#I decided to salvage what I have left of art from my old blog

[factual-fantasy]

I haaaasss 27 asks :}

Yes. Yes it does.

Thank you! :DD And yeah canon Gregory is just not my vibe man XD

(Traffic cone in question)

Thank you so much! :DD And yeah I try my best to get up and do something productive/different when I'm feeling down like that. My thought process is "well sitting here and sulking isn't making me feel any better so I should go and do something else" Which just so happened to be breaking out the old sewing kit and making a traffic cone?? XD Well to be fair I've made like 10 of those before but still an odd choice on my part-

Thank you so much! I'm so glad you liked my cars artwork! :DD

And yeah I would draw cars stuff more often but they're just so hard to draw :(

Idk why they decided to jump into a DLC before fixing the base game, but man I really wish they wouldn't have. 😔

I'll do my best! :D

@tallchest13-blog

Yes :} or at least I've been trying to-

Thank you so much! And I did use a pattern to make him. Credit for the patten goes to Tammy Hallam, heres her video on how to make your own too! :}

@montygatorshusband

AAAA THANK YOU SO MUCH!! :DDD

As for Glamrock Bonnie,, ehh, its a bit odd to me. Not a huge fan of the color pallet but its not the worst I've seen. I'd give it a 5.5 outa 10

ALSO! I believe Octonauts is streaming on Netflix, but I've also had some luck finding full episodes on YouTube :0

Thank you! And oh yeah, I feel you on the fandom part. XD That's why I'm still kind'a on the fence and haven't dove head first into my usual angsty stuff. I'm kind'a testing the waters with every post I make to see if I'll collide with the uh, other side of the fandom :x

Thank you! :DDD

Also Google is a search engine. :0 If you search for Octonauts fanart, its gonna do its job and search for fanart and likely find some of the stuff I made. Notice though that all of my artwork shown on Google links directly back to my blog. Its because Google isn't stealing it, its parting the branches of a bush and pointing "Look! Over there is some Octonauts fanart like you requested!" XD

@pinkbomb08

There isn't really anything Gregory can do for Bonnie..

Its hard to explain,, but I'll try. Bonnie is missing his leg from the middle of his shin down. So he cant stand up right like Foxy because- well duh, he's missing a whole foot.

So order to fix Bonnies leg so he can stand/walk like Foxy does, he would need an entire replacement foot with a working joint. This would also mean that the wires in Bonnies legs would have to be replaced and hooked up so that he can control said new foot.

Currently there are no spare parts around that fit Bonnies model.. and even if they did, Gregory wouldn't know how to properly re-wire an animatronic foot. He's smart but not THAT smart <XDD

The only thing Gregory could do is make Bonnie a weird peg leg that makes his current leg longer. Currently Bonnies half leg is shorter than his good leg. But in all honesty Bonnie doesn't really want that.

Having Gregory ducttape this weird goofy peg leg to him would be more embarrassing then what he already has. He'd probably want to salvage what ever dignity he has left and say "ah give it a rest. There's no point. My legs good enough for what its for." <:/

@taizarack

If I remember correctly... Sometime ago my tablet pen broke. And it took like 2-3 weeks for a new one to arrive. In the mean time I tried to make an art doll of sorts. That doll was Bibi!

I ended up making a lot of goofy posts with Bibi and I as I waited for my pen to arrive. Once it finally did and I went back to drawing comics, I ended making Bibi a reoccurring character. And he's been around ever since!

Now Jangles is a Halloween prop that I bought because I thought it was funny. I was practicing making quilts one time and I made a small blue one that just so happened to be the right size for him. So I put it on and then I thiiink I got the idea to add Jangles to my blog as a joke.? I gave Bibi a "new friend" to celebrate hitting 10,000 followers. The new friend was a cropped png of jangles XD

Eventually down the line I wanted to give Bibi an proper friend. So for Bibi's birthday I drew a comic where Jangles came to life and here we are XD

@pinkbomb08

Currently I am getting none of those things :x I have a cold so sleep and food is hard :( Thank you though! :D

@notsoliyah

:D AW!! Thank you! I'm so glad to hear how I've inspired you! :}}

@ur0neand0nly

XD Thank you so much! And don't worry, I'm pretty confident I'll draw him again someday

XD Thank you. To be honest I'm kind'a going back and fourth on this fandom. I don't really wanna be apart of the fandom, but the characters are the only thing I'm interested in drawing atm soo-

@ardent-38

Ooo these are interesting! Although absorbing power ups isn't about digesting them. Its something about being human specifically that allows them to absorb the powerups.. 👀👀👀

@maddiethehatter2192

My advice would be to use references religiously. That's what I did!

Also thank you! :DD

Barnaby for sure.

Well, my interpretation of him really-

@taizarack (Post in question)

@funky-frankie

No there's no SpongeBob comic, I just felt like drawing Mr. Krabs XD

Also THANK YOU!! :DD That means so much!! :}}}

@elegysonnet

<XD thank you. So far I have some pretty basic ones I imagine. Wally's house is alive and evil, Julie is actually a scary monster but has drastically altered her appearance to look less scary.. Sally is very celestial in nature because she's a real star, Eddie used to be a real human and bleeds and has a heart beat and what not.. uuuuuuh what elseeee,,, I liked to imagine that Sally and Julie came to the neighborhood when they were really young and Poppy kind'a adopted them?? Although I don't know how wide spread that idea is XD

Thank you! And yeah I'm not very fond of that portrayal either <XD As for your questions..

1: I'm sure there would be somethings that would push his anxiety to the surface. I'm not sure what they'd be but still- I imagine if Luigi was around to see it he would try to get Mario out of what ever situation he's in. If he's in a crowd he'd try to help him slip away unnoticed.

2: I'm not familiar with the giga bell, but if I did add it I'd imagine those would be the side effects yeah <XD Really sore and tired and cant really move for like 3 days :x

Remodeled or not, I wont be adding any of those animatronics to the Pizzaplex. I already wrote the entire past of this timeline, and those bots all already have a story in my AU. And with their given stories it wouldn't make sense for them to be added to the Pizzaplex.

Of course I cant spoil what those stories are, just know that I have my reasons-

Oh yeah I forgot to add the colored eye lids to Wally and Barnaby in that trampoline drawing <XD

And yeah! I wanted Wally to be much more expressive so I gave him eyebrows-

@cudlycorncornsworthcoberson

Aw, thank you so much!! Its so cool to hear that you've shared my name with your friends!! :DD

[arlakos]

The Master Fu rewrite: From a Miraculous Themed Pez Dispenser to an Actual Mentor

Ok, let's get this show on the road. Its gonna be a while and a lot of salt/

Master Fu is a character I have grown to dislike. A lot

While I initially did not feel this way at first (at worst finding him to be boring) thanks to some interesting discord discussions, as well as discussing with my internet best friend @twin-books​, I have slowly come to see the character in a negative light in many different aspects, ranging from the characterization of Fu to the plot choices Fu makes that are in many ways stupid as hell. However, unlike some who I have talked, I believe that Fu in many ways can still be salvaged as a character. He’s not a bad character himself, just that the way the show (and by extension Thomas ASS-truc, aka THAT GUY) treats him is the issue. 

In this post I am going to tackle the key issues with Fu, explain them and what i would do to personally make his character better. I am not gonna lie, this post is going to have a moderate amount of salt, so if you arent interested in a salty blog post, TURN BACK.

So, assuming that you have accepted the salt by continuing to read, let's get started.

There are a few key pointers to the issues I have with Fu.

1. His character

2. Show, don't tell

3. Fu’s weird choices

4. The bad Origin Episode of Fu (not to be confused with the actual origins episode.

So let's go over the first topic.

1. Master Fu’s character (or why he’s a glorified PEZ dispenser)

A lot of people may find this part to be surprising. After all, Master Fu shows himself in canon to be kind and helpful towards Marinette, developing new powers for her and Chat Noir to use and has helped the heroes in stopping some of their adversaries. Right?

Well...

See, the only actual characterization that Fu has is well... his passiveness.

See Master Fu, for the most part, does nothing to actually help the heroes in their struggles against Hawkmoth. For most of season 2 and 3, he remains inside his home and pretty much does nothing, doing nothing to help track down hawkmoth or aide the heroes himself, and then for the second half of season 3, runs around in a van. He gives the miraculous to Ladybug and Chat Noir to have them stop hawkmoth, then watches from the sidelines while drinking tea.

The only time he really did anything developed the potions that give the powerups (and based off what we saw, are huge gimmicks), and even then, it was simply used as another way to show how awesome Marinette is by her being the one to solve the potion.

Sure, some people may point out that it was used to show how Marinette is a capable Guardian, but aside from the fact that I think Marinette is not a capable Guardian (which is my opinion), it really doesn't help the fact that it makes Fu seem incompetent.

Slight Rant time: The secret to one of the potions was an actual tear of joy?! What kind of stupid ingredient is that? It would have made much more sense for writers to make the ingredient to be some sort of plant because of the whole ‘natural energy’ in plants, but no its an actual tear of joy, what did the guardians do to learn that, cry in a pot?! Also, For someone who is supposed to be a wise Guardian, you sure can’t seem to find out the last ingredient like its impossible. But a prepubescent girl who can't talk to a boy is totally smarter than you and can figure it out?! Yeah right.

And people are going to bring up the fact that Fu helps by granting the miraculous... but that really doesn’t help the argument against him. In fact its one of the main reasons why I think Fu is so passive. Rather than go out and give the miraculous to allies in the same manner as he did with Ladybug and Chat Noir, Fu just gives them to Marinette to just choose whoever she wants and expects them to be returned! 

Not only is that irresponsible of any sort of mentor to allow a novice to choose a hero, but what if Marinette chose wrong or allowed the Miraculous to fall into the wrong hands because she lost it?! Because of surprise, THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED IN STYLE QUEEN when she lost the bee miraculous! 

Despite the fact that I love the idea of Chloe being a hero, I think the introduction to how she got a miraculous was largely Fu’s fault. Had Fu decided to have a look at Chloe (assuming he ever would have) and introduced Chloe to Pollen in a safe manner (and not while she was upset and visibly stressed/angry), she would have learned that keeping a secret identity was important and would likely go on to become an actual hero like Ladybug and Chat Noir.

A lot of people would assume she would do the same thing again regardless, but Chloe at the time was flat out rejected by her mother, who was a rather huge Bee-word (Pun intended). It would make sense that she would do whatever it takes to prove to her mother she is worthy of respect, and that would include exposing her identity just to show off to her mother.

Despite all of the hardships both Ladybug and Chat Noir go through, Fu does nothing to remedy or help the situation. This can even be seen in Season 1, where the only reason Fu reveals himself was because Marinette discovered the Miraculous Book, and Fu (and even Marinette for that matter) didn't even tell Chat until season 2 because ‘he wasn't ready’, whatever reason that is.

Rant: What the hell do you mean he wasn't ready?! He literally became a hero the same time as Ladybug and he it’s not like he hasn’t proven himself! Why the hell should he be left in the dark?!

Now, a lot of people could attribute all these moments to both his responsibility as a Guardian or his isolation at being the Last Guardian so to speak. He has to make sure the Box is safe and make sure the knowledge is passed on to his successor without it being lost. His recessive behavior is due to his isolation and duty to keep the miraculous safe.

If that was the case, why does he do nothing to aid the heroes in finding Hawkmoth or his lair so that the miraculous doesn't remain in Gabriel’s hands? That way he can move on and keep the miraculous safe away from others. We know he is supposed to be smart, so why doesn't he just attempt to find the place the butterflies are coming from and tell Ladybug and Chat Noir via a message so they can ambush him?

So...what would i do to fix his Character?

Well for starters, I would actually have him be a bit more proactive. 

Considering that Fu would recognize the threat Hawkmoth poses, he would work down to track Hawkmoth and prevent him from getting anymore stronger. It would also be likely that he would choose which people should get a miraculous, regardless of whether it is temporary or not, so this would likely mean that Alya, Nino, and Chloe would not likely get their respective miraculi, even if Fu deems them worthy of one.

Note: This would actually make a cool AU. Imagine if Fu chose other people in the class to be heroes, like Nathaniel to be the fox and Luka to say, the turtle. Perhaps Sabrina would be the Bee hero?

Also, perhaps if you really wanted to keep the Queen Bee Trilogy, have Ladybug finally choose a hero as part of her first test, but have it go wrong for her.

Also, If anyone has seen the series on AO3 called Miraculous Tales by JED1, one of the things introduced in the sort of AU was that Fu worked behind the scenes for a majority of season 1, helping the heroes by sending them anonymous letters to aid them in their heroics. So that could be another way Fu could be more of an active mentor instead of just doing nothing except dispensing Miraculous.

Also, I know the whole thing about Fu being too old to be a hero, but what If Fu transformed to help the heroes in one of their early adventures.

Say... instead of Volpina being the season 1 finale, it is instead an early encounter with Hawkmoth, who comes to fight the heroes himself. The two heroes have been weakened thanks to the effect of an Akuma Hawkmoth has with him. He is so close to beating them...

When a shield of green energy blocks an attack from the Akuma.

Together, the three heroes managed to stop Hawkmoth and his Akuma, but unfortunately, he escapes. Before the two heroes can talk to the newcomer, he vanishes. 

The next day, Marinette goes to see the person Tikki mentioned, and she meets her savior (and soon to be teacher).

A few days later Adrien meets his new Chinese teacher.

That Could be a great way for him to actually be a Guardian and a mentor for the two heroes! As well as for Adrien to actually be part of the Miraculous team instead of as a sidekick!

Still, some people may say that Fu helps Marinette and Adrien, it's just not shown on screen. This, of course, brings me to my second problem...

2. Show, Don't Tell

Now, this a problem that the show has a and isn't solely based on Fu alone, and is mostly due to THAT GUY and his stupid writing. Anyone who has seen my previous mega-post knows about THAT GUY and his ludicrous idea of a perfect show. I could go on and on about why THAT GUY can go eat a stale Baguette, but I'm going to stick on track.

See, when a large part of the show is about heroics and being mentored on the art of heroics, it makes sense that you would show the heroes learning how to be actual good heroes. Maybe teach them martial arts, train them in the use of their powers and help them unlock new ones, all that usual superhero stuff.

But thanks to both the structure of the show and the impossible writing of THAT GUY (which concists of writing each episode to be single story and out of order insead of each episode following the last), we don't get to see any of it at all. The show rather would want to focus on setting up the next akuma rather than explore the world of the show, so it means that a lot of the stuff in show is just presumed. 

This can also go for simple lore stuff as well. For example, Adrien joined Kitty Section in the Captain Hardrock episode, yet he isn't in Silencer. Nobody would know what had happened until you had the mistake of seeing Astruc's twitter...

So yeah, its not the first time it has happened, but it shouldn't have to be this way in the first place! If you have to go to someones twitter to find the knowledge from a show that should have been there in the actual episode, then its not the fans fault for ‘oBvIOUSly’ not knowing, its THAT GUY’S fault for not making sure that bit of information was in the episode in the first place! Perhaps just a small scene explaining it instead of being passive agressive on twitter because you were too dumb to remember your own canon?

...Dammit i got off track. Back to Fu.

So yeah, in Miraculous, they dont actually show Fu teaching Marinette how to be a guardian. He does mention in Feast that he has chosen Marinette to be the next Guardian and that he will teach her (after basically insulting the traditions of his order), but considering that he goes off in his truck and stays on the move, its likely that he doesnt get the chance to teach her at all. Of course, Miracle Queen has him declare Marinette to be the new Guardian, but it feels rather jarring, as we never really feel that Marinette learned anything or she has proven her worth. All they really showed on the show was Marinette getting miraculi from Fu and that one episode with the potions, so we really never really think that she is ready. Sure we can assume that Ladybug is capable of choosing the right people to be heroes, but that doesn't mean she meets the other criteria because of that specific category.

Honestly its very simple how to fix this issue:

Have some episodes be about Fu teaching Marinette and Adrien. That way it makes sense when Ladybug is made the new Guardian. Perhaps have an episode revolve around a particular new thing about the book the heroes are learning from and have the akuma not be related to the episode theme for once, just have them there as an excuse to show off a new power, even if it is a gimmick.

Speaking of the book, the book seems like its never been fully explored or explained, or perhaps that it really doesn't seem to contain much.

Throught the entire 3 seasons, all that we have learned about the book is:

That it contains the list of all miraculous heroes

It shows how to make the power up potions

It shows how to combine the Ladybug and Black Cat Miraculous

It shows how to repair a miraculous

It would be nice for the book to be used to explain the background of the order, or perhaps it shows a way to grant Ladybug and Chat Noir new powers for their miraculous, and have them learn about the guardians for the plot and themselves so we can have a ‘moral of the story’ for the episode.

3. Fu’s weird Choices

Fu makes a lot of dumb choices in Miraculous Ladybug. I’ll make this one quick but i will explain a few new ones in more detail

Fu doesnt help Ladybug and Chat Noir until season 2. Sure it makes sense to wait until they both prove themselves trustworthy, but he leaves no advice for them, not even with their kwamis for safety reasons.

Fu doesnt tell Chat Noir the truth until Syren for no actual reason (thats 14 canonical episodes!)

Fu lets Marinette choose the miraculous despite her lack of training (yes, even if she does choose well in canon.)

Fu lets Marinette return the Miraculous book despite how important it is to the order (even if he did take pictures). Marinette doing it to let Adrien come back to school is still wrong, even if it is to help her friend.

Now for the actual big mistake of Fu.

In feast, the order of the Miraculous has been restored, and so have the people inside it. His master and all the people he knows is there. With Hawkmoth knowing his identity, it would make sense for Fu to travel back to China and back to the temple with the Miraculous Book to be deciphered by the other Guardians, using the Horse Miraculous to transport Miraculi to the wielders when necessary.

...Right?

...Nah that’s dumb (saying this sarcastically)

Instead, he stays in Paris, hiding in a truck, and basically gets himself kidnapped and the box stolen, resulting in him having to give up his memories to protect the heroes because he decided a truck was a better idea than keeping the box out of Hawkmoth’s grasp.

How would I fix it? It’s obvious, just have Fu be smart and not make any of the listed bad decisions. With the power of an entire miracle box in his hands, he could have just used the powers to keep himself out of Hawkmoth’s grip and give the miraculi when necassary, even if he decided not to go back to the temple.

And finally we come to the big bad, the main offender, the reason why I think Fu is a badly written character...

4. The bad Origin Episode of Fu (not to be confused with the actual origins episode.

Going back to the start of season 2, i actually like how Fu is introduced. From the initial start he shows himself as a wise and caring mentor for Ladybug (and Chat Noir) and actually sounds confident. When I hear him talk about the Order of the Guardians, and his own backstory, it sounds both intriguing yet tragic. 

The fall of the Order was Fu’s fault, but how could this be? Was it because Fu was betrayed by someone he chose as a hero, perhaps a Butterfly wielder? Were they attacked and Fu blames himself due to survivors guilt? Did fu touch an artifact that released an ancient evil?I didn’t know, but i was curious and wanted to know more. 

For that first initial introduction, I could imagine that the season was going to be great. I hadn’t learned the revelation that Gabe was Hawkmoth and seen the rest of the ep at the time (which was boring in comparison and just like season 1 but WORSE), so I was still excited for this season That we as an audience would finally learn more about the world of miraculous and explore this new chapter in the show while seeing Ladybug and Chat Noir fight new villains along the way.

Obviously, that didnt last with Miraculous being Miraculous, and it was around that time i learned about how THAT GUY was an asshole, and the discord server that i joined showed the shortcoming with the show, but even looking back on it now, i could imagine that season 2 could have been amazing.

Seriously just look at the video above, its a downright amazing intro to Fu.

So finally season 3 comes around, and the episode Feast is released. So how did the temple fall? What is this secret that Fu kept hidden from us? Surely after a season of buildup that the BACK STORY WAS GOING TO BE AMAZING-

....

So, the whole reason the order fell was becasue Fu was hangry and he dabbled with magic so he could sneek off to grab a bit and not do his job?

...

*Sigh*

...

░U░N░H░O░L░Y░ ░S░C░R░E░E░C░H░I░N░G░

This is it, all this buildup and this is the reason that an entire order Fell! Are you kidding me!?

Not only was this one of the worst writing decisions that has ever been made, but it also made Fu look like a complete and utter moron! I get that this show is mainly used by THAT GUY to make Marinette look better than everyone else, but COME ON!!! WHAT WAS THAT?! WHY WAS THAT?! HOW DID ANYONE ON THE MIRACULOUS TEAM THINK THAT WAS A GOOD IDEA. DOES EVERYONE JUST  LET ASS-TRUC DO WHAT HE WANTS BECAUSE NO ONE CAN TELL HIM HIS IDEAS ARE DUMB?!

...

Ok, calm down. Calm down...

Well, aside from that really stupid decisionholycrap- the sentimonster itself wasnt that bad. The idea of it is rather terrifying and explains why Fu needs to always keep moving and is so passive for fear of the monster finding him and chasing him. But the whole origin story for Fu is a bunch of crap. Not only does it waste the buildup of that moment, but it also makes Fu seem so incompetent. It’s obvious that THAT GUY used this as to show why Marinette is a better Guardian than Fu, but as someone that actually likes good writing, i choose to reject that idea. Just because Astruc messes up the ideas of the show, it doesnt mean that the concepts are bad, and i’ll be damned if I let that affect me or my own canon!

So how would I rewrite this monstrosity of an origin?

Literally replace it with anything of the backstories i mentioned. Have Fu been betrayed by a Butterfly wielder, have the temple be attacked, anything that what we have been given. I’d make a joke about a funny idea for the fall of the order, but the origin of Fu in Feast is already a joke. A bad one

And with that, here’s how I would rewrite Fu to be a better character. 

With these changes, I feel he would be a much competent and interesting character and a better mentor for our heroes. If you guys feel some other changes would be needed for Fu, or if you think I'm wrong about something because either i missed something important or you think that Fu being incompetent is a great way to show girl power for Marinette (Lots of sarcasm at that last part), feel free to send me an ask about what I would do about this part and that part for Fu or another character, or just tell me that I’m wrong.

Can’t wait for Season 4! Let's see if Zag can fix the mess Astruc made.

Also, please for the love of god go read Miraculous Tales by JED1, they are amazing. And follow @twin-books​, they helped me so much with rewriting Fu.

[frontporchlit]

Agency for Sale

The following is the third in our weekly December blog posts exploring both the gifts of writing and the many struggles of being an artistic creator in a heavily monetized society. At age 23, I married a much older man against my family’s advice. That same year, I entered a doctoral program at Yale University, the youngest student in my program. I was not there long before I announced I was pregnant. My colleague’s mouths dropped. Soon thereafter, I received a National Science Foundation Graduate Research Fellowship -- Yale’s only winner that year. It came with a generous scholarship, which I forfeited the following year, hoping that by doing so and moving from New Haven, I might salvage my marriage. My adviser begged me to not to abandon the scholarship. She was right. A few years later, I was divorced anyway.

What decision had I not screwed up?

With little plan and no job prospects, I moved with my two boys to Dallas. I found a job selling books at Barnes and Noble. I made coffee for customers and put books on shelves and thought, I could do that. I could write a novel.

I told my family my plans to apply to a Masters of Fine Arts in Creative Writing. The news was not warmly received. An arts degree for a single mother of two struggling financially. Good plan! Had I ever written a short story? No. Had I taken a creative writing class in any of my six years of higher education? No. But as an eight-year-old I had written a twenty-page essay about a panda bear.

People I cared about whispered about my poor judgement, while I hid my hurt and my genuine understanding of their concerns. But there are little truths that your heart whispers, things your body figures out without you, and mine was saying: Be a writer. You’ll like it. You’ll be good at it.

I almost didn’t listen.

That January, I sat at my kitchen table and somehow wrote my first short story. I also filled out applications. I had to get into a Texas school because I had no money left for a major relocation. By March, I was accepted to five programs.

One moving van and several miracles later, we were in San Marcos ready to start the school year, but I was hardly out of the woods. I had so much doubt about my own decision-making ability, I couldn’t even decide whether to wear a scarf that day. “Do you think it’s cold enough to wear this?” I would say to my friend / neighbor / repairman. It didn’t matter who. Anyone would know better than me.

My boys would fight and I would be called upon to dispense punishments. What was the correct course of action? Was I too soft? Too harsh? Was not the dispute my own fault as I had been doing [insert utterly necessary house chore here]. Surely there was someone more qualified to make this call.

My life was one long apology. I let other people correct me. I listened to them tell me how I could be a better wife, a better mother, dress better, cook better, clean better and then thanked them for it.

Yet at school, I was required to write stories about characters who make decisions; characters who pursue goals. Since I wrote about soldiers, writing from the male perspective made the most sense. Male soldiers would be closer to the action. Yet I felt unable to access the male protagonist’s mind. What were his concerns? How did he feel about his responsibilities? About how others thought about him? How did he think about women?

Strange things began to happen on the page. My male protagonist picked fights. He cared little what anyone thought. He made mistakes, big ones, ones which cost the lives of others, and he still considered himself capable of leading his men. He was feared by others. He never, ever apologized.

I must have stumbled upon some repressed alternative version of myself. What astonished me more was the reception from others. My professors and fellow students told me how interested they were in this man. They wanted more.

As this fictional character mastered his life, I learned from him how to master my own. A family member who was unkind to me for 25 years is no longer part of my life. I was able to look at a new boyfriend and say, I think I need something different. Not all self-doubt is gone. I can still spend hours staring at two different shoes in a store and leave with neither, unable to decide which was better. But when my little boys look to me for leadership, I remember that my protagonist looks at the Lebanese battle field riddled with Hezbollah fighters, and knows exactly which assault he will take.

When I began this writing journey only 18 months ago, no one told me that it was possible to live within words on pages, that it was possible to grow strong within a story. I have. Sandra Sidi writes military fiction. She worked with the U.S. military in Iraq (2007, 2008) and the Israeli Defense Forces in Israel (2006, 2009). She is an MFA Candidate at Texas State University San Marcos, and holds a Master’s Degree in Political Science from Yale University.

[onemustalwaysbecarefulofbooks]

Let’s Talk About Tamlin

Okay. Prepare yourselves, ladies and gentlemen, because this is going to be a long one. There are some things I’ve kept to myself for a good year in regards to The Tamlin Situation and now that ACOWAR is out, I just can’t fight the need to share them anymore. Do Not Enter if you haven’t finished ACOWAR--there will be spoilers!

Alright. Let me first just say that this is actually Round 2 of me trying to get all of this out in writing. Why, you may ask? Because my stupid laptop decided to crash in the middle of editing the document (thanks Windows 10) and now the entire file is corrupt, leaving me with nothing at all that is salvageable. I have tried pretty much every solution known to man but unfortunately nothing has worked. It was just very bad timing and very bad luck. I was pretty much finished with it and it was long and detailed (as this is hopefully about to be) so to say I was frustrated was a huge understatement. But I refuse to let that stop me!!!! I worked too damn hard on that thing to just let it go unpublished. There are some things I really need to get out.

Ever since the release of ACOMAF, I have been struggling with a lot of feelings I had about it that I knew would undoubtedly be deemed very unpopular by the majority of the fandom. This book is like, gold, in YA Book World. It has 4.73 stars on Goodreads, which is nearly unheard of. Everyone sings its praises. I will admit, there were definitely parts that I adored as well! But there was one glaring thing that kept me from fully enjoying the reading experience during my initial read.

And that thing was Tamlin.

Now, I’m probably about to shock all of you when I say that this problem I had with him was NOT insane amounts of hatred and disgust. It was not the fact that I was so done with him and was wishing to see vengeance for all of the horrible, terrible things he had done to Feyre. No, the problem that I had was that, from my personal reader point of view, he had been reduced to an obnoxious, ridiculous, almost 180 version of himself in order to make way for Scorchingly Sexy Practically Perfect In Every Way Fae Prince Charming Rhys.

I know. I can see the look on your face now. I don’t blame you one bit if you disagree with me, as this seems to be what the large majority of the fandom does. I don’t think you’re wrong for having a different opinion and I will not be upset if you chose not to read this. I do worry about the backlash I’ll receive--I’m not looking for any (although who ever really is?). That’s what kept me quiet about this topic for an entire year after ACOMAF’s release. For the most part, Tamlin has become associated with such utter trash in this fandom and his character deals with topics that can be very sensitive so I just bit my tongue and never said anything, even though I was thinking it. But over time, I’ve come to realize and understand that this is my blog and I can say what I want on it, as long as I am being polite and respectful to those who disagree with me, and am not degrading others. So please take this into consideration as you dive into this, and when you finish as well. I am entitled to my opinion just as you are entitled to yours. Sending me hate over the internet is not going to change what I think and I doubt it will change anything else either. There’s too much hate in the world already--let’s keep it away from Tumblr!!

When I read ACOTAR, I adored it. I loved Feyre and how she was a survivor, I loved the Beauty and the Beast aspects, I loved the sense of mystery that built the entire time, and yes, I loved the romance. I loved Feyre and Tamlin. I loved the almost awkward way in which they slowly got to know each other and found his bumbling attempts at flattery and courtship to be actually kind of charming and endearing. It had some of the most beautifully romantic moments I had read to date at that point. You can chalk all this up to nothing more than the whining of a disgruntled (former) Feylin shipper, but I promise, that is not what this is. Now that I’ve been able to step back and really examine everything, I can see that Rhys is the better man for Feyre. Tamlin was never going to be the one for her. She had a mate, someone she was destined to be with, and it was not him. Rhys understands her in a way that Tamlin was never able to. I get that and acknowledge it completely. But something I started to see a lot of pretty much as soon as ACOMAF was released, was all this “evidence” that Tamlin had really basically been a controlling prick all along and we, the readers, had just never noticed it! We had our love blinders on! But now that we had RHYS to compare everything to, we could really see him for what he was. I am not going to sit here and claim that Tamlin is faultless. That is simply not true, and can easily be proven wrong. Tamlin absolutely is a flawed character but he is not some monster that blinded Feyre to his true nature by walking around flexing his pecs all throughout ACOTAR. That is simply not fair to claim, and does a disservice to his character. I’ve heard many people say that they found him to be rather boring and dull in ACOTAR and never really latched on or connected to him, making the transition to Rhys to be much easier. That’s fine and totally okay! I’m not saying you have to love him just because he’s the romantic lead in this book. But trying to turn it around to where he’s been this awful person the whole time is, in my opinion, really unfair. Tamlin does many kind and good things in ACOTAR. I’m going to list some of them out now. And before you stop me and say that this list is totally biased in his favor, I’ll give you my response: you’re absolutely right. It is completely biased in his favor. But do you know how many lists I’ve seen floating around out there that focus on the opposite side of the spectrum?? If someone can make those, I can make these. They are all things that happened, I’m not making any of them up!

Throughout the course of ACOTAR, please remember that Tamlin:

Offers to help Feyre write to her family while in the Spring Court (okay I’ll admit, Rhys definitely went a step further and wanted to teach her to write but still. . .this is a kindness I don’t think should be ignored).

Tells Feyre that her family are “fools” for not recognizing and appreciating the sacrifices she makes for them.

Tells her that “Against slavery, against tyranny, I would gladly go to my death, no matter whose freedom I was defending.” (To which Feyre ironically replies “I wasn’t sure if I would do the same. My priority would be to protect my family--and I would have picked whatever side could keep them safest”).

Ensures that Feyre’s family is “Fed, comfortable, and safe--they’d even been warned about the Blight, whether they understood the warning or not.” (Narrative then goes on to say “His eyes were open, honest. He had gone farther than I would have ever guessed toward assuaging my every concern.”)

Comforts a dying fae that he does not even know personally after Amarantha brutally ripped off his wings.

Then digs a grave for him with his own hands, without any help: “A High Lord, digging a grave for a stranger.”

Tells Feyre that Lucien has always been the one who is good at talking to people while he can find it “difficult”.

Restores the art gallery in the manor and tells her to visit it whenever she wants (Which moves her to tears: “I smiled at him, hardly able to contain the brightness in my heart.”)

Tells Feyre that if something grieves her, he considers it to be legitimate.

Tells her not to “feel bad for one moment about doing what brings you joy.”

Confides in Feyre that his father and his older brother’s were worse than Lucien’s were (and Lucien’s were bad enough to torture and kill the woman he loved right in front of him deliberately). In fact, I’ll just leave this whole passage here:

“My father was as bad as Lucien’s. Worse. My two older brothers were just like him. They kept slaves--all of them. And my brothers. . .I was young when the Treaty was forged, but I still remember what my brothers used to. . .” He trailed off. “It left a mark--enough of a mark that when I saw you, your house, I couldn’t--wouldn’t let myself be like them. Wouldn’t bring harm to your family, or you, or subject you to faerie whims.”

“I never expected--never wanted--my father’s title. My brothers would have never let me live to adolescence if they had suspected that I did. So the moment I was old enough, I joined my father’s war-band and trained so that I might someday serve my father, or whichever of my brothers inherited his title.” He flexed his hands, as if imagining the claws beneath. “I’d realized from an early age that fighting and killing were about the only things I was good at.”

Tells Feyre that “Most High Lords are trained from birth in manners and laws and court warfare. When the title fell to me, it was a. . .rough transition. Many of my father’s courtiers defected to other courts rather than have a warrior-beast snarling at them.”

Deliberately tries to get Feyre to overhear his conversations regarding the Curse, without actually saying anything to her directly, in order to make her as informed about the situation as he could.

Apologizes to Feyre for his behavior at Calanmai and brings her flowers.

Confides in Feyre that he senses a kindred spirit in her, for knowing “what it was like, what it is like, for me to care for my people, mylands. What scars are still there, what the bad days feel like” and that she makes him feel not alone anymore.

Tells Feyre she doesn’t need a keeper, kneels before her, and plays his fiddle for her. “Dance, Feyre.”

Sends Feyre home three days before the fifty year curse is up, essentially damning himself to be a slave of Amarantha, in order to try and spare her for what eventually happened Under the Mountain.

Restores her family’s wealth and even goes as far as to heal her father’s leg. (Which probably ended up having a big impact on the way the series turned out--I highly doubt he would be going off and bringing back help like he did in ACOWAR if he was still as crippled as he was before).

Stopped sending his men out over the Wall in an attempt to kick-start their cure to the curse because it was breaking him so badly to have to do it.

Took in Alis and her nephews when they were refugees from the Summer Court: “I came here because it was the only place to go, and asked Tamlin to hide my boys. He did--and when I begged him to let me help, in whatever small way, he gave me a position here, days before the masque that put this wretched thing on my face.”

Has to endure watching the first good and pure thing to come into his life in decades be brutally and viciously tortured and abused, and then eventually murdered, while he was held prisoner himself.

Tamlin did some things that were wrong, no question about it. But he also did some very good things and I don’t think it’s entirely fair that they’re never talked about. Trying to make him out to be this character that is ALL EVIL ALL THE TIME I think does a disservice to the character Sarah gave us in ACOTAR. Hold him accountable for the things he DID do, absolutely! But don’t try to act like none of these good things ever happened. If we aren’t going to do this for pretty much every other character in the series, I don’t think we should do it for him either.

So anyway, I went from all that up there ^ and straight into ACOMAF where I felt completely blind-sighted. Like I was suddenly reading about characters I had never encountered before. Nothing made sense to me. Now that there’s been some distance from it for a while, and I’ve had time to reflect, I can accept it for what it is and just enjoy the story for what it gives me. But I still think that there are some shady things going on with Tamlin’s character and I’m sure I’ll always feel that way. Basically, I think a lot of people blow a lot of things out of proportion with him. He is not a blameless or innocent character by any means. But I have seen such hateful things expressed towards him, people were basically chanting for his death, and I really don’t think he deserves it. The faults most people list for him are being controlling, abusive, and sexist. The faults I believe more accurately describe him and the crimes I find him more rightfully find him guilty of are emotional neglect (which I understand is a form of abuse, but not one that I believe warrants the extreme hate I’ve seen held towards him), obliviousness, stubbornness, and a severe lack of communication.

We as readers are biased towards our narrator. If the person telling our story is someone who is likeable, charismatic and strong in their own way, and a truly good person, then we become deeply attached. We experience their journey with them on a very personal level. Their pain is our pain. We cheer for them, we root for them, we are with them every step of the way. Feyre went through such a horrific ordeal in ACOTAR that we are left feeling deeply for her, completely in her corner. Her PTSD was written in such a raw and honest way that we as the readers feel what she feels. We experience all the pain and the fear. We know the depth of it all. But on the other hand, we also get to walk with her on her beautiful journey towards healing and redemption. It is a wonderful story, and Sarah writes it well. We see the peace and happiness she finds with Rhys and his family and how much better off she is in the Night Court. We see how Rhys helps her and heals her, and how their relationship develops into something beautiful and passionate. The thing that I think most people do not stop and consider is the fact that Tamlin did not read A Court of Mist and Fury. He did not learn the things about Rhys that we did, has no clue how much he helped Feyre, or how much he sacrificed for Prythian. Tamlin does not think he is the bad guy. He thinks RHYS is the bad guy and this is by Rhys’s own doing. That was kind of the whole point of why he did what he did, and why Velaris is safe from the outside world. Rhys wanted people to have this opinion of him, he actively worked to make it so! It sucks, it’s sad, and it’s not fair, but this was the cost to keep Velaris and it’s people safe. But come on: take a step back from seeing it all from Feyre’s POV and look at it the way Tamlin must have seen it. As far as Tamlin knows, Rhys:

Willingly served as Amarantha’s whore and lapdog for fifty years.

Left a severed head on his property as a joke.

Nearly snuffed out Feyre’s mind completely when he discovered her at the manor.

Laughed about how Amarantha would enjoy “shattering her (Feyre) apart, bit by bit.”

Made him beg and grovel on the floor to keep this ^^^ from happening, then went ahead and told Amarantha about her anyway. Tamlin has no clue that Rhys knew Feyre was lying about her name being Clare Beddor. As far as he knows, what Clare went through was what Rhys intended for Feyre to go through.

Dressed Feyre in provocative, revealing clothing, drugged her, and forced her to basically gyrate on him in front of everyone all night long.

Backed Feyre into a deal that she felt trapped into accepting, where she would spend a week at a time with this person at his home that no one had access to or had ever seen.

Given all of this, I’m not really surprised in the least that he went a little nuts over the situation. All of Prythian (not just Tamlin!!!) thought that Rhys was Amarantha’s lackey, basically just as bad as she was. Think about it: the lover of the woman who tortured and killed Feyre, who was said to do her dirty work for her. Someone who comes across as sadistic and ruthless who has, point blank, exploited her sexually in public and seemingly exposed her to horrors and suffering. We as the readers have been enlightened to the true meaning behind all of this, but no one else has. This is not Tamlin just being stubborn and oblivious, EVERYONE thought this about him! You can’t tell me that if there was someone out there that Rhys held this opinion of, he wouldn’t go a little nuts trying to “get Feyre back”. I just think it’s kind of ridiculous for Rhys to actively play the part of the bad guy for the better part of fifty years and then have the readers hold it against people for treating him like one. There was that one scene at the beginning of ACOWAR where Feyre is talking to Tamlin and Lucien about how her sisters were being “held” in the Night Court and says, “. . .despite what the Night Court is like, they won’t hurt Elain or Nesta like that--not yet. Rhysand has more creative ways to harm them.” She then goes on to imply that she is speaking from personal experience but then says, “That they would believe it so easily, that they thought Rhysand would ever force someone. . .I added the insult to the long, long list of things to repay them for.” It’s like

Um, Feyre??? I’m not really sure why you’re acting like this. Yes, I understand that as this man’s mate, it’s incredibly frustrating for the outside world to hold this opinion of him, and probably heartbreaking that he has to carry around this stigma. But not one line ago, you were implying that this happened TO YOU and wanted Tamlin and Lucien to believe it. Not to mention the fact that, given the way he acted Under the Mountain with her in front of everyone, this belief makes total sense. Yet you’re getting mad at Tamlin and Lucien for believing it and want to “repay them” for it. This is just nonsensical to me.

And I’m sorry, until I see it in print, I really don’t think that Tamlin believed Feyre had left the Spring Court entirely of her own will. Amarantha was someone who thrived on deceit, trickery, and manipulation. It’s how she gained all the power that she did. For Tamlin to think that her lapdog behaved in the same way is not anything ridiculous, especially given the way Rhys had behaved for the public eye.

Now at the same time, this denial at it’s finest, no question. Tamlin was blind to all of the issues Feyre was having, how much she was suffering, and made no serious attempt to change this. This is where the emotional neglect comes in. He was so wrapped up in his own mind that was not able to give her what she needed in order to heal at this time. He did not know the depth of her suffering as we did. I think this was honestly one of the reasons why he acts like such an asshole in ACOWAR--he truly did not know the extent of her unhappiness because he really just was that oblivious, and was hurt to find out that this was how it was the entire time. Now, I want everyone to remember that I am NOT saying that is by any means okay as far as a relationship goes. It is, at it’s roots, emotional neglect. He did not make any genuine attempts to emotionally care for the person he claims to love so much after going through a terrible ordeal. But what I think most people chalk up to being cold and unfeeling I think is more a case of his own form of PTSD. Everyone handles trauma differently. There is no right or wrong way to do it. Tamlin did not give Feyre what she needed after her time Under the Mountain--there’s no question about it. And I know what she want through was so horrific and terrible but I don’t think it’s fair to entirely dismiss what he went through either. I’m sure some people would say that it was not NEARLY as bad for him as it was for her--he just had to watch her go through all of that stuff, she actually had to live through and experience it. There’s definitely some validity to that. But let me ask you this. . .how many times in books, movies, TV shows, or even (God forbid) real life have you seen someone suffering and someone that loves this person is suffering right along with them, wishing they could take all of their pain onto themselves and be the ones to experience it. Feeling just as tortured having to watch the person go through this and be unable to help them. How many times have you read or watched a scene where someone else is tortured as a way to get something out of someone, rather than just torturing that person themself. All I know is, were I faced with a situation where I was forced to chose between me and someone I love being in Tamlin and Feyre’s positions Under the Mountain, I would hope I would be brave enough to chose Feyre for myself. Because the thought of having to watch someone I love experience all that is almost worse for me than the thought of going through it myself.

This is NOT me trying to downplay Feyre’s experience AT ALL. Please do not take it that way. I just think it’s wrong that what Tamlin had to go through is normally entirely dismissed. Pain and suffering shouldn’t be this way, it shouldn’t be a contest on who’s is worse or more. Having empathy for someone doesn’t cancel out what you feel for someone else. Basically: don’t be afraid to feel pity for Tamlin because his side of the experience was probably just as horrible and scary. Just in a different way.

In addition to all of this, the endless comparisons between Tamlin and Rhys really wore on me as well. Suddenly it became that everything Rhys did was good and everything Tamlin did was bad, which was obnoxious to me. One of the main things I always see is how awesome Rhys was for having Feyre be his High Lady and how shitty Tamlin was for “not allowing” this. But take a look at the actual conversation Feyre and Tamlin have about the subject (dialogue only, sexytimes omitted).

Feyre: Do I get a title?

Tamlin: Do you want a title?

Feyre: No. But I don’t want people. . .I don’t know if I can handle them calling me High Lady.

Tamlin: They won’t. There is no such thing as a High Lady.

Feyre: What do you mean, there’s no such thing as a High Lady?

Tamlin: High Lords only take wives. Consorts. There has never been a High Lady.

There was a post I read a while ago that had an excellent take on this conversation. I can not for the LIFE OF ME remember what Tumblr user it was and spent so much time scrolling through tags trying to find the post but couldn’t. If you are the person, please share! Anyway, what they basically said was this: Feyre does not ask to be High Lady. Tamlin does not tell her she is not allowed to be High Lady. She, in fact, says that she does not want to be High Lady and he basically says “Okay, that’s cool, they’re not a thing anyway”. This response is unimpressive, no question. The idea of someone like Rhys, who encourages you to take ownership of your power and stand at his side as a political equal, is much more appealing in many ways. But people are acting like Feyre expressed interest in this and was totally shot down by Tamlin. This is a cultural problem that needs to be reexamined as a whole, it is not something that Tamlin alone enforces in his court. We will never know what he would have said had she said YES, she did want a title. We can assume, but we don’t really know. The idea of her being a High Lady doesn’t even really strike him as a valid thing because this is something that just isn’t done at the time in Prythian. Tamlin is not some sexist asshole who is not allowing Feyre to have the power she wants, he’s just placidly going along with the way things have always been done. Again, unimpressive. But I would not go so far as to condemn him completely for it. The whole High Lady thing is confusing for me anyway. Feyre and Tamlin have this conversation at the beginning of ACOMAF and Feyre eventually repeats it to Rhys. Rhys then rolls his eyes and acts all annoyed and assures Feyre that there absolutely are High Ladies, leading us to believe that this was something Tamlin was dishonest with Feyre about in his crusade to shelter and protect her. But then ACOWAR rolls around and everyone is totally shocked and thrown off at the High Lords meeting when Feyre and Rhys announce that she is High Lady of the Night Court. It’s something that’s simply unheard of and has never been done before. Kallias, who is a perfectly decent and good person, has not made his mate (who he clearly respects, trusts, and adores) his High Lady. Do I see people shitting all over him for this? No. Because it wasn’t done out of the belief that Viviane is inferior to him in any way. It’s just not something that was A Thing in Prythian and is almost treated like something Rhys and Feyre made up. So I’m not really sure where this thing with Rhys came from in ACOMAF and why he acted like that, because clearly there are no High Ladies.

Now, this mindset is sexist, plain and simple. Someone like Rhys who challenges this belief is a character we look to in admiration and respect. But as I said, this is a cultural problem, not a purely Tamlin problem. Although I do think this kind of sheds light on what I do believe is one of Tamlin’s most legitimate faults: stubbornly refusing to more closely examine a situation and change it for the better of everyone. Instead, he chooses to blindly follow what has always been done. This really shows itself during the Tithe. The whole thing was just not a great idea and was being carried out at a really bad time, when everyone was struggling to rebuild and get on with their lives after Amarantha. Feyre could see it, those water wraiths could see it, I’m pretty sure everyone could see it. But Tamlin stubbornly stuck to it, even after acknowledging that the timing might not be the greatest, simply because it was always what was done. I was very frustrated by this. You’re their High Lord!!!! I wanted to scream. If you see something that’s wrong, DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!! That’s what a High Lord exists for! But I think what more people need to remember is just that: Tamlin never wanted to be a High Lord. It was never in the plan for him and was not the path he would have chosen for himself. He straight up tells Feyre in ACOTAR that those who are going to someday become High Lord are given all kinds of training and dictation on what to do and how to act. He received none of that and went into it basically clueless. There has always been some bitterness he holds towards his position. Rhys, on the other hand, was born to be High Lord in every way. He is a dreamer, a schemer, he cares deeply about his people, he wants to change the world and make it a better place. It is no surprise to me that he is seen as the better High Lord--it’s what I would expect. Now, just because Tamlin feels that way does not give him an excuse to not try and help his people however he can. This could be an opportunity for him to rise to the occasion and prove everyone wrong. . .but he doesn’t. Again, his character flaw. I’m not saying he’s blameless! Please remember that I’m not trying to justify the things that he does, only to explain why he might be doing them.

Tamlin’s overprotectiveness is also condemned quite frequently. It is not until Feyre spends a decent amount of time in the Night Court that she realizes how “”poorly” she was treated. Everything becomes a comparison. Tamlin wanted to keep her locked up in the manor! He never wanted her to go anywhere! But Rhys lets her do whatever she wants! He encourages her to roam the city, to go out and see things! Yeah, I’d just like to point out the fact that the city of Velaris had not been breached in 5,000 years. This was like, it’s whole big thing! Rhys played the part of Amarantha’s whore in order to shelter it from the outside world as it always had been for centuries. It hadn’t been attacked or breached, it was totally safe. Basically, I’d really like to see how Tamlin would be acting if the Spring Court hadn’t been breached in 5,000 years. He probably still wouldn’t do what Rhys did, and train her to use her powers and keep her safe even in a place that was totally secure Rhys still absolutely makes the better choice here. But I’m just saying. . .I highly doubt that if the Spring Court were as secure as Velaris was, Tamlin would be driven to the point of locking her up in any manors. Feyre even kind of acknowledges the fact that his paranoia over her safety was kind of valid after she is attacked by the Attor basically the minute she steps outside of the Night Court’s protection. All of this paranoia and fear could have been reduced by teaching Feyre how to better defend of herself and make use of the new powers she had. But Tamlin was so traumatized by what she went through Under the Mountain that he didn’t want her to have to ever get involved with anything violent or dangerous ever again. He let the fear control him.

Another one of the biggest things I see Tamlin accused of is selling out completely, allying with Hybern, the Ultimate Enemy, betraying everyone, simply to “get” Feyre back, or “obtain” her again. I’ll admit, when I read ACOMAF initially, I was so furious I was practically seeing red when I read this part. I was appalled. I really could not believe that Tamlin, who had declared his hatred of tyranny and oppression in the previous book had suddenly thrown all of that away just because he did not have Feyre with him and wanted her back. I was hoping that in ACOWAR, he would come to see the error of his ways and make a shot for redemption. I was really holding out for it! But then ACOWAR comes along. . .and we find out that he wasn’t even really doing any of this in the first place!! It was his plan all along to appear as if he was siding with Hybern, use his resources to rescue Feyre, and then slowly work to take him down from the inside, exactly as Feyre attempted to do to him in the beginning of ACOWAR. I’ve read some people say that they don’t really believe this was his plan at all. They think he was just claiming it was in front of Rhys and the other High Lords but really was just working both sides, waiting to see where the best opportunity was before declaring his “true” allegiance. I’m sorry, but until I see it in print, I don’t believe it. The things that he did do: blowing his cover to protect Feyre, Elain, and Azriel as they escaped Hybern’s camp, reassembling the Spring Court’s armies, dragging Beron out by his neck and into battle, asking Rhys for orders in the final battle, giving a piece of his power to bring Rhys back to life, telling Feyre to be happy outweigh him acting like a prick for me as far as where his allegiance lies. Now, notice I didn’t just say that these things “outweigh him being a prick for me”. I said that they outweigh him being a prick as far as his allegiance goes.  Yes, he came into that High Lords meeting and acted like a total dick but I don’t think someone simply acting like an asshole is enough of a reason to be convinced that they are evil. What I find to be very ironic is that everyone’s opinion of Tamlin at the time were probably pretty close to what they were towards Rhys for the past fifty years: disgust, shock, betrayal, and hatred towards him for “siding” with the enemy. Yet both had ulterior motives and were acting to protect someone/something they love.

All of this comes to a boil during the absolute shit show that is the big showdown scene at the end of ACOMAF in Hybern’s throne room. At face value, this scene is absolutely terrible. Tamlin appears to have sold everyone out to Hybern and expects Feyre to come running home with him.

Tamlin snarled at him, “I don’t give a shit if she’s your mate. I don’t give a shit if you think you’re entitled to her. She is mine--and one day, I am going to repay every bit of pain she felt, every bit of suffering and despair. One day, perhaps when she decides she wants to end you, I’ll be happy to oblige her.”

It’s a mess. A big fat mess of situation in which Tamlin absolutely comes across as a controlling, entitled psychopath. We as the readers are still basking in the afterglow of the glorious new Feysand mating bond and are just about ready to dump Tamlin himself into the Cauldron and see it boil him alive. I get that. Emotions are running high. But remove yourself from the Feysand feels for a moment. As I discussed earlier, Tamlin believes that Feyre has basically been manipulated/tricked/coerced into residing in the Night Court. This is the way Amarantha operated and it is what he expects of Rhys, given the way he acted for the past fifty years. Denial, denial, denial. The fact that he could not see how unhappy she was and how greatly she was suffering in his home shows just how truly poorly suited they are for each other in the long run. There should have been some kind of clue bell ringing. But at the same time, I understand how even if there was, he would be wary of it. I truly believe he was under the impression that Feyre was taken from her home against her will and was being held essentially as a prisoner in the clutches of someone who was just as bad as Amarantha, in his home that she had supposedly modeled her own court after. So when he hears that this supposedly violent evil person is Feyre’s mate, and wants to keep her with him, he goes a little nuts. Remember, being mates does NOT automatically equal Happily Ever After. Tamlin AND Rhys’s parents were both mates who were “wrong” for each other. In ACOTAR, ACOMAF, and the Throne of Glass series, the idea of mates is something that is very romanticized. It’s synonymous with finding your soulmate, your equal and match in every way, the one person in the universe you were always meant to find. But then the idea is introduced in ACOWAR that being mates with someone is hypothetically no more than a powerful genetic match that would hypothetically produce the strongest offspring.

“A mating bond can be rejected,” Rhys said mildly, eyes flickering in the mirror as he drank in every inch of bare skin I had on display. “There is choice. And sometimes, yes--the bond picks poorly. Sometimes, the bond is nothing more than some. . .preordained guess-work at who will provide the strongest offspring. At it’s basest level, it’s perhaps only that. Some natural function, not an indication of true, paired souls.” A smile at me--at the rareness, perhaps, of what we had. “Even so,” Rhys went on, “there will always be a. . .tug. For the females, it is usually easier to ignore, but the males. . .it can drive them mad. It is their burden to fight through, but sometimes they believe they are entitled to the female. Even after the bond is rejected, they see her as belonging to them. Sometimes they return to challenge the male she chooses for herself. Sometimes it ends in death.”

While I personally believe that this new revelation was only brought about in order to add drama and conflict to the Elain/Lucien/Azriel situation (oh don’t worry, you’ll hear about that soon), if it’s something Sarah is sticking to, it certainly sheds a new light on the way Tamlin reacted to this situation. He is acting in anger towards what he believes is Rhys acting entitled to her just because this bond exists. Very similar sentiments are expressed by Nesta, Feyre, and pretty much the whole Night Court gang towards Lucien in regards to Elain and here it is seen as protective. Remember, he says this AFTER Feyre starts pretending to be “freed” from Rhys’s enchantment and starts begging him to take her home. Again, denial at it’s finest. You wonder how the guy can be so clueless. But very ironically, in his own misguided way, he is trying to protect Feyre from what he ends up doing himself.

Also remember that while we have all the lovely romantic moments of ACOMAF fresh in our minds, Tamlin does not. Feyre and Rhys do not sit down and explain their whole situation to him (which I really really think needs to be done. These people all need to act like adults, sit down, and actually have an honest conversation with each other, in private. Tamlin and Feyre need to talk, without Rhys around. I think she owed him more of an explanation than that letter she sent in ACOMAF. I think he owed her a LOT more than just blowing up at her in front of everyone at the High Lords gathering). Tamlin does not know the depth of their connection or even that Rhys has been good to Feyre whatsoever. Feyre does not say to him, “We’re in love” and he responds with “I don’t give a shit”. THAT would be pretty terrible and as entitled as everyone makes him out to be. But no, instead it’s just him being oblivious to how Feyre really feels and what she wants. Not something you look for in a man, but definitely not the same as trying to tear apart two people who are in love, regardless of how they feel, just so you can have ownership of one of them. 

In fact, what does Tamlin do when actually confronted with the depth of their relationship? When he finally sees what Rhys means to Feyre? Gives a piece of his power to resurrect him and tells her to be happy with him. Just sayin’!!

Another thing I find really frustrating is how both Tamlin and Rhys can pretty much do the exact same thing but Feyre, and us, as the readers, have wildly different reactions to them. Exhibit A: Calanmai vs. The Mating Bond.

I think it’s safe for anyone to say that Rhys does not act like himself under the brand new influence of the mating bond. He snarls at any male that looks in Feyre’s direction, bashes Cassian’s teeth in and beats him to a pulp because of a lewd comment he makes about Feyre and “didn’t even bother taking (her) clothes all the way off before he bent (her) over the kitchen table and made (her) moan his name loud enough for the Illyrians still circling high above to hear.”

(Um how embarrassing.)

But it’s all okay! Because, you see, The Mating Bond Made Him Do It! He tells Feyre:

“When a couple accepts the mating bond, it’s. . .overwhelming. Again, harkening back to the beasts we once were. Probably something about ensuring the female was impregnated. Some couples don’t leave the house for a week. Males get so volatile that it can be dangerous for them to be in public, anyway. I’ve seen males of reason and education shatter a room because another male looked too long in their mate’s direction, too soon after they’d been mated.”

He tells Feyre that he likes to think he has “more restraint than the average male” but asks her to be patient with him. Nothing about this is portrayed by the narrative to be overbearing or anything negative. It’s almost viewed as something sexy because they are in a consensual relationship and he is being influenced by some outside force that is making him act in a way that he normally would not--he doesn’t go around acting this sex-crazed, jealous, and volatile all the time. It’s the Mating Bond!!!! He’s so overwhelmed by her! They’re so in love! He just can’t control himself!

Okay, fine. I don’t have a real problem with this. I just found it to be very unfair and pretty strange to have Calanmai pop up on Tamlin’s long list of Reasons Why He’s A Dick.

Calanmai is described by Lucien as follows:

“Fire Night signals the official start of spring--in Prythian, as well as in the mortal world. Here, our crops depend upon the magic we regenerate on Calanmai--tonight. We do this by conducting the Great rite. Each of the seven High Lords of Prythian performs this every year, since their magic comes from the earth and returns to it at the end--it’s a give and take. Tonight, Tam will allow. . .great and terrible magic to enter his body. The magic will seize control of his mind, his body, his soul, and turn him into the Hunter. It will fill him with his sole purpose: to find the Maiden. From their coupling, magic will be released and spread to the earth, where it will regenerate life for the year to come. Tonight, Tam won’t be the faerie you know. He won’t even know his name. The magic will consume everything in him but that one basic command--and need.”

Both Tamlin and Lucien tell Feyre multiple times to stay in her room that night and not come out. The attraction between Tamlin and Feyre is pretty apparent by that point and they’re trying to spare her from what would inevitably be an unromantic and pretty intense encounter with Tamlin. Feyre decides this is no big deal and heads down to the kitchen for a midnight snack where. She then (of course) runs into Tamlin who is riding all kinds of crazy highs from the Calanmai magic that is coursing through him. The interaction that follows could oddly be very easily described as either sexy or creepy. Seriously. She is clearly pretty into it and her body is definitely responding (“Heat pounded between my legs”, “A moan slipped past my lips”, “I wanted the hardness of his body crushing against mine. . .everywhere--I wanted him everywhere”) but he’s also acting pretty domineering and just weird from the effects of that magic. He pins her against the wall and tells her that even though the magic made him pick someone else, if it had been her he was with, he would have done. . .all kinds of unprintable things. Fill in the blank. Feyre then asks him why she would want someone’s leftovers (ironically the same thing he ends up saying to her in Book 3) and in response he bites her on the neck “to keep (her) pinned” and tells her not to ever disobey him again.

Intense, no doubt. But what happens after that? Feyre whacks him across the face and tells him not to tell her what to do or to bite her like “some enraged beast”. She paints him and Lucien with pigs’ features (calling it Two Faerie Pigs Wallowing in Their Own Filth) and then they apologize to each other the next day. She expresses her happiness at the fact that the Tamlin she knew had returned.

I just find it highly unfair that while it’s okay for Rhys to act like a Sex-Crazed Possessive Beast because of The Mating Bond, when Tamlin does pretty much the exact same thing, it is seen by the fandom as rape-y, domineering, and creepy. I really don’t see how there’s that much of a difference. In their right minds, neither one of them would go around acting like that. Both are being influenced by an outside force, possessing them with an obsessive need to have sex with someone. I see posts all the time ragging on Tamlin for letting his “true colors” shine through as someone who wants to possess and order around. But it’s like ????????? It directly says in the text that his mind, body, and soul are being possessed. He wouldn’t even know his own name because the magic has consumed everything in him. So how is this him showing his true nature?? To me it seems like the exact opposite. He’s acting in a way different than what he would normally act. But all of this never stops me from seeing posts about how awful he is for doing it. Not once have I seen anyone criticizing Rhys for having the same thing happen to him.

One final thing I’d like to talk about, and then I’ll get off the Tamlin Defense Train, I promise. A huge criticism I often see for him has to do with the way things played out Under the Mountain. Tamlin did nothing to defend her, he just sat there and let things play out, acted like he didn’t know her and didn’t really respond to anything. Rhys was the one who schemed and plotted and fought for her, Tamlin essentially did nothing. While I admit, it was pretty heartbreaking to see Feyre think he was under some kind of spell while this was going on, I am kind of at a loss as to what people would like to see him do differently in this situation. Tamlin was just as much of a prisoner as she was, EVERYONE was just as much of a prisoner as she was! Rhys straight up tells us that Amarantha had begun to trust him over the years and he is essentially given the freedom to move about and act as he wants. You can not tell me that Amarantha did not have eyes on Tamlin the ENTIRE time he was there. She probably never even let him out of her sight. Also, not even once did it ever occur to me that Tamlin was acting like he didn’t know Feyre or care about her because he really didn’t! Come on. . .this is standard fare in many books, movies, and TV shows I’ve read. Act as if you don’t know someone or they mean nothing to you in order to try and keep them safe, even at the expense of breaking their heart. It’s going on right now in the current book I’m reading, Lord of Shadows. Lucien even tells her, “Hasn’t it occurred to you that Tamlin is keeping silent in order to keep Amarantha from knowing what particular form of your torture affects him the most?” You know the instant he responded to anything, Amarantha would have pounced on it and probably would have made it ten times worse. Look at what she ended up doing when she found out about how much Starfall meant to Rhys. . .he was made to “service” her all night long on that night specifically. Who knows what other kinds of hell Tamlin’s “indifference” saved her from. It’s not what Feyre wanted or needed emotionally in that moment and I really feel for her, I truly do, but I understand why he did it. Strategically, and in theory, I think it made sense.   

And then. . .ugh, I can just see the amount of hate I’m going to get for this. But I’m sorry, I can’t help it. People hate on him for using their brief moment together to simply “fuck” rather than try to help her or escape. It may not have been the most productive thing to do in that moment but, I’m sorry. . .people are acting like she was trying to have this emotional moment with him and he just dragged her off into a room to have sex. But the encounter was completely initiated by both of them. In that moment, I did not see a man just wanting a piece of ass from a woman and not giving a crap about her safety. I saw two people who felt hopeless, desperate, and terrified, looking for some comfort in something that was familiar to them in the middle of the hellish situation they were in. I think it was pretty clear that both of them reached their breaking points Under the Mountain. I can’t say that if I were in that situation I would be thinking completely rationally either. The fact that Feyre condemns and blames him for this in ACOMAF was baffling to me.

And then. . .here comes the thing that makes my blood boil. Feyre reflects in ACOMAF that at the end of that horrible ordeal in the throne room, when Amarantha is torturing her so terribly, breaking her bones and boiling her blood, Rhys is the one who attacks her, fights her, tries to stop her, while all Tamlin does is grovel on the floor. Y’all. Are any of you aware that Tamlin has a giant gaping chest wound while all of this is going on? Feyre had just stabbed him through the heart!!!! Yes, I understand that it was not a fatal wound given the stone heart that he had but still! That sword still had to pierce through skin and bone and muscle! Let’s take a look at how this is described:

Tamlin cried out as my blade pierced his flesh, breaking bone. For a sickening moment, when his blood rushed onto my hand, I thought the ash dagger would go clean through him.

Kill her now, I wanted to bark at Tamlin, but he didn’t move as he pushed his hand against his wound, blood dribbling out. Too slowly--he was healing too slowly.

I found Tamlin’s eyes--wide as he crawled toward Amarantha, watching me die, and unable to save me while his wound slowly healed,  while she still gripped his power.

“Amarantha, stop his,” Tamlin begged at her feet as he clutched the gaping wound in his chest.

“Amarantha, please,” Tamlin moaned, his blood spilling onto the floor.

Like. . .I’m sorry. I guess the fact that he was debilitated by this terrible wound was not a good enough reason to stop physically attacking someone who held all the power in the room. I found it SO unfair and completely ridiculous that the narrative in ACOTAR tells us that he was physically unable to attack Amarantha and then all the sudden in ACOMAF it was that he chose to sit on his ass and grovel for her while Rhys did all the work. Speaking of Rhys, you know who else gets a physical wound and has to stop physically defending Feyre???!? RHYSAND.

Rhys absolutely takes initiative, grabs Tamlin’s dagger, and tries to attack Amarantha out of desperation. She realizes what is going on and attacks him back. This is what transpires:

Her magic sent him sprawling, and it then hurled Rhysand again--so hard that his head cracked against the stones and the knife dropped from his splayed fingers.

No one tries to help him, Feyre begs her to stop and then. . .

Rhys’s arms buckled as he fought to rise, and blood dripped from his nose, splattering on the marble. His eyes met mine.

And then that’s it! Never again does it say that he does anything physical towards Amarantha. Why? Because as amazing as Rhys is, he does have his limitations and one of them just happens to be having his head bashed and being pummeled with violent magic! Why can one of Tamlin’s not be being stabbed through the chest and having a gaping wound that drips blood all over the floor??!? I just found it so baffling that the story is changed completely between the two books. In ACOTAR we are told that Amarantha still holds the leash on his power, he’s got this terrible debilitating wound that’s keeping him down, and physically can not do anything about what is happening (and then the SECOND the curse is lifted, he is on Amarantha and takes her down). But then suddenly in ACOMAF, none of this stuff ever existed and it was all due to his own cowardice and lack of initiative to do anything to protect her. ??????????????????

I guess another reason all of this stuff bothered me so much was because, in my mind, having things end with them the way they did, made it feel to me like Amarantha had won. Now, I know this is not really the case and not how you’re supposed to view it at all. But I definitely got those vibes and it made me sad. Amarantha hates all humans. Because of the horrible betrayal that Jurian made to her sister, she has developed the mindset that all humans are like this--they can say one thing but their hearts, minds, and bodies are so fickle that they can’t be taken seriously. Watching Feyre prove her wrong and show her the strength of her human heart was moving to me. The fact that she knew that she was just an ordinary human, with no special powers or abilities, but was willing to follow Tamlin Under the Mountain to try and help and save him and his people was inspiring. Amarantha made her endure those trials to try and prove that she really did love Tamlin. She went through all of that for him. At the end, when she was torturing her so badly and killing her slowly, all she wanted was for Feyre to admit that she did not really love him. And Feyre believed in that love so strongly that she refused to say this, and let Amarantha do all of that to her.

“She could torture me all she liked, but it would never destroy what I felt for him.”

“I love you,” I said. “No matter what she says about it, no matter if it’s only with my insignificant human heart. Even when they burn my body, I’ll love you.”

To me, this is sad. It’s a sad situation. Going from that ^ straight into ACOMAF where they are so out of sync, hurt. I saw two people who really did love each other, strongly, but fell apart due to differences in their character that they could not overcome. I understand that in all senses, Rhys is the better man for her. He is able to give her everything she wants and needs and understands her in a way that Tamlin never could. But it still hurts to see the way things turned out. Feyre loved Tamlin and he loved her. The two of them went through a lot together. To see all of this just dismissed completely, see Tamlin called a tool, a dick, to see people actively wishing for his death. . .I think it’s sad and pretty unfair. I hope all of this comes across as fair and I hope no one sees it as me bashing Sarah J Maas, or Rhys, or Feyre, or anyone else. Like I said, I can acknowledge that what she ends up having with Rhys is far better and healthier than what she ever had with Tamlin. I just wish there was a way for all of this to be described without totally throwing Tamlin under the bus and making him out to be some terrible awful person with no redeeming qualities. Sometimes relationships don’t work out. We as individuals change and adapt to the changes in our lives and what was good for us at one point in our lives is not always what’s best for us forever. That is, simply put, Real Life, and absolutely okay. It happens every day. I wish more people could see that in the situation with these three characters. Tamlin has his faults--he is far too withdrawn (at least for someone like Feyre), refuses to adapt, and lets fear cripple him and influence his decisions. But he is not the controlling, entitled, selfish, and abusive person that most people make him out to be. He wants what’s best for Feyre and tries in an extremely misguided way to make it so. He does not understand her and thinks he is protecting her. Not a stellar, admirable character, but not one who deserves death threats and the slander that he gets. I hope I’ve been able to communicate that in a way that makes sense.

Props to you if you made it to the end of this long, giant thing!!

[jpowssbcu2]

Further digging deeper

Further digging deeper:

 Task 1: Select Select an artwork/installation/film/sculpture/book/article/soundtrack/object/thing

I decided to do a further digging deeper to discover new materials that I could possibly use to make my plaster heads more interesting.

Task 2: Respond Write a 200-word response to the work. This does not have to be written in an academic style. Make it personal; think about how the work made you feel or what it reminded you of instead of what it looks like.

I really like the plaster head sculptures; the process was timely but easy to do. However, they’re just hollow plaster heads ready to be sealed and possibly planted. I wish to make these heads more interesting whether I dig deeper into the materials that I could use and the purpose that these materials could have and the impact they share. The heads remind me of the busts that you’d see in an old fashion home – apart of the décor, possible mounted onto a wall or displayed on a fireplace. It would be interesting whether I can see inside the plant heads? Maybe a transparent material? Or to use a transparent material that could be mixed with items or plaster – or possibly layered with plaster?

Task 3: Research Research is more than finding out about the artist that made the work or how it was made. We want you to use these artworks as starting off points. We want you to dig deeper. Be curious!  3:1 Start by identifying key themes of the artworks. Make a list.

Plaster sculpture, Head, Plaster, Person’s head, bust, Material, Texture, Colour, Shape 3:2 Try some word association from the keywords.

Material – Plaster, Plastic, Acrylic, Polymer, Concrete, Resin, 3D Print, Vinyl, Fibre Glass, Silicone, Rubber, Latex, 3:3 You can now use these keywords to search in the library as well as various online sites.   You can start by using websites such as… • bbc.co.uk • theguardian.com   • moussemagazine.it • frieze.com   • tate.org.uk   • e-flux.com   • itsnicethat.com   What other sites can you dig in? Find your own resources relevant to your practice

I made my first search on tate.org.uk and found an artist, John Davies who used Polyester Resin with fiberglass to create a head sculpture. The sculpture is based on a life cast made of William Jeffrey’s head in 1972. A series of heads resulted from this cast, of which five were completed, all entitled ‘William Jeffrey with Device’. T01578 was the third in the series and had perhaps the most complex of the devices used. The ‘devices’ on the other four are: one, chicken wire, stretched over a wire frame, over a horn shape which covered the nose, forehead, and mouth but which left the eyes visible; two, a horn-like form from between the eyes covering the nose and part of the mouth, with feathers around the outer rim of the form; three, two pieces of dowelling, one resting horizontally on the bridge of the nose, the other parallel to this on the tip of the nose; both were fixed by wire around the ears, and the eyes look out in the space between the dowelling; four, a hat made of felt and coated with oil paint, a painted leaf-like structure over the nose with pieces cut out so that the eyes are visible. The artwork relates to mine so far as I started off with creating a series of heads to which I can experiment with. It will be interesting how I can use resin to create some works that could create an illusion of something or to layer up to create a mixed media head sculpture – possibly mixing found items into the resin.

I then started to search more into resin, but I couldn’t find many works that were relevant to mine so I just type ‘resin head casts’ into google. I found an artist called Richard Dupont who created a series of head casts that were filled with salvaged items and cast with resin. http://www.richarddupont.com/sculptures/resin-heads/featured-works#6

This gave me an idea that I can use found objects that are relevant to my idea suffocation and possibly put them into the resin as I pour it into my mould.

 I then searched ‘Concrete’ into Tate.org.uk and found work by Henry Moore. https://www.tate.org.uk/art/research-publications/henry-moore/judith-collins-henry-moore-and-concrete-cast-carved-coloured-and-reinforced-r1172059 Henry Moore made in total twenty-one sculptures in concrete, all between the years 1926 and 1934. This was a period of experimentation and rapid development in his career in which he explored this new medium alongside stone and wood. As he later commented, he was then very interested in all types of sculptural media and took up concrete in part because it was becoming a more commonly used building material and he was hopeful of being commissioned to produce concrete sculptures to go with these new buildings. Perhaps equally important was its cheapness (he had little money then) and the different ways in which it could be worked: concrete could be cast in a mould, shaped and added to while soft, or carved when hard. It could also be colored by pigments and incorporate other objects. Carving was his preferred mode of making sculptures during the 1920s and 1930s: famously espousing the doctrine of truth to materials, he publicly championed the view that a sculptor should carve word or stone directly in order to be able to respond to its properties rather than attempt to disguise them. But the story of Moore’s engagement with concrete shows him also alive to the possibilities of a material that could be modeled, carved and cast, and creates a more nuanced understanding of his approach to material and technique in the interwar years.

3:4 Can you expand your research to find links that address… • What you think the artist would have researched when making their artwork?

Artists would have researched how the materials would work; how the materials respond when being mixed with other materials and the durability and whether the materials are versatile. Artists would have researched how other artists may have used these materials or artists who have created something similar.

• How the artwork relates to current news events? Artist Henry Moore relates to an artist Stefano Boeri ‘Forest cities’. Henry created concrete sculptures as a commission to go with some buildings. However, Stefano used concrete buildings to house people and a forest of plants to create a self-sustainable town. https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/gardening-blog/2013/feb/27/bosco-verticale-vertical-gardening

Richard Dupont created a collection of resin heads. One of his resin head creations ‘Pink Head, 2011 made with solid cast UV stable polyurethane resin with studio and personal detritus, found and salvage, recycled objects, and waste’ reminded me of a news article I found on The Guardian. It talks about how if we reuse/recycle materials, we could possibly create 200,000 jobs. To see Richard is using found, recycled and other types of materials in his resin heads is a way of using less resin (saving him a lot of money) and a way to create colourful art with a strong meaning.

https://www.theguardian.com/business/2015/jan/20/reusing-recycling-waste-materials-creates-jobs

• How the artwork relates to history? “Mould making is a 6000-year old skill. That means that our prehistoric ancestors were working in the same technique that we can pass on to our children and grandchildren.” “Archaeologists have also unearthed stone moulds used for making axes from about 3000 BC. They were probably made from an identical two-piece mould tied together with a rope, with a hole on top through which the liquid metal would have been poured. Many early weapons were fabricated through casting, making this technique key to the success of the hunting and gathering lifestyle of early humans. This shows the effect that fabrication techniques have on all aspects of life.” https://smartartbox.com/blogs/smart-art-blog/history-of-mold-making-and-casting

• Can you find any online articles that relate to each of your selected keywords?

Making concrete green: Reinventing the worlds most used synthetic material.

https://www.theguardian.com/sustainable-business/2016/mar/04/making-concrete-green-reinventing-the-worlds-most-used-synthetic-material

Golden resin highlights cracks in the floor of TANK's Xchange Apartment: Inspired by the Japanese Kintsugi method.

https://www.dezeen.com/2016/07/22/gold-resin-floor-cracks-tank-xchange-apartment-kyoto-japan/

• Can you find any books in the library that relate to your keywords? “This is an informative, inspirational, and highly illustrated introduction to the design potential of concrete and its vital role in contemporary architecture. It mixes key issues such as design, aesthetics, and sustainability, with useful technical content such as how to set out the design of a concrete structure, guides to the basic principles (column sizes, slab thicknesses, and types) and how to achieve many different concrete finishes. Accessibly written: this book will appeal to both students and junior practicing architects, and function as a handy guide for more senior architects too.”

https://www.waterstones.com/book/concrete/michael-stacey/9781859463345

Rachel Whiteread is one of Britain's most exciting contemporary artists. Her work is characterised by its use of industrial materials such as plaster, concrete, resin, rubber, and metal. With these she casts the surfaces and volume in and around everyday objects and architectural space, creating evocative sculptures that range from the intimate to the monumental.

https://www.whsmith.co.uk/products/rachel-whiteread/9781849764643

 3:5 Identify the connections between the expanded research and the original artwork.  Can you summarise and reflect upon the expanded research and how it relates to your initial artwork? Think about the connections between the various links - can this provide an alternative way of thinking about your project/concept/idea… How do you relate this to the work that you are making? How can this expanded research develop your own practice?

After doing my research, I’m particularly interested in resin. Resin seems to be the most exciting material to work with and will allow me to do many things with it. However, it’s very expensive and has many health and safety guidelines. Richard Dupont resin head collection has given me an idea for my project to help develop my head casts. The concrete works haven’t really interested me to the level that I would like to use concrete in my own practices, but maybe in the future, I could use concrete to create some interesting creations. I also feel that using concrete will have many implements for my work and cause problems.

[inktae]

lavender hues (m)

↳ fantasy au (reposted)

◇ pairing: jimin | reader ◇ genre: angst and fluff ◇ word count: 13.094 ◇ warnings: sexual content  ◇ author’s note: previously named ‘if these wings could fly’ in my old blog. I’m just reposting it with a new name. :)

Beauty. If someone asked you to define it, your mouth would probably go dry and your heart would flutter yearningly, freezing as the words turn heavy in your mind and dissolve in the tip of your tongue.

Beauty is short-lived but ubiquitous, a transparent but shimmering liquid running in rivulets through hidden alleyways and veiled landscapes that the eyes don’t notice unless they look twice. Beauty is found in the unexpected, in the withheld words of the timid poets, in longing stares and authentic, carefree laughs. Beauty is found in what the eyes can see, in what the ears can hear, in the deep reverie of the colorful minds and in the dreams held close to the heart.

Beauty is fleeting and you’re unable to grasp it. All your life you’ve chased it, extended your hands towards it, longed to touch it with your fingertips. But your steps are slow and your hands are ungifted, and you can only imagine what it would be like to create beauty, to have the hands of those that are able to reflect love and joy and pain in books and paintings.

You can only dream of it, admire it from afar, mind erupting with ideas and colors you’re incapable of shaping, forging. Beauty looks at you, and you look at beauty, but the touches are ghostly and wistful, and inspiration is only a vague concept in the back of your mind, one you have never truly felt running through your veins.

You always thought you knew beauty, accepted that the muse of the artists wasn’t meant to step into your life. You always knew that inspiration was just as impulsive as it was ephemeral, that your tongue would probably never get a taste of that sweet, luscious flavor only very few are familiar with.

It’s almost absurd, how a single person can turn your thoughts upside down and smash your beliefs to ashes, how a smile and a glance can make a ripple of warm hope spark like the first tentative flames of a bonfire. Making you believe that maybe beauty was never outside, but inside.

It all started with brown and lilac eyes, a shy and virtuous smile.

And you thought you knew beauty before.

/

A murmur that resembles your name takes you out of your daydreams. You turn around, eyes leaving the painting you were eyeing to find Hoseok’s sheepish smile, one you return brightly.

“You don’t have to whisper,” you chuckle, patting his back when he takes a step closer to envelope you in a quick, tight hug that leaves you slightly breathless. Hoseok pulls away only a couple of seconds later, eyes darting around in silent wonder. They are full of fascination and you can’t help but smile fondly, because Hoseok always has that look when he comes here even though he’s been around more than a couple of times.

The art gallery you work in is spacious and immaculate, the silhouettes almost reflecting on the lustrous wooden floor and numerous compositions adorning the bright, white walls. The lights are dim except for the small bulbs that illuminate the paintings individually, allowing them to take the spotlight as the buyers shuffle around in the shadows.

“We have a new exhibition today,” you inform him, pointing at the painting you were observing before. It’s noticeably bigger than the rest of the paintings that are exposed in the same wall, even though they all carry a similar tone and style.

Hoseok hums, squinting as he looks at the painting for a few seconds before turning to you again. “Well, spare me your fancy explanations, he isn’t here yet.”

You nudge him playfully. “Oh, yeah, I was about to ask you about him. Is he late?”

“He forgot to bring a proper change of clothes to the academy, so he had to go back home,” Hoseok snickers. He points at his outfit then, making you lower your gaze to notice the clear, ironed shirt and the black, stylish jeans he’s wearing. “I look good, don’t I?”

“You look weird,” you answer plainly, making him pout. You can’t help but smile at the endearing expression, one he doesn’t hesitate to pull out whenever he’s trying to get one of his ideas into your head. “Just kidding, I’m just used to seeing you in your dance clothes. You look amazing.”

“I know, I know,” he puffs out his chest, a smug smile curving his lips, and you can’t help but roll your eyes. “Hey, before he gets here… remember what we talked about.”

Hoseok’s eyes have turned slightly serious, and you nod silently, giving him an understanding smile. You haven’t forgotten the conversation, one that took place a couple of days ago when Hoseok called you to let you know he and his new friend would be visiting the gallery soon. They met in the dance academy they both attend, and you can clearly recall Hoseok’s voice full of reverence as he admitted the boy had an unique, natural talent he hadn’t seen before.

He can be a little strange, were Hoseok’s next words, which made you frown in confusion. I don’t know if something happened to him, but he’s quite reserved and gets very altered if I accidentally ask him about his past. And I think he also has a weird obsession with museums.

You don’t doubt that Hoseok’s friend sounds peculiar, but for some reason the call only made a silent curiosity burn faintly in your chest, growing at the thought of finally meeting the dancer. He managed to impress Jung Hoseok, after all, who has been dancing his entire life and has built a recognition thanks to his talent and continuous hard work.

You can’t help but remember with slight embarrassment the stinging jealousy that creeped up your spine whenever you saw Hoseok dance in enthralling, effortless movements, and how it only reminded you of the lack of talent that seemed to stick to your bones. And even though a few poisonous thoughts still rise from time to time, you’ve learned to feel fully proud now, happy that you’re able to call him one of your closest friends, someone so full of character and perseverance, always craving for the triumph and the highest ambitions.

“I’ll be careful with him,” you tell Hoseok in a guarded voice. “I don’t think he’s crazy, though. Maybe he’s just shy.”

“No, he’s not crazy,” Hoseok shakes his head, his eyes adopting a pensive look as they fixate on one of the paintings. “There’s just… something different. I don’t know, maybe I’m just being the crazy one here. You’ll see.”

“Yeah, you’re really bad at reading people. Maybe he’s just smarter than you,” you say, giggling softly when he glares at you. “Hey! He’s probably very smart. You said he loves museums.”

“Yeah, he probably is,” Hoseok muses. “He told me museums made him feel at peace. I think he actually visits them everyday, but I’m not sure.”

A honeyed, soft chuckle startles you, and Hoseok immediately turns around, eyes widening as he notices the person that’s smiling shyly behind him.

“I think you were talking about me.” he says softly, giving Hoseok a playful look before turning his eyes to you. You can almost feel all of the air leave your lungs, but you contain your expression, returning his gentle smile with one of your own.

“Jimin, hey—” Hoseok croaks out, looking slightly embarrassed. “This is Y/N, the friend I talked to you about. She works here.”

Jimin’s eyes are still on your face, and your mind has a hard time grasping the intense chocolate color of his orbs as he extends a hand towards you. You take it, feeling the smooth skin against yours as you shake it briefly.

“Nice to meet you,” he says. His eyes turn coy as a weak flush coats his cheeks, letting your hand go to put his hands in his pockets. You look at his appearance briefly, taking in the soaked, chestnut strands that let you know he probably just showered, the tight, grey sweater that covers his lean upper body and the black, simple jeans.

“Sorry, he was just mentioning your love for museums,” you add, feeling the atmosphere turn awkward already.

“Ah, that’s true,” he mumbles, scratching the nape of his neck. There’s a sheepish smile hesitantly extending his lips, as if he’s trying to keep the embarrassment at bay. “I… love art, I guess.”

“Which is why I told you we’d come,” Hoseok intervenes happily, looking entirely decided to salvage the sudden stiffness in the room. “You said there’s a new exhibition, right?”

“Ah, yes—”

“I know this painter,” Jimin murmurs, approaching one of the paintings. It’s smaller than the other ones, but that doesn’t diminish its beauty and the feelings it provokes: it’s easy to get lost in the swirling combination of colors, bold and captivating.

“Oh?” the word escapes your lips in a high pitched voice, unable to hide your surprise at Jimin’s words. He nods, eyes still fixed on the painting. You can’t stop your feet from taking a couple of steps closer to him, allowing your gaze to trace the warmth of the canvas as Jimin opens his mouth to speak.

“I’ve seen his works around— it’s one of the few modern painters that left an impression on me. There’s something so immersive about it…” his voice fades, timid eyes finding yours as he smiles nervously. “Sorry. You’re the expert here.”

“It’s okay,” you say. Jimin stares at the painting again, and it takes all of your willpower to dart your eyes away from his profile, almost snorting out a laugh when you notice Hoseok’s squinting eyes that look at the combination of colors in clear confusion.

“This is abstract painting, right?” Hoseok asks, his voice slightly louder than Jimin’s. “I honestly don’t understand any of this.”

“Yeah. It’s actually a set of five paintings,” you explain, pointing at the rest of the paintings exposed in the same wall. Even though they all have different sizes, the style of the painting remains the same, and the colors contrast boldly against the plain color of the spacious wall.

“They all look the same to me,” Hoseok mutters.

“There are differences. Not so noticeable, but they’re there,” you say, taking a step back so you can look at the series as a whole, eyeing the combination of dark tones with a pensive look on your face. “You could say the paintings represent stages of hope. You can see that the tone varies in each one of them, somber and dramatic in the darker ones and more subtle in the lighter paintings. The swirling blue colors that surround the distorted, dark shadow sitting by itself in the middle represent the mind’s fears, and you can see that in this painting they’re specially bold and vibrant, mixing with specks of red, as if signaling how loud the thoughts are.”

Jimin listens intently, walking silently towards the next paintings with his eyes deeply focused on the story each one whispers.

“In the rest of the paintings you can see that the colors are still chaotic but slightly paler,” you continue, pointing at the clearer tones of blue, not as vibrant as the first painting. “They’re still rough in the borders, as if the mind is trapped under a thick armor of distress. But the contrast starts to turn subtler, muted, and the thoughts are not so loud anymore, mixing with cool colors and starting to leave the coldness of the atmosphere,” your voice turns smaller, feeling your mouth slightly dry as the colors overwhelm you, and you can almost feel yourself sinking into the paintings, so deeply immersive, just like Jimin pointed out. “It’s amazing, how this painter has the ability to make you feel warmer with just a few hopeful strokes above the gloominess.”

You’re unable to look at your guests now, completely focused on the transition of the colors, the change in saturation. Walking towards the painting on the other side of the wall, your voice rises above the quiet atmosphere, silent except for the mellifluous tune of the art that only you can hear.  

“The last painting of this series is a little more delicate, the strokes not so bold anymore,” you say softly, lips curving in a tentative smile as you look at the painting closely. “But the most important thing is that it shows us a color we haven’t seen before: white. It’s not too much, and the specks of the bright, almost shiny color are barely visible, but they’re there, surrounding the shadow that is not so blurry anymore. The first idea a person gets when they look at this series is that it refers to finding hope where there’s only darkness, but you only have to look at the title to realize that that’s not the main focus.”

Jimin’s voice rises for the first time since you started your explanation, and it comes out faint but low. “A Fool’s Paradise.”

You nod, flushing a little as the words clutter in your tongue, and you can only hope they don’t come out as messy as they sound in your mind.

“Exactly. In my opinion, this doesn’t represent finding hope, but rather a loop where a darkened mind that is bursting with chaotic thoughts keeps trying to grasp hope… but losing it every time,” you stutter when you notice you’re gesturing enthusiastically, biting your lip in embarrassment as you immediately put your hands behind your back.

“Every time you find the white in the hopelessness, your thoughts consume you again, turning bolder and louder, until you reach the state of mind in that first painting you saw. And then more promises make you have faith again, returning here, to the point where you’re almost confident, only for you to lose it again. It’s a gruesome loop, and I feel that it represents the human mind and how it plays games with us. Despairing… but so accurate.”

You can feel your ears and neck completely flushed as self-consciousness overtakes your body. Tightening the grasp of your hands behind your back, you finally turn towards your guests, eyes widening when you notice that Jimin’s not looking at the painting anymore, but at you, with a look in his eyes you can’t decipher. You can only take in the way they shine in an almost impossible glow, too dazzling to be real, and it’s probably your mind playing games, the blissful feeling of the paintings turning his eyes even more radiant than they are.

“Wait, I’m still confused,” Hoseok’s booming voice startles you, making you break the connection with Jimin’s odd gaze. You can feel the palm of your hands coated in cold sweat, and your lips feel so dry you have to lick them a couple of times before speaking.

“Sorry, that was probably a mess—”

“It wasn’t,” Jimin’s answer is so quiet your brain takes a couple of seconds to process his words. He’s still looking at you, and he blinks when he realizes the way his eyes seemed to be stuck to your face, averting them quickly as his cheeks quickly turn a soft shade of pink. “It was lovely, thank you.”

“Okay, but the loop thing,” Hoseok continues, and you have a hard time keeping up with him, heart still jumping in a strange nervousness you’re not sure you can explain. “It’s not hope then, but the lack of it, right?”

“Yes, you got it,” you nod, feeling your throat tighten faintly— you can relate to the feeling in a way that’s almost scary, having resigned yourself to a monotonous life that will never be satisfying enough. Looking at art like this is all you have: letting it surround you and pretend for a few seconds that you know beauty, that you understand it.

Jimin’s eyes seem to be switching between the paintings and your face, not giving Hoseok a second glance. His mind seems to be reeling, and the way his eyes look so alert makes you wonder if there’s something you said that spiked dark thoughts inside his head.

“So— what are your thoughts?” the question leaves your lips before you can stop it, and Jimin blinks when he notices you’re looking at him and not at Hoseok. He purses his full lips for a few seconds, seeming to organize his thoughts before a tentative smile curves his mouth.

“It’s inspiring,” he finally says, looking at you directly in the eye, and you can only hope none of them notice the way you start flushing and the way your heart stutters. “The word beautiful falls short.”

You blink, feeling the hairs rise on your arms as Jimin smiles soothingly, the panic that you saw earlier slowly vanishing. Suddenly the least thing on your mind is the entrancing pattern of the paintings, and it’s hard to keep your nervousness subdued, nodding slowly as you try to come up with an answer.

“So, when does your shift end?” Hoseok asks, glancing at his watch. You feel suddenly guilty at the lack of attention you’ve been giving him, finally turning to him and focusing on the bored expression of his face.

“Two hours left,” you say, biting your lip remorsefully as you also look at his watch. “It’s fine if you guys have plans, go and have fun without me.”

“We wanted to go and get some drinks— are you sure you can’t leave earlier?” Hoseok gives you a pleading look, as if he didn’t know how strict your boss could be. You shake your head, and a figure a couple of meters away from you suddenly enters your visual field, eyeing you suspiciously.

“Speaking of the devil,” you mutter, giving your friend a warning look. “Uh, I should actually start working. You guys should go.”

“Hey, your boss might hate me, but Jimin could be a potential client for all he knows— okay, okay, we’re leaving!” his voice turns slightly louder as you give him a hurried push, and Jimin’s melodic chuckle is the least thing you hear before they walk away, not without a brief wave of hands and a quick exchange of muted looks.

You never imagined two hours could drag out so slowly, painfully, time turning heavy and lethargic as you recite, over and over, the history of the paintings and your interpretations to potential clients. More than ever you notice their apathy, completely different from Jimin’s quiet rapture and devotion that shone in his eyes. He seemed to understand your admiration in a deeper, closer level— as if you had snatched the words right out of his mouth, connecting with them more than the pretentious men and women that come everyday, who can only look at art skeptically as they wonder if the colors match their overpriced furniture.

After managing to sell one particularly expensive painting you’re free to go, and the heaviness of the day jabs continuously at your shoulders, wanting nothing more than to get home and feel the fresh, silky sheets envelop your body in complete peace and darkness.

What you’re not expecting to see when you leave the gallery is a quiet figure leaning against the wall next to the door, the dim illumination of the streetlights casting soft shadows over him and making him look like a delicate, elegant painting that could rival the ones exhibited inside the gallery.

He quickly straightens up when his eyes find yours, cheeks flushing as his stance turns shy. “Uh, hi, sorry for showing up like this. I’m sorry if it’s weird, but, uh…” he licks his lips, touching his neck self-consciously. “I just… felt like maybe we could talk more? It’s okay if you don’t want to—”

“Jimin, hey,” your words are full of wonder as your mind still tries to grasp the fact that he came again, that he probably has been waiting outside for a while, preparing his words— a smile extends your lips almost involuntarily, heart suddenly warmer. “It’s fine. And sure, we can.”

He returns your smile then, frantic eyes calming down. “I’m glad. I just— those paintings… I’m still thinking about them, about your interpretation. It was fantastic. You know that, right?”

You blush deeply at his words, shrugging nonchalantly. “I guess I got used to charming the clients as much as possible.”

Jimin’s smile widens, but he doesn’t say anything. He nods towards the sidewalk instead, concurred and faintly illuminated by the moonlight. “Let’s walk.”

You join his unhurried steps as your eyes take in the flashing lights of the city, almost blinding and overwhelming against the darkened sky where the moon starts to rise amongst the ghostly clouds. Jimin’s closeness is scarily comfortable, almost natural in the way the silence starts to stretch smoothly without any kind of tension or awkwardness.

You turn to him a few minutes later, noticing his serious expression as his eyes look around comfortably, and you can’t help but wonder how a profile can look so delicate, breathtaking.

“Where’s Hoseok?” you ask, trying not to let your steps falter when his eyes connect with yours.

“We only had a couple of beers,” he explains briefly. “The rest of our friends kind of ditched us, so we weren’t in the mood anymore.” he shrugs, smiling helplessly.

“I promise I’ll join next time.”

“I really hope so.” Jimin’s words are soft and you have to avoid looking into his eyes, aware that you’d probably blush even more. Even though his presence is comfortable, there’s still a warmth in your chest that makes your heart stutter every time he speaks or smiles, making you feel like you’re walking above the clouds instead of the cold pavement.

You keep walking until you reach an ample footbridge that crosses a large river, from where you can watch the lights of the city reflected on the sparkling waves of water. The sight makes you sigh deeply, stopping almost involuntarily as you let your body rest against the railing.

“So,” you start, still avoiding his gaze as you feel him mimicking your pose right beside you. “Do you paint, Jimin?”

You notice him shaking his head from the corner of your eye. Daring to finally look at him, you let your eyes trace his smooth, calm features and the way the wind ruffles his dark hair softly.

“I dance. It’s the only thing I’m good at— I like to admire the rest.”

“At least you’re good at something,” the bitter words escape your mouth before you can contain them. You blush in mortification, giving him an tight smile. “Sorry— forget I said that.”

Jimin frowns in clear confusion, as if he didn’t quite understand the words you just said. “How can you say that? You— you’re— I’m sure that’s not true.”

“It’s fine, Jimin, I accepted it a long time ago,” you give him a humorless smile, one he doesn’t return. He can only stare at you in what seems like disbelief, as if you’re spewing nonsense, as if he didn’t just met you today and has seen more things about you than you’ve ever had.

Jimin bites his lip, looking at the calm waters for a couple of seconds before speaking up. “Back there— when you told us about the paintings… It requires talent to show so much emotion. To make me feel it too,” his words are faint and the fact that you have a hard time believing him doesn’t help, swirling in your mind confusedly as you try to unveil their meaning.

“I’m just another art history major with a frustrated dream,” you explain, not really knowing what to say. It’s the first time someone contradicts your words, because you’re nothing more than a seller that shows paintings instead of creating them— not a life artists are too envious about.

Jimin seems to notice your sudden distress, tentatively caressing your wrist before removing his hand almost immediately. “Sorry, I didn’t want to make you feel bad.”

His touch lingers on your skin, and when you speak again your voice comes out raspier. “It’s okay— you didn’t mean to.”

“So… do I want to know the price of A Fool’s Paradise or not?” he asks after a few tentative seconds, seemingly decided to change topics. He’s grinning as he speaks, probably already knowing your answer.

“Hold onto that railing if you really want to know,” he quickly does as you say, making you giggle. “Six figures. Should I continue?”

“God, no,” he replies, eyes wide with terror, and his expression makes a loud laugh escape your lips without your permission. You immediately cover your mouth in embarrassment, eyes finding Jimin’s glossy ones that are staring at your face in what can only be deep fascination.

And it’s probably the artificial lights and the moonlight playing games with your vision, because then his eyes are not that deep, rich brown anymore but lighter, shinier, turning into a strange shade of lavender that makes you freeze on the spot.

It’s beautiful and odd and not possible, and Jimin seems to notice your baffled expression, blinking before realization makes his face go pale.

“I— I should go,” he stammers, lowering his head and looking abruptly bashful. He meekly takes a step back, turning his head to the side so you can only look at his profile, one lilac eye glinting at you under the moonlight. “I’m sorry, see you later.”

“Jimin—” you’re not able to say anything else, and you can only gape at him as he walks away in quick strides, almost vanishing into thin air as his legs take him fast across the footbridge.

It’s then that your heart starts ricocheting against your chest, brain still trying to comprehend what just happened as the images of his changing eyes make your head go fuzzy.

You walk away a couple of minutes later, after your heart calmed down and your legs did not feel so weak anymore. The lights and the noises of the city feel distant, and for a second you seriously consider the fact that you’ve entered some bizarre dream where Jimin looks at you like you’re the only thing he can see, where his eyes change color as if it was an everyday occurrence for him.

But the tiredness outweighs the confusion and it’s as if your thoughts dissolve the moment you enter your apartment, turning slow and muddy as you take a quick shower that makes your muscles relax for the first time that day. Thoughts of Jimin are faint in the back of your mind, like a dream that you’re slowly starting to forget, too surreal amongst the monotonous days you’ve gotten used to after so many years.

Jimin’s strange gaze never fades, and it stays behind your closed lids as you finally start falling unconscious, his voice echoing in a ghostly song and inducing the deepest sleep you’ve had in a long time.

/

“Hey, Hobi—”

“What is this? you’re actually calling me?” his voice sounds slightly muffled over the phone, and you can hear a distant, booming melody under his loud words. It’s a Saturday, roughly eleven in the morning, and you’re finally allowed to take one of your breaks of the day. You usually drink coffee or take a snack to pass the time, but the butterflies are too violent in your stomach and you know that if you try to ingest anything your body will do its best to deny it.

You let your back fall against the wall next to the entrance of the gallery, inhaling the fresh air and wincing when the smoke of one of your coworker's cigarettes reaches your nostrils.

“Hey, I call you a lot.”

“No, you don’t,” Hoseok answers confidently. The music is still loud and you can’t help but wonder how his roommate copes with Hoseok’s continuous party music that probably makes the walls shake. “I am the one that usually calls. You text and sometimes you even forget to answer—”

“Okay, sorry, sorry,” you contain a laugh that he still manages to catch, huffing over the phone. “So... it’s been a week since you last came here and I was wondering—”

“Do you want Jimin’s number?”

His blunt question almost makes you choke. “Oh, god, no—”

“Because he probably wants yours too.”

“Let me speak!” you grumble, feeling your cheeks heat up in mortification. You ignore his mocking chuckle, taking a deep breath before continuing. “I was just wondering if I could go to your academy after my shift today, it’s been a while since I saw you dancing.”

“If you leave early today, sure,” he answers nonchalantly. Yo wonder if he’s smiling smugly, and the thought makes your skin flush even more. “I have an advanced class to teach from three to five.”

“I’ll be there at four.”

The day goes by too slowly, and you can only think about Jimin’s face the moment you encounter him again— will he avoid you? will he lower his head and recoil from any eye contact? the connection you felt with him a week ago feels vague and faraway, like a fantasy your mind created after craving something different for so long. At this point you’ve stopped denying the fact that he’s been at the front of your mind for an embarrassing amount of hours, during the day and during the night, a thousand questions rising every time the night darkens and your thoughts grow louder.

You’re half dreading for your shift to be over, and even though the day drags itself heavily, four in the afternoon comes sooner than expected and your heart is ramming so wildly against your chest you almost feel like it’s going to give up any second now.

The dance academy where Hoseok teaches is big and well known, and you feel miniature in front of the large, modern building as you step inside, immediately surrounded by students dressed in colorful attires as they walk and talk animatedly. Knowing the path by memory, it doesn’t take you long to reach the room where Hoseok teaches, and you can feel the boisterous music pounding against the walls even when you’re standing on the other side.

Peeking through the gap of the slightly opened door, you smile when you immediately spot him: it’s not hard to find Hoseok even though there are around twenty students surrounding him, half of them sitting and watching in awe as Hoseok and his backup dancers demonstrate one of his advanced choreographies.

You can only gape at his fluid movements, internally wondering if his bones are made of jello and how he manages to leave you impressed after so many years of seeing him dance. Completely focused on the captivating choreography, you barely notice the silent figure that slowly approaches you, a yelp almost leaving your mouth when a soft voice speaks up from behind.

“Oh my god,” you touch your chest as you try to control your erratic heartbeat, turning around and stiffening when familiar, hesitant eyes connect with yours.

The sudden nerves make you gulp with difficulty, trying to give him a tight-lipped smile as your thoughts swirl in a frenzy.

“Hey there, I didn’t know you were coming,” Jimin says. He sounds completely at ease and it makes you relax a little, stiff shoulders starting to finally loosen up. Jimin looks at the gap of the door, smile widening when he notices who’s dancing inside. “Oh, you came to visit Hoseok?”

“Ah, yes,” you stutter, not wanting to admit that it’s only half the truth. “He doesn’t really like coming to my boring gallery, so I felt like I owed him one.”

Jimin chuckles, eyes crinkling. “I know what you mean. I took him to a museum once and he made us leave ten minutes later.”

You share fond looks and quiet smiles for a couple of seconds, a warmth sensation quickly spreading across your chest.

“Look, um,” Jimin bites his lip, and your heart jumps when you get an idea of the direction his thoughts are heading. “About the other day… I’m really sorry—”

“It’s okay,” you say slowly, trying to figure out a way to approach the strange… incident without scaring him off. “I don’t really understand, but it’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it.”

Jimin’s expression is immediately filled with relief, shoulders slumping as he heaves a long sigh. “Thank you. That means a lot.” he smiles again, and this time it seems more genuine. “Look, I really want to make it up to you. For leaving like that— would you, uh, like to… maybe do something later today, or…?”

Jimin blushes, and you can only stare in silent endearment, containing a laugh at the way he seems to be struggling to come up with the right words.

“Or another day, it doesn’t have to be today—”

“Today is fine,” you nod, giving him a reassuring smile.

“Okay, okay,” Jimin says eagerly, and you can feel his excitement spreading, making a light giddiness rise goosebumps all over your skin. “I’ll come looking for you later, if you don’t mind—”

“Not at all. I’ll be here.”

Jimin hasn’t stopped smiling, and you quickly realize that you haven’t either. He waves then, having to return to his practice, and this time his gaze is not lowered and his movements are not hasty, which makes the butterflies appear in your stomach again, fluttering gently and peacefully.

Jimin leaves and you finally enter the classroom, sitting with the rest of the students that observe attentively. Hoseok’s eyes find yours and they give you a playful, knowing wink, but your mind is in an entirely different place now, seconds slipping by your fingers as you unsuccessfully try to focus on the present, on Hoseok’s movements and not on Jimin’s charming, soft smile.

“You were so out of it. Are you okay?”

You look up, realizing the class is over and that everyone is gulping water almost desperately, picking up their things and saying their goodbyes. Hoseok is staring at you worriedly, and you can’t help but blush deeply, giving him an embarrassed smile that immediately makes him grin too.

“Ah, fuck, of course! You saw him, didn’t you?”

“Hoseok!”

He laughs loudly, extending a hand to help you get up. You take it, grumbling under your breath as he continues to chuckle.

“You’re so easy to read. You both are,” he rolls his eyes, lifting his water bottle to take a few long gulps.

“That was awesome, by the way. Your choreographies never cease to—”

“Hey, don’t change the topic,” he points a finger at you, making you pout as you cross your arms above your chest.

“Can’t I give you a compliment?”

“Yeah, but that’s weird of you. You’re changing the topic because you were actually thinking about undressing—”

“Oh my god. I’m not hearing any of it.”

Like a déjà vu, Jimin’s soft voice suddenly comes from behind, and you ignore the way Hoseok’s grin widens, turning around to greet him. Just like last time, he looks fresh and relaxed, drops of water shining above his recently washed strands.

“Jimin! How did practice go?”

“Fine, I guess,” Jimin shrugs, looking suddenly sheepish. “I think I’ll need your help next time.”

“No problem, bro,” Hoseok says casually, patting Jimin in the back. His eyes travel between you and Jimin for a couple of seconds, frowning in slight confusion. “Wait— did you come for me or for her?”

This time Jimin does blush, taking his full bottom lip under his teeth before answering. “Ah— we talked about going somewhere—”

“Cool, man!” Hoseok pats him again, so harshly Jimin almost tumbles forward. Hoseok gives you a wink and you can only stick your tongue at him, hoping Jimin doesn’t notice the childish exchange.

“I’ll see you around then, I gotta shower now,” Hoseok seems entirely decided to leave quickly, barely allowing you both to say your goodbyes before he bolts out of the room.

The fact that you’re now alone with him sinks in too fast, and suddenly your lungs feel like they don’t have enough air. It’s not a bad sensation, though, and you still manage to give him a quiet smile, one he immediately returns.

“So,” he says, and for a moment you swear his eyes glint too brightly again. “Did you have something in mind?”

“I actually do,” you reply, smile widening in excitement. “Come with me.”

/

“Okay, I have to admit that I really wasn’t expecting this.”

You chuckle excitedly, reaching the railing of the spacious balcony as you focus on the sight in front of you. It won’t take long until the sky starts to darken, ghostly traces and pale shades of pink mixing with the clear blue as the sunset approaches. There are not many people surrounding you, and the silence is almost eerie except for the jarring noise of the airplanes that prepare to take off in the distance.

“It’s amazing, isn’t it?” you ask him, turning towards him and noticing how he quietly marvels at the intimidating sight.

“It is. I haven’t taken an airplane before.”

“Oh,” you don’t really want to prod, so you abstain yourself from asking questions. You point at one of the airplanes instead, a rather small one that finally starts moving slowly, waiting for the signal that allows it to take off. “Well, it’s still pretty cool to watch them leave.”

You both stay silent as the airplane prepares itself, staying put for a few minutes before they give it the green light, starting to gain speed at an amazing pace until it’s practically racing. It’s barely a small, blurry figure in the distance when it finally rises, and you can almost feel the pressure on your stomach, the hairs on your arms rising as the plane disappears in the sky.

You sigh, feeling your heart flutter contentedly at the sight of the plane soaring. “I hope I’ll be able to leave one day, too,” you say softly, letting your thoughts roam free as the content atmosphere relaxes your muscles.

“Why is that?”

Jimin’s voice full of curiosity makes you look at him, his eyes on yours as he waits for your answer. You bite your lip, feeling your thoughts scatter as he keeps his attentive gaze on your face.

“I guess it’s my dream,” you say, trying to sound nonchalant. “To go to new places, to be free— I don’t know. I just— right now I don’t know where I’m heading. I feel like I’m walking around without a destination in mind. Maybe a change of air will give me something to look for.”

You recoil when you realize you probably spoke too much, but Jimin’s gaze is still fixed on yours and he doesn’t seem disinterested at all, but rather intrigued by the words you’re blabbering.

“And what do you want to find?” he asks after a couple of seconds, only the sounds of the turbines barely raging in the distance. “Sorry if I seem nosy— you’re just very interesting.”

You stutter at his blunt words, finally averting your eyes to fix them in the darkening sky. It takes you a few long seconds to get your mind organized, and by the time you speak your mouth feels too dry and your heart is on your throat.

“Beauty, I guess? Sorry— that’s kinda weird. But I’ve always wanted to create beautiful things— maybe I’ll feel like I’m doing something with my life then. I just… need inspiration.”

Jimin doesn’t look taken aback by your reply. He smiles softly instead, eyes glimmering again in that odd way you’re not sure is quite normal. “How funny— that’s what I’m looking for, too.”

You only have to blink twice before his eyes are changing again, turning into that strange shade of soft mauve that makes your heart pump erratically and your thoughts fly in a whirlwind inside of your frenzied brain. You can feel a warm, new feeling spreading under your skin that makes your fingers itch, and you can only wonder if this is what inspiration feels like, to finally find your muse and getting swamped by the urgent need to put all of your thoughts into paper, to dance, to draw and paint, to represent all of the feelings that are surging inside of you so you don’t ever forget them, so they’re solidified forever.

You wonder if this is how artists feel like, this need to leave their print into the world, their mark of beauty amongst the darkness.

Jimin’s eyes are lilac and it should scare you, but you can only feel happy and overwhelmed, eyes wide and lips parted as you continue to look at him.

He doesn’t run away this time, still staring at you directly in the eyes as his stance turns shy and pliant under your gaze. When he finally speaks, his voice is slow and raw, full of emotion.

“Listen, I need to tell you something—”

You don’t let him continue. The next thing you know is that your instincts have taken over, that your hands grabbed his shirt on their own and that your lips crashed against his on their own. You’re about to pull away when suddenly one of his hands is on your back and the other one is softly cradling your head, lips joining and moving delicately, hesitantly, tasting the waters that were too tempting to resist. His lips are full and smooth and the warmth is spreading all over your body, sighing against his mouth as you come closer to let your body mold against his.

He’s all around you and you can feel your mind reeling, thoughts appearing and dissipating, brain almost overloading as his lips turn firmer and he finally dares to deepen the kiss. His tongue connects with yours and you gasp at the slickness and the soft, intense movements, the way his arms surround your body and pull you even closer against him.

His usual traces of shyness are gone. You can only feel him breathing and panting against you, as if your lips are his only oxygen, as if the feeling of your strands between his fingers are his only anchor to reality. His lips are soft and urgent at the same time and the fact that you’re in public vanishes from your mind, and it’s only when you hear someone clearing his throat that you finally feel yourself coming back to earth, quickly pulling away as you lower your head sheepishly.

You force yourself to look around, noticing that there are only three people around and that one of them is eyeing you both shamelessly, while the other two are avoiding eye contact at all costs. You manage to crack a laugh when your eyes find Jimin’s again, who looks just as dazed and embarrassed as you probably do.

Your lips are still tingling from the warm contact and you have to contain the urge to give him another kiss. Jimin’s eyes are still glinting with lavender tones, but instead of feeling unsettled you can only think of them as captivating, stirring something inside of you as all of your senses vibrate pleasantly under your skin.

Jimin’s smile is shy but genuine, as if he's containing a giant grin from overtaking his face. Faraway, more planes are rising, but the noise is distant and almost nonexistent.

“Sorry about that,” you say abruptly, realizing you’re the one that caused the scene. You’re not really sorry, though, and Jimin can probably tell from the coy smile and the high blush on your cheeks.

“That’s—” he clears his throat when his voice comes out too hoarse. “You don’t have to apologize. You really don’t.”

And you believe him. Jimin grabs your hand, and you regret how the light, unnatural color starts to vanish from his irises. Even though you barely know anything about him, those purple tones were almost starting to feel like home, like a place you had been looking for your entire life without really knowing what it was.

Jimin gives you a quick peck on your cheek before he tugs at your hand, making you walk on wobbly legs as he leads you out of the airport. And for the first time you feel like one of those airplanes: rising, soaring, feeling the wind on your hair and your feet as the spongey clouds graze against your skin gently.

For the first time, you feel free.

/

It’s two weeks later, and your feet have never felt heavier.

You almost have to drag yourself to Hoseok’s academy, and your bottom lip feels cracked and abused after biting on it for so many hours, only realizing it when you feel your mouth stinging painfully. Your thoughts are muddled and slightly paranoid, growing loud and malicious if you’re not careful, if you let them eat at the corners of your brain.

You know your worries are probably unfounded and trivial, but no matter how much you tell yourself nothing wrong is going on your heart still twinges uncomfortably during the night, during the day, stealing preoccupied glances at your phone every five minutes and messing with your concentration at work. Your boss has noticed, your friends have noticed, and you know the only way to return to any kind of normalcy is to face the problem upfront.

The least thing you expected after that… date with Jimin was for things to start going downhill. Fond smiles and numbers were exchanged after that kiss, promising to keep in touch and to see each other as soon as the both of you were available. The promise of a deeper, more serious conversation about his changing eye color was also there, one that none of you were acknowledging but that still hung heavy in the air. And even though it was never mentioned, you knew you’d still wait, that the moment he opened his mouth to speak would come sooner or later, and that the only thing that truly mattered was that he felt completely ready to do so.

But only one or two quick texts were exchanged before Jimin vanished: it was not gradual nor discreet, but rather abrupt and unexpected, and suddenly your good mornings lost their meanings as you slowly realized that maybe this was his way of regretting everything that happened.

Maybe this was his way of telling you that he didn’t want you to know the truth, that maybe he wanted to keep it to himself. You could only remember Hoseok’s words, ringing in your head over and over: he doesn’t like to talk about his past. The fact that your presence might have made him feel more uncomfortable than happy made your heart ache even more.

And even though you had promised yourself to respect his wishes and let him disappear from your life, it only took you two weeks to finally give in: which is why you’re here now, in front of the magnanimous dance academy that’s bustling with a colorful life that doesn’t match your gloominess.

You’re about to finally take a step inside when Hoseok suddenly bustles through the door, exiting in quick strides that stop abruptly when he notices your stiff figure.

“Y/N!” he exclaims in surprise. He looks at you silently for a few seconds— even though you’ve talked a few times, you haven’t seen each other since that time you visited him two weeks ago. You never dared to mention the Jimin subject to him, deeply fearing the bad news he might have for you.

“Hi there,” you say quietly, giving him a weak smile. He can probably notice the bags under your eyes and your dazed look, and you appreciate the fact that he doesn’t say anything about it, giving you one of his bright grins before ruffling your hair.

You wince, trying to fix your tousled strands again. “Hey, don’t do that.”

“Are you here for Jimin?”

Again with the blunt questions. “Ah— Am I that obvious?”

Hoseok’s smile falters slightly. “Only a little,” he sighs, biting his lip as he adjusts the strap of his backpack. Taking you softly by the wrist, he leads you to a less concurred spot so you can allow other students to cross the threshold calmly.

“What is it?” you ask, because Hoseok’s always calm and happy and there’s a worry in his eyes that isn’t usually there— it can only heighten yours.

“Have you tried reaching out to him?”

“Huh?” you blink confusedly. “Not since two weeks ago— we texted a little, but after a couple of days… he just stopped answering.” you hate the way your voice sounds so dejected. Keeping your eyes on Hoseok, you notice how he doesn’t react at all, as if he had been expecting your answer.

“Yeah, it’s been the same for me. He hasn’t come to the academy either,” Hoseok explains, lowering his voice. “I spoke to some of his friends and none of them have been able to talk to him. One of them went to his house a few days ago— but Jimin didn’t even open the door, just said he wasn’t feeling well and told him to leave.”

The air suddenly feels cold and sharp, dry on your skin as you take in Hoseok’s words. “Oh.”

You suddenly feel incredibly stupid— a blush of mortification starts covering your entire face as you remember how your thoughts immediately focused on the fact that Jimin was ignoring you, and not on the possibility that maybe it was him who was not feeling well.

“I never thought… I’m so dumb.” you continue, voice cracking. “Have you heard anything new?”

Hoseok shakes his head. “It’s okay, Y/N. You couldn’t have known. And… I was actually planning on heading to his apartment right now.”

His words make your heart jump to your throat. “Please call me afterwards. I need to know if he’s fine.”

Hoseok only arcs an eyebrow, looking at you in blatant disbelief. “You’re not coming with me, then?”

You shake your head wildly, restraining yourself from taking a step back. “I don’t want him to feel overwhelmed, and you’ve known him for much longer—”

“Nonsense. Actually, you're the one that should go.”

This time you do take a step back. “Don’t say that—”

“Come on, I saw the way you two made eyes at each other. I’m pretty sure you’re someone that’d be able to help him, even if you haven’t known him for long.”

Hoseok rarely uses that tone of voice, low and slightly serious and making him sound like an entirely different person. But instead of harshness there’s only a silent plea in his eyes, and you tense up when you suddenly feel his hands squeezing your shoulders, eyes connecting as he looks at you with that oddly sober expression.

“Please. I’m also worried about him, and I really believe you can get him to tell you what’s going on,” he begs softly, making your throat tighten as you feel the emotion pour out of his mouth. “Can’t you do this for me? For him?”

Honestly, Hoseok knows you too well, and he doesn’t even need to hear an answer come out of your mouth: your widened eyes are enough for him to give you a soft, thankful smile. After all, who can say no to him?

/

It doesn’t take you long to reach Jimin’s apartment, and you have to check the address a hundred times as you approach the entrance of the building. You’re about to ring the intercom when someone opens the door from the inside, saving you the painful embarrassment of hearing Jimin’s voice mutter a quick rejection without even looking at you directly in the eyes. You enter quickly, heart ramming against your ribcage and breathing speeding up, even though you’ve tried to inhale and exhale deeply for the last thirty minutes.

You drag your trembling limbs to Jimin’s floor, senses heightened as your eyes quickly find his door. Your thoughts are almost numb at this point, and your legs have decided to ignore their screaming as you position yourself in front of the apartment’s entrance to ring the bell, movements quick and sharp so your hesitation doesn’t make you turn and run.

Jimin’s voice pierces through the surface of the door a couple of minutes later, heart warming up immediately at the sound of his voice.

“I know it’s you, Hoseok. I’m sorry, but I can’t open the door right now—”

“Jimin— hi. It’s me.”

You lick your lips, barely breathing as a deep silence stretches between you two. You can almost hear his exhales through the door: heavy, ragged.

“Y/N? What— what are you doing here?”

His voice is warm and soft even through the thick, wooden layer separating you from him— and you can barely stop your voice from coming out so weak and pleading. “Can you open up? Please?”

“I… I don’t know…”

“I’m sorry I didn’t look for you sooner. But I haven’t stopped thinking about you, and if you’re not feeling well… I need to know, Jimin,” you try to swallow the lump in your throat, but it only seems to grow bigger, words thick with emotion. “I’ll leave if you want me to. But, just… talk to me, at least. Everyone is so worried—”

You stop yourself from blabbering even more when you hear him opening the door, and soon enough his eyes are finding yours and it’s as if a weight has been lifted from your chest— worries vanishing, thoughts disappearing, and his stare was the only thing you needed to wake up from your heavy daze—

Except his eyes are sunken and his skin looks paler than usual, limbs slow and figure too thin as he takes a step back to allow you to step inside. Your eyes can’t stop roaming his face as you cross the entrance, hands itching to reach out and touch his cheek, to feel his soft skin under your fingertips. His hair is tousled and you can see his collarbones almost jutting out under his wrinkled white t-shirt, and his sleepy expression would be completely endearing if it wasn’t for the tiredness that seems to be seeping out of his weak-looking frame.

“Jimin…”

He gives you a frail smile, one you’re unable to return.

Running a hand through his hair, Jimin takes a deep breath before speaking. “I think it’s time I told you everything.”

You don’t dare to ask any questions. He walks towards the living room and you follow him silently, joining him as he sits on the couch languidly. You can see his breathing has sped up a little, traces of pink high on his cheeks, as if walking to the door and back has stolen all of his energy.

You can’t help yourself when you put a hand to his forehead, worried eyes finding his surprised ones as you feel his soft, heated skin under your hand.

“I’m okay, really,” he says, taking you softly by the wrist so he puts your hand away. He doesn’t let go for a few seconds, caressing the skin with his thumb as he looks at you in utter silence.

“I can come back later if you’re not feeling—”

“It’s okay. I’m fine,” he breathes deeply, trying to smile even though he still looks like he’s about to collapse.

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to,” you say, tone wavering. Jimin shakes his head, squeezing your wrist before letting go.

“I do. I’ve been thinking about it— I really want to tell you.” he replies, voice sure and a little stronger than before. He sighs before he grabs the hem of his shirt, looking down unsurely before he starts to take it off.

“Whoa—” you mutter, quickly extending a hand to stop his movements as your face heats up. “What are you doing? You don’t have to—”

Jimin only blinks confusedly. “Uh, sorry. This is the only way I can show you. I promise I won’t do anything weird.”

He gives you a hesitant smile that you return confusedly. You let him continue, trying not to let your eyes linger too much on his lean body and the softness of his stomach. Jimin licks his lips, looking suddenly nervous as he finds your eyes again.

Then he’s turning around on the couch, showing his back to you, and your breath immediately catches in your throat.

You can feel your lips drying out as your eyes focus on the spot between his shoulder blades, and you can almost feel your own back stinging and hurting, hand slowly lifting up before you refrain yourself from touching. It takes you a while to process the sight in front of you, the fresh-looking, raw wounds that contrast against the soft, clear skin of his back. The two reddish symmetrical streaks seem to be pulsing, stirring, as if seeking for something that used to be there but is now gone.

Wings?

“What…” you breathe out, unable to make your voice louder. “What are you?”

Jimin turns around again and puts his shirt back on before eyeing you curiously. “I’m not some sort of angel, if that’s what you’re thinking,” he smiles softly, as if the idea humors him. “But I’m not human, either.”

Your thoughts can only grow in intensity, brewing and churning as Jimin’s words sink in. You don’t dare listen to them, silencing every loud word in your mind as you continue to look into his vulnerable eyes.

“Tell me, then.”

Jimin lets his back fall against the couch carefully, trying not to apply too much pressure on his back. “I’ll start from the beginning, I guess,” he says, eyes finding his own hands as he joins them on his lap. “I… me and my species lived in the forest, far away from here. All of us… we fed off the natural beauty of nature— positive energy is what keeps us alive,” Jimin explains, words slow and hesitant, as if he’s allowing you to drink it all at your own pace. You can only stare at him in complete silence, urging him to continue with your eyes, staying completely quiet even though a part of you is getting overwhelmed, shifting and stirring as the seconds pass.

“We were completely fine until a few years ago, when the forest started to get visitors, humans that came with too many dark thoughts — that started using our forest as a suicide spot.

They all came to end their lives, too many of them, and so many of us were too weak. I was warned not to do anything about it— but I started trying to save them. It actually worked: it seemed that my words managed to have some effect on them, and one of them, this girl— she kept coming, just to talk to me,” Jimin looks like he’s also getting affected by his own words, eyes glinting as he runs a hand through his hair in what looks like refrained distress. He takes a few seconds to breathe deeply, and your eyes drag down to find his fingers digging painfully against the fabric of his jeans.

“It’s okay, Jimin, take your time,” you say reassuringly, and he can only look at you in bewilderment.

“You believe me?”

“I... yeah,” you admit, feeling your heart thump wildly against your chest. “You might be playing games with me, and that’s something I can’t know— but I think I do.”

Jimin smiles, and this time it is warm and not forced, as if your words just took a huge weight off his shoulders.

“Thank you,” he says, too softly, before continuing. “That girl… talking to me seemed to make her feel better, and her positive energy was helping us too. I knew it was a mistake, to get so close to a human, and soon enough I felt the consequences. Another human came with her, her boyfriend, probably— so full of rage he didn’t hesitate to rip off my wings. The essence of who I am was taken away from me.”

The marks on his back. You can feel Jimin’s pain, so vehemently you’re not sure if this is only mere human empathy: you can feel the ghostly burn on your back, of the wounds Jimin’s been carrying for who knows how long, and you have to swallow thickly so the lump in your throat goes away.

“The pain was so unbearable I was hurting my family, so I had to leave. I decided to start living as a human, away from the forest that was my home for so many years. But the pain is still here, with me. Some days are better than others— these two weeks have been really bad,” he winces, as if remembering the pain he’s been going through, alone. “It usually helps when I’m surrounded by art, though. Music, dancing, painting… beautiful things.”

He finds your eyes this time, but they don’t show his suffering anymore: they’re sparkling in that unnatural way again, a hopeful smile curving his lips, and this time the blush that’s rising on his cheeks doesn’t reflect any pain, but something else entirely.

“That day I saw you— it was the first time the pain faded away. It was only for a few seconds, but the… beauty I saw, the things I felt when you talked about those paintings— it was all so raw and real and for once I was reminded of my life in the forest, so peaceful and pure… why are you crying?”

“Shit, sorry,” you mutter, chuckling softly before you wipe off the tears in jerky movements. “I have no idea. Is that.. something you can do? Make others feel your own emotions?”

Jimin brushes his thumb against your cheek, catching the last tear that escapes from the corner of your eye. “Sometimes it happens, yeah. I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine. Thank you… for opening up to me,” you say, feeling your heart clench in your chest when Jimin returns your stare. He looks so tranquil now, raw sincerity radiating off of him, and he barely looks drained anymore, as if finally talking about everything made some sort of peace wash over him in warm waves.

“You actually believe me, then,” the words that come out of his mouth are lighter, filled with glee as his face brightens up.

“I guess I really want to. Even if it sounds crazy,” you admit, making him snort as he lowers his gaze again.

You can’t help yourself this time when you do lift your hand, touching his shoulder softly before traveling towards his back, feeling his shoulder blades under the fabric before you tentatively approach the marks.

“Does it hurt?” you ask softly.

“Not right now,” he says in a husky voice, a shuddering breath escaping his lips.

“I don’t understand how I’m able to help like this… there are more beautiful things out there,” you don’t realize you’re almost speaking into his ear when you feel him shudder under your touch.

“You really don’t see it, don’t you?” he wonders, turning his face towards you to stare directly into your eyes. “You really don’t see how amazing you are. You say you don’t have any talent, that you’re not able to become meaningful— but there is so much beauty inside of you already. All you have to do is believe it too.”

You blink at his words— it takes you longer to process than usual, and your heart flutters in erratic heartbeats as he continues to look at you, skin suddenly warm as the pleasant glow of his eyes strokes your face.

You inhale deeply when you notice him leaning in, and Jimin stops himself, digging his teeth into his bottom lip as he examines your face.

“Can I…?”

You nod, faintly smiling before he presses his lips against yours in a quick, soft peck. You’re both grinning when he pulls away, and it’s with sudden delight that you notice how his eyes are turning lilac again— he’s never looked more beautiful, so genuine and open, leaving nothing hidden.

You let your instincts take over as you grab the front of his t-shirt, feeling the soft fabric between your fingers as you pull him in for another kiss. Even though both of your mouths are closed, this time the kiss is firmer, lips moving softy against each other as you feel a pleasant shudder tickle your back.

You pull away after a few minutes to get air into your lungs, but Jimin only waits for a few seconds before he’s cradling your face between his hands to press his mouth against yours again, deepening the kiss almost instantly as you gasp soundlessly, letting your hands hold onto his shoulders as his own travel down to settle on your back.

The movements gradually turn intense and urgent, and there’s nothing soft and innocent about the kiss anymore, heavy pants and muffled moans escaping your throat involuntarily as Jimin’s tongue touches yours reverently. You tug at his t-shirt again, mutely signaling him to take it off as your fingers itch to touch his bare skin.

He immediately complies, eyes barely leaving yours as you straddle him, completely forgetting about your embarrassment as he lets your curious hands to feel his chest, his collarbones, the way his stomach trembles under your touch. You press a peck against his parted lips, looking at him closely as you let your hands wander around his back.

You’re completely fascinated as his lids flutter, a pant escaping his lips when you hesitantly touch the sensitive wounds.

“Please tell me if it hurts,” you whisper hoarsely.

Jimin’s answer is resolute. “It doesn’t, not with you.”

He doesn’t let you touch for long, kissing your mouth again in consuming movements that make you forget about your surroundings, and this time you let your fingers touch the nape of his neck, caressing and feeling the smooth strands as he sighs against your mouth.

“Do you want to—” you cut him off with another kiss, unable to stop yourself. “Keep going?”

The blush is permanent on your face already, and the want is so thick in your veins that you barely hesitate. “Yes.”

“Good, yes,” he stutters before pressing his lips against your collarbone, making you giggle. Your laughs cuts off abruptly when he suddenly bites the sensitive spot, making you gasp as you hide your face on the crook of his neck.

“Bedroom?” he asks in a murmur, and you shudder when his breath brushes against your ear. You nod, maybe too enthusiastically, because then he’s chuckling lightly against your neck and you can only marvel in silent amazement at how different he looks and sounds from just a few minutes ago.

You get up, trying to contain your excited grin as he grabs your hand and leads you through the tiny apartment. You can feel your heart racing even faster when you enter the bedroom, eyes focusing on the large, comfortable-looking bed as you feel the desire churn in the pit of your stomach.

Jimin distracts you from your thoughts when he embraces you again, feeling his hands caress your back up and down as he gives you a long, breathless kiss. His lips start to travel down your jaw until they reach your neck, where he bites and sucks and forces tiny whimpers out of your mouth.

His hands are eager and his lips are unrelenting, and time seems to pass by in a blur as he lies you down on the bed, softly feeling the skin of your stomach under the fabric of your shirt.

His eyes seem to shine endlessly as you get rid of your clothes, never leaving your face and your body as he imitates your movements, only keeping his boxers. You feel the self-consciousness tug at the corners of your mind as you get rid of your bra, only the thin layer of the underwear covering your warm center between your legs.

“Beautiful, so beautiful,” he whispers, approaching you as he presses his lips so, so softly against your cheek, making you sigh loudly as you feel his fingers brushing your stomach, slowly traveling up until they reach your chest. He swallows your moans with his lips as he fondles and caresses one of your breasts, squeezing the nub firmly and making you arch your back under his ministrations. Soon enough his lips join him on your chest, and you can only close your eyes and feel his hair under your fingers as he licks and sucks tenderly, movements growing firmer as your moans turn high-pitched.

“Jimin—” you gasp when his lips start traveling south, shuddering under his touch when you feel them kissing softly just above your clothed core. He looks up then, and the way his intense lilac eyes are staring up at you makes you whimper.

“Is this okay?” he asks, lips brushing against your underwear as you feel his hands on your thighs, caressing up and down. You nod fervently, biting your lip harshly as he helps you get rid of your last piece of clothing with quick, nimble hands.

“So beautiful,” he repeats under his breath, staring at your naked form for a couple of seconds before he returns to his previous position, this time placing one of your legs above his shoulder as he presses a kiss against the inside of your thigh.

You’re past the point of caring about the way you’re breathing loudly, one of two moans escaping your lips as his mouth wetly travels up until he finally reaches your aching center. You grasp the sheets when you feel his lips finally graze your sensitive clit, gasping when he starts kissing and probing with slow, hesitant movements.

Jimin’s tongue soon loses its shyness, and it doesn’t take you long to start moaning helplessly, his fingers finally touching up and down your center before one of them slides inside. Grabbing at the strands of his hair tightly, you can only shudder weakly as you get lost in the pleasure of Jimin’s slow licks and the insistent pump of his fingers.

You’re already feeling the sweat start to gather above your skin when he stops, kissing up until he reaches your mouth again to press a sweet, long kiss. You don’t even care that you can taste yourself, too gone to think of anything that are not Jimin’s touches and his closeness.

You break the kiss and make him lie down on his back, biting your lip when your hands start caressing his heaving chest and stomach, playing with the elastic band of his boxers as you measure his reaction. You look at him with bated breath, noticing the overflowing lust in his eyes that seem to turn them into a darker tone of purple.

A rough whisper of your name is what it takes for you to finally free his erection from his boxers, licking your bottom lip as you grasp the base and hear his sharp intake of breath. His hand caresses the back of your neck as you start to stroke him, thumb flickering above his slit, feeling the precum that starts gathering as you feel him twitch in your grasp. Jimin’s pants turn louder as you pump him faster, squeezing and making his hips thrust up as he seeks pleasure.

“Stop, stop,” he mutters, letting go of his abused bottom lip that he’s been biting roughly. “I want to finish when I’m inside you.”

His breathy words only manage to make your core ache even more for him, pressing a passionate kiss against his lips that leaves you both breathless and overwhelmed. He lies you down and you can only look into his eyes, sharing a million emotions that you’re unable to coherently put into words as your legs circle his hips, sighing when he gives you a slow peck.

Jimin’s gentle as he guides himself inside of you, stretching you and sending your heart into a frenzy as he accommodates his erection inside your warm walls. He’s almost shaking as he controls himself from thrusting, letting you adapt to his girth as his lips kiss sweetly all over your face.

“Please,” you plead when your body starts begging you for more, arms surrounding his back and fingers tracing the place where his wings should have been. You’re suddenly overcome with a sharp emotion as you kiss him urgently, whispering his name against his lips in a heavy breath.

He immediately complies, dragging out a long moan from your throat when he starts thrusting slow and deeply, filling you in all the right places as you close your eyes, getting lost in the way his lips kiss your neck and the way his hips move powerfully.

You can’t tell if time stops, if the seconds are going slower or if they’re going faster; all you know is that Jimin is all around you, that he’s painless right now, that his closeness heals you as much as yours heals his. The pleasure muddles your thoughts as his movements turn faster, gasping against your cheek as you both finally tumble over the edge, the heightened waves of the orgasm numbing your entire body as you feel him start to slow down, movements lethargic as he whispers sweet nothings into your ear.

It takes you a few minutes to return to reality, realizing with a comfortable sigh that there’s a blanket comfortably covering your naked body and that Jimin is quietly lying down next to you, half lidded eyes fixed on yours as he softly touches your stomach.

“Hi,” he says when he notices you’re back, and you can only give him an adoring smile, the bliss of the orgasm still clinging to your drowsy body.

“Hi,” you repeat, clearing your throat when you notice it’s slightly hoarse. “How’s your pain?”

“None,” he sighs, closing his eyes as he relishes in the feeling, and your heart aches faintly in your chest a the thought that he probably didn’t even remember how it was to feel painless. “I wonder how long it’ll last this time.”

“What do you mean?”

He opens his eyes again to face you, and this time his expression is filled with seriousness again, one you didn’t want to see so soon.

“The pain always comes back,” he answers lowly.

“I’ll be here. I’ll help as long as I can,” you say confidently, but Jimin’s smile tainted with sadness, and you contain yourself from grabbing him and holding him, wishing deeply to wipe out anything that’s not contentment from his expression.

“We’re immortal creatures, Y/N,” he explains, and the realization makes you freeze, goosebumps rising all over your skin. “I’m not a human like you. Time will pass, and I’ll stay the same, like a broken fixture. Eventually, the pain will be as hard as it was before I met you.”

You understand the truth implied behind his words. You’ll die one day, and he won’t, and your presence, though mending for his soul, is only temporary for him.

You swallow the lump in your throat, ignoring the way your vision blurs as tears gather on the corners of your eyes. “Let’s not… let’s not think about that. For as long as I can— I’ll take the pain away,” you promise, because that’s nothing but the truth, and you hope he can hear the clear honesty on your voice. And even though you won’t ever be a replacement for his wings, you’ll give him as much of yourself as you can, sharing every bit of your soul with him.

“Thank you,” he utters, face lighting up again.

“Your eyes— you never told me why they turn that color,” you murmur, hand lifting up to caress his cheek as you let your eyes get lost in the mauve color that’s still shimmering softly.

“They turn this way when I’m feeling happy or overwhelmed,” he explains with a smile. You press a quick kiss against his cheek, hoping you’ll be able to see that color shine in his eyes for a long, long time.

/

When you wake up, the rich lights of the sunset are filtering through the bedroom’s windows, and the soft purple of the sky reminds you of Jimin’s eyes, making you smile sleepily as you notice his sleeping form next to you, soundlessly lost in his dreams as his parted lips puff out even breaths.

A sudden feeling of exaltation makes you get up, grabbing Jimin’s shirt to cover yourself before you start searching around the room frantically. It doesn’t take you long to find what you’re looking for, and you can only hope Jimin doesn’t mind as you sit on the corner of the bed with a pencil and a worn notebook in hand, letting your hand sketch freely on a blank page as your mind works frenziedly, filled with ideas and colors that make you shudder in excitement.

You don’t know how long it takes you, but Jimin’s still sleeping when you’re done, staring in deep wonder at the drawing your fingers just created.

For once, you see beauty in your hands.

You can’t contain the bittersweet feeling that suddenly fills your chest, because he is beautifully broken, and maybe that pain won’t ever go away, no matter how many times you try to heal him. But there’s beauty in the way he carries on even though he’s hurting inside, how he smiles and dances and, how he looks at paintings and searches for beauty even though someone took everything away from him. You almost hate how you’ve finally found your muse, how everything is turning right for you and it isn’t for him.

But you realize that that’s the real nature of beauty. The shared smiles and the healing touches in the midst of pain and fear, the tentative hope, the prospect of a better day now that you two found each other.

Maybe it won’t last forever, because nothing is everlasting: one day you’ll vanish and he’ll stay to look at your ashes, and you can only hope he’ll find another muse, another bright smile and enamored eyes that are able to heal the pain he feels.

But for now, you’re his, and he’s yours, and that will be enough.

[63824peace]

Saturday, 29th of october 2005

Nasu has a foul temper this morning. The weather is awful.

Rain wasn't supposed to fall today according to the weather forecast, but it did anyway.

All of my conference meetings have ended at last. I finally have time to enjoy the day's recreational events. The Autumn Leaves of Nasu Festival happens today. We could have used some better weather for it.

Fog obscures and blanches the autumn leaves' colors. White leaves overlap the red leaves, and only white remains.

We salvaged the Rice Cake Making Event by moving it to a new location. We're all supposed to participate in this event and make rice cakes according to the traditional methods.

Hideo participated too! I tried to keep a steady pace while pounding rice cakes out of steamed rice. It's pretty tough keeping up with professional rice cake makers though.

We finished the rice cakes.

"Let's eat this with our favorite toppings: ground black sesame seeds, kinako, bean jam, grated Japanese radish, and natto."

My attention was so immersed in making rice cakes that I hadn't noticed the appearance of several new stalls. I saw that stalls had been prepared for Ramen, Oden, and Kenchin-jiru.

Kenichiro and Okamura slept deeply while I enjoyed these festivities. They didn’t budge from the karaoke machines last night! I had parted from them and returned to my room earlier in the evening. It looks like I made the right choice.

I exercised a little bit of self-control and omitted a certain photograph from this blog entry.

Rice cake making resumed once again! Everyone joined the pounding.

Nasu's weather returned to a better mood around noon. The world returned to its former beauty when the rain cleared. The sky smiled only moments after it had stopped weeping. Nasu became a newborn infant.

I decided to walk around some of the nearby areas when my stomach got full. Mr. Muraoka and Okamura joined me.

The three-day conference concluded with a horseback archery event.

I owe a large amount of gratitude to many people as usual: the administration, the management department, and the campus staff. Thank you so much everyone. I appreciate everything greatly.

A game developer's true work lies in entertaining people. In that sense, we are accustomed to making people happy. Our position reverses every time we come to Nasu though. We are always the ones made happier.

They really treat us with heartfelt care and ensure our satisfaction.

Nasu's Autumn Leaves Festival captivated us with its beauty, yet the event staff's attention to service also dazzled us. They were superb ; an excellent support staff. They slipped in and out of events without calling attention to their presence. They became as slick and inconspicuous as the shadows of those who they supported. Suffice to say, all this is easier said than done.

No one has a universal manual with directions that explain how to ease a person's heart and mind. People are genuinely hard to please and entertain. Everyone is different, including the audiences who we face when developing our games. Tastes, hobbies, and preferences differ between each person. We all react with different emotions. Our work must meet the gamut of personalities.

I am always impressed by the environment and procedure of this conference. Today's event was especially marvelous though. They acted with excellent speed, decisiveness, and flexibility, but their heartwarming hospitality stuck out the most.

The unfortunate weather didn't even faze them. They moved forward with a back-up plan that still succeeded to surprise and entertain us. We were greatly pleased. Their hospitality was most evident through their magic shows, balloon art, and cosplay performances. That was real entertainment.

I enjoyed myself fully despite the rain. In fact, I believe that I owe even the rain a bit of thanks too. It caused the things that pleased me most: what it revealed about our hosts' abilities, and Nasu's transformation from rain to shine.

The event staff waved after us while our bus left for the train station. They waved until we couldn't see each other anymore. They truly reminded me of the value of true hospitality. They provided irreplaceable, priceless support.

A video game is a type of service too. We offer our gaming audience a digital variant of hospitality.

I swore an oath as I left Nasu. "I must make a good game!" I swore my oath so that I would remember these feelings.

A thought occurred to me on the bus. Nasu's event staff was more entertaining and hospitable than my development staff! Perhaps I could make a game with the event staff instead. I bet that we could make something good and entertaining.

I slept soundly as the bus arrived at the Nasu-Shibara station. We really were in the thick of the tourist season. People packed the station, and many cars filled the rotary.

I looked toward the station's souvenir shop when I exited the bus. I saw something sparkle inside. How surprising! Sparkle-Badges were displayed in the shop, even though they hadn't been there two days earlier!

The stock was smaller than the number on sale three weeks ago. Still, there's no doubting that these were the same items. The tourists coming into town to see the autumn leaves must have bought out the store's stock before. I couldn't miss this opportunity.

I chose a white guitar model out of the many Sparkles available.

"I'll take this please!"

A young woman working in the store said, "All right! Let me check and make sure that it works correctly.

She pulled one from the inventory. She thoroughly and kindly explained how to change the batteries, how to make it sparkle, and how to wear the badge. She even wore it on her jacket as a demonstration before she was through.

I was really glad that someone took such care to explain something thoroughly and carefully. Hardly anyone takes time these days to explain a product's operation like she did, not even in high-tech electronics stores. Those clerks won't give a decent answer even if they're asked directly.

A shopkeeper's spirit penetrates a customer's thoughts. Herein lies the charm of a small business. They take the time to explain even cheap merchandise thoroughly. I could intuit the pleasure that she received from selling goods, and in this way I could share her work's pleasure. This is another variant of hospitality.

I felt good about the whole experience.

"Is she the same saleswoman who I saw three weeks ago?" I asked myself. She certainly showed a similar passion for her work. I checked my diary notes to read what I had written three weeks ago.

I noticed that I had written this: "I stared at the badges and then my eyes connected with those of an old woman who worked in the shop. She explained that dead batteries could be replaced with new ones in this particular model."

An old woman? Wait a second!

Let me correct something: she is not an old lady, but rather a young woman. I had observed and remembered people through a private veil of negativity that day. I consequently recorded the saleswoman as an old lady. Yet she appeared as a young woman today because I received such warm hospitality.

I finally had my hands on Nasu's local specialty, the Sparkle-Badge! I triumphantly mounted the train platform. Matsuhanan had been watching me while I was in the souvenir shop. He called me to his side.

"You bought one of those badges too, Director?"

"Matsuhanan . . . you have one?"

"Yes, I bought mine in Roppongi Hills."

What!? So this means that they can be purchased anywhere!

We took the Nasuno248 train back to Tokyo.

I switched on my Sparkle-Badge inside the Shinkansen bullet train. The Sparkler bought in Nasu lit up our little traveling Nasu ; the Nasuno248.

I passed the time in the Shinkansen listening to HIM's album And Love Said No: Greatest Hits 1997-2004. I almost cried when I listened to the track titled In Joy and Sorrow.

Something occurred to me as I listened to the track's lyrics. Both the title and the lyrics could serve as a theme song for the relationship between The Boss (Joy) and The Sorrow.

Night had fallen when we arrived at the Hills. Everything was totally dark. The Subsistence and MGA2 teams are peaceful and calm, which is typical for the final development phase.

They seem OK, but I can't let them relax just yet. We'll have trouble if our staff members start flitting away like autumn leaves. Okamura is passing out large sized poporon (only available in Nasu) to the team members.

I took care of documents pending my approval and other paperwork. I had left these items alone when I put priority on my conference in Nasu.

I took my luggage for three days and two nights home. I'll head there to sleep early tonight.

[rachelmorris305]

A Creative Home to Call Their Own

A couple’s clever path to a larger, more personal space

When Aimee and B made a move to upgrade to a 3-bed, 2-bath (formerly 1-bath) co-op in Park Slope, they weren’t sure if they needed a contractor, an architect, an interior designer, or all of the above. The kitchen was “more or less non-existent” and the bath needed a re-do. Essential changes, including moving walls and emphasizing the home’s architectural character, gave way to their welcoming new space. Read on for details of their renovation adventure.

Guest post by Park Slope homeowner Aimee

My wife B and I loved our little one-bedroom duplex in Hell’s Kitchen, but it had two drawbacks. It was small and the little spiral staircase was a safety hazard that we suspected would only get worse as we got older. Our budget was tight for the 2-bedroom, 2-bathroom apartment we wanted, but we felt like it was time to make the move.

Focusing on Park Slope, we found one apartment that wasn’t perfect, but it had enough space, so we put in an offer. We lost out to a higher bid. We found a second apartment that had a cute little balcony, but we were outbid again. It became clear that we needed to look at apartments below our budget so we could bid higher, but there wasn’t much in that range.

Finally, I expanded my search to include places with only ONE bathroom, and saw an apartment pop up that fit our budget—the listing said, “Bring your contractor.” It was a big mess, but at least it was big! I rushed to an early open house on a Wednesday morning so I could be one of the first to see it. As I left, I texted B, “It needs a lot of work, but it just feels like home.” She came back with me that Sunday and was equally smitten with the place. We had to outbid 11 other offers, but this time, we got it!

(Before) The study (left) and the hallway (right) leading to the living room (After) Living room and study (right)

The 3-bedroom, 1-bathroom (now 2-bathroom) co-op is on the 2nd floor of a brownstone building in the center of Park Slope. The bathroom was in desperate need of an update, and the kitchen was more or less non-existent (there were a few cabinets and a sink). We knew this would be a lot of work, but didn’t know if we needed an architect, a contractor, a designer, or all of the above. We spoke to a few of each and no one thought they could do all the work we needed for anywhere close to our budget.

After seeing Sweeten on Open House NYC, we finally posted our project on Sweeten and were matched with a contractor who could guide us with design and connect us to an architect. Since we wanted to renovate the kitchen and bathroom before moving in, we decided to take the plunge and do a full renovation on the whole apartment, including installing new 5″ oak floors in a cherry stain, replacing crumbling plaster walls with drywall, and adding a washer/dryer in the hallway closet.

We didn’t have a specific style in mind for the remodel, though we wanted to save as many of the original features as possible. Both of us loved the sense of history in the home, and while a few modern lights were OK with us, we didn’t want to clash too much with the original look. So we saved the molding that was salvageable and picked new ones that matched as closely as possible. We managed to save the vast majority of the tin ceiling—a small section was ruined when we moved the wall between the rear bedrooms. The exposed brick walls and the Deco-style fireplace in our living room were also kept intact (we gave the fireplace a fresh coat of paint). Sadly, we weren’t able to save the beautiful french doors, but one now hangs horizontally on the living room wall as a piece of art.

Beyond matching the existing style, we wanted an apartment that felt cozy and creative. For me, as a writer, that meant lots of space for books. The existing small study, where one of the two doorways was removed and a transom was added, was the perfect spot for our collection. It offered me a place to write and work that felt totally stuffed with books. The writer in me also loved the bay window. Back when I first walked into the apartment, during the open house, I could already envision the banquette that could be built underneath the three windows, allowing us to lounge along the windows and read. Sitting curled up on that bench with a book is now one of my favorite activities. As an added bonus, it also gives us extra storage.

(Before) Kitchen

The kitchen was probably the biggest transformation. While we kept the room in basically the same spot, everything else changed. The only appliance in the kitchen when we bought the place was a small, cheap stove that the sellers brought in for the inspection. There was also a small sink and a few metal cabinets, all on the righthand wall when you faced the kitchen. Very little demo was needed in there!

We spoke with our contractor extensively about what we wanted—as large a kitchen as would fit in the space, and as open as possible. He was able to give us a 3D rendering that included all the elements we required—a large peninsula for bar stools, ample storage space including deep drawers for our pots and pans, and the triangular configuration for our stove, sink, and fridge.

We tried to bring in our “cozy and creative” feel through the fixtures and furniture. Our contractor sourced most of our materials, other than the lighting and appliances, so we had time to focus on finding just the right accent pieces. Our favorite store in Hell’s Kitchen, Domus, was a great resource for items like our bedspread and picture frames.

(Before) Master bedroom (left) and the wall on the right that was removed to enlarge the space; guest bedroom (right), formerly the master (Above) Guest bedroom (Above) Master bedroom

Our Sweeten contractor helped us to figure out the best layout in the apartment. Since we were putting in a second bathroom, we wanted to create a master bedroom that was ensuite, but we weren’t quite sure how to make that happen, including annexing some hallway space. Ultimately, a wall was removed between the two rear bedrooms so the master would be next to the large walk-in closet. That closet became the master bath and a new clothes closet was built.

(Before) Guest bath (Above) Guest bath (Above) Master bath

Though we love the end result, the renovation process took a lot longer than we had originally hoped, partly due to waiting for city permits, some changes to our original plan, and to the general busy schedule of our contractor. We were able to stay in our old apartment for quite a while because we had low carrying costs, and held off selling it as long as possible. When we finally put our old place on the market, it sold quickly and we moved into the new place with only a few weeks’ notice.

Our contractor’s team was able to get it to a “move-in ready” state in time for our move, but we realized that our idea of move-in ready was different from theirs. The floors were dry enough to put our furniture down, but none of the kitchen appliances worked. We had one functioning toilet with the only working sink in the kitchen. B and I had an interesting few weeks of making ramen with our coffee maker and eating tuna out of a pouch.

In the end, that little rough patch just made us appreciate our wonderful new kitchen and the whole apartment even more. And we are still thrilled about all the little details that make this apartment uniquely ours.

Thank you, Aimee and B, for sharing your very comfortable home!

KITCHEN RESOURCES: Cabinets, 750 Series in Stone Grey: Waypoint. Solid White quartz countertops: MSI. Sink, #KHU101-23: Kraus. Simplice faucet: Kohler. Profile refrigerator, stove, dishwasher, microwave: GE. Dark grey, 6″x24″ floor tile: Roca Tile. Thurman classic lighting: Lumens. Classic Metal Ball pendants: Pottery Barn. Hardware: Amerock. Tabouret navy counter stool with wood seat: Overstock.

MASTER BATHROOM RESOURCES: HydroRail shower fixtures: Kohler. Toledo sink and vanity: Fairmont Designs. Langford cross-handle sink fixtures: Pottery Barn. Memoirs Stately round front toilet: Kohler. Benchwright Triple Sconce in antique bronze: Pottery Barn. Medicine cabinet: Ronbow.

SECOND BATHROOM RESOURCES: HydroRail shower fixtures: Kohler. Classic Single Sink Mini Console in gray: Pottery Barn. Langford cross-handle sink fixtures: Pottery Barn. Memoirs Stately elongated toilet: Kohler. Benchwright Triple Sconce in polished nickel: Pottery Barn. Medicine cabinet: Ronbow. Greenhow Blue paint, #CW-655: Benjamin Moore.

LIVING ROOM RESOURCES: Classic Metal Ball Pendants: Pottery Barn. Angelica paint, #AF-665: Benjamin Moore.

HOME OFFICE RESOURCES: YOBO Lighting Antique Industrial Barn hanging pendant light with metal dome shade in matte black: Amazon. Constellation paint, #AF-540: Benjamin Moore.

—

Renovating your entire home is an exciting opportunity, but what does it cost? Find out in our cost guide on budgeting your renovation according to square footage.

Refer your renovating friends to Sweeten and you’ll both receive a $250 Visa gift card when they sign a contract with a Sweeten general contractor.

Sweeten handpicks the best general contractors to match each project’s location, budget, and scope, helping until project completion. Follow the blog for renovation ideas and inspiration and when you’re ready to renovate, start your renovation on Sweeten.

A post from originally from Sweeten

[mariacedano-blog-blog]

Beautiful Homes of Instagram Cami Tiffin Clark at @camitiffin and I have so much in common that while reading her intro I kept telling her the things that have also happened in my life. But, coincidences apart, she is someone that is about to inspire you in many ways. She is smart and knows how to renovate and decorate a home like very few people. Her home feels heavenly. One can say it is because of its white interiors but I would have to disagree with that… the feeling of her home comes from this family’s inner Light. Hey there! I’m Cami, and I couldn’t be happier to welcome you into our home. I would like to start by saying I have spent more time than I probably should admit on the Home Bunch feed and blog scouring for ideas and sources as we have remodeled this home. I started my Instagram account this past year and never would have dreamed I would be treated with the chance to appear on a site that I have frequented as just a regular gal obsessed with home design. When Luciane asked if I’d like to participate in her “Beautiful Homes of Instagram” series, I MAY have screamed and done a herkie right there alone in my kitchen! I’m honored to share our hearth and so happy to contribute to a community built on sharing and inspiring one another. It is my privilege to pay back for all the ideas I have gleaned from bloggers and designers I so admire. Thank you Luciane for this opportunity! Beautiful Homes of Instagram My husband and I met at a movie theatre in Lone Tree, Colorado. I had recently met his high school buddy while away for school at the end of a spring semester. We were both from Colorado. After being home for the summer a couple of weeks, he invited me to go with a group of his friends to an X-Men movie premier. He asked his friend Tyler to deliver my ticket to the lobby while he arranged seats. Tyler gave me the ticket. Our eyes met. And the rest, as they say, is history. This was May 2003. Tyler and I were married in August 2003. Yeah, you read that right. A cheesy “loved at first sight” story/a parent’s worst nightmare, right?! We will celebrate our 15th anniversary this year. We have three children, ages 12, 9, and 5 who keep us growing and learning all the time. We also have two teacup Yorkies that we adore who seem to make it into many of my photos. My husband is a natural handyman. Although he works in the tech industry, he has done most of the work in our three homes we have remodeled. We also flip houses occasionally, and he has done most of the work in those projects as well. Buying undervalued homes has allowed us to become homeowners as well as learn some valuable skills. Remodeling has given us another opportunity to work as a team, and I believe it has also been a value to our marriage. We have both found a passion for the renovation and design process. We have put blood, sweat and tears into our homes and they are a source of pride for us. Although we are Colorado natives and lived there for the first ten years of our marriage, we moved to the small town of Midway, Utah just four years ago. It is very close to Park City, but most people haven’t heard of it. It’s small, quaint and friendly. We just got a stoplight! My parents bought a home here and we were lucky enough to visit a couple of summers. Midway is an easy place to fall in love with. We found our home online and I flew out to see it in person. Even though at the time, it had a much different style than it does now, it had such a great feeling and flow to it. A good vibe house to be certain. We sold our home in Parker, Colorado and moved to Midway shortly after walking through the house. We began remodeling our home the moment we crossed the threshold and haven’t stopped since. After years of gray walls, I decided on a whim to repaint the majority of the interior white. Finding the right white paint color is about as hard as finding your perfect partner. I actually decided on my husband quicker than a white paint. Go figure! I spent hours researching paint on Pinterest and designer websites (you know that rabbit hole). I’ve always preferred a crisp, clean white. The new wall color has been a welcome change. They are bright, happy and simple. I often get asked how I live real life in a house with so much white. For me, it’s very easy to spot the areas that need wiping and address them quickly. It keeps me on my cleaning game and honestly, even with the little smudges and fingerprints, a white home still appears very clean. It’s a magic trick! Foyer Wall Color: Snowfall by Behr. Olive Bucket: World Market. Pillows: McGee & Co. Home Office Our first project was the front room off the entryway. We needed to create some kind of office space, so we sacrificed a living or dining room. Two rooms that seem to be very underused in most homes, so it wasn’t too difficult to decide. I think this space had previously been used as a dining room. The French doors were installed to create separation. The pass through that connected to the kitchen we closed in, which gave us the space for functional office storage. One of the main priories in our remodel has been to create storage. This home, for its size, had very little. We still do not have a coat closet but we were able to make a small mudroom off the kitchen. Chandelier: Ballard Designs Paint Color This office has our original gray paint and it’s still one of my favorite go-to colors for our investment properties – Rockport Gray at 50 % by Benjamin Moore. Lighting Sconces: Visual Comfort Hardwood Floors Our flooring was a drastic change to the house. Price has driven many of our design decisions. We want to allocate funds wisely to get the maximum profit for resale. I would have preferred lighter floors but the company we went with only had about five stains at the time, and the lighter one was too orange for me. We wanted rustic farmhouse style floors and the price was too good to pass. I love that the darker stain brings warmth to our home. Vintage Pine Flooring: Tavern select stain. Family Room Our family room had a beautiful mantle, but there was no storage at all in this room. Reluctantly, we ended up tearing it out. We worked with our contractor to create this wall-to-wall builtin. We pulled the existing fireplace insert forward to create depth. We bought the brick at a salvage yard for practically pennies and cut the pieces in half, creating a brick facing. We actually left the red brick for a few months before painting it white. I found the varying color of the individual bricks too busy alongside the storage cubbies. Painting the brick really brought the cubbies to life and simplified the room. Sectional is Norwalk. Large Lamp: Details Comforts of Home. Creating a Home I am big on simple visual space. I feel like it helps me function better in life. Designing my life, the same way I approach designing a room is also a great passion of mine. I try to be intentional with how I fill my mind and my physical space. Decor: One Kings Lane. Lamp: Arteriors. Spindle Chair: Z Gallerie. Accent Table: Layla & Grace. Love This is Cami’s sweet puppy. How adorable!!! Pillows: Pottery Barn. Rug: West Elm. Coffee Table Decor Similar glass beads can be found here. Similar White Oak Balustrade Coffee Table: RH – Similar: Here, Here & Here. Bookcase Paint Color Bookcase Color: Decorator’s white by Benjamin Moore. Decor: One Kings Lane & Horchow. Black & White I love how Cami decorates her built-ins. It’s uncomplicated and chic. Good Vibes Only Rooms have an energy, and they affect how we function. I think looking within and knowing yourself and your needs is a vital component of creating a space you will love and in which you will thrive. No matter the size or style, everyone needs space that refills their tank and supports the pursuit of building a life we love. I know it’s cheesy, but I’m all kinds of cheesy. Mirror: Pottery Barn. Kitchen The most painful yet rewarding project thus far has been our kitchen remodel. Living in a remodel is…interesting. We didn’t have running water in our kitchen for about a month while we waited for our new cabinets and plumbing to be installed. It was challenging, but we created some fun memories. We were able to sell the cabinets, counters, and appliances to a young couple just remodeling their first home. We were happy to see everything go to use and even happier to put that money toward our new, much more functional kitchen. Pendants: Restoration Hardware – similar here, here & here. Barstools: Serena and Lily. Cabinet Paint Color Cabinet Color: Decorator’s White by Benjamin Moore. Range: Wolf. Countertop I get asked a lot about our marble counters. I did a few years of research on marble, and as we all know, everyone will have a different opinion on this topic. I happen to have thing for marble. It’s timeless and decadent yet rustic. A winning combination in my book! And after walking hundreds of steps on marble in Paris, I decided if it’s good enough for trampling on over decades and decades, it can hold up in my kitchen! Marble just speaks to my soul. Carrera is less expensive than many kinds of granite, so it’s not always a splurge. In fact, in comparison to the other options we were entertaining, we saved money! The rustic element of marble brings some old world charm and that was just what I was wanting in the heart of our home. This is our gathering place. We do cooking, homework, art projects, pumpkin carving and blogging on this stone. The stories it could tell! Clearly, I’m not too uptight about my counters. They get scratched and etched, but we will rehone them every couple years and they are good as new! (Be sure to check out my Instagram stories where you will see this counter covered in proof that we actually live here. And in my opinion, that is when these counters are at their most beautiful.) Faucet: Danze. Simialr Sink: Farmhouse Sink. Options In our last home, we had Super White granite. That is a great stone option for anyone wanting a marble look without the worry over etching and staining. Sconces: RH. Similar: Visual Comfort Kitchen Hardware Cabinet Hardware: Restoration Hardware. Similar Backsplash: Classic White Subway Tile. Kitchen Reno We created the kitchen window seat by moving our backdoor out of the bay window. The open doorway now leads to a pantry that was formerly a tandem garage. Refrigerator: Viking Breakfast Nook We were able to put in the three windows, gaining new and very welcome natural light. Dining Chairs: Overstock. Similar Dining Table: Here. Windows All the windows in our home used to have plantation shutters, but we found that they restricted too much of our views and light. Taking off the plantations made the home feel much more bright and open. We have beautiful views and hated to have them impeded. Hutch The hutch is from Sun River Gardens. Lighting: Visual Comfort. Shiplap This stunning space features shiplap on walls and dark hardwood flooring. White & Glass Beautifully arranged! Pantry Inspo Our pantry is one of my favorite new additions to our home. I am so grateful for this spot in our home. Organized The original kitchen did not even have a pantry cabinet so having ample space to organize is never lost on me. Coffee-time Every morning I come in for my coffee and feel grateful to have this nook and the new light streaming in through the windows. Laundry Room Paint Color: Rockport Gray HC-105 Benjamin Moore. Our laundry room has been worth every dime! This entire room used to be a sitting area in our master bedroom. Across the hall used to be a tiny laundry closet. The door couldn’t open all the way, and the layout just didn’t make sense. The old laundry room, fortunately, backs to our master closet, so we were easily able to incorporate the extra square footage. A larger master closet was a bonus and also great for resell, if we should ever choose to. We still have to finish the other side of the laundry room. I am playing with how I want to use that space best. Stay tuned… Tile: Contempo Tile. Star Light: Lampsplus. Metal Laundry Hamper: World Market. Rug: World Market. Cabinet Paint Color & Hardware Cabinet Paint Color: Decorator’s White Benjamin Moore. We changed all of the lighting and hardware throughout the house. They really are the jewelry of any home and just updating them can give an entirely new style. Hardware: Anthropologie Upstairs Bathroom My oldest daughter was the first to get her bathroom updated and improved. We found the hexagon marble tiles online. If you are in the market for marble tile, the Builder Depot prices are fantastic! We purchased a paint sprayer and refinished the existing cabinets to save money. We had a new marble counter installed, which really makes the room feel brand new. Bathroom Reno Ideas Bathroom Cabinet Paint Color: Decorator’s White by Benjamin Moore. Mirror: CB2 Faucet: Delta Tile: Builder Depot – similar here, here & here. Sconces: Schoolhouse Electric. Son’s Bedroom My son’s room makes me happy every time I walk by it. I’ve had such a fun time putting it together over the past few years. It is still a work in progress, but I love how it is now. We have plans for a window seat and bookcases for storing Legos and toys. That is one of the projects we will return to later if our budget allows. Seagrass Pendant- Pottery Barn Kids. Trunk: Home Goods. Decor Nightstand: West Elm. Rug-West Elm. Bed: Land of Nod. Pillow Shams: Ballard Design. Wallpaper I love this wallpaper. It looks great in every space that I see it. Even in a girl’s room, I think it would be adorable. Wallpaper is Cole & Sons – can be purchased via Anthropologie. Paint Color Paint color is Cafe Latte by Benjamin Moore. Guest Bathroom This middle bathroom got a little facelift this past summer. New tile and new paint on the cabinets. I found a marble remnant from a local stone yard, and it was enough for this bathroom and our pantry counter. Score! Bathroom Decor Mirror: Home Goods – Similar here, here & here. Light: Lamps Plus – similar here. Faucet: Delta. Cabinet Paint Color: Decorator’s white by Benjamin Moore. Daughter’s Bedroom Little girl rooms are so fun to design. Every color is welcome and every animal. What a joy to make a space for play and imagination! And this room captures the spirit of our youngest little firecracker so well. She specifically requested pink. A surprising color for a little girl room, right?! Just kidding. It’s totally predictable, but it suits our little one so well. She spends hours playing her little heart out in her pink room. I promise you, it rarely looks like this, but that is just what we hoped for. Chandelier: Overstock Curtains and Rod: West Elm Moose Bust: ZGallerie Paint Color Paint color is Intimate White SW 6322 Sherwin Williams. Floral Pouf: Arteriors Bookshelves Bookshelves: IKEA photo ledges. Spindle Furniture Spindle Bookcase: Target online. Master Bedroom We have some big exciting projects yet in this home. A master bathroom remodels, our landscaping, and our basement. We look forward to the designing, the challenges, the victories and the growth. I document our projects and everyday life on my Instagram and I’d love to have you check it out. I believe good design is a FEELING created in our homes. I also believe home design is so much more than pretty things. It’s our refuge from the world. No matter the size or style. How we live within the walls, how we treat ourselves and those we share a life with will determine how beautiful our home feels. At least that is what I have found. Our house is my canvas and my safe haven. It’s part of my evolution as a person. I think we can design our home the same way we design our life. Some parts may need editing and reworking as time goes by. If we are intentional about what and how we choose to fill our home, we can truly design a space that warms the heart of any who enter. Chandelier: eBay. Nightstand Nightstands: American Furniture Warehouse. Lamps: Z Gallerie Flowers: Horchow Ottoman Ottoman: HomeGoods Trim & Grid Molding Color Trim & Moldings Throughout House: Ambassador by Sherwin-Williams in untinted white. Bed: Vanguard Furniture. Pillows and Quilt: Restoration Hardware. I hope to see you soon. And again, thank you so very much Luciane for including me in this incredible resource for design and inspiration. Make sure to follow Cami from @camitiffin on Instagram and visit her website to see more photos of her beautiful home! Photography: Jessica Kettle This Month’s Best Deals Wayfair: 70% Off + Many New Items on Clearance! Pottery Barn:Up to 40% OFF + Free Shipping – Code: SAVEBIG West Elm: Up to 60% Off. Code: BYE2017. Horchow: 20% Off + Free Shipping. Code: NEWYEAR One Kings Lane: Save Up to 60% Serena & Lily: Up to 70% OFF!!! Williams & Sonoma: Up to 75% off Nordstrom: 50% OFF Half Yearly Sale. JCPenny: Clarence 80% OFF – Extra 40% OFF on $100 or more. Code: NewYear Neiman Marcus: Up to 60% OFF Pier 1: Huge Sales! Up to 75% OFF Joss & Main: Huge Sales – Up to 75% OFF Price Drop Event. Post of the Week: New Interior Design Ideas. Lowcountry-style Coastal Farmhouse. French Interior Design Ideas. Beautiful Homes of Instagram. California Beach House with Classic Coastal Interiors. Family Home with Grey Exterior and Interiors. Coastal Interior Design Ideas. Classic Shingle Home Design Ideas. Classic White Kitchen with Grey Backsplash. Newly-Built Board and Batten Modern Farmhouse. New 2018 Family Home Decor Trends. Trending on Home Bunch: Open-Concept Family Home Design Ideas. White Beach Style Kitchen with Shiplap. English Farmhouse Home. New 2018 Interior Design Ideas. You can follow my pins here: Pinterest/HomeBunch See more Inspiring Interior Design Ideas in my Archives. Popular Paint Color Posts: The Best Benjamin Moore Paint Colors 2016 Paint Color Ideas for your Home Interior Paint Color and Color Palette Pictures Interior Paint Color and Color Palette Ideas Inspiring Interior Paint Color Ideas Interior Paint Color and Color Palette New 2015 Paint Color Ideas Interior Paint Color Ideas Interior Design Ideas: Paint Color Interior Ideas: Paint Color More Paint Color Ideas “Dear God, If I am wrong, right me. If I am lost, guide me. If I start to give-up, keep me going. Lead me in Light and Love”. Have a wonderful day, my friends and we’ll talk again tomorrow.” with Love, Luciane from HomeBunch.com Interior Design Services within Your Budget Come Follow me on Come Follow me on Get Home Bunch Posts Via Email Contact Luciane “For your shopping convenience, this post might contain links to retailers where you can purchase the products (or similar) featured. I make a small commission if you use these links to make your purchase so thank you for your support!”

[alexdgreen86]

Open Floor Plan Rehab Before & After

Hey everyone! Melissa here back with another before and after. This one is all about the best way to work with an open floor plan rehab. Well, the best way to open up a floor plan, that is. This house was super outdated. We’ll talk about that further down.

But first, have you guys seen the webinars Danny hosts? They’re great for really understanding how to get the best leads. All of our great leads come from our website. That, and our online marketing. Seriously, it’s so much easier than spending hours driving for dollars or making post cards for direct mail. Check it out and reserve your spot by clicking on the button below ?

Get better quality leadswith our free training!

Alright, let’s talk about this open floor plan rehab!

The Entrance Before

This house was seriously outdated. I mean, it looked like it hadn’t been touched since it was built. The entrance hall was super narrow and dark with this huge hall closet blocking off most of it. That had to go.

You guys probably already know this from our other videos and blog posts, but I can’t stand narrow and dark floor plans. It just makes the whole house feel smaller than it actually is. One of the first things I had my contractor do was take out that closet so that we could knock some walls down.

The biggest part of flipping an open floor plan rehab is working with the support that the house already has. We ran into this problem. Right behind where the closet used to be was a crucial support beam that we couldn’t remove without harming the integrity of the house.

To the right of the entrance hall was this long, weirdly shaped dining room / living room combo. This room was cut off from the main living room for some reason. I couldn’t figure out why. Other than the fact that this room had another major support beam that we couldn’t remove. So when we went to make this an open floor plan rehab, we had to do a few creative things.

After Opening the Entrance

When we took down those two support walls we had to be sure to keep a support column where the hall used to be. In addition to that, we bumped down the arches between the dining room and the living room to 18 inches.

We had to do that to keep the support on the house when we were making it an open floor plan rehab. Other than that, we tried to keep everything open and inviting for people as they walk into the house. I mean, with that narrow hallway and those walls gone, you can actually see the rest of the house when you walk in! Imagine that hahaha.

Just like we do with all of our rehabs, we changed the floors and painted the walls. We laid down the wood look vinyl we like to use, and painted the walls that nice bright grey color. I don’t know if I’ve mentioned it before, but the reason I like using that light grey is for three reasons:

It’s neutral for the buyers

It brightens up the house

And it makes the room feel bigger than it is.

Rooms feel much larger and more open when they’re more well lit. That’s why we added lots of can lights in this property as well. To really transform a small and closed off house into an open floor plan rehab, you have to make it feel light and bright. When there’s more light, it feels like there’s more space. That’s exactly what we did to this property’s entrance hall. And, let me tell you, it looks 100% better than it did.

Dark Living Room & Kitchen – Before

This living room wasn’t bad, it just wasn’t updated. Just like the front room, the living room in this house was dark and narrow. The first thing to do to make it an open floor plan rehab was to knock down the wall between it and the dining room. Check!

The next thing was to update the lay out and design of the room. This living room had a lot of dark paneling on the walls that made it feel much more closed off and dark. The ceilings in the living room were the only really high ones in the whole house, and they looked really nice. Other than the large dark beams.

One major problem in this entire house was just how dark everything was. The living room lead into the kitchen which also had dark wood paneling everywhere.

The countertops, sink, and fixtures were outdated for sure. One of the big things that we replaced was the cabinets. I know I talk a lot about just sanding them down and repainting them in the Flip Pilot group, but these weren’t in the best condition. I always suggest keeping the original cabinets and repainting them as long as they’re in good shape. These…weren’t. They had this super outdated trim around them that couldn’t be sanded off without making them all look off.

There were also cabinets above the sink that made the rest of the kitchen feel cut off from the living room. This kitchen didn’t have much storage space, but this kitchen was pretty small so it wasn’t a huge problem. There was a little pantry shelving unit in the breakfast room right off of the kitchen that helped with the storage space problem. The problem was that the whole space felt very small and cut off.

New Open Living Room & Kitchen

Now the living room doesn’t feel closed off from the rest of the house. Right when you walk through the front door, the living room is easily accessible. Knocking out those walls really helps!

We took out all of the paneling and dark wood colors, replacing them with clean and simple wall textures. The biggest transformation was the fireplace. The original one was yellow brick and fit against the wall in a weird way. I built it all the way up to the ceiling, replaced the yellow brick with nice tile, and had my contractor build a new mantel.

He’s so creative! There was some left over marble tile from the bathroom tub surround. My contractor took it and made it a hearthstone for the new fireplace. It looks really good. I love the way the fireplace transformed!

I know I’ve talked about making the fireplace a wow factor a lot in the past. This property is no different. If you look at your houses like a work of art, you’ll be able to make it pop too. When we changed this to an open floor plan rehab, the new open living room needed a focal point. Boom! That’s where the fireplace comes in. When you first walk into this house, it really catches your eye.

On to the kitchen! Like we said, this kitchen was super dark and drab looking. The rehab wasn’t difficult. We updated everything. We added a new under-mount sink, new granite countertops, new hardware, etc. The one thing we replaced (that we typically don’t) was the cabinets. These cabinets were old and outdated and couldn’t be salvaged.

So we replaced them with new ones. As far as style goes, I did what I usually do and painted the top ones white and the bottom ones darker. I used a new dark paint that I’m not sure if I like as much as the other darker gray color. This one was more of a blue gray. It didn’t look bad, just not my favorite color.

We took out the cabinets above the sink and replaced them with some awesome pendant lights we got from IKEA. Check out our IKEA haul video on our YouTube channel!

The Master Bedroom (And Its Weird Hall)

Before we can take about the master bedroom, you have to understand the original floor plan of the house. There was a hallway in this house that ran from the back bedrooms all the way to the master. The problem with this hallway was that it was the only thing connecting the master bedroom and the adjoining one.

This was definitely a weird layout. In fact, the hallway wasn’t just connecting the master and adjoining room, it also functioned as a shared walk-through closet. It was very strange. Because this was both the master closer and another bedroom’s closet, the second room isn’t technically a bedroom. We had to do some creative thinking when it came to this.

Two Separate Bedrooms!

Needless to say we closed the hallway off. Originally, the opening to the master closet was in the hallway. We closed it off and added double doors to that lead to the master bedroom and closed off the entrance to the original hall. Now the master bedroom stands on its own! Whoo-hoo!

The “bedroom” that was connected to the hallway is now closed off with its own door. Yay! We ended up building a closet in that room as well. At first I was hesitant to do that because I was afraid it would make the room too small. We bumped the wall out by 5 feet for the closet. In the end it was perfect. It’s an average room size now, definitely big enough for a full bedroom set!

Teeny Tiny Shower – Before

Ok, so, the master bathroom is small. There’s not much we can do about that. That’s just how the house is. I can work with a small bathroom, the problem was the shower. This house had a walk in master shower, which is fine. I normally like to at least have a shower/tub combo in the master bath, but there just wasn’t enough room for it. No, the real issue with this shower was how narrow it was.

I don’t know what it is about this house, but everything was super narrow. As a small person, I had difficulties getting in and out of the master shower. If I can’t do it comfortably, then there’s a problem. The ceiling of the shower was really low, and the entrance to it was really slim. Once you’re in the shower, though, there’s a nice enough amount of space. Like, the shower itself didn’t feel as small as it was once you were in it.

Making The Master Bath Feel Bigger

This bathroom was a challenge because it was so, so small. If there were room to add a tub, believe me I would have. Since there was very limited space to work with, I had to get creative. I had my contractor bump up the ceiling of the shower and add a can light to make it feel larger than it is.

Additionally, I took out the cabinet shelves above the toilet to match the rest of the open floor plan rehab. After exchanging the old cabinet with open shelves, we moved on to the floors. Like I said in the before and after video for this property, I decided to turn this bathroom into a wow factor. I did that with these awesome Floor & Decor tiles! These printed tiles are great. They really work to make little rooms like the master bath an accent in the house.

How to Make an Open Floor Plan Rehab Wrap Up

Making an open floor plan isn’t hard. The best tricks I can give are:

Use light colors on the walls

Bump up the ceilings when you can

Add can lights!

The more light and bright you can make the house feel, the better. When you’re working with these older floor plans it’s very important to upgrade it for the current housing market. In fact, we talk a lot about that in the Flip Pilot group on FaceBook. You should join! Come network with active real estate investors like yourself! ?

That’s it for this before and after blog post. Stay tuned on Flipping Junkie for the next one! And don’t forget to check out the Flipping Junkie YouTube channel for full podcast episodes, before and after videos, vlogs, and more. See you all next time!

The post Open Floor Plan Rehab Before & After appeared first on Flipping Junkie.

from http://flippingjunkie.com/open-floor-plan-rehab/

from Flipping Junkie - Blog http://reiflippingjunkie.weebly.com/blog/open-floor-plan-rehab-before-after

[juliasmathewus]

Open Floor Plan Rehab Before & After

Hey everyone! Melissa here back with another before and after. This one is all about the best way to work with an open floor plan rehab. Well, the best way to open up a floor plan, that is. This house was super outdated. We’ll talk about that further down.

But first, have you guys seen the webinars Danny hosts? They’re great for really understanding how to get the best leads. All of our great leads come from our website. That, and our online marketing. Seriously, it’s so much easier than spending hours driving for dollars or making post cards for direct mail. Check it out and reserve your spot by clicking on the button below 🙂

Get better quality leadswith our free training!

Alright, let’s talk about this open floor plan rehab!

The Entrance Before

This house was seriously outdated. I mean, it looked like it hadn’t been touched since it was built. The entrance hall was super narrow and dark with this huge hall closet blocking off most of it. That had to go.

You guys probably already know this from our other videos and blog posts, but I can’t stand narrow and dark floor plans. It just makes the whole house feel smaller than it actually is. One of the first things I had my contractor do was take out that closet so that we could knock some walls down.

The biggest part of flipping an open floor plan rehab is working with the support that the house already has. We ran into this problem. Right behind where the closet used to be was a crucial support beam that we couldn’t remove without harming the integrity of the house.

To the right of the entrance hall was this long, weirdly shaped dining room / living room combo. This room was cut off from the main living room for some reason. I couldn’t figure out why. Other than the fact that this room had another major support beam that we couldn’t remove. So when we went to make this an open floor plan rehab, we had to do a few creative things.

After Opening the Entrance

When we took down those two support walls we had to be sure to keep a support column where the hall used to be. In addition to that, we bumped down the arches between the dining room and the living room to 18 inches.

We had to do that to keep the support on the house when we were making it an open floor plan rehab. Other than that, we tried to keep everything open and inviting for people as they walk into the house. I mean, with that narrow hallway and those walls gone, you can actually see the rest of the house when you walk in! Imagine that hahaha.

Just like we do with all of our rehabs, we changed the floors and painted the walls. We laid down the wood look vinyl we like to use, and painted the walls that nice bright grey color. I don’t know if I’ve mentioned it before, but the reason I like using that light grey is for three reasons:

It’s neutral for the buyers

It brightens up the house

And it makes the room feel bigger than it is.

Rooms feel much larger and more open when they’re more well lit. That’s why we added lots of can lights in this property as well. To really transform a small and closed off house into an open floor plan rehab, you have to make it feel light and bright. When there’s more light, it feels like there’s more space. That’s exactly what we did to this property’s entrance hall. And, let me tell you, it looks 100% better than it did.

Dark Living Room & Kitchen – Before

This living room wasn’t bad, it just wasn’t updated. Just like the front room, the living room in this house was dark and narrow. The first thing to do to make it an open floor plan rehab was to knock down the wall between it and the dining room. Check!

The next thing was to update the lay out and design of the room. This living room had a lot of dark paneling on the walls that made it feel much more closed off and dark. The ceilings in the living room were the only really high ones in the whole house, and they looked really nice. Other than the large dark beams.

One major problem in this entire house was just how dark everything was. The living room lead into the kitchen which also had dark wood paneling everywhere.

The countertops, sink, and fixtures were outdated for sure. One of the big things that we replaced was the cabinets. I know I talk a lot about just sanding them down and repainting them in the Flip Pilot group, but these weren’t in the best condition. I always suggest keeping the original cabinets and repainting them as long as they’re in good shape. These…weren’t. They had this super outdated trim around them that couldn’t be sanded off without making them all look off.

There were also cabinets above the sink that made the rest of the kitchen feel cut off from the living room. This kitchen didn’t have much storage space, but this kitchen was pretty small so it wasn’t a huge problem. There was a little pantry shelving unit in the breakfast room right off of the kitchen that helped with the storage space problem. The problem was that the whole space felt very small and cut off.

New Open Living Room & Kitchen

Now the living room doesn’t feel closed off from the rest of the house. Right when you walk through the front door, the living room is easily accessible. Knocking out those walls really helps!

We took out all of the paneling and dark wood colors, replacing them with clean and simple wall textures. The biggest transformation was the fireplace. The original one was yellow brick and fit against the wall in a weird way. I built it all the way up to the ceiling, replaced the yellow brick with nice tile, and had my contractor build a new mantel.

He’s so creative! There was some left over marble tile from the bathroom tub surround. My contractor took it and made it a hearthstone for the new fireplace. It looks really good. I love the way the fireplace transformed!

I know I’ve talked about making the fireplace a wow factor a lot in the past. This property is no different. If you look at your houses like a work of art, you’ll be able to make it pop too. When we changed this to an open floor plan rehab, the new open living room needed a focal point. Boom! That’s where the fireplace comes in. When you first walk into this house, it really catches your eye.

On to the kitchen! Like we said, this kitchen was super dark and drab looking. The rehab wasn’t difficult. We updated everything. We added a new under-mount sink, new granite countertops, new hardware, etc. The one thing we replaced (that we typically don’t) was the cabinets. These cabinets were old and outdated and couldn’t be salvaged.

So we replaced them with new ones. As far as style goes, I did what I usually do and painted the top ones white and the bottom ones darker. I used a new dark paint that I’m not sure if I like as much as the other darker gray color. This one was more of a blue gray. It didn’t look bad, just not my favorite color.

We took out the cabinets above the sink and replaced them with some awesome pendant lights we got from IKEA. Check out our IKEA haul video on our YouTube channel!

The Master Bedroom (And Its Weird Hall)

Before we can take about the master bedroom, you have to understand the original floor plan of the house. There was a hallway in this house that ran from the back bedrooms all the way to the master. The problem with this hallway was that it was the only thing connecting the master bedroom and the adjoining one.

This was definitely a weird layout. In fact, the hallway wasn’t just connecting the master and adjoining room, it also functioned as a shared walk-through closet. It was very strange. Because this was both the master closer and another bedroom’s closet, the second room isn’t technically a bedroom. We had to do some creative thinking when it came to this.

Two Separate Bedrooms!

Needless to say we closed the hallway off. Originally, the opening to the master closet was in the hallway. We closed it off and added double doors to that lead to the master bedroom and closed off the entrance to the original hall. Now the master bedroom stands on its own! Whoo-hoo!

The “bedroom” that was connected to the hallway is now closed off with its own door. Yay! We ended up building a closet in that room as well. At first I was hesitant to do that because I was afraid it would make the room too small. We bumped the wall out by 5 feet for the closet. In the end it was perfect. It’s an average room size now, definitely big enough for a full bedroom set!

Teeny Tiny Shower – Before

Ok, so, the master bathroom is small. There’s not much we can do about that. That’s just how the house is. I can work with a small bathroom, the problem was the shower. This house had a walk in master shower, which is fine. I normally like to at least have a shower/tub combo in the master bath, but there just wasn’t enough room for it. No, the real issue with this shower was how narrow it was.

I don’t know what it is about this house, but everything was super narrow. As a small person, I had difficulties getting in and out of the master shower. If I can’t do it comfortably, then there’s a problem. The ceiling of the shower was really low, and the entrance to it was really slim. Once you’re in the shower, though, there’s a nice enough amount of space. Like, the shower itself didn’t feel as small as it was once you were in it.

Making The Master Bath Feel Bigger

This bathroom was a challenge because it was so, so small. If there were room to add a tub, believe me I would have. Since there was very limited space to work with, I had to get creative. I had my contractor bump up the ceiling of the shower and add a can light to make it feel larger than it is.

Additionally, I took out the cabinet shelves above the toilet to match the rest of the open floor plan rehab. After exchanging the old cabinet with open shelves, we moved on to the floors. Like I said in the before and after video for this property, I decided to turn this bathroom into a wow factor. I did that with these awesome Floor & Decor tiles! These printed tiles are great. They really work to make little rooms like the master bath an accent in the house.

How to Make an Open Floor Plan Rehab Wrap Up

Making an open floor plan isn’t hard. The best tricks I can give are:

Use light colors on the walls

Bump up the ceilings when you can

Add can lights!

The more light and bright you can make the house feel, the better. When you’re working with these older floor plans it’s very important to upgrade it for the current housing market. In fact, we talk a lot about that in the Flip Pilot group on FaceBook. You should join! Come network with active real estate investors like yourself! 🙂

That’s it for this before and after blog post. Stay tuned on Flipping Junkie for the next one! And don’t forget to check out the Flipping Junkie YouTube channel for full podcast episodes, before and after videos, vlogs, and more. See you all next time!

The post Open Floor Plan Rehab Before & After appeared first on Flipping Junkie.

from Flipping Junkie http://flippingjunkie.com/open-floor-plan-rehab/ from Flipping Junkie https://reiflippingjunkie.tumblr.com/post/167772597019

[reiflippingjunkie]

Open Floor Plan Rehab Before & After

Hey everyone! Melissa here back with another before and after. This one is all about the best way to work with an open floor plan rehab. Well, the best way to open up a floor plan, that is. This house was super outdated. We’ll talk about that further down.

But first, have you guys seen the webinars Danny hosts? They’re great for really understanding how to get the best leads. All of our great leads come from our website. That, and our online marketing. Seriously, it’s so much easier than spending hours driving for dollars or making post cards for direct mail. Check it out and reserve your spot by clicking on the button below 🙂

Get better quality leadswith our free training!

Alright, let’s talk about this open floor plan rehab!

The Entrance Before

This house was seriously outdated. I mean, it looked like it hadn’t been touched since it was built. The entrance hall was super narrow and dark with this huge hall closet blocking off most of it. That had to go.

You guys probably already know this from our other videos and blog posts, but I can’t stand narrow and dark floor plans. It just makes the whole house feel smaller than it actually is. One of the first things I had my contractor do was take out that closet so that we could knock some walls down.

The biggest part of flipping an open floor plan rehab is working with the support that the house already has. We ran into this problem. Right behind where the closet used to be was a crucial support beam that we couldn’t remove without harming the integrity of the house.

To the right of the entrance hall was this long, weirdly shaped dining room / living room combo. This room was cut off from the main living room for some reason. I couldn’t figure out why. Other than the fact that this room had another major support beam that we couldn’t remove. So when we went to make this an open floor plan rehab, we had to do a few creative things.

After Opening the Entrance

When we took down those two support walls we had to be sure to keep a support column where the hall used to be. In addition to that, we bumped down the arches between the dining room and the living room to 18 inches.

We had to do that to keep the support on the house when we were making it an open floor plan rehab. Other than that, we tried to keep everything open and inviting for people as they walk into the house. I mean, with that narrow hallway and those walls gone, you can actually see the rest of the house when you walk in! Imagine that hahaha.

Just like we do with all of our rehabs, we changed the floors and painted the walls. We laid down the wood look vinyl we like to use, and painted the walls that nice bright grey color. I don’t know if I’ve mentioned it before, but the reason I like using that light grey is for three reasons:

It’s neutral for the buyers

It brightens up the house

And it makes the room feel bigger than it is.

Rooms feel much larger and more open when they’re more well lit. That’s why we added lots of can lights in this property as well. To really transform a small and closed off house into an open floor plan rehab, you have to make it feel light and bright. When there’s more light, it feels like there’s more space. That’s exactly what we did to this property’s entrance hall. And, let me tell you, it looks 100% better than it did.

Dark Living Room & Kitchen – Before

This living room wasn’t bad, it just wasn’t updated. Just like the front room, the living room in this house was dark and narrow. The first thing to do to make it an open floor plan rehab was to knock down the wall between it and the dining room. Check!

The next thing was to update the lay out and design of the room. This living room had a lot of dark paneling on the walls that made it feel much more closed off and dark. The ceilings in the living room were the only really high ones in the whole house, and they looked really nice. Other than the large dark beams.

One major problem in this entire house was just how dark everything was. The living room lead into the kitchen which also had dark wood paneling everywhere.

The countertops, sink, and fixtures were outdated for sure. One of the big things that we replaced was the cabinets. I know I talk a lot about just sanding them down and repainting them in the Flip Pilot group, but these weren’t in the best condition. I always suggest keeping the original cabinets and repainting them as long as they’re in good shape. These…weren’t. They had this super outdated trim around them that couldn’t be sanded off without making them all look off.

There were also cabinets above the sink that made the rest of the kitchen feel cut off from the living room. This kitchen didn’t have much storage space, but this kitchen was pretty small so it wasn’t a huge problem. There was a little pantry shelving unit in the breakfast room right off of the kitchen that helped with the storage space problem. The problem was that the whole space felt very small and cut off.

New Open Living Room & Kitchen

Now the living room doesn’t feel closed off from the rest of the house. Right when you walk through the front door, the living room is easily accessible. Knocking out those walls really helps!

We took out all of the paneling and dark wood colors, replacing them with clean and simple wall textures. The biggest transformation was the fireplace. The original one was yellow brick and fit against the wall in a weird way. I built it all the way up to the ceiling, replaced the yellow brick with nice tile, and had my contractor build a new mantel.

He’s so creative! There was some left over marble tile from the bathroom tub surround. My contractor took it and made it a hearthstone for the new fireplace. It looks really good. I love the way the fireplace transformed!

I know I’ve talked about making the fireplace a wow factor a lot in the past. This property is no different. If you look at your houses like a work of art, you’ll be able to make it pop too. When we changed this to an open floor plan rehab, the new open living room needed a focal point. Boom! That’s where the fireplace comes in. When you first walk into this house, it really catches your eye.

On to the kitchen! Like we said, this kitchen was super dark and drab looking. The rehab wasn’t difficult. We updated everything. We added a new under-mount sink, new granite countertops, new hardware, etc. The one thing we replaced (that we typically don’t) was the cabinets. These cabinets were old and outdated and couldn’t be salvaged.

So we replaced them with new ones. As far as style goes, I did what I usually do and painted the top ones white and the bottom ones darker. I used a new dark paint that I’m not sure if I like as much as the other darker gray color. This one was more of a blue gray. It didn’t look bad, just not my favorite color.

We took out the cabinets above the sink and replaced them with some awesome pendant lights we got from IKEA. Check out our IKEA haul video on our YouTube channel!

The Master Bedroom (And Its Weird Hall)

Before we can take about the master bedroom, you have to understand the original floor plan of the house. There was a hallway in this house that ran from the back bedrooms all the way to the master. The problem with this hallway was that it was the only thing connecting the master bedroom and the adjoining one.

This was definitely a weird layout. In fact, the hallway wasn’t just connecting the master and adjoining room, it also functioned as a shared walk-through closet. It was very strange. Because this was both the master closer and another bedroom’s closet, the second room isn’t technically a bedroom. We had to do some creative thinking when it came to this.

Two Separate Bedrooms!

Needless to say we closed the hallway off. Originally, the opening to the master closet was in the hallway. We closed it off and added double doors to that lead to the master bedroom and closed off the entrance to the original hall. Now the master bedroom stands on its own! Whoo-hoo!

The “bedroom” that was connected to the hallway is now closed off with its own door. Yay! We ended up building a closet in that room as well. At first I was hesitant to do that because I was afraid it would make the room too small. We bumped the wall out by 5 feet for the closet. In the end it was perfect. It’s an average room size now, definitely big enough for a full bedroom set!

Teeny Tiny Shower – Before

Ok, so, the master bathroom is small. There’s not much we can do about that. That’s just how the house is. I can work with a small bathroom, the problem was the shower. This house had a walk in master shower, which is fine. I normally like to at least have a shower/tub combo in the master bath, but there just wasn’t enough room for it. No, the real issue with this shower was how narrow it was.

I don’t know what it is about this house, but everything was super narrow. As a small person, I had difficulties getting in and out of the master shower. If I can’t do it comfortably, then there’s a problem. The ceiling of the shower was really low, and the entrance to it was really slim. Once you’re in the shower, though, there’s a nice enough amount of space. Like, the shower itself didn’t feel as small as it was once you were in it.

Making The Master Bath Feel Bigger

This bathroom was a challenge because it was so, so small. If there were room to add a tub, believe me I would have. Since there was very limited space to work with, I had to get creative. I had my contractor bump up the ceiling of the shower and add a can light to make it feel larger than it is.

Additionally, I took out the cabinet shelves above the toilet to match the rest of the open floor plan rehab. After exchanging the old cabinet with open shelves, we moved on to the floors. Like I said in the before and after video for this property, I decided to turn this bathroom into a wow factor. I did that with these awesome Floor & Decor tiles! These printed tiles are great. They really work to make little rooms like the master bath an accent in the house.

How to Make an Open Floor Plan Rehab Wrap Up

Making an open floor plan isn’t hard. The best tricks I can give are:

Use light colors on the walls

Bump up the ceilings when you can

Add can lights!

The more light and bright you can make the house feel, the better. When you’re working with these older floor plans it’s very important to upgrade it for the current housing market. In fact, we talk a lot about that in the Flip Pilot group on FaceBook. You should join! Come network with active real estate investors like yourself! 🙂

That’s it for this before and after blog post. Stay tuned on Flipping Junkie for the next one! And don’t forget to check out the Flipping Junkie YouTube channel for full podcast episodes, before and after videos, vlogs, and more. See you all next time!

The post Open Floor Plan Rehab Before & After appeared first on Flipping Junkie.

from Flipping Junkie http://flippingjunkie.com/open-floor-plan-rehab/

[wooju-lee-blog]

[I wrote a restaurant review a few weeks ago for an assignment for my Art of Eating and Dining class, taught by Joanne Chimenti. It’s casual, with some personality to it, steering clear of that any pretentious shtick (ahem, Globe and Mail. You’re reviewing restaurants, not the cure for the common cold). Full disclosure, this article is 100% original: should this blog be caught in the web of reverse article searching for plagiarization, I once again reiterate that this article was 100% written by yours truly. All photos were taken by Pengwei “Chris” Feng]

You might miss Pai if you’re not actively looking for it. From the outside, there’s no telling that the rustic, brick-built establishment is a restaurant; only a curious sign hangs above to offer any insight of its identity—and a vague one at that. The patio is a dead give away, sure, but the general feel doesn’t exactly give off that je ne se quois. It’s all curiously minimalist—but alas, you should never judge something by its exterior, no?

Pai—named after a town in Northern Thailand—is the latest venture by backpacking restauranteurs Nuit and Jeff Regular. The duo are no strangers to Toronto’s food and dining scene, having successfully launched Sabai Sabai and Sukhothai—both quaint, modest Thai food spots filtered with a modern edge. With restaurants proliferating in Toronto at a rapid speed, Pai seeks to stand out from the crowd with a mission to blur the line between the classic and the modern. Their ethos is a promise of simple, traditional flavours set against a backdrop of a nostalgic ambiance; authenticity is clearly something they strive for. If Sabai Sabai and Skuhothai felt more catered towards the “foodies” crowd of Instagram, Pai is Toronto’s answer to a Thai food dining experience that rises beyond image. Being cool isn’t Pai’s primary concern. Instead, the restaurant falls back to the basics, prioritizing food and ambiance as the forefront of their selling factor. There are no gimmicks here: it’s all for the love of service and hospitality.

Upon entering, a staircase welcomes patrons to the core of the hustle and bustle of the venue. Immediately to the right, an open kitchen designed in lieu of the wooden houses of Thailand blows enticing scents of spices and herbs into the air. There is incense burning somewhere, engaging your senses with such warmth that the experience makes you feel strangely at home. To the left is a bar called Bebop named after a local music house in Thailand; a takeout station is placed meekly nearby, designed to be reminiscent of a street vendor cart. It’s not hard to understand that Pai’s curated atmosphere is easily a love note to Thailand’s renowned nightlife, where an abundance of street carts and modest, small-scale restaurants are dotted throughout for nightcrawlers and hedonists looking to grab a quick bite. The concept may seem foreign to white-tie lovers, but Pai manages to translate the best of Thailand’s attractions to something intimate and personal.

Various pieces from the motherland are scattered in maximalist fashion throughout its brick-walls, a stark contrast compared to the restaurant's simplistic exterior. The low-ceiling concept venue is illuminated by dimly-lit lighting; photos of the Regulars’ homeland can be seen next to tasteful graffiti art pastiched from the streets of Bangkok. There is never a boring moment in Pai; the ambiance is constantly lively, with never a quiet moment to spare. Here is a stern warning, though: those that want a little breathing room for coherent conversations may find it a bit of a challenge at Pai.

The venue’s spacious hall offers eclectic seating options, including an alcove area where diners sit on cushions on the floor. Those looking for a more casual style of dining can choose to sit at the bar: watching mixologists work their way like chemists is an added plus to the entertainment factor of Pai. There is even a private dining area with a communal table. Whatever your choice may be, the lively atmosphere of Pai completes any method of dining.

The slightest smudge in Pai’s meticulously cultivated brand is perhaps their service. The waiting staff were affable; they greeted us amicably and seemed engaged with exchanging basic pleasantries. Yes, the service met all the minimum requirements expected from any restaurant: efficiency, thoroughness, and a sense of decorum. However, our server, in particular, felt as if she was rushing certain aspects: drinks and the like were not explained thoroughly, and questions about certain dishes were corresponded with a vague nondescript. While this wasn’t a huge negative, it may certainly be a red flag for those that are not quite familiar with Thai cuisine and looking to expand their palette. With that said, we decided to ask for a recommendation and was underwhelmed by her pick: the usual spring roll appetizer with pad thai and, yes, a regular fried rice for our entrées. Recommending the safest choice when asked is certainly not an anomaly for a restaurant per se, yet we could not help but feel that a more adventurous recommendation would have been far more memorable. Alas, it’s all personal preference, and we were more than accommodating to order her selections. Oh, and how could I almost forget to mention: almost all the food on the menu can be made vegan. How about that?

As we were staring in awe at the mixologist using an unidentifiable tool that looked something like a centrifuge, we were delighted—albeit suspiciously surprised—that our food was served in less than 20 minutes. We started with our appetizer—the three spring rolls ($8)—filled with sautéed mushrooms, carrots, bean sprouts and glass noodles. The rolls had a delectably crispy texture with a majestic golden colour. However, spring rolls can only taste so good and generally speak for themselves; it would inherently be criminal for them to be anything less than delicious. Yes, they were savoury. Yes, they acted the part as the ideal appetizer. But they were also largely forgettable. Once our plate was finished, our attention was brought back to the mixologist. Pai truly is an entertaining spot, yet we grew despondent that it felt more like a café next to a gift shop at an acclaimed museum, rather than an actual restaurant.  

The fried rice ($13) was presented on a basic dish; it wasn’t a spectacle, nor did we expect it to be. I want to preface this next statement with the reassurance that it is not meant to be passive-aggressive, but perhaps a garnish other than three sliced cucumbers placed on the side would have made it far more exceptional? 

The actual food itself, however, was cooked and seasoned to near perfection. The combination and ratio of onions, red peppers, and beef paired with nam prik nam pla sauce produced a piquant yet smooth mouthfeel. The dish was topped with a fried egg which helped tie all the different flavours together in a creamy coating. It also tasted exceptionally natural, as expected from the Regulars’ culinary mantra of prioritizing authenticity with no caprice. MSG clearly has no room in this restaurant. The pad thai ($15), however, put both of us at a figurative precipice. The noodles were cooked generally well: soft with a smattering of denseness. However, during our meal, we noticed that some of the noodles would often clump together. I’m not a big meat eater, but apparently the meat in the pad thai was tender, however slightly tough to the bite perhaps due to overcooking; the vegetables proved this by being mushy in texture. Despite some trivialities, the dish was salvaged by Pai’s famed home-made tamarind sauce: a subtly sweet and savoury nectar that was balanced out by toasty and sparkling notes of crushed peanuts and lime, respectively. Despite the sauce being used rather lightly, the flavours almost seemed to build on as we progressed, never revealing its full flavour until the very last bite. The portion was generous but perhaps overly so to the point where one portion could probably satisfy two patrons.

Pai is a restaurant with so many strong ideas, yet the execution often feels tangled. The restaurant’s mission to perfect a truly authentic culinary experience while upkeeping their atmosphere still seems like a lofty goal. The ambiance of Pai replicates the spirit of Thailand’s nightlife, yet the food cannot stand on its own. The flavours peak, but never truly blossom, and the service seems to graze past only the bare minimum. Pai is truly a gorgeous spot, but it is a half-felt experience. It is ideal for a casual dinner with old friends, but as it is now, it still feels like the morning after a spontaneous night out: you come home struggling to remember just what it is you ate, but shrug it off because there’s always going to be a new spot to check out in this city.

NAME Pai Northern Thai Kitchen LOCATION 18 Duncan St, Toronto, ON M5H 3G8 PHONE (416) 901-4724 WEBSITE paitoronto.com PRICE $15 to $20 RATING 2.5/5

[Words by Wooju Lee; photography by Pengwei Feng]

[markwatkinsconsumerguide]

Consumer Guide / No.50 / Artist Ros Burgin MRBS with Mark Watkins.

MW : You're a member of the Royal British Society of Sculptors. How does that work for you?

RB : I love it. When I first walked in to an event at 108 Old Brompton Road there was a palpable sense of being amongst my own kind of people namely sculptors. The RBS is an independent and artist led organisation that promotes high professional and creative standards among sculptors and members share skills and experience. It is committed to making the full range of contemporary practice accessible to all.

MW : What places and spaces do you source objects in order to create art?

RB :  Anywhere and everywhere. I notice particular things  that are part of everyday  life and they stand out because of their inherent qualities and characteristics. What ends up in my hands is usually down to curiosity  about the unfamiliar. The things that end up interesting me don’t always immediately suggest a piece of work. I will keep them around the house so they remain in sight and in mind until I get an idea for a piece of work.

MW : What makes an object potentially upscalable?

RB : Probably, the intent of the Artist governs whether to change the scale from life-size and almost anything is possible nowadays with advances in science, technology and materials. Perhaps the main limitation to realising larger pieces is the availability of a location and the necessary funds.

‘Stella V’ is an example of this. I received a commission from Amesbury , a local school with an age range of 5-13, to make a sculpture for their grounds. I worked with one year group and decided to focus on the part of the school day they spend in the playground and introduced them to the game of Jacks or 5 stones as it is universally known. We made multiple scaled models and scattered them outside to assess them collectively and chose a particular size that related in scale both to the location and the average height of the group.

MW : Tell me about 'Stays, Holds, Ties’ (2009)...

RB : ‘Stays, Holds, Ties ‘ literally reveals the shape of women at the beginning of the last century. Society changed the shape of women’s bodies imposing a desirable form and used the corset to achieve it. I combined it with the covers of romance novels because they are stories which end in marriage another way society proposed women’s lives should be lived and offered few alternative prospects. By revisiting this period and reviewing women’s history and the unenviable lot of previous generations in the light of contemporary society we can see how far we have come and consider how far we still have to go. I tend to find that the pace of change towards equality for women is excruciatingly slow. So I make pieces which comment and draw attention to issues surrounding equality and I am a founder member of the Women’s Equality Party. 

MW : Tell me about 'Skylines' (2015)...

RB : I am a member of the Fawcett Society who published a blog about my project for the installation ‘Skylines https://www.fawcettsociety.org.uk/Blog/female-pilots-flying-face-of-adversity which addresses very relevant issues of women in the workplace and their underrepresentation in certain professions. After 100 years of aeroplane flight women make up less than 5% of pilots and there are only 450 captains worldwide out of 130,000.This installation features the names of 301 female pilots who, I believe, are role models and an inspiration to others. As an artist I want to encourage dialogue and Skylines draws attention to the number of female pilots increasing the visibility of them as group of women in this workplace and by making them visible encouraging women into the profession …you have to see it to be it.

MW : Tell me about ‘Totally Thames’ (2016)...

RB : ‘Totally Thames’ is an annual celebration of the River Thames with a creative and diverse programme of events throughout September which is curated and managed by the Thames Festival Trust. I joined them as a partner for the first time in 2016 to launch another piece from my ongoing series of work called ‘Thames Drawings’, which all focus on a particular 42-mile stretch of the Tidal Thames flowing through Central London, from Teddington Lock in the west to the Thames Barrier in the east. “Thames Drawing #2” is a new map of the River made using names of boats that use the Thames woven into a continuous piece of text written in graphite on paper which exactly charts its twists and turns.

The exhibition was held at St Katherine Docks in Devon House which looks out onto Tower Bridge and they extended the show for 4 months. I made a second very similar drawing to exhibit along with Thames Drawing #3 – a gold leaf drawing and 2 other pieces, ‘Island’ and ‘Lifeline’, at Trinity Buoy Wharf in the Chainstore at an event organised by www.5x15stories.com commissioned a full sized print of the work to be made which is now on permanent display in Orchard Place at the entrance to the Wharf. It is 1m x 2.8m and looks great as an unbroken line of text. The print works really well anywhere between 50% - 100% of the original size. And the reduced scale is easier to place in a domestic setting.

MW : Away from your studio, what do you enjoy seeing / doing in and around Godalming, Surrey, where you live?

RB : I love getting out and exploring both towns and the countryside. We are never really far from a coastline on this island and I adore the sea so frequently head off to the shoreline wherever I go.

Sport is a regular thing for me, currently tennis and skiing - but I am about to focus more time on learning to surf.

MW : How aesthetically pleasing is your garden and what makes it so?

RB: I have a small garden, and a little borrowed landscape from my neighbours, and the Lammas Land edging the River Wey running through my hometown. It is south facing so I have planted and shaped a couple of olive trees, a fig and the local apple tree bramley to take advantage of the shadows they cast across the space as the sun moves from east to west. I enjoy a crisp shadow; mark making on a large scale with a light touch.

I have a friend who is a beekeeper, and so have come to learn more about bees’ patterns and needs. As a result, I have replanted my garden over the last few years with bee-friendly-plants and let them escape into the lawn, which now grows to full height for the spring and summer months. Incidentally, this brought an enormous variety of other insects, moths and butterflies into the space. They seem to fly at different heights and rather like pilots stick to their routes. Inadvertently, I created a habitat which suits all these different species.

MW : Earth, wind and fire. Discuss how these three elements are represented by design in your home and work spaces…

RB : Earth, wind and fire, powerful stuff. I have specifically played with fire and burnt materials to see what happens. I have a wood burner stove which allows me to sort of control the flames and burning time by choosing how much fuel, what matter to burn, and stopping the airflow to arrest the burning. I burnt animal and bird bones, saved from whatever I was eating, and they took on beautiful patinas and became fragile, reminiscent of porcelain sort of taking on the aspects of the plate from which they were eaten. They sounded quite different when strung up in the wind. I have learnt how to burn some pages of an open book and want to make a large piece like this. It will need to be done in the exhibition space and immediately covered with an acrylic case to preserve the delicate leaves. Fire will come up again in a future piece in Thames Drawings. I will be using wood from a burnt boat.

I engaged somewhat with air/wind through the Skylines work, by looking at and thinking about the marks made by pilots as they fly their planes to and from points on earth through the space above us. They are creating temporary traces and lines and these lines informed the shape of Skylines.

Earth comes into my work either as a fired substances, or, as a temporary vehicle for imprints and traces left by people and things such as bicycle tracks. The latter produced installations called Spin and Twist. I also carve stone now and again which is some of the oldest material I work with. There is a small piece on show until October at David Hartlands’ www.elementalsculpturepark.com near Cirencester along with a few installations of Spin.

MW : What was the last film you saw, and which one are you looking forward to seeing next?

RB : The last film was ‘Cloudstreet’ adapted from Tim Winton’s book of the same title. He wrote the script with Ellen Fontana and Matthew Saville directed it in Perth. It was shown as a mini-series and I was blown away by it. Not only a beautiful film but great observation through the language, pace and cinematography. I have now found many of his others books through the library and they have not disappointed. I look forward to catching up with this years film releases in the autumn when my current exhibition closes and daylight is shorter.

MW : Which TV programmes do you never miss, and why?

RB : I like series such as Spooks and heist movies, the twists in the plots appeal. I enjoy Scandinavian series too for many reasons not least they show women in roles other than decorative and victim and don’t flinch at showing women in positions of authority, lead roles and letting them keep their clothes on. I am now watching Montalbano set in Sicily and it helps keep my struggling Italian language in tune.

MW : What do you have ongoing, and planned for the rest of 2017, and beyond?

RB : My current exhibition is now open until 1st October and features ‘Thames Drawing 4’ which is a 4 meter long wall mounted sculpture made from wood salvaged from decommissioned boats that spent their lifetime on the Thames. The project is supported using public funding by Arts Council England and exhibited in partnership with Totally Thames 2017.

I worked with Mark Edwards MBE, a master boatbuilder and set up as an Artist in Residence (AIR) in one of his boathouses used by the Thames Wherry Trust. The AIR was open to the public to reveal and demystify an artist’s process. We adapted techniques specific to wooden boat building, and employed them to produce a piece of sculpture made from unique materials which pay tribute to their history. The work marks the points where the tributaries and ‘lost’ London rivers feed into the Thames . It was amazing working on the riverside and I documented the whole process which I will shortly publish as a blog. I am at the exhibition every Friday (12pm-6pm) and weekends (11am-6pm) in September for informal Q&A with the public. I share the space with ‘Working River’ a Thames Festival Trust project film and story boards about the remaining boatbuilders on the Thames.

For the rest of the year, I will be seeking permanent locations in buildings along the River for bespoke scaled commissions of my work in the Thames Drawings Series. There are additional pieces to be made from parts of wooden boats which suggested themselves during the AIR at Mark’s and he seems to have a bountiful supply of old boats to choose from.

A future project includes working with light in partnership with photographer Nick Joubinaux who is based at Trinity Buoy Wharf and photographed Thames Drawing 2 enabling it to be made into a print.

MW : Where can we find out more?

RB : www.rosburgin.co.uk current projects section of the website and via my newsletter if people send me their contact details I will add them to my mailing list.

© Mark Watkins / September 2017