#I care that Buck asked her to pick out his couch for him after he fell asleep on Eddie's

[letmetellyouaboutmyfeels]

can i ask you something? what makes this different from s4 with buck and eddie? didn't you say you lost faith after s4, so how was it restored and how did what happen in the s6 finale not make you lose faith in what would have been the series finale, they got buck and eddie together with random women they have no chemistry with?

I feel like I've answered this question a hundred times but, okay, once more with feeling! A one and a two and a three!

My faith was restored with season four after I a) calmed down b) took a step back and had more time to reflect and c) wasn't having a mental breakdown. As I've said before, my personal life was bad at the time, so when my fictional TV show didn't give me what I wanted and it was one of the few things giving me an escape/joy at the time, I didn't handle it well. But when I took a step back, chatted with others, and had some time to reflect, I realized I had been too impatient in my expectations. Season five was fantastic for me re: Eddie's growth and healing, as well as Buck approaching romantic relationships. I was honestly surprised they didn't get together in the season five finale, that was my expectation and it seemed properly built up, but then we had weird pacing in season six in regards to Buck and Eddie especially so I really suspect BTS stuff was going on.

I don't lose faith because I have seen what happens when people rush shit for a finale because they are cancelled or might be cancelled. You do not have to agree with my opinion on this. You are welcome to say, well if this was the finale I'd be pissed! But I, personally, would have been upset if they'd rushed my getting together moment because they were scared they'd get cancelled.

Additionally, again, we do not know what's going on behind the scenes. Clearly stuff was going on during season six. I don't mean to put on a tin hat here, but it's possible Fox said "no." It's possible Tim said "no." It's possible there was other shit going on that I can't even guess on because I'm not involved, that led to a "no" that will become a "yes" now that they've moved to ABC. We do not know.

I have not lost faith because guess what! It was NOT the series finale. I do not care for the "almosts" of other timelines. This is the timeline I'm in, thanks, and what matters to me is not what might have happened or what almost happened but what did happen. In my opinion, the writing team chose to take a risk and not get Buddie together, not compromise their relationship, in the hopes they'd get picked up somewhere else. It's a risky move, but once you get Buddie together you can't take it back, and so I respect that they stuck to their guns.

YOU DO NOT HAVE TO AGREE WITH ME. But this is my opinion of why I'm not upset. As a writer, I respect when someone has the integrity to hold to their vision even if it means taking a risk.

(And frankly I didn't like it for a series finale for any of the characters, not just Buddie! As much as I love all of them. I want to see the Madney wedding, I want Athena to quit her damn job, I want Chim to get a storyline not tied to Maddie... etc.)

As far as where the boys are now, given this was not the series finale:

Back when it looked like Eddie would get with Ana, a lot of us were excited, because we felt it was important Eddie date other people before he dates Buck. Shannon is the only relationship he's ever had and we felt that for his own sake, his confidence, his maturity, he date at least one other person.

But that's not how his relationship with Ana went. He did it to give Chris a parent, he did it before he was ready, he did it because he felt he had to. Whatever sexuality you believe Eddie to have, the entire Ana relationship was steeped in comphet. It didn't give him confidence or help him learn to have an adult relationship. So Eddie needs, in my opinion, to date around a little. For himself, because he wants to. Then he'll have the confidence to be with Buck.

Buck's relationship with Natalia will, I hope, give him the growth I wanted him to have with Taylor. He did a lot of growth regarding his platonic family this season, but it was also made more clear to him than ever that he wants to be a father and a husband. But as we see he once again let someone else pick his couch. This time, Natalia. She seems like the band-aid solution to his post-death trauma, but the audience has already been set up to see that Eddie is what's right for Buck, not her. It's clear to me from the writing that they had to hedge their bets, again for whatever BTS reason, but they are still priming the audience to know Natalia's not right for Buck, Eddie is.

Personally, given Natalia's reaction to Buck's relationship with Kameron and Connor, I think Christopher will be the breaking point. Buck will never, ever choose anyone else over Christopher. And I don't think Natalia, who didn't seem super comfy with kids in the first place, will like that her boyfriend has a parental and unshakable relationship with someone else's kid. And who can blame her? It's hard to build a life with someone when they're co-parenting another kid already. It's kinda the number one concern divorced parents have when dating again - I already have a child, and I share that child with someone else, but I'm not romantically with that someone else, how can a new person accept that? It's hard! It's uncomfy! It's difficult!

Again, we saw Buck fall asleep on Eddie's couch. Eddie is Buck's true partner. Buck is already a father (and possibly will be again, I think it's looking more and more likely that Buck and Eddie will adopt a child once they get together, Buck loves Chris but clearly also wants a baby - c'mon writers give me a safe haven baby), to Christopher.

Just as he realized with his coma dream that Bobby is his true father, the one he already has, and that means he can forgive his parents for his own sake and meet them where they're at, because he knows from where his true support comes (Bobby especially, but the rest of the 118 as well)... so season seven will I think be Buck realizing that Eddie is his true partner and Chris is his true child. And Natalia is not Taylor. Natalia is a good person. She's a selfless person who helps people come to terms with their death and makes such a terrifying experience joyful and loving. Buck needs to reject the "perfect woman" because no matter how "perfect" she might be, she can never be what he wants. No one can, because Eddie and Chris already have his heart.

So that's why I'm excited. I'm excited for Eddie to get confident in his ability to be a romantic partner. I'm excited for Buck to reject the "perfect woman" because he needs to realize he already has what he wants.

I don't think it's like the season four finale. The season four finale they should not have gotten together. It was too soon. It would've been steeped in the trauma they both just experienced (and have yet to talk about heheheheh). I think that season six just gave us what we hoped would happen when Eddie dated Ana and Buck dated Taylor but Eddie especially was acting from a place of comphet and trauma, and Buck LITERALLY DATED TAYLOR BECAUSE EDDIE NEARLY DIED, it was a MASSIVE trauma response and he continued to be with her because she wouldn't leave him, even though he was absolutely miserable with her to the point where the intensely-loyal Buck drunkenly kissed someone else (I think that kiss was equally about Eddie, Eddie didn't show up even though Buck invited him, and Buck clearly is angry and missing him).

Season six finale gave us Eddie learning to ask someone out, Eddie trying to date casually, Eddie learning how to be an adult in adult romantic relationships. And it gave us the "perfect" woman for Buck, while ALSO showing us how she ISN'T what he really needs, to set us up for Buck realizing nobody will ever work out because nobody will be Eddie.

That's why I'm not worried. They're two entirely different scenarios. And while you may not agree with how the writing team chose to handle the possible cancellation and that is allowed, I do not agree with you, I will never agree with you, and people who do not agree with me need to stop dropping into my inbox because they will simply be deleted and also, a little bit, mocked. Privately. In silly voices. To my cats.

(Not saying that's you nonny, but I have had some rather annoying people drop me a line.)

So there you go. I got my faith back with season four because I was impatient and I just needed time to reflect, and I have not lost faith here because I believe they're two different scenarios, I like to give the benefit of the doubt to an excellent writing team because I don't know what BTS bullshit is going on, and I would've done the same damn thing and not compromised my vision of how I wanted Buck and Eddie to get together and taken that risk.

[thatsmzbitchtoyou]

My Alpha

This is kind of a long one shot (5619 words!), but I thought I'd try my hand at the ABO!/Omegaverse. Hope you like it!

Being an omega wasn’t always a bad thing.  At least that’s what she told herself repeatedly as she religiously took hormone blocking birth control pills and wore scent blockers on the daily.  Y/N hadn’t had a heat in years and wasn’t planning on letting up any time soon.  She had started working as a personal assistant for the Avengers under Tony Stark years before, going through the Sokovia Accords debacle, surviving the Blip, losing Natasha, Tony, Steve, T'Challa, and all the other strange and traumatic things that happened during her tenure.  She had denied her biology to get this job, not wanting it to affect her performance or be a target while being surrounded by literal super Alphas in this field.  And as hard as the job was, she loved it.

One of the greatest highlights was gaining Bucky Barnes as a friend.  While other Alphas she had come across were domineering, he was compassionate and kind.  He very rarely lost his composure like others did during high pressure situations in missions, and never fought over who was in charge.  He was incredibly careful to make sure everyone around him felt comfortable in his presence.  After finally shaking the Winter Soldier programming he didn’t want to ever lose control of himself again, and with the super soldier serum messing with his hormones to the extent that he was nearly feral during ruts, he would isolate himself away to keep her and others safe.  

Y/N felt like she could talk to him about anything, and he felt the same.  She was his sanctuary after rough missions, one of the few people that could break him out of a deep depressive state or the nightmares that still plagued him.  He knew she was an Omega but could barely smell her because of her blockers, which he both loved and hated.  Loved because it made it so they could be friends without the weird biological dynamics getting in the way, and hated because he was super curious about what her scent was.  They had fallen for each other long ago, but were both too afraid to do anything about it.

As they both relaxed during a rare weekend off they got on the topic of Omega versus Alpha traits.  “I get it, Alphas can be rough, but don’t you want to mate someday?  Find someone special to settle down with?  Maybe have a family?”

She sighed.  “Of course I do, Buck.”

“Then what are you afraid of?” he asked gently.

“Not having a clear choice,” she answered simply, giving him a sharp look.  “I don’t want my biology to decide my fate.  So many Omegas get stuck being mated with bad Alphas because their heats were uncontrollable and the Alpha wouldn’t take no for an answer.  I know that I’m predestined to be a nurturer.  Hell, that’s what my job is now, taking care of all of you guys!  But I should get to choose who I end up with based on love, not by body’s reactions.” Bucky nodded in understanding, looking down at his intertwined hands.  “Do you want to settle down someday?”

“Yeah,” he said quietly.  “I just don’t know how it would work out.  This job…my past.  It all points towards disaster at any given time.”

She slid over to him, wrapping her arms around his shoulders awkwardly as she sat next to him.  “You deserve a happy ever after, Bucky.”

“You do, too, you know,” he reminded her, resting his head on top of hers.

“Mmh, maybe someday,” she said wistfully as she undid her embrace and leaned back against the couch.

“So, anyways,” he cleared his throat.  “Is it true that Omegas have a better sense of smell than Alphas or Betas?  Like you can pick up on others’ scents and identify them really well?”

She laughed.  “Yes, it’s true.”

“Really?  Okay, what does…” he scanned the room as other Avengers milled in and out.  “Peter.  What does Spidey smell like?” He tested her, watching her expectantly.

She took a look at Peter across the room, her nose slightly flaring as she took in a whiff from his direction.  “He always smells like fresh bagels to me.  You know the smell of just-baked bread?  Kinda like that.  Mixed with a little bit of hazelnut.”

Bucky looked at her in awe.  “Yeah I kinda get that off of him.  Alphas can smell and track scents but not to that level.”

“Hm, that’s interesting,” she said as her eyebrows furrowed.  

“Now how about Sam?” he asked excitedly, hoping it would be something not so pleasant he could tease him about.

“Ha, Sam is Cajun seasoning with a sweet lemony undertone.  Like really well done seafood,” she answered quickly with a smile on her face, knowing Bucky would be disappointed in that answer.

Bucky frowned as he thought about who to ask of next.  “Okay, how about…Steve?” He knew it was a long shot.  Steve had been gone for a few years now, so she probably wouldn’t remember.  But she gave him a soft smile.

“Steve was smoky, like fireworks.  A summer night that ends with warm apple crisp and melting vanilla ice cream on top,” she said as she stared out the window, a dazed look in her eyes as she remembered him.

“Wow…” Bucky whispered.  “I always got the fireworks, and something like a picnic.  But now that you say it, yeah, apple with vanilla.”

“Yep, he was truly all American,” she winked at him.

He laughed as he turned towards her on the couch.  “How about, um…me?”

She gazed at him, her expression softening as her nose flared again and she huffed out the breath she’d taken.  “Smoky, like Steve, but different.”

“Like gunpowder?” he asked suddenly, his eyes searching hers.  He had been told that before and was hoping they were wrong.

“No, not gunpowder.  More like…” she sniffed again but frowned.  “Do you mind if I…?” she gestured her finger from herself to him.

“Yeah, go ahead,” he said, opening himself up for her to scoot closer to him.  She leaned in towards his neck, the best place to scent someone, and breathed in a slow sniff of him.  She closed her eyes.

“Campfire.  A campfire on the beach.  And the smell of the ocean after it rains,” she said resolutely, opening her eyes to look at him.  Their faces were close as he stared at her.  “But no, not gunpowder,” she reassured him.

“That’s good,” he breathed, his eyes shifting from her eyes down to her lips and back.

Her eyes suddenly widened, her brow furrowing and she pulled herself away quickly.  “I, um…I need to go…excuse me,” she said hurriedly before she jumped off the couch and power-walked down the hall towards her room.

“Wait, Y/N, are you okay?” Bucky stood from the couch as he watched her leave.

“Yeah!  I’ll talk to you later!” she yelled back without looking, her voice sounded strained.

“What the hell?” he asked himself quietly, looking around him like something had jumped out and spooked her.

Once she was out of sight she ran to her room and had Friday bolt the door.  She doubled over in pain and clutched her stomach.  “No way,” she moaned as she reached for her phone and called for help.

“Hey you, how are ya?” Bruce asked when he answered the call.

“Bruce,” her voice was pained as she held in another moan.  “I need help, something’s wrong.”

“What?  What’s going on?” he sounded worried, the rustling of papers and beeping from a screen by him going off.

“It feels…like a heat?  But that’s not possible, right?  We made sure of it,” she grunted as another cramp shot through her abdomen, and just as suddenly as it all started, it suddenly stopped, leaving her gasping.  “Wait, now it stopped?  What the hell is happening?”

“Come down to the lab, right now.  We’ll get you tested.”

She didn’t need to be told twice as she hung up and crept out of her room towards the elevator.  She was able to get in and down to the lab a few floors away without being caught by Bucky or anybody else.  She ran into the lab in a panic.  Bruce was already setting up the medical bay in the back with everything needed to do a check-up, some vials next to the other instruments.

“Hey, let’s take some blood and see what’s going on,” he called out to her when he heard the doors slide open.  She jogged to the bed and hopped up on it, taking off her cardigan so he could access the veins in her arm better.  After a quick routine check up he took a few vials of her blood then stepped out towards all the equipment he had for medical and scientific tests.  

He worked silently as she sat there deep in thought.  It can’t be, she tried to reassure herself.  I’ve been so careful.  Not missed a single pill ever.  This can’t be happening.  After about an hour Bruce came back with a screen in his hand, his eyebrows hung low over his eyes and a frown on his face.

“Y/N, it’s…it’s not working anymore,” he said softly, his eyes sad and confused as he looked at her.

“What do you mean?” she asked hesitantly, her eyes widening.

“The hormone blockers, the pills…your body isn’t responding to them anymore.  Your hormones are syncing back to normal Omega levels.  Your heats are going to come back.”

“No, no no no no no…NO Bruce!  I can’t.  Please, there’s gotta be another pill to try, a shot, an implant, something?  Anything, please?” she began to cry.  

“I’m sorry Y/N.  We already got you the best blockers that are available out there.  If your body is weaning off of them it means your biology is taking over, probably because you’re getting older and it’s fighting back to have a chance at mating.  I’m so sorry,” he showed her the hormone levels on a chart on the screen, pointing out the differences and then setting it down.  “There’s nothing I can do.  Nothing you can do but prepare yourself for it to start again.  And your first one is probably going to be brutal after avoiding them for so long.  You’ll need help–”

“NO!  No, I can’t do this.  I can’t ask some random Alpha for help.  This isn’t fair!” she cried harder, hiding her face in her hands.  Bruce patted her on the back, trying to help ease her pain by giving off a calming scent.  He was also an Omega and knew how much this meant to her.  

“It will be alright, Y/N.  You have friends here who will help you without making it awkward between you and them, or won’t immediately try mating with you during your heat.  They’re good Alphas.  They won’t hurt you or take advantage of you,” he promised.

She tried to calm the loud beating of her heart that was wringing in her ears, a panic attack trying to settle deep in her bones that she was fighting back.  “How long do I have until it comes?” she sighed as she sniffled.

“I don’t know, I’m sorry.  With it being so long since you last had one it could be next week or it could be in a couple of months,” he answered gravely.

“Ugh, great,” she laughed as she wiped her tears away.  “No choice, whatsoever.  My body ultimately got to decide for me after all.  Wonderful,” she spat as she jumped down off the bed.  “Thank you, Bruce, for testing.  I just…I need to go sleep this off, I don’t know,” she said, giving him a quick hug and then leaving the lab.  

She took the elevator back up to her floor, her eyes stinging from the hot tears still slowly falling down.  Her heat was coming back, and with a vengeance.  She would need help.  Who would she ask?  Any of the unmated superhero Alphas would probably say yes, though she knew she only wanted one.  But how could she ask this of him?  And if he did help, how could she go on with their friendship as if nothing had happened between them afterwards?

The elevator opened and she trudged into the common room.  The floor was already dark as twilight set in and everyone had split off to their rooms.  She slipped into the kitchen since she missed dinner while down in the lab to grab something to eat, although she wasn’t particularly hungry.  As she made herself a sandwich she turned to grab a knife then saw a figure in the corner at the dining table.

“Jesus!  Fuck, Bucky you scared me,” she gasped, holding a hand over her heart.

“Sorry, honey,” he grunted as he sat watching her.  “Why are you crying?”

She stiffened as she looked at him, trying to act nonchalant as she grabbed the knife and turned back to her sandwich.  “I’m not, I’m just tired,” she waved him off, quickly cutting the sandwich and putting the ingredients and dishes away to escape.

“Don’t lie to me Y/N.  What’s wrong?” he stood, walking towards her.  She reached for the refrigerator door to get a drink, which he quickly shut and stared her down.  She wouldn’t look him in the eye.

“Come on Buck, I just need a drink,” she complained as she tried to open the door again, reaching for the handle.  Bucky grabbed her wrist firmly and leaned in towards her.

“What’s wrong Y/N?  You ran away earlier and now you smell…off,” he said, searching her eyes as his nose flared at the scent she was radiating.  His frown deepened and his eyes looked worried.  “Why are you afraid?  Was it me?  Did I do something wrong?”

“No!  Oh no, Bucky, it’s not you,” she said, her eyes widening.  “It’s me, it’s just…” her eyes welled up with tears again, spilling onto her cheeks as she sucked in a sharp breath.  “It’s me,” she sobbed, leaning forward til her forehead rested against his chest.

“Oh honey,” Bucky sighed.  He put his hands under her armpits and lifted her onto the counter so she was eye level with him.  She wrapped her arms around his neck and hid her face in his shoulder, crying harder as he enveloped her, his hands rubbing up and down her back as he whispered reassuring words to her.  They sat holding each other for a while, Bucky letting her cry it out and Y/N relishing the comfort.  As her cries died down and her grip loosened around his neck he pulled back.

“Tell me what’s wrong, please?  You’re breaking an old man’s heart,” he pleaded, hating to see her hurting so much.

Y/N chuckled at him calling himself an old man as she wiped her nose with her sleeve.  Bucky held her face in his hands and wiped her tears away with his thumbs.  She let herself enjoy his touch before she sniffled and finally looked up at him.

“When I was talking to you earlier, I felt this weird pain,” she explained quietly.  Bucky nodded, listening intently as he held her face still.  “That’s why I ran out.  I went to Bruce’s lab to test me because it felt like…like a heat,” she sniffled again, looking down at her lap.  Bucky nodded again, his hands releasing her face and reaching for her hands to hold.  “I haven’t had one in years.”  This surprised him.  He knew there were new ways of birth control for Omegas now, giving them a lot more options than to just mate and reproduce and take care of their Alphas and pups like the old days, which he thought was great.  He just didn’t realize it could be for so long.  “And now, apparently, the hormone blockers aren’t working anymore,” she gripped his fingers tightly.  “My body is rejecting them, weaning off of them and reverting back to normal hormone levels.  My heat is coming,” she sucked in another sharp breath.  “I don’t know when, but he said it’s going to be brutal since I’ve been avoiding them for so long.  He said I’ll need help and…and I don’t know what to do.”  Her voice shook as she looked up at him again.  “I’m scared,” she whispered.

Bucky could feel her panic and gave off what he hoped was a calming scent.  It seemed to help as her eyes fluttered shut and her shoulders visibly relaxed.  The Alpha in him hummed in satisfaction as he swept his thumbs over her knuckles.  “You don’t need to be scared, Y/N.  It’s going to be okay,” he tried to placate her.  “Listen, I know earlier you said you wanted a choice, and now your body’s not giving you one.”  She nodded, a few more tears slipping out the sides of her eyes.  “I…I can help you,” he said, gulping back the lump in his throat.  Her eyes snapped up to him, a look of shock on her face.  “I know that I’m offering something kinda crazy.  But I promise you I won’t hurt you, I won’t make you court me if you don’t want to, and I won’t forcibly mate with you.”  He looked her deep in her eyes to try to get her to understand.  “But I’d be honored to help you.”

Y/N couldn’t quite believe what she was hearing.  She had wanted to ask him and now he was offering himself for her to get through this first heat.  She licked her lips and contemplated it.  “I just don’t want it to ruin our friendship,” she sniffed again, her eyes searching his face for hesitation.

“It won’t,” he said earnestly.  

“...Okay,” she agreed.  

Bucky smiled as he squeezed her fingers.  “Okay.”

“Thank you, Bucky.  You’re a good Alpha,” she thanked him, lifting his hands up and kissing his knuckles.

His eyes fluttered shut and he cleared his throat.  “You should probably not call me that, at least not right now.”

Her eyes widened.  “Oh!  God, I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean–”

“It’s okay, honey, it’s fine,” he chuckled.  “Whenever it hits you, just call me, and I’ll be there.”

She gave him a warm smile in appreciation.  They were playing with fire, and they both knew it deep down, but were denying it heavily.

***

Y/N could feel her hormones changing her body and mind.  Bruce had advised against wearing scent blockers as well to help her body fully adjust and hopefully not cause as much pain during her upcoming heat, and that was the first thing she noticed.  The Alphas around her, who would normally just give her a friendly greeting or a smile, now watched her hungrily through narrow eyes, giving tight smiles as their noses flared as she passed by.  It made her self-conscious enough to ask Bucky one day, “Do I smell bad?”

Bucky looked away from the book he was reading as she plopped next to him on the couch in the common room again, lifting her feet up to rest on his lap.  She was touching him a lot more lately.  “What do you mean?”

“Do I smell bad?  Omegas can’t really smell themselves very well, and since I took off the scent blockers I’ve been…watched,” she looked around the room warily.  Bucky’s eyes swept across the other Alphas in the room, noting how they were all giving off territorial scents as they tracked her.  He sat up straight, facing each one until they caught his eye and gave off a warning rumble deep in his chest, his eyes flashing dangerously.  They each quickly retreated, shamefully turning back towards their previous tasks.  The air around Y/N seemed to lift and she felt like she could breathe again.  “Thank you, Bucky.”

He sat back on the couch, grabbing his book with one hand and mindlessly rubbing her feet with the other.  “No need to thank me, honey.  And no, you don’t smell bad.  You smell like chai.”

“Chai?” Y/N scoffed.

“Yeah, chai with…” he reached a hand out and grabbed her wrist, bringing it up to his nose and inhaling deeply.  Her eyes widened comically at his brashness in scenting her so publicly.  “Pumpkin.  Chai and pumpkin.  Like Autumn,” he concluded, setting her wrist down and then rubbing her feet again.  He said it so casually that she just stared at him dumbfounded.  

It got worse as the weeks went on.  Her emotions were haywire, one minute she was calm and cool and the next she was agitated and easily crying at anything.  She was nesting anxiously, rearranging her room and her desk in her office, constantly carrying around a large fuzzy cardigan or blanket with her.  Her joints were sore, especially in her hips.  She found herself eating all the time.  Bruce had her come down to the lab each week to check her levels, each time warning her it could happen any day now.  

A month and a half later on a Friday night the team got together for a movie night.  They decided on watching the first Avatar, a movie Bucky hadn’t yet seen.  As it played Y/N kept fidgeting next to him, adjusting her sitting position, wringing her hands in her lap, taking deep breaths periodically.  A scene began of two of the characters connecting in a tree garden and Sam yelled out, “Alien tree sex!”  Everyone laughed but Y/N bolted out of the room.  Bucky watched her run down to her room and shut her door.

He quietly got up and followed her.  He could tell just by her scent changing these last few weeks and how it was getting stronger, the chai smell getting spicier, that her heat was fast approaching.  She had been very touchy with him, following him around and staying close whenever they were in the same room.  He had no claim to her, but it was evident to everyone to stay away from her, otherwise they’d get a growl from him.  He was growing more excited by the day, trying to remind himself that he was just helping out a friend, not staking any claim or bond.  

When he reached her door he pressed his ear against it, listening for her.  He heard her heart rate picking up and her breathing became labored.  He could also smell her, more potent, spicy, the scent of unmated Omega making his hormones sing and call out for her.  A deep rumble emitted from his chest as he felt his cock hardening.  He knocked on her door.

“Y/N,” he called out, just loud enough for her to hear.  A soft moan came from the other side.  His eyelids shut tight at the sound.  It was time.  “I’m coming in,” he warned before opening the door.  He stepped inside and was hit with the scent full force, making his eyes and mouth water simultaneously.  Y/N was laying in the nest she built on her bed in the fetal position, one hand on her stomach and the other in between her legs, not yet touching herself but keeping pressure against her core.  “Honey…” he groaned as he locked the door behind himself and walked towards the bed.

“Alpha,” she breathed, her brow furrowed and eyes shut tight.  A cramp wracked through her whole body and she yelped in pain.  “It’s starting.  It hurts…hurts so bad,” she cried as she could feel a small gush of slick pour from her pussy as her body recognized the Alpha in the room.

“It’s gonna be okay, honey, I’m here,” he cooed at her, reaching his hand out and running his fingers along her leg from her ankle to her thigh.  “Let’s get you out of these, huh?” he said while lifting the hem of her shorts up slightly.  She nodded and blindly started pulling at her clothes.  Bucky helped her strip out of her layers then undressed himself, giving her naked body an appreciative glance.  He lay behind her on the bed, cocooning her in his arms and leaning his head into the crook of her neck and scenting her.  He could feel himself getting drunk off of her heat.  She was sending him into an early rut as his hips rocked against her ass slowly.  Y/N keened at that, her back arching and pushing her ass into his crotch further.  He moaned at the sensation, his arms tightening around her.  “Shh, Omega.  I got you,” he said as his voice dropped further, the Alpha coming through more prominently now.

“Bucky…” she sighed, her hands gripping his arms around her.  “Please…Alpha please,” she begged, her legs shaking as another cramp hit her.

Bucky moaned at the sound of his name said that way coming from her lips.  He started to lick and suck and kiss at the scent gland on her throat, making her gasp loudly.  His scent mixed with hers, and they quickly got lost in each other.  His hands found her breasts and massaged them firmly, his fingers tweaking her nipples and making her hips buck back into him again.  He twisted her body around to face him.  She quickly molded herself back to him, hiking her leg up and over his hip, her hands scratching down his chest.  He tried to remind himself one last time that this was just a friend helping a friend.  Then she kissed him.

The kiss broke the dam of hesitancy he was holding to desperately.  He quickly responded, his mouth opening and their tongues tangling as they tasted each other.  Bucky climbed on top of her, his knees forcing hers apart.  His fingers probed her lower lips, finding her clit and giving it all his attention.  Y/N’s hips writhed as he riled her up.  She watched his fingers dip into her, making her breath stutter.  She was already dripping for him so he plunged two fingers into her, thrusting them in and out while his thumb rubbed and flicked her clit.  

“Fuck Alpha,” she groaned.  “Just like that, shit!”

Bucky smiled as she cursed, her legs shaking against his.  She reached down and took his cock in her hand, giving him lazy pumps as he got her closer to her release.  He huffed a sharp breath.  “Damn, honey, oooh that’s good,” he said lowly.  “Give it to me, love, come on, you can do it.  Be such a good Omega for me,” he encouraged her as he curled his fingers as deep as he could reach.  

The tension in her core finally snapped, her first orgasm ripping through her at lightning speed, squirting slick all over his hand and his hips.  She let out a guttural moan, the sound reverberating through the air, making the Alpha inside of him scream to claim her.  He had to physically restrain himself as he pulled his fingers out of her.  She smiled as she watched him with hooded eyes.  He put his wet fingers in his mouth and licked them clean of her slick, his eyes rolling back at the taste.

“Alpha please, I need you.  Bucky, I want your big cock inside me…please!” Y/N begged again.  Normally it would embarrass her to be acting like this, she would have never dreamed of speaking to Bucky this way.  But they were beyond the point of no return.

“Condom first, Omega,” he reminded her in his authoritative voice.  “As much as I’d love to fill you up, I don’t think that’s what you want just yet.”

Y/N pouted, but the first orgasm had helped clear her brain a little bit, and pointed to the nightstand next to the bed.  Bucky quickly reached over and pulled open the top drawer, finding the box and pulling a few of them out.  He unwrapped one and slipped it on himself before settling back between her legs, backing up a little bit.  “Present, please, Omega.”

Y/N twisted herself onto her stomach, lifting her hips high and pressing the side of her face into the bed.  Bucky almost whimpered at the sight of her sweet pussy, seeing the way he had made her drip with slick, the skin softly puckering in anticipation.  “Prettiest pussy I’ve ever seen Y/N, goddamn,” he whispered huskily.  She preened at his praise, her ass raising a little higher.  He gave her ass a quick slap, making her yelp and shiver.  “You ready?” he asked, making sure she was still wanting this.

“Yes, please Alpha, Bucky…please!”

“You’re so sexy when you beg,” he slapped her ass again, then grabbed her hips and aimed himself at her entrance.  He slowly pushed in the tip of his cock, the fat head catching just past her lower lips, making them both groan.  He kept pushing until he was fully seated inside her, letting her adjust to his size.  Y/N was keening again, a high pitched tone ringing through the air.  After a moment she wriggled her hips, silently asking him to thrust.  A deep growl emanated from Bucky��s throat and he pulled back until it was just the tip inside, then snapped his hips back into her hard. 

Y/N was making the sweetest noises he’d ever heard as he pummeled his cock into her.  She whimpered and moaned, making him hook an arm around her hips and lay his stomach across her back, quick huffs of his breath warming her shoulder.  He could feel her walls fluttering around him, making the rhythm of his hips stutter.  “Fuck, honey, you gonna cum?”  She nodded as her moans got louder.  He flipped her back over onto her back so he could watch her release, leaving barely any room between them as he hovered over her.  Her hands wound around the back of his neck, scratching his scalp with her nails.  “Goddammit, do that again,” he heard himself whimpering this time.  She scratched from the top of his head down to his neck and pulled him in for another kiss.

He reached between their bodies and started flicking her clit as he chased his own high.  “Bucky, oh my God,” she squealed against his lips as her back arched and her legs clung to his hips.  “Yes, yes, yes, shit…mark me.”

Bucky didn’t stop thrusting but tensed at her words.  “No, Y/N, you don’t want that.”

“Yes, I do, with you, Bucky,” she gasped.

“Omega,” he warned her, his eyes flashing.  “We can talk about that when I’m not balls deep inside you.”

Y/N tensed at his Alpha command, her legs loosening around him.  “I want you to be my Alpha, my mate.”

“God fucking dammit,” Bucky stopped thrusting and leaned on his elbows above her.  “Y/N, listen to me, you don’t want that.  You said you wanted a clear choice, remember?”  Y/N was silent and wide eyed as she watched him, slightly nodding her head.  “This isn’t a clear choice.  Your first heat in how many years?  It’s your hormones talking, honey.  And believe me, I’d love to mark you, claim you, bond and mate with you.  Stuff you full of me,” he thrust again, making her eyes roll back, “and breed you with my pups.  But we can talk about all that later.  Right now, I’m here to help you through this, because you’re my best friend, and…I’m ridiculously in love with you.”  He finally said it.  “I want to be yours, and I want you to be mine.  But when it’s both of us with clear heads and a clear choice.  Okay?”

Y/N’s eyes were watery as she listened to him.  “You’re in love with me?”

Bucky huffed a laugh, “Is that all you got out of that?”

She shook her head, “No, but it’s the most important thing.  I’m in love with you.”

He smiled wide and leaned down to give a quick kiss to her nose.  “Can I continue now?”

She nodded again, and he gave her another thrust to get her going again.  Her slick started to make squelching noises as he picked up the pace again, his knot starting to catch at her entrance, his hand reaching to her clit again and trailing kisses down her throat to her scent gland, licking and sucking at it again.

“One day, if you’ll have me, I’ll bite this pretty neck,” he moaned in her ear as her fingers dug into his back.  “Make you mine.”

“Yours, all yours, Bucky…Alpha,” Y/N groaned, leaning her head up and scenting him back.  Her soft lips and her tongue against his gland had his eyes rolling in his head again and his fingers gripping her hips harshly.  “That’s right.  Mine.  Mine…mine,” he thrusted harder and faster, angling her hips up to hit deeper.

Y/N screamed his name as she finally came, her hands digging into the flesh between his neck and shoulder, scratching his scent gland and making him see stars as he came with a yell, his knot fully inflating and latching him to her as she nearly squeezed the dear life out of him.  He fell on top of her, and she held him as he calmed down, both of them panting and sweaty.  

A heady scent filled the air, a smell that screamed satisfied mates.  Bucky pulled himself to his side, holding her close so it wouldn’t hurt her to move with him, and covered them with the blankets from her nest.  Y/N was delirious after this first round of her heat, her head lolling with exhaustion.  “Rest, Omega.  We’ve still got a few days, and forever after that.”

She smiled sleepily, “Hmmm, my Alpha.”

[coquitokisses]

Back Together | Bucky Barnes

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x female reader, (husband!Bucky Barnes x wife!reader, dad!Bucky Barnes x mom!reader)

Word count: 2.4k

Warnings/Tags: Bucky being dad and hubby material, fluff, angst maybe?

Summary: Bucky and reader are married and have two girls, but because of Bucky’s work, reader decides to “break up” and have been separated for a few months. (Let’s say that this “job” was when the whole thing with John Walker happened in TFATWS, idfk lol)

A/N: so I’m currently writing a fanfic (on wattpad) and I had this idea, but I’m not there on the fanfic just yet lol so I decided to just post it here (also, my first language isn’t english so if there are any errors or mistakes, I’m sorry lmao)

The girls are like 4 and 5 years old and those aren’t the names I have planned on using for the fanfic, but it’ll do for now.. and Steve is alive and well lol (he doesn’t make an appearance, but I do mention him, like I said, this idea came as I was writing a fanfic so what I did was try and edit it a little bit so yall don’t need context and shit lol just enjoy okay?)

A/N #2: this is my first time doing this so just bare with me please lmao

It’s almost 10 pm which means Bucky must be on his way to bring the girls back after having them for the weekend. You were away in Seattle the whole weekend for work, but anyways it was Bucky’s turn to stay with the kids. They were supposed to stay with Wanda tonight, but since you arrived earlier than anticipated, you told her that Bucky was gonna bring them over.

You’re not on the best terms. Actually, you’re broken up at the moment and have been like that for like three months now. It all started because of Bucky’s “job”. You always said that he wasn’t being careful with the things he did and you didn’t like the constant worrying about him every time he went out to do his things. He didn’t really see it that way which made you get into a really bad fight and you decided to break up because he wasn’t putting his safety, or his family, as a priority and you didn’t like that.

Which was kinda true. So you’re currently not living together. Bucky has been staying with Steve, or with Sam whenever he comes to New York. The girls usually stay with you and then Bucky takes them on the weekends, but whenever you can’t take them to school (or get them on time) or something on week days, then Bucky takes them without a problem.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to pick them up for you?” Wanda asked while on FaceTime with you

“It’s alright, red, don’t worry.” You replied “Besides, Bucky’s probably on his way anyway.”

“Still haven’t talked?”

“Well we talk, just not about us.” You said walking out of the kitchen

“And are you guys still, like, mad or..?”

“I don’t know.” You let out a sigh

“Steve told you he got out.”

“I know.”

“So?”

“I just.. I don’t know, I haven’t talked to him about it.”

“Well I think you need to.” She said “Just have a little chat and see where things are at.. you guys still love each other.”

And you did. Of course you did. And the girls want you to get back together too. But you just haven’t talked about it again.

“I don’t know, I’ll think about it.” You replied and just as you said that, you saw the car lights through the window “He’s here, I gotta go.”

“Call me if you need anything.”

“I will, love you.”

“Love you more.”

You hung up the call and left the phone on the couch before heading to the door. You opened it and saw Bucky walking over to the house holding Olivia, your youngest, in his arms and Eloise was walking right next to him. And the three of them just looked tired as hell.

“Hi mommy.” Eloise ran over to you

“Hi, pretty girl.” You immediately hugged her

“Say hi to mama, Liv.” Bucky said as he got closer

“Hi mama.” Olivia opened her arms wanting you to pick her up so you did

“Hi, my angel.” You kissed her cheek

“Sorry to bring them so late, we just got out of the cinema.” Bucky said

“Buck, it’s fine, they don’t even go to school yet.” You told him “Did you guys have fun?” You asked the girls

“So much fun!” Eloise replied excitedly “We also went to the trampoline park earlier.”

“Oh well that explains why someone’s a little more tired than others.” You looked at Olivia and she rested her head on your shoulder

“Mommy, can daddy tuck us in tonight, please?” Eloise asked

“Baby, I’m sure mommy had a really long and tired flight and she just wants to sleep.” Bucky told her

“It’s fine, don’t worry about it.” You said “Daddy will tuck you in, sweetheart.” You tucked a few strands of Eloise’s hair behind her ear

“Daddy, come on.” She grabbed Bucky’s hand

You all went inside and you gave the girls a quick shower before Bucky helped them get in their pjs.

“Mommy, are we staying with auntie Wanda tomorrow?” Eloise asked as she got on her bed

“Yes, baby, I need to go to work.” You replied

“Can’t we stay with daddy?”

“Daddy works too, honey.” You moved her hair out of her face “I thought you liked staying with auntie Wanda.”

“We do, but we wanted to stay with daddy again.” Olivia spoke

“Well I can pick you up at auntie Wanda’s house when I get out of work, how does that sound?” Bucky told them

“And we can get dippin dots too?” Olivia looked at him with puppy eyes

“We can get whatever you girls want.” He said squishing her cheeks making her giggle

You couldn’t help but smile a little. You loved watching Bucky with the girls, he really is an amazing father and they love him like crazy.

“Alright it’s getting super late, time to sleep.” You said to them

“But mom!” Eloise pouted

“No buts, listen to your mom.” Bucky said “Come on, get in bed both of you.”

Each of the girls got in their beds and Bucky went and tucked them both. They have their own separate rooms, but they’re pretty close and they’ve always wanted to sleep in the same room so when the time came and you bought Olivia her big girl bed, Bucky just placed it in Eloise’s room. Anyways, when the time comes when they get to the point where they don’t even want to look at each other, you’ll probably make Bucky move Olivia’s bed back to her room and problem solved. But for now, they absolutely love being in the same room.

“I love you.” Bucky kissed Olivia’s forehead “And I love you.” He then kissed Eloise’s “So so much.”

“We love you too, daddy.” They said

“Now get some sleep because auntie Wanda is coming early tomorrow to pick you up before I leave.” You leaned down to kiss each of them on their heads “I love you both so insanely much.”

“Love you too, mommy.”

“Now go to sleep or I’ll call the slender man.” Bucky said as he turned off the light

He quickly closed the door once you got out of the room and the girls let out a scream that made you both laugh.

“You’re evil.” You chuckled “Creating them traumas so young.”

“It gives them strength.”

You rolled your eyes laughing. “Of course.”

You both went downstairs and then Bucky went back to the car to bring back Olivia’s shoes and a few toys that the girls left in the car. While you put them on the dining table, Bucky was just telling you what they did and how the girls were on the weekend.

“Liv didn’t even asked for my help to wipe her after using the bathroom.”

“No?!” You looked at him kinda shocked

Potty training Eloise was way easier than training Olivia. First she was afraid of the toilet being flushed, then she was afraid that something would come out and bite her, then she didn’t want to stay alone while using the toilet. It’s been a rollercoaster for all of you.

“No, she did it all by herself.”

“Oh my god, really? I’m gonna cry.” You said with a hand on your chest

“She said she’s a big girl and big girls don’t need any help to go potty.”

“She is a big girl.” You said “Fuck, they’re both getting so big.”

“They are.” He nodded “How was Seattle?”

“Fucking amazing.” You said excited “It’s so pretty.”

“And how did it went? Are they planning on transferring you?”

“Hell no, I told Nick I’m not leaving New York.” You replied “If we were still living in the compound, then this would’ve been a whole different conversation, but we’re not and we have kids now so no, I’m not leaving even if they pay me more.”

“Well if they are paying you more then..” he raised his eyebrows

You laughed. “You know what I mean, idiot.” You rolled your eyes “But no, I’m not being transferred.”

“Then why did you go?”

“Nick said that they needed someone like me for some training.” You answered “It was great, I got to teach a few people about self defense, how exciting.”

“I’m glad.” He said with a small smile

He was genuinely happy for you. He knew how much you’ve missed working like that. Being an agent, a spy, you missed it. But at the same time, it wasn’t really in your plans anymore ever since you got pregnant with Eloise. It happened during the blip as well so you weren’t exactly working as an agent or spy anymore so you just decided to leave it behind for good. Until recently.

“You know, if it’s really what you want, then go for it.” He told you “The girls aren’t stopping you and neither am I.”

“I know, but it’s just that I feel like I’m on a different stage in life now.” You said “It felt fucking amazing, don’t get me wrong.”

“Then do it, talk with Nick and tell him to put you out there, that’s what you want.”

“I don’t know.” You let out a sigh

“We’re not going anywhere, you know that, right?” He said and you looked at him “And how cool would it be for the girls to say that their mommy is a spy?”

You laughed. “They will brag about it for sure.”

“And the best part is that you’re great at it and always have been.”

“I don’t know, I’ll think about it.” You shrugged looking at the time on the stove “It’s getting very late.” You looked at him

“Ouch okay, I’m leaving.”

“Oh my god.” You rolled your eyes

“Are we gonna keep this up?” He looked at you

“What?”

“This nonsense.” He motioned his hand between the two of you

“This nonsense?” You arched an eyebrow “Do I need to remind you whose fault is it that we’re on this position right now?”

“It could’ve gone so much better, but little miss I’m extremely petty over here, doesn’t like to listen to people and doesn’t care about anything other than her opinion.” He said

“Oh don’t make me mad, James.” You crossed your arms

“It’s the truth and you know it.”

“I think you can go now.” You said turning around and starting to walk away

“See what I mean?” You heard him say from behind “Can’t we just talk about it like normal people?” He asked following you

“I don’t think there’s anything to talk about.” You said turning around to look at him

“Well I think it is.”

“Bucky..”

“Y/N, come on.” He sighed “It’s been three months, are you gonna keep pushing me away?”

And he’s right, you’ve been kinda pushing him away. To be honest, the whole thing could’ve been avoided if Bucky and you came to an agreement, but you never did. You were upset that he was going away with Sam to do all these things that you weren’t okay with and you were thinking about the kids, which, at the moment, he wasn’t doing and that pissed you off. That was the whole thing. He didn’t want to empathize with the way you were viewing the whole situation and he was kinda making you look crazy. Saying things like “it’s not a big deal” or “everything will be alright, you don’t need to freak out”.

How does he expect you to not freak out when he doesn’t care about doing all this dangerous things? Was he insane?

In other circumstances, if you didn’t have kids for example, maybe you would’ve been a little bit more okay with it, maybe. But it’s a whole different scenario now.

And you were kinda pushing him away, sort of. But it wasn’t intentional, it’s just that you were kinda petty and there were times where he wanted to kinda fix things, but you wouldn’t let him because you would find a way to push him away unconsciously.

“You made me feel like I was exaggerating when I clearly wasn’t.” You said

“Because at the moment I did feel that way and I didn’t want to view the situation the way you were.” He explained “And I know I was wrong for that and I’m sorry.”

You let out a sigh. “You still went.”

“I know, I’m sorry, I should’ve stayed here with you, I regretted it the moment I left with Sam.” He said “And I came back as soon as I could.”

“And you stayed with Steve.” You rolled your eyes

“Baby, you wanted to kill me, do you really think I was just gonna come and ask you to take me back after that shit? Like you were just gonna accept me.”

“… Well, you’re kinda right.”

“I know, Steve told me you were pissed and that you wanted to punch me.”

“I did tell him that.” You nodded

“I’m sorry, I really am.”

“It’s fine, just forget it, I’m sick of the topic anyway.” You replied leaning on the back of the couch

“But are we fine?” He asked

“I don’t know, are we?”

“Well I’d say we are, kinda.” He got closer to you “You want me to do anything?”

“You could start by fixing the damn back door.”

“Again? But I just fixed it a few months ago.”

“Well I think you did it wrong because the doorknob is broken again.”

“I need to change that fucking door already.” He rolled his eyes “Anything else? Are you still mad at me?”

“A little.” You replied

“Just a little?” He moved his hands to your hips “I can help you change your mind.”

“Easy there, soldier.”

“Easy my ass, come here.”

Before you could even protest, his real hand grabbed your neck and he pulled you in for a kiss that screamed need. You really missed his kisses and just the way he would always give you a peck, whenever and wherever, whatever you were doing, he didn’t give a single care in the world. This man could see you sitting on the toilet and he still would go and give you a quick kiss.

“God, I’ve missed you.” He whispered on your lips “I’ve missed you so fucking much.”

“I did too.”

“Can we please never fight again?” He gently put his forehead against yours

“As long as you don’t piss me the fuck off doing some stupid shit like that again, we’re good.”

“Good.” He nodded before kissing you again

“And I swear to god..” you started saying between kisses “If I see you again that close to John Walker, I’m gonna kill you.”

“I know.” He said lowering his hands to the back of your thighs and picking you up

masterlist

a/n: should I post the fanfic here? What do we think? Lol (I’ve been thinking about it A LOT lately)

**UPDATE! I ended up uploading the fanfic and here is the masterlist for it lol

Anywaysss, hope you liked this! <3

(Likes and reblogs will be appreciated)

[vivwritesfics]

Sleepless

She's struggling to sleep, and it's all Bucky's fault

warnings: violence, choking, nightmares, angst

Her hands clawed at his wrist, trying to pry his metal hand away from her neck. As desperate as she was to suck in deep breaths, air wasn't reaching her lungs. Oh God, she was so damn dizzy.

There he stood before her, mask covering his mouth. His dark hair hung limp around his face and his blue eyes stared at her, furious. Metal fingers wrapped around her neck, his grip bruising. He was gonna kill her, and he didn't even care.

"Please," she gasped as she dropped her hands away from his wrist. But she just couldn't hold on anymore.

"Bucky!"

His head whipped to the left. A second later he dropped her, body falling as he released her neck. Even as she hit the ground she was sucking in desperate gasps of air as her attacker ran.

She awoke with a gasp, desperately trying to suck in deep breaths. Her hand was against her chest but, every time she shut her eyes, she saw her attacker.

"Doll?" Her husband asked, voice groggy as he reached towards her. But the moment his metal fingers brushed against the skin of her thigh, she was flinching away.

Bucky sat up at that. He couldn't hide the flash of hurt in his eyes, but he couldn't exactly blame her.

He didn't remember what he'd done, didn't remember who or what he was during that stage of his life. He wasn't Bucky. He was some mindless beast who killed whoever got between him and his mission.

They met again a good few years after this. He was a different person when they met again. He was Bucky Barnes, a war hero (several times over), a soldier, and a man who had celebrated his one hundred and something birthday.

The bruises had long since faded from her neck when she met him again. She hadn't forgotten the man that had choked her, but she hadn't seen enough of his face to pick him out in the crowd. But still, she'd never forget the way his hair fell around his face, just how angry his eyes were.

She didn't recognise him and Bucky didn't recognise her, even once he'd helped clean the coffee that he'd spilled on her. (Now, you might be thinking, how didn't she see his arm and freak? It wasn't something Bucky liked to just have out and about as he walked around. No, he wore long sleeves and had a single, leather glove covering his hand. His hair was cut and his eyes were so sweet). He asked her on a date and the rest was, well, history.

Even on the date, Bucky wore long sleeves and that glove. He saw her gaze lingering on his hand, but she didn't ask. And Bucky wasn't ready to tell.

She didn't find out until the first time she took him back to her apartment. Her legs were wrapped around him as he stumbled back into her couch, sitting down and placing her on his lap. Groans left his lips as she kissed down his neck.

But then he stopped her, gently pulled her away. "Doll," he said as his flesh hand cradled her head. "I need to show you something."

It was early in the relationship, but it was something Bucky couldn't hide anymore. He picked her up from his lap and sat her down beside him.

His leg bounced and he dug his nails into his thighs. "Before I show you, I need to explain," he said. He tried to being his sentence a couple of times over, but it wasn't happening. Giving up, he let out a sigh, head dropping forward. "Have you ever heard of the Winter Soldier?"

A dry laugh left her lips. "Are you kidding me, Buck? That psycho tried to kill me," she said as she looked at him, head falling against the back of the sofa.

He swallowed, mouth dry. But he had to keep going.

Slowly, Bucky began peeling off his gloves off of his fingers. "The Winter Soldier is an ordinary man," Bucky began, unable to meet her eye. "The ordinary side of him doesn't know what the Winter Soldier side of him has done. He doesn't know the people he's hurt, doesn't know the ways in which he's hurt them."

He slipped his shoulder down and a gasp left her lips. "No," she gasped, backing away from him.

"Doll, I swear I've never hurt you. I'm not the Winter Soldier," he said quickly. But he didn't reach towards her. "It's.. hard to explain. But I'm not the Winter Soldier. I need you to know that it wasn't me."

It took a lot of time, but Bucky explained it to her. They had to start things again. So early in their relationship and they had to start everything again. But Bucky was willing. As long as she had him, he was gonna do whatever he could to keep it that way.

Here they were a year later.

Clarity overcame her features as she looked down at Bucky. "Fuck," she hissed and wiped at her eyes. "I'm sorry, Buck. I-I had a nightmare."

He sat up slightly. His arms were open, allowing her to crawl inside of them and rest against him if she wanted to. "I know, Doll," he said. Her eyes moved to his metal hand as he own hand reached forwards her throat, feeling for the phantom bruises that had disappeared so long ago.

For a moment she just sat there, knees tucked up to her chest and her cheek resting against her knee. The sight broke Bucky's heart.

What were you meant to do when you were the person that terrified the love of your life more than anything? Bucky wiped his hand over his face and climbed out of the bed. He pulled shorts up his legs to cover himself up and headed out to the kitchen.

She watched him go and her heart dropped. She was fucking everything, and she knew it. Fuck, she loved this man so much. Everything was fine while she was awake, but the moment she shut her eyes, she was terrified.

"Shit," she groaned and wiped her eyes again. She climbed out of bed and grabbed a hold of Bucky's shirt. Pulling it over her head, she pulled it up to her nose and breathed in.

And then she set off, bare feet padding against the floor as she headed to the kitchen. "Buck," she called as she walked down the hall and into the kitchen.

There Bucky was, sitting at the kitchen island with a cup of coffee. "It's the middle of the night," she muttered as she walked over and pulled the cup away from him. "You're not gonna be able to sleep."

He looked at her, but his expression was unreadable. "Bucky," she tried as she stepped into his arms. He didn't move to wrap his arms around her, and her heart leapt into her throat. "I-I love you. You know that, right?"

He gave a nod. "I know, Doll," he mumbled and stood up. "Want me to get you some water?"

Her hand reached up to cup his jaw. "I want you to tell me you love me," she said, head cocked to the side.

Bucky brought his flesh hand up to rest over her own. "I love you, Doll." He to a pause to suck in a breath. "I just wish it wasn't me that you're scared of."

"Buck, I know I'm scared of him, not you. I know you're not him."

She reached down to take his metal hand in her own. Bringing it up to her lips, she kissed his thumb. "You're my everything, Buck," she whispered and dropped his hand. Instead, she wrapped her arms around his neck, pressing herself against him. This time, Bucky let his arms wrap around her.

No man had ever looked at her with so much love in his eyes. He dropped his forehead against her own. "I can sleep on the couch tonight," he offered.

"Don't you fucking dare."

A small grin split across his face. "Yes ma'am."

[buckslvrz]

oblivious - evan buckley x fem!reader

summary: buck and reader are both so stupid they can't realize they're in love with each other.

genre: fluff 

warnings: swearing 

pairing: evan buckley x fem!reader

word count: 803

note: omg not me in my writing era,,,, no but fr if this sucks, please spare me because it's my first time trying to write in years! please like n reblog if you like it! if u don't, please leave constructive criticism. i can take it, i'm not a little bitch :P

In the bustling firehouse atmosphere, Buck and I were rushing up the stairs after a call, hoping to get a bit of peace before the alarm went off again.

I throw myself down on the couch with Buck following suit, both of us still clad in our gear but finally catching our breath. I lean my head back on the couch and close my eyes, but Buck just had to ruin the silence with his big, fat mouth. "I think you might have scared the flames away for good with that one," he quipped, a playful smirk on his lips.

I rolled my eyes with a laugh, picking up a pillow and throwing it at his head. "Oh, please. Like you're one to talk, Mr. 'I Can Handle Any Blaze,'" I retorted, glaring at him with a smile on my face.

We continued back and forth, but our teasing was interrupted by the rest of the 118 walking over to the couch. Hen had a small smirk on her face and I knew she was about to say something stupid. She made it her mission to tease Buck and I every day. "Hey, lovebirds, save the flirting for after the shift," she joked, earning a chorus of laughter from the group.

Buck and I exchanged embarrassed glances, both our cheeks flushing slightly. I just huffed and stuck my finger up towards them, hoping to play it off like I didn't care. "Come on, guys, we're just friends," Buck protested, his tone slightly defensive.

"Yeah, we're friends just like the rest of you, fuck off." I added, feeling embarrassed as they all laughed at us. I turn my head slightly and glance at Buck, my eyes meeting his immediately.

They continued to tease us as they walked over to the kitchen area. Buck and I were still staring at each other. It felt like he was trying to say something but nothing was coming out. "Anyways, they're annoying." I chuckle nervously, trying to play it off as I stand up and walk towards the stairs.

I made my way down them but heard footsteps behind me. I glanced back and saw that Buck was following me. "Do you hate the idea?" Buck asked. His face was red and he was biting the inside of his cheek.

"What do you mean?" I asked curiously, my head tilting slightly. He sighed and grabbed my arm gently, tugging me behind the firetruck.

"Do you hate the idea of us being together? Does it gross you out? Would you like it? I mean give me something y/n." The words tumbled out of his mouth, his hands flying everywhere. He was looking anywhere but at me.

"Buck," I sigh softly, "Of course not. I wouldn't mind being with you." My eyes widen at the words that leave my mouth, watching his face snap towards mine as I begin to panic.

"I mean if that's what you want too!" I exclaimed, my hands shaking as I laughed nervously. My face felt like it was on fire. Oh god, I couldn't do this. I didn't wait for a reaction, I just spun on my heels but his arm stopped me.

Buck wrapped his arm around my waist, pulling me into his chest as he looked down at me, smiling with a small blush on his cheeks. "I knew you couldn't resist me."

I roll my eyes and hit his chest with my hands, letting them rest on his shoulders. "You're insufferable, Buckley," I smile up at him and watch as he glances at my lips before dragging his eyes back up to mine.

I save him the effort and lean up, grabbing the back of his neck and slamming our lips together. My stomach felt like it was on fire as I run a hand through his tousled hair. His lips move against mine with hunger as I giggle into his mouth. "About damn time!"

We both pull away from each other startled, and look up to see Bobby and Hen standing on the balcony looking down at us. They both had huge smiles on their faces. "Eddie! Chim! You will not believe what you just missed!" Hen yelled again as Bobby whooped and clapped his hands. I laughed loudly as Buck slipped his arms around my waist again, pressing a kiss to my temple.

"We should have done this sooner," He mumbled, bumping his head on mine gently. I hum in agreement, "I know, we're too stupid." Buck shook his head and chuckled, pressing a small kiss to my lips. "No, we're smart, we just procrastinated," he whispered, his lips brushing against mine. I pull away, my cheeks flushed as I shake my head. "Well, at least we did it now," I say, my voice barely above a whisper.

[dearhargrove]

People leave

Eddie Diaz x reader

summary A few weeks after first meeting Eddie and Christopher things with you and Eddie start getting serious. However when Christopher realizes, he doesn't react the way you'd expected.

word count 1200

tags hurt/comfort, Chris being adorable, angsty but turns to fluff

a/n yall know how in episode 8 season 4 Eddie tells Chris he's seeing someone and Chris gets rlly mad and runs away to Buck (adorable btw)? When he explained that he's scared that people he cares about leave I realized this could be a good continuation to this! It's gonna have a happy ending and fluff don't worry 🫶🏻

part one

masterlist

Christopher is preparing salad with Eddie at his side while you supervise Liam as he slowly chops a cucumber. His tongue is peeking out in concentration as he holds the knife the way you'd shown him and slowly slices the cucumber.

When he's done you ruffle his hair and hold your hand up for a high-five which he eagerly gives. “You did great! When dinner is done well call you - go and play a little more with Chris?” He nods and hops off the chair (his feet couldn't reach the floor when he sat so he had to hop down a little- it makes you coo every time he does) before grabbing Chris by his arm and dragging him to the living room.

Eddie and you watch as they settle on the couch and pick their game of uno back up.

“They're adorable,” you smile and lean back against the counter, your arms crossed over your chest. Eddie hums and sneaks his right arm around your waist, looking down at you with a content grin.

You tilt your head at his look and turn around to finish up the salad, “What are you looking at, señor?”

In your peripheral you see both his eyebrows raise as he makes a ‘huh’ sound and shifts to lean against the counter with his hip. “You speaking Spanish now?”

That makes you laugh and you shake your head, “You'd like that, wouldn't you?” He raises his shoulders as if he didn't know but the smirk on his face tells you what you need to know.

You lean in as if you'd tell him a secret and rest your hand on his waist before basically whispering, “Go and set the table.”

He groans and gently pushes you away as if he was mad, “Yes, ma'am.” He bows exaggeratedly and you watch him with a deadpan look. He looks around the corner into the living room before quickly kissing your cheek and then your lips, squeezing your hip before letting go.

You grin and bite your lip as you watch him go to set the table, distantly hearing him ask the boys who's winning the game and starting a discussion about uno rules.

Later when dinner is ready and served Liam is telling Eddie about his day while Christopher sits next to you. He's pushing the food around on his plate with his fork and you discreetly nudge his elbow with a questioning look.

He doesn't just look up but full on glares at you, dropping his fork noisily. “I don't need your help.”

You flinch back in surprise and furrow your brows. Eddie is looking up now too, making you shrug in confusion.

“Christopher, talk nicely.” He says in his warning dad tone and you watch a little uncomfortably - did you cause this? What did you even do? “No!” Chris bangs his fist on the table and pushes the plate off the table and onto the floor, the loud noise making Liam shriek and look around with wide, scared eyes.

Before you can reach out Eddie shushes him and puts a hand on his back, allowing the eight year old to calm down a bit. Chris however is the opposite. This time he directs his words at you, “We don't need you! You will leave!”

Your eyes go wide and you send a panicked look to Eddie, who looks just as confused. “Chris, what's going on? You like her.” Instead of an explanation he slides off his chair and glares at you again, “You will leave.”

He then hurries to his room and slams the door behind him, causing the dam to break and Liam to star bawling in confusion at the confrontation.

There's an unspoken agreement between you and Eddie as you stand and pick Liam up, letting him cry into your shoulder as you stroke your palm over his back. “I'll see what's up with Christopher. I'm really sorry about what he said,” Eddie mumbles and kisses your temple, at the same time he brushes his hand through Liams hair once.

-

“I think you need to talk to him,” Eddie comes around the corner and looks at you and Liam settled on the couch with the latter fast asleep in your arms. “I don't really think he wants to see me, maybe we should just go home…” you sigh.

“That's exactly what he doesn't want.” Eddie starts and sits next to you, reaching out and taking your hand in his. “I've told you about Shannon... He's scared you'll leave too. He doesn't want to miss you and Liam.”

You frown, “Oh, no. I'll go and try to make him understand we're here to stay.” He nods gladly and kisses the back of your hand and letting you carefully place your son in his arms. Liam wakes up momentarily and when he recognizes Eddie he cuddles up into him and goes back to sleep.

You watch the two with a fond expression and inhale deeply before going to Christophers room and knocking twice.

There's no response so you slowly open the door. He's laying in his bed and when he sees you he frowns again, turning around too slow to hide the tear tracks and red eyes.

You sigh sadly, “May I sit here?” You pat the space on the bed next to his legs and see him shrug under the blankets.

“Listen, I understand you're scared of Liam and me leaving. A lot of people have left you. But, Chris, we're here to stay. I really, really like your dad and I really like you, too. Liam does too.”

It's visible that you're getting through to him when he slowly shifts onto his back and looks at you with a pout and a frown. “Promise?” You smile and nod.

“Pinky promise, even.” You take his hand and wrap your pinky around his.

He smile too now and yawns but surprises you once again tonight as he moves around until his head is laying on your thighs. “You want to go to sleep?” He nods and you pull the blanket up to his shoulders to wrap him in them entirely, carding your hand through his hair to calm him.

Ten minutes later and he's fast asleep, softly snoring as you look down at him. You hear the door creak and see Eddie come in, a relieved and fond expression on his face as he sees you two.

“I see you saved the day?” Rolling your eyes you flip him off and he laughs behind his hand. “Liam is asleep too. I pulled out the couch so he can sleep there without a problem.” he whispers.

“Thank you.” He waves it off and comes close enough to soothe his hands over your shoulders and kiss your head.

Happiness and love is the only thing you feel as you think about those three boys that posed utter chaos together but you loved nevertheless. It's a surprise to no one when you wake up to find Liam and Christopher snuggled in the latter's bed the next morning.

[talktonytome]

if someone asked me at the end

bucktommy ft breaking up & making up + presumed dead

Buck knows he’s straight up wallowing, but he can’t muster an ounce of energy to do anything else. Eddie’s probably a day away from dragging him out, like he did when Buck couldn’t be at work, after his leg accident. He’s lying on the couch, tracing mindless patterns on one of the throw pillows, as a documentary plays on tv. He gave up watching it ten minutes in. He meant to watch it with Tommy.

He has his favorite Tommy hoodie on and he refuses to wash it, even though it’s been a week. He mostly sleeps with it, but he’s feeling especially sad today. Besides, the only stains that can be attributed are the tears he shed on it.

God, it had been such a senseless fight. In true Buck fashion, he can admit what he did was dangerous and reckless. Tommy hadn’t even begrudged him for doing his job. He only expressed concern about taking unnecessary risks and asked Buck to please take him into consideration, next time he thought about doing something so reckless.

In the heat of the moment, and very much in a fit of good old self sabotage, Buck turned venomous.

“I’m not sure you know me at all,” he’d spat at Tommy. “S-so maybe this is it for us.” He wanted to take the words back as soon as they left his mouth, but he stood frozen and watched in horror as Tommy’s heart shattered in real time. By the time he came back to his senses, Tommy had left with a sad and painful, “Okay, Evan.”

Buck isn’t totally clear if that counts as a break up, but it sure feels like one. He wants to reach out so badly, but he knows he hurt Tommy and he’s been trying to give him space.

He considers driving over to his place to talk it out, remembers how Tommy did that for him, right before he kissed him and upended his entire world. Fresh tears well at the memory.

He thinks maybe a good shower cry sounds like a solid idea, when his phone rings. He flips it over to see who’s calling and picks it up immediately when he sees it’s LA Gen. He’s memorized all the surrounding hospital numbers over the years, for obvious reasons, the 118 being frequent fliers being one of them.

“Hello?”

“Is this Evan Buckley?”

“Y- yes, that’s me,” his hearts races, but he tries to remain calm, bracing himself for the worst.

“This is Stacy, I’m a nurse at LA General, she explains calmly. “I’m calling about Thomas Kinard. You’re listed as his emergency contact and he-”

Suddenly, she’s cut off by the hospital intercom, distinctly alerting a code blue in the background. “Damn it, he’s coding again; grab the crash cart,” Stacy barks, her voice sounds far away from the phone- and that’s the last thing he hears before the call disconnects.

Tommy.

Buck is barely conscious of his actions, as he races to the hospital. He only stops long enough to shove his feet into mismatched slippers and nearly jerks his key holder from the wall, while frantically grabbing his car keys.

Aside from knowing all the hospital numbers, he’s also memorized the quickest routes to each one. Perks of being a firefighter, he thinks sarcastically. That, along with breaking a few traffic laws, lands him at LA Gen in record time.

He doesn’t remember and doesn’t care if he locked his car, by the time he’s stepping through the emergency room doors. For the first time since the phone call, he lets himself think, wondering what state Tommy’s in- if he’s alive. He has to be, he tells himself, like there simply cannot be another option.

He channels some of the sureness he’s grown into on the job, and tries not to shake too much as he walks to the information station, where a sweet-looking older lady is working. “Excuse me, I need to find my boyfriend’s room? A nurse, Stacy called me less than an hour ago a-and I think he coded. Please, I just need to see him,” he says as steady as he can.

The lady gives him a sympathetic nod and smiles at him. “Of course young man, what’s his name?”

“Thomas Kinard,” Buck supplies immediately.

“Hmm, yes, I see him in the system,” her eyes scan over the computer screen and Buck catches the moment her demeanor changes.

“Is everything okay?”

“Um, you know, this thing glitches sometimes,” she says nervously.

She’s stalling, and if she’s stalling then…

“Anyway, I’d better let Stacy update you. She’s at the nurse’s station on the third floor. I’ll call her and let her know you’re going up.”

She holds out a visitor pass and Buck takes it, nodding numbly. His body’s on autopilot as he reaches the elevator and rides up to the third floor. Luckily, the doors open right in front of the nurse’s station. A harried-looking middle-aged woman leans tiredly against the side and Buck guesses that must be Stacy.

His feet are heavy as he walks up to her and something in his expression must tip her off.

“You’re here for Thomas, right?”

Bucks nods weakly, palms sweating, dread sitting on his chest heavier than the fire truck had on his leg.

“I’m so sorry,” she starts.

“No. Don’t.”

“We did everything we could, but he coded twice and his heart was too weak to sustain the stress and damage.”

Buck grips the desk, like a life-line. It’s the only thing keeping him from crumbling to the ground. He feels like he’s under water, Stacy’s words drift further and further away.

“Sir,” Stacy grabs his shoulders gently. “Sir, breathe. Match my breaths,” she demonstrates long, deep breathes until Buck begins do to as she says. “That’s it, come on let’s sit down for a little while,” she guides them around the corner to sit on a bench by the first few hospital rooms on the left wing.

“Evan?”

Buck must be hallucinating, because Tommy, a very much alive-looking Tommy is standing in front of him. Maybe Buck went into shock and died.

But then Tommy’s coming closer into view, a bandage visible across his forehead and his face is flushed, which means blood’s coursing through his body, and that means…god, he’s alive??

“Evan, are you okay?” He asks in that deep, sure voice of his. Buck had missed it like a limb.

He hardly knows what he’s doing, before he’s launching himself into Tommy, body racking with sobs and gasping for breath, as he chants into his neck, “you’re alive, you’re alive, you’re alive.”

“Hey, hey Evan,” breathe for me,” Tommy pleads softly. “Shh, it’s okay, I’m very much alive, I’m okay.” Buck sobs harder and Tommy holds him closer, rubbing his back in soothing circles.

“I- I thought you were dead! I got a call and then she said-”

Tommy frowns, “I don’t know what they told you, but it’s just a concussion. I actually told them not to call you,” he shakes his head. “I’m sorry, you’re listed as my emergency contact and they wouldn’t let me leave the hospital alone.”

“I’m so sorry to interrupt.” Buck only just remembers Stacy’s still there and he would be furious- Hell, he is furious, but the relief of finding out Tommy’s alive surmounts his anger. He doesn’t let go of Tommy, only turns his body enough to look at her.

Stacy’s face is sheet white and unshed tears line her eyes “I- I can’t even begin to apologize for this. Sharon called and she said Thomas Kincaid. That’s the patient who coded. I didn’t realize you were here for Mr. Kinard. The names are so similar and both on the same floor, of all the things,” she’s crying now. “We’re short-staffed and I had to run off while I was on the phone with you. I know that’s no excuse and I understand if you need to report this. Again, I’m so, so sorry.”

Buck does feel for her. He’s very aware of the staff shortages all over and how overwhelmed the hospital staff has been, especially the nurses. He’s not going to report this. He’s angry, but he knows it was a genuine mistake. He’s learned that doing things out of rage isn’t a good thing, and all that matters is that Tommy is here, alive.

“Look, I won’t pretend like I’m not angry, but… I understand,” he assures her. “I’m not reporting you to anyone, just please don’t let this happen to anyone else. It’s the shittiest feeling in the world,” he chokes out. “And, I’m not trying to be rude when I say this, but can you please leave us alone?”

“Thank you,” she says voice barely above a whisper, her shoulders slump; Buck’s sure she must be relieved. She nods curtly and takes her exit.

Buck instantly turns back to face Tommy, not allowing more than a couple inches of space between them.

“Oh god, Evan, you thought I died- they told you I died. Well, who they thought- I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine what that felt like.” Buck can’t believe Tommy’s the one apologizing, of all people.

“I’ve never been happier about a mistake,” Buck proclaims with a watery laugh, a ghost of a thing. “You’re alive, sweetheart, you’re alive,” he repeats, assuring himself that this is real.

“I’m alive,” Tommy confirms, leaning in the rest of the way in to rest the uninjured side of his head to Buck’s forehead. Because he does, in fact, know Buck so well. Buck knows Tommy knows he needed to hear that from him.

“Tommy, I- I’m so incredibly sorry about that stupid fight,” Buck pulls back to look Tommy in the eye. “I was obstinate and dumb and I didn’t mean what I said.”

“Evan,” Tommy breathes.

“Please, let me finish,” Buck begs. “I wanted to take it back, as soon as I said it. You do know me. You know me better than anyone and I lashed out unfairly. You didn’t deserve it. It’s all on me and my insecurities, a- and I’ve been a complete mess since that night. This doesn’t erase that, but I missed you and I love you, and I want to be with you i- if you still want me.” There, he manages to get it all out and can only hope Tommy won’t turn him away.

Tommy lifts a hand and gently cups the side of Buck’s face. “Evan,” he starts, “first of all, I missed you too, terribly; god only knows how much, and, I love you too.” He rubs a calloused thumb across Buck’s cheek. “I won’t lie, what you said that night hurt like nothing I’ve felt before. I didn’t want us to be over. Turns out the sound of a heart breaking isn’t very loud at all,” he says, voice small and pained.

“Tommy-”

“Your turn to let me finish. Please?”

Buck nods, kicking himself mentally for interrupting.

“We- things won’t work if we retreat and withhold and jab. You have to talk to me, when your insecurities trip you up. We take care of each other, okay?”

Hope takes root in Buck’s heart for the first time in a week. Tommy smiles at him, tentative, yet tender.

“We’ll definitely talk more about what happened,” Tommy promised, “but of course I still want you, I’ll always want you, Evan,” he vows.

“Oh god, I promise,” Buck nods as a few tears run down his face. Tommy delicately wipes them away. “I called a therapist and made an appointment the day after,” Buck confesses.

“Really?”

“Mhm. I want to work on my issues- for us, but also for myself,” Buck asserts. “You’ve helped me grow and have shown me what healthy communication looks like, but I know I can’t put it all on you.”

“I’m so happy to hear that,” Tommy beams at him. “I think that will be great for you and I’m here for you, always.”

“Thank you, Tommy.”

“Of course.”

Buck rocks back and forth on the balls of his feet; He’s itching to kiss Tommy, but doesn’t want to push it. The ball should be in Tommy’s court he decides.

Tommy scans his face and must find what he’s looking for, because next thing Buck knows, he’s using the hand on Buck’s jaw to bring him in for a sweet, passionate kiss.

Tommy’s lips are chapped, from the hospital air, no doubt, but they’re the best thing Buck has ever felt. He sinks into the feeling, as they re-familiarize themselves with every ebb and flow. They go on for seconds or minutes, he can’t be sure, but at some point they taper off into gentle nips, until they’re parting, and Tommy pulls him in completely flush against his body so they’re holding each other again.

“God, I really missed you,” Buck exhales softly. “Love you. So much.”

“Love you, too, Ev,” Tommy says into his shoulder. “Let’s go home?” He pulls back, reluctant to leave Buck’s arms, but settles for intertwining their hands.

Buck’s never been more deliriously, insanely grateful. He sends a silent thank you out into the universe.

“Yeah,” he brings their tangled hands up to kiss Tommy’s knuckles.

“Yeah, baby, let’s go home."

[livingalifeonfire]

Spa Night with Buck

The week had dragged on for what felt like forever. Buck had been pulling 24 hour shifts every other day and I had been pulling back-to-back shifts at the call center with Maddie to help her out before she left for maternity leave. With the amount or lack thereof of time Buck and I had to spend with each other, I came up with an idea that would not only allow us to spend some quality time together but give us a space to relax.

I put my whole secret plan into motion with Maddie's help and by the time we finished setting up everything, bucks loft looked cozy, inviting and smelled less of a bachelor pad. An array of sheet masks on the coffee table alongside two cups of tea, massage balls and oil and a little something to take care of buck's lip. Buck arrived home and I see the lock turn and his familiar scent of vanilla and smoke wafts into the room. " Babe, I'm home!" I hear him call out as I run to him and jump into his arms, basically knocking him over. " Well, this is a welcome sight, my gorgeous girlfriend in my shirt and my sweats. My love, what do you have up your sleeve and why does my apartment look a little more put together?" he asks, his hands rubbing my back as he puts me back onto the floor. A mischievous grin paints its way across my face as I take his hand and lead him to his couch.

" Well, my love, you've been working so hard lately and not had any time to take for yourself or just to destress so I, with the help of your amazing sister, planned a little at home spa night for us. Plus, it will give us a little time to just relax and be together. " I tell him as I push him into the couch. " Baby, no one has ever done something so nice for me before. Thank you, so much sweet girl" he says, as he pulls me onto his lap and into a sweet kiss. I spin around and grab the sheet masks off the coffee table and slyly ask him which one he wants, and of course he picks the one that looks like a panda. I tear open the package and help him get it onto his face. Mine goes on afterward and then, the shirt comes off. " Buck, do not take this the wrong way but I need you to take your shirt off and lay on your stomach with your head up." He cocks his head, looks at me but doesn't question my request. Within seconds, his LAFD t-shirt hits the floor, and he is lying flat on his stomach. I grab the oil and massage ball and start to attempt to work out the knots in my boyfriend's back and shoulders. This elicits a few groans from buck, and I feel the stress start to melt away. I know how much he needed a night to relax and be pampered a little bit.

After the sheet masks come off and the massage oil rinsed off his back, he gets this look in his eyes I know all too well. He picks me up and carries me to his bathroom. And well, let's just say we both got a little more stress relief that night.

[lady06reaper]

Drug Dealer! Kenny x Stoner! reader

This was requested by @mccormickgf ! I hope you enjoy it!

TW! MENTIONS OF WEED AND GETTING HIGH, IF YOU ARE NOT COMFORTABLE WITH THAT SORTA THING PLEASE EVACUATE NOW!

Kenny never thought he’d be in a situation like this, both romantic and work wise. I mean, yea, he does drugs, but he never thought he’d be slinging them for extra cash to be able to take care of Karen. But he really never thought he’d fall in love with one of his regulars either. You knew he wasn’t doing this for fun, he was doing this because he had to have the extra money, and of course you admire him too much to buy from anyone else. Weed was the only drug Kenny would sell, just straight bud and carts, and that was the only drug you would do. Truly a match made in heaven.

You had been buying from Kenny since high school really, you were the only girl who understood and was willing to buy from him instead of using your body as payment. You thought Kenny was attractive, but you would never stoop as low as that, and you had a good paying job so it wasn’t a problem. You and him had planned on meeting at his house when he got off work at the mechanics shop and picked Karen up from the babysitters, (it was really Kyle who said it’d be a good idea to have Ike and Karen play together). You got off work a little bit early so you swung by your house real quick to put comfy clothes on to be able to use the product as soon as you buy it. 

You got to Kenny's house just a few minutes after he did, you opened the door and braced for impact expecting a little ball of sunshine to come hurling towards you. But it never happened, you looked around and Karen was nowhere to be found, but Kenny was. He was sitting on the couch sorting out product and counting money. It was like an actual drug den but without the hardcore narcotics. There were beanbags and child friendly tapestries, so it could be Karen's indoor playground but also a safe area to get high. 

“Hey there hot stuff! What we looking for today? THC? Delta 9?” Kenny asked, looking up from what he was doing.

FIRST PERSON POV

“Got any indica carts by chance?” I questioned looking down at the table where all the Devils Lettuce products were sprawled out. Kenny nodded and handed me the cart, I pulled out my pen and twisted in the new indica cart. “Thanks Ken.” I turned on the pen and took a small hit to see how it’d affect me.

“It's on the house don’t worry about it,” Kenny shook his hand to emphasize the no money. I didn’t listen so without a word I threw down 60 bucks on the coffee table, it’s actually 40 but he deserves a good tip. He took one look at it and slide it back over to me.

“I said it’s on the house.”

“And I said it’s 40 plus tip,” I slid the money back to him, he slammed his hand on the money to prevent it from going back to him.

“I can’t take your money right now, it’s not that I don’t need it I do, it just feels wrong charging you seeing as how you’re a dear friend of mine.” Kenny looked me in the eyes when he said that. Dear friend of his? What kinda crack is he on? Kenny never spoke like that, and if he did he was high on something. He didn’t look like he was on something, but he’s also an experienced stoner so it takes a lot to even get him close to a high.

“Well then if you need it then take it, if not for you use it for Karen, I’m sure she’d enjoy some new toys or clothes,” I took my hand off the money and leaned back in the La-z-boy I claimed as my spot for when I come over. 

“You’re not wrong, I’m sure she would, but I just can’t take it.”

“Kenneth McCormick, if you don’t take this money I’ll just give it to Karen and take her on a candy shopping trip so she’ll be bouncing off the walls as punishment for not taking my money right here right now.”

“Jokes on you, I can just drop her off at Kyles and she’ll be his problem when she's on a sugar buzz,”

“Goddammit Kenny, why don’t you just take my money?”

“Because I love you!” Kenny raised his voice a little, he looked down in between his legs away from me as if he was ashamed. I was taken aback, we’ve known each other since elementary school so it wasn’t a huge shock, but it was to my mind. He wasn’t moving, he was waiting for my response to his confession. I got up, moved his arm away from his face, and sat down gently on his lap. He leaned back on the couch to make more room for us, I took his face in my hands to make him look at me.

“I love you too Kenny, and I truly mean it,” his eyes lit up, they moved down to my lips as if he was asking for permission. Before he could with his voice, I moved in and connected our lips. His lips were kinda cracked, but the chapstick I had on helped to lessen the friction between rough and smooth. We pulled away and smiled at each other, he leaned over on the coffee table to grab his pen and the remote to the TV. Kenny turned on a movie, took a hit of his pen, and leaned his head on my head that was resting on his shoulder. I took a hit of my pen and snuggled more into his shoulder, we both exhaled the smoke we were holding in and watched the movie for the rest of the night as stoner lovers.

[cameronspecial]

hihi!! can you possibly do an evan buckley x reader where reader is dealing with horrible family issues and buck’s just there to listen and cheer reader up?

tysm <333

Family Matters

Pairing: Evan Buckley x Reader

Genre: Fluff

Warnings: Custody Battle

Pronouns: She/Her

Word Count: 0.5K

Y/N never thought she would be in a custody battle for her daughter, but she couldn’t control the way her life played out. And right now, she really wishes she could. Her ex-boyfriend had made the case that as a single-mother firefighter, her twenty-four-hour shifts aren’t the greatest for raising a child. This made Y/N nervous because it seemed the judge seriously considered that point. She returns home from court more stressed out than when she left the place and she goes to sit on the couch. She lets herself release the tears she had been holding back and she knows who she needs to call. She doesn’t want to call him because he should just be coming off a shift, but she really needs his comfort right now, so she dials the number. 

After a few rings, he picks up. “Hey, Firefly. How was court?” he asks, pulling the gym bag strap onto his shoulder. The happy tone in his voice makes her question if she wants to bring him down. She knows he would be upset if she lied, so she answers truthfully, “It was horrible and with Paige with her father this week, I really need someone here, please.” His smile contorts to a serious frown and he hurries his way to his jeep. “Of course, I’m on my way. I’ll be there in thirty, Firefly,” he promises before hanging up. Her eyebrows knit at his ETA because it should only take him ten minutes to get to her apartment from the station. 

———

Thirty minutes later, Buck knocks on her door and she opens it to reveal a bag-heavy boyfriend. “Hello, Firefly. I’m here with ice cream and ears to listen, so lay it on me,” he orders, handing her a tub of Ben and Jerries with a spoon. He moves them to sit on the couch and she wants to ask what else is in the bags but her emotions get the better of her. She begins to cry into her ice cream and he brings her forehead to press against his chest. He runs his fingers through her hair to calm her down. “You know what Ethan said to the judge. He said I couldn’t take care of Paige properly because I was too busy working twenty-four-hour shifts. He asked how I could be there for Paige if I was off fighting fires. And I saw the look on the judge’s face, he believed Ethan,” she cries while stuffing spoonfuls of ice cream into her mouth.

Buck’s face turns to anger at what Ethan dared to imply. He brings her head up so that he can look into her eyes. He wipes the tears from her eyes, “Hey, hey. It’s going to be okay. I’ll go in as a character witness if you need to tell them how much of a kickass mom you are even with your long shifts. And I’m sure Eddie would be more than happy to go in to and prove to the judge that you could be a single parent and a firefighter,” he reassures. “Everything is going to be okay. We’ll help you figure this out.” His words are simple and make sense, but it calms her instantly. She knows he isn’t Paige’s biological father, but he would do anything to help keep her and her mother safe.

[nanaminsmoon]

pervycollegeprofessor!gojo satoru x student!reader. (mdni.) + 1812

a/n: this was meant to be 900 words shorter but i've had severe gojo brainrot recently and couldn't help myself😞 + gojo is 27/28 and reader is in her early twenties.

something about you made satoru feel depraved. it was most probably the way he, your professor, felt about you, his starry-eyed student that always sat in the front of his lectures, eager to receive wisdom. nanami had called gojo's liking towards you ‘perverse’, but nanami hadn’t seen the way the stars in your eyes sprinkled all over satoru’s arm whenever he rolled his sleeves up—forearms exposed, and vascularity on display.

originally just an interim substitute until your uni found a permanent member to fill his role, satoru had overstayed his welcome in the staff lounge due to the countless requests from students, such as yourself, who had fallen for him. because, whether he liked it or not, the man was an expert at captivating hearts—those of students and teachers alike. much to the dismay of his male colleagues, such as nanami who had warned satoru about his ambiguous extracurricular relations with you.

“what?”, satoru questioned a staring nanami, who had overheard his snowy haired coworker arrange a ‘private study session’ with you.

“you know what, satoru. intimate relationships with students are against protocol. you know that. it’s unprofessional, and it’ll get you fired.”, the blonde warned, as he leant on one of the desks to speak to gojo.

“woahwoahwoah, who said anything about intimacy?”, gojo asked, feeling grossly wronged by the accusation, “is it a crime for a professor to care about his students? i just want her to achieve her potential. to its fullest.”, is what he had told his colleague.

and now he wondered what nanami would have to say about this; your hole at its fullest with gojo’s thick length ambushing it as he bent you over his desk. if he wasn’t so pussy drunk, he’d pause to ponder what qualms his colleague would have regarding your opened mouth causing your unmarked papers to stick together, as your manicured fingers cramped to crumple the work of other students.

with the knowledge of satoru’s leniency with his stargirl, you had purposefully waltzed into his classroom during his break—a time wherein no students were allowed entry into his teaching space—to try and seduce a better grade out of him. but your attempts were quickly overtaken by the desires of a man who'd been needing you in a way that angered his leaking tip, and heavied his balls.

and, although satoru had placed one of your legs on the table to pitilessly fuck your ulterior motives out of you, he had never bore an incentive for doing so. he had sunk himself balls deep inside you out of his own volition. because taking you like this had been satoru's boxer staining dream for a few months too long.

after every study session, gojo would stand in his living room facing his sofa with crossed arms, and a conflicted facial expression. outwardly, he was a grown man having a staring contest with couch cushions. but, inwardly, he was a man lacking the strength required to beat the lecherous voice in his mind telling him to pick up a cushion you had used, and smell it. it won over him every tuesday evening, and it’d have him deeply inhaling the fabric to collect all shadows of your scent. gojo felt ill, but there was nothing he could do; he just couldn’t help the way the smell voided his head of its blood, dizzying him as the oxygenated substance travelled to fuel the growth between his legs.

and perhaps that's what was making him fuck into you so hard; the nights his pale hands had been covered by load after load, as his hips bucked up to fuck you through his joined hands and advanced imagination. since the day he walked into that classroom for the first time and you momentarily looked up from your laptop to meet your eyes with his, satoru had been tormented by thoughts of you. he'd try to defeat them by getting closer to you, but he couldn't have possibly fathomed the repercussions proximity would bring. because, once the study sessions started and the nature of your relationship skewed, thoughts of you were unshakeable in a torturous way that made him feel caged in his own body.

“when you get this grade, you owe me a bottle of wine.”, he'd laughed, shaking the bottle of alcohol to show you its emptiness.

“trust me, if i get this grade then i’ll be giving you a little more than a bottle of wine”, as soon as you spoke, your eyes would mirror those of the man in front of you in widening comically,

“wait, i didn’t mean it like that. shit, i’m so sorry i got too comfortable and the wine—”, you’d apologise, but gojo would shake his head in rejection. because what you didn’t know was that inadvertent reciprocation of his feelings, had justified every single thought gojo’s sick little mind had conceived since the day he met you. but he was well aware, that’s why he’d be smirking as he placed a gentle hand on your knee.

“you’re okay, y/n. really, it’s fine”, he comforted, before pulling his hand away to pick up his wine glass, “i’ll hold you to that, though”, he’d chuckle, before taking a sip of the alcoholic beverage.

if anything, gojo was a man of his word so he did exactly what he said he'd do—holding you to your offer. bitter alcohol was meaningless to him, for the most part, because gojo had always had a sweet tooth. his tastebuds much preferred the tingles provided to them by decadent flavours like the wetness gojo had licked from his fingertips, and glistening lips, when he had laid you on his desk and gorged himself with the forbidden fruit hidden between your thighs. or the taste of the sweaty layer covering your heated body, only becoming mind-numbingly sugared once it touched gojo’s lips and tongue as he kissed your neck. he was meant to be preparing for his next lecture, but once you had sat on his lap to ask for a higher grade, he had lost all sight of his bearings. even as you reminded him,

“s-sir, they'll s-see”, you'd stuttered out. cares about your surroundings were dwindling each time his tip made contact with your cervix, but you didn’t want the only reason you attended classes to be robbed from you. meanwhile, said reason was too busy biting his lip to ensure the full extent of how that nickname made him feel didn’t reach your ears.

“call me that again”, he'd groan, “i beg you, y/n, call me that name again”,

“s-sir”, you obeyed, and gojo’s head lowered as he watched his dick disappear inside of you, only to reappear coated in a white cream that surrounded the base of his dick.

“fuck”, he'd whisper to himself, as he fucked into you impossibly harder. being quiet wasn't a thought in gojo’s mind, any drop of sensibility in him was replaced with the intense need to feel you cum around him.

all those warm summer days of seeing your shorts wrapping around the place his large hands now sat; all those group presentations he had tuned out because he was too busy intently examining the curve of your ass, and outline of your underwear, through your tight sundress. only for it to be sat around your waist as he swallowed the whimpers caused by finally being granted the opportunity to feel you around him. it was safe to say the man was losing his mind. and now he was losing grip of the thinning rope holding his release back.

gojo knew that getting caught could possibly mark the end of his teaching career. not just because he was engaging in sexual relations with a student, but for doing so on campus when the only separation between him and the recipients of his next class would resound with small knocks. and the sounds of his balls smacking against your ass would only hasten as gojo recklessly tried to drown out reminders of where he was.

“i have a class to teach but you're gonna cum for me aren't you, sweetheart?”, his chest would be flush against your back, as gojo leant to kiss your jaw, “hm? gonna hurry up for me so i can do my job?”, and quick nods would be all you could manage. the way you stifled those sounds he so desperately needed to hear pained him, but he’d still be amused by how cute you were.

“mr. gojo?”, a voice would shout on the other side of the door, “you in there?”, they’d persist, and gojo would let out a soft grunt of frustration.

“give me 5 minutes!”, he shouted back, before his hips moved faster. his carelessness, and lack of regard for those surrounding you meant that satoru fucked your eyeballs to the back of their sockets as you came around him—his hand catching all your pleasured cries.

honestly speaking, satoru had been holding his nut back since the second he pushed more than just his tip inside of you. the way your walls wrapped around him so intensely was simultaneously every man’s dream and nightmare, and he’d finally be awoken by the orgasm he could feel building, threatening to wash over him.

“gonna let me empty my balls in you before my class?”, he'd ask far too politely for a man who was fucking into you like you were piece of silicone.

“s-sir, please”, the use of that nickname he was growing to be obsessed with, had gojo filling you with his seed, instantaneously. he’d barely have the time to recover because, once he’d look up at the clock, he’d see that his class was set to begin in 90 seconds. meaning that, reluctantly, he’d pull out of you and smear his leaking nut on your skin, so as to not get it on his floor. then he’d pull your dress down, and turn you around to look at your fucked out expression.

“how’s my grade lookin’, sir?”, you’d chuckle, and he’d roll his eyes at you as he pulled you up from where you were laid.

“i’ll see what i can do”, he’d tease, while one of his large hands cupped your cheek, and the other tidied your hair and teary face.

“but i think i'll need you under the table for my next class. y’know, just to make sure i'm giving you the right grade.”, he smirked.

© Rights owned by nanaminsmooninc. Do not repost without permission.

[deareddie]

sweetest devotion

for @tawaifeddiediaz , inspired by this post. ily

The storm goes on for days. Pounding rain against the windows keeps Buck awake far later than he should be, considering his state. He blinks in the darkness and tries to find the sound therapeutic, but in truth, the incessant noise does nothing more than encourage the headache already festering behind his eyelids. 

His phone chimes with a message on the bedside table. In the brief instant of light it provides, Buck welcomes the distraction. 

Hen: Just wanted to check in and see how you're doing. Hope Nurse Eddie is taking good care of you :)

Buck laughs quietly and types out a reply. 

pretty sure he passed out on the couch a while ago. mind if I call you?

Hen: Go for it.

The dial tone sounds twice before she picks up, sounding like she's already refraining from scolding him for not taking better care of his health. 

"Hey there," she says. "What are you doing up so late?"

"I could ask you the same thing," he deflects, halfheartedly. 

Hen hums. "That would be a fair question if one of us hadn't been hospitalized a few days ago. You're supposed to be resting."

Buck sighs. Touché. 

"What's keeping you up?" she asks, more gently.

"Just...can't sleep. This stupid storm won't let up."

"Ah. Yeah, Karen and I are still hoping the basement won't flood this time. Pretty sure half of everything we owned grew mould last year," Hen jokes. Buck chuckles. After a moment of silence on the line, she prods him again. "Is that...the only thing bothering you?"

Buck hesitates.

It isn't, of course. But he had yet to figure out how to broach the subject in the flurry of activity that had suddenly surrounded him. Medics trying to keep him awake and doctors trying to keep him alive, his sister tearing up and fussing over him the second he opened his eyes, Bobby filling a Tupperware container with homemade soup and sending it with him when he was discharged. Eddie taking a right turn instead of a left on the way home from the hospital with a scoff, because, "You think I'm letting you go home alone?"

Everyone just seemed glad he was okay. Nobody had said much else. Buck hadn't asked. 

But-

"Did you guys think I was dead?"

Hen is quiet for a second, thrown by his sudden frankness. Buck waits, his breath feeling strangely tight in his chest. "I mean, we hoped you weren't, but-" she sighs. "It looked pretty bad, Buck. Worse than the times before."

He hadn't really thought any less, but it shakes him a bit to hear her admit something more than the usual, "You gave us a real scare there, Buckaroo." Maybe because it actually makes it feel real. Makes the ache that lingers settle in deeper. He lays there, in bed in a house that isn't his but welcomes him as if he belongs in it all the same—where his face is in the pictures on the wall and his old t-shirts are in the washing machine and his best friend sleeps lightly in the living room, listening for any signs of pain so that he can help to ease it—and the the feeling becomes a reminder of everything he nearly lost. 

"So then why-" He swallows, pushing away a sudden wave of emotion that he can't quite define. Grief? Anger? "Why would Bobby send Eddie up there after me? Wasn't there a- a better way to-?"

Hen cuts him off with a dry laugh. "No one sent him, Buck," she says. "He was up there before the rest of us could think to move." 

Buck blinks. 

"Well- why didn't anyone stop him? Come up with a better plan? I mean-"

"Do you really think we could've stopped him?" Hen asks.

Buck finds he doesn't actually know the answer. 

In wake of his silence, she rephrases the question. "If the roles were reversed, would anyone have been able to stop you?"

Buck's head begins to spin. Because no, of course not. It wouldn't matter if the whole world was screaming at him to stop—if Eddie was the one hanging from the top of that ladder, Buck would do anything to bring him back down to earth. Just like he's done before. But that's because–

Well, it's because of a feeling that settled itself in his chest long before he was able to give it a name. 

"Buck?" Hen's voice comes through the phone, but it sounds a bit farther away to him now. "You still there?" 

"I-" he starts. Stops. His mind is running in circles and he can't quite catch up. 

More softly, Hen asks, "Didn't you know he'd do the same?" 

And-

"No," he breathes. "I don't think I did."

Yet suddenly it seems like it’s been there, in the photos and the laundry and there in the next room, on that couch, this whole time. In the arguments and the anger and the long, hard conversations, too. The big things and the small—he'd just never looked close enough to see it. 

"Listen Hen, I think I'd better-"

"Yeah, you better.” He hears her smile through the phone. “Goodnight, Buck."

"Goodnight," he says. "And uh- thanks. For the talk."

"Anytime," she says, and hangs up.

On his slow but steady journey from the bedroom down the hallway, he follows the gently flickering light of the television and tries to figure out what, exactly, he plans to say in order to unravel his tangled mess of a brain and present it as something comprehensible. When he finds Eddie, however (not sleeping like he'd thought, but watching one of those made-for-TV romance movies that he's always claimed to hate) the first thing that comes out of his mouth is–

"You're an idiot."

Eddie turns to look at him, wide-eyed and startled and a little bit concerned. "Buck? What are you-?" He stands, blinking the sleepiness out of his eyes, and steps halfheartedly into the space between them, as if worried he might have to catch Buck if he spontaneously keels over in the doorway. "Is everything okay?"

"And a hypocrite too," Buck adds, disregarding the question. 

Now, Eddie just looks confused. "Am I?"

"You're supposed to be the sensible one,” he says, pointing his finger in the way that his mother had always told him was bad manners. “You're supposed to stay on the ground and stay safe while I pull the stupid stunts. That's how it works. That's how it's always worked." 

Confusion washes away, replaced by recognition. "Buck-"

"What were you thinking?" There's a distraught edge to his voice, he knows it, and knows Eddie hears it. Still, he makes no effort to hide it. He thinks there might not be much point to that anymore, anyway. 

"Someone had to go and get you." Eddie shrugs, guarded. "I guess I was just the fastest." 

"Eddie."

"Buck." He says, eyebrows raised.

"Why did you do it?"

"What, was I supposed to just leave you hanging up there?"

"Why did you do it, Eddie?" Buck repeats, and a layer of Eddie's expression slips away. 

He shakes his head. "I don't really know what you want me to say." 

"I would do the same for you. You know I'd do the same for you. I've done the same for you, more than once," he rambles, gaze fixed on Eddie's—searching, imploring. "And I know why I do it." He swallows the lump of apprehension in his throat. "It's the same reason every time, Eddie." 

He watches as another layer slips; crack after crack in Eddie's façade. Realization dawns—Buck sees it the moment it happens. Something flutters in his chest as the expression spreads across Eddie's face. 

"So I want to know why you did it," he says. 

Eddie's gaze softens. Carefully, nervously, he offers the truth. 

"Same reason as you, I think." 

He smiles, a slight thing. Buck does too. And for that one, brief moment, before either of them says another word, the storm seems to quiet; the rain slows, ever so slightly, to give them some small amount of reprieve.

It doesn't last, of course. But once Buck breathes out a 'thank god' and finally closes the distance between them, he can't seem to find it in himself to care.

[peppermintquartz]

Eddie arrives earlier now and leaves later for his shifts, and he is focused at work. He doesn't smile as often, but he does smile - usually at Buck explaining something he's recently found out - and he still teases his colleagues, he's still focused, he's still working together with Buck to protect Chimney, Hen and Ravi from Gerrard as much as possible.

(Ostensibly, they're not on Gerrard's hit list: Gerrard doesn't know them well enough to try to target their weaknesses. Buck has even brought out the clipboard, except it's now wielded as a shield: the two of them triple check everything to make sure that no fault can be found.)

It's Hen who first notices the thousand-yard stare when Eddie's alone at the weight bench or when he's seated at the table. Like he's waiting for something that he can't name. She's seen that look before, in the mirror, when she was much younger and the future seemed to run right into a wall. She's felt it recently too, when she and Karen return home and they're in bed and the lights are out, and the emptiness spills out in an aching silence. (Karen tries, how she tries, but it isn't her and her decisions that led to Mara being taken from them.) She shares some of her pain with Eddie, and he shares a little of his, and they find time to have brunch or lunch together on their days off.

Chimney isn't the most perceptive regarding Eddie, but after seeing Hen reach out, he also makes the effort to invite Eddie over for meals more often. It's easy to cook for one more hungry firefighter, and Eddie likes teaching Jee some basic Spanish. Sometimes they play ball at the station before their shift begins, and Chimney sees how it helps Eddie to lose the tension in his shoulders to have that time to unwind. If it keeps Eddie from getting stuck in his head, that's good for the team. Chimney tries really hard not to be too obvious about his checking in, but Eddie pats his shoulder one day and says that he'll take care of himself, he has a duty to stay safe.

Maddie has a way of getting Eddie to open up about Christopher whenever they play with Jee, while Chimney manages the older kids. One time Eddie accepts the offer to sleep over, and even told a bedtime story to Jee in Spanish. Later that night, Maddie and Chimney listened to Eddie talk about reading to Chris, how the best sound in the world was Chris' laughter. Maddie held his hand and squeezed his fingers, and told him that it would be very good of him to let his son know all of that in a written letter, so that Chris would be able to keep Eddie's words with him in a physical form, that even apart, the love could still be felt.

Buck and Tommy do their best to include him. In fact, they gang up on him: if Tommy's available for basketball or muay thai or karaoke night, he grabs Eddie along; if Tommy's working but both Buck and Eddie are free, Buck enlists Eddie's help in furniture shopping or recipe tasting. They even start a movie night thing at Eddie's place. They show up with beer and snacks, and they have a jar with a selection of titles to pick from that they each contribute to. Eddie puts his foot down on them cuddling on his couch, however.

Bobby visits Eddie, a couple of times, "just to catch up on news". He asks about the prayer book, and guides Eddie through a couple of devotionals that helped Bobby through his darkest patch. "I'm not saying that you must return to practicing religion," he tells Eddie sincerely, because he wants this promising young man to keep out of the mire, to become a light for others. "But you and I know that sometimes, when we're stuck at the very lowest, it takes a bit of faith to begin climbing out again."

"A bit of faith?"

"A bit, as small as a mustard seed."

[innytoes]

"Sure I'm a little stupid, but that's like 80% of my charm!" Is such a Reggie line

Everyone knew that Reggie was a huge flirt. It was fun! There were a lot of cool and pretty people in the world, and he enjoyed letting them know that. He gave fans T-shirts 'size beautiful', he complimented cool haircuts, he made people at parties giggle with his cheesy pick-up lines.

It never really went anywhere, of course. Sure, sometimes the handsome barista would give him extra whipped cream, or they'd get some new follows on social media for the band, or he'd make out with a cute girl for half an hour before they never saw one another again.

But that did mean he was the only single person in their group. Alex and Willie had the most romcom meet-cute ever, literally crashing into one another. Luke and Julie were basically soulmates, anyone could see that. Hell, even Flynn and Carrie finally figured themselves out, going from friends to enemies to lovers.

And then there was Reggie. Goofy, flirty, fun Reggie, who was great for a one night stand but not much more, apparently. He tried to let his friends set him up. (Kayla was great but came out as a lesbian the following week, which was... something.) He tried the apps, even the shady kinky one. He tried going to cool events, concerts, nerdy meet ups. Nothing stuck. Or should he say, nobody stuck around.

He tried not to let it get him down, but after the umpteenth time of getting ghosted, he was wallowing on Alex and Willie's couch, feeling sorry for himself.

"I mean, I'm not hideous or anything!" he ranted, playing with one of the dozens of fidget toys Willie had lying around. "Sure I'm a little stupid, but that's like 80% of my charm!"

"Plenty of people in LA who are himbosexual," Willie nodded sagely, as if he wasn't one of them.

"I just don't know what I'm doing wrong. That girl from the club we played last week, she seemed to really like me. She even asked what I played as in my current D&D campaign. And then knew what I meant!" he whined, pressing the heels of his hands against his eyes. "A pretty D&D playing punk rock girl gave me her number and then didn't respond to any of my four texts. Not even the puppy gif! And if I send any more I'm a creep!"

"Oh for..." Alex said, annoyed. "Do you think maybe she hasn't texted back because the second you even thought Julie said your name you turned to her like a lovesick puppy?"

"Alex," Willie warned.

"Or maybe because you talk about Luke and Julie like they hung the moon, the stars, and invented pizza?"

"I don't... I talk about the whole band," Reggie said, even as he thought back. Okay, maybe he had mentioned Luke and Julie more often, but only because they wrote the songs. And yeah, when Julie said his name, of course he checked in with them. Maybe it was time to go.

And yeah, maybe he thought Julie was the prettiest girl in the entire universe, but she was dating Luke. (The hottest dude in the entire universe.) They were happy together, so Reggie tried to be happy for them. He just needed to find someone that made him that happy, too.

Right?

"Reggie," Alex said, grabbing his hand. He looked serious. "The reason you can't keep a date is because you're totally in love with Luke and Julie. And they look at you the same way."

"What?" he stared at Alex. "Like, for real?"

"Yes!" Alex said, looking a little fed up, but mostly very soft. Because he cared about Reggie. Even if he was like 80% a himbo.

He thought back to all the times Luke and Julie had invited him along with them on dates, on how they always plopped next to him (or even better, on either side of him) for movie nights. How they never passed up an opportunity to share a mic with him, giving him a head nod to come over, or holding it out to him.

How every time they sang together, sparks flew.

"Oh. Oh!"

"Finally," Alex groaned.

"Wait, why did you try to stop him?" Reggie asked Willie, betrayed.

"I had five bucks riding on you figuring it out yourself," Willie said, unrepentant.

"I'll make it up to you," Alex said, rolling his eyes. To Reggie, he said: "Now get off my couch and go get 'em, tiger."

[canonicallyobserving911]

Several Sentences Sunday

Fanonwriter2023 on AO3

Where CANON and FANON collide!

Season 7 FANON FanFic: Buddie Multi-Chapter Fanfic - Hiatus Reading: “I’m still in love with you but... I needed to learn how to love myself too!”

Chapter 27 will be posted soon.

This is an EPIC LOVE STORY!

Currently 26 chapters completed: 1M Words; Rated: Mature

One chapter will be posted at a time.

{Previous snippet}

___________

I'm excited to finish writing Chapter 27 because at the end of Chapter 26, while Buck was sleeping, he made a sound that Eddie hadn't heard before then he immediately sat up in bed and called Eddie's name. He was in a daze when he did and to Eddie, Buck appeared to be still dreaming but since his eyes were open, he started talking to him to get his attention.

They spent the majority of the day before in the hospital after Buck collapsed in Eddie's arms and suffered a bradycardia event of epic proportions. He was unconscious and unresponsive after he received a package that was delivered to the firehouse while they were in Europe. Once he opened it and read the letter, he reached the part where it stated someone died and it reminded him of his own death and it triggered the event.

All three members of the Diaz family are supporting one another as Buck faces the fact that he died last year and as he proceeds to deal with all 7 stages of grief.

___________

Here's an emotionally angsty snippet from Chapter 27 of Buck revealing something to Eddie that he's noticed.

___________

At 8:32AM Eddie enters their home and when he does, he immediately turns around to close the door.  After he locks it, he does an about face but when looks up, he gasps and jumps because Buck’s standing next to the couch waiting for him.

“Amore mio?  What are you doing out of bed?  You’re supposed to be resting.”

Buck walks over, wraps his arms around Eddie’s waist, pulls him close so their chests are pressed against each other’s, then he presses his cheek against his and whispers into his ear, “Come to bed”.

He vigorously shakes his head no because he has a lot to do today including making their breakfast.  “But I have to…”

“Babe?”

He furrows his eyebrows and replies, “Yes my love?”

“I know you haven’t been sleeping and I also know that uh… you’ve been having panic attacks”.

Eddie sighs and looks down because he didn’t know Buck knew that since he thought he was being discreet by leaving their bedroom to panic in peace, if that’s even possible but he’s been stealth about it.

Within seconds, Buck sees the tears start to stream down his face, so he unwraps one of his arms, lifts his hand and uses his thumb to wipe them away.

“Babe, you have to sleep.  You’ve been going nonstop taking care of me and Chris but you need to rest too.  So, while you were gone, I called Carla and asked her to pick Chris up from school because me and you…”  He points his finger back and forth between them. “We’re getting in bed and we’re going to sleep until late this afternoon”.

Eddie falls forward and collapses in his husband’s arms and after he buries his face in between Buck’s neck and shoulder, he breaks.  He’s so tired but he’s also worried that he’ll close his eyes and Buck won’t wake up again.  It’s a vision that won’t stop flashing in front of his mind and every time Buck falls asleep, a crippling panic fills his chest and it makes him think he'll never get to see those baby blue eyes again.

As he holds onto his husband for dear life, he thinks about all the life they still have yet to live and through broken sobs, he whispers, “Bu—ck!”

It's unconscionable for him to even think about living his life without Buck because he’s madly in love with him, Buck’s his amore mio and it took them years to get here but they made it.  They got married in Rome, Italy on December 17th and they spent 15 days in Europe resting and healing.  While they were in San Gimignano, they bid on a house named “New Beginnings” and it’s supposed to represent everything they’re planning to do in the future but now it seems like their future might be taken away before they even have a chance to celebrate their one-month wedding anniversary.

Buck kisses his cheek and continues to comfort him by gently rubbing one of his hands up and down Eddie’s back.

Eddie keeps thinking about the song they danced to the week before they got engaged.  It’s “I Don’t Want To Miss A Thing” by Aerosmith and he keeps hearing the chorus, “Don’t wanna close my eyes, I don’t wanna to fall asleep cause I’d miss you baby and I don’t want to miss a thing!”

He heaves past a sob and admits, “Buck… I—I don’t want to close my eyes because…”

Buck uses his thumb and forefinger to lift Eddie’s chin and when he does, he presses his lips against his.  It’s a soft and sweet kiss that’s filled with promises of forever and after he pulls back, he looks into those honey brown eyes he loves so much and admits, “I’m not going anywhere, I promise.  We’re going to die on the same day at the same time 50 or 60 years from now, remember?”

Eddie exhales a shuddering breath because that’s their plan but he’s still scared shitless that his husband will close his eyes and not open them again.  He hiccups on a sob and through heaved and labored breaths he admits, “Buck… I—I know you won’t leave me but I saw you… hanging from the aerial and—and then I—I saw you—when you—were unconscious and un—responsive TWICE…”  He trails off as he exhales a half scream combined with a loud cry.

Will Buck be able to comfort Eddie and convince him to go to bed so he can get some sleep? 🤷🏽‍♀️

___________

Fic Summary: Months after Buck and Eddie were hit by the same lightning strike; they’re still struggling with the aftermath of it.  But before they make their love confessions, they’ll spend time getting to know themselves as individuals first. Eddie learns to enjoy the simple things in life as he participates in activities on his own and with new friends while Buck learns the rest of the 31-year-old deep dark family secret about his conception and birth. Their journey to forever is still a work in progress but once they finally admit they’re in love with each other, everything that follows their love confessions will be cataclysmic.

__________

Chapter Summaries

Chapter 1 -��Eddie makes a new friend while Buck receives devastating news regarding the sperm donation he made for Connor and Kameron.

Chapter 2 - Buck does a lot of research to learn more about the abnormalities found in his red blood cells and Eddie starts a new therapy journey that’s all about him and not the traumas he’s experienced.

Chapter 3 - After more than a month, Buck and Eddie finally spend time together outside of work but it doesn’t end well and they part with a lot of uncertainty regarding their places in each other’s lives.

Chapter 4 - Eddie has a few realizations about his life which causes him to consider moving back to El Paso, TX while Buck continues to be reminded of his past which causes him to take an impromptu road trip across America.

Chapter 5 - Both Buck and Eddie have difficult conversations with their parents and Buck finally learns the truth behind the reason why his mother despised him while Eddie finally tells his mother about the way she tries to control him.

Chapter 6 - More than two weeks after Buck pushed Eddie away after suggesting they needed a break; Eddie decides to try again. Eddie’s there for Buck when he’s at his worst just like Buck was there for him when he was at his worst and he won’t let Buck give up.

Chapter 7 - After Buck’s mental breakdown, Eddie has his back the same way Buck had his when he had his own breakdown more than a year ago.  They share several vulnerable and emotionally intimate moments with one another and they begin to realize their small, sweet and caring gestures matter just as much if not more than any grand gesture ever could because these are the foundations of a long-lasting love relationship.

Chapter 8 - Buck, Eddie and Chris all have their own therapists and during their sessions, they reflect on their pasts while they’re in the present so they can prepare for their future together as a family.

Chapter 9 - Buck and Eddie are there for each other when Buck has to testify as a witness during the trial.  But by the end of it, they’ll both realize their individual and shared traumas are going to keep resurfacing until they talk about them, deal with the fact that they’re in love with one another and face the fact that they can’t live without each other.

Chapter 10 - As Buck and Eddie finally begin to confront their past traumas, they realize how much they need each other to fill in the gaps of their memories.  Additionally, the universe screams at them for what appears to be the one hundredth time so Buck can realize he doesn’t have to ‘find it’ because he already ‘made it’ and Eddie’s reminded tomorrow isn’t promised and he doesn’t have to die alone if he doesn’t want to.

Chapter 11 - A “virga” or dry thunderstorm is in the forecast but once the rain starts, the thunderstorm happening outside won’t be able to match the storm brewing inside between Buck and Eddie.  It’s the universe’s final scream and when the tumultuous winds begin to blow, they’ll have one last chance to hold onto everything they’ve built over the last six years or they’ll lose it all forever.

Chapter 12 - Buck and Eddie have always shared a deep physical attraction and an emotional intimacy that’s unmatched but now that they’re in a relationship, they’re learning how to navigate the romantic intimacy they’ve been waiting for six years to explore. The love they have for each other is a once in a lifetime, soulmate, love of their lives type of love that transcends space and time.

Chapter 13 - While navigating the newness of their romantic relationship, Buck and Eddie take advantage of every moment they spend together. As their individual lives, people from their pasts, time constraints and the possibility of losing each other again make attempts to interrupt and interfere with their journey to forever, they love, care for, support and hold onto each other even tighter to withstand it all.

Chapter 14 - Buck and Eddie can see the lights at the end of the tunnels regarding the results of Buck’s Cancer Screening along with everything else they’re dealing with. But are the lights they see exits to the tunnels or are they headlights on different runaway trains that are speeding towards them in an effort to interrupt their forever?

Chapter 15 - Buck and Eddie have known they were exactly who the other one wanted in a partner since they met six years ago when they agreed to have each other’s backs. They’re in a romantic relationship, they’re both preparing to ask the other one to spend forever with them and by the end of the seventh week into their relationship, together they will plan their most important and greatest adventure for their future.

Chapter 16 - As Buck and Eddie begin to prepare for their marriage ceremony that will take place in Rome, Italy in December 2023, they start planning their first international adventure as a romantic couple. Even though Chris is still the only person they’ve told about their relationship, several people who know them have already witnessed the love they share and as the days continue, others will witness it too.

Chapter 17 - As Buck and Eddie get closer to departing Los Angeles for their international adventure, a moment in time will remind them; life is fragile, tomorrow isn’t promised and every second of everyday should be cherished because everything can change in an instant. The result of that realization will cause them to hold onto each other even more.

Chapter 18 - As Buck, Eddie and Chris prepare for family gatherings before and during the Thanksgiving holiday, the “Santa Ana Winds” start to blow and all sorts of expected and unexpected familial drama ensues.

Chapter 19 - As Buck and Eddie get closer to their wedding day, the universe begins to align everything so that some of their parent and children's relationships are strengthened while others come to an abrupt end.

Chapter 20 - With only 14 days remaining until Buck, Eddie and Chris depart Los Angeles, CA traveling to Rome, Italy, for their first family adventure, an early morning conversation about “tying up loose ends” helps Buck and Eddie realize there are still several things left unfinished on their ‘To Do’ lists. The question is will there be enough time to complete all of them?

Chapter 21 - Buck, Eddie and Chris are finalizing their ‘To Do’ Lists, double checking their itineraries and packing their suitcases in preparation for their trip to Europe so they can board their flight that departs Los Angeles, CA on Friday, December 15, 2023 at 3:25PM.

Chapter 22 - While Buck, Eddie and Chris spend the first 8 days of their European family adventure in Italy, their primary reason for going will be fulfilled as well as several others they hadn’t considered or anticipated.

Chapter 23 - As the Diaz Family continues their Italian family adventure, they’ll say, “Ciao” or hello and goodbye to a lot of things almost immediately after they become an official and legal family.

Chapter 24 - After Buck, Eddie and Chris arrive in London, England on December 24th; the Diazes immediately start preparing to spend their first family Christmas together. During their stay, each of them will hear a few choice words that will be the life raft to get them home to complete their searches to be seen and to be found.

Chapter 25 - After spending more than two weeks in Europe, Eddie, Buck and Chris are back in Los Angeles and they’re getting ready to attend Maddie and Chimney’s New Year’s Eve party. During the event, they have plans to make two surprise announcements but the question is, who’s really going to be surprised, the Diaz family or their found family at the 118?

Chapter 26 - Buck and Eddie are once again faced with their greatest fear of losing each other but this time it could be permanent and if it is, then they won’t be able to spend the rest of their lives together.

Chapter 27 - Will be posted soon.

__________

Read chapters 1-26 are available on AO3.

Continue reading on AO3

Chapter 27 will be posted soon.

[devirnis]

if you’re still taking prompts, can i ask for a combined 13 and 22? 👀

@bvckandeddie of course you can ask for combos! I hope this is to your liking 💜

(full disclosure, I wrote this in my notes app while hopped up on painkillers and cold medication and also on vacation ✌️)

Chim calls dibs on the couch the second Buck’s front door closes behind the three of them.

Buck glances at Eddie on his other side, wondering if he’ll put up a fight for the couch (and trying to convince himself that he doesn’t care if he does), but Eddie just nods tiredly and trudges in the direction of the stairs up to Buck’s bedroom. Buck can’t really blame him; today was the shift from hell, on top of a long week of shifts, and culminating in the call to limit potential exposure to their families by staying with each other. Given that he lived alone, Buck’s loft was the logical choice for Chim and Eddie to use, while Hen had elected to stay in the guest room at Bobby and Athena’s while the kids moved to Michael’s place.

None of them are very jazzed about the whole situation. One, because it’s a global pandemic and work has been crazy and everything is just a little scary right now, and two, Buck knows Eddie would much rather be with Christopher, and Chim with Maddie.

Buck lingers on the main level just long enough to help Chim dig out some blankets for the couch — he really needs to get an air mattress if this goes on longer than the two weeks that everyone is promising — before hurrying up the stairs after Eddie. He finds his best friend at the top of the stairs, staring a little blankly at Buck’s bed.

Oh. Right.

While Buck is totally cool with sharing the bed — it’s a king, after all — he has no idea how Eddie’s feeling about the prospect. The last person Eddie shared a bed with was probably Shannon, and Buck needs to not think too hard about that if he wants to keep his head on straight (pun definitely intended.)

“I can take the floor?” Eddie asks, glancing over at Buck.

Buck rolls his eyes. “I don’t have an air mattress. Besides, it’s fine, it’s plenty big enough for both of us.”

A strange sort of expression flickers over Eddie’s face, but it’s gone before Buck can identify it. When he turns back to the bed, Buck swears the back of Eddie’s neck is a little flushed.

“If you’re sure,” Eddie says haltingly.

“I don’t have a problem with sharing with you,” Buck says, and then frowns, his stomach dropping a little. “Unless — I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable —“

“No, no!” Eddie scrambles. “No, I didn’t mean — I’m not —“ He sighs. “Which side of the bed do you sleep on?”

“Oh, uh.” Buck’s stomach twists for some stupid reason. It’s been a while since he shared with anyone — Ali was out of town a lot during their brief relationship, and he and Abby hadn’t been physical long enough to pick sides. “The middle. Pick whichever you want.”

Eddie wanders over to dump his duffel bag on the right side of the bed, closest to the stairs. “If you have a dent in your mattress that I keep rolling into…”

“I haven’t had it that long!” Buck protests.

Eddie smirks at him, but there’s something else there besides the playfulness that Buck is familiar with.

Before he can decipher it, Chim’s calling from downstairs about Buck’s terrible throw pillows and the moment is broken.

Eddie shoots Buck a sympathetic look as Buck sighs gustily. “Maddie wouldn’t appreciate it if I killed the father of her unborn child on the first day, right?”

———

Buck thought that he’d have trouble falling asleep given the general existential dread hanging over him and the fact that he’s sharing his home with two other people, but he actually doesn’t remember much after he crawled under the covers beside Eddie.

He’s so comfortable. He loves his mattress and sheets and pillows, but somehow he’s never had a sleep as good as this before. He’s warm and cozy, with a comforting weight along his left side, grounding him, making him feel held.

Actually —

He is being held.

There’s an arm slung across his waist, a head on his shoulder, soft hairs tickling the underside of his jaw. He breathes in, the cobwebs of sleep slowly dissolving in his brain, and he smells —

Eddie.

Eddie is on top of him, clinging to him like a koala bear, snoring softly into Buck’s collarbone.

Buck’s traitorous heart soars in his chest.

He shouldn’t be happy about this. The only reason Eddie is here is because of a pandemic — not because he wants to be. He probably doesn’t even realize it’s Buck that he’s holding; muscle memory from Shannon is the only reason that Eddie is plastered to him like this.

Buck shifts slightly, hoping he can disentangle himself without waking Eddie, but then Eddie’s arm around him tightens at the same time as he groans.

“Time’s it?” Eddie mumbles.

The hot breath against Buck’s skin makes him shiver. He twists his neck to read the clock on his bedside table. “Early. Not even five.”

Eddie hums into Buck’s neck, going boneless for a few blissful seconds before he suddenly stiffens. Seemingly aware that he’s stuck to his best friend like a barnacle, Eddie slowly lifts his head off Buck’s chest and meets his gaze. There’s a blush high on Eddie’s cheeks that Buck finds equal parts adorable and disheartening.

“Um…” Eddie says, slowly unlatching himself from Buck. “Sorry about that.”

Buck feels depressingly cold now that Eddie’s scooted a respectable few inches back. “Don’t worry about it. It was… kind of nice, actually.” And then Buck cringes because seriously? He had to say that last part out loud?

Eddie’s face gets even redder, but then he says, “Weirdly, that’s the best sleep I’ve had in a while.”

“Well…” Buck hedges, “I make a pretty good pillow. And — I don’t, y’know, mind. If you don’t.”

Oh god, can a hole just open up in his bed and swallow him now and put him out of his misery?

But, miracle of miracles, Eddie begins to slowly inch closer again. He keeps his eyes fixed on Buck the entire time, like he’s expecting Buck to take back his offer. Buck practically holds his breath, terrified to do anything lest he scare Eddie off again. But then Eddie slowly resumes his earlier position, laying an arm gently across Buck’s stomach as he places his head back on Buck’s shoulder.

“Your mattress totally has a dent in the middle,” Eddie whispers.

Smiling, Buck wraps his arm around Eddie’s shoulders, holding him close. “Guess we’ll just have to get comfortable in the dent, then.”

He can’t be sure, but he swears he feels Eddie’s lips curve into a smile against his skin.

(also on ao3)