#I can’t be angsty with morning crew they are just so family coded

[qtubbo]

Personally Im under the opinion that morning crew shares a giant bed that could fit 5 people and two eggs :] and just eep together

[haveyouseenmymind]

The last Love Letter

Uhm… I’m sorry? First thing I’ve written since January and it’s sad and angsty and there’s no happy ending. But I really like it and I hope Jim dying won’t scare everyone away.

Fandom: Star Trek AOS

Pairing: strongly hinting at McKirk

Warning: Major Character Death

Words: 1087

Jim died on their last away mission and now Leonard finds himself in his friend’s quarters.

So this was it. This was the point, where his live would end for good. No Bones this time to save him.

Oh god, Bones.

He didn’t want to leave him behind, but he had no choice.

Bones.

And with the last thought of his best friend, Jim felt his consciousness slip away.

+++

Leonard felt numb. His body moved without him through the empty corridors, usually filled with live and crew mates chattering. No one was here, as everyone was assembled mourning the Captain.

Jim was dead.

Kidnapped by some fucking Klingons, tortured and then left on his own, slowly bleeding out while hoping his crew would find him before he would die all alone in a dirty cell.

But Leonard and the rescue team had come too late, Jim was long gone when the doctor finally had reached for his friend, checking his missing pulse with slightly shaking hands.

Jim was gone and Leonard was left behind in this damn tin can making its lonely way through space that once again had proved to be made of danger and disease wrapped in darkness and silence.

Jim was gone and Leonard still didn’t want to believe it.

Without really paying attention, he suddenly stood in front of his friend’s quarters. He rose his hand, to punch the code into the pin pad like he had done so many times before.

But his hands were shaking and he hesitated moving on further.

What did he expect to find here?

His friend was gone and all he left behind were his lifeless quarters filled with memories from past missions, planets they had nearly forgotten now and cultures long gone.

After minutes of staring at the door in front of him, he finally got over his uncertainty and stepped into the Captain’s quarters. He was greeted by deafening silence threatening to overwhelm him, as he made his way to the huge desk.

It was still a mess, as if he just left to come back after his shift and sit down to frown over Spock’s latest reports.

Several PADDs were strewn all over the surface -  reports, assignments and whatever else clattered there as if their reader had laid them down with his mind being occupied with the next important task.

Jim’s favourite mug, gifted to him by a bright eyed Pavel Chekov who thought it would be funny to present Jim something proclaiming him to be #1 Captain, was left at the same spot as earlier in the morning, when Leonard had visited his friend right before their shifts had started. A dark ring of residual coffee still adorning the desk as the last witness of Jim being alive and going on with his daily routine, everything just as it should be. A quiet moment before the storm.

Leonard couldn’t take his eyes of the chaos in front of him. It was just so typical Jim, who was normally so collected and had everything under control. Who only let go in his own private space, where he felt safe enough to let some of that control slip away from him.

Suddenly all-consuming rage threatened to swallow him wholey. He couldn’t stand it, couldn’t face this picture of false safety any longer. In one desperate bout of rage he swept everything off on that desk mocking him.

The mug shattered immediately, leaving behind hundreds of shards and Leonard felt as if each of them was piercing his heart, tearing him open and he sank down on his knees, bitterness slowly choking him and making it impossible to breathe.

Out of the corner of his eyes he noticed a leather-bound notebook standing out between all of the PADDs surrounding it. Jim always had a weakness for old fashioned books made of paper and ink, feeling more real than any of the modern data storing devices ever could.

The brunet grasped the slim book, let his hands feel the cold smooth cover while he contemplated if he should have a look on the content or leave Jim’s private thoughts alone.

But Jim was gone and this was the last thing his best friend left behind and all he needed was something, anything…

He desperately needed his friend who was gone and who couldn’t give him anything ever again but this notebook.

So of course he opened it, skipped through the pages to realise that this was some kind of diary filled with observations about his crew, praisings and all the love he held for the family he had chosen for himself.

Here in his hands laid all the emotions Jim wasn’t willed to share with the Captain’s Log.

He skipped those entries till he reached the last, dated the night before that cursed away mission.

Leonard’s breath stopped when his eyes danced over the last words his friend had left behind for the world.

No, only left for him. Right there in his hands Leonard held a love letter Jim had dedicated to his best friend.

Can’t sleep again.

I’m sitting here, sighing like a lovesick fool.

Which, I may be?

Is it love? Am I in love with Bones?

Honestly, I don’t know. But my heart is aching with longing to be with you, to see you, hear you, smell you.

I wish for waking up drowsily and seeing you as the first thing in the morning. To wake up, and soak up your warmth, while you’re shifting closer to me and bury yourself in my arms.

I want to see you smile. See your face shifting into full happiness, to see if your nose would crunch up and how much your eyes would light up.

I want to kiss this smile of your face. To feel the love in my heart overflow with the joy of seeing you happy and the only thing I would be able to do is kiss you and pour all my undying love for you into it.

I simply just wanna be with you. Wanna be your strength when you feel lost, wanna share every success with you and just want to get to know, what live with your love would mean.

I just want to be by your side forever, and share every part of your life with you, so I can see you grow and conquer life and proudly tell the world that you’re letting me be a part of you.

I just want you.

So yeah, if this isn’t love, then I don’t know.

And Leonard couldn’t hold back the tears any longer.

tags: @thevalesofanduin @medicatemedrmccoy @toosouthernforspace

If anybody else wants to be tagged in my fics just let me know. :)