#I didnr consider i might have some sort of mental issues other than autism until recently because I just convinced myself this isn’t a prope | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

nerdsandbabyteeth · 2 years ago

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Constantly trapped between I can’t wait to live away from my family and spend more time alone because I feel like my thoughts will have time to settle and I will lose my mind if I live alone because I am starting to lose a sense of self this week simply because two of my friends are away and I don’t speak to anyone much in school.

#noggin time #I also cannot stand the fact that people I know follow me online or people I respect even #because I have a constant nagging feeling I’m completely and utterly embarrassing I see people posting abt things in their life and like #venting or whatever and I could never do that I think bc so many people follow me that I see face to face #I mean I’m doing this right now but tumblr is it’s own beast I have like one person I know irl on here I think #also it’s not like I have no friends I still talk to teachers and other people but it’s my best friend who I meet every morning and my new #friend I made this year who is in all the same free periods as me and also likes talking about tv shows so it’s like two people I talktomost #if this were a therapy session which it now is I would trace back my feeling of pure unfiltered embarrassment at simply being online back to #when I used framecast when I was like 9 and I drew a character inspired by someone’s oc and they vague posted quite civil abt it like please #don’t copy my ocs guys and I cried about it for hours and hours and I’ve never been the same since not to sound dramatic but it’s true #I delete Instagram every 3 days because it starts to make me feel physically unwell and then I re-download it because I miss everyone #I didnr consider i might have some sort of mental issues other than autism until recently because I just convinced myself this isn’t a prope #r issue I should just get over it but at this point it’s violently affecting my moods when I’m not immediately talking to anyone

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