#I didn't edit very well

[endusviolence]

Rowling isn't denying holocaust. She just pointed out that burning of transgender health books is a lie as that form of cosmetic surgery didn't exist. But of course you knew that already, didn't you?

I was thinking I'd probably see one of you! You're wrong :) Let's review the history a bit, shall we?

In this case, what we're talking about is the Institut für Sexualwissenschaft, or in English, The Institute of Sexology. This Institute was founded and headed by a gay Jewish sexologist named Magnus Hirschfeld. It was founded in July of 1919 as the first sexology research clinic in the world, and was run as a private, non-profit clinic. Hirschfeld and the researchers who worked there would give out consultations, medical advice, and even treatments for free to their poorer clientele, as well as give thousands of lectures and build a unique library full of books on gender, sexuality, and eroticism. Of course, being a gay man, Hirschfeld focused a lot on the gay community and proving that homosexuality was natural and could not be "cured".

Hirschfeld was unique in his time because he believed that nobody's gender was either one or the other. Rather, he contended that everyone is a mixture of both male and female, with every individual having their own unique mix of traits.

This leads into the Institute's work with transgender patients. Hirschfeld was actually the one to coin the term "transsexual" in 1923, though this word didn't become popular phrasing until 30 years later when Harry Benjamin began expanding his research (I'll just be shortening it to trans for this brief overview.) For the Institute, their revolutionary work with gay men eventually began to attract other members of the LGBTA+, including of course trans people.

Contrary to what Anon says, sex reassignment surgery was first tested in 1912. It'd already being used on humans throughout Europe during the 1920's by the time a doctor at the Institute named Ludwig Levy-Lenz began performing it on patients in 1931. Hirschfeld was at first opposed, but he came around quickly because it lowered the rate of suicide among their trans patients. Not only was reassignment performed at the Institute, but both facial feminization and facial masculization surgery were also done.

The Institute employed some of these patients, gave them therapy to help with other issues, even gave some of the mentioned surgeries for free to this who could not afford it! They spoke out on their behalf to the public, even getting Berlin police to help them create "transvestite passes" to allow people to dress however they wanted without the threat of being arrested. They worked together to fight the law, including trying to strike down Paragraph 175, which made it illegal to be homosexual. The picture below is from their holiday party, Magnus Hirschfeld being the gentleman on the right with the fabulous mustache. Many of the other people in this photo are transgender.

[Image ID: A black and white photo of a group of people. Some are smiling at the camera, others have serious expressions. Either way, they all seem to be happy. On the right side, an older gentleman in glasses- Magnus Hirschfeld- is sitting. He has short hair and a bushy mustache. He is resting one hand on the shoulder of the person in front of him. His other hand is being held by a person to his left. Another person to his right is holding his shoulder.]

There was always push back against the Institute, especially from conservatives who saw all of this as a bad thing. But conservatism can't stop progress without destroying it. They weren't willing to go that far for a good while. It all ended in March of 1933, when a new Chancellor was elected. The Nazis did not like homosexuals for several reasons. Chief among them, we break the boundaries of "normal" society. Shortly after the election, on May 6th, the book burnings began. The Jewish, gay, and obviously liberal Magnus Hirschfeld and his library of boundary-breaking literature was one of the very first targets. Thankfully, Hirschfeld was spared by virtue of being in Paris at the time (he would die in 1935, before the Nazis were able to invade France). His library wasn't so lucky.

This famous picture of the book burnings was taken after the Institute of Sexology had been raided. That's their books. Literature on so much about sexuality, eroticism, and gender, yes including their new work on trans people. This is the trans community's Alexandria. We're incredibly lucky that enough of it survived for Harry Benjamin and everyone who came after him was able to build on the Institute's work.

[Image ID: A black and white photo of the May Nazi book burning of the Institute of Sexology's library. A soldier, back facing the camera, is throwing a stack of books into the fire. In the background of the right side, a crowd is watching.]

As the Holocaust went on, the homosexuals of Germany became a targeted group. This did include transgender people, no matter what you say. To deny this reality is Holocaust denial. JK Rowling and everyone else who tries to pretend like this isn't reality is participating in that evil. You're agreeing with the Nazis.

But of course, you knew that already, didn't you?

Edit: Added image IDs. I apologize to those using screen readers for forgetting them. Please reblog this version instead.

[deimcs]

Mystra has dictated the terms of my potential for long enough. The Crown would grant me control of my own destiny at last.

[icewindandboringhorror]

I know this is just a silly bad quality random screencap of a screencap that I found on facebook lol, BUT it's a succinct enough image to easily describe the concept in a quick/accessible way hopefully :

-

(and of course, feel free to elaborate in tags, etc.! (especially elaborating about other senses as well.. can you "hear" in your mind just as well as you can "see"? taste? etc.) It's an interesting topic to me, as someone who's like a 4.5 at MOST lol. I'm curious what option will be the most common :0c )

[viperwhispered]

Too Hard

Woop part 2 of the trip inside Jamil's head. Part 1 here.

The next time Jamil caught sight of you on campus, his first instinct was to turn around on his heel.

What a stupid thought to have because of you.

Besides, that would only make him more conspicuous, not less.

So, when your eyes met his, Jamil gave you a short nod in greeting. He would’ve left it at that and kept on his way, had you not walked up to him.

“Hi Jamil! How’s it going?” you said with that impossibly disarming smile of yours.

Why was it so difficult to look at you like he normally would? You had no right to make him feel so stiff, so unnatural.

On autopilot, Jamil exchanged a few pleasantries with you - those lessons from his parents had been instilled too deep in him for him to falter too badly in a simple exchange such as this. Still, Jamil quickly excused himself by telling you he still had to find Kalim before his next class.

Jamil didn’t miss the way your smile faltered. Had you hoped to get something out of him?

“Oh, okay. I’ll see you two later, then.”

Something about that irked him, though Jamil did not allow himself to dwell on it further.

His heart really had no business still racing as it did when he walked away, unaware of the frown on his face.

Just act normal. That’s all he needed to do.

After all, he had no time for dwelling in silly fancies.

If Jamil had been acutely aware of you before, it only seemed to worsen now that he was making a conscious effort to not act any differently with you. In fact, the harder he tried to keep you out, the more you invaded his thoughts, unsettling him.

The most innocuous words from you looped in his mind, and even the simplest actions caught his eye. For goodness's sake, he’d found himself staring at you while you were queueing up in the cafeteria the other day, not even doing anything other than standing around and looking bored!

For once, Jamil found himself grateful for all his duties. At least they provided him with something else to occupy himself with.

After all, if he was busy enough, it was difficult to think about those bright eyes of yours, your sweet laugh, or the way you bit your lip while thinking.

Still, sometimes it felt like no matter which way he turned, you were there, ready to throw him off-kilter. Not like it was his fault that often the most convenient route to class intersected with your daily routines. Or that your face seemed to jump out from any crowd, catching his attention.

Which certainly did not help his basketball performance. Jamil certainly did not recall you having such an interest in sports before, yet suddenly you were always there, distracting him. What had changed?

Could you possibly-

Jamil scoffed to himself, forcing his thoughts back on track for the nth time that day.

He picked up the tray of food and started taking it to Kalim. After dinner, he’d need to help Kalim with his homework, there were some housewarden tasks that would need dealing with, not to mention the preparations for the next-

Jamil froze in his tracks.

The voice he heard was quiet, but it was unmistakably you.

Really, it should not have come as such a surprise to him. You had become a rather frequent visitor to Scarabia, and Kalim often invited you to stay for meals. In fact, Jamil had started planning the dorm’s meal prep with your tastes and dietary restrictions in mind, just in case.

Jamil rounded the corner with strange exhilaration, his heart fluttering needlessly.

Yet, his mood evaporated when he saw you.

Why did you stop talking and look so guilty as soon as you caught sight of Jamil?

Jamil knew that look you gave to Kalim, had used it himself a thousand times. The one telling Kalim to keep quiet about something.

What could there possibly be that you would be comfortable sharing with Kalim, but not with him? That would give Kalim reason to sit so close to you, a comforting hand on your shoulder?

Jamil's mind raced with possibilities, yet could not settle for any single explanation.

He’d have to ask Kalim about it later.

Jamil gave you a short, polite greeting, his eyes lingering on you in an attempt to read what you were hiding.

“If I’d known you were coming over, I would’ve prepared something for you to eat as well,” Jamil said, already thinking about which parts of the dorm’s dinner to spruce up for you.

“Oh, no need, just figured I’d pop by. I’ll get out of your hair soon enough,” you said, something sheepish about your expression.

As expected, Kalim asked you to stay and dine with them, and with just a bit more persuasion you agreed - though not before telling Jamil that he should join you too and have himself a breather.

And since Kalim agreed with you, Jamil soon found himself sharing a meal with you and Kalim. Yet, even as he sat down with the food, his mind raced.

Had you been getting particularly close to Kalim lately? But surely Jamil would’ve noticed such a thing. Maybe someone from the dorm had been giving you trouble? But if that was the case, then surely you could let Jamil know about it, too. Unless for some reason you did not want to? But if it was something that concerned Kalim, then sooner or later it was bound to concern Jamil, too.

All the while, Kalim was talking to you about this and that, the latest topic being the animals kept on the Asim estate.

“I’ve got some pictures, let me show you!” Kalim said with an excited grin.

Only, a thorough patting of his pockets and a look around confirmed that Kalim’s phone was nowhere to be seen.

Jamil pinched the bridge of his nose. Where had Kalim left it this time?

Before Jamil even had the chance to say that he would handle it, Kalim sprinted off. Jamil hesitated for a moment, automatically halfway up from his seat, before he decided that leaving a guest unattended would be a worse offense than not helping out his master.

Jamil slumped back down with a sigh, mentally tracing the path Kalim took today, trying to recall the last time he saw Kalim handle his phone.

“Breathe. He’ll manage,” you said. There was the faintest of smiles on your lips, and Jamil could not decide if it was knowing or amused. Perhaps both.

Somehow, despite his frustration, Jamil’s own lips wanted to curl up too.

“Hmm. Maybe he will.”

Sure, Jamil could’ve called Kalim’s phone, to make it easier to find, but it was not that urgent, was it?

Jamil took another bite of his food, keeping an eye on you from the corner of his eye.

How was his mind so empty and so buzzing at the same time?

“You know-”

“So-”

You looked at each other, both just as surprised that the other had spoken up at the same time.

Even your surprised look was so-

“You first,” Jamil said. The way you bit your lip... Jamil had to raise a cup to his lips, slowly sipping his drink.

“Just… Feels like it’s been quite a while since I’ve seen you be still, you know. Or exchanged more than two words with you,” you said. You were attempting a light, joking tone, yet it was quite clear there was more to it.

“You say that like it would be unusual for me to be busy.”

He was not prepared for the way your soft sigh tugged at his heartstrings.

“No. It is not.”

You were both quiet after, poking at your meals. Normally, Jamil would’ve cherished such a moment of peace, yet this particular silence between you two was decidedly awkward.

Where was your usual chatter? Why weren’t you looking at him like you usually did?

“If you’re worried about me, don’t. I’m fine,” Jamil said, some softness creeping into his tone despite his best intentions.

“That's what Kalim said too,” you said. Yet the way you looked at Jamil made it clear you were still skeptical.

Wait.

Had you clammed up earlier because it had been Jamil you had been talking about with Kalim? That Kalim had comforted you about?

The thought twisted his stomach into knots.

Eta: you can find part 3 here, part 4 here, and finally part 5 here. Hasdhfsdf the way I fought with that last scene I swear. I don't even want to know how many versions I went through, trying to figure out how to say what I wanted without rubbing it into your face or making it too veiled. The joys of trying to convey things through a limited pov. Hopefully it came out reasonably balanced in the end. Rip to all those sentences that were lovely on their own but didn’t work for the whole. Hopefully I can rehome y’all one day. I do have thoughts for part 3 and part x (might be some chapters between those two as well, who knows at this point), so maybe we'll see those at some point, too. Tag list: @colliope @crystallizsch @diodellet @jamilsimpno69 @jamilvapologist @twstgo If you'd like to be tagged for future works, let me know! (Just be aware that sometimes I do also write nsfw, though you can certainly ask to be tagged only for particular kinds of works.)

[magnusbae]

Judging ™ aka flirty glancing to confirm he agrees

[canisalbus]

I thought I might try my hand at moodboards, too :')

.

[suncaptor]

Thousands are Sailing (The Pogues) // Supernatural (video w/ lyrics)

cultural fusion / liminality / home / psychic

video without lyrics

two years ago I found this post by @tiarnanabhfainni which became one of my favourite ever due to how it draws on the themes of home & liminality while fusing supernatural / emigration. this is one of my favourite songs of all time as well, and I hope even if you don't know it you're willing to give it a try! lyrics included.

[tricoufamily]

a current day nils and a 90s college student nils who's way too intense about his internship walk into a bar

[ancientschampionau]

RealAgeAu Drabble - Backstory

And the next drabble I wanted to work on! @spotaus Get in here :3

The gang discussing what their backstory is going to be :3

I am sure everyone is chill about it!

First Drabble Prev Drabble Next Drabble

No Editing or Beta'ing either. We go STRAIGHT into the fun! :D and we are back with silly Killer for the POV :3

*----------------*

"Okay guys! you are probably wondering why I gather you all here today!" Killer grins widely at them as he stands before the group.

Cross raises his brow at him "You didn't gather us. we were already sitting here and you just closed the door-" Killer quickly puts a hand over Cross's mouth and Cross glares at him.

Killer grins as he speaks again "As I said. I gathered you here today for a reason!" Killer has got this!

Dust looks at him bored as Horror tilts his skull at him. Nightmare sits between them on the couch with his book open.

Killer grins "We need to discuss what we will tell everyone!"

Cross finally manages to free himself from Killer's hand and shoots him a look "What are you talking about? I thought we are hiding."

Killer rolls his eye lights "Not the multiverse obviously. but this universe!" he throws out his hands and Cross yelps as he barely dodges it.

Horror frowns but gives a nod "true. If we stay for longer people will ask questions."

Killer nods "indeed! And I spend the last three days, so since we stepped foot in this universe! Thinking about a backstory. And with Crop confirming he has gotten into contact witha doctor for Nightmare. It is time we set up our backstory and lore!" Killer would have prefered to have a board to cover with drawings to better show his plan but this will have to do.

Dust tilts his skull "so we are staying then?" Dust grins a bit "also don't hurt yourself with thinking so much."

Killer just grins back at dust at his joke as he can see both Cross and horror look hopeful. Killer grins as he nods "If this works out! We already have a good standing here thanks to Horror and his friendship with Crop!" which is Killer not at all jealous about. shut up. the fact that Horror decided to go back to them even when he was friends with crop proves he likes them better!

Killer forces himself to focus back on the now "Anyway! We can't say we just came from another universe because that isn't a thing here so we need a better backstory!"

Dust tilts his skull but nods "seems fair."

Killer grins and decides to go for the easiest part first "Obviously! most important. Where did Nightmare came from." and he shoots Dust and Cross a very pointed look.

Cross blushes bright purple as he connects the dots and he holds up his hands "We can't say we... we... together!" and he tries to hide in his hood.

Killer snorts "Obviously not you both. One of you need to claim the bio parent role though."

Dust has a suspicious look on his face "Why just one?"

Killer gives asmile as he just looks away. aparently he can't start the easy part first.

Dust glares "Killer."

Killer sighs "Look! We need to explain Ngihtmare's past trauma. Which means someone did something to cause said trauma." he waits but everyone nods in agreement. Killer continues "We can't just say we stole a random child. people will try to get him to go into like whatever child system they have here." another round of nods "so. easiest way. one of us got him. But with someone else and that someone did the trauma!"

Cross connects the dots first "You want to use an abusive ex storyline?"

Killer nods as he grins "yes!"

Dust crosses his arms "No one is going to believe one of us would stand by the abuse and let it happen or let it happen to us."

Killer just keeps grinning at Dust and waiting. time for the ahrdest part.

Dust blinks before glaring "No."

Killer whines and straight away goes on his knees as he looks up begging at Dust "come on Dusty! You are the like only pick for this! Neither Horror or I can play the bio parent part as we have too strong characteristics that would be suspicious to not see in Nighty!" Killer with his dark sockets, his goop, red soul and obvious red magic. That is too many strong indentifiers to ALL miss wiht Nightmare. Horror himself is large and tall and has red magic himself. Nightmare is tiny and purple so it won't fit for either of them.

Dust does not look convinced so Killer continues still on his knees before Dust "pleeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaase Dusty! You and Crossy are the only ones that fit with the looks!"

Dust glares down at Killer as he crosses his arms. Killer grins "I mean it! Crossy has purple magic and you too! That fits wiht Nightmare's even if the shade is a bit off but people are less likely to ask questions or comment about how the other's parents genes were clearly stronger."

Cross looks thoughtful "True... "

Dust sighs "Fine I can admit that works but that still leaves the issue that clearly neither of us would stand back or let the abuse happen." he blinks at him and looks to the side as a tiny tiny bit of purple starts to dusts, heh, his cheeks "and get off you knees you weirdo."

Killer shakes his skull because now comes the hardest part. "about that..."

Cross also clearly knows and same for Horror as both of them have a look of understanding and neither look at Dust. Dust glares "What?"

Killer keeps grinning "Out of all of us? You are the least obvious with your LV..."

Dust blinks before glaring more "absolutely not!" his rage is obvious and Killer can feel Dust's magic crackling and growing more staticy. Dust glares "I am fine with being seen as his bio parent. That is fine that changes nothing at this point. But I am not acting as if i am defenceless."

Killer just keeps sitting on his knees before dusty "please dusty! You are the only one that fits the image they would have for this!"

Dust glares at him "One check Killer. One check and this whole fucking plan falls apart!" Dusty glances at nightmare "don't repeat that."

Nightmare, who had been watching this whole situation with bemusement. Shoots Dust a glare which Dust looks unbothered by as Dust himself glare at Killer. See?! Even the same expressions!

Killer just keeps trying to use his most charming smile as he begs Dusty on his knees "please!! They won't check you!" he shoots Horror a look "right?!"

Horror looks unhappy about being involved and a whole lot more nervous when Dust sends his glare in his direction "true... Only monsters can check in this universe. And they never even did it with me. It is seen as slapping someone to start a fight. Made a lot of people very nervous when i would not stop checking people on first instinct."

Killer grins at Dust "See? Perfectly fine!"

Dust rubs his face but Killer just smiles wider. He is getting through to him!

Dust groans as he leans back "This is such a stupid plan."

Cross clears his throat as he speaks "I... I euh... think Killer is right on this."

Killer and Dust both turn to him and speak in unison "What?!" though Killer can admit that he himself sounds a lot happier and Dust a lot angrier.

Cross looks nervous "It is just... Even when i met you guys first? I gravitated towards Dust because well... he seemed the least threatening at the time? Because... well.. you know... you normally look calm and collected and just bored... you are still shorter as your LV didn't affect you physically and only affected your magic and stats. Meaning... well... if people don't know about your LV?" he waves at Dust.

Dust slowly but surely gets a slightly horrified look on his face "No...." he glares a tKiller "no."

Killer go straight back to begging and smiles at Dust "please?"

Dust groans as he covers his face and leans fully agaisnt the couch. Nightmare gently pats his shoulder. Dust glances at Nightmare and keeps staring at him for a long time. Ngihtamre just tilts his skull at him.

Dust sighs and then lets out antoher sigh but this one a lot longer and louder "and... what exactly... did you have in mind?"

Killer grins widely as he climbs on top of the couch next to Dust, thank the fucking stars his knees were starting to hurt, and launches into the plan.

"The plan I had in mind is easy. We all went to the same school in some other country. We will keep this vague on purpose because we 'don't want to be found.' by who? Not important as they aren't real and we in the lore aren't risking it. One day, lets say..." he glances at Dust. Dust still looks young just exhausted and unhealthy "lets say we were 16 ish. maybe 17ish." that would make Dust now like 22 or 23ish. Seeing as they all were stuck in timeloops and universe hopping makes ages weird as for the fact as skeletons it is hard to guess by looks. It doesn't really matter in the long run. They will get a random age on their new papers and roll with that.

Dust raises a brow but keeps listening. Killer continues "So. lets say you were 17ish and suddenly. boom. no longer going to school and no contact with us, your three besties. the bestest besties to have ever bestied!" Cross rolls his eye lights but Horror and Nightmare both snort. Killer grins "So we finish school. la-di-da. when. say... about a year after you diappeared you just showed up again. Said you had a relationship. got a babybones. but the asshole run off wiht said babybones!" he grins as he has everyones attention.

"We work together and start looking but the guy, or gal, who has the tiny baby is high in power. political wise, only local though as bigger would have been noticed. and dusty and the baby had been completely kept out of the spotlight so no one was aware, whcih is also why no one every said anything about dust just being gone or being kept quiet bla blah let them make assumptions on what happened in this time. It took us a lot of time to figure out where nighty was kept. and we just. stole him back! then we ran and we went to crop because one, other country, two, Horror trusted him and we trusted horror!" and he throws his arms out.

Cross frowns "won't people demand to know more? To bring whoever did that to dust and nightmare to justice." dust sputters about them not having settled on this yet but Cross just gives him a smile before focussing back on Killer.

Killer shakes his skull "Not if we play our parts right. we don't want to risk it ever again. No one is looking for nightmare because our 'enemy' had kept him hidden and unknown to make sure no one asked questions about his health or what they did to him. Which now makes it impossible for them to look for him because he technically doens't exist because of that. Whcih works because none of us technically exist."

horror gives a slow nod "We gave up everything to help our friend and his babybones. and are trying to start completely anew." Dust sputters again.

Killer grins "that is the plan!"

Dust covers his face as he leans back "This is so stupid. how many dramas did you watch to GET this idea?!"

Killer hums proudly "haven't seen a single one since we left the castle!" he glances around and sees that cross and horror are both sold on his idea as well. It is a bit complex but they can stay general and vague as they don't have to use names or places because they are trying to stay hidden. all that leaves is the most important part of the plan. He looks begging at Dust and gives his best begging face "please?"

Dust looks to the side "ask cross! His magic and looks also work!"

Horror shakes his skull "Cross obviously works out and is and looks taller and stronger than both you and Killer, not to forget healthier than you. Won't fit the mental image they will have of someone who could be used, abused and abandoned."

Dust looks very, very, offended after that sentance and Horror is very quick to realise this and apologise.

Killer pouts at Dust "please dust. The alternatives would have to eitehr explain why you would claim a random babybones not your own and how you even found out about him. Which would cause a lot of questions. and if we don't go this route but keep you as bioparent it would raise questions on how the hell you as a badass would EVER allow anyone to take your babybones without raising bloody hell. which would ahve to include a friend of some kinda betraying you and then how could you trust us near or a friend of a friend you know?"

Killer knows he is just saying a lot of words at the moment and Dust looks deeply unhappy about the whole situation.

Dust covers his face but glances at Ngihtmare again before groaning louder "Fine!! Fine fine fine!" he glares at him "we will do you stupid stupid plan and stupid story but I swear you own me BIIIIIIG time."

Killer grins and hugs dusty "you are the best dusty! Thank you!! You will see this is fine! just in the beginning people will act weird but once we are settled and a bit of time passed and things are chill it will all work out!" Killer nuzzles close to Dust "It even explains that you would know more personally about Nightmare's situation and can help him when answering hard questions because you would have been in the same hell as he was for a little while!" Dust just grumbles with crossed arms, which are now holding Nightmare close. Clearly the real motivation to even accept this situation.

Killer will have to gravel a LOT to make it up to Dust for this but that is okay! This just gives them options and the backstory to make other options and paths work! Dust will probably eventually forgive him and otherwise Killer can beg a bit more. it clearly worked once already!

*----------*

and that is the backstory they settling on!

In short: Dust is a late teen parent. had a relationship with someone, much older much more adult with political power. That someone hurt and isolated him. Dust got the babybones wiht them. This person, stole nighty, and left Dust somewhere in anouther country alone with nothing to his name. Dust, the vengeful and resistent guy he is. Makes his way ALL the way back home to his old hometown, still nothing to his name not even a high school degree, gets into contact with his old friends. With said friends they get all the resources they have and start searching for the asshole and get Dust his babybones back. It took them a while to get him back, six years, but they managed to find where the asshole had hidden Nightmare. Stole Nightmare. and made a run for it to get all the way to Crop.

That is the backstory/lore they settled on! :D Dust is unhappy about his roll in it even if it gives him priveledges with deciding stuff for Nightmare. it is a double edged sword.

First Drabble Prev Drabble Next Drabble

[bidokja]

I was joking a while back that the actor they have playing KDJ for the orv movie was too handsome for him and a friend who's read orv was like "KDJ is actually secretly attractive!!" And I just felt my soul leave my body right then

SIGHS...

Okay. Buckle in. I'm gonna finally actually address and explain and theorize about this whole...thing.

I'm not gonna cite any exact chapters cause it's like 11:30 and I've got an 8 hour drive in the morning but I'll at least make an approximate reference to where certain things are mentioned. Also, this post is just my personal interpretation for a good bit of it, but it's an interpretation I feel very solid about, so do with that what you will. Moving on to the meat of things:

There is one (1) instance in the web novel that I know of which describes specific features of Kim Dokja (especially ones other people notice). This takes place when members of KimCom are trying to make Kim Dokja presentable to give his speech at the Industrial Complex (after it's been plopped down on Earth). This is when they start really paying attention and focusing on Kim Dokja's appearance since they're putting makeup on him; I still don't think they can interpret his whole face, but they can accurately pick out and retain more features than usual. If I remember correctly they reference him having long eyelashes, smooth skin, and soft hair. These features can be viewed as (stereotypically) attractive.

Certain parts of the fandom have taken this scene and run with it at a very surface level, without realizing (or without acknowledging at the very least) that this scene is not about how Kim Dokja looks. This is, in part, due to not realizing or acknowledging why Kim Dokja's face is "censored" in the first place, and what that censoring actually means. I think it's also possible that some people are assuming the censorship works like a physical phenomena rather than an altered perception.

I'll address that last point first. The censorship of Kim Dokja's features is not something as simple as a physical phenomena. It's not a bar or scribble or mosaic over his face. If that were true it'd be very obvious to anyone looking at him that his face is hidden. But his face is not hidden to people. They can look at him and see a face. If they concentrate on his eyes, they can see where he's looking. They know when he's frowning or grinning. They see a face loud and clear. But what face are they seeing? Because it's not really his, whatever they're seeing.

No one quite agrees on what he really looks like. And if they try and think about what he looks like, they can't recall. Or if they do, it's vague, or different each time. We notice these little details throughout the series. Basically, Kim Dokja's face is cognitively obscured. Something - likely the Fourth Wall, though I can't recall if this is ever stated outright - is interfering with everyone's ability to perceive him properly. This culminated in him feeling off to others; and since they don't even realize this is happening, they surmise that he is "ugly."

Moving on to the other point about what the censorship means: To be blunt, the censorship of his face is an allegory for his disconnect from the "story" (aka: real life, and the real people at his side). The lifting - however slight - of this censorship represents him becoming more and more a part of the "story" (aka: less disconnected from the life he is living and the people at his side). The censorship's existence and lifting can represent other things - like dissociation or depersonalization or, if you want to get really meta, the fact that he is all of our faces at once - but that's how I'd sum up the main premise of it. (The Fourth Wall is a larger part of the dissociation allegory, but that's for another post).

So you see, them noticing his individual features isn't about the features. It's not about the features! It doesn't matter at all which features got listed. Because they could describe any features whatsoever and it would not change the entire point of the scene. Because the point isn't what he looks like. The point is that they can truly and clearly see these features. For the first time. They are seeing parts of him for the first time. Re-read that sentence multiple times, literally and metaphorically. What does it mean to see someone as they are?

This is an extremely significant turning point dressed up as a dress-up scene.

---

P.S. / Additionally, I'm of the opinion that Kim Dokja is not handsome, and he is not ugly. He is not pretty, and he is not ghastly. Not attractive, nor unattractive. Kim Dokja isn't any of these things. More importantly, Kim Dokja can't be any of these things. The entire point of Kim Dokja is that you cannot pick him out of a crowd; he is the crowd. He's a reader. He's the reader. Why does he need to be handsome? Why must he be pretty? Why is him being attractive necessary or relevant? He doesn't, he doesn't, it's not. He is someone deeply deeply loved and irreplaceable to those around him, and someone who cannot even begin to recognize or accept that unless it's through a love letter masquerading as a story he can read. He is the crowd, a reader, the reader. He's you, he's me. He's every single one of us.

[seance]

THE WITCHER: WILD HUNT INTRO MONOLOGUE

[applesaucesims]

“Can you hear the ticking of the clocks?”

- Goncharov (1973)

[kyouka-supremacy]

Very assorted - and probably disorganized - thoughts on Akutagawa's immediate reaction on the night Dazai left the pm, since it's taken a pretty delineate shape in my mind for some time now.

I didn't use to have many strong opinions on how Akutagawa acted when Dazai left (although “unknown” uses as a concept of its own. Akutagawa disappearing, and no one knows where he was or what he did– until he comes back, but as a different man). That is up until recently, when I found this fic that described Chuuya storming to Akutagawa's place and all but threatening him to come to work the day after, and for all the days to come– and thus, urged him not kill himself. And I didn't think much about it initially, yet the scene slowly, unconsciously got ingrained in the bsd canon I have in my mind. And although one could fairly think Chuuya was spiraling in his own depressive episode that night, I feel like it's feasible to believe he'd still look out for Akutagawa. Not because Chuuya cared about Akutagawa in particular (at that point of the story, I genuinely think he didn't experience any strong feeling of any kind for Akutagawa, much less had a general good impression of him), but simply because that's what Chuuya does: he looks out for his own. He's perceptive enough to grasp that Akutagawa was but a kid at serious risk in that moment, and he's compassionate enough to go out of his way to help him, even though they barely knew each other, even though Chuuya himself was hurting like crazy that night (and perhaps even because that's simply what he does to cope with great distress and impending grief: keeps himself busy, tries to think of others before himself).

And there was, indeed, a very real chance Akutagawa was going to kill himself that night. Maybe he wouldn't, for Gin; but I'm not even sure. Dazai was the man who told Akutagawa he would have found a reason to live in the mafia, and now he's gone, the man who himself had seemingly become his reason to live; what's left for him in life anymore, what's the point of going on?– is probably what he must have wondered.

In my mind, the Akutagawas only have had two houses since they joined the pm. The first one was a small but comfortable, nice apartment that was assigned to them by the pm right after they joined, their first proper house. The second, a bigger, more comfortable penthouse, they had to move in after Ryuunosuke completely destroyed their first one on the night Dazai left– caught up in that kind of uncontrollable rage that only comes from inhuman pain. That night, Ryuunosuke got home blind and out of reason. He asked Gin to go away, and when she refused to, he pushed her out of the house with his ability, despite having always refrained from touching her with it, despite having always paid careful attention to never use his ability near or on her. And as soon as she was out of range he started destroying everything with and without his ability, until he could see nothing but red, everywhere. And once he destroyed everything, once the only thing left to destroy was himself, he cowered in a dark angle and howled, covered in blood, unable to speak, hideous and inhuman, nothing but a rabid dog. And his scream echoed the one he released the night he met Dazai for the first time; and if that day he had experienced his first emotion, now he was feeling a second new, deeply painful one. Maybe that's when Chuuya had come in, and told him he was not allowed to kill himself; maybe Gin had called Hirotsu, and Hirotsu had called Chuuya, and Chuuya stormed in, and ordered him to come to work tomorrow. Because Chuuya is smart; because he knows that orders are something familiar for Akutagawa, something that can help ground him; because he knows Dazai is not worth killing oneself over. And Akutagawa didn't kill himself that night, and he kept hurting for a long time, but eh. Eventually, he'll be okay.

[maranello]

TAKE MY FUCKING HAND AND NEVER BE AFRAID AGAIN

dedicated to my best friend ames ( @ivettel ), with whom I share a singular braincell with. 

[bonetrousledbones]

whatever you do DON’T think about how papyrus undertale’s biggest motivations lie in encouraging the people around him to improve themselves and finding the joy in friendship and how he doesn’t have any of that in deltarune whatsoever and instead he’s just hiding inside of a dark house while everyone else is outside going about their lives relatively fine without him just dont think about it

[averlym]

(click for better resolution, etc.)