#I can't believe I have to censor words for Tumblr not to hide this from my own blog...

[jittyjames]

so kinda want to talk about something that happened in the past few days and an ongoing issue within the ham community atm. i know y'all have seen all of the stuff going around, people hiding behind anonymity to tear each other down, name dropping accounts to get them harassed etc.. the blog was fun at first, and i even enjoyed putting in harmless opinions on women's representation and aaron burr being my favorite character, but it quickly devolved into something concerning. but hey! you can't censor people by deleting or ignoring posts on a confession blog right? that would defeat the purpose. so of course all of this discord will be allowed.

except the moderator had no problem taking down my anonymous post that called out the undermining of harmful slurs being used by the community.

i blurred the person's name i was referring to because although it was all over the confessions blog and they have no problem with airing this minor's name after she's already gotten death threats, i don't want to spread it outside of there for people not involved. so here's the following conversation that took place.

(context for anyone who's had the great fortune of not running into this blog: someone had said a homophobic slur in a derogatory way and there was a question if they could reclaim it or not.) (rebuttal is also not the right word, but my mind was racin and that's what we got. i meant response.)

at first, i thought there was a misunderstanding. that someone had asked them to take something down and they mistook my post for it since they made a post saying they did in fact take down a post by someone's request. but i had a feeling it was something more. clearly, the moderator values someone who doesn't want people speaking out about an issue of homophobia being down played's opinion over an actual member of the lgbtq+ community. it's 2024 and we're still having to have the conversation about if slurs are bad or not, and it's frankly exhausting.

i might have adjusted my original post a bit more in the actual tumblr inbox, but this was the gist of what it said bc i always write down what i want to say first outside of the app (social anxiety says hi 🤪). as you can see it lines up with the conversation at hand— the conversation that was allowed and was still up, i might add— and i was polite about everything— unlike the actual hate mongering on the account. i really don't know where this attitude came from or why my specific post about queerness was targeted out of so many, but as you can see, they did so clear as day. to my knowledge, no other post has been taken down despite there being multiple continued conversations that are vague enough to not specifically be about fandom (like the morality of long distance incest, arguing over which hamilton artist they don't like, and people complaining about the drama going on across the blog.) those were allowed to be up, and i believe they should be if those are the conversations that people want to have about the fandom space. so why the detestation in these responses? it's not even veiled disdain. you would think i was the one bullying random minors just because i didn't like their art style or the one sending death threats. when a marginalized person expresses concern over something happening under your watch, why is the first line of action to be hateful and flippant while making excuses that don't even make sense and referring to rules that aren't even followed. despite all of this, it's my opinion it didn't even break said rules. the conversation at hand was about slur usage in the fandom. why did the posts claiming people were basically dumb for finding an issue with it stay, and mine get deleted?

why has the biggest crime on that blog—by the moderator's standards, the post so horrible they had to step in and delete and tell the person to leave the page—a gentle reminder that some people find the use of homophobic slurs a disrespectful practice when the word is in the wrong mouth. even if someone disagreed with my post, which is their right, why was it erased completely?

but that blog was taken down. and we thought it was over. but strangely enough last night, my anon box was filled with so many hate comments i had to turn off anon, and i have no plans of turning them back on. and it appears the blog was remade with rules but only one specific rule.

now here’s the issue. whore can’t really be compared to homophobic slurs or racial slurs due to the way it’s evolved in culture. and let’s say whore is a slur. let’s go with that. just because you listen to music or consume content that has people reclaiming slurs, it does not give you the right to reclaim them and say them for yourself. that is ignorance. you can't silence a community by saying they can't take issue over SLURS with this excuse used over and over again when it's not even an appropriate once. something that will always stand is people should not be saying slurs they can't reclaim.

you all can keep playing around with that blog if you want. just remember while you're arguing and cursing each other over fictional queer ships, actual queer issues are being censored by the person hosting y'all for no apparent reason other than some unnamed person asking for it's removal and the moderator's apparent disdain for queer people asking people not to use harmful slurs. which makes no sense to anyone if you think about it for more than two seconds.

i'm just a blip in this fandom, and there's so many of you i haven't gotten the fortune of talking to, but you need to sit down and ask why you guys are doing this to yourselves in the first place. why are you continuously feeding in to a bullying platform when you know how it's effecting people? when you know the moderator's intentions have been made clear in just want hatred bred throughout the fandom? why are we so dead set on being mean to each other? maybe you think i'm trying to stir up trouble or be self-important by butting my nose into people's business, and that's your right to think that. but this account has split the fandom in two and made it's fun diminish for everyone involved. you can say that every fandom is like this, but i've been in the fandom since the beginning and active on this account for almost three years and i've never seen anything like this. if you want to see change and for the fandom to go back to normal, stop torturing yourselves and calling it entertainment. the drama was silly and fun in the beginning, but now with specific attacks on minors and disparaging an entire community by telling us to take our "queer concern" elsewhere and saying we can't speak out against people using slurs, it's gotten worrying.

obviously, i'm not going to tell anyone what to do or fault them if they continue to play the intoxicating game of ganging up on someone because they don't know who you are and you know you won't face any repercussions. but just realize it could be you or a close friend being endlessly harassed and silenced. i used to think there was no place in this community for things like this, but there's always something that weasels it's way in.

it's basic and you've heard it from every single adult in your life, but think before you post. think about what the intentions are. think about why you find all of this fun. think about why this person behaves the way they do.

[greenerteacups]

have a few questions for u! i loved your latest chapter, i believe it’s my favourite one to date together with the yule ball special :)

01. since u’re writing a (very intense) re-write of book 1 to 7 canon, how happy/sad were you about draco’s arc in the books and films? it always bugged me that him and the slytherins didn’t get to shine that much in both aspects, and that’s why we never really got to appreciate them a lot when the books and films came out. would love to hear your take on this!

02. not sure if this has been asked before, but what thing/s inspired you to write lionheart? i recall reading it was because of your love for to all the young dudes, but i’d love to hear you talk about this more

03. if j* r****** weren’t as awful a person as she was (and so terribly closed minded too) do you think there would have been a way for draco and hermione to be together in canon, or at least be some level of friends, if not together romantically?

04. i’m a narcissa black-malfoy apologist and stan, and can i just say, THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for writing her in such a beautiful and heartbreaking way. i cannot wait to see how you write her arc in books 5-7.

05. an absolute, absolute shot in the dark - but since friday’s last update was sort of a cliff hanger - would you be open to a double update or an earlier than usual update this week? we aren’t entitled to anything but i swear to you, i was biting my nails and at the edge of my seat fr the minute i ran to the friday update. draco and sirius’s conversation was too real and too beautiful i sobbed so much.

i love you!!! may the universe bless you with all the good karma (is my boyfriend, is a god, is the breeze in my hair on the weekend)!!!

hello! thank you for all the questions, wow!! will probably answer some in separate posts because tumblr usually censors my craft glitches out when i write long asks BUT

how happy/sad were you about draco’s arc in the books and films?

[looks at 400,000 words of AU fic about draco's arc] oh yeah i feel normal and care a regular amount about it

Man, it makes me sad. It makes me sad that almost all the Death Eaters are also children of Death Eaters, establishing this as a familial cycle of violence and hatred, and that's just... left to sit there in the narrative, implicating.

Draco’s arc in particular is a flat downward descent from schoolyard bully into a fascist death cult, and it’s bleak as fuck. like, if these books are written from Draco’s POV, it is some gruesome and deeply cynical stuff, guaranteed. which is a shame, because I think “reluctant and begrudging reformed villain” is an amazing character type that he could have fulfilled perfectly. doesn’t even have to go on tour with the Golden Trio, either; because I lost hope for Redemption Arc after the end of book 6, my ideal world going into book 7 was just having Draco stuck in Grimmauld Place, being bitchy and ill-tempered about the Order’s witness-protection equivalent, while the others treat him like a house-elf. “oh, yeah, that’s Draco, he used to bully us but now he has to ask us to buy the tea he likes at the grocer’s,” etc. I mean, full redemption would have been great, and by far the most rewarding for him/me personally as a reader, but I kind of figured by the end of HBP that it wasn’t in the cards. JKR writes characters in a particular way when she’s interested in them as people, and Draco was just never written with that level of attention or care. 

he’s not even given a particularly rewarding antagonist arc. he doesn’t follow through and kill Dumbledore, thus giving him something irrevocable and life-scarring to repent for; but neither does he join the Order (e.g., Disappearance), meaning his ultimate contribution to the war effort is just this listless, choiceless trend of enabling. he’s forced into the plot with the Vanishing Cabinet, but can't kill Dumbledore; he tries to hide Harry’s identity from Bellatrix in Book 7, but it doesn’t work; he tries to catch Harry in the Room of Requirement and fails, then has to be saved by Harry from fiendfyre his own incompetent sidekick conjured. cringe failson. it’s also hilarious put in contrast with this fanon we have of hypercompetent draco — it’s like we all saw him and were like god bless can we please get this man a skillset. jesus christ he is getting killed out here.

but anyway tbh I think the most character development we see from him in all 7 novels is when Hermione slaps the shit out of him in POA (call that spell of Shutting the Fuck Up the way he doesn't even try to retaliate). The bathroom scene in book 6 is huge, because it’s the first time we get a modicum of sympathy for him, but that’s not followed up on — we just sort of leave him with “yeah, that’s tough.” we don’t even know why the Malfoys go back to Voldemort, because by all accounts, they seem miserable. Lucius seems miserable even before he hits his Flop Era in book 6-7, but he’s also broadly miserable all the time when we see him (likely bc we only see him when he’s plotting/scheming/exploding in rage when Harry manages to yet again Scooby Doo one of his plots, but who knows). I think the seventh book subtly implies the Malfoys are so close with Voldemort because of Bellatrix, and [spoilers incoming] I myself lean heavily on that thread in later sequences in Lionheart, but in the books it’s up to the reader as to how much the Malfoys really believe in the Dark Lord versus just comply with his orders from fear.

[embraceyourfandom]

I don't know about you guys, but to me learning languages is filled with small joys of discovery every day. And the more languages one knows, the better it gets, because there are more associations to have.

Simply learning Thai writing system I had so much fun. I'm not going to bore you with all that is going on in my messily wired brain, but here are some things I feel like sharing.

Thai consonants have been named for the sake on mnemonics, just like in English "A is for apple, B is for ball..." Especially important this is because there are several consonants that produce the same sound (Why there are so many then? Because they behave differently when producing the tone of the syllable).

Examples of the letters that I LOVE

ฮ like นกฮูก nók-hûuk /nok̚˦˥.huːk̚˥˩/.

นกฮูก means owl, literally name is bird hoot. Hoot bird? Like, how cute! Onomatopoetic names are of course very natural for animals (cuckoo, crow... BTW crow in Thai is กา /kaː˧/). This one I love, because I find owls sooo cute and interesting and because in Finland our biggest owl (eurasian eagle owl) is called huuhkaja /ˈhuːhkɑjɑ/ (I guess one could translate it as "a hooter", LOL).

ง like งู ngu /ŋuː˧/

งู means snake. I would have been so excited as a kid to have letters look like their namesakes, wouldn't you? And yes, งู totally can be used to mean the "snake" that lives in the man's trousers. From what I've learned, every language makes this connotation: If it has even vaguely phallic shape, rest assured, it will be used to refer to pеnises with. Humans are humans everywhere and it's delightful.

Continuing under the navel, if a man asks you in Thai if you'd be interested in meeting his "small elephant" (ช้าง��้อย chang noy /t͡ɕʰaːŋ˦˥˩˩˦.nɔːj˦˥/), well... he is unlikely to talk about a pachyderm. :) Elephant, ช้าง chang /t͡ɕʰaːŋ˦˥/ is also used in slang as an adjective meaning great/ very big in size or importance. And it also is the name of the letter ช.

ค like ควาย  khwai /kʰwaːj˧/

ควาย means (water)buffalo. I love profanities and insults (my sense of humour stopped developing when I hit five, okay?) so of course I get caught in them. You see, a common way of calling person stupid in Thai is telling that they are ควาย. Note that while many Thai insults can seem very tame or even kinda funny directly translated, they do carry weight and should absolutely not be used lightly. In your head, add to everything "fuсking" as in ควาย="fuсking idiot" and you are much closer to the true feel of the insult, okay? This insult is used in Kinnporche at least by Porsche and Pete (both actually direct it to Vegas).

ข like ไข่ khài /kʰaj˨˩/

ไข่ means egg. Because in Finnish, egg (muna /ˈmunɑ/) mean cосk and eggs (munat) means balls, and well, these round objects again have very universal connotations (huevos, die Eier, яйца) I had to check. Obviously.

To my great joy, ไข่ in Thai has both slang meanings it has in Finnish, so one can refer both to balls and to соck with this word. In Kinnporsche, Kinn, the horny fuсker[affectionate], jumps to the opportunity to use it to refer to his соck (subtitled "thing", which works in English, that sadly doesn't know the geni(t)al depths of the eggs), when Tay judges his egg dish.

I love this dork so much.

Well, that's it for now. Hope you enjoyed my tiny silly musings.

[yourfriendlymrpoliceman]

I hope whoever is reading this post is doing well. It is a Friday night here while I type this as if I had nothing to do with my life. I don't truly have a goal with this. They're just random words related to copinglinking, so don't be surprised if I just get nowhere with it.

I'm not sure if this tumblr account will get any kinds of problems since I quite literary thought it was a good idea to put the name of my current linktype for everyone to see. I hope nothing bad happens. It is something I have made without thinking much. I was stressed with life and some depression signs. Doing something without caring so much about the consequences of my actions did bring some relief.

The fact is that I do want to talk about what using link to cope is like, but the lack of interest is something that does make it feel useless. As if that was something that nobody else did (which I know to not be true) or that people would find it strange (I'm probably right about this part).

The main reason I haven't done anything more than my two first posts was mostly that talking about copinglinking without censoring the bad stuff is... Exhausting. It takes a lot of energy to talk about pain openly and I have no idea about whether it is possible for me to have these conversations without that.

Maybe this is why it took me so long to be okay doing so. Not everyone is fine being this open about unpleasant events in their lives. I had to hide some things that I could tell to be too heavy for a public post and only left the parts that I believed people would understand there.

You can probably tell I avoid using words such as "trauma" and "depression". That is intentional and not a denial of the kinds of pains I exposed there. It is just that while talking about my experiences I don't want to waste my energy trying to prove that I was traumatized without being a war veteran nor trying to get a psychiatrist to diagnose me with a mental illness just to show that I am, indeed, with one (or more). My goal is simple. It is to share my experiences with copinglinking and I can't do that without the nasty stuff.

Right now I feel very tired, but too awake to sleep. I also feel sick despite not being ill. Emotionally I feel nothing. Not good, not bad. Just the apathy. I plan on checking this out with the docs to make sure that's not some kind of hormonal problem and check if there is any treatment available. I'm also making sure it's not just a psychological thing. Stress can screw up with a person's mind and body in impressive ways.

Okay, so... Why am I Keiji Shinogi now? Well, I had the idea to play Your Turn to Die once I got to see some of his sprites. He looked like a cold-hearted person with bad intentions (you know the word I actually wanted to use to describe him) and I liked it. I checked the game out and I don't regret my decision one bit.

I had this feeling towards him that I always do with characters that I can choose to be my linktypes, so I attempted to leave it alone. Then, well, my mind is so apathetic right now that I'm not fearing the consequences of that. My literal only fear is if this account will get unwanted kinds of attention. Aside from that, I'm fine with my feelings towards him and I'm okay being open about this linktype within appropriate spaces.

I don't even know why I chose him. I just know that I was feeling just so bad and so stressed that I needed to calm down somehow. I remembered YTTD was a thing and that Keiji existed, then it happened. It doesn't seem to affect me much aside from me fooling myself into thinking I am calm and have everything under control when I probably do not.

I didn't stop to question if this is unhealthy. I wasn't thinking when I did that. I just wish I could get some good sleep, but no matter what I do, the tiredness doesn't go away (which is another reason for me to decide to look for a doctor).

I have this weird feeling that death has been lurking around again recently. The sensation is not as scary and probably not even as dangerous as it might sound. It is an old companion at this point and it's also more of a feeling than a being itself. I don't have a name for the feeling of "death is around" though. Seems quite fitting with every linktype I ever had (or could have had).

This is probably enough for today. I don't know how tumblr works.

[rhaenyra-first-of-her-name]

Your anons calling female characters you hate bitches and fish p*ssy? you think you should be taken seriously? you’re a vile misogynist.

Oh I am so scared. A cowardly stranger on the internet is calling me a misogynist. What will I do now. Poor dear old me.

What makes you think I give a singular fuck about what you say, anon? Especially about someone who don't have the guts to show me their face before insulting me.

Can't you come up with anything new, anon? Everyone knows you lot call anyone who disagrees with you as misogynist. You overestimate the weight of your words.

Calling a woc misogynist while hiding your own face? What's next, calling me racist bcoz I don't agree with your headcanons for the Martells? Well that has already happened anyway. So scary, for sure.

But since you have wasted my time anyway, might as well address what made you mad enough to do such cowardly acts.

Fish where????? The fish is so insignificant, I don't even mention it. What are you, a Tully stan? I know exaggeration is a habit of yours but I would only believe that with receipts. Come back with receipts tomorrow.

Just for the record, I never liked the sound of the p word. That's why I don't use it. I got better insults to use.

I had to went back check for it and it was the last anon. I didn't even noticed bcoz my brain supplied the next word as ass. So well, yeah, at least one of your claim is true, congrats.

Anon did said bitch. Who do you think I am, their mother? To police their language. Who do you think we're? A bunch of 12 year olds that can't swear? Reprimand people for using the b word?

What am I supposed to do then? Control what my anons said somehow? You won't be here if that were true anon. Censor it for your comfort? Do you have any other orders for me? Tell me how better to cater my blog to your weird purity standards.

Fuck off with that purity bullshit. Language is just an acceptable thing for you to complain about. I don't believe you care even for a second.

Apparently it's feminism for you to support every woman, how benevolently sexist of you.

So don't presume to lecture me about sexism in a language. I don't need one from someone who counts bullshitting on the Tumblr as activism.

I call people bitch. Deal with it. Wth are you gonna do about it anyway? Who tf do you think you are, my mother?

It's also rich coming from you bcoz Dany has been called literally every name under the sun. Some feminists. Did one word hurt your feelings? Poor anon.

Of course not, anon. Why would I want to be taken seriously by a bunch of idiots. All I want is for you to fuck off, especially of my blog. Shoo.