#I didn't have anymore room so let me know who else you'd fight!!

[stilesmieczyslaw]

Stubborn Longing

*****Minors DNI!! 18+ Only content. *****  Words: 8.5K Pairing: Aemond Targaryen x Female Velaryon/Strong reader  Summary: Aemond swore that one day you would be wed. When the time actually came you wanted nothing to do with him and his prejudices. Slowly you remember how close you used to be.  Warnings: Targcest, Sex (P in v), masturbation, grinding, enemies to lovers? Friends to enemies to lovers? Slightly OOC Aemond. Lots of background filler and time jumps before the smut, smut. Loss of Virginity. Slight mention of blood. Fingering One swear word. No use of Y/N (If I miss anything let me know) The author is dyslexic and apologises in advance.  AN: I'm a Daemon girlie. But somehow I've been sucked into Aemond girlie territory. I can't get enough of your beautiful writing and fics... And edits. You're all fantastic and I hope you enjoy. Read my other unrelated fics here

You were the eldest daughter of Rhaenyra Targaryen. Your hair was brown and curly. Your complexion looked nothing like your father's. Yet still you thought nothing of it. You had fond memories of laughing in the gardens with your father. Chasing him around trees and getting dirty, sneaking extra pieces of cake from the dessert table. Your mother would sometimes scold you both but she also encouraged it. If the people at court saw you playing with Ser Laenor then maybe they wouldn't question it.

You also had fond memories of your mother. You didn't understand what was wrong but there were some days, when she thought she was alone where she anxiously played with her fingers, absentmindedly staring into the fire. Tears at her water line but never shed. You silently wandered over to her and put your head on her knee. The first few times shocked her but now she grew accustomed to it. She stroked your hair and you drifted off. You woke again in your room unknowing how you got there.

You don't remember your younger brother Jace being born. He was just always there. But some days he was boring. He just lay there in his bed - which was unfair. Why was he allowed to sleep in mother and father's room while you slept in the next one?

The only other children to play with were your Uncles and Aunt. They had white hair just like your mother, father and grandsire. Your eldest Uncle, Aegon, sometimes would play but sometimes would be dragged away for lessons as he was older than the rest of you. Helaena your Aunt always seemed to prefer the company of bugs. Always finding somehow the biggest. Although custom would say you would spend your time with her. You were of similar ages.

But secretly you'd always spend time with your uncle Aemond. It started off as games you'd play together. Although his mother disapproved of these games. Or more so you. She was worried her son would get too attached to the bastard children. She could not let this happen. But what she didn't know wouldn't hurt her. As you got older you'd find yourself alone with Aemond reading books. Both of you wanted to learn. More than what was expected of you. You'd teach each other High Valyrian.

Aemond was your best friend. You'd spend all day with him if you could but he had to learn to fight while you had to learn to be a wife.

"You should be my wife," Aemond said out loud after you had returned from one of your lessons. "Us?" You scoffed. He looked at you offended. "I did not mean it like that." You waved him off. "Your mother hates us being friends. Never mind us being wed." "Well, I was taught a good wife should know her husband. Who knows me better than you." "That is a good point and I wouldn't have to leave Kings Landing." You nodded. "But I'm sure your mother would try to find you someone else anyway." "What if I could convince her?" "You won't." You almost sang looking down at your book.

After the birth of your third brother Joffrey, your mother announced you would not live in Kings Landing anymore. A third child who did not look like her husband. What did it matter? Their father was their father and they all looked like each other. Did white hair matter when inheriting the throne? Apparently, it did. Your mother gathered all of your belongings while you begged her to stay. 

You were to live on Dragonstone. To which you were the heir. You might as well get used to it now. When your mother becomes Queen it will be your home and when your brother becomes king it will remain your home. You went to find Aemond for one final goodbye. You sat in the woods with him, underneath your shared tree. "You'll be back." He said rather confidently. "Will I?" You looked up at the castle. "When we wed." "You are a fool Aemond. But I admire you for it."

With your absence, his mother spoke more freely about your heritage. You were not your father's daughter. Aegon heard the rumours of Ser Harwin Strong. Aegon passed this knowledge to his brother. Aemond wondered how you could be the product of something so wrong. The more he heard it the more he hated it. How dare a bastard be his friend? Poison words enter the heart of a child so easily. 

Your father's sister died and the whole family were called to Driftmark for her final send-off. While you were sad for your father you tried to contain your excitement to see Aemond again. He had stopped replying to your letters. Maybe he was deep into his studies. When you finally saw him after months of missing him you couldn't help but run to him and hug him. His hug was stiff but you ignored that. 

"How is your plan going Aemond? Our marriage." You asked. "I miss Kings Landing." Part of you was joking, the other secretly hoped. You had missed him terribly. "If that's all you miss then maybe we should not get wed." The words were filled with hate. "Oh." You frowned. "It was a childish dream. I see now it does not matter. When I marry it must be for duty." "For what end would our marriage be then?" "It does not matter." He turned away from you.

For the rest of the night, you tried to talk to him again but he avoided you. You searched the castle on Driftmark for him and you found him at the wrong moment. You could hear the shuffling of a fight. You saw your brothers, cousins and Aemond fighting.  "You will die screaming in flames just as your father did...Bastards!"  "Aemond." You gasped. He turned to look at you. Horror in his eyes. He didn't mean for you to hear that. 

Your younger brother Luke took Aemond's moment of distraction to swipe at Aemond with a knife, taking his eye. He did not mean for the injury to be that bad but the past could not be rewritten. You shouted for help while Aemond lay on the floor bleeding. You were pushed away by The King's guard. Aemond's eye was lost and with it your friendship. 

The Queen wanted your brother's eye in return but your mother would never let that happen. But the Queen was determined. Her son lost something, so something must be taken in return. The King had a brilliant idea - Only in his mind. He proclaimed once you came of age. You and Aemond were to be wed. Something which this morning you would have taken with glee. But now you looked at the boy and glared. You hated him and by the look in his remaining eye. He felt the same. 

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"Mother." You tried to get her attention. She was rushing around in a panic. "Mother please." "We must prepare for the journey. You are to be wed tomorrow and nothing is ready." "If we do not go then we do not need to be ready." You tried. "Your King demands it, my love." She sighed. "The King... Does not know me. Not anymore." You held your tongue. You had more choice words that you would not utter in front of your mother.

"Your Grandsire was there the moment you were born. The look of happiness in his eyes as he held you for the first time."  "And yet he strives to take my happiness."  "You and Aemond used to be so close. Maybe you can be again." She tried to remain positive. You shook your head.  "No. Not after what he called me. The disrespect to my father. Who won't even be here to see his daughter sold like a..." You bit your tongue again. 

"Sweet girl." Your mother played with your hair. She was nervous. Something was eating at her mind. "You may be husband and wife to the outside walls but you can control what happens behind closed doors. If you do not wish to be with Aemond in private you do not have to be." She didn't say it but you knew what she was saying. You nodded in understanding. 

The flight to Kings Landing wasn't a long one. You were on your dragon silently crying. This would be the last flight you would take with your family for a very long time. Your brothers flew in circles trying to make you laugh. You closed your eyes and listened to their laughter trying to keep it in your memory forever. 

Once landed and your dragon seen to, you looked up at the Castle. It did not look how you remembered. Nor did the people inside. Your Grandsire looked more tired and old than you last saw him. Helaena was the mother of two small children. Aegon looked like he was fighting back a smirk and Aemond... Aemond had grown so tall. His eye patch suited him and he looked at you with distaste. You tried to meet his gaze of fire with your own but you couldn't hold it. You hated it. You hated him. 

The day came and your Mother and Step Father officially gave you to Aemond. Your hands were tied and you uttered words that had no meaning to you. You sealed your marriage with a kiss. You kept your face neutral no matter how much you wanted to scream. The crowd cheered as you walked through them with your husband. 

There was a giant feast in your name. Food from all corners of the seven kingdoms was presented and music played. You found yourself dancing with your brothers. Your new sister Helaena. Even your Stepfather danced with you. Your mother stayed to the side. Her pregnant belly was only a reminder of the life you were going to leave behind. Were you to have a new brother? A sister? Would you know their laughter? Would they know your face? 

The music slowed and the King announced that it was time for you and Aemond to dance before retiring to your marital bed. Aegon laughed loudly. You danced the dance your mother taught you. Move after move. You felt numb. This was the worst night of your life. Whispers filled the room. You ignored them. You knew now why your mother sat and looked into the fire looking sad. But unlike your mother, you would not receive comfort. Not here. 

When you reached Aemond's, no, your chambers... Your blood which was supposed to be made of fire, turned to ice. You did not wish to lay with your now husband. It might have been your duty but you did not wish it. The torment he brought you and your brothers. Calling you Bastards. Your mother said you did not have to, but what if Aemond expected it of you? 

Aemond stood behind you. His beautiful wife. He had wanted this for so long. He knew he had wanted you as his Lady Wife since he was a child. He let his mother's hatred into his head and he had regretted it every day. Not just because he had lost his eye over it but he lost you too. He would never forget the look on your face when he called you a Bastard. The last thing he saw with both eyes. He lost you. 

When he saw you arrive on Dragon back his breath was taken away. You had become a beautiful woman in the years you had spent apart. How he longed to write to you but he knew his letters would go unanswered, just as yours had done those years ago. When he saw you again it only reaffirmed his want of you. But he could tell by the tears running down your face this is not what you wanted. So he hid behind his cold demeanour. One that he was used to, one that people expected of him. 

As much as he desired you, he knew you did not feel the same. His own family did not want him so why would his now wife be any different? He could not remember the last time someone touched him with kindness. Not even a hug. His mind flashed back to when his brother forced a whore onto him and he vowed to never do the same.

He spoke finally, knowing you wouldn't. "I won't touch you. Not unless you ask." "I will not ask. Ever." You replied coldly. You walked off behind the divider to put on your night clothes which had been brought over by the handmaidens. It was difficult to get out of your marital gown but you refused to ask for help. Not from a man who would call you a bastard. Not from a man who claimed you like property. 

Once in your night clothes, you walked straight to the bed. It was freshly made but you could tell by the items surrounding the bed which side Aemond would sleep on and you chose to climb into the opposite side. Not long after Aemond joined you.

It was strange seeing a woman in his bed. He didn't hate you. He remembers only fond memories of your childhood. Times he was bullied by his own brother and yours. You would be there to console him. Make him laugh again. It was foolish to think after all these years you could pick up where you left off. As friends.

He climbed into his side. The both of you almost hung onto the side to ensure neither of you touched the other. You both did not sleep out of fear of doing such. You both were angry and you both were saddened. The following morning continued in silence. Your handmaidens helped you dress. They ignored the lack of maiden's blood on the bedsheets. You trusted them not to gossip but you couldn't be certain of that.

You made your way to break your fast with your family. It was almost like a mini feast again. How any of you still had room after last night you would never know. But you filled your plate with grapes, strawberries and other sweet fruits. Your mother greeted you with a smile and tucked a strand of hair behind your ear. Aemond watched with jealousy. His mother would never treat any of her children like that. Not even when he lost his eye did she offer comfort. She only wanted revenge. He sat down and loaded his plate with whatever.

"I see the tiredness in your eyes brother. Did you remember where to put it? It has been a long time since you last used it. Surprised it hasn't fallen off with neglect." Aegon very loudly teased. "Aegon!" His mother scolded, looking around with embarrassment. You scooted your chair closer to your mother.

Soon midday came and it was time for your family to leave. Their dragons were saddled and their things packed. Your own dragon looked at them with confusion. Why was she being left behind? It did not help that she could also feel your own emotions of abandonment.

"Mother please." You tried one last time. Tears filling your eyes. Kings Landing had not been your home in years. The last time you lived here your father was still alive. How could you walk the gardens knowing he wasn't here, waiting for you to find him?  "I'm sorry my dear." She shook her head. "It is too late. Your vows were before Gods and King. I can not part you as much as I wish to. Your souls are bound." She gave you one last hug before tending to your brothers making sure they were ready. 

Your Stepfather watched with a frown. Knowing what it was like to be in a forced and unloved marriage. He took your hand. A very rare form of affection from him.  "Say the word and I shall end this marriage for you." He looked into your eyes looking for understanding. You had heard rumours of his first marriage. It was said among court he had killed her.  "Thank you, Uncle." You gave a concerned smile. "I'll keep that in mind."

You watched with tears in your eyes as your family flew away on their dragons. Your dragon roared after them. You patted her neck and hugged her. She is what was left. You did not go to your lord husband for comfort. You did not go to anyone for comfort. You stayed alone. 

Your handmaidens would fetch you food. You didn't want to leave your chambers. Were you acting like a child? Maybe but it felt like your only option. Rumours spread amongst the small folk that the high towers had imprisoned you with shackles.

The King, your Grandsire, would call you to his chambers. You sat in silence. You no longer knew the man in front of you. "I remember." He said very laboured. "You'd sit on my lap and help me build my masterpiece." He gestured to his miniature stone version of Old Valyria. A place neither of you had been. "You'd laugh at my jokes. Tell me Princess, what happened to your smile?"

"I have no reason to smile My King. I miss my family." "Am I not family?" The way he looked at you. An old man trying his hardest to keep his family together. He, just like you missed his family. His daughter, his brother and his grandchildren. He was bound to this place just as much as you were.

"Of course you are... Grandsire." You gave him an honest as possible smile. Far from the sparkle of happiness, he was used to. But better than nothing. "This was once your home, we, your closest friends, allies, confidants. We can be again if you leave your chambers. Walk the castle. Eat with us. Read with the maesters." "Yes, My King." You bowed.

You started off small. You would venture to Helaena's chambers. Eat with her and her children. You played with them and told them stories. They didn't understand your words. But they brought you much comfort in this time. Helaena also seemed to enjoy your company. Or more so did not despise it. Sometimes she would listen to your stories too. You loved the three of them. "Third draw. Left dresser." Helaena would mumble. The first time she said it you thought she was asking for something. But when you showed her everything in the drawer she would shake her head.

Then you would venture to the books and scrolls. Another place of your childhood. Piece by piece you were learning to smile again. At least in public. You still hung onto the edge of your marital bed. Trying to escape without falling.

One particular hot day you realised you could not stay inside. It was time to venture outside. Feel the wind blowing on your face. Picking up your book you followed your feet to your favourite tree. How you would spend hours reading underneath it. How your feet remembered the way while your mind did not, you did not know.

You followed them and gasped when you saw him. Of course. It was his favourite place to read too. While you had left this place he had not. He rolled his eye when he heard someone coming towards him. Normally it was some handmaiden telling him his mother required his attention. He just wished to read in peace.

He looked up and saw you. Book nestled on your hip like it was a babe. His mouth went dry. You remembered the tree?  "I'm sorry my Lord." You gave him a practised bow. "I did not realise someone else would be here. I did not intend to disturb you. I shall take my leave."  "Wait." He called to your quickly retreating back. "You need not leave." You turned to look at him. "The tree is big enough for us both to sit." He gestured to the floor. 

You hesitated. You really did love that tree. The tree never hurt you. In the wind, you could hear Aemond's laughter. His face was void of emotion but you could hear his childhood laughter.  "Yes, My Lord." You finally agreed sitting down. The tree separating you. Neither of you reading but thinking of the other person sitting on the other side. 

You both continued this new tradition for days. Maybe after the second week silence was broken. A squirrel ran past you. You gasped with delight at the tiny creature. You stayed as still as possible to not startle it.  "Aemond." You couldn't help but whisper. It was so quiet he almost didn't hear you. He turned to see what you needed. It must have been dire for you to talk to him after two weeks. He followed your gaze and saw the creature that brought so much light to your eyes. 

He remembered how much you loved the squirrels of the gardens. For one of your name days, he vowed to catch you one but failed to do so. But he enjoyed the laughter he got out of you in the process.  "Shall I catch it for you Princess?" He offered.  "No. I think he shall miss his family if you do. Leave him be." He didn't fail to catch the double meaning of your words. How was he living his dream when you hated him so? 

As more time passed you both found yourselves not sitting on opposite sides of the tree but closer to each other. Even in your bed, you felt more relaxed. You were starting to get used to life again but you still missed your family.

A raven came telling you the news of your new baby brother. Your heart almost burst with happiness and sadness in equal measure. You wished to go to Dragonstone to meet him but you couldn't. You must remain here with your Lord Husband... who must have a quill somewhere in these chambers!

You scrambled around looking for anything to write back to your mother with. Words of congratulations and excitement. But, you could not find anything. You went to his personal bedside dressers. It felt wrong to go in them. These were his personal effects. You would go mad with rage if he looked at your things. But you really needed to write to your mother.

You looked at the two dressers. Left dresser, the third drawer down. You opened the drawer and there was writing equipment but also old pieces of parchment. Curiosity got the better of you. They were your old letters. From when you first moved to Dragonstone. Letters you never got replies to. You laughed at things you once thought so important you needed to tell Aemond.

Beneath your letters, there was one you didn't recognise. You knew the writing, it was Aemonds. The letter was addressed to you but you never got it. He speaks of regret of his words to you on Driftmark. How he wishes to become friends again before you are wed. So many words are scribbled out. If he felt this way why not send it? Maybe you could have worked on something rather than marry in hate. Who knows where your relationship could have been if he had sent this? You borrowed an empty piece of parchment and wrote your letter to your mother. 

"Hello, Aemond." You greeted sitting down beneath the tree. He looked at you puzzled. You never greeted him.  "Princess." He gave a nod of acknowledgement. You almost felt giddy. Even if Aemond wrote that apology letter years ago part of you hoped he still meant it now. You sat in your usual silence but you could not wipe the smile from your face. Aemond opened his mouth a few times, unsure of what to say. "What has gotten your spirits up?" You looked at him with a smile. You meant this one. He could see it in your eyes. 

"Mother has given birth to a son. I have another brother. I feel much happiness for her." That and his unsent letter but to tell him that would be admitting you went through his belongings.  "Oh yes. I heard." He nodded. At least this one wasn't likely to be a... He stopped his own thoughts. No. You were his wife. Your parentage did not matter. You had gone back to your reading but he could not get back to his. He couldn't take his eye off your smile. He hoped he could make you smile like that again. 

Another week had passed and you felt yourself become restless again. You had now been in Kings Landing for a handful of months. The Queen still did not speak to you unless she absolutely had to. The King was growing ever weaker. Aegon was a drunken fool. Helaena was sweet but you wanted to do something else. Not sit inside. Not sit and read a book. You thought of your poor dragon. It had been too long since you had seen her. Your one memory of your home on Dragonstone and you had been neglecting her out of selfishness. Today you would take her out. 

But you could not leave the keep without permission. They say it is for your safety but you knew it was to stop you from running away. With a deep breath, you went to find your husband. This time every day he would be training in the courtyard with the knights. You walked to the courtyard where he had amassed a group of people. People always wanted to watch him but you never understood. What was the point in watching the same people fake fight every day at the same time? 

You watched him fight off the knights with ease. Despite only having one eye it did not stop him from having reflexes that could rival 20 knights. His fighting was almost like a dance. Every step calculated. His footwork working side by side with his arms. Sword going exactly where it needed to go. He was sweating and you could see his muscles working. Maybe you could see the point in people watching him fight. 

The fight ended and Aemond fought to catch his breath. In the crowd of people, he saw you. You would only be here if you needed something. He sheathed his sword and made his way over to you. There was something about him breathless and sweaty with his gaze focused on you. It made you feel some strange way. Nothing you had felt before.

"Aemond." You were almost breathless yourself when he was finally in front of you. "I would like to go for a ride." He pulled almost an amused face which was lost on you. "The Dragon keepers say my dragon has grown restless. I need to go for a ride."  "She grows restless. Or yourself?" He mused. "Both. So may I?" "As you wish Princess. But allow me to accompany you."  "Oh no. I wouldn't want to take you from your schedule." You tried to wave him off. 

"A good husband always makes time for his wife. Especially if that request is a ride." He almost smirked again.  "What is so funny?"  "Nothing."  "It's something. I'll get it out of you Aemond Targaryen." You pointed a finger at him like old times. "I'm sure you will." He let out a small chuckle. He went to link his arm with yours to walk you to the Dragon Pit, but remembered his vow. Do not touch. One playful conversation in weeks does not mean that changed.

You got yourself ready for your ride. Making sure that everything was fastened tightly. You hugged your dragon apologising it had been so long. When she put her head on top of yours you couldn't help but think of your mother. She would always be with you.

"Are you ready Princess?" Aemond's voice called out. You looked over and saw him ready to climb onto Vaghar. How he managed to claim her as a boy you would never know. You nodded. You got on your own dragon and urged her forward. She almost ran for the door. Once in the air, you felt free. Freer than you had in a long time. There was nothing but you, your dragon and the air.

Well... and your husband but he was flying lower. You could see for miles. You turned your head in the direction you knew to be Dragonstone. What were they doing? How were Joffrey's lessons going? How faired your mother and the babe? How easy it would be to fly back to them. But you could not. You would bring shame to yourself and your family. 

Aemond watched you. He always found himself thinking back to his childhood with you. How you had a dragon and he did not. How you'd promise him that you could fly together one day. And here you were flying together now. But again it was not how he imagined.

You looked down and almost laughed at how small Aemond looked compared to his dragon. His legs straddling the saddle. The way he used his legs to steer the direction he wanted to go. An image flashed in your mind of him straddling you. You shook your head. Where did that come from? The same feeling from the courtyard entered your mind. That strange feeling. You felt yourself move uncomfortably.

"Are you alright Princess?" Aemond called out to you. "Yes quite well. I must have not ridden in so long my legs grow tired." "Shall we retire?" He suggested. "Yes, I think so." You agreed before returning to the Dragon pit.

"Thank you for today Aemond. I appreciated it. If I ever require your services and a ride." You paused waiting for his reaction. "I'll let you know." You don't know why you did it, but it felt so right. Walking away you made sure to sway your hips more than you usually would.

More days passed and you found yourself watching your husband train from a balcony. Always that feeling came to you. What was it? You changed your posture, your thighs rubbing together and something felt good. You did it again and you had to bite your lip. You excused yourself to your chambers. You lay on your bed rubbing your thighs together and it felt amazing. A knock on the door pulled you from your playing and you felt embarrassed. Whatever that was, it was not fit of a lady.

But still, you could not help yourself. From those days on you would excuse yourself while Aemond trained. He would be gone for a few hours every day and in those hours you explored your body. You found all sorts of spots that made you feel good. One day while touching yourself an image of Aemond popped into your head. You imagined your hands were his and your pleasure doubled. You looked at the door longingly hoping he would come in and find you like this but he never did.

After that, everything he did drove you crazy. Even he slouched on a chair drinking from a goblet you wanted to climb onto his lap. You wanted a ride. You wanted one so badly.

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You woke first. All night you had dreams of Aemond touching you. There was an ache between your legs that wouldn't go away. You tried pressing your legs together in hopes of something eliminating the feeling but you couldn't. You couldn't touch yourself with him just there. You wanted him to touch you. All you had to do was ask. But what if he didn't want to anymore? What if he had grown accustomed to your mental absence that he did not wish to be with you? You wouldn't blame him. 

Images of him fighting in the courtyard filled your mind. His skill and passion. How sweaty he sometimes got. The way his hair would stick to his forehead. This wasn't helping you. It was making it worse. He was still sleeping soundly next to you. Maybe if you got a bit closer.

You remained on your side facing away from him. For if he woke up you could claim you moved in your sleep. You backed up slowly. You could still hear his deep breathing meaning he was still asleep. You backed up until you could feel his breath on your neck. It sent shivers down your spine. You still did not touch him, however. Now you waited.

It felt like an eternity but eventually, his deep breaths stopped. You obviously had no idea when he opened his eyes as you were facing away from him and also pretending to sleep. But you did hear his involuntary gasp when he noticed how close you were. He did not make a move to touch you but he also did not shy away.

He looked at your sleeping form. You were so close to him. He looked down and saw each of your curves beneath the sheets. He wanted so badly to run his hand down you. Starting from your shoulders, past your stomach, around your hips and your legs. That is when he noticed. It wasn't even his first thought when he saw you this close but now it was his only thought.

How close your ass was to his crotch. His trousers were already tight with it being morning but even more so now. If only you were a small bit closer then he could feel you pressed against him. He could rub himself on you. Your night shift let his imagination run wild. He clenched his fists to his sides. He promised he wouldn't touch you. Maybe he could sneak away. Deal with himself before you wake up. If you noticed and questioned his absence then maybe he could claim early morning training.

Before he could move you grew bored of this position. He had been awake for several minutes and had not made a move. You commended him for keeping his word but his word was not what you wanted right now. You wanted anything but his word. Keeping up the pretence of sleep you turned so now you were facing him. You wished you could have seen the look of shock on his face. If the view from your behind was anything the front was better.

Your hair was a mess. Soft brown curls were on your pillow and over your face. He remembered others calling you names because of your hair but he now knows it is perfect. It is a part of you. His eye travelled further south and landed on your breasts. The position you were in was pressing them together. His fists were almost shaking with how tightly he kept them to his sides.

He closed his eye and began to talk to himself in his own mind. 'She does not want you. She made that clear. She does not want to be touched by you. She wanted a different husband. A different husband who she would have let touch her. A husband who wasn't you. A husband who would know what she felt like... what she tasted like. Does she know? Does she touch herself when I'm not around? Who does she think of? Some lord? Some stable boy who smiles at her every day?' He grew jealous of his own thoughts and opened his eye to be free of them.

When he did he saw your eyes were open. You were looking at him. You had spotted how close you were and you did not recoil. He could see a hint of anger in your eyes. He should have moved away the moment he got the chance but he couldn't. He was so transfixed on looking at you and now you were angry.

He went to back up from you and you moved closer. This puzzled him. "Aemond." Your voice called to him. Far too awake for someone who woke up less than a minute ago. Unless you weren't asleep. "Yes." He answered like a million thoughts were not running around his head. "Touch me. Please Aemond." You almost begged. He was in shock for a moment. Maybe he was still dreaming. The look in your eyes, wasn't anger, not anymore. Your pupils were dilated. He noticed you rubbing your legs together. This was happening.

"What?" He knew exactly what you had said but he wanted to hear you say it again. "Aemond I would like you to touch me. Please. Touch me." You lifted your hand and ran it down his face. He slowly lifted his own hand and placed it on your waist. His eye closed. He had waited so long for this moment.

You sat up from laying down. His hand fell from your waist. His eye shot open. Surely that couldn't have been what you wanted? For him to touch your waist once and be done. He hadn't upset you, had he? His worrying thoughts were gone the moment you swung your leg around him so now you were straddling him. Your bed shift scrupled around your hips. Your legs bare to the side of you. He was reminded that there was nothing under your shift. The only thing separating the two of you were his own clothes.

You both looked at each other frozen in that moment. You had no experience in this field but something drew you to sit in his lap like this and you were glad you did. You could feel every inch of his outline against you and it felt good. But what now? Aemond saw the look of innocence on your face and almost came right there. With both hands, he held onto your hips and dragged you forward. The noise you made would stick with him forever.

It was a mixture of shock and pleasure. You felt a little embarrassed at it. A lady should not make that noise. Before you could say anything Aemond did it again earning the same noise. It felt so good. Maybe if you just... you dragged your own hips forward without his direction and it felt just as good. "Aemond." You said suddenly not knowing any other words. Any you did know were gone.

He sat up changing the position you were in. His chest was pressed against yours. You looked at him under partially closed eyes. You rocked your hips again and your eyes closed fully at the new sensation. Who knew him just sitting up would feel so different to him lying down?

He called out your name and you looked at him. He pressed his forehead against yours. "Do you want this?" He tried to confirm. "Truly." You nodded. He let out a laugh. "I want to hear you say it." "I want you. I want you so bad Aemond." You almost sounded like you were whining. "I have for a while now. I need you." He smiled at you wickedly before his grip on your waist became like iron before it travelled to cup your ass. From this new position, he ground you against him faster and more forcefully. Your eyes rolled backwards as your jaw dropped open.

He placed kisses on your neck enjoying the sounds you were making. He had dreamt of these sounds but they sounded so much better in real life. He nipped and pulled at your flesh with his teeth. His lips went lower but to his dismay, you were still wearing clothes. While your shift had fallen slightly to reveal your shoulders he wanted more than that.

He lifted his hands from your behind and held the edges of your clothes. He looked at you almost asking for permission. You nodded and he pulled it over your head. Now you were in front of him completely exposed. Your nipples hard and the mess you made on his trousers. Wet from where you had been grinding against him. He was in awe of your beauty. You almost hid yourself away from him but before you could he latched his mouth onto one of your nipples which earned him a brand new sound.

He placed one of his hands back into position getting you to grind on him again while the other played with your other breast. You were his. His wife. And the sounds you were making were his too. "Aemond." You called out to get his attention. He looked at you. His own spit coated his lips. He looked so good right now. Although his hair wasn't stuck to his forehead yet. That is what you wanted.

You took his hand from your breast and guided it between your legs. He had seen women at the brothel do this but he didn't know why. You lead his fingers to a sensitive spot and with your guide, he began to rub that spot. "Fuck." You moaned out arching your back. He watched your face crumple up. "How did you know to do that?" He teased going faster. "Have you been touching yourself? Not very ladylike." You nodded. "Tell me. What were you thinking of?"

Your cheeks immediately flooded red. Him. Always him. "Hmmm." He probed for an answer getting faster and faster. "You." You couldn't catch your breath. "You Aemond." You practically shouted. You could feel the familiar feeling in your lower stomach. But there was also something different about it.

"You should have told me. I could have helped you out." He teased more. How long had you been thinking about him? Was it as long as he had thought of you? "I did say all you had to do was ask." You nodded. "Yes, I should have." You agreed. Almost there. "I wanted you so badly. I... I..." your words got caught in your throat. "You what?" "I" was all you managed to get out before your climax washed over you. It was different from usual. Normally your hand would be caught up in your orgasm that you would stop rubbing your clit meaning you would only feel it for a few fleeting moments. But Aemond did not stop. He kept going watching you come undone on top of him. Your whole body shook.

You looked so beautiful in that moment for him. He needed to do this again to you. Now he knew what it was, he needed it again. Once your body stopped shaking and your eyes closed with tiredness he removed his hand. You felt like you might wobble off the top of him. "Ready for my turn Princess?" Whether or not he meant that as a pet name or your official title, you would never figure it out. You gave a nod.

He flipped you over so now you were on the bottom. You were still in a daze. "Look at what you've done to my trousers." He scolded. You looked down and tried to ignore the bulge and only focus on the giant wet patch. Maybe you might have felt embarrassed but you didn't care. "You felt so good." You sounded like you were drunk. Aemond looked down at his wife, delirious and wanting more and he was more than happy to oblige.

He undid the strings that were trying their best to hold his waistband together. His dick sprung free causing him to wince at the sensitivity. He kicked his trousers away and you shot a sneaky look. Obviously, you had already felt it but you didn't imagine it would look like that. All stiff and leaking slightly. "Enjoying the view?" You were caught. Clearly not as sneaky as you thought you were. You nodded and licked your lips.

"I'll go as slow as I can." His voice suddenly went soft. "It might hurt." You nodded at him. He ran his dick up and down your folds a few times to gather your wetness. It sent small shocks down your spine. Was he teasing you? "Aemond?" You questioned. "Just enjoying my wife. The one who said she'd never ask." You bucked your hips up trying to meet him but he held you down easily. You began to squirm underneath him. You felt so empty. You needed him inside you.

"Don't make me beg again. I was wrong. I do want you to touch me. I do." He didn't move. "Aemond." You tried to sound annoyed but you couldn't. He leant his face forward and kissed your lips. It was then you realised that in all of this, you hadn't kissed him yet. This was your first kiss since the wedding and it made you want more. Why had you been missing out on all of this again? His tongue glided against your lips and you knew immediately what he wanted. You opened your mouth and let him in. For a moment you wondered what his tongue would feel like elsewhere. Maybe another time.

You wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him closer. You didn't miss the smile he had as he slipped himself inside you. You gasped into his mouth and pulled your face away. "I've got you." He reassured. "You're okay." You nodded speechless. He slowly moved while kissing you again. Your sounds of discomfort slowly turned back into moans. It was a strange feeling. He was reaching places your fingers could never could. "Faster." You breathed into his ear. He did as asked. 

Your extra sensitivity meant you couldn't last much longer. The sensation in your stomach coming back. When Aemond started making noises you knew he wouldn't last much longer either.  "Aemond." You couldn't help but shout. He began to nod.  "I know. I know." He began to repeat over and over. He kept one hand by your head while his hand went back to the spot you had shown him earlier. The shock of pleasure had your body jolt forward clamping your muscles. Aemond let out his own moan which sent you over the edge for the second time. Your muscles pulsated around him and he finished inside of you. 

He stayed inside of you for a few moments catching his breath before rolling over beside you. You shuffled over to him and put your head on his shoulder. You looked up at him and saw what you wanted. His hair was a mess. You raised your hand and brushed it out of his face. He looked down at you puzzled. You moved your hand.  "What?" You asked suddenly worried that you had done something wrong. He took your hand and held it against his face. He leant into your touch. "What is it Aemond?" You were suddenly concerned. 

He took a deep breath in.  "Nothing." He brushed it off. Letting go of your hand.  "Don't do this Aemond. I'm your wife, as much as I have not acted like it. Please share your thoughts with me."  "I just fear now that you have gotten what you wanted from me, you will leave me."  "Aemond." You sat up brushing your own hair out of your face. You gathered the sheets to cover yourself. "I know what you think of yourself. I see it. You might think you hide it but I've known you my entire life." You turned back around to look at him. "I won't leave you." He didn't look at you, not believing you. 

You leant down to kiss him. You tried to put all of your feelings into the kiss. At first, he did not kiss you back but he got caught up in it.  "You don't need to believe me, at least not at first." You said pulling away. "But I will make sure you know. I will make it up to you. I shouldn't have taken my anger out on you." You curled back up into his side. He moved slightly but only to hold you closer. You were in his arms as much as he was in yours. You both drifted off to sleep again. 

You both were woken by knocks at your doors.  "Prince? Princess?" It was your handmaidens.  "Go away," Aemond shouted at them. You giggled at his childishness. You heard the shuffling of feet.  "We should get up." You sighed. "Although I do not wish to." Closing your eyes again.  "We are needed for royal duties." Aemond agreed.  "Do any of your duties include training? I like it when you train." Aemond chuckled.  "Is that so?" You nodded at his question. "Watching you made me realise how badly I wanted you. Watching you sweat and be out of breath. I wanted to do that to you." "I can make it part of my duties. I do need to be ready to always protect the realm. And once I'm done I can find my Lady Wife." 

You pulled away from his arms and tried to get out of bed only to find yourself collapsing under your own weight and back onto the bed.  "It's like I'm on one of grandsire's ships." You giggled. "I might have to stay here all day." You beamed.  "Then how will you watch me train?" Aemond pointed out. You pouted. He kissed you. As he pulled away you pulled him back in for a second one. "I fear I have created a monster." 

"I'd like to say. In the future please feel free to touch me whenever you like. Well... Not whenever. We might cause quite a stir if we do that in court."  "Hmmmm." He traced circles on your side. "I like the idea of us sitting at the presiding table with my hand up your skirt." You shivered.  "Sounds like you've already thought about it." It was your turn to tease. He sat forward, his lips pressing against the shell of your ear.  "Oh, I have Princess. I've thought about many things."  "You should have let me know. I would have helped you." You mirrored his words from earlier. 

The both of you got dressed and Aemond led you by arm to see his sister Helaena and her children. You sat down and smiled at the children. Helaena looked at you once you were alone.  "Hot baths." She said. "Hot baths help with the pain." She went back to sowing while you felt yourself blushing. How she knew, you didn't want to know but you hoped nobody else did. 

You and she walked around the red keep taking the children for a walk. You heard grunting. You looked down into the courtyard and saw your husband and Ser Cole practising with swords. His grunts and breathlessness taking you back to this morning. Almost like he could feel your presence he looked up. He grinned knowing your thoughts. 

He told you, you'd end up married.

[thekeeperof-thefandoms]

Would they help with your period?

Written by someone with severe endometriosis!

(Technically I don't think sinners have them anymore since they can't reproduce but who knows. Maybe having a period for eternity is part of being punished.)

Lucifer

Absolutely. If we go off of Biblical Lore, it's kinda his fault anyway, and he feels so guilty.

He probably radiates heat so he would absolutely rub your back, your stomach, your thighs, resting a hand between your legs (me personally having endometriosis my groin itself tends to hurt from cramping so I put the heat pad between my legs).

Don't bother getting out of bed if you're hurting. He'll bring hou whatever you want and does his best to stock up on your favorites for this time of the month. If you're someone who can't eat cuz your period hurts so bad, he'll try his best to find soft, easy on the tummy foods. Makes you broth if nothing else.

If you sleep a lot because you're weak from blood loss, he makes sure you're not disturbed and checks on you often. Isn't offended if you don't want cuddles or if you demand them. Whatever makes you feel better.

If sex helps he'll do it but is gonna be so fucking worried he's hurting you more. Probably doesn't want to actually fuck you cuz he thinks it's too rough. Will finger you or offer oral.

Alastor

Has a soft spot for women cuz of his mama. If you're someone who has regular cycles he doesn't do much beyond making sure you're eating well and staying hydrated. May bring you medicine if you're especially sore. Makes sure you always have supplies.

If you're someone with severely debilitating periods, he has nothing but respect for you. Especially knowing you'd still work through the pain and have before. Though the gentelman in him is disgusted by how your pain is brushed aside.

Once he gets an idea of how bad they are, you're not leaving his room. He cooks a lot of iron rich food (thankfully Rosie gets him high quality meat, just don't ask where it came from). If your cramps are so bad you throw up, he cleans you up, makes bone broth, and rubs your stomach.

Blood literally doesn't even make him blink so if tanpons or a cup are too uncomfortable while you're cramping and pads chafe you and you don't wanna get period underwear or ruin an old pair of underwear just...don't bother? He can get new sheets. And he doesn't sleep anyway.

I personally think while Alastor is asexual he doesn't mind his partner being sexual, he understands. So if you masturbating helps with cramps, go ahead. He may or may not be willing to help you out (he will lick your blood off his fingers, though).

Sits with you while you rest. Speaks French to you. Sometimes indulges you by using his Cajun accent. If it helps keep your mind off your pain.

Overall he's supportive and admires you but isn't as over the top as Lucifer.

Vox

Vox is pretty good about not letting the time period he came from affect his views much. He's a modern man, after all. Be gay, do crime, live laugh, arson, all that jazz. So while he doesn't necessarily downplay your period it is kind of a knowledge gap for him.

It takes him a while to catch on to how much pain you're in. Actually it takes you doubling over, falling to your knees, white as a sheet, and dizzy for him to go "oh shit".

He feels bad for not realizing how serious it was but man would rather lose a fight to Alastor than admit he was wrong, so the best you're gonna get is "why didn't you tell me, doll?"

Takes you to bed immediately and straight up asks what you need. You get headaches, boom blackout curtains. You can't eat, ok he's ordering soup, crackers, granola bars, jello, anything soft and easy to digest. All the water and juice you could want to put in a mini fridge by your bed so you stay hydrated and get calories.

Heating pads, extra blankets, pads, tampons, period underwear, a new cup, whatever the hell you want. (Absolutely you have to send him a picture of the exact kind of pad or tampon otherwise he's going to be confused cuz there's literally dozens of them and he doesn't know what any of it means. Is a hey babe what size pussy you wear guy).

He checks on you throughout the day with his cameras.

Appreciates that you still try and work from your laptop or phone. Won't tell you not to even if you're miserable. He expects you to know your limits (even though you nearly fainted earlier).

He runs warm and is kinda heavy since he's robotic so if the only thing that makes your ovaries stop throbbing is pressure and heat and he's not busy he'll lay across you to do his work.

Also not icked out by blood so he'll fuck you, finger you, or eat out when you're on your period. But he's a little more hesitant to wat you out cuz he doesn't want the mess on his screen.

Valentino

Honestly his first response is to ask if sex will help. Just wants to get this over with.

If he likes you or you're his favorite, he'll bring you your favorite treats.

Already has pads, tampons, sponges, and underwear on set.

If you didn't know, adult actors have special sponges that go up there for the time of the month for filming, and they can get stuck. So he would help you get it out. At least there's that.

If you actually do pass out even if he's in a really bad mood, he'd feel a little bad. He kinda thought you were being a little dramatic. He gets they hurt and make you tired or bitchy, didn't realize it could actually get that bad. He lets you take the week off after that and checks in on you a bit more.

Don't expect too much coddling though.

Angel Dust

A gay bestie. Makes jokes about how he's glad he doesn't have one and won't ever be near one, but really, he's worried af.

Does his best to make sure you get plenty of rest and food. Keeps you hydrated. Buys you whatever you need.

Has Cherri stay with you when he can't.

Lots of cuddles from him and fat nuggets. And back rubs.

You need to cum to help the cramps, he can get you any kind of vibrator or pump you want discreetly.

(Or you know, he can call Cherri).

Husk

Man doesn't even question it when you say it's bad. He knows you aren't the type to exaggerate.

I head canon he was in the military (drafted) so he's pretty methodical about getting suppplies. Has a fucking checklist. Keeps some on him at all times too just in case.

Another who will lay on top of you for warmth and weight. Added benefit is he purrs. The cat tendencies also means he makes biscuits, so he's good for a massage.

Doesn't really like blood on his fur. He fights yeah, but tries to avoid getting bloody (may have some ptsd about it. Especially if it's all over his hands). But if it helps then yeah he'll fuck you. No oral and no fingering though.

Because of his military background he knows not eating isn't good for you, especially if you're bleeding, so he'd be forcing liquids and the BRAT diet into you. (Banana, rice, applesauce, toast).

Adam

Good luck, honey. Man never bothered to learn biology. Dick goes in hole, woman make baby. That's his knowledge. Eve used to bitch about it a lot but he was bitter about getting kicked out so kinda figured it's her own fault.

Eve also never literally passed out, spent three days sleeping, and threw up everything she ate.

Kinda worries you're somehow dying. Like damn babe, your pussy can't be that broken. When he sees how much blood you're losing is when he actually starts to panic.

You or Lute have to walk him through it but even then it's gonna boil down to him buying you chocolate, a heating pad, pain pills, and offering to snuggle.

DO NOT ASK HIM TO BUY YOU PADS OR TAMPONS.

He's kinda chubby and warm so good for snuggles but will bitch if you get blood on him.

Also, as much as he's horny and usually into everything once, he's kinda grossed out so he's not touching you while you're bleeding. Maybe eventually and with a couple layers of condom he'd fuck you? But uh...yeah, not happening anytime soon.

[repulsiveliquidation]

Choice || Leah Williamson

warnings : this is dark angst. there are mentions of sickness as well as reader death. please do not read if you are not comfortable.

a/n : the first 200 words of this came from 5 minutes on Squibler. There was no prompt, just me and my brain for five minutes where I could not stop typing or else it would delete it all. I finished it up and here it is. there is a line in there and it's above too that is near and dear to my heart. it's short but i hope those of you who read it enjoy.

Leah sighed walking into the bedroom. She watched as your chest rose and fell, the mug of piping hot coffee shaking in her hands. You looked so peaceful, yet so fragile.

How could someone so perfect be so sick? 

When she first met you, she didn't think you would be gone 6 years later. She loved you with all her heart. If there was something you wanted, Leah would fight hand and foot to get it for you. She promised to love you through sickness and in death, yet here she was, watching you waste away. They were supposed to be vows, not her reality.

There was no cure. 

There was no way to save the love of her life. 

"Honey?" 

"Hm?" 

"It's time to wake up, baby." 

"What time is it?" 

"Just after 8." 

You sit up, struggling to push yourself upright; Leah helps. 

"Is that coffee I smell?" you mutter, voice hoarse. 

"Yes ma'am,” Leah answered, trying not to burst into tears. 

You were in pain. Lots of it. 

There was pain everywhere. You couldn't remember the last time you woke up without it. 

She was hesitant to touch you, afraid that you'd break. You were skin and bones. 

There was nothing she could do and it was breaking her heart. 

Was this fair? No. 

Was this something she wished on herself? Every damn day. 

There was no cure, remember? Leah remembered.

There was one option though. One that you were adamant you would not choose or consider.

You would never forgive yourself if you went through with it. You couldn’t ask someone to do that for you; you weren’t worth all that. 

Leah knew she could fix it all. The one way available to save you was a sacrifice she was willing to make. Where there was love, there was pain. 

This was pain Leah was willing to endure. For love. For you. She’d give up her life if it meant you lived. 

You told doctors there was no way in hell you would let your wife do that. But the choice was not up to you. It was hers to make.

“Baby, I’ll get myself tested!” 

“No Leah, I can’t let you do that!” 

“But what if I’m a match?” Leah argued, face turning red with frustration and anger. Why were you being so stubborn? She could potentially save you! This was the easiest decision of her life! 

“No!”

“Baby, please! If I’m a match we can fix this!” 

“I forbid you to do it.” 

“Why are you being so fucking difficult right now?” 

“Because I don’t want you to live with the guilt of knowing you could have saved me!” 

The room goes silent and you can’t hold the tears back anymore. Leah takes a step back and stares at you, while your eyes blur and the tears stain your hospital gown. 

“Please Leah, just let me die.”

“No.” 

“Leah, I can’t take it anymore. I can’t do this-” you say, gesturing to the sterile room you sat in, “anymore! I don’t want to suffer Leah, please,” you beg, reaching for her hand. It was cold. 

“I want you to live out your life free, not stuck taking care of me.” 

“What if that’s all I want to do with my life, huh? Take care of you?” 

“I can’t let you do that Leah,” you whisper. “I can’t make you throw your life away for me.” 

“That is not a decision for you to make.” 

“Well, I’ve made it.” 

“What?” 

“They’re taking me to a facility.” 

“What for?” Leah asks, already knowing the answer. 

“To help me die.” 

Leah stands right in front of your grave, a bouquet of your favorite flowers in her hands. She smells them and smiles; everytime she smelt them her heart thought of you. 

“Hi baby,” Leah starts, kneeling by you. “Happy Anniversary. Rocky’s in the car, waiting for me. I think I’ll take him to get a pup cup,” she chuckles, “and yeah I knew you secretly took him for one every time you came to visit the locker rooms before game day.” 

Leah places the flowers in the little vase by your headstone. 

“I miss you. I know it’s been a year but,” she wipes a tear, “I can’t bear the thought of letting you go. You were the love of my life.” Leah stands, hands back in her trench coat pockets. 

“The part of my life where I had you will always be my favorite,” she whispers, walking away. 

She gets back into her car and Rocky is wiggling his bum excitedly. She turns the ignition and pulls her seatbelt on, looking back at you in her rearview mirror. 

“I love you.” 

“I love you too, Leah.”

[ghsface]

I knew it, i know you... - Matt Sturniolo

Sumary: You return to a place in the past, where memories and guilt haunt you as you find your ex, facing what you could never let go of.

Warnings: angst, break up, insecurities (on the part of the protagonist) guilt, no happy ending, I think that's all.

A/n: This is my first time writing angst, I really enjoyed doing it so I'll probably start writing more angst, I hope you like it and tell me what you think, I was inspired by one of my favorite songs by Gracie I hope you like it. by the way I'm sorry if there's something wrong or that you don't understand, my first language is not English.

⛧°。 ⋆༺ ✮ ༻⋆。 °⛧

That night, the restaurant's atmosphere was familiar and welcoming, full of memories you'd rather leave buried. You were there, surrounded by your friends, laughing, talking, and trying to forget that this was the place you always came to with Matt. From the moment you walked through the door, you tried to focus on anything but the memories, knowing full well that something as simple as a glance at the corner where you used to sit could shatter you.

You laughed, enjoyed the dessert, and pretended that the empty chair in front of you didn't remind you of him, of Matt, the love of your life. The one you'd let go because you believed you didn't deserve the happiness he gave you. You'd been so trapped in your insecurities, in doubts you didn't even know how to express, that the only escape you found was to end the relationship. "It's better this way," you told yourself. "It's the best for both of us." You kept repeating to yourself

As your friends began to gather their things and pay their bills, you knew the night was coming to an end and you couldn't help but feel a certain anxiety. They apologized for having to leave, and you smiled at them in an attempt at reassurance. "I'm fine, girls. Enjoy your night." And as soon as they left, you were left alone, wondering if you should also pay your bill and leave to avoid any chance of running into him.

But that was when you saw him. Or rather, you saw them. First it was Nick, who recognized you instantly and gave you a look that you pretended not to notice. He looked away, but you knew he had seen you. However, the illusion of being invisible crumbled when you looked up again and your eyes met Chris, who was now also watching you. You tried to concentrate on your dessert, as if you were suddenly on a mission to finish it as quickly as possible, while feeling the weight of their gazes.

Finally, it was Matt who looked at you. You knew it without even looking up. His presence was unmistakable, the same effect he had on you before, only now it was accompanied by a pang of pain and shame. His eyes were on you, but there was no such sparkle as before, that spark that once made you feel like the most important person in his world...

You sighed, putting the spoon aside and taking a break. You needed air. You calmly stood up and headed to the bathroom, forcing yourself not to turn around or look at him. As you walked, memories began to come back, and it was as if the bathroom became a portal to all those things you thought you had overcome. You closed your eyes and suddenly you were there again, on that first day.

Flashbacks...

It was summer, just another day in the park where you spent hours talking. Matt seemed anxious, and you, without knowing why, felt that nervousness reflected in you.

“I’ve been thinking…” Matt paused, staring at your intertwined hands, then looked up to meet yours. “I don’t want to think anymore. Just… will you be my girlfriend?”

A blush had crept up your face, and you were surprised by the intensity with which you had responded.

“Yeah. Of course I will, Matt.” A nervous laugh escaped your lips, and he hugged you, so tightly that it made you feel like you would never need anything else.

The memory changed, and suddenly you were in his living room, fighting in an impromptu pillow fight, laughing like never before, while Chris and Nick complained about the noise from the kitchen.

“Come on, Matt!” you yelled, throwing a pillow at him. “Is that all you got?”

“You think so? Start running babe,” he replied, his mischievous smile lighting up his face as he dodged another blow and lunged at you, trapping you in his arms. The warmth of his hands on your shoulders and the laughter you shared filled the room with an energy that only existed between the two of you.

But then, the memory quickly changed. It was him, frowning, looking at you with concern. “What’s wrong? Why are you so distant?” he asked you sweetly and with a hint of desperation. And you, instead of opening up, lowered your head and muttered a “It’s nothing” that tasted like a lie.

He asked you the same thing over and over again. “It hurts me to see you like this, but… I don’t know how to help you if you don’t tell me.” He said with pain in his voice

You couldn't give him an answer, and the frustration in his eyes became unbearable. He had always tried to be there, but you were sinking into a confusion and despair that you didn't know how to explain.

"Matt..." you had murmured, looking at him without words, knowing that every second of silence hurt more than anything else you could say. He took your hands, trying to comfort you, but the weight of your own thoughts was like a barrier you couldn't cross.

Despite his attempts, his tenderness, his patience, you sank into your own insecurities, building a wall that he never managed to tear down.

The last day you saw him, the day everything broke, was engraved in your memory like an open wound. He was standing in front of you, his eyes full of pain, but you stood firm.

"I can't keep doing this to you," you had said, as if it were the easiest thing in the world. He stayed silent, as if those words were a blow to his stomach.

“Really? That easy for you?” he said, and his voice was a mix of disbelief and sadness.

You distanced yourself from him, unable to bear the pain you caused, but you knew you couldn’t keep dragging him down with you. You couldn’t keep making him suffer for something you didn’t even know how to explain.

“Yes, Matt. I’m sorry, but I have to,” you said, and as he remained silent, you let him go.

Then, the inevitable. You ignored his calls, his texts, and not just his, but also those from Chris and Nick, your best friends. You didn’t want to face them, what you had done, the guilt you felt. You chose silence as a refuge, despite knowing how much it hurt them.

End of flashbacks…

You took a deep breath, opening your eyes, trying to stifle the memories. You left the bathroom and, just as you tried to go back to your table, you heard Nick’s voice calling you.

“Hey! It’s you!”

You turned around, feigning forced surprise. “Oh, Nick! Hi!”

“I can’t believe you’re here,” Chris said, joining the conversation, as if it were the most normal thing in the world. But there was an intensity in his words that made you hesitate.

“Yeah, well… coincidence, I guess,” you replied, laughing nervously. You avoided looking at Matt, who was silent, staring at his glass as if it were the only thing in the world.

Nick smiled at you, approaching you with that warmth you had always appreciated in him. “How have you been?” Chris asked, trying to keep the conversation going.

“Fine, just… living life, I guess,” I replied, the words coming out almost without thinking.

Matt was still sitting in his chair, making no move to talk to you. You felt the weight of his indifference, and an unbearable guilt enveloped you. How could you do this to him? How could you leave without giving him a chance to understand?

You began to chat casually, as if it were a reunion between old friends and not a constant reminder of unhealed wounds. You felt the topic everyone wanted to avoid was obvious.

Matt, however, remained silent, barely looking at you. You knew he was aware of your presence, but he didn't say a word to you. Guilt weighed on your chest, every second intensifying the pain you had tried to bury.

After a while, the atmosphere began to become uncomfortable. You smiled at them and excused yourself, trying to escape from that place that seemed to collapse on you, knowing that it was time to leave. You walked to the cashier, paid your bill, and before leaving, you turned to look at them one last time.

There was Matt, with those eyes that always seemed capable of seeing beyond your words. In that look, full of sadness and nostalgia, you understood that the wound would never completely heal. Those eyes that loved you, that once were everything to you, were now filled with a sadness that you could never erase.

You knew that you would never forgive yourself for what you had done, you would never forgive yourself for what you did, but deep down, you knew that maybe you couldn't have done it any other way, you had done it for him, for yourself. Still, the pain was still there, like a constant echo. And when you left, a part of you was left behind, lost in the memory of what could have been.

You'll never be able to let Matt go. And maybe, he won't either.

You left the restaurant, taking with you the echo of their glances, the memories, and the weight of a story that, one way or another, would always remain unfinished.

⛧°。 ⋆༺ ✮ ༻⋆。 °⛧

your reblogs and replies are always appreciated dearly, and feel free to leave a request ✮

Tags... @matthewsroses @dominicfikeenthusiast @louipartridge @sophand4n4 @bsturnzmtt <3

[cheyisagirlkisser]

MY KINK IS KARMA

MODERN AU ELLIE ONESHOT (Ellie Williams x Fem! reader)

Content: NSFW themes, Ellie's a bit toxic tbh, vaginal fingering and tribbing (no strap-on in this, sorry..), mentions of alcohol and weed, college setting, I love cannon Ellie but this isn't gonna be that type of fic, body hair. Word count: 3.3K

Description: Based on My Kink is Karma by Chappell Roan. After Ellie breaks up with you in the most cruel way possible, time passes and leaves you in a better place. However, after a run-in with her during an awkward situation, you forget how well you had seemed to move on..

You were sitting on your bathroom counter, your hands holding a small eyeliner pencil. You studied yourself intensely, wondering if you should actually get all dressed up tonight. It didn't matter either way, since you knew you weren't trying to impress anyone. You hadn't cared too much about that after Ellie Williams had stormed her way into your life.

You had met her through Dina and you thought her rugged look was attractive; something about the way she always carried herself in a careless manner had you on the edge of your seat with her, and you did enjoy it in the beginning. But Ellie wasn't the best partner, you had come to learn. She would come home late at night drunk and mean and you could always tell things weren't gonna end well. But did you stay? Absolutely. You stayed for a total of two months, which was enough time for the two of you to rent out an apartment together after she insisted. She confidently told you she was gonna put a pretty little ring on your finger and that you just needed to trust in her. And so you did. But living with her caused you to see sides of her you hated to be involved with. And after one, final altercation, she snapped. She had yelled in your face and ushered you out of the door. She screamed as you stormed down the hall, telling you she hated you and that you were the worst. For about a week, you had to stay in Dina's dorm room where you cried to her, telling her just how much Ellie had ruined your life. But things hadn't remained like that and life went on..

You moved into your old dorm and though it was never the same feeling as when you had first moved in, the feeling of innocence and excitement, you still enjoyed putting the pieces of your messy life back together. You got a job at the local library and you began regularly attending parties with your friends. Dina told you that you were glowing again, and Ellie hadn't seemed to matter at all anymore. She barely showed up to any classes and you had heard humors that she would get into fights at the bar downtown for running her mouth about you. To tell the truth, part of you enjoyed that. You enjoyed knowing that as much as Ellie may have hurt you, she just had to have known that you were moving past her, your life full of bliss and healing while hers was spiraling. But you were still dumb and you actually believed that you had moved on from Ellie Williams..

You heard a knock on your door and you quickly jumped off of your counter, still in your towel from your previous shower. However, you knew who it was. You opened the door to see Dina standing in front of it, smiling at you and creating a low whistle sound like one you'd probably hear at a gas station from some pervy old man.

"No clothes on, huh? I'm not complaining one bit but you should get ready soon babes. We gotta go soon, remember?", she spoke teasingly. You and Dina were as close as friends could be and anyone else talking to you like this would've made you uncomfortable. But Dina had Jesse and she was smitten, and girls like Dina weren't as much your type anyway.

You responded in the same playful tone, "Sorry, Dina. I just had to give you a little show, ya know? Let me get these clothes on and let's hurry, I wanna get there before everyone buys up all the joints from that sketchy guy!!" Dina laughed at your comment and she entered, waiting patiently on your couch. You quickly got ready, slipping on a short, black skirt along with a mesh tank top that only really had some solid fabric around your breasts. You wore a grey leather jacket on top of this and a pair of heeled boots. You looked sexy as fuck and you knew you could get laid tonight, finally get some action after Ellie..But did you want to? You'd just have to wait and find out where the night takes you.

You and Dina had finally arrived and you stepped into the apartment building looking for room number 20. That was the location the two of you were given, afterall. The building was older and kind of run down, and the faint scent of alcohol and weed spread throughout. But that probably signified that you were at the right place.

Dina grabbed your shoulder and turned to you before you before speaking sweetly, "I know you've had a rough couple months, babes. Please promise me tonight that you will at least TRY to get some action?"

You smiled at Dina, a reassurance that you were gonna at least try. "Yeah, yeah, I'll try.. why do you think I got all dressed up tonight?", you replied, your voice relaxed and quiet. And unbeknownst to you, you were gonna get some action that night. But who you took you home that night was someone who you would never had guessed.

As you finally entered the party, you quickly spotted Jesse. You and Dina approached him and Dina gave him a quick kiss before greeting him. You turned away and gagged in mock disgust, pretending to be offended by their PDA. You were a little jelly, but you thought they were cute together.

The party made time go on fast even though you hadn't even stolen a single shot from the kitchen. You figured you'd wanna be sober for the girl who you'd be hooking up with tonight, if you did find her. You danced with Dina who was quite tipsy for about 30 minutes before you pulled away, breathless and in the mood for some adventure.

Your voice was loud over the multiple others that crowded the cheap apartment. "Hey, Dina, I'm gonna go piss."

She laughed heartily and gave you a little wave, "Aw babes, I hope you come back. If not I'm calling you tomorrow and asking how good the sex was", she teased.

You roll your eyes at her suggestion and squeeze your way through the crowd to the bathroom. You knock on the door first. No answer. You then try to open it but it won't budge. You groan, really needing to piss now. Some guy with a couple piercings and a large tattoo on his arm sees you and confidently walks toward you.

"Hey princess, that bathroom's off limits." His voice was low and gross.

"Where am I supposed to piss then?!" You hear yourself slip an attitude into your tone but he kind of deserved it because of what he said next.

"I don't know, but that's not my problem, is it, babe?.." The way his words drip with shameless flirtation make you want to slap away the smug look on his face, but you decide to be responsible and resist the temptation. He sees you turn away and grabs your hand. "Listen, there's someone who lives at room 21. She's a bitch but she likes pretty girls. Just be nice to her and maybe she'll let you use hers."

You quickly slip out of his touch and find yourself out of that smelly apartment. You walk down the hall, the lights flickering above you. You see a room, room 21 to be exact. You brace yourself and knock softly on the door, standing outside and impatiently waiting for this girl to open the door. Part of you was nervous from that guy's words. She was into pretty girls? Maybe you could land some action tonight. But when she opens the door, you see Ellie staring back.

She looks at you with the most disgusted expression, a hint of irritation in her face. But also something else that you can't quite ignore, like a hint of sadness.

"Ellie?! What the fuck are you doing in this shitty apartment? You just kicked me out of ours so you could move here?" You yelled loudly at her. Part of you, though, deep down inside of your heart, wanted her to just drag you back into her shitty apartment and never let you go. You hadn't even realized how much you missed her gorgeous face and her messy auburn hair until now, but your hatred for her was still apparent.

"Well..I guess things change. I lost my job," she mutters out, her voice low and uninterested in this conversation. However, there was a twine of embarrassment, as if she hated admitting to you of all people that she had lost her job. "What the fuck are YOU doing here?"

You swallow back any feelings you were holding onto and try your best to sound just as laid back as her. "I had to use the bathroom and someone directed me here. Said you were a bitch, which checks out."

Her eyes meet yours and you could tell that hit a nerve. There was something different in her expression, something that you had never imagined to witness in Ellie before. She was vulnerable. "Why should I let you, huh? And you're no better." she snorted, her voice still low and irritated.

You realized that if you did wanna relieve yourself, you'd have to at least try to be civil. "Look, I don't wanna argue. I just want to piss. Can I please use your bathroom?"

You saw her sigh, and you could tell she was gonna give up. "Fine. Hurry up. I don't really like that you're knocking on my door and insulting me, but I guess you can come in." You noticed a slight softness to the words that made you wanna crumble. It made you want to take her back as if you were the one who dumped her, because in the moment, that's what it felt like. You never imagined when she kicked you out that she'd set herself up in a way that left you better off. She practically ruined your credit months ago, though! You couldn't exactly pretend like she didn't deserve this.

Instead of dropping to your knees and confessing how much you've dreamt of her since the breakup, you walk past her and enter her apartment. She guides you to her bedroom, into her bathroom, and walks back out. You wanna ask her to stay, to take you back and kiss you. Part of her imagines that too, to have you again. But Ellie, she was too far gone for that.

You, from Ellie's perspective, were a fake bitch. At least that's what she told herself. When she kicked you out, she felt like shit. She wanted to beg you to come back and to hold you tight, to at least attempt to fix her mistakes. But she indulged in her ways. She believed that was gonna kill her in some way. However, Ellie Williams was far too stubborn to admit that, or to even give much of her time to thinking about that. Instead, she lost it when she found out you were doing better. Dina had informed her that you had been doing amazing and moved back into the college setting, while she was slipping back, smoking weed on the regular and passing out, dreams of you and her in bed together always preventing her from waking back up. She was pissed off, hating herself, hating you for being so hard to forget, hating all her emotions for running at insane speeds in her head. What she hated about herself most of all was that she had let you go.

You finally relieved yourself and washed your hands. Part of you wanted to stall, to take your time and try to experience Ellie's presence again. But you still hurried, unable to face Ellie's griping if you had taken your sweet time. When you opened the door, Ellie was sitting back on the bed with a neutral expression. It pained you to see her so differently, so stone cold. Many people in her life witnessed her like that, but she was soft for you. She used to be, at least. She'd hold you close to her and kiss you at all hours of the night. She'd always make sure you were happy, all before her recklessness ruined your relationship. But now, seeing her on the bed, memories flooded back to you.

She was gorgeous, but a mess. You noticed now that she was in black jeans and a dirty wife beater. Her hair was messy and her appearance overall was disheveled. But her face was another story. Her arms and hands, and her perfect skin. Even at her sleep deprived, lowest look, you found her strangely angelic looking. Her warm, freckled skin had always filled your senses in ways not imaginable to anyone else, and in that moment, you swore she was probably the one for you. You wondered if that was just some passing thought that would fade with time, however, you were quickly snapped out of your head with her confession.

"You know, when you left, it was easy for me to pretend you didn't exist." Her voice was low and pained, but clear. You tried to bite back at the agonizing feeling of want inside you, telling you to step closer to her.

"But when Dina told me how happy you were, how you dressed up all pretty tonight to go get fucked by some other girl, it pissed me off. It pissed me off, also, to hear about your new job. How well you were doing without me.." As she spoke, her fingers wiggled, telling you to even dare to step toward. You obeyed, your body heating up as you stood in front of the beautiful woman.

"You kicked me out. You pushed me away and I bet you fucked other girls after it too!" you attempt to defend yourself from the obviously in-the-wrong auburnette.

She quickly catches your hands and growls. "Oh really, is that why you're acting all high and mighty? You think I've been fucking random girls? I haven't touched a single girl after you and you know it. God, this is why I kicked you out. You're always bitching and moaning." Part of you wanted to turn away and cry, to forget you came here in the first place. You could already feel tears welling up in your eyes at her harsh words, but it made you feel butterflies hearing that she was just as heated about the breakup as you.

"Is that really it, Ellie? Are you pissed about me doing better in life? That I'm happy without you?" Your voice is strained and quiet and you can feel tears gather in the corner of your eyes. A moment of thick silence before her lips met yours.

Ellie closed the distance with a kiss that you didn't know existed. It was soft, yet so rough in all the right ways. her plump, slightly chapped lips moved against yours hungrily, pouring out all of her emotions onto your lips. You swallowed every bit of her need into your own mouth, desperate to show her how much you missed her too. It's only a few minutes of desperate kisses before her hands snake inside your shirt to massage your tits, her mouth leaving yours to leave wet kisses all over your neck. You can't help but moan at the feeling of Ellie's touch; you missed more than anything. You shimmy off your leather jacket and Ellie pulls your tank top over your head. Her eyes immediately take in your braless state, and you feel your face redden.

"No bra, babe? Were you planning on getting fucked tonight?" She tries to sound demeaning, but the girl is too far gone thinking about how good your pussy would feel against hers to put any real degradation into her tone.

Your response to that was only silence, and Ellie's impatience led to your tits in her mouth. When she'd lavish her attention to one nipple, her thumb would graze over the other. It was a cycle that lasted until you were aching for her.

"El, I've missed you so much..please fuck me again." You felt a hint of shame at the way you so quickly begged for her, especially after all she had done. However, that shame soon vanished out of thin air as she laid you down onto her bed and began to slip off your skirt, her thumb finding your clit to rub softly over it through your panties. You let out a soft moan and Ellie lost all patience. She looked up at you to make sure you wanted this and when you nodded, she hooked her fingers into your panties and pulled them down your thighs, throwing them carelessly across the room. She stared down at your bare cunt in awe, fingers immediately grazing over your wet folds with care.

"You're so fuckin' wet, baby," she teases and without warning slips two fingers into your sopping cunt. You let out a shamelessly loud whine, forgetting how thin her new apartment walls must've been. But god, you could never forget the feeling of Ellie's fingers buried deep inside you. The way they always stroked your g-spot like your pussy was her religion, her tongue slipping into your open mouth at the same time. She fucked open your tight hole until you were in absolute bliss. You missed the way she fucked you so passionately, and Ellie missed how your walls fluttered around her digits as you got close. However, right before you could cum, Ellie pulled her fingers out and licked up your arousal on them. You groaned and Ellie just laughed at your frustration.

"Nuh uh baby, I wanna make you cum against my pussy..." You felt your need come back only more at the thought of her cunt fucking yours and Ellie began to undress.

Fuck, you missed her body. Ellie was skinny with her ribs visible and her hip bones jutting out; to anyone else, she wasn't the conventionally attractive. However, to you, she was perfection. The way freckles splattered across her broad shoulder should've been illegal because you couldn't resist the urge to plant kisses all over them as she moved to grind her arguably wetter cunt onto yours.

Ellie's bedroom was soon filled with the sound of breathless moans and sharp gasps at the feeling of being connected again. You had felt her like this countless times before, yet nothing could prepare you for what it'd feel like to have her clit bumping so deliciously against yours after so long, her bush tickling your skin as her hips rolled against yours. You couldn't help but buck your hips against hers, feeling so fucked out before you two had truly even been aquatinted again. It wasn't long before both of you had erupted into a series of pleas.

“Please, please, please… I’m wanna cum for you, Els..”

“Fuck, you feel so wet, babe… you’re doing so good, gonna make me cum all over your pretty pussy.”

“Ellie!!!”

Ellie was sliding her cunt against you ruthlessly, now chasing her own pleasure, obsessed with the way your voice went raspy with pleasure as you moaned her name. It wasn’t long before she came, covering both of your cunts with her essence and causing you to see stars as you hit your climax as well. You continued to ride out the orgasm with your hips frantically grinding against Ellie’s before the overstimulation began and your movements finally ceased.

Then, you two were left with the feeling of being back in each other’s arms after so long. You didn’t know what tomorrow would bring, if things would last or end in chaos like last time. But one thing you did know was that you felt so warm with Ellie’s soft skin pressing against yours, and all worries were left for tomorrow as you drifted off to sleep in her strong arms.

[necromelli]

Finnick romantic 73 maybe pls? Only if you're still taking requests <3

sender  and  receiver  stand  in  stunned�� silence  after  a  fight + sender  cradles  receiver’s  face .

combining this request with another because i need a happy ending.

that was how it was going to be, huh? finnick shutting you down entirely when you demanded to know why he'd be gone for days at a time, refusing to answer his house phone or his door. sure, maybe you could've demanded an answer in a nicer way. maybe asked him. but, you knew deep down that it would end up in a fight no matter what.

"so, that's it?" you asked, voice tight. you refused to let the ache in your chest devour you whole. if you let it, you would apologize and beg for his forgiveness. "you aren't even going to give me a tiny bit of an explanation."

"i can't," finnick sighed, exasperated with your never-ending slew of repetitive questions. he turned to look at you, saw how warm your face had gotten, and forced himself to turn back around. he might give in if he looked to long. "i told you this already."

"you didnt even tell me why you can't tell me!"

finnick's hands twitched at his side, picking at a nonexistent thread on his linen pants. he wanted so badly to tell you, but he couldn't. the risks were too high. he couldn't stand to put you through it, as well. to have you affected, tainted.

it was silent. he didnt say anything, and you didnt either. the thoughts that you had for weeks now cross your mind, and in that moment of hurt and betrayal, you couldn't stop the words from flying out. "fine." you said numbly. "that's it. i'm not doing this anymore."

"what?" finnick asked in a similar tone. "not doing what?"

"this." you answered, gesturing between the two of you despite the fact he didnt look. "i deserve better than this. i'm not putting myself through this anymore."

"no." finnick breathed out. it sounded like you were breaking up with him.

"i've tried and tried and tried for months to be understanding. but, i get it." you swallowed thickly, fighting back the tears. "i'm not as attractive as those in the capitol. i get it. who wants some district four fisher, huh?"

"no."

"well, ill do you a favor, finnick, and make it easy for you." you started for the door, slipping past him as you entered the living room.

finnick couldn't let you leave like that. not when he loved you, not when you were seconds from crying because of him. he grabbed your arm, making you look at him. "don't do this, honey."

you frowned, turning your head away from him. you didnt want to see him because then you'd stay. "this is it, finnick, it's over."

"no," finnick repeated, his big hands cupping your cheeks and making you look at him. he frowned at how distraught you looked - tear eyed, quivering bottom lip, cheeks so warm they were almost feverish. "no, it's not. i'll tell you if you'll promise to stay."

you only looked at him.

"it makes sense, baby, i promise." finnick brushed the tears out of the corners of your eyes and you felt yourself melting. he swallowed thickly, his adam's apple bobbing. "i'm sorry if i made you think i loved someone else. i dont. i promise, i love you."

finnick pulled you into his chest, burying his face in your hair, breathing in your scent. you fought back tears, kicking yourself for not pulling away sooner. but, when he started to softly explain to you why, what snow made him do, you felt like the biggest asshole in panem - next to snow, at least.

"i'm sorry." you mumbled, your arms wrapping around finnick's torso. you pulled him into a tight hug, before you pulled back to cup his cheeks like he had yours. "i'm sorry. i didn't know."

"i know you didnt-"

"no, finnick, please," you whispered, just wanting him to let you apologize. he gave you a small, slightly defeated smile. you gave him a kiss on his lips, short, sweet, before grasping his cheeks again. "i'm not going anywhere. just let me in. please, finn."

he leaned his forehead against yours, closing his eyes. it was a relief to hear that. despite telling you, finnick feared you'd still leave even after knowing. he kissed your forehead, then your nose, and then your lips. "i love you."

"i love you, too, finn."

[wosoluver]

To undo a mistake

part 2/17 - previous - next

Lena x Bayern player!reader

Lena Oberdorf Masterlist

──✩₊⁺⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧──

In front of me with her back turned was Lena.

Kissing a girl who had been cheering on from the stands the whole game.

Wearing her jersey too. I wondered if it was the same one I sent back in a box full of her stuff, the week after our last call.

It hurt. Like someone was ripping the last bit of hope you had, that there was a chance she would call one of these days and tell you she made a stupid mistake.

Out of everything that could've happened, that was the one you were least ready for.

Maybe just the fact that the break up was done through the phone, alone, should of raised a big red flag.

Should of raised the awareness that maybe you didn't know her like you thought you did.

That maybe, most likely, she wasn't the girl you fell for.

At that brought up so much anger. At first you kept fighting with yourself. With the feeling in your gut.

Trying to figure out what was going through her mind. And when you couldn't, it turned into you making up excuses for her.

But now reality had sinked in. You had tried so hard to keep this bitter feelings away. But you couldn't anymore.

The worst part in this, was that you had no right to say anything. You couldn't actually blame her for moving on with her life. What you could do, was blame her for being an asshole. And that you did.

You felt so embarrassed in front of your teammates. You wanted earth to swallow you whole.

You pushed it away momentarily though. You didn't want to be that person. Or didn't want them to think you were. The type that would throw away her professionalism because of some fling that happened to not work out.

Like that was more important, than the career you were building. The one thing you were dedicating yourself to, that wouldn't wake up one day and leave you.

You held your feelings in the whole trip back home. The girls didn't dare to talk to you. They saw on your face it wasn't a good idea.

Arriving home you exploded. You let that anger back out. You were red, your head felt like it could burst at any minute and you cried from anger.

You had the next day off. Sundays home were rare. And you thanked the universe. You didn't have to get up early, to get out of bed, to think, to exist.

And Monday rolled around rather quick. You were well rested. And all you wanted was to go training. To occupy your mind and let those cruel feelings out. Could even consider yourself to be excited.

That didn't last too long though.

As soon as you got to the locker room to get ready for the day, coach pulled you a side to talk about your failing performance.

After that sent you straight to the therapist's office. And if you refused, you'd have to sit out next couple of games.

Couldn't risk it.

Going into the waiting area, it was a pain knowing the therapist would only be in, in around 20 minutes and there was still someone else waiting to go in before you.

She gave you a slight tight lip smile as you sat next to her.

You knew her.

She had just arrived to the Bayern.

"Here for an appointment too?" - She asked sympathetic to the look in your face.

"Yep. Poor Performance. You?"

"Injury recovery."

You nodded along. -"The physio's room is the other way." - Immediately receiving a confused face from her.

"I'm joking!" - putting your hands up in defense. As she cracked a sly smile. - "I'm Y/N, we haven't had the chance to meet yet."

──✩₊⁺⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧──

I sooo excited for this story! Might post another part tonight! Hopefully next part has a little more stuff going on.

Who are we thinking the girl is? Or who do you wish it was?

If you want to support my work, there's a link in my pined post!

Lots of love 🩷

Taglist: @wosos-world

[thatonebrazilian]

Tolerate it

Summary: Everyone assumed you were fine, but what would they do if you just... broke free?

Pairings: Natasha Romanoff x Reader; undertones of Carol Danvers x Reader; Platonic Clint Barton x Reader; mentions of platonic Wanda Maximoff x Reader.

Word count: Around 6K

TW: Deep angst, assassination attempt, betrayal of trust, suicidal thoughts, dealing with grief, self sacrifices.

A/N: I've been in the mood for angst, apparently. And I actually wasn't planning on writing anything (I shouldn't have, I was short for time as it was), but I was listening to Taytay and the fic just came to me. This will probably hurt a lot. Just hurt, not much comfort. Let there be pain.

You didn't know what you did wrong. You didn't know how you could fix this. You didn't know if it even could be fixed.

All you did, all you could do, was just sit there and watch her. She was reading, her head low, almost as if she was trying to keep a barrier between you two.

You sat in the corner of the room, watching her as she immersed herself in reports. The soft glow of the lamp cast a delicate halo around her, illuminating her beautiful, beautiful features. And yet, on that night, as on many before, the light seemed unable to reach her eyes. 

You knew she was struggling, you were too. Everyone was. The Blip had taken many from their families, and the toll it took on those who stayed made many more lose their loved ones. The remaining Avengers lost Clint to his own darkness, and you lost the love of your life to what you could only describe as self-isolation.

Natasha had always had an unhealthy work-life balance, yet you always managed to counter that… But not anymore.

You had been together for what felt like an eternity, intertwined in a love that once knew no bounds. Now, though, there was a growing chasm separating the two of you. Natasha would only engage in conversations that revolved around missions and saving the world, and none of those came from you.

You used to be an Avenger too, with powers so astronomical that you never learned to control them. Bruce and Tony had to create some sort of inhibitor for you, lest you destroy the world by mistake.

You were probably one of the most powerful beings out there, but having no control whatsoever of your powers would only bring destruction, so you learned to live without them, the bracelet Tony made never leaving your wrist.

Being a somewhat powerless avenger was hard, but it was worth it. You saved people, you helped your friends.

But since the Blip things have changed. 

After watching Wanda, one of your best friends, disappear right in front of your eyes; after seeing Clint's descent into darkness, you didn't feel like fighting anymore. So you decided to stop, you stopped so you could take care of yourself, take care of Natasha.

They were small, the things you did for her, but meaningful nonetheless. You'd wait by the door every day to greet her like a god-damned war hero, to show her some love and comfort after a hard day at work; you'd make her favorite dishes, lay the table with your best cutlery; you even took upon painting as it seemed to ease your mind, and you'd use your best colors for her portraits (and there were many)... And yet, all Natasha gave back were lukewarm smiles; hums, and nods in acknowledgment of your attempts at conversation, and a lackluster "thanks". 

She seemed to simply… Tolerate it.

~

You woke up in the wee hours of the morning, the sun hadn't risen yet, and the moonlight shone through the curtains, casting a soft glow across the room. Your gaze fell upon Natasha, who lay beside you sleeping lightly. The rise and fall of her chest matched the rhythm of her breathing, a calming sight that used to bring you comfort.

But then, as you watched her, you noticed a subtle alteration in her breathing patterns, something that would go unnoticed by anyone else. The steady rhythm became irregular, interrupted by moments of slightly shallower breaths and the briefest of pauses. There was a tension in her muscles that hadn't been there a second ago, almost as if a silent battle was being waged beneath her immaculate skin.

Natasha's eyes remained closed, her face serene as if she was lost in the most peaceful of dreams. But you knew the truth. She was pretending to be asleep. It felt like she didn't want to wake up beside you, like she simply tolerated your presence, but now even that tolerance seemed to be waning.

You wanted to reach out, to offer her solace, to take all the pain away, but the invisible barrier between you seemed impossible to break through. The distance that had grown between you now felt like a vast expanse, impossible to bridge. Her closed eyes spoke volumes, a silent plea for space, for time, for avoidance.

Your heart ached with the weight of unspoken words, your eyes burned with the sting of unshed tears. You missed Clint, he'd know how to deal with this, he'd help her, but he'd help you, too. He'd hug you and tell you that everything was gonna be ok, he'd make sure it'd turn out that way. You missed Wanda, she'd take you out to eat ice cream, watch silly sitcoms with you, tell you the stupidest jokes just to see you crack a smile, she'd even threaten Natasha if she imagined the other redhead was hurting you in any way, shape or form.

You missed your life, your old life, before the Blip.

You turned away from her, not wanting her to see the tears in your eyes in case she opened hers.

~

As it turns out, the first time Natasha had a semblance of a real conversation with you in… You don't even know how many weeks… Was to ask you to join a team to take down whatever new evil had shown up.

You didn't even think twice about it, you took the job, you'd do anything to get closer to her again.

The team consisted of you, Steve, and Carol, who was visiting Earth. You didn't even know where you were headed or who you were facing, you just wanted to come back with an excuse to actually talk to your fianceé. 

As you prepared to get into the jet, you saw her there, giving off directions before everyone boarded. You wrestled with conflicting emotions, torn between respecting Natasha's need for distance and the overwhelming desire to break through the walls she had erected. 

You felt a hand on your shoulder then, too warm to be Nat's, and you immediately felt the comfort she radiated.

Carol wasn't the most sentimental person, she wouldn't tell you that everything would be fine, she wouldn't offer comforting words, but she'd be there, a warm unwavering presence amidst the chaos (even if you rarely saw each other in person). She was the one good thing that the Blip brought you.

"Don't think too much about it," the blonde said, already knowing what was on your mind. "Keep your head in the game, I don't want you getting hurt out there, ok?"

You nodded while managing to keep to yourself the strong urge to hug her, to seek comfort in that friendly and familiar warmth of hers.

She nodded back, turned and boarded the jet, having already reviewed with Natasha her role in the mission.

You looked at your fianceé only to find her eyes already on you. You didn't think too much into it, though, she was probably just reviewing in her head the role you'd have for this mission.

Once again you found yourself wanting to go to her, but the fear of rejection loomed over you, a haunting presence that whispered of the potential pain that awaited if you ventured too close.

You turned away and stepped in the jet.

~

You stumbled into the Avengers' compound, a dull ache radiating from your wounded shoulder, the bloodstained clothes doing nothing to give you comfort.

The mission had taken an unexpected turn, and both you and Steve got shot. Multiple times.

As soon as you stepped through the quinjet's door Natasha was there, the worry in her eyes making you question if you were hallucinating. She walked to you, her eyes never leaving yours, it was almost as if you could feel her again, the old Natasha, your Natasha.

"What the fuck happened? You weren't supposed to get hurt!" she exclaimed in a mix of anger, desperation and concern. She ran her hands through her unkempt hair. It was an uncommon sight, indeed, to see her so disheveled.

You knew she had been worried, the moment Steve reported back you could hear her pacing back and forth through the comms, you just didn't know it would affect her this much. You didn't think she cared anymore.

Almost as if sensing your thoughts, Natasha took a hesitant step closer and reached for your hands. "You got me really worried." She said, her eyes looking deep into yours, her hands soothingly cold to the touch. 

You could see she wanted to say something else, but almost as if she was waging a silent war against herself, she shook her head, released your hands and sighed. "Go to the med bay. I'll meet you there."

You nodded weakly, too tired from blood loss to argue. Too tired in general.

As you made your way to the medical facilities, the pain in your shoulder intensifying with each step, you couldn't help but think of all the times Clint saved your ass from stupid bullet wounds like these, or how Wanda would literally create a shield around you whenever you faced danger.

You missed them, you missed Wanda so much, and you couldn't help but wish it was you and not her. And Clint, god, you hated what he became, you hated the Ronin, you hated that he wasn't there to heal by your side, to heal with Natasha, but you still missed him so much.

As you entered the med bay, you were greeted by a warmth that made you question how she could have gotten there first.

"Bold move, jumping in front of a sea of bullets like that" Carol said, there was no warmth in her voice though. You closed your eyes.

"I couldn't let them shoot that child," you said, sitting on a cot and looking apologetically at her.

Carol gritted her teeth, her eyes scanning your wounded shoulder, the part of you that got the most hits, with a mix of worry and anger written across her face.

"So you just deemed your life less valuable than hers and decided to throw it away?" She clenched her fists.

"That's not it and you know it," you said in a small voice. It was worse, but no, she didn't know it. She didn't need to. You didn't want to burden her too.

Carol's eyes softened, she took a couple steps towards you and touched your uninjured shoulder. "I just worry about you, sweet girl." She said and sighed, "Look, I know you don't have much to live for right now, but you're one of my best friends, I wouldn't be able to deal with it if something ever happened to you. And by the looks of it neither would Natasha, despite all the shit she's been pulling."

It was amazing how Carol, just like Wanda before her, was able to fill you with lightness. With them, as well as with Clint, you felt cherished, cared for. You could never be more thankful for the blonde in front of you. Without Clint and Wanda here to support your near Natasha-less life, Carol was the one thing keeping you sane.

You just wished being sane was enough.

You managed a weak smile, though, and even if felt forced, it still seemed to have convinced Carol that you were ok. "I'll be fine, Carebear. Just a flesh wound. I know I haven't been in the field for a while, but it's nothing I can't handle."

Carol fought off a smirk. "Promise me you won't pull shit like that again, at least".

You saluted her, a mocking smile on your face, despite the ache you felt inside. "Aye, aye, Captain!"

She chuckled and shook her head, "You're the worst".

"But you love it!" Your answering smile was more genuine this time.

Her smile grew bigger, and you wished you could see it in person more often.

"I actually do." She said, shaking her head once more and turning away to leave the med bay.

It didn't take long for a nurse to come to tend to you. There were many bullet wounds around your body, although most were superficial. The worst was indeed your shoulder, having been hit four times.

You bitterly wondered how you could still be alive with all of these bullet holes around your body.

The minutes passed by, and yet there was no sign of Natasha, so after all your wounds have been treated and dressed you decided to go look for the redhead.

It was a bad idea. As you located her, your heart sank. There she was, tending to Steve's wounds, her focus solely on him. Even though there was nothing romantic about the situation, the sight of them together stirred a mix of emotions within you. Jealousy, longing, confusion. Betrayal. You wondered if there was something more between Natasha and Steve, a connection that surpassed friendship. You wondered why she would deem him deserving of having his wounds treated personally by her while you were sent to a nameless nurse.

Your mind raced, struggling with the whirlwind of emotions that engulfed you. Doubts crept in, and you questioned the very nature of your relationship with Natasha. Did she even love you still? Has she ever? Where was that woman who threw blankets over your barbed wire, leaving you just soft enough for all your other friends to approach? Why has she left you behind in her pursuit to build this new world instead of taking you along with her? The uncertainty gnawed at you, intensifying the ache in your shoulder. You made her your temple, your mural, your sky, but now you were left begging for footnotes in the story of her life.

As you stood there, watching her tend to his injuries, a deep sense of loneliness washed over you. The weight of the lack of acknowledgment you've been getting from her grew heavier, casting a shadow over the bond you once shared. The pain in your shoulder felt insignificant compared to the ache in your soul.

At that moment, you realized you couldn't take it anymore. You loved Natasha, you would probably love her till the end of your days, but you knew your love should be celebrated, and yet all she did was tolerate it.

~

You never thought about what she would do if you broke free, leaving the two of you in ruins. But that's what you did, you took the chains that bound you to Natasha and broke them.

You still longed for her, though, the neverending love you held for the woman felt like a dagger piercing your heart, a constant reminder of what you craved for, of what you once had. You wanted to remove it, to see it clatter to the ground as you bled out.

It was weird to gain the weight of her then lose it, but you needed to do it, you had to.

You were doing it for her as much as for yourself. Natasha had lost so, so much, but there was one person who could still come back, so you went to look for him, more in hopes of helping her than fulfilling your own desire of seeing him again.

Even if she didn't love you (which was the impression you got when you told her you'd be gone, looking for Clint, only to get a blank stare in response), you still loved her, you still wanted her to be as happy as she could, and you knew Clint was the person to make that happen, he was her best friend as much as he was yours.

You needed to help her heal somehow.

"She's been a mess since you left," Carol had said once during a video call, the vast expansion of the universe now looming right behind her, "don't ever tell her I said that, though." The grimace on her face told you she wasn't kidding.

"Steve's been trying to help more, even I am; I've been to earth since you left more times than I've been throughout my whole life. I'm afraid that if I stay gone too long, she won't be there when I come back… Since you left she barely takes care of herself. The place's a mess, she hasn't been eating much, and, again, don't ever tell her I said this, but I thought I'd never see her cry, and yet…"

You wondered if it had been all in your head, the way she seemed to avoid you, the way she seemed to take you for granted, the way she seemed to merely tolerate you.

In the midst of a turbulent storm of emotions, a newfound sense of urgency propelled your every step. You needed to find Clint, you needed to find him so you could go back to her, to see if she was really deteriorating that much, to ask her if it was all in your head, if you got it wrong somehow, if she actually loved you.

Time seemed to both crawl and fly, leaving you with moments of self-reflection in the solitude of your journey. Doubts and insecurities waged war within you, tearing at the fabric of your clarity. What if you discovered that Natasha's love had been genuine, but she had struggled to express it? What if she was simply too freshly traumatized to express it, and you had abandoned her at her worst moment?

You needed to go back to her, even if it was just to figure it out. But you wouldn't go back without Clint, you couldn't.

So you searched, and searched, and searched. And as you finally stood before Clint, his weathered face bearing the marks of his own battles, you found yourself engulfed in a deep ache. Two of the people you loved the most were immersed in pain, and you could do nothing to help.

"I can't believe you traveled so far, came all the way here for this," Clint spat, his voice filled with anger, his eyes filled with tears. "To ask me to come back so I can help her. Do you even worry about me? Did you ever stop to think that I lost my family? My wife's gone, Y/N! I lost my kids! Do you really think that I'm not dealing with my own shit right now?"

You shook your head, tears welled up in your eyes too, matching the anguish in your voice. "Fuck you, Clint! I'm not here just for her and you know that! You're my best friend, goddamnit, and you've been gone for years! I know you're hurting, but you gotta know that what you're doing is wrong, and it's not gonna bring Laura and the kids back." You shook your head, remembering the way the kids would all call you auntie Y/N/N. You sighed and shook your head in disappointment. "They would actually be ashamed of what you became."

You knew it was a low blow, but it was the truth, and he needed to hear it 

The moment he seemed to register those words, Clint's eyes became full of this sort of anger that you've never seen your friend display. But again, this wasn't Hawkeye, this was Ronin. 

Clint advanced upon you with rage in his eyes, his hand went to your throat, a dagger suddenly pressing against your ribs.

"Take that back." He said through gritted teeth, and you felt your eyes filling with tears once again.

Of course he wasn't above hurting you like this. He, too, didn't care about your own pain. 

You were tired, you were so fucking tired.

"Do it." You said, your voice devoid of emotions, the hollowness you now felt was all it conveyed. "It's not gonna make any difference if I'm gone, anyway."

You'd be just another death on his account, just a wisp of a memory in Natasha's mind.

Clint's brows furrowed, but his grip was unrelenting. You took your hands to his, the one holding the dagger, and pulled it up, so it wasn't resting above your ribs anymore, but right at your heart.

"Please," you said with a wavering voice, looking him deep in the eyes, trying to appeal no more to your friend, but to Ronin, "do it. Please."

The dagger clattered to the ground, Clint took a step away, looking at his hand as if it had personally offended him. He then looked at you, but you didn't meet his eyes, you were too absorbed looking at the dagger on the ground, feeling the brisk sense of freedom evading you as it finally stopped moving.

You then felt his arms around you, your head suddenly tucked into his neck.

"I'm so sorry," he said, his voice sounding desperate "I'm so sorry, Y/N, I'm so sorry," he kept repeating, and repeating, and repeating. 

You shook your head, your own desperation making you cling to him "Why didn't you do it? Why couldn't you just kill me?!"

His arms tightened around you as you both fell to your knees.

"I'm sorry," he just repeated, "I'm sorry I took this path, I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. I'm sorry I wasn't a good friend."

You wished that he being sorry was enough.

~

When you came back, there was a talk about fucking time travel. The Ant-guy was back, and so was Tony, Thor, and even Bruce. Everything seemed to be falling into place, so why did you still feel so…. broken?

But, somehow, as you and Clint stepped foot inside the Avengers compound, the familiar surroundings embraced you like a long-lost home. The tension that has seemed to permeate your very bones during the journey began to ease, replaced by a cautious hope for what awaited you.

You knew things wouldn’t instantly fix themselves up; Natasha wouldn’t just come to you and apologize for all she’s done (no, that wasn’t like her at all); your heart wouldn’t suddenly be mended, even if she did; your mind wouldn't let you forget the pain, the deep ache the past five years inflicted upon you.

And yet, there was hope.

There was the possibility of bringing Wanda back, of having Carol around more often, of doing something good for humanity. Of making Natasha happy again.

The moment the doors opened you saw her. She was talking to the Ant-guy and to Bruce, her brows furrowed as she nodded along.

And then she turned her head and caught sight of you, and of who was by your side. Her eyes widened in disbelief when she saw Clint standing there, and a glimmer of something flickered within them, something akin to hope, but also akin to sorrow. Without a second thought, she started walking in your direction, coming faster and faster until she was running. 

When Natasha reached Clint, she threw her arms around him, pulling him into a long-awaited embrace. Tears pooled in her eyes, slowly streaming down her cheeks as she closed them. 

There was a little lightness in your heart as you saw them hug, some sort of knowing that she'd be ok even if you weren't around anymore. She wouldn't starve herself, she wouldn't push everyone away, she wouldn't shut down. She'd survive, and then she'd move on.

In that moment, as Natasha clung to Clint, her teary eyes slowly opened. There, through the blur of her emotions, she looked right at you. And the gratitude that radiated from her gaze was palpable, as if a thousand unspoken words were contained within that single look. 

Her hold on Clint loosened slightly as her eyes locked onto yours, lingering for a brief, intense moment. The world seemed to fade away, leaving only the two of you suspended in time as the weight of her gaze met yours.  It felt as if the universe held its very breath, waiting for the next chapter to unfold. 

You wished you could say you could feel her love through that gaze, but you didn't know if you could use that word to describe what Natasha felt for you. Maybe she regretted what she did; maybe you became her anchor, even if unbeknownst to you, and she felt like she needed you to function; maybe she felt like she owed you something for bringing Clint back. You didn't know what it was, but you couldn't shake the feeling that the word love would be the wrong one to describe her feelings for you. Gratitude, thankfulness, maybe, but not love.

You smiled a sad smile, and nodded your head in acknowledgment to the gratitude in her eyes. 

Natasha furrowed her brows and pulled away from Clint as she saw you walking away from her, but before she could come after you, Clint caught her hand and walked towards the opposite direction. He wanted a conversation in private.

You just knew he was going to tear her a new one for what she did to you. During your journey back he had apologized more times than you could count, his words still engraved in your mind.

"I'll do whatever it takes to earn back your trust," he had vowed, his voice filled with determination. "I'll prove to you day after day that I care, that I value our friendship above all else. What happened the other day… it'll never happen again, I promise you that. I was too absorbed in my own pain, so much so that I hurt you, but I would never do that intentionally, Y/N. You're like a sister to me, I'd never willingly hurt you. I love you too much for that."

Maybe his love was real, but you didn't have it in yourself to just forgive and forget.

Maybe one day the gods would deem you worthy of love. True love, not the kind that hurts you.

~

"A soul for a soul" the Redskull said, turning the vast expense of cosmic beauty before you into something bleak, final. "You must sacrifice that which you love."

Your eyes wandered, drinking in the breathtaking scenery, the towering cliffs and cascading waterfalls; it seemed like a paradise carved from dreams. 

But the words hanging in the air casted a somber shadow over the planet's beauty, and as you stood near its vibrant precipice, the weight of what had to be done pressed upon the three of you. 

Destiny had brought you here, demanding a sacrifice.

It was a curse and a blessing all at once.

"If we don't get that stone, billions of people stay dead," Natasha stated, her voice tinged with determination, almost as if she was trying to keep herself strong.

Of course she'd want to be sacrificed, the selfless fool that she was.

Clint's gaze met hers, his eyes filled with a mixture of conflict and resignation. "Then I guess we both know who it's got to be," he replied, the weight of his words hanging heavily in the air. They didn't spare a single glance your way, it was almost as if they had mutually decided that you were to live.

A subtle sadness washed over Natasha's features as she nodded in agreement. "I guess we do."

You closed your eyes. You had been wanting this for so long, you had craved the peace I'd bring, you had fantasized about it, about closing your eyes and never opening them again.

And yet… you found yourself wanting to cling to life with an unwavering grip.

As Clint and Natasha looked at each other, you found yourself wanting to greet Laura, Lila, Coop and Nate when they came back, you found yourself wanting to have a nice day out with Yelena. You found yourself wanting to embrace Wanda and never let her go.

It hurt to know you wouldn't be able to do any of that.

"I'm starting to think we mean different people here, Natasha." Clint said then, his voice wavering slightly.

For a moment, Natasha's gaze lingered on Clint, her eyes reflecting the depth of her conviction. "For the last five years, I've been trying to do one thing: get to right here," she confessed. "That's all it's been about. Bringing everybody back."

She looked at you then, her eyes brimming with tears "I was so focused on it that I drove away the one person I had promised myself never to hurt.",

You couldn't look her in the eye, you couldn't let her see your decision through your gaze.

Clint's shoulders seemed to sag, you could see the self-blame he felt right through his eyes, even if they were focused on Nat. "And that's why it gotta be me. You spent all this time trying to help what was left of the world. Me… you know what I've done. You know what I've become." He shook his head, his eyes turning to you as well "If you haven't gotten to me, I'd still be killing an untold number of people without a care for who it'd hurt."

"Well," you said, shrugging, trying to lighten the mood a little "I don't judge people on their worst mistakes." There was no point in holding grudges anymore.

"Neither do I." Natasha said, looking at him. Her eyes turned to you then, full of sadness, longing , and regret. "I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me."

You walked towards her and pulled her in by the hand, your forehead resting against hers.

"I love you, Nat. You've been forgiven since day one." You said.

Natasha's tears streamed down her cheeks as she buried her face in the crook of your neck.

You saw from the corner of your eye Clint taking a step back, as if to go to the cliff. You extended your hand to him as well. He stopped in his tracks and took a couple steps in your direction, taking your hand in his.

He smiled a sad smile, his eyes red. "Tell my family I love them" he said, and tried to pull his hand away, but you gripped it with all the strength you had.

"Tell them yourself," Natasha said, pulling away from you as well.

You sighed, your eyes burning with unshed tears. You didn't want to die anymore. You wanted to live.

But you couldn't let them sacrifice themselves.

You ripped the bracelet Tony made from your wrist. It clattered on the ground. Natasha and Clint's eyes widened, almost as if they hadn't even thought of the possibility of you being the one to jump.

You felt an unbearable heat rising up from inside out, your lungs burned, your chest, your torso, your whole body. 

"Y/N what the hell are you doing?!?" Natasha yelled out, trying to get to the bracelet on the floor, but the burning winds that seemed to suddenly emanate from you wouldn't let her get closer.

"Take care of each other. And of Wanda and Carol. That 's all I ask." You said, your voice no longer solely yours.

You saw a rising shadow on the ground, signaling the presence of wings on your back. Blood red wings engulfed in flames. The Phoenix's wings.

Clint was rooted to the ground, your power vicious enough to paralyze those of weaker minds.

Natasha, though? She was fighting to get to you, the winds clearly burning her skin, yet she didn't give up. You turned away from her, not wanting to see her struggle.

It was a short walk to the edge of the cliff, you didn't want to look back. If you said goodbye it'd make it feel more real. So you just jumped.

And then you felt her hand on your wrist, the searing heat making her skin burn, and yet, she didn't let go.

"No, please. Not you." She cried, and even with tear stained cheeks she was the most beautiful woman you've ever seen "I can't lose you like this. The world can't lose you. You're the only one of us that really deserves to live life to its full potential."

And then, as if her touch made your power purr in her presence, Clint broke free, running to where you were dangling and taking your other wrist in his hands.

This was hurting them, both physically and mentally, you saw the skin on their hands blistering, you saw the redness in their arms, the tears in their eyes not just from the pain.

"Let me go," you said with a sad smile. They had their families, they had their jobs, their missions; their homes. 

You had nothing, all you did was take up too much space or time. They deserved to live, even if you left them in ruins.

"It's not gonna work!" Natasha shouted in desperation, her expression one of pure anguish "I don't love you! It's not gonna work!"

You smiled sadly at her. She really didn't love you, did she? She just tolerated you.

"It 's ok, Natty. It'll work. You may not love me, but Clint does " you said, smiling at her through your own tears. 

"Y/N, please, don't do this," Clint begged too, sobbing as he held onto you with all his strength.

"It's ok," you repeated, and if it was to calm them or yourself , you didn't know, "it's gonna be ok".

You used whatever little control you had over your powers to push them away. As your body tumbled to the ground the last thing you remembered was the way Natasha used to laugh at your jokes, enjoy your food, take you out on dates. The last thing you remembered was how she used to love your presence, and not just tolerate it.

Maybe one day someone would be enough to have their love celebrated by her.

~

When Natasha and Clint woke up not much later in a galaxy colored lake, she clutched the stone that had appeared in her hands, wishing with all her might that it turned out different, that the last words she said to you weren't "I don't love you."

She loved you. Always did. Always would.

~

Wanda sat in front of your gravestone, her hair disheveled, her eyes red shot, her cheeks tear stained. She hugged her knees as she sobbed, longing for the presence of who could no longer be by her side. She had lost her parents, then Pietro, Vision, and now you.

She sobbed more and more, the pitiful sound getting louder.

She felt a hand on her shoulder then, and she looked up to see red shot brown eyes.

Carol sat beside her, taking her hand and squeezing it a little. 

She understood what Wanda was going through, she was grieving you as well, and even though Wanda and Vision were planning on starting a life together, the witch suspected the Captain wouldn't have said no if you'd asked the same thing from her. So she, too, lost her love, even if she never got the courage to confess it.

It was a hot day, the sunlight shone perpendicular through the clearing where your grave has been put, creating a magical scenery all around the place.

And yes, the day was hot, but was it supposed to be this hot? 

Wanda shook her head, her brows starting to sweat.

And then the sunlight vanished, as if something gigantic was blocking its path. She and Carol looked up, but all they could see were the trees blocking the sky from view.

The animalistic cry they heard didn't come from the trees, though.

Neither did the blood red feather falling through the leaves, its tip engulfed in fire.

Wanda and Carol looked at each other, and for the first time in weeks, they smiled.

Natasha Romanoff Taglist: @strangegardentaco, @madamevirgo, @Lovelyy-moonlight, @agent99galanzo, @red1culous

[luveline]

Hey Jade! Could I request some more kisses before dinner au? Steve and reader both have a bad day (Reader with her pregnancy and steve is just overwhelmed with looking after everone?) and they have a fight in the evening before, during or after dinner. The girls get a little upset and make a plan to get the two talking again and to make up and the night ends with a big cuddle. Thank you, love you and your work, you're actually so beautiful! Xx

HI!! thank you so much angel, I hope this is OK!! ♥ dad!steve x pregnant!reader, 3k.

You said we could do this. 

Steve thinks about that line most of all. Your argument blurred into one big glob of anger, wanting to be right and silly grievances, fatigue. The only thing that stuck out was your upset face as you'd sniffled and murmured, "You said we could do this," like Steve had let you down. 

Steve regrets arguing with you, but what he hates most is having lost his cool in front of the girls. He resents himself for it as much as he does you, and he's finding it difficult to let any of it go. 

It's Avery who's claimed his lap, while Bethie and Dove lean on either side of you, Dove's face against the bump of your stomach like a pillow. Steve strokes hair out of his eldest daughter's face one silky strand at a time. He knows the girls aren't used to fighting, Steve grew up seeing it, and he didn't want his kids to see it because he knows it creates a strange and sometimes suffocating anxiety, so you and he have always argued in private when you could. 

You're very pregnant (exhausted, hormonal, going through huge changes) and Steve is trying to do a lot more to account for that (similarly exhausted, and wondering if perhaps he has sympathy hormones). The baby bump means you can't and shouldn't be doing as much. You've worked your entire pregnancy, through two trimesters of intense morning sickness, and the third and last trimester offered a reprieve from that and nothing else. 

As your uterus moves and your bump drops to make room for the last hurdle of the baby's growth, you can hardly breathe. You're always aching. Steve insists you take it easy and even if he didn't insist it's not exactly a conscious decision either of you van make. Being kind to yourself is being kind to the baby, and you're the best mom in the world —you're slowing down whether anyone likes it or not. 

Worse, your Braxton Hicks have started. They come at irregular times and never last long, but each time prompts the am I going into labour early? panic. It's not fair, Steve wishes he could take it from you, and he doesn't want you to do more than you can, but he needs a little more room to breathe, and some forgiveness. 

Because Steve did assure you that you could do this. You wouldn't have agreed to another baby if you didn't think it yourself, neither of you being that irresponsible. Lots of things come before wanting. Steve wants a big family, he could cry every time he looks at you lately and the unignorable evidence of another family member to love and cherish that is your distended stomach, but he loves the one he has now. Before you even thought about trying for your fourth, you had to know it wouldn't hurt your first three, or each other. 

Steve knows you can do this. He can do it. Today was just a bad day, and he needs your faith in him, or this is never going to work. 

Steve wants to say that to you, now he's had time to think. I'm sorry I let you down, but I need you to forgive me, and I need you to trust me that we can do it. He also wants to say Thanks for being a dick about Beth's doctor's appointment, obviously I forgot to take her on purpose, I just don't like her. He decides he hasn't calmed down enough to talk to you yet. He's mad at you but he fucking loves you, he doesn't want to hurt your feelings anymore than he already has. 

Avery kisses Steve's cheek unexpectedly, snapping him from a reverie of racing thoughts. He meets her gaze to ask what she wants, but she's swift to slide down the lengths of his legs and onto the floor. 

"Bethie," she says, meandering to where her sister sits, hands catching on Bethie's bare knees, "do you want to come and colour in with me?" 

"Why don't you bring your colours down here?" you ask. 

"I don't want to carry the table," Avery says, referring to the green and purple picnic bench she has in her room. She can't carry it, even though it's only small. She's smaller. 

"I can grab it for you, Ave," Steve says. 

"That's okay, daddy, you're tired. Please, Bethie? I need your help staying in the lines." 

Bethie raises her eyebrows. Reluctant, she climbs off of the sofa and Avery takes her hands. Steve can hear them whispering as they reach the stairs, their creaking steps covering words but not sounds. 

Steve usually puts his life into perspective quite easily. He doesn't often get angry, having had the privilege to choose pretty much every aspect that's worth agonising over. He was lucky enough to love you, and to have you love him back. He was lucky enough to have a say when you got pregnant accidentally the first time, and beyond privileged to be able to ask again, and to have you yes, to want to say yes to the second, the third, the fourth. 

He doesn't get angry at you much. When you're mean, of course, when you fall for the same weaknesses he might. A short temper, a mistimed snark. He was really mad at you a few years ago when you burned your arm on a pan he told you multiple times was hot. He was so mad he couldn't speak not that long ago when you assured him you could clean the hot sauce off of his first Hellfire shirt with a lemon and ended up bleaching the black sleeve a mottled brown. But you were cleaning his shirt because you loved him. You burnt yourself trying to help him clean your shared kitchen. All these things he's angry about, they're mistakes, or they're moments of weakness in a long receipt of kindness, and sweetness. Plus, you're the prettiest woman he's ever met, you're prettier every day. That deserves something, he thinks. Reverence, patience, anything you need if it means he gets to keep being with you, gets to keep having these stupid fights. 

And there it is. The anger wears away. Steve remembers how much he loves you (which hadn't been in doubt, the love part, but the volume —when he's mad, he loves you astronomically, and when he isn't, he loves you so much they haven't made a word for it). He wants to say sorry and have you say it back. You'll kiss him and let him hold you, his hand over your tummy, and hopefully you'll admit to understanding where he's coming from. If he's really lucky, you'll let him massage your shoulders, or hold the bump up to take the weight off. 

"Dove!" Bethie shouts from the top of the stairs. "Dove, come and help, please? We need another hand for the drawing!"

Dove perks up by your side. She slides off of the couch with little convincing, your fingers twisting a curl of her hair as she goes. 

"Have to help me," Dove says. Bethie sighs and begins down the stairs to fight the baby gate. 

Steve opens his mouth about the second they're both out of earshot again and you still beat him to it. 

"Baby brain made me act like a bitch. Sorry." 

"I knew it was baby brain and I still took the bait, so…" 

"You think I was baiting you?" you ask. 

"Not on purpose?" Steve rests his cheek across the top of the couch, fake leather cool on his skin. "You had a real reason to be mad at me. I said you didn't have to take her and then I let you down." 

"You didn't let me down," you say.

"And you're not a bitch," he says,

"I feel really embarrassed after we argue. Maybe you make me feel that way," you say, looking down at your hands, "but I don't think so. I wish you wouldn't get so mad with me." 

"I wish I didn't, either." 

"Not that we don't both get angry."

"I know what you meant." The conversation is stilted and jagged and frankly painful to manoeuvre. "Do I really make you feel embarrassed?" he asks. 

"No," you say. "I'm sorry, I don't know what I'm trying to say. This part never gets any easier." 

"But we'll keep doing it?" 

You put both hands over your bump and give him a long, serious look. "Yeah." 

Steve shuffles closer to you on the couch and tries to land you both on the same page. "What did you mean by that? That I make you feel embarrassed after we fight? I'm not mad, I just don't get it." 

You offer your hand as though you're afraid he'll reject it, pinky finger bumping his where it rests on his thigh. Steve takes it gently. 

"Stevie, sometimes, you get really mad when we fight and I– I don't blame you because I know why you get mad like that, and you've never been cruel to me for the sake of it, you aren't cruel. You've never hurt me just being angry. You've said stuff to me that hurt my feelings–" 

"I've never hurt you for no reason," he says, worried, hoping you'll agree. 

"Of course not. Steve, you've barely hurt me. But I… I think I feel embarrassed after we fight 'cos I can't stand thinking you had that much disdain for me." You squeeze his fingers. "Even for a minute. Which isn't your fault, that's how being angry works. You get so annoyed at someone that you lose it."

"I don't hate you, though," he murmurs. "You really think I have disdain for you? 'Cos I don't, honey. Not for a millisecond. That's not what it'd be about." He can't believe he's loved you this long and this is the first he's hearing about this feeling in particular. "When we were fighting earlier, I wasn't thinking about how awful you are or anything like that." 

"What were you thinking?" you ask hesitantly. 

"That I wish you'd see my side." It comes out in a rush, a sigh, his hand sliding up your wrist. "I just wanted you to see my fucking side for once."

"Are you kidding?" you say. 

He backtracks. "Sorry, not for once. That wasn't fair. It's what I was thinking, though" 

Much less insulted by his thoughts at the time of a blow up argument than the notion that he thought you were refusing to see his side after you literally asked him to tell you his side a second before, you relax. Or, you sag, and your brows pull together in pain, free hand moving to your chest. 

Steve sidles in as close to your side as he can get and covers your hand with his. "You okay?' he asks softly. 

"I'm fine. Tell me your side."

"I'm sorry for upsetting you," he says honestly. "But I need you to cut me some slack. I know you're having a really hard time right now, and I know you know I'm trying to make it work just as much as you are. Is that okay?"

You take his hand from your chest and put it over your baby bump. He could weep with relief. 

"That's okay. I really am sorry, Steve, I know I took it too far." 

"Well, I got angry twice. I wish you'd told me how you felt about it, you know? I would've told you a long time ago that I– I love you even when you're pissing me off. You don't have to feel embarrassed thinking you've lost my respect or something." 

"I know it doesn't make sense," you say. 

"But if that's how you feel," he says. "I'm sorry, sweetheart. I just want us to be okay again. 

"We're okay again," you say, staring at him for a few long, slow seconds. "I love you." 

"That's the best one, right? After we fight? I love you, too," he says, hand slipping under your shirt. He'd do it if you weren't pregnant, but now you are he does it for a different reason, feeling along your ballooned tummy for something in particular. "Has she been kicking today?" 

"Only every time you talk," you say, beaming, knowing how special that is. You move his hand to the very top of your bump. "Feels like she's inside my lungs. Would you…" 

Steve grins and leans down. You pull the hair from his eyes, holding him to your chest. "Listen, lovely girl. You gotta give your mom a break, go back to sitting on her bladder for a bit. The only person who should be making her breathless is me." 

"Corny," you say, scratching his hair. 

Steve puts his ear to your stomach. She won't talk back, and he can't hear much, but he tricks himself into thinking your weird stomach gurgling is the baby speaking. 

"No," Avery says, much closer than Steve thought she was, the troupe of them having made their way downstairs while Steve was busy laying on your stomach. "This will work, Beth."

"I don't want them to be angry," Bethie says. 

"They won't be angry with us. Mom doesn't get mad, she gets disappointed, and dad only shouts when I den-danger my safety." 

You snort and Steve tries uselessly to cover your mouth. "It's a make up plan," you whisper. 

"Oh. We have to still be fighting, then," Steve says. He springs up, gives you a very tender if he says so himself kiss to your cheek, and crawls back to his empty seat. 

"Let's go," Dove insists, prancing through the open door. 

You and Steve try to look dreadfully morose. 

"Daddy," Avery says, "Mommy, we made you something to say thanks for being the best dad and mom's ever made."

"You did?" you ask. 

"And to stop worrying," Bethie says, drifting toward Steve on automatic. 

"My loves," you begin. Steve knows what you'll say —We're sorry. 

"Just listen!" Avery insists. "You're the bestest ever, and we have the new baby coming and we'll have to take new photos but we can't because she's still getting bigger, so we drew one." 

"Baby photos always make you happy," Beth says.

It's a family portrait on a jagged edged, five feet long piece of paper from one of their paper rolls. You're all very tall and there have been efforts to make each person individual. Steve stands out as the only one with shorts and no eyelashes. Your baby bump has been drawn like you're carrying Pluto around in your abdomen, and Dove is quite small in comparison. Avery has drawn herself to Steve's left, and Bethie stands to hers. It's the most impressive thing Steve has ever seen. 

"Oh, wow," he says. 

"Woah," you agree. 

"This is me," Dove says, pointing at herself. 

"That's me," Bethie says, almost dropping her corner of the portrait.

"And there's me and dad and mom and baby," Avery says, pointing at each figure, her arm blocking the crayon hair. "We're the biggest family ever." 

"And the best," Bethie says.

"Best," Dove agrees. 

If things hadn't been okay between you and Steve before, they are now. In an instant. The girls have presented you with evidence of his very greatest achievements. 

"How much do you think it would cost to get that framed?" he asks you. 

Your laugh jumps from you as though it had a mind of its own, loving and exhausted, fond. Unsurprised. 

"Couple hundred bucks," you say, hand cupping the bottom of your stomach. 

"We have that, right? To spare?" 

You absolutely don't. Steve says it to make you laugh again, only half joking, and is rewarded by your happy smile. You shuffle down the couch into his arms and he wraps you up without closing his arms, hands extended to the girls where they hesitate. 

"Come on," he says, waving his hand toward your back, "this mom sandwich is missing at least three pieces of bread." 

Avery cheers and sprints into his reach. Beth and Dove aren't far behind. 

—

kisses before dinner au

[nogenderbee]

May I request the brothers reacting to s/o feeding the undateables?

Aoh, yes! Absolutely! It was pretty fun to write so I just hope you'll like it as well! ^^

♡˗ˏ✎*ೃ˚ 𝔽𝕖𝕖𝕕 𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕞 ₊˚ˑ༄

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ 7 brothers react to reader feeding undateables

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ fluff

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ @vodka-glrl @miya-akane @indi-has-fallen

✧ Lucifer's reaction will strongly depend on who it is EXACTLY

✧ if it's Luke, he'll let that slide as he's aware you treat him like your own child, he may sigh at the view and be a bit annoyed at it but will not interrupt

✧ if it's Diavolo, he'll be upset at not only that you're feeding another men but also because according to him, you're being a bit disrespectful

✧ so if it's that red head... you may receive a stern talk from him instead

✧ if it's anyone else tho... he'll do his best to just roll his eyes in slight annoyence at the sigh and stay quiet

✧ you don't expect him to actually tell you he doesn't like you feeding anyone else than him, do you? That would most likely destroy his ego so sorry hun

✧ if you ask him about it, he'll decline any of your ideas he might be jealous

✧ he's actually pretty good at hiding it so even if it bothers him for weeks, he won't show it and if he does, he'll immidietly blame it on his work or brothers

"Nothing's wrong with you feeding them. I honestly wouldn't even notice if you didn't told me about it."

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✧ to Mammon it doesn't really matter who you're feedint. What matters is that it's not him!

✧ will never show thaf it made him a bit jealous in front of everyone

"I ain't jealous! It's Levi's job!"

✧ will immidietly pull you away from that person with random excuse that isn't event any good

✧ if the other person would try to put a fight against him like Luke for example he might end up carrying you out of that room...

✧ but once you're finally alone, he'll decline any assumptions of him being jealous but with enough prying, he'll eventually break and admit the truth

✧ on the next day, he'll seek for any ocassion for you to feed him

✧ bur he won't tell you about it, no... instead he'll just randomly say how he brought cake for both of you and doesn't touch his hoping you'd get the hint

✧ if you don't, he'll just eat by himself. But don't be surprised if he'll start being a bit pouty

✧ but if you somehow do get that hint, he'll blush a bit but be happy despite saying all the time that he's doing it for only your satisfaction

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✧ Levi is literally Avatar of Envy, all he needs to get jealous is for you to look at someone else for too long and yet you're doing something like this!?

✧ he's about to break to tears on spot...

✧ he either makes a random excuse or just leaves quietly to his room

✧ you better notice it and go after him because if you won't, he'll go deeper in his thoughta eventually considering you don't love him anymore

✧ BUT there's also a chance for his other reaction which would be blowing up on a person you're feeding for having all your attention, but it only may happen if you're feeding anyone else than Diavolo or Barbatos

✧ if he manages to get some private talk with you, depending on his mood he'll either confront you about it or stay quiet

✧ if he's quiet, he'll probably play on something to avoid eye contact as he just feels like he needs some time alone after what he just saw (when in reality he needs a bit if reassuring)

"Are... Are you sure you still love me...? You're not with me just because you pity me?"

✧ like when he's in his demon form, you know he'll definitely hold you in place and confront you how he should be the only one getting this sort of treatment

✧ after he realizes what he's doing tho, he immidietly becomes emberrassed instead...

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✧ Levi may be the own who's Avatar of Envy but Satan's the Avatar of Wrath and these two aren't too far away!

✧ when he notices you feeding someone, it better be just one bite, because there's very little he can hold in...

✧ during first bite - he'll treat it as if it's mistake, second - does his best to pretend he didn't saw anything, third - he's holding himself back but on fourth - everyone's running away because he just turned into his demon form

✧ doesn't care if it's Diavolo or Barbatos, he may not actually attempt to fight them but he will tell at them

✧ anyone else than them tho? Better stary running because he's not playing around...

✧ now good luck with calming him down, it was technically you who caused it + you're the only person he won't harm so that duty falls on you

✧ be prepared that he'll just keep you on his lap or side as he reads with his hand strongly wrapped around you with no intentions of letting go, that's his way of making sure you won't be going around and making another mistakes like that again

"No, you have to face your consequences. Next time don't try to piss me off on purpose."

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✧ somehow Asmo is extremely calm about this...

✧ he'll just get in between you, shamelessly asking you to feed him some as well and join whatever conversation you were having with your friend

"Hey hon! Don't you think you're missing on someone? Who's gonna face this face~?"

✧ he somehow doesn't get jealous at all, he knows how kind you are and he's happy you have such a close friends!

✧ plus he knows you love him just as much as he loves you so you wouldn't change him for someone else when you literally have HIM on your side!

✧ if you want him to actually react negatively onto that action, it'd had to happen over and over, like every time that person comes or so

✧ it all starts by him asking you to feed him on daily basis too but if you decline... that's when he gets moody

✧ you'll have a whining demon on your side, clinging onto you and probably not letting you out of bed untill you give him some of your love and affection

✧ but he goes back to his normal self eventually either way

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✧ I feel like your relationship with Beel would include lots of times you two fed each other so he doesn't mind you feeding someone else for a change! It's a nice act!

✧ he really sees it as just a friendly act and doesn't think badly of it, mostly because he had lot of trust in you

✧ he may come and ask for a bite himself we all know it won't be a bite so he may as well stay for a bit and chat alongside the two of you

"Hey that looks tasty... will you mind if I have a bite as well? Oh and can you feed me too, please?"

✧ even if you do it every time that person comes over, he just doesn't get jealous or anything really

✧ the worst that can happen is him getting into a bit worse mood because you will ignore him while constantly feeding the other person, but he makes it known by putting his hand on your arm or so

✧ just give this boy small smile and a kiss, and he'll be back to his happy self!

✧ BUT there might happen some things he does on the next day without even realizing it

✧ like staying closer to your side for most of the day! Or wanting to feed you or for you to feed him, even if it's just one small bite

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✧ now... when Belphie wakes up just to see you feeding someone else? Oh no, he will not accept it

✧ he immidietly goes and lays his head on your lap claiming to just be taking a nap, hoping you'd stop feeding the other person

✧ but if you keep doing so, he'll get up, saying how he's not sleepy anymore. And that was supposed to be your first straightforward hint to stop!!

✧ but if you didn't... he'll either drag you out of that room or try to move your attention to him, depending on who the person is

✧ and when he wants your attention? Oh good luck...

✧ here he wants food, then he complained it's too hot, then he doesn't let go of your wrist when you want to do something else, then he's back at your lap, then he move shid head to your shoulder...

✧ if you don't get hint from there, he'll just hold your wrists down as he naps because all that act tired him out completely

✧ but if you do get it and finally leave with him, be prepared for a long nap. And don't even think of leaving! He won't let go of you even when he's asleep

"I want to sleep now... surely you can spend some time for me..."

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[helaelaemond]

Who Else Is Gonna Put Up With Me This Way? - Billy Washington x reader

Pairing: Billy Washington x female reader

Summary: You’re in an unstable relationship with Billy Washington - you've broken up with him countless times, and he's found himself back between your thighs again. This time, though, it's for real. But you're the one thing worth fighting for.

Dark!Billy, dub-con, possessive Billy, fingering, penetrative sex (f receiving), rough treatment, degradation.

Warnings: mentions of rape (none committed), mentions of domestic abuse (none committed by Billy, reader slaps him), discussions of Islamophobia,

Rating: E

Word count: 2.9k

Based on the results from this poll. Doing it for the girls gays and theys!

tagging those who showed interest: @tssf-imagines / @slytherincursebreaker / @humanpurposes / @arcielee / @elizarbell / @heimtathurs / @ewanmitchellcrumbs / @targaryenrealnessdarling / @valeskafics

"What are y'doing?"

You shove past him and storm into the bedroom, grabbing a bag from the wardrobe and dropping it onto the bed. "I'm done. I'm fucking done."

"Are you serious?" Billy stands in the doorway with a red face and thin lips, watching you with wide eyes.

You spit the answer back at him. "Does it look like I'm joking?" You grab whatever you can from the draws next to your side of the bed and shove them into your bag without looking.

"Over this?"

"This? This? You've lost your fucking mind! I don't recognise you anymore!"

"Oh, c'mon, I was drunk, and no one got hurt-!"

"Those people woke up to find they've been victims of your stupidity, all because you believe bullshit you've read-"

"Give me a fucking break!" He slams his hand on the door frame, and his eyes blaze.

"You hitting that because you want to hit me?"

Billy slinks over to you and rips the bag from your hand. "Don't act like I'd ever lay a hand on you; you know I wouldn't."

"I don't know what you'd do anymore," you answer defiantly. "I didn't think you'd ever smash up a Muslim butchers, yet here we are!"

"For fuck's sake! Who cares? No one got hurt!"

You wrench the bag from his hands and throw in a couple of tops and trousers, before pushing past him to the bathroom. He dogs your steps.

"They're real people; you know that, right?"

"I'm sure they're insured. Everyone knows those people are tight with their money. Got their own banks with special rules and everything."

"Those people? Your brain's been rotted by those fucking pigs you call friends! I don't even recognise you half the time!" After grabbing your toiletries, you're back in the bedroom packing up phone chargers, your earring box, your hairbrush. Whatever you need for a few nights, before you come back to get the rest of your stuff.

He keeps close to you. Threatening you. Shadowing you. He's so tall. You hate him. You fucking love him. That's why this is so hard.

"I'm still me," he says lowly.

"Oh yeah? Prove it."

"How?"

"Get rid of those cunts rewiring your brain, and start giving a fuck about people again."

His lip twitches and he catches your arm, pulling you close to him. "I care about you."

With more strength than you realise you have, you press your hands against his chest and escape his clutches. "Not enough."

He follows you when you go into the living room. It's messy, covered in beer cans and food containers and papers and cables, and you let out a shout of frustration. "I hate it here! I fucking hate it!"

"If you hate it so much, why do you keep coming back?" he thunders.

You open your mouth to reply, but no words come. You know why. He knows why. It's pathetic, really. But you can't quit him. He poisons your life, and God, you love the way it tastes.

Fury flashes in his pretty eyes, the eyes that capture you every time. He smirks, but there's no humour in it. "That's what I thought. Can't stay away, can you? You know you're mine."

"Don't play that game," you warn.

"S'not a game."

Billy steps closer to you again, and something akin to dread rushes through you. "No, it's not. So fuck off."

"D'you hate me?"

You glare up at him. There's fire in you now, fire in your belly, in your eyes. "Yeah, I do."

"Liar."

You suddenly slap him, and he grunts as his head is knocked to the side. God, it feels good to do that. Even when he turns to look at you in shock, in disgust, it feels good. "I hate you."

When he grabs you by the waist and shoves you against the wall, it's not a surprise. That doesn't make it any less of a thrill. He runs his nose up your neck and inhales deeply. "So if I shove my hand against your pussy, I'll find you dry?"

"Don't fucking touch me!" You hit his chest to try to get him away from you, but he's stronger. He doesn't go to the gym anymore, but he's stronger. You grab his hair and pull, but he's stronger.

"This is what you want, huh?" His large hands push up your shirt and grasp without care at your breasts. It hurts. It's good. "To pretend you hate me and pretend you don't want this?"

"I don't want it!" A half lie. You shouldn't want it. You know you shouldn't.

"Oh yeah?" he grunts. One hand wraps around your throat, finger and thumb pressing against the edge of your jaw, and the other slips under your waistband. You clench your legs together in response - but he's stronger. The heat between them betrays you, and he wedges his fingers between your folds to find slickness gathering there. "Sure feels like you want it."

"That's got fuck all to do with you."

His eyebrows are raised as he looks down at you, towering tall. Sandy hair flops messily over his eyes, unkempt and greasy. He's disgusting. But you chase his hand.

"I think you like me like this." Dropping his voice, he runs his finger around your clit, as if you're in any way ready for that.

"Like what?" you hiss. "A fucking rapist?"

"No one's getting raped, baby. You want this. You want me to force you to stay."

"No, I don't!" But you grab his wrist to hold it in place. For a moment, it seems like he's taking your words to heart and so his fingers still, but you hold him fast to make sure they stay where they are.

Looking into your face, he grins coldly. "You're such a slut, aren't you? You gonna come on my fingers?"

"You wish! You couldn't make me come now if you tried."

The fingers on your throat tighten slightly, and they apply pressure to the thick veins under your skin. He will be able to feel how quick your pulse is getting. Billy leans his close facer to yours. "You think anyone will be able to make you feel like I do?"

You shake your head slightly. "No. That's the point."

"Hmm." His lip twitches in anger. And then his fingers are pressing against your soft folds, digging it, dragging nails down them, and your stifled groan makes his eyes glint. "You love being used however I want."

"No, I don't. I'm not your thing to play with."

Then, his hands are gone, and he presses the length of his body against yours, and you're trapped tight between him and the wall, and it feels crushing, it's overwhelming, it's stifling-

Billy bites your ear and blows into it. It makes your nipples hard. "Yes, you are. Always have been." He rolls his hips against you, and it presses his half-hard cock against your stomach. As you clench around nothing, a shiver runs through your body. Of course, he notices, and he grins. "See? You want me to use you like the whore you are."

"I'm not a whore," you rasp. "You never fucking paid me."

"Maybe I should have done. You suck my cock like a porn star. All needy and whimpering like you can't live without it."

"Get off me!"

But you grasp the back of his shirt and claw at the skin at the base of his spine. It's so soft there, the gentle peach fuzz comforting under your fingertips. He's still Billy, somewhere underneath it all. Maybe. He presses harder. It's difficult to breathe.

Messily, he licks against your ear and groans. The obscene sound makes your eyes roll back."You leave this flat, you're never coming back."

"Then let me go."

"Never."

You drag your nails over his skin. Red welts are left in the wake. "You're a monster."

"What does that make you, then?" Billy asks with a dry chuckle.

"Stop trying to turn this into a game."

He pulls back to look at you with hooded eyes, lips parted. "I already told you, this in't a game."

"Even if it was, you'd lose." Something comes over you, and you spit in his face. "Fucking loser. Freak."

It makes him snarl. It makes him rough. With all his strength, he turns you to face the wall and shoves down your trousers, your underwear. You can barely spread your legs before he slaps between them, a hard hand grasping your cunt from behind. He squeezes and you yelp in pain. A strong arm is pinned across the back of your shoulders to keep you in place.

Then he squeezes your clit. At this angle, it's caught between two fingers while his thumb shoves against your entrance. It stings, the pressure, but it's worse when he takes his touch away. "If I'm a freak, you're the pathetic slut who wants to get fucked. God, you can't help it, can you? Getting this wet for me?" You can hear him inhale deeply, and the wet noises of him licking your taste off his fingers. You struggle slightly against his firm hold, but it's half-hearted. More than anything, you just want him to touch you again. "God, you taste so good. You ready to take me like the little fuck toy you are?"

"No," you lie, again and again. "Billy, don't you dare-!"

With knees bent, he pushes down his grey joggers and pulls his cock free, and slides between your thighs from behind. "No one's gonna treat you like this."

"You're a fucking monster!" Leaning forward, you press your forehead against the wall. You clamp your legs shut and trap his cock between them, and he responds by shoving you harder against the wall.

"And you're a cunt. My cunt, every dripping inch of it. Spread your legs."

"Make me."

Billy twists the arm on your back to grab your hair instead. The pull on it hurts, makes your spine arch uncomfortably, and a needy whimper escapes you. Fuck. He doesn't need to know how good he's making you feel.

"That's all you ever want, isn't it?" he whispers against your ear. "Me to take away every last bit of your control until you're nothing but a fuck toy for me."

Having your head pulled back this far makes it hard to speak. Between your thighs, his cock can't move, and you can tell how irritated it's making him. "I don't want anything from you."

"Open your mouth."

Your lip curls. Even with your hair wrapped around his hand, you manage to shake your head. Insolence isn't kindly received, and so rough hands suddenly straighten you up and flip you so your back is against the wall again. His hand goes back to your face and he presses against your cheeks until it hurts so bad you can't do anything but open your jaw. Without hesistating, Billy spits into it, heavy eyes watching your mouth. It makes your knees fucking weak.

You want to whimper. You want to swallow. Every part of him is sacred, and you want to consume him whole. At any other time, you would.

His voice is a murmur. "Swallow."

To let you do it, he lets go of your jaw, but his touch does not stray far. It finds its place on your throat, hoping to feel you obey him. Instead, you spit his taste out onto the floor. He doesn't like that.

"You stupid bitch." Suddenly, his fingers are buried back against your cunt and he rubs cruel and wide circles around your clit, fingers digging into soft and swollen flesh.

So, you grab his flushed balls and squeeze and he yelps in surprise, in pain. The hand at your throat shoves your head against the wall. The other leaves your heated core and shoves down your trouers and underwear until theyre at your ankles. Whether you would allow him or not, he takes them off completely, and as he bends down to do so, you wonder if he'll kiss your cunt.

Billy looks at it with longing in his eyes, but then he glances up at your face and the softness is gone. "Don't even need me to spit on you here, do you? You're so wet already."

"Nothing to do with you," you lie again.

"You need me."

"I'd rather die."

With more strength than seems possible, he looms over you and hooks his arm under one thigh. It makes you reach up onto your toe desperately, and then his blunt head is pressing against you. He holds it there for a moment, a threat, a promise. "Say you need me."

You squrim away from him half-heartedly. It makes you sick to your stomach that he's right. "I hate you!"

"Say it!"

One hand grabs a fistful of his hair and yanks. The other claws at the small of his back in an attempt to pull him closer. And then he does. The intrusion hurts in the best way. Your mouth opens in a silent scream, your throat refusing to let the noise escape.

And then he moves.

Billy is relentless in his pace, slamming into you over and over again. He doesn't give you time to adjust, time to relax, he just takes and takes and takes.

"Mine," he grunts, voice shaking.

"No," you choke.

"Yes."

"Fucking bastard!"

Billy kisses your mouth messily before you have a chance to turn away. It's sloppy, wet, desperate. His tongue presses roughly past your teeth and it makes your stomach tighten. But still, you turn your face away to deny him, so he covers your cheek and neck in hot kisses instead.

"Mine," he grunts again against your ear.

"Not anymore."

He returns his hand to your cunt again and as he keeps a steady and fast pace that makes sweat break out on his brow, he rubs you fiercely. It makes your hands clench into fists.

"I'll keep you forever," he promises. His words are punctuated with rough thrusts. "I own you."

Words are so beyond you now. He's rough, he's possessive, and he's fucking right. You fling an arm around the back of his neck and hold him close as he fucks you like it's the first time, the last time. His pace gets faster, more erratic, and then the tell-tale gasps begin to come.

"Don't you dare!" you cry out.

"With me," he answers breathlessly.

"Make me!"

You feel him nod as you hold him close. He licks your ear, making your heart rush in your cunt, and he moans for you just as you like. It drives you higher along with his hand, and then there it is, that pressure in your stomach, the tension between your thighs that pushes you higher.

"Shit, shit, Billy, yes, yes-!"

"With me," he begs. "Cum with me, baby."

"No!" Yes. Yes, cum with him, please, please, please-

"That's it, ah-! Fuck, like that, baby, keep-! Fuck, I'm-!"

Billy's hips stutter and he shoves them against yours as his thights tremble. His orgasm forces him to his toes, and his hand shakes against your clit. It washes over him again and again, and as the last of his seed spurts inside you, you follow him into oblivion. This time, your scream is not silent.

Against the wall, he holds you safely. Your heartbeats are matched as your chests press together, only thin layers of cotton separating your skin there. Your breathing is in time with his, too. In, out. In, out.

He kisses your neck. It makes you squirm. "Let me go."

Carefully, he pulls out of you and sets your leg down. Smiling softly at you, he kisses your forehead. Already you can feel his seed trickling out of you, and it turns your stomach. You can't be here a second longer. It's fine, you can shower later, get his stench of you.

You'll never be free of it.

"I need you," he murmurs as you pull your underwear and trousers back on. Now, his touches are soft and searching, petting your hair. You slap his hand away. He frowns. "I'll never leave you, you know?"

"I know." You might escape his presence, but he has taken root in your heart, for good or evil. "But it's done."

His trousers are back over his hips, and as he ties the string, he looks up at you with wide eyes. "What?"

"I'm done with you, Billy. I know you love me, every inch of my soul, but it's not enough anymore."

Large hands grasp yours. He winds his fingers through yours, and you let him. "You're my one true love. You can't go."

"You can't stop me."

And then his face darkens. Your lips part, and slowly, his eyes open, he kisses you on your open mouth. Pulling away, he smiles slightly and it doesn't spread kindly across his face. "I can."

"What're you gonna do, Billy? Tie me to the fucking bed?"

His hands return to the laces of his trousers, and as if he's not even thinking about it, he undoes them and begins pulling them through the waistband. Your stomach drops. And he takes your wrist, and kisses it. "If that's what it takes. I'll keep you forever. I own you."

[subliminalbo]

I used to tell myself that I wasn't like other girls. I know, gross cliche. But so sincere was I in my belief that I thought that it was the fundamental thing that made me Andrea Rubin.

Listen: I've never really been good with people. The transition to college was hard for me. I didn't like dressing up, I didn't like going out. Maybe I would convince myself from time to time that a hook up was a good idea, but a boy never did anything for me that I couldn't do better by myself.

You'd think that with all that time alone, I'd be on track to graduate with honors. Fuck, on track to graduate at all. But I was a shit student too. Not so much in the "peaked in high school, bounced out of college in sophomore year" way, but more so in a "super senior without a major" kind of way. Yeah.

My life before I started working for Dr. Fielding is what an academic advisor describes as "rudderless." A lot of single seat tickets at the college theater, nights spent locked in my room absorbing trivia by way of podcast.

I didn't mean to find my purpose in Dr. Fielding, but I didn't really have a choice, either. She has a way of reshaping things for you.

Alright, let's just call it what it is. I'm not her employee, I'm her slave. Once she's in your head, there's no escaping her. I exist now solely as an instrument of her will.

And yeah, it pisses me off. It pisses me off that she sets me free after every job. I have to live my life as if nothing's happened, waiting for the phone call that overrides everything else. All I need is to hear her voice on the other end of the line to drag me down instantly into her service.

I'm not the only one either. Dr. Fielding has favorite conquests. Like the crazy sorority president who brainwashed half of Greek life on campus, or that stage hypnotist who thought she could get the better of the doctor. Her favorites are the ones who fight even after they're under her power. Some of them fight like hell, and that's what makes the conquest worth it.

The vast majority are not fighters. I've seen dozens of patients enter Dr. Fielding's office and they all leave with that same expression on their faces. Empty, uncritical, obedient eyes. I see their faces and I know that it's exactly how I look when she's done with me.

How can I tell myself that I'm not like other girls when I'm not even a favorite? I've given up on fighting. I know that this power she holds over me is total and there is no escape.

I don't even know who Andrea Rubin is anymore. I am whoever Dr. Fielding needs me to be. She can dress me up like her doll and I'll crave to be played with. If she needs me to be an honor student I'll pick up a textbook. If it's a brainless bimbo, I'll empty my head and fill my mouth.

The scariest part of all of this is that I lose more of myself every time she puts me under. It gets harder to go home after work. I want to be me. I want to be hers. My only pleasure is in serving her. I am nothing without my purpose. I'm nothing without her direction. I am nothing without...

Fuck! Fuck, I'm cumming! I'm cumming for you, Dr. Fielding! Oh god, fuck!

Fuck.

fuck.

Okay, breathe in, long exhale.

Jesus, I've got to get my shit together before I actually lose it completely.

[kpop---scenarios]

Linked (2)

Pairing: Byun Baekhyun x Y/N

Warnings: Sexual Content, Mean BBH, ETC

Word Count: 3.1k

A/N: Please forgive me for taking so long to do this. I hope you enjoy! ♡

Chapter One

Your mouth dropped open ever so slightly as you replayed Jennie’s words over in your head again and again. 

Fiancee. 

That word was baffling you. How could he have a fiancee when the connection the two of you had was so fucking strong? You looked back at Baekhyun who looked uncomfortable with Jennie’s arm caressing him. You didn’t want to be in the same room as the two of them any longer. You could feel a large lump in your throat as anger burned inside you, the redness spreading across your face. You needed to get away and you needed to do that now.

 “If there is nothing else you need from me, Mr. Byun, I'll be getting back to work. Nice to meet you Jamie.” you half smile, avoiding any eye contact. You knew what you did, but you didn't care. 

“Uh, it’s Jennie.” she yells out, but you're already out of his office and halfway back to your own by the time she gets the words out.

You had no right to be upset with him - or her. You knew you didn't in your head, but your heart was another story. You two weren't together, you'd never been together. What right did you have? Nothing even happened, but you could feel the fact that you and Baekhyun were meant for each other. You knew that he knew it too.  And all this time he had someone waiting for him at home. While your heart fluttered for him, her’s did too. 

You went home that night and felt like your heart was breaking all over again. You didn’t want to want Baekhyun, your brain knew that but clearly your heart did not get the same memo. And now you were faced with a hard decision and you didn’t know what to do about it. On one hand, you just knew that you weren’t going to be able to fight the connection that pulled you and Baekhyun together but did you really want to be that girl? The one who broke up a seemingly happy home. You could sense the love Jennie had for him, and you could see that he loved her, but you could physically feel the pure love and lust that he had for you. He didn't have that for her, at least not anymore. 

That night, you decided you weren’t going to be that girl. You were going to do your best to avoid him at all costs, avoid eye contact, and avoid being alone in any sort of space with him. Although you wanted to forget he even existed, that didn’t stop you from dreaming of him, again that night. The feeling of his breath on your skin, his hands gliding over your body, his mouth kissing every part of your skin. 

When you woke up in the morning, you were absolutely dreading going to work. You didn’t even want to be in the same vicinity as him but you knew it was unavoidable. As long as you did not end up alone with him. 

**

You had been in your office almost all day and had successfully veered off in the opposite direction of Baekhyun whenever he had tried to approach you. Glancing at the clock, you sigh with relief, you only have an hour and a half left of work for the day, and then you could enjoy the sweet relief of the weekend and could come up with a game plan for the next week. Maybe you could work remotely for the rest of your life? Move somewhere else.. Again. No, you couldn’t run away again. You hated moving, you hated starting over and you sure as hell were not going to let a guy ruin shit for you again. 

The second your clock hit 5 o’clock, you gathered up your things, muttered goodbyes as you walked towards the elevator doors with your head down, making sure not to make any eye contact with anyone. You jammed the down button a few times, hoping it made it come faster, but you knew that it didn’t do shit. As soon as the doors opened, you walked on and pressed the first floor. You watched the doors close, with you being the only one in there and only then realized that you had been holding your breath. You let out a large sigh as you listened to the elevator music, dreaming of crawling into your bed and falling asleep while eating a pizza and binge watching your favorite True Crime show. 

The next morning, you woke up refreshed, covered in pizza sauce and ready to take on the day. You cleaned yourself up quickly before putting on your favorite workout clothes. Lisa had told you good things about a trail that was down near the ocean and you wanted to take in the sights while getting a semi good workout in. You hopped in your car and made your way to the gas station that was halfway between your place to the trail and began pumping some gas before you ran inside to grab water, and some snacks just in case. Walking back out to your car, you stop in your tracks, feeling your face heating up as you see Baekhyun - who was not wearing a suit, pumping gas in his luxurious car. Your entire body was heating up in ways you could not describe as you watched his muscles flex. His shorts hung off his body just right, while the sleeves of his t-shirt clung to his muscles. You moved your hair over your face, clutching your snacks and water as you tried to rush to your car. You wanted to get in your car and peel off, and you almost did but then you remembered the fact that the pump nozzle was still in your car. As quietly as you could, you put the pump back where it belonged and got into your car and took off. That just pissed you right off. What the hell were the chances that Baekhyun would show up at the same god damn gas station at the same fucking time as you. 

You tried to do some deep breaths to calm yourself down but damn that pissed you off. You were trying your hardest to stay away from that man and here he is appearing out of thin goddamn air. 

As soon as you got to the trail you did your best to shake off the anger that was flowing through your body. You took a few more deep breaths, had some water and got out of your car and breathed in the fresh ocean air. You loved the smell of the air around the ocean, there was something different about it compared to the air of the city. You started walking as you plugged in your headphones, listening to your favorite pump up songs. You continued taking deep breaths as your pace picked up, walking along the path on the beach, the waves coming in. You stopped for a moment, watching the surfers, the people laying on the beach. This is what you loved. You smiled as you continued on the path, looking down at your phone while you walked, trying to find a different song, when you bump into someone. You looked up to apologize, but your entire body was on complete fire. Your eyes locked in on Baekhyun's, and you so badly wanted to press your lips against his. 

“Sorry.” You murmur as you move to the side to keep going. You couldn't do this with him, you couldn't even talk to him. It was too hard and you wanted him too much. 

“Y/N.” He called out as you began to walk away. You didn't want to do this. “Y/N stop.” He yells. You keep walking, pushing your headphones in deeper to pretend that you hadn't heard him calling out for you. You could feel the anger and lust building up from your toes, quickly pushing up your legs to your torso before it hit your head. How is he everywhere? You keep walking until you feel something grab your hand. The spark was electric and you knew exactly who it was. He pulled you to a stop, spinning you around at the same time to face him.

“Stop running from me, Y/N.” Baekhyun pleaded. He's desperate, you can see it in his face. 

“I can't do this with you.” You tell him. He can see the desperation in your face as well. The desperate need for him, as well as the desperate need for him to leave you alone. “You're engaged. Whatever you think you want from me, you don't. Go back to your fiance.” You spit. 

You pull your arm away from him, but he grabs it again with his quick reflexes. He spins you towards him, your chest pressing against his. You can feel his heart beating fast, your eyes lock. You can't fight this. You know you're meant to be. “We can't.” You whisper as he leans into you.n His head tilts to the side as he slowly moves in, his lips just hovering over yours. Your eyes close, you can feel his breath, you fucking want this so bad. 

But it never comes. You open your eyes and you're alone. Your lips parted, you were waiting for that kiss. You knew it was wrong but you wanted it. You needed it. You walk back the way you came, you were done with your walk. Your heart hurts. Your whole body hurts. It feels like forever to get to your car, but once you do you slowly start your car and make your way home. The hurt in your body only gets worse as the day goes on. You lay in your bed, withering in pain, before your nose starts to bleed. 

You've never in your life felt worse. Not even when all that shit happened to you before you moved. That feels like nothing compared to this. Eventually you manage to get your nose to settle down, and fall asleep. It was the worst night you'd ever had. You spent the entirety of the next day curled in a ball in your bed, not eating or drinking, strictly sleeping and weeping. 

Monday morning, you dreaded. You got into your office and shut all the blinds. You were an absolute mess. Your hair was slicked back into a bun, you wore whatever office clothes you pulled out of your closet. You're not even sure if they match, and you don't care. Your anxiety was through the roof the entire day, dreading the fact that you might see Baekhyun. 

Fuck you wanted him so badly. 

Tuesday, he wasn't there. Wednesday Or Thursday either. You still took the utility elevator everyday just in case you were to run into him. You really wanted to see him, but you wouldn't let yourself. 

Friday evening, finally the weekend. You were walking towards the elevator in the back, casually glancing over your shoulder to make sure no one else was there, when you saw a figure begin to approach you. Your heart starts to race, but not in the usual way when Baekhyun is around. You calmed down quickly, seeing a coworker you've had quite a few brief interactions with - Shownu. 

He was handsome. Very handsome. He had a good head on his shoulders, a nice smile, good job and just a gorgeous face. 

“Hey, Y/N.” He smiles at you. “Can I ask why you're taking the service elevator?” 

You blush. “I just prefer it.” You smile. “It's faster than the main ones.” You tell him. There's no way you were going to admit you were actively trying to avoid the boss because of an intense sexual attraction you had to him. 

“I can see that.” He says, nervously. His hand rubs the back of his neck as he glances at the floor. “Listen,” he begins. “I was wondering, well hoping that you'd maybe like to go for dinner with me tomorrow night?” 

You're slightly taken aback. That's not what you were expecting, but why not? One date couldn't hurt. 

“Sure.” You grin. “That would be great.” You agree. A large smile spreads across his face in excitement at your acceptance. “Great!” He exclaims. “Should I pick you up? Around 7pm?” He asks. 

You happily nod your head as he says goodbye before walking away. You were excited, and for a little bit your mind was finally off Baekhyun.

** 

Saturday night, 6:58pm, you were ready and waiting for Shownu. You picked out your favorite little black dress, your hair was done exactly how you liked it. You did your makeup as a natural look but you felt absolutely beautiful. You were waiting for a car horn, or a text from Shownu to let you know that he had arrived. You definitely didn't expect to hear a knock at the door. You opened it wide to see a smiley, dressed up Shownu at your door, flowers in hand. 

“Wow.” He exclaimed. “You look stunning.” He finishes, handing you the beautiful bouquet. 

“You look so handsome, thank you.” You reply back. You're nervous but you can't quite pinpoint the reason why. 

“Shall we?” He asks, holding his hand out for you to grab. You do and he leads you to his car, opening the passenger door for you, and shutting it before making his way to the driver's seat. 

The entire drive to the restaurant was spent talking about anything and everything. The conversation flowed so well between the two of you and there was never a pause, never an awkward silence. Even walking into the restaurant, the two of you carried on talking. 

“Right this way to your table.” the hostess smiles, leading you to the middle of the room, to a romantic table for two. As you sit down you can feel the extreme lust filling up your body. You're hot, you can feel your cheeks are flushed but you're hiding behind the menu, so Shownu doesn't notice.

It can't be. He can't be here. Of all the restaurants, he cannot be here right now. “Are you okay?” Shownu asks. 

You lower the menu, looking him in the eyes. “I'm fine, just got very flushed.” You half chuckle, taking a sip of water. You look just past Shownu's shoulder and that's when you see him. Baekhyun sitting with Jennie, his eyes trained on you. It felt like he was going to burn a hole through you with how hard he was staring. You really didn't want to deal with this right now. 

“If you'll excuse me, I'm just going to go to the ladies room.” You say to Shownu, your eyes shifting from Shownu to Baekhyun. 

“Can I order you a drink?” Shownu asks as you stand up. 

“Some wine would be great, thank you.” You smile, walking away to the bathroom. Why was this happening to you tonight?

You push open the door to the bathroom, placing your hands on the sink as your head hangs down. You hear the door open, turning your head to look, and there stands Baekhyun. His eyes are dark as he stares at you. 

“Shownu?” He asks. You can hear the anger in his voice. “Why are you out with him?” 

“He asked me on a date.” You say, facing Baekhyun. “I'm single, I'm allowed to date whoever I want.” You say, turning back towards the mirror. 

“Date? You're dating him?” Baekhyun snaps. 

“Who cares if I am? You're engaged. What are you even doing in here?” You ask him. 

“I don't know.” He mutters. 

“Then I'm leaving.” You sigh, pushing your way past him, reaching for the handle on the door. 

“No.” He says in a husky voice. His hand pushes the door closed. You turn around to face him, he's looking down at you. Neither of you say anything, you're both breathing heavily. 

“Fuck it.” He groans, both of his hands grab your face, pulling you towards him as he presses his lips to yours. You melt into the kiss, his tongue slides into your mouth as the kiss deepens. You can feel his bulge pressing against you and you want it so fucking bad. You move your hand down to rub him, he quickly grabs your hand, pinning it against the door. His lips leave yours, moving to your neck as he takes his free hand, moving it between the two of you. His fingers sneak up the bottom of your dress, slowly making their way between your legs. He gently rubs between your lips, making your legs weak and your knees give out. He moves his fingers into your underwear, and between your lips, pressing onto your clit. You cry out, he lets go of your wrist, and covers your mouth as he starts rubbing you faster. Your eyes roll back as you spread your legs, allowing Baekhyun more room. He moves from your clit, pushing his fingers deep inside of you. He pulls his fingers out, spreading your wetness to your clit, before sliding, twisting back in. His head leans down, his hot breath hits your neck as he rams his fingers inside you. He slowly pulls his fingers out, placing them back on your clit, your cum covering his fingers. He moves his mouth back to yours as you wrap your arms around him, he grinds his clothed cock against you, as he fingers you. You weren't going to last long, you'd been waiting for this for too long. You break away from the kiss, you're both panting as you cry out. 

“Fuck, I'm gonna cum.” You say before your orgasm takes over, making your eyes roll back again and your knees weak as pure ecstasy fills your body. “Oh my god.” You breathe, looking up at Baekhyun who is beginning to back away from you. 

He looks defeated. Guilt suddenly fills you. You didn't mean to do that, but how are you supposed to say no when you know the two of you are so right for each other? 

“Baek..” you start to say his name before he cuts you off. 

“That was a mistake. I love my fiance.” he says. 

Ouch. That hurt. 

“But listen.” You begin. 

“No. You listen. Address me as Mr. Byun from now on, don't look at me or talk to me unless it has to do with work.” He spits. “Tha..that was a mistake. You are a mistake. I love Jennie, and I want her. Not you.” He spits.  

“I'm sure you do love her, Mr Byun.” You snap, beginning to pull open the bathroom door. “But at some point you'll have to admit you want me more.” You finish. You walk out back towards your date, you adjust your dress, your legs still shaking from what happened in the bathroom as you walk back to your date. As you approach the table, Shownu looks up and grins widely at you. “Everything okay?” He asks. 

“Just fine.” You reply. “Now where were we?”

[7ndipity]

"Love Me Again..."

Taehyung x Reader

Summary: Tae shows up at your door, trying to reconcile with you, but will you let him in?

Warnings: angst, swearing, not proofread

A/N: Thanks to the anons who requested this! I actually had a draft with this title already, based on a different song, but then the album announcement happened, and... yeah, we had some rewrites. I hope you like it!

Masterlist

Requests are open

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

"I wish you would love me again, no I don't want nobody else, I wish you would love me again, again..."

He sat staring off into the distance, watching as the blue stain of night began to fade from the landscape with the promise of dawn, his back resting against your front door.

He'd been here for hours, trying to get you to at least talk to him. He knew you were home, but you wouldn't answer the door.

He'd fucked up. He didn't know why he hadn't tried to stop you after that final fight, although to even call it a fight was generous. It'd felt more like the waving of a white flag, surrendering before the war had even begun. But he'd let it happen all the same, you both had.

He could still see you in the doorway, pausing before you left. For a moment, he'd foolishly thought you would turn back then, let it go, as you both had so many times before.

"Sorry."

One word, and you were gone.

And yet, you weren't. Traces of you were still scattered all around his apartment, memories that you'd forgotten to take with you in your haste to leave, things that weren't even technically yours, but were certainly no longer his.

The blue mug that you always used sat untouched in the cabinet. The pillows in his room still held your scent, to such an extent that he'd could hardly sleep in his own bed anymore. He couldn't stand it anymore, it felt like he was going out of his mind.

Not knowing what else to do, he pulled out his phone, planning to leave you a voice message and then go home, although what he would say he had clue.

"What is it?"

He froze, stunned at the sound of your voice on the other end of the line, not your answering machine.

Several seconds went by in silence. "Tae?" You prompted, shaking him out of daze.

"Sorry." He blurted. The same thing you'd said as you'd left now being echoed back at you.

"Is that all you have to say?" You asked. "You've sat outside my house half the night and that's it? One word?"

"Well you wouldn't answer the door." He said defensive

"Tae..." You sighed, he could practically see you shaking your head, pressing a hand over your eyes in frustration.

"Fine, I'll be honest," He said, before he could lose his nerve. "I think about you all the time. Where you are, who you're with.

I know I said I'd be alright, I'd be fine, but, I'm sorry, they're all lies.

"The truth is, I'm lost without you, baby..." His voice shook as he choked down the lump rising in his throat.

"You can yell and be mad at me, just please don't leave. Don't go."

You silence urged him onward, igniting a spark of hope that he was almost afraid to acknowledge.

"Let's just take it back, slowly. We can make it better, please."

"I can't just forget everything that happened." You said finally.

"That's not what I want." He said quickly.

"Then what do you want?"

"I...I just want you to love me again..." His voice was barely above a whisper.

Behind him, he heard a lock click, the door swinging open so fast that he almost fell backwards.

"Who said I stopped?"

[deathbxnny]

This idea is gonna take me a while to type, so I’m sorry if requests close before I finish. If no one else will give this boy a happy ending, I’ll do it myself.

But Yanqing being Mara-Struck and curled up in pain with his S/O holding him and crying. He can’t hear anything clearly. But he hears them pleading with someone or something. He feels so tired that all he can do is close his eyes and pray his S/O runs before he can hurt them.

When he wakes up, he finds himself cured of the Mara in a hospital bed. Medics say it’s a miracle. But when he asks about his S/O, they don’t know what he’s talking about. Jing Yuan tells him that his S/O made some kind of deal to save him. But the general is called away before he can explain.

Yanqing just lays there fearing the worst. His S/O must have traded their life for his or something.

He can only lie on the bed, numb to the world.

Until his S/O comes in with a few bags of to-go food. They’ve got a lot of explaining to do, now that they became the Aeon of Salvation.

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A/N: Hello! I am glad someone has finally had it in them to have mercy on poor Yanqing LMAO. I really love the rerquest and hope you'll like this, Anon! Content: Mentions of injury, near death experience, slight angst, hurt/comfort, nothing too bad for once, established relationship, sfw Reader has no set pronouns! (Not proofread!)

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Today was really not Yanqings day, to say the least.

From him having to deal with a sudden attack of Mara-struck monsters to him also contracting the disease on accident; It was all going as bad as it possibly just could. All of his plans failed the moment he collapsed on the ground, clutching his chest in agony. But he wasn't concerned about himself. No, he was more concerned about you, his dear lover that clutched onto him in terror.

His ears were ringing, your pleas an incoherent mess in his scrambled mind. He squinted against the blinding sun that hit his eyes, his lips parting to mutter your name, before he simply coughed out some leafs. He was turning and fast at that, but you still held onto him so tightly, unable to let go. You didn't want to let go. the blonde weakly raised his arm, a warm palm pressing against your wet cheek. "I'm glad... you're okay at least." He mutters in a daze, which earned him more pleas and cries he couldn't understand. It was like his head was dunked under cold water, that pulled him down deeper and deeper into the depth of the exhaustion he suddenly felt.

He couldn't fight back anymore, his body completely giving uo against the disease that ripped him apart from the inside out. He closed his eyes with a shaky sigh, hoping you'd have enough time to run at least, before he hurt you. He wouldn't forgive himself , if he did.

--

Yanqing's eyes snapped open, his body moving to swiftly sit up in terror at the memory, hands weakly clawing at his chest. But a much bigger one gently pressed him back into the warm sheets, the boy's head turning up to look up at the man he recognised as his master. He opened his mouth to speak, yet he could only cough painfully instead. "It's okay, stay down. They are fine." Jing Yuan hummed, reading his mind perfectly.

The young swordmaster gave him a weak look, his lips trembling. "How... why...?" "They say it's a miracle, you are fully cured of the disease... (Y/N) made a deal to ensure you'd live for another day." The man said, nearly as though he couldn't believe it either. Yanqing's blood ran cold, but he couldn't ask anything more, when someone came in to ask for the generals help. Jing Yuan gave him a small smile and reassuring nod, before leaving with the medic. The room was quiet, whislt the injured boy's mind spiralled in terror at what that could mean.

You made a deal? A deal with who? On what?

He feared for the worst in that moment, especially when he laid in this cold hospital bed all alone, hooked up to many machines that monitored his ever racing heartbeat. He was scared and confused, his thoughts running rampant in directions he hated. Had you died to save him? He exhaled a sharp breath, wanting nothing more than to get up and look for you. He couldn't mentally handle it anymore, not knowing if you were fine or not. Alive or not.

He couldn't move, his breath laboured, tears welling up in his dull eyes. He was pathetic. He always prided himself in being your protector. You knew this. So why would you give away your life for his?- "Ah, you're awake! I got you your favourite food... Yanqing?" Your voice made him flinch, his head turning to look at you instantly. You were standing there in all your glory, seemingly unaffected by the situation, as you held several bags of delicious food in your arms.

"I... I thought you died." He finally whispered, his voice cracking from the sob that wrecked through his weakened body. You quickly put the food down before embracing him tightly, quick to soothe his worries with your touch whilst he cried. "It's okay.... I became the Aeon of Salvation to save you, it's the deal that saved your life." You hummed, before reaching over to grab some food for him to eat. Yanqing took a grateful bite and munched on it tearfully, before stopping and giving you a blank stare as your words processed in his dazed mind.

".... You are what now...?"

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A/N: Okay, so I didn't know how to end this... but I hope you guys still like it! It's also been a long while since I've been able to post more than once in day and it feels great haha!<33