#I def need to squeeze her into a Weekly at some point

[a-gay-bloodmage]

Day 26: Isn’t It Improper?

(Josephine Montilyet x Semiha Silva-Adaar)

Now that she’s fought for Josephine’s hand and won, sealed the Breach, lost her arm, and disbanded the Inquisition—listed in no particular order of importance, of course—Semiha Silva-Adaar can’t help but wonder if she can do anything to properly endear herself to the Montilyet family.

Written for the @loveofdragonage event!

Rating: Explicit

Read on Archive of Our Own Here!

[heathergraves]

Don’t remember the last time I made a super long, personal post on here

But here I am, cause I really don’t know where else to vent about this. Truthfully, I don’t really know where to start. Or really have a collection set aside of everything I need to say on the subject. So I am just going to type as it comes to me. And hope that I get it all out.

I would not consider myself “a jealous person”. What could be mistaken as jealousy in my heart, often times is simply self doubt. Something that I deal with in many areas of my life. I am not “a jealous person”. But I do hold a tremendous amount of harmful jealousy and envy in my heart over one person. I first met them almost  6 and a half years ago now. When I first met them... when I first met her, she didn’t really have a whole lot to her life. It was all rather average. Her energy made me feel sympathy and like I needed to show her what was out there. To this day, I still feel some regret for making that decision. All for, I can admit, very selfish reasons. 

One of the first things I did for her was bring her out to this bar here in downtown Ottawa called Zaphods. They had these weekly events, I guess you could say, on Tuesday nights. Tuesdays were “goth industrial” nights there. There was no real reason for me to bring her there other than to bring her out somewhere. She has no tattoos and no piercings, and never really expressed any interest in dark anything. Other than having a whole room in her apartment specifically for all the snakes she owns. Its because she seemed like a very open-minded person that I brought her there. And she did seem to enjoy herself a lot. So the following weekend, I decided to bring her to this other bar here that had their goth nights, called “Death Disco”, on saturdays. That is where I was able to introduce her to a handful of my friends. One of which was a guy I had had a crush on. And it was from that point on that the jealousy inside me began to brew. Was only a matter of weeks before the two of them got into a relationship. And yes she knew how I felt about him. That relationship carried on for almost 5 years.

In those 5 years, her life became bigger and bigger. And I felt like I was being squeezed out of it. I would of course see her here and there as she was dating a friend of mine and had become acquainted with a great deal of my other friends. But a lot of what she said to me through those years felt like it was near entirely lacking in sincerity.  I would get the occasional “I miss you” or “We should def hang out sometime soon!” txts. But rarely did any actions follow those txts.

Through the years, much quicker than I’d have guessed if you asked me when I met her, her life became...everything that I had ever wanted in my life. She was, and is, that girl that everyone loves. Everyone is blowing up her inbox, she’s always being invited out to lunches, dinners, parties, weekend trips to Montreal. She has modelling gig after modelling gig, countless companies tossing heaps of free products at her, she’s the girl that can make men whom seemed entirely dead-set on the bachelor life fall in love with her. Men who were notorious players prior to meeting her, and she just hooks them in without even trying. It seems that she can do no wrong in the eyes of just about everyone that knows her. And now has a new boyfriend she’s been with for a year. He’s in a famous death metal band and now she occasionally joins him on tour and is set side stage to watch him play. And I believe it goes without saying that she is STACKED. Perfect body, perfect long, straight black hair, plump lips, and eyes that are striking as can be.

I had to remove her from all my social medias a little over a year ago now. I just couldn’t stand seeing her life and how great it is. It was very quickly becoming a greatly toxic thing towards my mental health. And yet... I don’t hate her. I don’t dislike her. I miss her and I miss going to parties with her and spending time with her (However rare those nights became). But I cannot seem to shake this humongous green-eyed monster inside of me every time she pops up on my feeds because of mutual friends (Which, yes, we have a lot of). Though I am certainly not without reason to feel some level of jealousy/envy towards her. I know that I shouldn’t feel this way. I don’t want to anymore. I have never felt this level of jealousy, envy, insecurity towards one person before. But I don’t know how to overcome that feeling. To anyone who is somehow still reading - How do I overcome this? I want to so badly.

[suphoshi]

Hi! I know this is totally random and I’ve been a lurker (Love your stories, btw!) for some time and I just remembered you’re a nurse!

Do you mind if I ask you for some advice? I’m going into college next year but I’m kind of in between pre-med (Biology most likely) and going to a nursing program. Is it alright if I ask you why you wanted to be a nurse? and if you ever regretted it?

I’ve grown up knowing I wanted to be a nurse (probably bc my parents have drilled it in me to become one) but had an epiphany a couple of months ago from watching medical dramas that I might actually want to be a surgeon. They’re two different things but I realized I’m someone who likes to take lead and taken interest in the OR. I’m not sure if nursing can give me that but I’m also not sure if I’d be mentally ready for school + residency. I also know for sure I want to have a family in the future and that’s a major wall from going full send into pre-med.

thank you so much!

Omg, I do not mind this kind of question at all!

I wish that I could say that this was my lifelong dream and that I was born and bred for nursing, but that would be an absolute lie lol I am the first nurse in my family actually!

Going into nursing was kind of just a chance thing for me honestly. I went to our community college here in town and just took general courses for 2 years before I had a friend tell me she was going to transfer to the nursing school we have here (it’s pretty small, but it ranks pretty high for pass rates, my graduating class in 2017 and every year after has had a 100% NCLEX pass rate except for 1), and I just kind of jumped on the bandwagon. I felt like everyone around me had goals and knew exactly what they wanted to do and I had 0 clue, so I was just making impulse decisions and running with them. Even throughout my first two semesters of nursing school, I still was not fully set on becoming a nurse. I almost failed out of my first semester (which is so embarrassing to say now bc it was v easy 🥴), and in my second semester my clinical instructor literally hated me bc of how poorly I did my first semester (in smaller colleges, they really thrive on NCLEX pass rates, so they try to weed out anyone they think is week from the jump). She literally told me one day “I have no idea how you are a MedSurg student” because I was unsure about normal ranges for something simple. She also made sure to have students come in and watch me do dressing changes on patients because she knew that I had anxiety doing skills in front of other people and would mess up, and she would also give me patients who were completely incapacitated with peg tubes and trach‘s so that I would have to do more skills that she could berate me for because I was so shaky and nervous. Even up to that point - that’s literally half of the most important classes that you will take in nursing school - I did not know that I wanted to be a nurse. I actually wanted to drop out, but my mom told me that it would look better if I ever decided to go back to just wait and fail out lol, but that didn’t happen. My clinical instructor somehow ended up really loving me towards the end of our semester. She always put me in charge when we would do team nursing, and I would oversee all the other students and their patients. She was def a bitch to me in the beginning, but I think it was because she knew that I had zero experience in being vocal and outspoken and sticking up for myself. It really gave me the kick in the ass I needed to study more so that I would be prepared for her, and in turn, I actually got to understand and sympathize with my patients even more. I also realized that semester how much I love taking care of people. Because she gave me so many patients who were unable to take care of themselves, most of them couldn’t move on their own, I was able to sit and talk with them and hold their hands and listen to them cry or make them laugh. That instructor is the reason I am still a nurse today, even though she really almost broke me lol

I definitely do regret nursing often, but only for short periods of time if that makes sense. All jobs have shitty spots, but nursing is definitely one with some of the shittiest spots. You come in to train wreck assignments that sometimes you’ll feel absolutely incapable of handling, you’ll get hammered with admissions, you’ll have to deal with short staffing and taking on so many patients that you don’t even have time to use the bathroom. I’ve had patients scream at me for things that aren’t my fault, doctors scream at me for the same things. And now, because I’m a travel nurse, I go into hospitals with staff who don’t know me, don’t trust me, they don’t like to help at first because I’m the traveler - I have to adapt and help them, not the other way around. So not only do I have to worry about my patient assignment, I also have to earn the trust of a group of people who don’t know me. The mental exhaustion I go through weekly is almost psychotic lol. I have days at work where the only thing I say from beginning to end is “why tf am I doing this” or “I literally hate my life right now”. I talked about this with my sister this morning though (she went into nursing school after me and now she’s a nurse also); even on the days that I literally just want to walk out, I walk into patients room and become a different person. Like, I want them so badly to know they are safe with me and that I care about making sure they’re okay, and I absolutely love making them smile and laugh. I had a patient the last 4 nights who usually screams all day/night because she is scared and hates being alone in her room. Every night after report, I walked into her room and sat with her for like 10-15 mins at a time to just sit with her and talk about her day and the first time I did, she squeezed my hand really tight and said “why are you the only one who comes back”, and it just absolutely broke my heart. These people are so scared and lonely and they just want someone to keep them safe. So yes, there are times I regret it, but becoming a nurse was also one of the best impulse decisions I have ever made. I have changed a lot of people’s lives just like they have changed mine, people who might remember me but I don’t remember them or even vice versa, and it was the most rewarding thing I have ever done.

If you really want to become a surgeon, do it! I think that would be such an awesome path, especially if your interested and it keeps you engaged in what you want to do. About taking the lead and being in control and that stuff, you’re definitely able to do that as a nurse also. I always tell people how insane it is that I am so different when I’m home vs. at work. At home, I am usually the biggest bum, I’m super lazy, I love to lay around on my days off and have such a hard time motivating myself for anyyyything. But at work, I am very organized and time meticulous, I HATE messy workstations and patient rooms. I am in charge a lot - even as a traveler which isn’t v common bc they want their own staff taking that role - so I do all of the staffing, I help everyone with their admissions, I make sure everyone’s getting breaks, passing meds on time, getting home on time. It doesn’t seem like an extreme leadership role, but you really take responsibility for a floor full of 40 patients while you have 5-6 of your own. Plus, with nursing, you have so many opportunities to specialize, you can be a circulating nurse in the OR (I gave up on that idea v quickly because they have too much responsibility IMO lol they’re rockstars for real), I always loved same-day surgery for some reason because it’s so fast paced - I got to pick up a few days there before when they were short staffed and loved it, and honestly there are a million other specialties/jobs you can choose. If you decide to do nursing, you will learn so much about the kind of person you are under pressure, how you handle stress, if you can adapt to situations with little to no help. If medical school is what you want to do though, go for it! Please don’t forget your nurses though after lol, I have so many surgeons that I love and who trust what we say and listen to us when we call, but there are waaaay too many docs who think they’re above our opinions/they know better. Whatever it is you choose, I hope you fall in love with it, and I really hope you’ll check back no matter how many years later and tell me how you’re doing!! I know this was a centuries long answer, but I couldn’t stop once I started lol

Thank you for asking this!!! Let me know if you have anymore questions I can answer 💘💘 have the best day!!