#I deleted this post and remade it because I'm stupid

[crwbannwen]

Welsh should be a pro-drop language (a language where you drop the pronoun because the verb already marks the person), but I don’t know anyone who actually drops the pronoun except occasionally in perfect past tense. I tend to hear people dropping the verb instead (which you can’t do in most pro-drop languages but you can in present tense/pluperfect Welsh). So I’m curious...

If you don’t know what ‘pluperfect’ means, then don’t worry. It’s to do with types of past tenses. In this case the pluperfect is ‘wedi’ (imperfect would be ‘roedd’ and perfect ‘VERB-ais i’… according to A level which imma be honest, I do not trust. Pretty sure ‘wedi’ should be perfect, ‘VERB-ais i’ imperfect and ‘roedd’ pluperfect, but i was told Welsh be funky like that when I asked about it)

[sexhaver]

the Russian Bot Revisionism is so frustrating because you only need to look at one (1) easily verifiable fact to come to the correct conclusion: out of the 84 blogs that got deleted, literally not a single one ever remade, contacted someone on another social media site, reached out to a news site for an interview, or even provided any evidence of their existence whatsoever.

if i was a black political activist and Tumblr not only banned me for my politics but made a public post bragging about it, i would absolutely kick up a huge stink about it: remake and DM old mutuals asking them for help rebuilding my follower count; make a post on Twitter with screenshotted evidence; go to Buzzfeed with my US driver's license and say "hey Tumblr banned me for being a Russian psyop when I'm clearly a black American activist, wanna run a story about it?". none of that happened in 84 separate cases, and it will never happen, because they were all Russian psyop accounts.

there are two (2) reasons the wrong narrative has survive this long despite falling apart upon even cursory fact-checking:

"oh, you think these black activists were fake? you think black americans are too stupid to recognize a fake account? you think anyone talking about antiblack racism in america is a russian shill? wow, racist much?"

[insert the latest bad thing Staff did here]

deeply unserious website overall

[wish-i-were-heather]

what's your favorite conan gray song?

soo this is my 100 follower event? wow okay 100 is a big number (well actually 180 now wtf stop following me im not that funny). im lowkey shocked because its been 15 days... i accidentally deleted my blog and then remade this new one 15 days ago. thats like barely 2 weeks? so, uh, thats a lot very fast. i love every single one of you thank you so much for caring about the stupid things i have to say and my silly little fics <33 ~ [INTRO POST HERE]

followers...

LOOKALIKE~ i'll assign you a fictional character that you/your blog reminds me of and explain why!!

"i know in your head you see me instead, cause he looks a lot like i did back then. baby don't lie, it's just a lookalike"

LONELY DANCERS~ i'll give you a song based on the aesthetic of you/your blog!!

"we're lonely dancers, join me for the night. we're lonely dancers baby, dance with me so we don't cry"

GENERATION WHY~ ask me any question and i'll answer truthfully!! (within reason ofc, i'm not giving out my address)

"we get into trouble and loose our minds, something that i've heard a million times in my life, generation why"

MOVIES~ i'll ship you with a fictional character and make a moodboard for you two (pls give gender/any other preferences)

"in my head we're dancing in the dark, in my head we kiss under the stars. but we know that's not what we're doing, cause baby this ain't like the movies"

BOYS AND GIRLS~ i'll make an edit of pretty much anyone/anything (fictional or not, but this is a very vague so pls pls pls give details)

"i want you, i want you, i want you to need me. i need you, i need you, i need you to love me. i want you, i want you, like everyone else here tonight"

PEOPLE WATCHING~ i'll write a short oneshot (under 1k words) about any character x reader or ship

"i wanna feel all that love and emotion, be that attached to the person i'm holding. someday i'll be falling without caution, but for now i'm only people watching"

HEATHER~ i'll give you an outfit specifically with a sweater i think you'd wear, hence the song

"you gave her your sweater, it's just polyester but you like her better, i wish i were heather"

moots only...

BEST FRIEND~ where we'd go/what we'd do if we hung out together + moodboard

"that's my fucking lifeline, thats my ride or die like, thats my fucking hate you but you know that that's a damn lie. baby you're my best friend, best friend"

(CAN WE BE FRIENDS?)~ i'll tell you my first impression of you (none are negative i promise)

"could you be my best friend? let's hang out every weekend. go driving every night, stare at people that we like"

rules/extra

1~ please give any specific details you want for any (like trope of the fic or song for the edit, etc) 2~ i'm not very organized so idk how many i'll do per day 😭 but you send however many you want just one per day per person pls 3~ i don't have a date for how long it's just until i say it's done because im indecisive...

tagging <3

@maybxlle

@lauffey

@myhyperfixationisbooks

@never-enough-novels

@apollosmusee

@xoxonxo

@sweetnnaivete

@whatsamongus

@pinkwinesupernovas

@letmeliveinelfhame

@two-braincells-in-total

@tornqdowarnings

@littlemissmentallyunstable

@nqds

@ramblings-of-lola

@lxvebelle

@alwaysthefangirl

@just-tough-love

@riordanness

@reyreadersblog

im tagging some of my moots but any of you can request the moots only stuff even if ur not tagged- and if ur not tagged then omg i wanna get to know u more!! <3

THANKS AGAIN EVERYONE I LOVE U AHH

[ghostzzy]

jello is a Good Stim

[stillsolo]

for the first in a while, I'm gonna ... try to take it easy, today.  

I actually have a lot to do but I really need to chill the fuck out for a second and take a breather.  my OCD's made my life remarkably difficult lately and I've begun to disassociate in order to cope.  I know disassociation plays a key role in obsessive-compulsive disorders; I know my OCD's fairly severe and it's been getting worse as I get older, but I'm not...usually this bad.  Even when under stress.

for example, a batch of 200 commissioned banner icons suddenly turns into 400+, and I'm still not done because I can't stop keep remaking them.  

oh, this one's coloring is off. but these frames are split second to each other ... can't have that, gotta redo 'em. 

 wait, the pixels are...'weird' looking in the corner, here.  rejected.

this one could've been cropped way better.  how could I expect them to use this?

why is this one in the 'final version' folder when the border around it overlapped a part of the icon?

I need to redo these 73 because the shadow is too dark and blocky beneath the icon.  it’s supposed to be a fade.  it’s what they ordered and you’re not giving them what they asked for. 

someone's paying you for this shit get it TOGETHER

yesterday, my OCD got triggered about 3 times?  I have a couple of forms.  I had a breakdown in front of my mother after she came home and asked me if I ate and I know I must've made some kinda stupid face that gave it away because seconds after she'd asked, I realized I didn't know what the hell ate other than the toast she'd watched me eat before she left for work at 9am.  It was 11pm when she asked.  

I also had mini-breakdown while talking to my customer and it was terribly embarrassing.  I got a nosebleed to top it all off too lmao  ( i'm so sorry if you're reading this, john omfg you've been the best to me and I'm sorry because I'm sure all you'd wanted was icons to rp sdfkjsd )

but I just. 

All of my friends think OCD is just me having high ass standards or just being 'know-it-all'.  I've been called that all my life.  In fact, I've been called that by friends I thought would never say anything like that about me because I thought we were friends

We live in this new age of 'awkward is cute'.   It's hip to be square, cool to be uncool, and sexy to be nerdy and quirky.  and there isn’t any better way to declare your individuality and weirdness than branding yourself 'so OCD' about something.  

Ahaha.

I fucking loathe people who do this.

OCD isn't a quirk or a set of tendencies.  It's not fucking buzzf.eed list, not a little buzzf.eed quiz you can take and readily relate to the results; it's an incapacitating, isolating disease that makes you afraid of your own mind.

If my friends could see, just once, what it's like for me, when I'm caught in an obsessive-compulsive loop, maybe then they'd finally understand me when I say ''''it's bad''''.

Even Something as simple as drawing a line-art from a sketch turns into a complete and total nightmare.  8/10 times, I'll redraw the line-art like — hm, I don' dunno — about 7 fuckin' times in a row, then, delete all of it because IDK, it wasn't 'right'?  ( Who am i kidding; I do the same with sketches ヽ(・ω・)ﾉ  )

Oh, yeah, for sure.  Me and my ‘high fucking standards' did this.

NO.  No one in their right mind would do this.  They wouldn’t re-draw the same fucking drawing 7 times in a row and the same layer style over and over, not even changing things up to maybe get some progress.      Nobody.  Jfc.

And oh, god, that moment when you realize, it's been more than 8/9 hrs since you began and you haven't eaten or drank anything; you don't remember the last time you looked at your phone or what the hell happened to the time because last time you looked, it was 11am and now it’s 9:48pm.

Moreover, you made exactly zero progress on your project — because IDK — there’s no valid reason?  JUST COULDN'T STOP HA

I never thought I would talk about this, but uh, Y'all know how much I love han.  I want Han to be seen in the best light possible.  while SW has been one of the few things that have held a light in my life, he's helped me become a better person in more ways than I can articulate.  and no, I don't mean I suddenly started picking trash up off the highways.

I mean, by writing him in this amazing place filled with people I don’t have IRL who share my interests, I’ve met so many new people, friends, learned so many lessons, about characters and life and writing.  

When I began writing Han, here, I had just learned what present and past tense was in English.  I was winging my writing, trying really hard to understand.  English isn't my first language.  In Cantonese, my native language, there's no such thing as a past tense.  

By writing Han with you guys, I've taken huge steps in life, without even realizing it. 

So, everything I do for han, I want for it to be good.  

Not outstanding, and definitely not exemplary or nonpareil — just ... good. 

And icons — haha.  I love icons.  I love and hate making them.  similar to my writing, I work very hard on his icons.  ... but I need to learn where to draw the line.  

I once remade an icon 23 times before I was happy with it.  ( i had 23 versions left in my folder lmao ).  like these here?  10 versions of each, in the least. 

( the last one is kinda an exception... I think.  I made that one well over 25 times, for sure.  but I think it's because I'm not accustomed to Blaine's coloring yet. ) 

Wow, this really turned into a long post.  I don't really care, though.  My OCD is something that has always been completely ignored IRL.  Shit, it's ignored by even my online friends.  I can't even game online without one of them thinking I must get off on establishing my superiority and overall knowledge of '???’ game.  Haha.

'Show me your build?' :D 'Er...nah. I think I'll pass.' 'Why?  What's the matter?' 'You'll pick it apart.'

It's never considered 'advice' when it's from me.  It's me as a know-it-all, as someone who looks down on others for not having up-to-par stats. 

I'm sorry I did the math for you so you wouldn't have to.  This is simply advice you're free to toss aside, but it's not like it matters.  Even if I reassured that—you're already too annoyed to listen for any longer.

So, I’ll also apologize for how I can recall faction modifiers, body part modifiers, critical hit and stealth modifiers, as well as debuffs; how a certain amount of damage of one type turns into inflicted damage to a target while considering type modifiers and armor, and knowing the damage formulas needed to calculate the number of hit points required to kill an armored or unarmored target, with or without a finisher multiplier figured in — because I want you to do the very best with your weapon of choice, even though I can name 5 different weapons that utterly outclass it by tenfold. 

In reality, I never had much of choice.  Information like that doesn't stop looping in my mind, even at night, when all I want is to sleep.

Sometimes ... I wish I could be that one character on a comedy show who has a quirky disorder or ''OCD'' and everyone seems to love him for it because he's funny when he does it or he's generally helpful 

More often than not, my OCD just ruins everything.  I don't feel like I belong anywhere.

I need to take a breather.

[sanguineweave]

Hello, friend! I just wanted to let you know that I'm having some issues accessing your Bio and Navigation links. I understand your blog is under some construction, but I would like to interact with you and I read your rules about reading bio before interacting. Anyways, I'm just a friendly anon here to let you know the situation. I hope everything goes well! Thank you for your time and consideration!

Ah !  Thank  you  for  the  gentle  reminder !  ; w ;  The  reason  you’re  having  trouble  finding  those  pages  is  because  they  don’t  exist  yet.  It’s  been  a  while  since  I  remade  my  blog  here  &  to  be  completely  honest  I  had  forgotten  about  my  bio.  page  for  a  while  eeep.  I’m  currently  trying  to  clean  up  my  blog  &  also  make  myself  a  nice  new  theme  &  revisit  my  pages  so  on  &  so  forth,  which  means  I  am  also  working  on  setting  up  a  bio.  page !  (  At  least  a  temporary  one  if  nothing  else.  )  It  should  be  up  in  the  near  future  unless  school  decides  to  kick  my  ass  too  hard.  The  reason  I  want  people  to  read  my  bio.  page  before  interacting  with  me  is  mostly  because  my  portrayal  of  Elise  is  heavily  canon  divergent  in  many  ways  &  it’s  just  not  a  good  idea  to  blindly  assume  things  about  her  just  because  it  says  so  in  canon.  (  Not  only  is  my  Elise  headcanon  based  >  lore  based,  I  have  literally  turned  parts  of  her  lore  completely  upside  down  as  well.  )  So  you  get  the  idea.

Since  I  deleted  my  old  blog  &  was  stupid  enough  to  not  save  anything  important  from  it  (  RIP.  )  I’ve  been  trying  to  rewrite  everything  as  well  as  expand  when  it  comes  to  headcanons  &  the  like.  What  I  have  so  far  is  still  very  very  little.  It’s  very  basic  &  probably  lacking  information  in  a  myriad  of  ways,  but  here’s  a  few  links  that  should  help  you  get  the  most  basic  idea  of  what  my  Elise  is  like.  (  At  least  for  now,  until  I  finish  up  my  bio.  page  &  write  longer,  more  in  depth  headcanon  posts.  )  Always  always  always  ask  me  if  you’re  curious  or  don’t  understand  something !  (  I  just  ran  them  through  so  everything  should  be  completely  up  to  date  at  least !  )

♦    Elise  1o1.♦    Some  things  about  her  sense  of  touch.♦    Shapeshifting  headcanons  &  the  trauma  of  it.♦    Markus  Zaavan  tag  rant.♦    Character  sheet  &  some  personality  traits.♦    Just  something  to  keep  in  mind.

I’m  sorry  for  the  inconvenience,  I’m  still  very  much  building  this  blog  &  everything.  I  am  very  happy  you  decided  to  send  me  an  ask  though !  I’m  the  type  of  nerd  who’ll  happily  go  months  back  on  my  blog  or  in  conversations  to  dig  things  up  if  I  feel  like  it’s  gonna  be  helpful  sdfsd hsd  anyway  I  hope  this  helped  you  anon  &  anyone  else  who  might’ve  been  confused  by  this.  I’m  really  looking  forwards  to  roleplaying  with  you  &  I  hope  you  have  a  wonderful  day !  ♥  ♥