#I can make a longer post regarding this idea this but I'm so tired

[unicornpopcorn14]

Hc that every time Chuuya is bandaged he's reminded of Dazai and hates it.

And back when they were working together Dazai is always overly excited about it not only because Chuuya detests it, but because finally, he isn't the only one who's gonna be sweating bullets due to the friction, he isn't the only one whose movements are considerably restricted, he isn't the only one seen as a 'poor kid' and taken pity on in the eyes of the public/their enemies, even if only for a handful of missions.

And Dazai will tease him about it, every damn time, poking fun at Chuuya's weak tolerance whenever he complains about them, about why Dazai even does this shit when 'he has no good reason'.

"But, slug!! We're matching!!"

"That's the worst part, I'm associated with a freak!"

But that makes way for an interesting scenario, where the roles are reversed. Where Chuuya, wrapped up in bandages courtesy of a recent mission, comes across a Dazai who's not (due to an attempt, perhaps, or they've been taken from him one way or another).

And Chuuya sees it for the first time, Dazai's wide-eyed vulnerability, him drawing into himself, the faded look in his eyes, like something vital has been removed from his body, much more than an organ or a nerve.

For the first time, they aren't matching when Chuuya is swathed in gauze.

So Chuuya begrudgingly offers his, slightly bloody and crumpled, because he hates being wrapped up in them anyway.

Though he can't help but wish to be encased in bandages more often from then on, just so he can understand, perhaps share, some of that pain...

[starfall-dream]

reupload from my main blog

Here's my original post on the main three, but this post will be expanding on it more. Feel free to send in any ideas you have surrounding the au.

Also, I've gotten some asks regarding Tav in the au, and while I'm not interested in including tav, I want to know your thoughts on Durge and how the interact with reader, so please send those in.

Kethric (platonic yandere):

Kethric is really fascinating to me because, unlike the other two who I think are driven by the idea power in relation to you, Kethric is driven by the past. He regrets not protecting Isobel, he regrets a lot of his past.

I think when he meets you in moonrise it's not a immediate "omg you're a image of my daughter who died and now hates me", it's more of a "wow this human is very clearly out of their depth, why are they leading this group of idiots?" It's more of a strange facination rather than an immediate connection. I don't even think he gets people to watch you and your group of ruffians, he just kinda keeps watch of you through word of mouth.

How, as mentioned here, his obsession does grow the more he views you asa a surrogate child. He sees how weak you are, how hopeless, but despite that all you still put on a brave face. It's almost commendable in a way, you're smart and courageous but also a mess. It reminds him of Isobel when she was a child, so full of wonder and awe, but weak and dependent on him. He craves that, someone depending on him, and he starts to want that from you.

As time goes on, your companions recognize Kethrics less than normal behavior, and plan on using you as bait to infiltrate moonrise. You're apprehensive at first, but you come to realize that Kethric poses no harm to you, and by extension neither does anyone in moonrise. Kethric revels in the attention you provide him, of course, not really knowing that you're playing into these feelings for your own gain. He places you in Isobel's old room, attempting to be as gentle as possible with you, trying to mimic the his past with his daughter.

He doesn't see you as Isobel, he sees you as another child, a redo. You're a chance to right his wrongs, and maybe at some point you warm up to him, you smile to him as he recounts you stories of his past, you laugh with him, giving him a rare moment of peace.

But of course, all good things come to an end, and eventually you're rescued by your companions, your wrapped away from him, and all the warmth and welcome he felt is gone, and he's forced to acknowledge the fact of the matter. You don't belong here, in Moonrise with him and Faerun as a whole. You're lost, and maybe, his death will serve as a way of you finding your way home.

Gortash (Platonic or Romantic, you decide):

I view Gortash as a mixture of Kethric and Orin. He's sadistic and mean, but also understanding and protective. He doesn't care for you and your companions circumstances, he has a goal and he will do everything in his power to achieve that goal. And I think, at least in the beginning, he views you as a way of achieving that goal.

You make a deal with Gortash, though in reality he doesn't plan on keeping strong on that deal, he views it more as a test of strength, a test of will. Are you as strong and powerful and your companions claim, or are you ultimately just a fable. It's fascinating really, watching you through his Steel Watchers, struggling and tired. He sees that you are drained, and he's willing to abuse that. He'll twist every little last drop of determination out of you until you can no longer fight.

The moment when Gortash's feelings change is when he realizes your position. You're from another world, whatever that means, but it makes sense. You did not exist before this very moment, there was not a trace of you before now. You seem clueless about this world, bumbling about like a child. So you're either insane or you're telling the truth, and a part of him wants to consider it.

A part of him, small but present, recognizes a piece of himself in you. You're terrified, fighting to survive, working with anyone who will help you. You're alone in this world, just like he him, and a part of him sympathizes with you. However, a large part of him sees your potential.

If you just had more drive, more strive, you could be something powerful, achieve something great, and you could do that with him. You and him together could achieve great things, and maybe if you just had the motivation, his ideas could become a reality.

Gortash hates the more sympathetic side of himself, because it's weakness, and to an extension you are a weakness. You represent a part of himself before he became strong and great and powerful, and he's constantly teetering on the edge of wanting to foster those peaceful ideals within you, and fill you with a power that rivals his own.

Orin (Platonic or Romantic, you decide):

Orin is the definition of sadistic, and most, if not all her thoughts about you are defined by that. She hates any sort of peaceful feeling she has about you, like Gortash she views it as weakness.

I think a lot of the way she feels about you would depend on Durge and how they view you, but since you're taking on the role of Tav, it's most likely that Durge is dead, but I'm just putting the idea on the table.

I like the idea of Orin idealizing her relationship with you. If she's romantic, she views all her crazy and violent actions towards you as the ultimate sign of love. She kills in your name, not understanding why you hate her declarations. Orin is insane, so in a romantic and platonic relationship, she'll switch between loving you and hating every aspect of you.

In a platonic relationship, she'll view you as an extension of her, a protege as sorts. It doesn't matter really what you want, if you agree to this or not, she can sense the strength within you, and that she has the ability to foster it. She'll try and get you to see the strength Bhaal, even if your a brick wall when it comes to it.

I think Orin wants companionship, despite what you might believe. She wants to relate to somebody, she wants someone to relate to her. It's pathetic, she knows, but you're a blank slate, so it's easy to plant ideas into your head in hopes that they sprout.

---

A/n: Please talk about bg3 with me, also sorry for the spelling errors.

[denial-permanente]

I’ve read a few of your posts regarding Tom’s cycling and how he occasionally is out for longer adventures. How do you guys manage this setup? Does he ask for permission to go for a big ride, or is it an assumption that he can tell you the duration and you offer up the keys? I ride 4-5 times weekly, and this is pretty much the hitch with taking a more serious approach with this. My wife doesn’t love the in and out process and gets annoyed and tired by it. And I find myself riding less and taking worse care of myself to indulge this kink… any advice?

This is a good question because it has to do more with our relationship. Tom is not locked for punishment, he is locked because this is something we both enjoy. He has like 25 years of experience being locked for me, and while I found that I live having that control I also know that we have normal lives where things will interfere.

My husband made a commitment to me. I have to trust that he will honor that commitment during the periods where he has to be unlocked. Also... being a man I know that he is proud of how long he has gone without cheating on his commitment. I trust that he will not unlock for his ride and then touch himself, but I also know that mentally he is at a point where he would not break this kind of a record. 😂 So it's easy for me to trust him. I'll let him give you the details.

🚲 Tom here. There is an emergency key in my bathroom drawer. When I'm going out for a ride, I text her with a flight plan, remove the cage, and change into my sexy bike shorts. I fill a cup with hot soapy water and let the cage soak for a few hours while I'm out. Riding the hills here, there is no way I'm going to pull into the woods to have a wank. When I get home, I hit the shower, and put my cage back on while I'm in there.

Yes, there is some (or a lot of) trust involved. But as my wife says, we're adults. For us, her denial has become an integral aspect to our relationship, and I honor the commitment that I made to her years ago. And yes again, I have been locked & denied since 2018. That's a long freaking time, and you're crazy if you think I'm going to randomly break a streak like that for a quick wank. 😏 🔒

🔐 I'm back because I had a thought. Hiding the keys can feel like another chore to a lot of women because it's one more thing they have to plan and schedule. Maybe your wife doesn't like the idea of "hiding" the keys only to bring them out when you want. Maybe if you had access to your own key and you both agreed that your riding time was a necessary health break and they key is only to be used for that? It might take some of the burden off of her.

🚲 That was Mrs Edge. That's not a bad idea. We just fell into that arrangement, but maybe it would be less of an inconvenience if you agreed on it ahead of time. Maybe if you phrased it something like "In order to maintain my health and fitness, I'd like to ride four or five times a week. How about if I keep a key in the bathroom just for this? I'll text you before I go out and when I get back, so you can keep track of me. This should make things easier on you, and more convenient for me to get the miles in. Is that okay?" 🔒

[mariamariquinha]

Writing Update

This post is out of respect for everyone who has been following me since I started sharing my stories here. I'll leave it pinned on the profile so don't worry!

Versos de Placer

I'm already well ahead of the last chapter, but I haven't touched the story in months for reasons of: I'm very tired. At some point I will finish it (I still need a good ending) and until that happens, I have no news about it. As soon as I have it, I'll let you know!

Bossa Nova

(i don't know why i used this gif but it somehow always makes me aware of how unhinged he is lol)

Update: I finished and it's already published! 😉

This one is closer to being published, but also without a date. Once I finish Versos de Placer, I'll be more comfortable just focusing on it and IT WILL BE THE LAST 'LONG FANFIC' AROUND HERE (at least for a loooong time). I'm experimenting with some ideas about it, revisiting what I've already done and what the next steps will be, but you can count on more Benny!

Narcos

When you go to my profile, you will see that Javier Peña and Steve Murphy are marked 'no longer writing for', and that is… the truth. Maybe in the future I'll come back to them, but I need the right idea and the right mindset, as this particular fandom is curiously complicated. Their stories are still available!

Requests

I'll close them here. Yeah, well, there's not much of a secret, so just understand that I don't have the constant writing capacity to meet demands in this regard. Call me old-fashioned, but I like to believe in a story instead of just writing it. I'll leave this in my bio too!

AO3

Since the end of last year I have been studying the possibility of starting to work more with AO3. It's a platform that I know little about, so I want to make sure I know how to use it before I start producing there. You will also find out when this will happen.

Last but not least... New characters

Everything I did outside the box (with Gurney, Dave York and Mike Duarte) were more writing experiments. I'm always open to doing something like that, as is the case with James Wilson (which I've been maturing and CONSIDERING), but for now the only characters I write for are:

Alfie Solomons (Peaky Blinders)

Horacio Carrillo (Narcos)

Will Miller (Triple Frontier)

Jonathan Levy (Scenes from a Marriage)

Benny Magalon (Den of Thieves)

Frank Castle (The Punisher)

Some always appear more than others, but they are all still in my orbit! Who doesn't love a mix of ambiguous police officers with ex-military men who need therapy and a dash of divorced university professors?

If you have any questions, my DM and ask box are open! 😉

[bernardellinewsagency]

can i interest you all in some gallayuan in these trying times? fr tho i cranked this out because you really do gotta create the content you wanna see in this world. it is literally just 600 words of only dialogue and as with many ideas of mine i didn't feel like writing out the background for this scenario so just use your imagination and extrapolation abilities. i believe in you :)

im also tired as fuck cause it's nearly 2am when im posting this and it's barely edited so you see mistakes or if it's barely comprehensible, um, pretend you don't, those are problems for future me. i'm just trying to get people to see my vision of these two being a ship okay? the words are just a vehicle to transport my meaning with.

"Sorry, I didn't realize there was anyone else here."

"Don't sweat it, honestly. Besides, I'm just passing through, finishing up some sightseeing here. Looks like you're pretty busy, so I'll leave and get outta your hair soon."

"Nonsense! A guest on the Luofu should be able to stay for as long as they wish."

"Ha, funny, I'm used to hearing the opposite of that. It's not exactly the opposite, I guess, but it's close enough."

"Did someone on the Luofu say something to you to the contrary? While it's not too often that a guest chooses to visit Fyxestroll Garden, it is safe to do so and the guards should not restrict anyone's comings and goings any longer. Or was it elsewhere? Do I need to speak to the Cloud Knights or the Commission about the behaviors they're displaying?"

"What? No, everyone's been kind and polite and all that. I came here from Penacony, so I'm used to hearing that everyone can stay only so long as they've got the money to do so. Ain't no rest for the poor, but plenty for the wicked, you know what I mean?"

"Ah, I suppose that I do. Some people never seem to get what they deserve."

"Sounds like you're speaking from personal experience."

"Does it? You know, many tourists tend to shy away from Fyxestroll Garden for the very reason that some specifically visit. It is a place to... let go. Release the dead so that they may move on, and you may do the same."

"Thinking you've already figured out I'm not returning to Penacony any time soon?"

"Call it just a hunch of mine."

"Well it's a damn good hunch, 'cause it's true. I was uh... involved, should I say, in some of the shit that went down. Couldn't stay there any longer. Not like I'm on the run or anything, not from anything other than the memories, it just became my time to move on and leave it behind."

"Ah, I thought I had seen something similar within you. So, if you're running from the past, what is it you're running toward?"

"What is this, an interrogation?"

"Call it humoring a new friend."

"Haha, alright. I will. I'm going to the same place we all are- the imperfect tomorrow."

"How poetic of you."

"I'm known for my wit on occasion. How about you? Do I also get an answer in return, new friend?"

"Call me Jing Yuan. I suppose that makes me a traveler in the opposite direction, then. Burn your memories and reach tomorrow, or cling to them and stay in the past."

"You say you're clinging to something, yet you're hanging around a place you said was for letting go? Put it together, sounds like you're just torturing yourself. I'm Gallagher, by the way."

"Simply honoring those I've lost, but- you're not entirely wrong. Say, this may be too presumptuous of me, but would you like to walk with me?"

"Where to?"

"Any sight in the Luofu you wish to see before you leave is open to you, even those which average people cannot access so long as I am there to allow you in. We may be headed in different directions with regards to philosophy, but let's allow our physical paths to cross for a while longer, shall we?"

"I'd be a fool not to take you up on that, Mister Jing Yuan. But first, let's stay here just a little bit longer. It really is a beautiful sight, and I think it's doing both of us some good."

[straynoahide]

about / masterpost

(if you're looking for my previous pinned, Tolkien meta about the Ainulindalë creation myth and legendarium, it's available in the link)

hi!! since i've been posting more than fandom stuff, this is for potential/new followers or just people who are interested.

this isn't exhaustive and if you've landed here from a particular post you can just ask/DM me and i'll be more than happy to answer.

a bit about myself: you can call me Thry. i'm spanish, male, i self-id as queer/LGTBIQ bc of several reasons, and i'm a roman catholic of hebrew tradition. aside from a fandom blog i may post about several other interests like history, fantasy, literature, languages, theology...

i'll also often get into social issues and all sorts of politics, so i've tried to summarize my views and what you can expect. longer detail below the cut, along with what hebrew catholicism is about.

POLITICS

POLITICAL PHILOSOPHY:

-i first and foremost support universal-hearted democracy over autocracy, theocracy, and authoritarian dictatorships, that is forms of tyranny. some call these values 'secular humanism', although they predate liberal ideas of the enlightenment in a few traditions.

-i believe in principles over parties and political identities. i'm not a contrarian, nor a radical individualist, but i am radically individual and tired of external projections of incompatibility where i don't see it. "Y person can't be X" - someone saying that doesn't make it true.

-i think right-wing and left-wing are breaking down in most countries. i think identity politics are harmful and purely geared towards performative activism & electioneering. this benefits the political class and opportunists, not broader society.

-i believe western political philosophy overall has developed better societies due to individual liberties and self-expression values, although the enlightenment was crippled without the abolition of slavery, women's liberation, and other intersectional issues like those of neurodiversity, psychosexual diversity, etc.

-i believe fundamentally in western values, arisen from western tradition AND innovation. i also regard non-western intellectual traditions with respect. i reject cultural relativism as such, but i think we learn more when we don't see one tradition as all-good and others as all-bad which is simplistic and misguided.

SOCIAL AND ECONOMIC POLICY:

-all economic systems, which are epochal human realities, have flaws that artificially cause inequality and human suffering. i believe this can be ameliorated by reform. i don't think current understandings are exhaustive, so we should remain critical of 'theories of all' where science doesn't allow for actually accurate predictions.

-i agree with the marxian intuition that material conditions and the labor relations they enable, lie behind the cultural narratives and people's views on power and labor relations. in any given moment in history, people's worldview is shaped by what kind of society they can and do live in. economic changes lead to ideological ones. but ideals still matter and we should imagine better alternatives.

-i believe in workers' rights, unions and a right of peoples to revolt against tyranny, including ethnic communities, but also recognize not all revolutions result in better constitutions. all political revolutions so far, no matter the theory, created new hierarchies. statelessness is the abyss, so we should always tread lightly.

-i don't think any amount of social justice rhetoric can justify anti-egalitarianism, obscurantism, censorship, dehumanization or sadism. i'm anti-marxist / anti-leftist yet also agree with the marxian criticism of 'progressivism' as transversal - seeing the issues of collectives in the binary template of bourgeois/proletariat, advocating for identity politics - as fundamentally misguided and fruitless. the sectarian nature of many creates echo chambers and hate cults.

-i have some right-wing intuitions. i believe in the value of tradition, national and religious identity, and hierarchies of competence. i believe in the rights to life, liberty, property, self-defense, bodily autonomy, free speech and freedom to develop one's personality.

-i see national, religious rights as the rights of individuals to associate, but individuals should be protected from communities of coertion that place ideas over people. any person has more inherent dignity than being a vehicle of others' customs. i reject every form of chauvinism, racial or cultural. every community is entirely human. "nothing human is alien to me"

-i believe in inalienable rights. i oppose the capital punishment, brutality, torture, atrocity, and the exercise of collective punishment. i support accountability, rehabilitation, restorative justice, deradicalization, and (mental, holistic) healthcare. i center "victims" as survivors, an active party in their own healing, and reject all mental health stigmas. as long as there is life, there is hope.

GEOPOLITICS AND FOREIGN POLICY:

-warfare is the moral nadir of humanity and is itself a crime which disproportionately destroys young men physically and countless lives and hopes for the interest of a few, who often are safe from it. as far as i'm concerned, all wars are civil wars whether we're there yet emotionally or not. that does not mean i support equidistance between every two causes. diplomacy is not always a solution, or even option. i'm hawkish within reason, not a radical pacifist.

-i don't believe a "multipolar world" is necessarily better if the poles are tyrannical governments just because they're led by non-western imperialists who are "whitewashing" their intent with anti-colonial rhetoric. i support israel in its wars against iranian-funded jihadism and international antizionism. i support a free and european ukraine, democratic hong kong and taiwan, political self-determination.

-antisemitism is one of the most pervasive, insidious and oldest forms of discrimination in the world and the west. meanwhile, half the west is reactionary to LGBTIQ values and half the world remains traditionally violent towards LGBTIQ humanity, despite this being the highest point in human history in terms of individual rights.

-because of that, i think that together with anti-LGBTIQ discrimination, tolerance for antisemitism has become a litmus test in the XXI century for both illiberal and anti-western factions. these forces -reactionarism and antizionist antisemitism- are two sides of a same internal threat to the western world, susceptible to lobbying by foreign agents, like pro-russian and pro-iranian forces, for example.

-these interests will often result in the radicalization of young men to become ultranationalists, christofascists, revolutionary leftists, even jihadists (preying on western muslims), via disinformation / interference. far-right politics have become a proxy of political masculinism for a reason.

-understanding gender roles' impact on men, men's issues, male disposability, misandry, is key to deradicalization as much as fighting political propaganda that preys on young men to use them for organized violence. i no longer identify as a feminist, but i align with sex-positive, queer-friendly and egalitarian feminists. i also align with the defense of men's interests intrinsically and not because it serves any political goal. males are half of humanity and have all its dignity.

-i affirm jewish indigeneity. i'm a jewish ally from a place of recognition of jewish humanity, not political interest nor religion. i oppose all forms of antisemitism (white nationalist, christofascist, christian, secular, international, leftist, soviet, progressive, antizionist, islamic...) i support all the jewish people, observant or not, zionist or not, israeli or diaspora, as jews. as free and living jews. on "white jews": askhenazi indigeneity is intrinsic to jewish indigeneity.

-I/P: jews should have both individual rights, and also the right to a self-determined, secure national existence in their ancestral homeland. any caveat is an unacceptable double-standard and creates a two-tiered vision of human dignity i cannot see a compromise with in the future. never again is now.

PD: i don't think of myself in any particular terms, even less as a "centrist", rather than politically houseless. 'extreme' and 'moderate' are not principles, but distances from whatever is the overton window, so neither is inherently virtuous.

i hold some social views seen as progressive in the US and as transversal or demochristian in the EU; i also identify with many right-leaning positions, including some not present in Europe like the right to bear arms. i used to be an anticlerical leftist.

i can criticize right-wingers, leftists and centrists in the same breath with no dissonance at all. i don't think other cultures are exempt from western criticism either. if a certain political space is plagued by antisemitism, i'm not there.

RELIGION AND THEOLOGY

I'm a gentile Hebrew-speaking and Hebrew-tradition Catholic. What that does mean in our communities:

Roman Catholicism in Israel & Hispanic countries where there is a strong presence of the Bnei Anusim / Conversos / Meshumadim, and a particular if minoritary tradition. Hebrew language and liturgy is associated with the St James Vicariate in Jerusalem.

Relation of spiritual kinship between coreligionaries, jewish & non-jewish, as Catholics. Towards other Israeli/Palestinian Christians, same as any other believers, I support ecumenism. No specific relation or association with other Jews although most Hebrew Catholics are part of the Israeli national community.

What it doesn't mean:

Messianic Judaism (these accusations are fighting words)

Any heretical/schismatic movement away from the Vatican

"Christian Zionism", "Hebrew Christian movement", religious philosemitism with eschatological undertones, or anything associated with Evangelicals or Protestants

"Cultural appropriation" or claiming a Jewish identity

Proselytism towards Jews

What it does mean individually:

Hebrew Catholicism is a spiritual movement, not a single set of 'rules' or a denomination. All rites are Catholic. Observance of Mosaic traditions occurs as cultural and family heritage and NOT as religious observance of Judaism, to different degrees. It is entirely optional but welcome and cherished by all members as Christians make no ethnic or national distinctions.

It represents a historical reversal of the de-hebraization of ethnic Sephardim who have come to sincere belief. This is about heritage, mixed families, fraternity, faith, etc; and about the right to have a national and religious identity at spiritual ease and in social harmony. It may include things like dietary restrictions, holidays, prayers, etc.

I speak some Hebrew and participate/observe some cultural traditions, respectfully, mostly through the study of religious texts. I do not respect people who oppose mixed marriages, families or conciliatory transcultural existence and values.

I know and recognize the anthropological ethnoreligious nature of Judaism, and believe that Judaism should be recognized as centric to Jewishness, worldwide. I also respect the ethnic Jewish identity in those Jews that for secular or other reasons dissociate Jewishness from Judaism, and still see themselves as Jews.

Christians in Israel constitute the infrequent situation of a majority Jewish society with a religious minority in a need of legal protections. I support anti-discrimination efforts for Jews who identify as Christian, as they still face legal and social challenges for their faith, including Shoah survivors who were Jewish enough for the enemies of life and shouldn't be a second thought in a national homeland. I stand with the broader pro-reform and interfaith spirit of solidarity in modern hilonim, not the vision of kahanists, hostile Haredi, (Judeo-)Christophobes, etc.

If you want a more detailed read of my views on Christianity, Judeo-Christian relations, Hebrew Catholicism, theology in general:

On Judeo-Christian relations (polemic against Supersessionism) - I consider Supersessionism one of two doctrines the Church has to seriously address theologically in the spirit of reconciliation, the other being Jewish Deicide, already rebuked decades ago.

On the spirituality of evil in society (somewhat related: destructive v constructive activism as the main pitfall of social justice rhetoric)

On bodily autonomy, religious identity, communities of coertion and heritage (regarding baptism and circumcision)

I may add more eventually

One last comment for people who read this - I don't apologize for voicing my mind and I take what anyone has to say seriously. I don't block people and I don't do 'DNI's.

I try not to be judgmental. Even if something is wrong or comes from unwellness a person is saying it for a reason. The reason is not always obvious at first glance, but it may be sth legitimate and worth being heard. I'm the kind of person who wants to know rather than not.

If you treat people like they're disposable just bc it's inconsequential to you, I'd rather you just go your own way, cos you're gonna find me irksome. I don't understand why someone who clearly doesn't like another person would go their way to like their posts or interact with them, which happens more than you'd expect. Be principled, or at least, be coherent.

For anyone else if you're unsure but open minded about things that's no problem at all, I try to be open minded too. Pls don't be shy if you wanna reach out and talk about anything!

[aquilacalvitium]

If you're reading this, it means that I am now officially working for the NHS!

If you're reading this within the last few hours of it being posted, it means I am currently in my first training session!

All this means a lot less time for me to be online. I will probably be pretty active in the evenings, especially during my first week, as it's an easy, mindless thing to do when I'm tired.

This also means, less art and fanfiction updates. I mean my brain is always going so even if I'm at work I'll likely be throwing ideas around inside my head and end up coming up with a few things, but getting them out into the open takes energy and concentration which I won't have a lot of as my body adjusts to this new sleeping schedule.

So unless I feel particularly motivated one evening, don't expect anything original from me for about a week or so.

I promise I'll keep working on my submas fanfiction, and I still want to have a go at a mini comic with my fnaf glamrock sona, but other projects like my pokemon webcomic or that one crowd drawing that I've been putting off for months will have to wait a while.

In regards to that last one, I'm slowly working my way up to it again! I know a bunch of people are excited to have their sonas put in, so I promise I'll do my best not to make you wait too much longer!

Anyway! I'm terrified of starting this new job, but I can only do my best! Wish me luck!

[le-trash-prince]

Only Friends Episode 12 Thoughts

Overall, I think I'm pretty okay with how things ended! I didn't get everything exactly as I wanted, but I don't need a show to be perfect, and I got enough to chew on to make me happy.

I am sad that BostonNick didn't end up together, even though I know it was the right call, and it was honestly a better ending for them than what I was scared we would get LOL. Like usual I'll just make a separate post for this because I've got a lot to say about them

I do think Boston was owed more of an apology from his friends than what he got, but I'm not that surprised he didn't get it, and it's probably for the best that they're parting ways. And honestly, when a person is leaving the country, it can be easier to just say "Why bother apologizing if they don't give a shit anyways."

I know people were dissatisfied with Cheum's characterization as of Ep 11, but this episode really solidified how I see her--as someone who wants things to be happy on the surface and doesn't know how to really honestly confront what it is that people need. As the woman in the group, she's under pressure to be the peacekeeper and the nurturing influence and I don't think that role comes naturally to her. She's not good at it, and she shouldn't have to be. And I do honestly like that she was written that way. I wish she had gotten more screentime over the series, and maybe that could happen in a spinoff/sequel with some queer lady writers on the team. (I just finished the ep so I haven't looked at any announcements from the event on Saturday)

I do wish this series had been longer because it seemed it really had a lot of story to tell and not enough time to do it. But a longer season would also have been more stressful to deal with lmfao.

Some things I would have loved to see more of, off the top of my head: Daddy Dan, Sand's dad, Ray in rehab, Boeing.

I'm generally okay with where TopMew has ended up, and while I think there's more that could be explored in a future story, the only thing that really interests me regarding their relationship is Mew's physicality. But I would still like to see more growth from Mew, and I would like to know Top as a person because so much of his behavior and even his plans for the future are wrapped up in Mew.

I think SandRay ended on as satisfactory a note as could be managed. Did Ray's behavior towards Boeing piss me off? Sure. Do I think he needs more time to get his life together? Sure. Do I need a story to have its characters Do Every Correct Action Until Maximum Healthiness Is Achieved? No. They're talking things out and figuring out their relationship and that's what matters.

I am really gonna need that flight attendant!Boeing x NYC!Boston spinoff now thank you very much.

I don't hate the idea of a second season as much as I thought it would, although maybe it's because I'm biased and would want a season with BostonNick or Boston and Nick taking more central roles. I've gotten what I need out of TopMew and SandRay, but I think there's more story to be explored with other characters, and I wouldn't hate that. But I would hate to see tired breakup-drama second season tropes.

Debating whether I even want to catch up on everyone's reactions because I'm sure the ending was just loose enough to be divisive. Anyways I'm gonna go wrap up my playlist now bye lol

[xhanisai]

20 Questions For Fic Writers

Cheers for the tag @mostmagical !!!

1 - How many works do you have on AO3?

Forty-two

2 - What's your total AO3 word count?

448,371

3 - What fandoms do you write for?

Mainly Miraculous Ladybug at the moment. I do want to write some for Soul Eater and Gintama.

4 - What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

#LetMarinetteDrinkCoffee2K19 (9918 kudos)

Bite off more than you can chew and you'll choke (6355 kudos)

Speak now, regret later (3710 kudos)

Only idiots try to woo those who are already in love with them (2958 kudos)

Without you, what is the point? (1510 kudos)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I do try my best to respond. They always make me happy and I love knowing my readers' reactions and thought processes regarding the stories I wrote. If I don't reply, it's mainly because I'm overwhelmed and tired hahah! But every comment always makes my day and I do reread them.

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

It's probably got to be "Goodbye" is bitter. It's a SpyXFamily story and I killed off the entire Forger family. My readers' tears were a joy to drink in a mug.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

A lot of my stories surprisingly have happy endings. I think the most tooth-rotting one would be Wo Ai Ni! which is an ML fic. It's literally fluff and fluff and so much fluff and if you love seeing Adrien being a madly in love silly goof with one Marinette Dupain-Cheng and being a hot mess about it, this is for you.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Surprisingly, I haven't gotten any hate on my stories every since I started writing for ML. I did get death threats from this one buffoon over a pairing in my last fandom but I put that menace back in his place and since then he hasn't gone after anyone else in the fandom :)

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

My name is MissEcchi for a reason LMAO. There's so much smut I haven't even posted publically yet because they need polishing and editing and I'm a lazy bitch. Here's a few I've written for ML (and they're all and always will be lovesquare~)

Unmasked - Identity reveal, mutual pining and some comedy.

Red - Identity reveal, vampire Chat noir (after getting zapped by an akuma).

Paperthin - Identity reveal, mariblanc!!!!!, angst, happy ending.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I have ideas for many! Just haven't written them out to fruition yet unfortunately. I do have an Ouran High school x Miraculous crossover story that has been chilling in my WIP docs for years lol...

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Some dumbass kids thought they were slick when they re-uploaded my stories on wattpad. Got them taken down. I haven't checked around since then so I hope no one else has done that.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

I don't think so.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Plenty! Here's a few I did with @seas-of-silver

Negative!!!

Murder On The Dancefloor

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

LOVESQUARE OF COURSE. Especially mariblanc!!!!!!!

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

In my last fandom, I had a multi-chaptered fic that I haven't updated since 2018 I believe? It was my most well written story in that fandom and I did enjoy writing what I did. I don't know if I'll ever finish it because I just no longer have the same love and passion I had for it. I'd rather it's left the way it is rather than trying to give it a half-assed ending.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I've been told I'm really good at writing emotions, especially with angst and comfort. I'm a huge slut in making my favourites go through the most horrendous, traumatising experiences ever and then have them look after each other. I also think I write battle scenes decently, especially when I'm in the mood. I like to enforce how powerful the heroes can be and make the akuma battles more brutal than as showcased in canon.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Currently, I think my weakness is that I write too much. I do waffle a lot in my stories because I'm very peculiar on my pacing and trying to time things. This also makes the writing progress more complicated than it should be and it is why most of the stuff I've written haven't been published yet because the editing takes too long.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I enjoy doing that a lot! But I do try my best to make sure to not do it too much because of language barriers. So the dialogue in the other language is either mundane or something simple. I've got the advantage of having learned a few languages since childhood at home and at school.

I have spotted that some people who like to add dialogue in a different language just used Google translate which is hilarious, especially when the translation is wrong or makes no sense.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Sonic The Hedgehog...

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

It's got to be Connecting Everything (Connecting To Everywhere)! It is the story I've always wanted to write and I just love horror and supernatural. I've always wanted to read an ML horror fic where lovesquare are still miraculous weilders and everything is pretty much the same except they've gotta deal with ghosts and demons too hahaha. It is my least popular ML fic unfortunately and I do hope I can reel in more readers! It is still ongoing and ch2 is a work in progress.

Thanks again for the tag, Magical!

I tag @gale-gentlepenguin , @seas-of-silver , @lalunaoscura , @ladyofthenoodle , @theflashdriver and everyone else who wants to do it! No pressure!

[artisticgreaser0]

REGARDING WELCOME HOME NSFW!

Okay, I feel like this is need to be said. This is going to be a long ass rant about the NSFW and Antis side of the Welcome Home Fandom. I'm fed up with this shit.

People have been time to time,every single day, posting and venting on about Clown's boudaries like Clown is some lil kid that NEEDS to be taken care of. Some, even crying and spreading misinformation about how NSFW is going to ruin the fandom and make Clown take down the official WH website/project because artists have been breaking theirs rules, pity me. I'M SO TIRED AND DONE WITH ALL OF THAT BULLCRAP!

IT NEEDS TO BE ADRESSED, IN THIS WHOLE THING HOW THINGS HAD GONE BEHOND OUR CONTROL!

WE HAVE OUR ACCOUNTS,USERNAMES,PRIVATE CONVERSATIONS BEING SHOWN ON TIKTOK,TWITTER,TUMBLR PUBLICLY TO MINORS WHO LATER HARASS/REPORT/SUSPENDS US WHICH IS SOMETHING CLOWN DIDN'T WANT TO HAPPEN AT ALL! Why can't ya'll read the ''DON'T attack people on my behalf'' post Clown wrote? Don't you get what Clown is saying? He's saying (DO NOT ATTACK PEOPLE BECAUSE OF ME). if ya'll TRULY respect Clown's decicions HOW,JUST HOW IS THERE IS STILL HARASSMENT,DEATH THREATS AND TWITTER ACCOUNTS GETTING SUSPENDED???

And to use the ''oh but why do you expect us to respect you when you haven't respect Clown's boundaries?'' Like,thanks gee….I CLEARLY TRIED TO BE AN RESPONSIBLE ADULT BY NOT SPREADING IT MUCH FURTHER AND NOW MINORS ARE SEEING MINE AND MY FRIEND'S +18 ATWORKS ALL THANKS TO ALL OF YOU! How many times are ya'll gonna pretend like minors aren't stupid and horny to TRY to see our accounts and all the porn we do? Why are you even comfortable with the IDEA of a minor seeing a page full of pornographic content to begin with enough to EXPOSE our names and artworks to them!?

WHEN WE NEED TO BE THE ONES BLOCKING,PRIVATING,RECIEVING DEATH THREATS,HATE AND REFUSIE THE ANONIMOUS QUESTIONS maybe just MAYBE it's because we are human and FEEL!

The last time I had this talk with an anti the person was 22 FOLLOWING UP TO +15 MINORS from 15-17 years old, HOW CAN WE TRUST YOU FOR ANYTHING?

It'ld be PERFECTLY FINE if the people you words spreaded it to were just TO adults but NO, THE HASHTAG WE USED ISN'T NO LONGER A SECRET AND WHO HAS REVEALED IT? Antis. All of this and putting words into Clown's mouth and defending blindly everything for the sake of keeping the fandom pure! WE HAD AN SECRET HASTAG,NOW KIDS KNOW WHAT IT IS ALL THANKS TO Antis and VERY responsible adults! (sarcasm)

Guys,I'm nobody's fucking parents to be worried about what these kids watch on the internet and I'm EXTREMELLY TIRED OF HAVING TO BLOCK MINORS WHO FOLLOW ME(THIS SHIT HAS HAPPENED MORE THAN ONCE!). If you want to bring awareness,this isn't the way to do it! As much as I hate talking about it, Clown HAS NOT helped regarding this topic. It's either a yes or NO question. If people misunderstood more than once what you said maybe it's because the message isn't clear, it's like you are writing like the words are making a fucking swirl and at the end there's no solid conclusion to what you just said.I have seen all this bullshit everyone keeps pulling, to realise that

Clown ISN'T A KID! THEY ARE THEIR OWN PERSON, THEY ARE A MATURE ADULT WHO TAKES DECISIONS!

and ya'll still keep attacking,harassing,reporting all because you don't see Clown as who they are!

Heck, directly asking, SHOWING OUR ACCOUNTS NAMES WHAT WILL IT DO? quick answer: Nothing!

-Minors will see our artworks -Minors will more easily find our artworks -You are gonna upset Clown -Minors will find our hashtags faster -They will expose our names -Accounts will be suspended -More hate and ranting within the community -pedo accusations and mass reporting

IS THIS WHAT YOU WANTED? IS THIS WHAT YOU ALL WANTED TO HAPPEN SO THEN WHEN SHIT GOES WRONG YOU CAN BLAME US FOR IT?

Like, just tell me because I'm fed up. I love these characters AS MUCH AS YOU ALL DO! Nobody,nobody is doing this shit because we hate nor want to upset Clown! we all equally LOVE this project, but, this is TOO MUCH! And no one my friends nor me want this stuff to keep happening! we all are uncomfortable with minors and kids seeing our stuff, we private and they still lie,still prentend to see our shit because(SUPRISE NO SUPRISE) MINORS ARE FUCKING STUPID AND IMMATURE, THEY WILL NOT JUST REPORT AND IGNORE LIKE MANY THINK THEY DO!

I don't care if you hate me now,I open this will make someone reflect on the shit they go around spreading. I'll keep all my shit private and so will my moots because we are all tired to fight to keep this fandom stable. Bye.

[quicksilverlightning]

MEDICAL TALK - WHERE THE HELL HAVE I BEEN?

(General all-around warning for talk of health and hospitals; I don't believe I've included anything too gruesome, but I am pretty plain-spoken below about what's been going on. )

You may remember the last post regarding my health, so here's both a sequel and a prequel as certain things have been cast into a different light.

About two-ish months before the colitis/mono double K.O. back in February, I got a UTI for the first time. There was some abdominal pain and I definitely recall bringing it up to my PCP, though ultimately let it go for not being all that big a deal. It is my suspicion that every thing actually began here instead of at the next round of happenings.

Next round of course being February - there were definitely two different illnesses being dealt with and the symptoms sort of fed on each other to keep me knocked out a solid two weeks; colitis made nauseous and unwilling to eat, while mono simply made me too tired to care. Thay said, the treatment plan I eventually landed upon did take care of things; beyond some residual symptoms, which were honestly expected, I thought it was going well.

I had a genuinely lovely April weekend - went to some local markets, hit a few stores I hadn't been to in a while, took the boys out a bit. When I first felt the same symptoms in the same place while kicking back thay Sunday evening, I was more annoyed that anything.

Really? This again?

I got in with my PCP that Tuesday, got the same meds again, albeit with a much less powerful pain pill, and went home, confident this would just be another go round.

While Mom and Mimi were worried about how much longer it was taking to get better, I was quick to remember that my first go with this was while on hydrocodone; it made sense to me that perhaps the first time wasn't faster, just better masked.

Meanwhile, my PCP was attempting to contact a gastro specialist. I do not know why this took so extraordinarily long, nor how I came to be involved in the game of phone tag, but there it is. The pain had been steadily moving from my left side, where it has always been, and seemed to be gathering in my abdomen instead.

I finally got to see a specialist, though her advice to go to the ER had nothing to do with any gastro trouble and more to do with me showing signs of afib (160!) and dehydration. Oddly enough, at no point did I notice my heart beat was that crazy, even after being directly told.

Anyway, the ER gets me fast tracked to the back to start dumping all the fluid ever into me and get my heart rate down. They can't even look at whatever's going on in my abdomen until they get me stabilized; sometime around 2am I got an actual room, which was nice.

Next up, I get a go in the CT scanner where they find a large abcess. Yes, I know, gross. My abdomen is badly swollen (I believe I heard 18cm) and needs to be drained so they can get a better look at what's going on in there, like trying to assess flood damage - you gotta drain the water first. Luckily, it's all between my skin and not in any of my organs, which would be an entirely different battle.

As of now, I've been in the hospital for about three days and will likely be here another three more, depending on what the eventual next scan finds. It's currently up in the air as to whether I'm going to need surgery or not.

The running theory is that the infection in my intestines passed through a fistula caused by the inflammation where it began doing damage there instead. Right now, all anyone can do is play the waiting game as the fluid drains away.

So, that's where I am right now; I'm simply too tired for any fandom nonsense and even if I weren't, I've been completely thrown off my rhythm and out of my headspace. I do not know when, or even if, I will ever get back to any of it. I want to certainly, but won't be making promises that may be out of my ability to keep. I have no idea how long I'm going to be in the hospital, or what sort of recovery process I'm looking at after, but I doubt I'll be going upstairs anytime soon.

[bubbledabelle]

Thanks for visiting my blog! Here's a little bit about me:

Good morning, night or afternoon - whatever time it is for you - my name's Bubble. Bubble daBelle 🫧

I'm an artist and animator working to get my pieces out there and recognised, like most. I'd like to do my art full-time and that's a goal I'm consistently working towards ✊

What do I do??

Digital art (original and fan-art)

Traditional art (original and fan-art)

Animation (mainly 2D but I dabble in 3D)

Write stories: world-building and characters

Character design

Logo design

Learn programs to apply my skills to

Cross-stitching (currently only premade patterns but I'd like to try expanding into making my own 👀)

Do my best to exist in this world as peacefully as I can 🙃

🌈 I am a LGBTQIA+ Ally! I sincerely hope you consider this a safe space.

Although I don't personally like to go into sexual stuff too often, I still believe anyone can love anyone 💙💜

Stay away from minors in that regard, though.

🧠 Also a supporter of neurodiversity, with first-hand experience.

All brains work differently and I don't judge people based on how "well" they survive or cope on this planet. I personally work very differently to a typical person and it's usually a struggle. I ask for your patience with me! I'm doing my best, and that's all I can do 🦁

Okay, time to face my past 😩

^ that title is 100% clickbait lol but I still wanna share:

Over the years I've had multiple identity crisis when it comes to my "brand" as an artist and I'm ashamed to admit that I'm a chronic restarter ✋

I've stupidly lost sleep about how I want to portray myself online. Being neurodivergent doesn't assist this and probably plays into most of the reasoning: it's personally been hard to commit to *one* sona/portrayal over the years because, due to growing up, maturing or changing my mind, things not feeling as new/exciting, gaining another special interest etc. I've felt like I've become detached to what I had previously worked so hard to put myself out there as.

This leads to me essentially deleting my progress, effectively restarting my journey as if starting a new save file in a videogame. I gotta do ALL the quests again; it's tiring and I've only got myself to blame 🤦‍♀️

Speaking of, you may recognise these aliases:

Fawny Owl (Tumblr, DeviantArt, Instagram)

DaAnim8or2000 (YouTube) - now deleted

@flosflowin-blog

Well... they're also me lol.

⭐ DaAnim8or2000 was my first YT and I posted animations up there from 2013. I eventually deleted it because I stupidly let one measly comment get to me (at the time for my baby brain it was warranted because the comment was from someone I really looked up to in the community but of course, it was a stupid decision). I regretted the decision because even though I stopped posting for a while due to life getting in the way, it was still my work that I was proud of at the time.

This now meant I couldn't show improvement, which grinded my gears and gave me a mental block for posting at all, because I also had a thing where I didn't want to post CURRENT work if I hadn't posted PREVIOUS work. Chronological order and all, y'know... But then reposting my old work meant I had to go through the whole thing of "questioning my worth and skill" again - hopefully that makes sense? It's stupid and I DEFINITELY overthink but I'm working on that perfectionism.

⭐ Fawny Owl was my first rebrand; it was inspired by my love for owls and my discovery of Bambi II, then the idea of a character design emerged and I got SUPER into it. After a while I got detached from the sona because I thought up a whole backstory for her, so she no longer felt like "me" 🤣 so I retired her to be an OC (still super excited about the story, though, and I'll probably end up doing a comic or try to make it into a show in the future)!

⭐ The blog was my first Tumblr and I moved because I made a new email to become Fawny Owl, so instead of sticking with everything I'd become, I decided to up and yeet off to a brand new blog (that "new blog" is now abandoned too because I made THIS one to start completely anew... Again lmao). Probably to also try and run away from my past cringey self (a mass majority of that OG blog was me as a minor - I was still a minor when I created Fawny Owl).

- I'll probably keep those blogs up but just have them as unused archives rather than deleting them, as I already made the mistake of deleting my account once. Unless I think of something to do with them, I won't use them and I'll just be using this blog lol.

Am I over explaining everything? Probably. I just wanted to share my dumb journey to provide at least some understanding 😂

Honestly if you've made it this far, kudos for surviving my essay lmao ✌️

For real, though, thanks so much for reading 💕 I really do appreciate it and I hope you join me as I work towards my dream 🤩🥹

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If I make any mistakes regarding communities or cultures, please don't feel afraid to correct me! I'm open to criticism and I believe everyone can always be more educated.

🫧 *pop* 🫧

[voluptuarian]

I'm so fucking tired... not physically (for once) but just like Of everything. I feel like nothing I do accomplishes anything, like I'm going nowhere, like I'm constantly on the edge of some disaster, and like I have no control over any facet of my life.

I realized in the middle of my stats class, which is always a miserable experience, as I was being faced with algebra yet again, that I have been grappling helplessly and inescapably with math for probably longer than most my classmates have been alive. It's supposed to end someday, and yet here I am, 35 and almost graduated and here's fucking algebra once again.

I'm desperate for money, so I try and get more/alternative work, but either it's dependent on others and so will never happen, or I literally do not have time to do it in. I try and sell things, and nobody will take them. Even when I try to buy things I can't find them, or afford them, or people selling them just ignore me, for no reason, which is why I still don't have a goddamn sofa. I can't even rely on people close to me to help me do the most basic things I ask them to.

College has made the passage of time feel like the end of the fucking world anyway, but now that I have one term's length in which to accomplish everything I've ever needed to do in my life every day that passes feels like a death sentence. Like getting to the halfway point of February fills me with absolute dread. I'm working so hard to get ahead on as much as I can in all my classes so I can avoid a backlog with finals, because if I have to take an incomplete on anything that will put my graduation in jeopardy, so I live like a madwoman now. I still have an incomplete from last term that I need to finish, but I'm too busy with my other courses to deal with it now, so I'll have to spend my spring break doing that. Never mind I need to get my name changed beforehand, and figure out what I'm even going to do after graduation-- I'll be out of money forever then, so I have to either have an internship set up, or be going straight into graduate school (not that I have any idea what I'm doing in that regard) or have something else set up. And any of those things requires some other person to respond to me, answer my questions, choose or approve me, so they're all obviously doomed, because I'm a like a non-person passing through life-- I already know any situation whatsoever which requires the approval or involvement of anyone but myself (which is like 90% of life) is doomed from the start, because even if they're not actively working against me out of some innate hostility that I inspire in half the people I interact with, they just feel no need to do anything or make any effort or even respond because they just don't actually register that I exist I guess. How am I supposed to be even educationally or professionally successful in a situation like that, let alone like ever have friends or a significant other or any kind of rewarding relationship whatsoever? (Not that I would ever have the time to spend on those lol)

Meanwhile I have to choose between buying things I need for my still-mostly-unmoved-into apartment, or spend my widow's mite donating to some new crisis that none of the powers that be care to do anything about. And I do this hopelessly-- I keep seeing posts that are like "don't lose hope for Palestine!" "I know Palestine will be free in my lifetime!" I don't believe that; I don't have hope. Palestine hasn't been free in my lifetime, it hasn't been free in my parent's lifetime, why would I think anything would change now? Some of my earliest memories are hearing about suicide bombings on busses in the 90s-- I've always known this situation would never end well, and I don't have any hope for it now when it's gotten worse-- I give what I can and do what I can and try to make an impact for a few individuals for awhile, but I don't have any hope for the future. And meanwhile, anything I do for one cause takes away from what I can do for any other cause elsewhere. If I give to Palestine today, I can't give to Ukraine tomorrow, if I give to Ukraine today I can't donate to a go fund me in America tomorrow...

(Let's not even get into the stress of the election, and what the fuck I'm going to do if somehow Biden doesn't win... like I will need to be out of the country ASAP then and don't even know I'll manage that...)

And on top of all this I live with a landlord who's remodeling our entire building while we still live in it, BECAUSE WHY WOULD I EVER HAVE ONE NICE THING so waking up at 8 am to insanely loud construction sounds and endlessly yelling and cussing workers is just a normal part of my life now. I will come home after a night shift and hope and pray that I can sleep for 4 hours before something wakes me up. I have to put signs up on my door every day with "do not disturb" or "on zoom please be quiet" or "no entry before 10 am" just to try and have a normal life, and I will STILL get people pounding on my door trying to get in regardless. I had to email my landlord just today going "no, having your incapable workers try to fix the terrible paint job they already spent four days inconveniencing me with on Monday morning at 8 am will not work for me, since I will have just come home from a night shift-- they have to wait till at least the afternoon to barge into my house and intentionally bring the value of my apartment down." I have no autonomy, no control, no normalcy, no routine, and no privacy in my own home, even when I live alone. That's more than I deserve to have apparently.

Everything in my life is just pointless, and meaningless, and completely out of my control no matter what I do, and I spend every hour of the day in dread of one thing or another. I feel like somebody turned on a laugh track the day I was born and it won't turn off until I die. And it's always been like this! It's always going to be like this! The situations change but the outcome is always the same and nothing I do ever solves it and I'm so FUCKING SICK OF IT

[roccinan]

"Martin came up with the gold idea". I think that was not true. I think the gold was obviously Andres idea. In LCDP season 3, when tokyo asked Prof whose idea it is... And the scene was Prof meeting Andres in Florence, Italy. it was obvious it was Andres idea.

I'm sorry if I have different opinion. 🙏🏻 I had to say this, God, I love Martin and his arc and stories. But i think the fandom is too exaggerating Martin and all about him. Especially with the Berlin Spin off. The main focus is Berlin and his stories. This fandom wouldn't be that disappointed if this Spin off were about Martin and his life, even if the trailer and stories were very bad written, and even if there is no Andres, and other former lcdp characters, people wouldn't complain. I too DISLIKE the new Berlin teaser, but not for that matter, it was for the stories, the wardrobe, and other things.

I think Martin is more than just a side gay character who's in love with the main character who is a fucking narcissistic. Martin is MORE than that. So many layers and stories and background, he's an interesting character. If he's going to be in the spin off, which I cross my finger and hope he will. I hope they don't make him desperate and pathetic like the way most of the berlermo fandom made him out to be.

This fandom idk, you cant say Andres is smarter than Martin or you'll be attacked and actually made Andres out to be this lazy fool who just like to do things for fun 🥲 Martin has good side, and bad side like everyone else, and i admire both sides, but, if I say something about Martin's Villain side (which I fucking love so much) they start justifying every bad things he did, and forced me to admit that Martin is actually a pure angel, a poor baby who got hurt, and went through shit worse than any character in LCDP. Big fan of Berlin and Tokyo here, they are my favs. But I don't mind if ppl having different opinions abt them regarding the bad shit they did, and I don't pretend they're good guys. They're criminals for god sake. And this is the funny part, say something nice or having different opinion about Prof regarding his friendship with berlermo, worse, they'll go as far as calling me homophobic. (which it was the dumbest defense berlermo fandom ever did) that's why I don't really involved myself that much into this fandom anymore. You can't really have different opinion about Martin, and if you do, they assume you hate him, and doesnt support LGBTQ community. and other related things.. You can have different opinion about other lcdp charachters, but nobody is more offended than berlermo fans.

I think it's the reason why this fandom is almost died. You can hate Berlin, tokyo, prof, alicia, and others, but you had to love Martin, period. Idk, if you notice this, there are only berlermo related accounts here in tumblr and even not that much, and only very few accounts that is lcdp whole fandom. There used to be so many lcdp accounts here too, all kinds of accounts, all kinds of people, but i guess they got tired like me. i used to have it too and crazy about the whole lcdp things, I still am only no longer here. Because as you see other fandoms like harry potter, sherlock, LOTR, SOA, and others, the movies and tv shows ended looong time ago, and the fandoms still very much alive. I guess in this fandom, you really can't have different opinion about certain matters. Very fanatics.

And berlermo is no more about Berlin and Palermo, it used to be, but now most of it just about palermo, even for the Berlin spin off, they expected it to be about palermo. I feel bad for Pedro though, reading all those comments in his IG. At least the fandom can say something nice or show a little bit of support.

I mean this in the nicest way possible, anon- how long have you been following me? Have you seen any of my previous posts/answers about everything you talked about? If you did, you would know that I.... don't disagree with you, so I have no idea why you're apologizing to me (?) or phrasing this in a way that seems like you're saying you disagree with my thoughts (but those are opinions I don't have?). If I misunderstood you, I apologize, but this message made me scratch my head for a while. Hmm, well I actually agree with 90% of everything you've said, so I'll try my best to say why I disagree with the other 10% (just my opinion, nothing more, nothing less!).

re: the gold: the most I can say is, sure, you can believe that. It was just a headcanon of mine, and I didn't think it was 100% Martin's idea. I looked over an older answer about the gold I had, and basically, the detailed explanation is that I think Andres wanted to rob the Bank of Spain, but Martin was the one who suggested the gold as the specific goal. So to me, I read Sergio's flashback as him explaining to Tokyo that the idea was something his brother and his brother's friend worked on together. Since Sergio even felt it necessary to ask Martin's permission to do the plan in the first place, I think it strongly suggests that the plan belonged to both him and Andres equally.

re: Martin and the fandom: I don't have a different opinion than you. I think I even made a joke to another anon before that if the spinoff was a wildly ooc story for Martin instead of Andres, a good portion of belermero/helermo fans would lap it up without complaint. When I and others complain about the spinoff, it's been about the same things you're complaining about- we just dislike the plot, wardrobe, and tone. And I thought I was very vocal that it's not just Martin I expected to see alongside Andres in the spinoff- I also wanted to see Jakov, Sergio, and even Santiago. Because I want to see Andres interact with people who are equally strange and who we already know to be his friends/family. To me, a story about Andres and a group of people he has no convincing connection with isn't a story about Andres at all. Which is why I'm skeptical of the spinoff plot- because I want it to at least be more about Andres than the new characters.

re: Martin in the spinoff: Absolutely agree. He's a complex character who's so interesting because he's Andres' exact equal AND an insufferable asshole in his own right, but his layers make him very rounded. "I hope they don't make him desperate and pathetic like the way most of the berlermo fandom made him out to be" ASDFASDF PLEASE PLEASE NO If they try to make Martin a pathetic loser baby like certain fanon does, I'd rather he just NOT even be mentioned at all. That'd make Martin DEAD in my eyes, dead and disgusting.

re: your vent: eh? I've never heard of anyone attacking anyone for saying Andres is "smarter" than Martin, but I've seen the opposite a lot for some insane reason- they just don't say the word "intelligent"- there was a while where a LOT of fans kept insisting Andres was more "cultured" and refined and taught Martin everything about crime/wealth because Martin was just some dumb hick who knew nothing about the world before Andres except misery and pain. This also goes hand in hand with making Andres some "lazy fool" who's so rich he got bored. And all of it was just to justify making Martin as inferior to Andres in every way for a nonexistent dom/sub dynamic (where imo, it's obvious that the people doing this favored Martin even though their version of Martin never existed).

I think there are things that Andres is better at than Martin because he's more interested in those things than Martin and vice versa. And Martin is onsidered more "intelligent" between them because well, he didn't give the mitochondria speech lol, and because he is canonly referred to as a genius who's likely as smart as Sergio. Plus, he is the engineer so by vocation, he would know things Andres doesn't. And I don't think it's a knock against Andres in any way to acknowledge this. Their relationship wasn't just Martin admiring Andres, the opposite happened too.

re: Martin's villain side: Anon, I think you've just been interacting with a particularly obnoxious group of people! Never came across those kinds of fans on tumblr though(?)- I could have sworn they were only on IG and twitter. I made it a mission to stay far far away from those types of fans asdfasdf they're so far in their own delusional version of Martin that it wasn't worth even trying to see their point. They're like, objectively wrong asdfasdf Pretending Martin was just some pure poor baby is a great disservice to the character, and as I've said before, turns him into a whiny incel. (And again, Tokyo is one of my favs LOL) The Sergio hate from palermo stans was also objectively wrong, but it was so ridiculous I found it hilarious every time. But I'm losing it over them calling you homophobic for suggesting a friendship between Sergio and Martin?? It was literally canon, like explicitly there. But these are the same people who think Martin was ever intimidated by Sergio, as if the opposite wasn't way more true.

re: opinions: I can confidently tell you anon that the problem wasn't you, it was the people arguing with you. Plenty of people in the lgbtq community hate Martin LMAO, it's the normal response. But again, I have to ask, how long have you been aware of my blog/opinions?? Because I think I've been pretty vocal about my differing opinions on Martin. You should also see the things nharidy has written about him LOL. And we were just fine vocalizing that. Sure, we had a smaller "following " in the berlermo community (at the time) for it, but it wasn't like Everyone disagreed with us to the point of wanting to argue. And nobody ever accused us of Hating Martin. So I don't think it's fair to claim all berlermo fans are like that, anon, and helermo fans did it too. It was just a certain brand of palermo stan that did it.

re: dying fandom: Again, anon, who have you been looking at and when?? Because if I recall, a LOT of the major fandom absolutely despised Martin. It was only the berlermo/helermo fans that loved him, and I should hope that if someone shipped berlermo, they would like both characters within the ship (unfortunately, a lot of them didn't care at all about berlin). That type of palermo stan was (and is) very very annoying, I won't deny that, but they were ultimately a pretty minor portion of the fandom and saying they're the cause of the fandom "dying" isn't a theory I can agree with. Lcdp fandom slowed down because most people were satisfied with the ending, and also because most of its fans are on other social media besides tumblr. It's very spread out, and tumblr just happens to not be the central place for it. It just maybe appears dead on tumblr because most fans aren't active here, and it appears dead on ao3 because very few people interact with fics.

I don't think anyone got tired (and if we're talking all of lcdp, serquel fans are alive and kicking! ralicia too, the berlin teaser still managed to rack in over 1M views on youtube, actually 2+M if you include the views from netflix India, etc.). And imo, berlermo fandom was never That big in the first place. It just felt that way because so many people got onboard in 2020, but they left literally 2 months later for an assortment of bland generic mlm ships in "bigger"' more wholesome fandoms/canons. But their version of berlermo was never true to it in the first place imo. The people still around are the people still around (on all websites) even if they're not as active anymore. Not every fan is public about what they're fans of too, it doesn't mean they're not doing things in private or just using other platforms or giving their attention to more recent shows. Also as someone who's witnessed some truly HORRIBLE HELLISH behavior in other fandoms, I truly think we should unironically appreciate lcdp fandom for what it is. I thank God everyday for it asdfasdf.

"Because as you see other fandoms like harry potter, sherlock, LOTR, SOA" Also tbh, anon, all the fandoms you listed are things with a WILD amount of canon and lore to digest, as well as more situations and characters to project onto. Lcdp has a lot of characters too, but not on the level of Gamd of Thrones, and it doesn't have a super backstory for every single character. With the exception of bbc sherlock, they're all fantasies too. Lcdp is more like Ocean's 11, Prison Break, Lupin, Fast and Furious, etc. - it's wild too, but more "grounded" and targeting a very different audience. Fans of this genre were never the type to be into online fandom in the first place, and when they are online, they're still less likely to be heavy into shipping, etc.

I'm sorry you felt that you weren't allowed to have a different opinion on Martin/berlermo though. Seems like you just didn't meet me and nharidy early enough haha! We would have welcomed your opinions.

"And berlermo is no more about Berlin and Palermo, it used to be, but now most of it just about palermo" ASDFASDFASD AGAIN respectfully, anon, Who are you interacting with?????? There have been a LOT more berlin-centric and "berlin and palermo" centric fics/takes since vol.2 came out. Not a lot yes, but still a lot compared to 2020. Literally 98% of any early berlermo fics were just about palermo with berlin There. Some of that 98% was well-done and when it was about a palermo I enjoyed, then it was still a well-done berlermo fic. But a VERY large portion of that 98% also contained exactly what you were complaining about- only palermo had the backstory, only palermo's feelings mattered, only palermo deserved the writer and readers' sympathy, sergio is the devil. So I can't agree with saying "most of it is just about palermo" now- that's not true to me at all!

And I think most people asking for palermo re: the spinoff are Not berlermo fans. They're just regular viewers who want to see Andres' canon best friend in his prequel show with him. Lots of peole are just confused over why Berlin's canon best friend isn't there with him. They also ask for Marseille and Sergio, even Rafael. Wanting Palermo to be in the spinoff =/= wanting it to be about him. And as far as I can tell, most of the comments on Pedro's IG are supportive? sure, some fan will ask about other characters and I'm sure there are people crossing boundaries/being rude for no reason, but the majority is happy to see him back as Berlin. Just look at the youtube comments as proof!

So all that being said, I hope my answers made sense. Most of it just comes from my own opinion/observation. I agree a lot with what you said, anon, but for the things were I didn't agree, I hope you can respect my opinion/reasons too.

[rey-jake-therapist]

I'm going to reblog too, it'll make things easier for both of us! ^^

Wow the way you present the events is really helpful. It was pretty much how I think it went, but I'm glad to get the confirmation by someone who has studied the case for much longer than I did! I'm just a Sandman baby after all... Discovered it with the show and bought all the comics since, but I'm in it for what, a year maybe? When I think it began only because I saw someone I knew to be reliable say he was obsessed with it... *sigh of nostalgia*

Ok, I must admit that I confused in my head "waking world" and "human world" in my head, regarding what Alianora and Dream's last discussion. And yet I know the difference! Usually I do... I think because Alianora looks human, I thought she was made to look like one, which was silly since Dream looks human too and is much older than that. Crazy, the tricks that the brain can play. And yeah, the clothes aren't a good indication at all. I was shocked for example when Death invited Orpheus in her realm and it looked like a condo from the 80s, which makes me seriously wonder... How much of the future do the Endless know? I mean, Destiny knows all of it of course, but do the other Endless have the same knowledge of it? And what are future and past to them anyway? Their own father is Time himself, I mean... Sometimes I ask myself all these questions and my head nearly exploses because there's so much I can't answer. Sorry for the rambling...

People really believe that Dream dumped Alianora within months?? This is silly, she says herself that she can't leave the Dreaming because she was away from her world for too long to be accepted there anymore. So, it implies that at least several years have passed. Also I always assumed she was the one dumping him, but I may be wrong of course, it's not very clear what happened between them... He just doesn't get the vibes of a man who will leave someone. He seems more like someone who will rather let a situation get worse than break up with the person. For example, Lucien says about his breakup with Calliope that he moped a bit but that he was overall relieved... Which makes me think he secretly hoped she would be the one who'd leave.

I just have a doubt regarding the Vortex being post Killala: correct me if I'm wrong but I think that Dream meets Sto-Oa when he's trying to find the star who's destroying everything, after he met Hope? He tells Hope the story of the Vortex, but I don't think that Sto-Oa was in this story? I don't have the comics nearby so I fully expect to be wrong on this one!

By the way, I didn't tell you the other day that we agree on a lot of things! I thought my theory about the Vortex being Dream's lover then Jessamy worked, but to be honest I'm a like you, I don't really like the idea that he would turn a dead lover into a raven. I saw the idea that Jessamy was a former lover of his quite often, more than her being the Vortex, but it always rubbed me wrong because

1) it's mostly based on the fact that he was devastated by her death, and I'm really tired of social media that tells us that only romantic love can trigger such a strong reaction to someone's death.

2) Jessamy and Dream's ravens in general are his friends, he trusts them, it's a beautiful relationship, all of this... But it still feels like a raven is an employee somehow, in the sense that he receives orders from him, serves him... I don't know, it would kinda feel like a downgrade for someone who could have been Dream's consort to finally be his raven. Not to mention that as you said, Dream could have made her his queen instead...

3) The last point of the 2) rises a new interrogation: if the Vortex was Dream's lover, why would he have not made her his queen after her death?

Could Jessamy be the first Vortex?

Several times I saw the idea floating on Twitter and Tumblr that Jessamy was a former lover of Morpheus that we'd never hear of, because of the way Dream reacted when she died. I don't have any strong opinion on the question except that it irks me a bit that whenever a man is devastated by the death of someone close to him, people automatically assume that he was in love with this someone, or used to be. I for one think that Jessamy could have mattered deeply to Dream while having a platonic friendship with him, even when she was alive.

That said, if Jessamy used to be Dream' lover, AND was also the first Vortex, it could tie in with something that Desire says in Season of Mists, in a very devastating way...

Desire teases him by asking him if he killed any girlfriend "recently", which heavily implies that Dream had at least one girlfriend killed in the past. Naturally many readers think they refer to an actual murder that Dream would have committed, but since there's no story telling of such a crime, I personally tend to think Desire rather referred to an accidental death, but one for which Dream blames himself. @writing-for-life I think it's a topic we discussed recently?

Desire also refers to a girl who lived on a pretty plane with twinkly lights, and says that what he put her through was "not pretty at all". I'm not sure about the twinkling lights here, but one thing's certain: when he not only had her killed but also the entirety of her civilization, what she went through because of Dream's reluctance to kill only her fits Desire's description.

Granted, there's no real reason to think that Dream was in love with the girl who was the first Vortex, as he's adamant that he was reluctant to kill her because he didn't want to kill an innocent. He says he spent time with her and thought she was a good person, generous and kind, he clearly was fond of her but again, a man can like a girl very much without being in love with her.

So it's all speculation/headcanon, but it has the merit of giving a canon explanation to Desire's claim that Dream "killed a girlfriend". Now, imagine that Jessamy used to be the first Vortex, who was invited to spend her after life in the Dreaming. Imagine that she became Dream's raven and his closest confident and friend. Imagine that when he saw her die while attempting to rescue him, it was the second time he indirectly caused her death, since if she hadn't tried to break the fishbowl she would still be alive...

Don't tell me I ruined your day, I already know.

You're welcome!

[otomes-world]

Hello!

Congratulations on nearing 1k, I hope you can achieve new milestone later, like 2k.

I love your content honestly, it gave me the smile, chills and fun when i read them, i have a really great memory fot each post you make.

You make me smile when i'm having a bad day so thank you!

Btw this the request i want to make hehe ↓

I'm not shocked really, hehe cause i ahve a dream once about them.

and here, have my virtual hug!

I hope you have a wonderful day

(ღˇ◡ˇ*)♡

Thanks a lot! I am very pleased to know that you liked my work so much, honestly. Let me send you virtual hugs too (つ≧▽≦)つ

yandere!Deuce Spade x you x yandere!Ace Trappola

Many wondered how you with Ace and Deuce got along. You would be surprised if your trio could answer this question. If you were asked personally, you would say: this was how the circumstances developed. Another explanation was slow to come to your mind. The way you were approached by Trappola in the main square in front of the college, the way you met Spade in the room of mirrors - everything was pure luck, thanks to which you became the most famous trio.

You had time to fully realize what personalities made up the majority of the students, so most of the time you hung out with the duo of the first years. You dined together, went to classes, sometimes arranged sleepovers with watching films that they brought. You knew little about the culture of this world, completely relying on your friends in this regard.

The weekend had come, and you decided to arrange another joint evening. This time they brought some comedy CDs and a couple of horror films. You didn't mind, but you knew that Deuce didn't particularly like scary movies. So the idea to bring it was entirely Ace's. You sometimes wondered if he had set himself a daily task. As if he had not once teased a friend, then his day would not have gone as well as it could. Trappola liked to do the same with you, but you often answered to him. This was probably why in your company the egg lover got the most.

That evening you were especially tired, so you did not remember half of the film, as well as did not make out the voices of your friends, who, judging by the intonations, were arguing about something as usual. You propped your head on your hand and with sleepy eyes tried to follow what was happening on the screen, but without success. You no longer remembered who the main character was or what the story was about.

"Name, listen-.. Name?" Ace turned to you, but you heard his voice through the fallen veil, but the next `tsk` clearly. "Fell asleep. How could I come to like you."

"A-ace, you!.."

Before you finally drifted off to sleep, you heard Deuce's nervous voice and then shushing from redhaired.

You woke up feeling unable to move, as well as how uncomfortable it was for you to sit. Somehow freeing your hands, you raised them to your eyes and rubbed them, chasing away the remnants of sleep. When you were finally able to look around, you found that the TV had been turned off a long time ago, and friends decided to use you as a pillow. Trappola grabbed your waist, burying his head in you, and Spade, who slid down, did the same with your legs.

Feeling like a caterpillar in some kind of cocoon, you took a deep breath and screamed as loudly as your still unawakened vocal cords would allow, "Good morning!"

At the sound of your voice, the first years immediately flinched, instinctively letting go, which you took advantage of, standing up and moving further away. Although they themselves were not yet fully awake, the way they sent each other eloquent glances made you suspicious. However, neither the first nor the second had a word about the previous night. You frowned, but went to the stairs to the bathroom, making a note in your head to carefully examine your face in the mirror for inscriptions and drawings.