#I cant wait for the sneak peek season this is gonna get worse

[opal-owl-flight]

Ever play sploon with fatigue bc youve been drawing all day and still end up being the top player in the worst fucking teams imaginable

[orionsangel86]

13x01 - Episode Review Part 1

In which Dean just about held it together... and I did not. 

This review will be in several parts. I have separated it into several sections that I wish to talk about because hot damn. What an episode! This Part 1 focuses on Dean’s grief and Destiel and saying goodbye to Castiel. 

Firstly, an introduction

As I sit here, surrounded by three friends who I met on tumblr, BECAUSE of this show, I am amazed at how far I have come. I did not think that when I joined this fandom I would ever get to this moment, but my gosh what an amazing feeling this is. To all of you out there – reach out to people, you really won’t regret what you find. 

I adored this episode. I screamed, I even shed a single man tear whilst holding on to @amwritingmeta quite tightly… sorry Annelie if I hurt you at all. @tinkdw, @margarittet and @amwritingmeta you guys are wonderful and I am so glad that I have been able to flail and scream along to this awesome episode with you. Thank you for sharing this crazy obsession with me.

Part 1 - Love, Grief and Saying Goodbye

THEY USED METALLICA’S NOTHING ELSE MATTERS AS THE OPENING SONG! We were two seconds in and @margarittet had to pause because we all collectively SCREAMED that they chose to use this as the open song AS WELL! @tinkdw said that she wanted to try and guess what the opening song was this season but I don’t think ANY OF US considered that they would reuse “Nothing Else Matters” because its just so on the nose isn’t it? Nothing else matters? Nothing else matters than what exactly?

Well once again the “Then” sequence ends on Dean kneeling over Cas’s body.

The answer is Castiel. Nothing else matters than CASTIEL. This is repeated CONSTANTLY throughout the episode. You are not allowed to forget about him for a SINGLE SECOND and this opening song drums that home. Seriously if there are any Cas fans out there still bitter about Cas I dunno what show you are watching because it certainly ISN’T the show I watched yesterday.

It hurts to think about. What even was this episode? From the opening song “Nothing Else Matters” to the “Goodbye Cas” at the funeral pyre, this episode was chocablock full of moments that prove unequivocally that for Dean, Cas truly is his guiding light, his hope. Even if you don’t see their relationship as romantic you cannot possibly deny after 13x01 that Dean and Cas have an extraordinary connection and a deep and profound love that has now transferred to an even deeper excruciating grief in Dean.

Choosing to use this song as the season opener though? The season opener always reflects the tones of the season, the main themes. To have THIS song as the season opening? Wow. Just wow. This is a song that comes up first if you google “Metallica Love Song” by the way. In case you were wondering if it was indeed a love song. Because it is. James Hetfield confirmed it was written for a girlfriend. Interestingly though it has been debated over the years as the lyrics themselves are not conventionally romantic lyrics. Nevertheless, this is now fact: Supernatural used a Love Song called “Nothing Else Matters” to set the tone and theme of season 13, lingering over shots of Dean looking down at Castiel’s dead body. This isn’t even arguable. This is where we are.

(and what a wonderful place to be my friends)

Dean’s grief was beautifully portrayed by the superb acting skills of Jensen Ackles. In my season 13 wishlist I said this:

“It probably goes without saying but MAN PAIN OVER CAS – I mean, I reckon we are gonna get a good helping of this. Maybe not immediate tears but its gonna be pretty damn angsty – if the promo’s are anything to go by. I basically want it to be UNDENIABLE in canon that CAS is the reason that Dean is so broken up and that BOTH brothers are seriously struggling with his death. It has to be OBVIOUS how important Cas was to them and how his death has affected them”

I think we can tick this one off. :)

Continues under the cut.

The grief was so intense, it left me with a constant ache in my heart that still hasn’t shifted as I write this. From the first moment, Dean’s face in this episode brought me both intense pain and also intense joy. Bless Jensen for being such an amazing actor.

LOOK AT THIS FACE

There was a lot of speculation over the summer that Dean would just snap, pull out his gun, and go to shoot Jack once it sunk in that Cas was actually dead, and that is EXACTLY what he does. But that isn’t what broke me, what broke me is just how OFTEN the audience is reminded that ultimately, even though others died as well, for Dean, it is ALL ABOUT CAS. (Nothing Else Matters after all).

In the now famous sneak peek car scene Dean can’t even say the words when it comes to Cas SPECIFICALLY. He can admit that Crowley is dead, that Kelly is Dead and that mom is gone, but Cas? Nope. He chokes on his words:

(x)

Sam IS able to say the words. He can ask “Is Cas really dead?” Dean just growls “you know he is” and drives on. It is HEARTBREAKING.

The next moment we get that textualises the huge difference between Cas’s death and the other deaths for Dean is the moment during the fight with Miriam the angel when this wonderful exchange takes place:

(x)

Now we don’t actually know what was going through Dean’s head at this moment, but Miriam calls him out on it anyway - whether or not she was able to read his mind or she just went for the obvious assumption we don’t know. But Miriam doesn’t mention Mary, she doesn’t mention Crowley. She only mentions Castiel. This is in contrast to Sam’s discussion with Jack about reopening the portal, which is easily interpreted as Sam thinking of ways to use Jack to get Mary back, because we can understand that OF COURSE that would be Sam’s primary motivation right now. Sam still has hope. Dean doesn’t - except for the split second in this scene when he does. He falls for Miriam’s words, and it makes her “Oh sweety” so much worse.

The angels are usually exposition for Cas’s feelings for Dean, but in this scene, in a somewhat similar way to the scene in 8x19 with Naomi, they are exposition of Dean’s feelings for Cas, in a theme that is constantly running throughout this episode.

Finally once all the action is over and the boys head back to the cottage with Jack we get ten minutes of the emotional, poignant and touching moments that this show has ever given us. Enough that once I started sobbing, I couldn’t stop. 

I love Sam’s careful questioning to Dean:

“Are you sure about this Dean? I mean its Cas. Ya know? Maybe we can bring him back? Like you said?”

“No we Cant”

“Chuck did, um God did, remember that? So maybe if, I dunno, if we prayed to him or…”

“You don’t think I’ve tried that?”

Before I even get into the beauty of Dean’s prayer, THIS right here is ONCE AGAIN proving HOW differently the brothers view Cas. Sam is asking these questions, rather than telling Dean. Because he know that Dean is the authority on all things Cas. He knows that whatever Dean decides, he is going to go along with it. We have had this same theme running throughout seasons 11 and 12. Sam always accepts Dean’s decision when it comes to Cas. Always.

And yet we still don’t textually have a reason for this. Dean continues to refer to Cas like his and Sam’s third brother. So why are the two not treated equally? Yet again we have been shown the difference between the brotherly love between Sam and Cas and the ??? love between Dean and Cas. One is not the same as the other.

DEAN’S PRAYER

This is where I started to tear up. Honestly…

FULL PRAYER: “Ok Chuck. Or God or whatever. I, I need your help. You see you left us. You left us. You went off… You said, you said the earth would be fine because it had me and it had Sam but it’s not.  And we’re not. We’ve lost everything. And now you’re gonna bring him back. You’re gonna bring back Cas, you’re gonna bring back mum your gonna bring em all back. All of em. Even Crowley. Because after everything that you’ve done you owe us you son of a bitch so you get your ass down here and you make this right. Right here. And Right now.”

“Please. Please help us.”

Now, see this is where I squeal because he said “We’ve lost Everything. And now you’re gonna bring him back.” Because this CLEARLY reads as Dean saying that Cas is EVERYTHING (which fits in nicely with the theme of “Nothing Else Matters” to Dean) and I know there has been some debate over whether it was actually “him” or whether it was “em” that he said, but since the official CW subtitles caption it as “him” I’m gonna assume they are correct. And anyway, it says a lot when the official PR team use this specific interpretation – almost like they wanted to make sure we knew exactly what Dean was saying. Hmmmm… I wonder why.

The fact that we then get the pause where he turns away from the camera, waiting for a sign, anything, and it feels almost like we are interfering. Dean is hiding from the camera in his moment of anguish, and we are made to feel hopeless in light of his pain.

To then see Dean smash up the sign on the door (which I will talk about more in my Signs, Symbols, Ships and Handprints part of the review), and just finally show the extent of his emotional anguish and grief is again so fantastic for anyone still doubting Dean’s absolute love and adoration for Castiel:

(x)

This is a man who only prays in the most DIRE situations. Look at the desperation on his face. REVEL IN IT!

Moving on and honestly I didn’t think the episode could get more emotional than that prayer BUT I WAS WRONG. (Oh how much I underestimated Dabb when writing my wishlist!)

The way that Dean stands in that room, the high angle shot and the cinematography/lighting which makes it gloomy and almost sepia toned like all the colour has been drained out of Dean’s world. The way he looks both too small and too big for the room. Its sombre. Its silent. The atmosphere is drenched in sorrow. Its beautifully done.

(x)

The way he removes the shroud and takes one last look. His own private way of saying goodbye. Its Dean’s micro expressions both here and throughout the episode that I ADORE because you can tell so easily that he IS fighting back tears almost constantly. It’s the jaw clenching, the swallowing down his pain, I was half expecting a Darcy hand clench to appear.

(x)

His pain is so raw, so real, and so fucking heartbreaking. This is pain and grief for someone you deeply love on a whole other level. This is the pain of a lost spouse. Words can not describe how beautifully Jensen delivered these scenes. I don’t think I will ever be over just how intense this was to watch. I don’t think I will ever be able to watch it without crying.

We talked at our premier party about the significance of Dean wrapping Cas’s body. About how this is the first time such a thing has ever been shown (usually the show just cuts straight to the pyre). It’s a mark of serious respect to Castiel, as a beloved character on the show, and also, a nod to traditional ceremony’s in Jewish and Islamic cultures of the closest family members to the deceased preparing the body for burial. The fact that Dean does this on his own, without Sam, is also to highlight the difference in their relationships.

I stress again that Sam DOES see Cas as his brother. Because regardless of ridiculous arguments that try to state otherwise, Sam is not an asshole and made it clear last season that he too loved Cas deeply. So why is Dean doing all the work? Because Dean is not Cas’s brother. He is his freaking husband. He’s acting like a widow throughout this entire episode.  He is playing the dutiful spouse. In deep mourning, fighting back tears whilst he says goodbye to the love of his life.

(I’m crying again FYI)

But then even all THAT isn’t enough for Andrew Dabb. Oh no. He had to hit us with even FURTHER angst with the pyre scene and Sam’s heart breaking speech of goodbye:

“Thank you. You say thank you. And you say you’re sorry. You hope they’re somewhere without sadness and pain. You hope they’re somewhere better. You say goodbye.”

(x)

And in that moment Sam Winchester stomped all over my already beaten heart

Because this really was a send of to Cas. Yes Sam was talking about all of them, and we lost A LOT of great characters in season 12, and this was the writers way of paying respect to all those characters, but ultimately, like how he was at the forefront of Dean’s mind the entire episode, he was so very present throughout all of this, and the respect and love shown to Cas in this episode by the characters, the writers, the show creators... I’m in utter awe. It’s so much more than I could ever have asked for.

(x)

“Goodbye Cas”

And Dean just put in the final blow.

Once again though Cas is at the forefront of Dean’s mind. He comes first. That makes three times in this episode that Dean has listed out their fallen family. Every time though, Cas is separated from the others. Cas’s loss is on a different level to Mary and Crowley and Kelly.

Kelly was a victim, but her loss wouldn’t gravely hurt Dean

Crowley was an ally/nemesis who was sometimes something more. His loss gave Dean conflicted feelings.

Mary was their mother and that one would have hurt deeply. But Mary’s death was already an old wound, a new person in their lives who they didn’t really know. They were only starting to know her. Their grief over her will be strong indeed, but its not the same.

Cas was the loss that buried deep. Cas’s loss has broken Dean. Dabb has made it absolutely undeniably clear that Cas’s death is the focus of this episode, even when not directly mentioned (more on that later). And that Dean’s love for Cas is the very central theme of this entire season. Nothing Else Matters after all. Not for Dean. Not any more.

Thanks for reading! In part 2 I will explore the introduction of Jack and the narrative mirrors surrounding him in the premier. Watch this space.

[malecmostly]

mid season finale thoughts

ok guys holy shit so i just finished the episodes and hOLY SHIT. I WAS NOT PREPARED im so shook. this is gonna be rlly long bcus i have lots to say. FIRST OF ALL THT WAS SOGOOD????? and the cliffhanger at the end.. I CANT WAIT FOR THE RETURN but also am slightly terrified. Lets start at the beginning of the episode, clary looks rlly good in a braid, and how they kill the people on death row, was not what i expected it was a lot worse... YES THEY FINALLY FOUND WHATS ON SIMONS FOREHEAD!!! then magnus comes in with his idea on how to free jace but needed permission from the high warlock which we all knew wasnt gonna happen, bcus lorenzos an ass i knew nothing good would come from him. ALSO THEY WANTED TO BRING VALENTINE BACK?????? i didnt expect lilith and heidi to team up, when i saw the sneak peek i was surprised but i guess it makes sense??? but i wonder where they are taking this heidi storyline. LILITH IS SO FREAKING MANIPULATIVE, like . CLARYS “last words” i mean i didnt expect her to be like i’ll bring him back, but i’ll roll with it. LONG TIME NO SEE VALENTINE, HES ACTUALLY ALIVE AGAIN??? Alec trying to persuade lorenzo, i hate lorenzo he can go fk off honestly. HJFBDNUJDN SIMON’S FAMILY HEIDI UIFVJKDBVURJFDBN Catarina!!! LORENZO IS SUCH AN ASS!!!!!! Jordan and isabelle rush to help simon and vihjfbduje watching simon with his family and heidi actually broke my heart. HEIDI PLS STOP!!!! valentine is now back and i have not missed him thts for sure, but i knew one of those guards were jace i knew.. MAGNUS AND LORENZO FIGHT AND LORENZO HOW DARE U HURT MAGNUS I UREIJKDCNNJNC but magnus wins so i am happy. Simon feeds on his sister and i know tht rlly rlly affected him and this whole thing is so unfair :((( and then his mom he loves his mom turns on him :((( i just wanted to give simon a hug. By this point of the episode i was rlly stressed like rlly stressed. Yes magnus things did get a little heated. SIMON U R NOT A MONSTER, :((((((((((( well valentine dies again soooo goodbye valentine, jace takes a rib from valentine and takes clary... tht was the end of the first half of the finale. Time for the second half, its flashbacks to when jonathan was in edom and tht is like rlly traumatic for a child to go through :// LOL simon mentions charlie and i totally forgot abt him, simon   :((((( THEN MAGNUS IS GOING TO EDOM :(((((((( MAGNUS U ALWAYS SACRIFICE YOURSELF FOR OTHERS AND IM SCREAMING. HE ISNT WORTH IT !!!!! but urhfndujbv. THEY KISS AND SAY I LOVE YOU IM SCREAMINGGGGG then magnus is in edom... edom is what i expected it to look like. What clary did with the blood is v smart! SIMON :((((( HIS SISTER :(((( HER BEING SO SUPPORTIVE :((((( AND :(((( simon is gonna encanto his mom :((( which i know simon deep down doesnt want to do, but its the right thing to do. FREAKING ASMODEOUS IS HERE, THE WAY HE SPEAKS IM VIUFKJBEDJBC even thought asmodeous is a demon, im kind of living???? Magnus’ face is priceless when they hug.. Asmodeous being salty with magnus lol.. OK THIS PART I ACTUALLY CRIED when simon was with his mom and telling her simons dead and vufjdbvufejbd it hurt me so much :((( i rlly love simon and he is so strong irfjdbchjf SIMON AND IZZY HUG! also i like how no one likes lilith even the demons in edom dont, the price asmodeous gives magnus abt how magnus shall rule by him damn thts one big price, but magnus refuses and another price is made, i’ll talk abt what it was in a bit its slightly irritating me a little. YES TEAM GO SAVE JACE AND CLARY!! also maryse :’’) i love her. Alec correcting simon how to say stele LOLOLOL PARABTAI FIGHT AND ALEC GETS RLLY HURT AND FRUJDCBUWJBD MAGNUS MAGNUS MAGNUS MAGNUS HES BACK HES BACK AND HE HAS BLASTED JACE WITH POWERFUL MAGIC, jace is back but alec is dying and magnus cant do anything bcus the price for asmodeous help was MAGNUS’ MAGIC! IM I CANT I DID NOT EXPECT THAT AT ALL AND QUITE FRANKLY IM MAD, magnus sacrificed his magic to bring back jace, which technically saves alec and efrbjc4uirjeb. THESE FREAKING PEOPLE BETTER THANK MAGNUS AND SHOW THEIR APPRECIATION FOR HIM. ah lilith runes clary, with the demonic rune... JACE IS BACK HES BACK IN ACTION havent seen him like this in awhile.. SIMON BLASTS LILITH, BUT WHEN HE BLASTED HER HE FLEW OUT THE WINDOW but thankfully he is ok. Jonathan is back. He is back. And all of liliths disciples go back to normal, lilith has gone back to edom??? well she disappeared into lil pieces. JACE RUNS TO FIND CLARY ONLY TO FIND THAT SHES DISAPPEARED SIMON APPEARS AND HE THINKS HE KILLED CLARY AND CLARY IS DEAD. BUT THE REAL QUESTION IS WHERE IS CLARY AND JONATHAN BCUS WE KNOW THEY ARENT DEAD. and then it ends. we are left on a cliff hanger! trjfdhcujd