#I didn't try and force succsess | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

angeldiaries777 · 11 months ago

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my mom just now "i miss my daughter" should've thought of that before the years of abuse you put me through. Why didn't you get me help after my attempts?? why did you continue to act awful towards me. why did you let my dad yell at me everynight and agree with him everytime. why didn't you love me when i needed it. why didn't you educate yourself on mental illness and how to deal with it when your child is suffering from it instead of denying it because you think they're too good for that kind of thing. why did you barge into my room and chase me to the corner of my bed when i would misbehave as a child. why did you use physical discipline on me and me only not my brother or sister until i was fucking 15 even at that point it was just abuse and i would have understood even the slightest bit of verbal communication but its not like i was going to hit my mom back all i could do was try to block her and talk her out of doing it and even then she mocked me for it. why did you always say that you're tired of dealing with me. why did you make me feel so much shame for self harming. why did you mock me when i would cry and refuse food during my ed. why did you resent me when you're the entire fucking reason i am on this planet anyways. why did you tell me to kill myself and when i actually had an almost succsessful attempt you screamed at me. why when i had intelletual conversations and tried to spend some time with you to cope with my anxiety because i had no one and if i was alone i knew i would self destruct so you knew that and even still got annoyed and bored with me. why did you continue to speak to relatives that we're bad towards me. why as a teenager did you force me to be closer with u. asking me for hugs when you know i hate any and all physical contact from most people especially from someone who will never change and constantly crosses boundaries someone who i am tired of dealing with. why did i feel like i have to parent you because you relied on me for sooo many things and even when i was dying inside i still tried to help you. i still felt sympathy for u feeling bad for hurting me. i tried to accept you mom. i tried to forgive you. so many fucking times. i had forgotten so much anyway and i told you i had forgiven you. the entire past year i rarely brought up the past abuse you had inflicted upon me. i accepted that you will never change but you're also the only person who had seen most of my issues and my life play out so far so i thought whatever she's my mom i will just be nice to her to keep things civil even if i am still suffering because of her and my entire family. whatever. still. i can't forgive you and i don't.

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