#I didn't know you were a cis woman (you could've been a trans man) but I knew you were female

[antiyourwokehomophobia2]

i read your post you tagged “if you take nothing else from this blog let it be this”

and i’m glad i did because it paints a really great picture of your ideology

“i have nothing in common with trans women,” you say, and then you proceed to describe in vivid detail some obviously painful memories from your childhood that stayed with you: begging god to “fix” you, being viewed as dangerous by your peers for your identity.

you’re so right, when trans women were children everyone always clapped them on the back and said “great job today buddy we accept you!”

they never felt alienated, they were never treated as predators whilst being mere children, and they certainly never hoped a higher power would make them normal.

nothing human is alien to yourself and i’m sorry you think you have not an inch of common ground with 50% of the earth. i hope you’re very young, that would explain this really defensive, combative and self-isolating stance you’ve taken.

i’m a cis woman who was also bullied in middle school for being gay so unfortunately you cannot write this off as another “angry man” or whatever, but i expect you’ll find some other way to dismiss this criticism, or maybe you’ll pretend you didn’t read it despite me reading your much longer vitriolic post.

i’m not saying you have to love and welcome trans women into Our Spaces—although i wish you did feel that way—but specifically i’m baffled that you think you have NOTHING in common with them solely because they were born with a penis. are genitals really that defining of a human being? i personally don’t find it super feminist to reduce my entire identity and human experience down to my having a vagina.

No, anon, I’m not going to pretend that I didn’t read this ask. I do acknowledge and appreciate two things:

You took the time to read my post. If I can be honest, I thought it’d be a bigger hit, and the fact it wasn’t is at least partially contributed to its length, I’m sure.

Even though you clearly disagree with me, this ask is respectful. I really do appreciate that.

With that out of the way, I would like to give you a response.

““I have nothing in common with trans women,” you say, and then you proceed to describe in vivid detail some obviously painful memories from your childhood that stayed with you: begging god to “fix” you, being viewed as dangerous by your peers for your identity.

you’re so right, when trans women were children everyone always clapped them on the back and said “great job today buddy we accept you!”

they never felt alienated, they were never treated as predators whilst being mere children, and they certainly never hoped a higher power would make them normal.”

I would like to point out that the post I made was specifically talking about “lesbian” trans women. In the beginning, I speak a bit generally about trans women as a whole, but my post was mainly about straight males who claim to be lesbians. I'm willing to accept that I have plenty in common with homosexual trans women (trans women into males) because we are both gay. Not only that, but I can relate to being so gnc that I’d rather just be the opposite sex. However, this part of your ask does not make nearly as much sense if we are talking about heterosexual trans women. Yes. Straight males very much so are considered normal. I think where people like you and people like me get into the most arguments is that we can't decide who is and who is not a trans woman. You seem to view them as tortured minorities who struggled since childhood. And some of them are—mostly the homosexual ones, but the thing is that men with sissy fetishes or autogynephilia also call themselves trans women. “But they’re not!” is what you’re probably saying, right? Those men are perverts, right? Okay, but they call themselves trans women. How do you know who's telling the truth or not? How do we prevent the liars from hurting women? What is stopping a man with a fucked up fetish from identifying as trans, entering a woman’s bathroom, and assaulting someone? You might be thinking that if a man wants to assault somebody, a woman's bathroom sign isn't going to stop him from doing so, but the thing is, if you make it a law that anybody can go into whatever bathroom they want to go into, it then becomes asinine to call the police on him. The police can't do anything because how do they know he doesn't belong there? Do you understand why this whole thing causes women such great pause?

You and I can trade pathos all day. I can tell you sad stories from my childhood growing up gay. You can talk to me about a sad boy crying in his room wishing he was a girl. It always comes back to “who do you care about more?” If a teenage girl talks about feeling genuine discomfort over males being allowed in the school locker rooms and a teenage boy talks about how much he wishes he had access to the girl locker rooms because he “feels” like a girl, whose side do you take? Who do you care about more? I will always choose women and gay people.

I left something out of my post, anon. It wasn't relevant but now I think it is. I've talked about this before but when I was a kid I struggled greatly with the fact that I was black. I can say with full confidence that I had racial dysphoria. I wanted to be white so badly. Both of my parents are black people, but I used to ask people if I could pass as half white. It was pretty bad. Would you have told me that I was meant to be born white? No? Then why do you think it’s okay to tell someone they’re meant to be born the opposite sex? Why is sex the only thing people are allowed to say is “wrong” about them? How ingrained are biases about sex that people look at a little boy playing with dolls, say “he’s supposed to be a girl”, and a disturbing amount of people say “true!”? That’s insane! Imagine if someone looked at a white person eating watermelon and said they were meant to be born black? That’s how people with your ideology sound. You don’t think you sound that way because you’ve had so many people backing you up, but if you can tell me why racial dysphoria isn’t valid but gender dysphoria is, I’ll reconsider everything. It is my “bad” luck I was born black, anon. There is nothing I can do to change that. Some boy wishing he was a girl is a sad thing, sure, but it’s simply a matter of tough luck lmao. He shouldn’t suddenly get everything he wants just because of that.

“nothing human is alien to yourself and i’m sorry you think you have not an inch of common ground with 50% of the earth.  i hope you’re very young, that would explain this really defensive, combative and self-isolating stance you’ve taken.

i’m a cis woman who was also bullied in middle school for being gay so unfortunately you cannot write this off as another “angry man” or whatever, but i expect you’ll find some other way to dismiss this criticism, or maybe you’ll pretend you didn’t read it despite me reading your much longer vitriolic post.

i’m not saying you have to love and welcome trans women into Our Spaces—although i wish you did feel that way—but specifically i’m baffled that you think you have NOTHING in common with them solely because they were born with a penis. are genitals really that defining of a human being?  i personally don’t find it super feminist to reduce my entire identity and human experience down to my having a vagina.”

50% of the population? You and I have been talking about trans women this whole time. Are they 50% of the population? Are you talking about men when you say this? Why? This is a bit of a freudian slip, anon. Seems like I’m not the only one here who knows trans women and men are the same thing.

I do think that “nothing human is alien to yourself” is a beautiful phrase, and I do agree! There are men and straight people I can relate to just fine. But I don’t agree with calling males lesbians and I don’t agree that people can be born in the wrong body. I am defensive and combative. Women and lesbians are actively being threatened. Self-isolating though? No, I don’t think so. I don't feel isolated at all. In fact, I think being open about my views has led to me being close to people I never would’ve thought. And even if my views did lead to my isolation, I would much rather be alone than with people who are actively hurting women and gay people.

“i’m baffled that you think you have NOTHING in common with them solely because they were born with a penis.” I can concede that saying “nothing” was more emotion based than logic based, but I think that the straight male experience is pretty damn different from the lesbian one. The male experience, in general, is pretty different from what I’ve had. That’s what I was speaking about. 

“are genitals really that defining of a human being?” I don’t know about how much they define a human being, anon, but they definitely do contribute a lot to how the world treats you. If you have a penis, the world treats you a shit ton better than they do if you have a vagina. That’s just facts. Nobody can help being born with a penis, but the world is not a fair place. Also, for a trait that is apparently so neutral, people with penises manage to commit 90% of all violent crime. What do you make of that? If genitals are really neutral, why isn’t the crime rate between people with vaginas and people with penises a 50-50 split? You said yourself that nothing human is an alien concept to other humans, so if women go through the same experiences men do, why is there such a large disparity in crime? Why can women go through the things men do (and worse, let’s be real) and generally not end up as criminals? What is it about having a penis that contributes to this?

“I personally don’t find it super feminist to reduce my entire identity and human experience down to my having a vagina.” I never said women are only their vaginas. If I tried to talk about racism, I would not be “reducing black people down to their skin color”. There is no reason why talking about the female experience should be met with claims I’m reducing women down to their vaginas.

[nervoustragedyluminary]

31 Nonbinary trans man They/Them pronouns only. Only started medical transition at like 27/28 wish I could've started earlier in hindsight but it's never too late. Adding some of my experience:

The things that made me realise I should stop putting off starting transition were :

imagining getting old as opposed to assuming I'd die young/of suicide and thinking about the kind of old person I wanted to be and how I'd feel comfortable in old age and that was a dudely person

( even though old women are awesome and badass and beautiful;not that anyone has to be attractive to have worth and even 'ugly' old people are fucking beautiful and worthful - I'm just saying I know some terf is going to read this and be like "internalised misogyny detected! you only transitioned because the patriarchy hates and devalues older women" no piss off also lol if you think older trans people have it any easier than older cis people - educate yourself asshats)

I realised that the idea of aging into an old lady was the reason I was having difficulty with seeing a future for myself and that it was the 'lady' part that was an issue not the 'old' part because I didn't feel the same discomfort when I imagined myself aging as a nonbinary dude & was overall excited to reach 30

Another thing was realising that if I didn't like T or the effects or changed my mind or realised I'd been mistaken that I could stop taking it and that would be fine and not the end of the world due to listening to detransitioners and retransitioners who weren't transphobic & also to trans women and trans people who'd gone through T puberty and had that hormone making changes to their bodies for yonks but were still women nonbinary etc and the sky didn't fall

- there is a reason terfs and transphobes who don't want trans people to transition only focus on and platform the small pool of detransitioners who are mired in self hatred and talk about themselves as 'ruined beauties/ lost fertility who are worthless to the patriarchy and thus miserable now' - it's to fear monger "you can never go back to being a woman if you realise you're wrong after a single drop of T you're poisoned you'll be forever dEsTrOyEd and marked and miserable so don't even try to transition medically in the first place "

Because once I realised that was complete fear mongering BS I felt less scared of starting T and then when the sky didn't fall and I was actually HAPPIER and more chill (still never experienced the so called T rage and I'm starting to think it's mostly about the same amount of BS as 'hysteria' is Tbh) I was like "Oh, dang why did I wait so long hoping my dysphoria would go away 🤦this is actually helping it holy shit"

Before any medical transition changing my name and pronouns helped SO much, as did doing mascara mustaches and sideburns and cutting my hair short and binding heck I even realised Id worn satin boxers years ago before I even realised what trans was or that I could be trans before feeling embarrassed and stopping,

I wore the uniform pants at school and had short hair then I tried to overcompensate by doing (in hindsight very drag like) makeup and growing out pigtails and then I'd get sick of it and cut my hair again then feel bad because I was told I was "making yourself unattractive" - just oof

I swung back and forth like that for a while I got really into funky earrings and shaved my head and wore dresses and skirts or jeans and button ups and tank tops - I was trying so hard to figure out what kind of woman I was (tomboy, butch femme futch, goth, punk, hipster, hippie etc etc-it always cracks me up people saying transness is a replacement for counterculture fashions because trying them and flitting between the styles was in hindsight a way I repressed my transness/ I was trying to find anywhere else that I could fit and not have to admit to myself what was really going on was gender dysphoria - also there are trans ppl in all those 'subcultures' lol we've always been wherever people are because we are people too) and never quite feeling comfortable and I finally realised that I'm just not a woman, I'm not a binary man either though I do feel more comfortable aligning with transmasc these days. It didn't make me unlovable or a pariah - I did lose some shitty people Ngl but I'm better off and happier without them and I wouldn't trade who I am for the fake love of what felt like a cage I was trapped in

but yeah it's been a wild journey and idk maybe reading this will help someone on their own journey to realise it's not all the neat and tidy just so narratives the cis media gives you ecspecilly if you grew up when transness wasn't really talked about. It's your body not your parents' or your partners' or society's it's Your life to live and your decisions to make

Also TBC not medically transitioning/ having a "non normative" transition doesn't make you 'less trans'or whatever either truscum can fuck off, as I said its YOUR body not anyone else's

i feel like there’s a very skewed perception of trans men or transmascs being only teenagers who i guess magically grow out of being trans??? so if you’re over idk lets say 21, and youre a trans man/trans masc person, can you please reblog this and drop your age in the tags?

i’ll start- im 27