#I cannot explain why but I've never felt more aggressively defensive over something lmao but this just is objectively correct-

[ohlookapan]

Astarion Headcanon

Okay this is something I don't know why I do but feel very, VERY strongly about and I just need to say it. I saw a TikTok asking what kind of books or authors the main BG3 6 were into. They got Astarion all fucking wrong--for the most part. The only one I'd slightly agree with is The Song of Achilles. Let me say this: Astarion is a slut for classic novels. Period. He collects them and gets the ones at bookstores with the most beautiful covers for his collection. He read The Great Gatsby ONCE and knew from the start that Nick Carraway was fucking fruity as hell and that he related to Jay wanting to make people happy by being something that he isn't. I know for a fact he wanted to go and kick Tom Buchanan in the throat for just being a dumbass dickhead character, and that he teared up when Gatsby died. He even adopted the term "old sport" for a while because of it but would shake off the habit as soon as he got it. NEXT, and most importantly: This man is a SLUT for Oscar Wilde, in the same way I think he would be for Hozier (in like a respectful "bury me in the ground you just walked on" type of way). This fucker read The Picture of Dorian Gray and was a changed man; he saw the FIRST performance of The Importance of Being Earnest and it was his gay awakening. He became a fucking magistrate/diplomat because of how angry the shitshow of Wilde's trial made him (it's a whole fucking mess to explain. Just know that Oscar Wilde is a Victorian era, fruity, chaotic menace to society in the best way possible. He literally suffered from success) and loses it when someone brings it up in conversation. That's his Roman Empire—a thousand percent. I will die from the full-concentrated power of the sun on this hill. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.