#I decided to be unresponsible and go for the extra date :'D

[mitamicah]

Guess what; Now I am going to Gothenborg too :'D

[halcyonnhood]

Congrats and Condolences [Ashton Irwin]

Summary: Ashton and his girlfriend Mia discover that they are expecting and all of their friends are extremely excited about it. Until the boys leave for tour and are called to come home for the unimaginable. 

Rating: PG-13 (?)

Warnings: Angst, Miscarriage, and mentions of blood. Lightly talks about religion and praying.

Word Count: 2.2k (oops?)

Authors Note: This topic is a very sensitive topic, this is something very near and dear to my heart. I’m not honestly a very good writer and I’m not sure this will get very many notes, but as I said, this is very important to me. I did mention religion, because it’s something that got me through some rough patches, but it isn’t overpowering or anything. Also, Calum is mentioned a lot, because he’s an important piece of this, I mean, he’s Ashton and Mia’s best friend :) Leave some feedback. (also unedited cause I finished this at 7am with no sleep) 

Mia can remember the exact day that she found out she was pregnant, she had been sitting on a hotel toilet and looking at the florescent pink stick held securely in her hand. She had to look at the box twice to make sure that what she was looking at was correct and after staring at it she realized that, indeed, two lines meant it was positive. Being both shocked and ecstatic was an understatement, she just knew she had to show Ashton immediately. Later that night, the second he unlocks the door, she is holding the pink stick towards him. 

“Two lines..” Ashton looks up at Mia with a raised eyebrow. “That means..”

“It’s positive, Ash!” Mia beams at him with excitement. 

“Seriously? This isn’t a joke?” Ashton asks cautiously.

“Seriously.” She nods enthusiastically. 

“This is such good news babe!” Ashton swiftly pulls her in to kiss her forehead and hug her close. “We’re going to have a baby!”

Ashton could never quite contain his excitement and joy for the family they were creating. He was more than ready to have a family with Mia, he loves her more than he ever thought was possible and now that she’s carrying his child? He just can’t wrap his mind around how insanely lucky he is. It only took a few days for the two to tell the boys and their parents, everyone was emotional and happy for the young couple. Mia still particularly favors Calums reaction, he was absolutely floored by the news. 

“You’re actually having a baby?” Calum questions. He stares at Mia carefully with a small smile. 

“An actual baby” Mia responds with a silly grin and nodding. 

“No way” Calum says, even though he breaks out in an enormous smile and instinctively goes for a hug. “That’s so amazing! Congratulations!”

It only took a mere few weeks to have every single boy whipped for the unborn child. Ashton was absolutely beside himself with the love he holds for this kidney bean sized human, all he ever wanted was being handed to him. A beautiful girlfriend that he loves dearly and a precious baby on the way, he was on cloud nine. It was soon discovered that all of the boys held their own fondness as well. Calum was absolutely enamored with the baby. He would ask almost daily to touch the small, growing bump and other times would lay his head across Mias lap and talk directly to the fetus. He had fondly nicknamed it “small kiwi” because he said that is the size of the fetus, despite Michael arguing the nickname should be “cool bean”. Luke managed to end the argument with saying that Kiwi was by far the superior nickname. 

When it was time for the boys to go on tour, Ashton was apprehensive about leaving Mia all alone. He wants to be there for the entire pregnancy, but with the album already being dropped, he couldn’t call off an entire tour, especially when her due date is long after tours end. Mia didn’t mind him leaving, she enjoyed seeing all the videos and pictures of him doing what hes passionate about and of him meeting the adoring fans. 

Even after they left, he would facetime her every time he had free time. They talked about everything from nursery ideas to names and they had successfully decided that the nursery would be pale purple. They had narrowed the names down to Charlotte May Irwin for a girl and Owen Fletcher Irwin for a boy. Even a million worlds apart, they had a love and connection that wouldn’t be broken for anything. 

Calum would send Mia pictures from tour, pictures of Ash, scenery, and even food. In exchange Mia would send him pictures of the bump and even showed him the new sonogram picture of Kiwi. Somewhere along the line, Calum had been named the godparent and it couldn’t have been a better choice. Luke and Michael were going to be amazing uncles, but Calum loved and adored the baby like no other. He loved the baby so much that it was as if Kiwi hung the stars and moon in his sky. 

Mia finds it shocking how smoothly the pregnancy is going, she hardly has any morning sickness and so far she hasn't had the typical back pain that other women whine about. That is until one night while laying down, her back starts cramping up and she can hardly move with the blinding pain. Her first instinct is to call Ashton and when he doesn’t answer, she dials Calum and he answers within the first few rings. She wanted to think that she was paranoid, but with the anxiety building in her chest, she can’t shake off the pain. 

“Hey, Mia” Calum greets happily across the line. 

“Wheres Ash?” She questions. 

“Beside me, his phone died. Why, are you alright?” Concern laces through his voice instantly. 

“I just really need to talk to Ash," She insists.  

“Whats wrong?” Ashton now questions. 

“My back is cramping badly" Mia holds her breath, close to tears "It's just scaring me,"

"Has it not gone away?" Ashton also now sounds concerned.

"No," Mia stammers. "I think I'm just paranoid, but I just, it's not normal...I don't think."

"I can be home in a couple hours" Ashton says quickly. "Just try to stay in bed and relax"

Mia does what Ashton advises and stays propped up in bed, attempting to keep busy instead of thinking of the absolute worst. She watches friends and then bobs burgers, the laughing easing her fears slightly. Despite ignoring all the precautionary warnings, Mia refuses to believe that miscarriage or still birth is a possible outcome in her pregnancy. As she sits up, pain shooting through her lower back, she remembers that there's still a chance of miscarriage even after thirteen weeks. She is only sixteen weeks along, not nearly enough time spent with kiwi. She want to spend years with her own flesh and blood, not a few weeks. But just as soon as the thought appears, it disappears with her bedroom door opening to reveal Ashton rushing in.

"Are you okay?" Ashton immediately questions, glancing over her figure hidden in the blankets.

"My back is still burning" Mia answers quietly. Ashton is quick to be by her side and places an arm around her shoulders. "It's never been like this"

"We'll g-" Ashtons words fall short when he pulls the cover away from her body.

Blood soaked through her shorts and seeps onto the sheets under her, making Ashtons chest tighten and breathing faulter. When Mia follows his gaze, it's as though her heart stops and all of her dreams shatter to the ground, falling in pieces around her. Ashton just breathes in deeply and closes his eyes, before moving to get her a change of clothes.

"Let's get you cleaned up, yeah?" Ashtons voice is steady and even. "Then we'll get you to the hospital"

Ashton is careful and gentle the entire way to the hospital. Calum, Michael, and Luke are in the back seat, expressions sullen after seeing the bloody mess left behind in her bed. Mia completely zones out, just clocks out of her entire existence and instead stares out the window. Calum wants to say something comforting seeing as Ashton is focused on driving and Luke looks too mortified to do anything.

Calum can't find any appropriate words though, he's still stricken with fear at the idea of loosing kiwi. Calum doesn't want to know how broken Ashton and Mia would be if something happened to Kiwi, they were both so thrilled and prepared to be parents. He’s never seen Ash so happy all the time, never heard him gush about something the way he talks about his family, and to have the taken away? He’d be destroyed. So, he just opts for silent prayers and the tense silence filling the car.

At the hospital, she lays in the bed silent and her mind stays somewhere far away in outer space. Ashton can see her eyes glassy, glazed over, and unresponsive to everything anyone says. He wishes he could say or do something more to show her that he’s here with her and that he’s in pain too, but all he can do his hold her small hand between his own. He answers most of the questions, but when the nurse starts to question about pain levels, he has no other option but to try and coax the words out of her. Mia just glances over to him, with her knees drawn to her chest, and blinks at him as he pleads. She’s supposed to rate this kind of pain out of ten? It’s beyond ten. 

“Eight” Mia says. She just simply grips onto his hand and prays for some kind of peaceful outcome, she knows better though. 

All of the people helping the couple are kind and supportive, they bring Mia warm blankets and extra pillows to try and soothe her. One of the nurses keeps bringing Ash hot chocolate with cute doodles scribbled onto the side of the paper cup and brings him warm blankets. She tells him that it’ll do his soul some good to be wrapped in warmth. The second nurse noticed their matching cross necklaces and dived into a comforting conversation about religion, love, and the beauty of praying. With soft words, she tells them that they can visit the hospital chapel or have a chaplain come pray with them. The thoughtfulness nearly makes Mia sob all over again. They keep the boys in the waiting room updated, offering warm hugs and telling them that the duo was doing just fine. 

The doctor returns to the room after three hours of tests, ultrasounds, and nervous waiting. The doctor already has that face. The sympathetic and pained looking expression written across every line and wrinkle on his face. Ashton just holds onto Mia’s hand and prepares for the absolute worst news he’ll face in his lifetime. She just watches him expectantly, waiting for the inevitable to be said. 

“I’m so sorry to inform you that your baby has passed away.” The doctor says softly. “When we did the ultrasound, the fetus had no heartbeat. Since the first ultrasound when you arrived, it seems as though all the tissue has passed.” 

“Why?” Ashton questions, his voice cracking with the weight of his tears. “I mean, is there a reason this happened?”

“The fetus had chromosomal abnormalities. These abnormalities can go undetected until it’s too late to prevent miscarriage.” He says. “Even if the pregnancy had continued, this could have caused genetic diseases and birth defects. They wouldn’t have survived long after birth.”

The doctor is kind and sits with them, explaining every last bit of the situation, and telling them softly that it wasn’t their fault. The two parents sit crying as he tells them that no matter what they did, it wouldn’t have changed the outcome. Ashton brushes the hair away from Mia’s sticky face as she watches the doctor through bleary eyes. 

“So, even if I gave birth...” Mia chokes out a cry. “They would’ve been suffering until they died?”

“I’m afraid so, Mia” The doctor nods sadly. 

“We wanted to keep the gender a secret until birth...But, uh,” She says. “Is there anyway you could tell us what we were having?”

“You both were having a stunning daughter,” He smiles lightly. “Again, my condolences.” 

When they’re left alone in the room, Ashton climbs into the bed with Mia and holds her tightly against his chest. Time seems to slow down as the two of them fall apart in each others arms. Every hope and dream seems to fall away, piece by piece, leaving them with nothing but pain and sorrow. Nothing could have ever prepared them for the unbearable heartbreak that they’re plagued with now. 

After awhile, both of the nurses return looking sympathetic and disappointed. They offer nothing but love and support, even when Mia breaks down crying again. Mia tries to tame her emotions, but the tears are still streaming and she isn’t sure if they’ll ever stop. Ashton eventually has the boys come back and before he comes back into the room, he discreetly requests for the chaplain to meet with them. Ashton knows that his girlfriend holds religion close to her heart, as does he and it’s the only thing that can offer any kind of ease for them. 

The chaplain is a soft spoken, middle aged man, who requests that everyone hold hands. Mia can feel the pain rippling through her chest, but as she connects her hands with Ash and Calum, she feels comforted and strong. As they all pray, the nurses included, everything is a little more peaceful and calm despite all of the tears and sniffling. It’s only after the chaplain leaves, that the nurse sets down a paper in front of them, Mia and Ashton look up at her confused.

“It’s a birth certificate” The nurse smiles softly. “A nonviable birth, but a birth certificate. What are you going to name her?”

Ashton and Mia just look at each other for a moment, then at Calum and the boys with teary eyes. They all held so much love for the couple and kiwi. The pair couldn’t be more thankful for this family. 

Charlotte May “Kiwi” Irwin.