#I do choose to keep talking to Red Flags because I am curious of if what I'm feeling is right or not

[chaos-storm]

Sometimes (rarely) I add people from Emeraldchat on discord, usually if they're artists or writers

I met a guy today who said he's working on his first novel, and wanted critisism on what he'd written. I said sure, added him, and read

So I wont be too harsh on this first point, because it's a very common mistake for new writers who write dark things, and I've been guilty of this mistake myself

But I started reading and it just started dark as all fuck, and then it just kept going. It was a hyper-detailed telling of a guy in some CIA research facility who was being tortured, and he had always been tortured, and even as a kid he'd been tortured, and the fruther I got the worse it got, and I'd mentally clocked out by page 2. I think I officially stopped at page 13/67

I noted my throughts underways, tried to be as constructive in my critisism as possible, linked some good resources, and I told him that it was too much misery, too little light, and that he gave the reader no reason to care about the protag or the story

And to his credit he took this critisism very well.

But this is where the benefit of the doubt ends, and the red flags become extrenely flashing

He'd only mentioned he wanted critisism, but suddenly he demanded (no question or "if you're able") that I write a plot summary of his work and that I make characters he could add to his book

(I said that No I dont have time for that. I can give critism and link resources, but the rest is up to you)

I also think he thought I was a woman, cause he kept sending hearts and kissy faces. This is something that's a grey area: I'm ok with it if I feel comfortable with someone.

However, he GREATLY overstepped when he later in the convo dared call me "Sweetie", something I have not been called since I was with my abuser

This was also said after he first randomly (and completely unprompted) went into a graphic description of how he and his buddy once made bows and arrows and spontaniously saw/hunted/cornered and tried go shoot a deer in the heart, before he THEN randomly started listing things that gave him adrenaline — anything from adderal to the thought of joining the US Marines and shooting people

When I reacted to that with an elequent "???? DUDE WTF WHY ARE YOU TELLING ME YOU WANT TO BECOME A TERRORIST???", that's when he called me sweetie and then said some other stuff before he concluded with "Havent you ever thought about killing someone" and "Imagining how it would feel to kill them"

Which was when I finally said "NO! WTF???" and blocked him

Legit, why are some people like this??? Why did he go from mentioning that he liked to hike to GRAPHICALLY describing hunting a deer like he was hunting a person, to then goibg off about wanting to shoot people????

Can someone who understands psychology explain to me why people are like this??

[scarareg]

From 0 to 10, which grades would you give to PJO ships?

Hi anon! This is such a fun question! Thanks for sending it! I tried to choose the most popular ships because there are so many variations of them, but if you are curious about a specific one that I didn't mention, feel free to ask!

Percabeth (Percy x Annabeth)

3/10 I give it a 3 only because in PJO they are cute but in HOO they are full of red flags and I hate what Rick did with them. I feel like their goals for the future do not align at all, and it is as if they together because that is what they are used to and not because they are in love. It seems like Percy is always trying to accommodate to what Annabeth wants and I think in the long run that would make him miserable, and those feeling will make worst a relationship that is already fragile.

In the future he is going to resent her so bad, because we already see that he doesn't feel comfortable joking/talking about some topics because Annabeth gets mad, now add him feeling like he has to follow everything she says or do just to be "the perfect boyfriend". It is a recipe for disaster

AnnieLuke (Annabeth x Luke)

1/10 this one is complicated. The thing is that I understand the appeal of a childhood besfrieds to lovers, I love those, BUT Luke never saw Annabeth as anything but a little sister. That + the fact that their relationship became toxic, it just make me uncomfortable. Sorry Annie, but this one is not the one, at least in my opinion (and in Luke's lmao)

Perluke (Percy x Luke)

4/10 I see you fans of friends to enemies to lovers or friends to lovers to enemies, I get it, but to me this one lacks that je ne sais quoi to make it appealing. But I can understand why some people like it. And I am part of the team "Percy had a crush on Luke yet he was the last to know"

Percico (Percy x Nico)

10/10 they are my OTP. I like how they complement each other. They have the history, the angst, the complexity. I like the dynamic of two characters who went through a lot, but deal with trauma in opposite ways.

They are ride or die for each other, but they keep that information a secret from each other, which makes their relationship really fun.

Most importantly Nico thinks Percy is cool AF and he adores him just the way he is. Percy is one of the few people who tried to get close to Nico and to understand him.

Their empathetic nature would make this relationship super sweet, tender and calm. For example, if one of them need to rest or are stressed out, they can go to the other and they will know if they need to talk or just want to nap.

Bonus points because their relationship with each other's parents would make their relationship even more interesting and fun!

Perachel (Percy x Rachel)

9/10 love this one! My second fave Percy ship! This is Percy's loss, to be honest. Their chemistry is super natural and they are always having fun! Rachel seems like a low-maintenance partner, so being with her must be pretty easy. She would not make drama if Percy can't be there with her for some time because he has to save the world or whatever. I think he can chill with her, and just like with Nico, Percy just being Percy is enough

Valgrace (Leo x Jason)

9/10 What I like about them is that both are insecure about themselves but always see the best in each other. Jason is Leo's hype man and Leo is always thinking about how impressive Jason is. Where Leo is chaotic, Jason is calm. Where Jason is anxious, Leo is chill. They just screams healthy couple

Jiper (Jason x Piper)

2/10 the problem here is how the relationship started. Both of them are really kind to each other, but their romance is based on a lie, which neither of them is to blame for, but it just feels wrong. To me, after knowing how their relationship started, Piper seems to like Jason enough to stay a couple, and Jason was too kind and just rolled with it, and that is not good reason to stay with someone in my opinion.

Liper (Leo x Piper)

9/10 shout out to @maygirlsposts to make me see the light with this one! Before, it never crossed my mind they could be a couple, but gosh! They are so cute together!

Piper and Leo genuinely have a connection, they share sense of humor, they have been through difficult stuff together and are empathetic towards the other's problems. They have a healthy balance between being chaotic when they are chilling, and having the ability to have honest conversations when necessary. They are overall wholesome AF!

Extra points for being the healthy version of Hephaestus x Aphrodite

Jasico (Jason x Nico)

10/10 this one is not my ship,only because I prefer them as besties, but I see the vision of their shippers; and I give them a 10 because they are probably the healthiest ship Nico has, to be honest.

Jason is always so patient with Nico, and sincere yet kind. Is great to see Nico feeling at ease with him. Jason has the stability Nico needs in a relationship.

Both bring the best of each other, and push the other to do and be the best they can be!

Jeyna (Jason x Reyna)

8/10 oh what could have been! The tragedy of the lost potential! They were too powerful together and Rick couldn't handle that.

They have history together and understand each other deeply. They are both strong mentally and physically, so they could be the standard of a demigod couple. They are both healthy people on their own, so their relationship would naturally be nice.

Their love story could have been so interesting, like: separated by war and the gods, reunited by fate!

To tell you a secret, I see them as Nico's unofficial parents/older siblings. Basically, they both adopted him separately, protect him, and genuinely care about him. They would have been one hell of parents lmao

Jercy (Jason x Percy)

6/10 this one is fun! Again it is not my ship, but I like their dynamic. They give "Two bros,chilling in the hot tub, five feet apart cause they’re not gay" energy

Frazel (Frank x Hazel)

9/10 this is the only canon ship I like! Frank is super sweet and Hazel is always so kind, both are just wholesome AF! Like two teddy bears! I like that they started out as friends and both were seen as the "weird kids", that makes me think their bond is just genuine!

Lazel (Leo x Hazel)

5/10 they are cute, I just prefer them as friends. And not gonna lie, the fact that Hazel's ex is Leo's grandpa makes them kinda weird to me as a couple.

As friends will give them a 8/10, they need more time to get closer, but they already are super fun!

Fraleo (Frank x Leo)

6/10 They are funny! Like wholesome-awkward meets wholesome-chaotic. They just make me laugh because of how cute they would be, completely adorable! Too pure for this world!

I like this, but personally I like my ships with more angst, so I prefer them as friends. But you guys, their shippers, you must be the cutest, most wholesome people out there!

Leo x Frank x Hazel

7/10 I see the vision, but as you can see, I like Leo being their bestie instead of in a romance. But I understand! What's better than a love triangle? An OT3!

Pipabeth (Piper x Annabeth)

8/10 I like them a lot! This is the ship I like for Annabeth. In general I think Annabeth seems more comfortable with women. It feels like Rick wrote her as a lesbian-who-doesn't-know-she-is-one, but did so whithout realizing. Her chemistry with Piper (and with Reyna) just comes naturally and she looks like she is having fun!

Piper's fun personality complements Annabeth's logical one. Piper is all feelings, Annabeth is all brains, love that!

Also, just imagine their mothers' reactions when they find out they are dating!

Pipercy (Piper x Percy)

5/10 this is fun! But it needs that something else to make it super appealing to me, you know. Both are crack heads so they would be hilarious and a menace together! I can see the appeal! For me, I just prefer them as besties, like "Prepare for trouble! And make it double!"

Solangelo (Nico x Will)

3/10 in canon, 10/10 in fanon

First of all, can we talk about how fucking ethereal their ship name is? The ship name gets an ∞/10!

Now, the ship. I will start saying that I LOVE ships that are opposites attracts, but sadly this ship is a bit like Percabeth, but better. Let me explain. The concept is there, but at the moment of writing their romance, Rick kinda sucks. Genuinely think fic writers do a better job writing them.

For starters I have a problem with Nico being outed by Cupid. And I do not like at all that he doesn't have time to process that trauma, neither his crush on Percy and the heartbreak that comes after his rejection. Will is shoehorned into the narrative because "Nico needs a boyfriend" and Will is the only character available. He was a glorified extra.

This takes me to that I feel Rick thinks a relationship will solve all of your problems. I firmly believe that Nico needed time alone to recover from all of his trauma, which is a lot. But Rick's solution for this kind of stuff is "get a partner!". (Leo and Piper also suffered of this)

Is like: "Did you live through World War II? Your mom died and you were immediately stuck in an hotel for maybe one or two months? When you finally got out, were you in another century? Your sister died one week later? Years passed and you lived on your own for a while and felt scared and isolated from everyone you knew? Did you fight another war? Went to Tartarus and came back and then get kidnapped? You almost died, again? Had to fight again? Don't worry, having a boyfriend will solve all your problems!"

And I HATE IT! This is not Will's fault, it's Rick's. So I feel bad for not loving Solangelo in canon, but I really think Nico needs time for himself, he will have time for boyfriends in the future after he gets in a better head space.

Conclusion Will and Nico deserve better writers.

Once again thanks Anon! Would love to know what you think about this!

[bengiyo]

Knock Knock Boys Ep 8 Stray Thoughts

Last time, Latte took Almond to the beach so he could relax and unwind. While there, he tried to teach Almond how to pick up strangers, but got concerned when Almond intentionally got drunk too fast. He pulled Almond out of that situation and took him back to their room where they kissed for the first time in a scene full of complex emotional layers. Latte stopped them before it went too far, and later shared his own family beach trip trauma. Meanwhile, Thanwa is back with Max and has decided to move back in with him. Peak waited too long, and so Thanwa is choosing to make pragmatic choices in his life to accept a job he doesn’t like and be with a man who isn’t great to him because he’s wealthy.

Trigger warning for 35:00 to 35:30 for attempted sexual assault.

Ew, is MAX the one who is uploading the clips??

I do love the commitment to using Almond waking up Latte as a framing device for the state of the house.

Oh, Peak, you tried.

What in the Princess Leia is this towel arrangement on his head?

These boys are crumbling so fast without Thanwa feeding them.

Okay, I feel better. Thanwa only intends to stay with Max briefly and is not giving him any suckface.

I’m really glad they got Pak for this role. He put a lot of power into that reconciliation scene with Almond and Latte. I like that they’re letting Almond have both desires: Yes he wants to prove his innocence, and yes he wants to help his friend. These are not at cross purposes.

Thank you, Lukpeach. We gotta actually solve the problem.

Gays, let’s please get it together. Y’all are making me feel awkward and I’m not even at this restaurant.

Peak, I understand you, and I am also so frustrated with you.

There’s something so perfect from the costuming of Thanwa in these clothes. They aren’t sitting correctly on him. He looks uncomfortable.

THIS LOOKING BACK AND MISSING EACH OTHER IS DRIVING ME INSANE.

I am in my 30s and spent my 20s either hustling or working in small businesses. There’s way too much chatter in the discourse about red and green flag human beings that strips them of nuance and personality. Let’s talk about a real red flag from a fucking job: Thanwa has told these food reviewer people that he can’t afford to do this little side gig for them, and then they call him out of the blue trying to pressure him into a 3 month probation for a 6 month job, and he must accept today because they’re the ones in a bind? HELL THE FUCK NO. DO NOT WORK FOR THOSE PEOPLE.

I’m glad Peak called Sean. He’s knows he’s the reliable one in this group.

I see you, Lukpeach. She is reaping! She invested early and it is paying off!

Thanwa is in his 20s. Now is the time for him to take these kinds of risks. I hope this works out for him, but keep your eyes open,

Latte has excellent taste in men. I love how every person we’ve seen Latte reconnect with, they all seem to have enjoyed their time with him and are happy to see him again.

Max, if I see you on the streets it’s on sight.

Goddamn, he’s trying to film Thanwa, too. I’m sick of this man.

Kick his ass, Jumper!!

That’s right, Sean, make sure you get your licks in, too!

Oh, what a messy final scene! Thanwa is totally fine to feel hurt about being accused here, but I also don’t think that Peak is off-base to think that Thanwa is trying to protect Max. He doesn’t know what has happened between them because neither of them has shared the important things.

This show continues to hold together! I’m so relieved. Curious where they go next, and if Max just disappears or manages to use his wealth to circumvent trouble. Also worried about potential video of Thanwa also becoming public and causing problems for him in this new role he just took.

[hela101]

PARADOX

I used to think you approached me for some shady reason, maybe a bet or just to get your projects done.

As time passed, I figured you were curious about me, not in a love-at-first-sight way, but just wanting to know who I am. We both had similar intentions from the start, but we didn't realize it until later.Now that we're together, I started feeling like you're intentionally keeping your distance, like one of those red flags they warn you about on social media.

I thought you were toxic, busy with work but choosing leisure over talking to me when you're free. I used to see you as an asshole, but then it hit me – you don't let yourself miss anyone because you're hooked on something else to stay numb and avoid all kinds of emotions.

I realized the reason why you don't love me like i do. It's because you'd rather be numb than allow yourself to feel an emotional bond with me. Your addiction takes precedence, whether it's work or something else.

When I was sick, you cared because I was away, but now that you have me, you don't miss me. It's like you're avoiding me by staying busy or distracted.

After arguments, you try harder to make it work, and I know you don't want to lose me, but to truly love me, you will have to break free from your addiction. You'll have to create space in your head for emotions to flow and only then you will want me, not just physically but mentally too.

In a relationship, people create a safe haven with their partners to share burdens and feel lighter. I can't be your safe haven because your addiction comes first.

You choose to smoke away problems instead of discussing them, assuming I wouldn't understand. But how can you know if you don't try sharing them with me?

You're not a bad person; you're just a wanderer lost in the labyrinth of the mind, seeking a place yet to be found.

You're a paradox who doesn't want to lose me, yet is unable to fully love.

[absurdthirst]

Im writing this to you because I don’t really know who else to talk this out with. I just wanted to know if I’m over reacting or not. I recently had a garage sale and this man comes over and looks at stuff and acts interested in something and he never buys anything so I’m expecting him leave but he stays and starts making conversation asking me all types of questions like: are you single? Do you have a husband/boyfriend? How old are you? (I’m 22). Do you like going out? Asking questions of if I live at the house I’m doing the garage sale at (which yes it is) asking who the person that lives across the street is (which is a family member) and things like that. He eventually asked if I was on Facebook and I lied and told him no and he finally went away. My reaction to all of this was just being uncomfortable and just wanting him to leave. It was just me and him outside and there was no one to really save me from the situation. I was trying to rationalize that maybe he was just asking questions because he lives on my block and is staying with one of my neighbors and is probably asking things because he’s curious about his neighbors. Or is he trying to get to know me and hit on me? He was older like 30 or mid 30’s because when I told him my age he said I “was still young”. And I just feel conflicted because I was uncomfortable while he was talking to me but also I’m questioning wether I should like the attention since I kind of crave male attention. Am I supposed to like all male attention if I want male attention? He wasn’t exactly giving off bad vibes but I wanted him to leave me alone anyways. Are my feelings valid? Or am I overthinking?

So IMMEDIATELY my mind went to the man asking questions because he wants to perhaps find an easy target to rob. He's asking if there are extra people in the house, if you are close to your neighbors. Things like that throw up a red flag when someone knows where I live. I'm not saying that is what he was doing, but when someone asks you things like that - lie. Make sure it seems like your house would be the worst house to break into and try to rob.

Second, just because you want male attention doesn't mean you want all male attention. That's implying that you have no choice in the matter and whoever comes up to you gets a turn. You aren't the village bicycle and have the right to choose what kind of attention you seek. The man may have been horrible at flirting, or he might have just not been your type. That's okay to not want him to keep talking to you.

Cut the conversation short, you don't owe this man a damn thing and it doesn't matter if he buys something from your garage sale or not. If you don't want to talk to him, or answer his questions, don't. Your feelings are valid in this and I think perhaps warning bells where going off. Some strange man comes up and asks me questions like that, I'm going to be wary too. It doesn't sound like a friendly 'I'm new in the neighborhood conversation' - he was gathering information on you

[guessimwritingficsagain]

To be seen, part Six

Warnings : sex.

Author's note : Okay so this might take longer than seven chapters.

The movie about the Pope freaking out is Habemus Papam (We have a Pope, in English). I love that movie.

Chapter One ; Chapter Two ; Chapter Three ; Chapter Four ; Chapter Five

-------------

You turned on the lights, nerves aflame. When you closed the door, you were gently pushed back against it, Frankie’s hands cupping your face to give you a soft kiss, and then another. His hands went on your neck, travelled down your shoulders and then on the curve of your breasts. His mouth followed every time, and stopped for a while to mouth at your nipples through the fabric of your dress as his hands caressed your stomach. He was crouching, the position clearly uncomfortable but he kept going until he was on his knees right in front of you. He looked up for a second. You couldn’t breathe.

You said his name with a broken voice, and he smiled :

‘I got you.’

And nuzzled tenderly in between your thighs, his hands up and down your legs, that dress still a barrier between your skin and his.

You were going to die.

‘Bed’ you croaked.

But Frankie didn’t get up, and started lifting your dress, touching your skin as he went. A man on a mission. He didn’t bother to remove your underwear, moving it aside with a deft finger. He put his mouth on you, then, and you,

You were gone.

Then he put a first finger, then a second, into you and suddenly you never ever wanted to leave this moment. He wasn’t moving his fingers, but that was enough. You eyes were closed, but the thought of him on in knees in front of you, two fingers inside yours, filling you, as he was eating you out was enough to make you come.

You slumped against the door as he got up, put his forehead against yours as you said :

‘Bed, now.’

He wasn’t moving, so you put a hand on his hard cock and emphasized :

‘Bed, now.’

———

He took his time undressing you, even though you were only wearing a dress and your panties. He took his time looking at you, too. He was still really dressed, so you whined his name.

‘Yeah ?’ Was the answer, as his hands traveled along the inside of your naked legs. When he got to your core, he put a finger inside, again, and licked again. Just one stroke. You felt like crying. Thankfully, he started undressing. He wasn’t putting on a show but if felt like one, so you tried and closed your legs to relieve the raw tension you were feeling but he nudged your legs apart in an instant.

You grabbed from a condom in your nightstand and breathed a sigh of relief when you saw the one you took wasn’t outdated. It’d been a while. Frankie snatched it from your hands and put it on. He leaned over you, then, and, hands on your shoulders, ready, he said, voice wavering :

‘I’m gonna need to know you really want this.’

You hooked your legs around his body and an answer, and though he got the message, he took his time entering you too.

You’d known, by now, where he liked to kiss and lick - the wrist, the neck … As it turned out, he liked doing that everywhere the skin was soft and sensitive. That’s how you found out that him licking your nipples turned you on, but his tongue pressing right at the junction of your breast and your ribcage set you on fire. It was at that moment too that you learned Frankie loved being praised, his grunts almost turning to whines when you mumbled about how good he was, your mouth pressed to his ear.

Time lost all meaning, allowing you to discover a new Frankie.

Sexual intimacy is very different from other types of intimacy, you’d always thought. Even though you figured Frankie didn’t hug Santi the same way he hugged you, you knew Pope knew the warmth of Frankie’s body against him. The faces and the noises Frankie were making now, though, were all yours.

You’d allowed yourself to be called Frankie’s girl even before anything happened, but now, as he came with his teeth grazing the skin of your neck and then licking, you allowed yourself to acknowledge that this moment was yours. Yours only.

After a second mind-blowing orgasm and a trip to the bathroom - peeing after this is mandatory, Francisco - you found him, standing still, in the bed, fingers tapping on his thigh, muscles tense, almost ready to jump at any sudden movement.

‘What is it, Frankie ?’ You asked, approaching slowly, but not quite touching the bed. When you found his eyes, though, you joined him without any hesitation. They were wild with desperation and fear. A hand on his arm to try to ground him, bring him back to you, you repeated the question.

‘Can we take this slow ?’ He asked, with a small voice.

He quickly added, as if he were afraid you’d get offended.

‘It’s not you I’m not sure about. It’s me. And with my baby girl, and all of the thing’s I’ve done and …’

You kissed his cheek, then.

Frankie Morales was in your bed, a man who’d been touching you way more than was appropriate for friends to touch each other and still a bit too much for a couple in public, and he was suddenly asking you to go slow. You looked at his face, put a thumb against his jaw and your mouth on his ear and whispered :

‘Of course.’

Because he’d just thrown his daughter into the mix. It wasn’t just him grabbing you in public until it made even Santi uncomfortable. It was a next step to take. And truth be told, you weren’t quite sure you were ready yourself.

———

Slow, for Frankie, meant late night talks, serious talks. You’d be lying in bed, letting your body melt into the mattress after sex when he’d pop a question that would lead to an hour of talking.

Because Frankie planned everything. In bed, he always surprised you, trying new things which you’d first thought were spur-of-the-moment ideas, but realized quickly were actually things he’d given a lot of thoughts beforehand. And, to be honest ? It made you quite hot under the collar to picture Frankie, stroking his cock, in his bed - bed you’d yet to see - deeply thinking about what he wanted to do with you and to you. You found that out a few weeks after your first date, when you shyly mentioned a man had never pushed you against a door and gotten on his knees to eat you out before.

‘Yeah, well, I wasn’t planning on you inviting me in, but I thought about what I would do if you did. And I really wanted to do that.’

‘Eat me out ?’

He hummed, and, after a beat, added :

‘Get on my knees for you, too.’

He said that casually, like it was not one of the hottest things anyone had ever said to you, like he didn’t just admit it was something he’d thought about before the date. The whole thing turned you on so much you left the bed in a hurry, urging him to get up so you could repay him in kind.

Just like with sex, Frankie planned everything. And just like with sex, he always made sure you were on board. You came to understand he had a plan for every step he planned on taking with you. You let him. You let him ask questions.

Things were good.

Everyone knows what comes after that sentence when a tale is told. And this tale was no exception.

The first one, you’d been expecting : you didn’t know why Linda had come here. She told you one grey evening, as you were helping her cook, her kitchen smelling of garlic and spices.

‘I never made it to City Hall.’ She suddenly said.

You turned toward her, wondering if you’d missed a part of the conversation. You’d been worried, lately, as Frankie didn’t seem quite like himself, and that made you distracted.

’Come again ?’

She took a deep breath.

‘I wasn’t exactly honest with you, and I don’t know why I never mentioned it, but I dated someone for a while. It was serious. Like, you know, you and me used to be.’

You kept cooking, just to keep your hands busy, and hummed to show her you’d heard her.

‘But it wasn’t like you and me. You and me were always on the same page, remember ? It’s not that I fought with her a lot. It’s just that we didn’t want the same things in life. And well, you know how I feel about marriage, right ? But she kept nagging.’

She stopped pretending she was focused on cooking, at that point, and turned to you. You did the same.

‘Hey, let’s drink something.’ You offered.

Linda nodded. As you went to the fridge to get whatever she had - you saw a bottle of your favorite one but chose hers instead, feeling she’d need it - she went on :

‘So, one night, we kinda … compromised. She said yes to a thing I wanted, and I said yes to a thing she wanted.’

‘What was it that you wanted ?’ You inquired, curious, as you poured the wine.

‘A kid.’

That made you freeze. Linda had never wanted kids. She saw the look on your face and explained :

‘I never lied to you about that. I didn’t want kids either when I was with you, but a couple of years after we broke up, I had a change of heart about that. Actually tried on my own until I met Jodie. But she didn’t want kids.’

Relieved, you nodded, before the implications of what she’d said kicked in :

‘So wait, you agreed to the wedding and she …’

‘She agreed to the kid.’

Well, that was fucked up. Linda knew it, apparently, because she went on :

‘That should have been a red flag on its own, but we went for it. Obviously, it takes way less time to get an appointment to City Hall than it does to have a kid, no matter what kind of path you choose. So it’s wedding day, and I’m ready. I think I am. And then my sister shows up.’

You took a second there to remember Kara, who’d gotten you a dildo on your birthday because I know you girls will have fun with it, all in front of friends and family. She was just like that : she put you in the spotlight, in awkward positions, just enough to make you uncomfortable at the moment, but never enough not to think back with fondness (and it was a great gift, as a matter of fact you still had it, and used it). Kara always spoke her mind. Somehow, you had an idea where this was going.

‘Kara told me not to do it. We argued a lot, that day, and you know how ugly things can get when we do that. But in the end … she was right. But instead of telling Jodie that, I just … I ran. I went back to our place, took some stuff of mine, and left.’

You took your time to process that piece of information, because it was very unlike Linda to avoid honest discussions and confrontations. In answering, you settled with :

‘Why are you telling me this now ?’

‘Because she’s never stopped looking for me, and she finally found me. She’s here.’

Well, fuck.

On the one hand, you didn’t want Linda to have to go through any shit. On the other hand, you felt that the poor lady deserved an explanation.

‘Have you seen her ?’

‘No, but I’ve been told. I don’t know what to do. I owe her … I just …’

You sipped your wine as you thought about it.

‘She knows about me ?’

The grimace on her face was all the answer you needed. Yes and not a fan.

‘Meet her at the bar, on a Thursday night. It’s not too crowded, but Anna will be here with me. She can step in if you need her to. But you need to talk to that woman, Linda.’

‘I know.’

You refilled the two glasses, and then, as an afterthought, you pondered out loud :

‘So, you are Javier Peña.’

She shoved you playfully at that.

‘You’re such a nerd.’

‘Hey, you’ve seen that show too.’

‘Yeah, because you made me.’

———

This had been big information enough to swallow, and Linda’s despair was so obvious you couldn’t help but feel like you needed to be there for her and empathize with her, but apparently it was the goddamn season of couples (or former ones) with problems because two days later, James was on your doorstep, luggage in hand, and the only thing he said when you opened the door was :

‘Jessie’s fucking scumbag of a boyfriend is hitting her.’

You didn’t know what to do then, because you’d just opened a text from Pope that explained why you’d seen less of Frankie those days and your brain was foggy and you had no idea what to do with yourself because it was all in all too much. You let James in and asked :

‘How do you know ?’

And then

‘What are we going to do ?’

But your mind kept rereading that text, even though you had to push it aside because if James was right then you needed to focus on Jessie.

The answer to those questions were thankfully quite easy.

How do you know ?

‘She told me.’

What are we going to do ?

‘Beat the shit out of him.’

You both knew it wasn’t that simple, but you knew it’d end up that way, since the only solution you had in mind was to talk to Will - sweet Will who’d never hurt a fly except he had done way worse than hurt a fly in his life, and would not hesitate to destroy Jessie’s boyfriend.

With all of that, you felt like you were drowning, because your friends were hurting and you didn’t know what to do to help, but also because you had ti learn from Santi something Frankie never said.

Somehow (you repeated it to yourself in Poe Dameron’s voice to try and laugh at it even if it didn’t work) Frankie’s ex had returned.

--------

Taglist :

I'm tagging @pedritobalmando because I don't remember if she just wants to be tagged on Delightful or on everything but y'all, don't be shy : if you want to be tagged, just ask. Also, I might have forgotten people. I apologize : I'm working 50 hours this week, and I'm tired.

[haywitchhay]

Long post warning:

This is elaborating on the strange feeling or what I was calling "pokes" from my last post. I spent a few weeks, idk maybe 3, ignoring the feeling and eliminating all mundane possibilities before jumping into thinking it was a spirit trying to get my attention. I finally started the give in that this may be spirit so this morning, since I had some time, I set out to find some answers. I cleansed my space and cast a circle. Then I asked my *unnasigned/ community* pendulum if this indeed was a spirit trying to get my attention. The answer was yes. I continued as follows:

Is this one of my spirits? -no

Does this spirit wish me any harm or ill intent?- no

Is this spirit capable of communicating telepathically? Yes

Is this spirit honest and trustworthy? Yes

Should I approach with caution anyway? Yes *I ask this question as a red flag trigger question cuz ill always approach with caution when I dont know them and if the pendulum says no then i assume they are a tricky type of spirit*

From here I was finished with the pendulum. I reached out with my mind for my spirits, F, Iz, P and E to be sure they would have my back just in case. The response came from F "we are here hun. Never far away. E is still outside but ready to come at a moments notice. We will help you if you need." I'm so grateful for them ❤

So I begin to meditate and invite spirit to say something. Let them know that im here to listen. Eventually I get that weird feeling in the back of my skull that I get when having a telepathic conversation, so I say "hello, im *your favorite witchy cowgirl* how can I help you?"

.... hello.. my name is *R*, I have another but it doesnt translate..

"Ok *R*, nice to meet you, what can I do for you? I'm sorry it took so long to contact you"

.. its about time I was waiting forever..

"I'm sorry, I had to be sure and then i also have to keep my practice secret so i had to wait for the right time to attempt this."

... i understand..i was just curious. I was wandering around and noticed your energy and that there were other spirits here. I wanted to learn more..

"Oh yes, those are my companions."

..companions?..

"Yeah, im what some call a 'spirit keeper'. It isn't what is sounds like though, they are here of their own free will and are free to leave if they ever choose to without any hard feelings. I may be sad or miss them but they are their own beings and get to decide things for themselves. They are in my 'keep' because they choose to be and I do my best to take care of them. I give them offerings and spend time with them, as a group as well as individually."

...interesting. ive never known much of companionship. I was exiled from my realm for being a vigilante.. have been a nomad since..

"Sorta like batman?"

..i dont know who that is but I did crimes in the name of justice..

"So would you say you're somewhat chaotic but in a good way?"

... yes I like to cause mayhem but not for no reason.. ive been on many adventures..

"Very interesting. What are you, if I may ask?"

.. i am a lowland elf. My kind is much taller than yours. I have long dark hair, pale skin and my eyes are the color of grass..

"You sound beautiful. What about me caught your attention?"

.. your energy is different.. not like most of the other humans ive passed by.

"Different in a good way i hope"

.. yes not bad..

"Were you interested in companionship?"

...maybe.. i would probably want to roam as i have for so long. But its been a long time since I had a home..

"Well you seem nice. You're welcome to visit whenever you want so long as you don't disturb anyone."

.. thats very kind..

"What are things you like or like to do?"

.. i like justice and dark colored rocks. Or crystals that bring out the truth. The truth is the pinnacle of justice. I also like to forage, since my exile foraging has been my only way of survival...

"Thats cool. Ive been really interested in foraging for a long time. But im afraid that if I have nothing to give back I will upset the plant spirits."

.. you dont have to leave something for every thing you take, unless maybe in a sacred area. As long as you don't take all of something and you give thanks and respect they will not be upset. They know its their purpose and their part in the circle of life. Things live and die so that others can live and die. Give when you can and don't be greedy...

"That really inspires me to go out and forage more!"

.. great.

"Take some time to think about companionship. If you want a home and a place to come back to when you're done with an adventure dont be afraid to say so. Im pretty open to telepathy but if im out doing something you might have to get really loud to get my attention. We can bind our energies together so you'll always know where to find me. I will make you a place among the others where you can commune with us and rest, if you so choose."

..thank you. I will consider. Im not to sure I would want to be in one place for so long but I do get tired of being lonely and my work unappreciated...

"Well like I said you can do as you please. And around here we love a good vigilante. It'll be nice having someone to help me bring justice to those that try to wrong me."

*at this point my dog starts whining to go outside*

"I have to go now to take care of my animals. I appreciate talking with you and you being patient. I hope to talk to you again sometime soon."

.. likewise, farewell...

With that i closed my circle and started my morning choring. The *pokes* have ceased now so I know that wasn't in my head lol! I do hope he comes back. I get the impression that even though he's a tough vigilante that under that hes very kind and soft.

[yodawgiherd]

Red flag pt.3

>>>Read on AO3<<<

Soon brothers.

Just not yet.  :D

In the following week, Mikasa learned more about sex than she ever did before. While the internet itself was a fickle teacher, giving facts and hundred and more opinions from anonymous users, Eren was an endless well of knowledge. It was her who asked first too, he didn’t even try to talk about it before Mikasa brought it up. And how could she help herself, with such an insane bomb being dropped on her!

First things first – she googled the name of the agency he worked at, just to be sure that he was not bulshitting her, but everything he said seemed to be true. The website was there, displaying the “ wide variety of services done by long-term professionals”. Although Eren’s name was not there, he told her that he is listed as Master E, a thing she immediately questioned. Over messenger, of course.

Master E? Damn that’s lame.

You wound me :(

I mean seriously, couldn’t you be something cooler?

Such as?

I don’t know! Master Evil. Dungeon Master. Lord of the Night?

Yea, I’m sure that dungeon master would be turning heads

….. Orgasminator?

Mikasa pls

Lord horsecock

Stoooooop I beg you!

Fine fine, you’re just jealous I’m that much better at naming than you

Sure am.

When he didn’t continue, Mikasa took the initiative.

Sooooooooooo, gonna tell me where the Master E came from?

Simple. Annie wanted to be Mistress A so I just latched onto her vibe

Uh-hu. So you are just that much unoriginal

:( sadly

Just imagining Eren pouting at his phone made Mikasa’s evening that much brighter. She wanted to see more of it.

Latching on Annie, you do that a lot don’t you?

Why is that?

Well, she’s the one who introduced you to this whole thing and even today she is the best at your agency, most advertised one too. Playing catch up your whole life? Maaaaaaster E? :P

Hey, it’s not my fault that men are bigger pervs than women.

Excuses

To be honest, I don’t mind being behind Annie, she’s good at this. Also, don’t tell her this, but she scares me sometimes

Scares you how :O

Annie can be really brutal when she gets into it. Nothing the clients don’t ask for, mind you, but still. If you’d see her victims….. the wounds……

Mikasa’s breath caught in her throat.

Are you serious?

I don’t know…. Am I?

Dork.

She frowned at her phone, but still looked when the answer pinged in.

I am partly serious though. She can be a nightmare, sometimes I feel like she’s on a one-woman crusade against the male population. And she’s getting paid for it too!

She sounds like a hell of a woman.

You bet :)

Master E also had several scenes online, to be bought and watched, and a few times Mikasa almost clicked the button and spent her hard-earned cash on kinky porn. It was the promise of a live show that stopped her from doing so. She didn’t know if she’s going to go yet but buying a video of something she could watch happening in real time was a waste of money. No, she wouldn’t spoil that surprise.

She learned much anyway, way too much even, things that made her blush and hide her face, things that made her quickly hide her phone. In moments like these, she was grateful that the communication was being done over the internet, as Eren was way too intense of a person to be talked about this face to face. Here, hidden behind her screen, she could pester him for ages, joking and making fun of whatever he gave her. And, during these conversations, she learned another important thing.

For a guy who was more or less a professional perv, Eren used a lot of emojis in his messages.

It caught her off guard, how normal and easy to talk to he was. She didn’t think that he was a monster or something, but Eren was right when he said that her opinion of him changed fundamentally once she found out about his job. Mikasa found herself texting to him, a lot, and he texted back, snapped photos until she started doing it too, and overall just had a great time. Levi was giving her sidelong glares when he kept catching her while she stared at her phone, grinning like a maniac, but she simply ignored him. How was she supposed to not laugh when Eren just sent her a photo of his cup from a coffee shop with a crying emoji. Apparently, they spelled his name wrong again and kept calling him Aaron.

What’s the most common thing they ask you to do?

She half hid her face in the pillow, already dreading the answer. The three dots that appeared in the corner indicated that he was typing an answer, and soon enough there was a ping.

I feel like I’ll disappoint you here.

Most of my clients are easily satisfied  - basic bondage/dominance stuff works wonders

They could do that with literally anyone else

Like their boyfriends and stuff

Mikasa frowned, typing an answer.

Why don’t they then?

Ping

Sometimes it’s the professionalism I bring to the table, and then I understand them.

But often it's just a lack of communication

You’d be surprised how many things can be solved if two parties talk to each other.

I usually advise it too, tell them that they could be doing this with someone they love and not me

You undermine your own clientele like this? Mikasa wrote Why would you do that?

A few dollars ain't worth if they could be happier. Then again, not every one of them takes my advice, it's difficult to open up about things like these.

That gave Mikasa a perfect chance to poke at him.

Not for you, apparently :p

Ping

:D true, but I work in the business

The range of things they discussed was wide. Save for her past, which she did not want to talk about, and made it crystal clear too, Mikasa shared a lot. She told him all about her brother and the gym, sent him snaps from her workouts and then typed back angry emojis when he called her sweaty tryhard. His overall ignorance towards something that was a big part of her life did raise a question. Grabbing her phone more firmly, she quickly typed it out.

Haven’t you thought about doing any martial art yourself?

You deff got the figure for it.

A ping later there was an answer.

Bold of you to say that when you never saw me shirtless :P

But nah

I’m a lover, not a fighter

Plus, you’re just trying to recruit me to your gym, aren’t you?

Levi promised you a bonus?

Spill your beans, Ackerman

Damn spammer. Yet Mikasa was smiling again, which made Levi, who just happened to be passing by, groan.

“Don’t you have a client coming?”, he asked.

She shook her head.

“In an hour, I’ve got plenty of time to get cleaned up.”, she made a gesture with her hand, “Now shoo, I’m having a conversation.”

“With Sasha?”

“Huh?”, she looked up, puzzled, “Why would it be Sasha?”

“Cause I never saw you smiling this much before.”

One week turned to two, and suddenly the day of Eren’s show was here. He remained true to his word, never bringing that event up, keeping it completely in her hands, if she wanted to show up or not. Mikasa was uncertain. The mystery pulled her in, she wanted to see these things for herself. Watching it on the internet is one thing, but live show….

All the stories Eren told her only fueled such a flame. He always omitted names and such, for the discretion of his clients, but he didn’t hold back on the details. To be fair, Mikasa did ask for those.

Sasha wasn’t much help in her decision process either, because Mikasa didn’t want to share all the details about Eren yet. She told her friend that the guy from the bar invited her to a strange-looking place, and wanted to know if she should go.

“Did you two fuck?”

Mikasa frowned, realizing that Sasha can’t see her over the phone.

“No Sash, we didn’t. He’s a friend.”

“Oh, okay.”, there was a crack on the other side as she probably munched on another potato chip, “And is he a friend-friend, or friend-you-would-like-to-fuck?”

“Why is that the question?”

Sasha giggled.

“Dunno just wanted to ask.”

“You’re not helping at all….”

“Because it's easy! You either trust that guy and go or don’t trust him, block his number and never see him again. Boom, solved!”

If only it was so simple.

Yet when the day rolled around, Mikasa woke up with a decision in her mind. She’s going to go there. Eren was a great friend, and she was curious about this whole thing. She will be masked, anonymous, and if there is something she won’t like, the door will be there. This raised another question, however, of what does one wear to a BDSM club.

Mikasa, in her vanilla life, did not feel the need to buy anything made of leather or latex and wasn’t about to start now. There was one pair of leather paints she used to own until one day a completely random guy on the street told her that her ass looks really good in them. Mikasa threw those pants right out that evening. Public exposure was something she was NOT looking for. So, she had a small variety to choose from anyway. Mostly jeans, one or two skirts and a single dress that she wore to prom and that probably wouldn’t fit her anymore. Standing in front of the wardrobe, she contemplated calling Sasha again but ultimately decided against it. Mikasa Ackerman is a grown woman. She can choose her own clothes, damn it.

In the end, it was just a simple shirt and jeans combo. She reasoned that it added to her secretiveness, as anyone could wear what she was wearing. Satisfied with her completely basic appearance, she headed for the door, grabbing the keys and popping her head into the kitchen.

“I’m heading out.”, she announced, “Borrowing the car too.”

“Oh? And you tell me now?”, Levi tsked, shaking his head, “Damn brat, you really have no manners. When will you be back?”

“Later, maybe tomorrow. Don’t wait up.”

The words were already forming in Levi’s mouth, but Mikasa spoke faster.

“I’m an adult, so please. Just don’t.”

And, to her surprise, he didn’t.

“Fine. But if there is even a single scratch on the car, I’m taking it out of your paycheck.”

“That’s fair. I’ll see you later then.”

“Later.”, he was already half-turned back towards the Tv, before he added, “Drive safely.”

And that’s how, an hour and a half later, she was standing in front of a completely unassuming building. The door was just like any other, with a small sign and everything, not strange in the slightest. The security guard might have been a bit of a giveaway. He was tall, wide and dressed in a tailored suit that fit him perfectly. When Mikasa approached, he sized her up and down.

“I’m afraid that this is a members only club.”, he spoke in low barytone, “Do you have a card?”

“I uhh... I was told that I can come in. I’m a friend of Eren, my name is Mi-…”

The guard raised a hand before she could finish.

“No names, please. We pride ourselves on anonymity.”

Seeing Mikasa nod, he continued.

“Mr. Yeager did tell me that someone might be coming and that I should let them straight in. So I will do just that.”, he stepped aside, “Once you enter, the masks will be to your right, and after choosing one please don’t forget to return it. Enjoy your stay.”

Mumbling her thanks, Mikasa dipped inside, finding herself in a small room. There were the masks, just as the guard said, and another door that led to the club itself. She could hear muted music coming through. First things first, she stepped closer to the selection, casting an inspecting eye over it. There were several types, all possible shapes and sizes form full hoods to tiny eye-masks. After a bit of healthy consideration, she grabbed a black one that covered the upper half of her face, more than enough to remain anonymous. It was not likely that she would meet anyone that knew her anyway, let’s be honest. Masked, ready as ever, curious and wanting to see more, Mikasa took a deep breath and entered the door, stepping right into Eren’s world.

[rubyleaf]

I may be one of two people who ship this, but I’ll be damned if I let that stop me from producing content anyway. Also a study of Momoya’s character since he’s pretty hard to grasp. Anyway, have fun I guess?

Momoya Natsu has always been most comfortable keeping people at a safe distance.

It’s not that he dislikes people, not particularly. He doesn’t mind shallow company every once in awhile, the kind where you only talk about inconsequential things and part ways having enjoyed the time, but not particularly sad to say goodbye. No, a dislike is really not the issue here.

The problem is just that being around people exhausts him to no end.

Interacting with others, Natsu finds, is always a minefield. One wrong word, one wrong reaction, and someone gets hurt or upset or angry or forms a bad opinion. And all that means conflict, and conflict is stressful. Honest opinions. Honest feelings. Any of them can blow up in his face at the slightest misstep, and the closer the relationship, the bigger the explosion.

So he avoids getting close. He avoids the responsibility, the commitment that comes with close bonds. He avoids showing his true thoughts and emotions. They’re often unpleasant, regularly hurtful, and it’s so much less trouble to hide them behind a mask of politeness, amicability and slight mischief. People find him nice, but nothing more. He’s fading in and out of their lives as he pleases, never tied down but never alone.

And it’s okay, really, except that this masquerade drains him out and leaves his battery at zero after a few hours.

But oh, well. It should still be okay, as long as no one tries to push his boundaries. And if they do, he can still be polite and slip away from their grasp.

Right?

---

Natsu first starts questioning his strategy when he realizes it might not work on Yoshinaga Atsumu.

Slipping away from an acquaintance getting too close is one thing. Escaping from someone who’s in both the same class and the same club as him and insists on following him around like a lost puppy dog, however, is another thing entirely.

Natsu doesn’t know what the guy sees in him. He doesn’t know why he always insists on inviting him places, looking out for him, offering help, seeking him out when he’s skipping, reporting to him about club meetings he missed. Yoshinaga should worry about himself first. Natsu can manage fine on his own.

But he also knows Yoshinaga means well, he does all this because he’s a good kid, and so he remains polite and responds to all his offers with a friendly but distant smile.

A normal person would probably give up after some time. But not Yoshinaga. He doesn’t seem to have any concept of personal space.

Natsu works during club meetings, and Yoshinaga takes notes. Natsu tries to skip, and Yoshinaga finds him. Natsu tries to excuse his way out of club hangouts, found family that they are, and Yoshinaga invites him anyway.

One would really think he’d get the hint at some point. But he doesn’t. He just keeps trying.

“Sorry,” Yoshinaga says after interrupting Natsu and Mika for what feels like the millionth time. How exactly he keeps finding them is a mystery, honestly. “I don’t mean to always, you know... to...”

And yet you do, Natsu thinks irritably, but puts on a smile. “I already told you,” he says, “don’t worry about it. It really is my fault for doing this at school.”

“But—”

“It’s fine,” Natsu repeats. Really, what a pain. His smile remains unwavering. “What do you need me for?”

“The—the meaning of the song.” Yoshinaga looks all eager again, his one uncovered eye sparkling the way it always does when it comes to the club. “The others are trying to figure it out, and—and I thought we should get your opinion too.”

Natsu inclines his head. “What for?”

“Well, you’re part of the club too, aren’t you?”

So straightforward. So shiny-eyed and earnest. Natsu has never been good with enthusiastic people. But even he has to admit there’s something nice about this face. Something... almost endearing, really. Maybe that’s another reason why he’s so lenient with Yoshinaga, because you can’t really be mad at these puppy-dog eyes.

“I am,” he says, choosing his words carefully. “But I don’t have any particular opinions. I’m fine with whatever the others agree on.”

Yoshinaga’s face falls visibly. Natsu struggles to keep up his smile. Making this guy disappointed really does feel a bit like stepping on a puppy’s paw.

“I don’t think you need an interpretation to play well in the first place,” he adds. “At least not one you can put into words.” And besides, he continues in his head, these people should get the rhythm right before they get into the interpretations.

Yoshinaga looks puzzled. “You think so?”

“It’s just my opinion. You don’t have to believe it,” Natsu replies, ducking out through the door. “Anyway, see you.”

Before Yoshinaga can try to stop him, he has slipped away.

---

Some time later the messages start.

Natsu has excused himself from joining the club group chat, but several of his clubmates have his Line ID anyway. Most of them don’t message him much. Sometimes Mizuhara-senpai does, but it’s generally short conversations, all of them club-related.

Yoshinaga, meanwhile, seems determined to make up for the rest of them.

They’re not even invasive messages. They’re generally about the club, telling him what happened at practice, or the newest ideas and decisions, or something about classes and homework. But they’re frequent. Every day, sometimes several times. And it’s honestly getting stressful.

Not that he can say anything. He can’t express such feelings. Be amiable and polite, conceal, don’t feel. He replies to each message dutifully. Generally Yoshinaga is too shy to continue the conversation for long, anyway.

He does use cute stickers, Natsu thinks. And emojis. And his messages are so optimistic it’s almost contagious. Maybe it would be if Yoshinaga didn’t keep on hoping to see the same enthusiasm from him someday.

It’s nice. But it’s definitely too close for comfort. Each person in Natsu’s life has their own space where he’s willing to interact with them. Outside of it he’d rather be left alone. Yoshinaga’s is school. That’s it.

But it’s not like he can tell him that, so he remains friendly and bears the stress in silence.

---

Momoya-kun, I’ve been wondering, where do you even work?

The message makes Natsu freeze up. Too close. Definitely too close. The messages related to club and school, those he could still tolerate. But this is something personal. This, if he gives way to it, will eventually lead to more personal questions. And he doesn’t want that. It gets too close.

Another message pops up, but it doesn’t make it any better. I’m just curious since it keeps you so busy all the time, and I realized I don’t know. I don’t know anything about you.

No. He won’t answer. It may be a simple question. But Yoshinaga’s space is school. He can’t step into the rest of his life. No one can. It’s too much.

So, just once, he leaves him unread. He hates himself for it, but he does. At least for now, until he has figured out what to do about the message.

He’s not surprised to find Yoshinaga approaching him at school the next day, eyeing him with that shy, anxious look. “Um...” he says. “I’m just wondering, but my messages... Did they arrive yesterday?”

Oh, snap. Natsu knew he wouldn’t get away with it. Unless...

“You messaged me?” he replies. “Sorry, I didn’t see. My phone stopped working, I need to get it fixed.”

It sounds like too much of an easy lie, but Yoshinaga buys it. “Really?” he exclaims. “I’m sorry to hear it! If you need anything—”

“Thank you,” Natsu says, smiling. “But don’t worry. I’ll probably have it working again by this evening.”

Now he just needs to figure out what to do about the messages until then.

---

By the evening Natsu still hasn’t figured out what to do. His phone is still off, the messages unread. Maybe he’ll have to lie and claim the fixing will take longer than expected after all.

Instead he goes to play the drums to clear his mind. Here, at least, he is safe. Here he can let loose. Here he can be himself and let out his stress and emotions and doesn’t have to worry about holding back.

And really, today he needs it.

It’s not that he dislikes Yoshinaga, really. He rather likes him. He just needs his space. A lot of space. And he’s afraid of anyone intruding on it. Anyone trying to initiate a closer friendship feels like a red flag to him, a sign to get out and never come back. It’s too much, the pressure, the responsibility.

Can’t he just get away from everything for some time? Withdraw, disappear, until his batteries are recharged and he has any clue what to do?

Finishing his improv session, Natsu takes a deep breath and a gulp of water. His eyes roam over the venue—and freeze.

Standing among the audience is a familiar figure.

Too much. Too close.

Natsu jumps to his feet. He feels like a stranger walked into his room unbidden, like someone read his diary. This is his safe zone, his private space. Nobody he knows can set a foot here unless he invites them himself.

“You,” he says, forgetting to smile, forgetting his politeness. “What are you doing here?”

Yoshinaga blinks at him, clearly startled by his mood. “I was just passing by,” he says. “And then I heard the drumming and got curious... Should I not have come here?”

Too much. Too much.

“You shouldn’t,” says Natsu, backing away. “You shouldn’t follow me around at all! What are you, a lost puppy?” Yoshinaga flinches, but Natsu’s walls have already cracked; there’s no stopping the next words. “Just stop being clingy and leave me alone!”

Yoshinaga backs away. “I didn’t know it was you,” he stammers. “Honest! Your drumming was just really good and—”

“Get out.”

Yoshinaga pales.

“Get out,” Natsu repeats. “And don’t ever try to follow me around again.”

There’s a beat of silence. Then tears well up in Yoshinaga’s eyes, and he turns around and runs out through the door.

Little by little common sense returns to Natsu’s brain.

What has he done?

Is he an idiot?

He has been trying to hold back for so long, and now this?

Isn’t this situation the very thing he has always been trying to avoid?

“Yoshinaga!” he calls, running after him. “Wait!”

His feet carry him outside. He looks right and left. No trace of Yoshinaga.

“Yoshinaga?” he calls again, but there’s no answer.

“I’m sorry,” he says. By now his voice is quiet. The sound is swallowed up by the rush of the passing cars.

He is alone.

---

Yoshinaga doesn’t look at him the entire next day. Natsu tries to catch his gaze several times but is only met with brown eyes fixing on the textbooks or the board or the lunchbox. He doesn’t look angry, just sad. Hurt. Somehow that’s worse.

Natsu wants to say something, but he doesn’t know what. An apology, probably. A proper one. He’s not much good with those. It’ll require sincerity. Being open about something he’s always hated talking about.

The day passes. They don’t talk between classes or during lunch break. After school Natsu meets with Mika in the staircase again. His heart and mind aren’t in it. He always keeps hoping for a head of dark hair to show up around the corner, asking him to go to club.

In the end he gives up. “Sorry,” he tells Mika. “I’m not in the mood today. I’ll make it up to you, promise.”

His feet carry him to the club room. Outside the door he stops. Hesitates.

There’s music coming from inside. It has improved a lot since he last heard it. Instinctively Natsu tries to tell who’s playing which parts. He finds he can’t remember.

That’s right, I never really fit in here.

The music stops. “Much better,” Akira-sensei tells the group. “Mizuhara-kun, you’ve improved again.”

“Yay!” That’s Mizuhara-senpai’s voice. “It’s because I’m playing with Yoshiyan. He’s really easy to match with!”

Natsu holds his breath.

“R-Really?” Yoshinaga stutters out. “Um... thank you!”

“It’s because Yoshinaga-kun looks out for others so much,” says Kurusu-senpai. “It makes playing with him really easy!”

Natsu doesn’t wait around. He turns on his heels and flees the place. Where to, he doesn’t know. Just out of this school. Away from everything.

He ends up in a playground, empty at this hour. Closing his eyes, he sits on the swing. Time passes around him. The world stands still.

What’s Yoshinaga thinking, trying to reach out to him? He’s already part of their family. He has enough people around him. There’s no need to include Natsu. They’d both be happier if they left each other alone.

But at the same time he misses him. A lot more than he’d expect.

Does he want him around? Does he not?

The rustle of footsteps snaps him out of his thoughts. He turns around.

His eyes meet with a familiar dark one.

Yoshinaga freezes, then turns around on his heel. In a hurry he scrambles back between the trees, towards the road. Natsu winces. Don’t ever try to follow me around again. This is his fault.

“Yoshinaga,” he calls as he runs after him. “Wait.”

He doesn’t answer. He keeps on running.

Natsu takes a deep breath. What he’s about to do frightens even himself.

“Atsumu!”

Yoshinaga stops.

With a few quick strides Natsu is beside him, feeling strangely exposed. He doesn’t like this. He wants to leave.

He stands his ground.

“I’m sorry about yesterday,” he says, completely sincerely. “I didn’t mean what I said.”

Yoshinaga lifts his hands, backing away. “No, it’s fine—”

“You just startled me,” Natsu continues. “And I was having a bad day and then I lost my self-control. Sorry you had to take the brunt of that.”

“It’s really okay.”

Natsu meets Yoshinaga’s gaze and finds him smiling. “You know,” he says, “I never understood what you were thinking. But yesterday, for the first time, I felt like you were being honest with me.”

Natsu is speechless. Something unnamed stirs in his chest.

“But I hurt you,” he manages out at last. “I made you cry.”

Yoshinaga shakes his head. “It’s not the end of the world,” he says. “I’m just glad you told me the truth!”

A burden falls of Natsu’s shoulders, a burden that he never knew was there in the first place.

It’s okay if he’s honest, Yoshinaga tells him. It’s okay to express his thoughts and emotions. Even the ones that can hurt.

Should he...?

“Let’s sit down,” he says, smiling again, a little more genuine than before. “I think I owe you an explanation.”

---

Atsumu, he thinks as he sits down in his room that night, feeling calmer than he has in weeks. He picks up his phone. The messages are still unread.

It’s ironic, really. They’ve had this entire conversation, and Yoshinaga—no, Atsumu has agreed to be more careful with Natsu’s personal space. He asked him to tell him whenever he oversteps a boundary and everything, and suddenly Natsu doesn’t feel so stressed over him reaching out anymore. Suddenly he doesn’t mind having him in his life a bit more. Even outside of school.

So he types a response. Atsumu replies almost at once. Natsu keeps the conversation going. He doesn’t know why. He just feels like it.

Maybe it’s because he suddenly feels a lot safer.

Atsumu.

Natsu smiles.

Maybe letting someone a bit closer doesn’t always have to be bad. He just needed to find the right person first.

[alpha-centari27]

The Thoughts and Reflections of Someone New to Reylo and the Star Wars Sequel Trilogy

This is a really, really long post and contains spoilers.

Please be polite and respectful if you choose to comment and / or reblog.

Ok, so before I get too heavy discussing my thoughts and reflections there are a few things I want to make absolutely clear.

- People can ship whoever they want.  And it is perfectly fine for people to disagree and have differing tastes and opinions.  Obviously some ships are better supported by canon than others.  And there are shipping relationships that are toxic, but people ship it anyway.  I think a great non-Star Wars example is Harley Quinn and Joker. 

- I have delved deep enough into the reylo tag and other related tags to get the sense that anti-reylo are claiming a moral high ground.  “As a ship reylo is wrong and therefore anyone who ships reylo is a horrible person.”  And my simple rebuttal to this is--no, that’s not how this works.  If someone ships reylo this by itself is not sufficient evidence that someone is a horrible person.

- Based on everything I have read about TROS Ben Solo’s story arc and character development could have been so much more than what it was on screen in TROS.

- Having said that a lot of other characters were short changed by whoever was pulling the strings and making the decisions: Rose Tico, Poe Dameron, Finn and Rey and arguably Leia, Luke and Han were short changed by some of the decisions made in TROS and earlier in TLJ and TFA.

- Being part of a fandom should be fun, so can we all agree to chill out, relax and be civil?

Moving on...now that hopefully I have cleared up any preconceived assumptions.

I am relatively new to reylo and the sequel trilogies.

The first time I watched The Force Awakens and The Last Jedi was only a few weeks ago.  Some of the cable channels have been doing Star Wars marathons to get people pumped and nostalgic to pay for a movie ticket to The Rise of Skywalker.

One of the cable channels was doing yet another Star Wars marathon last night, so I again sat down to watch The Force Awakens and The Last Jedi, but this time I watched the films with more awareness of the various critiques, criticisms and elements that have been deemed problematic.

I also went to the trouble of jotting down some notes.

This post is kinda all over the place, but I am going to go over my notes and observations and a main topic I want to look at is:

How Rey’s relationships and interactions with Finn and Kylo Ren differ and what sort of implications does this have.

Since stepping my toe into the reylo tags and other related tags I have NOT been able to fully articulate where I stand on whether reylo is toxic, Kylo Ren / Ben Solo is abusive, whether Kylo Ren / Ben Solo is worthy of redemption and to what degree Kylo / Ben being abused and manipulated excuses his actions.

I have to confess that the more parallels and similarities I see between Kylo Ren and Anakin / Darth Vader the more uneasy I feel about shipping reylo.

Regardless of my opinion people are free to do what they want.  If shipping reylo makes you happy, who am I too badger you into doing otherwise?

Me, writing out this long post is an attempt to flush out my thoughts at the present.

Watching the movies again I was struck by how different Rey’s interactions were with Finn and Kylo Ren.  There is a sequence in The Force Awakens between Rey and Finn that reminds me of the throne room sequence between Kylo Ren and Rey when Kylo offers his hand and asks her to rule beside him.  ((Please pardon me for paraphrasing and not having all the lines of dialogue memorized.))

Rey and Finn

At Maz’s place when Han, Rey and Finn are trying to arrange transport for BB8 to the resistance and / or get another ship to avoid detection by the First Order.

Maz looks into Finn’s eyes and remarks that he looks like someone who wants to run away.  Maz tells Finn that there is a way out.  That there are some beings that will arrange transit to the outer rim and exchange for work.

Finn approaches the beings and tells them not to leave without him.

Rey is frustrated by this.  How can he just leave?  What about BB8?  What about the resistance?  I believe this is when Finn comes clean that he is not actually with the resistance.  That he is a stormtrooper and he is not going back to the First Order and wants to stay as far away from them as possible.

Finn asks Rey to come with him.  To join him.  Rey says no.  And I believe Finn tells Rey to take care of herself.

There are no hurt feelings on Finn’s part.  He doesn’t try to persuade or manipulate her to change her mind.  He simply wishes that she takes care of herself.

Here are a few other bullet point items I want to highlight.

- Kylo Ren force pushing Rey into a tree and Finn coming to her aid and kneeling beside her reminds me of Anakin choking out Padme on Mustafar and Obi-Wan Kenobi going to Padme.

- Finn’s main motivation for going to Starkiller base was to rescue Rey.

- Rey clutches & hugs an unconscious Finn who fought and lost to Kylo Ren.

- After Starkiller base is blown up and Rey, Finn and Chewbacca are in transit.  Rey plants a kiss on Finn’s forehead as he lies unconscious.

- When Finn wakes up in The Last Jedi the first thing he says is, “Where is Rey?“

- Finn’s motivation for trying to get away in an escape pod is basically keep Rey safe.  Finn thinks the fleet is doomed.  If Finn can to an escape pod and reach safety, Rey will be able to find him and she will be safe.

- I want to say that there is another time that Rey hugs Finn.  Maybe this is when Han, Finn and Rey first find each other on Starkiller?

Finn is not a perfect person.  He does lie to Rey about being part of the resistance.  In terms of being an honorable, moral and ethical person I think it is quite clear Finn is a better person than Kylo Ren / Ben Solo.  

But in real life and in fiction people can be attracted to and fall in love with horrible people.  ((I suppose right here my own words are a damning statement against reylo.))

Some observations I made from watching The Last Jedi

- When Kylo Ren and Rey have their first force skype call.  Kylo’s first reaction is confusion.  And his second reaction is to reach out with the force to try to manipulate Rey to bring Luke Skywalker to him.

- When Rey pushes Kylo Ren to explain why he killed his father, Han Solo--I find it curious that Kylo deflects the question and starts talking about Rey’s parents and how they threw her away.  Given the plot twist in TROS this now makes Kylo look like a manipulator and a liar.  In the best case scenario Kylo was telling a version of the truth that is incomplete.  I suppose in a way Kylo does indirectly answer Rey’s question by saying, “Let the past die.  Kill it if you have to.  That’s the only way to become what you are meant to be.“  This could be read as manipulative and an attempt to push Rey to the dark side by killing Luke.

- I’m still not sure what to make of the 2nd force bond scene.  The connection is terminated and Kylo Ren is wiping his face with a gloved hand and we see...water?  Kylo Ren’s tears on his glove?  There is a wave of water crashing against some rocks in front of Rey just before Kylo is seen wiping his face.

- When an unconscious Kylo Ren wakes up in the throne room.  It is just Kylo Ren and Hux.  It’s quick, but it looks like Hux reaches into his coat to draw a weapon and shoot Kylo Ren.

- What did Rey tell Chewbacca to tell Finn?  I’m sure someone knows, but I just need to do some more digging online.

- Kylo Ren vs Luke Skywalker.  Near the very end of the fight Kylo Ren says, “I’ll destroy her [Rey] and you and all of it.“

- Overall I’m just surprised how often Rey is brought to tears throughout these movies.  It’s understandable because of what she is going through and what she has been through.  Someone must have counted how many times Rey cries and how many times it was with X or Y character and what they were talking about. 

Rey and Kylo Ren: The Throne Room

Ok, so let’s sum up the events leading up to Kylo Ren’s proposal.

Rey is brought before Snoke who tortures her for information about Skywalker.

When Snoke gets the information he wants AND it becomes clear that Rey is a true Jedi who will not serve him, Snoke then orders Kylo Ren to kill Rey.

Kylo Ren spares Rey and kills Snoke.

Kylo Ren and Rey fight off the guards together.

Kylo gives his speech about letting old things die.  What stands out to me is Kylo does NOT specifically mention the First Order.  Snoke, Luke Skywalker, the Sith, the Jedi, the resistance all need to die, but not the First Order.

Rey pleads with Ben not to do this.  Not to go down this path.  Which is reminiscent of what Padme said to Anakin on Mustafar.

Kylo / Ben says, “You’re still holding on!  Let go!”  ((Holding onto what exactly?  The resistance?  Hope?  The Jedi path?  The light side of the force?))  And once again Kylo / Ben talks about Rey’s parentage.

“You’re nothing, but not to me.  Please.”  For a while I have interpreted this as Kylo Ren / Ben Solo being honest and blunt to a fault, but seeing and listening to this again in it’s full context this does read as Kylo Ren being manipulative. Breaking Rey down, she comes from nothing, she is nothing, she has no place in this, but hey why don’t you join me and have a seat right next to me on the winning side. 

Final Thoughts:

- At the very least Kylo Ren’s conduct and behavior are red flags.  Regardless of the extent that Kylo Ren was manipulated and abused his behavior and his interactions with Rey in the TFA and TLJ are troubling to say the least.  There does come a point when someone cannot use the excuse of being abused to justify their abusive behavior.  “Ok, so you were abused and learned some bad habits and coping mechanisms, but here is the thing your actions are causing real harm to another person and that is not cool.”  It’s hard and it’s difficult to change those habits and people will slip up on the road to recovery.  I think we also need to recognize the complication that Rey and Kylo Ren are at war on opposite sides. 

- I think there was descent chemistry and a connection between Rey and Finn, but I feel like that gets de-railed at the end of TLJ when Finn is tending to Rose and Rey is interacting with Leia. 

- I think Rey and Finn is a lot less problematic than Rey and Kylo Ren / Ben Solo.  Just compare the throne room scene to the interaction between Finn and Rey at Maz’s place.

- Do I still ship reylo?  Here is how I will answer the question for now.  As flawed as Kylo Ren / Ben Solo is I do like him and find him to be a character I can relate to alongside Rey.  I have not seen TROS in theaters and don’t think I will waste my money going to see it.

I would have LOVED to see a happy ending for Ben Solo instead of a variant of Darth Vader’s redemption and death.  This has already been done, why not do something different?  Isn’t this ending more hopeful?  You know instead of Han, Luke, Leia dying in vain to save Ben. 

I would have LOVED if the people making TROS put more careful thought and consideration into Ben’s story arc and character development.

Fitting with the theme of: finding the balance, not everything is black and white, there are a lot of grey areas / ambiguity, etc.

I would have been fine with some sort of ending where Ben faces some sort of punishment for his crimes and he is neither condemned to death or is completely pardoned without consequences.

I am very curious to know what political scientists and psychologists would say about sentencing someone like Kylo Ren / Ben Solo for war crimes.  In the comics that have been released so far it seems like Ben Solo is much younger when he is turned to the dark side and taken in by the First Order.  I think in TROS it’s revealed that Ben’s current age is 30 and he was 23 when he joined Snoke and the First Order.  At age 23 Ben Solo is considered an adult, he is not a child soldier.  “But he was being manipulated before he was even born.“  I hear you...unfortunately I don’t know how or if that would factor into Ben Solo’s being charged with war crimes.

Right now, I am in favor of ignoring the mess that is TROS and replacing it with fanfiction where Rey and Ben Solo are able to live a health and happy life.  And perhaps some day they will rebuild a new Jedi order that strives to accept and learn from the mistakes of the past.

- Is Kylo Ren / Ben Solo worthy of redemption?  I think in order to answer this question we need to ask, what does it mean to be redeemed?  What does someone have to do in order to be redeemed or atone for their wrong doing? 

I think the short answer is it’s complicated and everyone has different opinions.  Some people are probably of the opinion that Kylo Ren / Ben Solo is beyond redemption.  There is nothing he can do.  He can never do enough to make up for what he has done.

I think the more complicated answer is it’s a long process and not everyone will forgive you--heck maybe no one will forgive you. 

And whether you are punished or not punished is an entirely different matter. 

There are things Kylo Ren / Ben Solo has done that he can never take back.  Kylo Ren cannot bring Han Solo back from the dead or any of the hundreds or thousands of people he has cut down.  The fact Kylo Ren has murdered even one person is probably reason enough in the eyes of some people for why he can never be redeemed.

Kylo Ren / Ben Solo turned toward the light and toward Rey.  In my opinion I think this action could be considered an act of repentance, but falls short of redeeming / atoning for all his past sins.  I think full redemption / atonement is a much more lengthier process.

Ultimately, I think this is a question worth pondering for ourselves.

[scribeofmorpheus]

Counterpart [4/5]

Pairing: Bucky x Reader x Framework!Steve

Series Masterlist | Main Masterlist | Words: 5k

A/N: When Nat went underground, instead of dying her hair blonde like in IW, she dyed it black. I had fun with the idea of Nat and Pietro and Bucky forming this unconventional family of sorts, and I loved playing with the idea that Sam and Carol were old friends in the framework, though tbh, I don’t really know where her framework arc might lead. I will have to do a second pass proofread but anyway...

Note: There’s a Framework centric spin-off in the WIP tank!

Warnings: This chapter contains depictions and mentions of alcoholism, language, violence, etc. It’s a dark series, expect a darker take.

CHAPTER FOUR: TWO HALVES

~Canada, The Refuge

The sound of birds chirping outside his window stirred him from his slumber. Bucky was still groggy from sleep, rubbing the remnants of unconsciousness from his eyes with the pads of his flesh fingers. He yawned awake, sitting up from under the covers of the double bed. Glancing at the clock, he noted it was 6 am.

"72 hours," he reminded himself as got up from the bed and walked to the closet, a watch materialising on his wrist, a timer counting down.

"Thanks, Friday," he looked to the ceiling.

There was no reply. Only the sound of wind rustling through the blinds.

While digging through the closet, he was surprised to find several women's clothes hanging next to his. Choosing to ignore that red flag, he reached for a long-sleeved shirt on the rack and noticed his metal arm was a different colour than the usual chrome-blue and gold. This one was red, white and blue.

Cap's colours, he internally pointed out.

A canary emblem in place of the Russian star he had once sported.

"What the?" He glanced at the etched bird using the door fitted mirror beside him. When his eyes looked up to inspect his face, he was greeted by a head of short hair, shaven at the sides. He would have looked military if not for his medium length stubble. He ran a hand through his spikey hair, the brush of it against the metal feeling unfamiliar, "Is this pomade?"

As soon as his hand fell from the trailed paths his fingers had parted through his styled hair, a woman's voice spoke out dotingly, "Morning, Soldat."

The woman's Russian accent was faded but present, she sounded almost like...

"Nat?" Bucky swung around.

She tilted her head to the side. Her hair was longer, darker, a charcoal blackness that absorbed the light. Her face marked by an imposing lateral scar running across the length it, partially healed like a botched brazing job. She looked different but it was indeed her.

"Nat?" She laughed awkwardly. "Not Talia?" She shrugged as she walked over. "Semantics." Her gaze running across his exposed chest with shameless desire.

"Ugh, Nat- Talia, what are you?" Bucky tried to use the closet door to hide his body.

Natasha laughed again as though he were being silly, "You're acting weird this morning. When you're done being all modest, come down to the kitchen so we can start making breakfast for the kids."

Bucky's eyes nearly bulged out of their sockets, "Kids?"

It was then that he noticed the couple’s photo of him and Nat on the nightstand, coupled with Nat's flirty behaviour, the double bed and the shared closet, everything finally made sense. And now his stomach was doing summersaults.

"Kids?" Bucky said again as he stared at Natasha with his mouth agape. "Nat… Uhh, Talia."

"You can call me Nat if it's suddenly easier for you, liybimaya."

Bucky's neck reclined back as if those words had slapped him, "My love...?"

"Yes?"

"What is- Never mind… Um, do you know how to get in contact with Shield?"

"James, I thought we agreed to let that go. We have enough responsibilities with the kids as it is." Natasha pointed to the portrait style picture hung up on the wall.

Bucky peered at the sixteen by twenty inch photograph. In the forefront was a group of kids of all shapes and sizes, seated on two rows of benches, wearing clashing colours and sporting wide grins as they looked out at the camera. Natasha, Pietro, Bucky and a scary, muscly woman stood behind them. Pietro had thrown up an 'L' sign behind the other Bucky's face, his cheek lines prominent in an obvious laughing position while Natasha had pressed her face between two young children, one of them sticking out their tongue playfully.

Underneath the portrait was an engraving on a brass plate: Second Chance, Home for the Displaced Children of Sokovia, 2017.

"Oh, those kids," Bucky sighed inaudibly, relief hitting him like a wave of ice-water. When he turned back to answer the raven-haired woman blinking rapidly his way, he almost felt sorry for her. Even if she wasn't real to him, she was very much real in her own right, and this very real person had just lost the man she shared a life with. What was worse was that she didn't realise it yet.

"Right, of course, how silly of me to forget about that." Bucky's lips wound up in a corkscrew motion as he pulled his shirt over his head. "Okay, then do you know how to get in contact with Fury?"

"What is a 'Fury'?"

Bucky's eyes rolled in the back of his head, "A figment of my imagination apparently. How about Sam Wilson?"

"Sam… Wilson?" Her lips upturned in a half-moon. "Is he someone from your Shield days? The name is familiar…"

"Uhh, yeah, something like that."

Natasha frowned, "What's really going on with you? You're acting strange this morning. This isn't because of the news last night is it?"

"News?"

"That Hydra captured the Iron-Maiden?” Natasha patted his chest. “Pepper is stubborn, she won't talk, you can relax. We're safe as houses as long as we stay across the border." She left the bedroom as Bucky pulled on his jeans.

Jogging after her, he spotted another framed photograph of a younger version of him shaking hands with someone who looked presidential hanging on the Livingroom walls.

"Hurry up Soldat, these potatoes won't peel themselves."

"I'll be right there Na- Talia!" Bucky searched the large living space for a computer or electronic device, he needed to get familiar with this world before he could make any efforts to find Y/N.

After he had moved some couch cushions and disorganised several drawers, Natasha came back into the room, peeling knife in hand.

"James? What are you looking for?"

"The… remote?" His voice went squeaky. “I wanted to check the news updates.”

Natasha brushed the edges of her fringe away from her eyes as she blinked rapidly again, "James the kids lost that days ago. We sent Pietro to buy a new one while on his supply run." She peered at him, folding her arms defensively. "Are you sure everything is fine?"

Bucky exhaled, moving closer to Natasha so he could look her earnestly in the eye, "No, it's not."

Her mouth fell, "What's the matter, liybimaya?"

Bucky glowered briefly, "A friend of mine is in danger, a Shield agent. I need to help her before it's too late, but to do that I need to find her. Sam Wilson was… her contact. If I find him, I can find her."

"You've never mentioned this before..." Natasha rubbed his metal arm with her free hand. "The tablet is in the bedroom, you can search about your friend."

"Thank you!" Bucky buzzed with energy, teetering in front of Natasha indecisively, unsure of what their dynamic was. He settled for kissing her on the forehead, awkwardly.

"You're… welcome…?" She watched him jog back into their shared bedroom, her fingers spinning the peeling knife with great skill.

Bucky fished out the tablet, dismayed to find it password protected, "Shit!" He leaned his head in his hand as he thought of possible password combinations. "Okay, let's try my birthday."

The screen remained locked, a message notifying him he had two more chances.

"Damn it! If I'm with Shield in this universe, maybe I just got the format wrong..."

Bucky typed his birthday in the American format.

The screen was still locked.

"It can't be Y/N's birthday because this world's Bucky probably never met her…" Bucky drummed his fingers against his temple, his eyes widening when he punched in another set of numbers.

The screen unlocked.

"Curious..." Bucky thought out loud before opening up a search engine.

When he searched for the name: Y/N Y/L/N, he was perplexed when nothing came up, instead, there was a small 'i' icon at the edge of the screen that suggested: "Did you mean Y/N Rogers?"

Bucky pressed his lips into a white slash, his neck turning stiff as his finger hesitated above the red highlighted words. After taking a moment to gather himself, Bucky's metal finger tapped on the link swiftly, the metal colliding with the glass harder than he intended.

A news headline popped up and Bucky read the words, keeping pace with the speed of the scrolling script, "Android Ensures New Yorkers Sleep Safer. Hydra's top of the line security android, Spectre, successfully apprehended and pacified the Iron Maiden's (Virginia 'Pepper' Potts) terrorist cell with record low losses. Steve Rogers and his team (comprising of veteran Hydra officers Clint Barton and Y/N Rogers) were present at the sight, providing ground support and med-evac assistance. This signifies a new milestone in overseeing Director Alexander Pierce's vision for a safer, brighter world under Hydra's protective governance.”

Bucky's molars strained from the stress of his compressed jaw, memories of Alexander Pierce and the mind splitting brain-washing sessions made his blood boil. Shaking his head, which felt odd considering his hair didn't sway into his eyes, Bucky continued scrolling through other articles.

"Power couple of the century?" he retorted sarcastically as the picture of Steve and Y/N dressed in wedding attire mocked him. Their happy faces a punch to the gut. How could he feel jealous, angry and mournful at both his best friend and his girlfriend all at once?

Bucky's metal arm propelled the tablet like a boomerang at the wall, only it never reached it.

"I leave for two days and you return to your old brooding self, smashing furniture like we can afford it?" Pietro tossed the tablet in the air with a boyish grin on his face. "Come, friend, you better not let Talia see those tight eyebrows, huh." He flashed over to the dresser and back, tablet no longer in his hand as he patted Bucky on the back. "We can't keep reminding you that it's not your fault Steve was awoken by the tentacle crazies. What could you do, huh? You were a popsicle stick for almost a hundred years. A hundred years!"

Bucky felt his anger lose its hold on him, for a moment he had forgotten everything he was feeling and seeing wasn't real. Somehow having Pietro sit beside him, treating him like a friend, made that all clear again because Bucky had never met Pietro, he had only ever seen pictures of him hanging in Wanda's room, his very presence was the stark jolt of surrealism he needed to remind himself of why he was here.

"You're right," Bucky said as he rose from the bed and retrieved the tablet.

"Oh, hey, hey, hey now," Pietro held his palms up at Bucky. "You aren't planning to-" he made a throwing gesture at the wall.

Bucky's cheek lifted up as he returned a calming half-smile, "Don't worry, I'm not going to throw anymore furniture."

Pietro let out a shaky laugh, hands placed on his hips as his cheeks inflated from a deep exhale, "Good, because I broke the other one and we don't want to see Talia get mad again."

"Err, right. That would be…" Bucky pressed the 'e' at the end of his sentence as Pietro looked on with buggy eyes. "…Bad?"

Pietro nodded in agreement.

"Oh, did you remember to get the replacement remote?" Bucky asked as he typed in Sam's name into the search engine.

Pietro smacked his thigh with the underside of his hand, "I knew I forgot something. Don't tell Talia I was here, I'll go pick it up right now."

Pietro flashed out of the space in a fraction of a second, residual wind from his velocity drying out Bucky's eyeballs.

"Jesus," Bucky whispered when he read the information packet on Sam.

 ~Sam's Homestead, Missouri

Sam was rudely awoken by his loud alarm clock that sounded more like a fire alarm than a soothing melody. He smashed the digital clock as he fumbled with his sheets. His breath tasted of something foul, like stagnant bile, and his head pounded like a marching band had just traipsed across his synapses, a throbbing sensation pulsing at his temples.

When his eyes finally opened he was horrified by the disastrous state of his avatar's home. Clothes were piled on the floor, blinds shut, several cans and bottles littering the space, filling the air with a stale rancid smell of sweat, malt and sick.

He glanced down at his vest and noticed the vomit stains, "Jesus Christ."

Sam groaned as he motioned to sit up from the bed. However, with his balance out of whack, he tumbled onto the floor, face-first into a pile of unwashed slacks that made him retch.

"What the fuck?" He looked down at his feet and noticed he only had the one leg. The other was amputated at the knee leaving behind a mangled scar and a phantom pain that his conscious mind refused to reconcile since the real version of him still had control of both his legs, submerged in a tank underwater. "I didn't see this comin’."

Sam rolled his eyes as he hoisted himself back onto the bed and looked around for a pair of crutches, reaching under the bed instinctively, he was pleasantly amazed to find them there. "Let’s try this again."

He picked himself up on one leg, hobbling about on his crutches that got tangled with all the clutter on his way out of the room.

"Hello?" Sam called out into the dusty, humid house but there was no reply, only dead silence and the grinding of a fan in need of oiling. "Man, this is turning out to be one hell of a bad day."

A stopwatch manifested on his wrist, the hours counting down. Sam pulled his head back, eyes searching for some kind of sign in place of the water-stained ceiling, "Friday, I need to get in touch with Bucky, know how I can do that?"

Silence.

"Yeah, figures."

When he got to the kitchen he saw a note scribbled on a piece of stationery: 'There's some clean laundry in the dryer. I restocked your fridge. Remember: one day at a time. S.'

"S? Who the hell is S?" He complained, turning on his three legs to get a feel for the room. A wistful sigh filling the emptiness.

A gurgling noise rumbled from his stomach, the headache that most likely succeeded his avatar's heavy night of drinking was undoubtedly the cause. Sam tried to clear his throat and rid the taste of fermented wheat from his tongue and teeth, but it didn't help much, It only made him realise how desperate he was for a good shower and a bottle of mouthwash.

He set the rusty coffee pot to brew, deciding the metal tang it would adopt would only be a trick of the senses and hopefully not carry any lasting side effects. He cracked open a window, letting the smell of conifers and rain unclog his sinuses. He then clomped his way down to the bathroom and ran himself a bath after he figured showering would be more of a challenge given his new-old condition.

It bothered him more that he could still feel his leg. It was so surreal to look down and see it gone every time. The irritation digging into his under-arms from the crutches was a psychological reminder of the harsh reality he was about to be subjected to in this world.

After brushing his teeth and changing into new clothes, which required some tactful manoeuvring, Sam looked around for any electronic device that connected to the internet.

"Bingo!" He cheered as he saw a tablet stuffed between two couch cushions. There was no password protection on the device. "Gee, I guess I got nothin' to hide huh? Well if that's the case..." Sam typed his name into the search engine and regretted it immediately after he read the first few headlines: 'Reckless Pilot Destroys Multi-Million Dollar Flight Suit; Drunk, Dishonourably Discharged; Sam Wilson's Vet Clinic Foreclosure; Disgraced Pilot Flees to the Hills.'

"Well, this is depressing," Sam threw the tablet on the couch, opting to switch on the news channel instead. As he rifled through the strange house, the news reporter filled him in on whatever passed for news in this new, frightening world.

"Eyewitnesses report of seeing a strange blue and white streak making its way across Europe earlier this week. Hydra enforcements remind all citizens to call the subservient prevention hotline if they see any person or persons acting suspiciously," the reporter said.

Sam guffawed as he flipped through old photo albums, "Oh yeah, scare the little guy into giving up his neighbour… real patriotic."

"In other news, Hydra's defence android, dubbed Spectre by the head office, has successfully led a charge to apprehend and pacify the Iron Maiden's terrorist cell earlier this week. Citizens of New York can sleep safer knowing that this menace has been brought to justice and is expected to fill out her life sentence behind bars at the Hydra supermax prison."

Withholding the urge to spit, Sam clamped down on his crutches and stomped to the kitchen to grab that cup of coffee.

The reporter continued her deep-dive, "And now, politics. Hell's Kitchen boasts another prosperous year under the leadership of Mayor Fisk. Following recent events concerning the escape of the Punisher, former military specials unit Captain Billy Russo, local citizens have demonstrated their support for the mayor's proposed anti-vigilante task force by taking to the streets in protest against the rising number of subservients. Opposing mayoral candidate, Congressman Murdock, warns voters to not be so hasty with their vote as he fears the new proposed task force may cause an increase in police unemployment rates."

Sam switched the TV off, his frustration causing him to toss the remote callously onto the couch, where it bounced and smashed onto the floor, batteries popping out of the casing and rolling under the couch.

Not without difficulty, Sam got on his one knee, his stump waving in the air without a place to perch, and extended his arm under the sofa, patting down to try and feel for the cylindrical batteries. An odd film textured object slid across his calloused pads as he patted down on the floorboards.

With an interested drone, Sam fished out the glossy paper and fell back on his ass so he could observe it properly. It was a photograph of him with someone who looked like an aged Carol Danvers. She was wearing a green flight suit, hiding her crow’s-feet behind blue-tinted aviators. Standing beside her was a grey-haired Peggy Carter in a wheelchair held in place by Sharon – sunlight flares blurring her smile. The air force logo was stuck to the side of a jet in the background, his old nickname 'Snap Wilson' spray-painted on it.

Sam Flipped the photograph around to skim read the fine, cursive inscription: ‘Congrats on moving up, Snap. You'll be missed by the grunts at the bottom. Leave some target practice for us. And remember: one day at a time. C & S.’

"Well, I'll be damned. Hello, S..." Sam's nail scratched at a smudge on the corner of the photograph, it looked almost like a watermark stamp of the letter L. "What is--"

A shrill ringing sound came from his landline. He swivelled his head from side to side trying to spot the annoying thing. It was hiding under a stack of old newspapers that needed to be put in the recycling.

"He- Shit!" He almost tumbled on one leg. "Hello?"

"Sam? It's Bucky..."

***

Bucky shoved whatever useful supplies he could find lying about into a small backpack before slinging it over his shoulders and clipping it at the front of his chest -an old habit as it were.

Natasha walked in on him circling blind spots on a map with a marker, his face conveying devastation as if she'd just caught him in bed with another woman.

When Bucky didn't say anything, Natasha pointed to the training equipment peeking out from under her bed –their bed. "Training sessions. I forgot my knee pads." She picked them up, dusting them down. "You're leaving, aren't you?" Her tone was sad yet insightful.

Bucky was growing increasingly agitated as the seconds continued to count down on his watch, "I need to head over there!"

"James, stop! Last time you were on Hydra's radar that damned psychopath tore your arm off!"

He folded the map into his back pocket, "Stark?"

She threw her hands in the air, "No, Stark is the only reason you were fitted with a replacement! I'm talking about that monster that Hydra fished out of the ocean."

"Steve?" His tone went dark.

"Did you hit your head when you were chopping firewood yesterday? Yes, Steve. Of course, Steve!" Natasha smacked the side of his head with the knee pads.

Bucky strode past her, "You don't have to shout."

"Then stop acting like you were born yesterday!"

One of the foster kids witnessed their shouting and was ushered into another room by a worried-looking Pietro. Natasha swore in Russian before slamming their bedroom door shut, trapping Bucky inside with her.

He took her hands in his, "Look, I know I don't seem myself, but I have to get to New York. It's important. There's someone I swore to protect, no matter what and she's in danger now. I know you still care about the world, Na- Talia. These kids you're helping are evidence enough. Help me do this one thing and I promise everything will go back to normal."

Natasha sighed, "I haven't seen that look in your eye in a long time. Whoever it is must be important."

"More than you know."

"Where is she... your friend?"

"With Hydra. In New York."

"A prisoner?"

"Of sorts."

"New York huh?" Her eyes steeled with venomous conviction, her fingers twitching around the air between her fingertips and her scar. "I can think of a reason or two to tag along."

"No, I can't ask you to come with me, it's too dangerous, and the kids need you."

"You need me, liybimaya. It's like I told you all those years ago, the only thing powerful enough to separate us is death…" Her hand fell on his jaw, eyes searching his for something he couldn't give. "And even then, it wouldn't be enough."

Bucky sighed, finding himself instinctively leaning into her touch, "Okay, you win. But we have to stop somewhere first."

"Dge, Soldat?" her Russian trickled out.

"Missouri."

 ***

Knock. Knock. Knock

"I'm goin' as fast as I can, god damn!" Sam chewed his bottom lip as he clomped his way to the door.

Just as he was about to twist the doorknob, the door burst open and a supersonic boom shook the keys on the wall. A blue and silver streak whizzed past Sam's peripheral. Turning, he was pleasantly surprised to find Pietro eating a packet of crisps that he stole from the kitchen cupboard, feet kicked up as he surfed the channels. “Damn, that’s one fast kid. Like a friggin’ silver bullet.”

"Forgive him," Natasha urged. "Our TV hasn't been functional beyond the weather channel for days, he's forgotten his manners." She extended her hand, "Name's Natalia Romanova."

“Nat…” Sam's mouth remained open for a moment too long and her eyebrows rose up. Gathering his jaw off the ground, he clasped her hand with a loud smacking sound before nearly barking out his reply through a wide grin, "Sam Wilson. Pleasure to meet you."

"Samuel Wilson! I knew that name was familiar. You’re the pilot who crashed the prototype--" Natasha stopped herself mid-sentence.

Sam shrugged, "The very same apparently." He moved to the side to let her in.

Once in the kitchen, he noticed Bucky hadn't stopped staring at his leg, or rather the absence of it. "Take a picture, it'll last longer." He glowered. "If you thought your day was weird, mine was definitely worse."

"I can see that," Bucky cocked his head to the side.

“Coffee? I’m pretty sure it’ll give you tetanus from the rust but…”

“No, thanks.”

 Bucky laid out the map from earlier on the kitchen table, his mind obsessing over his attack plan. Sam kept leaning over every now and again to catch a glimpse of Natasha and Pietro looking very much alive and real in the next room.

Curiosity got the better of him, "What's up with you and Nat?" 

"It's Talia over here," Bucky's eyes remained glued to the blueprints. "And apparently we're together and I go by James."

"No shit?" Sam's tone took on a higher pitch, hands tucked under his pits. "I'm an alcoholic who lost a leg and you get paired up with Nat. Yeah, that's very fair," he grumbled sarcastically.

"Sam..."

"I know, I know, I'm focusing on the wrong thing. It's just I'm a little mad is all."

Bucky stopped hunkering over the table as he looked at Natasha and Pietro with an almost-longing stare, "It's weird, you know. The other Bucky has this full life here. He smiles in all his photographs, he wasn't brainwashed by Hydra. Hell, he's even raising kids with Talia and is like an older brother to Pietro. Despite how fucked up things are over here, his life seems fuller. He seems… better."

Bucky shook the thoughts from his head, dropping the permanent marker on the table, watching it roll without making an effort to stop it.

"Speak for yourself," Sam told him off. "This side's Sam is a mess. I practically woke up in my own vomit this morning."

"Jesus," was all Bucky gave him.

"Hang on, did you say you and Nat are raising kids together?"

"Mmm-hmm. We run a kids shelter in Canada. I train them in self-defence on Wednesdays and Fridays, and History and English every other weekday."

Sam laughed, using his crutch to poke Bucky's side, "Well, shit. Look at you. Mr Professor Barnes."

Pietro's pure laughter rippled out from the other room as he watched cartoons going about their usual tomfoolery. Something kept gnawing at Bucky's stomach, making him feel uneasy.

Sam scratched his cheek, "You alright there, Tin-can?"

"During the car ride over here, Talia kept reminiscing about our third year anniversary and how we spend a week on a luxury cruise aboard a blip –for some reason, they're the more acceptable form of travel here."

"I mean, it's not such a bad idea. Reduced carbon emissions-"

"That's what you're focusing on? Blips are filled with hydrogen. They explode!"

"Excuse me for finding a bright side in all this. In case you hadn't noticed, there's not much of that going around." Sam tapped on his leg, his eyes narrowing at Bucky.

“Christ on a cracker, must I spell it out?”

“Spell what out?”

“Three-year-anniversary,” Bucky waited for Sam to catch on.

“Oh Shit! Did you two…” He walked closer to Bucky to whisper-hum the wedding march.

Bucky groaned, “I don’t know. Maybe. It’s not exactly the easiest thing to bring up in polite conversation, besides she already suspects something is off with me… him… us? Whatever, you know what I mean.”

Sam chuckled, “Huh… that’s kinda ironic. You spent so long being afraid to propose to the girl you love, even though you have everything –security, shelter –and yet somehow, the guy with more to lose, is the one who was least afraid of being with the woman he loved.” He said, glancing over at Natasha.

As if on cue, the dark haired woman rose from the couch, a piqued expression taking over her features. “Okay, James. Enough with the whispering and the side-ways glances. I think I’ve given you two enough time to catch up. Now… what’s the plan?”

“Well…” Bucky tapped his metal finger on the red circled dot and delved into the details of his rescue plans.

“That won’t work,” Natasha said bluntly once he was done. “The only way you get into Hydra alive is if they bring you in.”

“Are you suggesting…?” Sam’s eyes widened.

“Yup.”

Pietro whooshed in from the couch, licking the crumbs from his fingers. “If we’re going after Hydra, we’ll need backup.”

“I agree,” Natasha replied as she pulled out her phone to dial a number.

“I don’t think the bol'shaya zhenshchina will be enough. I have a favour I can call in. Don’t wait for me.” Pietro added before zooming out of the house.

 ~Hydra HQ, NY

You marched into the interrogation room, the sound of muffled steel punches landing on a human jaw made you flinch. The doors opened automatically and a large molar flew across the room, knocked loose from the mystery man’s mouth. He laughed, staring down his interrogator with such conviction it made your skin erupt in goosebumps.

“Leave us,” you told the man wearing the knuckle duster.

He nodded curtly before spitting, “Terrorist scum!”

You dragged over a chair and sat on it, arms resting on the back support. “So, they tell me you got caught trying to cross the border patrols. Not very smart.”

“Oh, I don’t know, as plans go…” the man lifted his head so his striking blue eyes pierced through you, a satisfied smirk ghosting over his lips when he noticed you physically shudder. “It wasn’t so bad. After all, it brought me to you, didn’t it?”

Instantly, a migraine hammered against your cranium with the highest intensity yet, something about his presence, his voice, his eyes, undid every fibre of your being until all you felt was nausea bubbling up to the surface. You gripped the chair to steady yourself but the longer he stared at you, the worse everything got. You felt like you were being torn apart at the seams. In desperation, you hurried out of the room and raced towards a potted plant so you could relieve your stomach of its contents –though there wasn’t much left to throw up.

“Babe, are you alright?” Steve’s hand rubbed at your back as he kneeled next to you.

You huffed lifelessly, wiping the residue of puke from your mouth with your sleeve. Your chin quivered violently forcing your teeth to chatter. The sickly miasma of ozone clung to your nostrils as ghosts from another life encroached around you, and visible only to you from the fact that Steve wasn’t distressed in the least to see a very alive and well Wanda Maximoff laughing by a window -sunlight like fire on her red hair. Through the windows reflective surface, you saw him again, the ghost from the apartment and suddenly, you understood why the man in the interrogation room had shaken you to your core. It was him… the ghost, only he wasn’t a figment of your imagination. He was real too.

You grabbed onto Steve’s arms like they were the only thing keeping you from downing. “I think I’m losing my mind…”

Chapter Four: The Choice

AFWHI tags: @fangirl-colo @dormousse @smallmarvel @ren-ni @sargentbucket @nikolett3 @wnygirl2012 @jentismyname @evilgeniuslabz-blog @myrabbitholetoneverland @sleepingspacedragon @500daysofbecky @reidreader  

Permatags: @gruffle1 @thechickvic @notawarriorjustyet @savethehoneeybees

tags: @ladybugsfanfics 

[cartooness]

‘I am NOT blushing, it’s just warm in here.’ For the masonder drabbles pls?

"Alright, Lav. You can do this, he's right there. Just go up to him and ask him out! Can't be that hard... right?"

Lavender was nervous beyond belief, she's never done anything like this before. But she's read enough books to know that to move the plot along, you've gotta go for it or you'll be screaming in frustration later.

Mason Adalbert. The one boy who could send her heart a flutter and turn her whole being to mush with a smile. He didn't seem like the kind of boy "girls like her" would go for; but she didn't give any fucks about that. He was cute as a button, smart, was super kind, and drank his respect women juice. Did she mention he was absolutely adorable?

She fixed her collar, adjusted her romper, and tousled her hair a bit. Here goes nothing.

"Mason."

He looked up from cleaning his glasses. "Yeah?"

fUCk he's cute, "Um. I was, um, hoping that. Um.", 'God I'm going nowhere, just cut to the chase.' she thought to herself. "Would you go out with me? Uh, please?"

He looked at her with a blank stare as he adjusted his glasses, "Me? Are. Are you sure?" 'Of course it's you!', she hastily thought.

"Yes, you. I'm sure of it. I um.. would really like to go out with you."

His cheeks flushed red and he gave a shy smile. "Yes. I'd love to. Where.... were ya thinking of going?"

Time for her plan! "Well, I was thinking of going to the roller rink tomorrow because it's Half Price Thursday. Plus, I've never been and I just thought it'd be fun... and yeah." God, she hoped she didn't look or sound too awkward.

"Ooh that does sound like fun, Lavender! What time were you thinking of-"

Ah, shit, Sheila's coming...

"Well, well, well, look at what we've got here! A goth wannabe prude asking out a boring little prude nerd. What a perfect pair, I'll bet-"

Lavender bared her claws, "Sheila Anderson get the fuck out of my face before I slice your damn neck off."she growled.

"Jeez bitch, calm down, I was just leaving", replied Sheila, annoyance and fear in her voice.

"Good." And with that, Lav went back to her business. "I'm so sorry Mason, I HATE when she talks to people like that, especially people I... like. Um, i was thinking around 5:30. Will that work for you?"

"Uhh yeah, that sounds good! Let me just, um, write it down really quick in my Little Tiny Journal for Various Things. ((Authors note, I actually have a notebook that says that on me at all times. XD))"

"Alrighty! It's a date! See ya then, bye! One of my dads should be here by now to, uh, pick me up haha."

He pulled her into a quick hug, "Bye Lav!"

...

She shouldn't have said a single thing. Lav had just come home to a small swarm of deadbeats, and not quite thinking, she spilled the beans about her upcoming date with Mason to them. But the thing about them is, they're like little kids; they'll repeat what they hear to anyone who'll listen. Excited about the news, they roamed around telling everyone in HQ that 'Lavender has a date with a boy tomorrow!' over and over again.

"Dang it, now I'll probably have to deal with- oh no he's pounding on my door."

"LAVENDER DEARIE, PLEASE LET ME IN, I HAVE TO KNOW ALL THE BITS AND DETAILS ABOUT YOUR DATE!! OH MY GODS, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO WEAR-"

"Calm down Decan, you're going to break down my door!! Come in, we'll talk, I promise."

She let him in and he immediately started asking his burning questions, "Who is it!? Who's the lucky lad!? I'm all ears!!" With a sigh, she prepared herself to answer his 300 questions. "Well, it's Mason,-"

"HAH!! I KNEW IT!! LEWIS, YOU OWE ME 20 DOLLARS!!" he exclaimed.

"Um. Alright then. Mason and I are going to the roller rink tomorrow at 5:30 for Half Price Thursday."

"Ooh! I have a couple of outfit ideas that will make him fall head over heels for you~" he replied, ready to plan.

"Fine. But I get to choose the shoes."

"Deal! Let's see what they are so I can plan accordingly!"

She phased through her walk in closet and pulled out her choice of shoes, recieving a slight grimace from Decan. "These ones. I insist."

Decan took a large inhale, "Darling, I  L O V E  you, but I'm starting to regret that deal... I just... can't quite DEAL with those shoes... but! I like a challenge, so let's see what I can do!"

The shoes in question were knee high tye dye Converse in the demi romantic and asexual flag colors, but the green and purple colors were neon; not the easiest thing to match, that's for sure.

What felt like AGES later, Decan found an outfit consisting of a shin length black dress with lavender lace trim on the bottom, completed with sheer tights. He looked as if he was in the nth dimension, proud to have accomplished an impossible seeming task. "I DID IT!!! FINALLY!!!"

"Yes you did! I feel cute uwu."

"Well, you ARE cute!" he replied, stating his facts.

"....fine. I'll let you have it this ONE time." she replied, a small blush on her face.

"Alrighty then! Let's go downstairs, everyone is a buzz with excitement about your first date~"

So downstairs they went, and about four seconds later E V E R Y O N E was shooting the same rapid fire question,

"LAV WHO ARE YOU GOING ON A DATE WITH?!?!"

With a sharp inhale, she spilled the tea, "I'm going on a date with Mason, he's the cutie I'm always talking about." 

"And YOU, LEWIS PEPPER, OWE ME TWENTY BUCKAROOS!! FORK IT OVER!!" bellowed Decan, thrilled to have predicted correctly for once.

A slight grumble was heard from the back of the living room, and an annoyed deadbeat swarmed over with a twenty dollar bill and put it in Decan's waiting hands, "thank you!!~"

Everyone shared their excitement for the girl, along with a bit of worry about what could happen, but Lavender assured them that Mason is a very kind person. Plus, if anything happens, she always has a way to get out of a situation; magic and her amazing combat skills.

...

The day had come, and Lav had just been dropped off at the roller rink. She began looking for Mason until she felt a tap on her shoulder.

"Hey! Looking for me?~" he announced, playful smirk on his face.

"Actually, yes. Sorry to keep you waiting, one of my dads took a bit longer than I thought doing my makeup... but hey! I'm not technically late, it's only 5:19." she replied.

"Oh please, you're worth the wait."

"What?"

"What?"

Both teens had a dusting of red on their faces, standing in an awkward silence.

"Umm, you look very nice! Love the shoes, must've taken ages to match haha." Mason chimed, nervously laughing.

"Aww, thank you. My Papa Decan almost gave in trying to find something, twas funny." she replied.

"Lav?"

"Yeah?"

"How. How many dads do you have, um, exactly? Are they polyamorous or, uh, something to that extent?" he asked, curious.

"Oh, that! No, they're not all poly, I'm adopted and a bunch of people have shared custody over me, so I basically have like, a dozen parents at this point pretty much. And all but two are men, so that's why I have a bunch of dads. Funny thing is, they're all in their mid-to-late twenties, so they're not quite on that 'dad age level' but I don't care. They all make bad jokes and are very caring so... yeah, haha. Don't tell anyone, but I'd totally do anything for them, all my caretakers. I love them a lot, and they all love me a lot, and I don't deserve them most of the time." she warmly replied, softly smiling to herself. Mason felt his cheeks warm up and his eyes were likely shining.

"Awww, that's so sweet! Also, you SO deserve each other! I like to think that things usually happen for some reason one way or another, and I think it's wonderful that they found you and that you all care for each other so much! Wh-why are you crying? Are you alright?"

She touched her face and realized 'yep those are mascara tears alright.'

"Oh, um, I'm okay. Sorry, I didn't even see I was crying. Um, let's, um, go inside, it's getting dark... or something. Haha." Lav replied, trying to move the date along.

"Oh, um, ok. Do you... want a hug?" he asked, trying to make her feel better.

"Yes please, I'd love that."

And with that, he pulled her into a warm hug, taking in each others warmth with a smile. 'She smells like warm apple pie... no wonder she's so wonderful...'

After what felt like An eternity, they departed and both were blushing messes.

"Um-"

"I am NOT blushing, it's just warm in here." snapped Lav, not sure what to do with these... warm,,, happy static feelings.

"Wait, you're  B L U S H I N G?? You look so cute though!" he replied back, smile in his eyes.

"Wha, uh, I-I do NOT!!",she sputtered, blushing deeper, "YOU'RE the cutie here! With your beautiful silver eyes, your soft caramel hair, and your breathtaking smile that I like so much! Not to mention, you're SUPER smart and nice and, and, GENUINE!! Do you know how many times literal DIRTBAGS have tried to flirt with me? They're always weird and gross and I do NOT like it, and I don't like how it's easily accepted for them to be all... X rated all the time!! Like, it may be cause I'm ace and repulsed by s*xual stuff, but still! Don't be gross, people!" she outburst, recieving some strange glances.

"*sigh*, I'm sorry Mason, let's go inside now, people are staring and I don't want them to do anything to you." she softly spoke, gently holding his back for him to follow her.

"...thank you. For, um, everything. It means a lot to me, stuff like that. Again, thank you so much.", he whispered, not sure what to say or do. "...am I making this, uh, awkward for you, Lavender? I'm really sorry if I am-"

"No, you're fine it's, uh, all good. Let's go get skates and such already, haha." she nervously replied, finally walking inside.

...

They were having a surprisingly good time, despite the shaky beginning. Both were doing laps around the rink, holding onto the perimeter every ten seconds due to fear of falling. But they got the hang of it, carefully skating around. They kept tapping hands, unsure of whether or not it was appropriate to join them together. Finally, Mason went in for the kill and took ahold of her hand. She felt a smile creep up her face, and held his hand back.

"Your hand fits nicely into mine, ya know." he smiled.

"Yeah. It does." she replied back, pressing a soft kiss to his knuckles, and him in return blushing like crazy. "Aww, you're so cute when you're blushing, Mason."

WELL THAT TOOK FOREVER LMAO. Sorry for the excessive length, it turned into a full on fic lol. Hope you enjoyed it anyway!!

Also Decan belongs to @thefearanddespair

EDIT: This is for the Villain!Lav AU, I forgot to mention it lol

[sserpente]

A/N: Request from @alpaca-obsession and @bubblesbeemily. Have fun! <3

Words: 2484 Warnings: (angry) smut

For as long as you could remember, Eric and you had kept your relationship a secret. It was long before the aptitude test that he got involved in Janine’s questionable schemes to overthrow Abnegation and take over the government. But just because you had been raised in Erudite, that did not mean you agreed with what they all pretended to be or not to be.

The day had come on which he had broken up with you, announcing that tomorrow at the ceremony, he would choose Dauntless and leave your faction forever. Salty tears had rolled down your cheeks and then, after one last, passionate kiss which resulted in heated sex in his soon former apartment, he had left.

You had never heard of him again until the day it was your turn to choose a faction to live in.

The results of your aptitude test had indicated one thing—you did not belong in Erudite either. Whether it was your loose mouth that you were not afraid to use or the fact you despised learning and doing research, the one faction that had rather appealed to you was, for so many (and some of them inexplicable) reasons, Dauntless.

You had convinced yourself that you had no other choice. This was not who you were but it was what you wanted to become and when you sealed your fate by letting a drop of your warm blood spill on the steaming coals representing Dauntless at the Choosing Ceremony, your decision felt right—deliberating. Not once when you jumped on and off a train did you think about the one person who had broken your heart so long ago. A person that you would, undeniably, meet again soon… and sooner, than you thought.

Your injured yourself on your left knee when you landed on the hard gravel ground. The blood was running down your leg and calve, wetting your socks and shoes. Well… from now on, you would have to get used to pain and the red liquid.

“Listen up, initiates. I am Eric, one of your leaders.” But it was then you froze. His voice had not changed. Stern, commanding and slightly arrogant it echoed over the rooftops. Had he said he was a leader? Nothing less had you expected from him. You almost didn’t dare to look up—when you did, it almost felt like a fist clenched around your heart, making you gasp for air.

Eric’s curious and mocking blue eyes roamed over this year’s yield curiously. Most of them wouldn’t make it, they were too tender, too soft and lacked ambition and toughness. He did not need to train them to know this already. Eventually, his gaze wandered over a young woman with (Y/H/C) hair and (Y/E/C) eyes. Funny. She reminded him of you.

It took him a second to realise that his mind wasn’t playing a trick to him. You really had come to Dauntless.

The other initiates around you were still bickering and chatting happily. Soon, he would teach them proper respect and punish anyone who stepped out of line but for now, all he was able to percept was you. Gnashing his teeth, he turned to his colleague.

“Get them under control,” he mumbled grumpily. His speed surprised you. Within a second, he had reached you, wrapping his hand around your arms so tightly you winced in pain as he pulled you away from the rest of the initiates.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing here?” He hissed.

“Becoming Dauntless? Let go of me!” You demanded, attempting to free your arm. Apparently, Eric’s muscles had turned to steel.

“Let go? I make the rules now and you don’t get to make requests here. You should have stayed in Erudite or even better, transferred to Abnegation.” The coldness in his voice was fake—it had to be. Surely, Dauntless had not turned him so… cruel?

“Eric… I know that we used to be a couple, I don’t think I’ll ever forget this. But that is no reason to treat me like vermin.”

The Dauntless leader scoffed. “This is how I will treat all of you, so you better get used to it.”

“Eric! Come on, I wanna get this over with!” His colleague called out, still attempting to calm the initiates.

Angrily, you glared at him. But what made it even worse was that you still had feelings for this crude and severe boy who had turned into a dangerous man in your new home.

He avoided you like a particularly contagious disease. He came by every day to watch the initiate’s progress but left the actual training to Four. During “Capture the flag”, he picked the weakest boy over you and even though you quickly managed to secure yourself a spot among the top ten in the rankings, he never bothered to exchange even a word with you.

And it hurt. It hurt so incredibly much you started to suffer. During fights, you got distracted easily, losing you points repeatedly and then, when the second half of training started, testing your mental durability and perception, you barely made it through the final test.

It was the day you were all supposed to celebrate becoming true members of Dauntless while all you wanted to do was curl up in the apartment you had been assigned to and cry yourself to sleep. Perhaps it had been a bad idea to come here, after all.

When Eric and you had broken up, it had not ended in a fight that had destroyed your relationship. In fact, you had fucked like animals before his departure and now you were supposed to believe that these feelings he had had for you never existed?

Loud voices erupted around you, music playing faintly in the background. There was a feast, with lots of alcohol and muffins and most of all, cheerfulness. The cafeteria was huge. The chances of spotting Eric were low and yet, when you got up to leave for you couldn’t bear the happiness around you anymore, it was him you ran into in the hallway.

“Congratulations,” he choked out dryly.

“I wasn’t sure you were going to let me pass, given you seem to hate me so much.” Like we never even mattered. Even though Four had warned you several times, you still hadn’t learned to keep your mouth shut. Talking to one of your leaders like that was a serious offence of Dauntless politics.

Eric took a deep breath. You were prepared for him to lash out and scold you but what he replied instead made you swallow.

“I don’t fucking hate you, (Y/N).” It was probably the nicest thing he had told you since your arrival in Dauntless.

He had looked like he had wanted to say something else but chose not to. You pondered over what it could possibly be when you suddenly heard the loud noise of footsteps in the hallway. An escort, maybe? Not at this hour, possibly?

Curious, you rose from bed. Overnight, your apartment had gotten rather cold. You were freezing in your panties and tanktop, still, you decided to peek out of the door only to find masses of Dauntless members heading to the pit to arm themselves. You could barely recognise them, for it was dark both inside and outside your apartment but their empty glances made you uncomfortable.

Something was wrong—terribly wrong, you could feel it in your very veins. Your heart pounding, you quietly closed the door again as to not raise any attention. Mere seconds later, you heard a ferocious knock on your door.

You swallowed thickly but before you could even decide whether you would open the late and probably unwanted visitor, he opened the door and started at you like a predator.

A hand clamped over your mouth to keep you from screaming, making you flail and attempt to scratch or bite your attacker. Where was your self-defence now that you needed it?!

“Stop struggling.” A familiar voice growled into your ear. Eric?! “Not one fucking sound. We’re gonna move through the opposite hallway so no one sees us.”

What was this supposed to be, a kinky roleplay, of some sort? You had done these quite a lot back when you had dated, only now the threat felt real. You realised with a start that Eric had the strength to kill you with his bare hands only when he dragged you across the hallway like a ragdoll, only to then push you into another room.

It took you a moment to realise that it was his apartment.

He shut the door close with his foot aggressively before releasing you. Gasping for air, you stumbled into the dark studio flat, muttering under your breath.

Your heart was beating like a steam hammer. You didn’t want to admit it but you were afraid of him. Eric had changed so much over the years you were unsure you still recognised him. But for now, it was anger that boiled in your stomach. It hurt how he treated you—it wasn’t like you had been in love, after all.

“What the fuck is this, Eric?”

“The tracker, were you injected?” He started without answering your question. His blue eyes were cold, like daggers twisting in your heart.

“What? What tracker, what the hell are you talking about?”

“That’s what I thought. You left earlier.” Was this what he had wanted to tell you? What was this all about? “It’s a serum. Erudite and Dauntless are working together to attack Abnegation, that’s where everyone’s going. They’re being mind-controlled.” And you had escaped this fate. Forced to kill innocents…

Swallowing thickly, you looked up at him, your fear returning with a start.

“Please don’t tell me you are part of this.”

Eric glared at you with his lips pressed together. There was no need to reply. Your heart skipped a beat.

“And now what? You can’t just keep me here!”

“Yes, I can. It’s either my apartment or death and I’m pretty sure you have a preference. At least I hope that you do after everything you’ve put yourself through during initiation.”

“For Fuck’s sake, just admit it! You still love me! Eric, you just kidnapped me and intend to keep me a prisoner in your own fucking apartment so Janine won’t kill me, tell me to my face that you don’t have any feelings for me anymore!”

“Fine! I do. Why do you think I tried to stay away from you? I’m not right for you, (Y/N). Neither are you for me. We have no future. You might even be a Divergent.” Divergents. You had heard about them in Erudite. Individuals who threatened the faction system and the government. You doubted they were as dangerous as Erudite made them out to be and yet, when you spotted the hatred in Eric’s blue eyes, you swallowed thickly. But there was more than just that. There was lust. Tension.

“Take your clothes off,” he suddenly commanded. Your eyes widened. He sounded like he always had during training, allowing no contradiction. Only this was different and, even if your common sense disagreed and begged you to resist, you could already feel your body reacting to him. Wetness pooled between your legs, along with the familiar tingling spreading in your entire body.

Your skin longed for his firm touches he used to pamper you with…

“Excuse me?” You choked out indignantly. “You haven’t properly talked to me in weeks! You treated me like shit and now you expect me to—“

His lips landed on yours before you could finish your outburst and even if you had wanted to, despite your training you were barely strong enough to stop him from tearing your clothes off your body. Your panties and tanktop were gone in no time. Greedily, Eric pushed you against his black leather couch, his hard body pressed against your naked skin. His hands came up to explore your curves, groping your breasts and cupping your buttocks with a growl, his lips never leaving yours.

His dominant kiss had you melt way too fast. The way his tongue slipped into your mouth to claim you never ceased to enchant you. By the time you felt his aching hard member against your thigh, you had already fallen into some kind of delicious trance.

You both knew this wouldn’t take long—this was going to pose a vent to your sexual frustration, the cure for all this time you had spent apart.

Eric pulled down his trousers hastily, lining himself up with your dripping cunt. Instinctively, you spread your legs wider to give him more access as you hovered in the air leaned against the couch. His body was all that kept you from falling; you had to claw your fingernails into his back when he thrust forward, burying himself deep inside you.

A pleasured moan escaped your lips. You had missed him so much…

Wasting no time, the Dauntless leader began to move frantically. His pace was all but calculated, he was as desperate to fuck you as you were to fuck him. Again and again, he slammed his thick cock into your pussy until he turned you into a moaning mess. Your eyes rolled to the back of your head, silent whimpers mixing with hearty screams.

“Fuck, I’m gonna cum,” he announced out of breath.

“N-not yet…” you chirped, unable to control your shaking voice. Eric understood. Never stopping to thrust inside you hungrily, his right hand travelled down to where your bodies met. With skilled and strong fingers, he began to fondle your clit like a marble, massaging, circling and teasing until you almost couldn’t take it anymore. Thrashing wildly against him, you came undone screaming his name, your walls convulsing around his throbbing member as he emptied himself inside you in the very same moment, twitching and spilling himself until he was utterly spent. Fireworks seemed to erupt inside you.

Panting, you both stilled after riding out your orgasms. You flinched, not expecting Eric would be so gentle as to rest his forehead against yours.

“Bedroom?” He whispered.

“Uh-huh.” You whined when he pulled out, his warm seed dribbling down your inner thighs.

He scooped you up in his arms like a bride, carrying you through his dark hallway. Yet, as soon as he had tucked you in tenderly, you felt something cold around your right wrist—and then, a suspicious click.

“Eric, what the fuck!” You exclaimed when you realised that he had handcuffed you to the bedpost.

“You’re my prisoner, I kidnapped you, remember?” He grinned, rolling back onto his back in a relaxed manner. “I know you too well, (Y/N). I won’t have you running off while I’m sleeping.”

“I hate you.” You spat, not meaning a single word.

The Dauntless Leader chuckled.

“I kinda missed you too.”

A/N: Guys, you can help me publish my first novel! It’s easy, it’s anonymous, you can do it from all over the world and it’s just 3€! Your help counts too, I’d appreciate it so much if you helped me fulfil my dream! ♥ ko-fi.com/sserpente  

[readingraebow]

Beautiful Creatures Section Four

1.12 Promise - 2.12 Silver Lining

1. Who is in Ethan’s room in the middle of the night? Why? Ethan wakes up and finds Macon in his room. It turns out Macon isn't a Caster. He's an Incubus. And an Incubus has to feed on Mortals. At first Ethan is repulsed but Macon assures him that he's not a Blood Incubus. Instead, Macon feeds on something that all humans have but don't really need: dreams. This explains why the dreams shared by Lena and Ethan are never complete. Ethan says he can never remember all of them and it's because Macon has been taking bits and pieces so they won't know how it ends. And Macon refuses to explain why.

2. What does Ethan give Lena on her birthday? He gives her a necklace that belonged to his mom. It's a ring, that's made from three different metals and intertwined, on a chain. He says that he found it in his mom's jewelry box and he's sure that she would've wanted Lena to have it. Because it has sentimental value to him and Lena knows what his mom means to him and how much it means that he gave it to her.

3. Who knocks on the door during the Binding? What do these people remind Ethan has forgotten about? At the door Larkin finds Link, Savannah, Emily, Charlotte and basically all of the cheerleaders and basketball team and pretty much the whole school? They remind Ethan first that he completely skipped the reenactment and will now fail history since it's already pretty much over and he spent the entire day with Lena. And they remind him about the surprise party they'd planned for Lena. Because that's why they've come. The Ravenwood grounds have been transformed for the party and there's a stage and lights and all that jazz. And even though they all normally hate Lena, Ethan can tell she really wants to go to the party because it's definitely a Normal High School Girl thing: having everyone in school show up to your really great birthday party. And even though it's all Ridley and it's not real, Ethan can tell it's something Lena really wants.

4. Why did Link urgently come get Ethan from the surprise party? Who do we find out is behind this? He says that Ethan's dad is standing on the balcony of the Civil War museum in his pajamas... like he's going to jump. When they get there, Link says he left Ridley with Ethan's dad to make sure he didn't jump and that's just a red flag all over. It turns out Ridley's the one making Ethan's dad want to jump. She's supposed to be the distraction to get Ethan away from Lena. It seems Ridley has decided to side with Sarafine. And Ethan's dad isn't the only parent they've taken from Ethan. Ridley also hints that Ethan's mom's accident wasn't an accident, though Ridley wasn't behind that one. Ridley says she doesn't want to kill Ethan's dad but she said his mind is weak so he's an easy target. But they manage to talk Ridley down so she doesn't make Ethan's dad jump and they can get him to safety before Ethan goes back to help Lena.

5. Why was Mrs. Lincoln so obsessed with getting Lena out of the school? Sarafine was borrowing Mrs. Lincoln's body. So her vendetta against Lena and getting her out of school was actually all Sarafine. She says she was doing it to show Lena how fickle Mortals can be. Which just a few sentences from Mrs. Lincoln, the entire town turned against Lena and Sarafine wanted Lena to see that. Which is why she was wearing Mrs. Lincoln like a human suit. Rude.

6. What has Macon been lying to Lena about regarding the Claiming? So Lena can choose because she's a Natural. There's some weird clause in the curse that says that the first Natural in the family will go Dark, that's Sarafine, but the second will have the power to turn back. So since Lena is the second natural, she can actually choose. But it turns out that choice has consequences, which is why Macon didn't tell Lena. If she chooses Light, all of her Dark relatives will die, including Macon since he's technically Dark. He didn't tell her because he wanted her to choose Light and not know that she would be killing him because he's willing to sacrifice himself. But on the other hand, if she chooses Dark, she will kill all the Light members and there's no way she would ever be able to kill Aunt Del, Gramma, Reece and Ryan. Though Sarafine tells her that if she's Dark, they have a way that she can be with Ethan. But she's mostly just lying to save her own skin.

7. What does Lena have to give in exchange for using the Cast on Ethan to revive him? Uncle Macon dies. It was his life in exchange for Ethan's, though Lena had no way of knowing that. It seems he did sacrifice himself after all. But Ethan lived and Lena gets to keep him. Boo is still around though so I kind of wonder if that will be a little like having a version of Uncle Macon around, just one that can't talk.

8. Did you enjoy this ending? Did you enjoy the book overall? So I am curious about the second book since it seems like it just pushed the Claiming to Lena's seventeenth birthday instead of her sixteenth. And I'm honestly really sad that Macon died since I really liked him. But other than that, I did really enjoy this book! It was such a fun time and it was so fascinating that I almost couldn't put it down. This was such a good and fun read!!! I'm so glad we read it!!! I went into this book without any expectations and I guess I was pleasantly surprised?? I'm glad to find another YA book that's actually really good!

  Section Four Reading Journal

Okay so. I really, really liked this book! It was a really fun time and it was a lot better than I expected it to be (though I didn’t really know what to expect/didn’t expect much). At the beginning there, it was fairly similar to Twilight though it ended up being a waaaaay better version? (Because, let’s be real, all YA is pretty similar, especially if it’s supernatural YA.) So I really liked this book!

I thought this last section was pretty interesting and I liked all the ~twists. Sarafine parading around as Mrs. Lincoln was such a fun time, wow. But also Larkin???? ‘Kay cool. (Read: rude.) Though I liked that he could hide his eyes with his Illusions. That was super cool.

I am toying with maybe reading more in this series. But I was browsing reviews on Goodreads for the next book and it’s, um, not well liked??? The vast majority of the reviews I read said it wasn’t as good as this book. So that’s disappointing. (I’m just hoping this series doesn’t go the way of Red Queen: utterly fantastic at first, utterly unreadable as you go along.) So I might end up reading the next book later. We’ll see. I am curious to see what happens to Lena since she wasn’t Claimed in this book. I kind of feel like she might have just delayed it instead of stopping it altogether.

I am also quite fascinated by the movie since the cast is fantastic???? Emma Thompson, Jeremy Irons, Viola Davis (she’s just everywhere; I feel like so many of our book club books have Viola Davis in the movie XDDD), Emmy Rossum, Kyle Gallner. I’m definitely going to have to dig this movie up because who can pass up all of that????? Not me, haha.

Anyway, I think this was my last full catchup book (besides the last couple sections of Outlander). So I think I am basically caught up to the group now? YAY!!! THIS IS SO EXCITING!!! It’s been a long (but mostly enjoyable) reading journey!! Now I’m so glad I can actually read everything while everyone else is reading it now!!! And I can’t wait to start all of our new books!!! Book club is the best. I’ll love it forever <333

[thebrochtuarachs]

Arranged: Chapter 2

Modern AU. Set in 2018. Where Claire and Jamie are arranged to be married.

CH: 1

AO3

CHAPTER 2: The Explanation

Claire

“Papa, Mama, can I talk to you in private.” Claire said with a dead tone as she motioned towards the living room, hoping it was far enough to quiet her impending outburst.

“Excuse us” Henry said as all three stood up, set down their wine glasses and left the Frasers in the dining room to surely have a discussion of their own. When Claire locked the door behind them, she turned to her parents and gave them the sternest look she could muster in her life.

“You can’t possibly think that I would agree to this…arrangement?! Who do you think you are to marry me off to some guy? – “

“Darling, I don’t think Jamie is some guy - “ Henry retorted.

“I am speaking and you can talk when I am finished!” Claire huffed back angrily. “This is not the bloody 18th century! I am not some type of property you can buy and sell to whoever asked first? I am my own person, with my own ideas, with my own intelligence and I can bloody well find a fine, young and remarkable man, who I will CHOOSE to spend the rest of my life with, perfect well.” Claire was pacing back and forth the room, contemplating the next sentences she’ll say.

“Did you not ask me once if I have suitors of my own? Because let me tell you, I’ve had tons of them since I was in high school! I can have any man I want and have them grasping from the palm of my hand!” Claire continued her rambunctious speech. This was not like her but this inner fury inside her made her such.

“Also, did you have to announce it during the dinner? Why not just tell me there was THIS plan before? Maybe I could’ve refused then rather than now - not like this because I swear I am not slightly embarrassed to make a fucking scene” Claire huffed then stopped pacing. She walked closer to her parents, stood in front of them and looked them straight in the eyes. “I will not marry James Fraser, in any way, shape or form. Do you hear me? If you so much as to trick me into it, I will leave this place and you’ll never hear from me ever again” Claire knew it was a tad overboard but she was really angry.

Her parents looked at each other, having a silent conversation of their own Claire’s eyes softened a bit and darted to and from her mother and father, willing them to give her a viable explanation. “Mama, Papa, why are you doing this? What is going on?” Her parents just continued to look at each other and then to her then back to each other.

“Tell me, god damn it!!!

“It’ll be good for the business and the company” her father blurted out.

“So, that’s it?! This arranged marriage is a business merger?? Can you not do it without me getting hitched?!”

“We need to protect our assets and this is the best way how – this is for your own good and the family’s as well” Henry explained defiantly.

“Also, we like him and we want him for you” her mother tried back.

“That is not your choice to make! This is my life!” Claire hated that she sounded like a whiny teenager but she needed to stand her ground if there is a way of getting out of this crazy idea. “I worked so hard, to study, to be a woman of my choosing – ”

“Protecting and continuing the family legacy is what we’ve instilled in you since you were young. This is just stepping into that role.” Her father said steadily. This standoff is shifting its balance and its not in Claire’s favor.

“I know very well the role I have in this family and I take that very seriously. Uncle Lamb’s legacy means the world to me too.”

“Then this arrangement should be of no problem to you.” Henry said sternly. “And Jamie is a fine, young man, a close friend of the family’s, we approve of him – it is the perfect situation for all of us.”

Claire was dumbfounded by what her father just said. She couldn’t think and just barely managed to move from where she stood. When the words finally sink in, she shook her head then composed herself then continued to battle her parents on.

-

Jamie

“I suppose ye have questions” Brian started, filling the silence that was occupied by the ticking of the clock.

“Ye think?” Jamie snorted back. “I just come back after a six-month trip, suddenly invited to a dinner with my family and friends, and then this announcement?”

Brian looked at Ellen and with her nod, he took a deep breath before speaking.

“Lad, we kent why you suddenly went on this wee trip and it was not just to find some new authors. It’s to prove yourself successful in your own way not for us but for Claire.”

Jamie flinched at his parents. Nobody knew that. Nobody knew he liked Claire. Nobody knew she was the reason he left. Nobody knew that he was trying to prove something. Nobody. He told no one and yet, his parents have known all along.

With his shocked look, her mother continued the story. “Janet saw you try to approach Claire in uni but when you saw him with, what’s his name, oh, Frank Randall, a PhD Student, accomplished man, we knew you had to try and at least make yourself a contender for her heart.” Ellen explained to his gaping son. “You wanted to be your own man, make and do something that is yours.”

“We’ve always known you liked Claire growing up and we also knew you were too respectful of her dreams to try and ruin it” Brian chimed back in.

“Then why are you doing this now?” Jamie said, hopelessly embarrassed that he even tried to keep it a secret.

“Ye ken the Randalls, aye?” Brian stressed. “Claire doesn’t know that her parents know that she and Frank been secretly seeing each other this past month. Naturally, they did some digging and background check, and found a lot of red flags in their family as well as in Frank. Aside from his family having shady business dealings, we believe he’s wooing her to get access to her ancestor’s, Lambert Beauchamp’s, original notebooks, records, books, etc. for his dissertation. It will not be good for her nor to anyone. We need to protect her.” His father insisted.

“Why not just tell Claire all these?” Jamie fired back. True, he wanted Claire but not like this. He did not work hard just to be handed something he didn’t earn. He was a better man than that and his parents must know that.

“Do you think she’ll approve to know that her parents, technically, broke a lot of privacy protocols to know what they know? No. She’ll be more livid and she’ll run straight to Frank just to prove a point. You know how stubborn she can be?” Jamie knew and he wouldn’t be surprised if Claire went off and ran away with him, maybe, even marry him, just out of her spite. Claire was a careful lass when it comes to her dreams but was impulsive when someone tries to dictate her life.

“And this is a better alternative?” Jamie reasoned.

“Aye, at least, there’s a reason to keep an eye on her or for you to keep an eye on her” Brian answered back.

“By deceiving her, lying to her?” Brian and Ellen shrugged in resignation. They knew the weight of the burden they’re asking Jamie to carry but if they could think of any other way, they’d do it in a heartbeat. “What do you expect this arrangement will accomplish?” Jamie couldn’t help but ask. Despite the weirdness of the situation, he was rather curious.

“Well, we went far as keeping Claire out of the Randalls and for you, I guess, finally having a chance to court her?” Ellen said, breaking the information.

Jamie sinked down to his chair and ran his fingers in his hair. This was too complicated, too archaic, too messed up and just too…much. “Da, don’t you think I can do that on my own?”

“I know ye can but the situation kind of forced it now.”

They can still hear Claire’s faint screaming from the other room as she continued to barrage her parents with questions.

“What do you expect me to say to Claire?”

“That they leave to you. She’s probably too angry at them to believe a word they will say but they ask that you leave the shady business behind first until they can look at it further.”

Jamie nodded in understanding but still, the fact is, they’ve trampled themselves in some sort of tricky situation.

“She will never forgive me for this if she knew the truth. I know it” Jaime said, defeated, but Claire’s safety comes first.

Brian placed a hand on Jamie’s shoulder in support. “If your feelings are as true as you know them to be, then hopefully – hopefully, she’ll come around”

-

“I can perfectly protect the family business even as a doctor! I don’t need a husband to do that for me!”

Jamie could still hear Claire argue with her parents but they’ve been there long enough and the night needed to end. After his talk with his parents, and with the sudden revelation of his true feelings, it was a no-brainer that Jamie was in this plan now. However, he would not still allow for this “engagement” to Claire be the thing that gets them together – he doesn’t want it that way and she probably doesn’t want it that way either. He wanted her and he wanted to earn her trust and love – not through this forced arrangement.

So, he focused at the task at hand: Keep Claire away from the Randalls – this is priority #1. He’s almost sure Henry and Julia conjured up an improbable reason and he decided to just go and run with whatever reason they built. He doesn’t know it yet but once it comes up, it’s his turn to continue with the story. He’s works in publishing, surely he can come up with one fast?

He ran his hands through his face and hair to prepare himself then Jamie knocked on the door to interrupt the Beauchamp’s.  

“What?!” Claire retorted forcefully. She was nowhere near done with her parents.

“It’s Jamie.” he heard shuffling on the other side and the door swung open.

Instead of addressing Claire, he turned to her parents. “Uncle Henry, Aunt Julia, would you mind giving the room to me and Claire?”

“Jamie, I am not done speaking - “ she tried to stop them but they were out the door and Jamie closed it behind him.

“You seriously cannot agree to this!” Claire began pacing again.

“I don’t” he said calmly, rooted in where he stood.

“Then let’s tell them that nothing going to happen! They can’t dictate our lives like this! Get married?! Did they even think for once that we might have prospects of our own, that we want to choose who spend the rest of our lives with?” Claire was rambling, explaining away the reasons this arrangement was ridiculous.

“Claire, you know your parents and you know mine. They wouldn’t do this if there was no valid reason.”

“And you think this business merger is a valid, ENOUGH reason?”

So that is what they told her. Jamie decided to just run with it.

“No, not enough.” he said, playing along with the ruse.

“Then someone tell me more because I am left out in the dark here”

“So am I.” he lied. “But I have an idea - but you won’t like it”

“As long as it does not lead to the altar, I’m open”

“Well, ye and I dinna ken the bottomline of this setup. I thought if we investigated for ourselves and find out how this all came to be, maybe we can catch their intention and stop it there”

“Is that the best you’ve got?” Claire asked, brows furrowing.

“Ye got any other ideas?”

“Yeah, shove “no” into their faces”

Jamie had to laugh at that remark then turned serious. “And when ye do that, they’ll force our hand by making an announcement to the media and then breaking the engagement off will be harder to do. It’ll be a scandal to both our families.” Jamie said as if knowing that’s exactly what their parents are going to do. “That is when everything can be lost”

Claire sat down, tired and resigned. “So what, we just engaged, just like that?”

He moved and sat beside her, not touching but close enough to radiate enough trust in what they're about to embark on. “Ye ken the theater? We can just make them believe we are running along with it. All the while, we can hitch our own plan and find a way to let this die as quietly as possible”

“Pretend we’re engaged? You know I’m a bad actor” she said and Jamie nodded in agreement. “Ye are.” Claire laughed in return then looked at Jamie - her childhood friend turned fake-engaged fiancé?

“As long as there are no other viable plans, I agree to give it a go. Now, what happens next?” she asked.

-

Both came out of the study and walked towards their parents who were having a deep conversation of their own. Sensing their children, all four turned to them in anticipation.

“We have come to a decision” Jamie began. Their parents sat straighter in wait. “We have agreed to this arrangement” He put his hand up to stop them from rejoicing and they immediately backed down. “However, we have conditions. Break one of them and we break this off” Jamie took charge and Claire silently stood beside him in support and solidarity.

“First, no announcements shall be made to the media of any kind – newspaper, internet, all types.”

“Second, you cannot tell anyone else in our family – not Jenny, Willie or Rabbie. Only the six of us will know until we’re ready to tell them ourselves.”

“Third, we will decide when and where to get married. No questions as pertaining the details of the…wedding…that is to come may be asked in the duration of this engagement”

The words falling out of Jamie's lips felt foreign to him but he needed to be strong for this - he can be strong for this, for Claire. He looked straight in the eyes of all their parents and let them know how hard this is for him and what he received in return was a look that said that they understood and they were grateful.

“Is that all?” Henry asked and both nodded. He then looked to his wife, then to the Frasers, and then to Claire and Jamie. “If that’s all then, we agree to your conditions” The four parents rose and gave their children hugs and everyone resumed the night as if everything was okay and nothing crazy happened at all.

A/N: First, I am so sorry this chapter took a while to come around. I knew the story in my head a while back but putting them down on paper has put me in a little writer's block. But I just took a social media break and had a little bit more creative space to push this through. :) I'm not a super angsty person so apologies if the angst isn't all that much but I really tried! :) So excited that I get to push this story along now - and yes, in this story, the Randalls are really shady, douchy, people. So Frank fans, sorry in advance! As always, comments and suggestions are always welcome. Your messages mean a lot! <3 #Chapter3HereWeCome

[x-rambles]

08.14.2021

Gratitude:  1. IG Lives are actually lowkey a vibe for you! They feel natural & fun!  2. You meal prepped lunch for a full week! It was successful! Do it AGAIN!  3. This evening will be a mystery...BUT-you will enjoy a DELICIOUS meal for dinner! 

Okay. So, the good news is that Yacht is out of the running! I’m so proud that you have not responded & it’s been so long that I’m sure he’s no longer interested. You know he’s not your husband. You’re making the best decision.

You are also FINISHED with the casual sex. No more sex with those who are not your boyfriend. I’m still developing what I’m going to do moving forward about the “:boyfriend” thing..but no more casual sex.

Ole boy BK is going to have to go the way of Yacht! First of all, you got so drunk at his house that you had to leave work? Girl...never again. Gotta be smarter than that. But also-it’s just irresponsible. You are not interested in him long term. There’s no future there. You can be journalling, working out, praying, ANYTHING instead of spending time with him. You feel curious about him because you were appealed to him SOME WHAT, which led you here. But it’s all a distraction! You are unplugging. It’s not that big of a deal. Don’t respond anymore. No more Mexican take-out. If you must, you can tell him that you aren’t emotionally available for what y'all were doing...so it’s come to an end-just like it did with Yacht.

Now we’re onto Pilot. Did he only want sex? Maybe. It’s complex because...We had sex far too early-but I almost did it out of anxiety. He was love bombing me in a sense with his talk of engagement, marriage, being held down, etc. I did it to see if he meant what he said about this commitment-or if he only wanted sex. He didn’t take me out today (as planned) which is definitely a red flag. The sexual experience we had was horrifying as well. I did not like how I felt and I am not going to feel that way again. I’m glad that I clarified my boundaries to him-and I am sticking to those boundaries. I’m only interested in wining, dining & experiences.

I’m not sure if my recent behavior is because of the bipolar disorder. I have been drinking & I’ve been sexing...At this point, all I can do is create my boundaries, stick to them, and keep it pushing! I create & establish my boundaries. I can simply feel my emotions, and act as if the events of late July never happened. I know what I want for my life. My actions were not 100% aligned with that, so that’s over now. I will only act in a way that serves the woman that I know that I am. I started off well-so I’m going to continue.

If Pilot returns-I’ll voice my disappointment & hold him to my standards & requirements. I already voiced my sex boundary. My time boundary will return, responding to messages later, & only really spending time together on a date. He will really have to make this up to me though, if he’s trying to stay in the running-it’s the second time...*not so secretly* I’m hoping he means what he says about commitment & his plan. I see very bright things for us & so he has to wine & dine me to really show this is something we should do. I’ll give him the chance to make it up to me.....and then see if it’s worth it to continue exploring.

I have to cut BK loose. If he inquires-I’ll have to explain that I’m not interested in continuing our relationship. I made decisions & participated in actions that do not correlate with what I want, or what I’m interested in. I would like to stop. 

I’m wondering if it would be a good idea to stay to myself a bit now? Focus on my femininity? Focus on me?? I already got another month of TinderGold...so, the final decisions for now: 1. RESET: The past 3 weeks NEVER HAPPENED. You are Che, the feminine beauty to be wined & dined. Future #SAHM 2. Stick STRICTLY to the standards & requirements that I’ve set out. No wiggle room.  3. No distractions. Keep your eyes on your future, always.  As always, looking forward to your next update! We live & we learn sis. Through everything, you are always here. You are the author of your story. You choose your own reality. Keep it pushing babe! XoXo, C.