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ohdaim · 5 years

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Hard Day’s Night - Chapter 2

The Gala

First chapter (AO3)

If anyone ever asked Ela about her job, she would only have one thing to say. She loved what she did. For all of its stresses, it wouldn’t be a lie. Her boss was a touch flaky, but he was brilliant. The person she deemed her true boss, based on his knack for actually being at work every single day, was no less. That was part of the enjoyment, impressing upon the world that she belonged with people like them. She deserved to be there.

All the more prominent a reminder to herself as she reworked Noct’s schedule yet again. Such tedium made her feel smaller on some days.

She loved this job, and it loved her. It treated her right, was totally committed, and didn’t want to lose her. She’d been reminded of this with the pay raise she’d gotten after her day off post-incident. It was accompanied by a non-disclosure agreement to keep what had happened a secret, but it wasn’t as if she’d ever tell anyone about it. She wouldn’t even know what to say.

Almost died having a sex dream so visceral that I’ve revisited it every night since was not on the table.

Finalizing the new schedule, she sighed. Accepting the fact that she shouldn’t be fantasizing about— no. She shouldn’t even think about it. She tilted her head a little to look past her monitor. On the other side of the wall of glass that looked into Ignis’ office, the man flipped through a binder with a frown on his face.

She closed her eyes and sighed as she leaned back in her chair. She couldn’t think about it in broad daylight. Not with him right there. An unreasonable paranoia that he would somehow know kept her steady.

That and the question of Noctis not being there until the very end. Being her dream, presumably the last experience she was meant to have before dying, why wouldn’t he be there the entire time?

She opened her eyes and began to straighten things on her desk, tidying unnecessarily before bringing her mug to her mouth for a dose of much needed caffeine. Her thoughts continued to race.

It must’ve been situational. Ignis and Ravus were the last people she’d seen, so of course they would be the subjects of the dream. Noct’s brief feature in it had probably been a reflection of a memory. The first one she ever had of him.

Thinking that far back to the days before she’d worked at Caelum Corp, was all but impossible. But that memory, when she’d met Noctis, that one would always be with her. It marked the change of her luck.

She smiled softly at the memory of Noct’s cameo. It had only been a kiss, but it warmed her face just thinking about it now. Touching up the schedule one last time, she decided to extend his lunch hour by another half. Ignis would notice, but she’d chalk it up to Noctis needing more time to prepare for the gala.

—

Ignis loved a fair number of things. A can of Ebony on his commute to work. The light scent of lime and lillies on an attractive person. Perfectly organized files. Cooking. The cat he’d briefly adopted when he’d been silly enough to think he’d have the free time to properly care for it.

Love, to Ignis, came in the form of accidents. He’d never meant to love Ebony. Most found canned coffee questionable at best, himself included at one point. He’d simply been a busy university student who’d developed a taste.

He’d certainly never meant to love Madam Selene, the only pet he’d ever had. What had that been— three weeks? The single photo he’d gotten of himself with the cat remained his profile photo on all of his social media accounts. Perhaps it was misleading since that had been nearly a year ago, but he hardly frequented them enough to be bothered.

One thing he enjoyed, something he feared would cross that threshold, was every morning spent at work with Ela. These quiet moments were dear to him, and like everything he grew to love, he would never outwardly voice it.

He stood up from his desk in an idle and unnecessary stretch of his shoulders. Looking through the expanse of his glass wall, he watched Ela type something at her computer, then pause. Her eyes flitted back and forth as she read, and her lips parted with a soft sigh he didn’t hear but recognized in the tension that left her with it. Then, she rested her chin on the heel of her hand. No drawing today. She appeared thoughtful.

Ignis forced himself to look away. Walking around his desk, he went to a filing cabinet and pulled it open to look for a binder. There was much to do today. The gala was already a headache he’d been dealing with for months now. The last thing he needed was a distraction added to the stress.

A frown pulled at his mouth as he immediately rethought that. Ela wasn’t a distraction. She was the quiet morning, the face he would see before they both had to put on something a little less sincere, his partner in performing.

He allowed another glance at her as he walked back to his desk. She’d leaned back and closed her eyes. A negligible bit of concern came to him. Was she feeling the pressure of the day already? But she was already sitting up, eyes open, hands quick in their movement over the things on her desk. When she brought her coffee cup to her lips, he fought a smile.

With the binder left on his desk, he took out what he’d made for her the night before. It was different from the usual, and he hoped she enjoyed cheesecake as much as she seemed to like his pastries.

His computer gave a muted beep, likely indicating an updated schedule for Noctis, who was verging on late this morning. Ignis suppressed a sigh, pouring his focus into the last bit of the morning quiet that was left.

This morning, however as equally pleasant it was as most others, felt different to Ignis. Maybe it was Ela’s sudden day off she’d just returned from that was slipping them up. Maybe it was the new dish he placed on her desk as she stared in slight awe at the admittedly showy garnish he’d given it with berries and sauce.

But he knew, as he smiled at her excitement when taking that first bite, that it was a strange morning because of what had happened. How where they to move past nearly dying with one another? How were they meant to address what had happened while unconscious?

Being subject to magical psychological warfare was no small matter. Whether it had been a… pleasurable experience was entirely beside the point. Once she’d been sent home, and the exact contents of the projectile were made known, he’d been mortified.

Ela made a small, pleased sound as she took another bite, and Ignis had to leave. Perfect timing, it seemed, as the elevator doors opened while he stepped away from her desk.

Prompto, as was his nature Ignis noticed, bumbled out of the lift with a bag at his back, packages in his arms, and a smile on his face.

“Yo!”

Ignis felt ire build, sudden and sharp. There it went, the pleasant morning. Prompto winked at him as he passed by, dumping the packages onto Ela’s desk carelessly.

Automatically, Ignis crossed his arms over his chest, watching as the delivery boy scratched at his goatee and leaned playfully on her desk. His job was done, yet he lingered. He was always lingering. If anything was a distraction, it was Prompto. Ignis knew them to be friends, but a friend didn’t make it a point to waste time giggling and flirting every day.

“That looks great,” Prompto said, reaching over her file organizer to the plate of cheesecake. “Share?”

She intercepted him, knocking his hand away and picking up the dish to hold it out of his reach. “Back off.” It was said in a hiss, but she was smiling. “This is the only gourmet food I ever get.”

Ignis unintentionally perked at the notion that she considered it gourmet. His spike of pride was dampened by Prompto’s laugh.

“Yeah right.” He gave up trying to get the cheesecake and began to fiddle with the packages on her desk. “Don’t pretend you don’t get fancy food all the time by having this job.”

Ela put the dish down with a roll of her eyes. “It’s not as glamorous as you think, Prom.” She looked over the things he’d dumped on her desk, her brows arching at one of the parcels. “Hey, they came in time!”

She lifted it and stood from her desk, only to look at Ignis as if she just realized he was still standing there. There was a stall, a second where her eyes flicked to Prompto before she rounded her desk to stand in front of Ignis. “The business cards we ordered came in, sir. I can’t wait to use them at the event.”

Ignis looked from her face to the package in her hands. “That’s fortunate.” Meeting her eyes again, he uncrossed his arms and tilted his head in a slight nod toward Prompto. “Do make sure your friend doesn’t miss his other deliveries.”

Prompto fumbled, uttering a string of sounds that Ignis had no time to listen to. He walked back to his office and closed the door behind him. Passive aggression wasn’t strictly something Ignis sought to practice, but he couldn’t stop analyzing the details. Was he so forgettable that Ela no longer saw him when Prompto entered the room? Why had she looked at the delivery boy before approaching him?

He shook his head and drew the blinds at the glass wall to allow himself privacy. He couldn’t afford to spend the day checking on her, anyway. He trusted her to get her job done, and he had no right being concerned over Prompto’s interest in her. Ela could do whatever and whomever she wished, he reminded himself. He couldn’t fathom why this seemed to bother him. When had his care for her become defensive, bordering on possessive? It was wrong for such a fair number of reasons. Professionalism, proper boundaries, and long term personal commitments aside, he shouldn’t have been entertaining anything beyond their simple mornings together.

Sitting at his desk, he considered the tasks for the day that lay ahead. One of the largest involved a plan of diverting Regis from a guest of the gala the former CEO deemed most inappropriate. Noctis had wanted to invite the man anyway, on Ignis’ advice, after a bit of research. Ignis couldn’t understand the hatred coming from Regis, considering how influential and impressive the supposedly offensive guest was. It was engrossment enough that he successfully forced Ela and the Delivery Boy from his mind entirely.

—

Ignis didn’t like the look of her on sight. Primarily because she was far too young and abjectly unqualified. Her blouse was wrinkled and untucked, and her exuberance abutted excessive. Ignis peered at her through the blinds at the glass wall of his private office as she looked around the open floor of the empty assistant’s office. When she appeared to be cooing over the potted violets Luna had placed on the unattended desk just the day before, he flicked the heavy blind closed and turned around.

“Noct, did you accidentally pick up a child from the nearby secondary school on your way to the office today?”

Noctis sat in Ignis’ desk chair, running his hands down the armrests with interest. “This thing new? It’s better than mine.”

Ignis was having none of this. “You cannot be serious.”

Noctis stopped rubbing the chair and sighed. “She can do the job, Iggy.”

There was no way on Eos she could do the job. Ignis rose a brow. “Show me her resume.”

“She doesn’t have one.”

Drawing in a slow breath, Ignis stepped toward his desk with a hard frown. Of course she didn’t have one; that would’ve been far too much to ask. “How old is she?”

Noctis sent him a confused look. “I didn’t ask. What does it matter? She needs a job, and I need an assistant.”

Ignis crossed his arms. “So take her to the nearby Crow’s Nest. I’m sure they could use a fresh face among their servers.”

Pushing the desk chair back, Noctis stood up. “I already told her she had the job.”

Suddenly, Ignis had a horrible thought. His arms slackened, and he gave the other man a worried look. “Please tell me you aren’t sleeping with her.”

Noctis’ confusion became incredulity. “N-no, what? Ugh, Iggy, she’s the woman I told you about. The one from the crash.”

That didn’t explain as much as Noctis seemed to think. Ignis knew few details about what had happened the week before. Noctis had helped someone from a car crash. He’d taken her to the hospital, and they’d become fast friends by the time she was let out with her minimal injuries taken care of.

Noctis held up a hand before Ignis could say anything. “Look, just give her a chance.” He dropped his hand with a sigh. “She’s really smart.”

“Perhaps she received good marks in history or… spelling last semester,” Ignis said, still not convinced. “That doesn’t mean she’s the appropriate choice for a position that generally requires a decade of experience.”

“My dad gave you this job when you were only twenty two,” Noctis countered.

It was a weak argument. Ignis had been chosen by Regis when he’d been a mere teenager entering university. He’d been recognized due to his various accolades and awards. He’d been trained and groomed for his position. That was a far stretch from being pulled out of a burning car and immediately thrust into a job that offered the best benefits and a salary that neared 100k.

Ignis could tell he wasn’t going to change Noctis’ mind. Resigning himself to this, he sighed. “Alright. I’ll help her acclimate, but I expect nothing less than perfection after I’ve trained her.”

Noctis smiled, leaving the office to speak to her. Ignis could hear her excitement through the open doorway, and he turned away from it, already wondering how long it would take to change her mind if Noctis was unwilling to bend.

This entire situation was ridiculous.

He went to his desk, relaxing into his—yes, it was new—chair to start the onslaught by notifying the accounting department that she should only be receiving entry level pay. Even if she miraculously lasted longer than a week or two, she’d never know the difference.

—

Around five in the evening, as most workers left the building, Ignis stayed later, always finding at least a dozen more things that needed to be done before the day was up. Ela was often the same, and today proved to be no different for either of them.

Ignis found this a blessing at first due to its familiarity. He would remind her that rest from work was necessary even if it made him a bit of a hypocrite. When the time came around, sometime just before six in the evening, he suddenly remembered the gala was taking place that night. So it would’ve been a waste of breath for him to remind her of anything outside of how important it was that Noctis presented himself well.

He’d kept his blinds closed all day to keep himself focused. For that reason, her goings on the entire time were a mystery to him. It was far from the usual, more interdependent system they had with each other, but today was, as he’d acknowledged, rather strange. Time to reacquaint himself with her, he thought as he walked from his desk to the blinds, intent to open them and stop closing himself off.

He pulled on the blinds, but froze after they parted just in front of him. In the open expanse of her office area, Ela was unbuttoning her shirt. She glanced toward the elevator nervously, then rolled a small shrug over her shoulders. Undoing the buttons of her top, she pulled its hem free of her pencil skirt and slipped it down her shoulders. She placed it on her desk and walked over to a dress that hang from the coat rack nearby.

Ignis quickly closed the blinds, his hand remaining on the parting strings as he averted his gaze to the side in complete confusion. What was she doing changing in the middle of the office? Everyone had gone home, but he was still here. Had she completely forgotten about him after he’d holed himself away in his office all day?

Shamefully, he tugged a little on the string, opening the blinds enough to see her hold the dress up to herself. There was no mirror in the area, but she seemed to be alright appreciating herself with a small onceover, holding the garment to her chest. The smooth arch of her back, the dark straps of her lacy bra, the creamy skin of her bare shoulders and waist— Ignis swallowed at the sight of it.

She hung the dress up again, nimble fingers unzipping her skirt at the back and working it over the curve of her hips. Bending forward, she let the skirt slide down her legs and pool at her feet. Black in its entirety, her undergarments were stark against her pale skin and covered… very little.

Ignis couldn’t believe he was still looking. He couldn’t think. He couldn’t move.

The straps of the garter pulled against her skin as she picked up her skirt from the floor. She put the garment with her top, using a finger to casually adjust her rear pantyline. Then, she reached across her desk for something. When she turned around, Ignis felt a millisecond of fear. Only she didn’t notice him, instead focusing on her reflection in the glass wall.

One of her new business cards was in her hand, and she tried placing it between her breast and her bra. It didn’t seem to be working. She frowned, her hands resettling the bra more comfortably. The motion bounced her breasts, and Ignis could no longer find his breath.

Nothing seemed to be working. She pulled the card from her bra, holding it between her lips as she reached behind herself. Her bra came loose, and she did a little dance, shimmying her shoulders until she was free of it entirely. It fell to the floor, a slip of black that took Ignis’ remaining sense with it.

His grip on the parting string tightened, his eyes devouring the sight before him. She was a vision. The gentle slope of her neck brought goosebumps to his own as she brushed back strands of her hair that had fallen out of its professional updo. The lush curves of her breasts taunted him. He wondered if they felt as supple in person as they had during the— He fought the thought of it, his gaze leaving her hardened nipples for the little dips of her collar bones.

She plucked the card from her lips and considered her reflection with a tilt of her head, and Ignis began to curse himself for not moving away from the glass when he could’ve. He cursed himself, and he cursed the glass for being between them.

Thankfully, she seemed satisfied with herself and turned around. Ignis remained still as she walked over to her dress. Her casual gait, measured in the sway of her hips and the lithe curves of her body, had him inhaling a quick, sharp breath that sent relief through his burning lungs.

She touched the garter at her hips with both hands, pulling at the straps that connected to her stockings. They dug into her thighs, little indents in her skin for a moment. Then she was letting them go and smoothing hands down the sheer stockings.

The bend of her back, more hair falling loosely over her shoulders, the brush of her inner thighs against each other as she walked— Ignis needed to move. He backed away a step, the string connected to the blinds still tight in his grip.

She had a slight stumble, her stockings slipping on the polished floor. Her startled laugh and the slap of her hand on her desk were loud enough for him to hear clearly. It snapped him into reality enough to have him pull the string. The blinds closed in a quick jerk, leaving ripples of movement that gave him panic.

He let go of the string, his hand tense. The blinds continued to waver, and he went to the door to quickly lock it. He stopped himself at the last moment, finding that to be more guilty. He couldn’t possibly leave his office now, but if she did realize he was still there, it would have to seem like he’d been too consumed with work to have seen anything.

His heart thickened, beating harder in both the sudden spike of guilt at accidentally invading her privacy and the excitement of what he’d witnessed. How could she change in the middle of the office? Had she done this before? The questions pulled at him as he went to his desk.

He rested a hand on the surface, staring blankly down at his desktop calendar. Sudden visions assaulted him. Sweat slicked skin pulling and sliding against his own, her breathy moans at his collar and neck, and her warmth consuming him completely.

That had happened right here.

He pushed away from his desk with a hard swallow. Except it hadn’t happened at all. He looked toward the glass wall, seeing nothing beyond the closed blinds. Was she still changing? Surely it would be safe for him to leave somewhat soon.

The fresh image of her analyzing her reflection right in front of him came to mind. Yearning, hot and heavy, fell over him. With a forced calm, he crossed the room to his private restroom. A splash of cold water should do the trick, he thought. He wasn’t going to acknowledge his reaction to her. Not this time.

He took off his glasses, placing them aside before removing his gloves. The water cooled him, but the pink tint to his cheeks remained. He could only glance at his reflection, shame biting at him. Both hands rested on the edges of the sink, he leaned forward and closed his eyes. The light pressure against him drew out a shaky breath. He held himself still there for a short stretch of time, unmoving though his body begged for more.

It wasn’t that he couldn’t do this. Past experience proved well enough that he could in his worst moments of silent desperation. It also wasn’t that he shouldn’t. He knew damn well this was wrong, and that— that was the crux of it.

He backed away from the sink, letting go to run fingers through his hair. It didn’t matter that he couldn’t or that he certainly shouldn’t.

He wouldn’t.

He opened his eyes, meeting his reflection in the mirror.

He wouldn’t.

Swallowing thickly, he dropped his hand from his hair. He was straining in his trousers, the angle of him uncomfortable and pressing against his right thigh. He undid his belt to fix this.

That was all.

He looked down as he set himself free. The cool air of the bathroom kissed his heated skin. When he took himself in hand, his other poised to pull his waistband back up. He’d tuck away his shame. Even if it felt impossible.

He smoothed his hand over the shaft. Just the minimal movement to adjust himself. His eyes closed as his fingers took a tighter hold. His other hand left his waistband, going to the edge of the sink in a hard grip. His lips parted with a heavy breath. He thought of Ela’s look of soft concentration, of the way she’d smoothed her hands over her bare breasts. Her nipples had been pert and her hair beautifully messy.

He shifted his hand to the base, resting there before drawing back to the tip in a languid pull of his wrist. A shiver coursed over him, and he repeated the motion. His back arched forward, shoulders curling. His grip on the sink steadied him. He froze and clenched his jaw.

He was going to let go. He wouldn’t do this. He remained unmoving. All he could hear were his heavy breaths.

Then… he relaxed.

The memory of Ela bringing him coffee and placing it on his desk came to mind, immediately juxtaposed with the image of her sprawled across the same surface, bared for him.

“All yours,” she’d say in either situation.

He let go of himself and pushed away from the sink. This was a waste of himself. To hold himself back this way when she was so near. A shame, he thought with a touch of self deprecation. With shaky hands, he drew up his waistband and fastened his trousers. Pressed flush to his navel, his cock throbbed.

He washed his hands but didn’t put on his gloves. He slid his spectacles into place, the sudden clarity a comfort. Leaving the restroom, he crossed his office to the door. His resolve wavered, a brief question posed by his conscience over how indecent it would be for him to approach her while aroused. He ignored it in favor of opening the door.

Ela stood near her desk, feet still bare of shoes. The dress covered her but for its unzipped back. She’d let down her hair and it flipped over her shoulder as she quickly looked at him.

“I-Ignis?”

He stopped two steps out of his door. “Elanore.”

A beautiful blush came to her cheeks, and her eyes escaped his. “I didn’t know you were still here.” She tucked a lock of her hair behind an ear and smiled at him, meeting his gaze once again.

He wanted to assert the truth. Of what lay deeper. Of what they’d shared, however unreal it had been. His voice, though, was seized by the sight of her easing the dress off her shoulders. The dark fabric slipped down her arms and caught at her elbows before she slowly shifted out of it.

He strained harder in his trousers, taking slow steps toward her. The dress fell away with a few final movements of careful hands. She stepped over it as it piled on the floor, meeting him in the middle of the room. The attractive blush on her face reached down her neck and kissed her collar. Ignis’ eyes traveled over it, then freely traced the inviting curve of her breasts.

She took one of his hands, lifting it first to press against her cheek, then to her breast. “I’ve never—” She cut herself off with a quick breath that he felt in the movement of her chest. Unbelievably soft in his hands, she stepped closer, her body brushing against him. “It felt so real, you know? And now we’re here. Alone.”

Ignis lifted his free hand, disbelief seeping into his immense arousal. He cupped her face, and when her eyes fluttered closed, he understood. She hadn’t been unaffected by the shared fantasy they’d survived through. She wanted him in return, and Ignis— he would always be there.

Their lips met in a wet tandem, a sudden break in the calm. She grasped at his shirt, the buttons snapping loose. His hand kneaded her breast, thumb roughly teasing the peak. Her bare feet stepped on his designer shoes, lifting her just enough to press herself harder into the kiss, into him.

Ignis wanted to fuck her. It was the basest thought breaking free from the furthest depths of his psyche. He wanted Ela, and he no longer cared if it consumed him.

His hands left her to find her waist. He walked forward, leading her back in steps that were punctuated by the roll of her tongue in his mouth. When she bumped into her desk, she broke the kiss. Ignis followed. He couldn’t be without the taste. He wanted to savor her.

She undid his trousers with the same ease she’d had with her bra, tugging them down and freeing him from his confines in quick motions. Her hand was soft around him, her lips pliable and wanting against his own.

He moaned into the kiss. She began to jerk at him, slowly and steadily. This time, he broke contact, gasping at her touch. His eyes met hers, their noses brushing. Her hand was an exquisite vice over him, pulling at more than his desire alone.

Her hands left him to draw her panties down. Kicking them off, she sat on her desk and reached for him. Being drawn forward by her grasp on the hem of his shirt, he was hit with the familiarity of this situation. How similar it was to the deadly fantasy. Her desk was lower, so he had to bend down to meet her. The tip of him grazed her just before she began to push him away.

He stilled, his heart hammering in his chest. Documents shifted on her desk, the Moogle paperweight clattering to the floor as she turned around. His hand, grasping air, hang between them. She grabbed it as she looked over her shoulder. Pressing it to her side, she hitched a knee on her desk.

Ignis moved forward with her, his other hand lifting to brush her hair over a shoulder. He pulled her close, his mouth nipping at her shoulder, his cock firm and aching behind her. When she rested her weight on the desk, bending forward, he arched with her.

“Ignis.” It was a plea, her head lowering to the desk. He wanted to lean back, to see how she prostrated for him, but he couldn’t leave her.

Answering her want, he skimmed his hand down her hip and over her ass to take himself in hand. He entered her roughly, though she accepted him easily, so slick he moaned into the quiet air when his hips met her fully. He began a steady rhythm, long draws and hard thrusts. It rocked her desk, her monitor shifting with every rough jerk of their bodies.

It was everything he wanted. She was everything. The wet warmth that engulfed him blinded him to all but her sweat-glistened skin and wild hair. She cried out that she needed him. Needed him harder. Needed more of him. He indulged, enjoying her shuddering gasps as their bodies met in increasingly intense slaps of skin.

She lifted herself, resting a hand flat on the desk. Her other arm rounded, reaching back to tangle fingers into his hair. Head turned, her mouth met his. The kiss was wet and uncoordinated, more of a shared moan held between them.

Ignis was melting, falling apart to his basest components. He sank into her, a rough rutting repetition he’d never experienced before. He saw only white and felt only bliss. It burned and coiled, coursing through him and into her.

He wanted to give her every part of him.

A hand gripping her waist, he reached for her breast, holding her back flush to him. She whimpered his name against his lips. He was close. By the feeling of her tightening around him, he could tell he wasn’t alone.

He bit down on the sweet ache in his heart. Burying himself in her as deep as he buried his ever growing desire. He wanted to be closer. To blur the bounds of their physical forms. She squeezed around him, and the air thickened with her loud, breathy cry. He thrust harder. He reveled in her coming around him. Her legs quaked, and he kept going, intent to overstimulate, to draw it out.

“I, ah, I love you,” she panted, her hand in his hair tight and pulling. “Ignis, I—”

He spilled into her, his hand at her hip holding her in place. He— he wanted to give her every part of him. His heart burst into a litany of joy. “I—” He gasped. His mouth was so dry now. He licked his lips and opened his eyes.

His reflection stared back.

Clarity hit him at full force. He looked down, unable to face himself. Cum covered his hand and the sink. It dripped in slow rivulets down the basin’s edge. He cleaned it before washing his hands.

What little satisfaction there could possibly be found by his own hand was diminished by the reminders of why he shouldn’t have these thoughts or feelings. Spying on her had been an unfortunate accident. He couldn’t think about it or the intense fantasy any longer.

He buttoned himself up, then smoothed his collar, finally looking at the mirror. The Ignis before him appeared calm, bereft of the storm that swelled inside.

As it should’ve been.

—

The venue for the gala was ornate and startlingly baroque. Ela marveled, somewhat ironically, at all of the golden accents. Her gown was black to keep things simple and unobstructive. She was here to help Noctis. Networking, too. But mostly for Noct. Speaking of, where was he? She peered around the place, past the finely dressed bodies, for her boss. To no avail, apparently. Almost every man there looked the same, sporting a tux and holding a glass of champagne.

Well. Most of the men.

Ela’s gaze stopped on Ignis. He spoke with a small group of people some distance away. The corners of his mouth were upturned in the lightest smile as he spoke. When someone said something in response, he paused. His lips pursed, then he said something that made the others laugh. She made herself look away when she realized how closely she was watching his mouth.

Although Ignis was wearing the standard black tie like all the rest, he had a presence that separated him. Palpable grace. Ela made a ninety degree turn. As much as she wanted to greet Ignis, she still couldn’t face him quite yet. Their interactions that morning had flustered her enough.

He suspected nothing of her dream. How could he? Still, she felt like she was unintentionally acting weird. It was a mercy that he had stayed in his office all day, especially that he’d left early to get ready for this event. She hadn’t had to cover up her embarrassment over something that was really none of his business.

“I wish Prompto was here.” The voice, smooth and friendly on the verge of inappropriate, considering her relationship with its owner, made her stop in her tracks. Noctis approached her with a soft, casual smile.

She returned the smile with a roll of her eyes. “He couldn’t scrounge up the one grand entrance fee, sir.”

His smile waned. He wanted to groan, she could tell. “Don’t do that here.”

She rose a brow, her smile growing. “Why not, sir? This is where it matters most. At least try to pretend you’re a professional.”

Noctis looked down at himself, a finger touching his crooked tie. His smile returned, slightly sheepish this time, as he gazed at her again. “How long do you think I can fool everyone here into believing I’m not a mess?”

She lifted her hands, brushing his away so she could straighten his tie. “You’re brilliant. If you’d just have better attendance, you’d know everything.” She twisted the fine fabric, pulling it taut in the right position at his neck. When her hands dropped, she looked up and paused.

She could smell his aftershave from this distance. Her eyes traced the line of his jaw upward, to where his hair softly fell to frame his face. She wanted to lift her hand again, to brush his hair behind his ear. Maybe kiss his jaw for encouragement. Instead, she blinked and met his eyes, forcing away the crazy thought.

His lips parted, his eyes shifting between hers. Then he cleared his throat. “You look beautiful.” It was his turn to blink, his eyes averting for a moment. “Very… professional.”

She wasn’t wearing a bra because the gown she’d chosen was so tight, it wasn’t needed. Was it bad form that she’d decided to go backless? Selfconsciously, she ran a hand up her opposite arm. Warmth came to her face despite the doubt. Because Noctis had never called her beautiful. She knew he was only picking on her for calling him sir, but that didn’t stop her heart from picking up its pace.

Before she could rebuff, he looked away and ran fingers through his hair. It was growing past his jawline, and appeared to be somewhat styled today. She was impressed. Not that that was anything particularly new for her when it came to Noctis; he was a litany of pleasant surprises. She wanted to think that’s part of why he kept expectations of himself so low.

“I’m gonna—” He looked around, at anything else. Pink began to color his cheeks, something Ela rarely saw. Lunafreya must’ve arrived. “I’m getting drinks.”

Ela watched him walk away, deflating as he disappeared into the crowd. Right. Of course he’d rather be near Luna. She was his… whatever they were. Ignoring the swell of disappointment that had begun to overtake her warm feelings, Ela resisted the urge to give herself a once over. She had a mirror in her clutch, but she’d just arrived, and she looked fine. Noctis had called her beautiful. Sure, he’d been joking and immediately rushed away after saying it, but that didn’t mean she looked bad!

Right?

Her fingers were fumbling with the clasp of her clutch when she heard her name. She froze and looked up, her head arching higher than it had with Noctis to meet Ravus’ eyes. A rush of memories bombarded her, a flash of feelings that made her throat tighten. Like Ignis, she didn’t think she could face Ravus just yet.

But he was already here. Staring down at her. Holding out a hand. “Don’t drink?”

She blinked at his question, then looked down at the champagne flute he was offering. Drawing in a quick breath, she took the glass. “I do. Thank you.”

He nodded, lifting his own glass to his lips. She took a drink with him, the taste of champagne unfamiliar on her tongue. It tingled on its way down her throat, and she smiled at Ravus even though he didn’t return it.

“How are you feeling?”

His question, like the first one, slightly startled her. She drank more of the champagne before answering.

“Getting right to the small talk, then?”

Ravus tilted his head, eyeing her. “Asking after your health, rather. Last we met, you were being escorted from your office. I trust you’re now well, being as you’re here.”

Ela bit her lip while he spoke. It was like opening a late century book and letting an Old Tenebraen gentleman monologue at her. Ignis’ accent was so much less pronounced, being second generation Lucian. She was used to his soft lilting tones. Ravus’ was cutting and thick, and she’d been too focused on the tour the first time they’d met to notice. Not that he’d spoken much to begin with.

“Yeah,” she said intelligently. Another sip from the flute. She didn’t want to talk about what had happened. Just the night before—and again that morning in the shower, gods help her—she’d thought about how heavy he’d been in her mouth, how he’d stretched her— She drained the glass, following it with a small laugh. “I’m alright. How are you?”

He continued to consider her. Why did it feel like he was attempting to deconstruct her? She refused to wither under his gaze, meeting it steadily. The champagne was already singing in her blood.

“My thoughts have been owned by a singular idée fixe, as of late,” he said, his look unwavering. He nodded at the empty glass in her hand. “Another?”

She was too busy rolling her eyes to catch on immediately. Then, she nodded, looking from her empty glass to Ravus again. He reached an arm out, eyes not leaving hers, stopping a member of the wait staff as they passed. They stilled, eyes shifting between her and Ravus.

Ela placed her empty flute on the tray they balanced, taking a new glass with a smile. She was feeling so lovely and light. She liked champagne. “Thank you so much.”

They nodded before walking off, their bowtie a deep maroon and smile much less genuine than her own.

“What thought had been plaguing you?” Ela brought the flute to her lips but drank him in rather than the champagne.

His hair was longer than Noct’s but much more styled. His jawline was a beautifully hard line, his eyes two sharp, unique points. She bit her lip again. Forget Old Tenebraen gentlemen; he was a perfectly sculpted statue.

“I pondered the possibility of acquiring your expertise.”

The statue was speaking to her. She blinked, using the glass to hide her smile. Then, she lowered it, her gaze shifting downward to stare into the pale beige liquid. “Is that some sort of come on?”

Her eyes flicked up to peer at him through her lashes. The champagne was smoothing out all of the edges around her. A light buzz in her mind. It came to a blunt end as Ravus replied.

“Nay, I would like to offer you an opportunity for better employment.”

It wasn’t so much curt as impatient, similar to the sure, sure Ignis would give on the rare occasion that he didn’t have time to completely hear her out. It left her with the same hollow feeling, which only deepened the more he spoke.

“I’ve a department that needs a director who is highly organized and self-driven.”

Already, she was shaking her head. She loved her job, and her job loved her. She was but two late night crunches with important paperwork away from putting on a ring and calling it forever. There really was no polite way to reject someone outside of pure directness. So that’s what she did.

“Why?” Ela startled herself with the question. She’d meant to give him a definitive no.

Ravus drank from his glass slowly, his eyes never leaving her. The way his jaw worked suggested he was savoring the champagne while he eyed her. She refused to be unnerved. Or charmed. Except she was already just a little of both.

“Consider it,” was his only answer. He took another drink, eyes closing briefly.

Almost content to let it go, she watched him. Her mind was ablaze, this sudden—super fucking vague—job offer changing the direction of her thoughts. She’d been under the impression their rapport had been less professional toward the end. Friendly, even. Dare she think… flirtatious? It felt silly to think that now.

She was flattered all the same, still shaking her head. “I don’t need to. I’m not leaving Caelum Corp.”

Ravus opened his eyes, the blue and lilac of them falling on her curiously. “If it’s the comfort of familiar faces that keeps you here, I’ll allow you to hire anyone of worth you know for your team. What university did you attend? I’m sure there are alumni already in my employ.”

A sour feeling began to pool in that hollow place left in her, the fluff of his flattery doing nothing to abate its course. He was only offering a job because he thought she was something that she wasn’t. Assumptions. Apparently, Ela wasn’t the only one who’d been making them. She mulled over her reply for only a moment.

“I didn’t go to college,” she said, adding a shrug. Not to add indifference to the statement, but because it wasn’t something that ever crossed her mind until someone else made it a point to mention. This job had been her life after— out of high school. She didn’t know much else and, frankly, didn’t feel that she needed to.

She sipped from her glass of champagne in an attempt to settle herself, attention piquing at the sight of Noctis. He curved his way around the crowds, dodging people with one glass in each hand. He had a smile aimed at her, and his bowtie had somehow become crooked again.

“Hey,” he breathed through his smile, seeming younger for a moment. He stopped in front of her, straightening his back before offering out one of the glasses.

Ela looked at it but didn’t take it. Both of her hands were preoccupied. One held her glass while the other gripped at her clutch. She really didn’t need to drink any more than she had already as it was.

“I trust that is for my sister,” Ravus spoke up.

Ela looked up at him next, realizing that yes, that’s right Lunafreya was actually related to Ravus. Which now seemed a little weird, given how well she knew her compared to her brother. He usually blew off events like this.

“Oh, right.” Noctis speaking made Ela settle her attention on him again. He drew the glass back, his expression a soft sort of sheepish. She only ever saw that face when Ignis caught him attempting to get out of an obligation. He never gave her that look, but Ravus could get it out of him, evidently.

She reached for the glass, taking it from Noctis in a swift pinch of her fingers on the delicate stem. “I’ll take it to Luna. You two should go over your speeches.” She peered from Noctis to Ravus with a serious expression she didn’t fully mean. “Tonight is important, boys.”

She didn’t wait for either of them to respond before weaving through the guests away from them.

—

Lunafreya Nox Fleuret stood taller than Ela, even with the three added inches on Ela’s heels. Her features were soft and her smile warm. Although a decade Ela’s senior, she’d never treated her with anything but honest respect. Ela understood why Noctis loved her.

“For me?” She took the glass Ela held out to her. “How thoughtful, thank you.” After a polite sip, she added, “I’d almost expected you to sit this out. How are you feeling?”

Ela rolled her eyes. “Luna, please. Ravus just asked me that. I’m fine.”

Luna laughed a little, most of it in her eyes. “Did he? I’d wondered when you would finally meet one another. Never did I expect it to be such a deadly experience.”

Flashes of her debaucherous dream assaulted Ela, and she lifted the glass to her lips, closing her eyes to repress them. The light feeling the champagne created began to overtake the hollowness left by her earlier conversation.

Glancing at Luna again had her meeting the other woman’s eyes. She appeared expectant. Of what, Ela had no idea.

“Really, I’m okay. No one’s asked Ravus and Ignis if they should be at a party so soon.”

Luna crossed an arm under her chest, her other holding up her glass. Her nails were painted a pale blue, and Ela wondered how the hell she always got away with wearing pastels to black tie events.

“Neither of them took such a hard fall the way you had. We were so worried, Noctis and I.” She arched a delicate brow, saying more that Ela missed by the sudden high pitched laugh that cut through the air.

Through a wide gap in the throngs of people, they spotted Ignis making his way across the gala proper. His arm was about the slender waist of a woman in a deep red dress. He seemed to be guiding her, saying something too quiet for them to hear. She laughed again, the lush curls of her hair draping over his shoulder as she drew herself closer to him.

He stopped in place, a gasp leaving him. Her face disappeared into the crook of his neck. His eyebrows arched over his glasses, which became askew as the woman lifted a hand to his jaw, turning his head toward her.

Ignis was quick on grabbing her wrist, tilting his head back to say more things that were too low to hear over the din of the party. Lipstick smudged his jawline. His arm pulled her closer at the waist, flush to his side.

Ela stared at the scene, suddenly perplexed.

“Who is that?” she asked Luna, unable to look away from the woman as she shamelessly grabbed at Ignis.

“I haven’t a clue.” Luna sounded just as surprised. “A lady friend of Ignis’, perhaps? I’ve always been curious about his taste… Thought it would be men, really.”

Ela’s stomach began to sink again. The woman backed Ignis two steps until he was pressed against one of the supporting columns that made up the rococo interior of the venue. She hiked a leg up, catching it at his hip. The slit of her dress bared everything from ankle to ass for all to see. Ignis let go of her wrist to grab her thigh, his gaze going over her shoulder to meet Ela’s.

Feeling embarrassed at seeing her boss this way, Ela averted her eyes. As if she were invading his privacy rather than it being him presenting an inappropriate show for everyone in the middle of the party. She looked at Luna with wide eyes, desperately wishing she hadn’t seen any of it.

“Not what I expected, either,” was all she could say. And it wasn’t. It really, really wasn’t. She suddenly felt sick.

“I’m surprised you didn’t already know.” Luna drank from her glass, clearly a bit uncomfortable with it herself. “You and Ignis must be close, given how well you’ve worked together for so long.”

Ela blinked at the assumption. She and Ignis weren’t close. She and Ignis weren’t even friends. He was her boss. Her slightly intimidating, secretly kind, and very professional boss. Her brow furrowed at the last thought. Maybe less than professional now. She didn’t know what the hell that had been about; she didn’t care to know. She couldn’t believe she’d been embarrassed all day about having a sex dream that featured him when, if around the right woman, Ignis became unrecognizably uncouth.

The corner of her eyesight where Ignis remained, the giggles of the woman still filtering through the air, burned with the need to look at the travesty again. No, Ela hadn’t known Ignis was attracted to people who were so blatant with their affection. To say this was jarring her would’ve put it mildly. She felt like she could throw up the cheesecake she’d eaten for breakfast.

Instead of responding to Luna, she drank deeply from her glass, emptying it with a grimace. Reminding herself that this was an important party, she schooled her expression and forced a smile to Luna.

“Who are we impressing this time?” A subject change. Business talk. Good. Ela resisted the urge to take a deep breath. “I haven’t seen Regis yet.”

Luna considered her for a moment. “He wasn’t feeling well. Noctis and I visited him this afternoon.”

Ela nodded and wondered what the point was in her ever making schedules for Noct if he always diverged from it.

“As for who we’re hoping to sway,” Luna said, her voice growing softer, conspiratorial. “There’s tell that an important representative from Aldercapt Industries is in attendance. I haven’t seen him myself, but I’ve heard he’s terribly charming.”

Ela latched onto that, grateful that Luna had taken the subject change in stride. “Should Noctis be worried?”

Luna laughed, brushing her braided hair over a shoulder. Her simple earrings sparkled in the lighting, and Ela felt the telltale ripple of envy. Luna was so casual, downplaying herself despite being one of the most important people there. She had the audacity to treat Ela like a friend. Because they were friends. Ela just wished she were less likable so she wouldn’t feel so guilty over how she felt for Noctis.

“I’m fairly certain I’m the one who should be worried,” Luna said. “With how you’d kissed Noctis upon waking from the incident, I hadn’t seen him so overcome since his first kiss with me. ”

Ela’s mind came to a complete stop. Her eyes left Luna’s, roaming the area that surrounded them. Ignis and his woman were gone. Beyond the crowd, she saw Noctis, still where she’d left him with Ravus. Neither seemed to be enjoying the conversation they were having. She had kissed Noctis. She’d kissed him, and he’d kissed back.

“Ela, it’s merely a jest.” Luna’s voice brought her attention back to the woman next to her. Her amusement had softened. “He was rather stricken, but you can’t have helped it. The psychological effects of the—”

“I really kissed Noctis?” Ela blurted, her mind trying to catch up.

Luna’s blonde brows pinched, then rose in realization. “You must not remember. Oh, I’m sorry to have mentioned it.” She put a hand over her mouth, then dropped it to tack on, “I assure you it’s a non-issue.”

Ela nodded, but she wasn’t entirely present. “I need some air.” She left Luna, putting down her empty glass on her way to the exit.

—

She couldn’t win.

Her wrists ached from typing without a break all day. She’d skipped her lunch hour to get the reports finished in time. Ignis had said he expected them by the end of the day. She knew, from the two weeks of working at Caelum Corp that, to her boss, the end of the day meant as late as nine in the evening.

Ela was going to do one better, though. She’d have it completed by five, when the sensible people left the office. Maybe then she’d get to leave, too.

Leaning back in her desk chair, she circled the joints of her wrists and stretched her fingers. It was a quarter til five, and she was finished! Across the open space of her so-called office—more of a lobby, she thought—the printer spat out copies of the completed reports. It was music to her ears.

While the printer did its job, she organized everything on her desk, slotting her phone into her bag and placing it on the edge so she could pick it up on her way out in just a few minutes. She could taste the freedom, the time away from the dreadful Ignis Scientia. She wished Noctis came in more. He was her actual boss, after all.

The paper from the printer was warm on her hands. She arranged the reports exactly like Ignis had instructed, down to using color coded paper clips to fasten them rather than stapling. It was absolutely perfect. She felt a thrill walking into his office knowing he’d have nothing to complain about. Was there a chance he’d even give her a… look of approval?

She stopped in front of his desk. “Sir, I’ve finished the reports.”

He didn’t look up from the documents he read. He didn’t say anything. She shifted her weight from one foot to the other, then cleared her throat.

“Sir, the—”

“Alright.” It was impatient, and when he looked up, her gaze was met with disinterest. He put down the document he’d been focused on and took the stack of reports. “Completed them so soon. Hm.”

Ela felt a swell of pride in her chest. Was that praise? She opened her mouth to say it was no problem, but stalled when Ignis glanced at the first page of the topmost report before turning and dropping the stack directly into the trash bin next to his desk. The swift thud of it hitting the bottom she felt in her bones.

Ignis returned his attention to the documents on his desk, saying nothing more. Ela remained there, standing in front of his desk. Nothing. Her pride crumbled, and she swallowed.

“Was—” She cleared her throat again. “Sir, was there something wrong with the reports?”

This time, he acknowledged her immediately. His eyes met hers, a finger easing his glasses up the bridge of his nose. The corners of his mouth were turned down in a faint frown. She couldn’t possibly see what she’d done wrong here. Anger burned in her stomach, but she squashed it in hopes of talking it through with him directly.

When his lips parted to speak, she prepared for whatever correction he had for her. She steeled herself because she needed this job. She was still learning, but she knew she could do it. She just needed him to give her a chance.

“Get me a coffee.” He said it with the same amount of seriousness that he said everything else. “There is a shop four blocks west. Large, medium roast, no cream or sweetener.”

Ela gaped slightly. “Right now?”

Ignis rose a brow. “Too difficult a task?”

This was ridiculous. She bit her lips and shook her head, fighting the compulsion to tell him off. Being manipulated was nothing new to her, especially by the likes of older men. Ignis was different, though. He wasn’t exploiting her so much as giving her an unnecessarily difficult time. She didn’t know his motives, but she didn’t really need to.

She just needed to prove she wouldn’t break.

—

The air outside was chilly and slightly humid, an abrupt change from the atmosphere she’d left behind. The venue’s entrance was open, giving way to a wide expanse of steps that led down to the sidewalk. Each corner of the staircase was adorned with a statue of an angelic figure, the gender of which too vague to define. Ela walked down the steps toward one, wishing she had a cigarette.

The statue towered overhead, twice her height. Her eyes traced the wings of it, of the dark spots on the stone that implied it had rained earlier. At the foot of the stairs, she rounded the statue to lean on its base as she thought. She was abruptly halted by the sight of a familiar face.

One hand tucked into a pocket of his trousers, the other holding a silver vape pen to his lips, Loqi Tummelt turned toward her with mild interest. His blond hair was dry, a sign that he hadn’t been out here for long. A small, barely there cloud left his mouth as he said her name. She’d come out to think, but this was better, in a way. She eased at the way he offered her the pen. Taking it, she sidled next to him and brought it to her mouth.

“I didn’t know you were here,” she said. “You should’ve emailed me.” She had to stop herself from leaning back against the statue’s base as she took a hit. The granite was wet, darkened like the cracks in the sidewalk.

“For what?” He took it back from her, the pen between tight lips.

“I heard an important rep from Aldercapt industries is here.”

“I know.” He actually chuckled. “That’s my boss.”

She was surprised by this, eyes widening as she looked at him. Loqi had wanted to work for that company for as long as she’d known him. Every event they’d both attended for the past three years had always held brief intermissions of them commiserating over their positions as assistants.

“Congrats,” she said, smiling slightly. “Is it everything you ever wanted?” She took the pen from him, drawing from it with a deep breath. The nicotine alleviated her nerves, and she closed her eyes as it slowly left her in a long exhale.

She had serious doubts about Aldercapt Industries being all that great. She hadn’t heard the best things about the company. Loqi had sang their praises for so long, but a brief look had revealed enough negative media attention that she’d felt a deeper dive to be unnecessary. His admiration had become off-putting after that.

“It never is.” His hand left his pocket to straighten his tie. “But I can’t say I’m disappointed. You still with the Caelums?”

“Always.” It was released into the air with an unseeable huff of vapor. She passed the pen back to him.

“I’m surprised. You complained about your boss so much that one time.” Loqi took a step forward, stretching a little with the pen clenched in a hand. “Not the heir but the other one. The one with the glasses.”

Ela fought a roll of her eyes. This was another thing he always brought up, the contentious relationship she’d had with Ignis in the beginning. Everyone knew they hadn’t gotten along, but that had long since passed. Loqi just liked to be negative. He liked to keep others in uncomfortable positions, to remind them of things they’d rather forget and move past. She didn’t trust him because he comisserated but never truly supported her. He wanted her to do well, just not better than he did.

“Not treating you that well at Aldercapt, huh?” She touched his arm, and he turned around to face her. “Always have to be a dick.”

His shrug was a casual roll of his shoulders, as if he didn’t have a care in the world. Ela knew better. Loqi was a bundle of nerves. She was waiting for him to ask about Cor, the previous head of security who’d retired before she’d ever worked for Caelum Corp. Loqi always asked about the other man, his scorn over being thrown from the Caelum building years before an apparent obsession of his. He didn’t take rejection well.

“No vacation days,” he admitted, shoving his hands into his pockets. “No sick days. Nothing. I’ll end up dying there from overworking. Happily.”

She huffed a light laugh. Happily. What a ridiculous thought. No one owed a corporation their entire life.

Her watch began to beep, and a quick glance at it told her she needed to be meeting with Noctis soon to go over the last minute preparations for the presentation. Without so much as a “Gotta go”, she walked around the base of the statue and ascended the wide stoop.

—

Her watch alight with a message, Ela swiped it away to read later. She couldn’t visit her sister today. Three months into her new job, and she’d yet to tell anyone but her sister about it. What was there to tell, anyway? Her boss disliked her; it was only a matter of time before she slipped up. Ignis would find a way to get rid of her if he really wanted.

“Could you collate these, Elanore?”

Elanore. No one called her by her full name but him. She looked up from her computer to Ignis, who stood in the doorway of his office. A large, messy stack of files, spilling with documents, rested in his hands. Shocking that he’d walk even that far for this request. He’d called her from his desk that morning and given her an unapologetic “Clear your schedule. We are working late on the Coernix project for the rest of the week.”

Shoving her desk chair back, pasting on a pleasant smile, she nodded. “Got it, sir.”

She took the stack from him and watched as he walked back into his office. The blinds had been opened, his office a fishbowl for her to observe. It was very much the other way around, though, her every move on display for his discerning eye. She kind of hated this job. As much as it seemed to hate her, at least.

The papers fanned when hitting her desk, scattering among what was already there. The Coernix project was small and short notice, an acquisition Caelum Corp made just so they’d have easier access to fuel resources for more important projects later on. So far, the paperwork she’d had to handle had been standard, but the previous owners of Coernix had been so unorganized. Most of her work on this came down to alphabetizing and trying to make sense of the poorly structured system that had been in place before.

It was, in so many words, really fucking boring.

She rounded her desk and took her seat again. Opening a desk drawer, she pulled out the case for her wireless headphones. It was nearing eight in the evening. Ignis had, so far, overlooked her zoning out around this hour on days that they’d work late. Her job wasn’t necessarily difficult, in her opinion. It was just a lot. Ignis was constantly asking for things, and she was readily meeting them. Easy. So she hoped her putting on music wouldn’t be something he felt the need to stop tonight. The tedium of organizing documents didn’t need that much brain power.

Putting the buds into her ears, she peered over her monitor to Ignis, sitting at his own desk. He sipped from the takeout cup she’d brought just an hour earlier, before the cafe down the block closed. Even from there, between his long fingers, she could make out the “Dingus” written on the cup’s side by the barista.

“I told them Ignis when I ordered,” she’d said, pretending to be sheepish.

He’d stared at the word with the hardest frown, and the deeper it went, the more amusement she felt. She was finally beginning to understand him. He took himself too seriously. On top of disliking her, he was impatient, cutting, and horribly intelligent. All things he’d used against her so far. This was such a small, petty way of getting back at him, but she could only do so much.

“I guess there’s a lot of similarity there.” She said it as if thoughtful, playing dumb and friendly. She was so used to playing dumb and friendly with him. She held up her hands, palms up, as if weighing the two names. “Ignis, Dingus. Pretty close. All the employees at that cafe are teens just trying their best, sir.”

His brow had furrowed, and she’d fought a smile. She dared him to mention her own age. She wasn’t above shoving a finger into his chest to call out discrimination. She needed this job.

He’d taken the coffee to his office, nothing else said on the matter. She’d won for the time being. It was a shame, the way it felt less satisfying than she’d hoped. She could win against him in these insignificant ways, but none of it mattered when all she truly wanted to do was win him over.

She smiled to herself as he drew the cup away from his lips and glanced down at the incorrect name written on it. Leaning back in her chair, she made sure her earbuds were comfortable before opening the music app on her phone.

Pressing play did nothing. She frowned at her phone’s screen, the song appearing to begin playing despite the silence in her ears. She took out one of the buds, looking it over before putting it back in. She turned up the volume on her phone. The sound of the song was faint but there, and she realized a moment later just where it was coming from.

Standing abruptly from her desk, she looked into Ignis’ office to see him staring at one of the bluetooth speakers on his desk. The music came through the small opening in his cracked office door, resounding off the glass walls. She’d completely forgotten she’d been connected to them before. He’d made her take audio notes during a visit to one of the labs earlier in the week—“handsfree, Elanore, it’s important”—and he’d listened to them that morning, his soft judgement coming through when mentioning how often she’d said “um”.

He looked her way now, brows arching. She scrambled for her phone, pressing pause on the song and disconnecting the bluetooth. Looking up from the device, she wondered if she should go apologize for the disruption. After the coffee thing, he probably thought it had been on purpose. He was already facing his computer again, typing as if entirely unbothered.

Slowly, she retook her seat and made sure her phone was connected correctly before pressing play again. The song began in the middle, right where she’d paused it. Too loud at first, she turned down the volume and sighed.

I’m achin’ now, I’m achin’ now. It’s times like these I need relief.

She shifted the papers around on her desk, unfocused because shit. It just had to be one of the more suggestive songs. Skipping the song for now, she listened to the next and poured her concentration into organizing the disaster that was the Coernix paperwork.

When she finished just past midnight, she took the files to his office. She was slow about coming in. Not tentative but careful. Her knuckles paused just over the doorway before she knocked. Ignis, fiddling with his pen in quick motions between his thumb and forefinger, seemed to be considering an important dossier. He was humming, a quiet sound that reached her in pleasant waves. She’d never seen him this relaxed, and it made her pause there in his doorway for longer than she meant.

He suddenly looked up, the pen in his hand coming to a stop. “Finished, I presume?”

She lowered her hand, holding up the stack with her other arm. “Yes.”

“Good.” He nodded toward where he wanted her to put them in the usual spot on his large desk. The back end of his pen touched another stack. “Begin on these next.”

She nodded, trading out the completed work for the new pile. With a pause, she stayed in front of his desk. “I’m going to that convenience store on the corner. I need an Ebony. Do you want one?”

She wasn’t asking because she felt bad about blasting music at him. She wasn’t even asking because she wanted to suck up. It was just… polite. She also needed a moment away to think about him humming the melody of the song she’d accidentally played.

His brows pinched. “At this hour?”

She blinked. “I need the caffeine, sir.”

He looked from her to his computer screen. Then he seemed to make a decision. “Right. I’ll join you.”

She blinked again, stepping back from his desk as he stood up. She couldn’t imagine Ignis perusing a dingy shop in the early morning hours in his Gucci attire. “I’m fine going on my own.”

He ignored her, taking his jacket from the coat rack in a corner of the room. A glance at the watch on his wrist, and he gave a light shake of his head. “Hardly halfway finished, and it’s already nearing one.” He slid his jacket on, one arm at a time, turning to her as he adjusted the collar. “We’ve a long week ahead of us, Elanore. Perhaps we should stock up on Ebony while out. It would save us the trouble of those teens in the cafe who can never seem to get my name correct.”

She gripped the stack of documents tighter, forcing a small laugh. This wasn’t at all what she’d wanted, but he was already passing her on the way out of his office.

—

Her climb up the stairs was halted at the uppermost step, a voice— a pair of voices catching her attention.

“It’s a wonder we haven’t been investigated already.” Ignis. Oh?

“This is entirely unrelated, and you’ve already sent her on her way.” Ravus. Oh?

Ela froze, holding her breath because they were being so quiet. They were standing just a yard or so away from the venue’s entrance, a wide column not entirely obscuring them.

“The fact remains,” Ignis said, sounding frustrated. Ela imagined him pushing up his glasses to pinch the space between his eyes. “We don’t know who the perpetrator is, or what their motives may be.”

“We know their motives.” Ravus sounded much less scandalized. “You found her in a private room and made an ass of yourself in the middle of the gala. We know exactly what they’d planned to do to her.”

Ignis sighed. A silence followed, and Ela stepped closer, wanting to eavesdrop more. What were they whispering about?

“Ela?”

She startled, looking up from her concentrated look at the wet ground. Ignis peered beyond the column on one side. Ravus took a step back to do the same, both men staring. She rounded the column, smiling. Not sheepishly— that would imply guilt. “Getting fresh air.”

“It’s rather cold to be—” Ravus gave her a once over, cutting off just as Ignis cleared his throat.

She looked between them. Had it been that obvious she was listening in? She wanted to ask what they were talking about, but considering the way she’d been shut down after the last incident, she didn’t want to waste her breath.

As far as the weather, she didn’t think it was all that cold. The barest pink rose to Ignis’ face, and she figured they must get colder easier than she did even in those tuxedos. She took in the light flush, her eyes tracing his jaw, down to the smudges of lipstick that remained on the curve of his neck. Averting her gaze to Ravus, she found him looking pointedly away from both of them. He must’ve been uncomfortable, too, not mentioning the lipstick to Ignis already.

Ignis began to remove his suit jacket. “Here. To keep warm.”

She rose a hand in protest, about to explain that she was going inside anyway. When she caught a glimpse of one of his shirt cuffs, she frowned. “You lost a cufflink.”

He brought his wrist up, frowning in turn. “Must’ve come off when— ah, well.” Dropping his arm, he took his jacket off completely. His face grew slightly pinker. It really wasn’t that cold. “Perhaps it’ll turn up.”

Ela bit her lip, shaking her head at the offer of his coat. The woman he’d been making out with had probably loosened it when she’d grabbed him. Ela didn’t want to think he deserved that for how weird that situation had been to witness; this gala was throwing her for too many loops, and she wished Ignis could’ve, at the very least, remained normal. She didn’t want to think he deserved it because she knew how much those cufflinks meant to him.

“I’m going inside,” she said, throwing a thumb over her shoulder. Her other hand came up to motion vaguely at Ignis. “You have something on your neck.” She wanted to wipe it off, but she also didn’t want to get too close to him. The three of them standing there, alone as they were, was beginning to dredge up memories of the dream. She’d yet to digest her kiss with Noctis. She didn’t need these thoughts, too.

With his jacket draped over an arm, Ignis’ brows arched above his glasses, his hand coming hesitantly to his neck. As his blush grew, she turned around to leave them to whatever whispering they had left to do. He should probably go inside, too, if he were that chilly. She had more important things to think about and even more things to suppress.

—

Ignis didn’t return to his office. Or, if he did, it was only to gather more paperwork or file what they’d already completed. Some of the more important reports were only held in paper copies and needed to be transcribed into data that could be accessed from their network. Even worse, some of those irreplaceable reports were handwritten. Halfway through the week of late nights, and she had a splitting headache. Because all of the more tedious tasks were falling onto her.

It didn’t help that Ignis had pulled one of the lounge chairs up to her desk. They were comfortable, for clients and guests, and Ignis leaned back in his, one finger tapping against his mouth while his eyes flitted across a document in his hand. While she typed things out, occasionally squinting at the more difficult to read pieces, he went through them to first determine if they were worth keeping a record of at all.

So far, everything had been worth keeping.

Ela flipped over the report she was currently working on, and her hand cramped. She frowned, flexing her fingers before relaxing her hand on her desk. She took that moment to stretch her back, too. She’d barely moved since they’d stocked the minifridge with Ebony. Now that Ignis had made the other side of her desk his new base of operations, she had even less reason to get up.

She grumbled under her breath, stretching out her legs underneath the desk. What was Ignis’ problem? She’d thought they’d had a moment when he’d went with her to the convenience store two nights earlier. He’d recommended a flavor of “crisps” to her that she already really enjoyed. It had turned into them jokingly arguing over whether they should’ve been called “chips” instead.

They were chips. She was Lucian, for Astrals sake.

It’d been the first time she’d ever heard him laugh. The next day, after he’d dealt with his usual business, he came out to her desk, setting up without warning. Did he not trust her to get it done properly on her own?

Looking up from her sore hand, she met his eyes. His mouth pinched with a frown, his finger leaving it as he put the document down. “Do you need a break?”

What she needed was a smoke. She was trying desperately to quit. She would quit. With a shake of her head, she went back to typing, but the muscles in her hand were still tense.

Ignis sighed. “Why don’t we move to the sofa? I’ll type while you sort.”

Head jerking up to look at him, she blinked. “The what?”

He tilted his head toward the couch in the waiting area, upholstered with the same black leather of the chair he’d pulled over. Standing up, he tapped his current stack of documents neatly before sliding them into the large binder that then went into a box that sat on the floor near his feet. When he picked it up, he looked down at her impatiently. “Come. No wasting time.”

She followed him, pushing the chair back into place as he put the box down on the coffee table. After another prompting nod from him, she sat down on the couch like he’d suggested. It was immediate relief on her back. She sank into the plush feeling while he disappeared into his office. Closing her eyes, she listened to the ambient hum of the air conditioner. She counted her breaths.

“Elanore, you may rest when you go home.”

Her eyes snapped open, and she sat up. “Sorry, sir.” She reached into the box for the binder. Opening it on her lap, she was startled a second time by the clunk of something placed on the table in front of her. A can of Ebony. She looked to her side, the couch shifting as Ignis sat next to her, and reached for the can without hesitation. With how much coffee she’d been drinking, she wasn’t sure how helpful it would be. She’d built a mighty tolerance working here. “Thanks.”

“Mm.” He nodded, cracking open his own can. She knew that meant he didn’t want her wasting anymore time talking. She’d gotten enough memos about “maximizing your time, Elanore” to understand what the man was about.

Her sip went longer, and when she placed the can back onto the coffee table, Ignis was already typing away at the laptop he’d brought from his office. His elbow bumped hers every so often, but he didn’t appear to notice. She sifted through the files, not letting it bother her.

When she came across a contract that was as old as she was, binding Coernix to a now defunct company that sold mudflaps, she spoke up. The air conditioner had cut off, and she’d already emptied her Ebony to no avail, so her voice broke clear in the room, just over the sound of his typing.

“I don’t think this is important. We should shred it.”

Ignis paused, glancing at the papers but not taking them from her. “Alright. Begin a discard pile.”

As she put the paper down in a separate part of the coffee table, her watch beeped with a new message. Like all previous attempts at communication from her sister, she swiped it away to be read later. She tried not to feel guilty. She was doing this for her. She was working so she wouldn’t be stuck where she was forever. She was going to fix everything. Someday.

“Is that important?” Ignis asked.

She looked at the next document she’d picked up. “I haven’t read it over yet.”

“No.” Ignis looked at her watch. “The messages. Considering how late it is, you should let whomever know of your whereabouts.”

Ela stared at him for a second, then waved him off. She didn’t have a roommate or a boyfriend waiting up for her. Her sister shouldn’t have been awake at this hour anyway. She knew she shouldn’t have bought her sister that new phone with her most recent paycheck. But it had been so much money… And Ela didn’t know who else to spend it on.

“On yourself,” her sister had said, eyes not leaving her new phone. It boasted an amazing camera.

“And what would I buy myself, Ellie?” She’d sat on the edge of her sister’s bed. The machines were louder in person than they were on the phone.

“Art supplies. Makeup.” Ellie had looked at her then, sunken eyes full of excitement. “A new car.”

Ela had given her a tight smile, looking at one of the monitors, listening to the measured beeping. She didn’t want to drive anytime soon. So far, taking the bus only meant waking up an hour earlier than she would’ve if she drove herself to work. It was a small price to pay.

“A convertible,” Ellie continued, grabbing one of Ela’s hands and squeezing. “I’ve always wanted to ride in one of those. Feel the wind in my hair. Eat a few bugs.”

Ela’s smile broadened, became more genuine, and she’d squeezed back. “I don’t make that much money.”

“Then save it. We can go for a drive when I get better.”

Ela looked at Ignis now and gave him a small smile. “It’s fine. Let’s keep going.”

His eyes searched her face, and for a moment, she feared he wouldn’t believe her. That maybe he’d find a way to use this against her, to finally get rid of her. Her personal life —what little of it that existed— was hers, though, and her sister was solely her responsibility. No one had to know. No one would ever know. She wasn’t going to be hurt again.

The train of thought came to a crashing halt when Ignis nodded, reached for his Ebony, and tried to drink from the empty can.

“Drat.” He put his laptop down and stood up with the can. Looking over his shoulder on his way back to his office, he asked, “Would you like another?”

She nodded, stifling a loud yawn once he disappeared into the other room. Her eyelids felt heavy, but she estimated she had another hour or two left in her. It was only midnight.

Ignis returned with the promised Ebony, and she drank a bit from it before returning to the task of sorting. Words became hard to understand, hard to read. They blurred and swayed, and she leaned into something warm to gather her concentration, her eyes coming to a close.

Just for a minute, she thought.

When she woke the next morning, it was the to the smell of fresh coffee and indistinct chatter. She lifted herself, a suit jacket pooling on her lap. With a wide, bleary look around, she saw Ignis talking to someone being much louder than he was.

“Thanks! It’s a new route for me so I’ll catch you tomorrow, probs!”

Ela watched the stranger pass on his way out. He shot her a finger gun as the elevator doors closed. Who could be so happy this early in the morning? A check of her watch told her she had to be at her desk in twenty minutes. She groaned, dropping her feet to the floor and pushing the jacket off of her. She couldn’t believe she’d slept here. That was the nightmare level of bad luck and something she’d worried would happen after so many nights spent late in the office.

Standing up, she oriented herself and looked at Ignis, who looked at her. He was dressed down, his unbuttoned dress shirt and suspenders a pleasant sight compared to the usual tightly buttoned suit. Was she still dreaming? Then she realized something, picking up the jacket that had covered her. Barefoot and feeling crusty, she rounded the coffee table toward him with it.

“Um. Good morning, sir.”

He took the jacket from her, draping it over an arm. “If you would like to go home for an hour to freshen up, please do. Return promptly by nine.”

She nodded, fully intending to take that offer. Part of her wanted to ask why he hadn’t woken her up. A larger part of her wanted to ask him what cologne he wore because she loved the smell that lingered on her from his jacket. The largest part won out; the part that told her to keep pushing forward and not think too deeply about it.

—

In the somewhat warm embrace of the venue, surrounded by the guests and overly ornate decor, Ela was further stalled on her way to Noctis. But of course.

“El, babe, didn’t expect to see ya here.”

She grimaced at the sound of the voice, its thick accent setting off alarms in her mind. Her shoulders automatically rose, a sense of defensiveness falling over her like a shroud. She turned to the source of the noise, not hiding her displeasure.

With his press badge looking polished and the usual smarm on his face, Dino gave her an exaggerated once over. He was on the prowl. She suspected almost any woman would do, but one unfortunate fact would always haunt her. It was what made him beeline for her at every event. He was the only boyfriend she’d ever had. And he knew it.

“El,” he said, stepping closer. “El for love.”

She made a disgruntled noise, just short of a groan. “Dino, I don’t have time for you.”

She’d liked his eyes when they’d first met. She’d found his accent obnoxious and his smile sleazy, but he’d made her laugh. He’d been so uncomplicated, and in the end, his lack of depth had become… boring.

“No time for your first love?”

She regretted ever telling him that. It had meant to be a joke said over the bowl of popcorn between them when he’d said something especially stupid during a movie. I can’t believe my first love is this big of an asshole. Gods, had he clung to it.

“Torture me after the presentations.” She tried to brush him off. Usually, all it took was a few pointed statements, then he’d wander off to other women to harass. He wasn’t necessarily a bad guy. He was an awful guy. Harmlessly awful.

“If ya wanna talk torture, hows about you let me wear your thighs like earmuffs,” he said, more serious than anyone had a right to be saying something like that to another human being. “I’ll eat you out ‘til I’ve got you comin’ so hard ya waterboard me.”

She lifted a hand, palm toward him. Her mouth opened, then closed. What was she even supposed to say? She had to admit, that was a new one.

“Gladio, get him out of here.”

She didn’t process the newest voice—still trying to work through the amalgam of verbal shit that had just been aimed at her—until Noctis was at her side.

Dino began to protest, albeit lightly, coward that he was, when Gladio brought a great hand down on his shoulder. She didn’t get to see much of him being escorted out because Noctis was bumping her elbow with his own to get her attention.

“You alright?”

She turned to him, remembering she needed to walk him through the main points of his presentation. “Right. Noct, we should—” Then she remembered, as she looked from his eyes to his mouth, that they’d kissed. It had been so warm. Warm and too brief. She swallowed, forcing her eyes back up to meet his. “We should go over your points really quick.”

He didn’t seem to think that was important right now. “Are you sure he wasn’t bothering you?”

“It’s Dino. He always bothers me.”

Noctis looked off, in the direction where Gladio had taken the reporter. It wasn’t the first time Dino had been pulled out of an event for pressing too hard. She couldn’t understand the continued fascination; their relationship had only lasted two months, and the last time she’d seen Dino, he’d seemed almost entirely over her. There had even been a small hope in her that he’d merely ask a few questions about Caelum Corp before moving on during tonight’s party.

Looking at her with what she thought was soft concern, Noctis frowned. “I heard there was someone—” His frown became a grimace. “It would be a creep like him. Be careful, okay? I need to talk to Iggy.”

Then he was off, brushing past Ravus on his way toward the exit. She stared after him, confused and hoping he wasn’t just blowing off the refresher she’d planned. Be careful? She was growing further and further from understanding what was happening anymore.

Wait. Ravus.

She blinked, looking up at the man as he stopped in front of her. She closed her mouth, not even bothering to wonder how long it had been hanging open. This night continued to get away from her; now all she hoped to do was get through the presentations without Noctis falling off the stage or Ignis having another gropefest with a scantily dressed daughter of some important bigwig. Ela was going to gray early, just like the man in front of her apparently had.

Ravus ran a hand through his hair, not caring how unkempt it made him appear. She watched the way it fell back into place, touching his high cheekbones and catching in the light of the chandeliers overhead.

“I’m not going to work for you,” she blurted, hoping to cut this off here and now. She’d said no, and she’d meant no. It had been one thing after another all evening. This, at least, she felt she could stop.

Ravus frowned down at her, a hand shoved into a pocket while the other once again coursed fingers through his hair. “Make no mistake, you’d be an asset to any department. But I’ve no intent to pressure.”

“Great.” She wasn’t trying to be rude, but her patience was dwindling. She was supposed to be helping Noctis, and Ravus was a distracting wall of fancy words, muscle, and old fashioned charm. “I’m getting another glass of champagne. Excuse me.”

He caught her by the hand, stopping her after one step. She looked back and up at him, pulling her hand free but not walking away.

“Don’t drink the champagne.” He was serious, suddenly. More so than before. “Someone soiled it. I hear it’s making others ill.”

Ela hadn’t heard anything like that. She looked around, spotting no one causing a scene over it. That didn’t mean it couldn’t be true, she told herself. For what reason would he lie to her? A man nearby took a glass of it from one of the serving trays still being walked around the gala.

“Shouldn’t we stop others from drinking it, then?”

Ravus sighed, a quiet sound that broadened his chest for a moment. “We aren’t certain…”

Ela had a thought, sudden and curious, because there Ravus was, once again avoiding eye contact. He kept making that worried motion with his fingers through his hair.

“Tonight is making everyone weird,” she said, providing him with an excuse. She had no clue what was going on, but everyone seemed slightly off. He’d been so self assured when she’d first seen him; and now his eyes were so much softer when meeting her own.

“Indeed.” He nodded, once, finally dropping his hand to his side. The other left his pocket, outstretched to her. “Would you care to dance?”

She looked from his hand to his face. She’d never danced at one of these parties. People attended so they could flaunt and increase their wealth. They came to make professional connections. The only people who danced were those who wanted to be watched. Gazing out toward the dance floor, she spotted a few couples and one eccentric woman in a feathered gown dancing alone.

Facing him, she put her hand in his. What could be the harm? She had a small mess of business cards in her clutch she’d yet to hand out. The attention could help, she reasoned.

What she couldn’t reason, though, was why Ravus wanted to be seen with her.

He took the lead, first by weaving her through the bodies to the more open area of the dance floor, then by drawing her close, his other hand coming to her waist. He smelled like sylleblossoms, something she usually associated with Luna. It was pleasant and flowery, but out of place. The Ravus in her dream had been musky and— fight the thought, she told herself. Even if he was holding her terribly close now.

His hand holding hers was gentler than the one at her waist. The carbon fiber of it was surprisingly warm around her hand. Probably from having been in his pocket. She hadn’t thought about his prosthetic, hadn’t given it attention because, in her research into him, she’d learned that he didn’t like to talk about it. Not explicitly. She’d been able to tell through his body language in photos. In the sheer absence of the topic across all media in which he could’ve been found. It was most often covered by a glove —both hands, for science— but it was bare tonight. She peeked at it now, at the smooth, white finish and the intricate, silver joints.

“I must admit,” he said, catching her attention. His hand tightened on hers as they spun a wider turn. “Part of me is relieved at your adamancy to remain loyal to the Caelums.”

She matched his steps across the polished floor. “Why’s that?”

There was no explanation for why she felt so confrontational with this man. Maybe the night’s events had tired her. Maybe he felt like the only one who’d push back. Maybe she needed that right now.

“Did you realize how underqualified I am on paper?” she asked.

She wasn’t. Underqualified, that was. But she knew how others saw it, and why it had taken her so long to start attending events like this.

His hand over hers held tighter, and she squeezed in return, slowly spinning with him. He didn’t acknowledge what she said with anything more than a roll of his eyes. It was surprisingly expressive of him, she thought.

“There is a rule in my company that employees aren’t permitted to fraternize with one another.”

“We have the same rule,” she said, thinking about how it had been the main reason she’d never approached Noctis romantically.

Ravus drew her closer for a short stretch of seconds, arching her in a dip before lifting. Internally, she laughed at herself for pretending that was why she’d never told Noctis how she felt. The scent of sylleblossoms only drove it home, and the laugh bubbled out of her quietly. “Did Luna spray you with her perfume?”

Ravus arched a brow. “Yes. I arrived directly from my lab. She believed the chemical smell inappropriate.” His shoulder tensed, then relaxed underneath her grip. “How could you tell?”

She quieted her laugh, smiling up at him. “You smell like a garden. Not earthy but—” She bit her lip to keep from laughing when he frowned at her. “I’ve always wanted a garden,” she added in an attempt to amend. It was true; she always had. It also wouldn’t do any good for her to insult the head of a company that was working so closely with her own.

Especially now, with so many eyes on them. Ravus had wanted to be seen. With her. She still didn’t understand.

His frown remained, but there was no edge to his voice. “You tease me.”

She realized as he held her ever closer that it wasn’t a confrontation she’d wanted. His hand left her waist to press flat at the arch of her back, resting there. Skin to skin. Flashes, not so much images coming to mind as spikes in sensation, came to her. How roughly he’d taken her in her dream, and the contrast of that to the gentle but stern man who held her now.

“I could taste it,” he said, “for hours. Long into the evening. The sweat. I couldn’t rid myself of the memory of how you felt.”

Ela stared at him, her eyes widening in confusion.

“This is inappropriate. More so, had you accepted my offer.” His jaw worked. “But I cannot forget the fantasy, however much it was driven by another.”

The dance ended even though the music continued. She stared up at him, a slow creep of awareness coming to her the more he spoke.

“I wonder.” His hand at her back smoothed upward. It caressed her shoulder blade and came to rest at her nape. When he bent forward, she moved with him. They were flush to one another, his heartbeat rocking against her, strands of his hair tickling her cheek. “Should I dare hope to at least kiss you? That, I must say, has been most consuming. He wouldn’t allow me.”

It wasn’t a confrontation she’d needed. No.

She tilted her head, chin lifting upward to—

A high pitched screech of audio feedback from a microphone made her jump. She pulled away from Ravus, her footing wobbly. She rested a hand against his chest to steady herself, then jerked it back. Heat came to her face, a burn that was accompanied by the sudden drop of her stomach. Her mind swam, awash with thoughts, drowning.

“Good evening, ladies, gentlemen, distinguished guests.” The opening speech began, the party continuing with no respect to what chaos was happening in her life.

Ela swallowed, repressing more now than ever. Only she… couldn’t. Not anymore. Not this. Ravus looked from her to the man on stage. Then, he turned and began to make his way through the crowd. It was a beat before she followed. At the bottom of the stairs leading up to the stage, she slowed. Ravus ascended them, passing Ignis. Already on the stage, stood Noctis, just beyond the man who would soon introduce both him and Ravus to the entire venue.

Ela stared at Ignis, unable to really absorb what Ravus had said. Ignis, to his credit, smiled softly. A morning smile. A pastry smile. Encouragement in expression. It softened her, eased her turbulent thoughts into something she could push to the back of her mind.

She snapped opened her clutch, quickly withdrawing a silken tissue. One hand coming to his jaw to make him tilt his head, she wiped away the smallest remaining bit of lipstick on his neck. He must’ve missed it when cleaning up. She didn’t want to think about it.

Her eyes flicked from the smudge of red to his own eyes, a brilliant green focused on her. His smile waned, and she was so close, she could smell the champagne on his breath when he thanked her. She wasn’t the only one imbibing more than was necessary, she thought. Some things made a bit more sense. Drawing away, she considered wadding the tissue back into her clutch, but Ignis took it, tucking it discreetly into a pocket.

“After you,” he whispered, taking her hand in one of his own. His other motioned for her to go ahead of him up the steps.

Once on stage, she schooled herself into a professional smile. Several paces in front of her, Noctis and Ravus began their presentation on the co-branding project. Where she’d expected to worry about the two of them talking over one another, she instead found herself stunned by the sudden confidence Noctis appeared to have. As Ravus spoke, Noctis looked back at her, smiling over his shoulder.

Next to her, Ignis tensed, and that made her tense. As much as she wanted to, she couldn’t look at him. Because, as the presentation continued and she’d mentally sifted through what Ravus had said, she realized she hadn’t had a sex dream about them. It had been a fantasy. One they had shared. That she remembered vividly, and Ravus claimed he couldn’t get out of his mind. She’d… reflected on it more than once since it had happened. Had they, as well? Had Ignis?

Against her better judgement, she gave him a side glance. His profile offered nothing but his slight frown. He lifted a hand to push his glasses up the bridge of his nose. He caught her, from the corner of his eye. She didn’t look away when he returned her subtle glance, one of his careful brows arched. She knew the look.

Alright, there?

She wasn’t but nodded, just once, a slight movement before returning her attention to the men speaking. He relaxed next to her, lifting a hand to pat her with a comforting gesture. The touch of his hand at the curve of her back felt like a spark. Static electricity along her skin, shooting directly up her spine.

Ignis remained unbothered, his hand resting there, unmoving for a short stretch of time, then falling away. Of course he didn’t think about it. He’d probably banished the memory to the darkest depths of his mind. What a relief, really.

—

She held his tuxedo jacket and watched him with mild fascination as he fixed his cufflinks. They were round and silver, accented with tiny marks to make them look like little compasses. He noticed her staring, and she startled at the sound of his chuckle.

“A gift from my mother,” he said, taking the jacket from her. “To help guide me on my path to success.”

Ela nodded, surprised he’d share this with her. She didn’t know what to say. He’d grown a little more talkative during the past week of late nights working together. It was still unsettling. Luckily, Ignis spoke before she had to.

“I think of them as a good luck charm.” He rolled his shoulders while adjusting the jacket. His fingers went to the buttons, beginning in the middle. “I wear them to every major event.”

It was such a fancy way of dressing, and Ela wished she could attend the event, too. She didn’t have a reason to go, and the attendance fee was too much just for one night. Ignis finished buttoning his jacket and returned his attention to the cufflinks. Ela liked them, but she didn’t say so.

Ignis looked up at her, dropping his arms to his sides, one hand coming to rest at his hip. “You must think me silly.”

She shook her head, covering a smile with her hand. He must’ve been in a good mood, talking to her as if she weren’t a constant irritant for him. They had finished all of the paperwork in time. She wasn’t entirely sure what the event was about, Coernix acquisition or not, but the excitement was apparent on him.

“Not at all,” she said, dropping her hand. Her smile waned as she looked down at the stack of unfinished paperwork on her desk. It was everything she’d had to put on hold for the Coernix project. “I’ll have these finished before I go tonight.”

Looking up at him, she found his brow pinched. He put a hand on his hip with a frown. “You’re going to continue working?”

She nodded. Why not? There was a lot to do. She couldn’t dance and mingle with potential clients, but she could be useful here.

Ignis’ frown sharpened. “No, you’ll go home.”

Ela’s jaw loosened, confused at his sudden order. “Home?”

He moved his hand in a vague motion. “Not necessarily home. Go out with your friends, whatever it is you do.” He arched a brow, his frown easing. “You’ve worked late all week. Your dedication is appreciated, but you need rest.”

Hand leaving his hip, he walked toward his office. Ela stared after him. After all of his pushing, his intense rush to have everything done, this felt like cold water being thrown on her. He disappeared into his office, and she looked away, still confused. She picked through the documents on her desk, wondering if he was serious. It would only take a few hours to get them all processed…

“Ela, were you not listening?”

Her hands paused in their shuffle of the papers. She looked up quickly to see Ignis shaking his head. He stood in the doorway of his office, his frown slowly becoming a smile.

She opened her mouth to speak, but he beat her to it.

“You’re not allowed to work late without me.” He nodded toward the papers in her hand. “You’ll finish those on Monday.”

She lifted the stack of documents. “It’s really not a prob—”

His smile grew, and along with it, her confusion. “You’re overstepping. We make a fine team, but I’m still your superior. Now go.”

She snapped her mouth shut, then nodded. Sure. She’d leave. Whatever the boss wanted. Feeling odd, she put the papers down and began to gather her things into her bag. She was further disquieted by Ignis’ chuckle before he closed his office door. She looked at the nameplate, deciding she wasn’t beginning to understand him after all.

He’d called her Ela.

—

She applauded along with everyone else once the co-branding project was officially announced. Noctis turned to her fully, and she couldn’t help but smile back.

“Great job, sir,” she praised, stepping toward him, delighting in the roll of his eyes. It was what she needed right now. She wanted to embrace this familiarity. To embrace him.

Before she could gather the nerve, Ravus turned around next. No smile came to his own face, but when her name fell from his mouth, it was soft. He slipped a hand into his jacket, pulling out something small and thin. A business card.

The sight of it made her perk up. Right! She had her own she’d been neglecting. She opened her bag, intent to trade with him. If Ignis and Ravus could be professional, she could, too. The thought was laughable, all things considered.

Ravus looked at his card, then reached into his pocket again, fishing for something. Ela glanced from hers to Luna, who’d joined them on the stage. She hugged Noctis as Ravus withdrew a pen and wrote something on his card. Ela’s card bent in her hand as it curled. Luna kissed Noctis twice before letting him go, his face dusted with red.

“I’d like you to have this.” Ravus’ voice cut through her attention. He held out his card, flicking it between fingers to show her the back. “I’ve written my personal contact.”

She took it from him, bringing it close to stare at the simple design. Black lettering on a white matte background. A simplistically drawn amaryllis graced the back of hers— for success and strength. She tried to draw from those intended feelings when looking at Ravus. He still held the pen.

“May I?” She took it from him and wrote her own. The numbers fit nicely along the outer edge of a pointed petal. She handed it to Ravus when returning the pen. She wasn’t going to tell him to call her. She was close to suffocating in her thoughts and felt the weight of the others watching.

With the presentation over, she wasn’t obligated to stay any longer. Turning to Ignis, she met his eyes and touched his arm. “I’m heading home.”

He lifted the hand on his opposite side, looking as if he wanted to say something. He wouldn’t make her stay late if she didn’t want to. Dropping his hand, he nodded. “Goodnight.”

She gave both Luna and Noctis a wave, feeling unbelievably tired suddenly. Ravus was already making his way out of the venue, the same line of thought on his own mind, she supposed. She walked in a different direction, having parked on the street rather than forking up more money to park in the garage underneath the building. She turned his card over in her hands as the chill air kissed her heated skin outside the entrance.

Putting it in her clutch, she descended the stairs. The cold air brought clarity. Or maybe just calm to the storm. She could think about everything later. She was now on vacation.

#ignis scientia/original female character #ravus nox fleuret/original female character #noctis lucis caelum/original female character #ignis scientia #ravus nox fleuret #noctis lucis caelum #ffxv fanfiction #daim writes

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peachenle · 6 years

Text

parted clouds (2) - jungwoo

genre: rich kid! / bookshop owner!au | fluff

member: nct’s jungwoo x reader

word count: 5200

༄࿔˚✧ synopsis: It was a different bitter winter wind, one that traversed continents, that brought certain circumstances to bring two people together, but at a small cost.

note: Inspired by @stormae‘s rich kid!au stories, found here. Thank you again. || I hope you enjoy, I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Part: one | two | three | four(?)

A couple days later, your phone rang and displayed an unusual contact name. It was probably the first time your mother had called you personally in at least three months. Most of your communication was one-sided, basically. Her personal assistant would respond “for her”, but some of the words that you received couldn’t possibly be from your mother. For one thing, your mother never would have told you, “Good luck on your exams!” like what was sent two weeks ago. Nonetheless, you held no resentment for this fact, it's not like there was any other option anyway. Your parents were chronically busy, and time for their only child wasn’t something that fit into their business schedule.

You were laying on your stomach in bed, in the midst of jumping between a French dictionary and a French novel, with a hand propped under your chin, when she called. Her tone was always formal and politely foreign, the distance between you two so painfully evident in her voice. It’s like you were just centimeters above the stranger level, not quite at the end of the spectrum, but far, far away from what a mother and her child probably deserved to be.

“Your father and I have been invited to Zagreb to meet with other pharmaceutical chairs. We would like you to attend.”

You felt your stomach drop. Your brow was laced with worry in response to the apparent gravity of the situation. Now this wasn’t uncommon, you’ve attended plenty of meetings and conferences before, but this one was probably extra important if your mother had to call you. Her assistant already arranged your flight and stay, you were to leave in two weeks.

It was a bit frustrating that you didn’t have time to relax for break, you were kind of fine with lounging around with your books and maybe taking a trip down to Boracay or something to escape the snow for a moment. But most importantly, while you couldn’t ask her why, you wondered why your mother had been the one to call in the first place.

With that thought and the difficulty of French, you became fed up with reading. This novel was not one for people who had zero background in the language, even if you already knew the story. It got you thinking about Jungwoo’s bookshop and you decided that returning would be a good break from the frustration that clouded your mind and tensed your shoulders. You slipped on some dark pants and a comfy sweater and dialed your driver.

The same faint jingling of the door’s bell and the cold breeze from outside brought a wave of noise in the, again, empty bookstore. Jungwoo was not in sight, and you worried that maybe he wasn’t in for today and someone else was in his place.

But your thoughts were dispelled as the same boy emerged from behind the shelves, or rather from a room in the back, to greet you.

“Welcome back, Y/N! I was hoping I’d see you again,” he said in his usual happy and soft voice. He beamed at you, but you noticed a slight fall in the curve of his pink lips as he noticed your exhaustion.

In an effort to deter him from your usually short lived frustration, you joked, “I’d like to apologize, I cannot read the book you gave me. I would prefer to learn the language from a tutor before taking on a full novel.”

He chuckled, “Honestly, exactly what I was expecting, but I’m glad you still tried! Do you want something to drink?”

After you asked for some tea and Jungwoo scurried off to the back room, you began to sift through the books on the coffee table and a nearby unlabeled shelf. Most of them were aged and the collection here was a jumble of alphabets that were foreign to you. You admired the quality of the binding of each book, while you couldn’t recognize the title, you knew Jungwoo had his hands on some really nice editions. It was bittersweet that this store wasn’t hustling with life. Bitter in the sense that it seemed like there was little business, although it’s probably not like Jungwoo needed it. Upon coming here a couple times already, you knew the alleyway the store was located in had some movement, but passerbyers never took much notice. But the fact was sweet in that you had this store for yourself, or at least in this moment. You could relish in the cozy crampedness of shelves lined with pretty books that aroused a bit of curiosity in you. You were careful to leave the opened books on the table in their prior state.

His voice broke you away from a small red book you were setting down. “Here you go,” Jungwoo handed you a small brown mug. He followed your gaze and pointed to the little shelf, “These are the books I plan on reading, also on sale by the way, and those,” the ones on the coffee table, “are ones I am currently reading. A customer told me I should clean this up,” he scratched the back of his head, “I’m definitely still getting used to running a shop.”

You moved to sit on one of the comfy looking armchairs by the cold and barren fireplace. “Yeah I get it, my father left me in charge of a pharmacy in Itaewon last year for an entire month. He thought it would be good experience for me to see what it was like on the ‘common man’ tier of work as he said,” you rolled your eyes and sighed at the memory. You were still young and inexperienced for that little test from your dad. You knew how to act in business settings and how to exchange deals, not how to oversee one of largest pharmacies in Seoul. “My parents are always testing me and throwing me into trials to wager my abilities for the future - always looking down on others and I from their high pedestal,” you took a long sip of the hot tea. “You know how it is, right?”

Jungwoo listened to you intently from his seat behind the front counter. He held an iced Americano, a straw poking near his chin, and an incessant curve at his lips ever present. His bangs shook each time he nodded as he listened to your words. You were comforted in the fact that he really seemed to understand, but you also realized that you were venting to a boy you barely knew.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to unleash my frustrations out on you! My mother just called and is forcing me to go to Croatia for a meeting and it made me very worried and disappointed even? I never seem to get a decent vacati- oh. I’m doing it again,” your cheeks flushed and you awkwardly laugh as you look at Jungwoo. He wore another charming smile, and he was quiet as he seemed to just be relishing in what you were saying.

He was careful in picking his words, “Our parents have high aspirations for us, and it would make sense for them to invest a lot into their child to help curate them to uptake something as important as their business. They want to make sure we can handle things like that.” Jungwoo held a handsomely stoic expression as he talked about these serious matters. “It’s annoying and difficult now, but they’re really only trying to do what they think is best.” You felt the furrow in your brow and the tenseness in your shoulders soften as he spoke to you.

You two chatted swiftly through the evening, with only a sprinkle of customers to interrupt your conversation. It was lame to say, but you two really did “hit it off.” Jungwoo eagerly listened to you tell him your library stories, with brief and excited comments in between. You were flattered to learn that he too had his fair share of library visits and was able to let you in on his adventures too.

“The National Library of Malta is so underrated!” he exclaimed. “It started off as a deposit for books from dead knights; how cool is that? It has this great collection of incunabula, too. I haven’t been there in a few years, but I would love to return. Malta and Italy,” he held up his hand in an OK gesture, “are some of my favorite countries to visit.”

You raised your eyebrows, with thoughtful surprise. “I adore the Mediterranean, but I don’t think I’ve been there before. Call me lame, but if I’m that close to Italy I usually tend to just flock to Venice.”

Jungwoo smiled at you, “I would never call you lame.”

For each day of the rest of the week, you found yourself tracing your steps back to Jungwoo’s bookstore. He tried to gift you more books to read, but you insisted that you would pay for them. You collected enough books for this break and maybe for the following couple weeks. He even showed you some of his editions of Romeo and Juliet, but you didn’t have to heart to buy a new one and cheat on your current copy.

Naturally, as you two began to talk more, you were both able to share more about your aspirations in life. Jungwoo rarely talked about his family, only citing that his parents were still in China and that he was happy to be alone in Korea for the winter anyway. Still, you learned that he loved to write, but he planned to take up international business at school next year. “I’m taking a gap year before I transfer in.” You told him you were in pharmacy and business, and despite him calling you crazy, he had an understanding of organic chemistry, which wasn’t half bad (far better than what you were capable of) and he enjoyed helping you.

In addition to that, he tried to help you with French. He repeated sentences very carefully and slowly and nodded encouragingly as you mumbled the different conjugated forms of verbs. You enjoyed hearing him speak, and while he would sometimes get self-conscious - citing that his pronunciation wasn’t the best - you told him you could listen to him for hours.

At this point, you had really only known Jungwoo for a week and two days, but you were glad to have met someone with so much in common, and someone actually so genuine. Last evening, while you were side by side peering over some French book he pulled out to help you with pronunciation, you could confirm you felt him leaning into the friend side of the spectrum, a range only a few people could manage to reach.

Though the bookshop was small, you two found yourselves relaxing in every corner. You even learned that the backroom had a bed (he told you that he would get lazy and sleep in the shop anyway, so he purchased a bed a few weeks ago). Or sometimes you two squished into the loveseat and he would jokingly lean into you as you read to distract you. You would push him off with your shoulder, but you wouldn’t forget the burn of the contact as you continued to flip the pages of the book. Or you and Jungwoo talked with shelves separating you, or most of the time you followed him as he shelved books after customers had ruined his organization progress. You noticed that Jungwoo did everything with a gentle grace, and an inherent cuteness, as corny as it may sound.

It was the morning, exactly two days before your flight to Zagreb, and before the conference. The time you had spent with Jungwoo seemed to erode the worry you held when your mother first called. You walked in with two hot green teas and apple pastries for the two of you. You found him between the English and the Japanese shelves. Despite the dust that clouded the few streaks of light in the shop, Jungwoo shined. He resonated this indescribable aura of delicacy and eloquence. You guessed he didn’t hear you enter since he was so at peace as he brushed two fingers along the spines of the books on the shelf, ignoring how he caught specks of dust on his fingertips, and looking for the spot to sandwich the book he had held. He carefully pried two books away and slipped the book into its rightful spot. “Welcome home,” you heard him whisper.

You couldn’t help but bite your lip to contain your smile. You couldn’t pinpoint the right word to describe him at this moment. Jungwoo was so quietly effervescent, so meticulous… so soft? You exhaled a soft laugh and he turned to the sound, confused as you finally broke into a grin.

You learned that Jungwoo was never afraid to compliment you, even if it was in a teasing manner. In the week and a half that you had known him, he found a new thing to compliment you on (yesterday he told you that your scarf framed your face in a flattering manner and that he loved it on you). So you worked up the confidence to tell him, “You’re so cute. I don’t think that’s fair.” He quirked an eyebrow at you and grinned.

“Don't tease me.”

“Am I not allowed to return the favor?”

He paused, “Nevermind, I think I do like hearing those kind of things from you.” His eyes held that playful glint again, and his lips seemed to curl into a smirk instead.

To try to hide the rising heat that was climbing up the sides of your face, you cleared your throat and said, “Well, I don’t think you’ll be hearing more of that for a while. I’ll be in Croatia for a few days this week.”

“Hmm. Zagreb?”

“Yeah, for a conference.”

He frowned a little, “Your parents?”

“My mother personally called me to tell me I was going.”

“A rare occurence I presume?”

“Right you are,” you held a bitter smile. “I love Croatia, I just wish I could be going on my own accord.”

Jungwoo tsked. “One conference can’t constitute for an entire ruined vacation.” He finally took the, now slightly above lukewarm, green tea from you. “Make the most out of it.”

You jokingly groaned, “What’s up with my guy friends giving me advice for my winter break?”

Jungwoo fondly ruffled your hair, “Aw. You think of me as one of your guy friends? That’s cute. And maybe it’s because you’re too busy seeing the negatives in the opportunities that a lack of school give you, and overlooking its possibilities.”

You sighed and walked to the front of the shop to sit on the loveseat that held far too many decorative pillows. “Maybe I can visit our old house in Dubrovnik, I haven’t been there since high school.”

“That’s the spirit!” He cheered, whilst stuffing a pastry in his mouth. “I’ve actually never been to Croatia. Been next door to Bosnia though.”

Maybe it was the stress from this impending conference that you had to attend that plagued you to do this, or maybe it was just this enveloping fear of expectations that you parents had bestowed upon you throughout your life, or maybe it was this inexplicable pull you felt from Jungwoo - like you wanted to really understand who this bookshop boy was. Either way, you said, with a blank but serious expression, “Come with me.”

And that he did.

Now you haven’t been on a trip with a friend in a few months, last time you and some of your acquaintances partied in Barcelona. You returned to Korea with a flu in your stomach and a groggy regret in your heart. So you were having some good ol’ fearful expectations for this trip. Jungwoo told you that a friend of his from China, Yukhei or something, would be overlooking the store for him.

“Boy has never worked a day in his life, but he obtains passion for anything he puts himself into. So I think my store will be fine.”

“You don’t have any other workers?”

“No, just me! Sole owner and worker. I get all the gratuity from it - best benefit,” he joked. You were originally not supposed to be seated together on the plane, but a petite old woman couldn’t resist Jungwoo’s cute and polite begging and she traded spots with him. You, of course, slapped his shoulder incredulously. “How could you ask an old lady to get out of her seat?!” “Well, I asked nicely, so what’s the problem?”

The 14-plus-some hour flight flew quickly, but you did get to snap an image of a silly sleeping Jungwoo in the process, right before the plane began to descend. At the same time you questioned why you invited a boy you’ve only known for two weeks and why he would even agree. But you thought of all your side trips with the cliques of friends you were in. Your parents’ careers were truly the only things that binded you all together, so they were far stranger-like than what Jungwoo was.

While you still couldn’t say you knew him well, you enjoyed his presence. His French and chemistry tutoring were helpful and his knowledge of literature was an unfathomable ocean in which you couldn’t help but want to lose yourself. Jungwoo was so intelligent, but goofy and playful at the same time. He was like this walking contradiction. Jungwoo handled books with such admiration and care, and yet he wore a bandage on his right index finger from the many paper cuts he accidently gave himself. He could rant about how Benvolio and Horatio were the side characters that we didn’t deserve one moment, and then the next moment you would find texts from him, saying:

hey can you come back you left your phone at my store

oh wait

He was this playful and flirty personality, as well, and you weren’t quite sure if you could take that side of him too seriously. Jungwoo was a warm glint of summer sun that you needed in this frozen month of December and you, grudgingly, admitted that you were thankful Doyoung led you to him.

Your mother’s assistant was at the airport to meet you, and was very surprised to see a boy trailing next to you.

She leaned into you, “Your mother told me you weren’t allowed to date someone from a family we didn’t know.”

You resisted the urge to roll your eyes, and opted to clench your fists, “He’s a friend. And his family owns a Chinese publishing company. I plan to go to the conference and spend a couple days in Dubrovnik with my friend,” you emphasized.

You were taken to the not-so-little house that you adored growing up. It was exactly as it had been years ago, with a chalky cobblestone driveway and a frozen over fountain in the front. The bedroom you chose was lined with wooden beams, and decorated with white furniture that you used to hate. You found books shoved in the armoire, realizing that they were children’s books that your parents hated and never allowed you to read, but the maids that cared for you passed you the contraband anyway.

The room you chose for Jungwoo was a few doors away, and it was your usual bedroom that boasted a faded pink door. The large bed adorned with your favorite yellow bedspread and the room’s walls covered in books. When you walked into show him around, you smelled the familiar must from the hundreds of books around you and couldn’t resist the desire to jump on the ladder against the shelves. You had a decent collection of books in your high rise, but it could never amount to the greatness of a house with as much space as this one.

It was well half past midnight and the conference was in a few hours. You bid Jungwoo a good night and walked to your room, slipping on silk sleepwear, to again ponder the closeness you shared with him. Two weeks and two days you had known him. At this rate you were afraid of the closeness you might have in the coming weeks and maybe months if fate allowed it. For better or for worse, you couldn’t say, but you decided to just relish in the friendship you had. In the morning ahead, you had to leave for Zagreb for the conference and leave him behind; Jungwoo insisted that he would be fine in the city alone, as you took a day trip to the capital, citing, “I’ll be allowed to explore with zero bias!”

To which you squinted at him, “I would never try to sway you either way. Dubrovnik will have its own effect on you, even if I would be there with you, I couldn’t make you like something.”

His lips turned upwards and he said, “Ah, but you already have before.” You didn’t understand the meaning behind his words, somewhat usual from him since he spouted nonsense at times.

You woke up with a start. You were late, and found a multitude of calls and messages from your mother and her assistant, who were at the venue waiting for you. You only had a short sleep, but it was enough to miss your flight and make your drivers for the day absolutely resent you. The spots were filled for the next flight, and you were forced to beg and plead to buy off a ticket from a passenger.

By the time you reached the venue in Zagreb a few hours later, your stiff black blazer over a crisp white button down paired with heels and a tight skirt were reduced to wrinkled messes. You flurried your way around, and judging by lack of people you encountered, the conference had began already. You spotted your mother’s assistant outside a pair of grandiose doors, tapping her toe impatiently. She who wore a chic pantsuit and you trotted over to her.

She bid you a glance, and without saying anything, you could feel your parents’ disappointment through the assistant’s eyes. You were an hour late and it would be impossible and quite frankly, disgustingly rude to try and join. You plopped down a nearby cushioned chair and sat, ungracefully, with your head in your hands as you waited for the conference to finish.

An hour or so later, your parents exited and looked at you with a weight and malice of a thousand swords. They expected a single thing from you on this day, and a pathetic amount of jet lag ruined it for you.

Your mother uttered a single sentence, “You have no purpose to be here anymore.” You wished she didn’t look you in the eye, because when she did, it took all your willpower to avoid

You opened your mouth to try to usher an apology, to attempt to excuse yourself from your mistake, but the way your mother clenched her fist made you flinch.

Her assistant led you to another car and you were driven to the airport and you took the closest flight back to Dubrovnik. You felt numb. Your commute back was constituted with so much guilt and frustration towards yourself. You felt so undeniably stupid. Part of you tried to comfort yourself, that this was such a human mistake and it wasn’t something to be so beat up about. But you would never hear the reason behind your mother’s personal call, and why this conference was so important, and that fact constricted your heart and the weight on your shoulders crushed you.

When you returned to your villa by mid afternoon, you found Jungwoo in the kitchen, singing along to an American pop song and cooking. Visibly disheveled and eyes puffy with tears, you stumbled to the couch in the living room across from the kitchen. You heard the music pause and Jungwoo’s footsteps approach you. He took your arm and pulled you into a seated position and he kneeled in front of you. Jungwoo offered you a smile laced with pity and you felt tears well up in you again. He silently stretched his arms wide and you tumbled into him for a hug. His long arms held you tightly and through your soft sobs, he smelled fresh and clean with the slightest hints of the lavender soap you knew was in each of the house’s bathrooms.

He ran his fingers over your hair a couple times and whispered, “You don’t have to tell me what happened, but whatever did happen is fine and minuscule and your parents are just being too hard on you. They’re too busy to see your greatness.”

This precious moment lasted for only a few seconds before he pushed you off with an apology and ran back into the kitchen to tend to what he was making. But his words and the return of his sudden silliness brought a tiny upturn on your frown and you wiped your eyes. You changed into sweatpants and a thin t-shirt and entered the dining room to see a single sad looking steak with a bowl of some sort of potato mash in the middle of the table.

Jungwoo tried to look enthusiastic, but your stare and slight disbelief that was plastered over it, made him sheepishly grin and run a hand through his hair. “I went to a market and picked out these potatoes. I’m really not the best cook, but I felt like trying!”

And through your guilt and tear sodden voice, a small smile rose to your lips and you responded, “I’ll call someone to cook us food.”

“That sounds perfect, thanks.”

After a hearty meal and a lighthearted conversation during dinner, you felt your guilt from the morning wash away. Jungwoo and you sat in opposite arm chairs in front of the fire and quietly read. In actuality, however you two were exhibiting symptoms of your victimization of jet lag, unable to sleep just yet. He read some Faulkner novel, in English, while you were reading a collection of Shakespearean sonnets with a pen in hand to annotate at the same time. There was this slight paranoia that someone’s eyes were on you and you pried your eyes away from the page and met Jungwoo’s.

“I kinda wanna see what you’re reading.”

“Shakespearean sonnets.”

“No, like, I want to read along too.”

“But I told you I’m very slow at reading.”

“That’s fine. I’ll just reread,” he moved to stand behind your chair, his gaze peering over your shoulder and making you shudder with discomfort.

“I don’t like this.”

“Me neither. Can we sit together?”

And you found yourself, shoulder-to-shoulder with Jungwoo, half the book on your lap, and the other half on his. Now you’ve read together with Jungwoo before, just a few nights ago while you practiced French, but you felt stiff and a bit self conscious over the way you felt him lean in closer to you as he read. The space between you was minimized and you realized how oblivious Jungwoo was. He radiated warmth and it burned the right side of your body. As you read Jungwoo would sometimes take a sharp inhale, and trace a line with a finger - obviously rereading.

After a few poems, the clock read a quarter to three in the morning and you couldn’t hold in your yawns. You pushed him off and ushered him to his room. He hugged you tight and whispered, “Don’t worry about today.”

And while you laid in bed you planned out tomorrow’s festivities in an effort to follow his advice and completely erase your mind of the embarrassment of the morning’s affairs. You fell in a deep sleep.

You awoke to a burning smell and threw on a thick sweater over your camisole and silk shorts. Jungwoo was in the kitchen, again.

“Haven’t you learned your lesson?” You opened a window and shuddered when a breeze flew through you.

He was rinsing a baking pan under water, “I’m good at making coffee, but I want to learn to cook. I can’t live off of drinks,” he whined with a pout.

You patted his head and pushed him out of the kitchen, “Get dressed! Let’s go out.”

You two scurried outside into the cold, with a driver outside waiting for you to take you to old town. You and Jungwoo shared a few plates at a small cafe and tried to chat with locals. Afterwards you took a walk through town and admired the buildings and limestone paths. You bumped shoulders as you walked, but when you tried to push him away as a joke, he fell miserably and you learned that he was probably just as clumsy as you were.

The brisk air induced shivers in your shoulders, but being with Jungwoo ignited an incredible warmth inside you and made it bearable. He couldn’t help but try to enter every store on Stradun and marvel at their inventory, or place his hands against the glass windows of a candy shop as he tried to peek inside. Jungwoo was so youthful and you didn’t have the heart to pull him away.

You stopped by Rector’s Palace and offered to take portraits of him, but he stared at you with a confused look and took your pictures instead, much to your dismay, but it’s not like you could really resist.

After a few hours of running around old town and admiring the beautiful historic buildings, you found yourself seated at the edge of the port with your feet dangling above the water. The winter painted a thin layer of grey over the sky and dampened the view of the afternoon sun. The repertoire of the waves against the port flushed a peacefulness within you and you closed your eyes to take in its sounds and the breeze. He stood next to you and inhaled the cold ocean air.

“It’s lovely here.”

“It really is, I wish we could stay in Croatia for longer. Dubrovnik is incredible in the summer, too.”

“I’d love to see it.”

And with bright red noses and full stomachs, you returned to your family house. You read with Jungwoo again, but this time he took out a copy of Brave New World and told you how he was coming to the conclusion that dystopian novels were possibly his favorite. He held a more relaxed position as you read, with an arm draped behind your back - resting against the sofa’s cushions. He let you flip the pages, since he read far faster than you, and tapped your right hand whenever he finished.

You couldn’t remember much about the rest of that evening, since you fell asleep and woke up in the same location you had been.

For once you woke up first and got ready for the day, sporting loose pants and a fitted blouse. You again ordered food and realized that you and Jungwoo would be a horrible pair in the kitchen. When Jungwoo stumbled in wearing a plain white shirt and messy hair, you found your breath hitch and a pumping in your chest, which made you nervously smile.

You spent the day like the last, joking and running as you passed Baroque churches and probably became public disturbances. The sounds of your pattering pairs of feet echoed down stone alleyways. It was an unusual feeling, but you enjoyed how close you felt to him. Escaping the country during a school break made you feel so much more free and your responsibilities disappeared, but it seemed to be only because of him. You had run off to all corners of the world alone, or for business, but it never quite felt as freeing as this tiny trip with Jungwoo. In the midst of your exploring through old buildings and seeking through crowds of people, you joked that you should bring more strangers to Croatia to befriend them faster.

On your final evening in Dubrovnik, you and Jungwoo ate local cuisine and it was in the dim lighting where you realized that you had never really seen just how stunning Jungwoo was. He smiled with perfect teeth. His skin looked as soft as his hair seemed and as smooth as his voice was. You were flattered to be in the presence of such a beautiful person.

It was probably the warm cider, which ignited a buzz in your pulse, that allowed this, but you let him know what you saw. You told him he looked ethereal.

Jungwoo grinned like he always did, let out light laughter, and reached across the table to pat your head and then rest his hand over yours.

“I think you’re seeing your reflection.”

#nct #nct scenarios #jungwoo #jungwoo scenarios #jungwoo scenario #nct fanfic #jungwoo fanfic #nct fluff #jungwoo fluff #nct u #pc

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fadedstarlight · 6 years

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the stars will sing for you, one day. hope is what dreamers rely upon, so don’t lose it. even if it means the end of everything you know.

a crumpled tee shirt, plastered directly to her face. an exhausted arm brushes it aside with a disgruntled moan, the moan of someone who was having a terribly nice dream and was woken up by the most inconsiderate rays of morning grace. thanks, morning, she mutters to herself. comforter pushed aside, beads of sweat rolling off the bangs matted to her temples, may allows her body the respite of cool floorboards, chilling her aching body. wait, why is my body aching? where is my home? where am i? startled eyes, dizzy from the relentless waves of heat, burst open with fervor known only to the insane and the driven. there were a lot of questions, of course. that’s human nature. staring up at the ceiling, a small fan twirls daintily. this isn’t right, she keeps saying to herself. this can’t be right.

no answers can be fulfilled lying face-up on the floor, so in a flurry of movement, may was upright at last. tenatively, she made out the visage of fate that lay before her:

a half-eaten pizza. thrown lazily over a laptop.

why is there a pizza here?! i don’t even like pizza!

may took this opportunity of pure speculative confusion to observe the furnishings around her– a bed with no frame, laid at the end of the room with pastel flowers adorning the comforter; a small, yet thoughtful rug that looked incredibly soft if layed upon, if there weren’t a black cat sitting directly in the center of it, enjoying the sun; a desk with the aforementioned pizza laptop at the other end of the room; and a communist flag pinned to the wall with two small knives.

cool.

i need to find a fan.

PROLOGUE

1 maybe this is the beginning of something new.

maybe this is the end of something ancient.

maybe this simply is.

2 she can’t do it alone.

be strong, may. be strong. run fast, head high, legs pumping– as long as you are going away from what you once were. that, dear, was a fate worse than death.

i don’t think death itself envies you, to be honest.

3 if you keep walking, maybe eventually possibly you can wake up from this and it will all be better.

but you know, you can’t outrun fate.

fate has its own tendrils that operate on their own terms and own laws and own everything and it doesn’t give a shit if it hurts you. because it has a job. and it’s doing a pretty great job at that job, and it probably doesn’t like that job but it doesn’t have a choice because its fate bosses tell it to do that job or else it’ll lose its fate job in its fate cubicle making a fate wage so it can feed its fate family. and they have their own fates, too, forcing them into this fate paradox that never seems to pause or contemplate why it does that, as if that too has a fate that it was predestined for.

my head hurts,

i really need some coffee. when was the last time i had something to drink? it was a day ago, probably. it’s not like, out here, i have much to go off of in terms of resources. if the winter chill nipping at my fingertips could be as filling as they are annoying, i’d never have to eat or drink anything again. now i’m hungry too. i am kind of wandering the wilderness, so i suppose i’m not too surprised. but i still am. in an apathetic kind of way. like, i will be conscious of what is happening, think to myself, oh, well i should do something about this, and never actually act upon it. even now i feel like im just watching a movie of someone else who just so happens to be traversing the alaskan landscape in search of something that isn’t there, wondering what their motivations are. gnawing on popcorn, sucking down heaven’s nectar and in the calming embrace of separate souls, lapping up the emotional buffet such a connection offers to one so malnourished. certainly sounds good right about now.

but i’ve accepted that, after about the nineteenth mile of uninterrupted walking, i understood that my entire existence was to never be ‘good’. good is the term that people never meant for anything say to quantify their meaningless lives by trying to find purpose in purposeless things. they have to do something for 80 years before they kick the bucket, right? grass doesn’t have things to look forward to, to aspire to be, to discuss, yet here it is, frozen and pale in the face of winter’s countenance, tenderly caressing its neck with its white-hot temptation. and grass doesn’t hurt anybody, either. all grass ever did was be green and be eaten by things who like hurting other things. grass has feelings, too, but no one cares. because it’s grass. and we are people, but honestly, we’re so much worse than grass. grass deserves more good its life than we have ever had. grass hasn’t killed other grasses. grass just wants to be the best grass it can be and it tries so fucking hard to be that. its grass parents must be so proud of it.

i wish i were grass.

4 stars wink at me sometimes. their flirtatious personalities are intoxicating, which makes it all the more heartbreaking when i realize the distance between them and i. i wish i could be up there with them, and succumb to their allure, be subject to the countless stories and thoughts, their transcendental banter, their flaws and fears and fate all lined up for me to gorge upon with all senses in wide-eyed stupor. the stars have their qualms about the universe too, i’m sure. but to be a celestial body must have its perks, too. for one, you never have to worry about not having enough time. you’re the largest measurer of time, only trumped in its universal dominance by the ones who set them there at all. also, you’re friends with other stars, whether they like it or not. your galaxy would be, essentially, a set of unbreakable friendships. you’re all orbiting each other, invariably destined to meet in a cataclysmic reuniting. it’s poetic: tragic and moving and short-lived yet unmistakably important to those involved, for they are foreverchanged with unmistakablelove. those were books i was writing on before i began this wandering journey into eternal oblivion. i doubt they’ll get finished, but it’s the fact that i tried at all that makes it powerful.

5 now, as i wrap my cardigan around my knees and crush the life out of these frozen leaves with my weight it must bear, i contemplate the purpose of my existence as an individual among individuals. is it true that some are destined to live in the solitary confinement of their shadow, as a mere instrument of mimicry? that is all i have become. to serve the whims of another, willing to destroy the whole of my being just to catch another glimpse of him, to prove i have life worth living, pulsing throughout my chest. but now i sit, cracked, with my split soul, breathing life into these leaves, similarly cracked, and similarly dead, and similarly subservient to me. this is hope leaving my body. i can feel its warmth pour in drops at first, yet slowly collecting into a technicolor pool, paled slightly by my tears added to the mixture. i like pastels anyway.

it has been pouring since the encounter. whatever it touches lives again. my goal is to find the man. and hug him. and let the torrent of tears stain his jacket, and my soul to drench him in his ignorance, to heal him, for he is the broken one, not i. i am not cruel. i am not beyond help. neither is he. no one is evil. he is confused. i am confused. we are confused. i will heal him.

6 you ever have those dreams that seemingly go on for decades, that build their own narratives and relationships and struggles that become all the more important than your own as you reside within them for those few brief hours of rest? where you remember every detail of your fictional love’s morning routine, as it was your favorite part of waking up, watching them dance while brushing their teeth, and sing in the shower way too loud letting yourself join in and not caring about the fact that both sound like a duet of cats dying in the rhythm of california gurls? where you remember the pain of losing imaginary loved ones, those ones whom your entire being was poured into, that made you the best fictional person you could possibly be. where you wake up in tears because you died crying, in a hospital bed, not sure what would be on the other side, and it just so happens to be that this actual, tangible life was the alternative, even though you would probably prefer a legitimate death without this purposeless, lifeless existence you actually inhabit being a purgatory for the next 60 years. those dreams have been appearing to me more and more recently, and i’m sure there’s a reason for their occurrences. maybe its because of this crisp wilderness air constantly barraging me with endless strokes of its mighty wind, or the fact that i haven’t seen another person in three days, or eaten in almost two, or the fact that i’m kind of disintegrating before my very eyes. the puddle my heart has left keeps a nice warm patch on the ground where the grass has been reborn, but aside from that i am cold. very cold. i can see some lights in the distance, kind of like a hazy sea of distant fireflies, gracefully following their own solo lines while maintaining the integrity of the whole symphony simultaneously. it’s rather pretty. if it weren’t for this hypnotic flurry of flickering, i would pass it. but i am intrigued. what stories will lie here, who knows. i can only pray they will leave me more answers than questions.

7 as my eyelids rush to meet each other as soon as those faint, flickering lights form distinct rectangles, i find myself feeling oddly at peace with everything. as i give in to gravity and the earth whispers my name, may, may, lay your weary head upon my shoulder and allow me to bear your burden, all things become so very obvious. alike the situation that placed me here, skull against skin against upturned earth, i succumb to alluring temptation once more, with the knowledge that my limbs, although leaden, have lead me farther in this time alone than they ever had in the life i lead before, and that was a comforting thought. maybe this all was a worthwhile endeavor, as the crash of footstep berates my sensitive ears with their screeching calls.

if i had known he would be the stars, and the grass, and the earth, and all other things, maybe i wouldn’t have come here. it’s all intertwined, there’s no escaping this or that or anything or nothing because even absence leaves a gaping hole in my chest that leaks out like a starving child begging for sustenance, as tears flow and fears grow and lives are snuffed out, one by one. i would rather take their place, there. some of those starving people who will never have a chance could have a chance if i allowed them to have it. i’ve wasted my life, on things that never really mattered or cared, but they could have done something amazing, gone on to change the world forever, instead of having the soul sucked out of them as life pours out of their eyes like tears so similar. i wonder if anyone feels the same way about me, that i could be something great if i were only capable of and given the chance. i think about that a lot. the possibility of something else, of renewal, of happiness. it’s simply a thought, but it’s a thought worth thinking of.

8 i was asleep for a day, i was asleep for a thousand days. time is a petty quandary anyhow.

what was true was the tears – millions upon millions of tears begotten by the tortures of millions upon millions of demons locked away in one solitary skull. sleep was never my friend; sleep never attended birthday parties or called late at night to make sure arteries were intact or laughed at dumb jokes or anything like that. sleep was the listless vixen that cloyed at my mind, always tempting me to the brink of exhaustion but ever allowing me to partake, never allowing me anything but the utter agony of lack of control. but this was especially horrid, as the role had been reversed. now lady list had her tendrils firmly secured, her jaw relentlessly locked on my consciousness. left to her mercy once more, the agony poured from my eyes in steamy globs one after another as the pain throbbed in my temples because the temple of solitude within my mind had been breached ad neverendum. i was forced to play out the pain of my past as her poison passed through my porous brain, a catalyst for the horrors of the may that once experienced them to be rejuvenated with enthralled vigor once more. i was worse than dead. it should have left me there, to die in my own pity, convulsing and confused and scared. but that would be too convenient. eventually, her poison drained from the wounds i had inflicted myself, numerous and agonizing in their own right. i had to. it was required. i couldn’t stand the thought of it all anymore. you can only handle so much.

we’re only human.

well, most of us.

9 my eyes, shrouded with glistening stars that swirled around nauseously as i took in my surroundings, danced across this unfamiliar environment. scuttling feet enveloping my senses, in all senses but sight: no matter how hard i tried to focus on the brittle tile that sent shivers cascading through my body, no clarity ever emerged. i was left with a vague sense of the location i was residing within: the floor of a tavern. freezing, filthy. i was apparently dragged inside with no real thought as to my condition or situation: for if these fumbling buffoons were to realize the seriousness of my predicament they would surely be healing my every wound and bowing their head to the bobbing of mine, attempting to raise my upper body. neither of these conclusions were to be fully realized, though i thought myself a queen for a time: to control all things with but a mere breath, to flaunt one’s ability and status with crooning grace and fullness; capable of destroying the lives of those around me but being empathetic enough to allow their lives sustenance for another day, and letting the reaper grow thin and his scythe rusty due to my own diligence. i would be the master of mortality, able to move any single, simple soul to accomplish this countenance’s humble requests. one could actually compare these actions to those of

UP. AWAKE,. I, I FEEL, COLD. . WHERE IS MY HEART? ? IT’S BEEN BLEEDING ALL OVER THIS DAMNED FLOOR. MUDDYING UP THE BOOTS OF THOSE UNACCUSTOMED TO SUCH LOWLY TRIBULATIONS THAT ONE OF MY OWN STATURE MUST ENDURE. SO SORRY, , MADAME, MISTER, I SHALL ALL AT ONCE CLEAN MY PLACE AND PERSON AS TO BE AS TRIFLING OF A INCONVENIENCE AS POSSIBLE, I MOST WHOLEHEARTEDLY ASSURE YOU THIS IS COMMONPLACE FOR PEOPLE WITH ISSUES SUCH AS MINE OH YES PLEASE DONT TOUCH IT YOU’LL BURN YOURSELF. YOU’LL BE DAMAGED. WHYA RE YOU STARING/? AT ME LIKE HTAT? OH I MUST HAVE BEEN INTRUSIVE MY SINCEREST APOLOGIES I SHALL PACK MY BELONGINGS AND GO PLEASE SIR FINE SIR MOVE ASIDE, ,,, WHY ARE YOU STANDING THERE, UNMOVING AND UNBLINKING AS IF THE WORLD HAS NEVER GRACED YOU WITH AN IMMOVABLE BEAUTY SUCH AS I? HOW RUDE OF YOU, I SHALL

run run run. run. run run? run, yes, yet my legs waver and mind shakes at the onset of actuality. this is not good. i must change course, find solace in the upstairs rooms, where i will surely pay for my intrusion into somehow. these awestruck peoples have been stagnant since my arousal, how peculiar– and this is coming from me! each step is as if my whole soul is to be thrust into the heat of a battle, and each cell inside my body are the unwavering yet unwilling soldiers who understand their demise is necessary and inevitable in order to protect those who admonish them on home soil as their greed stockpiles as quickly as complacency grows. i have been here for hours, it seems, attacking these cursed slopes that haunt my every movement, as i clamor up their taunting, unnervingly pearl-white faces. my chest heaves and my screams are apparent, but they are wholly necessary for the process at work here: yet still oblivious onlookers seem more interested in the past than present. the solid oak door moans as loudly as i: please, come inside me, come in and never leave, you are mine and always was. i was always one to give into temptation. the door swings with greased hinges, carrying me as momentum forces me to land on the bed directly in front of m-

ow. now i’m unconscious again, aren’t i? who knows how long i’ll be trapped in here. it’s pretty rank, too. i never much cared for it. i’d trade it out for a new one in a moment if i were able to, but those sorts of things are only what can come true in fantasy, and not reality, this reality of cracked and flowing hearts and polished white floors and hungry doors waiting to consume their next meal. this is reality. and i try so hard to convince myself that yes, reality is something worth fighting for, and here i am, at its mercy once again.

at least the floor is warm now.

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happiness-in-oblivion · 7 years

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Senior Szn No. 2: Thoughts on Moving

~~ Full Disclosure: This post is quickly becoming an excuse to post all the beautiful parts of this state, so get ready for more pictures than actual words. But hey, a picture is worth a thousand words ;) ~~

I am 100% sure that when it comes down to pulling out of my driveway for the last time, I will bawl my freaking eyes out. That’s because despite being an Aquarius, I have emotions.

Let’s make this perfectly clear: these are my current thoughts on leaving New Mexico (AKA the land of enchantment). I am not saying that I currently hate my state or that I never had fun; on the contrary, I’ve enjoyed all eighteen years here. But it’s time to talk a bit about the current state of Albuquerque, NM.

Yes, the same Albuquerque that brought the nation Breaking Bad and Better Call Saul. The same Albuquerque that has (don’t fight me on this) the best green chile around.

Because I don’t want to make this a post that seems to be hating on my hometown, I will begin with all the positives.

Pros

1. diversity and mexican/latin@ empowerment

The OG homies and I at the local paleteria. Let me tell you, this is the place where I come to break my healthy eating. Also, that happens often.

In 2016, New Mexico was announced as having the largest Hispanic population at 47%, with California coming in second at 36%. So I guess you could say that we slay.

From what I’ve mostly encountered in ABQ, being cultured is something to be extremely proud of. Albuquerque is filled with multiple perspectives, and we function. Now, I did say mostly, because I have encountered some dumbasses that thought calling me “lamb chops” and telling me my Greek father had to lower his standards to marry my Mexican mom was actually funny. But that kind of ideology is quickly shut down.

I thought this kind of inclusion was extremely common. In that sense, I guess I was in this naive bubble. When I spent the summer in California with my dad in 2016, I was a bit shocked by the state with the second highest population of Hispanics.

BTW, we were staying in Palo Alto, which is definitely important to mention. We had to drive to a separate city limit to eat flautas and Caldo de Rez, which we found weird. And then, as we drove down El Camino Real and took a random turn, we found a run down street that was filled with Spanish signs advertising hair salons, supermarkets, etc. The blatant street segregation was the biggest culture shock I’d ever received.

The only true purpose of that little rant was to emphasize how wonderful New Mexico is. Although there are definitely neighborhoods that are predominantly Hispanic, New Mexico’s roots proudly seep into culture and diversity. Good segway… :)

2. proud (albu)quirky culture

New Mexicans pride themselves when it comes to: breakfast burritos, green chile, luminarias, flamenco, and so on.

Now that I’ve stated the obvious, I’ll talk about my personal favorite part of Albu-quirky. Because of the diverse community that Albuquerque fosters, we have really cool and local spots to just chill and hangout. As I write this, I am thinking about the countless coffee shops and bookstores that display a bit it of our very common quirkiness.

Pretty rad mural outside of Zendo. I often come here when I am trying to wear my cool new glasses and baby blue turtleneck, if you know what I mean. This mural is one of countless examples of beautiful downtown art.

When it comes to coffee shops, I think Albuquerque has a very desired vibe. After taking a few classes, I usually end up at Winning Coffee. Located right across the street from campus, Winning is where hippies come with their wild dogs while they gain insightful stories from homeless people. I’m not lying. it’s also located next to a movie poster store that features classics (even from Audrey Hepburn!). When you walk inside, you’re greeted by refreshing and new art on the wall with every passing week, a calendar filled with poetry slams, and a makeshift bookstore by a retired man who sells amazing vintage cover books for cheap. I mean, c’mon, what is not to love?

You see, other than Starbucks, most coffee shops around here aren’t chains, so they each have their own unique style and vibe. Depending on the mood, I may end up at Winning, or I may go down one block and sit in the bucolic setting that is Limonata (yes, like the drink). Here, you can enjoy homemade crepes and empanadas. And I don’t usually drink caffeine, but their chai’s are to die for.

Limonata: “Good Food, Good Coffee, Good People”

Also, I can’t forget the fact that this obviously looks like a house, because it definitely was. The bathroom literally has a bath tub that they have expertly filled with plants to make you experience a jungle in a few minutes.

Heck, there’s a coffee shop in Taos called World Cup that has different currencies as its wallpaper. it’s literally a hole in the wall, and people simply pin new and refreshing culture on the wall for the heck of it.

That adobe architecture though, am I right?

4. cheap concerts

Although I have not been to a concert in a hot second, that does not correlate to a decline in awesome ass shows in this city. In fact, this past summer Khalid came on over, and most of my friends hopped into the venue with at most an $80 ticket. (Let me point out that I am upset that I didn’t go and had I not been in another state I would have quickly hopped in as well)

I will admit it’s not always fun when an artist you really enjoy didn’t include New Mexico in their tour because they don’t think we’re in the country. BUT, the ones that do include us experience a great crowd. And, not being New York does have its perks. Cheap tickets for an unforgettable night? Perfect bargain.

I was in seventh grade when I attended my first concert. The tickets were $35 to see Sara Bareilles and OneRepublic. I went with my little sister and my friend and her mom. The venue was in our local casino, which includes an open view of the beautiful sky and a scenic landscape as the background. Right after the opening band, Harper Blynn (check out their collab with Sara Bareilles too), my sister and I went to their bus in an attempt to meet them, and meet them we did.

When they found out it was our first concert ever, they gave us a free signed copy of their CD, took pictures with us, and signed their names all over my seven-year-old sister’s arm in Sharpie. It was AWESOME.

5. badass nationwide events

If there is one thing that New Mexico is known for, it is for our rad balloons. You know, as in hot air balloons?

Every year, Albuquerque is home to the International Balloon Fiesta, where hot balloon aficionados can come and either display their artwork of a balloon, or sip some Piñon coffee and eat a breakfast burrito while watching each beautiful hot air ballon go up into the most spectacular sunrise.

Seriously, to come to this thing requires a lot of might from Burqueños. I mean, I enjoy watching the balloons over the interstate on my way to school, but I am never in the mood to wake up at four in the a.m. only to wait in an hour of traffic to battle for a parking spot a mile away from the park grounds. On top of that, you’re pretending not to freeze your ass off as you slyly inch closer to the balloons with fire.

This is not the only time Albuquerque is seen internationally. We also have the Lantern Festival in October, where people can enjoy a mini version of a hot air balloon (basically). But hey, that’s not all.

I had to talk about Festival Flamenco Internacional. OMG. What a week. Every June, the National Institute of Flamenco brings incredible flamenco artists to teach classes and perform. For a week in the year, people between New York and Japan fly to Albu-quirky to learn from the hottest (artistically and literally) artists.

This picture has an incredible story, so hear me out. So all summer, my friends and I fundraised to see these amazing people and their art. Well, the opening night of the week, our director managed to sneak us into the very prestigious gala as waitresses and servers. After the amazing show where I spent the entire time internally crying, we returned to the party only to find our dance idols on the dance floor. They were regular people jamming to salsa music. It was so surreal! And then, our amazing director asked them for a picture with all of us. I am hugging Claudia Cruz to my left, who was one of my teachers for the week. Throughout the week, we had genuine conversations, and she even told me I was a good dancer with a followed wink. She messages me on facebook to remind me that I’m awesome and she can’t wait for the day to come when I visit her in Spain. Like, are you kidding me?!

(Also picture from left to right: Claudia Cruz, me, Sage, Marco Flores, Agueda Saavedra, Madison, and Jose Manuel Alvarez)

6. nature

This is another given that comes hand in hand with living in New Mexico. Although I will admit sometimes I may not be a complete outdoorsy person, I do genuinely enjoy the beauty of NM. I mean, the mountains that surround Albuquerque prevent pollution from reaching the sky that blesses the citizens with orange and red hues with every sunrise and sunset. Also, there are countless hikes to go on, and the view is spectacular. It’s a tradition with family and friends of ours to go on a weekly hike during the summer. Then, we go to Marble Brewery and enjoy tacos and beer (I don’t get any beer; oh well).

This was the view after a hike on the mountains during Thanksgiving Break.

Just a casual picture taken by my friend while hiking around Tent Rocks. Nothing too unusual, right?

Current Cons

Now that I’ve extensively covered all the amazing things that NM has to offer and have probably already lost several readers, I will go into the initial motivation behind this post. Although I admit now that after writing all the things from above, it seems like the list below doesn’t deserve to be mentioned. But trust me, it needs to be.

1. violence

Albuquerque got recognition from the NYTimes, and not the good kind. BTW, this was published in 2014, and it claims that the “rate of violent crime in Albuquerque is nearly double the national average.”

Don’t get me wrong - violence in ABQ has always been present. Before, however, it was usually localized violence. By this, I guess I mean that if you knew the places to avoid, you didn’t ever have to actually witness the gang violence or the constant murders. In other words, you could live in Albuquerque reading of the violence but never having to ever witness it.

Well, that has definitely changed.

During this past week, a homeless man has exposed himself to my dance class, my mom witnessed a man piss on the side of my neighbor’s house while walking our dog, and a lot more serious stuff (trigger warning ahead).

Specifically, a man was hanging onto the side of the bridge overlooking the major freeway for 13 hours. This happened literally right outside of my house. As we drove back form church, we saw a herd of policemen trying to calm this poor man down. He did not yield until 1 a.m., and he was transported to the hospital safely. It was absolutely horrible. Even worse?

Two days later, my friend told our group chat that her stepfather (who is a cop) had to respond to a call that a sixteen-year-old boy was on the side of a different bridge. As the cops approached the bridge, he jumped. He didn’t die; instead, he is faced with irrecoverable brain injury.

Like you’ve got to be fucking kidding me right now. How the hell did Albuquerque become so violent? From the influx of desperate homeless people walking down Central, to the shooting that happened right outside of my dance institute, Albuquerque has definitely become a place where violence is beginning to occur on a regular basis. And the worst part? I think I am starting to become numb to it. It’s not normal to think these things are normal.

2. 49th in education

So, this report is from 2017. Believe it or not, this is actually a step up from 2016. We were a solid last in the country for education. And I genuinely didn’t think that education in my state was that bad. That’s because, despite me absolutely despising my school, we are number one in the state for education. That means that while I was receiving a buttload of homework and a ridiculously difficult education, other public high schools would rank as an F on academic abilities. But do you know what I think of all of this? It’s fucked.

I don’t know if this is nationwide, but I didn’t know it was not normal to spend most of the day studying for statewide tests. In other words, New Mexico had the SBA (Standardized Based Assessment). Most of my school day involved multiple choice questions and answering reading comprehension questions that would be featured on the annual standardized test. And trust me, it’s not the teacher’s faults. Most teachers were forced to stick to this because if students did not receive good scores, teachers and schools would be in major jeopardy.

This kind of thinking didn’t end in elementary school. While I was supposed to be reading a new chapter for a striking English book in sixth grade, we’d instead sit in front of our computers, reading pointless passages about horses and spaceships that we gave no fucks over and were expected to write an analytical essay comparing the breed of horses with the flight of spaceships. You’re thinking, wtf? Exactly. It’s pointless.

**I am now begging you to actually click the link I am posting here, because it’s definitely the most important one here. Enjoy this slam poem, “Love Letter to Albuquerque Public Schools.” In it is Olivia Gatwood, a personal inspiration of mine that I got to meet and speak with in September and will see again in April.**

3. “land of entrapment” / “university near mom”

This one is really silly and I guess I put this as a comedic conclusion. I guess in a gruesome way, because of the education many teenagers receive, we seem trapped (bringing the infamous nickname above). I know that personally, before I actually took college courses outside of the state, I did not picture myself at any top-ranked college. In fact, some people around me don’t even consider a college. Not because they’re too lazy or not into higher education, but because it is not practical. It is not practical to attend college courses if you have family members that need an income from you now, not in four years.

I hate when people judge other’s circumstances. Genuinely, Albuquerque students will often end up at the University of New Mexico, which is not a bad university at all. And yet, in this land of entrapment, it is also humorously deemed the “university near mom.”

I guess what I mean is that after all this effort and living in this weird ass situation of shootings and standardized testing, my generation still feels trapped, constantly looking to move. And that’s what happened to me. I was given a glimpse of what independence looked like, and I immediately jumped at the opportunity to leave New Mexico.

I’m glad I wrote this post. At the end of this, I wonder if anyone is actually left after this long rant that was both good and evil. And yet, I already see the day I miss this place coming sooner rather than later.

Thanks for sticking around. :)

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little-writings · 8 years

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A Fair Trade (Jumin x MC)

Mafia!AU: You and Jumin come home to find Vanderwood waiting for you.

Word Count: 1590

I haven’t got much else to say aside from that I hope you enjoy and have a fantastic day!

This is a branching storyline and I highly recommend you read previous prompts in order to understand:

Other Mafia!AU Prompts:

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

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Driver Kim had been once again waiting outside the grand building, a sort of knowing painting his face as Jumin fiddled awkwardly with the cuffs of his suit.

"He knows..." He whispered beneath his breath, to you, eyes frantic and wide.

"I-I know..."

Your body felt frigid, your limbs stiff with a hurricane erupting in your mind and stomach.

"W-What are we g-going to do?" You asked, hunching over as you furled bits of your clothing in your fists.

"Just hope for the best," Jumin murmured. "Perhaps we're merely overreacting."

You both knew that wasn't true.

Mr. Han's expression was engraved in your memory.

The curl of his lip as he scowled at you both, and the piercing gaze.

It was just like your fiance's on that dreaded day that began all of this.

But Jumin hadn't shifted.

He remained true to his words, and to his happiness.

He remained true to you.

And in a way that had come to comfort you.

However, the ride home had not.

There was a hushed silence swarming the vehicle, not even Jumin coming up with the words.

He simply held a hand over his mouth, staring down at the ground with a glazed covering over his eyes.

You couldn’t entirely bring yourself to speak up either.

The only thing you could do was lean against your fiance, resting your head in the crook of his head, and attempt a smile.

And somehow, he softened, releasing a deep breath as he wrapped an arm around you.

And the fear became murky as you began to merely focus on his rhythmic breaths.

If only for a moment.

For as you pulled to the house you spotted another car, a few busted sides, and scratches running along its edges.

And you knew.

“Expecting visitors?” Driver Kim asked, raising a curious brow.

Jumin didn’t answer.

The two of you both nearly erupted from your seats the moment it came to a stop, talking quieter than a murmur to each other.

“Is that...?”

“I believe so, yes.” He nodded. “That detective friend of Luciel’s.”

As Driver Kim drove off, the door nearly burst open, both of you being greeted by an impatient 707.

“Oh, thank goodness I thought you’d never show up!” He huffed, puffing out his cheeks indignantly. “What took you guys so long?”

“There’s a possibility that my father knows.”

You weren’t aware that it was possible to choke on air.

But 707 did it, sputtering up coughs of surprise as his eyes widened to the size of dinner plates.

“W-What?” He nearly yelled, hurriedly shifting his gaze before lowering his tone. “What do you mean?”

“He spoke as though he was aware something else was going on. I don’t want to think so cynically, but there’s a chance my father is aware that I didn’t kill Yoosung.”

707 struggled to come up with a response, mustering bunches of confused sentences before finally settling.

“W-Well then I guess you better get on in there and talk!”

“What about evidence-”

“Where do you keep it? I’ll come bring it for you.”

There was hesitance.

“I don’t know-”

“You haven’t got much time, not like I have any reason to compromise the information anyways. If this fails we all basically die. So, where is it?”

“Photographs, records, and contracts are held in the library, on the 3rd bookshelf, bottom row.”

“Alright, Jahee, Yoosung, V, and Zen are already in there, in the parlor. They’ve talked to him, now you go. Sound good?”

“I wasn’t planning on doing anything else, you know.”

707 groaned. “You know what I mean!”

Jumin shrugged, leading you to the parlor where they all sat expectantly.

Vanderwood sat leaning over as they examined their notes, dry, dirty blonde strands of hair flowing over their shoulders.

Pale eyes looked up towards you both as they stood up, reaching out a hand.

“You must be Jumin Han, and...MC isn’t it? I’m Vanderwood.”

You nodded, exchanging handshakes before sitting down across from them.

“Now, from what I’ve been told by Luciel and the rest of these people is that your father is head of a mafia group that works behind the scenes of your well-known business,” They said, furrowing their brow. “Can you confirm this?”

“Yes, I can.”

“MC, can you as well?”

“Yes.”

“From what I’ve been told you specialize in narcotics and illegal trade?”

“Yes.”

“And Mr. Han, what is it that you specifically handle?”

“I typically clean up after my father, or handle the preparations and guidelines.”

“And by ‘clean up’ you mean...?”

“Based on his request I handle disruptive clients, and potentially threatening coworkers.”

Vanderwood frowned, folding their lips. “Now you know how big of an accusation that is don’t you? I can’t go back and simply spout this all out without evidence. Especially with one of the wealthiest men in the city.”

“I’m very aware. That’s why we are providing evidence. With the exchange of guaranteed protection for all of us. Meaning no harm to our reputations, and a clear statement of all of us having no involvement whatsoever.”

“That’s a large request.”

“I would assume it’s worth it considering the fame you’d accumulate by single-handedly taking down one of the largest and most dangerous organizations in the state after all. Why you’d practically be a celebrity.”

“And all you have to do is keep us safe.”

“And you’re planning on leaving the city immediately correct?”

“Tomorrow morning, to be exact,” Jahee said, showing off a small bundle of tickets in her hand.”We’ll be leaving on the next train out of here.”

Vanderwood examined the tickets, before giving a sigh of satisfaction, dipping their head to Jumin.

“I suppose we have a fair deal then, don’t we?”

“Yes, we do.”

“Now, all we need is the-”

707 appeared before the group, dropping an enormous stack of books and folders onto the coffee table between you.

“Excuse me were you going to say evidence?”

“I was thinking it was starting to be a bit too nice.” Vanderwood scoffed, taking and flipping through the contents.

And progressively became more and more in shock.

Horror and awe painted their expression, eventually dropping it back onto the table as they let out a few disbelieving laughs.

Yoosung had turned away instinctively.

He had learned.

You looked at it, and even from the upside down angle you were terrified.

Bodies drenched the photographs, .sprawled out and about as bruises and bullet holes lined their bodies.

Their eyes were so empty, despite the tear stains dripping against their sunken cheeks.

They had once been real people.

How could this be?

You let out a surprised gasp, your body trembling as though it were frigid.

“J-Jumin did you-”

“No, I d-didn’t...”

You looked at him, sadness and guilt dribbling down his face.

“T-Then what are t-those?”

“When deals and such go wrong, photographs are always taken. To remember the stories and serve as examples for later experiences. S-Some of those I was involved with, but not all. Not even most.”

You still felt uneasy, digging your nails into your skin as if this was some sort of dream you were about to wake up from.

But Jumin’s voice pulled you from your denial.

“I’m leaving that all behind, though, you know that.” He exclaimed. “That’s not the man I want to be. And it’s certainly not the man you deserve. I can’t even be the man you deserve, but I hope somehow I am enough-”

You leaned against him, wrapping your arms around his as you sank against his suit.

“You’re enough.”

You muttered, avoiding the folder.

“You’ve always been enough.”

He pressed a soft kiss to your head, a warmth spreading through him.

Vanderwood, let out a deep breath, closing the contents.

“...I’m sorry I should’ve been more considerate. I forget sometimes that not everyone is used to this.”

“MC has just been brought in, shortly after our engagement actually.”

“Oh! Well...congrats.” They shrugged, scooping up the evidence. “My gift to you is my share of the deal.”

“So you’ll take it down? We’ll be okay?” Yoosung cried, a smile tugging at their lips.

“Of course, just be sure you’re out of here when it’s out. This is going to cause a lot of uproar. Especially for you Mr. Han.”

Jumin nodded. “I’m aware. Thank you very much for you assistance Detective.”

They shook their head. “No, thank you. This will finally be able to help those who need it. You’re all very good people. Your help is much appreciated.”

They hung at the exit as everyone said goodbye, tipping backward as they spoke one last time.

“Listen, I’m sure you’ve got this all under wraps and under control and all but...”

They gave a sincere wave as they pulled open the door, afternoon light streaming in.

“Stay safe.”

33 notes · View notes

liveto110 · 7 years

Text

Iron Toxicity

New Post has been published on http://b37.747.myftpupload.com/iron-toxicity/

Iron Toxicity

We all know that iron is an essential mineral for growth, development, and long-term survival. However, iron toxicity is the stealth threat facing every man and postmenopausal woman. It can lead to an array of life-threatening conditions like diabetes, heart disease, cognitive decline, thyroid trouble, liver failure and cancer. Learn how to detox it by reading more below!

The Danger of Iron Accumulation

It absolutely astounds me that more doctors aren’t giving iron overload the attention it deserves, including many holistic practitioners. You could even be doing everything right for your health and be at high risk for this health-wrecking threat known as iron toxicity.

Iron toxicity is extremely dangerous, not only because of the long list of harmful effects it can have on your health – including death – but also because it is so commonly overlooked. And it targets every single man and postmenopausal woman.

The alarming, and even deadly, effects that toxic iron levels have on human health can be broken down into three primary categories. From these, all conditions subsequently stem (5):

Deposits in body organs and tissues including the heart, brain, liver, pancreas, and joints

Displaces vital nutrients

Causes psychological effects

Iron builds up in the body quite easily because it is so important for survival. It transports oxygen to the body’s tissues via hemoglobin. So, when exposed to iron, most commonly in enriched flour and water, the body preferentially retains it and stores it in the body.

Excess iron can lead to one of the most dangerous reactions in your body — the Fenton reaction — that decimates your mitochondrial DNA, proteins, and membranes and contributes to system-wide inflammation and oxidative stress.

When this happens, all you may initially notice is some joint pain, fatigue, gut pain, memory fog, or an irregular heartbeat.

Even moderately elevated levels of iron can contribute to:

Obesity — Obese individuals are more likely to have high levels of iron in their bodies.

Cancer — Elevated levels of iron are found in patients with many types of cancer, including breast cancer, melanoma, pancreatic cancer, renal cell carcinoma, and Hodgkin’s lymphoma.

Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s and ALS — High levels of iron in your brain tissue (which can easily happen as you age) can lead to cognitive impairment and inflammation.

Cardiovascular disease — Women’s risk of heart disease rises significantly after they either go through menopause or have a hysterectomy (and stop losing blood each month through menses).

Diabetes — Men with high iron stores were found to be 2.4 times as likely to develop Type 2 diabetes as men with lower levels.

The growth of pathogens — High iron levels facilitate the growth of disease-causing bacteria, fungi, and protozoa.

Osteoporosis — Too much iron in your body can damage your bones, but unfortunately, symptoms don’t typically appear until your levels are dangerously high.

In today’s modern medicine, iron toxicity is often overlooked when treating ailments such as fatigue or anemia with iron supplementation. And while it’s crucial to maintain healthy levels of this essential element so your body can run at its optimal level, it’s just as important to keep those levels in check and detox before an iron overload does serious harm. those in the developing world are especially susceptible to iron toxicity.

This is why I believe iron, perhaps more than any other metal, needs mineral balancing!

A note on anemia: most cases of “anemia” – low blood iron levels – are actually caused by copper toxicity!

Types of Iron

There are multiple types of iron and it’s important to differentiate between them. Some forms are absorbed more readily than others and some forms of iron are not absorbed at all!

Heme – Heme iron is attached to a heme molecule. It is found only in animal protein – meats, poultry, and fish – especially red meat (1). It is so readily absorbed that it’s considered the best source of iron for those suffering from iron deficiency. In fact, heme iron is absorbed at a “relatively constant rate of about 23%” (2). But, according to the Iron Disorders institute, “too much heme iron in the diet can increase the risk of disease for some people with abnormal iron metabolism such as hemochromatosis.” (1, 3)

Non-heme – Non-heme iron is found in mainly in plants and vegetables but also in nuts, fruits, tofu, most iron pills, and fortified foods. The largest quantities of non-heme iron can be found in grains such as rice, wheat, and oats (3). It is not as readily utilized by our bodies and has a lower absorption rate than heme iron, ranging from 2-20% (2).

How You Are Exposed to Iron

Our greatest exposure of iron is from enriched flours. This is a form of iron that is literally flakes of iron and not usable by our body. This is a marketing ploy used by food manufacturers to make you think they are ‘enriching’ flour for your health. Ironically, the carbs in these refined grains not only contribute to diabetes, but the iron build up in the liver is just as responsible for this growing epidemic.

Our next greatest exposure to iron is, arguably, from our drinking water. Iron seeps its way into our water from naturally occurring geological sources. It also gets in through the corrosion of both our distribution systems and household plumbing. The pipes used in the aforementioned systems are widely made up of iron-based materials, including galvanized steel and cast iron (4).

Think of all the iron your water is passing through before it even reaches your tap! If you have red stains around your drains, you have iron in your body.

Learn how you are exposed to iron by taking a look at the following sources (5, 6, 7, 8):

Drinking water (1, 5)

Iron Enriched flour (6, 9)

Occupational exposure (welders, metal workers, miners, machinists, plumbers, mechanics, steel workers) (9)

Contaminated soil

Multivitamins (adult, pediatric, prenatal)

Iron supplements (to treat anemia)

Meats (2, 5)

Poultry (2)

Fish and Shellfish (2, 5)

Liver and other organ meats (5)

Legumes (2, 5)

Beer (1, 5)

Beets (5)

Black cherries (5)

Bone meal

Bran

Chives

Canned tomatoes

Egg Yolks – Iron from egg yolks is not well-absorbed, unless paired with a source of vitamin C, like a glass of orange juice (5)

Galvanized iron containers

Molasses (5)

Nuts (5)

Red wine (1, 5)

Dried fruits (5)

Seeds (5)

Soy/Tofu

Tobacco (9)

Canned Tomatoes

Yeast (5)

Wheat germ (5)

Whole-grain cereals (5)

Whole-grain breads (5)

Herbs (particularly peppermint leaves, comfrey root, black chohosh root, chickweed, and goldenseal root) (5)

Iron pipes (1)

Iron cookware (1)

Iron from the source in my next list is non-heme iron. Remember, it can also be absorbed, but less so. This is because of the presence substances that interfere with iron absorption, such as of phytates, oxalates, tannins (5):

Kale (5)

Collard Greens (5)

Mustard Greens (5)

Spinach (5)

Swiss Chard (5)

Tomato juice (2)

Green beans (2)

Artichokes (2)

Dried Fruits (2)

Corn flour (2)

So we’ve just taken a look at some of the sources from which your body may be acquiring iron. But it’s also important to note the role acid (and, in turn, all acidic foods and drinks) and our cookware play in the absorption process.

Acid enhances the absorption of iron into the body. For instance, think of when you drink a glass of orange or coffee juice with your breakfast. Similarly, when alcohol in any amount is consumed with food – like having a glass of red wine or a cold beer with dinner – iron absorption is further facilitated (1, 10).

Now let’s consider your cookware: the acidic nature of some foods like tomato products make them likely to leach iron from your iron pots, pans, and skillets (5). In fact, cooking with such materials can increase the iron content of foods prepared in them by as much as 3 to 400 percent (1). I highly recommend AGAINST using cast iron cookware for this reason. The iron in cast iron pots is not in the ferrous form our body can readily utilize. It is ferric iron that our bodies cannot use, which just builds up in your body contributing to potential iron toxicity.

Besides what is listed above, dangerous iron toxicity can also happen quite quickly when patients overcompensate their iron intake with iron pills. These are often taken and/or prescribed to help treat issues associated with a lack of iron, including anemia and fatigue (5). Some people have even been known to die from an overdose of iron (11)! And while low iron is certainly worthy of consideration and close monitoring, it’s important to know that iron toxicity in and of itself can be deadly.

See why it’s so important to keep all of your minerals properly balanced?

Symptoms of Iron Toxicity

Iron toxicity occurs when high levels of the element are accumulated in the body, leading to hemochromatosis. Excess iron can deplete vitamin B6 and vitamin C, as well as cause a deficiency of manganese, zinc, and copper. Many of the adverse physical health conditions caused by iron toxicity are a direct result of these deficiencies (5).

Hemochromatosis is an iron storage disease that occurs when there is an overload of iron in the body. It is the consequence of the intestine’s inability to keep out unneeded iron (10). Iron accumulates in the organs, often iron-storing organs like the liver, and damages the tissues.

There are two primary types of this iron toxicity disease:

Inherited / congenital (present since birth) Primary Hemochromatosis. This type of iron overload can be attributed to a gene that enhances the body’s iron absorption (2, 5).

Acquired or Secondary Hemochromatosis. This type of toxicity develops as a result of iron your body acquires through both toxic exposure and the long-term overconsumption of this metallic element.

The threat of iron toxicity is a big issue, not only because of the long list of adverse health conditions it can cause, but also because it so often goes undiagnosed. Doctors are looking for blood levels or iron and not the iron levels in the body’s tissues. Iron toxicity symptoms are regularly attributed to other conditions, or worse, simply overlooked during an effort to treat low blood iron or fatigue with iron supplements (5).

The major concern when it comes to iron toxicity is that it can induce mild copper deficiency and produce cardiac disease in humans of all ages. What happens is that iron overload increases the dietary copper requirement of the animals and can lead to copper deficiency. This is why people with iron overload may benefit from copper supplementation, particularly if they habitually consume a diet low in copper. (14)

Iron is corrosive to the lining of the gastrointestinal tract, which is why the first sign of iron poisoning through ingestion is stomach pain (13). This may also be accompanied by nausea and/or vomiting.

If you are afraid you are suffering from iron overload, please take a look at the list of iron toxicity symptoms below and note of any you may be experiencing (1, 2, 5, 9, 10, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17):

Aches and pains

Aggression

Allergies/ histamine (1)

Amenorrhea – cessation of menses (2, 10)

Anemia

Anger/Bad temper (5, 9)

Anorexia (10)

Arthritis, rheumatoid (5, 10)

Bacterial infections (chronic) (1, 5)

Birth defects (5)

Bleeding gums (5)

Cancer (5, 9)

Cardiomyopathies (5)

Chills

Cirrhosis of the liver (1, 5, 10, 15)

Coma (decreased level of consciousness and lack of responsiveness, may occur within 1/2 hour to 1 hour after overdose)

Constipation (5)

Convulsions

Copper deficiency (14)

Damage to blood vessels

Death (17)

Darkened Skin pigmentation (2)

Dehydration

Diabetes (1, 5, 9, 15)

Diarrhea (10)

Diphasic shock (10)

Dizziness (5)

Drowsiness

Emotional problems

Enlarged Liver (2)

Fast and weak pulse

Fatigue (2, 5)

Fever

Flushing

Gray-ish hued skin discoloration (5)

Headaches (2, 5)

Heart disease and heart failure (5)

Hemochromatosis (5, 10)

Hepatitis (1, 5)

Hepatic fibrosis (15)

High Blood Pressure

Hostility (5)

Hyperactivity (1, 5)

Hypertension (1, 5, 9)

Hypothermia (10)

Impotence (10)

Infections (5)

Insomnia (5)

Impotence

Inflammation

Irritability (5)

Joint diseases (2)

Kidney problems

Lethargy (2)

Liver disease and/or damage

Loss of body hair (2)

Loss of weight

Low blood pressure

Lowered work performance (2)

Mental problems (5)

Metabolic acidosis

Metallic taste in mouth (5)

Migraines (1)

Muscle atrophy (16)

Myasthenia graves (5)

Nausea (5, 13)

Nervous system disorders

Nervousness (5)

Oliguria (10)

Pallor (loss of color form the skin)

Pancreas damage

Parkinson’s disease (1, 5, 9)

Premature aging (5)

Pulmonary alveolar proteinosis (16)

Renal failure

Rosacea (16)

Schizophrenia (5)

Scurvy (5)

Shock

Shortness of breath

Sickle-cell anemia (5)

Stomach pain (13)

Strabismus (rapid eye movement)(5)

Sudden onset of shortness of breath

Thyroid disorder

Vascular congestion of the gastrointestinal tract, liver, kidneys, heart, brain, spleen, adrenals, and thymus (10)

Viral replication (16)

Vomiting (13)

In addition to those mentioned above, iron toxicity may also alter a person’s brain chemistry and affect one’s mood or personality! (12) An overload of this metal is often associated with a strong ego, rigidity, tenaciousness, hostility, stubbornness, and irritability. (5)

Iron also raises Na (Sodium) levels. Slow oxidizers have low sodium levels; so if you are a slow oxidizer, please take this into consideration as well.

Those most susceptible to iron toxicity are men, children, and people who find themselves exposed to high levels of iron through their occupations (5). Women may still find themselves experiencing iron overload, though their risk is lower. This is because a monthly menstruation actually helps to eliminate extra iron from the body and help regulate it (12).

Remember, it’s important to confirm that an excess of iron is to blame before you begin treatment to correct a possible mineral imbalance. Especially since, in the case of iron, deficiencies and overloads can lead to serious health consequences.

Toxic levels of elements, like iron, replace nutrient minerals in enzyme binding sites. When this occurs, the metals inhibit, over-stimulate, or otherwise alter thousands of enzymes. An affected enzyme may operate at 5% of normal activity. This may contribute to many health conditions. Toxic metals may also replace other substances in other tissue structures. The replacement weakens these tissues, such as the arteries, joints, bones, and muscles. Toxic metals may also simply deposit in many sites, causing local irritation and other toxic effects.

This is why if your body is not getting enough zinc, copper, B6, manganese, and the other nutrients it needs, it will simply absorb more and more iron to supplement what’s missing. See why mineral balancing is so important?!

Antagonists of Iron

When iron reaches toxic levels, it replaces vital minerals in the body, causing enzyme dysfunction. Toxic metals may also replace other substances in other tissue structures. The replacement weakens these tissues, such as the arteries, joints, bones, and muscles.

An antagonist is an element that can help to push or detox iron out of the body. The following elements work as antagonists of iron (1, 5, 9, 14, 18, 19):

Manganese

Cadmium

Calcium

Copper

Cobalt

Chromium

Magnesium

Manganese

Zinc

Nickel

Vitamin E

Vitamin B12

Vitamin D

Phosphates

Antioxidant rich foods

Egg proteins

Long-chain fatty acids and phytates found in cereals

You’ll see that I have copper listed above as one of the antagonists to iron. This is because a study conducted by the United States Department of Agriculture, Agricultural Research Service, found that “people with iron overload may benefit from copper supplementation, particularly if they habitually consume a diet low in copper” (14).

This does not mean to go out and start taking copper. You need to have hair, urine and blood levels checked to see if you need copper. You can become toxic in copper as well like any metal!

A final note about absorption: vitamin C enhances iron absorption, as does a deficiency in vitamin B6! (5)

Again, it all comes back to balance.

A body that is well balanced will be one that is well protected from iron toxicity. As such, a balanced diet rich in minerals is crucial to maintaining optimal health, as well as reduce the amount of iron that becomes concentrated in the body.

Detecting Iron Toxicity

Everyone has iron in his or her body. But it’s not always at safe levels.

When investigating possible iron toxicity, we first perform a hair mineral analysis and then review the results. The important thing to look for here is not just iron at its face value on your test, but also its relation to other minerals in the body.

A few things to note when detoxing iron:

To reiterate: everyone has iron in his or her body.

Your first hair test may not reveal an iron problem. This is because iron is stored deep in the tissues of the body, including the liver, and may need up to year before that iron is moved and starts to reveal itself on a hair test (5).

It’s not always black and white: high iron on a hair mineral analysis may actually represent a loss of iron due to protein catabolism and a release of iron from cells.

Iron will be detoxed during the course of a Mineral Power program.

A blood test is also a great way to measure your iron levels. One of the things tested for in blood work is plasma ferritin. One of the jobs of ferritin is that it stores iron in a non-toxic form, ready to be transported and deposited in a safe form when it is required. Plasma ferritin is also an indirect marker of the total amount of iron stored in the body, explaining why serum ferritin is used as a diagnostic test for anemia (aka, iron deficiency) (13, 20).

Mineral Power Can Help!

Fortunately, you can solve the problem of iron toxicity! The body will store iron deep in the tissues, of the body, especially the liver, for long periods of time. So, it takes time to remove it completely. With detox and the help of Mineral Power, you can rid your body of iron in 1- 1 1/2 years. This is why long term detoxing is so important!

Many of the adverse health conditions caused by iron toxicity can be reversed through rigorous detoxing. Of course, it depends on the severity of your symptoms and how long you have been suffering from your negative health condition(s).

At the very least, many experience a vast reduction in their symptoms with detoxification of iron, via mild chelating agents, mineral supplementation and use of an infrared sauna, all of which are part of a comprehensive Mineral Power program.

A Mineral Power program is one of the best programs to remove all heavy metals from the body. Mineral Power is utilizes over 20 different methods at once to remove iron and ALL toxic metals safely and deeply, while replenishing the minerals your body needs.

Metals can often do the same jobs as minerals. So when we are mineral deficient, the human body is forced to accumulate metals to accomplish certain processes necessary to for us to survive. Mineral Power replenishes your minerals, helps you to restore balance to your body, and gives it energy so that it can push an overabundance of iron and other metals out when it no longer needs them to function.

Presently, humanity is exposed to the highest levels of toxic metals in recorded history, up to several thousand times higher than even several hundred years ago due to industrialization. The danger of toxic metals in our environment is greatly aggravated due to low mineral content of our food supply, as well as the contamination of our food supply. If one does not consume preferred minerals in the diet, the body will pick up whatever toxic metals it can from the food, air, and water as substitutes to perform various functions in the body. A key principle to remember is that an abundance of essential minerals in the diet and via supplementation protects the body against toxic metals.

It’s time to restore balance to your body with Mineral Power!

A Mineral Power program is not about diagnosing or treating any particular disease. It utilizes a hair mineral analysis to design a customized diet, supplement, lifestyle and detox program to detox heavy metals, improve the entire body’s energy level, reduce stress, and improve the metabolic rate of the body. My program focuses on the wellness model of health care, which is a state of high resistance to all illness.

Click here to get started on a Mineral Power program today!

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References

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Hoffman Center Staff. “Iron: Deficiency and Toxicity.” October 4, 2013. http://drhoffman.com/article/iron-deficiency-and-toxicity-3/

Iron Disorders institute. “Iron We Consume.” http://www.irondisorders.org/iron-we-consume/

Environmental Protection Agency. “Iron”. Updated March 1, 2013. http://www.epa.gov/nrmrl/wswrd/cr/corr_res_iron.html

Analytical Research Laboratories, Inc. “Iron Toxicity.” http://www.arltma.com/Articles/IronToxDoc.htm

Group, Dr. Edward. “The Hidden Truth of Enriched White Flour.” Global Healing Center. Pub: May 28, 2009, Updated on November 2, 2015. http://www.globalhealingcenter.com/natural-health/enriched-white-flour/

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Abhilash KP, Arul JJ, Bala D. “Fatal overdose of iron tablets in adults.” Department of Medicine, Christian Medical College. Indian J Crit Care Med.2013 Sep;17(5):311-3. doi: 10.4103/0972-5229.120326. http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/24339645

Cass, Hyla MD. “Nutritional Approaches to Mental Health”. Global Healing Center. (Excerpted from St. John’s Wort: Nature’s Blues Buster). http://www.globalhealingcenter.com/nutrition/nutritional-approaches-to-mental-health

“Iron poisoning.” Wikipedia. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Iron_poisoning

Klevay LM. “Iron overload can induce mild copper deficiency.” J Trace Elem Med Biol. 2001. http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/m/pubmed/11396784/

Britton RS, Ramm GA, Olynyk J, Singh R, O’Neill R, Bacon BR. “Pathophysiology of Iron Toxicity.” Department of Internal Medicine, St. Louis University Health Sciences Center. Adv Exp Med Biol. 1994;356:239-53. http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/7887229

Weinberg ED. “Iron toxicity: new conditions continue to emerge.” Department of Biology and Program in Medical Sciences, Indiana University. Oxid Med Cell Longev. 2009 Apr-Jun;2(2):107-9. http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/20357933

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