#I did have one of these conversations working in my college's Writing Center

[starlightswitch]

Finding the Right Words

@flashfictionfridayofficial I feel like if we keep getting idiom prompts, I'm going to keep playing with them.

Ella could feel Julian’s eyes on her as she read, but she kept her own on the paper of his notebook—following the lines he’d written, nodding to herself, ignoring a couple of phrases that weren’t perfect English but sounded kind of poetic.

Then she cracked up.

She could not stop laughing. It was very very bad and she really needed to stop but she could not stop laughing.

“I’m sorry,” she gasped. “I’m really, really sorry… I am the worst person in the world for laughing at you… and I’m promise it’s not you I’m laughing at, I’m just laughing at—” –what you said did not actually sound better. “—the words, and…” She needed to stop laughing; what was something not funny? She pictured her grandma, looking like she was going to cry because some of the cousins had ganged up on the others and Grandma Ruth hated for people to be made fun of on holidays. Grandma Ruth would really hate for someone to feel like he was being made fun of for his command of the English language. She caught her breath and held Grandma Ruth’s distressed face in her mind. “What did you mean to say… here?” She barely looked at the phrase when she pointed at it.

“Uh… everything will be good. Does it not mean that? It must not,” he answered himself with a sheepish smile. “Sometimes, maybe? I heard it once and I know I thought of flowers popping up and I liked that.”

Ella closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and pictured Grandma. “You were thinking of ‘coming up roses’. That means everything will be good. ‘Pushing up daisies’ means something else.”

“It means what?”

“Dead.” Oh, and she was laughing again. But now Julian was chuckling too.

“This is why I asked you to read it,” he said. “So I do not say in a love letter that someday we will be dead.” He made a face, considering. “True. It is true. But not romantic.”

“Not really.”

“No.” Julian took the letter from her, carefully erased the words, and nicely fit “coming up roses”—saying it out loud while looking up at Ella to make sure he had it right this time—into the empty space. “Roses,” he said. “Much more romantic.”

“Daisies could be romantic,” Ella said with a shrug. “Just not pushing up daisies.”

“No.”

“No.”

“Thank you for not taking my laughter as making fun of you.”

“Thank you,” said Julian, “for making sure my love letter is romantic.” He folded it carefully. “Much rather you laugh at it than Chloe.”

Even Grandma Ruth wouldn't argue with that one.

[heegyukeluv]

I offer you my everything (lhs)

pairing: heeseung x afab!reader

synopsis: You never cared about sex, until you did. You grew too afraid of it, scared of disappointing the other person or showing your inexperience. But then you met Heeseung, the hot basketball captain that stole your heart and became your biggest fantasy. 

my's note: i loved working in this so much. also i wanna emphasize that for god’s sake do not “lose” your virginity due to pressure or anything related to others. do it because you want to!! take your time, there’s no such thing as being too old for it neither need to rush. you have to enjoy it! that being said, i hope you enjoy this writing 🤭

warnings: fluff, pet names, explicit language, reader is insecure about having sex and some other things, SMUT - so minors DO NOT interact!, virginity loss, kinda pillow princess reader (she doesn’t know what to do, so she just lay down and enjoy), protected sex 💪🏻, fingering, oral sex (f. receiving), quick handjob. lmk if I missed something!

wc: 21k

NOT PROOFREAD.

taglist 💖: @yvnempire

Entering college was your dream come true. 

There was a whole fantasy of how your life would change for the better, the new ways of seeing life, dealing with problems – new problems!, meeting new people, going to university parties, starting your adult life. Everything sounded ethereal, almost utopian, and although you were a very down-to-earth type of person, you never stopped your imagination from flowing through the excitedly new unexplored area.

You used to have a very simple and ordinary life in your hometown, going to school everyday, getting great grades, not really engaging with romantic relationships and having a normal amount of friends and people who cared about you. 

Your parents were good people but quite strict with how you should live your life. It wasn’t much of a problem because whatever they were afraid of you getting into and “losing yourself” wasn’t really your cup of tea; you never really cared about having a boyfriend or a girlfriend – and your dad vehemently explained to you how disappointed he would be if you started to date someone with no goals in life or whatever. Doing drugs was way out of your interests, but you were very curious about the whole alcohol thing. And well, you wanted to become a journalist one day, so you pretty much studied for it and made your parents proud of you.

Overall your life was very… vanilla. And a strong part of you wanted it to be a bit spicy.

Not in an exaggerated way – and you had no problem with who wanted their lives to be –, nevertheless you wanted to really live the university experience, so your first months in college were actually dreamy, especially for being away from your parents’ grip and finally trying the taste of what freedom felt like.

You met your classmates and respectives professors, you got to know better about the available clubs and how to enter them, and you met your roommate, Ryujin, which thankfully ended up having enough common interests with you to make a healthy friendship grow. 

Making friends wasn’t a big problem to you as well, because even though you normally showed a very reserved version of yourself at the beginning, people around you just fell for your charms naturally, wanting to be close to you for your aura at first and then because of how supportive and funny you were once they got to know you better. 

Now, in your second year, you already had a spot on a small group of friends, who everyday would try to meet during lunch time to catch up on things and not freak out with the amount of assignments they were dealing with. 

The conversation always flowed nicely, you never felt insecure about sharing a piece of your mind with them since they listened to you well. You were really glad to have people like that in your daily life.

However, there was a single topic that you often would shut up about to avoid being the center of attention, and the said topic was an ongoing conversation right at that moment.

“I need to get laid,” Julie, one of your closest friends, said in a very dramatic way. You forced a smile that you were pretty sure that looked very awkwardly placed on your face. 

You could feel your heart beating fast with the idea of you becoming the subject in that conversation.

“What you really need is a good night's sleep,” Yunjin added with a chuckle, patting Julie’s head who shot a slightly upset look back at her. 

“For that I need to sit on someone. Like, I can literally feel my body aching for a dick,” she explained, keeping the drama in her tone as if she was sick. There was a reason for Julie to be in the theater club afterall. 

“For God’s sake,” Yunjin muttered, rolling her eyes but not really bothered by her friend’s behavior. She was pretty much used to it at this point, and well, quite the same but with girls.

You just watched as they both bickered with each other, hoping for you to stay out the fire and wondering when that conversation would finally become just a reminiscence of your day.

There was no shame on you for being a virgin. It was quite literally your choice since having sex was your last priority during your teenage years although you had guys interested in you in that aspect.

You weren't expecting the right one, your prince charming, nor to get married before. You just never cared much about having sex, and once you started to care you never felt comfortable enough with someone to show yourself so vulnerable, so openly like sex seemed to be.

Once your university life started to kick in and attending parties became a part of your weekends, you really thought that you would finally be able to free yourself enough to have someone with you in a bed, naked, doing sexual things or whatever. But what really happened was you feeling endlessly frustrated with yourself for panicking, finding lame excuses to run away from the possibility of having sex every time a makeout session started to be a bit more intense.

Alongside that often reaction of yours, you went through a tough moment with a specific guy, one you let yourself comfortable around, leading to you one day being in his bedroom while sharing a passionate kiss. With the amount of reassurance he showed you through the whole moments you were just flirting, you thought that sharing that you never had sex before wouldn’t be a problem. He was about to undress you from your bra when you told him, and then he halted his movements, overreacting as he said “I’m no sex teacher to teach college girls how to have sex”.

You never felt so humiliated in your whole life. Not only it became a trigger but also a new thing to overthink; the fact that some guys would see you as too innocent for their sex drive, refusing to do anything with you.

Nevertheless, you were still a woman with desires, with a libido waiting to be directed and mostly, curiosity. 

Your mind would flee to dirty, lascivious places whenever you saw a character you found attractive, such as actors, singers or even real life crushes, sometimes doing the bare minimum but still sparkling in your sexual self, wetting your panties – and in those days you blamed your ovulation. 

But the moment you tried to fulfill your fantasies with real people, your body refused to relax, your mind never stopping from the constant overthinking about either disappointing or just showing how inexperienced in the practical area you were, ending up embarrassing yourself. 

Since you also never looked out for the help of your friends, none of them knew about that part of your life and you always shared a silent feeling of gratitude for the lack of their interest in that area. 

The whole theme being a main focus on conversations constantly made you pretty uncomfortable, because everyone showed to enjoy their sexual lives fully, without any problems like you.

Although you had very incredible friends that you could rely on, you couldn’t help but feel the anxiety of being judged by them, so you always opted to stay quiet or managed to redirect the discussion.

As if someone had listened to your prayers, you noticed another friend of yours – Jake – coming in your direction with a big smile, his backpack hanging loose off his shoulders and someone a bit too familiar alongside him.

You waited for them to be closer to try to recognize the strange and… Shit. 

Your breath got stuck in your airlines when you realized that the guy with Jake was Lee Heeseung.

Your eyes followed how he took a seat in front of Jake, who sat beside you. None of your friends stopped the playful argument when they both arrived at the table, and for a little while you were glad for that, because you for sure couldn’t hide your surprised face and sudden dizziness for having Heeseung that close, looking unnecessarily attractive with his usual sly grin, messy black hair and strong presence.

Heeseung was the basketball captain of your university team.

You harbored a love for sports since childhood, not in a way of being a player but a watcher. During the first weeks of college you discovered that your university had a basketball team and you got really intrigued. Since then, it became your hobby to go over and watch them practicing during your free time or just to study for a while using the sound of balls bouncing on the floor as a background.

It was during one of your study days that you first met Jake, when he accidentally threw a ball in your direction and although you safely dodged, he insisted on taking you to what he called a date, but you weren’t much interested in him like that so you two became friends. 

Jake was definitely hot, but, well… You had a big crush on the very much attractive ace of the team. 

His movements looked meticulously calculated as if he had control of every part of his body, his pretty smiley face whenever he scored a point making your heart miss a few beats, not to mention the shameless winks he gave towards the girls who were watching the match just to make them scream. His overall performance was just sensational, making you wonder if the hands that were harshly used to grip the ball would grip your hips the same way.

Yeah, one of the in real life crushes you would get wet just by thinking about.

You forced yourself to believe that you had everything under control, since crushing on Heeseung was a waste of time and a sentence to have your heart shattered. You knew about his fuckboy reputation and definitely wasn’t planning on being the talk of the week of the “lucky girl that Heeseung fucked” or anything similar, neither wanted to face the consequences of getting involved with him – the amount of gossips going around with your name would increase considerably as people would try their best to destroy your self-esteem. 

Or at least that’s what you heard from your friends, wondering for a long time if people were exaggerating just because of jealousy. 

You weren’t that desperate to lose your virginity, although the thought of losing it to Heeseung seemed quite interesting – but, again, impossible.

Heeseung's existence in your life always resembled to be like an idol. Not in a sense of you idolizing him, but as someone you were intrigued by, loving to watch him by far, never getting close enough given that nothing could even happen between you two, especially because how would two different worlds collide like that? 

So in your own defense of how your body was reacting, no one prepared you to be so close to him without a previous warning, even with the fact that Jake was friends with Heeseung. Your brain just insisted on forgetting that eventual possibility.

“What are you guys talking about?”

And then you really panicked.

You also forgot that Jake was pretty much a gossiper and would rather know what the table was talking about instead of bringing another new subject to it. And now there was Heeseung sitting with all of you, making it harder to breathe and to focus on any other thing. You could feel the sweat dampening your armpits, the idea of you having to talk about your sexual life haunting you to death at that moment.

“Me getting laid,” Julie answered with a cheeky smile. 

“Oh,” Jake was taken back with her quick and honest response, you could notice by the way he slightly widened his eyes. Heeseung just laughed. And what a pretty fucking laugh. 

“Don’t act like you never fucked in your life, Jake,” Yunjin said narrowing her eyes skeptically, adding to the fuel.

You felt your cheeks and the top of your ears burning. And not only that, there was a very intense gaze right towards you that you refused to look up to meet. The scrunched napkins on the table looked way more interesting than anything else at that moment.

“I’m still not used to all your… Openness,” he motioned with his hands as he explained. You mentally cursed Jake’s oblivious self for giving Julie the right words for her to be even more blatant in her dramatic speech. 

“Oh boy, I really wish I’d be open–” 

“Julie!” Yunjin now screamed flabbergasted with Julie’s audacity, laughing loudly and smacking her friend's shoulder while you hid yourself in your hands, fully embarrassed. You couldn’t hold back a small, kind of a relieved laugh because the topic apparently was about to end.

You heard Heeseung chuckling with them and decided to search for his eyes just to meet them already on you, shamelessly checking you out. You instantly avoided his not a little soft glances at your chest and lips, but not with enough time to fail to perceive how he bit his bottom lip while still smiling.

“Care to present your friend?” Yunjin directed the question to Jake when she stopped laughing.

“I thought you already knew Heeseung,” Jake sounded confused.

“We do, but I don’t know if Y/N do,” she explained, pointing to you.

Now every pair of eyes on the table was on you and normally that wasn’t a big deal, you loved the attention your friends gave whenever you were the one speaking. But Heeseung being the owner of one of those pairs made it difficult for you not to blush harder.

“O–oh,” you damned yourself for stuttering, swallowing nothing. “I actually know him too, yeah. I– I watch the uni basketball practices sometimes.” You tried to sound cool, forcing a very awkward smile, but your voice was so obviously nervous you just wished no one would notice. 

However, Heeseung’s lips curved into a smirk told you that he, at least, noticed. And was enjoying seeing you so flustered.

“I’ve seen you there a few times”, it was his first words since he sat with your group, his voice sounding quite different from when you normally heard him – screaming in the basketball court with his teammates to hype them up. 

Your heartbeat was loud inside your chest, and you wondered if the reason behind was because of Heeseung’s intense presence, or how dreamy his voice sounded, or the fact that he had perceived you in his games. All the options sounding very unnecessarily smitten to you, who usually knew your place, grounded with your feelings, but apparently not with Heeseung and his charming face.

Jake nodded, smiling cutely at you. But not a cutely you enjoyed seeing; it was a mischievous grin. You gulped.

“Heeseung insisted on sitting with us today, saying he wants to get to know you better,” Jake nudged your shoulder with his’, wiggling his eyebrows while the girls hummed teasingly at you.

You widened your eyes, your cheeks with a tone of red spreading all over. You noticed Heeseung’s cherry colored lips still with a petty grin, his eyes slightly hooded as he faced you. That alone was enough to get yourself worked up, sending signals directly to your cunt. 

You literally clenched around nothing just because Heeseung smirked at you while holding eye contact.

Of course you would react like a teen that just got a confession from her crush mixed with a pervert that never had sex in her life and got horny by little things – which, in part, was true.

Nevertheless, hearing Heeseung laugh along with Jake’s next words completely dashed your hopes and your arousal away. 

“I’m joking. It’s funny and cute how you always react with things like this.”

You now had to blink a few times to recompose yourself just enough to fake a smile, trying not to demonstrate that your panties were a bit damp and you, frustrated.

“Not funny to play with a girl's feelings, Jake,” Julie uttered when she noticed your slight discomfort.

Now it was the time to take your realistic persona and act out of the situation, as you pulled your best facial expression in order to cover your kind of hurted heart. “There are no feelings,” you urged to say with a forced laugh, failing to notice Heeseung’s smile dropping for a second. “Yeah, it’s funny now, but I’m pretty sure you were on the verge of crying when I refused to go with you on that date,” you cocked your head with a raised eyebrow facing Jake, watching his expression contort in all the five stages of grief at once, his lips parted with widen eyes at the end.

“You’re mean,” he whined and you laughed.

“Only for you,” and you gave him a little wink before standing up and gathering all your things on the table to put back on your backpack. “I gotta go now, see ya later?” You looked at your girl friends who just nodded and said a cute goodbye to you, avoiding eye contact with Heeseung as you did so.

As you made your way to your upcoming class, your mind automatically flooded with thoughts about what just happened; you yourself questioning for how long you would be able to hide your inexistent sexual life from your friends, or even if you should keep doing it, due the fact that they could help you get over your insecurities and apprehensions.

Besides, it was becoming quite unbearable to cope with the frustration of wanting, yearning, and desiring, yet never being able to make a move beyond it.

And since when would Heeseung pay genuine attention to you? You couldn’t deny that even with your head making sure to remind you of the unrealistic nature of things happening with Heeseung, your feelings seemed to have been crushed in a very hurtful way.

There was a part of you that believed a bit in the fantasy of him being a very warm and approachable guy who would do cute things with you, respect your space and time and also be the one who you have sex with. 

On the other hand, you constantly reinforced the thought of being impossible and somehow weird. You felt weird. Like a true pervert of some kind. 

You spent the whole class thinking about what Jake said and how Heeseung's eyes wandered your features with something very similar to what you saw in some other guys. Desire. 

But at that point you comprehended that your mind had started to like to make things up. Jake was lying after all.

You just wished for your sentiments and needs to vanish quickly, or at least for you to be able to replace the person. In any case, you decided to avoid the basketball court for a few days. 

Not showing up to watch the team’s practice and games did not prevent you from running into Heeseung almost everyday, which was the main reason behind your decision – to get over your silly little crush on him.

Apparently fate had other plans for you and you honestly didn’t know how to feel. Heeseung began to be part of your group hangouts alongside Jake, now being a regular presence to the point where your friends would frequently ask his whereabouts, as if everyone in the group suddenly grew a liking for him.

And honestly, you couldn’t blame them. Apart from your tangled, weird feelings that for sure had something to do with how you envisioned him, Heeseung revealed to be a genuine sweet, caring person, easily breaking parts of your pre-concept about his stereotypes. 

His “player” aura was fading little by little, even though his confident demeanor kept its place on his every move.

Heeseung had gleaming eyes shooting you the most flirtatious, intense gaze, with equal glistened lips adorning the most endearing smirk, enough to make you lose your words, to lose your mind. Not to mention how often his body leaned towards yours in order to give you full attention.

Heeseung would cock his head and glance at your lips whenever you were the one speaking, simple behaviors messing you over and over, tempting you to dive into the pool of the unexplored, the so lustful field you never let yourself do a proper investigation, too afraid of surrendering to your feelings and needs.

The more you got to know him, the harder it became to dismiss the growing admiration and longing feeling running all over your body. Heeseung wasn’t just some fleeting crush anymore. He became something you couldn’t name yet, still fuzzing your mind, the crawling sensation on your skin wanting more and more of whatever he had to offer – just a look, just a smile, just some words, just some gentle brush of skins. Anything. 

At some point your chest started to palpitate just by the mention of his name, your blood running cold instantly as your whole posture changed, terrified of someone knowing about your feelings, about your dirtiest thoughts, about how he would visit your dreams at night to show you how much you craved his body. 

God, you were so fucked up, so desperate, and nonetheless, hesitant.

Something strongly held you back, even with Heeseung’s attempts to become closer to you, asking direct questions to you, trying nonstop to get to know you better, just like Jake once told you he wanted to.

You never let him in. Not openly, not with your words, not in front of him – you refused to risk having a broken heart because Heeseung was simply being his normal self and you, seeing beyond his charming facade.

Heeseung had occupied a spot in your mind from day one, ever since his damp, sweaty hair stuck on his forehead together with a cocky smile seemed way too attractive to your eyes and you began to pay more attention to his existence. That was true. But you only allowed him to do his proper mess inside your head after de-idolizing him; after the looks he gave to every other girl started to have you as the main target, after his hands “accidentally” brushed on yours during your moments sitting side by side sending shivers throughout your body, after he questioned about how you day have been and actually paid attention to your answer, your stomach doing flips every time.

Heeseung was now part of your thoughts because he showed genuine affection and worry about you, without you asking for it. And alongside all of that, he was so fucking and unnecessarily hot.

But what if all of this was just a game? Just another girl he messes around with, playing with her feelings just because he can. Just because he's attractive and you're foolishly falling for him…? 

…Falling for him?

“Stop overthinking,” Sunoo’s voice cut your roam of thoughts as he appeared out of nowhere, dropping his books on the table before sitting across you in the library, catching you totally off guard. 

“Damn it, Sunoo!” You nearly screamed, covering your mouth to restrain it, ignoring the librarian's angry glare.

“I’m sorry, sweetie,” he chuckled softly. “But your frown is screaming at me, what’s on your mind?”

“Ahm, just some media ethics stuff, y’know–”

“Cut that off, sweetie. I’m not asking about your studies. You know that. I’m asking about your frown, your overthinking frown,” he said, gently pressing his finger on your forehead. “What’s really going on in there?”

You sighed. 

The two of you had met in your first year when you realized you shared almost all your classes. Since then, Sunoo had become one of your closest friends – the trustworthy one, the always-down-for-anything one, and also the one who worried about you the most. He was a comforting presence, someone you could rely on to listen to your concerns and anxieties without judgment.

Still, despite this, you felt nervous. Your eyes darted around searching for any eavesdroppers, a few students scattered throughout the library, deeply focused on their studies, oblivious to your conversation. Yet your tense nerves inhibited you from sharing your true worries as you opened and closed your mouth a few times without being able to talk.

“Do you want to go somewhere else?” Sunoo asked softly, eyes offering you comfort as he held your hands and caressed them.

You nodded, watching his body instantly lifting up from his seat to help you grab your things and his own, snatching your hand with his to drag you around the campus until you found a quiet place near some trees. 

“Go ahead, sweetie,” Sunoo said as he leaned in one of the trees, watching your gaze avoiding his and your cheeks reddening a bit.

“I’m having some troubles, personal problems, if I’m being honest…” Sunoo said nothing, just nodded his head in a reassuring way although you weren’t looking at him. “It’s–” you gulped. Your mind screaming at you to shut up, because you were certain he would make fun of you. Sunoo, the guy who always had people crushing on, definitely would not understand what you are going through. You searched for his eyes, just to find them filled with compassion. “I’m–” You shut your eyes searching for the best way of saying. “I’m a virgin,” you blurted out in a low tone, your face burning with embarrassment as you refused to open your eyes. 

However, Sunoo's nonchalant reaction took you by surprise. “Okay, and?” Then you blinked a few times, trying to comprehend the lack of judgment. This was not what you prepared yourself for. “What’s the problem?” He sounded genuinely confused with your dumbfounded expression. “That’s all? I mean, if it’s really bothering you we can talk through it, but I don’t think it’s that big of a deal, sweetie…”

“So… You think that’s normal for a college girl to be a virgin? You don’t think it’s something to be weird or to be asham–”

“My dear Y/N,” he cut you off by holding your head softly to look directly into his eyes. “First of all there’s no such thing as what's normal or not normal when it comes to many things. Also, please never let someone make you feel ashamed of who you are or how you’ve chosen to live your life, ok?” Your honest reaction was to stare at Sunoo in astonishment. “Promise me, Y/N.”

“I promise,” your voice was muffled since he was holding you still.

“Now spill the real tea, because I’m pretty sure this is just the tip of the iceberg.”

So you vented out about everything running through your mind, your worries, your genuine curiosity mixed with a fear, how you were aching for something you were too afraid of getting – or letting yourself to get. 

Relief ran throughout your body, as Sunoo made you comfortable enough to go subject by subject in order to help you name all of your nameless and confused feelings, including to situate where your expectations were set. You wanted your first time to be enjoyable, that’s for sure, so you had to be with someone who would help you erase your turbulent thoughts by reassuring you regularly – a one night stand type of thing was not an option, you realized with Sunoo. 

You shared your apprehension on disappointing with your lack of experience, and to that Sunoo settled your nerves by saying “If the person respects you, you don’t have to worry about that,” and you discovered another name for what you wanted. 

The anguish of not knowing what to do or where to go was slowly diminishing every time you labeled what previously you were able to describe only as a ‘bittersweet feeling of panic and desire’. 

You also didn’t need to directly mention Heeseung, Sunoo himself brought his name after connecting the obvious dots of the said crush being Heeseung, especially since his glances at you and your reactions to it were anything but subtle.

“Don’t have to worry about that either, sweetie. I don’t think any of the others noticed it, they’re too oblivious sometimes,” Sunoo calmed you down after you almost cried due to your embarrassment of someone noticing your messed up self. 

Something Sunoo said reverberated throughout your day as well. “You will always be a virgin if you don’t have sex. And if you’re afraid of having sex because you’re a virgin, it’s an unsolved paradox.”

Your talk with Sunoo eased your mind, but also introduced a whole new scenery of thoughts – gladly not anxious one. You were depriving yourself of your own pleasure, of your own desire. And perhaps the real reason was because you feared… liking it. 

So after a good night of sleep, you decided to head out to your favorite place during your free time: the basketball court. Not necessarily to watch anything – or someone in particular, but to ponder what you had going through your head the whole night ever since Sunoo’s advices and sweet, reassuring words. 

Of course your choice of place would lead you to probably bump into a specific someone, and part of you really hoped for that.

While you drank your iced coffee, you wondered if Sunoo was being serious when he said that the talk about Heeseung in most cases was disconnected with reality. He didn’t explain much about it, but what he said was enough to intrigue you.

“Hey,” a far, but known voice snapped you out of your trance, and instantly your whole body heated.

You watched Heeseung jogging in your direction, panting a big, sweat dripping off his temples and his arms in display for you since he was wearing a sleeveless shirt.

“It’s been a while since I last saw you here,” he said, shooting you a small smile, easily walking through the seats by skipping them with his long legs until he got closer. 

“Yeah, I’ve been a bit busy,” you answered, fighting yourself not to tremble and to avoid glazing your eyes on his body, the team’s uniform looking gorgeous in contrast with his skin tone.

“Missed you, Y/N,” Heeseung talked with a gentle voice, his usual sparkly eyes growing wide as he realized what he just said. “I mean, I missed you being around, y’know,” he tried to play it cool and due to your nervous self, you barely noticed he was going through the same emotion.

He was so attractive, and for some reason the mix of his perfume with his sweat inebriated your air lines, making it a little difficult to breathe. 

Little did you know that Heeseung was in a similar state, lost in how cute you looked that day, your comfy outfit and the single ponytail doing your face features justice by letting them shine with a natural beauty you carried confidently.

Heeseung noticed you on the very first day you appeared to watch a game. He normally paid little to no real attention to who watched his practice, the flirty glances and winks thrown at the crowd usually was just for fun and no one in particular, but your sudden appearance was overwhelming, his stomach did flips and his so focused self was faltering before your presence. 

He had to take a good, long, cold shower after in the locker room to try to get over his exaggerated reactions. How does one get his heart pounding so fast, hands sweating and distracted concentration just because they are good looking?

He for sure knew plenty of attractive people, but none got his heart aching and his body craving like you did. 

“I’m sorry, I know I’m the team’s lucky charm,” you acted out of your bubble a bit. That would be a normal saying by you, actually. But around Heeseung you worked differently, actions more withdrawn than ever, flustered by the fact that his focus was on you, and only you. 

You barely had any moments alone with Heeseung, most of the time some friend of yours was engaged in the conversation as well, so to talk directly to him without having another person to cover up your nervous state was pretty difficult, especially by the way he held eye contact on you, as he was reading every bare piece of you.

“Yeah, I really don’t know what to do without you,” Heeseung put his hand on his heart dramatically as he said and you blushed, pushing his shoulder and avoiding looking at his face. 

And well, he wasn’t lying. 

Your constant attendance, whether to really pay attention to what was happening or just to quietly study as you regularly did, threw his mind into chaos. Heeseung had to physically restrain himself from jumping across the seats to ask for your number at first, your aura seeming a bit coy to him – not in an off putting way, but in a way that made him think you deserved someone better than what he could offer. Alongside that, he believed there was no way a hot, beautiful and smart girl like you would pay any attention to him.

It wasn't like Heeseung was insecure, he knew his strengths and how to work with them. A line of girls would eagerly wait for a chance to spend a night with him, though he never went that far with many of them, choosing carefully who he led to his room or allowed in his life.

Nevertheless, the feeling of having that kind of attention was addicting. To feel desired by them fed his ego, he never denied that. 

That alone convinced Heeseung that you, out of all his options, would never let him taste a crumb of what he really wanted from you.

And then there was the moment he got to know about Jake being friends with you. 

His instincts told him to give up, but he had to try, a demeanor similar to a man who never saw a woman in his life before, just to get a little bit of whatever you would give to him.

Heeseung grew obsessed with your presence, with you. Yet never bold enough to do much about it, too afraid of your so certain rejection. Then you suddenly disappeared and he missed you like crazy, to the point of befriending your friends simply to have a bit of your presence in his daily life.

To get you know better did no good to his health at all. He got enthralled by your sarcastic, funny personality, your endearing laughs and genuine love for your friends, spilling through your actions and words, always supporting them without losing your humor. 

Heeseung got a small taste of how it feels to have you around and he grew addicted – even more than for the feeling of being desired by many, more thrilling than the praise for his performance or the rush of winning a game. At the end of the day, Heeseung wanted your attention and your praises. 

After realizing it, he decided to step up on his game.

“So…” Heeseung cleared his throat after your silence. “Are you free later?” 

The question itself had nothing openly implied, just a normal, simple and direct ask. But God, why did your heart started to beat so fast? Why did your face felt like fire burning all over it?

You forced yourself to meet Heeseung's gaze, his eyes filled with anticipation and eagerness, just like your reply could change the whole path of his life. 

“Ahm, yeah, kinda. Why?”

You watched as his expression lighted up and how he tried to hold back his smile while scratching the back of his neck. Spotting Heeseung apparenting to be nervous ignited a different, sudden feeling inside you, as if you now understood that you affected him in some way. Or that he was a very good actor. 

“I was wondering if you would like to come over to my place– We’re going to throw a small party, so it’d be cool to have you there,” he nodded to himself, proud for not stuttering at all. When did inviting a girl to a party become that hard?

Unfortunately for him, you paid close attention to his behavior and body language, how he avoided looking at your eyes even though he was the king of maintaining eye contact while speaking and how his Adam's apple bobbed up and down as if he swallowed hard. All the pieces together put you in a new position, one that you felt confident enough to play on his game. 

“A party, huh?” You showed him a smile before biting your bottom lip and tilting your head to the side, as if you were thinking about his invitation, Heeseung’s eyes catching every movement and your eyes catching his not a bit subtle glances. “I’ll try to fit you in my schedule.” 

And you gave him a wink as you stood up to go back to your dorm without waiting for a response, knowing that your sudden courage would not last long to keep it going, not even realizing you left Heeseung in a total speechless form.

Attending a party alone was not something common to your lifestyle at all, same as accepting going on one just because of an acquaintance of yours. 

Usually your friends – Yunjin or Sunoo, in particular – would be the ones to tag you along, since you liked to go out but never got that extroverted side to be directly invited; you didn’t even bother to care much, because as said before, your friends were the ones in charge to lead you to the places.

In addition to that, not only would you have a company so you would not feel alone, but also a friend nearby to look after you – though your alcohol tolerance was pretty high, you didn’t trust yourself to make sound decisions sober, let alone drunk.

Later on, Heeseung messaged you saying you could invite the girls and Sunoo, but to your misfortune and as if fate was tricking you, all of them had other plans and left you hanging this time. Yunjin encouraged you to go by yourself, since Jake would probably be there as well as Heeseung, so you gathered all the courage you had left and decided to go.

Nevertheless, Heeseung wasn’t necessarily your friend yet. 

You both shared information about each other during the time he hung out with you and your friend group, enough for you to know his degree and some of his life interests like favorite movies, music and the fact he was a chronic gamer. 

Whilst you didn’t trust him enough to have your back if needed to, there was something on the way he oftenly treated you that broke down your doubtful barriers with ease, not only by his respectful manners but also by his desirable glances. Heeseung would look at you with a perfect mix of endearment and craving, like he wanted you so bad he would do anything, but never crossing the line, waiting for you to make the first move.

It was reassuring in some type of way, to feel wanted and at the same time, respected. Upon this conclusion, you felt confident enough to cross the opened door and to enter the house, hearing the loud music boosting through the speakers as a bunch of people danced to it, some of them seeming way too drunk already. 

The fluttering sensation in your stomach showed you not only the fear of being by yourself, but mostly the obvious, expected acknowledgment you would eventually bump into Heeseung. 

Before you could walk your way to the kitchen to get something to drink – a shot of courage, maybe, someone gave you a sudden bear hug and by the drunken voice you noticed it was Jake.

“You came!” 

“Yeah!” You answered with the same pitch, hugging him back, relieved that your whole internal dilemma ended quickly. Or you thought so. “You look kinda drunk,” you stated the obvious with a sarcastic tone, sly smile at him when he pulled out of the hug.

Jake literally giggled as a response and wrapped his free arm around your shoulder, dragging you around, his other hand occupied holding his cup. 

“Let me introduce you to my friends, you introduced me to yours so it’s only fair if I do the same, right?” You laughed at his very slurred words, as well as how cute he sounded having his cheeks flustered due to the alcohol. 

However, when you realized that he was leading you to his friends – and Heeseung was his friend – you almost froze, stumbling a little on your legs while your whole body tensed. You damned Jake for not letting you take your shot of courage before.  

“No need to be nervous,” Jake murmured close to your ear, his hands resting now on your waist as he continued to walk with you. The distance wasn’t that far, but Jake kept stopping to greet everyone along the way so it took you both double the time.  

“I’m not–”

“You’re doing the face you do when you’re nervous,” he pointed out.

“Am I that easy to read?” You let out an awkward chuckle, feeling shy at how transparent your reactions were. 

“Yeah,” he replied, causing you to now genuinely laugh at his sincerity. “You’ll like them. They already like you. Heeseung doesn’t shut up about you, so they're already familiar with who you are.”

What?

You had no time to think about his words or even react properly, a bunch of new friendly smiles greeting you.

“This is Sunghoon and Jay,” Jake indicated with his fingers to the ones sitting on the couch in the corner of the room. “The two over there are Riki and Jungwon,” Jake pointed with the hand that held his cup to the two who were standing and talking with each other, but when their names were mentioned they looked at you with curiosity. “And Heeseung you already know, but I don’t know where he is.”

Part of you felt relieved by Heeseung's absence, while another part was somewhat disappointed.

“Hey, you must be Y/N,” the one you understood as being Jay stood up to greet you with a hug, followed by Sunghoon.

“Enjoying the party so far?” The taller one asked, looking you directly into your eyes. You showed him a gentle smile as you answered.

“I kinda just arrived, so…” Sunghoon nodded, mouthing an ‘oh’ and sitting again on the couch although his gaze kept focused on you. You shook your head when he silently asked if you wanted to sit as well. “But I can say the music is pretty nice. Whoever chose the playlist has a good taste.”

“Thanks.”

You weren’t expecting to feel Heeseung’s presence close, right behind you. His sweet yet low voice making you shiver, a weird feeling tingling your skin. 

“I chose the playlist.”

You gulped down your flustered self to turn around and address your attention to him, just to meet his signature flirty expression, this time a little more… softened. He shamelessly checked you out, eyes sparkling in interest as he tried to hold back his smile, disguising it with a small smirk.

His outfit took your breath away, as he wore a black dress shirt that had the first two buttons open and a beautiful silver chain necklace contrasting his slightly tanned skin, every move of his tempting you to see what was underneath the clothing piece. 

You saw how Heeseung’s Adam's apple moved up and down before he raised an eyebrow playfully when his eyes landed on your face again. 

He paid attention to the way your cheeks turned into a soft shade of red that he was sure wasn't just because of your makeup blush, and damn, how could you look so hot with black skirt and an oversized black shirt? Your legs in full display to him to savor. 

“You look pretty,” he complimented you, sincerity and a taste of desire evident in his tone. You smiled shyly, feeling a warm blush rise to your cheeks.

“Oh, thank you. You look great yourself,” you replied, and although you felt flustered for being that close to Heeseung, you didn’t hesitate to maintain eye contact, focusing the most you could not to falter. 

Heeseung chuckled, his hands dipped in his pockets as he straightened his posture, quickly averting from your gaze before coming back to look at you again. 

So gorgeous, his heart was beating unnecessarily fast just by seeing you and even faster because of your compliment.

“I’m glad to hear that, y’know, I was hoping to make a good impression,” the alcohol in his system made him a bit bolder than he normally was around you, his body leaning subtly closer to yours, his eyes taking the typical glances at your lips.  

You huffed a flustered laugh, looking at him through your eyelashes. “You– You don’t have to try that hard, though,” you tried to speak confidently, and you actually did it, biting your lips as a way of restraining yourself from literally jumping on that hot, attractive, charming, man.

The little giggling noises behind your back made you aware that you were not alone with Heeseung to be that fearless, so you took a step back, suddenly feeling hesitant. 

“You think so?” Heeseung, on the other hand, didn’t care about his friends, maintaining his flirty aura as he stepped closer to you, a playful grin adorning the corner of his glistening lips. However, he quickly caught the slight discomfort in your posture and decided to give you some space, backing off. “Well, next time I’ll just let my natural charm do the work, then,” he winked at you and casually sat on the couch arm beside Jay and Sunghoon.

You felt a bit out of your place, your wobbly legs not letting you do much and you awkwardly self not knowing exactly what to do. Jake was long gone already, lost in the sea of people while the other boys chatted between themselves. You stood near to the wall next to the other couch arm, engaging in the conversation as they asked you a few things in order to make you feel included. Eventually, Jungwon and Riki joined as well, bringing you a drink, and you got to know all of them better. 

Throughout the entire time, Heeseung wasn’t subtle with his glances, eyeing you up and down, taking his sweet time appreciating your bare thighs and your lips whenever you spoke. And even when you caught him staring, he didn’t flinch, full of confidence, biting his lower lip just to wet it with his tongue right after, definitely not paying attention to their friends talking.

So excessively hot. 

Heeseung was torn between awe and frustration. Having you so close, yet so out of reach was killing him inside – he wished for you to take the obvious hints he was giving of being so down to kiss you, his body aching in despair. 

And he grew even more desperate and frustrated when Jungwon boldly asked you, “Do you wanna go dance with me?” 

Heeseung watched the subtle surprise in your expression as your eyes flicked to him briefly, missing the silent plea for him to repeat what Jungwon had just said.

Still, you hesitated for another reason. Normally one of your friends would push you out of your shell to do what you wanted to, but were afraid of. But not only Jungwon's cute smile got into your heart, you also thought to yourself it was time to make your own decisions, even the simple ones like accepting or not a dance.

“Sure,” you agreed, grabbing the hand he offered you, following him to the makeshift dance floor. 

Heeseung’s eyes couldn’t drift away from how your body moved with Jungwon’s precise lead, your hips synchronized with the rhythm, your happy smile lip syncing the song together with Jungwon. He watched his friend get closer to you to whisper something in your ear, making you laugh brightly, wishing to be the one to make you feel that way, to touch, to have you like that.

Heeseung was growing jealous of Jungwon’s demeanor around you, having his hands confidently resting on your waist, guiding you through the music with ease, whispering things he wished so badly to know what it was.

He knew he was shameless staring, Sunghoon mocking his reactions as he scoffed and rolled his eyes, annoyed by the sight of another man touching you.

“Why are Jungwon’s hands roaming all over her body like that?” He asked without taking you out of his sight.

“They’re just dancing, relax.” Sunghoon smiled playfully.

“Jungwon is just being nice to her,” Riki pointed out. “They share a few things in common and they both like to dance, so it was just a convenient situation, y’know? Nothing to worry about.” Riki tapped his friend’s shoulder.

“We all know the girl’s yours,” Jay said.

“She’s not mine.” 

Yet, Heeseung completed it on his mind, but his friends knew all too well about that too.

On your side of the story, despite the warmth of Jungwon’s company, you couldn’t ignore the weight of Heeseung’s gaze, taking a glimpse once and a while of his so unreadable expression. You couldn’t figure out if it was anger or envy or desire or frustration, Heeseung showed you a mix of everything and, God, you wanted so badly for him to do something.

“Heeseung is looking at me like he’s going to kill me,” Jungwon whispered in your ear, and you laughed nervously. 

“I hope he doesn't, you’re too nice and young to die.”

Jungwon chuckled at your response, and then noticed how your body tensed up suddenly. He followed your eyes and you both watched Heeseung’s tall figure standing up and walking towards you two. 

“Mind if I cut in?” Heeseung’s voice was smooth, just like him. Your heart started to race too fast when Jungwon handed you to Heeseung.

“She’s all yours,” Jungwon winked, saying a quick goodbye to you and heading back to his friends. 

Even with now being just the two of you, Heeseung didn’t touch you without your permission, partly because he was scared of not being able to control himself at all. He blinked a few times waiting for you to take the lead and his breath hitched when your hands went directly to rest on his shoulders. 

You gave him a reassuring look, allowing him to touch you, and nearly melted when his fingers found their place on your waist, caressing the place gently as he slowly moved you both to the music. Every so often, your eyes would meet and each time you couldn’t help but blush and smile shyly before quickly looking away, Heeseung thinking how precious you seemed acting like that. 

“Don’t get me wrong,” you started saying after the silence of your voices. “I’d love to dance with you a bit more, but I have to be honest, my social battery is pretty drained already,” your lips curved into a small, apologetic pout.

“Do you wanna go home?” He asked softly, bold hands now moving a bit more freely on your body. You shook your head, since going home equaled being away from his embrace. “Do you wanna get out of here?” You nodded cutely and he smiled, endeared by your behavior. “Come with me,” he said and kindly held your hand to lead you away from the party, not before stepping briefly in the kitchen to grab you both a drink.

Heeseung took you to the back of the house, being one of the owner’s he knew all the places where people could and couldn’t be, so a big part of you felt relieved for not having to deal with a crowd overwhelming your senses. 

“You look quite tired,” he uttered with a hint of concern, as you both walked slowly through the backyard, way less people scattered through it as you just followed him without thinking much about it, focusing on your drink.

“Yep, I think I overworked my social battery today,” you answered with a chuckle. “But it was pretty fun, though. Your friends are really cool.”

“They are.”

You both stopped walking at some point, Heeseung nodded his head towards the low wall that surrounded the house for you both to sit on it, a very peaceful, quiet place to run away from the party chaos. 

“What about you?” You asked curiously, tilting your head to catch his profile before he turned to face you.

“Hm?”

“You don’t seem to be the type to just sit back and watch the party,” you stated, swinging your legs as you finished your drink. 

“Yeah? What do you think I should be doing then?” Heeseung raised an eyebrow, intrigued by your perception about him.

“I don’t know,” you shrugged, averting your eyes to anything but him when you said. “Banging with someone?”

“What!?” Heeseung exasperated, as if he was really offended. You laughed out loud with his extremely exaggerated reaction. “Is that what you think of me, Y/N?” 

“Well, y’know, it’s kind of hard to think otherwise. Your reputation doesn't help much,” you explained and forced your best innocent look when your eyes rested on him again. You tried so hard not to laugh at his very deeply offended expression. 

“I’m so sorry to disappoint you, but I don’t think I’m the person you think I am,” he huffed a laugh, biting his lips right after to glaze his eyes on you. “Don’t even know when was the last time I– Sorry,” he quickly interrupted himself with an embarrassed smile. “I might’ve overshared a bit.” 

You shook your head, smiling away your fluster. “You’re fine. But it's still hard to believe.”

“You should ask my friends, then!” He was really trying to defend himself in this one. “Ask Jake!”

“And he’ll tell me what? That you have a long list of women you hooked up with?” You teasingly wigged your eyebrows, nudging him playfully.

“God, no,” he whined and you laughed at his adorable frustration.

You didn’t know it was this fun to tease Heeseung.

“How do I put this… Mhm,” he looked away, suddenly flustered. You were slightly surprised by his demeanor. It was the first time you witnessed Heeseung being something similar to shy. “I like to kiss,” your eyes grew wide and now was your time to be nervous. “So when I go to parties, I might be found kissing someone if I’m really in the mood, but just because I like to kiss, y’know?” He continued, shrugging, trying his best not to sound crazy to you. “And what I’ve noticed is that the people that I kiss, turn a simple makeout into something more when they talk about it, which almost never really happens if I’m being honest,” he paused. “I can count on my fingers how many women I’ve actually taken to my room.”

You swallowed hard, almost audibly gulped, a mix of sensations running throughout your body with his confessions. 

“And I also enjoy the flirting, y’know. Their reactions flatters my ego,” this time he was so obviously teasing you after he noticed your embarrassment, finding it adorable how your cheeks got painted red.

You rolled your eyes, pushing his shoulders in annoyance as he laughed. “I’m not joking, though,” he added. “But once I’m committed, I give up on all of that because I can only think about the person I’m liking.”

All that new information sent your brain into overdrive, unnecessarily attractive the way Heeseung’s voice got low at the end, as if he was telling you a secret, a lustful secret, shivers running all over your spine and you having no idea of what to do. You tried hard not to read between the lines. If you did, you would pick up on the message wrongly, because there was no way he was genuinely hitting on you.

“I hope I didn’t make you uncomfortable,” Heeseung hurried to say, his eyes softening on you. 

“No,” you shook your head, chuckling. “I’m just… surprised. Didn’t expect you to be this open,” you admitted, your nervousness waving away from your body, feeling a bit more at ease around him. He still carried his cocky, flirty, charming aura, but now with a taste of honesty you appreciated. 

“I just wanted you to know me, instead of what people say about me,” Heeseung confessed with a tender smile. You nodded, glad for his sincerity. 

You both fell into a comfortable silence, the muffled noise of the party still going serving as a background. Heeseung was so terribly desperate to touch you again, his hands hesitantly hovering yours, yet never really touching it, as you obliviously looked at the scenery surrounding you, the trees throbbing by the quiet breeze relaxing your senses while you took a few deep breaths. 

“Do you wanna go back inside or…?” Heeseung sweet voice eagerly broke the silence, attracting your attention. He was hungry for you, even without tasting you before. His eyes were dripping honey as he watched you consider your options for a bit, pursed lips with a slightly frown.

The peaceful atmosphere embraced you, not only by the cool weather but also Heeseung’s calm, sweet, yet strong presence. You looked through your eyelashes at the adorable bambi eyes that waited anxiously for your answer, blinking slowly. Something has shifted in the air between you two, and surprisingly your body was relaxed with the possible outcome, your heartbeats strong in your chest.

“I’m fine here, actually. What about you? Do you wanna go back?” Your voice sounded way softer than you expected, and just then you realized how close Heeseung’s face was to yours, his alcohol breath mingling with yours mixed with the scent of his cologne, sending you into a trance. 

Your eyes naturally wandered through his beautiful facial features, his cute nose, his sparkly eyes, the little mole on his forehead, and of course, the oh, so kissable lips, tempting you so badly. You never had Heeseung that close to you, and he was so fucking breathtaking.

“No,” Heeseung replied under the same tone as yours. You observed how he hesitantly raised his hand near your face to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear, chills running through your body with the light touch. 

Heeseung took your reaction of not backing off as a green sign, so he jumped off of his seat to place himself between your legs, your sweet perfume intoxicating him as he looked up at you. Instead of going for a kiss as you expected him to do, he gulped and just hugged you by the waist, his face resting on your chest as you heard him taking a deep, long breath. 

Your confused self tried to go with the flow, awkwardly caressing his dark hair, hugging him back. You didn’t understand what he was aiming for, and neither did he, to be honest. He suddenly felt so nervous he forgot how to act, and he realized your presence calmed him down so a hug looked just as right as a kiss.

However, you now were the one growing impatient. “Hee?” You called by his nickname, to which he answered with a muffled “Hm?”, loving the way it sounded in your voice.

“Do you want me to get down so we can kiss?” You audaciously asked, ignoring how hot your cheeks felt right after.

“Please,” he whispered as he parted away from you just to help you to get down, his hand rushing to grab you by the waist while the other cupped your cheek, every touch, every eye contact being so genuinely gentle. 

Your fingers traced up from Heeseung’s chest until they reached his nape to scratch the area at the same time you pulled him closer, and closer. His stomach did a flip with how much he was needing you, so it took no time for him to close the distance between you two, lightly shocking his lips on yours.

The first touch was tender, hesitant, as if you both were testing it out. You moved to grab his bottom lip with yours, your breath hitching a little, shivers of anticipation going all over your skin when Heeseung tilted your head to the side so he could deepen the kiss.

Heeseung hummed against your mouth when he finally tasted you, his tongue brushing yours and sending him instantly to heaven; he immediately tangled his fingers on your hair to pull you near, eagerly wanting more and more of you, before sliding the same hand to your waist, pushing your body to lean it on the wall, pressing his own on your’s.

You two shared an intense desire for connection, once fed by days, weeks only by the tension of your imagination, of ‘how it could be’ or ‘happen’. Now that longing no longer occupied just your minds, becoming reality the more your bodies attracted each other with every touch, discovering new places, new pleasures, new cravings.

Heeseung didn’t know he would yearn you even more after getting a taste of you, and God, you were so addicting. 

At some point you broke the kiss to catch your breath, Heeseung’s fingers exploring your body with a perfect blend of desire and respect, as if he was still waiting for the moment you would ask for a stop although he couldn’t resist to feel every piece of you. Fortunately for him, you were far from wanting him to halter his movements, his lips on yours making wonders on your system, your body feeling like melting for how amazing it felt to have him that intimately. 

Heeseung’s eyes searched for yours, his now darkened gaze made your stomach flutter, your skin tingling from desire. “Tell me to stop,” he whispered on your lips, brushing them slightly. You simply shook your head, capturing his plump-kissed lips again, holding him even closer.

This kiss started urgently, even with Heeseung trying to keep it slow. Your pulse was fast, you needed him more than anything and your whole body was on fire. You could feel Heeseung going through the same, his skin smooth and warm under your hands as you boldly slipped one of them under his loosen shirt to access his back from his neck, mildly scratching the area just to receive a groan as a response.

“Fuck,” he pressed his body flush against yours even more if that was possible, his mouth travelling away from yours to spread hot kisses and small bites all over your jawline and neck.

Naturally your head was thrown back to give him more access to that area, now being your time to moan as an answer. When you paid close attention to every area of yours that was being touched by Heeseung, you noticed his hardened bulge pressing your body and let out a little gasp.

The recognition of you wanting him as much as he yearned you had awakened something inside of Heeseung, making his head lose control and focus on only one thing: you. 

Heeseung was craving you like an animal. 

And his way of showing that was slowing down his kisses, his hands audaciously squeezing your ass, sliding through your body with a mastery it took your breath away. Hesseung was a fucking good kisser, working his tongue on yours just the right enough to make your legs wobbly.

But then you became too aware of everything that was happening and your mind activated all the insecurity thoughts you once had for knowing that the makeout session would never just end there.

When Heeseung tried to kiss you again, you used your hands to lightly push him away and avoided his lips, both of you panting.

“Did I do something wrong?” He asked you with confused, puppy eyes. Your heart shattered instantly. 

“No, you’d never,” you kindly caressed his face. “I’m just– I…” You opened and closed your mouth, trying to find words that would not make you sound too off or that would make Heeseung slip away from you, but none seemed right. 

“Y/N, it’s fine, yeah?” He caressed your hips and then your right cheek, pecking your lips sweetly with a gentle smile. His dick in his pants painfully reminded him of how much he was in need of your body, nonetheless he would never force you to do anything, and just the kisses you shared was enough to make his whole year worth. With that in mind, he kissed your left cheek before saying, “Let me take you home, how does that sound?”

You smiled, even with the urge of crying knocking on your door so closely, the bittersweet taste replacing Heeseung’s in your mouth as you gulped it down your throat, damning yourself for being such an overthinked, insecure person that was too afraid of going all the way for God’s knows why. 

“Sounds great, Hee.”

As your usual response after any encounter involving men and the possibility of intimacy, you tried desperately to escape from meeting Heeseung. You would die to kiss him again, and again, and again… But at the same time, Heeseung wasn’t the type of guy who would stop at just kissing and you got a bit of the taste of that – your whole body was on fire just remembering his firm length pressing against your body, the little sounds he let out through the kiss, his hands pulling you closer and closer… And then you freaked out. As always.

Little did you know that Heeseung grew so obsessed with you and your intimate touch that night, that the mere thought of kissing you again consumed his mind just as much as you already captivated every corner of his head before.

The ghost of your lips lingered on his, haunted Heeseung’s memory, making him crave even more of whatever you would be willing to give to him, he would take anything at this point. 

Heeseung noticed you vanished from your obvious encounters, not only by missing the basketball game’s practice, but weirdly not hanging out with your own friends. The possibility of you avoiding him made his heart pound in a mild, strange pain, as he didn’t know the reason behind and simply deduced he did something wrong, like crossed your boundaries or anything similar. He couldn’t live with himself if that was the case and in order to correct that, he needed to see you and properly apologize.

“Do you think I’ve fucked up?” Heeseung was now in Jay's room to vent out his concerns about you, pacing back and forth. Jay was still half-asleep, barely knowing his own name let alone able to deal with Heeseung’s situation.

Fortunately for Heeseung, one of the perks of having a long-time friend is that the said friend would be open to hear you whenever and for whatever reason. 

“What do you mean?” Jay’s voice sounded groggy as he squinted his eyes to face the bright light coming through the window before searching for Heeseung in his room.

“She’s been ignoring me, like literally ignoring my texts and avoiding me,” Heeseung explained, fingers messing his hair nervously. 

Jay let out a deep sigh with a yawn while he sat straight on his bed, running his hand on his hair to try to make it as presentable as possible. “Have you thought about the possibility that she’s, I don’t know, going through something?”

“And how do I fix this?” Heeseung looked at his friend with a hint of desperation. 

“You have to let her deal with her stuff first, Hee.” Jay tried to sound as much as compassionate as he could, watching Heeseung taking the seat beside him on the bed. Jay patted his back. “I don’t think it’s up to you, at all.” 

“I know, it’s just frustrating. I want her so bad, bro,” Heeseung rested his elbows on his legs and buried his face in his hands.

“Yeah, never seen you so down for a girl like that,” Jay huffed a little chuckle, amazed by his friend’s behavior. 

“How can I not be? She’s so pretty, and we have such a good connection, and, God, her lips taste like honey. Like, her touches are so ligh–”

“Ok, enough,” Jay rushed to cut off Heeseung’s possible one hour speech about you, and now that you both shared an intimate moment, Jay was one hundred percent sure he didn’t need to hear such vivid details about it that early in the morning. “Let her do her thing, I’m sure she’ll eventually reach for you, bro.”

“I hope so.”

You weren’t too different from Heeseung though, feeling completely frustrated and in anguish. 

You got your panties dampened in arousal just by having Heeseung touching and feeling you the way he did, and he would not leave your thoughts alone for no second during your days, making it difficult to go through your classes and to focus on your studies without your foots nervously tapping the floor, while biting and licking your lips due to your imagination flying by uncountable scenarios. 

All of them with the same outcome: you panicking and leaving him hanging.

“Spill it out,” Sunoo surprised you by hugging you from behind while you waited in the line to order you a coffee.

“God Damn it, Sunoo!” You slapped his arm, hearing him laughing at you. “Why do you always do this?” Your question sounded like a whine. He poked your sides before letting you go from the hug. 

“It’s funny how reactive you always are,” he teased with a smirk. “Order one for me, babe. I’ll pick us a table,” Sunoo said simply, as he started to move away from you. 

“But–”

“No but’s!” He called out already far from you. “I can see your frown from a mile away and I’ve known you long enough to know you’re doing what you like to do the most.”

Your flabbergasted expression was the only thing Sunoo saw before heading to a table on the corner of the store waiting for you to pick the both of you a coffee and head to share the seat with him. 

“I kissed him.” You blurted out as soon as you sat, eyes expressing a mix of despair and excitement. Sunoo opened his mouth in a perfect ‘oh’ that silently asked you to explain it better. “So I went to that party,” Sunoo nodded for you to keep going. “And I was dancing with one of his friends, and then he stepped in and we danced together. You know I don’t usually socialize alone that much, so I was feeling drained already,” Sunoo eyes were sparkling in interest, he loved a good little love story. “Heeseung led me to the backyard, and we chatted for a bit, he made sure that I knew his reputation was all talk,” you chuckled, remembering how anxious he looked trying to explain himself. “And now that I know this, it makes total sense. I never really saw him doing anything too explicit in public, so…”

“Ok, babe. I got that part,” Sunoo rushed you. Normally he would listen to every single word you were saying in order to fully help you, but he was so invested in getting to the point he couldn’t help his impatience. 

You rolled your eyes playfully. “Well, we had a little moment y’know and then we kissed, very cute and all that jazz. Until the things… shifted a bit,” your cheeks blushed.

“Oh?” Sunoo's eyes grew wide just like his smile. “Did you..?”

“No! I didn’t,” you pouted. “That's the thing. I freaked out. As I always do. And now I’m even more desperate than before, because I got to taste what he can offer me and I want more, but I’m so, so, so afraid,” you whined, almost crying as the words came out of your mouth without you caring if it made sense or not.

Sunoo sighed, his orbs now filled with reassurance as he held both of your hands. “Did he force you to do anything?” You shook your head. “He stopped when you asked him to?” You nodded. “Then I don’t think you have to be scared of anything, Y/N,” you were about to interrupt him, but he kept on talking. “Listen, if Heeseung is into you the way it looks, he’ll respect your boundaries and wait for your consentment. And if he tries something funny, y’know I’ve got your back. I can punch really hard if I need to.”

You chuckled at his wording, knowing that was actually the truth. You were blessed to have someone like Sunoo in your life. “Thank you, Sunny,” you said sincerely. “I’m very grateful for having you.”

“No need to thank me, sweetie,” he kissed the back of your hand, before clapping his and saying excitedly. “Now let’s work on a plan of how you can relax and finally get that dick.”

“Sunoo!” You exclaimed, exasperated, and your friend's loud laugh was the only response you got.

“See you tomorrow, captain.”

You leaned your back against the wall near the door, watching a group of guys walk out of the locker room, some of them narrowing their eyes at you to which you pretended not to see, fakely paying attention to your phone, hoping none of them would stop to talk to you. You had one person in mind only.

“Oh? What are you doing here?”

And it was definitely not Jake.

“Oh, hey,” you smiled awkwardly, pushing your body away from the wall to face Jake. Your eyes darted over his shoulder, scanning if someone was coming after him just before you turned away from the door. “I’m wai–”

“Y/N?”

Your blood ran cold at the sound of your name being called by the voice you only heard in your dreams for the past few days. You tried to swallow down your tension and your shivers, barely registering Jake stepping away from you two to give the space you both needed.

Your body slowly turned to face Heeseung. His hair was wet, and he had a flustered, tired face from the game, a backpack hanging loose from his shoulder, and a small towel on his hands that he was using to dry off the water from his recent shower. His cherry-red lips were slightly parted, and his heavy breathing made your stomach and heart fluttered.

What a fucking vision, you almost whispered.

He had a blend of surprise, happiness and worry in his expression, which softened right after you showed him a small smile, your voice sounding as sweet as honey. “Hi.”

“Hi,” he mimicked your kind tone, his lips curving into a smile as well. He observed your adorable reddened cheeks and your big doe eyes staring at him, filled with expectation. “How are you?” He tried to sound casual, but his voice came out so obviously holding back his desperation.

His heart was racing fast, a genuine wave of joy and relief running through his body. You had no right to show up looking so damn cute and expect him to act normal, as if he wasn’t missing you like crazy.

“I’m good,” you replied softly.

Heeseung nodded, never breaking eye contact. You tried hard to figure out what was left unspoken through his intense, yet tender gaze; your skin aching, yearning for his warm touch just one more time, just like that night, just as a reminder of how good it felt, just so you could bring to reality everything that went through your thoughts since the last kiss.

You really wished Heeseung were feeling the same way, or at least something close to it, otherwise you weren’t sure if you could deal with rejection after you struggled to gather all your courage to encounter him.

The tension in the air was suffocating you a bit, the endless silence was killing you inside, nevertheless you couldn’t find the right words to start anything coherent. Gladly Heeseung perceived your body reacting to the strange atmosphere between you two, and the last thing he wanted was for you to feel uncomfortable or to make things weird in your little relationship.

So he took a step closer, his eyes never leaving yours as he bit his bottom lip.

“I’ve missed you,” he confessed without realizing he just did, voice quiet, almost like a whisper. You watched his eyes growing subtly wide before you drifted away from them.

Your heart skipped a beat, your cheeks heating up and your hands trembling with the unexpected confession. “I’ve missed you too, Hee.” You admitted looking at the floor, unable to keep looking at the eyes that showed you too much affection right now.

The desire once never forgotten grew stronger inside Heeseung’s chest, he needed you more than anything. His hand reached out for yours, the light brush of your skins sending chills through your spine and taking your breath away.

“Can we talk?” He asked softly, relief running on his body when you held his hand back. 

“Yeah, we can,” you nodded, now looking up, not containing your smile as soon as you met his face all lightened up.

“Okay,” he left out a little chuckle, too happy for his own good. “But not here.”

Heeseung and you walked out of the building together, his hands’ grip tight on yours as you simply followed his lead. Your brain was spinning inside your head with the amount of thoughts going on.

You didn’t know what to expect the conversation to be, let alone what he would do with you – or what you would do with him. The anticipation was eating you alive, and you thanked God when he stopped in the private area of the campus’ parking lot, guiding you to stand in front of him while he leaned his back on the wall.

“I was not joking when I said I’ve missed you,” he started, now holding both of your hands. You took a step closer, so you could show that you weren’t lying either. “I have to ask, though. Did I–”

You interrupted before he could even start the question, because from the little you knew about Heeseung, he was going to blame himself.

“I’m sorry for my reaction that night. I– I think I was a bit overwhelmed,” you explained, focusing the drawings on his shirt to avert his eyes. “I really enjoyed kissing you, God, you have no idea,” you said with a soft laugh. “But I freaked out,” you gulped. “I freaked out because I’ve never–” Your cheeks were burning like fire due to your embarrassment, your words stuck on your throat. Heeseung gently squeezed your hands in a reassuring way, leaning a bit forward to search for your eyes. You finally looked up at him.

“I’ve– I’ve never gone further kissing someone,” your voice came out as an unsteady, low whisper, while you quickly avoided Heeseung’s gaze again. 

But he made sure you would be looking right at his eyes when he said his next words, tilting your chin up with his finger.

“I’m sorry if I put any pressure on you, angel,” and he was so, so tender to you.

His hand left yours to caress your face with a softness that almost made you melt, automatically leaning into the touch. The new nickname sent a flutter through your stomach. 

“No,” you hurried to say, shaking your head. “You didn’t. It’s just… Me. Me being an insecure mess, I guess,” you laughed awkwardly. 

“Hey, you’re not a mess,” he now held your face between his large hands, forcing you to maintain eye contact. “I loved kissing you, baby. Would love to do more than that,” he smirked, not only showing his desire, but also his understanding. His words and his actions worked in a perfect sync to make your body instantly react, the pulsing sensation between your legs showing how much you were affected by him. “But I would never force you to do anything.” He released your face, tucking a strand of your hair behind your ear before his hands rested on your waist in a comforting manner. “Would it help if we talked through your insecurities?”

Heeseung was an angel, you realized. A perfect blend of a compassionate angel and a devil who fed your deepest fantasies.

You blinked twice to process his offer, not once in your life imagining you would meet someone willing to hear you so openly.

“Are you sure?” You asked, hesitantly placing your hands on his shoulders.

His lips curved into a mischievous, shameless smirk. The so known cocky, flirty aura making its appearance just to falter right away, as if he remembered it wasn’t the moment to act like that. You raised an eyebrow, tilting your head to the side when he vacillated to speak.

“Now you have to say exactly what you’re thinking.” You said firmly.

“I don’t think I sho–”

“Lee Heeseung,” your voice was serious and he sighed defeated.

“Okay, okay,” he locked his eyes on yours, a hint of playfulness and craving mixed, causing your heartbeat to increase. “Yes, I’m sure I wanna hear what you’re insecure about, Y/N,” he leaned in closer, just to murmur. “I have to know what I’ll be fucking out of you.”

Your eyes grew wide with his sincerity. Yes, you did ask, but fuck, how does one say something so casually? Your whole face was burning with fluster, your flabbergasted expression was as clear as crystal water, your brain stopped working properly and you had no fucking idea of what to say or do. 

“I’m sorr–”

But for some reason, shutting Heeseung up with a kiss sounded right.

Your lips shocked against his with a passion you never felt before. Heeseung’s words, the way he touched you, how his body reacted at the simple act of kissing you and having your hands discovering places on his body – everything made you feel secure and desired, the right mix to make it work on you.

Heeseung made his way through your shell, placing himself right before your insecurities and little by little, without doing much, he was helping you get over them.

Heeseung shamelessly moaned against your mouth when you bit his bottom lip, sucking it before coming back with your tongue hungrily searching for his, your heavy breaths mingling while you both devoured the kiss with vigor.

You parted away to speak, your voice sounding low and too sensual for Heeseung’s health. “I hope you’re loyal to your words, Heeseung.”

He took in your now darkened, full of lust, eyes and your swollen, glistened lips due to the urgent kiss you just shared. The view alone made him go insane.

“Oh, I am,” he murmured, voice deep and husky, his cocky grin making him look even hotter. He gripped your waist tightly and maneuvered your both so he could press you against the wall, placing his lips on your ear to spread a few kisses before saying, “I’m a man of my word, Y/N. And I’m gonna make sure you never doubt yourself ever again.”

You let out a small gasp and then a little whine, your lips parting and your eyes hooded as you relaxed your body, ignoring your mind screaming at you to run away, replacing the anxiety with the craving you cherished for God’s know how long. 

“I want to hear every single thought that is holding you back, and then, I’m gonna make you forget about all of them,” Heeseung’s breath was hot against your skin, just like his lips, biting, sucking, kissing every area he had at his disposal. 

“Is that a promise?” You decided to play with him on his game, knowing you had no chance against the player anyway. Nonetheless, the foreign feeling growing inside you made words come out of your mouth without you really thinking about them, and it was so fucking good.

“Yes, angel. It is a promise,” Heeseung halted his intense diving into your neck to look deep into your eyes. “But I can’t take your virginity here, in a public parking lot.”

Normally you would fumble into a chain of embarrassment and nervousness with your intimacy being said that openly. However, Heeseung managed to word it in a totally different way. His voice was low, sultry, filled with a raw desire that made you realize he still wanted you, even after you admitted inexperience. Heeseung ignited an intense fire in you.

And then you remembered. You lived in a dorm. “Don’t get me wrong,” your fingers tangled in his hair, pulling it back a little. “But I can’t take you to mine.”

His forehead rested on yours while he chuckled, a bit disappointed. But not on you. “Yeah… I can’t take you to mine, as well. Not today, though.”

“So…” You blinked innocently, not knowing exactly what to say or do. 

“We’re not finished yet, angel.”

Unfortunately for you, you realized that what made you so confident and down to go all the way with Heeseung was the fact he was with you, his smooth foreplay skillfully easing your body to relax and enjoy instead of overthinking. 

His kisses helped you to forget your concerns and his hands guided you in a way you didn’t have to worry about what to do, not to mention the fact that he was willing to have sex with you even after you shared your insecurities with him. 

When you two realized that it wasn’t going to happen that day, the heat went down and you both decided to sit in Heeseung's car to share some more kisses while chatting.

Heeseung always reassuring you through his caring – and hot – touches, listening to every word of yours with compassion dripping out of his eyes, understanding and explaining openly to you about what you were curious about.

You didn’t really open up about everything as you usually do with a friend like Sunoo, partly because you believed it would work as a huge turn off and Heeseung would leave you. But also because you recognized that a lot of your thoughts were beyond your control, like the shape or size of your breasts and other similar things.

Heeseung made sure you understood that besides anything, he would find you sexy no matter what, which made you blush and hide your face on his chest while he laughed at your reaction, but it also made you believe his words and feel more confident about sex. 

Nevertheless, through a whole week, a bunch of “do you wanna come over?” texts were dismissed with a lame excuse from you. As said before, his kisses made you ease your mind, and answering such an important question like that without having his mouth working on yours to make you forget about your messy mind, was damn difficult. 

What you didn’t know is that Heeseung wasn’t actually planning to have sex with you the times he invited you. He literally just wanted to hang out. Of course he aimed to kiss you eventually, however his main objective was to make you comfortable with him being around, touching you in places you never got to be touched before, making sure you knew how much he craved your body, how much he wanted you, and that you were safe.

It was a busy week, afterall, full of heavy practices because the final game was getting closer and your presence on the bleachers was one thing that didn’t stop happening this time.

You avoided being alone with Heeseung as much as you could, but your lips always missed him, so you had to make the tremendous effort of watching him in every practice. 

“He’s so good,” Julie whispered close to your ear, startling you.

“Who?” You asked confused.

“Your boyfriend.”

“He’s not my boyfriend,” you rushed to reply with your cheeks already gaining some color. 

“Cut that off, he’s head over heels for you, girl,” Yunjin pointed out on your other side. “It’s almost annoying.”

“Yeah, and you always have this weird look in your eyes whenever you see him,” Julie nudged you with her shoulder. “Like you’re always wanting him so bad,” she said with a forced sensual voice. “I bet the sex is amazing.”

“I don’t think you should be talking about Y/N’s sexual lif–” Sunoo tried to interrupt the subject, noticing your discomfort for being smashed between two – sometimes – very indecent girls. 

“No, but like. She never talks about it. I’m so curious,” Julie whined. “They say the quiet ones are the worst.”

The whistle indicating the last quarter of the practice was over and you jumped out of your seat, running down the stairs to meet Heeseung, not only to be with him but mostly to avoid Julie and Yunjin's inconvenient questions.

You didn’t feel comfortable enough to tell them about anything sex related, since they both were very sexually active and their actions seemed a bit off whenever you became the topic of the conversation. 

“What’s with the hurry, baby?” Heeseung smiled big while hugging you when you jumped on his arms, caring little to nothing about his sweat sticking to your skin. 

“Missed you,” you said muffled against his neck, your heart beating fast while you felt him moving you to walk on your back, still clinging onto him.

He stopped walking at some point and you let go of him.

“I gotta take a shower. I’m getting you all dirty, angel,” your cheeks burned with how you interpreted his words, widened eyes as you looked at him. Heeseung noticed it. “Hey, you dirty minded girl, I’m talking about my sweat on you,” he sneaked his arm around your shoulder, pulling you into him to walk with you towards the locker room. 

“I don’t think your explanation makes it less worse.”

He laughed out loud, throwing his head back with your audacious phrase, and typically you would find it endearing how he looked so handsome smiling big. This time you paid more attention to his neck and how his Adam’s apple seemed more attractive than ever. His sweat dripping out of his honeyed skin was doing no good to you as well, messing with your head, filling it with horny thoughts.

When you arrived, you patiently waited for Heeseung outside the locker room, greeting a few team’s members you’ve come to know, since it’s become a routine for you to be around.

You were playing on your phone when he left the room, glancing at you with a pretty smile and offering you his hand.

You two walked your way to the parking lot, a common everyday thing you started doing after the days he had practice. Oftenly you would be in his car for a few minutes, sharing caresses and sweet talks, before he drove you to your dorm. 

“Will you watch me tomorrow?” He asked with sparkly, expectant eyes, swinging your arms.

“Of course I will, Captain,” you looked at his side profile. “Don’t forget, I’m the team’s lucky charm,” you winked playfully at him, remembering one of your firsts dialogues alone you shared. 

“Yeah,” he stopped walking to pull you closer by the waist, his voice softened. “And I don’t know what to do without you,” his eyes glazed on yours for a while, dripping affection.

It took just a second for his lips to find its home on yours, kissing you slow and sweet, enjoying every bit of your addicting taste.

He parted with a little smack sound, pecking your lips a few times. Your breath hitched with his tender touch. He held your hand again so you could keep walking. 

“The coach was afraid of me dating you, he said you could be a distraction to me and bla-bla-bla,” he huffed a laugh, you, on the other hand, froze. Dating? “Little did he know you’re the main reason I have a good performance. I need to impress my girl.”

You had a very shocking expression on your face when Heeseung looked at you to see why you went quietly suddenly. You stopped on your tracks and turned to him, lips parted as you blinked without saying a thing. 

“What?” Heeseung cocked his head, his bambi, confused eyes shined, trying to read you.

“We’re dating?”

“Oh,” he scratched the back of his head nervously. “I never asked yo–”

“You never asked me–” You both said at the same time and stopped, also at the same time. 

Heeseung cleared his throat and with a deep breath he rested his eyes on yours, automatically smiling.

“Well, if you’re okay with it, I’d love to call what we have dating.” He said adorably with his hand squeezing yours, “I just assumed we were on the same page, but I’m okay if you don’t want to define it or wanna talk about it more. I’m always all ears for you, Y/N.” He leaned in slightly, his eyes never leaving yours. “I mean, I just wanna be with you, and if you are fine with me calling you my girlfriend, then I’d be more than happy to call you that.”

All his words sounded like babbling to you, because that moment, in the middle of the parking lot, you heart skipped a beat as you realized you were so fucking in love with Lee Heeseung. 

You were sure you had heart eyes while staring at his anticipating expression, and you couldn’t care less. You pushed yourself forward so you could kiss him passionately, his hands coming to hold you by your jawline, moving so slowly, so lovingly, so sincerely.

It was a different kiss, it was a love kiss, a confessional kiss, a kiss you only were able to have because of its genuine intentions. 

“I’d love to call you my boyfriend, Hee,” you whispered against his mouth, smiling brightly as he shared the same expression, the same emotion.

As intense as a final game normally is, you couldn’t help but tap your feet on the ground, to the point of you standing up to pace back and forth. The rival university was ten points ahead in the fourth quarter and the minutes were ticking down.

You could see Heeseung's tensed body from afar, the seat you had helping nothing with the view of the game – you took advantage of being the captain's girlfriend to ask to watch the game from up close. But it was your worst decision so far, because you barely saw anything. 

The tension was palpable in the air, your breath caught in your throat at every pass. Your university team managed to close the gap at some point, and when you looked at the clock, the 10 seconds countdown was shining.

Your heart dropped when you saw Heeseung’s bold move of stealing the ball from one of the opposing team member, the crowd yelling as he sprinted down the court, for a fraction of seconds you catched his glance at you, before he focused fully in dribbling whoever entered his way, and then he launched himself into the air, his perfect form aiming directly for the three point line. 

Everything became slow motion as you watched the ball going straight through the hoop, the whole gym exploding with loud cheers as you yourself jumped and hugged whoever were near you with a big smile.

The whole team crowded Heeseung to celebrate, everyone of them shining big smiles but you paid attention to only one. And the said one was searching for you in the sidelines. He broke free from them to jog to you, who also was running in his direction. You jumped on his arms, wrapping your arms around his neck and he swirled you while screaming excitedly. “We did it!” 

“You did it, Hee. I knew you could do it.” You answered as happily as him, laughing with joy and tightening the hug. 

Heeseung softly landed you on the ground, his eyes gleaming with his victory. He cupped your face with his large hands, pulling you into an eagerly sweet kiss, no trophy topping the feeling of having you like that.

The cheers grew louder as everyone watched the romantic scene, however nothing seemed real around you two, lost in the bubble you’ve created. “I did it for you, angel,” he murmured against your lips, a playful smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth. “I told you before. I have to impress my girl,” and then he kissed you again, your smiles you shared mingling between breaths and small pecks, before he hugged you tightly one more time.

The celebration went for a while. From afar, you observed Heeseung being surrounded by his friends and teammates, getting praised for his skills and how well he did that match. 

You watched from afar how bright and full of joy Heeseung was, his whole face glowing, surrounded by his friends and teammates, celebrating the win, getting showered with praise by everyone. There was a faint blush on his cheeks, and you couldn’t help but remember all the times he got flustered by your compliments, his shy smile in contrast with his darkened eyes, as if your words woke something inside him. You made a mental note to take a little advantage of that later on. 

“The guys left the house for me tonight,” Heeseung murmured as he finally approached you, already outside the building, placing his hands on your waist while yours naturally settled on his shoulders. His voice dropped to a tone only you knew the meaning of.

Instantly, your heart skipped a beat.

“Yeah?” Your voice came out low.

You took in every detail of his beautiful face, his demeanor softened since a big part of the adrenaline had left his body by now. Despite that, his eyes still sparkled with adoration and a hint of desire. Heeseung licked his lips, sucking his lower one while shifting his gaze between your mouth and your adorable, innocent, yet lustful eyes. 

“Yeah,” he mildly nodded, leaning in closer, but he unfortunately got interrupted by a voice you recognized immediately. Your eyes grew wide.

“Look at you two!” Julie squealed with a smile, clapping excitedly. “You did amazing, Heeseung.” She complimented your boyfriend giving two thumbs up, and you tried to hide your embarrassment by tilting your head towards Heeseung’s chest, who hugged you sideways. 

Yunjin, who was with Julie, nodded in agreement, also smiling. “Yeah, that last point was incredible,” she added, giving your shoulder a teasing nudge to whisper closer to you. “I bet you’re dying to get out of here, huh?”

“Thank you,” Heeseung said with a smile, while you gave an awkward grin in response to Yunjin.

“We’ll leave you two alone,” Julie said with a wink. “Looks like someone’s eager for some private time.” With a final ‘goodbye’ and ‘good luck,’ Julie and Yunjin left, leaving you with an astonished, shy expression, and Heeseung with a contained mischievous grin. 

“I’m sorry about them,” you whispered, watching them go before searching for Heeseung’s eyes just to see them already glancing playfully at you.

“Are they lying, though?” Heeseung asked with a raised eyebrow and a smirk.

You smacked his chest, unable to give a proper response as you buried your face on his neck, muffling a quiet “Stop,” while he hugged you and let it out a precious laugh.

“But… Can I take you to my place today?” His question sounded a bit hesitant, still sweet as honey, while his fingers gently caressed your back. “We don’t have to do anything, I just wanna be with you,” he added with kind eyes after you released yourself from his embrace to face him.

You nodded, “You can,” and offered him a small, genuine smile, making him lose control with your beauty and cuteness and kiss you before heading to his car with you.

The drive was calm, nonetheless your body was pretty tense on the car seat. Your brain was spinning with that night’s outcome. While you had an intense desire to finally have Heeseung the way you dreamed of, you couldn’t help but feel anxious about it too.

You craved his body, his touches, his lips, overall, him. And he had demonstrated to be a good guy so far. Heeseung respected your boundaries, always making sure you felt comfortable even with the minimal invasive touches, like when he tried to touch under your skirt one day and you startled in response.

He murmured a billion “I’m sorry’s” after the episode, and that alone had your heart fluttering in passion, allowing him to slide his bold touches wherever he wanted to, but never further enough to have you fully.

You gulped down your nervousness, looking at Heeseung’s side profile illuminated by the night lights – his honeyed skin was glowing, his black hair messy with sweat, some strands of hair sticking on his exposed forehead, his perfect nose and kissable lips, everything made you dive into your dirtiest thoughts.

You only noticed you arrived at his house when he broke the silence by announcing it, opening the door for you and grabbing your hands instantly as he led you inside the house all the way to his room.

“Imma take a quick shower, okay?” You nodded. “Make yourself comfortable. Don’t be shy.” He pecked your lips before heading to his bathroom.

You sat on the edge of his bed, analyzing how simple his room seemed to be – just the right amount of things he needed to have, like a wardrobe, a big bed and his gamer computer setup. Being in one’s room, for you, always felt like an act of intimacy itself. 

You were in the same place he changed clothes, he listened to his favorite music, he played his favorite games, he studied… And the same place he touched himself, he had sex with other persons, he had wet dreams…

“Fuck,” you whispered to yourself, fidgeting your fingers even faster. Your panties got slightly dampened and your body overheated just by thinking of how close you were to Heeseung right now, although you didn’t even had him in your sight.

The sound of the shower turning off indicating he was done showering had your stomach fluttering because he was about to come out of the bathroom, and not a single soul in the earth had you prepared to face his upper body in full display to you – his toned chest, a bit red because of the hot water, being accentuated by a subtle abs, his arms muscles contracting as he dried off his hair.

Heeseung’s boxers peeked through the hem of his sweatshorts, and you swore to God you saw a single droplet of water running all the way down in his beautiful, hot, tanned skin, stopping on his V-line. 

“Are you hungry?” Heeseung’s voice broke you out of your trance, finally making you stare at his face instead of his body. He didn’t deny that your voracious eyes eating him alive sent signals directly to his dick, making it twitch inside his clothes. He watched you blink two, three, four times with an unreadable expression, making him frown. “Y/N?”

“Y–yeah?” You snapped out of your imagination of kissing, licking, sucking every part of his body, feeling his skin through your lips. Your mouth watered, but not because of hunger for food. 

“Do you wanna order a delivery or something?” Heeseung cocked his head, shamelessly checking you out as well. If you had the right to devour him with your intense gaze, he had it too, undressing you with his eyes while biting his bottom lip. 

Your skirt was placed gently on your thighs, your tight crop top evidenced your breast and a little part of your belly was being shown, all too tempting to him, eager to see more of your body.

You swallowed hard, trying to concentrate on anything but your desire of having Heeseung fucking you, failling disastrously. “Um, sure. Sounds good,” you managed to say, your voice clearly trembling as your breath got stuck in your airways.

You had to contain a whimper when Heeseung took a step closer, his towel now hanging in his shoulders as he towered you, lifting your head with two fingers holding your chin.

“What do you wanna eat, angel?” He questioned, and he was definitely not talking about food anymore at this point.

You felt the heat increase in your stomach, your body shivering with his light, warm touch, acting like it was in withdrawal of whatever he could give you. And you wished so hard for him to offer you everything. 

“I– I don’t know,” you murmured, blinking slowly, parted lips letting out your hitched breath. “What’s your suggestion?” You forced yourself to take a glance at his look, gasping slightly with how he had shifted to an almost breathtaking lascivious one, slightly hooded, serious and attractive just the right amount to make you squirm uncomfortably in your seat.

“I’m afraid my suggestion does not involve food, my love.” Heeseung’s voice dropped a few tones as he bended forward to lean closer, inches away from you, his warm air brushing against your face, his gaze savoring every single one of your reactions.

“What–” You bit your lip. “What does it involve, then?” You asked under breath, a burn sensation taking place on your cheeks as Heeseung’s grin grew. Your pulse increased in the silent, yet full of unspoken desires, room. 

“Well,” he murmured, eyes almost closing as he got closer and closer, lips now touching lightly yours, as he said “I might have to show you. Would you let me?”

Your answer came through actions, your hands quickly took place on his neck and pulled him down to you, tossing the towel to the floor while your mouth chased for his’, desperate for a kiss. It took Heeseung just seconds to react to your intensity, kindly pushing you to lay down on the bed as you tried to keep your lips occupied while moving upwards in a comfortable position; Heeseung crawling on the mattress, never daring to break out the touch.

His fingers dug into your waist while his other arm supported his weight, grinding slowly against your body, pressing his hardened cock on your clothed cunt in order to get any friction he could. A moan escaped your lips, muffled by the kiss, as the heat between your bodies intensified, the thought of causing that reaction in Heeseung making you feel even hotter, more impatient, more desperate for anything he was giving you.

His mouth was working wonders – hot, skilled, passionate as he sucked your tongue, his little groans getting lost in the middle of the kiss. At the same time your fingers brushed his naked chest, his hands infiltrated under your shirt, and your body instantly reacted to the feel of his warm and smooth skin on yours.

Though Heeseung had waited for what felt like ages to have you underneath him like that, he was aware of your insecurities and the fact that it was your first time. Despite how your body responded to his touch, he knew that taking it slow was the right choice, so he made sure you felt safe and cherished as he savored every second. 

Heeseung unhurried his movements, gently parting the kiss to catch his breath and taking the opportunity to enjoy the view – your parted, glistened and swollen-kissed lips, your hooded eyes, hiding your lust behind them, but showing him adoration. He smiled, placing a sweet, tender kiss on your jawline, downing to your neck and collarbone, getting drunk on your scent with his lips trailing kind and lascivious touches on your skin.

You grabbed his hair with your hands, pulling Heeseung even closer to your body – as if it was possible – in a way of distracting the anxiety building up on your core. But then you pushed him away, and he showed you a confused gaze. 

You smiled shyly and moved your hands so you could undress yourself from your shirt and toss it onto the floor, revealing part of your gorgeous body to his eyes, your breasts placed in your black bra attracting his attention.

“You’re beautiful,” Heeseung whispered, filled with sincerity and care, looking at you as if you were the most precious thing in the world, the most cherished treasure he ever had, with the perfect mix of desire, eyes dripping the need of having more of you.

His touches were light as he traced his fingers from your waist all the way to your clothed boobs, his eyes never leaving yours, taking in every little reaction, every little sound. He paused to ask tenderly.

“Can I take these off?” And when you nodded and helped him to remove your bra, he smiled, not holding back his delighted sigh at the sight of your pretty and hardened nipples.

You felt exposed and your cheeks flushed with a dark ton of red, you had nowhere to hide so you just let Heeseung adore you, until his mouth placed kisses near your breasts, giving you time to assimilate that new experience.

You couldn’t hold back an audible gasp when his lips brushed your sensitive bud, his hot tongue swirling it to suck right after, not too intense, not too light, just the right amount, as if he knew exactly what to do with your body to make you go insane.

“Hee–” you moaned his name when he drifted away to give the proper attention to your other boob while his hand massaged the already a bit swollen one.

The sound of your voice whining Heeseung’s name sent a wave of electricity all over his body, directly to his neglected dick. While he kept going down with his mouth through your belly until he reached the hem of your skirt, he humped slightly on whatever could give him some friction on his sensitive bulge.

He halted his movements when he achieved your inner thighs to look at you with reassuring eyes and a soft smile.

“Tell me to stop if you want me to,” his lips kissed the area and you tensened your legs, not used to being touched in there. However, if it felt too good and in no world you wanted Heeseung to stop.

“I trust you, Hee.”

And Heeseung couldn’t ask for a better way of you saying what he needed to hear. He kept placing hot kisses on your thighs and you bent your knee, the position giving him the full view of your ruined panties, a pool of arousal making it stick to your cunt, the drawing of your folds making its personal show right in front of his eyes.

Heeseung’s mouth watered. He remembered every time he imagined being buried between your legs and, God, he didn’t know if he would be able to hold himself down on this one.

“Would you be okay if I–” He gulped, searching for your eyes, which were already glancing at his drunk-looking figure with curiosity. You never saw that expression on Heeseung’s face, and for some reason it made your clit pulse, walls clenching around nothing. “If I eat you out? You can say no if you don’t feel comfortable doing it on your first time, but I would appreciat–”

“I meant it when I said I trust you.”

You cut off his ramble for two reasons: one, because you weren’t prepared to hear his speech that would pretty much make you feel even more embarrassed; two, you were desperate for some relieve, your body literally aching in desire to feel your release, and if his hot mouth and tongue felt that good on your skin, you shivered just by the thought of having them on your sensitive area.

“Thank you,” Heeseung sounded really relieved that you accepted his request. “I’ll remove your skirt, is that okay?” He asked softly and you nodded, hands gripping on the sheets without knowing much more what to do.

Heeseung tossed your clothing piece on the floor, and when he was about to prepare himself to dive into your pussy, you grabbed his hair. He instantly stopped what he was doing, his heart did a flip with the thought of you giving up on your words, although he would obey whatever your decision was. 

But when he looked at you, he noticed your shy smile. “Can you remove your shorts too?”

He let out a little chuckle, “Of course,” and stood up to do what you asked so adorably for him to do.

You enjoyed the view of his dick hard inside his, now, tightened boxers. You wondered if he would fit in you, but you didn’t have time to think much of it as he went back to his position, gaze shifting between your clothed cunt and your anxious eyes.

“Are you okay, princess? Remember, you can always ask me to stop.”

“Yes, Hee. I’m okay,” your voice came out between hitched breaths. “Please, do something, it’s hurting,” you pleaded with a little whine, and that was the green sign for Heeseung to sigh and groan by the sight of you, needy of his mouth on your pussy. 

He placed a delicate kiss right on your clothed clit, simply for you to feel comfortable with your area being touched for the first time. Heeseung heard your little moan before losing himself in his mind, distributing hot touches with his lips all over the area. 

He then removed your last piece of cloth, the view of your pussy in full display made him swallow hard, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he did so, his cock throbbing inside his boxers.

You had your eyes closed, trying to ignore the fact you were very exposed, to focus on the amazing feeling of Heeseung’s hot breath directly where you needed him the most. You moaned when his tongue licked experimentally your folds. 

Heeseung slipped his hands under your legs to hold you in a position he gained a better support and kept you open for him as he worked on your cunt. 

Your sweet taste melted on his mouth as he ate you out willingly, the tip of his nose brushing on your sensitive clit as he skillfully moved his head to stimulate you in as many areas as he could – his tongue teasing to enter in your entrance, the foreign feeling making you squirm in a bit of a discomfort that quickly waved out of your body because of how good your clit being stimulated was making you feel.

It was a mix of sensations you never really felt; you had touched yourself before, but nothing compares to Heeseung’s amazing mouth and tongue licking, sucking and making out with your pussy. You could feel the knot forming on your stomach as you tensed your body. 

“Heeseung,” you moaned a bit loud. “I think I’m close–” 

Heeseung broke out of the trance he got himself into to listen to you, afterall he wanted to take care of you.

“I want you to cum on my mouth, is that okay princess?” He asked between little pecks and licks on your folds and clit. You nodded, not knowing exactly if he was seeing you do so.

“Could you look at me, angel?” He questioned, his voice sounding too sweet to the lustful view he was offering you. Hair stuck on his forehead, nose and chin glistened with your arousal. “There you go,” he smirked before diving again into your pussy, his eyes now never leaving your face, even when you rolled your eyes and threw your head back, trying hard to keep with his request.

Your orgasm hit almost instantly, the mix of his devilish looks and how he ate you so passionately worked together for you to achieve your release in his mouth, Heeseung drinking not only your juices, but all of your moans and whines. 

He left the area after pecking two, three, four times, and then trailed kisses through your body until he reached the corner of your mouth, watching you breathing heavily with a small smile adorning your lips. 

Heeseung decided not to kiss you right away, not only giving you time to recompose but also avoiding you to feel the taste of yourself in his tongue. He loved you for a while, gently brushing his lips on your skin, kissing once and a while, until he felt your hands caressing his hair, tenderly. 

“Are you alright?” Heeseung questioned after a while, searching for your eyes.

“Mhm,” you nodded lazily. However, you knew it wasn’t the end, and mostly, you wanted more. 

“Do you want to stop?” He caressed your face, moving away some strands of your hair. You shook your head, mischievously smiling. You could feel his still clothed dick literally twitching on your leg, and although your last orgasm was intense and you got a bit tired, you needed to have him even closer to you.

“You are hard as hell, Hee,” you giggled, catching his eyes darkening again. “And I need to feel you inside of me,” you looked at his lips before pulling him down to kiss you properly.

As earlier, the urgency of the touch grew faster and faster, and Heeseung had to remind himself once more that he needed to go slow.

He parted the kiss just to ask with a serious voice “Are you sure about this?” 

“More than anything in my life, Hee. I want you,” you gently caressed his cheek, smiling when he pecked your lips before getting on his feet to finally remove his last clothing piece, revealing his whole body to you.

You swallowed when his dick jumped out of his boxers, throbbing, covered in precum, all because of you. You whined with the view, propping yourself up on your elbows when he got closer to your face since he had to get a condom in his nightstand. Your hand automatically rushed to grab his length, peeking up at his face at the right time to catch his face contorted in shock and then, pleasure.

“Fuck, baby,” he moaned, enjoying the warmth of your skin on his neglected, sensitive cock. It was clear you didn’t know exactly what to do, but the movement of going up and down was enough to make Heeseung’s knees weak. He was weak for you, afterall.

Heeseung let you try out whatever crossed your mind and enjoy yourself for a bit, because it meant you were comfortable enough with him to do so, and your endeared and erotic gaze hypnotized him too strongly for him to stop you.

He made sure to moan your name, watching your body reacting to it, trying his best to make you get wet again and make things easier later. He wasn’t faking it, though. Your hands really were doing wonders on his shaft – he watched you positioning yourself to sit on your knees, face with a faint focused frown as you cupped his tip, moving your hand in circles.

Heeseung rolled his eyes, the sensitive area of his dick getting the attention he needed was sending him out of orbit, and you were using just your hands. 

“You– You have to stop,” he said as he gently held your wrist, halting your movements. His closed eyes prevented him from noticing your guilty expression, until he heard your voice.

“Sorry,” you murmured quietly, thinking you have done something wrong.

“No, baby. It’s not– I almost came,” he admitted. You didn’t know simple words could make your body heat that fast, your stomach instantly did a flip with his sincere confession. 

Heeseung’s lips met yours right away, his body leaning forward so you both could go back to the previous position. 

He placed himself in between your open legs, his gaze softening as he watched your anxious face. “I’m going to prepare you,” he explained with a low voice, kissing your neck as his hands went down to find your folds, touching you to collect your arousal and use it to lubricate his finger, “Don’t forget, your word is what guides me.”

Your body fully tensed when he pressed his digit near your entrance, “Relax, my love,” he murmured and kissed your cheek and then your lips. Your heart fluttered with the pet name. “I’ve got you, okay?”

You nodded, closing your eyes tightly, afraid of the pain you were so sure you would feel, however, Heeseung’s light touches on your sensitive area and the kisses he spread over your face got you distracted, almost making you miss when he slid a finger inside you. Your breath got stuck on your throat and he didn’t move, waiting for your body to adjust to the new intruder. 

“I’ve never– I’ve never ever put anything inside me before, so it’s all new,” you admitted, feeling a mix of embarrassment and relief for verbalizing your discomfort. 

“Yeah? You’re doing great, angel.” Heeseung encouraged, gently pulling his finger out while kissing you. You squirmed, a bit uncomfortable. “Such a good girl for me, mhm?” 

His wording caused you to clench involuntarily around his finger, a reaction that didn’t went unnoticed by Heeseung. He kept kindly pumping his single finger inside you, teasing to add one more as you whined against his mouth, while he whispered sweet words of encouragement.

“You feel so amazing,” Heeseung said, and something popped into his mind. He decided to test the waters with a dirtier talk, his hot breath tickling your ear. “I can’t wait to feel you around me, so tight and wet,” he kissed your earlobe, his husky voice and words making you whole body shiver, “I promise, Y/N, I’ll make you feel so good,” his teeth nibbled your sensitive spot on your neck and you slightly arched your back, moaning, not even noticing when his second finger entered you.

You were panting a bit, messily whining and squirming, your fingers threaded through his hair, gripping it firmly, forcing him into your neck.

“You’re so tight, I don’t think I’ll last long when I get inside you,” Heeseung sounded muffled, loving the way you squeezed even more around his digits. “Can you feel how my fingers stretch you so well, baby?” His question sounded rhetorical to you, because it was obvious you felt the way he stretched you so amazingly good, your toes curling just by that. 

“Hee, please–” You pleaded not quite sure what you were asking for, but your eyes locked onto his with a desperate need. His fingers worked so perfectly inside you, making you wonder how you could be so close to tearing, yearning for his dick, which you never ever had before. 

Heeseung grinned, eyes dripping with desire and fondness, wandering your whole body as he removed his digits from you.

“My baby seems a bit desperate, doesn't she?” He teased, chuckling. You watched as he coated his dick with a condom, jerking it off with the precum he collected before to prepare himself for you, never breaking eye contact. He leaned closer. “Don’t worry, I’m just as desperate as you are, my love,” and with that he positioned his tip in your entrance.

You tensed again, but Heeseung's sharp instincts caught the subtle change in your reaction. To help you relax, he covered one of your nipples with his mouth, warm lips sucking the sensitive area, making you moan. His body pressed into yours distracting you from the pain as well.

“Ah–” you gasped, frowning with a flicker of discomfort as he slid his dick inside you; your hands grabbed his shoulders, squeezing with a certain strength as you tried to get over the burning feeling in your cunt.

Heeseung was on the verge of insanity, his sensitive cock aching with your walls tightening around it, so eager for some more friction. He had to dig self control from the deepest place of his mind in order to keep going. 

“Shh. I’ve got you, my love,” he kissed your wrist, and then your shoulder, and then your neck, and then your cheeks, and finally your lips, while slowly getting himself fully inside of you, moaning as he did so. “You drive me crazy,” he murmured against your lips, loving how messy you were kissing him, your expression changing little by little from a discomfortable to a pleasant one. 

Heeseung remained still for a moment, making out with you while waiting for your body to adjust to his dick. You gently waved your hips forward with a little groan at some point, a silent plea to get more of what he was offering you, and he got the sign immediately. 

With a tender smile and after pressing his lips in yours once more, Heeseung began to move, thrusting into you with a necessary slowness at first, that became unneeded the second you started to feel only the delight of being full.

His tip rubbed a certain spot in you that made you flutter your eyes shut while rolling them, moaning loud.

“You liked that, angel?” He asked, desperate to pound harder and faster onto you, still controlling himself. “Tell me, please,” he looked at your lips parted, his name being the only thing coming out of them.

“Y–yes, Hee. It’s so fucking good– Ah,” you threw your head back in the pillow, his response to your compliment making him thrust deeper. “You feel so good, fuck.”

Needless to say that your praise to Heeseung’s work was enough for him to almost fully lose his inner battle of going easier with you. His head rested beside yours and while his movements grew faster, your voice got louder and louder; your fingernails sinking into the skin of his back, his moan close to your ear making you see stars with the overwhelming feeling. 

“I’m close,” you whispered, feeling the known knot on your stomach growing stronger as Heeseung kept pounding into your g-spot. You opened your eyes to lock eyes with him, who already had positioned himself to do the same – both of you wanting to see each other reaching their respective climax. 

“Come for me, princess,” he demanded with a groan. “Show me how good I’m making you feel.”

The view of Heeseung’s forehead damped in sweat with strand of hairs sticking to it, his parted lips every so often being bit by his teeth while letting out the prettiest sounds and his heavy breaths, his eyes showing your affection, desire, urgency in achieving his own release, and his dirty words, all of it blended together, worked perfectly for you to achieve your orgasm.

A strong wave of desperation and pleasure ran over your body and took you milliseconds to cum all over Heeseung’s dick with a loud moan, your pussy tightening harder around his cock while he drove you through your high at the same time he chased for his own. 

“Fuck,” Heeseung moaned, keeping thrusting faster and faster, a frown of concentration adorning his forehead and then he saw you, pretty face contorted in pleasure, your mouth letting out the hottest moans of his name. You felt his cum filling up the condom inside you the same time he moaned your name, making you hiss while he pumped into you a bit more. Eventually he removed himself from you, flopping into your body, tired. 

You thought you just had hit cloud nine with the amount of joy and excitement running inside you. A sense of realization making you smile brightly. You enjoyed the sound of your respirations working its best to recompose itself and Heeseung’s heartbeats against your chest.

“I have to say,” your voice came out a bit husky as you lovingly caressed Heeseung’s sweaty back. “Now I do accept the food.”

You heard Heeseung chuckle on your neck, before he kissed there and then your lips. “Yeah, me too.”

The morning after your first night together with Heeseung was filled with doubts.

After the sex, you both got cleaned up and ate the said delivery while watching something on the tv.

Obviously Heeseung didn’t let you go back to your dorm, needing to feel your warm embrace as much as possible. So you two slept together on his big bed, cuddling.

But then you woke up earlier than him, and you took your sweet time to appreciate his serene expression, deep in his sleep – his soft breath, his pretty eyelashes, his slightly parted lips. You sighed, a weird feeling eating away you inside, afraid of being left alone after the last night.

What if he said all of that just to have you one time? What if he did all he did just for that moment to happen? What if he didn’t really mean any of his words? What if he didn’t enjoyed it the way you did?

“What’s with the frown?”

You startled with Heeseung’s groggy voice breaking the silence of the room. “Nothing,” you awkwardly smiled and of course Heeseung didn’t buy it.

“Tell me,” he blinked slowly to focus on your pretty face, snuggling his body into yours. “Tell me what’s going on in this pretty head of yours, my love.”

You gulped, heart racing with his new way of calling you. 

Love.

You got lost in your mind for a while before asking “Will you leave me now?” The question came out a bit more stupid than you expected, but at the same time, it was sincere. 

Heeseung propped himself up on his elbow to give you a proper look. He removed the hair from your face with a gentle touch, caressing your cheeks with the same amount of care. His voice sounded low. “No,” he shook his head, eyes full of adoration, endearment, and love. “I’ll not leave you. Actually, I’m even more attached to you, my love,” his, oh, so known smirk tugged the corner of his lips. “I’m not going anywhere, unless you want me to.”

You hurried to shake your head, taking in every detail of his pretty features. 

“Then I’m staying, and I’ll be taking anything you offer to me,” Heeseung kissed your lips in a different way. Slow, tender, filled with this new emotion – love.

You parted the kiss to look into his sparkly eyes, smiling.

“Then I offer you my everything, Heeseung.”

[theereina]

Let Me Talk

Pairing: Terry Richmond x Plus Size Fem Black!OC

Wordcount: +2.4K

Warnings: MDNI (18+) mature content, such as cursing, no smut, heavily dialogue-centered, anxiety mentioned, childhood trauma mentioned, angst, heartbreak, fluff, a smidge of dirty talk

A/N¹: This is a single one-shot with no planned sequels unless requested.🤨

A/N²: I'm open to critiques. I am a little 🤏🏽 sensitive about my writing. Please, don't be too harsh.🥺 Feel free to bring my attention to any typos. Divider by @theereina. Also, this work is not to be plagiarized or reposted (on any site other than here on Tumblr). I do NOT give consent for any form of republishing or rewriting.

Masterlist: 🔥🔥🔥

It had been four months since I had seen Terry. There was little to no contact besides short phone conversations and quick texts. I would be lying if I said I didn't miss him. It was the little things that made it hard to forget him. The way he always smelled of sandalwood and musk. The way he held my hand when I was anxious. The way his smile lit up a room. The way every shirt he owned molded to his body like a glove. Ugh, I gotta stop.

I wanted nothing more than for him to return home to me, but pride got in the way. Not only for him but for me, too. We were equally as stubborn and stuck in our ways, unyielding to the love we shared. Being right somehow mattered more to each of us— more than a good morning kiss, a massage after a long day, the vows of our marriage.

Letting pride hinder our judgment, I told Terry to leave and not come back. Truthfully, I didn't want him to, I was just angry and tired of fighting. So, when he left without a fight, it reminded me too much of my abandonment trauma. Watching him walk out that door tore me apart. I was once again a five-year-old girl watching her father leave for the last time, never to return. The power Terry held over me in that moment was only a fraction of the hurt I felt. It was like the world around me shattered. With him, Terry took both light and love while I fell further into darkness more and more each day.

In other words, Terry and I couldn't comprehend that we could both be right even with two different perspectives. The basis of the problem as trifling as it seemed was an ugly nuanced one. Unfortunately, Terry was raised by his parents while I had to survive mine. This understanding is what caused the biggest fight we had ever had. No matter how much I explained it, Terry couldn't understand why I did things the way I did.

For context, I have had no contact with my family since I left home after college. I didn't talk to my sisters, brother, stepfather, and definitely not my mother. Terry's nurturing and supportive upbringing made him less receptive to the dysfunction that came with mine. He couldn't fathom not speaking to his family, let alone his mother, for years. So, when he brought up the idea of me reconnecting with them, it was a shock. The first time he asked I reminded him that I had my reasons— he only knew some. The second time I admired his persistence but still declined the offer. However, after the fifth or sixth time, I was fed up. I wanted him to understand how much these people collectively hurt and drained me. After days of explaining and retelling the story, he responded with annoyance— calling me childish and bitter.

Damn right, I was! I had taken care of every single one of them for years. I had put my health on the back burner to ensure they were good. I had stretched myself thin to the point of almost being hospitalized for a mental breakdown. No one other than my mom came, but we all know her true reason for coming— to save face. Considering she never believed or accepted my mental health issues, she just complained the whole time I was in the waiting room. This is the type of stuff I dealt with from them. This lack of care, kindness, appreciation, and love is why I left as soon as I was financially stable enough.

Even after talking about this for days, the only thing I was left with was a heavy heart and teary eyes. The more Terry pressed; the more distant I became. I didn't want it to get this far or this bad, but he wouldn't let it go. His mind was already made up. To him, family is family, and we should forgive them no matter what. Unfortunately, that wasn't and would never be my reality.

Present Day

“Caramel cookie butter iced coffee and a regular hot coffee for… Fallon!” yelled the barista from behind the counter. “That's me,” I said, facing the small woman. “Here you go. Enjoy,” she said, smiling and pushing the drinks toward me. I checked the sticker on the regular coffee to see if they remembered the two sugars. I picked up both drinks and searched for an empty table in the back of the coffee shop. I knew this conversation would result in both of us or at least me ugly crying.

I slid into a booth in the far back corner of the shop, facing the door. I knew that if it became too overwhelming for me, seeing the door would provide a certain level of relief— an exit or escape if needed. Immediately upon sitting, I began to remember some of the memories I and Terry shared here. This quickly became our favorite spot. Plus, it was right down the street from our shared home. Terry would come here almost every Monday and Friday morning to pick up my current favorite drink order. He called it a treat to start the week and a reward for finishing.

This is also the place where we had our first conversation about marriage. I can almost remember Terry's face when I told him I never thought about being married— until I met him. I didn't believe anyone could love me, especially a man of Terry's caliber. I felt like damaged goods that would never be good enough for him or anyone else. So, I never planned for that milestone. Terry's presence in my life felt like a reassuring message from God that I was loved and deserved it— properly.

Oh, God! Not me already crying, and he hasn't even made it. I quickly used one of the napkins to dab my eyes. Taking deep breaths and relaxing my shoulders, I tried my hardest not to get lost in my thoughts. I knew that once I let myself be sucked into that abysmal cycle I would be trapped there before even a word was spoken between us.

I leaned back into the booth, watching the door. Terry wasn't late; I was just extremely early. I needed to prepare myself as much as possible before seeing him.

10 minutes later

ding ding

“Good morning! Welcome to the Coffee Cabin,” yelled the woman from behind the counter. “Hey, good morning,” said a familiar voice. I knew exactly who this was yet my heart refused to settle down. I didn't know how my mind and body would react to seeing him face-to-face for the first time in months. My hands were sweating profusely. How the fuck was I going to make it through this?

“Pumpkin?” Terry said, sitting across from me. “Uh,… Hi,” I said struggling to breathe. “Hey, mama. Look at me. Fallon!” Terry said, leaning over the table and lifting my chin. I looked up to see Terry glaring back at me. Those striking green eyes expressed his concern. His eyes spoke before his mouth could. There was no need to voice his worry.

“Terry, please,” I said, holding his hand. “Don't do that. Just tell me what's wrong,” he said pulling my hand to his lips. “This! What the hell are we doing right now? It's like we aren't even married. I don't…” I rambled. “Pumpkin,” Terry said, trying to stop me. “We aren't living…” I continued. “Pumpkin,” Terry said, gripping my hand. “I don't know what to do with myself half the time. It's…,” I said. “Pumpkin, enough! Stop!” he cried out. I could sense his frustration with my rambling. I hadn't stopped talking since he sat down. “Terry, I'm just trying…,” I said trying to continue. “No. Stop it! This isn't how this was supposed to go. Let…me…talk,” he grunted.

I pulled my hand away and placed it back into my lap. I dropped my head in embarrassment. I hadn't even made it one minute before making a fool of myself. “Listen, I love you. I know you are feeling anxious right now. We both have a lot to say, and that's okay. But before we can continue, I need you to relax, love. Okay?” he said, caressing my cheek. I shook my head, looking back up at him. “I'm sorry. This is hard,” I said. “I know, mama. I know,” he said, wiping away a single fallen tear.

“C’mere,” he said, grabbing my hand and pulling me up from my seat. “Terry, I…!” I said, trying to pull away from him. “Nah, come to me, Pumpkin,” he said while wrapping his arms around me. It was as if life itself had started again. Terry's embrace broke me in the gentlest way possible. His body swallowed mine, providing me with the comfort I had been craving for months. I missed this man and everything about him.

“I'm sorry. I…,” I said, sniffling into Terry's chest. “Shhh, stop apologizing. I don't need you to apologize. I need you to let me— let me love you, let me take care of you, let me come home,” he said, tilting my chin up to meet his eyes. He leaned down and kissed me on the lips. I had never felt so much relief in my life. A single kiss had just washed away all the pain and guilt I had carried for these last four months.

“I don't know what to say. I had all these… these… speeches planned in my head. Just for me to remember nothing,” I said leaning further into Terry. “That's fine. Let me talk, you just listen. Turn your brain off for a minute and relax. Aight?” he said, releasing me from his hold. His hands held onto the sides of my face. He was awaiting an answer, but words were escaping me. Too many thoughts were fighting to claim power over my tongue.

“Turn it off, lil’ mama. Okay? Sit back down for me,” he said, gesturing towards my seat. His hand waved back towards the booth as I slid back in. Terry sat back down in front of me. He reached for my hands and pulled them towards him. It's insane how something as simple as Terry holding my hands made me feel lighter and calmer. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. “There you go. Thank you, Pumpkin,” he said while stroking the back of my hands.

“Listen to me, okay? I should have never pressed you so hard about what was going on. Your boundaries were clear. I can see that now and wish I could have seen that then. These last four months have been absolute hell in the most silent way possible. I let my perspective overshadow yours when this was your experience— your reality, not mine. I won't sit here and lie to you like I'll ever understand how you feel. I won't. However, as your husband, it was my job to console you…. and… and care for you. I failed you at that moment. I don't deserve your immediate forgiveness, and I will do whatever you ask to receive it. I… uh… I left you to deal with all those emotions alone when it was my fault that you had to relive it in the first place. I was forcing you to see things my way because I thought I knew what was best for you based on my… my experience. You didn't deserve that. You deserved so much more than I gave you at that moment, and for that, I'm sorry. Sorry for how I handled the situation entirely. From this day forward, I promise to be a better man to you— a better husband. You deserve the world, mama. I love you more than life itself. Please, forgive me. Please,” he pleaded.

By this point, I was sobbing. I didn't need to say a word. I jumped up from my seat and ran around to Terry's side. There was nothing I wanted more than him— all of him. I sat in his lap and held his face in my hands. “Of course, I forgive you. I love you, too. I don't know what to say. Fuck… just… just kiss me already, papa,” I said, looking into Terry's eyes. They were the softest they had been in a while.

Terry’s urge was just as strong as mine as he pulled me in to kiss him on the lips. But, I needed more; so I used my tongue to part his lips. Terry's mouth opened, and I could feel his energy shift. The desire in him ignited like a flame. The yearning was mutually shared. His hands roamed wildly as teeth met tongue. Neither one of us cared that we were in public. Sharing breath and body, we became one again. With passion burning in our bellies, Terry pulled away first. I looked at him to be met with a pained gaze filled with a desperate hunger for something else.

“Pumpkin, I think we should leave. Um… the thoughts that are… uhh, shit… Woman the things I want to do to you have no business being viewed by the public eye,” he said, catching his breath. His chest rose and fell rapidly with every word. “Yeah?” I asked, stroking his ear and swallowing hard. My breathing was equally just as harsh.

Terry's gaze lingered over my body. “Yeah, we need to leave. Now!” he said, guiding me with his hands on my hips. “Did you drive or walk?” he asked, making me face him. “Walked,” I answered softly. “Okay. I drove. Unfortunately for you, you gettin’ in a car with me, and I can't promise to keep my hands to myself. Honestly, we probably not makin’ it home,” he said while leaning down to whisper in my ear. “Oh, fuck… Don't say stuff like that,” I said, clenching my thighs together. “You wanted honesty, mama. Hell, we should put that extended cab to good use for once,” Terry said, his lip curling up into the most sinful smirk. “You're nasty,” I said, hitting him in the chest. “Yea, and? You love it!” he said, pulling me into another kiss.

Part 2 => 🗣

Taglist: @avoidthings @brattyfics @cocooned-butterfly @5headsupremacist @ariiijestertheklown

@creartivefairy @miyuhpapayuh @armandosbabymama @megamindsecretlair @nahimjustfeelingit-writes

@nayaxwrites @jimmybutlrr @lovey-3 @curvyambitions @gg-trini

@deja-r @hoouno06 @insidefeelingofanadult @slutsareteacherstoo @skyesthebomb

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@becauseimswagman1 @geee3bayyybeee3 @gwenda-fav @poektiou624 @keyaho

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@pinkpantheris @honeytoffee @talkswithdesi @blyffe @helloncrocs

@amyhennessyhouse @beenathembo @thiccc-c @qtmkenedy03 @persethegawd

[bellarkeselection]

Awkwardness Aside I Care About You

Request from @loxleys-blog I’m thinking about either being joey’s sister or a relative one of the other friends and growing up and falling for chandler and chandler not realising me until I moved down the hall/in with monica.

Entering Monica’s apartment I flopped down on the long couch throwing my hair across it. I had been tired from work all day trying to come up with a new book idea. I had dropped out of college to become an author while my sisters Phoebe and Ursula decided to find work with only a high school degree. The apartment door opened and closed. “Did Monica band you from the couch so now you’re letting nobody else use it?”

“No Chandler. It’s just my job…it’s been stressful these past few weeks.” Covering my face with my hands I huffed under my breath.

Chandler rounds the couch sitting down when I rolled over making room for him. “Stressful how?”

“I have been wracking my brain about what my next book should be but I’ve got nothing. It’s like I am stuck in this place where I have no inspiration even though I love writing.” I sat upright against the back of the couch with my hands in my lap.

He sent me a smile draping his arm over the couch. “Well then I could help you with getting inspiration.”

“Oh really how so?” I chuckled, curious to see what he had in mind.

Chandler got to his feet standing in front of me climbing up on the table in the center of the apartment. “Picture these two guys watching tv until ... .a dinosaur breaks into the apartment. He tears through the tv and the guys try to fight him off like ah!”

“Chandler!” I gasped when he did a high kick in the air falling off the table and knocked all the stuff off the table.

The apartment door opened and Monica gasped rushing over to him. “What is wrong with you? I just got all the magazines organized.”

“Sorry Monica. I was trying to give Y/n ideas and then fell.” He admitted getting to his feet flopping down by my side.

The door swung opened revealing Rachel and Phoebe who were both excited about something. Turning around on the couch I laid my arms across the couch tilting my head. “Hey guys, what’s going on?”

“I need to go out for drinks tonight.” Rachel huffed sitting down at the kitchen table.

Nodding my head that was that conversation. The four of us girls ended up going out of the apartment building and to the bar where they sold some not so expensive wine. Taking a long drink Phebe started up a conversation I wish she hadn't. “So I know that Rachel doesn't want to talk about her love life but do you have anyone in mind?”

“Oh I don’t think so.” I shake my head no.

Monica had finished half her drink. “You're avoiding the question why?”

“I am not!” I snapped avoiding their gazes on purpose this time.

Rachel tilted her head figuring it out before they did. “I get it now. You do like somebody you just won't fess up to it. Is it somebody we know?”

“Maybe.”

“Does he live in our building?” She pressed on.

I grabbed the bottle of wine and started to finish the rest off by myself until Phoebe took it from my hands. “Phoebe! Okay fine, yes I like somebody but it would totally ruin our friendship if he ever found out.”

“Is it Joey?’ Monica leaned forward with curiosity.

Rachel and Phoebe stared at me when I shook my head no in response. I swore that my blonde friend was about to jump over the table and tackle me in a huge hug over this. “Oh my gosh it's Chandler. It has to be Chandler!”

“Okay, okay. Yes mystery solved. But news flash is never going to happen between us.” Throwing my hands up in the air I wished it could happen but I knew in my heart we would probably never get together. He has to only see me as a friend. “So let's just forget about it.”

Rachel got an idea in her mind. “If you're so afraid then let's do it as a dare that you would never back down from.”

“If you’re daring me to do anything I'll need more wine.” I said snatching the bottle back across the table. The next morning had come where I didn't feel like getting up from Monica’s couch since I had passed out in her apartment. Phebe fell asleep in her corner chair with Rachel and Monica in their bedrooms.

The apartment door got kicked open causing me and Phebe to jump awake seeing Joey stammering around. “Y/n, how could you not tell Chandler the truth?”

“Hub, what are you talking about?” Rubbing the sleep from my eyes I was confused at what he meant.

Chandler came through the door leaning over the couch where we were so close to having our noses together. “Why did you leave me a drunk message on our answering machine?”

“Um…how would you feel if I said it was a dare?” I nervously asked him, remembering that I basically had declared that I had feelings for him.

Chandler steps backwards, throwing his hands up into his hair still stunned that he didn't see that I had feelings for him before he heard the message that morning. “We swallow our feelings, even if it means we're unhappy forever. Sound good?”

“Chandler, I….I don't think I can accept that if you feel the same way.” Getting to my feet I leaned my body against the back of the couch.

He blinked nervously, chuckling. “Why wouldn't I want to be with you. I mean I've always had feelings for you.”

“You have?” I questioned him covering my mouth with my hands.

Joey and Phoebe silently watched the interaction between their friends. Neither of them was sure what would happen next. Meaning they couldn't look away. Chandler stared at me silently walking up to me and cupping my face in his hands kissing me. “Ohhh he kissed her!”

I gasped not expecting him to do something like that. I was so afraid he wouldn't feel the same but it didn't matter now. “I guess I was worried for nothing. It isn’t awkward at all that they are watching us.” I chuckled, kissing him back until we needed air to breathe.

“It doesn’t matter if they're watching us. I'm just happy I didn't just embarrass myself in front of the girl I apparently have been crushing on my whole life.” He declared before I wrapped my arms around his neck shushing his concerns with a kiss.

Rachel opened her door the same time as Monica, seeing what was happening in front of them. “What did we miss here?” Chandler and I separated sending them each a bright smile of relief.

Comments really appreciated ❤️

Tags @lover-of-books-and-tea @rosie-posie08

[darkeralmond]

New to Anaheim

Trevor Zegras x Reader

synopsis: you’ve been living in Anaheim for a month since you’ve transferred to chapman university for your junior year of college. while working at your coffee shop job, your friend talks about the ducks the entire shift. that’s when a familiar man walks in…

warnings: fluff, coffee shop au!

word count: 1.2k

a/n: this is based off a fanfic i was going to write but got too bored of it! lmk if you would like this to be a series of some sorts

masterlist | request info

i. ii.

“I still can’t believe the Ducks won against the Kings with that overtime shot!” your friend exclaimed while preparing a customer’s iced vanilla latte.

You had been listening to them rave about the hockey game from last night for the past 10 minutes. You watched part of the game with them on the couch, but eventually headed off to bed when things got boring during the 2nd period.

You nodded your head while leaning against the counter. “I know,” you said sarcastically. “You haven’t shut up about it all day.”

They let out a small chuckle, “Sorry. I’m just really hyped about it.” They placed the drink on the counter and yelled out, “Angelina!”

You smiled while heading back to the register. In an hour from now you would be able to clock out of work, and the time couldn’t go any slower. You looked back at your friend and asked, “Could you make me a medium hot chocolate? Add extra marshmallows.”

“Gotcha!” they answered before preparing your drink. The bell above the door rang as the door opened. You looked ahead and saw a 6 foot male walk into the establishment. You glanced down at his Ducks shirt assuming he must’ve been a fan as well.

“Hi, welcome in,” you announced. He stepped up to the front and smiled a bit. He wasn’t bad looking, he had dusty blonde hair, blue eyes, and nice teeth. “What would you like today?”

He looked up at the menu and hummed. “Uh, my friend recommended this place and I’ve never been in a coffee shop before. What would you recommend?” He looked back down at you. You felt the corners of your mouth tug into a smile while staring at him. He had such a pretty contagious smile.

“I mean since it’s October people really like the pumpkin spice latte, but I really like the hot chocolate with extra marshmallows,” you answered.

He nodded, “Then that’s what I’ll get. Large, please?” You rang him up and he paid for his drink.

“Your name?” You grabbed the cup and a sharpie, glancing up at him.

“Trevor,” he answered. You wrote down his name, thinking it sounded a bit familiar, but you brushed it off as just a common name.

No one was behind him in line which meant you could talk to him for a bit. “Heard that the Ducks won last night,” you said as you leaned against the counter.

He smiled softly, “Yeah… I actually scored the winning point.” He said it so casually. You frowned and furrowed your eyebrows. You analyzed his face, now trying to figure out which player he was. Before you could say anything, he interrupted you, “You don’t watch hockey do you?”

You shrugged. “I only watch a little. I did watch a bit of the game last night, but I stopped watching halfway through the 2nd period.”

He nodded his head at your answer. while chuckling. He then quickly steered the conversation in another direction, not wanting to seem self centered. “How long have you lived here in Anaheim…?” His sentence trailed on while he waited for you to say your name.

“Y/N and I haven’t been here long,” you answered. You twirled your hair around your finger while maintaining eye contact with him. “I just transferred to Chapman from SDSU in August.”

“Oh, what year are you?” he asked, leaning forward attentively.

“Junior,” you said with a warm smile. It was common that guys ask you questions about yourself. You were always the one trying to keep conversation with them desperately, but Trevor was different. “Let me get your drink ready.” You stepped away from the register and made your way to the station where you made drinks.

You noticed your friend had made their way to the back for some reason, maybe it was to get more banana nut bread. You prepared his hot chocolate while he patiently waited on his phone. He was so pretty, you couldn’t believe you were serving him. You admired the tattoos on his right arm, his muscular arm. You were drooling over him.

The hot chocolate was ready to go so you added extra chocolate drizzle. Once you added the marshmallows and whipped cream, you made your way over to the counter to drop off his drink. “Trevor!” you called out to him.

His head perked up as his face lit up. He grabbed the cup and took a sip, a look of satisfaction dawned on his face. “That’s amazing,” he said as his lips curved into a smile.

“We know how to make a mean hot chocolate,” you giggled as you folded your arms over your chest. He took another sip before placing the cup down and wiped the liquid off his mouth with the back of his hand.

He cleared his throat before speaking again. “To add onto what you were saying earlier,” he started. “Since you’re kind of new to the city and all, I thought that I could maybe show you around sometime, you’re 21 right?”

“Yeah,” you answered.

He pumped his fist causing you to giggle. “I could take you bar hopping one time after your shift if you’re cool with that.”

Your cheeks dusted a rosy tint when he asked this. He was asking you out? You giggled, “Maybe. Are you gonna come in one day and wait til I get off?” You were obviously joking, even though it seemed like kind of a cute yet creepy idea.

“Oh!” he chuckled. “Uh, do you have a pen I can borrow?”

Not thinking anything of it, you went over to the register and grabbed a sharpie out of the cup. You made your way back over and handed it to him.

He grabbed a napkin from the napkin case and passed it to you. “Write your number down,” he said while smiling. “I’ll text you.”

Your heart flipped at his charming smilg. Oh my God, you were giving him your number. He asked for YOUR number. “Yeah, of course.”

You wrote down your number on the napkin and passed it back to him. He grabbed it and stared at it for a minute. “Alright,” he said while nodding. “I’ll text you later.” He folded up the napkin and put it in his pocket. He grabbed $10 out of his wallet and placed it in the tip jar, “Thank you for your services, Y/N.”

He then left the coffee shop with his hot chocolate. You watched as he did so, shocked and flustered by everything that just happened.

Your friend then came up behind you with your hot chocolate. “Dude, what the hell?” They sounded confused, happy, and shocked. “Did you just talk to Trevor Zegras?!”

You turned back and grabbed your hot chocolate out of their hand. “Yeah, he just asked for my number.” Your cheeks were red and the tip of your ears were flushed.

“What?!” They bursted out. “Trevor Zegras asked for your number?!”

“Yeah,” you giggled. “Because he wants to take me out bar hopping.”

They gasped even louder. “Holy shit! Trevor Zegras wants to go out with you?!” You took a sip of your hot chocolate while smiling. “Please tell me you’ll start watching hockey now!”

You nodded your head. “Yes! Yes I will!” You really wanted to watch Trevor play so you could have something to talk about with him.

[crzyimp]

Cannonball!

Lego Monkie Kid

Arthur's note: Short drabble or snippet for the journey to the west discord summer event, almost 600 words and humor. Like before inbox is open for ideas or suggestions for Jttw/and adjacent (like lmk) for me to potentially write. Enjoy the story and tell me what you think. :3

Edit: My partner in crime for the event @breadnabreadd made this lovely art work here

Laughter,chatter, and all joyful sounds felt music to his old ears. He really need to thank Mei for inviting him and the others to her family’s home for a pool party. The heat and humidity were becoming unbearable, and he felt tempted to ‘ask’ Princess Iron Fan for her magical fan again. Thank goodness for that he got the invite first, or it would’ve been awkward with Red Son during the party; he certainly doesn’t want to repeat some chapters from a certain book or call Guanyin again (he’s still trying to repay them for all they have done for him).

Wukong let out a content sigh as his body slumped further into his inner tube, all four hairy limbs dipped into the refreshing cool water as the fiery sun beat down on him. The lounge chair was preferred if it wasn’t for all the racket around it; Pigsy tongue lashing at Tang while he cooks everyone’s lunch, Sandy in lifeguard mode with Mo as his furry whistle, and-

“Pool noodle?! Did you just call me a pool noodle?!” Golden eyes lazily turn their gaze to the owner of the voice, Mei in her swimwear and expatriate with closed fists at her sides.

“It’s only fitting,” Red Son exclaimed, pushing up his glasses as if the answer was obvious.“I don’t think I need to explain it.”

“Well, can you?!” Mei takes a step forward with her teeth bare at him.

“Learned it from my friend,” Red Son explains with arms crossed.

“Wait, you have a friend? Since when?” She asks curiously with squinted eyes.

“I talk to other people, you know.” in a matter of fact tone, his nose up in the air.

Tuning out that conversation, Wukong closes his eyes as he basks in the sun and the water below. No fights, no world ending events, no demons attacking, and certainly no Six Ear Macaque to ruin such a relaxing day. There is even a shade in the middle of the pool! Such a relaxing day it is. Wait, there shouldn’t be a shade here-

~~~

Sandy couldn’t believe his eyes. Mk full sprint to, clearly broken a rule, and jumped into the pool to do a cannonball only for a shadowy portal to swallow him up and spit him out higher than he should be, dead center to where Wukong is at. Neither of the two even notice it!? And shouldn’t the great sage hear Mk’s shout or was the old celestial monkey tuning everyone out?! Why wasn’t anyone following the rules!? It doesn’t matter now, as Sandy watched all of this in slow motion before his very eyes.

Mk landed on Wukong’s torso; before the two sank to the bottom of the pool, the splash created went everywhere. No one was safe; Pigsy and Tang toppled over each other like their college days at the beach, Mei and Red Son in the goofiest pose Sandy ever saw and not even Macaque. When the bastard popped his head in to make a snarky comment, the splash got him too and made him look like a soggy pathetic rat. The sole dry survivor was none ever than Mo, with claws deep into Sandy’s head as the cat clinged on with dear life; the water only got up to Sandy’s neck thankfully, and he was ready for it, but it really hurt and he wished Mo retracts his claws.

Finally, there at the center with a nearly empty pool was the shellshocked duo with Mk still in Wukong’s lap.

So much for a relaxing day.

[edenjohansson]

Chapter 1

teacher's pet

Y/N's pov :

Here it is. The end of summer. I miss it already. The start of the school year is tomorrow and I already have everything organized for it. My outfit is ready too. I have to make a good impression on my boss if I want to stay in NYU. It's been my dream since I'm child to work in this university and now that I have the opportunity I can't let it go.

"Y/N? Did you want me to drop you to NYU tomorrow?"

Lolly, my best friend, who works at a coffee shop just in front of NYU, always has the habit of driving me to work every morning. It was our moment in the morning when the sun started to rise and we played our favorite music in the car. Usually she had to drop me at my last college away from New York center but this time was different because I would have the opportunity to see her every day and even take lunch with her.

"Yes! With pleasure!" I answered, joyfully.

I heard her laugh from across the apartment that we were sharing for almost 7 years. She was more than my best friend actually, she was like my sister. We were sharing everything, everytime. We lived for so long together that I think she knows me better than my mom.

I heard my phone buzzing at the exact same moment and when I looked at it I smiled at myself even more.

"Hi Mom! How are you?"

"Fine and you? Not stressed for tomorrow?"

"Not at all, you know me mom, I would never be stress for something like that"

That wasn't entirely true because for the first time I knew that if I fucked things up that would end my carrier as a teacher definitely.

"Be careful tho. I love you honey"

"I love you too mom"

I hung up the phone and finished writing my lesson. I had 2 months in advance of class already prepared so I could focus on my students and help them from the beginning. Learning a new language is never easy and students have to work hard if they want to catch up quickly.

"Girl, how are you dressing tomorrow?" Lolly asks as she enters my room.

"Like that" I pointed to my red set of blazer and pants.

"God have mercy on your students souls then because this outfit let you look like a goddess"

I blushed at the comment and already imagined the face of my students when they're going to see me in class. My first one was at 10a.m with a whole class of first year girls and my second one was at 2p.m with a class of third year students.

"I'm sure they'll be fine" I winked at her and closed my laptop.

"Maybe you'll find a cute professor there" Lolly said with her characteristic eyes.

"Oh no no no don't start this conversation now I have to sleep" I said as I pushed her out of my room, giggling.

"Yeah yeah sleep well Y/N"

"Sleep well too Lolly"

I watched her reach her room and closed my door. I walked to my bathroom to get my pyjamas on and brushed my teeth before heading to my bed. I settled my alarm at 8a.m to have time to get prepared. I fell asleep quite fast for once and without a dream.

**

6a.m. I'm already awake. I knew I would be awake early but not that much. I stood up and decided to go for a walk to start the day without a fuzzy mind. I grabbed a simple set of matching shorts and a sports bra and grabbed my long hair in a ponytail. I left a note to Lolly in case she wakes up early too and leaves my apartment with my headphones on.

I came back 1 hour and a half after and directly ran under the shower. The hot water hit my skin and I sighed as my hair got wetter. I washed out the sweating and walked in front of my huge mirror to get dressed.

I put on my underwear, my pants and start my makeup before putting on my blazer. I applied some mascara and some red lipstick and decided to let my hair free on the back of my head. I grabbed my tote bag which was already full with my laptop, my glasses and my wallet and walked out of my room.

"Bitch you're gorgeous" Lolly told me as soon as she saw me.

I didn't respond to her but hugged her tight and smiled at her.

"We should go. I don't wanna be late for my first day"

She nodded and grabbed her keys. We reached her car and drove for almost 15 minutes. It was a really nice district with a lot of architectural buildings and so much open space. I let Lolly go to work as I started walking inside the huge university. I ended up at the administration quarter for my badge and to see the director.

"Miss Y/L/N. What a pleasure to have you as our new French teacher. I heard a lot about you during the summer break. I know you will be an amazing teacher"

Mr Hamilton was the most remarkable school director of all New York and I was so happy that he decided to choose me as one of his teacher's team.

"I'm so grateful to be there with you and to work here. Thank you so much"

We started talking about the organization inside the university and he presented to me some of his assistants and some other teachers. He showed me my class and I decided I should go before the ring starts.

I walked among some students and arrived at my new class. I heard some voices already inside as I approached and I finally entered the room.

"Hi everyone" I said to the few students who were there.

There were only 5 girls. All of them were watching me like I was a ghost but I didn't care and just arrived at my desk and settled down my stuff. I sat and started to prepare my first lesson. The girls were already chatting again and I took the opportunity to look at them. They were looking so young. I waited 5 minutes and saw 4 other girls walking inside the class. They all smiled at me and said hello to me in French.

"Already speaking French? How impressive girls" I said to them, smiling.

"Yes we practiced a little before so we could say "Bonjour" to you" One of the girls explained to me.

"That's nice to hear. I see that you are only nine in this class so I assume we have everyone. Let's get started then" I finally said to all of them. 

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

miss raven 🐦‍⬛ you like shiny things right?? what are your thoughts on rollo’s ring. didn’t you call it chunky before

Many times, yes— I find it super ugly, chunky (as in, it’s a weird shape and takes up a lot of space) and hard to coordinate with a look, but it works fine on Rollo.

There are a few Raven-Rollo interactions I've received; these will be differentiated from the usual Rollo at the Writing Desk interactions by a different phrase in the header. "Will today be the day?" is a reference to the opening scene in Hunchback of Notre Dame; Quasimodo asks a bird (nesting in a gargoyle's mouth) if they're ready to fly yet.

Will Today be the Day?

“… You’ve been staring at my hand for quite some time now.” Rollo’s observation was abrupt, an accusation with a sharp point. He casted Raven a suspicious look as they walked side-by-side. “Crowley-dono is your guardian, is he not? I would have thought him to instill better manners in his kin.”

She leapt, frazzled by the truth he bore. “Y-You’re absolutely right! My apologies… I will avert my gaze.”

Rollo scoffed. “What is it that you are planning, hmm? Do you intend to make off with my possessions the instant I lower my guard? Perhaps you’ve picked up a habit for pilfering from Ruggie-kun. It wouldn’t surprise me—you Night Raven College mages are all the same.”

“No, it’s not like that!!” Raven shyly brought her index fingers together, her eyes cutting away from him. She suddenly found the sidewalk to be of great interest. “It’s, erm…”

“Don’t mumble. Spit it out already.”

“Corvids—ravens, crows—have a penchant for shiny objects. I can’t help that my eyes are drawn to them. It’s in my nature.

“Hmph.” Rollo made to cover the crimson gemstone that crowned his finger. “You have surprisingly juvenile interests. At the very least, it appears to be harmless so long as you control your desire to acquire those trinkets for yourself.”

“I’m telling you, I don’t have such a desire in the first place! Besides, things that sparkle look their happiest when they're with their true owners."

"... Did I hear that correctly? Things that sparkle look happy?"

"Not literally, of course. I took creative liberty with the phrasing." Raven cocked her head to one side. "But don't you think when a piece of jewelry catches a stray beam of sunlight, it looks like the jewel is winking at you? That's what I mean when I say they look happy with their owners."

"Not ever," Rollo replied stiffly, "and your comparison doesn't work. Ownership means nothing; a jewel would shine all the same regardless of who wears it."

"Now you're just sucking all of the romantic lyricism out of it."

"It didn't need that to begin with."

He turned away—as if that were the end of the conversation—and elicited an excited squeak from Raven.

"Oh...!" She fixated on the gleam of gold and scarlet that peaked through a crevice between his fingers.

The ring smiled at me.

Her heart leapt, and she smiled back at it. (Rollo scowled, his displeasure obvious.)

“If you don’t mind, may I see it up-close?” Raven asked. “Just this once. I promise I won’t bother you again about it after.”

“… You may, but you’d better keep your promise. I don’t want to hear another word about this later.”

With that, Rollo offered his ringed hand to her. His fingers splayed out to allow for a good glimpse of his accessory. Raven bowed her head—a sign of thanks—and gingerly took his hand in her gloved ones.

She had expected him to be frigid—his fingers were so long and bony. But no, he was flesh too. Warm and pliant.

Of course he is. I don’t know why I was thinking of anything less. He is only human too.

Raven slowly guided his hand, watching the way the sunlight gathered on the ring’s facets at different angles. The band and prongs were golden, and the center stone was a gorgeous red.

Ruby? Garnet? Or something else entirely…? Cut into a lozenge shape—diamond-like prism, with additional flat faces she could see herself in.

“Oooh, pretty,” she cooed, sounding slightly dazed.

As Raven did this, Rollo inspected her.

She was a small thing, no taller than his shoulders. Dressed in black (like a certain lizard he loathed), perhaps she would have registered as more of an enigma had there not also been a sort of… fluffiness to her, thanks to her voluminous feather shawl and skirt. The top hat skewed at a jaunty angle really did make her look like a childish miniature of NRC’s headmaster.

He honed in on her ears. They were pointed, certainly not the shape of a typical human’s. She had mentioned her tendencies as a corvid earlier, implying animal heritage—but the ears suggested fae, not beastman.

He took in the rest of her face. With her eyes cast downward like this, her thick lashes shaded honeyed amber colored irises. Sun dappled raven hair, highlighting the small, mysterious smile at her lips as she regarded his ring.

Such a simple-minded girl, he sneered. It’s no wonder she’s so easily manipulated by mages and sympathizes with their cause.

A creature captured and tames to be in service to vile villains—Rollo would be lying if he said some part of him vaguely felt pity for her circumstances. Perhaps if she was removed from NRC and given the proper guidance and instruction, she could see reason. (… despite how annoying he found her to be.)

No, she’s too far gone to be rescued, he argues with himself. Draconia has already sunken his claws into her feeble mind.

What a shame, the voice in the back of his head simpered. She could have been saved from sin. We could have understood one another.

Her eyes suddenly fliicked up. “… Rollo-senpai? I think I’m done. Thank you for letting me look.

He quietly gasped—he had been caught staring. Cheeks heating, Rollo hastily pulled his hand away. His shame was masked with a stern frown.

“… That is enough. Let us never speak of this again.”

“Hehe, it’s the very least I could do for you.” She grinned in an irksome manner, the snaggle-toothed smile reminding him of the less savory smirks sent his way by other NRC students. “It can be our little secret.”

"I do not wish to share any sort of a secret with you."

Raven raised her brows. "Were you not the one who requested that we no longer bring up this incident? So it's our little secret, whether you want it to be or not~"

"Which I don't," he clarified stubbornly.

That was the truth--wasn't it?

[ladylooch]

Loving & Leaving - Part 6

Visit the series page here.

A/N: The ending we all deserve 😭 Thank you so much for your love and support on this one. Writing these two was so fun and I secretly never want it to end. I did a quick lil poll on Saturday and you guys want to see more! So, there will be more at some point, probably sprinkled in with other requests. Or if you have an idea for me, send it over when requests open again!

Word Count: 4.6k

Warnings: SMUT 18+ Content, swearing, breastfeeding.

As an event planner, and a bride, I’m throughly impressed with how our wedding has turned out.

When Timo suggested on Day 2 of Lio’s life that we get married before the season, I looked at him like he was crazy. But then, Rhea came to visit us in the hospital. I casually mentioned the possibility of a small, September wedding to her. My best friend’s eyes began to sparkle.

“Just say go and I’ll get it together.” She held her hands in front of her face like she was pleading with me.

Timo said go before I could stop him.

The reality of it all coming together was better than if I had two years to plan it. Rhea and I called in favor after favor from our contacts. Our beloved vendors showed up in droves, offering their services despite the quickness to create a perfect day for us. The biggest surprise was the availability of the Storchen in Zurich. Their gorgeous banquet room easily houses the 75 people who are here to celebrate our nuptials. It’s a smaller group because of the timing, which is tine with us. Timo and I would have been fine just us and Lio. 

I’m grabbing another glass of champagne at the bar, taking the opportunity to appreciate our work. It really has been the best day. From getting ready, to the first look and our written vows, even when Lio spit up on Timo’s jacket and he had to go without for the ceremony. It was all perfect. I wouldn’t have changed a thing.

“Here you are. Congratulations, Emma!” Marc, the bar manager, cheers me with a wink.

“Thank you. For everything today.” 

“Only for you. We are going to miss you.”

“I’ll be back.” I nod earnestly.

And I will be. While Rhea is running our business in Switzerland, I’ll be launching it in New Jersey. I’m both excited and terrified at the prospect of going international with the little business I formulated out of college. Timo keeps assuring me there is no way I can fail. Not when we are together.

My lips twist up at the thought. I turn, leaning back against the bar and seeing my husband across the room in conversation with Nico and Philipp Kurashev. He looks so damn good tonight. I can barely wait to have him. He’s standing next to the wall of windows, sipping a drink and listening to Nico speak. A chuckle shakes his shoulders. His gaze lifts, scanning the people until his blue eyes rest on me. He scans along my body, smiling bigger in recognition of my look. He tosses me a wink. 

But there is no more game to play. We’ve already caught each other for life.

He moves back into conversation with my brother, adding something that makes both Nico and Phillipp laugh. I bite my lip, deciding I’m done not being the center of his attention. My brown eyes feast on my husband as I approach the three men. Timo laughs loudly and then takes a long pull from his whiskey. As he lowers the glass, his blue gaze finds me closer than before. Timo steps through the circle, completely uninterested in the conversation now that I’m within touching distance.

“Mrs. Meier.” It’s more than a greeting. The tone of his voice is ecstatic as his lips find mine. I sigh, melting briefly into his chest. One of his hands slides down my side to my ass, resting there confidently. 

“Your wife needs help.” I breath out when we pull apart.

“With?”

“Getting out of this dress.” His eyes deepen before scanning down my body. 

“Lead the way.” 

I slide my hand into his and we begin to walk from the room together. Soon, we are out of the event space and alone in the hall. Timo takes the opportunity to put his lips against my neck. I suck my cheeks in, nibbling briefly before an unstoppable moan falls from my mouth. I stop in front of the bridal suite, hand on the knob, tilting my head more to the side as his lips explore further. His tongue dips into the crook of my neck.

“Open the door.” He murmurs around his kisses. I do as I’m told so we can walk in together. Once the door is shut, he begins tugging at his tie. “You need help with something else besides this dress?” I bite my lip, nodding enthusiastically.

“There are rules to this though.” I say, watching him while trying to keep my desire at bay a little longer. “You need to undo the buttons completely. No ripping.” His eyes narrow slightly but he nods.

“Turn.” He demands as he approaches. I do so and sweep the curled tendrils of my hair into a bun at the nape of my neck. “Remember last time I took a dress off of you?” He presses his mouth to the meaty part of my neck, sinking his teeth in there for a moment.

“Yes, we have a six week old as a daily reminder.” Goosebumps break out onto my skin as I feel Timo’s fingers on the first button. I close my eyes and focus on deep breaths to take the edge off. I want him. Every part of him. Every inch of his skin on mine until the ache I have for him settles into something more bearable. The fabric begins to separate as he works a few more buttons loose. He stops for a moment, leaning forward and placing his lips against the indents bruising my skin. 

“Mmm.” I hum. Timo stills. 

“Baby.” His voice is a low, warning of a growl. “Let me rip this off you. I will buy you a new one.” My eyes open and meet his in the vanity mirror in front of us. He looks like a man possessed- blue eyes molten, tight jaw, nostrils flared. I shake my head because I can’t say the word no when he is looking at me like that. He sucks his cheeks in and pushes out a heavy exhale before continuing. 

His fingers move faster, more careless with each slice of skin exposed to him. Finally, the last button releases and the fabric loosens around my upper body. Timo’s hands slide around, finding my wet folds, brushing each of his fingers against them. I lean back into his chest as he stokes me. His jaw brushes my temple as I feel him pulling steady breaths into his lungs. My eyes open and I watch us together in the mirror. The grip of desire tugs at me from deep within and I pant when he grinds his hips into me. Even through the fabric of my dress, I can feel how hard he is.

“How are you going to fuck your wife for the first time?” I ask into the mirror. He grins as he nibbles against the side of my throat. His fingers stretch my folds open to forcefully press into my clit with his middle finger. My knees buckle, shoving my ass into his hard length.

“Exactly how she likes it.” He says against my wet skin. “Fast… and deep… until she can’t speak.”

With that, I pull my arms from the straps of my dress and turn. Timo wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me up so the dress falls completely to the ground.  He sets me down immediately. I begin tugging at his belt, needing him as quickly as possible. Timo watches me with those same hungry eyes as I pull him from his pants and slide my lips against the plumped head. I only get a few licks and sucks before he is pulling me off of him, guiding me to lean against the back of the couch. He shoves his pants the rest of the way down so they settle around his ankles. Then his hands are on my hips, roughly pulling me back to him. His plumped head bumps against my entrance before he eases me down. My fingers curl into fists at how tightly he fills me. 

“You okay?” He groans, aware that we haven’t had sex much since Lio was born. Sure, it’s a little uncomfortable, but I don’t care about that. The pain I need him to ease right now is a tight coil in my abdomen, begging for release. My manicured nails dig deeply into my palms as I assure him I’m fine and plead him to move.

“Fuck. My wife feels incredible.” He praises. He leans over me and begins to fuck me exactly like he told me he would. I reach back, shoving his white shirt away so our bodies can connect fully with no barriers. 

“T, I’ve been needing you like this all day” I cry. I feel his chest rumble with agreement along with a breathy kiss on my neck. “Just like that.” I encourage him as each thrust fills me completely. I wrap my hand around the back of his neck, then turn to wetly kiss his mouth.

“I can tell. You’re so wet.” He pulls out less and less each time until I feel the coil intensify to the point I can’t breathe. His balls slap me hard with each intense thrust. My mouth fades away from his as I feel the release begin. It crashes into me, rushing through my veins, tightening my nipples and making my husband groan deep in his chest. His grip on my hips is powerful as I feel his warm cum coat my walls. He pushes out a strangled breath, resting his forehead against my back. For a few moments, only our heavy breathing fills the room. Finally, Timo raises his head, placing kisses along my back where the divots are still present from my dress.

I stand to my full height and turn to drape my arms around his shoulders. He slides his arms around me, hands pressing me tightly to him. I lay my cheek against his chest. We sway gently, holding one another intimately after the best day of our lives.

“That was spectacular.” I murmur to him.

“That was just round one, baby.” He smooths my hair delicately as he talks.

“Good. Because I have something for you later that you’ll like.” I smile coyly, thinking of the bridal lingerie I purchased for us.

“We don’t… need to go back right? We can just leave and head to bed.”

“No.” I narrow my eyes at him, pulling away. “Plus, some things are worth the wait.”

“I hate waiting to have you.” He teasingly snarls his lip at me. I shrug my shoulders which makes my breasts dance against the buttons of his shirt. My nipples tighten into large points. Timo pouts, knowing they’re off limits. I chuckle lightly, stepping away from him. He immediately reaches for my hand, tugging me back into his chest. His ocean eyes drink me in- sparkling eyes, pink cheeks, and smudged lip paint from his kisses. The smile he gives me has my knees weak. “How am I lucky enough to have you forever?”

“I was just wondering the same thing.” I lean forward and give him a sweet, sincere kiss. His hand travels down, grabbing a fistful of my bare butt. “Love you, T. For the rest of my life.” We stare at each other for another few moments before a knock sounds at the door. Timo turns so my naked body is shielded by his.

“Hey! Meiers! It’s cake time!” I hear Rhea’s voice come through the door. “Quit fucking and get out here!” She doesn’t even give us a chance to respond before she is off down the hallway again, laughter following her steps.

“I think our reputation has caught up with us.” I press a final kiss to his lips before crossing the room for my reception dress. It’s ivory fabric that drapes to mid calf. The A line cut gives way to sleeves that drape along my biceps for an off the shoulder look. I slide into it then turn to my husband for him to zip me up. I rearrange my diamond necklace and kick off my heels to slide into sparkling, pink sneakers. I turn to Timo for his approval. 

“Perfect.” I nod in appreciation, then walk across the room to retouch my lipstick.

In the meantime, Timo redresses in his pants. He works the buttons of his shirt down so it isn’t tight against his throat anymore. He sheds his tie and rolls up his sleeves to expose his tan forearms. I pause from replacing the cap on my lipstick as he finishes the last roll of his shirt. Our eyes meet in the mirror again and we share a familiar smile.

“Ready, Mrs. Meier?” He reaches a hand out for me- the hand I get to hold for the remaining decades in my life. I click the cap into place and nod.

“Ready, Mr. Meier.” We both giggle then begin a leisurely walk to rejoin our party.

_ _ _

Our honeymoon is set to begin in under an hour, but Timo and I are struggling to get out of bed after our late night.

I’m feeding Lio, ghosting my fingers over his nose at each one of his suckles. Timo is scrolling through our reservations for Italy, making sure everything is in order before we leave. We picked Italy because it’s nostalgic for both of us. We have spent numerous family vacations there growing up, plus we didn’t want to be too far away from Lio for our first time away.

“Do you need anything?” Timo asks me, looking at Lio, surprised at seeing him still actively eating. He’s definitely in a growing stage.

“No, we are okay.” I assure him. I take my hand off Lio’s face, lacing my fingers with Timo’s left hand. I bring it to my face, kissing along his fingers while he checks the last reservation.

“Okay, I think we are all set.. whenever he is done.” As Timo says that, Lio releases, moving his face away.

“Magic!” I grin at my husband, handing Lio over.

Timo begins to pace the room with our son, exclaiming excitedly at every burp that works out of his little body. When he is done, they both return to the bed next to me. We soak in every little noise and expression on our baby’s face. A few bubbles of drool collect on his lips as he wiggles awkwardly around in my arms. Timo reaches out to wipe the the spit from Lio’s chin. My eyes catch the silver wedding ring around his finger. I turn to him, pressing my lips to his cheek. He works his lips over to mine, gliding his tongue along the seam of my mouth.

“Mmm, just like I thought last night. You taste better as my wife.” He murmurs. I wrinkle my nose in appreciation. Rounds 2 and 3 were pretty damn good.

“Maybe we can change our plans and take him with us?” I question, searching his blue eyes as a crease appears between his brows. 

“No. I don’t want to share you. Not even with the world’s cutest baby.” As if on cue, Lio blows spit bubbles, shoving his tongue out at us.

“He doesn’t want us to leave.” I giggle, bringing him up to my face to kiss his cheek.

“How we gonna give him a sibling if he’s in the room with us the whole time?”

“Shut your beautiful mouth. I am not doing that again right now.”

Timo’s laughter fills our room as I pant in exasperation.

“Next year?”

“Maybe.” I respond, brushing Lio’s brown locks off his forehead. His eyes close at my touch, snuggling deeper into my propped thighs.

“We need to go soon.” Timo reminds me.

“Five more minutes, daddy.” He nods, as I manuever my head into his lap. As he strokes his fingers through my hair, he lays his head against the headboard, eyes closing. We are quiet together, listening to Lio’s sweet noises as he begins to fall asleep sucking on his hand. “Thank you.” I break the silence, pressing a kiss to Timo’s abdomen. “For all the planned and unplanned parts of our life.”

“Not sure any of this was really planned.” He responds without opening his eyes. 

“Maybe not. But I dreamed of it… with you.” His eyes pop open to look down at me. “Two summers ago. On the dock at Nico’s house when he was in Milan. That’s when I fell in love with you.” His smile stretches his lips apart. “Yeah, I know. I suck for not admitting that sooner.” 

“No, I.. I knew, Em. That was when you started touching me different. And holding my hand in the car and laying with me for hours in bed, long after you should have kicked me out.”

“I didn’t like watching you leave much after that. It was a peek at our life together. And I liked it.”

“Me too. It’s why I started getting so frustrated with you.”

“How about I make it up to you for the next 60 years?” He sucks in a deep breath, looking at the ceiling like he’s really contemplating. I scoop Lio up to my face to press feathery kisses along his soft head while I wait. Timo watches me as I do this, unable to hide the joy that fills his body.

“Only because you look that beautiful holding our baby.” 

“Please, please, please, please let’s take him!” 

“No.” Timo insists. “Give him one last smooch and I’m bringing him to Auntie Liss.” I can’t just do one. So after five kisses, we leave the bed and meet Timo’s sister, Larissa, in our kitchen.

“Take him before she tries to smuggle him into the car.” Timo jokes, handing Lio to his sister. “He should be good to go for a couple of hours. Em just fed him and he’s been changed. Hopefully he will be passed out before we leave the driveway.”

“Okay! Are you ready to have some fun, bubs?” She bounces him, lightly patting his butt too. “We will be fine.” She says to where I watch across the room. I bite my lip, giving pleading eyes to my husband.

“You promised me 60 years of make up sex. And you’re paying up starting the minute we check in.”

“That is not what I said!” I widen my eyes at his sister. She shrugs.

“I don’t care what you do as long as it keep giving me these cute babies.”

“Call if you need anything or have any questions or…”

“Bye!” Timo calls as he places his hands on my hips, forcing me backwards.

“One more kiss.”

“You’re making this harder on yourself.” He chuckles.

I know he is right, but it doesn’t make it any easier to leave.

When we arrive in Italy, our hotel staff greets us with enthusiasm. They grab all of our bags, hand us each a cappuccino, and personally escort us to the honeymoon villa on the property. It’s decked out to the nines with charcuterie and snacks. The best part is a bucket of champagne chilling on the table for us along with a box of chocolate covered strawberries. Timo wiggles his eyebrows excitedly at me, grabbing the chilled bottle.

“Wanna grab some glasses, baby?” He asks me, untwisting the metal basket atop the cork.

I glance around, seeing a few wine glasses resting by the fridge.

“These will do.” I insist, setting them in front of him. He gives us both a healthy pour.

“To us. Forever.” He clinks our glasses together as I smirk. I take a big swallow of bubbles, enjoying their explosions along my tongue. “Oh this is excellent.” He nods his head, turning the bottle to look at the label again. 

As he does that, I set my glass back on the counter and reach out for the button of his shorts. He quickly turns from the bottle with curious and excited eyes. 

“You said pay up right away.” I shrug innocently.

I work his zipper down, then glide my hand into his underwear. I stroke him once, then twice, maintaining eye contact with each pass over his length. I grin when I get him to close his eyes in a long blink. He exhales gently, firming fully in my hand as I stroke my thumb along his thick vein. I lean forward, filling his mouth with my tongue. He matches my aggressive kisses, both of us sucking each others lips.

“I want you down my throat.” I tell him when I pull away. He observes with greedy eyes as I get on my knees. My hair is down, but his hands work it back from my face so he can watch his cock inch into my mouth. His jaw drops open in a strangled groan as I take him all the way back immediately. His abdominal muscles tighten under where my nose bumps into them.

“Baby.” He moans as I wrap my fingers around the base of his shaft, stroking up as my throat wraps around his tip. “Oh fuck.” He jolts as I work his balls over with my other hand. “Again.” He begs me, fingerprints pressing firmly into my neck to push himself deeper. He opens his eyes, looking down at me on my knees. “You look so good right now with my cock in your mouth.” He reaches down to put his hand in my bra, palming my breast. I release his balls to grip his wrist as a reminder my breasts are filled with milk. “I know. Just gonna hold ‘em.”

“Am I being a good wife?” I ask him, dragging my tongue along the vein from base to tip.

“The best. You were made for me, baby.” He holds my chin, sputtering as I rest him against my tongue, wiggling along the cleft of his head.

“This mouth is yours now. Take it.” I sit back on my heels, mouth dropped open, tongue out as he guides himself back in. He widens his stance a bit, then puts his hands on both sides of my head and begins to fuck my mouth. He is gentle at first, then as he gets closer, he is wild. I reach up, gripping my hand tightly along his base and rolling his balls in my hand. His fingers spread along my whole head now, watching each flicker of joy in my eyes at his moans.

“I’m close.” He warns me, but I already know. He is tight and pulsing in my hand, begging for release as he slides a bit further down my throat. I hold back my gag, relaxing my throat so he can get to where he wants to be. I wiggle my tongue along the bottom. He sputters out a grunt, then brings himself a bit out of my mouth so I can collect his cum by stoking him through. I curl my tongue in, bringing the salty ribbons together to show him my collection. Then I fold it all back, swallowing it as he watches with hooded lids.

“When is dinner?” He eventually gathers the words to speak.

“Ten minutes.”

“We need to skip it.” He insists as I tuck him back into place. I work his zipper back up, then replace his button. Besides the taste of him in my mouth, it’s like it never happened. I smile, thinking of the times that used to matter when I would suck him off in the bathroom at Nico’s house before we would return, separately, to whatever party my brother was hosting.

“I need to eat.” I respond. He reaches his hands out for me to take and pulls me to a standing position.

“How? I just fed you.” 

“Ah!” I laugh, slapping at his chest. “Let me fix my lipstick and we can head to dinner.”

“Okay, but no pasta. I want you ready to go later.”

“Do not ever tell me what I can and can’t eat.” I snap, pointing my finger at his nose. He still has a faint scar from the big playoff hit two years ago. He rolls his eyes at my exaggeration, feigning like he’s going to bite my finger off.

“You’re going to fall asleep before I can have you, huh? You’ll be like, no let’s just cuddle for a minute, then I’ll be ready.” He mocks me with a loud snore. I scoff. I do not snore. He does since his broken nose.

“Maybe.” I shrug, sauntering to my purse to grab my YSL pink lipstick. “Tell you what. If I do, you can wake me up at 2 am to fuck. Like old times.”

“Deal.” He muses, folding his hands together against my stomach. He rests his chin on my shoulder, watching me in the mirror with adoring baby blues as I stroke the pink onto my lips. “You are so beautiful.” He says against my shoulder as he drops plump kisses along my warm skin.

“It’s cause I’m in love.” I turn my face to him. He gently kisses me, then pulls away completely.

“I’m going to head to the lobby and check in with the front desk about breakfast tomorrow. I’ve got a surprise for you.” He wiggles his brows at me tauntingly. “See you in five minutes?”

“Yeah.” 

“Kay. I love you, Emma Meier.” I widen my eyes excitedly at my new name.

“I love you.” I whisper back. He sighs happily, staring at me for another few seconds, then disappears from our room.

After freshening up, I go to where Timo waits for me in the hotel lobby. His back is towards me as I come from the courtyard, admiring him. He’s wearing a white, linen button up shirt, stretched wide across his strong shoulders. His hands are in his khaki pockets, expensive Swiss watch shining in the low lighting. The sun is setting over the rolling, grassy hills in front of him as he gazes out at the Italian country side. I fold my bottom lip into my mouth, taking in the way he commands attention from the other patrons. He looks so expensive and compelling. The rest of the world wishes to know him- what’s going on behind that intense blue gaze. 

Sometimes, only I know.

As I approach, I reach out for his arm, threading my hand through to dive into his pocket. Our fingers glide together. I’m blissful as the warm metal of his ring strokes my skin.

“You waiting for someone?” I inquire to him like we are strangers. He dips his gaze to me, ignoring the spectacular beauty dancing in front of us to look only at me.

“Yeah, the love of my life.” 

“Ah, I better go then.” I move to leave, but his hand possessively holds me in place. 

“You and your fucking jokes.” He mutters against my mouth. My shoulders shake with a silent laugh lost on his tongue.

“You’ve always been mine.” I soothe his mild frustration, gliding my hands along his abdomen to hold the muscular swells of his back. “Will be in our next lifetime too.” He rests his chin on my head in a gentle hug.

“You gonna avoid me for years then too?”

“Probably. You gonna put up with that?” He teases his lips over mine, pulling me tighter to him so I can feel him rigid against my stomach.

We aren’t going to make it to dinner.

“Yeah.” It’s a breathless sigh from his mouth. “What can I say? I’m a sucker for your loving & leaving.”

[c0ffee-gh0ul]

Can you write about Ken Katayanagi x fem!reader that used to be friends but one of them moved to another country and now they met again?

This was a really cool one to write! I went in a direction that I don't usually go in, so I hope you like it!

ONESHOT: KEN KATAYANAGI X FEM!READER

Y/N was a traveler. She couldn’t stay put in one place for too long. After she graduated from college in New York, she knew she wanted to see the world. For five years, she traveled from country to country. Y/N decided that instead of constantly coming and going, she was going to stay somewhere for awhile, and that place was Toronto, Canada.

After being a nomad for so long, settling into one place for a long period of time felt foreign to her. She was social enough, though. She wouldn’t have a problem making friends.

She spent her first few days getting a lay of the land around her. Talking to locals about recommendations for restaurants, entertainment, etc. Her first stop was Second Cup, a coffee shop in the city center that lots of locals raved about.

“Good morning, what can I get for you?” A short woman with long, brunette hair stood behind the counter with a smile on her face, ready to take Y/N’s coffee order.

“Um…” Y/N glanced up at the menu and wasn’t sure what to ask for. “What do you recommend? It’s my first time here.”

“Do you like caramel? A lot of people love our caramel macchiatos,” The woman replied. Y/N looked at her nametag that read “Stacey.”

“That sounds pretty good, actually,” Y/N agreed.

“So, it’s your first time here? Are you from around here?” Stacey asked.

“No, actually, I’m from New York,” Y/N replied. “I’ve been traveling a lot for the last five years and decided I wanted to actually stop and settle somewhere, at least temporarily.”

“Oh, nice! My brother’s girlfriend is from New York. What part are you from?” Stacey continued the conversation while making Y/N’s coffee.

“Upstate, in the mountains,” She replied.

“That’s where she’s from!” Stacey exclaimed, placing Y/N’s coffee on the counter between them. “Her name is Ramona Flowers. Maybe you know her?”

“Sounds familiar…” Y/N pondered.

“She’s got like, 11 evil exes, and her hair is a different color every time I see her, and she’s got serious roller-blading skills,” Stacey continued.

“Evil exes?” Y/N raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah! My brother totally had to fight all of them in order to even date her,” Y/N thought this girl was crazy. Evil exes? Fighting? What is this, a video game? “I’m Stacey, by the way.”

“Y/N,” The two of them shook hands. “Do you know anyone else from New York?”

“I’m pretty sure all of those evil exes are from there,” Stacey replied. “Matthew, Lucas, Todd… Well, Todd is technically from Montreal… Roxie, Gideon… Oh! And the twins… Ken and Kyle.”

“Ken and Kyle? I knew twins with the same names. We went to college together,” Y/N pointed out. “What’s their last name?”

“Something japanese, I think,” Stacey shrugged. “I won’t even try to pronounce it.”

“Could it be Katayanagi?” Y/N asked, sipping her macchiato.

“That’s it!” Stacey replied.

“What a small world…” Y/N mumbled. “Are they here? In Toronto?”

“I think so,” Stacey replied. “I get off work in, like, five minutes. Come with me to Ramona’s and she can tell you.”

Y/N agreed, even though the whole thing seemed a little weird to her. She didn’t care, though. Ken Katayanagi was her best friend in college, but once she started traveling, they lost touch.

“Oh, hey, Stacey. Who’s this?” Ramona answered the door once the two arrived.

“This is Y/N. I met her at work. Apparently she knows Ken and Kyle,” Stacey explained briefly, walking into the house.

“Come on in, I guess,” Ramona chuckled. “You know the twins?”

“Yeah, um, we went to college together. Ken and I were really close,” Y/N replied. She looked closer at Ramona’s face and finally realized why she sounded familiar. “You were dating Ken, right? Or was it Kyle?”

“Both, actually,” Ramona admitted, her face turning red.

“See, told ya!” Stacey chimed in.

“Did she tell you about the league?” Ramona rolled her eyes playfully.

“The league?”

“Evil exes, Y/N!” Stacey reminded her.

“Oh, um, yeah, she did,” Y/N replied. “Ken and Kyle are evil now?”

“Not exactly, but, sure,” Ramona returned.

“Do you know where they are? Ken, specifically?” Y/N asked.

“Yeah, Ken’s here,” Ramona said.

“In Toronto?”

“No, here, in my house,” She chuckled. “Scott wanted to learn how to play keyboard, so Ken volunteered to teach him.”

“Wait, who’s Scott?”

“My boyfriend,”

“I thought he, like, had to fight him and Kyle?” Y/N felt like she was dreaming. What kind of alternate reality was this? “Oh, he did. They’re cool now,” Stacey butted in before Ramona could respond.

“Ken! Someone’s here to see you!” Ramona called up the stairs. Footsteps approached until Ken stopped at the stair landing, looking at Y/N, who was at the bottom of the stairs.

“Y/N?” He said, shocked.

“Hi, Ken,” Y/N smiled.

“Where have you been?” Ken descended down the stairs to come face-to-face with Y/N.

“All over the world,” She replied.

“How did you end up here?” Ken had so many questions.

“Small world, I guess,” Y/N answered in short. “How’s Kyle?”

“He’s good! The two of us are musicians now,” Ken said.

“So, going to college for robotics was for nothing?” Y/N joked.

“Not at all! We’ve got this cool robot that can time travel,” Ken countered.

Y/N couldn’t believe she was reunited with her best friend. She thought she would never see him again.

[wihinaphe-makhoche]

5/28 thoughts: why i hate transandentalism

today's ruminations about land access and landback.

i've been listening to this really amazing podcast episode by redefining conservation, part of the the sierra club maine.

part of my work around land access (and landback) is centered around the "re-story-iation" of land, a term coined by botanist robin wall kimmerer. i've been really focused on peeling back the layers of colonialism and how much our relationship to land permeates every aspect of our lives.

as a storyteller, artist, and lover of english classes (especially through high school), its difficult for me not to bring back my thoughts to artistic and writing movements. transandentalism, for those not in the know, was an american literary, philosophical, spiritual, and artistic movement in the 1820s and 1830s. it tended to be especially focused on new england. one of the biggest influences in the movement was henry david thoreau, known for his trip to walden pond in massachusetts, as well as his experiences in the maine woods near mt. katahdin.

while i've often understood it well, being raised unitarian universalist, i've found myself questioning and resenting the movement. something about it has never sat right with me.

both nyalat and lokotah highlight excellent points that have been needling at me for over a decade-- much as today's instagram and tiktok influencers sell the aesthetic of "off the grid" and more "natural" lifestyles, so too did transandentalists preach a lifestyle in seeing the divinity in the natural world. i think its understandable to seek to return to one's perceived roots as industrialization continues to whittle away at one's sanity. but we must ask ourselves who can afford to step away-- it is much easier for the wealthy to seek aesthetic resource extraction when the cities and towns become to "dirty" or "impoverished" for their liking. the natural world to them was-- perhaps is-- "empty" now that the indigenous people had been driven onto reservations, cities, or forcibly disconnected. but whose land are they stepping into? who are they driving out in their search for divinity in the natural world? what privilege does this speak of?

today, accessing a place like acadia national park for a week is $35; not much for some, but as the cost of living continues to hike and wages continue to stagnate, this may still be "too much" for a lot of people, especially those who have been historically financially and socially marginalized. as i wait for my paycheck and college funds to come in (which keep me afloat) and watch my bank account drain (and thus ask myself if i'll be able to afford rent, my car payment, and every other bill), this becomes more poignant. who can afford to experience the natural world? do they realize how much national parks are selling an aesthetic resource, that this is a sculpted landscape?

in a conversation with my mentor earlier today, i expressed the feeling of having land access denied as an elder being stolen. to indigenous people, our relations are not just other humans, but the land and all its inhabitants. as robin wall kimmerer puts it in her book braiding sweetgrass, humans are the younger brothers of all else. the trees, plants, and animals are our older brothers and sisters, our elders, our teachers. in my journey towards reconnection, i've found that returning to culture is in community as much as it is in reconnecting with land. turtle island is and always will be my home. in not being able to access these places, we are not able to connect and speak with our elders.

im glad that people can learn to value the natural world. but i think its worth examining who is able to access it--are they wealthy? white? who lived there before, what was the purpose of the place? what are their concepts of land ownership? who are they preventing access from?

more thoughts later. but what i've been ruminating on today.

what my thoughts have been guided by today:

the "redefining conservation" podcast

braiding sweetgrass

conservation's role in indigenous land-taking

[saturdaynightghostclub]

thinking ab your characters and their hypothetical interests lol

in my head donnie has a baseball card collection worth thousands and is super into old video games

i feel like arthur is super thrifty and takes cool pictures on old cameras

adrian is a star wars fan

leander is really into some random rich people sport

and theo is thee biggest film snob

Oh I LOVE this! You’re so dead on, this is exactly what I would have said. If I can add a few, this is what I think the guys would collect/be into in their everyday lives:

Donnie: baseball cards, the Atari, VHS tapes (think Alien, The Fly, Jurassic Park but also Johnny Dangerously, Flash Gordon, The Last Dragon), Converse in too many different colors, those bobbleheads they give out at baseball games, every drawing and art project his nieces have ever given him, and Motown music (especially Gladys Knight—he can’t hit the high notes in Midnight Train to Georgia, but damn it if he doesn’t try)

Arthur: old sweaters, wool socks, film photography, leatherbound journals (he doesn’t really write in them, he just likes to have them lying around), used books that smell like cigarettes, really shitty coffee, Nick Drake, Mazzy Star, and certain Rolling Stones albums. He has a vintage turntable and displays whatever album he’s listening to on two thumbtacks he’s wrestled into the wall.

Adrian: Star Wars (especially the lost Christmas special, which he inexplicably has a copy of), Arnold Palmers, those boat parades that cross the Puget Sound, soft vintage leather, certain knitwear, Pulp, Seattle sourdough (he’s never tried the San Francisco stuff), disco balls, and rooftop patios. He’s a tricky one to pin down.

Leander: the boy is so into lacrosse. He’s got a friend on a recreational women’s team, and he’s dragged you to probably a hundred of her games. He also loves pontoon boats, though those are reserved for special occasions. See also: aftershave, aran sweaters, David Sedaris (eventually), jazz clubs, walks in the park, long coats, late-night diners, and, oddly enough, Violent Femmes.

Theo: “Spielberg is a genius” and it’s just that scene from ET where the camera pans over a cliff (he’s right and you know it), psychoanalyzing Cronenberg characters, Ralph Lauren, runner’s high, little treats after work, classic romantic literature (E.M. Forster), Dungeons and Dragons, college radio. He also buys every season of The X-Files on VHS as it comes out. He says he likes the psychology of the characters, but you know he’s got such a thing for Agent Scully.

Clark: REM, dancing in the kitchen (not even in a romantic way—like, headbanging to Pixies while he makes pasta), immediately throwing his necktie on the floor when he gets home, noise machines, going to Guitar Center just to “try everything out” (he doesn’t know how to play), that little corner in the record store where you can put on headphones and sample an album. Also Seattle public transportation, even when it sucks.

Also, sweet anon, I did see your other ask! Working on something extra special for ya, hang tight ♥️ I love this kind of prompt, it’s so fun for characterization and I love the opportunity to challenge myself by thinking about what makes these characters different from each other. Thank you so much love!

[starseneyes]

Did you like the confession of feelings from 5.08? From Tim and Lucy?

Hey, Anon! Thanks for the message. This is a tricky one.

I tend not to post my negative thoughts much on here. Partly because I understand that so much of a show comes together because of many parties contributing to an overall whole. Showrunners. Writers. Actors. Producers. Networks. Editors. Directors. Directors of Photography. And the list goes on.

There are things that bug me sometimes about any number of areas, but I tend to keep it to myself. It doesn't seem productive to point something out on an episode that's "in the can" and mentioning it does nothing but come off as whining.

So, I'll answer this honestly because you asked directly—I liked it, but didn't love it, simply because I was confused in the middle, and that pulled me out of the moment.

I have a very hard time being "in the moment" with any television show. Let me explain why:

My mother's a hair and makeup artist in the industry. When I was a kid, I was very badly bullied by classmates, teachers, and even guidance counselors. I was slapped, kicked, tripped, punched, threatened, and had my belongings hidden, manure put in my backpack, and zero support at the school level.

My Mom's answer? She would write me a sick note and take me on set. Most of the directors were super nice, and would invite me to sit behind them at the monitors so I could watch everything.

Sometimes I helped at Craft Service. Sometimes I simply sat and watched scenes. Sometimes I was an extra. I even acted a bit way back in the day. Many of the folks would talk to me, tell me about what they did and why.

At night, my mother left her scripts out for me to collate. Sometimes, we'd get dailies or advanced copies of the episodes and I'd get to sit down and see how they compared to the script. Then compare that to the as-aired editions. I was always fascinated by the changes that came down.

I wrote my first script at 13, an episode of Star Trek: Voyager. I was complimented for the dialogue being spot-on, and to this day the biggest compliments I get are on dialogue and character. For whatever reason, that's always come easy.

I grew up in a very strange way as a set kid who also fell in love with how it all worked. I was a Film Minor in college and had a lot of fun getting blood advice from my mother (drop of blue), and I loved editing.

On top of that, one of my first jobs as a kid was doing voice replacement for Anime. And I spent about 20 years as a contract player with Studio Center doing commercials, books on tape, on-hold messages, and whatnot.

All that to say—lots of stuff stands out to me that most people don't care about a lick. I get excited by camera movements and continuity. I marvel at what we can do with drones vs having to hire a helicopter. I think about the lighting and how to motivate directionality depending on the scene.

Lucy and Tim's conversation (wow, I finally found my way back to the plot) is very them.

I've seen the shows where people have big, over-reaching confessions of their love for one another. And it fit. those. characters.

Tim and Lucy have a history of running from their feelings. For Lucy, she thought that Tim rejected her when he encouraged her to go to UC School. For Tim, he thinks that he's her greatest mistake—an almost that never should have been.

So this whole episode, Tim has been trying to encourage Lucy as a friend. He's not looking for anything. He truly is doing what he can for her, because he doesn't think she wants more. He thinks "she wants me to be her friend" and he's going to do it to his utmost.

Lucy's not even thinking about breaking up with Chris until Tim says she deserves someone who's worth the effort. That gets her brain going. Then Tim points out that Chris loves her, and she admits she doesn't love him.

"He's just not—"

You. You. We all know it's YOU. And as she's now reeling, because even if she didn't say it aloud, she thought it. "He's just not you."

And what do you do with that type of realization? That you're comparing this other guy you're actively dating to the guy beside you. So, Lucy Chen finishes out her shift, gets changed, and sets out to talk to Tim about the whole thing.

She goes into that conversation with the motivation that she wants to talk about them. But Tim's still in friend-mode, so he doesn't see the signals.

That's why it burst out of her. And I don't mind that. I don't mind it at all.

But Tim not acknowledging the change of conversational direction has always bothered me. Especially when it looks like they cut a line from him that very well may have been, "If we do this."

We skipped straight to, "No, you're right." And the first time through, I was super confused, I'll admit. The lack of acknowledgement from Tim just threw me.

There are probably a lot of people out there who weren't bothered at all. But watching Tim's body language indicate a line that was cut really confused me, and then his lack of acknowledgement of the change of direction puzzled me.

Again, you asked my thoughts directly, so I'm giving them openly. But I can hear a bunch of people rolling their eyes at me. Yes, I know I'm odd and what bothers me in a scene is odd.

Because, I don't have beef that Lucy blurted out what was really going on between them because she got impassioned by Tim's assertions about her fear and answered unthinkingly.

I think that's completely in character, especially considering her entire motivation in this scene was to feel that out with Tim. And Tim's surprise and trying to process is in-character, too, but I really missed that conversational transition the first time through. And it still stands out to me on every re-watch.

I know some people wanted a big, emotional love confession... but that's not Tim and Lucy. Neither of them is big about making speeches.

Tim talks often in two or three word sentences (see "Unless it is"). Lucy speaks rapidly, sometimes, but not in an overly elloquent fashion littered with metaphors and emotional revelations. They both tend to be fairly to-the-point in how they communicate.

If we were to get something flowery and flowy from Lucy, I'd expect it in her wedding vows, when she's had time to sit and compose something. She'll attack it like she does her UC work—thoroughly.

And Tim will find ways to show Lucy how he feels. He's more of a show guy, remember? Words aren't his forté, and if they suddenly were, it would be out of character.

Lucy speaks Tim. So, she'll know by his actions how much he loves and cherishes her.

And much as Lucy uses her words, I'd expect more pet-names and short bursts of affection (like telling him he'd do great on his first day) combined with the pranking and awkward photos that have been prevalent throughout their relationship, no matter the phase.

So, did I like the confession? Yes. It was very in-character. Did I love it? No. I had a bit of a hangup, but that's just me. I bet nobody else even noticed, or if they did, they didn't care.

I'm not here to criticize the Writers. I know the care that goes into crafting these characters and their relationships. The hours spent working together to break story, drafts, network notes, and so on. There are so many layers before we even get on-set to start shooting the darn thing.

I think a grand confession from either of them would have felt forced, heavy-handed, wildly out-of-character, and out of the character of the show as a whole. It wouldn't make sense to compromise the integrity of The Rookie for the sake of Chenford.

I do hope that answers your question (and makes a modicum of sense). It's entirely just my opinion! Everyone's mileage may vary, and that's part of what makes fandom fun. Thanks for the message!!

[axolotlclown]

Would you happen to have some studies to back up the "more than one coffee means you're addicted" thing, please? Pretty sure I've seen that disproven as a lens to understand addiction through at all

~ 🪴

Hey! So sorry I never saw this anon. It never appeared in my notifs and I'm really bad about checking my askbox.

You have asked a question that falls in line with a field I am very passionate about! I found some interesting articles in my school library. I'm going to go ahead and write this response, but I'm still waiting on access to a few journals. I'll have to convert those ones to PDFs as they are likely behind paywalls.

Anyway, here's my long post where I intend to rant about a lot of different barely related topics. Caffeine addiction is one of those really controversial but historically significant subjects in psychology!

So let me start off with how to read and break down a journal. It's one of those things where if you don't go to college and specifically major in a research related field, no one ever teaches you how to do it. That sucks.

So when you're looking at a journal, the first thing you want to do is background check the author. What school did they go to? What degrees do they have? (For research, they should have a Ph.D. no matter what.) What is their current place of employment?

Often companies, or other private businesses, will commission someone to do some research and fudge the results to make that company look better. We saw this recently in regards to gender affirming care. The United States House of Representatives had proposed legislation to restrict gender affirming care for transgender youth. The Republican sponsor of the bill had presented a single piece of research that he claimed was significant. The research found that transition regret rates were somewhere in the 30% range. (I don't remember exactly and I know that I could quickly look it up, but I just spent the past two hours reading addiction research. I'll find it tomorrow.) Upon looking into the author and the sponsors of this research, psychologists found that the journal the congressman presented was commissioned by a conversation therapy center in Florida. The research held obvious bias, poor peer review, and inconclusive results. The bill didn't pass. I'm not sure they even voted on it, actually.

Anyway, this is why we need to be critical of the research we read. Chocolate, wine, caffeine, gender dysphoria, and autism are notorious subjects that require more scrutiny before reading.

So, caffeine addiction. This is a subject that more than one field is interested in. Before you read an article, you need to be sure what question you are asking. Psychologists are concerned with a more scientific or factual approach. In this context, a psychologist would be researching the concrete effects of caffeine on mood, sleep, and other psychological disorders. Sociologists are more concerned with the overall social consequences of caffeine addiction. They would be asking how mood and sleep affected family, work, and personal welfare. For your question, we're going to look into the psychological aspect. Also, I'm studying psychology, not sociology, so I would feel like an idiot answering those types of questions.

This distinction matters. When I opened my school's EBSCOHost database, I simply typed in "caffeine addiction" to start. I was bombarded with sociological articles and journals about the affects of caffeine addiction on productivity at work and on mood. Strange overlap with psychology. Two problems: some of the top articles had researchers with ties to coffee companies, and all "caffeine addicts" were self-reported. For the latter, this meant that there was no standard for how much caffeine was consumed. Rather than being a concrete article about caffeine consumption, it was more of a survey of public opinion. You want to avoid those unless you specifically want to know about the public opinion. Even psychologists run surveys all the time (they're cheap and easy), but people often lie on surveys, even if they're anonymous.

So I typed in more specific key words and came up with these articles. I'll talk about some without leaving a link, but that's because I had to request the PDFs for sharing. I'll come back to this post and link them. (Let me know if the ones I do link are broken.)

Okay, so I'm going to start off with a journal that interested me, personally. This study actually observed the effects of caffeine on psychiatric patients. This is an important reminder that different drugs influence different brains. Someone with ADHD experiences caffeine differently for a neurotypical person. Caffeine is a stimulant, and ADHD medications are stimulants. Cool. What about other disorders?

Here's the Sparknotes of the study, "Caffeine intoxication was more prevalent in psychiatric patients than in healthy subjects. The amount of caffeine intake was shown to be associated positively with the severity of pathology and inversely with sleep quality."

The study goes more into depth about the different psychological disorders that different patients had. There were 401 patients participating in this study (150 healthy individuals). Overall, continuous caffeine intake showed a decline in sleep quality and a general increase in severity of other mental illnesses.

So what causes that? What is caffeine? Here's an article that looks into studies about caffeine consumption and performance, as well as what the causes of an addiction could be and what constitutes an addiction. This is one I recommend giving a read, as it helps to illuminate a common problem with researching intoxicants.

Here's the big take away: "Although caffeine is widely perceived to have beneficial psychostimulant effects, appropriately controlled studies show that its apparent beneficial effects on performance and mood are almost wholly attributed to reversal of the withdrawal effects that occur after fairly short periods of abstinence (e.g. overnight)."

In habitual coffee users, the increase of mood and performance after consumption of caffeine is caused by the removal of withdrawal symptoms. Grouchy mood and lack of coordination are symptoms of caffeine withdrawal. Where one may perceive positive reinforcement for initial consumption, for habitual consumers, withdrawal symptoms become a negative reinforcement.

So, for people that drink coffee everyday, it's less about getting the positive effects of caffeine, but rather avoiding the negative effects of withdrawal. This can be classified as an addiction. There is now a reliance on this substance.

Something this article also points out is that caffeine is not just found in coffee. It's found in chocolate and most medications these days as well. Therefore, complete stone cold abstinence from caffeine can be next to impossible, making control groups difficult to find. This leads to the varying research and controversy between psychologists.

Okay, but coffee can't be as bad as alcohol or anything right? Caffeine is practically harmless! Let's take a look into an article discussing the health impacts of caffeine. (I'll provide the full text to this one tomorrow.)

In Dr. Saimaiti's article titled, "Dietary Sources, Health Benefits, and Risks of Caffeine," she explores the benefits of occasional consumption of caffeine and weighs them against habitual overconsumption of caffeine.

While occasional consumption can actually improve mood and cognitive ability, these benefits are lost with daily consumption.

Few people drink their coffee black. For those that put creamer, milk (especially oat), or straight sugar or syrups in their coffees daily, they may be overconsuming sugar. This is especially hard on an empty stomach. This is part of the reason you "crash" later in the day. The sugar raises your blood sugar. For most healthy people, this may not be the biggest deal in the world. For others, it could be a key factor in developing diabetes later in life. In general, don't drink coffee on an empty stomach. Have it with a meal. It's also easier on your liver.

Speaking of liver, what does your body do with the caffeine after you drink it? Caffeine follows the same principle as alcohol. Occasional consumption of red wine can help thin your blood and lower your hemoglobin (something that women may be more concerned about as they get older). However, daily consumption of wine can cause stress on the liver and potentially lead to dementia later in life (I say potentially because there has been a correlation, but no solid research as to why. While correlation does not always mean causation, it's important to acknowledge them in the meantime.)

Caffeine behaves in the same way. Continuous consumption of caffeine can put some real stress on your liver over time.

Caffeine is dangerous for those with cardiovascular problems. While this seems like a "duh!" point, many people don't know that they may be prone to cardiovascular issues until an event happens. This sounds like fear mongering, but it's something to take into account.

The article discusses pregnant women as well, but I would hope that's intuitive? Maybe not? If you're pregnant you should avoid intoxication in all forms.

I'll drop this quote from the conclusion of the article for now (I felt weird quoting text that you can't access yet, so I'll come back with more quotes when I can give you the PDF): "the long-term or over-consumption of caffeine can lead to addiction, insomnia, migraine, and other side effects."

The point is, caffeine consumption can be more dangerous to some than others in general, but excessive consumption with lack of knowledge can lead to long-term damage to one's health.

Okay, that study talks about a relatively small niche. Let's get broad. Let's talk about sleep and cognitive performance. (Another study I'll have the PDF for tomorrow.)

In Dr. Gottselig's article titled, "Random Number Generation During Sleep Deprivation: Effects of Caffeine on Response Maintenance and Stereotypy," she looks at the effects caffeine has on cognitive performance during sleep deprivation.

The conclusions of this research makes a very important point: "caffeine preserves simple aspects of cognitive performance during sleep deprivation, whereas caffeine may not prevent detrimental effects of sleep deprivation on some complex cognitive functions."

This article particularly found that while small cognitive functions such as motor ability improved with caffeine, complex cognitive functions such as problem solving and memory declined.

While a college student could read this and understand that pulling an all nighter and drinking 10 Red Bulls probably won't help them pass their test, there's something much more to be said about these findings.

One sleep deprived night won't kill you, and certainly drinking a cup of coffee to get you through the day won't either. But caffeine cannot prevent the damage that regular sleep deprivation does. Sleep deprivation leads to memory loss, worsening symptoms of depression/anxiety/ADHD, increased chances of developing dementia early (this one is real), and a decline in overall cognitive ability.

Rough. But it is a trap. If you have insomnia, caffeine may feel like your only choice to be somewhat functioning throughout the day. Caffeine promotes symptoms of insomnia. It's a vicious cycle if you can't afford proper treatment, and one, that I hope, that will be addressed with time.

So if you have the ability, it's better to prioritize a good night's sleep. I'll come back to this.

For now, why is caffeine addiction so controversial then? Well, it may not be for long. While there was a push to add "caffeine" to the list of diagnosable addiction in the DSM since the 1980's, the inconsistent and inconclusive research has led to a standstill. As we say with Dr. Jame's article, it is difficult to get a control group for caffeine. However, as research for alcohol and marijuana progresses, our knowledge of how to properly study intoxicants does as well.

The long-term health side effects of caffeine are still being studied as well. While this aspect isn't unique to caffeine at all (marijuana, for example, is just now getting approved for research, where before it was illegal), it's still worth acknowledging what we do know, for now at least.

So, coming back to the DSM. There's a new one coming out pretty soon. It's the talk of the town among psychologists right now. Everyone is arguing about what should be in the DSM-6. It'll be crazy when it does come out. Autism, OCD, Gender Dysphoria, Borderline Personality Disorder, and Facial Dysmorphia are just a few examples of disorders that will likely be completely recategorized.

(Unrelated, but Autism Spectrum Disorder is a big one because a lot of psychologists are arguing that it shouldn't be classified as a disorder at all. The reason being is that Autism is so common, that psychologists are theorizing that the majority of the population falls on the spectrum somewhere. Either way, the diagnosis is about to completely change because of this fact.) (Well, all of them are big ones. I could make a whole separate post about it.)

Anyway, the push to make caffeine diagnosable is becoming a promising endeavor as research continues to come out.

One psychiatrist pushing for this is Ronald Griffiths. In his opinion piece, Griffiths recalls his patients experiencing caffeine withdrawal symptoms that led to a decline in the quality of life. One of his patients was diagnosed with breast cancer and needed to stop drinking coffee immediately. This patient struggled with severe withdrawal symptoms that were difficult to manage while on cancer treatment.

Griffiths explains how difficult it was to treat this patient because it wasn't something he could easily diagnose with the DSM-5, something insurance companies use to decide whether they're going to pay for care or not. Add on the bills for cancer treatment, and you rapidly have a distressing situation on your hands.

Joseph DeRupo, spokesman for the National Coffee Association in the U.S. as quoted in this article states, "What we have here is really the opinion of one scientist who is a lone voice against the accepted view of the scientific community."

Lone voice? In barely an hour I was able to find 5 credible articles, all backed by credible researchers, supporting the understanding that American society consumes too much caffeine. You can take a General Psych class in college and the textbook would spend half a chapter going over caffeine addiction and the controversial research around it. Coffee companies piss me off. And most companies use slave labor to harvest their beans and lobby to prevent legislation to prevent it. Guillotine.

Griffiths also claims that "[e]ven people who consume as little as 100 milligrams of caffeine a day—the equivalent of one small cup of coffee—can become physically dependent."

So this ask is pretty old, but I'm guessing it was in response to me saying that you should only drink one cup of a random beverage a day and the rest be water. This keeps you hydrated and helps cut out where the majority of your sugar intake is. I called it the "desert beverage" and that "coffee counts."

It really does. In the morning, one feels tired, foggy, and grouchy. "Don't talk to me until I've had my morning coffee." They would make their coffee out of habit, barely minding the taste of it—drinking to medicate the headache they've already caused.

Life is worth celebrating, and if we can find little things in our day to celebrate, we should! When coffee becomes a habit, it's just a habit. That's sad.

I worked as a barista for a while at a coffee shop that hired people with intellectual disabilities. That experience is what made me switch my major to psychology in the first place. But I saw the joys coffee could bring, and the damage it can do, too. I had a coworker who would come in and throw a tantrum if we didn't immediately stop what we were doing and make him a coffee—and again in two hours before the end of his shift. It's upsetting.

I do remember the joys, too. Our manager would show us a new niche coffee drink from a random country. We would make cubanos like they would in Haiti and talk about the different names they had in different countries around the world. It ruled.

I don't drink coffee every day anymore. But it's always a wonderful thing when I do. You don't need to have an "excuse" to drink a cup of coffee—you don't need to celebrate anything at all. Coffee, tea, wine, soda, and juice should be celebrated as they are. Drinking them out of habit destroys joy. Intentional habits create stable foundations in life. Unintentional habits create monotony and boredom.

Anyway, the sleep thing I said I'd come back to. So if you're having trouble sleeping, here's the hot tip: avoid screens 30 minutes before going to bed. That sounds easy, but how many of us scroll our phones, watch TV, or play a video game right before bed? It's not worth it.

Instead, do something away from your phone that you enjoy. I like to read, but you can draw, journal, listen to some music, practice an instrument, or write something. Doesn't matter, just don't use your phone or laptop. Set a 30 minute timer for time.

If you're still struggling to sleep, you may find meditation useful. Meditation uses techniques that make your brain send beta waves which relaxes you and is the first step to falling asleep. But! If you try to learn some meditation, you'll have to commit to practicing it every night for it to be useful. It's a skill that requires practice.

Anyway, I could make a whole separate post about evening/morning/afternoon routines as that is another one of my passions, but yeah.

TLDR; An occasional cup of coffee is actually great and wonderful, but you really shouldn't drink it every day, especially more than once a day.

PS. I love Red Bull cream sodas more than the God that created them, I swear, but I only drink maybe one or two energy drinks a year. Energy drinks will dissolve your liver faster than hydrochloric acid can. An alcoholic drinking 5 packs of beers a day will look at your liver and be impressed. Also the Panera lemonade should be illegal. That shit is CRAZY. That bitch had more caffeine than a Bang energy drink. It literally killed a man. Wild.

[monthofsick]

Thanks, I hate it

Nov(emeto)ber 2022, Day 7: Enemy to Caretaker

OCs: Tiago, Hunter

This is my first time writing an actual asshole caretaker who doubles as a very biased narrator. I feel a tad guilty for picking Tiago again, but it all came together so naturally. Even though this is written from a very subjective point of view, I also simply love to make seemingly perfect people sick.

TW: Vomit, mild scat/both ends, mean caretaker

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Hunter Calaway was perfect.

He had the face of an ancient demigod – big, expressive eyes, sensual lips and cheekbones you could cut paper with. His curls were naturally defined, he was tall and athletic (kind of a given, considering he was the college’s basketball MVP) and he had flawless caramel skin. He also had heterochromia, because of course he had. A real life Gary Stu like him needed his special eyes. It was like people from all around the globe had come together to create an ultimate winner in the genetic lottery.

Tiago hated him with a passion.

Maybe he was a tiny bit biased because of the whole Diamond issue. Diamond was the campus goddess, head cheerleader and pride of the debate club. Tiago had a crush on her since junior high, but who did she end up with? The Great Hunter himself. Because he was such a kind‑hearted gentleman who loved to spend his free time doing voluntary work.

As if it couldn’t get any worse, both Hunter and Tiago had been assigned to represent the basketball team at New Student’s Day. They had to conceptualize a banner, create a flyer and come up with fun activities to attract new talents. Tiago had felt honored to be picked for the job… until he realized that a) he had to work together with his personal nemesis and b) they had only been chosen because no one else had volunteered for the task. Now he had to invest his free time while constantly fighting the urge to display his aversion.

Today was especially frustrating. They hadn’t agreed on how to translate the team’s logo into a banner yet. Tiago wanted to focus on the colors for a more clean and modern look, Hunter wanted their Rottweiler mascot front and center. It didn’t help that Mr. Perfect wasn’t his usual upbeat and diplomatic self this afternoon.

„See, they’re basically kids“, he explained in a disgustingly patient tone. „We need something to stand out from the crowd and catch their eyes.“

„Okay, but we don’t want them to think they took the wrong turn to elementary school.“

„But everyone loves our Rottie! Go, Rotties, go!“ Hunter’s face lit up for a moment. „Wait, I just had the best idea ever. You know that I help out in an animal shelter? We could bring an actual Rottweiler, they have a total sweetheart right now. It would be an audience magnet and bring awareness to adopting pets.“

„Everyone and their grandma knows that you volunteer for any good cause known to mankind.“ Tiago exhaled audibly. „That’s because you’re bringing it up like every ten seconds.“

„That is so not true.“ The smile on Hunter’s lips faded as quickly as it had appeared. „Can we just stick to the topic, please? I made a suggestion, you can give your opinion on it. This is not about me.“

„Isn’t it always about you?“, Tiago growled. He knew perfectly well that it was immature and irrelevant, but this entire conversation was oh so typical. Of course, Hunter never had bad intentions. How dare he accuse him of such profanity?

„Look, I know you have a problem with me. I don’t know why because I don’t have a problem with you, but can we still try to make this work?“

„Stop being such a fucking saint.“ Tiago rolled his eyes. „You know what? Just bring the dog. If it tears out some kid’s throat, at least we get all the attention. Can we go back to the actual issue now and sketch a draft of the design each of us has in mind? Because that might actually help with the decision.“

„Fine. At least it means we don’t have to talk for a while.“ That was probably the most hostile thing Hunter had ever said. Tiago was genuinely surprised. Maybe he had hurt Mr. Perfect’s feelings by insinuating that he could be anything but altruistic.

Without wasting further thoughts, Tiago grabbed some pens from the art supplies they had been given. He focused on bringing his vision alive – something not even Hunter could top. Every once in a while, he heard a low rumble, but didn’t pay much attention to it. Only when it grew louder he realized that the source of the noise was his unwanted teammate. Tiago couldn’t hide a broad grin.

„Wait, are you so on edge today because you are hangry?“

„No, I’m not.“ Upon closer inspection, Hunter’s unfamiliar grumpiness wasn’t the only thing that seemed off about him. His complexion was oddly dull and there was a frown line between his eyebrows. Plus he had barely started with his drawing. „Can we just… not talk about this right now?“

„About what? Your bowel sounds?“ Tiago chuckled. „Yeah, I bet that wouldn’t make the girls as wet as you normally do.“

„I don’t care, I’m taken.“ Hunter placed a hand on his abdomen as if that would help to reduce the noise pollution.

„Oh, guess what, I noticed.“ If Tiago hadn’t known better, he could have sworn that Hunter had said that on purpose, just to rub a little more salt into the open wound. „But hey, with that impressive growls, you could do a pretty decent Rottweiler impersonation yourself.“

„That’s not even funny.“ Hunter turned his head, but Tiago still saw his throat bobbing rapidly. Then there was the sickly skin tone and tiny drops of sweat forming on Hunter’s forehead. His stomach rumbles now resembled rolling thunder and Hunter’s hand on his belly skipped like the muscles below were convulsing spasmodically.

Suddenly, Tiago had a terrible suspicion.

„Don’t tell me you’re about to puke.“

„Why did you have to – huuuarrck – say that?“ Something between a very sickly burp and a jerky retch escaped Hunter’s mouth. He immediately pressed it shut again, swallowing audibly several times.

„I swear to God, if you barf on our documents, I shove the stuff right back down your throat.“

„Can you please shut up about it?“ Hunter’s lips curled into a nauseated frown while his broad shoulders abruptly hitched with a hiccup. „I… I think something was off with the chicken breast I had this morning.“

„Who eats chicken breast for breakfast?“ Tiago let out an irritated sigh. „Wait, why are you staring at me like this? You’re a grown ass man, can’t you just go to the fucking toilet all by yourself?“

„See, I know you can’t stand me, but… I really don’t feel good right now and I don’t think I would make it.“

Under any other circumstances, Tiago would have probably enjoyed the miserable expression on Hunter’s face. Desperately trying to keep his stomach contents down wasn’t a good look on him. Too bad the idiot had decided to project some kind of imaginary duty of care on Tiago.

„And how exactly is that my problem?“ Tiago became increasingly annoyed by the entire situation. „Do you want me to carry you to the restroom bridal style or what?“

„You could at least lend me a hand!“

„This is a joke, right?“ The almost pleading expression in Hunter’s sad puppy dog eyes was enough of an answer. Tiago huffed, but he eventually decided that helping his teammate up was the lesser evil compared to him hurling all over the table. Begrudgingly, he put his arm around Hunter’s upper body and pulled a disgusted face as the guy leaned on him while they walked. „You better hold it in until we get there.“

„Mhm.“ It wasn’t exactly reassuring that Hunter didn’t even dare to open his mouth for an answer. His body spoke a pretty clear language anyways. Tiago felt Hunter’s shirt sticking to his sweaty back, which was nasty enough. Being way too close to Hunter for Tiago’s own comfort, he noticed every contraction of his muscles, every subdued retch and cramp. Hunter’s stomach sounded like water that was about to boil over – no wonder he was still clutching it tightly. His trained body heaved with a sloppy burp. „Oh God… that tasted like chicken.“

„Pretty sure everything tastes like chicken“, Tiago grinned. Hunter didn’t seem to share his sense of humor, because the very next second, his hand flew up to his lips and his cheeks bulged out. Tiago instantly withdrew his arm and scrambled backwards. “Swallow it down! Or puke on the floor and clean up later, I don’t even care as long as you don’t get it on me.“

Hunter frantically shook his head, then turned around and dashed towards the next trashcan. He hit the ground, hugged the bin like a lifeline and spewed a majestic cascade of milky vomit into the container. Hunter’s assumption had probably been correct – the white flood he barfed up so generously definitely contained chunks of white meat.

„Woah, that smells horrendous!“ Tiago imitated a productive retch, only to be answered with the exact same sound bubbling out of Hunter’s throat, followed by a surge of liquid hitting the plastic trashbag. If only Diamond could see her adored boyfriend like that. She probably wouldn’t feel like kissing him after watching lumpy chicken hash gushing from his mouth.

„G-guess how it tastes“, Hunter coughed, then lurched towards the trashcan again, curdled gruel bursting from his lips. Tiago rolled his eyes and turned away. Why, of all people, was he cursed to be surrounded by morons with pathetically weak stomachs? He wasn’t even a caring person. Was it really too much to ask for to enjoy his life without random jackasses losing their lunch left and right? It was bad enough when it happened to his lightweight friends, but infinitely worse when it was Hunter who was puking up his guts right in front of him. And ew, the stench!

„I suppose you don’t need a trip to the bathroom anymore?“ Tiago turned to leave. „Because I’m really not keen on watching you blowing chunks any longer.“

„Still… need to go“, Hunter croaked, then arched his back as a garbled retch forced a rather pathetic drizzle of sick out of him. He wiped his luscious lips and stumbled back on his feet. Tiago raised both hands in defense as the aesthetically pleasing puke machine tried to approach him again.

„Stay away from me, you fucking reek.“ Tiago scrunched his nose. „If it’s absolutely necessary, I’ll catch you if you fall. But there’s no way you’re gonna get your barf slime hand on me right now.“

„Do you have to be such an asshole about it?“, Hunter moaned. „I didn’t ask for this, you know?“

„Neither did I“, Tiago replied unmoved. Hunter pouted and wrapped both arms around his belly. His hunched over gait gave an insight into the turmoil troubling his intestines. The greenish hue on his face made him look almost comically sick. Had he really expected Tiago to affectionally rub his muscular back and whisper soothing words into his ear? Was it so hard to understand that Tiago didn’t want to be anywhere near the guy when he still looked like the rest of his spoiled breakfast would erupt from his mouth any second?

Miraculously, Hunter made it to the restroom without spilling his insides again. He shambled into one of the stalls, door closing behind him.

„Okay, I paid my due, now I’m out.“ Tiago’s daily requirement of revolting sounds and odors was easily covered. „Enjoy yourself!“

„W-wait!“ Hunter’s raspy voice sounded begging. „I… I need a bucket, like, ASAP.“

„Are you fucking serious?“ Tiago stopped in the doorway. „You’re in front of a toilet, what the hell do you need a bucket for?“

„I’m sitting on the toilet!“, Hunter groaned. „Dude, I’m dead serious, I can feel it coming up - huuuarrrg.“

„Don’t tell me you’re doing a number two as well.“ Torn between repulsion and a nagging sense of obligation, Tiago rushed towards the sinks. The trash bin was mounted at the wall, so he just removed the bag inside. Tiago returned hastily and squinted as he opened the bathroom stall door. For the sake of his own sanity, he tried hard not to take in the cursed image of Hunter sitting on the porcelaine throne with his pants down, cheeks puffed behind the fingers sealing his lips. „Take this, it’s all you’re gonna get.“

Hunter frantically opened up the trash bag, then writhed as he brought up watery chicken fricassee. It didn’t help that the plastic was translucent, granting Tiago a great view of the vomit fountain shooting out of Hunter’s mouth, drowning the crumpled paper towels at the bottom. The spasmodic pulses of Hunter‘s stomach muscles were enough to set the purging process in full motion. Hunter curled up while his body forcefully emptied itself from both ends.

„Oh my God, that is disgusting“, Tiago pressed out with a muffled gag. He sure had an iron stomach, but the unbearable stench and the sopping wet gargles were getting to him. Just as he was about to leave, a diabolical idea crossed his mind. Innocent enough, he glanced back over his shoulder. „Do you want me to call Diamond? I’m sure she would give you some tender loving care.“

Hunter looked up, gooey sick dripping from his lips. He nodded feebly.

„You… would actually do that for me? That… that would be great… thanks.“

Thanks? The guy was so naive. Did Hunter really think a classy woman like Diamond would lust after him ever again once she saw him in such a pathetic state, spraying stinking slurry from his back and front?

„Sure thing. Don’t worry about it, just get it all out!“

„Thank you, really… I appreciate it“, Hunter groaned unsuspectingly before he was struck by another retch.

Tiago strove to keep his composure while he finally left the fetid cesspool that had been a college restroom not so long ago. Just like he had promised, he immediately called Diamond and informed her about her lover’s predicament. He really hammed it up and emphazised how desperately sick Hunter was and how urgently he needed the solace of her presence. After Tiago hung up, he strolled down the hallway in a much brighter mood. Diamond was in for a major disenchantment when it came to her gorgeous, sexy and charming boyfriend.

Unless she wouldn’t mind.

Unless she would actually take care of him. Hug him tight, rub his cramping belly, hold the bag for him while he threw up. Pat his back, wipe his mouth, kiss his sweaty forehead and reassure him that he would be alright. Guide him home once he had emptied himself and snuggle up on the couch to make him feel safe and loved. But that wasn’t very likely, was it?

Tiago brushed the thought aside and spent the rest of the day distracting himself from these dreadful mental images. At least now he knew for sure that Hunter Calaway was anything but perfect.

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Archive of our own: Up all night to get Bucky

tumblr: birdnamedenza

[leatafandom]

WIP MEME

cannibal sam?! say more.

strange comfort? what's happening here and who

once and future soulmates? is this a merthur :)))

Hi love. Thank you for the ask! Since I actually have some pretty decent cuts from these I thought I’d put all the snippings under the cut. 

I adore Cannibal Sam, I always love the chance to talk about any of these. It's the name I have for my Dark Chocolate Cherry Series that stars a dark version of Sam and Loki beginning with them meeting in Sam's college days and spanning the course of their lives together, which end up being very long. It also pushes back anything that would have happened canonically because of what Sam decides to do with his life at college to protect himself, to still hunt monsters, and because it's fun. He's not really a cannibal. I mean he does eat people but he's not the same species as any of them, and by the time he eats a human monster again Sam is no longer human. After a very long conversation with my friends on what makes a cannibal and then if not a cannibal what would this creature be, it just kinda stuck in my head anyway. For the record, we landed on monster eater, but I degress. This one will be part three chronologically in the series, sometime after Hunger Games, and focused on how exactly these two crazy murderous men became an excluding killing duo.

Strange Comfort is a WIP I originally made for spn kink bingo but it ended up being super angsty and sad when I actually went to write it. It's set in the Cage and is focused on Sam and Michael. It's really different for me, so it's been taking a while to flush out. 

Of course, it is! It's the last Merthur I have open that I still feel drawn to. I unexpectedly started working on this again this month and doodling a bit about it.  It's a Soul mark AU, one where Arthur still dies in Camelot and Merlin still lives and lives...and lives. It is very angsty in the beginning. It is set mainly on a space station that Merlin helped build with magic-infused tech and helped the original founding colony of it and then just stayed. Arthur does finally come back to Merlin only to find himself in this far-ahead future in a dystopian world far away from Earth and a changed Merlin. One day it will be filled with ups and downs and multiple chapters, but it's just been very slow.

 A snipping from Cannibal Sam, since it's fitting for today, I adore Kali and the odd relationship she, Sam, and Loki have in this series and honestly, it amuses me.

It had been a few weeks since he'd seen Loki. Sam didn't give it much thought, the pagan may have bought a property nearby Sam's campus but he didn't stay. The deity came and went as he pleased and the brunette didn't mind. Sam had his own life and studies to keep up with it his world did not center around the tempting deity. However when Sam walked into his apartment to find Kali hovering over his textbooks his soul couldn't help but take note of how long the blonde’s absence had been.

He paused for only a moment to stare at the intruding goddess before he slid the door closed and locked it behind him. Obsidian eyes swirled with crimson magic as he reviewed his wardings only to find them burnt out. He sighed at the work he would have to do to replace them now.

"You could have called," Sam frowned, dropping his backpack on a stool near his kitchen counter as he walked steadily towards the goddess. "Our mutual plaything is not here, I could have told you that without you torching my spell work."

A musical laugh fell from ruby-painted lips, her smile wide. She turned from his desk, black hair flowing over her shoulders as her red embroidered sari turned with her. "As if I have your number," she said, facing him from the center of his living room. She waved a hand looking around them. "I was wondering if you had seen our poor powerful plaything lately, I was hoping he was here."

Sam frowned at her words, crossing his arms over his chest as he stopped on the other side of his used sofa, keeping it between them. "He doesn't stick around, you know that. Are you worried, old flame?" He teased in return, his grin wide even as his soul recounted the last few weeks, obsidian draining from his eyes as he looked over her with critical eyes as she took in his home.

"I never worry about Loki, but I thought his pet might." Kali frowned, her eyes narrowing, focused on the tall monster eater just steps away from her. "When did you see him last, Samuel?"

Sam's posture loosened, blinking when he suddenly remembered the last time the blonde had stopped in. "We spent my Thanksgiving break hunting a group of Djinn," he mumbled under his breath. He watched her for a moment before turning from her and going to his kitchen. He turned his back to her uncaring, turning on a kettle and looking into his fridge. "Food?"

Kali's chestnut eyes flicked to the monster eater, her nail tugging on her painted lip with a nod. "Nothing vile, Sam," she insisted. "I know what you eat."

The monster eater laughed, as the goddess came closer tapping her nails along the Formica countertop. "You're in luck. A made stew this week." He shrugged when she raised a brow, knowing that the monster eater, who was gaining more and more recognition around the world of monsters, didn't often prey on human monsters. "There was a man stalking and attacking students around campus, I made better use of him."

Kali smiled, pleased with the shared offering that was no doubt filled with preserved power, leaning her elbows on the counter after sliding into one of two stools closer to the man. She watched the churning soul as he moved to warm up the meal he had planned.

"When is Thanksgiving? You act as if I have ever had an interest in learning Western holidays," she grumbled, her arms crossing over her chest and raising her chin.

Sam glanced at her at the hum of irritation in her tone, frowning at offending one of the few pagans not on his menu. "It was months ago," he conceded, shifting his feet. "Three weeks after Diwali."

His eyes looked over the pot as he stirred the savory meal making sure there was enough for both of them.

"I have not seen him for longer, not uncommon since he has you.” Kali seemed to be considering the same, her jaw ticking to the side as a sharp nail tapped on his countertop as if she was bored.

He paused at that he had assumed the little pagan had run back to Kali or one of the pagans he often spent his time with. The deity that had let herself in sounded like she had no idea where Loki had been, and that it was odd. He turned the click of the kettle pulling him from his thoughts. He grabbed the tea box Loki had filled, his gaze roving to the goddess as he placed the box and a mug in front of her with a glare.

"Why would you think I should be worried?"

A short snip from Strange Comforts:  

"It's okay," Sam managed after a moment, curling up on his side enjoying the soft caress of linens. "I broke everything." 

Michael frowned at the soft muffled words, words that lacked the arrogance and defiance that had always reminded him of Lucifer. There was a long pause as Sam turned onto his side, holding tighter to the spare pillow that the archangel had provided and pulling it to his chest. 

"You could not possibly break anything," he said, his brows pinching as he sat up more. 

"I messed up your plan."

Sam was too tired to state any of the other reasons why Michael was wrong. Instead, he simply repeated the one that he'd heard throughout countless years with Lucifer's wrath. 

The archangel looked over the human-shaped lump on the bed before looking down. "It was our Father's plan, not mine… not his." Michael's eyes seemed to rove the space he had created within the confines of the Cage and Sam's mind. "I never wanted to kill him. Or you." His lips were still pulled into a frown when he looked back at Sam. "But that can't happen now. Lucifer will not win and we can not finish what Father wanted. At least not now." 

"Sorry," the soul managed, closing his eyes at the feeling of Michael's stare and unnerving attention. He would never apologize for stopping it, Michael knew that, but Sam didn't know if he was really sorry for starting it just then, or if he was just sorry for Michael's situation. 

It hadn't taken them long to realize that no one was coming for them. Particularly that no one was coming for Michael. Lucifer had had his shot and failed, Sam had known Gabriel's backdoor had been a one-way ticket, and Adam didn't have anyone to look for him, he was already dead on Earth. The true ruler of Heaven was the only one that should have been worthy of raising, but his siblings had dismissed him like they did any of their fallen brethren. Sam, despite the constant onslaught of rage, hate, and disappointment from Lucifer and Michael's anger and cold disregard, couldn't help sympathizing with the eldest archangel.

A snipping from the first chapter of Once and Future Soulmates:

Merlin had defended this sector enough to have a reputation and the descendants of the humans and the nonhuman that had followed him thousands of years ago still depended on him. Merlin had been hoping that extending an invitation for new alliances would increase their chances of being left alone, however, the meetings weren't off to a promising start. He grumbled at his swirling thoughts. He leaned forward in his curved desk chair, putting down the sleek tablet he had been using to review his spotty notes from today's meetings, which were mostly angry doodles. He sighed, rubbing a hand over his eyes and down through the black scruffy beard, before waving the already dimmed overhead lights off. 

Merlin closed his eyes, focusing his mind on the familiar and comforting sound of the massive stabilizers of the old station. The quiet hum of the station echoed the hum of his magic as it weaved through the systems and thrummed warm and pure through his veins. Merlin lost himself in the sound but soon felt the weariness sink too deeply into his bones. His body may be ever-youthful, after a spell he cast centuries ago, but it longed for his bed. 

Merlin yawned, stretching and turning his chair away from his desk to stand. He was long past ready to head to bed after the slew of disappointing diplomatic talks he’d sat in on today. Merlin released a long-drawn-out breath setting about preparing for bed. Merlin tried to relax as he cleaned his teeth and washed his face, listening to the dull familiar groans and the clangs of the station instead of continuing to recount his last conversation with the station's commerce experts.

Throughout his life, whether it was his time spent on Earth or amongst the stars, Merlin had gotten used to the changing sounds, smells, sights, and even non-humanoid life. The life he had made here, that he had helped build from scrap metal infused with his magic, still felt the same despite being so far from Earth. Merlin still felt at home here. Hosting the welcoming proceedings and aiding in negotiating trade agreements with traveling merchants from a more technologically advanced society still felt familiar to Merlin; even with the merchants being non-carbon-based life forms. Merlin rubbed a tired hand over his eyes and ran his fingers through his shaggy hair feeling his age despite his youthful appearance. 

The ancient warlock yawned again. His hand moved to slowly unwrap the red neckerchief, which was untouched by time as the day Arthur had gifted it to him, from around his wrist and forearm. Merlin's eyes watched as he carefully unbound it. His eyes stuck on the freshly revealed pale skin as they did most nights on his soulmark. Merlin’s eyes stayed fixed on his wrist and arm as he walked into his bedroom from his washroom. The doors automatically opened and closed behind him as Merlin walked with unfocused eyes, fingers teasing the pale marred skin he kept hidden outside of the privacy of his quarters. 

Merlin shook his head, breaking the spell of sorrow, loss, and happy memories, letting his arm drop from beneath his fingers. His lips twisted in a grimace like they did so many nights, banishing the fading memories and ache that filled him. Merlin closed his eyes and settled into his warm welcoming bed, dismissing the barely visible phoenix that had once shone in multicolored glory. He sighed heavily curling his sheets tighter, tonight wasn’t the night to think about Arthur and wallow. 

It had taken Merlin centuries to adjust to the emptiness that was left in the place of knowing his soulmate had died in his arms. Merlin had known that he would be lost without Arthur, without the grounding bond that linked more than just their destinies. After Merlin lost Arthur, the warlock couldn’t stay within the walls of Camelot. Arthur had known, they had both known that in the end, and Guinevere had led in Arthur’s stead far better than Merlin ever could have. Merlin had never really returned to Camelot again; it didn’t feel the same. The only time he had tried venturing past the lower towns, everyone had kept looking at his arm and he couldn't. 

The vibrant colors that had burned and etched into their soulmark from the first moment Merlin had spoken to Arthur had drained with Arthur's death.

Thank you so much for your wonderful ask. <3