#I can't tell for myself anymore
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Orion moved like a shadow among the skyline known to so many. They perched upon a rooftop, the crown of their head grazing the stars and their boots dangling dizzily toward the Earth.
For a brief and conceited moment, Elton considered approaching from behind and attempting the coward's way out. A moment too soon he realised that was not the road to release, however, but rather to heartbreak and inexpressible grief.
He placed a gentle hand on their shoulder.
"They'll be starting in-" He glanced at the watch-face strapped to his wrist, "-Four minutes."
"Three." Orion corrected, "Your watch is fast, babe."
Elton stilled, crouched at the building's edge. It would be so easy, he knew, to afford them a clean death. Not dignified or without fear, but clean and final. Maybe even peaceful, if you consider the other alternatives.
He swallowed, "'Keep meanin' to fix that."
They turned to him, smirking, "It's why you're always late." Orion threw their dark-lensed glasses aside, grinning with that same canine-glint, "Here, gimme the watch... I'll fix it."
"What, in the next three- er, two minutes?"
"Oh, I love you and all but I would not miss the fireworks for you." Teasing, they grasped Elton's wrist and began removing the watch themselves.
Elton hesitated, his pulse fluttering under their fingertips.
"Love you too, Ri."
Masterlist
#I'm on cold and flu tablets. Tell me if this is horrible please#I can't tell for myself anymore#Elton Rhymes#Orion O'hara#writing#writblr#my lovely ocs#original characters#writeblr#my writing#author#writers on tumblr#writer#ocs#writers#creative writing#original writing#original content#original work#love story#queer#my work#my art#mine#my post#my queue#queue#queued post#Elton and Orion
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I. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH. I’m okay I’m fine I’m okay I’m fine I’m oka
The fic I'm illustrating and losing my mind about 👉 Mistakes on mistakes until
#maccadam#transformers#prowl#jazz#jazzprowl#momu fanart#fic fanart#LISTEN.#I DON'T THINK JAZZ IS GONNA DIE.#BUT I THINK HE M I G HT#Like.#I don't even know anymore#something in me tells me that everything will be fine#but! throughout this whole fic my inner voice was absolutely. completely#DRAMATICALLY fucking wrong 90% of the time#so it's not like I can't trust the tropes#I can't even trust myself anymore ahahahah#his 'see you on the other side' YOU SENSE IT TOO RIGHT?? ri g h t?#or Is it me just finally losing the last pieces of my sanity?#both ways - I fucking love this fic#I want to make it into a physical copy for myself once it's finished (despite printer ink costing like an airplane wing in my country lol)
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Side effects of wearing your sentient Kaiju suit too often ,,,,
#hoshina soshiro#kn8#kaiju no. 8#my art#kaiju no 10#hoshi10#FINALLY I GOT TO DRAW BODYMERGE HOSHI10#this is my favourite form of existence for them my brain is spinninnggggg#it's so sexy to me to imagine hoshina trying to take off the suit and he just can't get it off without peeling his own skin off shcjsnfjs#10 so pleased with this situation#hoshina panic but also he cant tell anyone becazse then they'd definitely take 10 away from him#and we don't want that#brain spinning so hsrd i hope he curls up in his room and hides while the suit slowly merges ro his body#until one of his boyfriends finds him ofc hhhhh#rushing him to medical but they can't change him back to human anymore#can you see I've been thinking about this ancjsixbsia#I'll see myself out
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For the record, I did figure that out a long time ago, it just gets funnier the more time passes
#My art#This was supposed to be a humble text-only shitpost on side but I convinced myself it'd be funnier if I drew it#I'm not sure it's actually funnier but oh well it's done already#Needed an easy shitpost to draw so here you go#Also yes yes I know most people get over the innitial discomfort and learn to love their bodies etc the documentary wasn't really lying#This silly little shitpost is about my personal feelings and not a universally true and factual statement about the human experience#Legit can't remember the actual documentary anymore so I can't tell if this is my memory just being faulty and making shit up or not#But I got the feeling the lady from the interview was like. Telling herself that. Like. Are you sure? Honey are you sure you're happy? Fr?#EDIT: Changed the second last panel because I was so annoyed with how I had put the emphasis on the wrong word lmao
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I just want my passion back man idk why that's so much to ask for
#pom ponders#personal#my favorite part of the day used to be any extra time i had to write#i desperately miss the days where i woke up early all on my own excited because it meant extra time to write#now even just thinking about writing can make me so tired and drained#i can't write anymore and I'm so upset about it#I've spent the last four months sobbing because it's basically ruined for me#i was so happy...i want it back#i still have stories to tell and i love them so much#but trying to get them out has turned into a chore and i feel like I've lost a part of myself#some days i feel so sick over it that i can barely eat#I've lost so much sleep over this#it's not fair...i didn't do anything wrong...#I'm still being punished for doing what was ultimately the right thing and i don't understand#i want to want to write again#delete later
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#so uh#yeah#my friend telling me she's disappointed cause I'm not texting her back anymore?#breaking point#ouch#I'm not having a great time in this chili's tonight#and like she's right#I'm horrible at communication and it's no one's fault but my own#but oh fuck#the way I went fron kinda stressed to actually crying now?#simon.out.#ignore me#cathartic shit posting or something#communication is so fucking hard tho 😭#like#i just can't fucking get myself to most days#idk why!!!! but it's so!!!!! hard!!!!!!#and not fair to anyone who uses their time to reach out to me#i wish i was different#i wish i could just fucking function regularly
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Watching ii-17 right before bed was a mistake
So gang I'm crying.
You know the drill, bad spoilers under the cut.
Im gonna try to go in order..? Maybe I don't know. I'm so serious when I say I've lost the will to live. They pulled the plug and it's all gone. Show's over.
I'll try to relight my inner flame and have more energy as I go through the ep piece by piece, but please understand I am literally crying while I write all this.
Starting strong
Knife just doing what we wish we could </3
This is gonna be Cobs and Mephone centric- ok. You already know I'm a Meeple head and this actually is gonna torment me forever and ever and things are never going to be ok ever again, I can't belive this is actually the end guys I'm spiralling hel-
Did I ever say how much I hate this cob of corn?
I don't even have the energy to explain the parallels here, if you've been watching you get it. You know how this corn shucker is. The "Don't talk to them like that" being a response 'cause that's how he's always been talked down to.... the generational abuse did stop at this ep I guess. Not how we wanted tho.
Actually heartbreaking- like that whole thing. I'm glad he got out of the closet and tried to help but... I'm so sorry y'all all I see is the grass field with him sitting in it and I can;t stop thinking about it. He can't go back. He can't- It's supposed to get better for him. things are supposed ot be ok. they were all supposed to be fine I don't know why it's like this I cna't belive this is how it's ending. I know there might be more but also the possibility there;s not is overwhelming I don't i cant-
IS THE PHENOMES A SLUR FOR THE SHIMMERS???
I got into convo with a friend over this, but think about it. Cobs is literally known as their oppressor, and "the phenomes" is "what he always calls them", even though they so clearly go by the shimmers, and he DEFINITELY knows that by now.
Same friend I was arguing with was telling me that:
The word “phenom” means something/someone with a really talented skill. Perhaps this slur means something like real useful tool or something
Which, if their name to Cobs is specifically about being a tool of his then... idk man. Sounds kinda derogatory to me! Though I think anything this cob of corn says sounds derogatory to me. I keep trying to not just be a cob hater, but guys I think I'm a little justified in blind hatred now. I mean come on-
He litterally does this, and then practically begs Mephone to scream and cry and explode and-
Like is that not evil behaviour? Is that not behaviour justifying this reaction?
When I say this show makes me crazy- AOUGHGh.
On a different note before I get into the ending. I was telling this friend that like... just look at this frame
Like he actually looks insane. Like think about it y'all. Years poured into this and he's laughing to himself as he tries to make two "fake" people fight to the death. His glasses are broken, he's up on some abraham lincoln ass booth watching this all go down with a crazed smile. This man has gone inanimate insane. Inanimate insanity has made this man insane.
.
...
.
I would also like to say before I get into the next part, I have such a visceral reaction to this because mephone is was my hope (cringe and sad I know), but quite literally me but with mephone himself
He gave me hope for a future but I fucking guess not </3
The fear in Mephone's eyes as Cobs just so plainly says to come along, like everything wasn't just shattered.
I've seen people say it's like a kid being told to pack it up and start heading home, but it's more than that. God. Please tell me you see it's more than that. This guy ran away from a terrible situation, tried to cope with the trauma (not in a healthy way but still tried) and his abuser's bringing him right back home.
Just... Just look at him in the gif, that's not just "some kid being sad" there's more to that. This whole interaction solidifies the fact there's nowhere safe for him. Even in the world he made, nothing- Nothing could stop his abuser from reaching him. He couldn't run far enough, he couldn't hide well enough. He just has to accept his fate. He has to go "home", even though his was destroyed.
I don't know how to stay hopeful after this episode, but I'll try to stay alive just for the chance of an act 3 or epilogue or something. It's 4 am as I type this. I started this ep at 12:30 am. This show has proved to be the reigning champion of my mental spiralling. I beg this phone can leave but.... you know how it is-
and ironically enough the ad that I got on this episode...
Anyway,
Closing thoughts: Can't believe Adam, Justin, and Brian are fake, and homophobic for killing off most of the bright light polycule. I mean, that's just classic bury your gays trope right there and smh. Thought they'd do better. Gonna go fall off a waterfall Airy-style since we just can't help having hfjone parallels now. Night, everyone.
#inanimate insanity#ii mephone4#meeple ii#ii steve cobs#dni corn#ii 17 spoilers#ii spoilers#ehh exaggerates#I missed when object shows were happy...#not saying tragic endings are inherently bad#just- I can't fucking do this anymore man#I've loved this phone since i was a kid and you're telling me his story ends like that?#I have no choice but to kill myself- be fucking for real now#this is the straw that breaks the camel's back#I really hope that I'll look back at this and laugh someday#but chat I'll be so for real either or not there's an act 3 i may or may not be alive#fuck I still have to study for midterms tomorrow.#I may or may not see the light of 2025 for many reasons.
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🌧️
#I’ll leave for a bit#just a bit. hopefully#I’ve been making myself so upset about so many things lately#that it resulted in an anxiety attack earlier today which I hadn't had in so long#I can't really distance myself from any of the stressors except for tumblr right now so this post is mostly me telling myself to stay off#at least until jk's bday or something#the self-pressuring and sense of failure has become too much#it's not a balance anymore rn it's just one more thing that's making me feel incompetent and desperate#I should put the little energy I have into my two jobs and the thesis#I could really need a small achievement with writing the coming days. to lift my spirits again#I hope a little break will help with that#and I’m sorry that I've been so miserable on here lately....it's not an easy time rn
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just received +25 psychic damage by relating song lyrics to the treatment of demigods in pjo
#coffins by misterwives#when i tell yall i made myself nauseous#i heard the lyrics “how do you soften the thought of carrying coffins? we were so alive only to see us wither and die” and i thought of#lester carrying jasons coffin to camp jupiter#this entire song feels like demigods who once had faith in the gods. but just can't anymore after being used for so long#god what i could do if i could edit videos still#lyrics “your ego swallowed you and from there you fled so far away could not find your way back”#SO lester coded#OH FUCK IT GETS WORSE#“i shook your ears tried to make you hear my call but you were long gone. no hope in a sunless dawn”#tell me thats not piper when shes holding jasons body#oh my GOD I SHOULD BE SLEEPING RN BUT SDJFKSLNFJSKLNJK im inflicting the damage on myself at this point#trials of apollo#the burning maze#toa spoilers#tbm spoilers#jason grace#lester papadopoulos#piper mclean#percy jackson#pjo#oh my GOD upon further analysis#it could also be very much thalia @ luke coded#about his corruption and turning his back on demigods#ohhhhhh this song is going to be the death of me
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#i couldn't help myself lol#batman begins#south park#the coon#at least tell me your name#I'm sorry but I can't take it anymore. I really want to know who you are.#rachel dawes#bruce wayne#batman#mysterion#kyle broflovski#kenny mccormick
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Vent post
#ignore me lol#vent post#I am feeling extremely angry and frustrated and alienated#like of course I'm demotivated when I point out injustice and literally everyone just shrugs at me and tells me to get over it#“what are we gonna do about it”#put any thought into it whatsoever for starters#idk I want to give up#the same bitches that tell me not to kill myself are the same ones to vote my rights away#I hate living#I don't even get validation from participating in fan content anymore#im just anxious and feeling rejected all the time#except for like five very specific moots on here#but then I feel like a fucking failure for not knowing how to socialize or show them that I care without being weird and ugh#idk i'm tired#I feel like I put all this energy into making myself acceptable for everyone else and I go out of my way to be positive and compassionate#and then I get fuckall in return#post election blues ig#here's hoping I don't end up under a bridge#I think I would be a vastly different (better) person if everyone around me wasn't a bunch of complacent#selfish#wet blankets.#I'm getting really tired of being treated like I'm crazy for expecting better.#I can't talk to anyone because I don't want to hear that I need to get over it or that everything will be fine#it doesn't help or mean anything#things just get harder and harder and I'm just waiting around#I'm so srs if you read this far don't try to tell me nice things#im in an evil caustic mood and I will just continue pouring negativity in return
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no ones ever gonna understand how much i love daigo doin this stupid shit after dissolving the tojo
#snap chats#is this a gaiden spoiler. its been like five months catch up you nerds#ANYWAYYYYY NOO I LOVE HIM ....... this whole bit is like four seconds long but i love it so much#i just reminded myself i should probably make gaiden/y8 videos for daigo.. i'll make it a JP/ENG comp or somethn.. one day#not soon tho like its barely anything since he's not in those games Long At All but still. im lazy 💀#excuse me while i gush about daigo for twenty minutes now because hehee HE'S SO CUTE I CAN'T GET OVER IT#this is literally the middle aged equivalent of going yippee like YOU CAN TELL HE'S SO RELIEVED IT'S SO CUTE#got the energy of a student with crippling anxiety after they somehow get through giving a presentation without throwing up#AND his lil smile ......... thank you gaiden you made me wanna eat drywall with daigo's sad puppy dog eyes about kiryu#and then immediately made up for it a minute later#sorry i keep scrolling up to look at him and i love him so much. what if i threw up#i dont like using babygirl lightly but this is actually the most Babygirl frame of him ever ive decided#thats my boy .... i love my boy so much ..... he's so cute ... come so far in life congratulations king ..... ily ...#him lookin up at the sky for a minute just to breathe i know he thankin god for the fact he somehow isnt dead yet#im gonna ignore the fact all of this was for naught so i dont bash my head against a wall anyway stan daigo#im gonna be sick i love him so much#if i redraw this later shut up. i love him...#this is why i try not to look at cutscenes anymore cause when i do i feel my brain being put in a microwave and start to melt#its not my fault i love my guys so much .... ok bye i have work to do ....#and then when i finish that work i can go back to loving my guys YAAAAAY !!!!!!!
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My mother: Your aunt and uncle invited us for Thanksgiving but I said no because I really wanted to have you and your dad come here like last year. So [audibly tearing up] you can't cancel because if you do then I'll be really upset that I said no to them.
Me internally: Well now I want to cancel out of spite for you guilt tripping me like this and telling me I "can't." Fuck you.
Me externally: Don't worry, I'll be there
#text post#my post#I DON'T BELONG TO YOU ANYMORE#YOU SHOULDN'T TELL ME THAT I CAN'T DO SOMETHING#i'm not intending to cancel but actually if i want to i CAN#even if it hurts your feelings! you want to know why? because i am my own person and allowed to put my well being first sometimes!#idk being told i can't do something bc of her feelings made a lot of stuff come up for me#and like. whatever. i'll be there. i know how to suck it up and attend family events when i deem it necessary#but it's MY choice to push myself past my limits to be there for my OWN reasons. NOT bc of what you say or feel#anyway#m tag
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You know you feel like shit when you write about your own comfort ship breaking up lmao
#I love the fact that every time I try to create something that would make me feel less miserable about myself I end up breaking it#it's just so hilarious#I can't even began to tell how much I don't want to be here anymore#my ramblings#the man who loved the corpse
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if dorian didn't show up, do you think louis would have shot minnie?
I do. I know some people think either he wouldn't have or he would've missed so that's why the writers had him shoot Dorian instead, but mmmmmm no, I don't personally think so. I like to think that if he had taken the shot, his shaky hands would've caused him to shoot her fatally.
Mostly because I'm already so normal about the fact that of the Ericson crew, Marlon and Louis are the only ones with a body count. Well, that we know of, but shown to us in the game, at least. Plus, we know it's Louis' first kill.
Like yeah, Clementine and AJ become part of the crew and they have bigger body counts, and if we're counting indirect kills caused by actions, then Tenn has a count... and I guess everyone has blood on their hands for blowing up the boat... but I'm talking about killed directly with a weapon like....... I lied, I'm not normal about that at all, Louis and Marlon are the ones who have killed someone in Louis' route. I'm also not normal about the fact that Louis kills Dorian and then even as he's clearly in shock, he tries to go with Clementine to get AJ, and then later on when they talk about it, he says it feels like bile but not quite and he's glad he has it in him to do it.... listen, listen, listen... I'm obsessed with that.
Anyway, so if Louis shot Minerva, I think he would've accidentally killed her and can you imagine? He's already enough of a mess after killing the woman who pinned him down and tried to cut his finger off [or succeeded] but he knew Minerva, they were friends before the twins were taken. Even Violet couldn't kill her even though that would've been the smarter thing to do, and we know thanks to meta knowledge that killing her would've saved lives, but Violet couldn't, and I don't think Louis would intentionally either.
Speaking of Violet, if Louis killed Minerva, I hate to think about what that would've done to Vi. I think she might've actually left at that point, like what was planned before it got changed to her being burned. I don't think she would've attacked Louis over it, though, like yeah she attacked Clementine in the cell but Louis? I don't know, but I don't think so just because it's Louis and he'd be a mess about it anyway.
Though if he did kill her, it would be a neat parallel to draw... y'know, because Louis forgave AJ for killing Marlon even though he was pissed and heartbroken, and Violet was annoyed with him the entire time... but could she ever forgive Louis for killing Minerva? Y'know? We already have a similar parallel with AJ shooting Tenn, but still.
If Clementine killed Minerva in that moment, though, then I could see Violet attacking her since in her eyes, Clem proved her right.
So yeah, I get why they added the Dorian kill to his route. It adds another compelling element to Louis as a character, but we also need Minerva alive for episode 4; Louis can't kill her, he can't miss, and he's not going to stay with her because we need Violet to stay on the boat and him to be on shore for all routes.
#asks#twdg louis#twdg minerva#twdg clementine#twdg violet#twdg marlon#twdg tenn#honestly whenever i see someone say louis is the boring option i'm just like '.......that's your opinion but also how can you say that??'#then again i'm sure other people look at me saying violentine just isn't for me and they say the same thing so y'know... i can't talk haha#also time is such a weird thing because i look at the entire cell scene in louis' route and like... i'm not even mad about violet anymore#like yeah i still don't believe she was brainwashed like i'm sorry y'all only believe that because kent said something about it#not because there's all this evidence toward it in game like vi being pissed at clementine makes sense she doesn't need to be brainwashed#for it to work like her being vulnerable and easily manipulated into submission makes perfect sense especially with minerva there#it's like everyone was pissed that she attacked clementine and people needed a way to excuse it so it's not violet's fault when like...#that's literally what makes it interesting like calm down it's okay if violet is pissed and scared and behaves accordingly#also my controversial opinion of the day that i'll hide here in the tags so maybe people won't find it sksksk but#I personally find the concept of vinerva and the doomed tragedy of it more compelling than anything violentine did#like i'll defend violentine and i do believe it's an important and good ship it's just not my personal favorite#anyway but then the whole thing with lilly and minerva is so good and louis screaming FUCK YOU at minerva?? amazing love it so good#i love when the soft character who never chooses violence is so pissed off that all that anger they have boils to the surface and it's raw#like... he's SO mad he's SO furious he's SOOO UPSET like he wasn't even like this when marlon died or anything like he hit his limit#and then shooting dorian through the mouth while an accident is just well done i love it and i love his reaction of mortification#and apologizing and YET he still tries to go with clementine he's trembling and can barely string together a sentence but he wants to go#he wants to help her he wants to save aj THAT is the gut reaction he has after everything that just went down#'louis isn't loyal or good for clem because of the vote' babe tell me you don't understand any nuance of louis' character without telling m#it's fine IT'S FINE you don't have to agree and i just have to remind myself that it's fine not everyone likes louis we're okay#this drives me crazy in the best way like y'know what? i love the cells scene in louis' route all of it even the stuff i used to rant about#even the stuff that used to piss me off now i'm just like 'no wait past cj was dumb she wasn't looking at it this way aaaaaaaa' sksksks#that was my tag ted talk about the cell scene thank you
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killing myself i can't do this anymore
#i can't i can't I can't I can't I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE#printer hate#EVERYTHING I TRY IT DOESN'T FUCKINK WORK WHAT THE FUCK#GLOSSY SETTING? NO#MATTE SETTING???? NO!#ANY OTHER PAPER?? IT BASICALLY TELLS ME TO KILL MYSELF#KILLING MYSELF#AROGH
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