#I didn’t get to go to my dads funeral either (also for complicated stupid reasons) I’m sorry you had to experience that it sucks

[junglejim4322]

This isn’t really the same thing but sometimes I feel really mad whenever I’m around one of my friends when he complains about his problems like his mom dying a few years ago. I’ve also lost a parent so it makes me feel extra shitty to feel this way but the thing that really gets me is that he acts like he’s the most uniquely suffering person because he’s lost a parent. His family is also rich and he actually inherited like half a million from her dying (as unfortunate as it is). My dad died when I was 12 and he left me literally NOTHING. I didn’t even get to go to his funeral bc of dogshit circumstances I don’t want to go into. Yet he acts like I don’t get it bc my dad didn’t slowly die from cancer (even though I watched one of my other relatives die from it). I hate ppl from well off families so much bc it’s like even when they have genuinely suffered they still weaponize it somehow.

Okay being completely honest there’s a massive misconception that people who’ve experienced grief have a higher enlightened understanding and will bring you some sort of sage wisdom if you come to them with your own experience and sometimes (not always clearly but sometimes) it cannot be farther from the truth. Particularly people who’ve known people who died really horrible ways or really young or both. I personally have this problem often because 1. I am emotionally stunted to some extent from some of the things I’ve experienced and I have very little insight outside of experiences nearly identical to mine and 2. in my head all I can think about is the differences in how much more “fortunate” someone else has had it like how many more years they got with someone and how much less horrible or sudden their death was or what they have left related to them etc. it feels bad and I have felt guilty in the past but I’ve learned over the years how complex grief is and you really cannot predict how anyone will react to it, I think a lot of people who have experienced a huge and/or particularly horrific loss will notice you lose friends (especially mutual friends) and have people you cannot get along with or be around without fighting for a long time or potentially forever. There’s just incompatible reactions to grief along with the fact it can genuinely make you lose your mind and getting angry or annoyed at someone because their situation seems more fortunate than yours and life hasn’t been fair to you is completely normal honestly I think the best course of action is to be honest to yourself and others and distance yourself from being in situations or conversations that will get under your skin. I think it’s fine honestly to say hey I really don’t have advice here I don’t have insight I’m sorry. Especially if you feel he’s talking down to you or has asserted his situation is “worse” or something. As well as the fact that if he thinks you don’t get it then why is he even coming to you about it. Anyway peace and love to you I think these feelings are normal a lot of people just don’t admit to it

[coeurxdor]

✮ ━ top three favorite muses that you’ve played♫ ━ a small playlist for a muse of your choiceღ ━ favorite canon ships for your muse(s). are there any you dislike?✄ ━ do you have any artistic abilities? If so, what can you do?

✮ ━ top three favorite muses that you’ve played 

dorcas is one of my favs lmao but her aside…. uhhh…  honestly i’m someone who generally creates a character for LIFE ( i’ve been writing some characters for nearly a decade now ) so… this isn’t easy. i’ll say  neal brar (oc), kitsey greyson (oc, i never get to write her and it’s such a shame), and valentina salgado (oc) ok fuck also tiberius ogden (oc) and malena bedford (oc) i can’t leave either of them out. 

 ✄ ━ do you have any artistic abilities? If so, what can you do?

[here]

ღ ━ favorite canon ships for your muse(s). are there any you dislike?

dorcas with any of the marauders like………………………. no thanks. never, thanks. ( MAYBE with james or peter in some au, but it’s a pretty massive maybe ). or like ships with death eaters that are completely random and have zero solid/logical foundations. 

otherwise, i’m super open with ships. i’m primarily plot based, even with my ships to be honest. i’ve been in situations where dorcas had chemistry with another character  but the plots me and the other player came up, ship-wise, just didn’t speak to me at all so even though we were supposed to “ship” because our characters had chemistry or w/e, i wasn’t really up for it.

i’ve had some nice ships with ocs from historical verses, modern royalty, and x-men verses. 

in the harry potter universe, i’ve had ships with a bunch of ocs and minor canons. think it, i’ve probably done it. i’ve had ships with muggle characters, death eaters (members or leaning), order members, journalists, diplomats, hit wizards, inventors, celebrities, etc.

all of these are old as shit and i haven’t talked to my partners in ages but thus far my most well plotted out + favourite ships/ship plots have been with:

gideon prewett - it was a friends turned lovers ship, but it was very complicated as it developed over the course of a solid 5 years and with the war gideon developed a drinking problem and there were many other mini sub-plots… it was… great, but MY kind of great with lots of character development and slow burn and it ended with them going “ok we can figure this out we’ll make a proper effort” and then gideon died like a week later lmao. ( we had a star wars au for this too )

evan rosier - met at school. they were just kids. he stopped talking to her when he was 12 because he found out she was a halfblood and she absolutely didn’t put up with his nonsense. two years later they had the chance to talk about it… and they were unable to stop talking since then, behind doors that is. they always had a very peculiar dynamic, meeting in the middle in certain aspects, being ruled by their education and backgrounds in others, and above all showing each other two very different perspectives of what would become a war ( and, in their own ways, they used the knowledge they got from each other as a sort of leverage later on - knowledge is power, so it goes ). after graduation they grew apart, then close again, then he tried to pull some really stupid things after he got married and their dynamic deteriorated considerably after that and as the war progressed. there was always going to be something there even if only given to how much they shared with each other, but i was very open about dorcas not having romantic feelings for him anymore ( and gd knows having them in the first place was an identity crisis as it was ) but my partner at the time told me he would continue to have feelings for her which made the whole dynamic even more interesting. there was always tension, and angst, and power dynamics and one time they did exchange war related information once ( they never said where their affiliations lied, but they didn’t need to at that point, to either of them it was blatantly clear ) but it was on a very particular case concerning the murder of a diplomat where both the order and the death eaters were being blamed when neither side had been involved. 

an oc auror  AND I APOLOGIZE BUT YOU’LL ALL HAVE TO PUT UP WITH ME WITH THIS ONE BC IT WAS ONE OF MY FAV DYNAMICS AND I LOVE AND MISS IT DEARLY. they met while she was still studying to be a healer, he asked her out she said yes but then life happened and they never did get to go on that date. fast-forward a year she’s working at the ministry as a secretary like five desks away from him, huffing at aurors and hit wizards for not filling their reports correctly and no she’s not going to bloody write them for you. he was awkward and self-conscious about it but there were no hard feelings about the failed date (dorcas had literally just joined the order so she had a lot on her plate anyway). very gradually they got talking, hooked up, it turned into a “oh no don’t worry about it it was nothing serious we were just blowing off some steam” which turned into “oh crap im falling in love” and eventually they started dating and it was the most wonderful thing in the world… and then like 6 months into it dorcas broke up with him because it was, like, early 1979 and every time they got together he ended up talking poorly of the order ( they broke up when, one day, he was trashing the order after, unbeknownst to him, the order had saved his ass and his partner’s ass and dorcas was just sitting there with the damn take out he had brought thinking “i really did this to myself huh fuck my entire life i have to end this”. they ended things abruptly and still very much in love. ) fast-forward some months he ends up reaching out to her somewhat awkwardly because he doesn’t know who to talk to ( he was a person of strong convictions but very private and he had grown very used to being able/feeling comfortable talking to her ). what did he want to get off his chest? that he had just discovered he had child. some 3 year old girl. the mother kept him in the dark about their daughter ( her reasons were that she didn’t think he was ever going to make a good father due to how much of a workaholic he was ) and he stumbled on the information. he ended up admitting to dorcas he desperately wanted to have a relationship with the child but didn’t know how to and long story short they started dating again, so painfully gradually and casually. dorcas wasn’t always present when he was with his daughter, but she was far from a stranger to the little girl. however, by mid 1980 the war was at its peak and dorcas was leading like 4 parallel lives and going to too many funerals - she was running on fumes and she did have an emotional breakdown once in front of him one time but it was after his daughter caught dragon pox and he assumed she was just overwhelmed and being sensitive ( he was so thrown off that while he was anxious himself he even went as far as cracking a joke about how she was the one who usually kept it together ). in early 1981 he started seeing his daughter more regularly, there was an unofficially joint custody thing going, and he wanted to take their relationship to the next level. not marriage by any means just, something more tangible and sure and clear, primarily because he didn’t want to have someone in his daughter’s life who would just not be in it for the long run. so they sat down and he told her everything that was going on inside his head, he said that it wasn’t that he didn’t trust her to be around he just needed to have the conversation with her… and dorcas was sitting there thinking “yes, this is something i want, this doesn’t scare me, this makes me happy, i love this person and i love that little girl like she was mine and i want to grow to love her and her father even more.” so she said she didn’t. she said she wasn’t interested; that he had read her wrong. she thought of the two broken ribs she had some weeks prior and how edgar and his wife and their children were six feet under. they parted away, never spoke again, and she was murdered like 5 months later in july/august. i shared ideas and hcs, but, as an active contributing writer, the story ended here for me. however, the way my former roleplay partner wrote what happened after dorcas’ death goes like this:years later, he ended up marrying the mother of his child ( they were able to reconnect in a healthy way because of how much character development he experienced while dating dorcas ). they had two other children.  around twenty years later, the dust of the second war settling and previously private information about both wars was gradually becoming public. one morning his eldest daughter was reading the newspaper and she casually asked mom and dad, sitting at the table with her, if they knew anyone who fought in the first war. they both mentioned a handful of hit wizards and aurors, and that was that - she closed the newspaper dismissively and left to meet with friends. it was summer. i can’t remember if it was later that day or the day after, but he asked her what had prompted her to ask such question and she said there was a face in the newspaper that seemed familiar. he asked her the name of the person, she couldn’t remember only that it was “funny but familiar”, and as she went to get the newspaper she continued that that neither he nor mom had said it. he got his glasses, she opened the newspaper for him in the multi-page article about new information from the first war and pointed at one of the several small moving photographs - the penny dropped as he recognized the face right away.a lot of things made sense after he found out dorcas was a member of the order, it was, in a way a relief for him to discover it because it filled in a lot of blanks ( and it made him feel better in the sense that no, he hadn’t been the problem in their relationship )… but on the other hand it was also highly bittersweet and conflicting, and he had more questions and about a thousand new feelings and emotions to process. the worst part was she had been dead for two decades so it wasn’t as thought he could talk to her about it. i think that ( i can’t remember ) at some point, in anger and frustration, he thought that she should have told him, and then he remembered what he was like and what his views of the order were and he was forced to admit to himself that if she had said anything to him, if she had trusted him with that information, his self from twenty years ago would have been highly judgmental and ended things immediately ( we had an au where this happened and it was the most horrible thing - it was right after an attack and they hadn’t even showered yet and dusted themselves off and he just told her to leave, didn’t even look her in the eye ). eventually he came to terms with her decisions and understood why she had made them and was able to tell his eldest daughter why the women in the photo looked familiar.

i don’t think i’ve had a single ship for dorcas, in any universe, where she ends up happy lmao bottoms up i don’t know how to write happy endings (unless it’s in aus) cheers.

♫ ━ a small playlist 

ok so im really really really realllly bad at playlists and i’ve already done one for dorcas here and i don’t want to make another lmao so can i make two mini ones for two of your characters instead?

for robb stark 

kids - mgmt 

fire - kasabian

everybody’s watching me -  the neighbourhood

seven nation army - the white stripes

howl - florence and the machine

afterlife - arcade fire

bonus: heads will roll - yeah yeah yeahs // pretty fly for a white guy - the offspring

for rose tyler

perfect places - lorde

run away with me - carly rae jepsen

the last of the real ones - fall out boy

drops of jupiter - train

adventure of a lifetime - coldplayp

[fangirlingforbellarke]

Clarke’s the Man Chapter 1

Summary:  Clarke Griffin is in a real jam. Complications threaten her scheme to pose as her cousin, Finn Collins, and take his place at a new boarding school. She falls in love with her handsome roommate, Bellamy Blake, who loves beautiful Raven, who has fallen for Clarke as Finn! The Bellarke remake of She’s the Man.

I've been toying around with this idea for forever it seems like. I finally sat down and started writing. I'm not sure if this is an AU people would be interested in reading as I can't say I've seen many versions of this done before. If I get enough people that are interested in seeing more, I shall continue the story! I’d love to hear your thoughts on whether or not you’d like to read more!

You can also find this on AO3

There were a lot of things Clarke was expecting when she stepped onto the field. It was supposed to be the first day of practice, and as the captain of the girl’s team, Clarke was expecting to help the new girls on the team find their groove and make them feel like part of the team. She expected being underestimated as she had a smaller, stockier frame than some of the other girls. She expected being given a hard time because her long time boyfriend, Roan, was the captain of the boy’s team, their goalie.

Clarke Griffin had been voted captain for two very important reasons. One she was a good soccer player. Two, she was a solutions kind of girl. She thought of all the possible scenarios that could happen and thought of ways they could all be resolved. It had worked out for her this long. Her teammates trusted her to make the hard decisions.

Of all the issues Clarke had thought of, the one she didn’t think of was her soccer team being cut. There had been a notice on the locker room door, but she thought it had been a stupid prank done by the boy’s team. She’d ripped it down, threw it in the trash, and changed into her practice attire without a second thought.

Now, Clarke stood looking out at the field as the boys were now practicing and taking up the whole field rather than the half they were usually designated to. Looking around, she found the boys’ head coach watching the girls from across the field, a smirk on his lips.

Turning briefly back to her teammates, she said, “I’ll be right back.” Then she hurried across the field, not even bothering to go around the boys as they practiced. She just trooped right through them, two of her teammates, Fox and Monroe, close behind her for support.

“Ladies, you’re disturbing my practice,” Coach Shumway told them, not even bothering to look at them as he surveyed his own team.

“What’s this I hear about the girls team being cut?” Clarke asked angrily.

Coach Shumway shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly. “From what I hear, the school board is making cuts to programs around the school. They make more money off of fans coming to watch the boys team than they do the girls team. I also heard not enough girls signed up. That might be problem number one.”

Shumway was a sexist pig, Clarke decided, and she knew it would do no good to keep talking to him about that. He took pleasure in the fact that they couldn’t practice anymore. Clarke had gotten the feeling that he had always felt threatened by how good the girl’s team actually was.

“We’ll scrimmage for it,” Clarke offered. “If the girl’s win, you have to include the girls on your team.”

The laughing fit Shumway had shouldn’t have surprised her, but it did. She hadn’t expected him to act so childishly. If he was so confident in his boys’ abilities, this should be a no brainer. Instead of answering her, Shumway yelled out for Roan.

Clarke wanted to smirk. He was calling for her boyfriend. Roan was always telling her how good she was and how most of the girls were better than a lot of the boys on his team. He’d been working with her all summer to get her ready for the school year. He’d back her up on this.It was Clarke’s turn to smirk at Shumway.

Roan hurried up their little huddle, a couple of his friends trailing behind him, curious as to what the girls would want. “What’s up, Coach?” he asked as he joined them.

“Clarke here wants to know if she and the girls can be on our team,” Shumway informed him with a knowing smile that Clarke wanted to slap off of his face.

Roan glanced at her with a confused look on his face and asked, “Wait, babe, are you serious?”

“The girl’s team was cut,” Clarke explained. When Roan didn’t say anything, she frowned as she continued, “You’ve said yourself some of the girls are better than half the guys on your team!”

“Excuse me?” exclaimed one of Roan’s friends behind him, looking genuinely hurt by this remark. Was it really so hard for them to see what was written on the wall?

“Roan, what’s she talking about?” the other friend asked.

Roan rushed forward and started trying to shuffle Clarke, Fox, and Monroe away from prying ears. “Clarke, you can’t be serious. You can’t play for us. Let it go.” The fact that he said it so casually, as if soccer was as important to her as it was to him, made her blood boil. How dare he act like this wasn’t a big deal, as if her team’s futures weren’t on the line.

Yanking herself out of Roan’s grasp, she narrowed his eyes at him, “You’re so two-faced.” Turning to Shumway, she yelled, “How are the college scouts supposed to recruit us if we’re not playing?”

“You should have thought of that before now,” was all he replied.

“We’re not asking for any special treatment. Just give us a chance,” Clarke pleaded, walking back towards the coach, looking between Roan and Shumway.

“Girls will play for us when pigs fly,” Shumway told her.

Roan cringed. He clearly didn’t necessarily agree with his coach, but he also wasn’t budging on the topic, either. Clarke had never been more disappointed in him. “You can’t be on the team. End of conversation, babe,” he told her.

Shaking her head, Clarke took a step forward to spit out, “End of relationship.” With that, she turned on her heels and stormed off the field, ignoring the taunts from the guys behind her.

“Come on!” Roan called after her, hurrying towards her, “Don’t be like this. You have to understand!”

Clarke wanted to hit him upside the head, “What I understand is you’re throwing away a two year relationship because you’re a sexist dick.”It hurt knowing she didn’t see this about him until now. How could she have been so blind?

Shumway blew his whistle, calling the teams to get back to practice. Clarke gestured towards the field and walked back up towards the school without looking back. She wouldn’t give Roan that satisfaction.

She found her team sitting in the locker room, and she did not enjoy breaking the news to them. They’d worked just as hard as the guys. It wasn’t fair their team had been cut. This was their senior year, and most of them had been hoping for soccer scholarships. Now they had nothing.

They were out of luck. No other options other than to go home. So after packing up their lockers, they did. School didn’t start for another two weeks, and Polis had their opening soccer match with Arkadia Academy, one of the best schools in the state to start off the school year. It was usually Clarke’s favorite match of the year.

With two weeks of time on her hands, Clarke wasn’t sure what she was going to do. No boyfriend and no soccer to keep her busy would be an adjustment. She’d been playing soccer since she could walk, and her and Roan had been together for a couple of years. It would be a weird adjustment.

“Want to come over to my place, and we can all mope around together?” Monroe asked as they left the school and started down the street.

“I’m down,” Fox agreed.

Shaking her head, Clarke replied, “Can’t.My cousin’s in town, and I need to hang out with him.” He was smart and funny; he’d be able to make Clarke laugh and momentarily forget about her woes.

“Which cousin?” Fox asked.

“Finn,” Clarke supplied as she shifted her bag from one shoulder to the other.

“You mean the cousin you look scarily alike?” Monroe asked.

Clarke frowned, “I don’t know why you guys always say that. Finn and I don’t look that alike. I don’t see it.”

“Please, you two could be twins if he was blonde and had a mole on his face like yours,” Fox teased, bumping her with her hip.

“Are you saying my boobs and awesome butt don’t give me away?” Clarke joked, bumping Monroe in turn.

“Your breasts are one of the only things that gives you away,” Monroe answered with a smirk. “But Finn has a nice butt, too, so that’s not really in your favor.”

“Gee, thanks,” Clarke grumbled.

“Tell him and your mom we said hi,” Fox said as they got to the next intersection and went their separate ways.

Clarke and Finn had grown up as distant cousins at best. His mom and Clarke’s dad were siblings. They hadn’t been close growing up, and only reconnected at her father’s funeral a couple years ago. Clarke’s father had married into money and Jake’s sister married a guy from the wrong side of the tracks. The two families just hadn’t meshed well.

Clarke and Finn had grown closer after the funeral, becoming friends. Finn was actually staying with Clarke and her family over the week. He was going to be leaving back to Arkadia in a couple of weeks just in time for the start of his new school, and Clarke wanted to make sure the two of them had time to spend together before he left.

The house phone was ringing as Clarke entered the house, which was odd. No one ever called the landline. That’s what cellphones were for. She wasn’t even sure why they had a landline still set up, but her Mom insisted. Probably for instances such as this.

“I’ll get it!” She called as she hurried into the office and grabbed the phone expecting the call to be about something important. “Hello?”

“Finn?” asked the voice on the phone. The voice belonged to a woman and was vaguely familiar, though Clarke couldn’t place it at the moment.

“Uh, no, This is Clarke, who is this?” she replied.

“Oh, right. Clarke. I’m Finn’s girlfriend, and I’ve been trying to reach him all day,” the girl answered. Clarke vaguely remembered Finn mentioning a girlfriend named Echo.

“I’m not sure where he is at the moment. Have you tried his cellphone?” Clarke asked.

“Obviously! Otherwise I wouldn’t be trying this number,” Echo said in the bitchiest tone Clarke had ever heard.

“Well, you might want to try leaving him a voicemail. He’ll get back to you when he can.”

“You know, your cousin is lucky to have me in his life, and if he wants to stay in it, he better call me.”

“I’ll be sure to pass on the message if I see him,” Clarke assured Echo in a mock tone.

Echo didn’t even give Clarke a chance to say goodbye because she hung up, the dial tone annoying Clarke’s ears. She made a mental note to talk to her mom about having it disconnected. She knew her dad used it a lot for business when he was still alive. Now, however, no one used it.

Annoyed with her day so far, she trudged up the stairs to the second level. Hearing a noise in Finn’s room, she  knocked on the door once before opening the door, and she found he was stuffing clothes wildly into his duffel bag. His room was in a bit of disarray at the moment.

“What are you doing?” Clarke asked curiously as she plopped herself down on a part of the bed that wasn’t covered in music books or clothes.

Finn glanced up and smiled at her, “I just got the best phone call,” he told her. He didn’t elaborate as he got distracted flipping through a folder filled with his music sheets.

“Well?” Clarke prompted. “Are you going to tell me what it was about?”

“There’s a music festival in London. One of the bands dropped out, and they asked if we wanted the spot. But I have to leave now,” he answered, barely looking up at her.

“That’s fantastic!” Clarke exclaimed. After what Finn said sunk in, she had to shake her head. “Wait, London, England?”

“One and the same!” Finn nodded his head excitedly.

“Is Arkadia Academy going to defer your enrollment?” Clarke asked, ever the pragmatist.

Finn Collins had just transferred to the elite academy in Arkadia. It was well known for their soccer team, and it was usually always ranked first in the state. She always thought the school was a bit too preppy for her tastes. Besides, her current school in Polis had the better academic record and her mother would never transfer her just so she could play soccer.

Abby Griffin was very much against soccer. Clarke was a debutant, and Abby wanted Clarke to be a beautiful, charismatic, and graceful addition to society. Soccer did not fit into those plans. Her mother would probably throw a party when she found out the soccer team had been cut. If Clarke thought her mom was in her face now about the different debutant events and balls before, it’d only get worse now that Clarke had more time on her hands.

Clarke wanted to bang her head against the wall just thinking of it. Balls and charity events weren’t how she wanted to spend her high school years. But her mother didn’t quite understand that, yet. Abby had good intentions, Clarke knew, but they just weren’t on the same page.

“I was kind of hoping you could help me with that,” Finn said, cutting into Clarke’s thoughts. “Couldn’t you call in, pretend to be my mom, and just tell them I’m sick? My mom would never let me go to London if it’ll cause me to miss school.”

“You know you were kicked out of your last school for skipping. Do you really think it’s a good idea for you to start the new school year skipping?”

“Sometimes you have to break the rules to follow your dreams,” Finn replied.

“Do you know the percentage of music artists that actually make it in the music industry?” Clarke asked frankly. Once Finn got something into his head, he wouldn’t change his mind. But that didn’t stop Clarke from trying.

“Probably the same as female soccer players or artists,” Finn retorted

Clarke frowned, “Your mom will kill us both if she finds out.”

“Then she better not find out,” Finn said. When he saw Clarke was still dubious, he continued, “My mom will think I went straight to school from here. As long as I make sure to call her a couple times, I don’t think we have anything to worry about there.”

“I guess,” Clarke relented. “I wish you could take me with you. I could use a vacation.”

“School hasn’t even started yet, and you want out already?” Finn asked,

“They cut the soccer team,” Clarke explained, shrugging her shoulders.

“Ah,” Finn nodded in understanding. “Guess you better get used to wearing frilly dresses. I saw your mom come home with a couple new dresses today.”

Groaning, Clarke buried her face into Finn’s pillow. Would the day’s madness ever be over? Finn chuckled at her, but finished packing.

“Oh, before I forget, that was Echo that just called,” Clarke told him.

“Someone actually uses that landline?” Finn asked in surprise.

“Did you give her that number?” Clarke wondered aloud.

Finn shrugged, “I might have when we first started dating so she could get ahold of me during emergencies. That was years ago, though.”

“Well, she wants you to call her back,” Clarke said. When Finn groaned, Clarke continued, “Why do you even date her?”

“She’s hot!” Finn said as if that explained everything.

“Ugh!” Clarke threw her hands up in the air in frustration. “Why are men such idiots!”

Finn laughed before zipping up his bag. “I gotta get going. My flight is in a couple of hours, and you know how bad traffic can be.”

Clarke nodded and stood up, pulling Finn in for a hug, “Good luck. You guys are going to do great!”

“Sure hope so!” he agreed. Slinging his bag over his shoulder, he pat Clarke on the shoulder before leaving.

Clarke went to the window and watched him hail a cab. She watched as he placed his bag the trunk before slipping into the backseat. He glanced back up at the house and smiled, giving a small wave. Clarke wasn’t sure if he could see her or not, but she gave a half of a wave back.

Sad that her cousin had to leave prematurely, she made her way towards her room. Her mom caught her before she could open the door, “Was that Finn I heard leaving?” she asked. “I thought he was staying until Sunday?”

“I guess he wanted to spend some time with his mom before going to school,” Clarke replied, trying to move around her mother, but her mother just stepped into her way.

“You’ll never guess what I bought today!” Abby told her happily. It hurt that Abby wanted Clarke to like the bells and whistles of being an elite, high class lady, but Clarke wanted the complete opposite. She had no interest in becoming another stepford wife for someone.

“If it’s another dress, I’m not interested,” Clarke informed her matter-of-factly, crossing her arms across her chest.

“Won’t you at least just look at them? You might change your mind!” the hopefulness in her voice made Clarke cringe.

“I’m not in the mood to have this conversation, Mom. Can we do it another time?” Clarke rubbed at her temples, the start of headache coming on.

“What’s wrong, sweetie?” Abby’s face fell to genuine concern.

“The school cut the girl’s soccer team,” Clarke answered after a moment of silence while she warred with herself if she should actually tell her mother. Her mother would feel bad for her but would ultimately be happy about the decision. Now Clarke could focus on being a debutant.

“That’s awful!” Abby exclaimed. “Did they say why?”

“Not enough girls signed up, and apparently the school makes more money off the boys team than the girls,” Clarke answered as she shoved her way past her mother and opened the door to her room, throwing her bag down next to her bed.

Her mother followed her, though she stayed near the doorway. If there was one thing Clarke was grateful for about her mother, it was that she always respected Clarke’s privacy. “Do you want me to make a phone call? The school board might listen to me.”

“No, but thank you, mom. I don’t want to create any tension with the school. I’ll just have to figure something else out,” Clarke replied.

“Now that you don’t have soccer, you can focus on the ball that’s coming up! You in a beautiful dress, Roan on your arm! It’ll be great!” Abby assured her.

“Well, hate to rain on your parade twice in one day, but I broke up with Roan,” Clarke informed her as she fell onto her bed, staring up at the ceiling.

“But why?” Abby asked, concern lacing her voice.

“I don’t feel like talking about it, okay, mom?”

“But he’s so handsome and muscular and built,” Abby listed off all his physical attributes just like that made up who he was. She was being just as bad as the men she had to deal with today.

“Then you date him, Mom,” Clarke retorted angrily.

“Will you try on the dresses at least?” Abby asked, flipping gears back to the original conversation.

“Sorry mom. I’m not in the mood.”

“You know, you might as well be Finn.” With that, her mother turned on her heels and stormed out of the room.

Clarke closed her eyes, trying not to think about how bleak her future looked at the moment. There had to be a way to fix this. Other after school programs she could take to keep her away from her mother and all the dresses she’d try to throw at Clarke.

Her cell phone went off, startling Clarke. Reaching for it, she found she had a text message from Monty inviting her over to his place for movies and pizza, which sounded much better than crying in the shower. So she changed out of her soccer attire and into jeans and Tshirt, hurring over to their place.

She managed to elude her mother, which was a miracle in and of itself. She had expected an interrogation before she left Her mother was probably still hurt about Clarke’s lack of interest. A feeling of guilt washed over Clarke, but she just buried the feeling down deep beside all the other feelings she’d been suppressing.

Several hours later, Clarke was laying on the coach with her head propped up in Monty’s lap. Their other friend Jasper was sitting on the floor playing cards with Monroe and Fox. The girls had just gotten done venting about their day, and the guys were trying to comfort them.

“You don’t think your mom would let you guys transfer to Arkadia?” Monty asked them.

Monroe and Fox shook their heads. Fox answered, “Arkadia is way too expensive for my parents to afford to send me.”

“Mine would never be able to afford the tuition either,” Monroe sighed.

“You mom could easily afford to send you, Clarke,” Jasper said. “Why don’t you transfer?”

“My mom won’t transfer me because Polis has the better academics and high society debutante events. Polis is the better school to groom me to be a lady,” Clarke answered. “If I went to Arkadia, I’d be living on campus away from her. She’d never let me go.”

They all nodded their heads in agreement. It was a shitty position to be in.

“But I’ve been toying around with an idea that I want to run by you,” Clarke told them, sitting up on the couch and turning to face them all.

The all turned in their seats, setting down the cards to give Clarke their undivided attention.

“Ok, this is going to be crazy, but just hear me out,” Clarke said, pausing for a moment before continuing. “My mom and I were sort of arguing about the dresses and my lack of interest, and she said something that gave me an idea. She said I might as well be Finn.”

The four of them were all frowning. Finally Jasper asked, “I don’t get it?”

“What if I got to Arkadia as Finn?” Clarke exclaimed excitedly.

“You want to be your cousin?” Monty asked dubiously. “I’m confused. What’s your plan?”

“I’m going to go to Arkadia Academy as Finn, make the boy’s soccer team, and beat Polis’ boys team in two weeks.”

“Have you taken some crazy pills today?” Monty asked.

“More like she’s been hit too many times in the head with soccer balls,” Jasper clarified.

“You guys know I’d be able to do it,” Clarke insisted.

“Right,” Monty agreed in a tone of voice that said he definitely didn’t agree “Except for your boobs- no offense, the mannerisms, the voice, the mentality-”

“No one there would even know the difference,” Monroe cut in, a smile playing at her lips as she started coming around to the idea. “No one’s met Finn, yet. It’d be perfect.”

“They’d no he’s a she!”

“Come on, guys! If I get caught, that’ll be on me. But wouldn’t it be great if we could beat the system?” Clarke asked.

“It’d be so satisfying,” Fox agreed.

Monty and Jasper were quiet before glancing at each other. “Fine,” they agreed begrudgingly.

“But it’s going to take some time. We’ve got to make sure everything’s set up properly, alter some photos,” Monty said.

Jasper continued, “You have to finder some binders, some clothes, false hair, a wig. You’ve got very feminine features that will be hard to mask.”

“I can do it,” Clarke assured them. “Thankfully, Finn also has some feminine features that could work to my advantage.”

Monroe and Fox agreed. “Tomorrow, we’ll go shopping and get all the things we need. Tomorrow night, we can set up the photo session?” Monroe asked, planning ahead.

“That should work. Once we get the photos, I’ll hack into their system and do the switch. Then you’re on your own,” Monty explained.

It was remarkably easy to find all the supplies they needed, a little pricey, but Clarke could afford it. Monty and Jasper had been able to hold up their end of the deal, and now Clarke was packing up her bag and trying to come up with a plausible excuse to tell her mother on why she’d be gone for the next two weeks.

As she hurried down the stairs out to the waiting cab, she prayed her mother would be busy or not hear her leave. It’d be easier to lie over the phone than in person.However, her luck did not hold out, and her mother happened to be in the office when Clarke came downstairs.

“Clarke?” Abby called, getting up and hurrying into the hallway. “Where are you going?”

“I decided to go stay with Finn until school started. His visit was cut short, and I’d like to spend more time with him,” Clarke replied, turning back around to face her mother.

“Clarke, we’ve hardly spent any time together this summer. I don’t think it’s wise of you to leave. You can spend next weekend with Finn, but I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to go for two weeks,” Abby insisted and went to grab Clarke’s things.

“Mom, I’ve been thinking about what you said. I know you want me to be a debutante. And Finn’s girlfriend Echo will be there. I thought she could show me the ropes for the whole debutante thing,” Clarke said, lying through her teeth.

“This is so exciting! You’re going to have so much fun! There’s so much to do! There’s the ball, the luncheon, and the carnival next week, which Finn promised he’d go to. So make sure to remind him about it,” Abby told her, going through all of the things Clarke would need to go to.

“I will,” Clarke nodded her head, pulling her bag out of her mother’s hands.

“Oh!” Abby smiled as she cupped Clarke’s face between her hands. “You’re going to be a lady!”

Clarke managed to smile and force out a laugh, “Yup! Sure am!”

Abby pulled Clarke in for a hug, “I’ll miss you, sweetie.”

“I’ll miss you, too.” Then Clarke pulled away and hurried out the front door before her mother changed her mind.

She sighed in relief after giving the Lyft driver directions to Monty’s place. She’d get ready at his place before Monty dropped her off at her new school. She couldn’t wait to prove to everyone just how much of a force Clarke Griffin was. Polis would regret the day they didn’t take on the girl’s team. This wasn’t just for Clarke. This whole endeavor was to prove girls could keep up with the guys.

It was a challenge Clarke looked forward to.