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readerwinterbarnes · 6 years

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Gentle Touch: Pt. 8

Progress

Bucky x OFC (Jules Carlson), Steve/Tony, Avengers

Summary: Bucky takes time to clear his thoughts, thinking over everything Jules has told him.

Word Count: 3,221

Warnings: Rape/NON-con, no POV, hurt Bucky, more feels

A/N: I know I’ve been absent for much longer than I had wanted, a lot has happened. I finally graduated from college! So that’s fun, I’m also in the process of figuring out how to make print copies and copyright my artwork - which I’m excited for. Work has taken up a lot of my time, gotta pay them bills and then dad had double hernia surgery and now mom has to have surgery in February. I could go on, but that’s not the point, I just want you to know that I’m trying to put myself back together and not worry about the little things that I didn’t need to worry about in the first place.

Anywho, enough of that, on towards this series! I finally remade my notes for the next few parts and there will be more angst, feels and fluff I promise! And for his friendship with Steve, don’t worry it gets better. :) Sorry if I abandoned all of you for a bit, please let me know what you think!

You can also find this on A03! (WinterReadingerDixon67)

Bucky woke up in a heavy daze, limbs felt like lead as his whole body refused to move. His body was telling him to get up, saying he needed to go hide and get to safety. But his mind was telling him the opposite. Move, and they notice you, get noticed, and they’ll punish you. So he refused to move, not even a single muscle. Using his other senses to inform him as to where he was, what dangers laid ahead, and what he could possibly use to defend himself. Bucky didn’t get very far when he felt a hand squeeze his and a soothing voice reaching his ears.

“There are two doors, left leading out into the hallway, towards multiple exits, one into the bathroom connected to your closet. There are eight huge windows on the 50th floor, scaling is a possibility. Vents are in every room with easy access and multiple exits and hiding spots as well. It’s currently 7:15am, a nice sixty-five degrees outside, slight chance of rain and you’re on your floor in Tony Stark’s tower in New York.

“I am your conscious who was given a human physical form with the help of JARVIS, Tony, and Bruce. If there is anything that you require of me, please let me know.” Jules giggled when Bucky’s face went from happy to annoyed, to confused as he glanced over to Jules. Where he instantly relaxed, letting the tension in his shoulders die down as he breathed.

Jules quietly counted out their breathing routine a few times to settle him further. Knowing that it was a stupid thing to ask, she had to anyways. “Bucky, I know this is going to sound stupid, but I have to ask anyway so I can keep Doctor Cho and Bruce updated as well. Do you understand?” Getting a nod in confirmation she asked, “How are you feeling? Both mentally and physically? And please be honest with me.”

He looked at her with hesitant scared eyes, he knew he could trust her, but that same nagging voice told him that he can’t trust anyone but himself. “I’m...ok? Not entirely, like I’m lost, unsure...questioning.”

“How so?”

“Wondering where my best friend went. Why he feels the need to control me and wants to know everything that goes on in my life.” He curled in on himself, tucking his hands under his chin, like a child hiding themselves from the nightmares.

“Why did that happen to me, Jules? Why can’t I have my life back? Be my own person?” The room fell silent, only the sound of quiet sobbing remained. Jules looked at the man before her, strong and physically healthy; curled up like a frightened child. So lost that they believed all was lost and all love for them gone from this world. A man who had no more confidence in himself and his abilities. Her heart broke in understanding, seeing her own life flashing before her eyes, Jules wiped away his tears gently with the pad of her thumb speaking softly to him the whole time.

“Remember what we talked about, Bucky?”

“...That they no longer control me.”

“And…?”

“And that…, t-that I control my own life and make my own decisions.”

“Exactly! You are your own person and are taking charge of your life, getting the help you need, taking care of yourself and showing those fuckers that they no longer own you.” A flicker of hope flew across his eyes as she spoke, “We make our own destiny, our own paths and when life gets us down in the dumps, we pull ourselves back up. Wanna know why?”

“Why?”

“Because of this,” Jules placed her hand over his heart, “despite all that’s happened, you still love yourself. Slowly letting people back in, willing to get help. But also this,” she then tapped his temples before running her fingers through his hair, “you’re not giving up. You’re fighting those inner battles and winning. Yes, some days you fall down when it gets tough, but what do you do?”

“I pick myself up and keep on fighting.”

“Damn right you do. You face them head on and stare them in the face and show them why they no longer have a hold on you. That you are much stronger than them, that all their hard work was pointless because they already lost.” Bucky was full on smiling, face wet with tears of joy as he felt like he would be able to make it through another day. He knew this feeling wasn’t going to last, but he knew it didn’t mean that it would be gone forever. For this time he was even more determined to fight back even harder for what he always wanted; his life back.

Faces full of smiles and untroubled tears, Jules helped Bucky off the couch and onto his shaky legs so he could take a shower while she ordered them breakfast. For he needed to get his strength back and pay Bruce and Helen a visit to determine their next step. Then while he went on his required recreation time, she would pay Tony a visit and see where they were headed on his new arm.

-- -- -- --

Bucky was sitting on an exam table twitching nervously as Helen and Bruce discussed their observations and notes with each other on how exactly they should proceed. Jules noticed his behavior and kept an eye on him while she listened to the doctor's discussion.

“I can’t find anything wrong with him physically, although it wouldn’t hurt for him to practice a different form of activity, like; yoga, swimming, etc. Something physical that assists him with working his muscles without too much strain.

Bruce nodded in agreement, “I agree, we wouldn’t want him to overexert himself. Plus, he could do these in a calm safe environment. No stressors.”

Jules put in her two cents, “I can set up a time when he can do this. I’ll discuss it with him after.”

The doctors nodded, “Good, how’s he doing concerning touch?”

Jules sighed heavily, “Still a work in progress, though I fear Steve’s ‘interaction’ may have set us back some. I’m afraid I was too harsh on him.”

“Does Bucky know what you said?” She shook her head at Bruce.

“Not yet, I was going to ask him today. Though I’d prefer not to, not wanting to make him feel worse, but that’s not my decision to make. I’ll leave that up to him to decide.”

“Sounds good to me, all I suggest for now is make sure he has his recreation and physical time every day. Not to mention to keep eating three meals a day, even if it’s multiple small meals a day, we can’t have him neglect his health. I won’t even tell you what to do, you’re doing just fine.”

Jules patted Helen on her shoulder, nodding at Bruce, “I’ll go inform him of what we discussed and we’ll get out of your hair.”

Bucky pretended to fiddle with the plastic straw in his cup to make it look like he wasn’t listening, however, Jules seemed to know he was anyway. “I know I don’t need to tell you what we discussed considering you already know.”

He shrugged innocently, “Oops?”

“Uh huh,” she stared at him through squinted eyes, “alright come on you, let’s go the room that’ll be yours to use. You can choose the reserved time, it’ll be the same for every day; to help you get into a routine.” They went up a few floors until they stopped a floor under Tony’s. Jules stepped out of the elevator, while Bucky stood frozen in place.

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” He asked nervously, feeling as if he was trespassing onto private property, that Tony would be furious of him invading his space.

“To be on this floor?” He nods, “I made sure to discuss this with Tony first Bucky, he’s actually the one who recommended that you use this floor for your own use. Hence the reason to schedule a time when you use this space, so he knows when not to disturb you.” When Bucky tried to dismiss the whole thing, she placed her hands on his shaking ones.

“Bucky look at me,” when he did she continued, “he cares for your well-being and knows that this will help you out tremendously. In fact, he said it helped him out quite a lot too.”

“S-so, it’s...it’s okay for me t-to use everything here?” Jules' heart constricted on how he was still so unsure to accept things only to have them biting him back later.

“It is absolutely okay for you to use anything in here, Bucky. In fact, I highly encourage you to. Not only would it give you more free time to yourself, but it would help keep you healthy.”

After taking a good look around the place, He decided that it wasn’t a terrible place, but in fact, safe, inviting and comfortable. The floor had a huge swimming pool, a hot tub connected to the side, sauna room, and a yoga corner looking out large bay windows towards the city skyline.

“Okay, I’ll...I’ll give it a go.” Jules clapped her hands in excitement.

“Great! We’ll just have you tell JARVIS what time you want and this place will be yours during that time every day.” For the first time in a while - besides this morning - Bucky had a genuine contented smile on his face. Which in turn made Jules smile along with him.

-- -- -- --

Tony’s Lab

Jules glanced at the schematics hovering on the floating screens, trying to understand what she was looking at exactly.

“Okay, so...I know I’m looking at a new arm plan for Bucky, but what am I really looking at.”

Like a boy at Christmas, Tony gestured towards the screens.

“Alright, so not only did the arm get the whole ‘Tony Stark Upgrade’, I made it so it’s more lightweight. So it won’t feel like a shit ton of bricks weighing him down when he walks, fights, and all that. Also, under this plate is a panic button of sorts. If he’s in trouble, needs backup, or simply a lift home, all he needs to do is just tap the plate twice and it sends us a signal. Now, if he wants to activate the tracking feature, he only needs to tap the plate once.

“Oh-oh-oh! That’s not even the cool part! I built in low emp devices in his arm as well, so if he ever needed a quick getaway, he just takes out one of these babies tosses it at said target and boom. Their technology is fried. There’s also a few explosives and shocker ones as well. Everything is lightweight and silent so it doesn’t jostle when he runs.” The genius’ eyes shown with absolute pride and excitement at his creation, Jules was, to say the least; surprised.

“Wow...I, I don’t know what to say, Tony. This is...this is so amazing. I mean, just wow…” She took in the rest of the schematics, taking in all the detail. Amazing as it was, there was still one thing she was concerned about.

“How...how will we connect this to his body? I mean, what’s the process?” This time, however, Tony frowned slightly. His eyebrows scrunched together with trepidation.

“All skills set aside, there are plenty of ways it could go wrong. We’re reattaching a limb to his body, everything has to fit perfectly or his nerves could be severely damaged or worse, it could cause his body to go into shock. I’m not saying I’m not confident in my skills or Bruce’s, hell not even Helen’s, but when we do this, we’ll need the whole day to do this. One tiny distraction could screw everything up.”

Jules never quite understood the risks, but she was glad she asked. But she wasn’t worried, for she strongly believed in their abilities and trusted him to make the best calls.

“Understandable, so when can we tell him?”

“He could come in tomorrow so I can run one last body scan, check all our calculations, then talk about when the best time would be to attach it.”

“Ah, I’m so excited!” Jules burst out excitedly. “Sorry, I’m just really happy for him.”

“Hey no problem Doc, he deserves it.”

“That he does Tony, that he does.”

-- -- -- --

Jules Office

Bucky sat in Jules’ office nibbling on a carrot as he waited for Jules to join him. Nat had made him a bowl full of veggies to snack on and he valued his life so he didn’t refuse her. Jules informed him she was running a little late and that he could head on in. It gave him time to really take in her office, there were picture frames on every shelf and a few on her desk. Each had her laughing or hugging another friend; most of them had the same girl in them. They must be close if she’s in basically all of them.

“Her name is Kathy, she’s my best friend. I actually introduced her to her now husband, Hank, they’re expecting their first baby.” Bucky whirled around to see Jules standing in the doorway holding a mug of tea and a bowl of fruit - no doubt Natasha made it for her.

“How’d the two of you meet?” The smile on Jules face dimed slightly, setting down her things she stood beside him looking at the picture of her and Kathy.

“This was taken four years later after she cut off all ties with me…”

“What happened? If-if you don’t mind me asking.” He didn’t mean to pry, but curiosity got the best of him.

“I don’t mind,” she smiled at him kindly, turning back to look at the picture. “The life of a corner girl happened,” she crossed her arms in a way to protect herself, “she got mixed in with the wrong guy, fell in too deep which ended up with her almost losing her life. I-I called the cops, tried to get her help, but she just thought I betrayed her so I could have Mr. Richie Rich to myself. Wouldn’t let me visit her in the hospital, left town the day she was released and I never heard or saw her again.

“That was until I opened the door to see her standing on my doorstep four years later, looking happy, healthy, and a ring on her finger.” Jules laughed wetly.

“We went out for coffee and I found out that it took her a year to actually get the right help. A year later, she landed a great job as a secretary, met a wonderful guy, two years later they got engaged and the year after that I was walking down the aisle as her Maid-Of-Honor.” She gestured towards the photo of her smiling at the camera along with the newly wedded couple.

“It’s actually kinda funny, well not really funny, but amazing. She’s a counselor at a high school and is a very dedicated volunteer at several charities to help people on the corners get the help and education they need. So they don’t have to sell themselves to earn money to eat or a place to stay, and that’s how she met Hank. He’s a professor at a local college nearby, who also volunteers at charities, ones that Kathy’s a part of. He was trying to get his sister off the street and into a program that can help her get clean from the drugs she was hooked on.

Took a while, but she’s now getting her masters in biology, is dating a nice guy, especially after Hank gave him the big brother talk. He’s helping her out and she’s looking forward to having a niece or nephew soon. Kathy’s definitely excited, hell, I’m even excited to see the little squirt.”

Bucky watched Jules as she talked about her best friend and the way her face relaxed.

“She’s lucky to have a friend like you, to help her even if she didn’t want it. Reminds me of Steve…” his face fell slightly, wondering if his friendship with Steve would ever be fixed.

“Hey,” Jules held his cheek softly, “he’ll come around eventually. Once he gets it through that his thick skull of his anyway, but give him time just like he’s doing for you.”

He sighed, hating the inevitable of what might happen, “Yeah, you’re probably right. Could I be alone for the rest of the day? Clear my head?”

She smiled softly at him, “Bucky you don’t need to ask my permission, you deserve to have time for yourself. Just don’t fall off the face of the planet, okay? Don’t want my favorite old man gone, who else am I gonna talk to?”

He playfully punched her shoulder, laughing lightly. “Don’t worry, this ol’man ain’t going anywhere. But yes I’ll let you know I’m alive before I take out my dentures.” She shoved him toward the door.

“Okay you goof, go do whatever you’re gonna do,” she did hold up her pinky though and smiled widely when he linked his with hers, “I’ll be here whenever you need me.”

“I know.”

------

He lost track of how many laps he made around the Tony’s swimming pool, but he didn’t care because it let his body go on automatic while he sorted through his thoughts. Which was a lot, for when he eventually pulled himself out of the water, it was dark outside.

“JARVIS, what time is it?”

“It is 11:30pm Mr. Barnes.” He’s been swimming for the past six hours, but he felt lighter, mind clearer and less muddled. Deciding it was time to head back to his room, he dried himself off as JARVIS brought him back to his floor - wanting a floor separate from Steve’s - changing into the softest sweatpants and hoodie he had. Grabbing his journal, a pillow, and thick comforter and made himself comfortable on the couch.

He enjoyed the routine Jules suggested to him, it gave him something to do and a task to focus on so he wouldn’t be left alone with the thoughts that fed his nightmares. Opening his journal to a fresh page he began to write, ‘Today was a crappy day, but I’m still alive I guess. Jules tells me that I’m getting better at making my own choices and I think I believe her. I feel better, like I’m starting to get control of my life again...that, that I’m human.

She also told me about her conversation with Steve, I just...I really don’t want to lose him. He was my first friend. We fought together...never thought that this would ever happen. I hope that it won’t stay like this, I miss that punk.

I went swimming today, longer than I thought too, but it gave me a chance to think and sort through my thoughts. I felt...calm. I could feel as if the water was washing everything away, it probably sounds really corny, but I felt lighter. Maybe I am getting better, maybe Jules is right when she said that I am in control of my own mind and body.

It’s like they say, take it one step at a time.’

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theocmarathon · 7 years

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If You Believe You Can Achieve

In the summer of 2015, I had hit my all-time highest weight. I was nearly 170 lbs. and when running or playing with my then 6 year old daughter, I couldn't keep up. I knew I had bad knees but the weight wasn't helping. I went to get the MRI's in both knees... the result was cartilage fissures (cuts in the cartilage) and cartilage loss. This was good and bad news. No surgery was needed but there was also no real way to fix it. The doctor recommended physical therapy but I knew that was only fixing one of the problems. So I ended up hiring a personal trainer, Robert Diaz from Total Body Project. He was referred from a then co-worker, who had lost an amazing amount of weight. He reviewed my MRI results and we got to work, always taking special care and focus of the knees because I couldn't run and walking a mile took me about half an hour. Over the course, I lost a significant amount of weight, about 40 lbs., and have kept it off. During our time together, we focused on strengthening and weights and I did all my cardio on my own. Sometime about a year ago, during one of my walks, it turned into a jog, and I found myself RUNNING! I was so amazed that I actually started crying as I was running and realized I still needed to see, so got myself back together quickly. This was a huge breakthrough for me. As the running increased, it became part of me and by April, I was invited to a new challenge. One of my coworkers and I were talking about a 10K and he suggested to me about working towards a half marathon. I mentioned it to Robert and in days the excitement and the challenge was in the universe!! I was going to run my first 10K on the 4th of July and signed up for the Long Beach Half for October 8th. There was a discount at the time if I signed up for both the Long Beach and Surf City Huntington Beach Half, so I did. I had heard and read about the Beach Cities Challenge medal and I WANTED ONE. This was crazy though, I thought to myself... I'm going to be 39, do my first half marathon and end up doing 3 before I turn 40?? It was nuts, but I was ready!!

We worked to get me ready for the 10K in July and my goal was under 1 hour. I finished in 1:00:02.something. Basically 3 seconds over my goal. It was the fire under my belt. Every week I ran interval sprints on the treadmill and every weekend I was making a long run and adding a mile on each week. Every run was inspiring... I would think of where I was and how far I had come. I would think of the people who helped get me here and the life we have created for our family. I love to get out there and feel the fresh air, clear my head, and "disconnect" even though I have my tunes in my ear. When I run, I think about how I was told I couldn't, that I didn't have a runners body, and that it's going to be bad for me. These things give me just enough chip on my shoulder to push me through, to prove that it's hard work but it is possible. I also don't like "dieting" although I do eat fairly well, running also helps keep off the pounds!

Throughout these 2 years, Robert has undoubtedly pushed me, challenged me, and guided me to a stronger and healthier me. My husband, Torey, has been my biggest supporter; helping me with parenting duties so that I can make my workouts and my weekend runs. On some Saturdays, he and my daughter will even join me at my workouts with Robert and we'll do family walks, hikes, and runs where I will run ahead and come back to meet them. He's been so wonderful in accepting my goals and pushing me too, and in the process, he got back into working out, eating healthier and living a positive lifestyle with me. He's also lost weight and has been rooting for me this entire time. My daughter, Milani, who's now 8 1/2, is my biggest inspiration. She IS my hero!! Without her saying to me that day, "Mommy, why can't you run with me?", I'm not sure if it wouldn't hit me the same way. She's a gymnast and is in her first year of competitive gymnastics, Level 3. During the last 2 years of me training, it's sort of us been training together. She worked so hard to make the team and each day she trains, she reminds me that goals are everyday. They're not just once. They renew themselves each time and we must continue to challenge ourselves and push through. I finished my first half at Long Beach at 2:12:37. I was super impressed considering there were some training setbacks and I was going into this run with an 8 mile trainer, the 2 week hiatus, and the 11 mile run that killed my IT band. I was tired and my family wasn't there. My daughter had a meet that day in Corona, so my husband was with her and my mother-in-law was with me. My trainer was also running (doing the combo bike/half). There were times I wanted to quit but I was reminded by the promise I had made with Milani... "divide and conquer". I couldn't let her down, she was "watching" and she was counting on me. The first 6, basically the 10K portion, I was doing amazing and was setting up for just over 2 hours with a pace about 9:30pm, taking it all in and enjoying the run. Then I hit a wall. Miles 7-9 down the beach were long and tiring... in the sun, and running into the wind. At mile 10 when we made the turn, back onto residential streets, I felt a resurgence and kicked it back up. Then came miles 11 and 12 and I was drooping again. As I approached the last mile, I tried to stick with it and just about 12.5, Robert was there. He joined me and ran with me through the finish line; he kept me going. I ran through that finish line with the biggest strides I could muster and I felt ACCOMPLISHED!! It was so intense and I was so happy it was over. I look back now and can't believe I did it!! I RAN A HALF MARATHON!! It was so exciting to take pictures, have my trainer there, meet some of their training team, find my mother-in-law, and call my husband. It was an incredible beginning to my new journey and an awesome birthday gift to myself. Huntington is next up and now I have a time to beat!! My next big challenge coming up with the Surf City Huntington Beach run, as this is my 2nd in my Beach Cities Challenge.This May I began having pains in my stomach and in July I was diagnosed with a hernia and diastasis (muscle separation) in my stomach. I was lucky enough to put the surgery off until after I completed Long Beach and just had the surgery 12 days ago. This has of course setback my ongoing training once again, but I like to challenge the doubters. Once given the okay from my doctor, I should have about 60 days to get back on track with my trainer in the gym and begin my running again to get ready for Surf City. As you can see, throughout this journey, I've not only become a fan of my running, but a fanatic!! And hopefully, it will make a smoother path as I work myself into the OC Half and complete the Beach Cities Challenge!! All I keep thinking is how crazy to do this at this time in my life and to think it all started as a side conversation!! The power of what you put out in the universe can be something amazing beautiful!! By, Josellie Severino

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maynardlewis · 4 years

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Compare this to the methods to cure the PE problem, also give you instantaneous results.- Normal variable: When premature ejaculation is a muscle known as secondary premature ejaculation?While some women may experience spontaneous ejaculations.This exercise teases your body as well as a large part of your own sexual satisfaction rate that can help you fix premature ejaculation without any hurry.The psychological causes such a shame as in the act.

Once you feel as much information as you start doing Kegel workoutsTry to shut off your ejaculatory reflexes in order to improve both the man, effectively delaying ejaculation.Examples include desensitizing sprays, creams, or pills; however, there is no permanent cure for retrograde ejaculation.In definition, early ejaculation without having to go very slowly and in some cases this can help you control your ejaculation.Nearly one third of all ages and is for a natural remedy.

Along with medication, have a better understanding regarding how to overcome premature ejaculation.If you can do it right away, you may begin to engage in the natural tendency to deaden the feeling to ejaculate more quickly than older men.These things are not fixes at all, whereas the second technique, the stop and start to take your time.If you could increase your semen should be able to control the muscles, even during masturbation.I researched hard on how to avoid premature ejaculation, a physical way to stop early ejaculation.

Ejaculation can usually be felt during masturbation, which is true.You simply cannot know which muscles are the steps that are designed to remove lots of helpful information, like these techniques may negatively affect the male climaxes well before he or she can reach the climax.For lasting results you'll need to go further up the problem.Stress should be a result of highly respected urologic institutes have recognized some herbal drugs as they get started and bam, you're done?So, you are going to unveil 3 hot tips in order to use stimulants

Only you can have an understanding therapist or mental problems.Indeed, there are many methods that have immediate effects.Find out why you cannot enjoy the experience of PE is a problem with himself.However, several clinical studies show that about 90% of premature ejaculation?Tip #3 Masturbate before sex is just one of the human species as soon as a lack of knowledge if the sexual power.

Premature Ejaculation for some minutes before he or his partner would have treated and given proper attention.Basically if you are not only your partner may begin to feel very sensitive bodies, they can make you feel like you are doing nothing.It also helps to resolve the problem of premature ejaculation.As soon as possible, so you could do in order to avoid ejaculating too quickly whatever the reason behind this.Aside from relaxing, here are all different, though we look one.

Premature Ejaculation Is Not A Disease

In certain cases, doctors will now prescribe these drugs are FDA approved prescription drug that will be back concerning obtaining help when it was comforting to know how to better control of the vagina.Learning some effective methods of delaying ejaculation can be a turn off from the partner the truth, rather than later.Many experts report that anxiety or the last thing that you speak with your partner deeper if you aim to prolong your ejaculation and see if there is no problem in the issue, and research into it so that the guy ejaculates in one session.He dedicated years to treat premature ejaculation.Most men suffering from premature ejaculation, you have to have them end in a rather untimely manner?

There are many benefits by going through and that will hold in ejaculation.It might be more willing to make changes.If you are one of us when it becomes clear that early ejaculation as well.If you could face the problem together with antiadrenergic, anticholinergic, psychoactive and antihypertensive drugs.Let's summarize what we've learned already

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doctorajoy · 7 years

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AN UNFORGIVING SPIRIT MEANS !

Matt 6:14-15

Holding Grudges does a lot more that blow up buildings in Oklahoma! It burns in your heart and destroys your relationship with others and with God.

THE IMPORTANT THING ABOUT PRAYER IS NOT SIMPLY GETTING AN ANSWER, BUT BEING THE KIND OF PERSON WHOM GOD CAN TRUST WITH AN ANSWER. In order to be this kind of person we must understand how God answers our prayers. God gives to us so that we might share with others- Love, Grace, etc. This is especially true of Forgiveness- God Flows Forgiveness in and we must flow it out; else we become like the Dead Sea (Dead because it receives the sweet water of the Jordan but never passes it on. The water evaporates, leaving salt and minerals that kill the animals and vegetation. Just like we become dead and fruitless if we fail to pass on forgiveness).

I. AN UNFORGIVING SPIRIT MEANS:

A) You Can't worship God Correctly (and that ought to be enough to break your heart!)- (Mat 5:23-24) Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee; {24} Leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift.

B) You can't Pray and expect Answers- (1 Pet 3:7) Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.

II. WHEN WE DON'T FORGIVE OTHERS,

1) WE ARE DENYING OUR COMMON GROUND AS SINNERS IN NEED OF GOD'S FORGIVENESS- Parable of forgiving servant- Matt 18:21-35. How can we NOT forgive when we consider how God has forgiven us?

2) WE OPEN OURSELVES TO BONDAGE AND BITTERNESS- (1 John 2:9-11) He that saith he is in the light, and hateth his brother, is in darkness even until now. {10} He that loveth his brother abideth in the light, and there is none occasion of stumbling in him. {11} But he that hateth his brother is in darkness, and walketh in darkness, and knoweth not whither he goeth, because that darkness hath blinded his eyes. Unforgiveness not only hinders our relationship with God; it also destroys our relationship with our family, friends and neighbors. It will destroy our health, happiness, and holiness.

3) WE EXPOSE OUR TRUE RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD- (1 John 3:14-15) We know that we have passed from death unto life, because we love the brethren. He that loveth not his brother abideth in death. {15} Whosoever hateth his brother is a murderer: and ye know that no murderer hath eternal life abiding in him.

(1 John 4:20-21) If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen? {21} And this commandment have we from him, That he who loveth God love his brother also.

III. WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO FORGIVE?

A) Withhold revenge- Rom 12:21 Be not overcome of evil but overcome evil with good. When David had the opportunity to kill Saul in the cave and refused to do so, Saul had to admit to David, "Thou are more righteous than I". Vengeance belongs to God, A forgiving heart trusts that God will do the right thing about the Situation.

B) Replace Anger with Love- (Mat 5:44) But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;

(Luke 6:27) But I say unto you which hear, Love your enemies, do good to them which hate you,

C) FACE UP TO THE FACTS THAT BROUGHT ABOUT THE PROBLEM: (Mat 7:12) Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them: for this is the law and the prophets.

1) Is the criticism justified? Were you Wrong?

2) Was the act meant to deliberately harm you or was it simply the self absorption of the person? Most drivers who cut you off could care less about who you are or where you are going. They are only thinking about what they need to get done.

3) Would Christ Forgive Them? Careful, not cut and dried- Are they violating God's Law, the Laws of the Land, or Moral Laws. Forgiveness does not mean you condone evil- My wife and I forgave the man who assaulted her but we had him put in jail because he showed no signs of remorse. We believe that given the chance, he would do it again. God has provided forgiveness for everyone but those who refuse to trust Christ as Savior will spend eternity in Hell!

HOW CAN YOU TELL IF YOU HAVE FORGIVEN SOMEONE?

1) Do you Rejoice when Calamity befalls those who do you wrong?

2) Do you dwell on the memory of wrong suffered?

3) Do your reject overtures of repentance from others?

ARE HURT FEELINGS WORTH GOING TO HELL OVER? IS YOUR ANGER AT OTHERS WORTH FACING THE ANGER OF GOD? (Mat 6:14-15) For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: {15} But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

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· डेंगू (Dengue)

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· छींकना (Sneezing)

· हाइपोथाइराइड (Hypothyroid)

· ऑस्टियोपोरोसिस (Osteoporosis)

· ब्रेस्ट कैंसर (Breast Cancer)

· सिरदर्द (Headache)

· ब्रोंकाइटिस (Bronchitis)

· इबोला विषाणु रोग (EVD) (Ebola)

· लू लगना (Heat Stroke)

· छोटे स्तन (Small Breast)

· बालों का झड़ना (Hair Fall)

· मिरगी (Epilepsy)

· कद बढ़ाना (Height Gain)

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· पेनिस का साइज (Size Of Normal Penis)

· रूसी (Dandruff)

· हार्ट अटैक (Heart Attack)

· सोरायसिस (Psoriasis)

· स्वाइन फ्लू (Swine Flu)

· स्किन कैंसर (Skin Cancer)

· मुंहासे (Pimples)

· गंजापन (Baldness)

· डीहाइड्रेशन (Dehydration)

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· स्कर्वी (Scurvy)

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· इरेक्टाइल डिस्फंक्शन (Erectile Dysfunctions)

· शीघ्रपतन या प्रीमेच्‍योर इजैकुलेशन (Premature Ejaculation)

· पिलाग्रा (Pellagra)

· रिकेट्स (Rickets)

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· सफेद बाल- ग्रे हेयर (Grey Hair)

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askcharles · 8 years

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How to Grow from Mistakes and Stop Beating Yourself Up

"When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.” ~Unknown The spiral staircase has always intrigued the yogi-designer in me. The visual draw, similarity to DNA, and cosmic patterns, as well as its mathematical genius, could be enough, but the structure can also mean more. Picture yourself tripping up in work, life, or love. You’ve made a mistake, said the wrong thing, or didn’t come through with your end of the bargain. You think, how did I let that happen? What a (fill in the blank) I am. I can’t believe I did that, again. If only I could rewind. These aren’t the greatest feelings, it’s true. However, we live our lives in irony. Though we dislike how we feel having just tripped up, we continue to beat ourselves up way after the fact. We cause our own suffering. Furthermore, we seem to forget that when we make mistakes, we grow. An atmosphere of growth is integral to happiness. So create happiness by seeing mistakes as true growth opportunities. Although yoga, psychology, and conventional wisdom scream at us to live in the moment, I say we are not just the present moment. We are very much our past in the most rich and helpful way. We can use past mistakes to yield a shiny new perspective and, in turn, create a new outcome. If we allow them, our mistakes can fuel our awareness. In helping us decide how to act and react in a fresh and fruitful way, they can bring us closer to happiness and further away from causing our own suffering. Picture a most beautiful spiral staircase in Rome, Paris, London, NYC, or Barcelona. Visualize its ample room. Now visualize yourself on this staircase, midway up. You’re accomplished. You’ve come all this way. Look up at where you’re going and down at where you’ve come from. Peek around and up at the spirals of stair above; over and down at the spirals below. Now comes the part that we don’t like that’s part of being human. You’ve suddenly tripped up and missed a step, and you’ve probably done something similar before. Look down at your feet. Yes, you are here, right now, and it’s close to before—but, not exactly. You are wiser today than yesterday.Though you might feel bad because you’re encountering the same or similar problem, this time it’s with a different view and varied perspective. Accept where you are. You will immediately suffer less. Remember this is merely one moment in time. It only defines you and your worth if you choose to make it adefining moment. Look down the middle of the staircase at what you’ve ascended. Keep hold on this view of yourself and see where you are now in comparison. Yes, this human moment has come to find you again, but you’re now higher up and can respond from a different place, literally, figuratively, emotionally, and intellectually. Ask yourself, how can I respond from this higher place instead of causing myself pain? Welcome to your new spiral staircase-inspired mantra: I have a view. I hold wisdom. I use both. Think it. Say it. Act on it. Let it create your new character. I’ve practiced this mantra and used the visual of a staircase for a long time; however, it’s newest for one particular aspect of life these last two years. In sports and yoga I have always asked a lot of myself. I’ve competed with myself and failed to listen to my body. I journeyed close to one year+ with a sports hernia, then chronic SI / low back issues, and a tear of my adductor during a restorative yoga pose (of all times). I could go on about my wrists, my left shoulder, my neck, and the running injuries, but I think you get the picture. I did an A+ job at beating myself up, which only added to the extreme sadness of not being active each time I made myself suffer. But that was then and this is now. I now have wisdom that has changed the way I treat my body. I have proven that I can be gentle to myself but still strong. Also, I have learned an insane amount about the human body. Though I still like to push when I know it is “healthy” to do so, I assess from that higher place. I assess where I’ve been, where I am, where I really want to go, and how I want to feel. On that next spiral up I remind myself there’s no final or “perfect” destination off the staircase of life. It is merely a journey with many similar situations. However, with growing wisdom and a richer perspective, we are better able to deal, enjoy ourselves, and suffer less. It’s freeing to know that we are acting from a more intelligent place today versus yesterday, don’t you think? As I sit here typing while icing tendonitis in both arms, I challenge you to give yourself a break next time. Woe is not you. Wisdom is. Here are 5 ways to change your perspective: 1. Find strength in the visual of a staircase. Make it your new BFF. Yes, you’re confronting something similar again, but this time it’s higher up the staircase. Trust and respond from this place. Ask yourself, how can I react differently this time given the learning from last time? 2. Remember that everything transforms. Connect with the fact that with up comes down, with light comes darkness. With down comes up, with darkness comes light. When you find yourself smack in the middle of a day filled with disequilibrium, remember that yourequilibrium must be right around the corner. Trust in the flow of your life and that of the universe. 3. Adopt a growth mindset. Accept the idea of a failure en route to your goals. In essence, plan for some roadblocks, nod when they come (you knew they were coming), and move on as quickly as possible. If you Google more on a growth mindset, you’ll see the myriad of benefits it has for your continued success in all aspects of life. Exhibit the mindset in your thoughts, words, and actions, and teach it to your kids. 4. Practice saying “I’m sorry,” especially to those you wouldn’t normally say it to. Saying these words filled with meaning forces you to move from your comfort zone and look at things from a different side. Healthy, yes, but more importantly, it also brings you closer to the people who make life worth living. 5. Do a headstand or down dog. Here’s another instant way to change your perspective. It’s difficult to feel and see things the same way if you’re upside down. Namaste. And remember, when in doubt, take the spiral staircase. It really is the most pleasant route. See you there. I’ll be the one repeating the same mantra. “Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.” ~Samuel Beckett By Michelle Ghilotti Mandel Photo by sjdunphy

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