#I can't believe I am publishing this for our school paper

[friedriceandmalice]

Two Sides of a War

Your saintly hoax could only go so far

We are two sides of a fight; who's at fault?

We both have equally sinned in this war

We were partners once, bonds bright as a star

Now, face the masses and your loyal cult

Your saintly hoax could only go so far

The axe you slash me has left a deep scar

Years of isolation are the result

We both have equally sinned in this war

Your brutal heart bleeds black like rust and tar

How many creatures' lives you put on halt?

Your saintly hoax could only go so far

Forgiveness between us is a high bar

Seeing your face is like diving in salt

We both have equally sinned in this war

Will we ever find balance in these hours?

We are two sides of the fall; you're at fault

Your saintly hoax could only go so far

We both have equally sinned in this war

[a-very-tired-jew]

Conversations with a younger colleague about I/P conflict

In my department there is a grad student who is friendly with myself and a few others of the openly nerdy ecologists. We actively talk about anime, video games, TTRPGs, etc... We've also all collaborated on research together because we generally study the same thing, and being a grad student we are also letting them helm their own research to carve their own path. The research topic that links all of us is decomposition ecology.

Meaning, we study death, how it effects the environment, and all the things having to do with it. Often we have our own terms that we define and use, but we also work within the framework of various medical and legal definitions nationally and internationally. Recently this student has been talking to me about the I/P conflict because it has dominated their social media feed. Like many young adults, this is their first I/P conflict and their first exposure to anything regarding that region. As such, they have come to me to talk about things knowing that I am Jewish. Not out of maliciousness, but because I am the only person they talk to that has any sort of connection to it. Over these past months they have repeated the "genocide/Holocaust" rhetoric that we have seen Western Activists use to make the conflict the Worst Thing Ever. Our conversation went as follows: GS: I can't believe they're committing a Holocaust on them after what they went through. Me: How is it a Holocaust? GS: They're committing a genocide against the Palestinians. Me: They're not doing either one, but let's touch upon the first thing you said. How? GS: They're killing them in large numbers! Me: Oh...oh...that's not what made the Holocaust the Holocaust, you know that right? It was years of systematic dehumanization that culminated in what we know. There were death camps, torture, experimentation, and so much more than simple "killing in large numbers". GS: Damn public school education... Me: You didn't really go over it too much did you? GS: WWII was, like, a week I want to say. Me: *sigh* yeah, not surprised at all. GS: Okay, so a genocide then? Me: GS, what do we study? GS: Decomp Me: and that involves? GS: Death Me: One avenue of which is mass casualty events which a number of our friends have published on. GS: Yeah! I read those papers, they were really good. Me: They were, but do you remember conversations we had about them and what differentiates mass casualty events from one another? GS: Cause? Me: And...? GS: Shit. Intent. Me: Exactly. Has their been an official stated intent to commit any genocide? I mean, you've got the bigots in the government like Ben Givir and the shit they say, I'll give you that. But has the official stance been genocidal? GS: No. I don't think so. Me: What has it been? GS: To get the hostages back and get rid of Hamas. Me: Uh huh, and what has been Hamas's stated intent? GS: To kill Zionists. Me: And before 2017 when they changed the wording in their charter? GS: ah fuck...it's Jews isn't it? Me: Ding ding ding. GS: So that's why no one in the group has said it's a genocide... Me: Correct. Humanitarian crisis brought about by war? Yes. Mass casualty event? Certainly. But genocide? Well, there's a reason no one in our circle has endorsed the term. And remember, we're considered experts on death. GS: I got puppeted didn't I? Me: Yep. GS: Shit. The only reason this went so well is due to our friendship and mentor/mentee dynamic. They already trust me to not lead them astray, be informed, and address the holes in their knowledge. Hell, they help me be a better scientist as well with how they bring in new and novel techniques that I didn't know. But they're still getting a lot of their info from TikTok and IG, and they've talked about a lot of BS from those two particular apps these past few years. This is just the latest (they had a TikTok induced anti-GMO trend for a while, it was bad).

[winterspiderpurrs]

Clicking onto the link to go over the conference itinerary for trip out to San Francisco, Stephen took a sip of his hot tea. After scrolling through the presenters he pauses, and scrolls back up at a name he thought he recognized. Selecting the bio of the presenter confirms it for him. His old roommate was presenting.

Peter Parker. Actually Doctor Peter Parker with degrees is Biochemistry, Biophysics, Chemical Engineering.

Huh.

Its been years since they have seen each other. Stephen was in his 3rd year of his fellowship specializing his field when his roommate at the time moved across the country to finish up with a program out there. They subleased their part of the rent. Enter Sophomore Peter Parker.

Peter was only his roommate for the 2nd half of the school year, til the lease was up in June. By then, Stephen got his own penthouse. But for those 6 months, he has gotten close to Peter. Who was sassy, funny, shy at times, and overall kind.

They, of course butted heads the first month, but then they got along. Became friends even, despite the age gap between them, with Stephen being 12 years older. Stephen also thinks about the almost kiss they had one night. And the outings that now looking back felt more like dates.

He still recalls the disappointed look at Peter's face when he said he wasn't going to renew the lease. He got his own place, and he had a job offer to work at Metro General Hospital. They kept in touch off and on for the 1st year after that, but then, like everything else, life got busy.

Pulling his cell phone out, he scrolls through the contacts and sees Peter's name. Should he? They would just be old friends catching up. Far as he knows Peter is probably in a relationship. So, he sends a text to his phone, asking if this is still his number and if so, to let him know.

He received 4 quick texts back, shaking his head. Very much a Peter response. He lets him know that he will be at the conference as well, and if he had time, would he like to have coffee at some point or dinner. He was flying in on Saturday, and the conference didn't start til Monday.

A week later arrives and before he knows it, him and Peter had a coffee together at the hotel that the conference is being hosted at. Peter managers to wrangle him into some sight seeing. They ended up doing two days worth of sight seeing, having dinner together, laughing, having a good time like it hadn't been years since they last hung out.

Monday morning, Stephen was getting ready for the day, room service was on the way with his breakfast when he gets a phone call from Peter.

" Stephen! Your awake! I'm glad I didn't wake you. I am so so sorry about this."

Blinking, Stephen looked at the phone before holding it back up to his ear.

" What are you talking about?"

Someone knocked on the door, the muffled ' Room Service' was heard, Stephen opened the door, allowing them to roll in the cart before slipping them a tip.

" Oh no.. you haven't seen it yet. I... Well.. I guess its better to hear from me. "

" Hear what from you? I'm confused with what's going on. And you know I don't like being confused. Spit it out."

" We were photographed out together and its such a huge invasion of privacy, I can't believe I didn't think about how it would look. I am so so sorry for dragging you into this."

" We were photographed? Why would someone do that and even publish it? I know I'm big in medical circles, I assume you are too in your area but..."

Stephen was opening the newspaper he ordered and right there on the front, were two photos of him and Peter.

The large headline read as "Tony Stark's Ex finally moves on with New man"

"Stephen?"

" You dated Tony Stark?"

" Oh god, you saw the paper? I mean... Yes? Kinda? Look it was... a bit ago. We went our separate ways romantically at least. But... Look I love Tony, I do. But we haven't been together in two years now almost three. He is a great man, and one I consider a friend. Its just... Tony is protective of those he considers his."

"So he is an egotistical asshole who doesn't want you seeing anyone else?"

"No! But " he can hear Peter sigh on the other side of the line.

" Tony is much more then what the media says, and while it didn't work out between us, Tony still wants to look at for me and ANYONE really that he includes in his circle. Imagine Christine in this situation"

And Stephen could understand that, he loves Christine and probably always will. He would definitely defend her always.

There was another knock on the door, thinking maybe room service forgot something he opened the door and then just stares at the person on the other side of the door as Peter continues to talk.

" Either way, I'm sorry about the photos. I'll get in touch with my lawyers and maybe even Tony's since they brought his name up to see what they can do. Damage is kinda done though, and I apologize about that."

"And in your wording of Stark being over protective. He isn't prone to violence is he?"

"What? NO! I mean... He did punch a guy one time while we were out cause they called me a gold digger but no? Why? Did you already get a threatening text from him?!"

"No, he is at my door right now"

" TONY! oh my god just uh lemme finish getting dressed and I will be at your room as soon as possible."

Stephen hangs up the phone, tossing it onto the bed behind him before crossing his arms.

There, in the open doorway, was Tony Stark, cleaning his sunglasses as if he hadn't a care in the world.

[kimkaelyn]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love ❤

Shout out to the amazing @andypantsx3 for the tag! Sending lots of love and happiness your way!

Hmmm, so this is difficult. In my opinion, I haven't published many worth mentioning fics but if I had to choose any, they would be these. 5.) This is for all of the stories that I started to write, but never finished; and all of the stories that were ideas in my head that never got to be played out. I love you and do think about your worlds and stories.

4.) Can I Sing At Your Wedding | Kim Namjoon

I don't have a reason for why I am including this. I just find it hilarious and a big mess that makes me smile every time I read it.

3.) Ditto | Shouto Todoroki

when you transferred to U.A., you didn't anticipate slipping on a pair of chopsticks in the middle of the crowded cafeteria during your first week. however, what took you by surprise was the unexpected fall for the boy who gracefully caught you.

This isn't released yet, but I am having so much fun writing it!!!!!! I'm looking forward to sharing this with you all!

2.) Marinette Claire | Miraculous Ladybug

She made a promise to him. But something happened and she disappeared. What would happen three years later when she returns with secrets you never could imagine?

Soooooo, this is the first fic that I actually ever wrote. I never finished it (at least on paper), but it is special to me. I wrote this all the way back in 2016 when I was twelve or thirteen. At the time, I was trying to navigate my feelings and grief over a classmate's death. And those emotions that I was feeling is reflected in this story. This story is about a boy trying to navigate the death of his best friend and try to figure out how to move on with life.

Basically, I was writing about myself, but speaking through the character of Adrien Agreste (T_T omg i can't believe I just typed that out). This story was my coping mechanism, and it was a light when I was surrounded by so much darkness.

1.) Lost at Sea | Marvel

"Cap! We found her!"

After I woke up, I met this gorgeous woman. Eventually, we got married and had a daughter. We were very happy. I never allowed my work as Captain America to come in between my family and I. Until a sudden mission forced me to leave our family vacation in Italy and catch the next flight to D.C. My wife and daughter were supposed to fly back two days later, but they never made it home...

"Where's my daughter?"

"All we know is that she's not with her mother."

Now I know you guys' are probably racking your memories trying to see if you have read this story before, and the answer to that is probably not. Lost at Sea is the first multiple-chaptered fic that I finished. I wrote it all the way back in 2017-2018 while I was in middle school. This story is my baby, and my OC Mariana... I don't know what to say about her only that she holds a special place in my heart. (Seriously if I have a daughter I am going to name her Mariana.) Maybe because she is the type of person that I wish I was, but regardless, she is my everything.

I wrote Lost at Sea during a very difficult time in my life. I haven't talked about this here on tumblr before, but middle school was hell for me. I was severely bullied over my online presence and I am ashamed to say that they made my old childhood persona die, and they are the reason that I use a pseudonym now. At that time, while being bullied, I was trying to figure out who I was and find a place where I belonged. I, like so many writers and artisans, turned to art as a way to cope and navigate my emotions and changing world. The result of that is Lost at Sea. I poured my everything into that book, and I am so so so proud of it. I have come a long way since it was completed, and I promise one day I will go back and give it the revision it so desperately deserves.

Thank you again Andie for the tag!

no pressure tags: @yoonia @floatingpetals @missrosegold @thecowboykatsuki-anon @vampyrsm @ghostgirl19posts @kpopfanfictrash @jamaisjoons @jeonstudios @riverofmemoriesft

(I apologize if you are already tagged, but please do @ me in your post so I can read about your favorite fics!!)

[unhingedwomandiaries]

Another fucking day, another entry in this diary that's about as useful as a chocolate chainsaw. Don't even know why I bother anymore - not like anyone's going to discover this and publish it as some profound memoir. Though wouldn't that be a laugh? "The Secret Thoughts of a Godmother Gone Mental."

List of Things That Make Me Question Reality:

- My godson getting married at the courthouse like he's picking up milk from Tesco.

- The fact I found out after the fact like some distant relative.

- Me turning into my mother, clutching my pearls about "tradition."

The little shit went and got hitched without so much as a text message. No big white wedding, no drunk uncle doing the Macarena, no bitter fights about the seating chart - just signed some papers and called it a day. Modern romance at its finest. Part of me wants to be proper outraged about it, all "back in my day" and whatnot. But fuck me, who am I kidding? These kids are probably smarter than we ever were.

Though I can't help wondering if we're losing something here. All those traditions our parents banged on about - the ceremony, the ritual, the weird superstitions about not seeing each other before the big day. Are we tossing out centuries of cultural meaning along with the overpriced cake and painful speeches?

Not that my godson gives two shits what his increasingly ancient godmother thinks. He's young and in love and probably thinks I'm some dinosaur stuck in the past. Fair enough. I remember being his age, thinking anyone over 30 was practically fossilized.

Poor sods didn't have much choice though, did they? Try getting married young these days and everyone looks at you like you've announced you're joining a cult. Not like the 70s when my parents could get hitched straight out of school and no one batted an eye. Now you need a PhD, a house deposit, and three character references just to think about marriage.

But they seem happy enough, I suppose. That's what matters, right? Not the fancy party or the overpriced dress or Great Aunt Mabel's disapproval. Just two people deciding they want to navigate this shitshow of a world together.

God knows marriage is hard enough without the whole world watching and waiting for you to fuck it up. Maybe they've got the right idea, keeping it quiet. Private. Just them against the world.

Christ, listen to me getting all philosophical about it. Next thing you know I'll be writing Hallmark cards and believing in true love.

Right, enough of this sentimental bollocks. Congratulations to the happy couple and all that jazz. May they have good luck.

Note to self: Add "accepting that I'm turning into a proper old fart" to my list of Things To Do Before I Die.

[queen-of-bel]

man maybe 2020 doesn’t suck after all :’)

[pens-swords-stuff]

Hey there Undine!!! :D I'm currently in the middle of finals (definitely shouldn't be finishing my anthropology paper right now), but somehow I managed to only have tests on thursday and friday so it's been mostly a waiting game.

How have you been, though? Have you been writing anything at all, or has it been more of a focus on the fun thing that is college? :P

Also you better have been getting that good good sleep between your papers!!! Sleep is important!

Hey Morgane!!

Oof good luck on finals. I believe in you, I know that you can get through this!!! I always hated having the exams on the last few days of finals week. It was always stressful to have to wait (and pack to go home) while also definitely not studying.

I've actually been getting a ton of writing done! The ridiculously long WIP that I've been writing with my writing partner reached 750k words recently (no don't worry its not going to get published ever, we're not that crazy), and we also started a new one!

The new WIP is essentially a sequel to an old favorite that never quite manages to get off the ground. We're writing 10 years post-original concept, and it's been a really nice mix of revisiting an old, cherished setting while doing something completely new!!

You'd think that juggling 2 projects at once would make our word count go down for one project but nope. It actually increased, and we've been averaging 5k a day.

During finals, of course 😜

I'm done with all my papers now and I feel pretty good about them so! Super excited to be able to guilt-freely work on those two projects. And who knows? Maybe I'll even get back to my solo projects to have more to talk about on my blog.

For the first time since I was like... 14, I'm actually having a fantastic sleeping pattern! I go to bed at like 10PM, aim to go to sleep by 11PM. Even if I stay up suuuuper late, I'm still generally asleep by 12AM. On the really late nights by 1AM, which rarely happens at this point And even then it's a huge accomplishment because I uses to stay up till 2 or 3.

Am I a boring adult with a boring sleeping schedule now? Yes. Have I been getting sleep though?? ALSO YES

Can't wait to destroy all of that over winter break, and suffer when it's over 💔

Have you been able to decompress by writing or doing something other than school?

Good luck on your finals, and I hope that you're getting good sleep too!!!

[msilwrites]

(A 3AM Short Story) - (SHORT 1/2) - The Dark Knight

A/N: Hi guys, I have a lot of drafts I've been editing inside the draft folder of my Tumblr page. Sorry that I have not published them, I'm aware I make a lot of grammar mistakes, therefore, just I want them to be written properly, for it to have a strong narrative voice and can be easily understood.

Nonetheless, here is one of them...

Let me add, I'm actually busy updating my other stories, so do standby for that!

Cast -

'Q' is an Original Character

'K' / Kieran Sorensen - Mads Mikkelsen

WARNING: SEXUAL TENSIONS.... you need cold water!

The Dark Knight

Even before Q was known as 'Q', she was first a trainee under 'K' or Kieran, her commanding officer. However, she didn't expect to work beside him after finishing her training and working for the MI6. Neither did she expect that he was preparing her to take over once he steps down. That he wanted her to succeed him.

It all started when she entered the training programme. He had interviewed her for the first time, whilst holding on to the piece of paper which contained information about her background.

A woman who spent her primary education in Dragon School, and a secondary education at top international school in Shanghai, before graduating tertiary in Cambridge. With these, she could've been considered a 'strong candidate'.

"Privileged..." was his reply, upon reading everything. He clearly wasn't impressed. "You're probably very intelligent, but do you have grit?"

She gulped nervously and was thankful enough that she didn't write anything about her grandfather being an admiral or her father being an officer.

She remembered what he had told her clearly the first time, which is why it was a surprise to her that he considered her as a 'successor'.

Her job was something classified, she was not a field agent, but her duty was akin to that of a chess player, a tactician, a strategist and her chess pieces, were the agents under her command. And the playground was the operations she led and handled. And after a long time, she became good at it.

Throughout the years, she slowly got the hang of it, and finally earned the respect of her colleagues and superiors, specially Keiron, who had eventually become fond of her.

Everything was fine until she received a piece of devastating news.

Q's mother had committed suicide and her sister had a breakdown. At first, she couldn’t believe it. She knew her mother would never do such a thing! Didn’t she just remarry a good man who also happens to be wealthy? and had told her that she is in love with her new husband? That didn’t sound like the jovial mother she had often talked to over the phone. But as the details and truth began to resurface, everything became clearer...

As Q dug deeper for the truth, receiving the suicide note, her mother’s diary, the Private Investigator’s report and her sister’s story, one thing became clear; the cause of her family’s ruin was her mother’s new husband; Vincenzo Rosello.

Much to the family’s dismay, the truth was something painful to learn. Q broke down and cried. She considered dropping everything, just to get to her sister.

Her sister Helene, according to the report given to her by the investigator, was locked up in a private mental institution/ rehab in Mallorca and was given medication that had kept her mind blank every day.

Her grandfather and father were willing to do anything to get Helene rescued. But Q knew that if both her grandfather and father made a move, it will cause a diplomatic problem for the country. It was enough pretext for them that they should not intervene or try anything. Besides, the fact that the information was classified and Vincenzo Rosello was no ordinary man, makes it no easy task for her grandfather and father who holds high positions in the government, compared to her, a 'small fly'. So Q talked her family out of it and took it upon herself to rescue her sister, whatever it took.

At first, Q leaks the story to BBC News and CNN through an agent contact in Madrid, believing that public sympathy and pressure would force the country to intervene. However, Kieron Sorensen had done something, causing the networks to retract the news as a hoax.

Q was angry of course, upon learning of what happened. But she couldn't show it, and couldn't let anyone know that it was her who had leaked the information.

She didn't know what was coming for her until Kieron summoned her to his office.

"Ah, Q, please take a seat," Kieron offers, as she closes the door behind her. She had a feeling he might try to pry something out of her, but whatever it was, she decided that she will not admit to anything.

"What did you call me for?"

"Straightforward as always! Well, do you remember the painting at the museum that we saw?" he starts.

She scratches her head and thought how random the question was. "Which painting?"

"In front of the painting where I first handed you your badge," he said.

She suddenly remembered the event years ago, when he had welcomed her officially to the agency, by giving her a gun and badge inside a box, at a gallery, right in front of a painting. It looked more like a transaction between two people instead of a 'welcome' due to its secret, unnoticeable nature.

"Yes... what about it?"

"What was the painting again?" he asked.

"A knight and a lady," was her answer.

"A yes! 'A knight and his lady'! remember what I told you that time?"

"That there is no knight in shining armour to the rescue, that you are your own knight..." she casually mentions.

"And?" asking her to continue.

"That we should not aspire to be white knight, but a 'dark knights'" she rolls her eyes, thinking that this was a waste of time. "If there is anything else, I would like to go. I have a lot more paperwork to do,"

Kieron smiled " I am glad you remember, what is this then?" he pushes a paper towards her, containing the report that was leaked to the networks.

" I do not know what is this about?" she feigns ignorance.

His handsome face twists into a cynical smile. "Oh Q, isn't that your sister in the news?"

"Yes, I can see that, but we have been estranged ever since our parents divorced..." she lied. In fact, she almost communicated with them every day.

"I see..." Kieron folds his hands and takes a long hard look at her, which made her uncomfortable, but she was not going to give anything away. "I just want to remind you not to play the 'Dark Knight' in this situation. I'm not saying it was you who did this but consider the position your family would be in."

"Is that a threat, Director?" she clenched her teeth.

"No, it's a warning..." was his response, followed by a handsome smile, that she had so wanted to punch.

"Duly noted..." was her resigned response.

"I'm glad you understand, we have to always choose and preserve the greater good..."

"Greater good? so you want me to abandon my sister?" her voice was strained, as anger began to rise within her.

"I never said that... What I'm saying is, incidents like this can be considered as something against the agency and the government "

"I am aware of that and don't need you to remind me..." was her curt reply.

"I will not tolerate insubordination, and I will not back you up or rescue you if you continue this," he adds.

"I did not break any rules..." was her firm response, bent on not admitting anything.

" If that is so, you are to take a two-week compassionate leave,"

"I don't need it, I have a lot of work to do," she says, brushing it off.

"It's not a request, it's an order..." was his stern reply. "You're not into step into the office within those two weeks,"

"You can't do that?! I have a lot of work to do, and people who depend on me," she insists. She knew the moment she leaves the office, she will be unable to access some resources needed to rescue her sister.

"That's all taken care of," he said nonchalantly.

She felt her plans fall apart. It was obvious why Kieron was doing this. And that is to prevent her from taking any action, and this made her extremely frustrated.

" You have 2 days to finish whatever you can. After that, surrender your access card and gun before you go..." he adds, which finally broke the camel's back.

In a fit of anger, Q bolts out of her seat and attacks Kieran, pulling his arm forward, and punches his face the moment she had close the distance, which caught him off guard.

But a seasoned combatant like Kieron had recovered quickly and caught her body, swung her into his back and slammed her hard on the table.

Q, flinched in pain, but was not one to give up, countered his attack by trying to lock his arm, forcing him into submission. However, he was able to free himself from it and back throws her, causing her to land on the nearby couch with a loud thud.

But before she could even recover, Kieron had already gone on top of her and held both her wrist above her head, pinning her down the couch in a compromising position.

He leans close to her face and whispers to her ears, "You do that again, I will not be as merciful..."

She felt goosebumps on her neck with what he did. It was no mistake, she was turned on. It was also not a big help that Kieron is a handsome man. She did not want to look at him in the eye, or the feelings that she had withheld inside her, for him, all these years, might just spill...

He drags her back up and buttons the top part of her shirt, which she had not noticed was open. Some of the buttons were gone due to the physical altercation that had happened between them earlier. Her face felt warm as she looked away, as the gesture felt sensual and intimate. A significant other is supposed to do these things, not your boss! And certainly not after a fight!

He stilled her and gently tilted her chin to meet up his gaze. For a moment she was lost in his citrine eyes.

"Don't cause trouble, I would hate to lose you..." he whispered, and it felt more of a warning. "Go..." he turns around and walks back to his table, waving her off.

"Damn him..." she muttered under her breath as she went back to her small office. She had only two days to do her work, in addition to getting whatever resources she needs to rescue her sister. If Kieron thought this setback will discourage her, then he is wrong.

**********

After two days of work, the moment she had reached home, she had finally decided to go off-grid. She knew the moment she had left the agency, Kieron would've probably put her under watch list.

Pushing a heavy bookshelf on the side, the self glided easily despite its weight, revealing a small secret room with a vault inside her apartment. On one part of the shelf, was two fake passports and identity cards she had procured over the years, on one part was a thick clipping of the currency 'Euros'. She takes them and throws packs into her bag, before coming back for the vault, and taking another handphone.

She leaves her handphone on the bedside table and didn't plan on taking it with her to Spain. Kieron surely would use it to track her and she couldn't risk anyone knowing her plans and ruin them.

But before leaving, she messages her father;

'Perseus is coming for Andromeda'

**********

Mallorca, Spain

Q was not surprised that it was raining hard the moment she arrived at Mallorca. It was after one of their coldest seasons.

She wasted no time and immediately embraced her new identity, Geórgia Santos, a woman from Terrassa who will work as the cleaner at the psychiatric hospital where her sister, Helene is confined.

She eventually took on her role well, and immediately gained the respect of the medical staff within a few days of working as a cleaner. She even gained information who are some of the patients, through gossip with the nurses.

By the end of the week, she learned that the forbidden room she wasn't allowed to enter was the same room Helene is solely confined in. Not only because it was guarded. Moreover, thrice a week, a man comes to visit the room and stays there for almost a whole day, and he would ask the staff about his 'prisoner' in the room.

Upon learning the whole truth, she had sneaked in one night into her sister's room and found her in a state any family member would not like to see. Her informer was right, Helene was kept mentally blank every day. She had eventually bribed the nurse and the doctor assigned in Helene's room for information and their silence. According to the nurse she had bribed for information, the ‘stepfather’ would often visit Helene and stay at her quarters for a ‘very long time'.

Flabbergasted, Q calls out the nurse for not doing anything. But the nurse reasons that the ‘stepfather’ is a powerful man and they themselves were afraid to go against him. When she made it known that she wanted to take Helene from the institution and bring her back to England, the nurse and the doctor, though feeling guilty, advised her not to, as Vicenzo Rosello will not allow it. It will put the whole staff in jeopardy.

When she promised a way out, and a way to cripple Vicenzo, so that he would not misdirect his anger. Both of them immediately agreed and cooperated.

"Saint George, has seen the dragon" she sends another cryptic message to her father. What it actually meant is that she had seen Vicenzo.

The messaging window indicated 'typing' for a long time. She knew her father was holding back the anger, he was surely thinking of giving an order to kill. But no, he seems to have thought it through.

"Saint George should not slay the dragon," was his response followed by "Yet...".

Q chuckled upon receiving the message. Oh, the many ways they plan to hurt Vicenzo. After all, killing him immediately is an easy way out. They should torment him every chance they get, after what happened to her mother and Helene.

Unbeknownst to the agency, within her two last days before her compassionate leave. She had forged a directive signed by the agency's head to begin "Operation Persues" a rescue mission that is spearheaded by the SAS that she had developed within a short amount of time as 'Plan B" for her own attempt to rescue her sister.

On the night of the extraction, the moment the power was cut, Q hurriedly rushed to the floor where her sister was confined. The guards were out so she was able to easily enter her room.

When she entered Helene's room, she found her sleeping soundly in the dark, much to her relief. She checks her watch to see how much time she has. She could carry her sister to the nearby coastline herself where a boat is supposedly waiting for them, or wait for the soldiers she assigned to guide them there.

Her plan was to get Helene to Madrid and have her transported via car (as she was not mentally stable) to the south of France where their grandfather was waiting for them.

She felt her hands grow cold, as the clock ticks. The guards will be back any time now, and she has no gun to neutralize them if it comes into an altercation.

Suddenly, there was a sharp sound of a suppressor, followed by a loud thud on the floor. There was a knock on the door before it opened to reveal an imposing figure standing in the door frame, dressed in black night ops camouflage, with a large rifle. A normal person would probably be scared if they see him. After all, he looked like the stuff of 'nightmares' specially with his face covered, and his eyes were night-vision lenses that made him look like a multi-eyed monster.

"She's not stable," she whispers to the man. " I'm afraid of her waking up, and causing a commotion. "

The man nodded in understanding, before signalling another soldier outside of the room to come in.

The other soldier takes out a syringe containing a sedative to calm Helene down, in case she wakes up. In any other situation, Q would be fine, doing it to the target. She had carried out a lot of operation that needed this course of action. But now that they're doing it to her sister, she felt a little conflicted.

Another soldier enters the room and carries Helene out carefully. The first soldier, who first entered the room pulls out a gun from one of his armour's holsters and hands it to her.

"Thank you," she says softly, glad that he was considerate enough to give her a weapon to defend herself.

In a few minutes time, the power will come back, they needed to get to the nearby coastline by foot, as the sound of the car can attract attention this late at night, at a quiet place like this.

The smell of the incoming rain was obvious to her, the moment they stepped out of the hospital, they needed to get to the boat before the rain falls. There were 5 soldiers, and the boat can only carry 5 people, which meant two should stay ashore, and leave in another way.

"I will see you at Bordeaux, give her to the Admiral as instructed..." she says, referring to her grandfather, as she instructs the soldiers and they respond with a nod. She trusted them enough to carry their duty. Moreover, it wasn't the first time working with the SAS.

She watched as the boat left the shore, and turned away once she can no longer see them in the distance.

Turning her attention back to the soldier who stayed behind with her, she realized that it was the same person who first entered the room earlier and passed her a gun. Though she could not see his face like the rest of them, it was his aura that separates him from his team. He seemed like a very seasoned soldier and she wouldn't be surprised if he was, as her guest and observations were often right.

"Thank you for staying behind, I do not know if you have a plan B, but I'll take care of us here, from now on. And we'll be back in London before you know it!" she tries to convince him, but he did not respond and just stared at her. She sighed in resignation and asks him to follow her, as the rain began to fall.

Not far from the hospital was a small cabin she had rented as her temporary quarters.

"Come in..." She opens the door and holds it open for him.

The moment they entered the house, he was met with countless papers, photographs, stuck on a corkboard, and a few, small spy tech, including a laptop. The rest, was just a small kitchen, a small fireplace, bathroom, a queen-size bed, and a small couch, nothing more, nothing less. The small house looked like an operational briefing room, instead of living quarters.

"I'm sorry about the mess, I'll burn them once we leave, go make yourself at home. You must be tired so you can take my bed and I won't mind it, I'll sleep on the couch" she uttered mindlessly, as she started packing some of the equipment for more space. "Besides, I need to forge a few papers here and there to get us out of here, I'll buy you new clothes tomorrow too," she adds, turning towards him, still without a response.

"So, uhh... I don't plan on seeing you in the raw, so... just cover yourself up with a blanket" she sighed, though she meant well, not wanting him to stay in his damp clothes, she felt sorry for the guy. He probably thinks she's a weird pervert now for saying that carelessly. "Sorry, I came unprepared for this part. I didn't know it will rain..." she reasons.

The man finally sits down on the couch and makes himself comfortable, and began slowly dismantling his rifle.

She heaved another sigh, before remembering the gun he has handed her earlier on. "Ah yes, I almost forgot, here's your gun, I-" she paused for a moment and disarmed it, removing the silencer and the bullets and then she felt a certain texture on one side of the gun and saw an engraved quote;

'This is a tool, I am the weapon'

There was no mistake, this was her gun that the agency confiscated before she left for her 2 weeks leave. How did a special ops soldier end up having it?

She looked at him confused. "H-How did you?"

The man's answer was silence and then he took off his night visions goggles and his mask, only to reveal Kieran, underneath the camo.

"Shit..." she muttered under her breath, as alarms started ringing inside her head. This operation was unsanctioned, to begin with, and the only way she was able to carry it was by using her and her father's money, forging signatures for approval and unprofessionally using the companies resources to carry out the rest, which she knew she had distorted the evidence so that they will not find out.

"How... how did you-?" she was lost for words.

"You made a small blunder... that's how I found out..." he says sternly, as he slowly approached her, his expression was cold. She knew what was coming. He was going to kill her in cold blood. It didn't matter if she was his prodigy and that they've been colleagues for a decade, or that he was fond of her. Kieran was first and always a cold-blooded assassin/operative, even before he became the division head. She heard the stories, and she witnessed how cold and cruel he could be. Nor does he take betrayal well. And this unsanctioned operation is considered betrayal in the agency's eyes, and his. And what happens when one commits 'insubordination? if lucky they can get away with getting court-martialed if not, they are 'neutralized'.

Unfortunately, she will be getting the latter.

But she didn't want to die. She wanted to reunite with her family, to finally be there for Helene, after years apart. To finally mourn her mother properly. She didn't want her family to have another person to mourn for. She wants to live, and she will fight to live.

Wasting no time, she throws the gun at his face, as she didn't have enough time to re-assemble everything.

"Fuck..." Kieran cursed under his breath when the heavy metal hits his chests and was followed by the silencer before she made a run for it outside.

*****

The backwoods was dark, and she almost tumbled down, running. Especially now that it rained heavily, the place was slippery. This setback was certainly something she didn't expect. She needed to gather her thoughts and think of a plan C. She did remember that she had kept backup 'necessities' in a locker at the port. She just needed to get there safely and get Kieron off her trail.

However, before she could make her next move. A pair of strong arms wrap around her waist, swung her to his shoulders, and then throws her back down into the ground.

"That's for earlier..." Kieran mentions as he circled around her.

"This is not fair, I thought you were a gentleman!" she says, in spite of the situation.

"I am... I haven't injured you yet, haven't I?" was his playful remark. "Get up!"

She struggled to get up and glared at him. " You think this is a game?"

"And you thought I wasn't serious when I warned you? Remember, every action has a consequence and this is yours..."

She finally gets up and rushes forward to attack him. He immediately blocks her fist, but she kicks his knees, breaking his stance.

He quickly recovers and prepares for an attack, but she had jumped at him, wrapping her legs around his waist, and using the force of her momentum to throw him back down to the ground. She quickly grabs his back leg and twists it.

Quickly wrapping her legs around his, she cranks it the wrong way, pulling it forward, hyperextending it, in an attempt to dislocate and cripple him.

He screams in pain, as she put him into a kneebar submission. However, he quickly counters her move by kicking the back of her knee with his free leg and freeing his other leg out in the process.

Unable to continue the kneebar, Kieron immediately grapples with her once he was free. But she was too quick and got away quickly.

"Not bad..." he laughs.

She tried to catch her breath and glared back at him. She rather escapes than prolong this fight. Fighting against a veteran like Kieron is futile. However, before she could make a run for it, he moves forwards and quickly strikes her in the gut, causing her to lose air and then consciousness.

**********

It was 4 am according to her clock when she gained consciousness once again and found herself with her arms tied up to the bedpost.

The only thing that serves light in the room was the small fireplace, and Kieron was in front of it smoking a cigarette, with nothing but a blanket on, wrapped around his waist.

If this was any other situation, this was a wet dream come true. She had always been curious about the body underneath those sharp custom made, Saville-Row suits and smart apparel he wore to work. He was like those silver fox models that were displayed in GQ and not once did she see him undone and raw like this. Heck, he looked good even when doing violent interrogations.

His body was muscularly lean and well-toned, with scars here and there. In short words, he's damn hot.

She sighs and takes in the sight before her. It was probably the last thing she would see and remember him for before he ends her life.

"Like what you see?" he teased.

"Put a shirt on... you're ugly..." was her rude response.

He laughs out loud and stares at her.

"Just kill me..." she pleads. She was not willing to go through torture and interrogation, and she knew that was coming next.

He gets up and seats down on the side of the bed. "But I'm not done with you yet...." he whispers.

" We can be done in a minute, I will tell you everything. I admit to it. I forged all your signatures for approval, used the agencies resources to gather information and used my own savings to fund this operation. That is all... now... do what you have to do..." she says in resignation. "And do it quick, I don't want it to be painful" she adds.

He takes out a knife and she closes her eyes shut, preparing for what's next. However, to her surprise, Kieran cuts of the rope binding her arms instead, before walking away and sitting back down in front of the fireplace.

"Kieron..." she calls his name whilst rubbing the lacerations on her wrist.

"You're a fool, you know?... I've advised you many times to not do this..."

"The agency will..." she began but he quickly cut her off.

"They're not aware, I've cleaned it up for you..." was his simple response.

"Why-why? you said...-"

"I'm not that heartless that you and others make me out to be..." he says nonchalantly, waving it off. "You're not trained as a covert agent... do you know how worried I was when I found out?"

"Who are you to care? we're nothing but colleagues and your nothing but the heartless department director who wants results! I am well aware that I am just your pawn!" She shook her head. Kieron Sorenson was too cold to even care. " Please save me the pretence..."

He glares back at her and gets back up to approach her. Closing in the distance like a predatory animal and she was his prey.

"Kieron... I-" before she could say anything, he crushed his mouth against hers and much to his surprise, she did not protest or struggle and welcomed it wholeheartedly. Returning the kiss with equal intensity.

He tried in vain to slow down and pull away for them to catch their breath. Only to find her looking back at him with longing eyes.

"Since when?" she asked. Of course, she was confused by this sudden 'confession'. She may admit that she does have a secret crush on the cold-blooded director. But not once did she expect that he had affection for her too.

"The museum..." he whispers huskily, referring to the time he had welcomed her to the agency. She looked so beautiful that day, her head held high, upon proving how wrong he was about her, as she sat beside him in front of the painting. " I wanted to kiss that witty mouth of yours... but that's just unprofessional..."

"You're being unprofessional now..." she remarks.

"I don't give a damn..." he says and tucks a strand of her hair behind her ear.

A/N: I think I might have made some grammatical errors. So I'd do soft editing. I'll write Part 2 (SMUT!!!) next after this.

[elenajohansenreads]

Books I Read in 2021

#83 - Shadowmarch, by Tad Williams

Mount TBR: 69/100

Beat the Backlist Bingo: Cover features your favorite color prominently

Rating: 1/5 stars

Well, that was a slog.

So I have a history with this piece of intellectual property. I was introduced to Williams as an author in college (1998) because several of the friends I made my first year were big fantasy nerds--no surprise there--and I was perfectly ready to move on from my high-school-era love of less sophisticated fantasy authors. I borrowed The Dragonbone Chair from one of those friends and off I went.

So in 2001 when news about Williams writing an online serial went around, and I saw the $15 price tag...well, I was a perpetually almost-broke college student still, and sure I spent money on books, but that was a high gateway, because a) I didn't own my own computer yet, I was borrowing friends' or using the computer lab to write papers and such; and b) sure, a chunky fantasy novel might be $7 or $8 in paperback, but it was portable, easy to reread whenever, and nobody had tablets or smartphones or e-readers yet, so an online serial publication was definitely not portable. Even fifteen dollars seemed like too much for the inconvenience of a book I could only read sitting at a computer, and couldn't read all of at once.

I was genuinely angry about this shift away from the paradigm, and much like Williams vowing this serial was online only and would never be published traditionally (which I distinctly remember but don't actually have a source for) I too vowed that I would never read it.

I held out much longer than he did, if my memory of that claim is even true. But I'm wishing now that I hadn't bothered.

This is bad. Not even close to the level of quality I expect from Williams, based on the earlier Memory, Sorrow, and Thorn series, as well as War of the Flowers--which was weird but I enjoyed it--and the Otherland series, which was even weirder and not always good, but yeah, I still enjoyed that too, for the most part.

Who am I supposed to care about in this book? I'm no stranger to multiple protagonists, but there are simply too many here, meaning none of them get the development time they would need to be interesting. I'm trying to wean myself from the complaint that protagonists need to be "likable," because a character can be a jerk and still be interesting, but few of these protagonists are particularly likable either!

1. Barrick is a whiny jerk who folds under pressure and abdicates responsibility to his sister, and then makes a spectacularly bad decision for no reason other than to set up some tension at the end, and his future arc. If it's because he's "mad," bad plot reason, and if it's because he's affected by the more general shadow-madness, well, I guess he could be vulnerable to it like anyone else, but that's pretty flimsy too. 2. Briony is a fairly standard "if only I weren't a woman, people would take me seriously" princess who doesn't fold as much under pressure but is dealt a really raw deal. I'll give her credit, she does legitimately try her best to rule her lands, but she's also kind of a whiny jerk like her brother, too. 3. Quinnitan is...pointless. Sure, I see how the end of her arc in this book echoes those of the Eddon twins, but there is no direct connection between her plot and anyone else's. And I mean that literally, if there's anything that ties her story to any other single part of the book, I simply do not see it, it's buried in lore or foreshadowing that was lost on me amid the sheer weight of nearly 800 pages of plodding narrative. I read all of her scenes constantly wondering why I should care, and the fact that her arc is a very basic harem plot, "I don't want to be a token wife but really what choice do I have?" sort of thing, doesn't help, because on its own it's incredibly unoriginal. 4. Chert is marginally likable, because he's arguably got the most defined personality and most personal growth in the book, as a person of a "little" race who is distinctly not human--I get a mix of gnome and dwarf, with a faint whiff of Podling from The Dark Crystal--and who deals with an unexpected foundling by taking him into his family and trying to make it work, even when that foundling is really a big blank space in the story who still manages to get into trouble. 5. Captain Vansen gets points from me for being the guardsman deep in unrequited love, which is a trope I would absolutely eat up with a spoon. The problem is, the object of that love is a protagonist I don't care for (Briony,) leading me to question what the eff he's thinking that he can even admire her from a distance, let alone be in infatuation/love. And his plot arc is mostly "something goes wrong that's not really has fault but everyone blames him anyway." Which got dull.

Chert and Vansen are most of the reason this book gets a second star*, honestly. Chert's scenes with the Rooftoppers are generally pretty excellent, even if they're mostly tied to a plot arc that I don't care for.

The other thing that's getting me about this is that it feels like a deliberately grim-dark retread of Memory, Sorrow, and Thorn. You've got a castle that's the seat of current government but used to belong to the enemy--the enemy that no one is sure even exists anymore, that lives in a land far enough away to feel distant but also somehow close enough to be threatening, once people believe in them again. That castle is perched upon magically important ruins/caverns, and that enemy has forms of magic/communication that affect humans and can cause or appear symptomatic of madness. There's a race of small likable people who aren't quite dwarves or any other "standard" fantasy race, but are still somehow cute/appealing. There's a crippled prince who's not really well-liked. One of the primary female protagonists is a young woman who laments the limitations of her womanhood under the patriarchal feudal system of the world.

And to someone who's never read either of these series, that list of similarities could mostly read like fairly common fantasy tropes, and I forgive anyone who reads this review and thinks that. But I've read MSaT probably ten times all the way through in the twenty-plus years since I was introduced to it, and I feel like I've just been handed the same story again, with a thick coat of gray paint slathered on it and a few details changed--and those changes are basically always for the worse. No one in this story can be said to be a direct equivalent to Simon, who gets a very clear hero's journey, but if I'm supposed to slot Barrick in as a Simon/Josua mashup (that crippled prince problem) then it takes the entire book to get Barrick out of his comfort zone and on his journey, where Simon got booted from the castle at the end of the first act of the first book.

And that gets at the underlying problem that is at least partially fueling all other problems--this book is clearly just the first act of the larger story, and yes i know! that is what first books do! but this also doesn't have a lot of forward motion on its own, and it doesn't resolve anything aside from the mystery of a single murder at that happens near the beginning. Seriously, all other plot threads get kicked down the road with the "and now they're exiles" theme that the ending has assigned to most of the protagonists. Chert doesn't suffer that fate, but the ending of his story line--also the end of the book itself--is the foundling reasserting that he doesn't know who he is, which is not new information. We've literally not known who he is the whole time, except that we do find out who his mother is, but don't find out how he was taken or why he apparently hasn't aged as much as he should have or what the Qar intended by sending him back "home." The identity of his mother is basically the least important question surrounding him.

I truly feel like I just read a 750-page prologue, and that is not a good feeling.

*Yeah, I told myself this was a two-star book, but by the time I wrote the whole review, it's not and I can't pretend I still believe that. This is a one-star book. This is so bad I don't want to go on with the series, even though it almost has to get better, now that most of our protagonists are out on their journeys. And because it could hardly get worse, right? But this already took up so much of my time (I had to take a week-long break in the middle to binge some romances, as a relief from all this grimdark toil) and even though I've managed to collect secondhand copies of the rest of the series, and they've been sitting on my shelves for a few years waiting for me to invest my energy into them...I'm giving up. Not worth it.

[p---leia]

Ancient Writer of dreams and nightmares: I am 71 (-one month), and have been writing (making up tales) since I was three. I can still remember my Pawpaw whittling a pencil for me, and Mawmaw tearing a piece of brown grocery bag for me to write on. They weren't 'poor', but writing paper wasn't to be wasted on a 'kid' just for fun. I carefully scripted my first short story.

Of course my 'letters' looked more like ancient Hanguel, so I had to read it to my "captured" audience. I really don't remember the story, but as my grandparents had a yard full of chickens and my dog, Mutt, liked to chase them (because of this we 'both' got into trouble -- because I always joined the chase) I most probably wrote about that.

My Pawpaw was a story-teller. For several years I thought there really was a baby found in the wilds of the African jungle and raised by the great apes. I thought he was the luckiest babe, EVER!

Then I found Pawpaw's books about three years after he died. I was eleven when he died, and felt that my best friend had abandoned me. But when I found those books I realized just where Tarzan actually came from and went to. I read everyone of those books and got the complete picture. THEN..

Well, Pawpaw also told stories of Daniel Boone and Davey Crocket...before I saw them on Disney. Then, of course, I went to school and learned what I already knew. Pawpaw was an excellent story-teller and never mixed up his facts, time-lines, or characters.

Growing up under his influence had a lot to do with how I developed as a story-teller. At family gatherings when I meet cousins I haven't seen in decades, they STILL remember me and the stories that I used to tell them. My children and grandchildren have grown up with me re-telling Pawpaw's old stories, and sharing many that I made up on the spot.

But I think what I read in my early years developed my writing style.

I was just turned eight when I read my first Shakespeare, MIDSUMMER NIGHT'S DREAM. He was my first favorite author. Then I was forced to read Romeo and Juliet. I was disgusted by the fact that TRAGEDY was made famous as a ROMANCE! Even at the innocent (then) age of fourteen, I was disgusted with the idea that it was considered romantic for 'anyone', let alone 'teenagers' to commit suicide over unrequited love.

My sister (now 68) and I recently discussed this play. Because she had a 'forbidden' teenage love, she said that she related to the story (even though she had never read it). GASP! It was required reading in ninth grade!

I remember our dad breaking up my sister and her boyfriend, who was really cool. He was a hard working farm boy who had saved his money to buy a motorcycle. AND his own car. But he wasn't good enough for my sister. smh

I always thought her story would make a great LifeTime movie. But I'm not touching it. She would 'skin me' for sharing with the world her broken heart. And if I added the stuff that sells today, she'd scalp me for lying. Not a win situation at all. So, I will write notes in my "Random Jottings Journal" for future decendants who might grow into writers or story-tellers.

By the way, the title "RANDOM JOTTINGS" came from a sci-fi book that I read as a kid in the fifties. I don't remember the author, although I'm pretty sure it 'might' be from a Heinlein juvenile book. But I've never found a reference to any sci-fi books using that term. SO!!! If anyone recognizes "RANDOM JOTTINGS", which was a note book that a professor/scientist/genius used to keep his 'thoughts', PLEASE share the author's name and the title of the book!!! Thank You.

In the meantime, I referenced Shakespeare. James Oliver Curwood wrote about Kazan, the Wolf Dog, and later Baree, Son of Kazan. From those two books, read when I was eleven, I searched for and found other books about Canada. Later there was Walter Farley, author of the Black Stallion, and the Island Stallion series. I think I met my FIRST friendly alien in the Island Stallion Races.

Of course, Edgar Rice Burroughs taught me much false history about the jungles of Africa, as well as the Moon and Mars. But I loved every 'read-under-the-covers-with a-flashlight' minute! I believe he was a contemporary of Zane Grey, because he wrote a few non-jungle and non-space stories, too. Which led me to Zane Grey.

Having read both of their biographies at a young age, I learned about the hardships of being a writer. I should say 'the hardships of a struggling writer'. I have never had a problem writing. Since I write for 'fun' and not 'profit', the few short stories I've had published were by local press, and a State magazine.

No, my struggles have centered around graduating high school, and completing college, stuggling to satisfy my husband, a 'Mr. Spock in the Flesh' personality, and later raising two children without benefit of parental support or child support. But we survived in the middle of laughter and many tears. And my made up stories about children lost in the woods who were rescued by a great friendly bear, or wolf. Or dog. And sometimes by a great Black Panther - a by product of one of my Pawpaw's 'local historical tales'.

I understand that publishers detest stories that begin with "It was a dark and stormy night.." But let me tell you, some of the BEST bedtime stories occur on stormy nights when the power has gone out, and it's too hot for candles or lanterns. That shadow that stands darkest in the corner and seems to be moving towards the bed is actually grandma come to check on the kids, and stands quiet so not to disturb the kids if they're already asleep. But since they are awake, and they see her 'shadow', she becomes the old crone who lives in the castle dungeon, and has slipped her chains to visit with the 'wee folk'. But there are no fairies out on such a blustery night, so the old crone comes to visit with the 'wee bairn', who fall all over themselves to get out of bed and sit around her to hear her stories of 'long ago' and other 'dark and stormy nights'. Again -- unpublished, because publishers don't like ... LOL

Of course there's always On-Line publishing. But that involves more work than actual writing.

Back to the writrs who influenced my writing:

While I enjoy a good Western, an adventurous space trek, or time travel, I also enjoy the occasional Historical Romance. Georgette Heyer was my first! I still re-read her amazing books. Of course there's Jane Austen.

There are a myriad of modern writers that I have read over the last five decades. Heinlen, Asimov, Norton, Bradley, McCaffrey, Moon, Stirling, Krentz/Castle/Quick, and Moening, just to name a few of the ones whose books I have in my personal library.

Those older authors did affect my writing style to develope as I read their stories. The later authors helped me to move into the late 20th century. But I'm not so sure that I like the 21st century so much. It's all about being politically 'correct'. If you aren't ashamed of your gender, your race, your country, your religion, your culture, your family, your history, then you are prejudiced. That's just too much guilt to have to live with.

I'm still dealing with my mom's death from ten years ago. I was her care-giver for five years. Her doctor had given her nine months. I still worry if I did enough for her in those last years.

And though my children are grown with their own families, I worry that I wasn't a good enough parent. And I worthy as a grandmother? How was I as an older sister? I was responsible as a moral guide when our parents were at work. Was I a good neighbor? A good support in our Church? And Hollywood wants me to feel guilt about something I can't change?!!

I'm an old woman who still likes being a woman and enjoys liking men. I'm not just white. I'm also mixed with a bit of Native American, and even a drop of -- OMG!!! --- Black. snicker.

That's a serious joke, because as a kid I had a recuring nightmare that I was a black man being judged by a group of people in white hoods I was hanged amidst their fiery torches. I always thought those white hoods represented the Catholic Church, because at that young age I didn't know about the Ku Klux Klan. Even though I grew up in the South, my family was not involved with that group of out-lawrey. Thank God!

Still, I'm supposed to feel shame? For something not even my family supported.

I've always believed there's a hint of Fae in my DNA. Because I love dancing in the light of the full moon, and flying with the owls who perch outside my bedroom window and call to invite me to follow the moon's shadow. If I am part Fae, I know it came from my mother's people. They were Irish mixed with Alabama Indians who believed in the Nunnehi aka Immortal, and the Yunwi Tsunsdi, aka Little People.

ALSO, while there's no DNA proof of ancestry, I've always been a 'closet Chinese'.

In the Fifties, when WW2 was still fresh, and we were involved with the 'Korean Conflict', and at odds with China, I would sneak around the radio, turn down the volume, and tune into 'that wierd channel' that sometimes played Opera, or Chinese music. Ahhh. I would close my eyes and wander through the few visuals I'd found in books, or the occasional movie. (before color tv)

A year or two ago I was totally depressed and disgusted with American TV. Hollywood has become so political, so wierd. Their programming is no longer for entertainment, but to 'educate, enlighten, or to inform'. zzzzz

Then I found KDrama!!!!! Korean TV. Japanese Tv. squeal!!! Chinese TV.

The rom/coms are sweet and 'pure'. Okay. I'm realistic. This is not a reflection of real life on any planet. But the innocence of the early 1950s programs is there. Similar to Disney's 'Summer Magic'. I'm happy with those dramas that remind me of thati nnocence. I have found a few dramas that shared more than I cared for, and I do enjoy an occasional 'romp'. But I've always preferred the Lady and Gentleman characters.

And watching these programs have reminded me of those fairy tales and legends from my childhood that had been sprinkled with the Occasional Oriental myth, legend, and children's tale.

Then I remembered my FIRST historical legend. "The White Stag" by Kate Seredy, is the tale of Atilla the Hun!

I recently found a copy of that book and am waiting for a quiet time, when the power is out and there's nothing to do. Then I will use one of the many flashlights I bought for a huge hurricane, and relax on the sofa beneath an open window and read this legend once again. I live in Florida. The odds of this happening increases as the summer progresses. I can't wait to learn if my memory of this tale of Atilla the Hun remained true, or has been distorted in the last half of a century.

Most of the tales that I write involve space adventures, the occasioanl ghost, and encounters with fairies, the evil ones, not the romantic ideal fairy. smh

I've never been very good with romance or comedy. But thanks to the recent influence of the Asian productions, I have re-formatted one of my dark adventures and turned it into a rom/com.

I love a good joke, but very seldom get the point or see the humor. And I can NEVER remember the punch line if I try to share a joke. My family have said they will write on my tombstone --

"I don't remember the punchline ... but it was funny."

But as I write humorous lines or events I find myself laughing. Or crying at sad events. And I am all 'giggly' when I write what is supposed to be innocent romance between a young and shy couple. But I have never felt that my own reactions were a true guide to how the story might come across to a 'reader'.

As it happens, I have two sisters younger than I am. My middle sister is bored easily and immediately redirects our conversation to something about 'her'. Okay. I understand. She is lonely, needy, and maybe a bit selfish? Not judging. She's the 'middle child' and that's her excuse. ROFL..

But the youngest sister is my greatest fan who declares that I am an awesome writer. "I love you, sister, dear."

So she visited me last week and patiently listened as I read the first chapter. She listened quietly, and I wondered if I had 'read her to sleep'. sigh. Boring books are often the best sleeping pill. Then I heard her laugh.

Squeals/Dancing/hooting/flying around the room in ecstasy!!

Okay! At least one person has laughed. And she's not that easily 'tickled'.

So, I will always carry on and write. But now I feel that at least I might be following a path strewn with "Black-Eyed-Susans, honeybees, butterflies, and bunnies".

I don't know if anyone will read this, or will enjoy it. I hope so. While sharing bits of my youth, my worries, and my concern about certain ones of my 'stories', I actually had ideas for developing 'new' stories.

I am always amazed when writers say they are 'blocked'. I have only to open my eyes to see a world around me that no one else can envision. I listen to a song, and I'm in a different world, time, planet. A gift from Pawpaw, and Mother's DNA.

It is my oldest granddaughter's birthday this month, and I don't know what to give her for her birthday. But when she was younger, she always asked me to tell her a story. I think that I will pull out one of my OLD/ANCIENT tales that I wrote when her dad was her age and make it into a book for her.

p---leia aka Mamma KayeLee

7/19/2020

[drownedinlight]

[Transcription of above tweets. Tweet 1: I started writing fiction, so far as anyone can tell based on excavation of my old papers (Mom kept everything), around the age of six. In these stories, I went off to Ponyland to play with the Ponies and hang out with Megan. Everyone loved me, naturally. I got to ride unicorns.

Tweet 2: Most of the kids I knew were making up the same stories; I was precocious only in that I was already writing them down. The boy three houses over had a very close relationship with the Care Bears. His sister was the best mechanic the Transformers had ever known.

Tweet 3: Was most of it self-insert wish-fulfillment? Well, yeah. FUCK, YEAH. We were kids. We were learning how to make up stories, and the best stories were the ones that had a place for us in their centers.

Tweet 4: As we got older, most of the boys I knew stopped telling--or at least stopped sharing--those stories. They had discovered that the majority of media centered boys exactly like them, which meant they could move from self-insertion to projection without a hiccup.

Tweet 5: (Projection is also an important step in learning how to make believe. If you can't BE the main character, you can let them be your avatar, carrying your essence into the story. Here's the thing, though: it takes time to learn to "ride" avatars that you can't recognize.)

Tweet 6: Everyone who grows up on a diet of Western media learns, on some level, to accept The Default as their avatar, because we historically haven't had much choice. Want to be the hero, instead of the love interest, the scrappy sidekick, or the villain? Embrace The Default.

Tweet 7: Bit by bit, the number of girls* who would admit to making up their own stories also dropped off. The rest of us, well. We learned that "I had an adventure..." made people laugh at you. We started writing avatars. (*Parts of this thread are very binary, because they are...

Tweet 8: ...based on my childhood experiences, and I grew up, as many of us did, in a very gender binary world. I am fascinated to see how these experiences with story change as we move into a more fluid and accepting world.)

Tweet 9: Only writing avatars also got us laughed at, when people found out about it, got us accused of Mary Sue wish-fulfillment bullshit. We stopped making up original female characters. Many of us stopped making up characters at all.

Tweet 10: If we used only existing characters as our avatars, we didn't get laughed at as much. If we used only existing MALE characters--characters we had all been trained to view as The Default, capable of anything, not just of being The Girl--well.

Tweet 11: Suddenly we could write ANYTHING WE WANTED. Suddenly we were GODS OF THE FICTIONAL WORLD, and we could finally start telling the stories the shows and books didn't want to give us.

Tweet 12: I honestly think that the reason so many fanfic writers are women/girls is a toxic combination of social stigma ("ew, fanfic is a GIRLY thing, ew, it's all PORN, and most of it is GAY PORN") and seeking a way to empathize with The Default.

Tweet 13: So you have generations--literal, multiple GENERATIONS--of female authors growing up steeped in fanfic. Making our own stories from high school on, if not before. Trying to find our way to a schema of story that actually fits us.

Tweet 14: (You also have generations of queer authors, trans authors, and gender-nonconforming authors, all going on their own journeys. My sexuality definitely influenced my attraction to fanfic, because finally, I wasn't being judged for it.)

Tweet 15: This means that you have, again, GENERATIONS of female authors who have gone through the most rigorous writing school in existence, going pro and starting to publish.

Tweet 16: Yes: THE most rigorous. FIGHT ME. Fanfic taught me pacing. Taught me dialog. Taught me scene, and structure, and what to do when a deadline attacks. Fanfic taught me to take critique, to be edited, to collaborate, to write to spec. FANFIC MADE ME.

Tweet 17: An MFA takes three years. My path from fanfic newbie to published author took me more than a decade.

Tweet 18: It's not a structured school. There aren't classes, or finals; you don't get a degree. How fast you learn is tied to how fast you listen, and you can stop whenever you find the place that makes you happy. "Going pro" is not the brass ring for every fanfic author. But.

Tweet 19: A not inconsiderable number of us started writing fanfic because we wanted to live the stories that we loved, and then discovered that we loved telling stories. We wanted to do it always and forever and maybe...maybe we wanted to tell OUR OWN STORIES.

Tweet 20: Maybe we wanted to CHANGE THE DEFAULT. Can you imagine? The audacity! Graduates of a school that doesn't cost money, with a "student body" made of mostly women, CHANGING THE DEFAULT.

Tweet 21: Because here's where I'm going to pivot a little, and tell you a filthy, filthy secret: men write fanfic too. They just call it "homage," or "public domain," or "licensed work," and get on with their bad selves.

Tweet 22: FUZZY NATION? Fanfic. WICKED? Fanfic. Every X-Men comic written since Claremont stopped? Fanfic. Your beloved HAMILTON? Real-person fanfic. Songfic, even.

Tweet 23: When men write fanfic, there is a tendency for the media to report on it as "transformative" and "transgressive" and "a new take on a classic story." When women do it, the same media goes "hee hee hee she wrote about dicks."

Tweet 24: Am I blaming the men who tell the stories? Fuck, no. But when the conversation is always framed as "HE makes LITERATURE, SHE writes TRASH," that is the schema people seize upon. That is the narrative we live.

Tweet 25: The Default, now, is that a man who writes fanfic is uplifting and transforming, showing us the pearl within the oyster, whereas all the woman wants to show us is the "pearl" in the "oyster," in the Victorian sense.

Tweet 26: AND THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THE VICTORIAN SENSE. But this is just an updated version of the "men write erotica, women write pornography" conversation that's been going on since I was a wee small Seanan sneaking my stepdad's Playboys.

Tweet 27: Women who admit they wrote (or still write) fanfic get shit upon, over and over again, because we keep saying, and allowing the media to say, that fanfic is trash, and that by extension, we who write it are garbage people.

Tweet 28: It gets used as a "gotcha." I have experienced it directly, the interviewer who drops their voice, leans in conspiratorially close, and asks if the rumors that I used to write...those stories...are true.

Tweet 29: They always look so damn shocked when I respond with a cheerful, "Oh, yeah, my agent initially contacted me because she really enjoyed my BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER Faith/Buffy porn!"

Tweet 30: I am supposed to be ashamed of my past. I am supposed to repudiate the school where I learned to hold an audience; I am supposed to bury the bodies of all the girls who made me.

Tweet 31: Fanfic is a natural human interaction with story. Children do it before they know its name. People who swear they would never do it all the time, retelling fairy tales and Shakespearean dramas and family anecdotes in new lights and new settings. FANFIC WILL NEVER DIE.

Tweet 32: We need to acknowledge that fact: we need to accept that fanfic is never going away, and that it would suck a sack of wasps through a funnel if it did, because we need it. We need to center old stories in new ways, to update The Default, and yeah, to see some vampire peen.

Tweet 33: So if you know someone who wrinkles their nose at fanfic, or who would tell a former fanfic author that their original fiction is somehow worth less because of their roots, or who is just generally an impacted asshole with legs, remember:

Tweet 34 of 34: They are wrong. Fanfic is beautiful. Writing fanfic teaches you important storytelling skills. I have a funnel and access to wasps.

Thank you for coming to today's episode of Seanan Gets Mad About Shit.

End Transcription.]

[foursproutwealth-blog]

When 43% Of Americans Can't Pay For Food And Rent, We Can Say Economic Collapse Is Here

New Post has been published on http://foursprout.com/wealth/when-43-of-americans-cant-pay-for-food-and-rent-we-can-say-economic-collapse-is-here/

When 43% Of Americans Can't Pay For Food And Rent, We Can Say Economic Collapse Is Here

Authored by Daisy Luther via The Organic Prepper blog,

You know all those reports about how lots of Americans can’t afford a $1000 surprise expense like a medical bill or a car repair? Well, forget additional expenses. It turns out that nearly half of the families in America are struggling to pay for food and rent. And that means that the economic collapse isn’t just “coming.” It’s HERE.

United Way has done a study on a group of Americans they call ALICE: Asset Limited, Income Constrained, Employed. The study found that this group does not make the money needed “to survive in the modern economy.”

ALICE is your child care worker, your parent on Social Security, the cashier at your supermarket, the gas attendant, the salesperson at your big box store, your waitress, a home health aide, an office clerk. ALICE cannot always pay the bills, has little or nothing in savings, and is forced to make tough choices such as deciding between quality child care or paying the rent. One unexpected car repair or medical bill can push these financially strapped families over the edge.

ALICE is a hardworking member of the community who is employed yet does not earn enough to afford the basic necessities of life.

ALICE earns above the federal poverty level but does not earn enough to afford a bare-bones household budget of housing, child care, food, transportation, and healthcare. (source)

Between families living below the poverty line due to unemployment or disability and ALICEs, the study discovered that 43% of Americans were struggling to cover basic necessities like rent and food.

Where are families struggling the most?

Some states have more families living in ALICE levels than others. The 3 states with the most families barely surviving paycheck to paycheck are California, New Mexico, and Hawaii. Each of these states saw 49% of families struggling. North Dakota had the lowest ALICE percentage with 32%. You can check how your state fares right here. Despite the lowest unemployment rate since 2000, families all over the country are barely getting by.

The media page of the ALICE website is jammed with headlines that are all too familiar for many Americans:

Report: Michigan makes little progress in lifting working poor to financial stability

After a decade of tax cuts — Ohioans in financial hardship

Louisiana families work hard, but still can’t cover necessities

44 percent of Florida households, mostly working poor, struggling to meet basic needs

Third of New Jersey households can’t afford basic necessities

42 percent of Wisconsin households struggle to pay bills

And on and on and on…

The economic collapse of America is here.

While many families are still doing okay, the specter of poverty looms over many of us. Many of us know that we’re one personal financial catastrophe away from disaster. I wrote recently about my own family’s struggle with a large medical bill.

Obviously, I’m not telling you about our financial saga to make myself look bad. I’m telling you because I want you to know that no matter how much you try to do everything right, financial problems can happen to anyone, at any time. Whether you have $100 in the bank or $100,000 in the bank, something can happen that wipes out your emergency fund just like it did mine.

This doesn’t mean that you failed financially – it means that circumstances can affect you, just like they do everyone else, no matter how careful you are.

Before my daughter’s illness, I was doing everything “right.”

I had enough money in my emergency fund to carry me through 3 lean months

I had numerous credit cards with zero balances

My only debt was my car

My kids are going to school without student loans

I opted out of health insurance because it was more financially practical to pay cash (and I still agree with that decision)

Everything was great.

Until it wasn’t. (source)

This is a story that probably rings true to more and more familiar to a growing number of families every week.

While my income hasn’t dropped – it’s grown – I am still struggling to pay off those bills and recover. I’ve taken on a significant amount of extra work to get things back under control, and still, I worry it won’t be enough.

Sound familiar?

If it does, it’s because – and of this, I am quite certain – the long-heralded economic collapse of America is upon us. When hard-working families who should be “middle class” can barely afford to eat and keep a roof over their heads, things are only going to devolve further.

Look at other examples of economic collapse

This is just the beginning of a looming collapse in America.

Remember back when Greece began to collapse? It was the same thing – no one could afford the basics and things went downhill pretty quickly from there. It really hit the papers when a strict austerity program was instituted and culminated when a “bank holiday” shut down the financial system for an entire week.

There are similar stories in the UK (where the taxpayers can still fund a 45 million dollar wedding but poor families can’t afford to eat every day), Argentina, and Cyprus.

Jose wrote for us about the warning signs that the collapse of Venezuela was approaching and they’re eerily familiar. Food rationing began, the cost of medical care became prohibitive, the health insurance system began to fail, and people began to make difficult choices about rent versus food.

I don’t know how it could be any more clear than the fact that nearly half of the American population is also making that decision each month.

What’s the answer?

While the United Way hopes to boost the minimum wage, I don’t feel that is the answer because it will drive businesses to let employees go when they can’t afford to pay them. We have seen this happen in fast food establishments in which humans are on their way to being replaced by self-service kiosks and burger-flipping robots.

I believe the only answer is to begin to produce more than we consume. Currently, Americans are like a horde of locusts, working at jobs that produce nothing, but consuming rabidly the imports that feed us, clothe us, and entertain us. We’re looking at economic tariffs on imports that may increase their price up to 40% and our own exports will be subject to tariffs in return.

If you find yourself in a tough spot, these tips from The Cheapskate’s Guide to the Galaxy may help.

Audit your situation. See where all your money is going, see how much debt you’re in, and see what the most immediate ramifications will be.

Take care of the most important things first. In most situations, keeping your home paid for (rent or mortgage), paying utilities, and making your auto and insurance payments should come first. Take care of the things that will have the most immediate ramifications first.

You may have to make some late payments on less vital things. If so, communicate with those to whom you owe money and try to make arrangements. This may affect your credit, but by communicating with them, you can keep damage to a minimum.

Cut your expenses. When you audit your situation, you may find some places that you can slash your regular expenses. Don’t hesitate to reduce services that are unnecessary or to whittle down your monthly obligations. (More ideas here)

Put a little money back into your emergency fund as soon as possible. This may sound counterintuitive but having a bit of money for minor emergencies means that you won’t need to rely on credit cards for these things, putting you even further in the hole.

Pay off your debts. Use the snowball method to attack your debts. Start paying these off AFTER you pay for the things I recommended in step 2.

Use the things you have on hand. Delay a trip to the store for as long as possible by planning a menu using the food in your pantry and freezer. (Think about the stockpile challenge we did and use those strategies. Get some ideas for meals from your stockpile in this article) Use the shampoo, soap, and personal hygiene products that you have already instead of buying new products.

Raise extra money. This may come from selling things you don’t need, taking on some extra work, or by creating a product or service to sell. However you do this, use the extra revenue wisely to get out of debt and to rebuild your emergency fund. There are more ideas for making money quickly in this issue.

And to harden yourself against the collapse that will only get worse, make these changes to help your family survive.

What can you store?” is not the right question to ask.

“What can you make?” – that’s the right question.

Your focus has to be on long-term sustainability, frugality, and self-reliance.  Don’t get me wrong – a stockpile is sensible and an essential course of action. It should definitely be part of your preparedness plan.

However, you need to also be ready for the time when the supplies in your well-stocked pantry are no longer available.  You need to be able to meet as many of your own needs as possible or you’ll end up being one of those people wearing dirty clothes because you can’t find laundry soap or going hungry because you can’t find any food at the stores – or can’t afford it if you can find it. You need to be ready for the end of a consumer-driven lifestyle, because quite frankly, there may soon come a day when there are no consumer goods to be had. Here are some ways to work on your

Here are some ways to work on your self-reliance:

Looking for the thrifty answer using things you have on hand, instead of purchasing a solution to every problem

Fixing things that are broken instead of replacing them

Eating simple food you prepare from scratch

Producing as much of your own food as possible

Learning to forage

Using “old-fashioned” alternatives for disposable things like diapers, wipes, feminine hygiene supplies, paper towels, and the like

Learning to make cleaning supplies and soaps, especially from accessible supplies (like vinegar, ash, and foraged natural ingredients)

Learning to make pantry basics like vinegar, sourdough, and cultured dairy products

Learning to preserve your harvests to see you through the lean days of winter

Providing your own services like heat, garbage disposal, and water

Learning about natural remedies from accessible sources

Learning to protect your family and property

It’s only by reducing your need for the things sold in stores that you can exempt yourself from the chaos and desperation that will erupt when everyone realizes that an economic collapse has occurred.

[foursprout-blog]

When 43% Of Americans Can't Pay For Food And Rent, We Can Say Economic Collapse Is Here

New Post has been published on http://foursprout.com/wealth/when-43-of-americans-cant-pay-for-food-and-rent-we-can-say-economic-collapse-is-here/

When 43% Of Americans Can't Pay For Food And Rent, We Can Say Economic Collapse Is Here

Authored by Daisy Luther via The Organic Prepper blog,

You know all those reports about how lots of Americans can’t afford a $1000 surprise expense like a medical bill or a car repair? Well, forget additional expenses. It turns out that nearly half of the families in America are struggling to pay for food and rent. And that means that the economic collapse isn’t just “coming.” It’s HERE.

United Way has done a study on a group of Americans they call ALICE: Asset Limited, Income Constrained, Employed. The study found that this group does not make the money needed “to survive in the modern economy.”

ALICE is your child care worker, your parent on Social Security, the cashier at your supermarket, the gas attendant, the salesperson at your big box store, your waitress, a home health aide, an office clerk. ALICE cannot always pay the bills, has little or nothing in savings, and is forced to make tough choices such as deciding between quality child care or paying the rent. One unexpected car repair or medical bill can push these financially strapped families over the edge.

ALICE is a hardworking member of the community who is employed yet does not earn enough to afford the basic necessities of life.

ALICE earns above the federal poverty level but does not earn enough to afford a bare-bones household budget of housing, child care, food, transportation, and healthcare. (source)

Between families living below the poverty line due to unemployment or disability and ALICEs, the study discovered that 43% of Americans were struggling to cover basic necessities like rent and food.

Where are families struggling the most?

Some states have more families living in ALICE levels than others. The 3 states with the most families barely surviving paycheck to paycheck are California, New Mexico, and Hawaii. Each of these states saw 49% of families struggling. North Dakota had the lowest ALICE percentage with 32%. You can check how your state fares right here. Despite the lowest unemployment rate since 2000, families all over the country are barely getting by.

The media page of the ALICE website is jammed with headlines that are all too familiar for many Americans:

Report: Michigan makes little progress in lifting working poor to financial stability

After a decade of tax cuts — Ohioans in financial hardship

Louisiana families work hard, but still can’t cover necessities

44 percent of Florida households, mostly working poor, struggling to meet basic needs

Third of New Jersey households can’t afford basic necessities

42 percent of Wisconsin households struggle to pay bills

And on and on and on…

The economic collapse of America is here.

While many families are still doing okay, the specter of poverty looms over many of us. Many of us know that we’re one personal financial catastrophe away from disaster. I wrote recently about my own family’s struggle with a large medical bill.

Obviously, I’m not telling you about our financial saga to make myself look bad. I’m telling you because I want you to know that no matter how much you try to do everything right, financial problems can happen to anyone, at any time. Whether you have $100 in the bank or $100,000 in the bank, something can happen that wipes out your emergency fund just like it did mine.

This doesn’t mean that you failed financially – it means that circumstances can affect you, just like they do everyone else, no matter how careful you are.

Before my daughter’s illness, I was doing everything “right.”

I had enough money in my emergency fund to carry me through 3 lean months

I had numerous credit cards with zero balances

My only debt was my car

My kids are going to school without student loans

I opted out of health insurance because it was more financially practical to pay cash (and I still agree with that decision)

Everything was great.

Until it wasn’t. (source)

This is a story that probably rings true to more and more familiar to a growing number of families every week.

While my income hasn’t dropped – it’s grown – I am still struggling to pay off those bills and recover. I’ve taken on a significant amount of extra work to get things back under control, and still, I worry it won’t be enough.

Sound familiar?

If it does, it’s because – and of this, I am quite certain – the long-heralded economic collapse of America is upon us. When hard-working families who should be “middle class” can barely afford to eat and keep a roof over their heads, things are only going to devolve further.

Look at other examples of economic collapse

This is just the beginning of a looming collapse in America.

Remember back when Greece began to collapse? It was the same thing – no one could afford the basics and things went downhill pretty quickly from there. It really hit the papers when a strict austerity program was instituted and culminated when a “bank holiday” shut down the financial system for an entire week.

There are similar stories in the UK (where the taxpayers can still fund a 45 million dollar wedding but poor families can’t afford to eat every day), Argentina, and Cyprus.

Jose wrote for us about the warning signs that the collapse of Venezuela was approaching and they’re eerily familiar. Food rationing began, the cost of medical care became prohibitive, the health insurance system began to fail, and people began to make difficult choices about rent versus food.

I don’t know how it could be any more clear than the fact that nearly half of the American population is also making that decision each month.

What’s the answer?

While the United Way hopes to boost the minimum wage, I don’t feel that is the answer because it will drive businesses to let employees go when they can’t afford to pay them. We have seen this happen in fast food establishments in which humans are on their way to being replaced by self-service kiosks and burger-flipping robots.

I believe the only answer is to begin to produce more than we consume. Currently, Americans are like a horde of locusts, working at jobs that produce nothing, but consuming rabidly the imports that feed us, clothe us, and entertain us. We’re looking at economic tariffs on imports that may increase their price up to 40% and our own exports will be subject to tariffs in return.

If you find yourself in a tough spot, these tips from The Cheapskate’s Guide to the Galaxy may help.

Audit your situation. See where all your money is going, see how much debt you’re in, and see what the most immediate ramifications will be.

Take care of the most important things first. In most situations, keeping your home paid for (rent or mortgage), paying utilities, and making your auto and insurance payments should come first. Take care of the things that will have the most immediate ramifications first.

You may have to make some late payments on less vital things. If so, communicate with those to whom you owe money and try to make arrangements. This may affect your credit, but by communicating with them, you can keep damage to a minimum.

Cut your expenses. When you audit your situation, you may find some places that you can slash your regular expenses. Don’t hesitate to reduce services that are unnecessary or to whittle down your monthly obligations. (More ideas here)

Put a little money back into your emergency fund as soon as possible. This may sound counterintuitive but having a bit of money for minor emergencies means that you won’t need to rely on credit cards for these things, putting you even further in the hole.

Pay off your debts. Use the snowball method to attack your debts. Start paying these off AFTER you pay for the things I recommended in step 2.

Use the things you have on hand. Delay a trip to the store for as long as possible by planning a menu using the food in your pantry and freezer. (Think about the stockpile challenge we did and use those strategies. Get some ideas for meals from your stockpile in this article) Use the shampoo, soap, and personal hygiene products that you have already instead of buying new products.

Raise extra money. This may come from selling things you don’t need, taking on some extra work, or by creating a product or service to sell. However you do this, use the extra revenue wisely to get out of debt and to rebuild your emergency fund. There are more ideas for making money quickly in this issue.

And to harden yourself against the collapse that will only get worse, make these changes to help your family survive.

What can you store?” is not the right question to ask.

“What can you make?” – that’s the right question.

Your focus has to be on long-term sustainability, frugality, and self-reliance.  Don’t get me wrong – a stockpile is sensible and an essential course of action. It should definitely be part of your preparedness plan.

However, you need to also be ready for the time when the supplies in your well-stocked pantry are no longer available.  You need to be able to meet as many of your own needs as possible or you’ll end up being one of those people wearing dirty clothes because you can’t find laundry soap or going hungry because you can’t find any food at the stores – or can’t afford it if you can find it. You need to be ready for the end of a consumer-driven lifestyle, because quite frankly, there may soon come a day when there are no consumer goods to be had. Here are some ways to work on your

Here are some ways to work on your self-reliance:

Looking for the thrifty answer using things you have on hand, instead of purchasing a solution to every problem

Fixing things that are broken instead of replacing them

Eating simple food you prepare from scratch

Producing as much of your own food as possible

Learning to forage

Using “old-fashioned” alternatives for disposable things like diapers, wipes, feminine hygiene supplies, paper towels, and the like

Learning to make cleaning supplies and soaps, especially from accessible supplies (like vinegar, ash, and foraged natural ingredients)

Learning to make pantry basics like vinegar, sourdough, and cultured dairy products

Learning to preserve your harvests to see you through the lean days of winter

Providing your own services like heat, garbage disposal, and water

Learning about natural remedies from accessible sources

Learning to protect your family and property

It’s only by reducing your need for the things sold in stores that you can exempt yourself from the chaos and desperation that will erupt when everyone realizes that an economic collapse has occurred.

[notanotherbookreview]

THE TOWN OF JASPER mystery-thriller debut May. (excerpts) "I thought nothing of it. Just a couple of teenagers getting ready for school, who didn’t want to be bothered.” Kathy cracked a fake smile in an attempt to hold back her emotion. “I walked up the stairs and into my daughter’s room. Her name is Alyssa. My first reaction was anger. I screamed, GET UP! HOW ARE YOU STILL ASLEEP? When she didn’t respond, I shook her.” Kathy’s lips quivered as she looked to her right. Again, she looked into the detective’s eyes and whispered. “Nothing” ****** “Jasper is the kind of place that couples would drive through and tell each other, ‘This is the kind of place I want to raise our family.’ Enriched with the conventional feel of a perfect suburban town with family friendly neighborhoods and a town square suited for the affluent, Jasper is the ideal community to the eyes of the oblivious." What happened in THE TOWN OF JASPER?   Review THE TOWN OF JASPER by James Gianetti is a completely original mystery-thriller, which brings to mind Stephen King, Shirley Jackson, Nic Pizzolatto's True Detective, even Hitchcock's The Birds. Like the work of these writers, the ordinary becomes the extraordinary, as this wildly unexpected yet plausible mystery unfolds. There are elements of horror, yet little violence and no supernatural elements in this suspenseful page turner (May from Elevation Books). It's a day in the life of small town America, except as Detective Sullivan discovers in The Town of Jasper by James Gianetti something is very amiss. The couple he meets in this too quiet town are shell-shocked cowering, incoherent survivors of a disaster they can't exactly explain. By bits and pieces, Sullivan puts together "the Incident," that began two years ago and even now has the town in its grip. People collapse, they die, recover and are comatose. Young and old, a third of the town are in hibernation. At first the government sent aid, food, water, medical supplies, but after two years with no end in sight, the aid has stopped. Jasper, uniquely stricken, has been abandoned. In an anarchic town meeting, Richard Morrissey steps forward to bring the town together. Yet Morrissey and the townspeople are in a fight for survival and are opposed by the Redeemers, crazy vigilantes and must seek the Fillmore Whites, natives, who live in the wilds. Sullivan's quest to find out what happened in Jasper, leads him in a circle which includes his own alienated wife and daughter and a search for a partner disappeared with no trace. Whether Jasper is "cured" or returns to normalcy is a frightening, remorseless journey to the breakdown of civilization and a detective, almost beyond hope. The resolution to Gianetti's journey is also both completely plausible and unexpected. The Town of Jasper is at once original and part of a tradition that stretches back to Poe's use of the Pendulum to evoke the undertow of human imagination. S.W. The Town of Jasper pre-order link.  https://goo.gl/PgxHvt

An Interview with James Gianetti, author of The Town of Jasper to be published by Elevation Books

Q. What inspired you to write Jasper?

A.  Before I put pen to paper, I did a lot of reading. I also watched a lot of TV to see what worked well. I looked at Steven King, Perotta, Bonansinga, Scott Gimple [The Walking Dead], and Nic Pizzolatto [True Detective] and others. There were plots and themes that were very strong and stood out to me. We are in a "golden age" of TV.

Q.   How were you influenced by Benjamin Smith and Joseph Gilford?

A. I took screenwriting with Gilford and worked closely with Smith on Jasper. Both taught me a lot and through different perspectives. But I found my style through writing the story and breaking down the characters.

Q. Jasper brought to mind Shirley Jackson's The Lottery, Village of the Damned, whose work have you found useful?  

A.  Funny, I just read The Lottery. I do listen to a lot of Indie Rock music. The lyrics to songs are useful to me.

Q.   How in Jasper does the tangible merge with the extraordinary?

A.  Jasper is very real. The characters are not too far-fetched. There are no supernatural elements. Villains are real. If something happens, it really occurs. The "Incident" is extraordinary but not outside the realm of possibility.

Q.  What genre would you consider this novel:  horror/suspense/thriller or its own category?

A.  Mystery with thriller and horror elements in it. But it's a mystery/thriller at its core.

Q. What is "the incident" that occurs in Jasper?

A.  There is a strange illness. It's unimaginable. A third of the town goes into hibernation. It's only in Jasper, no other place. The victims are dead and then come back to life. And this occurs at different times.

Q.    How does Richard Morrissey become the leader of the town?

A.  He becomes a default leader because of his character. At a Town Hall meeting there is anarchy and he steps up and organizes people. His actions show that he has a sense of how to be a leader in a town that is so desperate for direction. He is appreciated by the town for being able to bring them together.

Q. What part does friendship play for the detective, Sutherland?

A.  Friendship for Sutherland is a big value. He knows so much about his partner but really nothing at all. Besides his partner, he has nothing. He's estranged from his wife and daughter. After the Incident, he has nothing to occupy him but Jasper’s unsolved mystery.

Q.     Why does the government refuse the town basic supplies?

A.  At first, they were given food and medical supplies. After two years, it was seen as a kind of fool's errand. They didn't believe the people would wake up. The government was first cutting them off. Then they would bomb the town. Aid was seen as a waste of money and resources. So they took a kind of slow burn approach to it.

Q.  You have an amazing group of opponents for the suffering towns people. Tell us about the Fillmore Whites and The Redeemers, not to mention huge feral wolves.

A. The wolf showed that though Morrissey is a good guy, he can be bad when he needs to be. The Fillmore Whites are natives of Jasper, they live off the grid. The Redeemers are people in the town, within the walls, who see nothing getting better. They go crazy and adopt vigilante beliefs. They are destructive, kill people, but they cover their faces in ash to remain anonymous. They claim to be working with God, whose will they believe they serve.

Q. Did you intend Jasper as a kind of religious fable?

A.  It's a fateful town with fateful people. They are in a desperate situation, where they need people of faith.

Q. What would you like your audience to feel, when they finish this book?

A.  A sense of relief and remorse. There are incredible emotions in this book, love. All possible emotions are experienced in this book. It's exciting and the end is satisfying.

13.  What other stories do you have in the works?

A. I would like to do a sequel. And I am working on some short stories. I am also exploring the idea of another novel.

[bort-forgels]

This looks fun.

1. That's a hard one, I've really only ever made a few memes myself and only when inspired to do so. I am rather fond of a well made Political Compass meme.

2. Nietzsche by quite a bit, but I don't all together dislike Kant.

3. Currently studying to get my undergrad.

4. If experience serves as good evidence I would say something that seems to consistently experience the world from a single perspective (though that perspective may change coordinates quite frequently if not constantly). So probably but a qualified probably. Somewhere near Pittsburgh Pennsylvania.

5. That's hard, I have and probably still do believe in stupid things. I used to be an ethical relativist until I had like a 15 minute conversation with a professor, then I moved to Kantian deontology and after that phase I've been a virtue ethicist ever since.

6. Oh gods, well I guess I just started following a lot of philosophy meme pages and meme blogs. I don't really part take too much but I chalk that up to my hyper self-critical nature.

7. Oddly enough it was just a name I came up with in an offhand joke to some friends. For about a month or so we all changed our steam profile names to variations of it for shits and giggles.

8. Lots, I guess criticism is probably my highest order passion. When I like something I really like to take it a part and see why I like it or why other people don't. I end up forming some pretty strong opinions once I think I've gathered enough experience to talk about things. Music, visual art, poetry, history, video games, movies just to name my main interests. I know more about some then others and if I feel like I don't know enough I listen to those who I think have a better idea. I think this is why I'm so interested in aesthetics and ethics and axiology in general. I really want to know what makes something good and what that means in context with everything else.

9. I've been to one conference and had that paper published in my university's student journal and coming this December I'll be headed to my second conference but I still have to write the paper for that one.

10. There are so few but I guess that Heidegger meme was pretty good even though it was pretty simple to make.

11. The philosophy blog community that I've stumbled onto on Tumblr is pretty even when it comes to that, everyone posts some good stuff pretty frequently. I just wish there were more blogs that I knew of.

12. In what sense do you mean 'real'?

a. My favorite colors are green and purple.

b. I can speak a bit of German and bit more Japanese.

c. I used to be a decent trumpet player but philosophy has kept me quite busy over the past few years.

13. YOU CAN'T MAKE ME PICK.

We Kant Even, Socraplease, and Heiddegershammer are all good.

14. Someone asked me this once and I couldn't give them an answer. I don't think (at least right now) that I ever won't be. Even if I end up doing something else for a living. As long as I have some measure of leisure I'll be thinking about stuff and seeing what other people think about the same stuff. How else can I hope to live a good life?

15. That's hard too, I think it's better to list my influences for my world view:

Socrates, Plato, and Aristotle + the Stoics (huge influence)

The Confucian School and touches of Daoism and Zen Buddhism

Nietzsche and Camus

But that's all open to additions or changes.

16. Ethics, Aesthetics, Meta-Ethics, Stoicism, and Nietzsche.

17. I've no reason to think so but if I was could I do anything about it? Why worry?

18. Sure, though it shames me that I'm often ill-informed or lacking in background knowledge about most things in the sphere of social justice. I'm willing to listen, learn, and ask questions though. In my experience, those involved uncritically have a hard time providing one with what their fighting for and why one ought to. So I try my best to be well informed before saying anything.

19. I think I've always been marginally interested since I was very young at least. I think it really kicked off when I was thinking (very roughly) about wealth inequality. I was pretty young back then but it didn't make sense to me that there are people who literally break their bodies for hours a day and have very little to show for such difficult labor and there are others who get by very very easily with almost no effort. Then I read Animal Farm and down the rabbit hole I went. (Snowball was my favorite character).

20. Sure, but I think there's better blogs than mine to talk to about philosophy assuming that's what you'd be messaging me about.

21. Pshhh nah, I'm too much of a stoic for that. I'm just trying to figure out how to be a good human being while I'm here to do something about it.

Philosophy shitpost ask

Get to know me! Or yourself, or others. If they really exist haha. Send them to my ask box, and I’ll answer them. Or tag me and I can send them to you. Or just answer them with a reblog! 

1. Your favorite meme template?

2. Nietzsche or Kant?

3. Got a philosophy degree? Or studying to get one? 

4. Do you really exist? If yes, in which part of the world ?

5. The most stupid thing you’ve ever believed in?

6. How did you get into philosophy shitposting/memeing? 

7. Why did you chose that URL name?

8. Got any other passions besides philosophy? 

9. Have you ever published or presented your philosophical work at a conference? 

10. Your favourite philosophy post from your own posts

11. Your favourite philosophy post by someone else

12. Tell me three things about the real you

13. Your philosophy tumblr crush? 

14. If you can’t be a philosopher, what would you do? 

15. Your favourite philosopher?

16. Your areas of specialisation in philosophy? 

17. Are you a brain in a vat?

18. Are you into social justice too? 

19. Why did you get into philosophy in the first place?

20. Can I message you? 

21. Are you coping with memes to escape the existential void that you got yourself into by starting philosophy in the first place?