#I did this workshop before so I might even be 10% less nervous :D

[checanty]

Hello, hello spooky friends! I'm teaming up with the wonderful people of Drink & Draw Berlin again to bring my creepy art workshop back this November--it's LIVE, ONLINE and--most importantly--quite fun. 👻 Get tickets here

[sirjames2241-blog]

25 Facts About BDSM Noobs May Not Know Yet

1. What BDSM actually stands for: BDSM includes bondage and discipline (B&D), dominance and submission (D&S), and sadism & masochism (S&M). The terms are lumped together that way because BDSM can be a lot of different things to different people with different preferences. 2. It doesn’t always involve sex, but it can. Most people think BDSM is always tied to sex, and while it can be for some people, others draw a hard line between the two. Just think of a massage. Sometimes a massage, however sensual it feels, is just a massage. For others, a rubdown pretty much always leads to sex. It's kind of similar with BDSM; it's a matter of personal and sexual preference. 3. There is nothing inherently wrong or damaged with people if they’re into it. This is one of the most common and frustrating misconceptions about BDSM, says Thorn. BDSM isn't something that emerges from abuse or domestic violence, and engaging in it does not mean that you enjoy abuse or abusing. 4. Know that you can always say no. A lot of people starting out think it's 'all or nothing, especially if you've only been with one partner. For instance, you might think that because you enjoyed being submissive under certain circumstances, that means you must agree to a whole host of submissive or masochistic behaviors that you're not necessarily into. Wrong. You can — and should — pick and choose. Just remember that consent is a requirement in BDSM, and it's possible to consent to one thing while still objecting to another. 5. BDSMers are just as stable as people who prefer vanilla sex. A 2008 study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine found that people who had engaged in BDSM in the past year were no more likely to have been coerced into sexual activity and were no more likely to be unhappy or anxious than those who didn't do BDSM. And actually, men who engaged in BDSM had lower scores of psychological distress than other men. That said, BDSMers do not judge people who aren't into it. The term "vanilla" isn't meant to be derogatory, just to refer to non-BDSM sexual acts or people who aren't interested in kink. 6. Fifty Shades of Grey is considered very cringeworthy in the BDSM community. If you ever find yourself at a BDSM meet-up or dungeon, don't mention anyshade of grey. While some people appreciate that the books spurred more interest in kink and may have made it less stigmatized, others take issue with the abusive, unhealthy relationship it portrays and the seriously unrealistic scenes. All in all, it is not an accurate representation of the BDSM community. 7. It’s not all whips and chains all the time — or ever, if that’s not your thing. Sure, some S&M enthusiasts might have these in their arsenal, but it's definitely not everyone's cup of kink. Some people go for what's called "sensual dominance" which is where there might be some toys or play but no pain involved at all. It's more like one partner agrees to do everything the other person asks. BDSM doesn't have to follow any pattern, and there is no one model for what a BDSM relationship can be. 8. BDSM encounters are called “scenes.” Again, since it isn't always about intercourse, you wouldn't necessarily say that you "had sex" or "hooked up" with someone after a BDSM experience. Instead, these are called scenes (like, you scened with someone or you had a scene). It's not uncommon for the word "session" to be used here either. 9. There are dominants, submissives, tops, and bottoms. So you've probably heard about dominants and submissives (if not, the dominant enjoys being in charge, while the submissive enjoys receiving orders). But BDSMers may also use the terms "tops" and "bottoms" to describe themselves. A top could refer to a dominant or a sadist (someone who enjoys inflicting pain), while a bottom could refer to a submissive or a masochist (someone who enjoys receiving pain). This allows you to have a blanket term for those who generally like being on either the giving or receiving end in a BDSM encounter. And there's no rule that says you can't be both dominant and submissive in different circumstances or with different partners, (called a switch). 10. It can be as simple or as technical as you want. Maybe the thought of being tied up excites you, or you enjoy spanking or being spanked. Or maybe you're more interested in leather masks and nipple clamps and hot wax. All of that (and obviously a lot more) is within the realm of BDSM. Basically, you can still be into kink without actually ever going to a dungeon. 11. Before you go past the VERY basics, do your research. Using a blindfold or an ice cube or fuzzy handcuffs you got at a bachelorette party are all relatively harmless beginner behaviors if you're into them. But before you play around with some of the trickier tools, you need to learn how to do so safely. Even a rope or a whip can be dangerous if you don't know what you're doing. 12. Seriously, BDSM involves A LOT of reading and learning. A popular resource is FetLife.com, a Facebook-like network for the kink community, which can connect you with message boards, groups, and classes in your area. 13. It’s important to get your information from a variety of sources. One mistake many people make when first experimenting with BDSM is relying on one person to show them the way. Even if they do have your best interest at heart (and they might not), it can be limiting to only have one perspective on something that is so multidimensional. Instead, seek out books, meet-ups, mentors, friends, message boards, and more to find a safe place to explore your interests. 14. Safe words are definitely a thing. It's a well-established norm in BDSM. Safe words are probably one of the most important things that have spread across the community. For instance, not everyone uses safe words all the time after a while, but it's important to start out with them. They can essentially be anything you want, as long as it's something that you wouldn't normally say during sex. 15. And at some public events, there are even safety monitors on duty. Dungeon monitors will kick out people who don't look like they're playing safely. This can be anything from ignoring safe words to using a whip incorrectly. Seriously, did we mention that safety is paramount here? 16. It’s not as spontaneous as Hollywood movies or porn make it out to be. People who actually do this stuff are very cautious about it. It has to be the right place and right time and right equipment. And you have to know you can get the person out [of whatever bondage] if there's an emergency. You have to feel you can trust the person. So there's a lot that goes into one scene, but that doesn't mean it's any less satisfying for those who enjoy it. 17. There’s also probably way more talking involved than there is with (most) vanilla sex. Whenever people question the role of consent in BDSM, they should consider the enormous amount of communication that occurs before, during, and after the scenes. Talk about it hugely before you ever do it, talk about what you want to do, what you're going to do, what your fantasies are… that's part of negotiating a good relationship as a BDSMer." 18. There’s actually a pre-negotiation period, where the partners discuss what they like, what they don’t like, and what they absolutely will not tolerate. It's a way of discussing the experience ahead of time that can increase emotional security. This can involve anything from checklists to a more informal discussion of what each person's expectations are, what they want and don't want, and any words or actions that are completely off-limits. 19. And then comes aftercare, the debriefing period that happens once the scene ends. Since BDSM can be an incredibly intense and emotional experience for some, I would strongly suggest this wrap-up step, where the partners can discuss the scene and any reactions they had to it. 20. BDSMers can be monogamous, polyamorous, or whatever the hell they want. Not everyone who's interested in BDSM has multiple sexual or relationship partners. It used to be a popular perception that we don't form long-term relationships. A lot of BDSMers are just monogamous people. A lot of people just want to do it with their partner. 21. There are so many different types of whips. This is not a one-size-fits-all kink. There are light floggers, leather whips, whips with single tails, whips with multiple tails that are flat and wide, the list goes on, says Thorn. But because certain types can be harsher than others, you really need to learn how to use them properly. People practicing with a single-tail whip will often start with a pillow or some distant small object, like a light switch. 22. And there are some places that you definitely don't want to whip. Like, um, the eyes, obviously. Or the kidney area. The skin is thin there and you have vital organs under there. You can bruise your kidneys. 23. If you want to bring it up in your current relationship, absolutely do it. If you're nervous about it, ask if they'd be interested in checking out a particular book or website you heard about. Or just talk about it in the context of sexual fantasies by asking your partner if they've ever tried anything like BDSM or if they've ever wanted to. 24. There is an immensely helpful list of kink-aware professionals so you can find a doctor or therapist who uniquely understands your lifestyle. Maybe you're worried that your gynecologist or your lawyer won't be sensitive to your lifestyle or doesn't allow you to feel comfortable talking about it. Check out the Kink Aware Professionals Directory from the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom to find someone who will be more accepting. 25. Basically, it’s way different than most people expect. Between stereotypes, porn, and Fifty Shades of Grey, there's a lot of misconceptions about BDSM. Short of attending a workshop or visiting a dominatrix, the best way to learn more about it is to do some research.

[eddiejpoplar]

TEST DRIVE: 2019 BMW 330i – Coming Back With A Vengeance

“It has to beat everybody in the segment in driving dynamics because all the Australian, UK and American journalists say ‘ooh the E46 CSL was the last real 3 Series’,” said BMW development chief Klaus Frohlich recently to a group of media. “I do not want to hear that s[..] anymore,” was apparently what the BMW R&D boss has added.

So clearly, BMW had some big plans for its seventh-generation 3 Series, the bread and butter of the company, and the one that put BMW on the map 40 years ago. Over the last few months, I’ve had the chance to see the car in person at the Paris and LA Auto Shows, but now it was time to drive the car to see if the new G20 3 Series can live up to the expectations.

My review of the M340i xDrive just went live, but it was the 330i with M Sport Package that I had the opportunity to drive more and over longer distances. To do so, I flew into Faro, Portugal, the sunny and beautiful city in the most southern point in Europe, a place not only filled with great weather and scenery, but also with some great driving roads.

EXTERIOR DESIGN

Without going into full details on the exterior design, here are some of the highlights for those of you that see the G20 3 Series for the first time. There are elements of classic BMW styling still remaining in the new G20 3 Series, such as the Hofmeister Kink, the classic Kidney Grilles and the dual halo headlights. However, it’s more of an evolution of BMW’s classic design language, and that’s expected. We won’t see a lot of differentiators between models until the next BMW design language arrives in the next 2-3 years. In the back, you’re getting the traditional “L-shaped” headlights, with a lot more graphics inside the light, and elongated around the back.

Without an M Sport package, the lower front bumper and air intake feature some design quirks, like the little sideways “T” shaped trim pieces that surround the foglights. If you spec the M Sport package on the BMW 330i, it ditches those little “T” shapes for more traditional front air intakes. Compared to the criticized mesh grille of the M340i, the non-M Performance Automobile models retain the traditional vertical slats.

INTERIOR DESIGN

I’ve said it before, but I will repeat myself – this is where the real story is with the new G20 family. Its interior design has been often criticized, and it was tough to argue against that even if you were a die-hard BMW fan. The 3 Series needed to close the gap against its competitors by offering a premium experience inside the cabin. The interior follows the same design language brought forward by the BMW X5, X7 and 8 Series, which have already received plenty of compliments for their luxurious cabins. So it gets a sort of waterfall effect from the new iDrive screen down to the center console, almost all of it trimmed either aluminum or wood, depending on what the customer chooses. It’s a sharp and stylish design, far better looking than the current F30’s.

And yes, you’re still getting some weird combo of aluminum/chrome buttons with plastic ones, but usually that has to do more with costs and model probability than BMW’s ability to design a high-end cabin.

On top of the climate controls sits the new iDrive screen, which features the same all-new graphics and capabilities as the new X5 and 8 Series. It’s sharp looking and gives the 3 Series a very high-tech feel, especially when combined with the new digital instrument panel, dubbed BMW Live Cockpit. Those two screens are the largest ever offered in a 3 Series and their functionalities offer endless possibilities of customization.

There is clearly a combination of clean surfaces and much more reduced lines than previous models, which in times of simplicity and minimalism, I found it to be very refreshing. The driver-oriented dashboard remains true to BWM design, while a combination of touch, voice and pushes can activate and operate many of the new tech inside and outside the car. The Start/Stop has moved from the dashboard to the center console and the handbrake is now an electronic one.

Gimmicks or not, things like “Hey, BMW” Personal Intelligent Assistant, Apple CarPlay and Gesture Control are just some of the things that show BMW’s commitment to a new type of customer who prioritizes tech over other aspects of their cars.

There’s also 10 mm more legroom in the rear, but as expected, it still might be a bit tight for tall people – I measure in at 6″3.

DRIVETRAIN, SUSPENSION AND STEERING

In the end, this is still a BMW 3 Series, which means that it has to live up to the “Ultimate Driving Machine” slogan. And being an engineering-driven company, the handling and driving dynamics were high up on the list. As I mentioned in my M340i review, the chassis is 25 percent more rigid and about 50 percent more rigid at the shock absorbers. The regular suspension includes hydraulic dampers so it’s firmer and the spring rates are 20 percent stiffer. With the lift dampers, the suspension reduces body roll and helps out with imperfect surfaces and the added vibrations. The overall stiffness of the car is continuously adjusted, so when going over larger bumps the car continues to feel planted and grippy.

The 330i test car came with the optional M Sport Suspension (available for both RWD and xDrive models), which includes more rigid bearings, additional body struts, firmer springs and anti-roll bars, increased wheel camber and a 10mm drop in ride height. Adaptive dampers are now only available with the M Sport suspension.

During a workshop, BMW engineers said the difference between the standard and optional suspension in the G20 3 Series is twice as as great as with the F30 models.

The variable-ratio steering rack comes with the M Sport package. The way it works is by having a “slower” steering, so-to-speak, on center, so that small movements of the steering wheel do not create large steering movements. This helps to keep the front end from feeling twitchy or nervous. However, at higher degrees of steering lock off center, the idea is to have small steering wheel movements make big steering movement, in layman’s terms. BMW’s previous variable steering did this but the jump between the two steering ratios was drastic and sudden, making it sometimes unpredictable and sketchy feeling while pushing it hard. Now, the jump is far smoother, using a more progressive change in the gear teeth on the steering rack.

Although still electrically-assisted, BMW engineers assured me prior to the ride that it’s not muted and with a lot more road feedback than in the F30. It’s still lighter, but more precise.

Under the hood, the 330i used a variation of the B48 2.0-liter turbocharged four-cylinder engine producing 258 horsepower and 295 pound-feet of torque. That’s 7 horses and 37 lb-ft over the outgoing model. Just like the M340i, the ZF eight-speed automatic is in its latest generation pushing the 330i to 62 miles per hour in 5.8 seconds.

DRIVING EXPERIENCE

While the M340i xDrive was all about the track, the G20 330i is happier to be on regular roads. Projected to be one of the best selling 3 Series models, the 330i will find a home in many parts of the world, and I’m already jealous of those that get to have some fun on some curvy roads. Remember that I live in Chicago, where everything is flat. But to compensate for that, BMW handed me a great route to take with plenty of curvy roads and tight hairpins, where I could really push the 330i.

Thanks to the Driving Experience Control, I can tune the car to my needs, so Comfort mode was my preferred choice when driving on highways. The short but quick highway ride also gave me the chance to play around with the “Hey, BMW” Personal Assistant – it really works – and to pay attention to some of the driving characteristics typical to a US city.

The steering feel is in no way from the days of hydraulic systems, but compared to other electrically assisted steerings is more connected to the road, less artificial and reacts effortlessly to sudden lane changes. I feel that with smaller wheels and non-performance tires – the 330i had 19-inch wheels and summer tires (225/40 fronts, 255/35 rears) – the ride quality would have been even better. In Comfort mode, the 330i M Sport also hides the road vibrations a bit, yet it still feels better the one in the outgoing model. And I’m confident to say that F30 owners will notice the difference immediately.

Moving up to Sport, or Sport+ if equipped, the steering gets more substance, with less assistance from the power system, and with more feedback in the hands of the driver. The inputs become more accurate and aggressive, and as always, the Sport modes give the car a slightly different character. The Sport model also brings higher revs and you’re getting a bit more exhaust noise in the cabin, “thanks” to the BMW Active Sound.

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