#I created more toxic yuri I fear……

[imogenkol]

— AZ CALIX

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[morrowsmuses]

is no one writing kafmei here. kafka and ruan mei. the tag is empty and this will, regrettably, be the first post as well as a plea for more toxic yuri. there's so many ways you could take this. so much you could do - Ruan Mei has to overcome her fear of loss when she unfortunately becomes attached to kafka. How? up to you. - The Script is as certain as it is ruthless. If Kafka is told she's going to die, she may pass that on, or may not. Imagine her telling Ruan Mei (The very same Ruan Mei who was so broken by her parents' passing she brought them back and threw herself into a frantic study of life, and what it is.) - Kafka's interested in feeling fear, and Ruan Mei has studied all manner of lifeforms. They could work on it together. - Toxic. Yuri. Pairing. - Studying life not only tells you how to create it, but how to destroy it. How to prolong it, or how to speed up entropy. Imagine Kafka teasing her, bleeding as she says "I thought you were a genius, not a doctor." And Ruan Mei, realizing this tense feeling is worry, presses down on the wound just a little harder. She's not sure whether it's to slow the bleeding or to shut Kafka up. do you see the vision. A scientist who needs a certain measure of control. Over variables, over her own life- burning up boundless ambition to become an Aeon in a hope to hold onto the things dearest to her. And an interstellar criminal far too used to having to leave things, leave people behind, one who doesn't know fear but wants to taste it. One who, with a whisper, will have anyone helpless. and also just plain, harmony and nihility. buff and debuff. ice and electricity. a duo of absolutely lethal women, one more willing than the other.

[kkbardd]

so uhh i got summoned to asurei court, if anyone's interested in my testimony papers, theyre down below the cut. (aka my whole take on how i believe their dynamic would develop in cannon)

asurei isn’t for everyone & its whole point is unhealthy dependence.. toxic yuri if u will.. anything resembling a healthy relationship would only be in one of the alt universes created by the 3rd impact 💀 rei and asuka both have what the other wants (whether it be the worth asuka puts on recognition of piloting skills or rei's desire to break from mindless obedience like asuka seems to do so easily.) They both hate and admire each other for this, and asuka specifically expresses this by lashing out at rei. asuka's whole relationship w lesbian comphet plays a HUGE role into all of this but let’s gloss over it for the time being. (now, with asurei u gotta get a bit delusional cuz cannon doesn’t give us much so from here on out is just my opinion on how it'd play out.)

in terms of rei's POV in this:

rei hates the attention they gets from men, and is especially disgusted by gendo's fake kindness. he sees rei as a replaceable doll and pushes yui's image on them. gendo has never actually seen rei for who they really are, and rei later begins to hate and despise not only gendo but themselves too. in the anime, rei is shown to have self destructive tendencies & suicidal ideation because not only are they constantly being replaced & having their memory wiped, but each time they forget any sort of emotion that they learn in the meantime. recall the scene in which rei, right after being "revived" and left with no memory, sees gendo's glasses. although they cant remember anything, its hinted that their "soul" still remembers and hates him. rei tries to break the glasses but in the end, they’re still unable to defy and break free from their situation. feeling frustrated and helpless, rei starts crying & remarks how this should be the first time they've experienced it but somehow it feels like its not. back to the present, reis acting very reckless in battle and basically using themselves as a meat shield. they're so full of self-hate, and seeing asuka's obvious inferiority to them just upsets them even more. why does she put so much worth on the one thing that acts like a plague to them? compared to these pointless test results on a screen, asuka has something so much more valuable. the ability to think for themselves, to not be someone's doll. asuka's inferiority is almost insulting. rei verbally lashes out at asuka in the elevator, showing defiance that they never knew they could produce. it felt almost liberating. they find that being around asuka gives them emotions that they've always longed for, no matter how ugly they may be. they soon find themselves seeking asuka out, and the inferiority that was once insulting became a means to control and keep her close. asuka, someone who was seemingly invincible and can roam free without care, has one weakness that causes her to crack and shatter from the slightest touch. and that weakness is none other than rei themselves. rei becomes possessive in a way that they've never known possible. so much so that a part of them starts to hate themselves, fearing they've become just like their abuser gendo. nonetheless, rei begins to value their life more. they become deathly afraid of dying & being replaced by some mindless clone that has forgotten everything they now know about asuka and themself.

now what is asuka doing in all of this?

asuka deals with a lot of comphet and its an integral part of her character, so much so that it doesn’t seem right to not mention it. but to quickly summarize, because of this she has a love-hate relationship with attention from men. she feels disgusted by it but gets extremely jealous when it seems like another girl might replace her. then comes rei. (now what most ppl don’t seem to notice is asuka didnt start off hating rei, she tried to be friends but ever since the beginning misato has ALWYAYS pitted them against each other. this of course led asuka to feeling threatened & seeing rei as an enemy. especially since it involves piloting ability, something that asuka sees as her whole point of living.) she begins to hate her because how can someone who is so good at piloting be so brainless and doll-like. that’s exactly what asuka was trying so hard to not become! in this aspect, rei's entire existence defies what asuka has tried so hard to believe in up to this point. her hate & inferiority towards rei is only made worse when she sees that they're not only being objectified by men, but are seemingly unbothered by it unlike asuka. rei is now constantly on her mind, and asuka starts to realize that what she's feeling towards them isn’t just hate. its around the time of the elevator scene that these confusing emotions and inferiorities are at their peak. right after this, asuka goes into battle & is ordered to be rei's backup. she defies this order but receives a mental attack from an angel that causes her to re-live all of her trauma & comphet issues. the person that saved her from this is none other than rei. at this point asuka is at an all-time low, and states that she'd rather be left for dead than saved by someone like rei. she’s still confused by her feelings towards rei, but right now her hatred and insecurity is taking priority. its right after this battle that her synchro rates plummet and she loses the #1 thing she based her life worth on. she then goes out to die in an abandoned building but is eventually retrieved by NERV. I believe that during this time alone, she’s also wallowing in her feelings for rei and coming to terms with a lot of comphet stuff, especially after that psychological attack. right after this the world like ends or whatever but lets forget that for now & extend time cuz the gays need it 🥰 .

rei and asuka at this point realize their feelings in one way or another, and there's a lot of tension in their conversations. asuka is at a very fragile point rn bc of all the stuff that just went on, and rei is unsure how to go about things, half due to their inexperience & half due to their fear of becoming like gendo. however, asuka realizes rei is acting different from before, and advances on them as a way of lashing out. but to her surprise rei is undefiant and actually willingly helpless in her hands. she feels a rush of superiority and is amused by how inexperienced rei is. she also realizes that unlike her previous experiences with men (like when she tried to kiss shinji but didnt want to see, smell, taste, or even feel it & had a mental breakdown afterwards lol ) she actually likes it!? the romantic/sexual affirmation that asuka has always wanted from men like kaji is being fulfilled by rei in a way that asuka feels completely in control & comfortable. she's not forcing herself or being objectified, but rather is taking the lead. this is something she never imagined possible before. and all of this is with rei to boot! the rei that, in asuka's eyes, has always looked down on her and been unobtainable is now melting in her hands like putty. there’s a sense of accomplishment she feels, which makes her want to push rei even more. she finally has authority and to make herself feel better, she takes it out on rei through advances like this. she goes further and further, and in an ironic way, uses intimacy as a form of self-harm. she feels shame and despises herself for doing such things with ill-intent, and with another woman at that. its a toxic relationship that tries to fill the hole in her heart, but only leads to a bigger one forming.

when asuka first advanced onto rei, they felt something unlike anything before. unlike when gendo would often touch their shoulder, rei didnt recoil from asuka's touch. rei also felt something similar to asuka, in that the person who always seemed unbound by anything in now giving them her undivided attention. the fact that this came from an act of anger didnt really bother rei, since they knew from the beginning that was one of the only ways to get asuka to even spare them a glance. rei would gladly become hated if it meant binding asuka to them. in a mix of touch-starvedness & unhealthy dependency on asuka, rei kept looking forward to any interacting with asuka, since it was what really made them feel alive. asuka slowly becomes rei's world and meaning for living, but they eventually realize that causes a great insecurity. asuka is independent and can go anywhere she wants if she feels like it. from rei's pov, asuka desperately wants attention from men, something that rei could never give her. rei's afraid that asuka will leave them, & to tie asuka down they play the role of a villain. rei keeps asuka feeling insecure by becoming what asuka envisioned them as, and slowly starts hacking away at asuka's Achille's heel. rei desperately uses the short time that asuka has given them to engrain themself into her, so much so that asuka would be nothing without them. rei cannot let asuka realize her worth for fear that she would leave them. rei notices that asuka enjoys seeing them helpless and plays the part, almost like a honeytrap. slowly tho I believe that rei starts to take control of the relationship in hopes of making asuka dependent on them.

Asurei is in no way a wholesome relationship, and ik that’s not for everyone.. my vision of a happy end for them would be both of them becoming comfortable in their relationship and finding that the actions they once used to express hatred for themselves and each other is now slowly becoming fueled by love and desire for each other. They form a very unhealthy co-dependence on each other, but for them it works. They cant envision a world without the other in it.

[yugureview]

Kitanai Kimi Ga Ichiban Kawaii

I just finished reading Kitanai Kimi Ga Ichiban Kawaii, and holy shit, I need to talk about it.

(Did I create this blog specifically to talk about this manga? Yes. But I know I'll have a lot more to say about a lot of other manga and anime in the future, so I know I'll make use of this.)

When I read a brief summary of Kitanai Kimi Ga Ichiban Kawaii (also known as "I Love Your Cruddy" in English) while researching yuri manga to read, it seemed right up my alley. Psychological horror? Check. Toxic yuri? Super check. Gay BDSM? Say no more, I'm in.

Ironically, this manga, which is pretty fucking devastating, was meant to be a little break from a devastating and extremely mentally draining anime I've been watching.

(I'm not going to say which anime that is; you'll have to wait for the review 😘)

But for now, let's continue this review. Spoilers ahead!

At the beginning of the manga, we're introduced to the two main characters, Airi and Hinako. They have a secret BDSM relationship, with their kinky, sadomasochistic acts taking place in a classroom after school. Hot, right? As a kinky dyke myself, this was definitely my favorite part of the manga. Being Hinako in these sitauations is a need.

But then, just as you think you're enjoying this manga, it gets... less hot. The drama starts to unfold. Airi and Hinako's relationship is exposed at school and rumors start spreading. Because of this, Airi stops talking to Hinako. As someone with a severe fear of abandonment (thanks BPD), this really struck a nerve with me. I felt so bad for poor Hinako.

When Airi stops showing up to school, Hinako starts visiting her. At first, Airi is adamant about not wanting to see Hinako (again, triggering my crippling fear of abandonment), but she eventually gives in. And we get some more sexy stuff (yay!), this time with Hinako on top 😏

In the end, due to the drama surrounding their lives, the girls end up running away. This final stretch of the manga was sad as fuck. Airi is suicidal, and Hinako is trying so hard to make things work. But Airi ends up convincing her partner to join her in suicide. Hinako strangles Airi to death, and then lies with her in the snow until she freezes to death herself.

So, yeah. This manga was a rollercoaster of emotions -- the type of rollercoaster that starts out smooth, then has a 100-foot drop and an abrupt stop that makes you fly straight out of the safety constraints. Did I enjoy it? I have no fucking idea. I just got a concussion from flying off a rollercoaster; there's no way in hell I'm gonna be processing any of this shit for a while.

I wish Airi and Hinako got to live out the BDSM life of their dreams. I wish there was less drama and less abandonment and less suicide. But the sad, psychological shit is part of why I came here, right? So I can't complain too much.

Anyways, this review ended up not being much of a review and more of a rant. I just had to talk about this manga. How can you read something like that and just keep it bottled up inside?

Would I recommend this manga? If you're in it for the yuri or the kink, no. If you're in it to cry sad tears (with some yuri on the side), absolutely.

[boymagicalgirl]

13 for the manga asks!

thank you holly!! (almost wanted to call you tomoyo)

13. a manga with beautiful art and one with beautiful writing

ok I really had to make hard picks for this cause most of the manga I read has beautiful art I fucking read shoujo manga

So, for each category I have twoooo picks.

Beautiful art: now you know I gotta plug Glass Mask. I may have been reading it since 2023 but I got caught up this year so uhh it counts :3 Suzue Miuchi is just masterful with her expressions and use of screentones to create a mood. Now, another one that's more underrated is Mitsuami no Kamisama by Machiko Kyou. Her style is just so whimsical with its simplicity and soft palette and it provides a nice contrast to the darker themes of the story.

Beautiful writing: ok two picks. Gunjou by Ching Nakamura. It is real toxic as fuck yuri and it is dark and gritty and funny and hopeful. Now the art definitely fits the story I don't think it's ugly at all. But the writing is where Nakamura really shines. Another is Life by Keiko Suenobu (definitely haven't been maniacally posting about it) The writing is definitely melodramatic at times, but it is really grounded for the most part and I saw myself a lot in Ayumu with her self-esteem issues. Now the art was definitely a bit rough at the start but as the story goes on, Suenobu is masterful at using texture and shadow to create tension and even fear (I swear some of the panels were straight out of a thriller or horror manga)

[ea-nasir-infinite-copper-glitch]

by @/creatackers Mic. Oc related questions!

* Who was your first ever OC? Do you still “use” them? How have they evolved over time? The first oc i had was a self insert named simply Dragon-Girl, eventually i gave her a real name but it was still based on my irl name. Nowadays while she still exists in one of my stories, she's a background myth, a primordial god-figure known as The Archivist

Who is your newest OC? Why did you make them? My PC character in Baldur's gate 3, they're a red dragonborn sorcerer with gold dragon heritage and i think they are neat

Biggest self-insert OC? Intentionally, the first oc mentioned, accidentally i think Aster, he's like THE most wish-fulfilment character i have

What kind of music do your OCs listen to? I have so many characters it really depends. None of them listen to anything out there tough

What are some of your OCs biggest fears? I remember i used to have a character with a very specific fear , but i dont remember who or what it was .w.

Do you have any OCs without stories? Will you ever create one for them? Yes, so many, i try my best to fit characters in stories but since i also like to design/buy designs from others i ended up with quite the backlog of unused characters. Ideally all of them would have their turn to shine, but thats unlikely

What are your favourite relationships between your OCs? (romantic or platonic!) SO many. Akila Shadlan and Ryu sibling fuckery, Akila and Althia toxic old woman yuri, Erigon, Kyran and Garlasia Epic codependency, Imay and Hiraki sibling fuckery, Aster and Raine marriage goals. ANd ofc the stars of my current wip, Meira, Wisteria and Orick, The avatar of relationships, able to contain fluff and angst in equal measures

Do you have any OC family trees? YEs, i have an unfinished one, for my old project, and in fact all main characters in that story are somewhat related since they all are connected to the three god siblings

Favourite OC? Akila, she has been living rent free in my mind for like 3 years now. Shes my poor meow meow, my rotten soldier, my silly little boy, my blorbo if you will. Shes the main force behind the story she is for and i think i did a good job with her character.

OC you most struggled to make? at first, Wisteria i think. She felt very flat as her first concept was just 'nice queen everyone loves' but now that ive spiced her up a little she has unfolded.

* Sum up one or more of your wips! My Big Wip that wont see the light of day in years but lives in my head rent free: Big Sibling Spat dooms the world. But then one of the siblings die and now the other two are very pissed and its everyone problem now. Wip two currently being worked on: Three idiots keep being put in Situations until they all fall in love

Which story took the most research? Imagine researching for any story LMAO

Which story has the most lore? Big wip, it has like 10 years worth of miscelanious lore.

Current word count of all your main wips? My only current wip is on almost 40k words wohoo

How many projects do you have going on right now? Are there any that you doubt you’ll ever finish? Currently one, the rest are all ideas i HOPE to get to one day, but i do worry i might not due to my skill level

What was you first major project? How far along is it? Currently working on it! just passed the halfway point a month ago and havent worked on it since

What are some tropes and character dynamics found in your wips? Female protagonists+ mostly female cast, Heavy fantasy, Trios, Dragons, Autistic coded Magic specialist guy in a relationship with a redish dragon-adjacent person.

Describe the setting of one or more of your wips Big wip is a heavy fantasy setting that takes place both in Hell dimention and Mortal dimention, its literally what you get when you google Fantasy Landscape, also a mix of tech/magic. Current wip is more lax, i imagine it being a mix of medieval-pre industrial aesthetic, there are some big technologic developments happening but still very early.

What are some things that inspired your stories? Real events? Maybe a dream? Many things, so many things. Mostly other media. Current wip started as a HK fanfic idea i had.

What story are you the proudest of? Why? Big Wip even tought it doesnt really exist, is the one im most passionate about. Current Wip has grown on me tought, thought my satisfaction with it fluctuates, im proud that it exist in some form, but deeply unsatisfied with how...flat some of it is

* When did you start considering yourself a writer/artist? somewhere back in my teens, i think;

What are all the “kinds” of writing/art you do? (short stories, poetry, screenplays, digital, painting, clay, etc.) I draw aside from writing prose. Tried picking up other artistic hobbies like sculpiting and piano but those felt trought

Are you in any writer/artist groups? (Ex: discord server!) a few!

Do you have/want a career in your medium? If not, what do you do/want to do instead? No, i tried and it made me deeply unhappy. Im now hoping to be able to go into paleontology.

What’s your favourite genre to write? Is it also your favourite genre to read? FANTASYYYYY FANTASYYYYY, im a fantasy conosceur, the fact my wip is a more grounded romance thing makes me want to chew drywalls

What are your favourite books? My confort books are the Seven Realm series, very confy fantasy. The Locked Tomb is the one i love the prose the most, absolutely insane series.

What are your favourite movies? i dont really watch movies, really do like the first how to train your dragon movie

Favourite songs at the moment? depends on the moment, not really listening to any on repeat rn

What was your first fandom you were in? Did you make any art/fanfic for it? Voltron Legendary Defender, did art exclusively of my queen, my beloved Honerva

How are you doing? <3 pretty good!

[yurimother]

LGBTQ Manga Review — Alter Ego

An Unexpected and Enjoyable Turn of the Lesbian Best Friend Trope

As some of my supporters over on Patreon will know, I recently put out a deep dive into the character Yaya from Strawberry Panic. In it, I discussed her role in the series as fulfilling the lesbian best friend trope. This archetype, a character who surfers for loving the protagonist, comes in various forms and is a staple of current Yuri and Yuri adjacent media. However, I thought it might be worth examining a work that entirely revolves around the lesbian best friend, Ana C. Sánchez's Alter Ego. This Spanish manga was recently released by Tokyopop earlier this year under their Love X Love and international women of manga line. I was eager to see what Sánchez did with the classic Yuri concepts in this energetic one-shot.

I mentioned that the best friend is usually a supporting character interacting with the protagonist, but in the case of Alter Ego, she is the main character. University student Noel is in love with her best friend and classmate Elena. However, she has never been able to voice that love before. She has always contented herself with being close to Elena. However, now that Elena has a new boyfriend, Noel's chances to be intimate with her friend are dwindling. When Elena's other best friend, a writer named June, moves to town and begins living next to Noel, it is too much for the girl to bear.

The basic premise of this series is well established and easy to grasp. The story focuses less on Noel reconciling her feelings for Elena, as other unrequited love Yuri stories have in the past. Instead, the manga follows her struggle to deal with the changing reality of her friendship with Elena. While the two used to be solitary companions, the addition of Elena's boyfriend and June clearly has Noel feeling insecure and fearful. These feelings manifest in some truly toxic behavior, including shouting at her friend and generally acting selfishly. Noel's behavior makes it challenging to enjoy and root for her. However, to Alter Ego's credits, the actions are always treated as inappropriate and not played for cuteness or laughs. Much of Noel's struggles involve her guilt over her treatment of Elena. Unfortunately, although she makes some steps to make reparations, the single-volume work is too short to accommodate a complete personality swap, so Alter Ego is trapped between a rock and a hard place or making a likable character and keeping proper pacing.

Speaking of the story's pacing, it is relatively strong. Particularly in the first half of the story, the plot slowly moves forward as the stakes for Noel are established and escalated. As June enters the story, she appropriately disrupts the rhythm Sánchez set up while still keeping the progress constant. Through the chapters, we slowly begin to learn more about this young writer, and the focus of the story smoothly transitions from Noel and Elena to Noel and June. Alter Ego does a great job at helping readers discover elements of June's personality and history alongside Noel, thanks to the latter's perception and naturally building a relationship with June.

Here is where we get to the central Yuri element of the story, June and Noel's relationship. For (minor spoilers ahead), it turns out that both girls love Elena. This shared affection and their different perspectives of it drive the girls together. While Noel predominantly acts selfishly and controlling, June is the type of lesbian best friend that just wants to see the other happy, to sacrifice her own desire to know the one she loves is content. June imparts these principles onto Noel to mixed results, as discussed earlier, but the direction the work aims is clear, and the logic follows for both girls.

June and Noel's mutual love for Elena, the person who brought them together in the first place, becomes the foundation for their relationship. It is a rather fun twist on the lesbian best friend trope as the two girls begin hanging out together and share their interests outside of Elena. As one would expect, there is a fair bit of angst, a confession, and at the end, they are together. Unfortunately, while the premise that got them there is a fun manipulation of the lesbian best friend trope, the romance's path is predictable with the rushed resolution you would expect of a one-shot. However, the execution is pretty smooth, and except for Noel, particularly at the start of the story, its characters are likable enough to carry to drama and romance.

Sánchez's artwork is above average. I particularly enjoyed her attention to the character's outfits and designs. The settings are unremarkable but do not distract from the work's overall quality, and the background characters add a lot to make the world of Alter Ego full. The more emotional scenes are illustrated well, with Noel's pain and frustration being especially apparent. However, there are a few flaws and inconsistencies. Occasionally, especially in comedic moments, the art drifts a little closer to the moe edge and dips noticeably in quality. The character designs overall, while I enjoyed them, look a little younger than I would have expected. I honestly thought they were high school students until the work explicitly states that June is 24. Alter Ego already feels like an angsty high school Yuri romance despite its characters, and the art did little to help that feeling.

Alter Ego is an enjoyable single-volume Yuri drama. Sánchez did an admirable job creating a compelling story and characters, and her play on unrequited love is exciting and enthralling. While it does little new, Alter Ego is a highly polished manga with flawed characters, interesting relationships, and superb storytelling. There are also some fantastic art inserts at the start of the manga and a few vibrant color pages that stuck in my mind longer than most similar volumes have. I recommend Alter Ego for a solid afternoon Summer read and am eager to continue following its creator to see what else she does. Thank you, Tokyopop, for bringing this international manga to English audiences.

Special thanks to translation Nanette McGuinness, Editor Lena Atanassova, and the rest of the team at Tokyopop for their excellent work on Alter Ego.

Ratings: Story – 7 Characters – 6 Art – 7 LGBTQ – 6 Sexual Content – 2 Final – 6

Check out Alter Ego in English digitally and in print today: https://amzn.to/3jFruf1

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[cardest]

Russia playlist

Gorbachov! Tear down that wall.......and turn up this Russia playlist! The Cossacks are dancing to this one and the yaks are singing. Russia, Siberia, Moscow, St Petersburg and a cold war. It’s all here in this Russia playlist. Hit play: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL-iHPcxymC18F7oDKY8zH1IOplzHM05MY

We begin the journey in Siberia and make our way across Genghis Khan territory towards Omsk and beyond. We have a look at Chernobyl, Ukraine for a look around and make our way up to Moscow, We finish up this playlist in St Petersburg. Hope you enjoy it.

RUSSIA

001 FROM RUSSIA WITH LOVE 007 OST - Main theme 002 Ozzy Osbourne - Crazy Train 003 The Beatles - Back in The USSR 004 Iron Maiden - Mother Russia 005 Sisters of Mercy  - Dominion / Mother Russia 006 Ramones - Cretin Hop 007 Sting - Russians 008 Russkaja - Peace, Love & Russian Roll 009 Robert Simon Thomas - Troika  (balalaika) 010 Jello Biafra, The Guantanamo School Of Medicine - We Created Putin 011 The Cult -  Siberia 012 Mastodon -  Siberian Divide 013 Yes - Siberian Khatru 014 Pesnokhorki Barnaul - Cossacks songs of Siberia 015 Diablo Swing Orchestra - Siberian Love Affairs 016 The Kills - Siberian Nights 017 The Night Flight Orchestra - Siberian Queen 018 Altai Kai - Traditional Siberian music 019 Vallenfyre -  My Black Siberia 020 Skyhooks - Jukebox In Siberia 021 MISERY INDEX - Siberian March 022 Wooly Mammoth - Mammoth Bones 023 Grumbling Fur -  Siberian Priest 024 Iron Maiden - Genghis Khan 025 Trans-Siberian Orchestra - Night enchanted 026 The Locust -  Live From The Russian Compound 027 ACCEPT - Russian Roulette 028 Cavalera Conspiracy - Genghis Khan 029 Diaframma - Siberia 030 Renaissance - Mother Russia 031 Echo & The Bunnymen - Siberia 032 Dschinghis Khan - Genghis Khan 033 Bad News -  Warriors Of Ghengis Khan 034 The Hu - The great Chinggis Khan 035 Shah - Escape 036 Ray Stevens - Surfin USSR 037 Ramones - Locket Love 038 Heirs -  Russia 039 The Dillinger Escape Plan - Hero of the Soviet Union 040 Natalia Albychakova - Takhpakh 041 Svetlanas - Go Fck You Self 042 Maloletka - Irkutsk Path 043  Kuban Cossack Choir - The hat all around 044 The Lords of the New Church - Russian Roulette 045 Paul Lay Trio - Irkutsk 046 Elvis Hitler - Rocking Over Russia 047 Russian Circles - 309 048 Thylacine - Irkutsk 049 Valeriy Voloshin and gruppa Pyatiletka - Irkutsk 050 DEVO -  Cold War 051 Güiro Meets Russia - It's Not The World, It's You 052 Powerwolf - Nightside of Siberia 053 Altai Kai - Oilo oilo altai 054 Arkona - Yarilo 055 Depeche Mode - People Are People 056 Gorky Park - Bang 057 Igor Stravinsky -  The Rite of Spring, Part 1- 3 Game of Abduction 058 Martika - Toy Soldiers 059 Transvision vamp    - revolution baby 060 The Stranglers -  No More Heroes 061 Gari Gari - Russian gypsy  music 062 Russian Sailors - Dance Yablochka 063 Manic Street Preachers - Revolt 064 Elton John - Nikita 065 Krokus - Russian winter 066 Prince - Ronnie Talk to Russia 067 Soviet SOunds - Baikal-Amur Railroad 068 Genesis - Land of Confusion 069 Duran Duran - Planet Earth 070 Today Is The Day -  The Russian Porn Ballet 071 Nytt Land - Ballad of Gjallarhorn 072 Rotting Christ - Ветры злые - (featuring Irina Zybina) 073 Metallica - Blackened 074 Anneke van Giersbergen, Árstíðir -  Russian Lullaby 075 Der Kommissar - After the Fire 076 Czas relaksu - Andrzej i Eliza 077 korobushka - Folk Russian 078 Peter Gabriel - Red Rain 079 FEAR - Bomb the Russians 080 Rush - Heresy 081 RUSSKAJA - Energia 082 Megadeth -  Peace Sells 083 King Crimson - One More Red Nightmare 084 Sodom - Nuclear Winter 085 Bruce Cockburn - If I Had A Rocket Launcher 086 Talisman - Hey you Horses! 087 Styx - Cold War 088 Grateful Dead - Throwing Stones 089 Gimines - Kai armonika tyliai užgros 090 EXHUMED - Coins Upon the Eyes 091 Mastodon -  The Czar 092 CCCP - American Soviets 093 Sapce Rockit - Supersonik Elektronik 094 Septic Flesh - The Eldest Cosmonaut 095 Quicksand -  Cosmonauts 096 Arkona - Zimushka 097 Abracadabra - Damned Dances 098 Pink Floyd - Two Suns In The Sunset 099 Prince - 1999 100 Trololo Guy - Sean Sell Duck with Fake Subtitles ( Buffalax Style ) 101 Armonika - Gromatele Parašiau 102 Diablo Swing Orchestra - Vodka Inferno 103 Accept -  Balls to the wall 104 Killing Joke - New Cold War 105 UB40 - The Earth Dies Screaming 106 RAMONES - Bonzo Goes To Bitburg (My Brain Is Hanging Upside) 107 TCHAYOK - Zavarka - Mi-minable 108 COH - Soii Noir 109 Vircator - Tunguska 110 Scorpions -  China White 111 Tears For Fears  - Everybody Wants To Rule The World 112 The Stalin - 解剖室 113 KAIRA - OХ РA 114 Alexander Robotnick - Ce n'est q'un début 115 Tunguska Electronic Music Society - Alpha Kawu 116 Arkona - Odna 117  Cist - Antisceptic 118 Sabaton -  Nuclear Attack 119 Leningrad Cowboys - Katjusha 120 PRONG - Rude Awakening 121 Imperial Age - And I Shall Find My Home 122 Так - пела метель 123 Fear Konstruktor - Nonexistence 124 Oneohtrix - Russian Mind 125 Police - Every Breath You Take 126 dEpEchE modE - Two Minute Warning 127 Ultravox - Dancing With Tears In My Eyes 128 Sigue Sigue Sputnik - Love Missile F1-11 129 Metallica - Fight Fire With Fire 130 David Bowie - Heroes 131 woven hand - my Russia 132 Survivor - Burning Heart (Rocky IV OST) 133 Forest - As a Shade Above This Land 134 Tesla - Modern Day Cowboy 135 Colossus Form - Son Of Nature 136 The Flying Lizards - Russia 137 Djivan Gasparyan - A Cool Wind Is Blowing 138 Iron Driver (feat. Pasha Mrachek) - Prisoner of time 139 Pussy Riot - CHAIKA 140 Boris Alexandrov - Катюша (Katyusha) 141 DEVO - Going Under 142 Motor - Yak 143 Nuclear Assault - Nuclear War 144 Edward Artemiev - Station (Solaris OST) 145 Soviet Valves - Puritan Blues 146 Verasy - Polet 147 FAVALLI - Yuri Gagarin 148 Wolfmother - Cosmonaut 149 Yuri Gagarin  - Psychological Discontinuity 150 Witchfinder General - Soviet Invasion 151 Korrozia Metallah - Russian Vodka 152 Russkaja - Kosmopolit 153 Dio -  Gypsy 154 The The - slow train to dawn 155  Blues Pills -  Gypsy 156 Rush - Red Lenses 157 Corey Hart - Komrade Kiev 158 Master - Metal Doctor 159 Howlin Rain - Phantom In The Valley 160 ARKONA - Liki Bessmertnykh Bogov 161 Pitchblack - IHATEU 162 Ozzy Osbourne - Killer of Giants 163 Scorpions - Wind of Change 164 Yat kha - Chorumal Bodum 165 Nadezhda Babkina, Russkaja Pesnja 166 Ramones - Here Today, Gone Tomorrow 167 Russian radio - red flag 168 Manicure - Atomic Summer 169 The Dillinger Escape Plan -  The Threat Posed By Nuclear Weapons 170 Love Among Freaks - Berserker 171 ARIA - HERO OF ASPHALT 172 Temnozor - Fatherland 173 Walknut - Motherland Ostenvegr 174 Weird Al Yankovic - Now That's What I Call Polka! 175 Underworld - Underneath the Radar 176 Skyclad - Polkageist 177 Helloween - Russian Roulé 178 John Coltrane - Russian Lullaby 179 Julian Cope - russian revolution blues 180 Rodrigo y Gabriela - The Russian Messenger 181 Kate Bush - Babooshka 182 ВИА - Чаривни гитары 183 Mastodon - The Last Baron 184 Hovert – Omyt 185 Minsk -  Consumed by Horizons 186 Kypck - Stalingrad 187 Def Leppard -  Gods of war 188 Black Country Communion  - Big Train 189 Sabaton -  Stalingrad 190  Doomsquad - Russian Gaze 191 Soviet Soviet - Human Nature 192 Murray head    - one night in bangkok 193 The Korgis - Young n Russian 194 Chelsea Light Moving - Communist Eyes 195 Helix - Champagne Communist 196 UDO - Train Ride In Russia 197 Mr Weebl - Russian Dancing Men 198 Jamie Jones   - Siberian Express 199 They Might Be Giants - Sold My Mind to the Kremlin 200 Ed Khuild - lolololololololol 201 Sepultura - Itsari 202 Vy Pole - Enormous 203 Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds - Fifteen Feet Of Pure White Snow 204 Gogol Bordello -  Gypsy Auto Pilot 205 Buffalex - Horse Eat My Nipple 206 Municipal Waste - Wolves of Chernobyl 207 Drudkh -  Cursed Sons II 208 Chernobyl - A song for the fallen 209 Russkaja - Hometown Polka 210 Toxic Holocaust -  Out of the Fire 211  Hail Caesar! Soundtrack - 19 Soviet Man 212 The Blow Monkeys  - The Man From Russia 213 The Devil's Blood - The Anti-Kosmik Magick 214 Orchid - Cosmonaut of Three 215 Vergeltung - Cold War 216 KYPCK - Alleya Stalina 217 Cabaret Voltaire -  Calling Moscow 218 Red Army Choir - Polyushka Polye 219 Iron Curtain - Ready To Strike 220 Porcupine Tree - Russia on Ice 221 Sigue Sigue Sputnik - 21st Century Boy 222 Al Stewart - Roads to Moscow 223 The Rolling Stones - Sympathy For The Devil 224 Soviet Soviet - ecastacy 225 KREMLIN - Will You Feed Me 226 AC/DC - Heatseeker 227 ANJ - Gorbachev 228 Katyusha (Катюша) - Aleksandr Marshal & Valeria Kurnushkina 229 ARKONA - Stenka Na Stenku 230 Black Obelisk -  The wall 231 Skyclad - Catherine at the Wheel 232 Pussy Riot - Kropotkin-vodka (Kill the sexist!) 233 Brian Eno -- Stedelijk 234 Zola Jesus - Siphon 235 Insect Inside - The First Shining of New Genus 236 MR. ZIVAGO - Little Russian 237 The Real McKenzies - Midnight Train to Moscow 238 Red Army OST - KGB 239 The Toasters - Night Train to Moscow 240 Thy Catafalque - Urania 241 The Apogee - Hieronymus Bosch 242 Sabaton - Panzerkampf 244 RUSSKAJA - Barada   245 Oneohtrix Point Never - KGB Nights 246 Faith No More -  A Small Victory 247 Mike and the mechanics - A Call To Arms 248 Michael Jackson - Stranger In Moscow 249 Blondie - Contact In Red Square 250 Rammstein - Moskau 251 Pseudogod - deathwomb 252 KGB - Subway Sleepwalker 253 Igor Butman Big Band - Moscow at 3am 254 Genghis Khan - Moscow 255 Demon - Blue Skies In Red Square 256 Type O Negative - The Profit of Doom 257 COH - Red Square 258 Cougars - Red Square 259 Ray Conniff - Moscow Nights 260 INDIANS IN MOSCOW - Indians in Moscow 261 Radio Moscow - 250 Miles 262 Kingdom Come - Crown of Moscow 263 Powerwolf - Moscow after dark 264 U.D.O. - Decadent 265 System Of A Down - Störagéd 266 Closure In Moscow - Pink Lemonade 267 VIBRATORS - DISCO IN MOSCO 268 IRA PETROWA - MOSKAUER NÄCHTE 269 Visage - Moon Over Moscow 270 Farmers Market - Red Square Dance 271 Wonderland -  Moscow 272 Courtney Pine - Red Square Gagarinesk 273 Stray Cats - Storm The Embassy 274 German Shepherds - Communist Control 275 Moloko - Radio Moscow 276 March of the defenders - Moscow 277 Takako Nishizaki - Podmoskovnye vechera( Moscow Nights) 278 Simple Minds - Moscow Underground 279 The Spotnicks - Moscow 280 The Russian Jazz Quartet - Journey from Moscow 281 Bob Crewe Generation - Miniskirts In Moscow 282 MODERN TROUBLE - FLY TO MOSCOW 283 Gorky Park - Moscow Calling 284 BB Gabor - Moscow Drug Club 285 Doe Maar - De bom 286 Manicured noise - Moscow 287 Russkaja - Ras Dwa Tri 288 PLANET P PROJECT - Armageddon 289 Clan of Xymox - Muscoviet Musquito 290 Gogol Bordello -  60 REVOLUTIONS 291 Uriah Heep   - Gypsy 292 Living Colour - Cult Of Personality 293 The Hollies - Russian Roulette 294 Kenny Ball and His Jazzmen - Red Square 295 Frank Chacksfield - Under Moscow Skies 296 Thomas Dolby - Eastern Bloc 297 The Redskins - Kick Over The Statues 298 The Alchemist - Moscow Mornings - Sunrise 299 N.O.T.A. - Moscow 300 Svetlanas - Where Is My Borscht? 301 Against Me! - Russian Spies 302 James Horner - Gorkij park (Gorky Park 1983) OST 303 Hetalia Russia - Moscú 304 Roberto Jacketti & The Scooters - Moscow Nights 305 Ram J Holder - The Blues in Moscow 306 Ivan Rebroff sings Russian folk songs - Moscow nights 307 Jethro Tull - Crest Of A Knave Said She Was a Dancer 308 Men At Work - Its a Mistake 309 Skeewiff - Moscow Mule 310 The Clash - Ivan Meets G.I. Joe 311 Captain Sensible - Glad its all over 312 Ulfdallir - Steel Armor 313 Arkona - Oi Ti ne Vecher (Oh Not That Evening) 314 Lena Katina - No Voy A Olvidarte 315 JOHNNY M5 - Moscow Nights 316   Eddy Huntington - U.S.S.R. 317 Selsius - Moscow 318 WINTERUS - MOSCOW 319 Mr. Zivago - Love in Moscow 320 Brutto - Moscow Calling 321 Udo Lindenberg - Moskau 322 Aliza Kashi - Moscow Nights 323 Angelic Upstarts - Last Tango In Moscow 324 ASIA - Russian Dolls 325 Blaze Bayley & Thomas Zwijsen - Russian Holiday 326 Kate Bush - Breathing 327 Roger Waters and David Bowie - When the wind blows 328 Roky Erickson & The Aliens - Sputnik 329 Moscow - Orange Juice 330 Ivan Rebroff - Cossack Patrol 331 Alexandr Gradsky - Как молоды мы были 332 James Horner - Gorky Park - Following KGB 333 B.T.R - Moscow City 334 Gogol Bordello -  Hats Off To Kolpakoff 335 CCCP - Sputnik [Cosmos] 336 Russkaja - Go Sputnik 337 Red Spektor - Cosmonaut 338 Bald Red Lady - Cosmonaut 339 Ulver - Russian Doll 340 Hawkwind - Sputnik Stan 341 Bad Acid Trip - Putin Fears Pussy 342 Queensryche - Operation Mindcrime 343 Dark Tranquillity -  Arkhangelsk 344 TOTAL REJECTS (This Night) I'm Going To Be Destroyed 345 Manic Street Preachers - The Next Jet to Leave Moscow 346 Billy Joel - Leningrad 347 Victor Smolski    - The Heretic 348 Boney M - Rasputin 349 Type O Negative - Tripping A Blind Man 350 Leningrad Cowboys - Leningrad 351 Accept - Stalingrad 352 Russian Folk Music - Russian Winter 353 Cavalera Conspiracy -  Rasputin 354 Kontrust - Rasputin 355 Bersarin Quartett - St. Petersburg 356 Folkearth - From Volga to Bosphorus 357 Anastasia - Rumor in St. Petersburg 358 Retox - Soviet Reunion 359 Fireside - Let Rasputin Do It 360 Mastodon - Oblivion 361 St.Petersburg Ska Jazz Review - Volga River Boat Man 362 THERION - The Khlysti Evangelist 363 The Mountain Goats - Evening in Stalingrad 364 Rage - Soul Survivor 365 Indigo Girls - Closer to Fine 366 ARKONA - Slavsia Rus 367 Russian Folk Music - Kalinka (balalaika) 368 Catch 22 - The Decembrists Song 369 Joanna Stingray - City of Lenin 370 Aria - Attila 371 KAUAN  - Khurum 372 Balalaika Ensemble Wolga - Cossacks Dance 373 The Liminanas - Russian Roulette 374 Vasiliy Shumov - Porridge 375 U.D.O. - I GIVE AS GOOD AS I GET 666 Russkaja - Change

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL-iHPcxymC18F7oDKY8zH1IOplzHM05MY

[girl-in-the-library]

Thoughts on Fandom

Lurking in the Deltarune tag, I see the Undertale fandom coming back to life. Some people are celebrating and some people are groaning, others are still fearful that the fandom might return to the mess and wank it was full of before.

And it just makes me think more about fandom in general. The idea of fandom is endlessly fascinating to me. For some it's a place of fun, or a safe space, or a space of casual interest. For others it's an obsession, or a place to assert themselves, or be important. But it's my philosophy that, as long as you're not hurting others or yourself, it's impossible to do fandom wrong.

This got much longer than I thought so I'm putting it under a cut.

I have run a panel at Anime Boston for the past two years, and I hope to run it again, called "Fandom as Coping" - in it, I discuss some of the positive aspects of fandom, using it as a coping mechanism for a myriad of reasons, but also discuss how it can become maladaptive and do more harm than good. Fandom is a double edged sword like that. But curating your experience in fandom is the best way to keep it as a healthy, positive influence in your life. When it comes to causing harm to yourself, be cautious of using fandom in an obsessive way. I know what it’s like for fandom to be literally the only thing getting you through the day. In January 2018, and again in August 2018, if I didn’t have Yuri on Ice to come home to, I might literally be dead. It was the only thing getting me through the day. And while that’s a more positive coping skill than say, self-harm, if I continued that way and hadn’t gotten the help I needed (partial and full hospitalizations, in January and August respectively), using fandom to ignore my problems and try to keep going when I obviously couldn’t would have been to my detriment. The people who you interact with in fandom can also be a big part of this.

Fandom communities can be wonderful and uplifting, but they can also be an echo chamber of toxicity. If you interact with friends you know irl, or make friends on a one to one level, it’s easier to find the positives. That’s not to say that larger groups or communities can’t be supportive. But if you find yourself in a place where people are constantly putting you down, or if everyone is stuck in a spiral of depression, it might not be the healthiest place for getting better. Of course, you may need a place to vent, a place to feel like you belong, or a place to escape. Fandom can do all of those things. But you need to be careful. If you get stuck in a community that is not healthy, it can be hard to escape, especially if you feel like it’s the only place where people understand you. If you are having trouble irl, and trouble online, it’s likely that you need to seek professional help. If you are having trouble in only one of these places it’s still likely you need to seek professional help. Therapy is not a weakness. 

Though fandom ISN’T just a negative place. You can find very supportive communities, and make long lasting friendships. And even if they’re only temporary friendships, they might be what you need at the time, and that is still positive! In fandom, you can find people who share your interests, people who will help you cope, help distract you, and a place to belong. You just need to be able to judge whether or not you’re in a healthy space, which can be hard to do.

For me, fandom has almost always been positive, and that's largely due to the way I interact with fandom. When I have bordered on using it maladaptively, that was more due to my mental illness causing obsessive and compulsive tendencies than because I was interacting with anything or anyone in fandom in a toxic way, so that's a little more personal. But fandom can be maladaptive as a coping mechanism OR just generally a bad influence in your life, if that’s how you’re using it. If you get stuck in a negativity spiral, it can be hard to get out of it. Sometimes you just need to take a step back, and sometimes you need to start over.

This is all on an individual level, and based largely in creating communities. But fandom is also a collective, and the works involved (fanfiction, fanart, cosplay, meta, et cetera) play a big role in how fandom works, and often create drama and wank.

My fandom experience has been largely defined by interaction on an individual level with specific people, getting lost in the crowd at conventions, and sometimes cosplaying or writing fanfiction. Because of this, I have avoided a lot of wank and drama that seems typical in many fandoms. Though I have gotten into an ill-advised argument on a forum once or twice, my fandom experience has been largely positive because of this way that I interact.

Now, I know that not everyone can choose to simply interact like I do. Big Name Fans, for example, get involved in drama whether they want to or not, simply because they wrote or drew or cosplayed or meta'd something popular. They become voices for the fandom, and people love them for it and hate them for it. But still, BNFs and other popular fans are still just fans. They're people who have opinions about the works they love, but get embroiled in controversy because they happen to be popular. Of course, there are fandom famous, or fandom infamous people who are toxic, who do hurt others, and who deliberately stir shit. These are not the people I'm talking about. You'll find people like that in any fandom, in any part of life if we're being realistic, and the best thing to do in those situations is to just not interact. It's hard to walk away sometimes, I know, but shit-stirrers need an audience, they need people to preach to and get riled up. Without that, they'll (hopefully) fade away. But for those famous fans who are here to have a good time and share what they love - share with them! It's okay to admire them, to strive to be a better writer or artist or what have you, but they're still people who just want to interact with their favorite media.

Now, I'm not anywhere near a BNF, I'm a mediocre writer and cosplayer, and I just do it for fun, so I've never been put in a position where I've been forced to interact with a negative side of fandom. I know it's not easy to ignore in those cases. I guess my point there, in general, is don't be an asshole to anyone, and be excellent to each other.

The other biggest complicating factor that I see is the age disparity in fandom. I'm not even going to talk about something like My Little Pony right now, because that's more than I can tackle, but I'm thinking, for example, of when I was in the Homestuck fandom.

I was 18 when I started in the Homestuck fandom, and it was about 2 or 3 years old at that point. If I had started reading at the beginning of when it came out, I would have been about 15. I don't know what the audience of Problem Sleuth was like, but my first year in the fandom seemed to me like it was primarily people in my age range who were the most involved. Of course, I can't know that for certain, and I'm not even sure what I'm defining as my age range here (15-25???) But the thing about Homestuck is that it got bigger very quickly. The older fans were getting older and new fans were coming in younger and younger.

The Homestuck fandom had one of the widest age ranges I had ever seen, and that made it difficult, it many ways, to interact. The best thing for adults in fandom to do is tag their content, and do whatever they can to keep kids from getting to what may be inappropriate. But it's not the stranger's responsibility if a kid seeks out vore inflation a/b/o or whatever the kids are seeking, as long as it's tagged appropriately. That's the parent's responsibility. And to an extent, the kid's as well. If a kid wants to see boobs on the internet, almost any kid these days knows how to find boobs on the internet. Depending on the kid's age, it's up to the parents to put up parental blocks or monitor a kid's usage. With safe search as the default on Google nowadays, it isn't like the "olden times" where a quick search for a whoopie pie recipe brings up nothing but porn. But if you type in "boobs" you still get boobs.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that kids aren't 100% responsible for their own fandom interaction because, depending on their age, they might not know any better yet. Now, there's a difference between a 16 year old and a 9 year old. A 16 year old knows what they're doing, and if they want a/b/o inflation porn, they're going to find it, and they might even get mad once they do because it's adult content and they're still kids, who want to be treated as adults. At that point, they're likely curating their own internet experience, and that's a gray area that's still being worked out. A 16 year old is still a minor, but when it comes to the internet, at least, they’re generally minors who are left to their own devices. Teenagers at that age are also notoriously contrary and rebellious, so if you put tags and say, “Minors do not interact!” they’re quite possible going to say, “Fuck you” and interact anyway. You can’t control them. You can only control yourself, so that’s what you need to do. Don’t interact with them, if you can avoid it. If they start confrontation, walk away. And it’s true, you can’t always tell a 16 year old from a 9 year old from a 40 year old on the internet, or any age from any other age, but my advice is still the same. Avoid interacting with negativity, hate, and confrontation in fandom. Just walk away. 

(There are some situations where this doesn’t apply, of course, but I think that in fandom, where the primary purposes are to have fun and interact with other fans of things that you like because you like the same things, walking away from confrontation is a good idea. When it comes to things like politics, for example, I think you need to avoid the trolls, but standing up for yourself and others, even if it means confrontation, is a different story. But this isn’t about politics, this is about fandom, and not all places on the internet are created equal. Politics is of course relevant in fandom, but if it’s JUST about fandom, you don’t need to start flame wars or ship wars, or even fight in them. You CAN just walk away, even if people yell at you or make fun of you for it. Just keep ignoring them. But I digress.)

9 year olds, on the other hand, need help on the internet. You can't control what they do either, but again, it's not the stranger's job to curate the kid's experience, but the parents. Just make sure you tag your stuff so if a parent is looking for something appropriate for their kid, they don't unknowingly give them something inappropriate. A 9 year old, especially in this day and age, knows how to use the internet. And if they’re looking for boobs, they’re probably going to find boobs. But just because they’re looking for boobs doesn’t mean they need to find a/b/o inflation vore porn. If they click on it anyway, it’s highly likely they won’t know what half that stuff means, but they still might be disturbed by it. Again, it’s not that stranger’s responsibility, as long as it was marked and tagged appropriately. 9 year olds still need to be supervised, both in general, and on the internet. Just because they’re tech-savvy doesn’t mean Stranger Danger rules don’t apply. Parents in this day and age should be teaching their kids safe internet skills, too.

My experience with fandom, and my ability to create the experience I want with it probably stems from the fact that my parents did curate my online presence when I was young. I was only allowed on sites like Nickelodeon.com and Disney.com until I was 10 or so. When I first got on fanfiction.net, I was 13, I think. And of course at that point I started sneaking around and reading "M" rated fics, but that was my choice. I was old enough to know better, and if something made me uncomfortable, I would click out of it. At that point, I read so voraciously as a kid and a young teen, that I was reading books with erotic content, and I could find the same thing online. My parents never censored what I read when I was old enough to choose for myself what I could read, but they made sure they knew what I was reading. Only once did they ever consider taking a book away from me, and that was when I was 12 reading Dan Simmons “Olympus” - I liked science fiction, and mythology, and wanted to read harder books so that seemed like a good choice. But like any story tangentially related to Greek Gods, there was A LOT of sex. Very, very descriptive, pornographic, literotic, sex. I told my parents about it and we talked about it. They asked if it made me uncomfortable, if I thought that they should read it first before I continued and judge whether or not I could handle it. I said I was okay, we talked about it a little more, and that was that. Even though I may not have been old enough for the content, I was old enough to know what was going on, and to make the choice. The same thing applies to the internet and fanfiction. Tag your fics, tag your art, make your blog 18+ if you are going to primarily post adult content, but parents need to talk with their kids.

A side note, but I once got a CD from my parents for my birthday. It was a Green Day CD, I was maybe turning 11 or 12? And I had expressed interest in Green Day because my friend in middle school played me one of their songs and I liked it. The CD my parents bought me was "Dookie," even though the newest album that had just come out was "American Idiot" - because “American Idiot” had a parental advisory sticker on it and “Dookie” did not. The reason for that was “Dookie: was released before it was necessary to put parental advisory stickers on albums. Thus, they had no idea what they were getting into when they handed their daughter a CD with a secret song titled F.O.D. Tags are important, but they don’t always function properly.

Green Day is still my favorite band.

Regardless, with all the rambling and digressions, my point is CURATE YOUR FANDOM EXPERIENCE. There are situations that make it hard, because you can't always choose who interacts with your content, but what you CAN always choose is the content you interact with. And when it comes to people interacting with YOUR content in a negative way, walk away when you can. (If you think a minor is negatively interacting with your 18+ content, I don’t necessarily know what to do, but my only thought is to block them so they can’t see your content anymore.) Interact with others in a positive way, and for the most part, I find, others will do the same with you.

Fandoms can be great places. They can also be toxic cesspools, because there are bad and toxic people in the world. But if you can, choose your own adventure.

I had a great experience with Homestuck, even amidst all the disaster and misbehavior at the height of Homestuck popularity because of the way I treat fandom.

One of my favorite people is big into Hetalia, and still is! It's one of, if not her number one, favorite fandom. And there's always been a lot going on there, but because of the way she interacts, it's been a great, healthy place for her.

And if Deltarune is giving you feels like it's giving me feels, then by all means, jump back into the Undertale/Deltarune fandom! And don't let hate scare you away.

There will always be bad places on the internet, and sometimes, you can't avoid them. But do your best, and try to create an online fandom experience that will bring you joy, not one that will cause pain to yourself or other people.