#I can only see ur cheekbone

[zeltqz]

call me or not, it's up to you.

☰ — synopsis : you come back home after a night out and see you accidentally posted your private stories public, and received a drunk lengthy voicemail from your ex, ran.

☰ — pairing : haitani ran x fem!reader ☰ — length : 2.4k words ☰ — contents : nsfw and 18+ contents, mentions of violence (sanzu being sanzu), slight phone sex; they don't directly communicate, ran being mildly toxic and messing with your emotions, teeny itsy bitsy drops of gaslighting ☰ — notes : i literally suck at writing toxic characters so im SORRY if this is literal ass, (im trying my hardestttt) i just had a dream about this and had to execute it as best as i could lol

It was a regular Thursday night when you stumbled into your date’s house, struggling to walk with half a heel working. 

“Let’s get you out of these.” He knelt before you and helped you unbuckle your heels and you sighed in relief when he slipped them both off. 

“Remind me to never wear heels again,” you giggled, clutching onto him. He leaned down and kissed you. You hummed, still feeling the buzz from the alcohol earlier and wrap your arms around his waist, kissing him back. “I had fun tonight.”

He cupped both your cheeks in his hands and peppering them with kisses, each of them making you giggle at the ticklish feeling. “Me too.” There was a final lingering kiss before he pulled away. “Let’s get you ready for bed, alright?” He traced your cheekbones with his finger, and you smiled up at him, nuzzling your cheek against his hand.

“Okay.” He helped you up the stairs and you collapsed onto his bed, your dress riding up your thighs as you laid there, clutching at his soft sheets.

“I’m gonna shower first, alright babe?” He said in the process of removing his shirt. “Wanna join me?”

You shook your head, eyes threatening to close shut as you nuzzled his pillow. “I’m alright. You go first.”

He bit his lip, admiring you splayed out on the sheets for a moment, his mind racing with all the things he could do you tonight if you’d join him in the shower. But of course his fantasies only stay in his head since you’ve been rejecting every single one of his advances for the last three months. It’s always the same excuses : you’re not in the mood, or you’re too tired. 

He sighed. “You sure babe?”

You’re half asleep at this point, just barely conscious as you murmur, “‘m sure.” His tongue poked his cheek and he nodded, saying nothing else and heading inside the bathroom. 

You vaguely hear the shower turn on and about to enter a deep sleep when your phone buzzes.

@/shibayuzuha : oh my god who is this man u’re with on ur story? He is CUTE!!

@/hina_tachibana : was this supposed to be posted on your main? 😢

“What story?” you muttered, rubbing your eyes and sitting up. You click  through your instagram story and rewatch the story you posted a few hours earlier when you were at the club. They were all videos of you and Masato dancing together, kissing, taking shots. Honestly you were buzzed the entire night and you thought you posted them on your private account, much less your close friends. “Oh fuck.”

You went to delete all the stories but the damage was already done, over 300 people already saw it. Oh well. That’s tomorrow’s problem. 

You lay back down, eyelids blinking slowly as you fight back sleep and check your missed phone calls you accidentally ignored. That’s when you see it. A voicemail from Haitani Ran. Any ounce of sleep in your body vanished the moment you sat up quickly, rubbing your eyes checking if you saw correctly.

It was over five minutes long and part of you wanted to delete it, but at this moment, you couldn’t help but be curious. You pressed play and put the phone up to your ear.

“Hey. It’s me. Hope I’m not blocked or whatever, I know how petty you can get.” He chuckled to himself and the deep rumble of it took you back to all those months ago when you’d be laying beside him, head on his chest and just listen to the sound of his heartbeat as he spoke on the phone.

There was a deep inhale and the familiar crackle of him smoking that always used to relax you. “Saw your story by the way. Is that your new boy toy? Two of you look good together.” He exhaled and his voice was kinda slurred. “Kinda glad you moved on though. Thought you’d never get over me to be honest.”

“Oh fuck off,” you mumbled. He was still as full of himself as he was when you both ended things almost a year ago. If this was a regular phone call you would’ve hung up or told him he’s not that special, but you looked down and still saw another six minutes left. What the fuck else could he possibly have to say to you?

He chuckled again, and it was so obvious he was drunk now, which surprised you as he was a heavy weight and in your three years of dating you saw him get drunk only twice. 

“You looked so fucking sexy in that dress, baby.” His groan had you squeezing your thighs together. “I can tell by the way he was holding you in those fucking videos he can’t handle you the way I can. He hasn’t fucked you yet, has he? Bet he’s real gentle and sweet with you not knowing you like it deep, and rough. Fuck, man.” He exhaled, rubbing his palm on his face. “Wanna know what I’d do if I was there with you baby?”

“...yes,” you whispered weakly to yourself. It was pointless; he couldn’t hear you and yet you were responding like he could. Blame it on the alcohol but there was nothing you wanted more than Ran right now.

“Bet you do. I’ll humour you though. I’ll take you to the dance floor and run my hands all over that body of yours, force that pretty head of yours back so I can mark all over your neck. Get you so hot and bothered till you’re begging me to fuck you. That happened one time didn’t it? Remember that one night in the club? I had my hands all over you and you dared me to flip your skirt up and fuck you right there. Man, you were such a tease, and a fucking sadist too. Remember when you said you wanted to watch some schmuck clean up my cum from the floor?”

You giggled and bit your lip, teasing your hands down your stomach. You remembered that night perfectly. Ran changed you when you were dating. You don’t even recognise yourself right now because everything just felt right when you were with him. Those years with him were the best of your life, you were young and figuring shit out. You’re still young and figuring shit out, but without him you’re taking a little longer to come to the conclusion of certain things.

Ran had his ups and downs. He was far from the perfect boyfriend, and he knew that. That’s why he was so surprised when you stayed for all those years despite his flaws. He was emotionally unavailable and never spoke about anything concerning him. He was sometimes rude and blunt when pissed off, and the arguments you both would get into would end up in the two of you ignoring each other for weeks. At first you’d be the one to break the silence and show up to his house and just hug him. He’d always smell like cigarettes and it should’ve disgusted you yet you couldn’t help but feel comfort. The smell was strong and yet it never bothered you when you smelt it on him. You’d apologise, crying in his arms as he embraced you back, rubbing up and down your back as you vented it all out in his chest, wetting his shirt with your tears. If he had people over he’d tell them to get the fuck out, hiding your face in his chest until the door closed.

That was the usual routine until the arguments got worst and your pride grew stronger and you’d refuse to talk to him  until he broke it first. He didn’t believe you at first but after a month of no contact he finally broke it first. Since then, he was always the one apologising first, showing up to your house in the middle of the night at random hours to tell you he’s sorry and didn’t mean what he’d said. 

The ups were better than the downs in the relationship. He’d teach you things, he always made you feel good, and simply being next to him was enough to make your entire week, even if it's for a few hours. He made you feel like the only girl in the world, like the most special girl to exist, and he helped boost your confidence by buying you nice things like clothes, accessories, lingerie, and tell you to look at yourself in the mirror and watch as he worships your body, taking his time to kiss his way down your stomach and thighs, and once he got to your pussy he swore  he could eat you out for hours, just until your thighs were shaking around him.

The memory of his tongue between your legs had your back arching off the bed clutching the phone tighter to your ear as you squeezed a hand between your legs, playing with yourself as he talked you through it over the phone.

“Bet you’re touching yourself right now,” he exhaled shakily. “If you’re not, you better start. Want you to remember how well I fucked you every time. Can you do that for me baby?”

“Mmhmm.” Thankfully Masato takes decades in the shower so you didn’t have to worry about him walking in or hearing. Not like you would’ve cared honestly. He’s not Ran, and he won’t ever be.

“Miss you being my good girl. Fuck. He doesn’t deserve to have his hands all over you. Should send Sanzu over and fuck, get him to cut all his fucking fingers off for touching you like that. Man, I bet that idiot doesn’t know that I fucked you in that same dress you know? That’s what got me so damn bothered right now. Wearing the shit I bought you to go fuck around?”

“‘M sorry,” you whimper, parting your folds and slipping as many fingers as you could fit inside without hurting yourself. No matter whatever you shove inside there, it never feels as good as Ran’s fingers, or tongue, or cock. “Need you so bad Ran.”

“Man, wanna hear how you sound right now. Bet you sound so sweet, like usual. Could you do something for me?” You nodded and stopped your fingers movements, listening to his next words.

“Call me again. I miss you so much it’s crazy. Got so much to talk to you about. It’s been how long? Couple months since I last heard from you. And I know you don’t hate me. You never could. That’s something I love about you. Always there for me when I need you. We both took each other for granted, you know? Deny it all you want but you did. And that’s okay. But I wanted to let you know if you ever come back into my life, I’m not letting you go. For real, not making that mistake again. I dunno why I called you tonight honestly, just drank a lot and now I fucking miss you. Call me or not, it’s up to you.”

Then he said the words that made your heart nearly stop and freeze over in your chest. “I love you.” 

Before you could even say it back the voicemail ended, leaving you conflicted.

[vxsellie]

𝔩𝔢𝔱𝔱𝔦𝔫𝔤 𝔤𝔬. — E.W

summary. ellie slipped between your fingers, falling right out of your grasp as though she were liquid. it was better for you both, sure, but that doesn't make losing her any easier. ⌇ 4.7k wc.

notes. i posted a poll a few weeks ago asking what u guys wanted to see & this was ur answer so here she is! i hope it lives up to ur guys standards! anyway,, first and foremost, this is based off of the songs 'your needs, my needs' & 'call your mom' by noah kahan. he does a fantastic job depicting addiction and the impact of its severity. i heavily suggest listening to those songs in order to grasp the depth of what i'm trying to portray here.

second, i want to preface this by saying that i am not romanticizing or promoting addiction in any way whatsoever. drugs & alcohol are horrible coping mechanisms. as someone who has lost many loved ones to such horridly, i'm writing this in an attempt to shine light on the raw, dark side of what this can lead to. if u or anyone u know is struggling with something similar to ellie in this story, my DMs are always open!

warnings. graphic depictions of death and grief, substance abuse, alcohol & drug addiction, brief toxicity, intoxicated arguments, flashbacks, mentions of vomit, unintentional suicide attempt, angst angst angst

FEBRUARY.

cold fingertips brush the skin of your cheekbone, rousing you from slumber. you know who it is without having to open your eyes, her voice proof of that. ellie's breath still smells of her minty toothpaste as it fans across your face. she leans down to press a kiss to your nose. "good mornin'."

you groan, draping an arm over your eyes. ellie chuckles, her footsteps padding across the hardwood flooring of your shared bedroom. metal scrapes against itself as she pulls the curtains back, allowing sunlight to file through the space. your groans only grow in volume at this, pulling the duvet over your head.

"it's too early." you grumble, voice muffled beneath the pleated fabric.

"baby," she crosses the room back to the bed. you feel the mattress dip under her weight as she sits down on the edge, one of her hands coming to massage the calf of you leg. "it's almost noon."

begrudgingly, you peel the blanket away from your face and frown at her. auburn hair glows like a halo around the crown of her head, her freckles catching the light against her fair skin. oh and those eyes. god, you could look into them until the world came crumbling around you — which it technically has, considering the apocalyptic milieu that encompasses jackson.

"it's saturday, els." you tell her. "we can sit around and do nothing all day."

a smile tugs at her lips, dimples adorning her skin. "actually, maria wanted our help in the gardens today, remember? you got drunk a few weeks ago and agreed."

"oh. i was really excited to be unproductive." you sigh, expression falling. "we could've made breakfast, cozied up on the couch, watched a few sad movies, have sex. y'know, the domestic crap that elderly couples do?"

"first of all, i already made you breakfast." she says, nodding her head in the direction of the opened door. you turn toward it, craning your neck to peer through the doorway. sure enough, there's a plate of eggs and bacon sitting untouched on the countertop in the kitchen. "second, we can still cuddle and watch movies after helping maria. third, we can have sex whenever we want. we don't need to plan it out like teenagers anymore."

you grin at her, "yeah, but where's the fun in that?"

she laughs, the sound melodic. it carries through the air like a hymn, alighting the nerves within you like an ignited flame. if you were a wick, ellie would forever be the match. she lights you up, acting as apollo to your icarus. well. without the harsh fall, of course.

"c'mon, stupid." she says, grabbing you by the wrists and pulling you into a sitting position. you allow yourself to be pulled, dramatizing ellie's haste as you flop forward, leaning against her chest. it shakes with laughter as she removes a hand from your wrist to run her fingers through your hair.

it's matted and unbrushed, though she loves it just the same. loves you just the same. no matter how bad your breath smells in the mornings or how tangled your hair, ellie would never dream of complaining. why would she? to be given the chance to wake up next to you each day, she'd do anything. even if that includes putting up with your silly jokes and your dysania.

domesticity is irrefutably ellie's absolute favorite thing in the world. to make breakfast for you, moving about the kitchen you'd decorated together. to brush her teeth beside you. to give you a gentle kiss before leaving the house. to spend the day longing for your embrace. to come home to you warming dinner over the stove. to listen to you ramble on about your day over the meal. to take a shower where your shampoos sit side by side, her having to use yours when her own runs low. to return to bed to see you dressed into something cozy. to latch onto you under the blankets, limbs tangling together. to smell your hair and know hers smells the same. to fall asleep in the proximity of the girl she loves.

that's her favorite. that's what she'd rather eat glass than live without. and she'd never fathom the idea of doing it with anyone else.

MARCH.

the day joel dies is hard on everyone. he was a glue to the town of jackson, his country drawl and greying hair fading together into a soft presence that was adored by all.

especially by ellie.

and you knew this better than anyone. she loved joel like a father, perhaps even more so. she looked up to him as though the man had hung the stars in the sky. when he died, everything good and right in the world died alongside him. including ellie's gentility. her green eyes hardened, her smiles thinned, her hair matted. she was a wreck.

she doesn't do anything, though nobody in town expects her to. you've picked up on all the chores around the house, refusing to make her do anything in such a state of grief. she holes up in the bedroom all day, never leaving bed. not even to eat.

the first few days of this, you had to force her to eat, coaxing her into opening her mouth and having to remind her to chew. she claimed it tasted like chalk and she needed to spit it out. she cried when you refused to let her. "i don't want it." she'd repeated over and over between sobs, despite only having taken a bite of the stew you made. she leaned on you, her greasy hair falling over her face. you rubbed her back, the vertebrae of her spine poking through her skin.

"i know baby, i know." you whispered. it took everything in you not to start crying at the sound of her sobs, but you knew that would only make things worse. so you stayed beside her until her cries ceased and her limbs fell limp against you. you then laid her back against the mattress, making a mental note to approach this better next time.

she eventually got better at eating, though progress was slow. she's now currently able to eat one meal a day without puking it back up from nausea. the amount of times you've held that poor girl's hair back for her is immeasurable. she's not herself. and it pains you to see her like this, but you haven't a clue how else to handle it.

it's been two weeks since joel's death. ellie has still yet to leave the house and rarely leaves the bed, though she goes to the bathroom now. so thats good. you think it is, at least. she still needs to be reminded when to eat and needs help in the shower sometimes, or she'll stay in there for hours without even touching the soaps. her mind is a plethora of nonsense, malarkey acting as the puppeteer to her every waking thought.

"here," you speak softly, reaching across the tub to grab her shampoo. when you pick it up, you register that it's barely been used. you frown at this. "ellie, why—"

"i like yours better." she mutters, so quiet you can barely hear her voice.

"what? you never liked mine better." you say with a frown, though you don't hesitate to oblige her request. you place her shampoo down and grab your own. "you've always insisted that we buy that specific brand for you."

"yeah, because it's the brand joel uses- uh, used."

your movements cease, heart clenching. her voice cracked as she spoke, eyes burning as she swallowed harshly. you take a deep breath to ground yourself, blowing out through your mouth. you can not cry right now. not in front of her.

you'd made that mistake last week. you started crying when you saw her journal and all the crossed out drawings of joel. she frowned, appearing genuinely confused by your sadness. she comforted you, which only made you sob harder. you felt so, so guilty for it because she's the one who should be comforted, not you. but she's so loving that she can't even stomach seeing you upset.

as you apply your own shampoo into ellie's scalp, massaging it to bubbles, you decide that you'd do anything for her. for your light, your apollo.

MAY.

it's like living with a ghost. two months since joel's death and ellie has begun to change. drastically. she's never home anymore, always hanging out with her friends or busying herself with work. you have the sneaking suspicion that it's her way of keeping her mind from succumbing to that aching grief that embodied her in march. so you say nothing, deciding to let her be.

though, admittedly, you begin to wonder what she does when she doesn't come home. when she stays out for three days without telling you where she's going nor been. when you cook dinner for two, only to eat for one. when your shampoo sits in your shower only used on one scalp.

you've found it hard to fall asleep alone after living with ellie for so long. you'd grown dependent on the comfort her presence provides. tangling your legs together under the blanket while her arms wrap around your waist. now, in her stead lies an empty mattress and unwrinkled sheets.

it's currently been three days since you last saw ellie. you're sitting at the dinner table alone, picking at your pasta when you hear a rapid knock at the door. you instantly perk up.

you hope it's ellie, though you wonder why she doesn't just let herself in. she has her own set of keys, so why knock?

you stand from your chair, the legs scraping against the wood flooring as your push to your feet. the door creaks on its hinges when you pull it open. just as you'd thought, ellie stands on the porch. her head is lowered, auburn tufts covering her face like a veil. or perhaps a mask.

you open the door wider to allow her entry. the light pools out onto the porch and across the tops of her converse. she notices the shift and begins to enter, though she's acting strange. she's stumbling over her own feet, refusing to lift her head. your brows furrow as you lock the door behind you.

when you turn around, ellie is sitting in your chair as she begins to eat from your plate of pasta. you frown, "i can get you a serving, if you want. i made enough for two. i always do."

she lifts her head and you realize why she's acting so weird. between her lidded eyes and bloodshot scleras, it's clear that she's not sober. she raised a brow at your staring, "what?" her tone is sharp, unlike herself.

"nothing, baby. it's fine." you sigh, turning to grab her a plate from the cabinets above your head. you pull one from the shelf and begin to add pasta onto it. however, by the time you reach the table, ellie's passed out atop it. her face is smushed into the tabletop, hair getting all in your food.

you huff out a breath, shifting to hold her plate in one hand before lightly shaking her shoulders with your other. she doesn't rouse so you shake her even harder. eventually, she snaps awake. perhaps too quickly, because she thrashes out. her arms flail, knuckles colliding with your cheekbone.

the plate in your hand falls to the floor, glass shattering against wood. ellie's eyes widen, her gaze trained on your face as yours remains trained on the broken dish below your feet.

she begins to stand, "i didn't mean—"

"it's okay, els." you assure her with a small smile, urging her to sit back down. the last thing you want is glass in her foot.

"no, i—" she shakes her head, clearly fighting her own mind as she combats for ascendancy over her inebriation. "i hit you.. i never meant to— to ever—"

"ellie." you interrupt, voice hard. "it's fine."

her lips thin as she gives you a curt nod in response. you walk into the kitchen to retrieve the broom. when you return, ellie is out of her chair and walking toward the door. you frown at her and she gives you a pitying look before exiting the house without another word.

AUGUST.

"drugs, ellie?" you shout, hands flying up in emphasis. "you're taking fucking pills now!?"

"don't snoop through my shit!" she shouts back.

your voices bounce off the walls of your home. once such a cozy, quiet place of solace. now only visited in short increments when in need of food or a bed. the light of the candle you'd lit this morning glows a soft orange, almost taunting you with its clashing softness.

ellie hasn't been home all month. she finally came back last night, kissing you gently as she apologized for acting so strange. she confided in you, explaining how she's been having a hard time but intends to make up for it. her hands were benign as she ran them over your bare skin last night. oh so kind, she was. her words were like music, playing the exact lyrics that you'd coveted for months.

only to wake up this morning and find out the truth. you'd come into the kitchen to prepare her breakfast, a soft smile on your lips as you lit the candle. you'd noticed that she left her coat on the counter and reached to grab it for her. you hadn't meant to snoop, just to clean up behind her. as you've been doing since march.

but then you heard an odd sound from within the pocket. you reached into it, thinking she'd left her keys. and you knew ellie long enough to know that she'd freak out, thinking she'd lost them if you didn't put them on the table for her.

but they weren't her keys. they were pills.

"i didn't snoop, you asshole!" you exclaim. "i was trying to help you!"

"i don't need you controlling my fucking life all the time!" she shouts, features contorted into an expression of rage that you'd never seen her wear. it was disquieting.

"controlling?" you shake your head in disbelief. "i'm trying to keep you from doing shit you'll regret! i'm sorry for caring!"

"oh, don't fucking turn this on me." ellie scoffs.

you watch her with furrowed brows. is she serious? turn this on her? you're genuinely unsure on what you did wrong. you let her back into the home, slept with her, made her favorite breakfast in bed. then found out that she fucking lied. she was keeping shit from you.

your tone is much softer when you ask, "..were you even sober last night?"

her jaw clenches, but she doesn't respond. tears well in your eyes at the thought.

you'd never been more excited than you were last night. to finally have her back. your ellie. to have her coming back to you, for you. you'd fallen asleep last night studying her features. your fingertip traced the slope of her nose down to the cupids bow of her lip.

your chest aches as you say these next words. "get out of my house."

"your house?" she asks.

you feel like your drowning. or perhaps you're choking. or falling. but whatever it is, you're sure it's irrevocable. your throat is so tight you can hardly breathe. "i want all your shit packed and out of here by the end of the month."

ellie's eyes widen. "you're not serious."

"i've never been more serious in my fucking life." you say. "you can't storm in here whenever you want, use me like some whore, then leave when you feel like it. i'm tired of your bullshit ellie, that was my final straw."

her eyes are glassy as she grabs her coat — which is still full of pills — and leaves.

the moment the door slams shut behind her, you fall to the floor. your knees give out beneath your weight, the tile flooring cold against the palms of your hands. so this is what it is to fall. to chase the sun and get burned. to melt your wax and plummet. all you can thing, as you hear ellie's muffled cries outside the door, is how much you empathize with icarus for being foolish enough to reach for apollo.

OCTOBER.

jesse is throwing a party for his twenty second birthday. it's not a huge party, but large enough that you're sure ellie will be there. it's only been two months since you broke things off with her.

nothing, since then, has felt real. the length of your hair, the shape of your bones, the height of your spine. nothing is right in the world. in you.

but this is for jesse, not for ellie. if she's here today, that's her problem. not yours. for once, it's ellie's turn to regret. you're sick of being the one crying at night when you can hear her unlock the door to retrieve her things when she thinks you're asleep. you're fucking tired of it. she's the one who ruined everything.

you knock one, two, three times before the door swings open. dina smiles at you kindly as she widens the door to allow you inside. you thank her, though you know she's not your friend. you two aren't on bad terms necessarily, she just doesn't seem like you all that much. which is fine.

you enter the home to see that most guests have already arrived and are already drinking. jesse is in the living room, a goofy party hat atop his head as he shouts at the television. behind him, people laugh from the couches. one of those people is ellie. her legs are spread, an empty beer bottle hanging from her loose fingers. she doesn't seem to notice you, engrossed in whatever is happening on the tv. dina's gaze lingers on you for a moment before she leaves.

you walk to the kitchen to place your belongings down, pulling out the gift that you'd bought for jesse. the kitchen is empty, everyone else having crowded into the living room. though, it doesn't stay empty for long.

"what're you doin' here." ellie's voice speaks from the doorway. you don't look in her direction, not daring to.

"jesse's my friend too, ellie." you remind her with a sigh, placing the gift on the counter alongside all the other gifts.

part of you yearns to run to her, to pull her into your arms out of pure instinct. but you're not able to do that anymore because she's not yours. you spent over five months trying to comfort her into sobriety, only for your efforts to be in vain. so, instead of acting on foolish impulse, you keep your feet planted in place as you refuse to face her.

"you can't even look at me?" she slurs, voice tinged with annoyance.

"you're not yourself, right now." you say, eyes remaining pinned to the countertop in front of you. "i don't want to see you like this."

in truth, you know the sight of her so intoxicated would only ruin you further. it'd make you yearn for her even more as your mind reminisces on all that's been lost. all those wasted months you could have spent with her. all those nights you took for granted. those smiles. those eyes. seeing her like this would tarnish the few good memories that prevail.

"right," she scoffs, "'cause you're such a fuckin' saint yourself."

"i might not be a saint, but at least i'm still me." you say. "i haven't changed into some pathetic shell of a person."

her jaw clenches, "i'm still me, too."

"no, ellie, you're not." you finally lift your head to face her. your brow is knitted, concern painting your features with something akin to sorrow. it shoots through ellie's chest like a dagger, the sight of your saddened expression. she swallows, burying whatever sense of guilt she feels deep under a facade of vexation. "you're not the woman i fell in love with, you—"

"yes i am!" she shouts, slamming the empty bottle onto the countertop. a long clang rings through the space between you. "i'm the same fucking person!"

"ellie, dont—"

"y'know, back in april, you told me that grief comes in all different forms. you told me that what i'm feeling is normal! you—" her words are cut off by the sound of her voice cracking. your heart cracks along with it.

"that was before i knew how bad this would get." you say. "i thought it was just alcohol."

"it was!" she exclaims. "for a while, it was!"

"it doesn't matter what it was." you snap. "it's no longer just alcohol anymore. you're into pills and drugs and—"

"you can't fuckin' blame me for that!" she yells. you're sure everyone can hear her now. though, due to how drunk they are, you doubt they care enough to eavesdrop. "i was going— i am going through a lot!"

"i get that, ellie. i do." you argue. "but you can't ruin yourself like this! joel wouldn't want this from you and neither do i. you aren't thinking!"

her fists clench at her sides, voice lowering. "don't bring joel into this. he has nothing to do with it."

"he has everything to do with it!" you shout. sucking in a deep breath, you pinch the bridge of your nose in exhaustion. when you continue, your voice has dropped back down to a calmer tone, something you've learned to do during those on-and-off months with ellie. yelling at her only makes her grow more defensive and elongates her next expedition. "he's dead, ellie. he's gone and you're struggling with that. and that's okay. but turn to your friends for comfort. turn to people who love you, not drugs. they don't help you, els."

"turn to my friends? turn to people who love me?" she shakes her head, scoffing incredulously. "i tried that. i turned to you, i leaned on you. i tried and tried and tried and you left me."

"i didn't—"

"you left me when i was at my lowest. what else was i supposed to do?" she says, bottom lip quivering. you can't tell if it's from rage or sadness. a few months ago, you'd be able to read her like a book. not anymore. "you did this to me."

oh. that did it. tears well in your eyes embarrassingly fast. ellie's expression falters for a second, just long enough for you to respond. "fuck you, ellie. if you want to act like an asshole, go ahead. but if you think i'll just sit idly by while you kill yourself, you're painfully fucking wrong."

NOVEMBER.

someone's knocking at your door. it's well past midnight and you're in the middle of brushing your teeth. you curse under your breath, spitting before rushing to the front door. they continue to bang on the wood. "i'm fucking coming, calm down!"

you swing the door open, the chilly air sweeping inside. your eyes take a second to adjust to the light before you recognize ellie's silhouette. your eyes widen as she staggers inside. she leans against you instinctively, hands bracing your shoulders as she trips over her own feet. you hold her around the waist, guiding her toward your couch. the one she'd picked out three years ago.

"didn't know.." her words trail off and you shush her, rolling her onto her side in case she needs to vomit. she continues to mutter incoherently as you pace the room, not knowing what to do.

"fucking hell, els." you breathe, watching as her blinking slows and her mouth begins to drool. the black of her pupils take up more space than her irises, worryingly so.

"e'ryone else 's asleep," she murmurs.

you come forward, casting her hair out of her face. "shh, don't speak, baby, you're fine. no need to explain, 'kay?"

"mmm," she hums, eyes fluttering, "m'kay."

you nod, pushing to your feet as you continue to think of what the fuck you're supposed to do. what did she even take to get this bad? who the hell is selling it to her? everyone in jackson knows that she just lost joel earlier this year. god, if you could get your hands on them..

she begins coughing, though it sounds closer to gagging than anything. your heart rushes in your chest, "fuck fuck fuck."

without thinking, you grab your phone from your wall and dial tommy's number. it rings thrice before his voice comes through the line. he barely has time to ask who you are before you're explaining everything between sobs.

tommy, maria, and a few medics arrive within ten minutes. they haul ellie away on a stretcher, speaking too fast for you to pick up on anything. you stand in your living room as tommy follows them out. maria walks over to you as you're rubbing harshly at your eyes.

"you did the right thing, kid." she assures you, voice so soft that it only makes you cry harder. she frowns, humming sadly as she pulls you into a hug. "i know it's hard. grief always is."

you pull back, looking at her through teary eyes, "how'd you handle tommy? after joel passed."

"i hardly did." she admits. "we're not on the best terms, even now. that's just was loss does to people. it drives them apart until there's nothing left to drive apart."

"i don't..." you frown. "i don't think ellie and i have anything left."

APRIL.

you haven't spoken to ellie since november. after she awoke in a medical cot, she was more sober than she's been in months. her withdrawals were horrid, tommy said. he kept you in the loop with everything because ellie refused to see you, claiming to loathe you for having called tommy.

you can't lie, your heart definitely broke when you heard that. to imagine ellie from last year, kissing you awake with breakfast in bed, and comparing her to the ellie from now, claiming to never want to see your face again? the thought makes you feen genuinely ill.

snow sticks to the ground as you walk through the town of jackson. you're on your way to the grocery store when you see her. well, them. dina walks beside ellie as they saunter down the sidewalk, hands clasped together. she has that look on her face, the one she used to only ever give you. the one nobody else was lucky enough to see.

you huff breath, turning to look in the other direction as you pretend to not have even seen them together.

ellie seems to be getting better. and that's all that matters.

her eyes are bright, her nose is red from the cold. you can see her freckles from here, and you know the exact amount that coat her cheeks. you've counted them, memorized them as her fingertips traced your skin. as her viridescent gaze bore into your own with nothing but the same love she's currently looking at dina with.

you quicken your footsteps, forcing yourself to walk faster before you act on the biting pain in your stomach. the tangible agony that writhes within you.

FEBRUARY.

jj. that's his name.

no, you didn't stalk your ex girlfriend surrogate. you're not that crazy. maria actually came to you, explained that dina had a child and was raising him alongside ellie. she showed you a picture of them, a perfect family of three.

you instantly broke down into tears the moment you saw his gummy smile and fatty fists. dina held him tightly, having the same eyes as he. ellie had an arm draped over her, one hand on jj's shoulder as she beamed at the camera.

ellie is a mom. she has a baby. she has a baby boy who never would have gotten the chance to know her if she'd died that november night two years ago. and yet, she still refuses to speak to you. not a word has been uttered since that night. since she was dying on your couch from an overdose.

but it doesn't matter. who ellie is with and what ellie is doing doesn't matter at all. she's happy and that's all that matters.

you're perfectly content with watching her from afar with wax wings that are sure to burn under her brilliance. you'd tried it once and only ended in scorched flesh and the corpse of letting go.

⊹ ࣪ ˖𐙚 perm. taglist @luvsturniolo.     @ilovewomenfr.     @zzombiegirl.     @elliessweetheart.     @shawangel.  @defnoteleonor.     @fatbootymuncher.     @autisticintr0vert. 

⊹ ࣪ ˖𐙚 series taglist @soodle-noup. @kirammanss. @vahnilla. @prwttiestbunny.

[strwbrychffoncke]

"ive got my love to keep me warm,, 1.7k words synopsis: cozy mornings with xavier contains: afab!reader (cleavage is mentioned once ,he squeezes ur boob lol) ,fluffy to slight nsfw?? (veeery suggestive but nothing explicit) ,teasing ,kissing ,playful xav ,sleepy xavier (when isnt he) ,he calls you 'miss hunter' teasingly ,playful banter at the end ,reader is wearing a cami + panties (im projecting) ,i think thats it *gulps* note: this is my first lads fic (yay?) here's my peace offering while i try to unravel all of my other ideas into comprehensible stories.. i hope i did him justice for the xavier kissers here :x

-

peaceful.

thats how you would describe these mornings in a single word.

when the sun has yet to fully ascend beyond the horizon, its warm light slowly reaching down to the ground below, slowly enveloping every building— a gentle wake up call— its effort is futile to chase away the thick blanket of snow that's encased every inch of the city.

the world was silent, peaceful, taking its time to slowly wake from its slumber before the usual bustle of the day would settle in.

but today was different for you.

today was your day off.

something you were ever so grateful for as you cracked your eyes open, quickly being reminded that you didn't need to roll out of the warm confines of your bed, reach for your uniform in a haste, and decide what the quickest breakfast option would be this time while brushing your teeth—

but instead, you close your eyes once more, basking in the quiet calm of the morning, sinking further into the comfort of your soft mattress and warm comforter.

"..."

a shifting movement causes you to peek an eye open again.

you look down, met with the face of none other than xavier, still sound asleep, arms wound around your waist and head pressed against your chest.

you grin, bringing your hands up from under the covers, brushing up his back before trailing over the nape of his neck before landing on the top of his head, fingers tangling in his soft locks.

at your ministrations, he nuzzles deeper into your chest (his favorite pillow), a look of satisfaction spreading across his lips in his sleep.

you can only smile at the sight, admiring him.

xavier was beautiful; this was a well-known fact and something that you couldn't help but to think the first time you laid eyes on him back then.

even in his sleep, his beauty only multiplied. his breathing calm and even, cheeks soft (right one cutely squished from being pressed into your chest), his pretty long lashes stemming from his unmoving eyelids, his slightly-chapped pink lips....

you move your right hand from his hair down to his face, tracing the outline of his eyelids, his cheekbones, the curve of his nose—

he scrunches it at your touch, causing you to pause, but he still doesn't wake.

you cant help but to admire his serene expression. even if he always appeared calm and put together, there were moments where his worry, anxiety, or irritation bled through (namely on more difficult missions together— though, whether you realize it or not, in these moments he's always concerned over your safety and being able to help you out, should you need it) so seeing him like this was an especially pleasant sight to you.

you trail your index finger down, tracing his upper lip back and forth. when you go to trace vertically from his cupids bow to his inner bottom lip, your finger is met with a kiss, making you freeze.

"is my face that strange, miss hunter?"

he peeks at you with one eye from his spot as you snatch your finger back, startled by his cute, sleepy (yet equally attractive) mumble, not realizing he had woken up, having been too lost in your thoughts.

he only laughs softly at this, both eyes open yet half-lidded as he reaches a hand out from under the covers to grab your hand and drag it back towards his lips, planting a kiss onto your knuckles.

"is this a new mandatory inspection?" he grins sleepily at you as he drags your hand closer, placing his left cheek into your palm. "please, take as long as you need," he says, nuzzling into your warmth.

beginning to feel the edges of guilt creep up on you, you try to explain yourself.

"i didn't mean to wake you—"

"hmm?" he hums, closing his eyes.

you stare for a moment before letting out a laugh.

does he not mind after all?

"go back to sleep, xavier," you urge, still rubbing his head with your free hand.

"what 'bout you?"

he releases your hand, eyes still shut as he lowers his right cheek back down, curling his left arm back around your waist, head plush against your chest once more.

"im still a little sleepy myself," you yawn.

"didn't seem that way to me," he mumbles.

you huff out a breath. xavier giggles.

a comfortable silence envelops you both until you decide to speak up again.

"your face isn't strange."

"hm?" he was still awake.

"your question. your face isn't strange.. its the opposite, actually. seeing such a peaceful expression on your face is always... a relief," you admit sheepishly.

xavier cracks an eye open at that.

feeling his stare, you push a hand towards his face to cover his eye and turn your head away, bashful under his gaze.

"stop that.."

he responds by grabbing your hand, easily moving it down from his eyes, and kissing the inside of your palm down to your wrist, making eye contact with you all the while.

"xavier..."

something about the way you show your care for him, your embarrassed expression as you try to hide from his gaze (along with the way a strap of your cami slides down your arm, revealing more of your pretty skin) seems to wake him up and make something snap within him all at once.

"on second thought..."

you don't have time to process his next move.

one second, he was nestled comfortably against you, and the next, he was hovering over you, the hand he was kissing now pinned down above your head on the mattress below.

"i'm not sure i feel so tired anymore..."

your breath hitches, surprised eyes locked with his as he stares down at you.

your pretty, surprised eyes stare up at him, your breathing picking up at the growing tension as his eyes drag over you, from your messy bedhead, your silk cami— wrinkled and showing just enough of your cleavage now— riding up at the bottom to reveal your soft belly peeking out from beneath it, your pretty panties, lace embellishing the edges, hugging your hips so nicely, the beginning of your plush thighs pressed together...

he thinks you look so pretty like this.

"xa—"

"beautiful."

you don't get to respond as he swallows up any words you had within the next second.

the kiss is needy, his tongue quickly overtaking yours and slipping between your lips, breathing you in, taking everything you're willing to give him.

he loves how willing you are to give yourself to him.

always.

when you separate, you're both gasping for air, a string of saliva connecting your now spit-shined lips together.

he frowns down at you suddenly, still catching his breath.

"xavier?" you whisper, puzzled at his sudden change in expression.

you reach out for him with your left hand but before you can reach him, he catches it with his free one, pinning it down over your right hand, adjusting his grip so both your wrists are restrained with his left hand, leaving you helpless while his right begins to trail down your body.

"you woke me up..."

his eyes are darker as his fingers drag slowly down your neck, your collarbones, your shoulder.

did i upset him?

"i said i didn't- oh"

your breath catches in your throat as he squeezes your breast suddenly.

"its only fair you take responsibility,"

he trails lower, touch light over the skin of your stomach before trailing over your panties stretched across your hips (oh, how he loved that you didn't sleep in any pants, even when the weather was as cold as it was), fingers dancing around between your inner thighs.

"right, miss hunter?"

. . .

winter mornings with xavier were something you started to anticipate ever since getting your first taste of one.

at night, you never had to fear going to sleep shivering under layers of blankets, and oftentimes you'd wake up so warm and cozy (thanks to your human-cat like blanket) that you never wanted to get up.

other times, even when a chill permeated through the room, xavier would always take matters into his own hands and warm you up using his own methods, conventional or not.

winter mornings with xavier were peaceful, cozy, warm, and always something to look forward to.

and as small, pretty snowflakes began to float down and meet with the city below, all the world was none the wiser to the sounds of your lovemaking.

more snowflakes began their descent, a light frost enveloping the windows, the blanket of snow concealing the messy kisses, sinful moans, gasping breaths, the way he bent your body to his will, the slapping of skin and the confessions of love amongst everything else.

and by the time most were out and about, running errands or on their way to their respective jobs, you were already spent and shaking, cuddling up to xavier, still nude and stealing each others body heat, marks running along your necks and chests as you slipped into the comfortable embrace of slumber once more.

-

"are you cold?"

you look up at him.

"why do you ask?"

"you're shaking"

you stare at him, unimpressed.

"well, maybe if someone wasn't so needy, my body wouldn't be reacting like this."

he laughs in response, pulling you closer before planting a kiss on your head.

"sorry," he muses, not sounding apologetic in the slightest. "you just look too good in the morning, can you really blame me?"

you sigh, cuddling closer to him.

"i don't think i'll be able to walk for the rest of the day."

"it's a good thing i didn't feel like going out anyway," he lets out a contented sigh as he hugs you close.

yes, winter mornings with xavier were definitely something to look forward to.

. . .

extra:

"so... you're not cold?"

you don't answer.

"because i can always warm you up—"

you can't fight the urge and hit him with a pillow. he laughs.

"actually, i think i have something to do," you tease, rolling away from him, almost reaching the edge of the bed before he latches onto your waist.

you yelp as he pulls you back against his chest.

"hey!"

"you may not be cold, but i am. stay here and warm me up for now." he shuts his eyes, getting comfortable with you.

you sigh, nuzzling into him.

"i'll have to get up to cook later, and you're going to have to move me."

"we can order takeout."

"xavier that's..."

"sleep," he murmurs, holding you close.

you can only surrender, sinking into the warmth from your beloved.

-

authors note: yes i wrote xavier as a freak in the morning i think it suits him.. was so tempted to turn this into an actual smut but my only experience is reading 'x reader' smut w fictional characters sigh. maybe ill try writing christmas sex or something but hopefully this will do for now.... dunno if its noted but the title is inspired by laufey's winter ep + other inspos w the other lads li's are on the way ,please look forward to it :x > editing one last time after drinking if there's any typos idk what ill do....

[be4chywritez]

medicine | matt rempe

matt rempe x fem!reader

matt just needs some medicine in the form of some good ol’ loving

prompt: tracing your lover's features as they sleep.

request: prompt 13 w matt rempe pleaseee? love ur writing

The soft light of dawn began to seep through the curtains, casting a gentle glow over the room. You lay beside Matt, his steady breathing and the rise and fall of his chest a soothing rhythm in the quiet morning. Last night's game had been intense, and the brawl he'd gotten into left visible marks on his face.

Gently, you traced your fingers over the bruises, feeling the warmth of his skin beneath your touch. "You always give it your all, don't you?" you whispered softly, more to yourself than to him. Your fingers moved to the curve of his jaw, lingering on the rough stubble, then traced the line of his cheekbone.

Matt stirred slightly but didn't wake. You smiled, reaching to brush stray hairs out of his face. Your tank top rode up slightly as you placed a chaste kiss on his forehead.

He stirred a little more, his hand settling on your lower back. His calloused thumb rubbed against your exposed hip as his eyes opened sleepily.

"Good morning," he rasped, leaning up to kiss your lips. The kiss was soft and lingering, both of you needing something soft and bliss.

"Morning," you replied, your voice barely above a whisper. You brushed your fingers gently through his hair, careful not to touch the bruises. "How are you feeling?"

Matt sighed, his eyes closing briefly as he savored your touch. "Sore," he admitted, a faint smile tugging at his lips. "But having you here makes it better."

You traced the outline of his lips with your finger, marveling at how even in pain, he managed to smile. "You scared me last night," you confessed. "Seeing you out there, fighting like that… I hate seeing you hurt."

His smile widened. "My fight didn't get you hot and bothered?" he suggested, pulling you into his lap, his hand running up and down your back. You giggled, shoving his chest playfully.

"You're the worst, Rempe," you said, shaking your head.

He laughed softly, the sound rumbling through his chest. "I know," he said, his eyes twinkling with mischief. "But you love me anyway."

You couldn't help but smile. "Yeah, I do," you admitted, wrapping your arms around his neck. "I love you even when you're a pain in my ass."

"Y'know what else could be a pain in your ass," he teased, raising an eyebrow suggestively.

You jumped out of his lap, making your way to the bathroom. You could hear him laughing to himself as you called back, "Not happening, babe."

Still chuckling, he leaned back against the pillows, a satisfied grin on his face. "Can't blame a guy for trying," he said, loud enough for you to hear.

You rolled your eyes but couldn't suppress the smile that tugged at your lips. "Just rest up, Matt," you replied, peeking out from the bathroom door. "You've got to heal those bruises before you can try any of your moves again."

"Yes, ma'am," he said, giving you a mock salute.

You laughed, shaking your head. "You're impossible."

"And you love me for it," he called back, settling into the bed and closing his eyes, the smile still lingering on his lips.

As you finished up in the bathroom and returned to the bedroom, you couldn't help but smile at Matt. Despite the bruises and the teasing, he was yours, and that was all that mattered.

"I think you should assess my injuries," he suggested as you crawled into bed beside him.

You raised an eyebrow, giving him a playful look. "Oh, really?"

He smirked, his eyes twinkling with mischief. "Yeah, I need my girl to check all my injuries," he said, gesturing to his bruised face. "Very thoroughly."

You chuckled, shaking your head. "Fine, but only because you actually need some care," you said, leaning over him to gently kiss the bruises on his face.

"How's that?" you asked, your voice soft.

"Much better," he murmured, his eyes closing in contentment. "But I think you need to keep going."

You smiled, your heart swelling with love. "Alright, but remember, this is just so you feel better," you teased, pressing gentle kisses along his jawline and down to his neck.

"Of course," he replied, his voice filled with amusement.

"You know," you said softly, pausing to look into his eyes, "I'm really glad you're okay."

He reached up, cupping your face with his hand. "I'm glad I have you," he whispered. "You're the best medicine I could ever ask for."

beachy's notes: hope you enjoyed it :)

[bsdawgz]

「 ✦ 3 AM Thoughts ✦ 」 Bungo Stray Dogs, Port Mafia: Ryūnosuke Akutagawa

A/N: hiii shannon luv @4ngel-inc <3 i told u i was writing ab aku cuz of ur hc ... i couldn't stop thinking about him (*/_＼) !

genre: gn!reader (yuhhh). MDNI! [18+ only] this is smut.

summary: akutagawa masturbates while thinking of you ;)

Oh, god. He's not ... doing this again, right? It's embarrassing, honestly. He's sitting up in his bed, shrouded in shadow, nothing but the city light revealing the faint blush that's crept its way onto his cheeks as he traces your sweet lips in his mind, as he thinks back to the day's events and lets each fleeting interaction he had this with you this morning linger just a little longer than he should.

Your fingers brushed against his today when you settled the teacup in front of him. You might not have noticed, the way he retracted his hand so quickly, but it made him tremor slightly. It was a complete accident, he knows, but it sent him into a whirl nevertheless.

You and Akutagawa have been acquainted for awhile – you're far from intimate, but you're acquainted. You know him as Gin's older brother, and he ... he's had a crush on you for the longest time, but he doubts you've ever noticed.

For some unknown reason, he's captivated by you. Perhaps it's the way you never flinch at his temper, poking fun at it instead. Maybe it's how you see him for how he truly is, in a way that almost scares him. Or maybe it's something much simpler than that – the way you do your hair or your nails. Your vibrant laugh. Your warmth and how it soothes his emptiness. Who knows.

It's innocent thoughts tonight. That's what he insists. What it might be like to hold your hand in his, for example. Your hands must be warm; he felt its radiant heat for the brief second it touched his, or maybe he had just imagined it, and it was the steam of the teacup tickling his skin. Still, he'd like to think it was you; he'd like to picture those hands of yours smoothing along his slender waist, maybe as you'd hold him close the way he wishes he could hold you...

He'd like to picture those hands of yours caressing the protrusion of his cheekbone, brushing against it skin. He thinks of what it might feel like for you to run your thumb over his lips. He thinks of you running your hands through his hair, rearranging the strands of black and silver as you rake your fingers through his scalp. Then, for some reason, he thinks about what it might be like to have your fingernails scraping down his back, and he wonders what it might be like to fall on top of you.

His thoughts drift. He should be thinking about other things, he knows. He's wasting time again, he knows – and it makes him feel furious with himself. He should think about important things, like the infiltration strategy Chūya went over in today's meeting, but he's thinking about you instead.

Now, his hand is reaching for the covers, and he's lifting it up just to look as if he doesn't already know what he's going to see there.

He's hard, and it's pathetic.

Akutagawa hisses at the way his body betrays him. Can he not control his own sexual desires? He feels so pathetic –

But if this is what it takes, he'll just have to get it done and over with.

His hand reaches for the bottom of his shirt. He tugs it just slightly above his navel, inhaling quietly as the cold air hits him. Then, he closes his eyes and delicately traces the lean muscle of his abdomen, pretending it's your finger instead of his that's faintly dancing across his skin. It's gentle, the way he touches himself. It's the way he imagines you would do it, your touch soft and forgiving.

Then, he sighs softly, and he sinks deeper into the mattress. He trails his fingers lower, and he reaches for himself. This is the worst part of it... the most shameful part, he thinks. The part he can never bring himself to resist. His fingers wrap around his length through his boxers, and he finds himself pulsing with need. He lets out a muffled sound as his face flushes with heat. Then, slowly, he feels it through the fabric, picturing it's your hand and not his that's pleasuring him.

He'd like to think he's better than this. That he's not some horndog that needs to be relieved by fucking his own hand –

– But he wants it

He craves it.

He shuffles his boxers down his legs, then pulls the blanket up over his head. It's not like anyone can actually see him, but it's too embarrassing to be exposed, even in the dark. Then, he fists himself, grasping the shaft firmly in his hand with a grunt as he strokes himself faster.

It feels too good to touch himself like this – rougher and without restraint. His lips part in a sinful moan, and he quickly shoves his other hand against his mouth, forcing himself to be quiet. Shut up, he tells himself as he pants – he'll sound so stupid if he's loud.

His thoughts are full of you. Thoughts of filling you, more like it, as he jerks his hips toward his hand. He can picture it all in detail now – how gorgeous you'd look bouncing on top of him, your plush thighs holding him down, your dainty fingers tangled in his hair as you ride him. This time, he can't hold back as he groans softly, gasping as he chases after his imagination frantically, wishing he was fucking you instead of his hand – just a little closer and he's there.

And he knows better than to cum on his own stomach. He does – really. He should know better, at least. But it'll ruin it if he stops right now –

– so, he gets on his stomach anyway, rolling his hips against the mattress, rutting desperately against the blanket.

And he feels so pathetic, knowing he's better than this.

But it's 3 AM.

You're on his mind again.

All he can do is close his eyes and pretend he's fucking you instead of his own hand.

© BSDAWGZ 2024. Do not steal or repost ANY of my works! That’s plagiarism, and it’s mean. :(( Beautiful dividers by @ v6que~!

[hannamoon143]

Die with a Smile

Nobody‘s promised tomorrow

So imma love you every night like it‘s the last night

Cause i wanna hold you just for a while, and die with a smile

༘⋆ ❅ ･:*:｡ ❆

Words: 5,2k

Genre: angst, fluff, comfort(��?), christmas

Hyunjin x fem. Reader

Warnings: Cancer!!!! So sickness, food, crying, sickingly sweet fluff, fears, , all i want for christmas by mariah carey (yes that needs a warning),death,non-sexual nudity (they r just bathing), cinnamon (sorry but- warning needed),

A/n: hi! I had so much fun writing this, and it‘s also for the StayblrHolidayEvent . I hope yall enjoy this also since it‘s my first christmas fic. Also as u can see it’s a bit inspired from die with a smile (bruno mars & lady gaga). Basically It’s just those lines i wrote over there kinda inspired me how to write the emotions and thoughts and stuff. So now, take ur hot chocolate, a fuzzy blanket and read! Merry christmas and happy holidays to yall🎄💕✨

You were laying down next to hyunjin, watching the other guys in front of you, while he was sketching most probably them or the decorated livingroom, or just the whole scene in front of him. Felix, Chan and Minho had come over, and now they were laughing as they decorated your tree, the rest of the livingroom, and singing christmas songs. The christmas joy had definitely taken over them, also if you couldn‘t really feel anything of it.„Don‘t you wanna get up and help them?“ Hyunjin mumbled quietly to you, not looking up from his sketch. He did that so often lately. He sketched simple scenes or things he saw, shutting almost everything else out. As if he wanted to remember everything to the smallest detail. „No, i‘m good here with you.“ You responded, laying your head on his shoulder. He sighed quietly, and kept drawing in silence for a while, the only noise was the guys bantering and christmas songs playing in the background. Then he spoke up again, quietly. „Y/nnie, you don‘t have to always sit around me and baby me alright? Don‘t think i don‘t know why you are doing this, and don‘t think i didn‘t hear you crying in the bathroom. I‘m well aware of the situation, but why can‘t we just make the best out of it? I feel like all this is getting to you more than to me, when it‘s literally me who is going to die.“ You froze at his words.

Last christmas, hyunjin had been diagnosed with cancer, and the worst was it was a type that could never be healed. They had told you that he had about one more year to live. That time you broke down entirely, and already there it was you who seemed to be more affected than him. But over a bit time you started acting normal again, not constantly being around him and doing everything for him. But now the year was coming to an end, and christmas was standing on the frontdoor. With that everything came back. You suddenly were all over him, not once leaving his side, and everytime he wanted to get up or something you pressed him down and did whatever he wanted to do for him.

The worst was you could feel it. Somewhere inside you had always hoped that the doctors were just wrong and hyunjin wouldn’t die in the next sixty years. But you saw that they were right. The way he slowly began to always eat a bit less than before, the way the circles under his eyes got darker, and his cheekbones more visible. You hated it. You didn’t hate him of course, you could never, but you hated this stupid cancer and what it was doing to your hyunjin. It was taking him painfully slow out of this world. With him getting worse you were too. You wanted to be strong for him, and for him to have the happiest last christmas ever but you couldn’t help it, the weight of the fact that soon he wouldn’t be there anymore was dragging you down too much, when you knew that it only hurt him more to see you like this, altough you always tried to hide it.

So there you were now. You stiffened and took your head off his shoulder, to look him in the eye. „Don‘t say it like that hyun-“

„No, i will in fact say it like that, cause i‘m not gonna lie to any of us for longer.I know that i‘m going to die, and you know it too okay? So why can‘t we enjoy the time left, and just do everything like we used to, instead of you constantly acting like i‘m some kind of fragile doll that could break at any moment? You acting like a overprotective mom isn‘t gonna change a single thing, as much as it hurts to hear that. Think about it y/n. Because i don‘t want to sit on this couch or in my bed the rest of my life. I‘m not doing this y/n.“ His voice was thick with emotion, and he had kicked his sketchbook away. He stood up, in fact needing a bit time to get up, and to lean onto the wall, but he went into your room, shutting the door. You stared at the closed door, with an empty hollow gaze. The other guys now excused themself and left. But before he left, chan said to you with a guilty smile: „Not everything he said is true, but you should think about some parts. Bye y/nnie.“

Now you were left alone in the silence. Hyunjin’s sketchbook was laying open on the floor, and the pages were a bit scaped now. He was going to be mad at himself for that later. You picked it up, wanting to close it, but then you saw his sketch from today. It wasn’t the scene in front of him, it was you, looking a bit sad. Under the drawing he wrote

My sad girl, 2024

When is she gonna be my happy girl again?

A tear ran down your cheek. He was always very empathetic and he hated when you felt down. Why hadn‘t you thought of the fact that you being like this only weighed him more down?

You cuddled up under the blanket that was still warm from hyunjin, tears slowly falling down. You knew he was right. Of course he wanted to enjoy his life, as long as he was still able to. Because no matter what you were going to do, it wasn‘t gonna change anything anyways, so why not enjoy instead of being sad and regretful when he was still with you, still breathing, still being able to smile at you?

After a while you could finally get yourself to go to him again. You braced yourself and got up, knocking on the door of your shared room. He just faintly sniffled. You opened the door slowly, seeing him huddled up under a blanket. He was crying, and it broke your heart. Hyunjin was a sensitive guy, and he hated arguing with loved ones more than anything, so you should have known that this would get to him, also if he was acting careless and tough. You kept being quiet, just sitting down on your side of the bed. You started stroking his hair, at wich he only started crying more. After a while of being like this in silence, the only sounds his quiet crying and the air cnditioner in the background, he lowered the blanket and looked at you with red eyes. „I don‘t want to die either y/n. I just… i‘m trying to be strong cause you are hurting so much,and i‘m so sorry for leaving you alone my love-“ His voice broke, and more tears spilled over onto his red cheeks. You opened your arms for him, and he didn‘t hesitate. He immediately moved a bit so his head was laying on your chest now. Quickly you wrapped your arms around him, kissing his head, while a few tears trailed down your cheeks too. Of course you knew. „I know, i know hyunnie. But you don‘t need to be strong all the time. I can‘t cure the cancer, but we are in this together. You can tell me how you feel, and i will give you space when you need it, but be by your side whenever you want it too. And i also promise to not act like a overprotective mom anymore.“ He chuckled a bit through his tears at that, wich made you do so too. „See, everything‘s okay. You are not alone, and as long as we can spend time together, i’ll be with you, trying to make your time left the best you ever had. How about tomorrow we make a christmas day? Like we go to the christmas market, bake gingerbread in the afternoon and sing christmas songs, all while we have ugly christmas sweaters on?“ you both started laughing, the tears finally stopping. He nodded,his face squished against your hoodie now, and his breathing was evening out. Maybe you really shouldn‘t take everything that serious. Because now it wasn‘t that point where you would have to say goodbye. You had no idea how much, but you had some time left to spend together, and you would try to make the best out of it. You would love him till the very end, and even after that, you‘d still do so. And as long as he was next to you would also tell him that, and make sure that when he had to go, he would do so in peace. So you closed your eyes, and in this little moment, everything that mattered was hyunjin, entirely squished against you, and you, holding him, as long as you could. The stars could have looked down at you two that night, and altough hyunjin was sick, and paths of the tears that you both cried earlier still lingered on your cheeks, they would have seen you two shine brighter than ever, the light not leaving, as long as you were together.

The next morning you woke up, a white comforter draped over you, and you almost had a heart attack when hyunjin was nowhere near. But then you saw him, walking in with a big grin, and one of the matching ugly christmas sweaters you had bought together sometime on.You started laughing, still half asleep and in a groggy voice. „You look…. Interesting.“ hyunjin laughed and threw something at you. It was your christmas sweater. You sighed, and you did your best to put a serious face on. His smile dropped. „Oh no- no- don‘t say you changed your mind.“ You broke out in a laugh and jumped up, putting the sweater over your pajama shirt. „God you are going to make me die even sooner with the heart attacks you give me.“ Hyunjin dramatically exhaled, gripping his chest. You just rolled your eyes at that. You were glad he was his usual dramatic self, the weight in the room that you both somehow created the past weeks, seemingly gone, replaced by a lighthearted joyful mood.

So you dressed the rest of yourself, grabbed your things and left the apartment with hyunjin. He had insisted to eat waffles at his favorite coz cafe around the corner, and not have one of your healthy breakfasts at home. You had given in, so now you were walking there, both wrapped up in coats, and fuzzy scarfs. It was cold outside, and the wind blew. There were faint smells of gingerbread and cinnamon in the air, telling you it was really getting christmas now. Well christmas was already tomorrow so how could it be different? You went into the cafe and hyunjin picked a spot at the window. On the pastell green walls there were everywhere pretty pictures, and the chairs were all different, each one looking vintage and really comfy. You ordered two waffles and two hot chocolates. As you sat there in the cozy fluffy chair, you looked at him. He looked the same as yesterday, and the days before but something was different. It wasn‘t the pink shade on his nose from the cold, or neither the Christmas sweater. No, it was that his eyes sparkled. They sparkled like they didn‘t in a long time. Maybe he was right? Maybe this was what he needed, not your experimental healthy food (that didn’t even taste good, eugh) and constant sitting around at home. Hyunjin shook you out of your thoughts. „Why are you staring?“

You shook your head with a little smile. „You‘re pretty today.“

He just laughed, assuming you were joking because of the sweater.

Your waffles and hot chocolate were served and hyunjin got excited like a kid, and immediately started munching them. You giggled, and secretly took a picture with your phone. Then you started eating too. The waffles tasted like christmas and happiness. You had never eaten such good waffles before. Maybe it was also just the feeling to sit here and eat them with hyunjin, entirely lighthearted and happy for the first time in weeks. As you were highly concentrated on your food, hyunjin suddenly spoke up. „I love you, you know that? And i always will, even when you can‘t see me anymore. But don‘t worry, i‘ll look at you getting older, achieving your dreams, and doing everything you want to, because i know you’ll do so well, even without me. And i‘ll protect you, from wherever i will be going. You‘ll always be my muse y/n.“ He sounded sincere, not sarcastic like when he was being dramatic, though he kept on eating his waffles, like he didn‘t just say something that almost made you cry and want to hold him for the rest of your life. You looked at him, tears building up a bit behind your eyes. „Hyunnie… I love you too, and always will. I don‘t know if i ever can fully move on though,… because i will always think of you when i look at the moon shining bright on the dark night sky, or when i look at the town around christmastime, everything tinted in a soft glow and everything smelling like gingerbread.“ You said, but you weren‘t as desperate and almost seeming like you would break down at any moment, like it was just a few days ago when he started talking about his death. No, you were calm, and a little, sad smile played on your lips. He was done with his waffles now, and leaned over the table to cup your cheek in his warm hand. „It‘s okay y/nnie. Grieving i a natural and healthy part of when someone you love is dying. And it‘s okay to cry, scream or vent to someone. But please don‘t do all that alone hm? I talked to the boys a few days ago, and they have all grown so close to you too over the years, they will support you, and you can grieve together. Know that you are not alone y/n, never. And i‘ll always be somewhere in there.“ He pointed at where your heart was. „And you are the strongest, bravest woman i know, so i know that you will be able to somewhat move on someday. Oh but i have one little request. Please never forget me, no matter what you choose to do in the future. I like the idea of you being reminded of me when looking at the moon or while the christmas season. I hope you are being reminded of me in a good way though, and not like a haunting nightmare way.“ He chuckled at the last part a bit. And you smiled too.

„I would never forget you love, and don’t worry about it, you‘ll always be my dream, never my nightmare.“

„Oh but one more thing. Don’t be afraid of me dying, while i’m still here. Everything is gonna be okay.“ He smiled. You both looked into each other‘s eyes for a moment there, and it felt like nothing else was existing right now. No other people, no sadness, and no cancer. Just hyunjin‘s mesmerizing dark eyes looking into yours.

You two were walking out the cafe, hand in hand, now going to the little christmas market hyunjin adored since you took him there for the first time. Since then he didn‘t spend a singly christmas season without going there.

Your breaths were coming out in little white clouds, and you put your head on hyunjin‘s shoulder. He took his hand out of yours,and instead lovingly wrapped his arm around your waist, pulling you close, and pressing a kiss to your head. You loved when he did that. If only you could stop time now, and walk in the joyful town forever with your boyfriend.

But soon you heard happy children‘s laughter, and smelled cinammon. No doubt that there was the christmas market. Hyunjin started smiling like crazy. He loved the fact that he got to see this for the last time with you. No, he wouldn’t be sad that it was the last time today, and regret things. No, he would just be so, so glad to spend this day here, forgetting the cancer that usually weighed him down, for a while. It seemed like a gift that he got this day, being with his favorite person in probably his favorite place.

Soon enough he saw a stand, with cute handmade christmas decorations. He immediately went over there, and made a adorable noise.

„Looooook y/n, it‘s a ferret with a scarf, and it looks like my scarf! We need to adopt him and hang him on our tree. I feel our bond, so no arguing on this one.“ He said dead serious. You laughed, looking at the ferret. You almost forgot how excited hyunjin always got at the christmas market, and how you had to convince him to not buy literally everything he saw. But you nodded on this one, the little deco really looking a bit like hyunjin right now, with his cute red nose and the adorable smile on his face. He went to the man who was selling it, and even gave him more money than the ferret costed. The guy happily wished him merry christmas and waved. Hyunjin just loved to make people happy, and why not do that especially now? He took your hand in his again, walking by the other stands, the shimmer of the fairylights hanging on all the stands mirroring the one in his eyes. As you were slowly walking, you, literally trying to convince hyunjin to not buy a gigantic wolf statue from the eighteenth century for chan(He was so silly, he had to gift everyone the most random things for christmas with the simple explanation: I saw that and thought of you), you suddenly felt something cold on your face. Hyunjin seemed to feel it too, because he looked up and immediately his whole face lit up even more if that was possible. „Omg Y/n it‘s snowing! This is just a perfect day, even the weather with it‘s beautiful snow is on our side.“ He talked, not really paying attention to what he was saying, just mesmerized by the white crystals.

Sometimes you took a bit time, just to admire the way he got excited over little things, in a way you would usually see it only with kids. Those moments, when joy was literally radiating from him you felt so much love and admiration for him that you could combust. You just wanted to snap a hundred pictures with that adorable smile and the shine in his eyes, and keep them forever in your heart. You brushed his hair out of his face, and your hand lingered on his cheek for a bit longer. „You‘re right hyun, this is the perfect day.“ You whispered. He just continued smiling, then lowered down to kiss you. You didn‘t feel the cold snow on your skin anymore, only your boyfriends soft lips, that tasted like cinammon and warmness, pressed to yours. As you pulled away, your foreheads were resting against each other, and you felt his warm breath on your face. „Let‘s go home now, then we can bake gingerbread and show mini Jinnie his new home.“ you giggled at his words, and nodded, your eyes not leaving his.

You walked through your apartment door, both of you giggling like lovesick fools. You took your shoes and coat off, but suddenly your feet got sweeped off the floor, and you were being carried by hyunjin. „Yah, stop it!! The doctor said no heavy lifting!“ You slapped his arm in an attempt to make him let you down but you couldn‘t even hold in your own laugh. He shook his head and dramatically said: „If not now, then when should i carry you bridal style, my lady?“ You playfully slapped his arm again and threw your head back in laughter. He just fondly smiled, lowering his head down to kiss you on the cheek, and then he carried you into the kitchen. The other guys seemed to also have decorated the kitchen because beautiful fairy lights were hung over the stoves, and some more decoration, including a mistletoe, was placed perfect. When hyunjin stopped under the mistletoe you started shaking your head. „No jinnie don‘t. Please, that‘s so cheesy,don‘t do it.“ You whined, knowing exactly he would in fact do it.He grinned and asked „May i?“ He didn‘t wait for an answer, he just softly laid his lips on yours, the kiss so tender like always. Both of you closed your eyes, and you wrapped your arms around his neck. After a while you slowly pulled away, and he murmured a soft „love you my muse“. You hid your face in the crook of his neck, smiling. „Love you too hyunnie“ your words were muffled against his sweater, but he didn‘t mind. He wouldn‘t want to be anywhere else in the world right now.

You went into the kitchen, and hyunjin let you down. You started preparing everything for gingerbread, and soon christmas songs were filling the air. With the fairy lights on, everything was tinted in a soft, cozy glow.

As you were just done with the dough and had placed it to rest somewhere ‘all i want for christmas‘ started playing. „Oh my favorite christmas song.“ He chimed, preparing a spoon as a microphone. You looked at him in shock. „Sorry what?? Don‘t tell me we are together for literally six years, and i had no idea that your favorite christmas song is all i want for christmas. How can you have these muscles, and act all flirty but suddenly be like a lovesick teeny girl?“

A endearing pout played on his lips. „It‘s a classical, don‘t judge me!“ You sighed but started giggling. As the refrain of the song came, hyunjin threw his hair back (Nuh uh seriously, who was this diva?) and he began to loudly sing into the spoon. You laughed, but couldn‘t resist him. You grabbed a spoon toom, and put it up to your mouth, singing along with him. He then wrapped his one arm around your waist, and with the other one he held his ‘microphone‘ , singing „All i want for christmasss is youuuuu“ And then pointing at you. You started dancing around together too. In a little clumsy pirouette move, where you would never think this man was a professional dancer, Hyunjin accidentally threw a bag of flour off the stove. In only a few seconds you both and the whole floor were coated in a thick layer of flour. For a moment you were both flabbergasted, but soon you bursted out laughing, and hyunjin just kept singing like it was nothing. This whole moment felt so heartwarming and silly, you just knew this was one of those moments you would still think of in twenty years. Hyunjin ended his little concert with one more time singing the refrain line and then he picked you up and swirled you around, the flour flying around in the air. You squealed, not expecting it, wich only made him chuckle. As he let you down again, he pulled you close again, pressing a kiss to your forehead, not caring that now flour was on his lips.„I love you so much.“

You giggled, wrapping your arms around him, so now you were both wrapped up tightly in each others embrace, not caring about the fact that you were just distributing the flour even more.

„You said that so often today.“

„Yes because i never ever want you to forget it, alright love?“ he held you jut a bit tighter, and you felt his nose nuzzling against your neck.

„alright.“

„Good. Let‘s just stay like this for a little while longer? You look cute in flour.“

„As long as you want to.“ you smiled softly and laid your head against his chest, feeling his heartbeat.

After a while the flour got a bit itchy though, you both had to admit. So you went into your room, getting some clothes for you and hyunjin, while he went into the bathroom to run a bath. You took your matching christmas pajamas, the fluffy one with gingerbread men on it. As you came into the bathroom, hyunjin was turning on the water, putting some of your favorite cinammon-bath salt in it. He had also lit some candles, and turned off the big light, so the whole bathroom was tinted in golden light. You both undressed, and you stepped into the tub first, sitting down at the end of it. Hyunjin waited and raised a brow. „Don‘t you want me to sit behind you like usual? You always like when i massage your scalp, or your tense shoulders“ You gently smiled up to him. „Today i‘m gonna do all that for you. It was so wonderful to just forget everything today, and with the christmas market and the snow, everything was just perfect. But you‘re still my sick baby. So sit down, today it‘s me who is gonna massage your scalp.“ Hyunjin‘s eyes filled with tears, and a fond smile crept up to his lips. He got into the bathtub too, sitting down between your legs, like you usually did with him. You soon gently started to run your fingers through his hair, and he closed his eyes, cherishing the feeling. After a while you felt his muscles completely relax, and his breathing get slow and steady, almost like his body was melting into yours. You held him tight, one hand still in his hair, and from time to time you kissed his shoulder, like he always did to you.

After a while when you almost thought he had fallen asleep he murmured: „The water‘s getting cold.“

You hummed. „Let‘s get out, and get you to sleep jinnie.“

„But the gingerbread.“ He mumbled, but his eyes were already closed. You smiled and he whined as you got up and out of the tub. „We can still make the little gingerbread men, and ferrets and whatever you want, tomorrow.“ You took a fluffy towel, and wrapped it around yourself. Then you got another one, and tried dragging hyunjin out of the water.

„But then it‘s already christmas day. That‘s against the rules my lady.“ You chuckled at his sleepy confused mumbling. „We are making our own rules.“ You took the towel and slowy dried him off. Then you softly pushed him down to sit on the bathtub edge and put him on his pajamas. „You are taking care of me so well love… Never gonna stop loving you, i‘ll protect my muse at all costs, even when i‘m not physically with you anymore.“ He mumbled, so incoherent and sleep drunken you almost didn‘t understand it. „I know jinnie, i know. Now let‘s get you to bed, hm?“ He whined, and after you quickly put on your own pajamas too, you helped him get up and you both went to bed. As he laid down, you pulled the comforter up to his chin, lovingly stroking his hair. Then you got into bed too, closing your eyes. When you were already at the edge of sleep you suddenly heard hyunjin speak up again. „Y/n?“

„Hmm?“ „Please say it back“

„What are you talking bout.“

„That you love me. I‘m so tired already, but somehow i feel like i won‘t fall asleep if you don‘t say it.“

If you would have thought about that, maybe you could have somewhere already thought that it was coming. Hyunjin‘s pure soul was bracing itself for something, as if he knew.

„I love you. Forever and ever.“

And then you both drifted off.

When you woke up, you didn‘t immediately open your eyes. But you knew. You felt it. You could never describe this feeling, or how you would know, but you had no doubt your hyunjin was somewhere else now. Somewhere far away. And when you finally did open your eyes you took a second to breathe in. You slowly sat up and braced yourself. Then you looked to your side. There he was, looking like he was sleeping peacefully. You didn‘t know if you were imagining that or if it was real but it seemed like even a small smile was laying on his lips. You were oddly calm, as you stood up, and walked around to hyunjin‘s side.

You crouched down next to the bed, and with a slight tremble you took his hand in yours. It was still a bit warm. You pressed a kiss to it, as a silent tear rolled down your cheek. „Hey hyunnie. I don‘t know if you can hear me, but i just want to tell you that i love you okay? Don‘t forget that. And i hope you weren‘t in pain when it happened. Just know that you can peacefully go wherever you are supposed to go now. It‘s okay for me. I will continue living, also if the pain of your absence will daily remind me of the fact that you aren‘t with me anymore. But that‘s okay. I thought that this pain is the worst, but it makes me remember you, and that‘s what i want to do for the rest of my life, so actually i will be okay with it. That day yesterday was really a perfect day, as you said. I guess somehow our souls knew that soon they would have to say goodbye to each other. It helped me realize that when you die i won‘t have to act all strong, and feel like suffocating when i‘m alone. Oh by the way, i‘ll call the guys soon, and tell them. Then i‘ll bake our gingerbreadmen okay? And i‘ll be taking good care of mini jinnie, so you don‘t have to worry about him and his little scarf.“ You smiled through the tears running down your cheeks, that were silently landing on the bed next to hyunjin.

„So hyunnie, i bet you are wating for me to finish my dramatic boring speech so you can finally go in peace, hm? I wish you merry christmas my one and only love.“ You kissed his hand tenderly for the last time, a single little tear dripping down onto it.

Taglist: @0omillo0 @lina-linny @darqlys

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@stayblrofficial hello this is my submission for the stayblrholiday event! For some reason I can’t send y’all the link but yeah I hope tagging is okay too!<3

[arieslost]

hi! oscar thought (or thot?): osc being super caring and soft during sex cause it's ur first time and he's just reassuring you and praising you the whole time and ur blushing so hard and he loves it 🤭

this genuinely had me giggling and kicking my feet in public omgomg.

18+ CONTENT under the cut, MDNI!

© arieslost 2024. DO NOT REPOST WITHOUT PERMISSION.

first time | op81

oscar makes such a big deal out of it that you’d think it was his first time, not yours.

you’ve talked about it already, of course, and set a date (at his request, so he could “make it special,” to which you argued that it would already be special because it’ll be with him. the compliment fell on deaf ears). you thought he’d go the traditional route of taking you out on a fancy restaurant type of date, but he just tells you to come over to his place, which you find yourself enjoying much more.

he gets you flowers, cooks you dinner, and brings out a carton of your favorite ice cream for dessert. afterwards, you wash the dishes together. it’s obvious that he’s trying to make you feel as comfortable as possible by keeping up with your usual domestic routine, so you kiss him to show your thanks, and when he goes to pull away you don’t let him.

“we’re not in a rush, honey,” he whispers against your lips when you slip your hands under his shirt.

“i know. i just don’t wait to wait anymore.” you say, looking up at him through your eyelashes and lightly running your nails over the ridges of his abs.

“alright, if you’re gonna look at me like that…” he shoots you a playful grin before picking you up and carrying you to his bedroom, kissing you all the while.

your nerves only start to sink in when his fingers hook into your underwear. it doesn’t bother you when he removes your shirt, or your pants, even. but your underwear is the only thing fully separating the two of you, and oscar immediately notices the shift in your demeanor.

“is this okay?” he asks, not moving his hand but leaning forward to kiss you again.

“yeah,” you say quietly, nodding your head.

he watches your expressions like a hawk, gauging every reaction you have to what he’s doing with his fingers. he makes you come embarrassingly quick, but you can’t be too ashamed about it when you see how your physical responses to his actions are affecting him.

“oscar, please,” you reach for his pants, but he stops you.

“not tonight, honey. just wanna make you feel good, yeah?”

“i want you to feel good, too.” you say, feeling your face grow hot.

“don’t worry about me, let me take care of you.” he sheds the rest of his clothes, rolls on a condom, and crawls on top of you, smoothing your hair back from your face and pressing a long kiss to your lips. “if it hurts, tell me and i’ll stop, okay?”

you nod again, unconsciously tensing up when you feel him pressing against your entrance.

“just relax, honey.” oscar whispers, lips moving from your jaw down to the sweet spot on your neck. “hold on to me.”

you put your arms around him and close your eyes, focusing on the feeling of his lips against your skin as he starts pushing into you as slow as he possibly can. it’s more of a stretch, but the sting is still there, and you accidentally tense up again.

“sorry,” you breathe out, refusing to meet his eyes when he moves back a little to make sure you’re okay.

“don’t be sorry, you’re doing so well.” he says gently, lifting your chin. “just focus on breathing.”

you follow his instruction, regulating your breathing as he continues to push into you little by little until he’s fully inside you and you let out a sigh.

“feel okay?” he asks.

“mhmm. just- can we stay like this for a minute?” you ask, blushing harder from the awkwardness you’re sure the request is going to cause.

“‘course, honey.” he strokes your cheekbone with his thumb, tilting his head a little as he looks at you. “take as much time as you need. you’re doing so good.”

the praise makes you squirm a little as it goes right to your core and heats your body. oscar takes notice, and the playful grin is back.

“you like when i praise you?”

“maybe,” you mumble, sure your face is redder than a tomato at this point as you turn it away.

“look at me,” he coos, smiling wider when you listen. “that’s a good girl. such pretty eyes.”

“oscar,” you whine, pulling him closer so you can hide your face in his neck.

“pretty eyes, pretty mouth, pretty body,” he continues. “my pretty girl.”

you say his name again, but it comes out like a moan when he moves by accident.

“shit, sorry, baby.” he looks at you with wide eyes. “y’okay?”

“yes, please keep going,” you say, shifting a little to try and get him to move again.

he does, but continues to do it slowly, looking straight into your eyes as he does so.

you let out a little gasp when he begins to pick up his pace and hits a certain spot inside of you. “oh my god, oscar-”

“feel so good, honey. you’re so beautiful, doing so good for me.” he says breathlessly.

you can’t resist when he looks so good on top of you; you kiss him, threading your fingers into his hair. he moans into your mouth when you give his hair an experimental tug, allowing your tongue to meet his.

“oscar,” you say his name again when he hits that spot inside of you again, your jaw falling slack as he starts hitting it over and over again, keeping direct eye contact with you. you try to hold his gaze, but it feels so good that your head falls back against the pillow behind you. his quick reflexes allow him to grab the back of your neck so you don’t hurt yourself, his other hand going next to your head to keep himself upright.

“that’s it, baby,” he says, his lips skating across your collarbones. “you’re amazing, fuck.”

“i’m not even doing anything,” you manage to say, and he stops moving. “what-”

he tightens his hold on your neck, making you pick your head back up so you can look at him.

“look at me. really look at me.”

he looks like he always does: ridiculously attractive. but it’s something more. he’s covered in a light sheen of sweat, hair falling in front of his face, a bit of a rosy tint to his cheeks, and breathing heavily. he looks like a bit of hot mess, really. emphasis on the “hot.” you tell him that.

“i’m a hot mess because of you,” he laughs. “i have the most beautiful girl under me, wrapped around me, and you think you aren’t doing anything? i’m going insane right now, honey. i really don’t think i could be any more turned on than i am right now.”

“really?” you feel yourself blushing, again, at his words.

“really.”

“show me, then.” it’s your turn to give him a playful grin, and he groans.

“oh, i will. not even doing anything,” he mocks you with a scoff, and you don’t even get the chance to argue before he starts moving his hips again, reaching down to wrap your legs around his waist.

“holy shit, holy shit,” you babble, not used to the feeling enough for the sudden pleasure to be expected.

neither of you last much longer afterwards, and when you finally float back down to earth, oscar is there to kiss you and clean you up and wrap you in his arms.

“was that okay?” he whispers when the lights are off and he has you tucked in close to his chest.

“i don’t have anything to compare it to, but i guess it was okay.” he pulls away from you and you can just make out the how dare you look on his face. “i’m messing with you, oz. it was amazing. i love you.”

those three words have him melting back into you and pressing loving kisses to your temple and your nose in no time.

word count: 1,334 (wrote this in like two hours, it got away from me a bit lolz)

masterlist — join my tag list here!

note: i hope this is okay and what you were imagining, you have the luck (or lack thereof) of being my first fulfilled request! lowkey hate the ending but its whateverrrr... im so obsessed with oscar guys its not even funny!!!

reblogs are greatly appreciated <33

dividers by @/saradika

tags: @venusacrossthestars @67-angelofthelordme-67 @emails-i-can-send @nelly187 @cixrosie @fangirl-dot-com @sainzluvrr @imheretoread @mellowarcadefun @yourbane @monsieurbacteria6 @c-losur3 @papayatori @ssprayberrythings @namgification @maih23 @evlkking @witchycarmen @ilovethispookie @maxverstappenfan79 @sya-skies @sweatrevenge5436-blog

[ddejavvu]

multiverse monday! casual dominance with poly!marauders in which james applying ur lip balm for you bc ur lips get dry, remus ties ur shoes and stuff like that PLEASE TYSM <3333

"Pucker up, m'love." James taps at your cheek, directing your attention away from Remus who's tying your shoes, kneeling at your feet.

"Oh!" You gush, pushing your lips out into a pretty pout so that James can smear strawberry chapstick over them. The change in angle means that the braid Sirius is weaving into your hair nearly comes undone, and the man scoffs, voice close to your ear.

"Oi! Mind lettin' me work?"

"Sorry, Siri." You mumble, mouth mostly closed as James lines your lips with the balm.

"Not you, darling," Sirius hums, leaning in to kiss your temple, "I was talking to the big oaf doing your makeup."

"Hey!" James's jaw drops, and he reaches forwards, quick as a flash, to smear chapstick against Sirius's angled cheekbone, "Call me an oaf."

"Both of you," Remus hisses from your feet, nudging James's calves out of the way as the man tries fighting with Sirius, "Are in the way. Darling, do you want your socks bunched up by your ankles, or up to your thighs?"

"Thighs," You decide, and Remus's slender fingers stretch the fabric until it's over your knees, "Thanks, Rem."

"Kiss," He demands, as compensation for his work. You gladly lean in to share some of the chapstick James has just slathered on your lips, and it gives the two men behind you room to wrestle.

"Dickhead," Sirius sneers, laughing hard when James sticks a hand against his ribs, "Ah! You asshole, that tickles!"

Remus is barely able to catch James's arm before it swings out towards you, gripping the man's wrist and nearly twisting it. James looks to Remus, eyes widening when he realizes he'd nearly whacked you in the face, mouthing a 'sorry!' that you don't see because you're still kissing at Remus's mouth.

The only response that James gets is a scarred, slender middle finger thrown his way, and Remus escorts you out of the room before James and Sirius can even get back on their feet.

[call-sign-shark]

You are meat One more word, then you're out on that street Shut your mouth, sit down at my feet Time to learn a little loyalty Ring a bell, get your treat Salivate, eat the whole damn feast Fuck around and I'm yanking that leash Dig in the dirt, counting worms like a beast

TW: it's +🔞 guys so don't read if ur not an adult. Inspired by Woof by FKA Rayne. Also it's a repost because the initial post went down while there is content much worse here. It's dishearting. The real steamy part is actually darn short and I removed that hot Ben Barnes gif tsk.

Note: this one is mainly for the girls who want to see Amos broken even before becoming a walker ~ ( hi @darklydeliciousdesires & @cillmequick)

in the official version they live happily ever after with their twisted and toxic relationship ok? Also told you that killing him wouldn’t be a solution for her but thiiiis? YES SIS

Lord Amos Bolton was a creature carved in shadow and steel. His presence itself was enough to send shivers down the spine of the bravest men of all Westeros. Stern and merciless, with his eyes as dark as coal, men whispered in fearful tones about his reputation for if there was one person responsible for entwining the name Bolton with torture it was him. His most creative punishment? Feeding men alive to his monstrous dogs. 

The kennel he kept was infamous, filled with massive, snarling beasts bred to kill but with a loyalty to him so absolute they’d obey to his sole fingersnaps. To Amos, dogs were perfect creatures - powerful yet obedient, violent yet faithful, unlike men. And unlike men, who he only sought to control and break, Amos genuinely cared for the brutes. 

Control was a need that consumed him, a need that drove every manipulative whisper or brutal act of his. It ran through his veins, exhilarating. And yet, behind the closed door of the marital bedroom, that beloved control started to slip through his fingers after he had hurt his Queen in a moment of madness.

That night he had entered the bedroom, closing the heavy wooden door behind him, before slowly heading toward the bed where Heavenerys was sitting, looking through the windows with sheer melancholy inhabiting her divine traits. With her long white hair and glowing eyes, she embodied his stark opposite: a blazing star in the midst of his darkness. 

She barely acknowledged him.

Light of my life, I beg you to speak to me. My mind is growing restless without the enchanting melody of your voice calling my name. It was what he had said countless times since his horrid acts — acts that had horrified him despite they were the reaping of his own sows — yet, Amos knew that even begging wouldn’t work. He had wronged her too deeply for words to mend her. Instead, he just walked toward the majestic mahogany wardrobe, opened the last drawer, and pulled a long and heavy chain out of it. The metal rattled and chimed against the floor as he headed toward the queen, dragging the chain.  

At this blood-chilling sound, Heavenerys looked up to him with fear in her fire-ice eyes but all she was met with was her husband’s compliant expression. His irises, two pools of the darkest ink, bore into hers. 

“Light of my life…” His soft, velvet voice drawled with utter tenderness, “I beg you not to turn your face away from me. Please.” 

She didn’t, something in his tone fanning the fire of her curiosity despite the ache in her soul.  

Now that he was her sole focus, Amos slowly dropped to his knees in front of her while lifting his strong hands to the collar of his loose black linen shirt, “I know none of my pleas will ease your soul from my wickedness, and for that, I’ll pay for the rest of my life. All I can do is offer you what is the dearest to me. I hope you’ll accept it as a sign of my guilt and devotion to you.”  As he spoke he unbuttoned his shirt, charming crowfeet appearing at the corner of his eyes, especially the left one, just above the adorable little mole on his cheekbone that endeared her so much. With the burdens of his shirt buttons being taken care of, his sly fingers then curled around the collar of his shirt to open it entirely. The moonlight shone on the bare skin of his muscular chest the queen usually loved to peppered with kisses whenever she stroked his hardened length before sleeping, whether they just had sex or not. But tonight, it wasn’t his seductive silhouette that made her heart skip a beat, but rather the thick, massive leather dog collar around his neck.

Heavenerys fleshy lips parted at the obscene sight, her little hands clenching on her bare thighs the revealing nightgown she was wearing showed. 

“Amos! What does this folly mean?!” She gasped, her mind buzzing as she recognized the choker from the kennel, having seen many of them around his mutts. She had barely posed her question when the tall darkness gently laid the heavy chain on her lap — not a chain, she realized, a leash.

“Chain me, my Queen. Break me as I deserve.” He begged, dark eyes gleaming with pain and his usually smug expression turned into a submissive pout that made him even more irresistible. Amos tilted his head on one side to give her full access to the silver ring of his collar, just where she could hook the leash.

The luminous Queen felt heat pooling between her legs, her thighs timidly rubbing against each other as her arousal built up within. Her fingers ghosted over the cold metal, tempted.

“Make me crawl at your feet, and I will bear it gladly.” The cold stone floor was biting into his knees, but he hardly noticed. His trembling hands softly ran up her legs and stopped on her knees to part her thighs wide.

“I’ll serve you, not as a husband for I don’t deserve the title, but as your dog. As the miserable mutt I am.”  Gently, Amos leaned to graze the sensitive skin of her inner thighs with his lips, his wet flesh ghosting over her before he gave one sensual lick. The sensation sent shooting stars to her stomach. 

“Would you really… obey?” She dared ask with her Bambi lashes batting and her fist tight around the leash.

“Command me and I will obey without question, for I have no power anymore — only the mercy you choose to give.”

Amos Bolton might be feared by all, but it was his queen who held the reins — his only weakness and, perhaps, his only salvation. 

That was how the little dragon found herself bouncing on his laps furiously, the tender walls of her soaked cunt clenching around his cock and her cries of pleasure echoing shamelessly through Dreadfort’s halls. 

“Hev — Please.” 

The little pathetic whine that left his ordinarily arrogant mouth made her plump lips curl in a sadistic grin. 

“Oh no my Lord, I fear we can’t stop yet,” She cooed in a voice so gentle one might have believed she was sincere — but it was quite apart the malice sparking in her eyes.

“I can’t — I can’t take it anymore…”  Amos’ fingers dug into the flesh of her hips as he clung to her, reduced to a sobbing mess. The noise of their fucking resounded with a quick rhythm. 

“I know it hurts but just one more time, will you? I thought you loved watching me drip with your cum. Watching me open my legs and show you how good you’ve used me.” 

Amos closed his eyes and buried his face in her small breasts for an only reply, whimpering.  The sensation of his beard rubbing on her bosom paired with the sight of his rosy cheeks and black, disheveled, strands of hair sticking to his forehead was rendering her feral. 

“Be a good boy and fucking look at me.” Heavenerys snarled, tugging on his leash with such a brutal movement that the tall darkness coughed, his whole body shaking like a leaf. She was determined to milk him dry.

Blood beaded from where he scratched her.

To be fair, she would get use to it. Really quickly. Hell, she was already thinking of placing a fixing on the wall to keep him chained like a good dog.

He looked up, eyes half closed and glazed. The drool that had pooled at the right corner of his lip trickled down his stubbled chin. Bolton exhaled loudly, welcoming the pain nonetheless. After all, it was her right to punish him. He had earned it a thousandfold.

“Please,” He moaned in her sinful mouth, the word barely audible for his voice cracked under the weight of his pride vanishing, “Please, my Light… Forgive me.” 

She slammed her hips against his in one forceful movement before gripping his cock tighter, and this time, he burst into tears for real. Her firework-like climax washed over her at the same time for being the witness of how he became vulnerable and soiled in ways he despised — but couldn’t resist — was ecstatic. 

When Heavenerys was done with him, she left the bed, long milky ropes trailing down her thighs and tits, and headed to the door with the firm intention of leaving him all alone as he deserved to be. What she didn’t expect was Amos grabbing her hand, kneeling in front of her once again despite his strained bare body that threatened to collapse at any time. The chain-leash was still dangling from his dog collar.

He looked at her through dark lashes, his breath now ragged and his voice quaking with shame, “Hurt me.  Hurt me all over again if you wish but… Please,”  He begged, stripped raw and broken, “Do not cast me away.” 

Because no matter what he did, no matter how unyielding and terrifying he was, he’d rather die as her dog than live without her. 

AU family: @justrainandcoffee @evita-shelby @cillmequick @mischievouslittlecreature @shelbydelrey @peakyswritings @darklydeliciousdesires @lunarubra @zablife (thought @elizabethblood9 would love some smut with Ben Barnes too)

*Amos is the AU version of Aleksander. Heaven is the mc in the Aleksander Morozova x reader fic Echo of Shadows

[pubbybutch]

i don’t know if this is a weird request but it’s also my first one.

but i had the idea of abby coming home from a long shift at work, and she finds reader trying to make themself cum?

it just popped into my head and i need it to come to life 🙏🙏

No anon cause I love this trope so much, thank you for trusting me with your first request (ur doing great sweetie!)

(Hope you don’t mind an AU btw <3)

Word Count: 1600 (technically not a drabble ig)

CW: Doctor AU, Abby is a sexy doctor, Strap usage (R! Receiving), AFAB reader, Feminine nicknames used, cowgirl position, tried to keep it race/ethnicity inclusive, mentions of Abby trying to keep you healthy and sleeping well.

No Minors, Men, or general Cunts.

If you see spelling mistakes, no you didn’t. 💚

Abby is tired. And pissed off. But mainly she’s tired, with sore feet and a pounding headache, not helped by the wind howling outside the car causing the rain to beat down heavily on the wind screen. From having to prevent a kid with a broken arm from crying a flood as he called his mom to stopping the blood pouring out of a woman’s intimate parts in the emergency department. It was a very long day.

After running into the house from her now parked car, she pushes the trainers off her feet and takes in the dark hallway, walking back into the kitchen she notices a plate of chilli chicken and rice with a little sticky note attached to the cling film covering the food, ‘gone to bed, eat before you come up <3’ .

She smiled at the note and placed the food in the microwave, yawning as she watched the orange glow and the spinning of the plate in the little metal box. Bed couldn’t come soon enough, but she definitely wasn’t going to face the wrath of a wife scorned by her not eating her delicious food. Made with love, by her love. The blonde was always a bit love struck when sleep deprived.

Inhaling the food and making the executive decision to leave the dishes until the morning, the blonde trudges up the stairs with her feet heavy and her head even heavier. It’s not until she gets to the top of the stairs does she hear the creaking of a bed and hushed whimpers coming from your shared bedroom. She pulls her phone from her pocket and checks the time, ‘00:37’. You should be fast asleep by now.

Peaking her head around the door, not even having to push it open due to you leaving it ajar, she captures what can only be described as a beautiful sight. Abbys pretty little wife lays there. With one of your hands pumping her fingers in and out of your sopping wet cunt with such force your breasts and tummy jiggle lightly with each movement. Your other hand draped over your eyes, shielding you from Abby’s piercing blue gaze. She stands there and watches, leaning against the door frame, enjoying the view and appreciating every little huff and moan leaving your lips.

Finally deciding you’d had enough fun, Abby clears her throat. You jump. Your hand pulls away from your cunt, a shiver running through you as your body yearns to be full again.

“Mrs Anderson,” Abby starts, “you couldn’t wait for me to come home, could you?” Despite her phrasing, it is not a question. It’s an order.

The blonde continues, “Did I not tell you that you were to catch up on sleep, Mrs Anderson?” She tilts her head this time, prompting you to answer. “Yes, Abby���”

“And did you follow the doctor’s orders, pumpkin?”

“No, Abby.” The heat rising up your neck and slithering across your cheeks is a dead give away to Abby as she takes your face in one of her hands, her long, thick thumb rubbing soothing circles onto your cheekbone.

“Since you’re already up, it must mean you’re not tired? Am I right, sweetheart?” The blonde releases you face and takes a step backwards to take all of you in once more.

“Abby I-”

She interrupts you, “Well. Im tired. I’ve had a very long day, sweetheart so if you want to get off, it’s on my terms, we got a deal?” As she speaks she shrugs off her undershirt and undoes the button on her jeans. She watches as you nod and reach out for her, arms outstretched and hands making little grabby motions to try and get her close again. Be grudgingly she steps forward and out of the jeans pooling around her ankles.

Abby is left in her boxer briefs and a white cotton bra as she wraps an arm around your waist, lifting you away from the center of the bed and dropping you on the edge of the mattress. Gripping your chin and pulling your face so that your gaze meets hers, she smirks down at you. “Stay there. Don’t move okay, baby?”

You nod and watch as she goes to the build in wardrobe, her broad shoulders flexing as a hand moves to take the elastic band from the end of her braid, as her hand reaches into the drawer looking for something.

With her hair loose and a harness in her hands Abby slides the leather straps over her hips and into place. Turning back to you, you’re able to see the cock she’s chosen. As she walks forward you come face to phallus with nine inches of dark purple silicone. “You wanna get it wet for me, baby?”

Instead of answering, you slip a hand around the harness and pull her close enough so you can take her length into your mouth. Abby smiles warmly as she watches you only managing to get about half way down the strap, her blue eyes creasing at the edges as you wrap your hand around what you can’t fit in and start rubbing along the shaft. The sight sends a low moan rumbling from Abby’s chest. With a pop, your mouth lets go of the blonde’s cock as she takes a step back and watches as a line of spit connecting the silicone to your bruised lips breaks.

Abby kisses your forehead and sits down on the bed beside you, a blink and you’ll miss it ‘good girl’ falls from her lips as she situates herself against the pillows at the head of the bed. Her finger makes a curling motion, calling you over. Sliding up to sit next her, a hand grips your hips, “Get on top, sweetheart.”

“Abby, I want you to be on top-”

“And I want to go to bed, but since you’re being a needy little brat and not waiting for me to come home before fucking yourself.” She gives your hips a squeeze and continues, “And not listening to me when I tell you that you need more sleep. So now, you’re going to get to cum, but on my grounds. On doctors orders. Okay, baby?”

You nod and move to get straddle Abby’s hips, only to have her reach up and yank you down by the nape of your neck. “I said ‘okay, baby?’ It wasn’t rhetorical.”

“Okay Abby.” She kisses you square on the the lips and let’s you climb up on to her hips, she leans back and watches as you line yourself up with her cock and lower yourself onto the plastic. A tight smirk graces the blonde’s face as she listens intently on the hasty breaths you give out as you become re-accustomed to the stretch that this particular dildo always gives you. As you move your hips up and down, mewls and pants come flooding from your mouth. That knotting tension that never truly left your abdomen from your solo session had returned with what can only be described as a vengeance.

Bouncing up and down on Abby’s cock, you can feel yourself getting closer and closer. Blue eyes scan your whole body, one large rough hand resting on your hip as it helps guide your movements, the other holding one of your tits squeezing the flesh and every so often tugging the hardened nipple as her thumb ran over the sensitive flesh.

Abby’s hips remain surprisingly still, despite your pleas and begging, her stance stays unwavering. This entire session was most definitely on her grounds. Though her body remains relaxed yet unmoving, Abby’s eyes are burning with intensity you can clearly see it, the bubbling want and desperation underneath the stoney exterior.

“Abby-” you huff, exhaustion hits as your desperate moans are met with nothing but raised eyebrows and the occasional ‘yes, princess’.

“I wanna cum, please can I?”

“You’re asking permission, baby? And without being told, oh sweetheart, you can cum anytime you want.”

Without another word your hips slam down against Abby’s, the strap hitting impossibly deep inside as you cum, you rest on top of her. Folding over, you find your head resting underneath your wife’s chin as thick fingers come to the back of your head and her short nails give gentle scratches to your scalp, relaxing you further into the blonde’s firm, broad chest.

Pulling yourself away from Abby and off of her hips you see a creamy ring coating the hilt of the strap as you pull away from your wife. A heat rises to your cheeks once more as Abby sits up properly in the bed and yanks you down into her arms. “Thank you, baby. You did so good.”

Snuggling into her side, you kiss her cheek and strong square jawline as she loosens and slides the harness from her hips.

“Long day, doctor?” Your teasing brings a soft tired smile to Abby’s face as she lets herself yawn. “Like you wouldn’t believe, sweetheart.”

She turns to you, blue eyes staring into yours, deep icy pools that hold such love in them you can’t imagine them ever being cold, “I’m sorry if I was too pushy.”

You laugh and pull the covers up to surround the two of you, “Abigail. We have a safe word for a reason.”

“I know it’s just that-”

You shut her up with a kiss, and once you break it she seems to be content that you had enjoyed the evening, even before she got home. Content and with reassurance, Abby falls asleep and her little wife too.

☘️🦖☘️🦖☘️🦖☘️

Remember Reblogs make the World Go Round

REQUESTS ARE STILL OPEN 💚

[kessellluvr]

˗ˏˋ once in a lifetime ´ˎ˗ nsfw!

pairing: professor!lottie x spouse!reader (i might write more for this ‘series’) wordcount: 1k

warnings: smut, vibrator use, age gap, mommy kink, fingering, dirty texing, teasing

ʚɞ ⁺˖ ⸝⸝ taglist: @glrlsriot @chig78 @nogenderblender9358 @mayasaurusss @jadeisnothere5

You and lottie have been married for about 5 years now, she was the perfect partner for you. The day you first saw her in that café, oh damn, you fell in love with her.. that long black braid, the layered strands that framed her face so perfectly, defining her high cheekbones and that beautiful jawline. You repeatedly went to that café, praying to see her again - and well, somehow you ended up marrying that goddess.

Lottie worked alot, but she was passionate about her job - helping people to get further education to success in life. Of course, it was hard only seeing her on weekend and in the evenings, but you managed. Lottie teaches psychology and maths (sorry not sorry), you didnt have a clue about either of them so you werent really a big help. You and Lottie text alot when shes at work, just talking and when you realise she wasnt in a good mood, you decided to lighten it up a little..

“Hey Lots, i miss you..” you sent, still laying in bed even tho it was 11:30am already. Lottie could never, she’s always been an early bird.

“I miss you too.” she texted you back and oh that was dry, wasnt it? She usually uses pet names in her texts, trying to get you worked up. “You okay?” you asked her, sighing to yourself as you put the phone aside, throwing the blanket off yourself and sitting up. Your phone vibrated on the bedside table and you went to check what she replied.

“Im fine, really.” you read, raising your eyebrow and scoffing. “No Lots, youre not, talk to me. I can tell youre pissed.” you werent gonna give up that fast. As she read your message and didnt reply, you felt a little sting in your heart. Leaving you on seen? Really? Anyway, you went to get out of bed, leaving your phone on the bedside table and making your way into the bathroom. You stared at yourself for a good minute before splashing some water in your face, drying it off with a towel before going to brush your teeth.

As you finished getting ready, slipping into some pj’s and a shirt, you went to check your phone again. Still, no answer. You sighed and decided to try something else - lifting your shirt and taking a quick picture of your tummy, the soft curve of your boobs peaking from beneath your shirt. You hit the sent button and added another message “Answer me..” Fuck. That sounded desperate.

Meanwhile, Lottie saw your message - raising a brow and opening the picture, her eyes going wide as she looked at it for a while, trying not to show how much it affected her since she was literally in a room full of colleagues right now. “Jesus.. im just a little pissed off cause we got our new schedule in, i have to work full eight hours on friday.”

Your eyes lit up as you finally saw her respond, reading her message before typing “Awh that sucks.. but youll get home earlier on other days then, right?” you asked and she replied with a “yes”, you smiled - finally you could get to see her more throughout the week. I mean, that one day of working full wasnt gonna hurt, right?

“So, are you teaching right now or are ya on break?”

“just started my lecture.” you smiled at your phone, deciding to tease her a little. “mhm, im feeling horny right now.. mommy what do i do?”

“jeez, you know what to do.” you just knew she was trying so hard not to show a reaction infront of her students.

“no, tell me what to do mommy..”

“get the bullet vibrator we got you.” lottie texted back, you smiled brightly at your phone and rushed into the bedroom to get the vibrator. it was rather small, a bullet-like shape but a little bigger. it was a hot pink colour, even had tons of diffrent levels.

“hm i got it..”

“take off your boxers, turn it on lowest level and press it against ur pretty little clit.” and you did as she said, pulling down your sweatpants along with your boxers and turning the toy on lowest level, spreading your legs and pressing it lightly onto your clit - gasping as it made contact. “done” you typed out - hands shaky.

lottie left your message on seen, you didnt really notice - getting lost in yourself. the bedroom door swung open and revealed lottie, you gasped once again and lottie just chuckled. “fucking hell, you werent gonna cum without me telling you to, were you?” she teased as she walked towards the bed, undoing the buttons of her blouse and throwing it to the floor carelessly. “n-no lottie..” you stammered out, the vibrator was turned off and laid to the bedside table. “d-dont you have some lectures to do?”

“fuck that. i said i wasnt feeling well.” lottie said while going to straddle your hips, pushing your upper body down to the bed. you bit your lip, looking up at her with needy eyes. lottie smirked down at you, leaning down to press a kiss on your lips, her tounge slowly pushing in and meeting the tip of yours. her hand slipped between you both, her finger grazing over your swollen, wet clit. you moaned into the kiss, feeling her applying more pressure to your sensitive bud, slowly circling it while not breaking the kiss. she pulled her lips off of yours, gasping for air while going to press her fingers against your entrance- slowly pushing in and curling up, making you throw your head back. she started pumping her fingers faster, making you gasp and moan, you felt yourself so close to cumming already - lottie just knew where to touch you to make you come quck. your moans got louder, more desperate for release. “cum for mommy..” and you did, letting yourself get consumed by the orgasmic pleasure as you cried out her name, your thighs clenching together. lottie kept fingering you through your orgasm - until she finally pulled out and looked at you with a satisfied smile. “now, let me take a shower and we’ll continue..”

“can i join..?” you asked, still catching your breath as you looked at her with those cute eyes. “cmon then.”

━。゜AN: i know its not much, but i hope you enjoyed >_<

[3-aem]

Helloo! I just wanna say your art is very yummmmm. I love satoru with all my heart and I love the way you draw him!!

Recently i’ve been trying to get into a more painterly realistic art style and I was wondering if you had any tips on where to learn, videos or anything like that?

‘stuff that helped you?

would be very grateful for it 🙏

tbh ive avoided answering these bc i don’t wanna be an authority on this.

1. despite all of us being human if i told you to list out all the details that comprise a human face how much detail could you do into? eyes, eyebrows, nose, mouth, ears- but what about how the eyes sit in the skull, where the nose bridge begins and how the nose curves at the end, the cupids bow, how defined the cheekbones are, how wide or narrow the jawline is? where do the ears sit, how far should the eyes be, how long should the nose be? Imagine youre dictating to a sketch artist, the level of detail you have to provide for them to draw precisely what you’re seeing is A Lot

2. chances are you dont know off the top of ur head or just can’t provide details down to the minuscule. thats fine and the only way youre gonna learn is to just study references.

3. Draw what you see not what you think. This is actually kinda difficult once you try because naturally when youre staring at any sort of reference you are attempting to understand it and in doing so ur understanding gets transcribed onto paper. but sometimes you don’t understand right. This is how you end up with eyes where the artist has attempted to draw out every lash because the understanding is ‘eyes have lashes’ but what you see is ‘eyelashes naturally clump and there are too many to individually see so the depiction should be clumps of eyelashes’

4. Why do you see what you see. You notices theres a bit of a shadow or fat underneath the eye, touch ur own eye feel it and you will notice its because your eyeball isnt sunk fully into the skull. those gross anatomy pics come in handy here.

5. bonus but actually the application of style is built on an understanding of reality. to use the example of eyelashes clump you can now take that and stylize it. they clump but what if theyre also highlighted in a hot pink border or are particularly long and pointy.

[moncuries]

psst hi idk if youre still doing art tips but... anything on lighting and shadows? no pressure ofc

hi anon <3 im actually so lazy when it comes to light and shadow. i hardly ever do anything dramatic. i think probably what looks nice is colouring :"]

ill see what i can offer

this is my oc mian ehmm and ive coloured this with black and white but i can do it in colour w u?

i can start w colours from a ref. i usually use a darker saturated colour around natural shadows at the get go

then i block in colours for the main

i cover the use of colourize on csp here and here and rendering! in this case it didnt add a whole lot to work w

most shadows r cool so this is the way i work. so a range between the current colour (mians actual sknitone) and the black dot (darker end of the shade spectrum for them

im so lazy! and you can still be convincing if ur lazy. if u have good lines, good colours, ur shadows can be lazy. so most of what i draw are just naturally occuring bc of the planes of the face. think about not only the shadow cast, but what its cast ON. like under the nose, our upper lip kind of curves up, meaning the shadow does too. cupids bow etc. other parts that are important, temple, eye socket.

different ocs have different shaped features. some ocs, i shade a little under their cheekbones, or dimples. some i do a lot more on the bridge of their nose . mian has dimples, deepset mouth corners and under eye bags, and remembering those makes them into mian.

i know this wasnt super in depth but do check out my other tutorials i linked above for more on rendering!! <3

[bbrissonn]

𝐭𝐢𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐨𝐟 𝐮 - 𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐨𝐫 𝐳𝐞𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐬 (𝟒)

╰┈➤ two weeks before the release of tired of u, alanna surprises everyone by dropping another single

╰┈➤ pairing: trevor zegras x ex!singer!girlfriend

╰┈➤ social media + real life

╰┈➤ masterlist

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-SEPTEMBER 30TH, 2023-

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: ̗̀➛ alannaoregon has posted on instagram

alannaoregon

liked by lhughes_06 and 2.01M others

alannaoregon surprise !! another single !!! sunset chasing aka my baby is now out on all streaming platforms !!!!

even though some of you guessed it with my youtube video, here's a surprise drop for my sunset lovers out there. this songs hold suchs a special place in my heart because half of it was written while i was in a relationship, and the other after said relationship. i think this songs truly represents how intense and deep my feelings were during my breakup, the first half and seconds half being complete opposites. i hope you all enjoy this song as much as i do

love, lanny 🩵

view 4,019 comments

lhughes_06 sunsets > sunrise

alannaoregon @/lhughes_06 woah now, just because ur always asleep during sunrise doesn't mean others don't enjoy it lhughes_06 @/alannaoregon my deepest apology ma'am

user620 WENT FROM CHASING SUNSETS TO CHASING YOUR ATTENTION

user72 @/user620 MY HEART WAS A COLOUR FULL SKY user910 @/user72 PRECIOUS AS A SUNSET user006 @/user910 YOU WERE LIKE DARK CLOUDS user820 @/user006 TAKING OVER ME WITH NO REMORSE

colecaufield proud of you lanny

alannaoregon @/colecaufield love you coley &lt;3

becky.rivera THATS MY BEST FRIEND

alannaoregon @/becky.rivera my fav girl 💖

user256 if i ever see trevor zegras it's on sight

user826 @/user256 no fr and the nerves he had to follow her again-- user527 @/user826 asshole alert user 027 @/user826 she followed him back-

load more...

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: ̗̀➛ trevorzegras uploaded a story

: ̗̀➛ replies

user928 you have some nerves posting this today mr zebras

jamie.drysdale can't believe you ditched me for this...

alannaoregon luv u bubs 😽😽

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-REAL LIFE, KENNEWICK, WASH.-

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"Gosh, Trev, can you please calm down." The Oregon girl begged, making her boyfriend stop dead in his track and look at her with wild eyes.

"Easy for you to say! People are worshipping the ground you walk on, and trying to make mine collapse under me, babe!" Trevor exclaimed, waving his arms all around the place.

"Baby, just try to relax, okay?" The girl mumbled, standing up from her spot on the couch. Her hands cupped his cheek, pecking his lips lightly. "You deserve it." She smirked, making Trevor look at her like a mad lady.

"This isn't funny, Lan. They're gonna hunt me down when your album comes out!"

"You should've though about it before breaking my heart, loves." The girl responded after pressing another kiss to the boy's lips.

"Can't you just, like, tell people there's no more bad blood between us so they can leave me alone? Please." The hockey player begged, making the girl sigh before pressing her lips to the tip of his nose.

"I could. But then people would get suspicious, especially since we followed each other, T. If you really want me to, I can, but just think about it, okay?" The girl whispered, her thumbs rubbing circles on his cheekbones. The boy leaned into her touch, closer his eyes and leaning down to rest his forehead against hers.

"What if... what if we just said we're back together?"

"Trust me, Trevs, that'd only make the situation worse. People are gonna hate on you, and I'm gonna be getting called an idiot for getting back with you."

"We can say we're friends, I mean we followed each other back."

"You really want me to?" She asked softly. Trevor quickly shook his head yes against hers, making the girl sigh a bit.

"Do you not want to?" The boy asked, confused by her reaction.

"No, I do, I just don't want to make the situation worse and have people hate on you even more." She explained, her voice low as her hands moved from his face to the side of his neck.

"I'll be fine, baby, don't worry 'bout me."

༊*·˚

: ̗̀➛ alannaoregon has posted on instagram

alannaoregon

liked by trevorzegras and 1.1M others

alannaoregon i wanna start by saying how thankful and appreciative i am for all the love you guys have shown to my two new singles. you guys truly mean the world to me and i'll forever be thankful for my fanbase !!

my songs are a way for me to express my feelings when it's hard to talk about it. a lot of time i also end up dramatizing the way i feel just to make my songs better. i am a writer, and storyline is what i do. sometimes i write about relationships i've seen in movies or tv shows.

with that being said, death treats being made and sent to someone over my songs are not something that i will allow. i release my songs because i am proud of them, not so people can use it as an excuse to be rude, disrespectful, and mean to others.

kindness is a value that i hold dear to my heart, and seeing my people going after someone who still holds a very special place in my heart is not something that i will tolerate. trevor and i have spoken how our past and are on good terms. his permission was given for these songs to be released so that we could both move on from our relationship. we've both moved on and are very happy in our lives, please respect and accept that.

remember to always be kind and spread positivity to everyone around you, no matter what they might have done to you before, especially if you don't know the whole story.

love you all, lanny 🩵

view all 2,937 comments

user274 dang she really called yall out in that last sentence

user483 @/user274 she ate... but now i wanna know the whole story

lhughes_06 purr lanny talk your shit

alannaoregon @/lhughes_06 i've trained you so well 🥹

user836 did he seriously go complain to her abt it... such a child

alannaoregon @/user836 you try receiving dms every minute about how people hope you die and that the world would be a better place without you and then you'll be able to comment on whether he's being a child or no girly :3 user927 @/alannaoregon GASP jackhughes @/alannaoregon girl you ate that up girl alannaoregon @/jackhughes ive truly trained you and lu to perfection 🤭

comments on this post have been limited

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taglist <3 @lxnceclercs @aliaology

[delicrieux]

hiiii !! i love ur writing 💕💕💕 would u be down to write something simple just abt like snuggling carmy when u wake up together 🥺🥺

LET THE LIGHT IN | endless drabble series (summer edition)

summary: early morning musings pairing: carmen berzatto x nb!reader a/n: the only time i will write for carmen where nothing bad happens

masterlist. ☕.

mm, warm. too warm. carmen doesn't let go, doesn't realize he's holding on, arms wound tight around a body who's shape is so familiar. he stirs first because he's never really sleeping, enveloped in the scent of your hair, the subtle cleanliness of washed sheets, the faint musk of sweat that clings to him like after-image in the dim morning light. chicago's summers are always unforgivable.

for once, he doesn't really mind.

the sheets are tangled and your back rests against his chest and he's so close, so close that drowsy eyes can see the small blink of your lashes. still sleeping. it's too warm and too early. the slip of light between the curtains cuts across your cheek. if he could bring himself to release you for just a moment, he'd caress it, soothe the ache that doesn't exist. he loves you.

he loves you and he loves your home and he loves that you love him and that you never tire of saying it. he's desperate for those words, like he needs a reminder before he cracks and loses it, and he loses it often. your love is verbal, his love is touch. love you doesn't fit in his mouth, so he kisses instead.

chapped lips brush against your cheekbone where the light's the harshest. muscles flex and tense and he won't let go, even if sleeping you have nowhere to rush to. closes his eyes, then, content, safe. you're here and you're real and you protect against the fire and he loves you and this is the only way he can say that he does.

[thee-great-enigma]

not a request but... kaeya in a corset. kae in a nice fancy corset that's all delicate laces and tight silks, flush against his pretty form. I'm DEAD he's so hot auhhhh. that's all I can think about... just thought I'd put that image in ur head ❤️

ps I do a little dance when I see a notif w your username in my activity cuz ur comments n writings r so good auuu hope u have a great day/night💫💫

Oh my gosh tysm. Kaeya is way too damn pretty for his own good I swear. I'd like to thank you for this image, I'll keep it in my Kaeya filing cabinet forever. He's so pretty I can't even 😩 😩 😩 😩 😩 Also, you have no idea how awesome you just made me feel reading this. This is my first ask, plus I really really look up to you because you're writing is so good. Like I've read your mahogany series (mainly the Kaeya one) again and again. You're literally like the best 💙💙💙

Not a request but I'm gonna write for it anyway bc you deserve it ^μ^

Pairing: Kaeya Alberich x male reader

Summery: Kaeya wears a fancy lacey corset and reader gets a little too horny (there will be a part 2 for the smut, I've just gotta work out some stuff)

POV: 2nd person (you, yours, yourself)

Notes: Reader is male and referred to as (?), gonna do a part 2 for this of the actual smut, kind of rushed?

Warnings: •⚠️⚠️⚠️• uhhhhh horniness ×10, pretty Kae, simping behavior, ripped clothing, idk if this counts but corset horniness, male genitalia mentioned a little bit, uh Idrk, if I missed any let me know 😗

Leave the corset on.

You fiddled with one of the calla lilies in the bouquet. He was taking an awfully long time.

See, a few hours ago, you'd decided to actually go to the windblume festival this year with someone you really liked. Kaeya Alberich. You knew he probably had a bunch of people in Monstadt drooling over him, which is why you wanted to ask him as soon as possible. So you'd invited him out to Windrise and told him you needed to tell him something really important. He'd chuckled and given you a knowing look as if he could already guess what you wanted to ask. But you'd rushed off before he could do anything but nod.

"Sorry (?), I got a bit held up with the Acting Grand Master." Said the familiar, silky voice of Monstadt's Cavalry Captain, and Monstadt's most beautiful man. Monstadt's most beautiful man who'd clipped his little longer portion of hair into a high ponytail and combed his bangs back a bit to accentuate his face. His pretty little face. Which currently had a slight bit of shimmering highlighter on his defined cheekbones, a few beads of sweat on his forehead, and bright blue eyeliner forming a small wing at the corner of his narrow, bright eye.

"No troubles. Oh here, this is for you. Sorry I may have picked at the petals a bit." You said with a shy giggle, handing him the small bouquet of calla lilies. As he smiled and grabbed it, you noticed something. A corset. Kaeya already had a slim waist, he didn't need a corset, but he looked so good wearing one. It was navy blue and lacey, satin trim. It hugged his petite figure perfectly and made his chest look delicious delightful.

"—llo? Hello? World to (?). Anybody in there?" You hadn't even heard what Kaeya had said a few seconds prior. The only reason you noticed he was speaking was because he got close to your face and gently grabbed your chin, making you look at his face instead of his perfect little hips that looked like they'd fit wonderfully into the palms of your hands.

"Oh! Oh uh....yeah sorry. Guess I got distracted. What were you saying?" You questioned, giving a nervous chuckle and rubbing the back of your neck, trying to stand in a way that his the growing bulge in your pants. You couldn't fathom how horny you had to be to get hard just seeing Kaeya in a corset. You felt a little ashamed.

"I asked what you wanted to talk about. You didn't bring me here just to give me a bouquet did you? Not that I'd mind, since I got to see you even if for just a fleeting moment." Kaeya gave a sly chuckle, a hint of knowingness behind that fake innocence in his gaze.

He was teasing. And it was working.

"Oh—I uh...I just um..." Fuck fuck fuck. You'd rehearsed this in the mirror, written it down in a notebook a million times like a script, contemplated writing it on your hand, you'd even practiced it while walking to the big tree. So why couldn't you get it out now? "I just w– wanted to know if you'd like um...to go to the Windblume festival with me. I mean, I'd understand if you're already going with someone, or i– if you just didn't want to go or um—" "I'd love to."

It took you a second to register Kaeyas words, standing dumbfounded. "W– What?" "I'd love to go to the Windblume festival with you, (?)." You had to conceal every reaction that threatened to leak out of you right then and there. And that bastard was just smiling innocently, looking all polite and pretty. You played it off with a chuckle, holding both hands in front of the increasingly tightening tent in your pants, trying to hide it. You couldn't get the images out of your head, images of him—

"(?)? You look nervous. Is something wrong?"

"What? Uh n—" You wanted to say no. But something was very much wrong. The problem was that he wasn't sitting naked underneath you with a fucked out expression on his face, your cock buried deep inside him. That's what was wrong. "Actually. Yeah."

"Oh? Well I'd be happy to help with anything."

"Anything?"

"Of course, dear (?)."

"Then sit on that root, take off your clothes and spread your pretty little legs. Oh and uh....leave the corset on."

—————————————‡——————————————

Reader rn. Also thanks @silkval for this amazing idea. Like I truly look up to you man/girl/non-binary pal. I legit like did a happy little yell I'm so glad no body heard me, I sounded like a five year old who just found a bunch of candy