#I can't even imagine how much the guilt and grief ate at her for that

[arthursfuckinghat]

Say what you want about Mary, but nothing makes my heart ache for Arthur more than how fucking much they loved eachother and how much they knew it would never work.

Meeting Mary the second time, she absolutely lit up seeing that Arthur actually came to help her again. Even despite the rough circumstances with her father, they both went and had a wonderful evening at the theatre.

Mary had no idea that would be the last time she'd ever see Arthur alive again.

[skeleton-in-a-hoodie]

Been thinking about The Road to Hell Leo and Yoshi's relationship.

I think whilst their relationship is definitely loving, and Leo would walk over coals if it kept his nephew happy and safe, it's also defined by grief and regret.

Leo blames himself for his older sister's death, for how she isn't able to be there to raise her son.

And even though Yoshi is a rat mutant, Leo sees so much of Karai in Yoshi. Even with the mutation, he has his mother's eyes and some days Leo can't look at Yoshi, because it feels like Karai is watching him through her son's eyes and Leo just can't handle it.

Yoshi acts like her too - he inherited her temper, but also her loyalty. He fights like a demon for his family, and Leo sees her every time Yoshi protects his sisters. Yoshi is Karai's baby boy, even though she never got the chance to raise him.

He's been his brothers' leader since they were kids, so he also blames himself for Saki's death too, who in this au was Yoshi's twin. Leo can't imagine a life without his brothers in it, and knows that as dark as things have gotten, just having them by his side made the darkness seem a little less grim. Even when he and his brothers argued, they were always the light at the end of the tunnel, guiding Leo home.

Until June, Mayday, and later Shadow, came along, Leo couldn't help but think about how Yoshi didn't have that. He looked at his dear nephew, and saw a childhood of loneliness and isolation, of never having the companionship Leo had enjoyed so much because it wasn't like their rat mutant nephew could go to school with the other little kids.

Even after Yoshi gains his sisters, Leo thinks about his other nephew and what it must be like to come into the world with another and then be ripped away from them. He knows it affects Yoshi, because he can see how the child looks at photos of his twin.

There are many, many nights were Leo wonders if maybe he was a better leader, a better brother, then perhaps Karai and Saki might have lived and Yoshi wouldn't have lost so much before he could even walk.

When Yoshi was young, the guilt was at its worst and Leo, who's always been good with kids and was once so excited to be an uncle, couldn't bear to be near him. The little boy would look up at him with so much love and it would break Leo's heart, because why does he get to experience this and not his sister? Why does Yoshi seek him out for advice, for affection, for advice?

It ate away at Leo, even more so when he realised it was hurting Yoshi, because Yoshi would see the guilt in Leo's eyes and would think he'd done something wrong, that he'd upset sensei somehow. Yoshi always wanted to be a good nephew and student, and so when he thought he'd made a mistake, he did his best to make up for it. And Leo didn't know how to tell Yoshi that he hadn't done anything wrong, but Leo had and he was so sorry.

Leo is petrified in this au of becoming his father and hurting his nephew the way he and his brothers were, so seeing himself hurting Yoshi without meaning to makes him pull away even more, slipping further and further into the role of teacher whilst Yoshi chased his approval, because Leo wasn't like that with Mayday or June, so Yoshi must have done something wrong to make sensei act like this.

Things got better after Raph held an intervention, after which Leo and Yoshi started spending time together. It was awkward, at first, and it took a while to convince Yoshi that he hadn't done anything wrong. Though, unknown to everyone else, a seed had been planted in that boy's heart that he needed to prove himself to be worthy of uncle's affection, and what better way to prove himself than be the best ninja the world had ever seen?

As time went on, Leo and Yoshi bonded, and slowly but surely seeing his sister in Yoshi's eyes hurt less and less, because it got easier to see Yoshi as just Yoshi, and not his dead sister's surviving son.

And then the Foot clan come to New York, and everything becomes so much more complicated than it was before

[hawkeyedflame]

Okay! This is all from memory so forgive me if I've forgotten something.

Starting with Roy: while I still maintain that he's a himbo, I think he's more complicated than I initially gave him credit for. When I sent the previous essay I was fully expecting him to go from this morally gray Dirty Harry style government figure to the white knight hero who saves the day and becomes a saint, but he maintained his moral ambiguity, which i REALLY appreciate in a character. A common theme throughout the show is being haunted by your past, and Roy is no exception, while he might have justified his actions at the time with the guise of doing his duty and patriotism he always knew what he did was wrong, and this ate away at him more and more as time went on. And to find out the atrocities you committed were not justified, but in fact utterly evil? Devastating. That's why I think the confrontation with Envy is so powerful, not only did Envy start the war, but they also killed Roy's best friend, and this truly set Roy off the rails. Perhaps he thought that by destroying Envy he could somehow vindicate himself. But that's not true, if Roy lost himself down in the tunnels he would only have spiraled downwards out of control, and it took a guiding hand to bring him back from the edge.

Speaking of, Riza! When I first spoke of her I Thought she was just a cool lady with guns, now I see that she's more than just a cool lady with guns, she's another example of a broken individual just trying to do the right thing. I think she's had a hard life, I can't imagine growing up with an alchemist father was easy, especially when his subject of choice was so dangerous, but then to have said dangerous work permanently marked on her own skin and told to keep it secret is tragic. It must have taken so long to precisely tattoo on her, and longer yet for Roy to study it. She must've trusted him enough to allow him to study it, so I imagine her thinking "did I make a big mistake?" upon seeing Roy use flame alchemy during the war. Speaking of the war, Riza appeared to be very young when she was involved, which is also tragic. It's like she had her youth and Innocence ripped away by forces she couldn't control. And while Roy might have had a higher body count, Riza was a sniper which meant she had a more...intimate relationship with the atrocities she committed. This is reflected in the scene where she buried a person she killed and asked Roy to disfigure her back to rid the world of her father's burden. She felt it was her mistake. Another very powerful, defining scene. Her father's work, the war, that moment, all stuck with her for the years after. Changed her. She clearly became very close with Roy during the war and they decided that they had to stick by one another.

To touch on their relationship very briefly, I honestly don't have the words to describe how just PERFECT their relationship is tbh. Like, their relationship inspired me to alter how I portray the relationship between two of my own characters, so that should tell you how much I like them. The dynamic is just great!

anon i love you, but you understand that himbos are like.. dumb and nice, right? roy is pretty much a genius and like.. he's not very nice, despite being a good person. i concede that, at times, he absolutely radiates himbo energy, but he is NOT a himbo. i will throw hands with you on this hill.

also, yes i completely agree that i prefer he was not relegated to a boring white knight. he is much more interesting as a man seeking redemption than a man absolved of his past. the confrontation with envy is easily the most impactful moment of any piece of media i've ever engaged with, personally. the life-and-death stakes of that moment were so unconventional compared to life-and-death in other stories. in most stories, the danger of death is coming from the opponent the hero is fighting. you're on the edge of your seat because you don't know if your protag is going to dodge the attacks, find the opening to strike, and be able to finish the job. but roy has already won. he has overpowered envy with very little effort and reduced him to his weakest and most helpless state. the danger is not from his opponent here. in this moment, the greatest threat to roy's life is his own hatred. we don't want him to finish the job; it would mean his own undoing if he did. we ache for the pain that he is in, but we also know deep down that riza is right, that what he is about to do will bring him to a place where nobody, not even she, can reach him. and it hurts so badly, because what brought roy to such unbelievable hatred is the unmitigated intensity of his love. because we all love. and to see such love turn into such hate is to see a crossroads in our own souls, the choice between hatred and grief. i am certain that choosing grief is the more difficult path, and i cannot imagine the state of his heart and soul in that moment.

as for riza.. god.. she fucking kills me, man. it's not in the anime, but in the manga when she tells edward about ishval, she tells him that she was brought to the front lines when she was in her final year of the academy. so she was about 20, maybe 21, when she was taking part in a genocide. as a cadet. the unfortunate thing about it is that she didn't actually have her innocence quite ripped away without her control, not as she sees it at least. she maintains that she made the decision on her own to join the military, and she knew she would have to kill people. she says she has no right to see it as a burden. i think this is partially because of her own body count, but also because she feels responsible for every single ishvalan who died at roy's hand. i cannot imagine her feelings when she first sees roy there. in the manga, she actually saves him and hughes from an ishvalan assailant, and then hughes brings roy to meet his savior, and that's how they reunite. it is not clear whether riza was aware of roy's presence on the front lines via rumors, or if that moment where she rescued him was the first time she knew of his being there. either way, it's fucking tragic to realize that the boy you trusted because he told you of his naïve dreams for the future turned out to be using the powers you've given him to kill thousands of innocent people. even after she speaks with him, finds out he feels the same way she does about the war.. i simply cannot fathom the war inside of her over how she feels about him throughout the war. i have to wonder if him agreeing to burn her tattoo off was what convinced her that she could still trust him. and then she goes on to stay in the military, at his side, in spite of everything she went through and knowing there will be more to come. she bears this guilt by his side; even though she could have walked away, she would not have found rest in a civilian life, not after everything she did, the things she facilitated. she tells roy, in the manga when she reports to his office after graduating from the academy, that she likes guns because she doesn't have to feel her victims die. roy tells her this is nothing more than self deception, and she tells him she knows, and that she will continue to deceive herself for his sake, so that he can reach his goals.

and their relationship....god. i could cry. i have never loved a fictional relationship with anywhere even approaching the intensity of my love for royai. it's just so... fucking good ksjdfhgjksdhfksud like... god. the tenderness, the trust.. the fact that they literally have already been through hell and would go there again for one another willingly. the absolute dedication. the fact that they know each other so well, when riza hesitates for only a fraction of a moment, roy knows immediately that something is terribly wrong. all the little looks they give each other. god. just. GOD. damn it. i love their love so much.

[nolanhollogay]

so, in the edtwu (extended danadia teen wolf universe) what’s the effect of stiles dying on scott? did they drift apart before it happened?

oh god ur coming for my THROAT

ok so I don't really think they would drift apart 1) bcuz i feel like even if i hate him stiles is very important to scott and 2) there's no way in hell stiles would let scott stop being his friend (whether that be out of genuine love and friendship or his inability to grow as a person/character is up to you)

but stiles' death (in my verse obvi) is very hard on scott, maybe even more so than allisons canon death. but it is also necessary

1) bcuz if stiles can't grow as a character (and I cannot think of anyway that the og teen wolf writers/narrative would allow him to) then he needs to be gone

i know that sounds like.. harsh but like if you're going to keep a character stagnant when everyone else is changing then he needs to leave! get out! goodbye!

2) it allows for more of an emotional impact for scott, which in turn will also help him grow

yes allisons death was very sad and Awful

but the signs were leading to stiles dying in the earlier parts of the whole arc, so they should've went there and it would've been deeply, DEEPLY incredibly painful for scott bcuz it was so close to home

we saw how much guilt over allisons death ate at him for the course of the show so imagine how much worse it would've been if it was stiles instead of her

and in turn he will use that pain and that grief to become better and stronger and he will use it to save as many more ppl as he can bcuz he wouldn't want anyone else to feel the loss he felt

[carmillasboywife]

Like okay, if we changed just one detail about chiyoh's story she would have so much more character. Hear me out.

As far as is explicitly stated in the show (which is not much and everyone is a liar in this show so who knows but) chiyoh arrived after mischa died and only met hannibal. She prevented him from killing the prisoner, they spent time together and bonded, before he left her with the prisoner and went to Florence. So why's chiyoh a prisoner who holds a prisoner? Because it went against her belief to kill this guy who ate a child and instead it was best to torture him and herself? Why does Chiyoh feel so indebted to Hannibal and to Mischa especially?

But now imagine this: Chiyoh did meet Mischa and Hannibal before everything, but she returns to Japan for a bit, and when she returns Mischa's dead. Now we have that sibling connection between the three and guilt on Chiyoh's part for not being there to protect Mischa. Maybe she does want to torture this prisoner instead of giving him a quick death and her imprisonment is an atonement.

The Castle Lecter setting is a monument to Mischa. We see her grave, we see her handprint, Chiyoh is there because of her really. It might be one of my favorite settings in the whole show in that it's really layered in grief and guilt for Chiyoh and Hannibal (he can't even go back). I don't mind how vague they are on the details of what happened to Mischa and I don't mind the tweaks to the book version because it gave us Chiyoh who I love, but the sparse details they do give us contradict Hannibal's character and flattens Chiyoh imo. It would just take one sentence change in the dialogue, one.

The conflict of wanting this zine to be as near to a canon compliant character exploration as possible versus wanting to tweak one detail mentioned on the show to make it make so much more sense