#I can't help it i love crummy men

[milkzfall]

I JUST REALIZED HOW DAMN BAD I AM FOR DEAN DOMINO AND BENNY GECKO. WHY ARE THEY SO- THEY'RE SO GRIMY AND GRUMMY I NEED THEM

[11queensupreme11]

Don't know if tumbler ate this or not. If it didn't im sorry for bugging!

How would the yans react to Chase actually raising their kids and raising them well? Like percy gave birth there, and Athonius ended up raising the babies well. Like the kids consider him, their father and the babies act like humans? They know he's not their actual dad but they don't care lol.

it didn't, i just have a lot of asks dw 💀

i love how you guys want anthonius dead SO BAD omfg 😭 this poor boy

(first off, let's pretend that zeus wouldn't try to kill the kids for being 75% god and being... well, percy's)

anyway, anthonius would be SUCH A GOOD DAD. i bet you he would study the myths centered around the kids' father so he would be prepared for anything, like what powers to expect, etc

the kid would grow up to love his parents and they would have a normal life in the human world. they'd go to school, make friends, go to camp, etc. they would also be a good person due to who their parents are; anthonius and percy would definitely tell them to kind to others, never to hurt mortals, always stand up for themselves and others, it's no surprise this kid turns out to be so good and so unlike their actual father 🥹🥹

but then shit hits the fan when the yanderes finally manage to get into her universe 💀

poseidon would absolutely be furious at the thought of being replaced by a mortal son of athena. he wouldn't see anthonius as a good father, he'd only focus on the flaws (and he sees a lot). percy and his kid might as well be living in poverty (they're not), how dare anthonius have them live in some crummy house amongst humans? his kid is attending school with inferior beings??? he sees those inferior beings as EQUAL??? anthonius is a dead man

hades would straight up ignore anthonius. it's like the dude's not even there. he'd be so proud of how good his kid is, he'd tell percy "you did such a great job at raising our child" as if anthonius didn't also help out. "but it's okay, i'm here now. you must've been so lonely hmm? 😊". he'll spare anthonius unless the blonde tries to fight, but he'd at least kill him quickly as a thanks for keeping percy and his kid safe

apollo would just straight up kidnap them both, doesn't even bother to kill anthonius, he's just snatching his loved ones up and bringing them back to their REAL home 💀💀 if anthonius is around and tries to stop him, apollo's gonna kill him, but if he's not around, anthonius gets to live but apollo would DEFINITELY curse him with some incurable painful disease

loki's going to be sooo pissed, but he'll play the long game. he'll change his appearance and actually pretend to be their neighbor and his kid's new school teacher,, etc. he is gonna plant himself into their lives and seduce percy and try to gain his kid's favor. afterwards, he'll purposely leave anonymous gifts to percy that rattles her because she would KNOW who they come from, but it can't be, right??? loki can't be here!!! when all's said and done, after he manages to seduce her from her husband, he'll reveal himself, kill anthonius, and take her and the kid back home

beelzebub would be like loki but less up-front. rather than disguising himself he would hide from her but find ways to ruin their peaceful life as a form of punishing her. anthonius will suddenly find himself out of a job and practically blacklisted from ever working again. lots of men are suddenly attacking percy in the streets, beel's way of showing her how much she needs him and how useless anthonius is because where is he? why isn't he protecting her? their kid is being kicked out of schools and blamed for stuff he didn't do. when she's finally at her lowest, he'll reveal himself to her, kill anthonius, and take her and their kid back. might wipe their memory too.

[kahidlaws]

shoutout to this weibo post for making me come back to this account and be horny again

listen, r1999 has got to be the most out there gacha games in terms of story and character art but they really hit the nail on the head with horropedia when it comes to catering to my tastes in men (nerd, brunette, loser)

cw: gn!reader, mutual masturbation, both are switch but reader is leaning top and horropedia is leaning sub, reader gets horny while listening to joshua mansplain horror movies thats literally the instigator, please use lube not spit when in real life sex

You tried to pay attention. You really did.

The horror movie that he picked up from the confines of his DVD collection was mid at best and absolute dog water at worst. With a 'horropedia' as your boyfriend, you gained a thing or two about criticizing horror movies. You two were barely 10 minutes into the movie when he began his usual spiel towards the cookie-cut introductory characters.

"Ah, despite the obvious modernized times, they're still following the same-old pattern movies back in the 70s did. How droll..."

"Eww what's with this crummy set?! Nightmare on Elm Street had better lighting than this!"

"Dear god, did you hear that?! This script is too cringey even for horror movie standards!"

... Is it possible to get horny just from hearing him complain?

God, even just watching his side profile as he talks is enough to set your heart pumping. You two were sat (well, he was sat) on his abhorrent yellow sofa chair, with you perched on his lap and legs haphazardly strewn across the armrest. No longer were you paying attention to the movie. Instead, your attention was honed in on his face; how the TV's glow made his warm brown eyes shine like stars, how it made a glare on his glasses that he kept pushing up (and it had no right being that hot), how it made his freckles stand out more that you want to kiss a path to form constellations.

Anything that he says after you blacked out is muddied. It was a sign that you had enough.

You leaned in closer to his neck, nosing against the expanse of freckled skin (yes he had freckles everywhere). The action didn't deter him from continuing his tirade and instead he curled his arm around your waist, hand patting your hip. While the gesture was sweet, it didn't help relieve the problem between your legs.

So you went through with your desire to kiss a path of constellations. Starting from the bottom area of his ear down to the crook of his neck. Each kiss left an incredibly cliche smack that you can't help but feel giddy about. It was there that you felt him react to your ministrations. His speech slowly died down as you felt his hand grip the meat of your hip.

You see his Adam's Apple bob up and down and you fought the urge to just bite it. He cleared his throat, the movie no longer at the forefront of his mind. "So this is that trope where the significant other usually instigates sexual intercourse while watching a movie?"

"Are you really gonna do your usual speech towards porn tropes?"

"Hey, I can't help to point out the obvious."

You rolled your eyes, can't believing that this guy was the love of your life. Instead of continuing your kisses, you nibbled right where his clavicle was jutting out from his worn shirt. The gasp he let out was nothing short of euphoric but it was ruined when he started yapping again.

"I must say, this is quite unlike you," he started but he egged you on further by smoothing his hand across the inside of your thighs, "has my usual semantics about horror movies flipped a switch inside you and made you a horndog just like the bimbos in those movies."

"Joshua," you seethed, and you were serious when you used his real name, "keep talking like that and I'm gonna wring you out until you can barely cum."

He gulped but with how his cock twitched beneath his pants betrayed how he would love the idea. "Alright alright, I'll shut up."

And to his credit, he was quiet. When you rucked his shirt upwards and his nipples out to the cold air, you leaned in and kissed one before taking it in your mouth. He keened, back concaving as his hand traveled further inward to your sex. With nimble fingers, he toyed with it above the material of your bottoms before you felt them move faster.

"Oh wow, you really got it bad for me, huh?" He remarked breathlessly, seeing you crumble from the ministrations. "Aren't you a precious little thing, getting off from hearing me talk all day?"

You lightly bit his nipple, relishing in his yelp before moving back up. "Joshua, I swear to god I'm going to leave you high and dry."

"You would never." He snorted. He then took his other hand and tried to shimmy your bottoms down. With your bottom half now out in the open, he raised his hand to your mouth. His lips quirked into a smirk when you let his ring and middle finger inside your mouth, suckling them just like how you did with his nipple. "You love me and my voice too much."

You internally seethed that he was right. Damn him and his stupid voice and his stupid tirade, he has such an immense hold on you that if you did follow through with your promise on leaving him dry, it would be you suffering the most.

"Alright, fine." You conceded after he retrieves his fingers from your mouth, glaring lightly at his smug face. "I love your voice and your stupid spiels. Happy?"

He let out a pleased huff. "I mean, I already knew all along, but it certainly is a boost to the ego when you confirm it for me."

Rolling your eyes, you kissed him fully on the lips for the first time this night. Your hand pinching and rolling his nipple while the other wrapped behind his neck and tugged on his low ponytail. You swallowed in his groan, his tongue swirling against yours. The fingers that you swallowed trailed down to your hole, toying at the entrance before slowly pushing inside.

Swearing, you parted from him, elated at the sight of him reddened and out of breath. You giggled at the trail of spit connecting your mouths before you broke it by leaning forward and kissing the freckles on his face. That was a surefire way of knocking him down a peg; how you show affection to, what he describes as 'An unsightly visual upon his face', his freckles was always your winning card.

You left a final kiss on his nose before leaning back. "I really do want to see you broken and crying, Joshua."

He moaned lightly, leaning down to your neck to hide his reddening face as his fingers curled inward. The moan you let out was pornographic but Joshua didn't point it out, clearly far gone into his pleasures. He mouthed along your neck. "Yeah? I'd be a liar if I said I didn't want to see you try your best."

You scoffed, gently prying his head away from your neck and staring straight into his eyes. Something hot curled inside you when you see how shiny his eyes became. "Keep talking and I'll make sure that you'll keep cumming until morning."

He whimpered at your words, his fingers faltering in pleasuring you. You cooed. "What's wrong, baby? Can't keep your mouth open for me?"

He shifted in his seat. During the whole time, you never removed his cock underneath his pants. The sizeable tent already sporting a dark patch. "N-No... I can do it."

"Good boy." You purred and you giggled at how he shivered at the praise. The hand on his chest moved down to his pajama bottoms, tugging them down as best as you could. He lifted himself from his seat, groaning in pain and relief at how his cock finally sprung free from his clothes as he threw his pants in a random corner of the room.

Joshua was always pretty. It was a shame everyone thinks he's 'unconventional' because he was such a chatterbox when him never shutting up was the most attractive thing ever. Screw them then, you think, as you stared reverently at his cock. It throbbed painfully against his stomach, the head flushed a pretty red just like his face as it curved slightly to the left. It was so perfect for you that you can't help but thank whatever deity made you meet Joshua.

"My pretty boy..." You breathed out. "Remember our deal, okay?"

He nodded wordlessly. Immediately, you wrapped your hand around his head, spreading the precum as your hand glides across his shaft. He let out a drawn-out moan, tilting his head back against the sofa chair as his fingers pumped in and out of your hole.

"F-Fuuuuck..." He keened, eyes glossed over with unshed tears. "Feels so good. The way you wrap your hand around me just right-ah!"

He jumped slightly when your other hand tugged his ponytail roughly, showing the expanse of his neck. You bit his Adam's Apple and you squeezed his fingers when you hear him cry out in pleasure. "Keep talking."

"Love how you mark me up...!" He continued. "Love how you make me yours. Love how you tease the h-ah, head of my cock before you rub it. Love how you twist your hand just right...!"

You let go of his skin after you fully blemished it red and stinging. "Yeah? You love it when I treat you like this, huh?"

He nodded against his hold. Your hand was already easily moving up and down his cock, making it easier for you to twist your wrist and quicken your pace. He bucked his hips upward, legs twitching from the stimulation. Of course, he made sure that you weren't the only one giving. He curled his fingers inwards, making you gasp out loud as his other hand inched down towards your most sensitive area.

"Mhm." He hummed, watching at how your back arced beautifully when he played with your most sensitive part. "Love how you react so prettily when I touch you like this. Almost like you were built for me-built for me to break and use over and over."

"Fuck, Joshua." You breathlessly giggled, letting go of his ponytail. "Wasn't expecting this out of you."

He chuckled softly, lightly bumping his forehead against yours. His glasses were completely askew across his nose bridge so you adjusted them for him. His eyes were unabashed in their affection, shining like twin diamonds. It was almost sickening how he looks at your with such hazily romantic reverence.

He smiled softly. "Love you."

You swallowed the lump forming in your throat before you pecked his lips. "Love you, too."

He hummed happily. "Love how you love me. Like I'm someone worth loving. Love it when you love me like this."

His speech was getting repetitive. His fingers going in and out of your hole at a faster rate as squelching noises permeated the room. Your hand squeezed his cock tighter, pumping up and down, begging for his cum to run down your hand so you can lick it all off.

"Fuck," he gasped out, mouth open as let out his grunts, "love you so much. Love you love you love you—"

"Give it to me, Joshua." You said, legs twitching at how fast he's playing with your sex. "Let go, pretty baby. I've got you."

He cried out, bucking his hips to meet your hand as you watched his cock spurt cum. "Fuck fuck fuck, oh god, I-hah!"

As his orgasm racked his body, you watched as he loses himself. The fingers inside you curled the right way before you came. His other hand toyed with your sex further until you cried out from the overstimulation. His cock shot his seed upwards, hitting you and Joshua. Some of it got onto Joshua's cheek so you leaned in and licked them off of him.

Heavy breathing was all that was heard in the room as you two cooled down from the session. After you cleaned his cheek, you laid down on his still-heaving chest. He leaned his on top of your head, arms wrapping around you and bringing you impossibly closer.

He breathed in and out, letting out chuckles underneath his breath. "So, you really like how I talk, eh?"

You groaned, burrowing your face further into his chest. "Don't remind me."

"You know I'm gonna never live it down, right?" He gloated, kissing the top of your head. "What a glorious feeling. To have my honey be so smitten with my voice."

"Dear god, what have I done."

He barked out a laugh, nuzzling you closer. He decided to stop for now, but he'll remember this moment whenever he hosts a horror movie review again.

Maybe being a chatterbox led to good things after all.

[magicinaframe-part2]

Some Mysteries Don't Get Solved

"I love a mystery. Don't you?"

My imaginary question from an imaginary questioner is something I would occasionally hear spoken in my 20's and 30's and I recall asking the question at one of my jobs; crummy job #2, I believe. What was the context? I can't remember -- and the fact that I can't remember any context says a lot about that job, by the way.

Most people at Tumblr will agree that mysteries are very much part of every human being's life. It's something that we all think about, from time to time. And it accounts for the continuing popularity of movies with police detective and private detective characters.

The movie that I'm thinking about on this cloudy Saturday in New York City presents a mystery with a number of layers. It's easily as memorable as any number of Hollywood movies -- such as CHINATOWN and BODY HEAT. So...it should be as well known, here, in the U.S., as those two movies, but it isn't.

Somewhere, there is information to be found on the Internet as to why the movie is not well known, here, in the U.S.

The name of the movie is BYE BYE BARBARA (1969).

Much of the effectiveness of the way that BYE BYE BARBARA's plot plays out has to do with the way that men and women relate to each other and the concept known as 'femme fatale.'

From the audience's point of view, the mystery for sports journalist Jerome Thomas begins in a bar in Biarritz, France, one evening, when, out of the blue, a beautiful-looking young woman wanders in from the street, barefoot, asking for someone to telephone for a taxi. It's one of those unforgettable moments in life.

Who is she? Is she in some sort of trouble?

Jerome offers to help and brings her back to the little hotel room where he had spent the previous afternoon. The two characters travel together and return by plane to Paris, the following day -- and by the end of Jerome's first workday back in Paris, he finds himself involved in a mystery, a disappearance. And the more that he focuses on this mystery, the more complicated it becomes.

BYE BYE BARBARA, with a running time of 109 minutes, is an absolutely unforgettable contemporary drama, with mystery, psychological, and thriller elements, along with some comedy touches. It's available on DVD with English subtitles. I recommend BYE BYE BARBARA to all movie lovers at Tumblr.

-- Drew Simels

[flutiebear]

So I'm on mobile and can't do the cutie symbols but how about a happy and/or romantic headcannon for a DQXI character(s) of choice ✌ sorry your day was crummy 😔

*cracks knuckles* OKAY HERE WE GO here are my romantic headcanons for ALL the main characters that you didn’t ask for

The Luminary

After the events of the game, the Luminary settles in to become the Prince of Dundrasil, with a certain roguishly handsome prince consort by his side. Erik comes and goes as he pleases, but he’s in Dundrasil more often than not; and when he is around, he and the Luminary are inseparable. On occasion, he even manages to steal the Prince away on secret excursions, much to the consternation of the Prince’s ever-growing retinue. (The two of them disguise themselves in their old hoods and traveling clothes and head for a fishing shack on the banks of a small lake in the Champs-Sauvage.)

For centuries afterward, bards will sing songs about how, on their last day on Erdrea, the Prince and his Consort, now old men, stood on the ramparts of Castle Dundrasil, hands linked, watching the sun set over a rebuilt kingdom that stretched beyond the horizon. They die within hours of each other.

ErikAfter the Luminary notices Erik reading a book on astronomy in the Royal Library, he gives Erik an astrolabe, so that no matter where he and Mia sail on their adventures around the world, they can always find their way.

The first time Erik returns to Castle Dundrasil after the Prince takes the throne, he tells the Prince that the astrolabe did its job, because “it helped me find my way back to you.”

Veronica

Some part of Veronica has been in love with the Luminary ever since she was a little girl, when she sneaked into the library and stumbled onto a book about Serenica and Erdwin that was definitely too advanced for her. She even fancied that, should she ever be lucky enough to meet the Luminary, history might repeat itself and theirs would be a love for the ages. She never told anybody about this fantasy, not even Serena.

Over the course of their adventures together, Veronica realizes that the Luminary--even if he weren’t obviously in love with someone else--is a bit too goody-goody for her tastes. Later, she realizes she mostly only fancied him because of the story (and his hair). 

When she grows up, (uh, again) she ends up marrying Placido, who has been in love with her ever since his best friend stole her staff all those years ago. She then proceeds to win the Signor Universo contest six times in a row.

Serena

When Serena sees Don Rodrigo dance in the Mardi Garb, she discovers that she has a thing for silver foxes. The memory is so strong that it persists in her subconscious, even in the Alternate Universe; and when she comes upon Rodrigo again in Act 3, she surprises everyone, even herself, by gifting him a fan of feathers.

After the game, she and Rodrigo quietly carry on a courtship that lasts for many years, but which ends on good terms. Even after it ends, however, Sylvando insists on calling Serena “mom”.

Sylvando

This isn’t so much a headcanon as it is actual canon, but: Sylvando leaves a trail of broken hearts wherever he goes, because he’s just so goddamn lovable. However, there’s only one whose feelings he reciprocates: Davé.

It takes him a while to figure it out, though; and when he does, Sylvando isn’t sure how to act. It’s only after the two are swept up on an adventure involving a tentacular, a shipwreck, and a lost civilization that the two actually get together.

Sylvando and Davé’s hypothetical MMA team name would have been Feathers And Leathers.

Rab

Rab was desperately in love with his late wife, the bookseller (did she ever get a name? I can’t remember). He was the first Drasilian prince to buck tradition and marry a commoner--and in so doing, started a tradition of his own (his daughter married a knight; his grandson would have a prince consort; and so on).

When his wife passed, it broke his heart. The dirty old man schtick is mostly just a way to hide his grief from others. Also, his wife liked to dress up as a bunny girl. 

Hendrik

Realizes that he is in love with Princess Jade after she personally rescues him from a green dragon and carries him all the way back to Heliodor in her arms. When they get married, Jade and Hendrik’s rings are inscribed with the phrase, “But thou must,” a private joke that only the two of them understand.

Jade

On aforementioned road trip, Jade and Hendrik are caught in a snowstorm and spend the night in a cabin trying to stay warm. This time, however, things are decidedly not platonic. Hendrik tries to resist out of a sense of duty/propriety/shameboner, but eventually, Jade puts her foot down and orders him to fuck her, insisting, “But thou must.”