. I don't feel like I've been in the centre of the storm at all. I feel like I've been watching it play out.

Have you been able to say anything to anybody, family friends... Postmen?

Absolutely no-one! My mum has no idea where I've been for the past two years. It's been really difficult. But to be honest, I'm actually really good at keeping secrets. So, I've perhaps been too good and haven't told anyone, anything. My agent, no one knows anything! I’m taking it really seriously, maybe a bit too seriously!

You and director Kate Herron have worked together in the past. Is that how it began for you?

Kate and I worked together on a short film of hers a few years ago now. And we stayed in touch, we're mates, we'll go out for coffee and do a bit of improv. We exist in the same circles in London. I'm trying to remember how exactly it happened. I was shooting another film in the UK, and I think I got a message from Kate saying, “I'm on this show, I'm not allowed to talk about what it is... There's a role, we'd like to see what you do with it. I can't tell you any more. Just wanted to give you the heads up...” A really vague WhatsApp message. So, then I got a request for a tape through my agent. But obviously, my agency also couldn't know anything about what was happening and what it was or anything. I was given a really short scene, made a tape of this scene and just had to guess what it was about. I think it was actually what ended up being the scene from Episode Three, which is Loki and Sylvie on the train. I think it ended up being that scene, but it was very different when I did the audition tape for it.

Did it have the word Loki in the script at any point?

No, no, no names! I think it was Bob and Sarah or something completely different. I didn't have a clue what it was.

I was really interested in how angry she is and how sort of laser-focused she is on this mission that she's given herself.

At what point did the penny drop? At what point did you realise that you were auditioning to play a Loki on Loki, and then this incredibly complex character?

I can't remember what happened first. It might have been the news that Kate was directing the new Loki came out. And then I was like, “Oh, maybe that's what I read for...” Or if it was that I was just offered the job, and they told me what it was. But yeah, it was a surprise. And I had a chat with Tom on FaceTime because he was in New York. I never actually met anyone because I was nine months pregnant, I couldn't fly anywhere. So, I was in London, everyone else is in the US. So, it was just that tape, it was all based on that. And obviously, I've worked with Kate before, so she knows that I'm not some weirdo. And she must’ve convinced them to cast me!

Let’s talk a little bit about Sylvie as we now know her. What's clear is that you're not doing a Tom Hiddleston impression. This is not your take on a Tom Hiddleston Loki, this is a very, very different iteration of their character. So where did you start?

Well, probably exactly there, making that decision that I didn't want to go in and do an impression of Tom, because that would have been awful. I'm really bad at impressions for a start! Sylvie’s very different to Loki in a lot of ways. There's the chaos and there's the mischievous, which are very, very Loki traits. But for me, I was really interested in how angry she is and how sort of laser-focused she is on this mission that she's given herself. And I think that plus the playfulness really helped me get into the character. And, and so that was the way I started.

The stunt training and the fight training really helped me with her physicality, and we were all really keen on her being a really strong, sort of street fighter, almost. She's not as elegant as Loki. She's fit and rough around the edges, she's had a harder time, in a way, she's been on the run for the majority of her life, getting into scraps. And I like the idea that she really enjoys fighting. And she'd really get something out of it. Because she knows that she's probably going to win. Right? And that's where her cockiness comes through, maybe. And so that was part of it as well. And then as soon as you put the costume on, you're there.

What was that like? Because the costume says so much as well. There's the headpiece, which obviously has a missing horn, which says a lot about the scrapes that she's gotten into in the past. And also says that this isn't the Loki we might be expecting.

We were really keen on making the costume look like it's been through the wringer a bit. And she's sort of gathered bits of it from places that she's been throughout her journey. We didn't want it to be too clean and shiny. And it was also important to me that it was a really comfortable costume and that I could actually fight in it, and I could kick in it and just do things that I needed to kick not have to worry about breaking it or being uncomfortable. And then Christine Wada, the costume designer, was amazing at just making it super comfy. But I still felt like a badass when I put it on.

The train scene has that wonderful moment where you’re talking about your romantic pasts, and Loki confirms that he is bisexual, which has been received rapturously since the episode came out. Did you get a sense of how momentous it was when you were filming it?

I knew how important it was, yeah. And I'm just so pleased that it's been received so well. And people are super happy to have seem that scene. And like I said, the show is inspired by the comics, and the comics for a long time have alluded to Loki being bisexual or pansexual. And his sexuality is not straight. And even back to Norse mythology. So, it was important to Kate, and it was also important to me and Tom, that this was represented in a six-hour story about that character. Because representation is important.

It's such a beautifully written scene. Can you just talk about your memories of filming those exchanges? Because we've only just met Sylvie, and we haven’t seen Loki consider the idea of love or falling in love or being frail or vulnerable in that way before.

It’s a super important scene. And it was interesting to shoot it because it's the first time that you see Sylvie vulnerable. And it's just a really important moment for the two of them to understand each other in a different way, and not just be miffed by each other for the first time. And when we were filming it, it is quite a long scene. And it just felt really good to do a long, talky scene. It didn't feel long when we were doing it. But it was nice to get into those characters, and it sort of felt like doing a play, when you go a bit deeper and it’s great. It's just another way of understanding the character that you're playing. And listening to Tom singing was also an experience! Didn’t he do such a good job of learning all those words? I was just amazed that he could learn a song in a different language. And he did it so quickly! Like, one day he got the words and the next day he was fluent in Norwegian! That’s Hiddleston, isn’t it? He’s just so smart!

[ceo-of-daichi]

Request ~ ‘Lydz! I need a Daichi fluff so bad. SO BAD. Could I request a long distance relationship with Daichi, and one day after s/o cries over the phone saying that she misses him, he decides to fly to her as a a surprise!! 😭💖 it can be a hc or drabble one-shot, whatever you’re comfortable with! Thank you bb ily ❤️’ ~ @mrs-kuroojinguji

Characters ~ Sawamura Daichi x Fem!Reader

Genre ~ Fluff

Warnings ~ Kinda a rollercoaster of emotions... a bit of the reader crying

Word Count ~ 1.8k+

A/N ~ Haven’t written a long fic in a while so i hope you guys enjoy this!!!💛 Thank you to @scorpiosanssexy for beta reading this☺️ Also i’m so sorry this took so long for me to write Ana😫

‘I love you baby…’ You hear as you hang up your phone, tossing it to the side. Another night where you slept in an empty bed. You had lost track of how many it's been without him by your side physically. A year? Maybe closer to two? The hope that one day soon you would wake up to his warm arms around you, his breath fanning on the back of your neck. Comfort, something he automatically provided. It was in his aura, whenever he was close and sadly you hadn’t felt it in a while.

As much as you loved the UK it was far away from home, not only your family but your friends and from Daichi. The one you wished you could spend every waking moment with, someone who you could see yourself with for the rest of your life. You felt so far away from him, 5,732 miles to be exact, a number you had spent so many sleepless nights thinking about. As your head hit the pillow you figured tonight was going to be another one of those nights. 

Your day seemed to drag as all you could think about was Daichi’s words to you last night. ‘I can’t come see you yet, I'm so sorry, work is piling up and with my family wanting me home I just can’t spare the time to fly over… I’m so sorry, I'm going to have to fly over in summer.’ Was what he had said, he was meant to come see you after Christmas, but as it was early into January now you had lost hope for seeing him. 

It wasn’t long before both of your universities started up again for the new term, you would have to pray he would be able to come visit in summer or you could get the funds to see him. It was getting hard to be away from him, everyday the ache seemed to worsen in your chest.

Even when you both first got together, he knew that all you needed to feel better was a hug or his arm comfortingly on your back. To be pulled onto his lap so he could hold you impossibly close, you were always someone who has loved his touch. You were addicted to it. Both of you knew that it would be harder long distance yet you couldn’t bear to break up. But it was starting to prove to be harder than you anticipated.

‘You know you don’t have to continuously stir the pasta right?’ Your roommate Beth said, you wondered how long she had been watching you. Glancing at the clock you realised you must have been there for at least 40 minutes. 

‘Hm? Yeah of course I know, I just like to make sure it's done… which it is.’ You replied, as you looked down at the pasta that was now basically mush in the pan. Letting out a deep sigh you drained it and put it in a bowl.

‘You’re seriously going to eat that? Oh god no [y/n]...’ She said as she took the bowl straight from your hands throwing the whole thing in the bin.

‘Hey! I like that bowl?!’ You protested as she led you to the couch.

‘Lets order takeout, I can tell you have been thinking about him again… Still no chance he can come?’ Beth asked as she scrolled through her phone for both your favourite takeout. You didn’t reply as you got lost in your thoughts once again. You didn’t realise how obvious it was that you weren’t doing well and even though Beth knows you better than anyone, she wouldn’t mention anything unless she thought it was serious. 

‘He just said he couldn’t come… It's been almost 2 years since I have seen him physically, not on the other side of a screen. I miss him so much and it's starting to get harder to talk to him over the phone because everything hurts Beth… I love him so much.’ You practically word vomit as your eyes start to prick with tears.

The hurt evident as she pulled you in for a hug, letting your tears free as if they had been trapped in your ducts for years. Quickly dampening her shirt as she tried to do as much as she could to calm you down, it was no use though. ‘Do you think he just doesn’t want to see me? Maybe he’s found someone else?’ You questioned out loud as loud sobs continued to wrack your body.

‘Hey… Hey! I don’t know much about this guy, but from what you have told me he seems like a really respectable guy who loves you. Plus he’s your boyfriend so he has to be amazing! Have you thought about telling him how you feel?’ Beth asked getting up quickly to grab you some tissue. 

‘No, I haven’t! I don’t want him to think I don’t trust him, because it's not that at all…’ Before you could finish sniffling out everything you had to say your phone lit up. A bright picture of Daichi from the last time you saw him covering the screen, arm around your waist and a goofy smile adorning his face. Daichi who you loved so much, who it hurt so bad to think about for no reason other than he wasn’t here. He wasn’t by your side, he was 5,732 miles away.

As you got up to go answer the phone in your room, Beth gave you a sympathetic smile and a quick mouthing of ‘tell him’. A deep sigh passed your lips as you closed the door separating you from the kitchen, you knew she was right but something was holding you back. 

Cleaning yourself up slightly you finally answered the facetime call. ‘Hey baby…’ You said greeting him with a small smile. You knew he could tell you had been crying the minute he answered when his face dropped. ‘Hey baby-girl, you okay?’ He asked and that was all it took. You couldn’t keep it from him anymore, tears spilled once again from your eyes as you told him everything. 

Daichi’s heart broke as he watched you cry on the other side of the screen, he wanted to gather you in his arms and tell you it was going to be okay. That you would both get through this together, however he was lost for words. He couldn’t hold you, he couldn’t even get you your favourite food to cheer you up. He wasn’t there. As you both talked it out, he couldn’t stop apologising, every ‘i’m sorry’ that fell from his lips felt so natural yet should it be? 

Once you had calmed down and the facetime ended, Daichi couldn’t get the image of you crying out of his head. How had he not seen the person he loved and cherished so much in almost 2 years? 

The night was long and tiring for both of you, neither could sleep, plagued by thoughts of what’s next? What can either of you do to better the situation? You couldn’t dream of leaving him but what if you had no choice. It was 3:27am and you decided it was probably better to try and take your mind off the situation, falling asleep in front of the TV was better than not falling asleep at all. 

A couple days passed, although you couldn't stop thinking about Daichi you had gone back to normal with him. You thought it was strange but since that night Daichi seemed a lot more upbeat, wanted to call you more and was texting you constantly. You weren’t complaining though, you loved how he seemed to be making more of an effort since you had confessed to him. 

‘Wow you actually managed to cook the pasta properly this time?!’ Beth said, an amused expression on her face as she sat at the table across from you. This caused a laugh to erupt from you, she was right once again. ‘Yeah I guess things are improving huh?’ You replied as she laughed along. You had made pasta properly, not as if it was anything special but it tasted good you thought. 

As you both chatted and giggled away you were interrupted by a knock at the door. ‘Did you order food?’ You question as you got up to answer, wondering who it could be at such a weird time as your eyes scanned the clock, 10:36pm. Swinging open the door your whole body froze. 

His brown hair was tousled and out of place, his grey sweatpants hanging off him perfectly and although he looked tired and rushed to anyone else. You had never seen someone so handsome before, not being able to stop yourself jumping on him. Despite being exhausted, Daichi still managed to catch you in his arms. ‘You came…’ You whispered into his shoulder, taking in his scent. How you had missed his slightly woody smell, it smelt like home.

‘I couldn’t not come… It broke my heart to see you cry because of me, I dropped everything to come’ He smiled, as he rubbed your back comfortingly placing a kiss to the side of your head. Suddenly 5,732 miles didn’t feel long at all when you were in his arms, realising the exact reason you didn’t break it off with him originally, he was worth the ups and downs. Worth the long nights of falling asleep on facetime because of the time difference, worth every ‘i love you’ text and every ‘i miss you’ whispered over the phone.

As he let you down and grabbed his stuff to bring in you couldn’t help but admire him. Has he got bigger? His arms looked so much more refined and muscular, the 2 years training to be in the emergency services sector clearly having an effect on his body. Before you knew what you were doing you gripped his bicep softly, he really was stronger than before you thought. 

‘You okay there baby? Something interesting?’ He chuckled as he watched your face heat up, scooping you into his arms again. Not wanting to admit you really liked the change in his body you buried your face into his neck. ‘I just missed you a lot…’ You confessed, not like you hadn’t told him this before but being held in his arms made it so much more real. ‘I missed you too princess…’ He whispered, lifting your chin to look at him before pressing his lips to yours.

It felt like a lifetime had passed since the last time your lips had met, but it was just as amazing as the first time. All fears and worries suddenly dissipated, the only thing that mattered right now was him and how much time you had to make up for. 

Gen Taglist ~ @honey-makki @novvabeam @scorpiosanssexy @sugawara-sweetheart @watermelonsugawara @taeya-san @mrs-kuroojinguji @arixtsukki @whootwhoot @cadenceh2o @minibobabottle @gemini-writes @lxvelylevi @kisskissfailmylife

If you want to be added to my General Taglist just send me an ask!

[twh-news]

Loki: Sophia Di Martino Talks About Songs, Sexuality, Scoring The Role Of Sylvie And More

Sophia Di Martino was launched into the pop cultural consciousness thanks to her role as Sylvie – AKA the Loki variant on Marvel Disney Plus series Loki, where she trades barbs and shares background stories with Tom Hiddleston's God of Mischief.

Episode Three of the series found Loki on a wild adventure with Sylvie, after he accidentally sent them both to the doomed moon Lamentis-1, on a collision course with a planet. Facing an apocalypse, the pair hatches a plan to find the escape vessel that some of the moon's wealthier residents are hoping will carry them to safety and, while on the train to the ship, they discuss everything from the nature of love to their respective magical abilities.

When the opportunity arose to talk to her, we naturally jumped at it, so here is part of Chris Hewitt's conversation with Di Martino, who was frank and funny while chatting about getting the job, Loki's sexuality and more.

The last two weeks in particular must have been a heck of a whirlwind for you. What's it been like being at the centre of the storm?

It's been a strange one. Because I feel like I've been waiting in the wings for quite a while. And I haven't been able to talk to anyone about this until today. So, it's been a really strange few weeks, just watching the show start and listening to people's reactions, but not being able to talk about it. I don't feel like I've been in the centre of the storm at all. I feel like I've been watching it play out.

Have you been able to say anything to anybody, family friends... Postmen?

Absolutely no-one! My mum has no idea where I've been for the past two years. It's been really difficult. But to be honest, I'm actually really good at keeping secrets. So, I've perhaps been too good and haven't told anyone, anything. My agent, no one knows anything! I’m taking it really seriously, maybe a bit too seriously!

You and director Kate Herron have worked together in the past. Is that how it began for you?

Kate and I worked together on a short film of hers a few years ago now. And we stayed in touch, we're mates, we'll go out for coffee and do a bit of improv. We exist in the same circles in London. I'm trying to remember how exactly it happened. I was shooting another film in the UK, and I think I got a message from Kate saying, “I'm on this show, I'm not allowed to talk about what it is... There's a role, we'd like to see what you do with it. I can't tell you anymore. Just wanted to give you the heads up...” A really vague WhatsApp message. So, then I got a request for a tape through my agent. But obviously, my agency also couldn't know anything about what was happening and what it was or anything. I was given a really short scene, made a tape of this scene and just had to guess what it was about. I think it was actually what ended up being the scene from Episode Three, which is Loki and Sylvie on the train. I think it ended up being that scene, but it was very different when I did the audition tape for it.

Did it have the word Loki in the script at any point?

No, no, no names! I think it was Bob and Sarah or something completely different. I didn't have a clue what it was.

"I was really interested in how angry she is and how sort of laser-focused she is on this mission that she's given herself."

At what point did the penny drop? At what point did you realise that you were auditioning to play a Loki on Loki, and then this incredibly complex character?

I can't remember what happened first. It might have been the news that Kate was directing the new Loki came out. And then I was like, “Oh, maybe that's what I read for...” Or if it was that I was just offered the job, and they told me what it was. But yeah, it was a surprise. And I had a chat with Tom on FaceTime because he was in New York. I never actually met anyone because I was nine months pregnant, I couldn't fly anywhere. So, I was in London, everyone else is in the US. So, it was just that tape, it was all based on that. And obviously, I've worked with Kate before, so she knows that I'm not some weirdo. And she must’ve convinced them to cast me!

Let’s talk a little bit about Sylvie as we now know her. What's clear to me is that you're not doing a Tom Hiddleston impression. This is not your take on a Tom Hiddleston Loki, this is a very, very different iteration of their character. So where did you start?

Well, probably exactly there, making that decision that I didn't want to go in and do an impression of Tom, because that would have been awful. I'm really bad at impressions for a start! Sylvie’s very different to Loki in a lot of ways. There's the chaos and there's the mischievous, which are very, very Loki traits. But for me, I was really interested in how angry she is and how sort of laser-focused she is on this mission that she's given herself. And I think that plus the playfulness really helped me get into the character. And, and so that was the way I started.

The stunt training and the fight training really helped me with her physicality, and we were all really keen on her being a really strong, sort of street fighter, almost. She's not as elegant as Loki. She's fit and rough around the edges, she's had a harder time, in a way, she's been on the run for the majority of her life, getting into scraps. And I like the idea that she really enjoys fighting. And she'd really get something out of it. Because she knows that she's probably going to win. Right? And that's where her cockiness comes through, maybe. And so that was part of it as well. And then as soon as you put the costume on, you're there.

What was that like? Because the costume says so much as well. There's the headpiece, which obviously has a missing horn, which says a lot about the scrapes, that she's gotten into in the past. And also says that this isn't the Loki we might be expecting.

We were really keen on making the costume look like it's been through the wringer a bit. And she's sort of gathered bits of it from places that she's been throughout her journey. We didn't want it to be too clean and shiny. And it was also important to me that it was a really comfortable costume and that I could actually fight in it, and I could kick in it and just do things that I needed to kick not have to worry about breaking it or being uncomfortable. And then Christine Wada, the costume designer, was amazing at just making it super comfy. But I still felt like a badass when I put it on.

The train scene that wonderful moment were you’re talking about your romantic pasts, and Loki confirms that he is bisexual, which has been received rapturously since the episode came out. And it's such a huge moment and I know it was important to Kate, as well. What can you say about that? First of all, about filming that moment? Did you get a sense of its momentousness when you were filming it?

I knew how important it was, yeah. And I'm just so pleased that it's been received so well. And people are super happy to have seem that scene. And like I said, the show is inspired by the comics, and the comics for a long time have alluded to Loki being bisexual or pansexual. And his sexuality is not straight. And even back to Norse mythology. So, it was important to Kate, and it was also important to me and Tom, that this was represented in a six-hour story about that character. Because representation is important.

And it's such a beautifully written scene as well. Can you just talk about your memories of filming those exchanges? Not just seeing Tom singing in what I presume is Norwegian, and what that was like for you? But also, just that exchange about love and how important it is for these two characters. Because we've only just met Sylvie, of course. And we haven’t seen Loki consider the idea of love or falling in love or being frail or vulnerable in that way before. So, it seemed like a fairly important exchange...

It’s a super important scene. And it was interesting to shoot it because it's the first time that you see Sylvie vulnerable. And it's just a really important moment for the two of them to understand each other in a different way, and not just be miffed by each other for the first time. And when we were filming it, it is quite a long scene. And it just felt really good to do a long, talky scene. It didn't feel long when we were doing it. But it was nice to get into those characters, and it sort of felt like doing a play, when you go a bit deeper and it’s great. It's just another way of understanding the character that you're playing. And listening to Tom singing was also an experience! Didn’t he do such a good job of learning all those words? I was just amazed that he could learn a song in a different language. And he did it so quickly! Like, one day he got the words and the next day he was fluent in Norwegian! That’s Hiddleston, isn’t it? He’s just so smart!