#I could see Talon being like I’m mad and jealous but totally only because of the dance techniques and stuff

[writerfae]

I know my dance au is not about pair dancing, but if it were, I think it would be funny if Theo is Aiden’s former dance partner and Talon is his new one (obviously). And then Theo visits and him and Aiden dance together (to show a class or for nostalgia or something idk) and Talon gets jealous. I think I’d like that.

[frickfracksnatchisback]

Who Said Romance is Dead? (Snatcher x Reader)

SO GUESS WHO JUST WROTE THEIR FIRST EVER “X READER” FIC? THAT’S RIGHT, THIS PIECE OF SNATCHER-LOVING TRASH! In all seriousness, this was a roller coaster ride to write out and I hope you all enjoy it. It’s very shippy and I worked hard on it I swear-

(And not to worry, this isn’t NSFW! Just some cute fluffiness for y’all Snatcher people out there ;3)

***

The relationship between you and Snatcher was a bit strange, to say the least.

Not that it was a bad thing. You both still loved each other, you wouldn’t be visiting one another otherwise. It was more along the lines of, sometimes, people couldn’t tell whether you two were actually together or not. At least in public. With Snatcher being the way he was, he would shun any idea or notion that he was slowly turning soft (He had told you multiple times that it was nothing personal, he just had a “reputation” to uphold). Which was just fine with you, as you weren’t the type for public affection either. And taking things slow never hurt anybody.

But every so often, you wondered if Snatcher was really capable of showing affection. You knew about his past, what he had been through before he died. Well...more like you managed to put two and two together, but it still counted. And judging on the attitude that Snatcher had towards his “ex-betrothed”, you had a pretty good idea of what their relationship was like. It was almost like she had sucked all the love out of him long ago, making Snatcher who he was today. And honestly, you couldn’t blame him. So you left it be and just enjoyed the fact that he was slowly warming up to the idea of love.

Turns out, he was warming up to it much quicker than you thought.

You carefully walked on the giant vine-path leading up to Snatcher’s home. And as you reached the opening, you could see that Snatcher was reading one of his favorite law books, as always. And despite the fact that there clearly wasn’t a door, and you could happily just let yourself in, you decided to do the polite thing and knock. Besides, Snatcher would just comment on it and make fun of you if you let yourself in unannounced.

You decided to knock playfully on the tree’s bark, creating a sort of tune. Snatcher looks up, but only after the third knock, as he was deeply engrossed in his reading. He looks at the entrance, realizes it’s you, and lets out a sigh.

“Come in already. I know you will anyways.” Snatcher complains, rolling his eyes to the side. Though, just for a second, you think you see him flash a slight smile. But you let yourself in anyways, hopping up into the cozy living space.

“Hey, at least I knocked this time.” you joked, earning a short laugh from him.

“Like you should.” Snatcher scolded, as he went back to his book. You frowned a bit, and then let out a small sigh. You were hoping he’d be more talkative today, as you wanted to have at least some conversation. He always had such interesting things to say about the happenings in his forest. And a very dark, yet humorous way of saying them. But he was reading, of all things, which meant he mostly likely wouldn’t pay attention to you. But it’s not like it made you jealous or anything…

You were totally jealous. Of a book, no less.

“Don’t you think you could put that book down for once?” you were sure to let him know about your disappointment. But he just looks up from his book for a split second to give you a look.

“And what exactly is wrong with me reading?” he scoffs, glaring at you. And you were honestly surprised. Usually he would just ignore your comment and keep reading. But since this was the longest he had ever taken to even look away from his book, you didn’t have much of an answer.

“Because I...wanted to talk to you.” was all you could say. And Snatcher simply quirks an eyebrow up at you in response. So you decided to throw in the pouting face for good measure.

“You can always talk to me some other time, you know.” he responds bluntly, and it looked like he was about to go back to his book. You couldn’t help but huff at him, annoyed. He was being stubborn again, and it was incredibly hard to reason with him when he was absorbed in something else. Especially that book.

“You’re no fun.” you turn your back to him, crossing your arms and sticking your nose up in the air. You would half expect him to call you a “brat” or say that you were being childish. But you didn’t care. In your mind, you had every right to be mad at him. All because he was paying more attention to that book, which he had read over a hundred times, more than you.

“Whatever you say, sweetheart.”

You froze on the spot. Did...did he just say what you think he said? Did “The Snatcher”, the ghost with an ego so big it matched his height, calmly and causally call you his “sweetheart”? No, it couldn’t be. You must be hearing things.

“What was that?” you ask him, turning around and giving him a look of confusion.

“What was what?” Snatcher replies nonchalantly, as if he hadn’t even said it.

“Did you just call me…?” you trailed off, not wanting to repeat what you thought you heard. Best case scenario, he calls you hard of hearing. Worst case scenario, he laughs like it’s the funniest thing he’s heard all day. But it’s not like he would be that cruel...would he? “Never mind, I must have misheard you.” you sigh, deciding to leave it be.

“What? Me calling you ‘sweetheart’?”

You stared back at him, almost amazed that he repeated himself. Were you dreaming? Was this all a big dream? It had to be, there was no way he was calling you cute names. And if you were to pinch yourself right now it would have to be a-

“Are you...blushing?” Snatcher questioned, almost cocking his head at you.

Just as he said that, you could feel your cheeks growing warm. You turned your head from him, trying to hide your growing embarrassment.

“N-no...” you lie, not wanting to show the fact that you were clearly flustered. But Snatcher noticed, his eyes widening in surprise.

And a wide, sly grin curls up on his face.

Normally, if he would even let you at all, you were the one who showed the most affection. You hugged him, though he would grumble about his “personal space”. You complimented him, but not too often, as his ego would swell up like a balloon. And, if you were very lucky, you would even kiss him on the cheek if you got the chance. This always left him flustered, with his face glowing bright yellow, the floof on his neck puffing up, and him groaning in embarrassment while trying to hide his face in his claws. He was such a tsundere, but you loved that about him because of how easy it was to make him blush. But now that the roles were reversed? And Snatcher was the one making you blush?

Oh boy, Snatcher thought to himself. He was going to have a little fun with this.

“What ever is the matter, my love?~” Snatcher grins at you, with a smirk that can only make you blush more. You try not to look him in the eyes, which gazed at you very affectionately.

“Stop it.” you say firmly. Although, secretly, you hope he will keep going.

“Oh sweetie~” he calls you, dragging it out playfully so you could hear him. “Why don’t you come over here and sit with me?” he asks you, rather lovingly. And to your surprise, he actually puts his book aside, and taunts at you with a single claw to come closer. But you refuse, looking away from him. If he was going to be stubborn, like he was earlier, then so were you.

“Why do you care all of a sudden?” you grumble. Mostly because of the way he was acting before, but also because he found your weak spot. And he was using it to his advantage.

“Awww, don’t be like that...” you hear Snatcher whine, though he giggles a bit to himself after. “Besides, right now...I can’t seem to take my eyes off of you, love~” he calls out to you, with an amorous tone. You feel your whole face growing red, as you try to compose yourself and not scream out in your bashful state.

“Now, come here.” Snatcher says, before snapping his fingers. And before you know it, he’s teleported you over to him in a matter of seconds. Right into his lap, to be precise, which does not help your predicament in the slightest.

“Eep!” you feel yourself saying, like a frightened mouse. But you can’t help it, as you forgot how tall Snatcher really is compared to you. And the answer to that is? Very tall. Too tall. And it didn’t help your case that he was giving you this sort of...look. One that you were both hating, and loving at the same time.

“There! Much better~” Snatcher coos, bringing his arms around you. But you felt yourself pushing him away, not believing this for a second.

“No. I’m mad at you.” you stood your ground. You wanted him to know full well that you were upset with him. And this sudden shift in attitude wasn’t going to change that. Not even if he was making your face as red as a cherry. Not even if his flirty voice was like sweet nectar to your ears. You weren’t going to give in to give in to his charm. At least...not yet.

“I’m sorry, my sweet. I really am.” Snatcher apologizes to you, but you say nothing. “You know I love you, right?~” he purrs, actually purrs, trying to bring his arms around you again. But you give him a glare, one that almost makes him keep his distance.

“Well...prove it!” you find yourself saying, as an act of defense. You have no idea what that means. You were just saying the first thing that came to mind. But Snatcher looks surprised at you for a moment, before actually considering it. He hums to himself, tapping his chin with a single talon.

Then he looks at you, and smiles.

It’s the kind of smile that makes you weak at the knees. It’s the kind of smile that makes you feel like melting into a puddle. But more importantly, it’s the kind of smile that says-

Oh, you’re in for it now.

“Well! I think I can manage something like that!” Snatcher boasts a bit loudly, making you gulp nervously. “Now let’s see...If I remember correctly, it should be...” he mumbles to himself, tapping his chin again. You can’t seem to tell if he’s over-selling it, or if he’s actually trying to remember something. He notices you watching him, and gives you that same look again. He then opens his mouth to say something…

“Je t'adore, mon amour~”

You blink, doing a double take. There was no way. There was no pecking way that those words came out of his mouth. In a different language, the way he said it, and with him of all people saying it. You had no clue what it meant. Absolutely none. But it nearly made you feel like you were going to faint.

“Excuse me, what?” you found yourself whispering under your breath. It was like he had blown your mind. Which, in a sense, he had. “I must have hit my head somewhere in Subcon...” you think out loud to yourself, immediately shaking off the idea that Snatcher was actually speaking fluent French.

“Oh I assure you, you’re not dreaming.” he reassures, snapping you back into reality. “A little not-so-well-known fact about me, I took a language class back in my living years.” he explains casually while you simply stare at him, trying not to gape your mouth at this information.

“And you took French?” you then ask him, still trying to figure out whether this was real life. And he firmly nods at you.

“It was required back then at the academy, so why not?” Snatcher shrugs, as if it’s no big deal. “Besides...” he goes on, finally getting to wrap his arms around you…but slowly. “You seem to like it very much~” he grins, bringing his face closer to yours.

“N-no I don’t!” you mutter, trying you best to hide your face in your shirt. But it doesn’t stop Snatcher from letting out a deep chuckle of amusement.

“Oh really?” he teases you, almost humming to himself. “T’es l’amour de ma vie, mon âme-sœur~” he goes again, in a sort of sing-song voice. He then catches you off guard, carefully wrapping his tail around you, make you very snug and almost warmer in his hold. You can’t help it, as you feel your whole face growing hot.

“OKAY FINE! YOU WIN!” you feel yourself yell, much louder than you meant to. The whole forest outside probably heard you. Snatcher jumps a bit at the sudden noise, but he then laughs to himself afterwards.

“Well now, I see why you like doing this to me so much!” he jokes, rather pleased with himself. You just grumble and hug yourself tightly.

“Yeah, yeah...” you mumble, but you can’t help but finally give a smile. It was quite interesting, this whole affair. You had no clue that Snatcher could be so...well, romantic. He wasn’t really the type for gushy, and showy gestures. Then again, he always had tricks up his sleeves. Turns out you were learning a lot more about this guy than you thought.

“So we’re good? You’re not too mad at me now, I hope?” he asked you, genuine concern in his voice. You almost thought about fussing at him again to tease him, but then thought against it.

“Yeah, I forgive you.” you sighed dreamily, finding yourself leaning into him for a hug. You quickly nuzzled your face against his floof. But he didn’t seem to mind, as that cute purring of his started up again.

“Good...” Snatcher let out a sigh after you, rubbing your back as you lay there in comfort. “Oh! I almost forgot one last thing!” he exclaimed, making you jump back to look back at him.

“What? What is it?” you ask him, confused as to what he’s talking about. But he doesn’t say anything and, instead, brings his hand under your chin to push it up. And before you can say anything in protest, he closes his eyes and leans in closer-

Giving you a soft kiss.

He holds the kiss for a bit, with you being frozen on the spot. But soon he stops, parting from your lips, and brings himself back to open his eyes and give you a wink. You simply stare, as if in shock. Your face feels so incredibly hot it should be on fire.

“AHHHHHHHHH-” you can’t help but let out a flustered scream, as you immediately fall back into his chest. You then face-plant into his floof, proceeding to bury your face in it. You can feel Snatcher’s chest shake, as he tries to keep in his laughter. But it doesn’t last long, as he bursts out in a fit of mad giggling. You punch him a bit, but it just seems to make him laugh harder. But once he manages to get it all out, he snuggles you tighter into him.

“Come on, I know you love me~” Snatcher teases, letting out another giggle as your frustrated cry is muffled by his floof.

“Shutupeventhoughyou’reabsolutelyright-” you ramble once you bring yourself out of the depths of his fluffiness.

Snatcher just snickers, before resting his head on top of yours. You mutter to yourself, saying something along the lines of him “being too handsome for his own good”. But soon you find yourself brought under his spell, petting his soft floof and giving a few scratches here and there. This earns a nice, steady purring from him, as he rests his head on top of yours. And you can’t help but close you eyes and sigh as you hug him back and cuddle him. Yes, he could be an annoying jerk sometimes. But he was your annoying jerk. Though you were the one to show to most love, and he rarely ever showcased his feelings openly. But if you were being truly honest with yourself?

It was definitely worth the wait.

***

A huge thanks to @riverteatime for helping me with the French! Without them I probably would’ve fricked up somehow, so thank you so much! (And yes, that was 100% my idea and it is my fricking headcanon for life-)

[hellas-himself]

My ACOTAR review aka I can't believe I ever liked Tamlin.

I want to start this off by saying that I’ve read A Court of Thorns and Roses before. I read it close to the beginning of my journey in healing. Seeing a therapist and coming to learn that I have PTSD (in addition to depression and anxiety). I’m a survivor of abuse. I’ve been abused as a child, and as well as a teen and an adult. The very first time I read ACOTAR, I was completely crazy about Tamlin. I looked at him, how he behaved. At how Feyre responded to him and I saw LOVE. I laughed at his forced attempts to compliment her. I swooned and fell as Feyre did. I was Feyre. A Court of Wings and Ruin is coming to us soon, and the light of my life, Caitlin, asked if I would join her in rereading ACOTAR and ACOMAF (which I will begin tonight and also write a review for) with her. I was over the moon! Of course, I would. Caitlin brought me to this world of Fae, of love and passion, of feeling. Of PTSD (ACOMAF I cannot wait for you). Of learning to catch the warning signs, of learning what true love was. Caitlin, I would totally go Under the Mountain for you. The very first time I read ACOTAR and ACOMAF, I didn’t review them. I merely went on an emotional rant and left it at that. But this series is so important to me, especially as an abuse survivor, that I felt that when I read it again, I wanted to take notes. I wanted to write about what it made me feel. I wanted to have something real to show myself that I’ve learned. That I have come so far. And also, I wanted to give this series a review/better written rant that it deserved. I don’t do this usually, so I’m going in order from page one until the very last. Going by my notes. I won’t be jumbling things together. So, you’re getting my thoughts as I read the book, not the after thoughts. * The first thing I noticed while jumping back into the world of Prythian was that it was as if I had never read ACOMAF. The emotions were raw. And I spent a lot of it frustrated and angry. I looked at Feyre and saw the girl I used to be, and still sometimes feel that I am. I wanted to defend Feyre, protect her. Because no one else did. And that was something I related to and it broke my heart. I hated Papa Archeron from the get. I could not, as a parent, as a girl who grew up without a father, I could not fathom how selfish this man was. IS (but let that be discussed elsewhere). I noted how in the beginning, Feyre capitalized the F in father, how important this man was/is to her. How he played a role in her dream of marrying off her sisters and living alone with him, taking care of him, and being able to afford some paints. Feyre at the beginning of this book, and to the very end, was me. The girl I had been before I had Dany (my daughter). I continued to internally scream LET FEYRE PAINT. Let the girl live. And I noticed how quickly Feyre let go of the capitalized F once she came home and had to do everything for her father, for her sisters. I have multiple notes that are ONLY “I HATE PAPA ARCHERON”, “I CANNOT STAND HIM”, “WTF SIR”. Cutting wood, cooking, skinning the animals, buying households needs all fell to Feyre and it made me so angry. My heart did make leaps when I read her describe the dresser she shared with Nesta and Elain. Fire for Nesta, flowers for Elain and a night sky for Feyre. I do honestly believe this is foreshadowing to their futures, and I think it’s been discussed in depth what those theories are. For me, Nesta’s fire is not only to whom she’ll love (I cannot wait for ACOMAF to meet you again, you cocky bastard), but to who she is. What she is capable of. I hated Nesta the first time around. I resented her, I projected my resentment of people I know who made me feel the way Nesta made Feyre feel towards her. I mean, Nesta’s voice was Feyre’s inner voice of negativity!! Elain, sweet, sweet Elain. She’s not ignorant. She’s not quiet and docile. She has a green thumb and I do think it foreshadowed what we came to learn in ACOMAF. But I also felt in rereading the story, in regards to the dresser, that Elain would play a role in Feyre’s growth (which she did). And I also think, in the future, Elain is going to play a role in the rebirth of their world post-Hybern. The night sky for Feyre- COME ON. It was there from the start and this time around, I was giddy. Like how did we all miss this! And naturally, my ACOMAF knowing heart recoiled when Feyre is forced to go off into Prythian for killing a Fae male in wolf form (Andras, as we come to learn). “You go somewhere new- and you make a name for yourself.” -Papa Archeron, page 41 When I read this, I immediately thought of ACOMAF. Somewhere new, and the new names Feyre comes to obtain. So naturally, I was happy. Whether or not this is foreshadowing, it is to me. Literally, my notes on this were: VELARIS?????? CURSE-BREAKER???????? Lol honestly, just lol On page 45, Feyre is struggling with feeling smug at the thought of her family struggling without her (a thought I have felt more than I want to admit) and the agony of imagining her father suffering to beg for them. But worse than those things, was imagining what Nesta would do for Elain. This stood out to me because one, as someone who was responsible for others at the expense of myself, I completely understood Feyre. I smiled when she thought about them suffering without her, because I was there before and sometimes, still feel that way. I also knew the guilt she felt, something I still fight with. Her conflicting emotions mirrored mine at various points in my life. And it connected me further to her. And Nesta, well, I’ve come to understand her, too. And I love her. I’m not going to bother mentioning every detail of Tamlin and his poor attempts at making Feyre feel at home. However, I will mention how quickly Feyre went from calling him her captor to her savior (page 51). It made me remember how the person who had abused me had me confused as to what they were to me. And in that moment, I felt that this was what Feyre was dealing with. Tamlin manipulated her from the start. Yes, this is a take on Beauty and the Beast. Yes, the bargain between Tamlin and Feyre is a play on Belle’s bargain and the Beast to save her dad. But Tamlin didn’t become her abuser. From reading this again, he always was. From the moment Tamlin broke into her cottage and brought her to the Spring Court, he was manipulating her. On page 54, Tamlin mentions to Lucien that Feyre lived in a hovel- Yes, he is right. Yes, Feyre thinks he’s being an ass and making her feel bad for where she came from in comparison to his grand estate. But Tamlin knew she could hear him. This, to me, was one of his first attempts to show that he understood her. A way in. Tamlin, when telling Feyre about how he was taking care of her family, used that knowledge to threaten her to keep her from running. He also kept her bound to the chair with magic 😊 Feyre felt trapped. But also wondered if she could finally think for herself. Between the bargain with Tam and the thought of being freed of her family, Feyre is finally able to think about herself. This kind of freedom is scary to someone who has been so selfless and has had to ignore their own happiness and needs for the sakes of others. Feyre is too damn good for all of them, and that is probably the only thing I will ever agree on with her father. “Honestly, I’m impressed- and flattered you think I have that kind of sway with Tamlin.” -Lucien, page 85 I thought this was important because prior to rereading this, I still considered Tamlin and Lucien to be best buds. In this particular scene, Feyre wants to try to get Lucien to plead her case to Tam. So yeah, they’re friends… But Tam is a bad friend. The toxic friend we’ve all had at one point in life who scares us into staying. I’ve had my fair share of Tamlins- both platonic and romantic- and it is very hard to cut them loose. Lucien breaks my heart, and I was shocked reading this line because I thought he did have Tamlin’s ear like that. When Lucien tells her how he ‘got that scar’ (page 88), Feyre asks him if Tamlin was the one to do it. Feyre has seen enough of Tamlin’s “moods” to already imagine he would hurt his friend that way. The guy might not be human, he growls and bares his claws and talons when he’s mad- but human abusers do the same thing in their own way. And I couldn’t stop thinking about that… Not to mention how many years Lucien’s been living with Tam. My poor fox. On page 90, when the Bogge comes to Feyre and Lucien, Feyre tries to think of pleasant things. Hot bread and full bellies (my baby, I know that feel all too well), but the one that got me was “A starry, unclouded night sky, peaceful and glittering and endless”. THAT’S VELARIS. I mean, Come on. I got so excited- my notebook is actually an embarrassment. Now, at this point, I was reading in the car. I lost my pen. I was cramped in the back seat. So I don’t have notes from page 90 to 118. But here, I decided to open my phone and take notes that way. Why? Because Feyre tells Tam that she doesn’t trust him. He quickly gets all jealous and tries to bring up her time spent with Lucien and my baby says LUCIEN DOESN’T PRETEND TO BE ANYTHING BUT WHAT HE IS. Which is the truth. Even fearing Amarantha, Lucien is as open as he can be with Feyre. Yes, he wants her gone in the beginning, but he’s honest. Lucien is an asshole, and I love him. But to the point, Tamlin once again brings out the worst in Feyre’s already poor self-esteem, the way she thinks about herself. And it’s Nesta’s voice she hears in her head. I’m so glad she walked away from him. Lucien gives Feyre the instructions to go after the Suriel. Maybe he wanted her dead, maybe he really overestimated her. Or maybe, I think Lucien saw that Feyre could in fact succeed. I think he came to believe Feyre would break the curse, whereas Tamlin never did. Honestly. But to the point. We finally meet Suri and we get that line “…stay with the High Lord, and live to see everything righted.” Nothing in this line or in the ones prior, indicate the Suriel is speaking of Tamlin. None of it is romantic. So I do think the Suriel meant for her to stay with Tamlin to live long enough to get to where she really needed to be. AT RHYS’ SIDE. IN VELARIS. SAVING THE GODDAMN WORLD. After the business with the Suriel and the naga, Tamlin and Feyre talk it over at dinner. He gets so mad about what she’s done, he ends up cutting his own face. Dude’s reactions are just… I sat there already tired of him. “I’d start shouting, but I think today was punishment enough.” TAMLIN. I swear to God. (Pg. 142, btw) When they discuss her family, and he tells her that her family is foolish for not realizing how amazing she is (my words, not his but that’s the gist of what he’s saying)- he is not lying. But this is also part of his manipulation of her. And maybe, the worst part is, he meant it. The rest of my notes is me basically saying things in bold, most of which is I CANNOT BELIEVE I SHIPPED THIS TRASH. It kills me because they start to joke around with each other. Open up. You start to feel for him as Feyre does. When she laughs, you’re so happy. It’s such a conflicting situation. Feyre mentions her dreams on page 148. A pale, faceless woman with blood red nails splitting her open. I am going to say that this is her dreaming with Amarantha, because of her bond. I didn’t notice it the first time around. Any time a tiny clue about Rhys and the Night Court comes up, I am ecstatic. Even one so morbid as this. Between pages 148 and 183, I didn’t really care about Feyre and Tam getting close. I mean, yes, I love the world she finally can see once he takes the glamour off. And yes, I still was happy to see them all laughing together. Being this very unlikely trio. But what mattered the most to me was her relationship with Lucien. I never shipped them as a romance. But they are my first favorite BROTP of this series. I enjoy their banter. Their sarcasm. I suppose I’ll leave my BROTP goals for them for my ACOMAF review. Is there at Lucien and Feyre tag? On page 183, we have our first example of the actual bond. Feyre feels a string pulling her away from the manor. WE FINALLY MEET OUR FUCKING NIGHT TRIUMPHANT. MY HEART DID LEAPS IN MY CHEST. I WANTED TO SCREAM. “THERE YOU ARE. I’VE BEEN LOOKING FOR YOU.” YES BABY SO HAVE I. I was looking forward to falling in love with Rhys all over again and this was just the start. Insert fifty heart eyes emojis here. Let me preface this next random bit to say that Calanmai and its celebratory orgy would be cool had it not in essence been Tam’s night to assault some “willing” Fae female because “the magic takes over” and he has “no control”. No honey, that is not hot. It’s not sexy. The fact that Feyre felt like a disobedient child for “going against him” just tossed me back to when I was in an abusive relationship and that was how I felt. It’s not romantic. It’s not cute. Lucien and Tamlin both explain the Rite as assault. Tamlin says he does not need to be held accountable if Feyre won’t follow orders. This is such rapist mentality I seriously wanted to hit myself for ever finding the Fire Night scene between them sexy. And the insane part it, your abuser can still get you hot and heavy. They can play with your senses and it confuses you. This is why reading this again or even just reading ACOMAF after this is scary to see how blind we all were to this. I spent a lot of time in disbelief that I had ever found Tamlin’s treatment of her normal or attractive. It’s disgusting. Another thing about Tamlin that bothered me is that out of all her paintings, he wanted the one of her forest. “This was your life,” is what he says to her. The first time around, I thought this was such a sweet gesture, to want that of all the paintings. But it reminded me a lot of my exes. Wanting the most personal of my belongings for themselves. It just… bothered me. A lot. Lucien and Tam’s explanation of the Night Court just made me laugh. My ACOMAF loving heart just made this so funny because we all know what the Night Court really is about. Feyre is sent to her room after Rhys makes his appearance in the Spring Court. She makes many mentions of Tamlin’s rage. The roaring, the breaking of things. The fact that she didn’t think there would be a dining room left. This is such abusive bullshit. And once upon a time, I thought this behavior was normal. I hate that at this phase, Feyre still thinks herself a coward. Feyre is such a resilient, brave woman. But we’ll get to that. Tamlin fucking didn’t give Feyre a chance to tell him she loved him. Let’s get that out of the way. He was days away from breaking the curse, and he sends her away. And yes, I know this is going off how the Beast let Belle go home even though the curse was close to coming to an end, leaving him like a beast forever. But it still caused me frustration that this High Lord is a coward. And selfish. But then I suppose if not for that, Feyre would never have learned how truly goddamn strong she is. And how absolutely useless he is. She wouldn’t have seen the changes in herself and her sisters, or seen that Alis and Lucien- AND RHYS- had her back. I am so glad in a way that Feyre went back. She got to open up to her sisters. Nesta and Elain did not apologize, but we got to see how they felt. We finally got to see a glimpse of their side of things, which let me tell you, was sorely needed. Nesta stopped being the voice in Feyre’s head that spat nasty things at her. I love that Nesta was immune to Tamlin’s shit. It makes me wonder what kind of future she will have and what role she will play in ACOWAR. I love that her sisters helped her return to Tamlin, even if I can’t stand Tamlin, to save him. To save the world. It showed such a big change in them. The first time around, I thought it was so out of character, so fast. But reading it again, it was perfect. I still hate their dad. This is a lot of my notes during the chapters with Feyre back in the human realm. And now, the most frustrating of all. Under the Mountain. Feyre was willing to die for Tam. She makes note of this before Alis escorts her to the cave. She thinks it often. She ACTS on that thought. And he did nothing. First, let me get Alis and her rules out of the way. 1.Don’t drink the wine: Feyre drinks the wine Rhys gives her. 2.Don’t make deals with anyone unless your life depends on it: her life depended on it and she made a deal with Rhys. 3.Don’t trust a soul: She trusted Lucien and Rhys. Feyre says many times UtM that she stopped hoping for Tam. She trusted herself and her love for him. Not actually him. That really got me good this time around. Feyre got jumped before Tamlin and Amarantha. He didn’t even flinch. Lucien was deathly afraid of Amarantha. This is noted throughout ACOTAR. And yet, he defied her to help Feyre. He fixed her nose. He cried out to her during her trial with the Middengard Worm. He refused to say her name when Amarantha demanded it of him. Foxy boy would have died for her, okay? No one can tell me otherwise. And what did Tamlin do? NADA. Sure, he pleaded on Lucien’s behalf, and whipped him. But what did he really do? NOTHING. Rhys’ way of helping Feyre sucked. But UtM, what else could he have done without killing his people in the process? Without endangering Feyre further? He played his role and played it well. He saved her. Kept her sane. He was an ass, there is no denying it. But he helped her. He fought for her. And I know I’m getting ahead of myself. But we all know who apologized for their behavior. We all know who also LIVED UP TO THEIR APOLOGY. Anyway, it broke my heart that Feyre was afraid of Tamlin’s reaction to her tattoo, the symbol of her bargain with Rhys. She loved him and still was afraid of him. And I felt her pain, because I knew that fear all too well. She was dying and Rhys healed her. He made sure she ate well. He made sure no one touched her. No more insufferable chores. I don’t even want to imagine what Amarantha did to him for helping Feyre. I know this has been touched upon before, but do you know how much I love that Feyre stood practically naked before Amarantha but wore a crown on her head. She wore Rhys’ diadem, not even knowing what it meant. But Amarantha did. I love that Rhys bet on her. I love that he believed she would survive, just like Lucien did. He was bold in his help for her, in the best way he could, without revealing the true Rhysand to the world. Without endangering the City of Starlight and his loved ones. Lucien tells Feyre that Rhys having her dressed that way is to get a rise out of Tam. And Feyre asks if it worked. And it doesn’t work. Tamlin doesn’t act. Doesn’t react. And when he says that Tamlin is hiding his emotions from Amarantha, honestly, I don’t even think he believes that. Here is Lucien, sneaking in to bring her a cloak to stay warm. Such a small gesture, but still more than Tamlin does for her. Rhys comes to pay her a visit and starts to open up to her. Feyre feels his sadness. Another clue to their bond. I DIED. I had not noticed that the first time around! He also used their bond to help her survive the second trial, saving her and Lucien in the process. He guided her out of the room, helping her to stay strong until she got to her room. Rhys kept her together. Tam did nothing. I could say that thousands of times and I don’t think I could get tired of saying it. On page 370, she says the third trial will kill her. I laughed. Bitch, it did. On 373, she hears music. Even the first time I read this, I knew this music was not from anywhere we had been yet in the story. I didn’t understand, but it was so special. So important in bringing her back. It brought her to “...a palace in the sky, a hall of alabaster and moonstone, where all that was lovely and kind and fantastic dwelled in peace.” Then she says “Everything I wanted was there- the one I loved was there-“ Yes, the one I love is there too, babe. This was not the Spring Court. This is not Tamlin. This is the Night Court, the Inner Circle. This is Rhys and Feyre. And she didn’t know it. Then of course, we come to the night before her final trial. Tamlin finally gets some courage to approach her. To fuck. If I sighed any longer, my lungs will collapse. My eyes will roll out of my head. I can’t. I just can’t with this guy. From 381-385, Rhys and Feyre talk. She finds herself opening up to him, unable to stay quiet. She comes alive around him. And I think he came alive around her, too. So at last, the final trial. This was so emotionally taxing. So heart breaking. This task was abhorrent, and Amarantha is a fucking devil. And Feyre did it. She did it for Tamlin and his world. For Lucien. Alis and her boys. For her own world. As much as I can’t stand Tamlin, it still shocked me when he was revealed as the last Fae for Feyre to kill. Realizing the truth of the curse was so mind boggling. He had a heart of stone. This curse was so well done, it surprised me so much. I remembered laughing at the masks and then realizing why they were necessary. Feyre fulfilled every need to end that curse and Tamlin fucking let her go before she could say she loved him. And when she realized what the riddle meant, repeating it backwards to herself. Oh my god. I was left speechless. Just like the first time. And naturally, Amarantha was never going to let Feyre live. Tamlin watched while Rhys still kept fighting no matter what Amarantha did to him. Yes, Tam was hurt. But so was Rhys. When Feyre dies, and we see her through Rhys’ eyes, it was just… I couldn’t deal. I remember the first time around how wild this was, and I had to read it twice to understand that Rhys was part of her. She says that Tamlin looked at her, “at us”, meaning there was a piece of her in Rhys, too. It was just… too much. Feyre came back because Rhys moved the High Lords to save her. And she still felt undeserving. She is so amazing. So brave. So loyal. She deserves every good thing in the world. And on page 412, Rhys realizes that she’s his mate. INTERNAL SCREAMING. You know, after she follows the string that tethers them together. And then she goes home with Tamlin, still shoving all her pain down. And it’s like WHY BABE WHY. I didn’t second guess it the first time. But this time, I couldn’t ignore every time she mentioned dealing with it another time. My heart broke for her. * Reading this again was hard. And I honestly can’t wait to jump into ACOMAF. Feyre’s journey isn’t over, just like mine isn’t over either. I know this wasn’t the best review, but I’m glad I wrote this out. This series means the world to me. I know this wasn't the greatest and it looks nothing like how I wrote from my laptop to mobile Tumblr but. Whatever. It's out there. I feel better.