#I couldn't care less about Michael and Gerry

[lonelyslutavatar]

It's so odd that people just assume that i liked the fan popular characters in tma. The truth is, I hated everyone except Martin lol. It wasn't until season 4 when I started liking other characters and that was really only limited to Peter, Annabelle, and Elias.

[geniuscomediae]

GUESS WHAT: A FOLLOW-UP FIC FOR MY LAST ONE :)

AO3

(beware: bit angsty, whole lot gay, Michael the Distortion is less of an entity and more of a human because Michael Shelley was already too trans to be transed by the Spiral had someone to live for, I won't take any criticism on my wish to fix-it Michael's fate)

Why would Gerry object anything Gertrude proposed?

Well, not actually "proposed". Gertrude just informed him that she will take off for some time with Michael – she still didn't call him that, even though he managed to build up courage and ask her – and proceeded to disappear for almost a month, returning alone. Any questions about her assistant went unanswered regardless of the name Gerry used, and he was starting to feel sick, wondering what happened to the only person he let himself to care for in a long, long time. A streak of one night stands, wich stopped after their first date (awkward jokes, vanilla ice cream, park bench and first brief lesson of Dread Powers 101) and resumed approximately a month after Gertrude's comeback and Michael's absence, didn't bring him even remotely enough human interaction to fill the void Michael left. Well, not him. He wasn't to blame, but who was, really? As much as Gerry hated himself for this, before he on multiple occasions agreed with Gertrude that a death of one person is a good price to pay to save the world, he just didn't expect this one person to be Michael – his Michael. Michael he decided to protect and failed miserably.

Gerry was starting to regret not going off with Gertrude himself.

Days passed, then weeks, then six months since Gertrude returned, and Gerry didn't stop to feel pain thinking about Michael, but he did – and he shivered in horror every time he noticed it – make peace with him being dead. He couldn't afford such luxury as spending all his time mourning a lost loved one, he had books to burn and monsters to hunt, and besides, his migraines were getting really violent lately. He was meaning to schedule an appointment for some time but never had enough time to do it.

This morning wasn't any different from all the prior ones. Wake up, look at the sticky note with a little heart Michael left on his bedroom mirror, take a shower, get to the kitchen, stare at Michael's favorite mug for five to fifteen minutes, make some coffee, remember he left a (normal) book he was reading in the bedroom, open a door...

Remember, that his bedroom doesn't have a door.

Gerry instinctively jumped back in his flat, falling on the floor and feeling around himself for something to use for a weapon – stupid, really, what would any weapon do against... whatever he encountered here? – but nothing happened next. Well, the door slowly creaked wider open and kinda stayed like that.

Gerry wiggled further away from it, hastily getting up and grabbing a knife from the kitchen table. The butter one, with a rounded tip of the blade, but better that nothing. Nothing seemed to continue happening, until it suddenly didn't. The matter of the seemingly endless hallway on the other side of the door started to melt like a wax candle, forming first a sphere, then a humanoid figure, and finally something that resembled a human was barely standing in the doorway. Gerry cautiously approached it, fighting the urge to just trust his eyes and let himself believe in what he was seeing, and then Michael lifted his head, looking fair parts terrified and amused.

– Hi, Gerry, – he smiled, showing off more teeth than there should've been. – Did you miss me?

***

After this, supposedly still part Michael, creature fell on his floor senseless and slightly glitching instead of breathing, Gerry decided not to go to the Institute today. He wasn't needed there regardless and just preferred to spend time not used to hunt down Leitners in the archive, one on one with the mass of information stored on dusty old shelves. Finding anything of use without Michael was a slow and ungrateful process, but it kept him busy and didn't allow to think too much.

Body on his floor continued blurring on the edges and shifting ever so slightly, still looking like Michael. Gerry carefully approached it, ready to run as fast as he can ot the first sign of danger, and reached out to touch it, the closest to him part of the body being the head with familiar curls of blond hair.

"Michael" made a noise of pain, shivering and blurring even more, and tried to get back up, but failed, falling back on the floor.

– Gerry... – it managed to mutter again, reaching out with a hand too long to be human and trying to touch him. Gerry made an awful, no good, very bad decision and took its hand in his, petting its palm and trying to bite back a cry.

– Michael? – he asked, getting down on his knees and gazing into shifting mass of spiraling colors until his eyes started to feel like they were about to pop. – What..? What happened, Michael?

– That's definitely a real name, – Michael-esque creature giggled weakly, still unmoving. – And probably mine, isn't it?.. Ask your Archivist, she knows exactly what happened, what she did to me... did to me, to him, to it, to us...

– You're not making sense, Curls, – Gerry petted its – his? their? – head, feeling the previously silky-soft hair resemble glass-wool, and cotton candy, and a stream of water, all at once.

– Get used to it, I won't anymore, – it giggled again, turning on its back and looking at Gerry from under trembling lashes. – You really don't know what happened to poor Michael, do you?

– I don't, – admitted Gerry, moving its head in his lap. – Tell me, what happened to you. And wether or not you are Michael I know.

– Well, – it started, making itself comfortable, – first of all yes and no. I'm Michael. I don't like being Michael, and I don't like being whatever I am now – the Spiral, if I'm not mistaken. But also I'm not... completely Michael. Like, a little more than a half is definitely Michael, but the other less than a half is the Spiral, but also I'm both and neither... It's hard, I'm not used to talking about myself, and even less used to analysing myself... And regarding what the Archivist, Gertrude, did to us: that's quite simple actually. She has given Michael a map and sent him through the door, and told him to find the heart of this particular segment of the Spiral, and he found, and here I am... To be honest, there's been a lot of time between Michael and this Spiral part becoming me and me arriving at your doorstep, but it was mostly spent trying to figure out how I am supposed to exist now. But... yeah, that's it.

Gerry continued stroking its hair, trying to fight the anger slowly rising in his chest and the tears that started to blur his vision. Michael shifted a little closer to him, closing its eyes and smiling weakly.

– You know, – it started quietly, – when Michael Shelley was in the hallways, he was thinking about you. And while we were merging he continued to think about you, about how he loves you and misses you, and how you will take the news. And even now, when he is me and I am not human at all and shouldn't be capable of emotions, or feelings, or love at all – even now I regret I haven't told you I love you before. And I think I'm sorry for not being what you wanted me to be.

– You were everything I could ask for. You still are, if I'm being honest. I won't just give up on you because of this.

– You should still mourn Michael Shelley though, – it sighed. – Poor little boy was too soft and trusting for this world. And he's gone. And I am not him. And simultaneously I am him, I am just as much Michael Shelley as the Archivist is Gertrude Robinson and the Boneturner is Jared Hopeworth. But less than you, Bookburner, are Gerard Keay.

Gerry sighed and bowed down, pressing his forehead against Michael's and squinting.

– I missed him, – he breathed out.

– I'm sorry, – it murmured gently. – I'm sorry I'm not him.

– You're not entirely, – Gerry agreed, – but I'll still love you.

[thedreadvampy]

trying to work but despite not having really. been in the fandom for ages I'm getting all het up about how with TMA fandom like. people were given these really dense and interesting and nuanced character arcs over multiple series for a core cast of female characters (Melanie, Georgie, Basira, Daisy) and IMMEDIATELY AND UNQUESTIONINGLY ignored those, pasted this exact character traits and complexities onto their fanon versions of male characters, then periodically complained that women weren't interesting or were Bad.

like this is a complaint I've been seeing about various fandoms for the last 15 years at least tbh (it's been going on longer but I wasn't there) but I really FELT it this time

people really haaaaated like Basira and Daisy for feeding the Fears and being cops, Georgie for being Mean To Martin and walking away from a friend in crisis, Melanie for being hostile and distrustful, and they'd like decide that that was All Those Characters Were and deem them Bad and Boring. but then the exact same people would go away and justify the exact same things from other characters or literally like. sprinkle them in where they aren't even there in canon to add spice.

like YEAH Daisy and Basira are cops who abuse power to do huge harm, that's like. the key tension of their characters like ultimately they've done things that are unforgivable and how they respond to that (Daisy tearing herself apart and then eventually falling back into her violent desires, Basira closing her eyes to it and continuing to find justifications). but it's wild that people would be like 'if you're invested in this character you're a cop apologist' then go straight into calling Elias or Peter their poor little meow meow bc it must be Sooooo Haaaard Having To Be A Murder Capitalist. and they would go on to put the narrative arc of trying to handle having done unforgivable things and trying to resist your Avatarhood onto men who either have only the vaguest gestures at that beat (like Mike or Michael) or onto men who like literally their whole deal is embracing their place in systems of abusive power (Elias and Peter)

like I legit saw people calling Melanie boring and saying her only character trait is being angry and then FAWNING over Gerry for being a Cool Monster Killer or weeping over how HARD it was for Jon to be so paranoid that he couldn't trust anyone. inventing backstory tragedy for people that mirrored Melanie's and then totally ignoring her stated history. absolutely HATING Melanie for being Mean to Jon and Georgie for being Mean to Martin even though both of those men are consistently harsh to those around them.

(honestly like so much of Melanie's nuance in particular got transplanted specifically onto Gerry in fandom)

Tim's the Fun One and Sasha's the Shy Sensible One even though in canon the little bits of Sasha we see show her as silly and light and confident in her own worth and matching Tim joke for joke. Georgie gets sidelined so that Martin can be The One Who Cares For Jon. When Georgie walked away because she couldn't help Jon that was seen by a lot of fans as selfish and unforgivable but when Martin did the same thing except instead of therapy and support he went into playing with the Fears that was laudable and sad.

and like. Jon. like so much about these characters specifically is that they're like. often a foil for Jon. making different choices in similar situations. Daisy and Jon handle realising they're monsters similarly but differently; Melanie and Jon handle paranoia and being stuck in the Archives similarly but differently; Georgie and Jon handle dealing with situations that aren't fixable similarly but differently; Basira and Jon handle embracing the reality of the Fears similarly but differently. and I feel like a LOT of the time where Jon came out looking less favourable in these comparisons (which is often - Jonny doesn't go easy on his protagonist) big chunks of fandom either ignored it or straight up changed his response to look more like the sympathetic ones that his female compatriots took.

TL;Dr I guess but the point is where female characters made bad choices or did morally dodgy things they were judged much more harshly by fandom than male characters - an unambiguously evil man was granted more space for nuance and sympathy than a morally grey woman. when they were given tragic or sympathetic or positive emotional beats those were consistently lifted and put onto male characters, even if that meant elevating a tiny background character like Mike or Gerry by attaching someone else's story arc to them. and then the fandom complained that they were boring or unlikeable. it is simply. bollocks.