#I can't get diagnosed with ADHD and get meds. I can't even go to the GP for fucks sake without it being insane money

[iamyouknow-yours]

My first therapist participated in medical gaslighting - ie insinuating I was not autistic and that I was "just anxious" and not in fact chronically ill. Turns out I'm both. This fucked me up for years (still fucks me up tbh) and it delayed my diagnoses that could have radically changed my life. It also encouraged my mom and family to participate in said medical gaslighting and force me to go to school (which was actively harmful and traumatising for me and my sense of self worth).

I really like my current therapist. A lot. She is incredibly helpful. She's knowledgeable about autism and chronic illness and disability. She also actually listens to me and takes my feedback and just really gets me.

But goddamn if my choices were no therapy or my first therapist? No therapy all the fucking way baby!

My second therapist was also pretty shit and actively made my relationship with my mom worse.

So yeah jeez, therapists are still human beings who can be extremely biased and complex. And they are in a position of power over you where you make yourself vulnerable. So you really gotta make sure you trust them and that they have your best interests at heart and that they're not abusing their power (even unknowingly, like I don't think my first therapists were thinking mwahaha let me fuck up this patient, they just had extreme biases and blind spots and were ignorant about a lot of things).

Also!! There are different types of therapy. CBT is one of the most common types of therapy and it is really effective for a lot of people. But for others (especially neurodivergent people), it can be harmful. There are lots of types of therapy and not all of them work for everyone.

An incomplete list of things in no particular order that help me alongside therapy and alongside each other, all of them have pros and cons and fall short in some areas (also I'm still chronically disabled, none of it cured me, sorry)

Psych meds (there are so many types out there, I'm on 3)

Online chronic illness group chat support group

A good support system (excellent, weird friends - it's really important to be friends with weirdos, it's good for you, I'm a weirdo too) (also my mom <3)

Accommodations (mobility aids, stuff at uni like extra time, all that jazz)

An OT who specialises in chronic illness and neurodivergency

A dietitian who specialises in neurodivergency and has learned about my chronic illnesses for me

Having hobbies - create stuff, it's good for you. It's okay if you don't keep the same hobby after a few months. Just keep doing stuff.

Exercise (yeah I know but unfortunately doing some stretching and going for a walk with my dog does actually help my mental and physical health, does not cure me though shut up Barbara)

Meds n shit for physical stuff

Animals - having pets, I recommend, it's like touching grass but woah they're in your bed

Drinking enough water and eating regularly (again I know, it's not gonna fix you but dear lord I feel like shit when I don't do these things, and yes sometimes it's really fucking hard)

Journalling

A truly fantastic GP/managing doctor (I cannot state how much I adore her, she's so lovely and believes me and listens to me and just excellent)

Learning how to rest properly - did you know there are different types of energy and different types of rest? Obvious right but I was only resting my body and now I'm learning to rest my brain and get emotional rest and social rejuvenation and be in nature and have a sense of community - these are all important!!

Reminders (so many reminders) and google calendar (I know google sucks, give me a good alternative and I'll use it) and Shovel (I got it when it was cheaper, it's a planning app for adhd people that I can't live without for uni)

Media I enjoy - fics, youtubers, shows, movies

Leaving the house for fun reasons as much as I can (uni, errands, and appointments don't count, walking the dog half counts, but I need to leave and go to an event or cafe or go to a friend's house) (this ends up being not as often as I'd like but it's important to me)

Getting enough sleep (one of my psych meds has the truly fantastic side effect of making me sleep well practically every night. I can't state enough how much this is fantastic. Did not cure me though, don't worry, your aunt wasn't correct)

I have gotten quite a few asks which can be summarized as "my therapist doesn't believe me and keeps blaming me for my problems, but I know I have to stick with therapy if I want to get better-", and I need everyone to realize that therapy isn't inherently good and effective, nor is it always necessary for getting better. Having a bad therapist can actually be more harmful to your recovery than not having one! If your therapist makes you worse or doesn't help you, it's okay to walk away, whether to find a new one or to find healing in something else. You are in fact not morally obligated to see a therapist just because you're mentally ill.

[us-the-voices-and-more-voices-2]

well, shit is getting straight up untenable in Australia!

that's why we got a new bio, also because we are sick of the anon's just block us damn.

but no legit, they are fucking up the NDIS and THAT IS BAD, it's literally the only governmental support for all disabled people in Australia by the way it's the "national disability insurance scheme" aka NDIS.

so uh BAD, real bad, extremely bad, uber bad.

there's more, uh so yeah!!!! FUCK MAN.

I do hope people don't die, because this is just going to lead to people seeking help from the gov't dying in the meantime.

or if the gov't says "yeah your not disabled (is disabled) get zero accommodations loser" then well that's BAD.

I already know like tons of people who couldn't get NDIS money and they were straight up disabled, and people who desperately needed those accommodations and couldn't because the government just straight up would not listen and help them.

it's pretty fucking telling that more than half the disabled people I know in Australia literally could not get on the NDIS.

this is just making a already shit situation worse, I haven't been able to go to the dentist, GP, or the eye doctor people in more than 5 Years!!!!

FIVE FUCKING YEARS, I know people who are straight up 2 seconds away from being homeless due to not being able to work and not being able to apply to the NDIS.

like it's fucking bad, if your parents won't boot you off your centrelink you can't get your own centrelink and can't access any accomodations or disability money, if your blak (aka aboriginal) your just extremely fucked already now times that by 4.

like dude, THIS IS SHIT.

and I know disability ally's are mostly American based, but by fuck WHAT THE FUCK, THE ACTUAL FUCK MAN.

the NDIS is not perfect there's shit ton of corruption and scammers-

(I actually know a family who's like legit scamming the NDIS lol no I don't mean like "oh those physically disabled's" I mean like they are using the money on like 3d printers and shit lol they are assholes and racists)

but like, it was barely working for people before. this is going to take the people it was barely working before and fuck them over too.

it's gonna fucking suck man, I am fucking scared for everyone.

[actuallyadhd]

hi, sorry in advance if this isn't the kind of thing you are open to getting in your inbox, but i just don't know what to do with my feelings. i really hate my adhd. i spent my youth cruising through school and high achiever programs, being told i was going places, and nowadays i am nothing short of completely useless. i'm early in diagnosis to where i'm just starting with medication (15mg of ritalin twice a day at this stage) and haven't effects yet. it's already clear that the dose i'm going to need will be embarrassingly high.

ever since i told my friends, it's obvious that the diagnosis came out of left field for them and that they see me differently. i keep catching them giving me sympathetic looks after zoning out, fiddling with something, or presenting some other stereotypical symptom. i tried mentioning to them how i'm not getting results out of meds yet as a means of whinging since it is making me anxious and a little impatient, and their response was completely uninformed medical advice about how i should be taking them. they're also all talking about how they all probably have adhd too since we 'tend to glom together'. they're all straight-A students with no symptoms or functional issues, so i find this a little condescending. i might be imagining how they've starting talking down to me/talking slower. the diagnosis made me feel stupid enough without them acting like this, and now i just feel like a human joke.

i don't really know what the point of what i'm writing is anymore, but i'm struggling to get any assignments in, failing all my tests, my friends treat me different, my parents are unabashedly disappointed, the meds are taking too long to work, i'm lazy, dysfunctional, getting dumber every day, and my head is too fucking loud to keep living in.

i'm sick of how trying to have a thought feels like being a sentient pile of spaghetti wading through tar, and of not being able to read if my brain decides a particular paragraph is not to its liking, of not remembering anything, of struggling and not even being able to remember and articulate what with, and all the other bullshit. i probably just have to wait this out while we figure out meds, but i'm sorry for using this inbox to vent because i think that's what i'm doing as i can't really go to my friends. feel absolutely no pressure to respond, i might have just needed to wright this down and see it sent off somewhere. any advice is welcome if you have it though, lol.

Sent August 16, 2024

Oof, I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. There's a lot here, so I'm going to try and go through it a bit at a time and tackle everything as I go.

First, this is absolutely the kind of thing I'm here to try and help with. No worries at all on that.

Second, this is a long one, so I'm putting in a cut.

I understand hating your ADHD. You feel how you feel, and that's okay. Reaching out for help is a fantastic way to deal with those emotions.

It sounds like you were a gifted student, and now that you have less of a schedule being imposed on you, you're struggling. That is totally normal, but it also sucks a lot.

You aren't "achieving your potential" or meeting expectations, and at this point they aren't just others' expectations, they're your own. I spent several months working through this issue years ago, and it still comes up for me regularly! The friend who walked me through it was incredibly patient with me, and their job in this case seemed to mainly consist of "why do you think you need to do this thing?" and then just continually asking why until we got to the bottom of it all.

Once you know what's at the base of the expectations, you're in a way better position to decide whether they're expectations you want to try to meet.

One of the good things about getting diagnosed is that it gives you information. Now you know why things are hard, and you can start looking for solutions that will actually work with your brain. You may find some of those solutions here, and you can always ask for help with specific issues.

Now, it's possible that Ritalin/methylphenidate isn't the right medication for you. It is also possible that the dose is too low; I don't know a lot about doses for Ritalin (I was initially put on Concerta but it was Very Bad so we switched to Dexedrine/amphetamine) but I used to know someone who took 150mg Ritalin every day, so that's a thing.

As for your friends, talk to them about how they're acting. Tell them that you don't appreciate the jokes or the different treatment. Explain that ADHD has been there all along, it just wasn't discovered earlier because your giftedness hid it. You are not a different person.

Having ADHD doesn't make you stupid. We've already established that you're gifted. I know what that's like; I was this flavour of twice-exceptional, too, and I was 28 with my ADHD was finally diagnosed. I know that doesn't help how you feel right now, but it is true.

For your school stuff, talk to your instructors about getting extensions so you can try to get caught up. Go to your school's disability services office and talk to them about what you can access in terms of accommodations. Set yourself a schedule for studying and working on assignments that you stick to no matter what.

I'm not sure why your parents are disappointed. If it's your school performance, I get it. Showing them that you're doing your best will help a lot with that. If it's the ADHD itself, that's not your fault. ADHD is hugely genetic, so it's just a thing that happens and probably you have relatives who also have ADHD, or at least people who would probably qualify for a diagnosis.

Medication can take a while to figure out, and it can be difficult to deal with waiting while you get the right medication and the right dose. At the same time, you may not notice a difference right away; so much depends on the person and the medication.

Now, you are not lazy or getting "dumber" every day. You have ADHD, which means you have executive dysfunction. That is hard because the world is not set up for people like us, so when we struggle we compare ourselves to other people and that's never a good idea.

I have a suggestion for helping you feel better about yourself, and then I have some resources for you to look at.

Start a scrapbook that's just about good things about you. Make a page for things you're interested in (or a page per interest). Do something about your favourite colour, things you have done for other people, etc. The idea is that then you can look at this book and remind yourself of the good things about who you are as a person.

As for resources, here are a couple of posts over on the main Actually ADHD site that might help with some of what you're struggling with. Most of the posts there include printables, so do have a look and see if those might help you at all.

Followers, do you have any other suggestions for this anon?

-J

[dissociacrip]

this turned into a long adhd rant whoopsie

it really does suck how people seem to downplay autism and adhd now lol. autism has been reduced to people who can mask and have low support needs and adhd hasn't really changed from its status as a joke.

i don't talk about adhd much but it probably gets in the way of me being able to function just as much, if not more than autism does (in my personal situation) when it comes to mental disability. not showering enough. not cooking. not cleaning my living space properly. forgetting to brush my teeth. dishes sitting in the sink for so long they start getting moldy. only being able to maybe do 1-3 tasks a day maximum because my brain can't organize itself enough to do more than that. difficulty committing to things and being consistent in overarching ways. being late to things a lot. highly impaired verbal recall so i forget things people say to me, forget verbal instructions, etc. on top of the other acutely stressful situations that come with memory and regulating my attention span (e.g. locking my keys in my car or locking myself out of my house when i have a very limited support network to remediate those situations.)

my meds barely touch this stuff for me and i'm not especially inclined to increase the dosage after bordering on psychosis when i was taking 40mg of vyvanse. i've just become so accustomed to living the way that i do (because my case is pretty bad afaik) so i can't just will myself to be another way. any efforts i make to change or be more organized and routine and consistent end up getting dashed away because i just cannot do it lol. my shit just doesn't work. adhd is a massive barrier between me and being a functioning person or being able to take care of myself. i'm pretty sure would still be a "gross" and unpalatable disabled person even if my muscles worked and i didn't have POTS/etc. that also get in the way of my hygiene and the cleanliness of my living space.

that doesn't even go into how other people react to it. a good chunk of physical and verbal abuse i faced from my family as a child was related to my adhd symptoms. i was diagnosed at a young age but my parents "forgot" it happened and it was never addressed otherwise. i got constantly called disgusting for my hygiene problems and was threatened with violence over it (on top of the times where i was actually getting assaulted.) people take my impaired verbal recall and lack of impulse control irt accidentally cutting people off or interrupting them personally, accusing me of not caring enough when it's something that is extremely difficult to be aware of or manage when adhd is a condition that distinctly involves impaired awareness of your own behavior.

so when i see shit like "just set alarms" or anything else that amounts to "you're not trying hard enough" or adhd not very much being a disability, especially when it's coming from other people w/ adhd, it kinda makes me wanna stab things with knives.

sure, it's not the worst condition ever, but just like most other disabilities, the way it affects everyone who is it is different and some are gonna be able to manage it better than others. sure, there a lot of really fucking annoying people (usually able-bodied) w/ adhd on social media that have large platforms and who very often profit from or encourage liberal pop psych bullshit when it comes to adhd, but it's still very much a disability. it can affect hygiene. it can affect employment or otherwise means of earning an income. it can affect our social lives and whether we have a support system. it can affect whether someone can keep their house from getting infested with bugs or mold. it is very much something that causes dysfunction in ways that aren't nearly as cutesy as the little comics you might see on instagram are drawn.

just remember that.

[vro0ms-evil-twin]

Random ramblings about antipsychiatry I ordered a notebook to stop posting every of my thoughts online but it's not been delivered yet

I try to read anti psychiatry content because I agree that psychiatry still is a tool of repression and coercion and as a psychologist I don't wanna participate in that but also I can't reconcile this with some antipsych activists acting like mental illnesses aren't real period no nuance?

I was reading this thread on bluesky that was an answer to RFK Jr wanting to send people who have adhd in labour camps which. Yeah don't need to say anything about that and this activist was saying psychiatry has always been compatible with fascism but nobody wants to listen when we say so which totally agree.

Then in the comments there were a lot of propsychiatry people being very delusional about it but then someone asked "I don't see how that's psychiatry. Fascism sure, but how is it psychiatry?" which is a valid question, because rfk Jr isn't a psychiatrist and sending people to labor camps because they have adhd is not a psychiatric treatment.

But someone answered "well who gave them the diagnoses that serve to exclude them? Who entertains the idea that their patients have 'conditions' that can necessitate even total exclusion from society?"

And it's like. Adhd is a thing though? I mean. Like don't get me wrong the DSM-5 sucks ass. Not just the dsm, also the CIM, just. Generally speaking categorical classifications of mental health and illnesses are very limited for plenty of reasons. There are practical reasons why they exist but they come short of so much stuff and. Anyway. That's another conversation.

But the fact that the categorical model sucks and that it is political and that it's been used and is still being used to coerce and repress and take away human rights from people doesn't mean mental suffering doesn't exist, that the symptoms these people are feeling aren't a thing, and that the distress they cause them shouldn't be addressed.

Idk I guess what I find difficult to understand with these arguments is that. Crip politics have been coming back from the social model of disability for a while now and why is antipsychiatry still there.

Just like as a chronically ill person, social change could make my life easier but would not rid me of my illness, of my pain, of my fatigue, of the side effects of the meds I have to take, etc. As a mentally ill person, social change would make them probably less intense but it wouldn't be enough to make my mental symptoms go away entirely. I still need treatment. I still have a condition. I still suffer from it. Physically and mentally.

Recognizing that the psychiatric industry fucking sucks and is mistreating people is necessary.

Acting like all psychiatric symptoms are purely arbitrary and socially defined is dangerous imo.

Help can come in other forms than psychiatry for sure but I can't get behind people going around acting like Adhd is just a matter of the world accommodating you and if the world did you would be entirely fine.

[omniseurs-blog]

My YouTube comment reposted - mental illness, schizospec, psychosis, ADHD, distrust of doctors, rage/anger vent, loss of childhood, drug use

I was diagnosed with emotional behavioral disorder NOS and ADHD at 4, depression at 10, schizophrenia at 14, changed to schizoaffective bipolar and PTSD at 15. Here's my (and my family's) story.

Before any of my immediate family was born, my paternal great grandpa was... "Quirky", aka delusional and had hallucinations, and my great grandma refused to get him help, because it meant institutionalization or lobotomy. She never told her kids (my paternal grandpa) about it, they simply divorced when the kids were old enough to work. This is still all I will ever know about my great grandpa. My grandpa had his first psychotic break in his 20s or 30s (all I know is my grandma saying he's been insane for a long time, which is why she divorced him) and hid it well enough until his 50s where he was institutionalized and diagnosed "early onset dementia without Alzheimer's features" or something along those lines, he used to call my dad up all the time talking about the mafia and how my mother was poisoning him. My father had his first break in his 20s as well after the birth of my older brother and the death of his brother, but he didn't get treatment until his 30s well after my mother divorced him when I was 3. For a long time I didn't know a single thing about him besides what my mother told me, "he's abusive, he's evil, he's crazy, he's a terrible person" (my mother got diagnosed with BPD recently, so I don't even know if those were lies or not), but one thing she did teach us was that he was schizophrenic.

And then there's me. I was a shy kid, never trusted anybody, didn't play, didn't socialize, took a long time to start speaking, and... Held a very negative view of schizophrenia all the way until I was diagnosed. I was put on ADHD meds at 4, 20mg of adderall, the same age I was diagnosed. I began hallucinating full visible dead and bleeding people because of them and I had paranoia of being followed and watched. My mother did warn the psychiatrist that schizophrenia ran in the family, but my psychiatrist just raised the dose higher, this time 30mg of Ritalin, and put me on risperidone, 5mg... I hallucinated even worse, had crying fits from the delusions, but I was completely and utterly zombified. Why was I zombified on "such a low/starter dose"? Because I was a maybe 60lb F O U R (4) year old. Since the hallucinations and delusions didn't stop, and my mother insisting that I had schizophrenia, the doctor ensured my mother "children can't have schizophrenia" and diagnosed me emotional behavioral disorder NOS, switched me to Vyvanse at 25mg, and switched my risperidone to a common antidepressant I can't remember the name of (Prozac?). Of course, I was perfectly happy then, absolutely off the walls running around, wandering around, all that, so the SCHOOL system said they were going to call CPS because they didn't believe my parents were giving me my medications... Which meant they were the ones dishing out my medications to me and I missed the doses I was supposed to take before bed.

Thankfully, we ended up moving when I turned 10, and the new school never threatened CPS or demanded proof I'm taking my meds, so on my own account, I quit my own meds. I went unmedicated aside from taking a different antidepressant (genuinely can't begin to guess the name) around 12-13. I completely forgot I had any mental illness other than obviously having attention problems, fidgeting more than everyone else, severe anxiety that I thought was normal, and frequent nightmares and bedwetting, and a lack of awareness that I didn't fit in with others (mostly because I didn't have the urge to socialize with anyone). Then... the teenage years hit. My brother was experimenting with dr*gs, weed, LSD, computer duster, m*th, all of the dr*gs that were said to be bad in dare, and I did them too. We got past computer duster and weed, my brother got into worse drugs, new years swung around at 14 and they had some "high quality acid" that turned out to be NBOME, or fake bitter acid that makes even the most mentally stable freak out.

New years 2015, I was 14 years old, we took the fake acid, all 6 of us. People became manifestations of my mental illness, my brother was ADHD, his friends sister was depression, his best friend was anxiety, his best friends gf was PTSD... And his friend was schizophrenia. I was only diagnosed with ADHD, anxiety, and depression. The TV was talking to me, the music was about me, the universe was going to collapse if I made the wrong move. Sure, a bad trip is a bad trip, but the bad trip didn't end after 12, 24, 48 hours, a week, 2 weeks, a month, 5 months, a year, 2 years, 4 years. 4 years is what it took to START recovering, dozens of different combinations of meds, 20 hospitalizations, 4 different hospitals, 3 different states, countless amounts of doctors, and 3, going on 4, disability applications. From 10th to 12th grade, I missed an average of 100 days per year, had a 0.0gpa, and just barely graduated through GED while experiencing active psychosis

What could've been diagnosed at age 4, what I could've been properly medicated for, what didn't take a genius to figure out. 14 to roughly 18 were all a delusional mess, I'm 23 now. I still act like a 14 year old because... I'm still there. I should still be a kid.

[there-will-be-a-way]

My therapist wants to test me for ADHD because he thinks my brain is more neurodivergend than just autism. He asked me how I feel after drinking coffee and I usually get more tired which I always thought was weird. Like, I can drink three strong coffees in the evening and still sleep like a stone which is apparently common in people with ADHD. Plus, when I used to take speed I didn't get the normal effects like being overly chatty or anything. I just felt capable of doing so many things lol, kind of like a god complex (I never *only* just took speed though, I took it together with weed and alc). He pointed out how often I say that I long for quietness in my head because my thoughts are going at high speed and I always have multiple trains of thoughts in my head. It only ever stops when I smoke weed and suddenly everything is so quiet and I can actually enjoy say, watching a movie. Because without weed I can't focus on it, I'm too restless. I can't sit still for long enough. When I'm at work I struggle with this too. Once every hour I have to get up and smoke a cigarrette because I can't stand sitting anymore. So I'm curious to know if I really have ADHD... Not that I don't have enough diagnoses already...

Oh, and also, the reason why I used to struggle with sleep was the loudness of my brain too so they prescribed me a med that you usually use to treat psychosis because normal sleep meds didn't work for me at all. It also makes my head quieter, even during the day. Still, my thoughts are going so fast and I'm always restless on the inside...

- Adrian

[kaonarvna]

Going through so much right now. Barely have the capacity to do much of anything aside from work and take care of myself and my spouse.

Autistic burnout is truly a cruel mistress. As is having undiagnosed ADHD, knowing what your unmet needs are, and not having the means to access the support you require.

Big vent below. Workplace ableism. ADHD/AuDHD vent.

My spouse is quitting his job again. It happens every year. We've only just now realised "oh my god, it's the autism. It was always the autism" for why he keeps hopping.

He's leaving the current job because they're failing to give him what seems like the most basic accommodations (written instructions, scheduled meetings/literally any notice instead of impromptu "informal chats" in hallways with no record, basic empathy).

He's being told off for "speaking too loudly" and "speaking too enthusiastically" even though all he's talking about with his colleagues is work. They took away his office to turn it into a meeting room, forced him into the communal office space, and have now told him to stop talking to himself or his colleagues.

It's heartbreaking. It's been slowly creeping in for months and it's taken too long for us to realise "oh my god, you need a diagnosis, this is just fucking discrimination, you need formal accommodations and support".

So he's off on the sick now because his stress has become so severe that he just can't function. Before he got the sick note he'd come home and crash every day, and dreaded going to work. He role-played being a warhammer 40k servitor (lobotomised and obedient worker drone, basically) to help him get through the day of staying quiet and doing nothing but work. He'd come home and need so much sensory input and support. And he slept so much, and so poorly. He started to "fail the speech checks" (massively miss social cues and say the wrong thing) with colleagues at work, and came home embarrassed in ways he never was before. He's a very very social animal, and didn't think he had social difficulties, but now he's so worn down that he's realised he does.

He can't mask anymore. He's so tired.

And now that he got that sick note, and plans to leave, he's not dreading waking up each day nearly as much. He's still in the sensory sock every day, and he's still sad and overwhelmed, but he's feeling better.

We've started the process of getting him a diagnosis, but it's going to take months and months and months. We don't really have months. We're going to start applying for new jobs for him, and hopefully get him out of labs. You'd think a chemical laboratory would be the perfect place for an autistic man who loves STEM, but management has always made it unworkable for him. He's always slowly forced out.

And I can barely take care of him, between working full time and having EDS. And I've finally realised I desperately need that ADHD diagnosis, and I need meds. I haven't felt like a person in so long. I haven't felt like myself in years. I feel like this abstract creature inside this horrible prison, and the controls don't work anymore.

Every mental health professional I've seen has asked me, "Have you ever been assessed for ADHD? You've already adopted all the coping mechanisms and lifestyle changes I could recommend. I can't diagnose you, but yknow, think about it."

I've always suspected it. I know I'm autistic. All signs point to ADHD too.

I looked back on every stimulant I've put in my body, and realised that all of them made my brain emptier. They all gave me more control. I was always more able to make choices and act upon them. But I used to associate that with the pain relief (think kratom, nefopam, etc) not the stimulant.

So when I got my pain mostly under control, and I manage it now, I couldn't figure out why I still had so little control over myself.

It's the fucking ADHD.

How much time have I lost to being undiagnosed and unmedicated? How much of my life has slipped down the drain while I paced back and forth, or laid in place "stuck", or ping ponged from incomplete task to incomplete task until I crashed? How much more pleasure could I have experienced if my brain wasn't full of constant noise and thirty different versions of the same thought?

How much have I hurt myself by going "you're fine, you don't need meds" for so many years?

I don't know how long it's going to take to get diagnosed. I've started the process and now we just...wait. But all the evidence points to "yes", and that "meds will probably work and make a massive difference for your quality of life". I might get to be a person someday, or at least a more fulfilled creature.

[akajustmerry]

anyway, update on my harrowing journey through the australian psychiatry system to be prescribed adhd meds: my psychiatrist is refusing to prescribe me any adhd medications because he suspects i have a heart condition. my doctor tried to explain to him that i do not have any personal health history of that and there is no need to be this cautious. but the psych is refusing to prescribe until my heart is given the okay from a cardiologist. i saw my doc a month ago and she sent a referral to the cardiologist. TODAY, i recieved via fucking LETTER that the cardiologist will not see me until february 27th NEXT YEAR. Bear in mind i was diagnosed back in may and told by the assessor ON THE DAY that i should be medicated immediately given my depression. it is OCTOBER and i won't see a cardiologist for 4 MONTHS and then i will probably have to wait months to see the psych again after that. i've been crying all day. this is so shit this is literally been the worst year for me mentally since 2015. i need a job? can't get one! need meds? can't get them! need money?? see point one! need a body that isn't barrelling towards worse and worse hormonal issues for no reason? can't have that either. and then there's [gestures vaguely in Arab]. like idk i am so tired and i don't even feel like i have the right to be cos how can i even be so tired from having Literally Nothing Going On

[lifeafterpsychiatry]

Hi, how are you? I hope you are okay!

I'm glad you promote radical acceptance when it comes to mental disabilities. I have ADHD and it is exhausting to face constant ableism from everyone, including my family and teachers. I only got diagnosed at 22, maybe because it's less diagnosed in women. I failed in all my classes for the last 2 years straight. I love my family but I wish they could understand how hard I am trying to study and keep up with schoolwork. Everyone thinks I am either lazy or stupid. They see my symptoms and treat me as if I'm some loser.

I'm not lazy. Everyday I tell myself to exercise, study, read a book. It's like I'm mentally paralyzed. I can't make myself move a muscle. I wish people could at least understand how badly I want to be productive. And I am in treatment, and taking medication, but I can't take the dosage I need because the side effects get really strong, or maybe I'm not taking the right meds. I don't know.

And there is always the thought that I probably don't have ADHD, and I'm just lazy. It's what my parents told me so many times. And even to get a diagnosis, I had to go to 4 different people. The first three told me I have depression or anxiety and didn't even consider ADHD a possibility. Anytime I told them the meds are not working, they either upped the dosage or changed the meds or told me to just be patient. I think they also thought that I'm not accurate about my struggles.

I wrote all this because I just wanted to get it off my chest, and nobody around me in real life would understand it if I told them. I'm never going to stop trying to create the life of my dreams. I'm going to try being productive again tomorrow. Even though I failed all the times before. I know nobody will acknowledge my effort, but I'll keep trying.

Anyways, wish me luck to succeed in life! Have a good day!

The thing is, I don't think that people are just "lazy" for no good reason. I think that if you find yourself struggling to cope with life, you have your reasons for this which should never just be dismissed as pure laziness. I think we miss the big picture and reflect ableism when we reduce anyone's struggles to a question of mere laziness. And I don't think we should push that narrative on anyone, ourselves included.

[fbfh]

OOOOOH BOY chat we are COOKED!!!!! my insurance is being a little fuckin bitch about covering my adhd meds so I'm out and I have to self medicate with caffeine so espresso!op is back!!!! /lh

anyway almost done with season 3 of young royals and I'm thinking about August falling SO hard and fast for adhd!reader. you are the only person at hillerska who sees through his bullshit and calls him out on it and he HATES it and he can't fucking stay away from you. after you've been together for a while (people still marvel at how weirdly good you are for each other) you seem a little off, and finally fess up to him that there's a shortage of your adhd meds bc assholes keep abusing them or faking adhd to get it as a study drug (you are unaware that august is one of said assholes) so of COURSE he plays it off like "omg how could someone do that!!! that's just awful!!!!"

so despite his historical patterns of self centered douchey behavior and decisions he actually DOES care about you. there's this tiny little redeeming part within him that wants to be good. like lilo and stitch. dating august is like lilo and stitch and I will not elaborate further. anyway he genuinely does his best to help you out until your meds are filled again. he helps you with chores and laundry and stuff (calls in a cleaning service) makes sure you have grab and go meals (orders you a meal prep service and catering from your favorite restaurants) and helps you find your stuff (follows you around and keeps your keys wallet and phone on a shelf high enough for you to not reach that way you don't misplace them again). he listens to you ramble when you're feeling hyperactive and chatty, he lets you lay on his lap and watch bits of dust float through the air for hours on end when you're feeling inattentive. if you need to stim he'll take you to some indoor gymnastics trampoline park thing and let you go nuts, and if you use caffeine to self medicate when you're off your meds by GOD he will have espresso and energy drinks on tap for you. he won't mind when you wake him up at night because you can't sleep or keep moving around because you can't get comfy, he'll make sure you get where you need to go on time and act as your personal human planner. even if he needs to pick you up and carry you (which he will if necessary), he won't let you start stressing out about forgetting stuff. if you feel bad about it at all, if you feel like you're asking too much of him or being a burden, he will shut that shit down so fast. it's hard work, but he wants to do this, he wants to take care of you. he still won't tell you that he had a faking adhd for meds phase, but after seeing what you go through, he vows never to take prescription stimulants again. he'll make sure no one else in his circle does either - except vincent, who's actually diagnosed and has to regularly remind August that he is in fact supposed to be taking adderall whenever it comes up. August has so much more respect for you and for neurodivergent people in general after that. he didn't think karma really existed before, but he sure as fuck does now, and he might think a little more about tempting her by doing something douchey next time. even if he doesn't, he has you to keep him in line.

[goodluckclove]

My Medical History: A Comedy of Errors

This is long as shit but since it's finally sort of resolved itself I figured it'd be worth documenting. Strap in, folks.

Me, age 12: I have Experiences

Doctor: You're schizoaffective you need many pills.

Me: Sure, I guess.

Me: Dad I experience these kinds of things being schizoaffective.

Dad, also schizoaffective: Huh I relate to none of that.

Me: Should we look into that discrepancy further?

Dad: Nah.

Me: Mom I forgot to take one of the seven medications I'm on for over a month and felt no effect from not taking it. Is there a chance I'm potentially on too much medication?

Mom: You need to take all the pills the doctors give you.

Me: I'm on more Seroquel than both you and Dad combined and have been since I was 13 is that bad?

Mom: No it's normal and good, actually.

Me: I have nothing to compare this too and if I disagree too hard with you I might be left to fend for myself in the wilderness like a newly-stray cat.

Different Doctor: I don't think you're schizoaffective because you were way too young to show signs when you were diagnosed.

Me, age 17: Oh? What do you think I am?

Different Doctor: No idea. Moving on!

Therapist: You aren't bipolar.

Me, age 18: What am I, then?

Therapist: Probably nothing. It really doesn't matter.

Me: I don't know what to do with that information.

An additional doctor: Yeah, I agree with that doctor you saw almost a decade ago. I don't think you're bipolar.

Me, 26, very tired: Okay.

Additional doctor: You're too traumatized for me to diagnose, though.

Me: Uh-huh. That's - fine. I guess.

Additional doctor: Here are some anti-psychotics though.

Me: These anti-psychotics make me throw up at least once a week can we switch to a different kind?

Additional doctor: Eh I don't know. They're not making you psychotic so it's probably fine.

Me: cool okay

Me: Hey I was on 900mgs of Seroquel from ages 13-21 do you think that could be a bad thing for me health-wise?

A doctor, at some point: It is a medical improbability that taking that much of that medication for that long didn't give you diabetes.

Me: Great. Love that for me.

Me: Therapist I need a diagnostic I'm losing my mind.

Therapist: I'm reading your diagnosis and you actually don't meet the basic clinical criteria for really any mental illness.

Me: ??????? cool

Therapist: You might have ADHD though.

Wife: You absolutely have ADHD.

Me: Can I get treated for ADHD please?

New psych: I can't treat you for ADHD if you're diagnosed as bipolar.

Me: I have had multiple doctors say I'm not bipolar. I have a diagnostic that says I'm not bipolar.

New psych: Someone at some point said you were bipolar.

Me: I was 12.

New psych: Either way. Also this diagnostic you took says you have BPD.

Me in my next therapy session: Hey uh Therapist when were you going to tell me I have BPD?

Therapist: You...don't? You don't have that.

Me: My psych said the diagnostic you sent her shows I do.

Therapist: She apparently doesn't know how to read the diagnostic then because that's - um. Incorrect.

Wife: You need to stop telling new psychs you were ever diagnosed bipolar it's clearly making them biased.

Me: That feels like denying medical people medical information they need for medicine.

Therapist: I agree with Wife actually.

Me: You - really? Fuck. I mean, okay.

Me, in an intake appointment: I was never diagnosed bipolar.

Current psych: Uh okay.

Me: I'm lying.

Current psych: Oh. Oh?

Me (Sobbing): I'm so sorry I'm lying I just lied.

Current psych: It's okay. You're - um -

Me (Weeping, shame spiraling): You seem so nice -

Current psych: Wow. Wow you are struggling.

Few Sessions Later

Current psych: Yeah you could have ADHD. Probably wanna be careful though because ADHD meds can cause mania in bipolar people, so even though you haven't really shown any signs of bipolar or schizophrenic symptoms we should still air on the side of caution.

Few More Sessions

Current psych: Ah yeah you're super ADHD. That makes sense and surprises nobody.

Me, 27, lying face-down on the floor: rad hooray for medicine.

[geddy-leesbian]

Y'know, I've read your pinned post so many times, but, gurl, is there really nothing you can do for your condition? Does it just keep getting worse? :<

I can’t even imagine going through that—it’d be a total nightmare. Feels like body horror, really

Honestly, there's not much to be done about it, but it's not the end of the world.

The good thing about it is the "intermittent" part of the name. Other forms of porphyria are chronic and have a more constant impact. AIP is completely asymptomatic outside of attacks, like to the extent it's almost undetectable. When my sister was diagnosed a genetic counselor met with her and my mom who asked if I could be tested since every woman on her side had it, and he said that there was no way to test me until I had an attack. Because it tests for elevated porphyrins in urine, and AIP doesn't affect anything outside of attacks, it will always be a false negative if it isn't done during an attack. Sometimes it can still be a false negative even during the beginning or ending of an attack too. (Now the mayo clinic can do a more reliable test by checking a blood sample for the actual genes, but that's relatively new and it takes several months.) And attacks aren't always frequent. My sister had super frequent attacks as a teenager, but stopped getting them at all by her mid twenties. My mom also has it and she only has about one attack a decade. Some people will only have one attack in their entire lives.

Attacks can be avoidable. Sometimes they're not, but there's triggers to avoid. My second attack this year was completely preventable. There was a day I forgot to eat (yay ADHD med appetite suppression :/) and fasting is a huge trigger. I don't remember if I did anything that might have triggered the first, but at least I know the second was my fault and not just random chance. Overall the triggers aren't difficult to avoid either, day to day, diet is the only thing to worry about. High carb diet and don't cut sugar out entirely, very easy for me to adhere to.

And yeah symptoms just magically stop after attacks end! One night I went to bed with severe pain, dizziness, hallucinations, delirious, then woke up almost perfectly fine. I had some lingering neurological symptoms for a while, but those are gone now too.

I did discover there's now a new drug that actually prevents attacks (before the only treatments in existence would help attacks once they started, but there was nothing preventive) which for 2 seconds was a big relief to know there would be an option if I kept getting them, but...

I learned it would not be an option for me so I just have to avoid triggers and hope I'll be like my mom and only have to deal with it once a decade 🥲

Also weirdly flattered anyone found my post interesting enough to reread! I mean if I'm stuck with a rare disease, at least it's an interesting one!

It's not usually so body horror/nightmarish either. Usually it presents more like a bad stomach virus than anything else. For my sister, her main symptom was always severe abdominal pain and she'd basically be fine with meds. I remember visiting her in the hospital a couple times and she was never close to how I get during attacks, just a bit tired but pretty much herself. My mom got a little fucked up mentally her last attack, but vomiting was her worst symptom and she didn't really have neurological symptoms outside of her feeling a bit out of it. Even outside of my family, abdominal pain and vomiting are the most common symptoms.

I'm just an unlucky outlier that doesn't vomit at all but gets alllllll the neurological issues instead. Which does have a silver lining, I've never had to be hospitalized for it. My mom always does because she can't hold anything down and gets dehydrated on top of everything else, and doctors are stupid assholes that either refuse to believe her when she says she has AIP and won't run the test (the urine test is easy, every single hospital lab can run it, it's just the blood test that takes specialists and a long time) or believes she has it but doesn't know what the proper treatment is and are too arrogant to admit that and just push meds that at best don't work and at worst actively make it worse* 🙃 so I'm glad that I can at least be at home on a couch with my cats instead of being stuck in a hospital.

Thank you for the opportunity to ramble 😊

* there's literally an online drug database for porphyria patients with these classifications

And my mom's been given a medication that's in the definitely porphyrinogenic category during an attack 🫠

[ron456]

ADHD/ Neurodiversity rant, Ig?? (TLDR at the end)

I feel like I've definitely went through some character development over the years but especially when I learned more about my ADHD.

They don't really give you that much info when you get diagnosed, I feel (I got diagnosed pretty young at like 7-8 and started taking meds when I was about 9 years old, I think).

And I started learning more about it in, like, middle school and it was wild to figure out that I wasn't alone in these experiences I was having like RSD (AND THE RSD CHEST PAIN- I WAS LIKE "OTHER PEOPLE WITH ADHD FEEL THIS TOO?!?"), Sensory issues (I get pissed if I get overstimulated and it was a relief to find out that other people feel like that too), skipping lines when I read and getting headaches while reading even though I wasn't dyslexic (Convergence insufficiency), being uncoordinated (my handwriting always going upwards instead of in a straight line, having trouble with using keys, or getting food all over myself when I ate) , problems with emotional regulation, etc.

Shout out to people on tiktok/youtube who have info on ADHD like: Connor DeWolfe, Ethan Nestor & Markiplier (not really their main content but they both do have it and occasionally talk about it. Ethan has the hyperactive type and Mark has the inattentive type), Olivia Lutfallah (her ADHD simulators are SO ACCURATE- And she has AuDHD so she has some stuff about autism too, I believe)

I remember I felt sorta daunted at first to realize I was way different than my peers than I first thought

and I had that sorta grieving process that people get when they get diagnosed later in life even though I had already been diagnosed

Like, "Damn. If only my past-self had known that. Maybe I could've shielded her from getting hurt."

But also, knowing more helped me move forward with more of a plan, I guess

Can't accommodate to yourself if you don't know what to accommodate to, right?

Anyways, I'm saying this because I think it's so important that people be taught more about Neurodiversities

Kids, parents, teachers, etc. should all be more informed because it saves a lot of confusion and pain for people in the long-run

Cuz a kid won't know that they have a different brain because that's all they've ever known. Sorta reminds me of the quote:

“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”

But yeah, if it hadn't been for my second grade teacher who noticed that I was coming home with classwork and who didn't think I was just being lazy, I don't know if I would be here, today, to be honest.

All it takes is one person to notice the signs of neurodiversity and speak up to change someone's life for the better

which is why I always try to educate my friends on this kinds of things so that they can be more helpful and understand of people with neurodiversites and of themselves if they realize they have a neurodiversity

Also, I write about this because I used to find characters like Mable Pines and Steven Universe annoying until I realized they exhibited ADHD symptoms and there was probablyyy some internalized ableism in my mind as a kid. I was able to watch the shows with these characters in them as a teenager and realize how much they characters were like me! And I loved them for it! It's really cool to see how much my knowledge and acceptance for my ADHD has grown as I've grown!

Anywayssss, that is all. I'm on my meds rn and I had some motivation so decided to talk about this hehe. I gotta get ready for some babysitting rn lmao.

TLDR; People should be educated more on the signs of Neurodiversities so that people can get the help they need sooner instead of thinking they are "Wrong", "stupid", or "broken". I bolded some cool resources for more ADHD (and some other Neurodiversity) info and a cool quote :)

[devourm0us]

rant/vent post feel free to ignore

there is something unbelievably cruel about financially abusive parents. or just like. neglectful parents.

the current situation isn't technically abusive, on its own, but its part of such a huge pattern of their bullshit... so i will start at the from-childhood issues

They refused to take me to the doctor for most of my chronic health issues. i only got diagnosed with severe arthritis, fibromyalgia, hypermobility, autism and adhd AFTER I turned 18 and took myself to all of those appointments that they discouraged me from going to. They then were UPSET that I was glad I had an answer at all. I thankfully had their insurance, but paid for the rest of the copays on my own.

They refused to let me get jobs during the school year, but forced me to purchase my own car at 15 and made me pay for my own gas to drive myself to/from school. My name is not on the title of the car. I have purchased 4-5 phones/ipod touches that they continuously took from me and destroyed. I was told to 'pick anywhere' for a birthday dinner once, picked a middle of the road sushi place, and was told 'that's too expensive' and then my dad bought a 5k kayak the next day, when we already owned one.

they lied and said that they'd help pay for me to attend SCAD if i paid for half through scholarships. i literally got MORE than half covered and they backed out of paying for it, so I had to go to a state school. Which is fine, but I COULD have gone to SCAD. The school I went to didn't have an illustration degree path, or anything similar. I had to choose between 'studio art drawing' or 'graphic design'. The skills I actually wanted to learn I didn't have a chance to, at least not through my coursework.

They left their senior, special needs cat with me and my fiance (Side note, tried to tell them we were getting married soon and they didn't even have the decency to seem excited for me) and wont help pay for anything other than her vet visits. which, sure, its some help, but her food and meds aren't included in that and are also expensive!

they own two houses in the US (each being worth about 1 million each) that they rent out to cover all of their current living expenses out of country, because they want to travel around and have fun. My dad is retired but does freelance law work and still makes crazy money from his previous position due to a severance package. my mom still works and makes like 5k a month. I JUST started making about 2400 a month and most of it will go to rent and bills.

we moved across the country for safety purposes (both trans folk, moved out of a very red state) and they didnt help at ALL. My fiance's dad, who makes the same as us, flew from out of state to drive us, paid for our hotels along the drive, and paid for some of our furniture when we moved in. Literally bought us a NICE bed. and my parents didn't lift a finger nor send us a penny.

And today, I talked to them on the phone. They have given me a 'for emergencies' card that i am 'allowed' to use. and I just talked to them on the phone because I am having car troubles and might need to use it so i can continue to work and it is a bigger amount (Like 3kish, which is a lot! so I wanted to check with them first). And they were so upset because they saw I used it to buy less than 50$ worth of food. FOOD. I got a LECTURE about putting away money for savings for things like that. WHAT MONEY. WHAT SAVINGS. if i have to use the card to buy food, what fucking money do you think I have????

and its so infuriating knowing that decent people like my fiance's family exist. because i know they could do more. i know they should WANT to do more. but I can't make them. And i don't want to be entitled, or come across that way, but its not like they have any other kids? or major monetary issues that they have to contend with? They just travel and have fun and go to parties that they love to text me about all the time while I struggle and they get mad at me whenever I mention it.

im just

ugh

im tired. and now owe them 3-4k apparently because they want me to pay them back... which is fine, i guess. i just wish they actually tried to even pretend they care.

[octopationaltherapy]

How would Vinter go about treating a brat with mental illness? Like how would he go about training somebody who experiences periods of psychosis, or even somebody who has something more common, like chronic anxiety and depression?

Hello! Thank you so much for the question, I love getting questions about my OCs :3

To answer your question: many, if not all, of the brats *do* struggle with some form of mental illness. We'll get a better look into the specifics of this as Act II continues, but Gabriel is shown struggling with anxiety and hyper vigilance in chapter 2, and Samantha describes symptoms indicative of ODD in chapter 6. Collin is also on the spectrum and previously diagnosed with ADHD, and David and Robin are often described as anxious when tension is high.

As for how he he trains them, it depends on the disorder. If it is something as serious as psychosis, he would probably hold off on training until the omega has meds figured out enough to be stable. He might refer out to St. Guineforte's first, and wait for them to be stable before allowing them a place in his school- whether that be as a boarder or a dayschooler.

For things like anxiety and depression, he might consider medication as an option (he is a licensed psychiatrist, after all), especially if the individual is amicable to medication. His focus, however, is going to be primarily on the behaviors of the individual.

In order for a student to board at Vinter's they have to have at least some behavioral issues, and he works on putting a stop to those first and foremost. They also, however, do have weekly therapy where they are encouraged to talk about emotional problems, so it isn't as though this is the only focus.

In chapter 2, we see Vinter forbid Gabriel from going to bed early, citing that avoidance will only worsen his anxiety. I think he responds similarly to most mild symptoms; a brat can't stay in bed all day, even if they are depressed. A brat has to participate in group, even if they are anxious. He might give some leeway depending on what diagnosis the brat has, as we see him be lenient with Collin, who cannot hold still during a punishment.

In group and individual therapy, he teaches ways to cope with stress. For instance, in chapter 16, it's mentioned that he found sources for Alexander on mindfulness and deep breathing. Samantha and Tom, in chapter 4, are mentioned to have journals and sketchbooks as well. It isn't written explicitly, but I think he encourages them to use these as outlets for their anxiety or impulsivity or any other distress they might feel.

Overall, I think he expects his brats to struggle with some form of mental illness. Most omegas in this world probably have at least some trauma. Admittedly, much of the program is based on my own experiences in partial-hospitilization as a teenager, so it is kind of tailored to mental illness.

I hope that this suffices as answer! Please feel free to ask any more questions you have