#I bet you dumb fuckers don't even have hands

[emo-eyemakeup-evildude]

BABY'S FIRST HATE COMMENT!!!!!!!!!!

look at me mom I'm a real fic writer

on the most recent chapter of my least popular fic, no less

[evilminji]

You know how in Naruto, Sealing is a Finicky Art?

It's like computer coding, calligraphy, and symbolism had a super-powered/reality bending baby. You gotta think in VERY ADHD twirls and swirls too be any good at it. Which is why the Uzumaki rocked it so hard. But I digress.

Is Complexe AF.

Bends Reality and is EASY to fuck up.

Wanna bet? The BEST way to learn/use it? Is to copy already functioning examples? But Oh! How do you KNOW they are functioning? Safe? Well OBVIOUSLY, your Skilled At Seals teacher looks at it first! THEN gives it too you!

Using random seals you find in the dirt is how you get splattered across three different countryside in peices, after all. Possibly take out a nearly Town or two while your at it. No One Is THAT Dumb... RIGHT?

Enter Stage Right o/~☆ Humanity, Everybody! *polite, if strained, golf clapping*

They ABSOLUTELY Are!

Especially Ninja!

Ninja who, after fuckin MURDERING A WHOLE ASS VILLAGE OF SEALING MASTERS, decided to pick through the rubble! Because THAT is gonna work out GREAT! After all... it's not like you just KILLED the fuckers who could tell you what IS and IS NOT functional!

Was that once the "hazardous advanced class' sealing failures" bin? Or was it the "super awesome candy and rainbows" stash!? You don't know. NO ONE DOES NOW. You fuckin KILLED THE PEOPLE WHO DID.

They had their own REGIONAL Sealing Script.

You know, the one they taught to THEIR STUDENTS. Not outsiders. The students you KILLED, you absolute fuck nuggets. But hey! The threat of the Super Scary Sealing Masters is no more! Good job. You've successfully burned down the library. It can't hurt you ever again.

But NOW? You have piles upon piles of GIBBERISH.

You can only VAGUELY tell the novice seals from the master's. And even then? Do you have any idea what most of them DO? Nope. And after a certain point in training? The shaky, uncertain hand writing becomes smooth enough, that it all blends together in "Seals".

Now... what is the SMART thing to do?

Curse your hubris and the atrocities your fear allowed you to commit, obviously. But BEYOND that, Don't Touch Them. But we're Ninja. So WE are all suicidal idiots. The less smart but still Reasonably Precautionary thing to do? Study the amateur Seals. Learn Sealing from other masters.

Crack the Regional Script and slowly, painstakingly, work through each seal as we sort out what is and isn't safe. What can be salvaged. What can be used and how.

A process that will likely take years if not decades.

But of course, that's not GOOD ENOUGH for certain grabby handed, power hungry, short sighted, fuck weasels! No, no. It much EASIER to just throw human life into the blender until profit pops out! Completely IGNORING, of course, that SOME of these?

Could very well be the "Too Dangerous To Ever Use/Will Destroy Us All/Take Them All With Us" type of Seals that Kage usually LOCK UP. The kind you CAN'T destroy once you've made them, because the fall out would be WORSE. And?

Even if you are a murderous, middle management, go nowhere in your life, BASTARD of a ninja? Sometimes you can look down at the massive, intricately detailed, killer off nation's before you. Something that was WRAPPED in locks upon locks upon chains upon seals. And KNOW in your selfish, survival at all costs little heart... You DO NOT want anyone to fuck with this.

You CAN NOT let anyone fuck with this.

NO ONE can be allowed to touch it.

Not for ANYTHING.

You may fear S Class Kage and Missing Nin and what all else they may do to you. But THIS? Your eyes can't even properly FOCUS on it. It's like a tunnel that's lined with poetry, stretching all the way to the Earth's core. It's perfectly flat. It moves, a gentle rotation. But is that just your eyes, tricking you?

So much ink, it swallows the scroll, and this is when it's COMPRESSED.

How many nations?

How many NATIONS must this monstrosity span, when free?

It must have taken a Master decades, if not their entire life, to complete. Possibly a family, several generations. But... but gods it is a work of MADNESS. No wonder it was sealed. It speak, you... you THINK... of Death...

Of it's KING.

Something BEYOND the Shinigami. BEYOND Death and the Purelands.

Who the FUCK would try to summon something beyond GODS? Did they think they could control it? Chain it like the bijuu? You're so cold inside. Because you KNOW. You fucking KNOW, the ambitions and arrogance of those above you.

They'll think they can.

They won't listen.

You... you have to take this and RUN. You stand no chance. But no chance is better then oblivion. Anything is better then standing by and watching it happen.

You obviously don't make it. You never expected too. But at least... at least you won't have to watch whatever THAT is... arrive... fuck...

At least you TRIED.

And? Because leaf Ninja, specifically certain teams, have the MOST Shit luck imaginable? They arrive, having crossed paths with several other teams, on the way back home (yay! Warm food and real beds!) Just in time to see a desperate looking ninja from one of the small villages get fuckin pincushioned. Drop what is VERY clearly an Uzushio Scroll of considerable size and SEVERE SSS+ DO Not EVER Touch Grade Type Markings, and then some joining from that same village go to grab it.

Notice them.

You know... the multiple LEAF NINJA. Who TOO THIS DAY, wear the UZU swirl on their uniforms as a mourning tribute to the DEAR AND PRECIOUS ALLIES they could not save. The Uzushio Allies. Those ones. The ones that were, in fact, from Uzushio.

LIKE THE SCROLL YOU ARE HOLDING.

By the WAY! How DID you get that Scroll? Doesn't seem like something our dear friends would just HAND over, now does it? You didn't happen to LOOT THEIR FUCKIN GRAVES did you? Cause we sure would be MAD about that!

:)

Real Mad.

Dude obviously panics. Because that? That is a VERY pissed off bunch of Ninja, many in the bingo book, one of whom is Very Clearly throwing off BIJUU CHAKRA. And just said "my family's" Ha ha... Oh Shit that's an Uzumaki.

So he decides to USE THE SEAL.

What does it do?

He doesn't know! But it's probably SOMETHING big and impressive, right?

Yes. :) Yes it Does.

*Crack*

The SKY cracks. Like a pane of glass, struck by a hammer. Spiderwebbing as far as the eye can see above them, all from one central point, directly above the seal. The cracks there are concentrated. A point of impact. And through the cracks... something GREEN shines.

Brighter then the daylight around it, yet darker in color then the blue of the sky. Lazily whisping out like escaping mist. Time seems slow as their eyes all whip up wards. Even with senses beyond the normal human base, it is... inconceivable. SOMETHING winds back. They can not see it.

But they can feel it.

Like changing pressure as a storm rolls in.

*Crack!*

Green overtakes the blue. The sky a Kaleidescape of shards, held together by stubbornness alone. Reflecting a calm day that seems IMPOSSIBLE in the face of what's occurring. There should be wind. Great pressure changes in the face of so much FORCE, but the trees are eerily still.. utterly silent..

Nothing dares bring attention to itself.

Some distant part of their minds try to gather the thought that... that it could be an illusion. They... they should check. But they can FEEL it. Like a weight draped gently but without mercy upon their shoulders. It did not slam. But... but they can not move. Can barely breathe. It is beyond killing intent.

It is simply...

DEATH.

*CRASH!*

At last, the sky gives way. A fist, the size of towers punching through. It... it is almost elegant. A ring, almost in the shinigami's visage, wraps itself in a howling and snarled menace, around a great shining finger. A glove protects almost delicate looking, claw tipped fingers. The fist pulls back. Shard of sky falling, Floating, suspended in their moment of destruction, a glittering frame for the gapping wound that has overtaken everything.

Death...

Death has Green Eyes.

A crown of ice and starlight, pulled straight from the coldest north, hair that drifts like the drowned. His skin is that of a corpse. His breath a coldness that seems to suck all warmth from the world. There is no rage, no great irritation, his face merely twisted in slight annoyance. Mild displeasure.

And yet it feels like their greatest sin.

It BURNS.

They are ants. Less then ants. He... He LOOMS so TALL. The Green BURNS into their eyes, into their veins, chokes their lungs. The silence stretches. Those great eyes, the eyes of a GOD, move from them. To the man with the Seal.

He dies instantly.

Shit.

They... they need to... to...

Naruto wanders over and picks up the scroll, completely ignore the Giant Sky God Of Death and how all his friends are frozen in primordial fear. He roughly shakes the dirt off the delicate old relic, then squint at it. Figures he's holding it upside-down. Flipping it, he squints harder. Tilts his head and hums.

"Oh!"

He holds his hand up, turning to look at the terrifying Deity From Beyond Comprehension.

"It's me! I'm the Uzumaki! But, uh, I didn't actually summon you? Our stuff got stolen. Which really sucks!" He looks down again, brings the paper nearly to his nose trying to make out some thing. "Uuuuuh, huh. Got it! Can you get smaller? I don't got any BBQ or anything ON me right now, but Choji's Family makes REALLY good food! We can go out to eat? Ooh ooh! Maybe RAMEN! You like Ramen, right?!"

"Yep, Definitely one of Shouta's."

Rumbles The Actual Fucking King Of Death, shaking the trees and ground under your feet. As you probably stare at your fellow Leaf Nin like WTF.

"Sure, man. Give me a second."

And suddenly? He's leaning forward. Shrinking and twisting in ways that are painful to look at. The sky is... is not healing, so much as UNcracking. Rewinding itself to a pristine state. Until only a large, floating, armored God in black and white floats above you. Glowing.

One that... that is apparently FRIENDS with the Uzumaki Clan.

Because of course he is.

Naruto's introducing his Toads. And teammates. You almost feel bad for Hatake. But like? Better you then me, buddy. THEN? Death? Decides? For some inconceivable reason. "You know what? Im'ma just turn into a human WITH NO CHAKRA NETWORK. Reeeeeally freak out the locals."

And now Leaf is INCHARGE of entertaining A GOD until he decides to leave.

Or (presumably) Else.

And!! Because life loves to kick ninjas IN THE BALLS (for their stupid, STUPID life choices, YOU FUCKERS) it just HAD to be the One God? That can SEE DEAD PEOPLE. Because it's not like ninjas have Death Related Traumas or anything!

*internal ninja screaming*

Feed the guy some BBQ! Stat! Please Akimichi! Save us!

@hdgnj @hypewinter @the-witchhunter @ailithnight @nerdpoe @mutable-manifestation

[left4gospels]

“UNTOUCHABLE”

Short story

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(Drawing by me, I hated the full version but i liked how I drew Ellis so this is what you get.)

First time writing something and posting it publicly so uh i hope you guys like it. Was just an idea I had. I dont like this it could be better.

TW: Death, violence, Keith is sort of a douche, mid story.

╔══•●•══╗

“Ellis and his best buddy Keith were driving on the road, heading to the nearest evacuation station with no idea what would happen to them. With rumors of an apocalypse, neither of them were taking it seriously. Keith always had that invincible energy that nothing could touch either of them when they were together, so why would Ellis doubt him? They were fine, everything would work out in the end.

That is, until they run out of gas. Then everything starts to get a little too serious for Ellis.”

╚══•●•══╝

The chevy sped down the empty backroad, gravel crunching under the tires and trees blurring by. Ellis kept one hand on the wheel and the other draped over the shifter, his fingers tapping to the rhythm of ‘Don't fear the reaper’. Keith sat in the passenger seat, his worn boots propped up on the dash like he owned the damn thing, tearing into a stick of jerky he randomly found in his pocket. They’d taken one of the many backroads of Georgia to avoid the crowd towards the evacuation station– a hotel Ellis hadn’t been to since he was a kid– leaving the road clear for him to step on the gas.

“Man, this don’t feel real, does it?” Keith said, his mouth half-full, cheeks puffed like a chipmunk as he looked out the window. Ellis turned down the radio to hear him. “Remember that ramp off of White Bluff? I was drivin’, and I hit that shit goin’ like 120! Dave nearly shit his fuckin’ pants. You puked all over my dash, I was fuckin’ pissed.”

Ellis glanced at him, laughing at the memory. “Dude I know! I was just thinkin’ about that! Oh man, that was so funny. I’d do it again, ‘except last time we weren’t dodgin’ zombies n’ shit.”

“Hey, we ain’t seen no zombies yet? If we do, just run them fuckers over. Nothin’ but a speed bump.” Keith grinned, the kind of grin that made him look like a kid trying to get away with something. It was that grin that normally got Ellis into trouble. Keith had a way of turning bad ideas into brilliant ones, and Ellis had a bad habit of going along with them. Like the time Keith got it in his head to make homemade fireworks, or the bumper cars, or the gators. Keith always liked the thrill of having one foot in the grave.

Even when Keith’s ideas blew up in their faces—literally, in the case of the fireworks—Ellis always trusted him. Keith just had this way about him, this dumb kinda confidence that made you believe nothing could ever touch you in his presence. And until that day, Ellis believed him.

“Man, that would be so cool. Use em’ as a ramp, oh– like the Dukes of hazzard!” Ellis cheered with a gleaming smile, both of them laughing.

“Just the good ol’ boys…” Keith sang the tune to the opening. “That used to come on every mornin’ after the news. You remember as a kid, playin’ as them? Man, we were stupid. I’d watch it again though.”

Ellis smiled and swallowed hard, his throat suddenly tight. He didn’t want to think about the news– how all those people died in Macon, or how they might never see another tv show again. Now that the evacuation was mandatory, it all seemed different. He gripped the steering wheel a little tighter. Ellis didn’t like to think about shit like that. So he avoided those thoughts for as long as he could.

“Y’think this hotel’s gonna be as fancy as it used to be? Hell, I ain’t been to The Vannah in a fuckin’ dogs age. Last time I was there, I think I was with Cindy,” Keith asked, breaking the silence. “That bitch that left me at the tunnel of’ love'?”

“Ha! Yeah, I remember that.” Ellis snorted, adjusting his hat. Who’s he kidding? They’re gonna be fine. “Oughta be paradise with all this shit goin’ on. Bet there’s gonna be a shit ton a’ people. Hope they ain’t zombies like on the TV.”

Keith laughed, that wheezy, half-choked sound that always got Ellis laughing too, and for a moment, the world didn’t seem so bad. “Pft, I wasn't payin’ attention to that. That news lady they got on channel 7 is a fine piece, I can tell ya that.”

Then the fuel light dinged, Ellis groaned. They should’ve fueled up before, but everyone was in such a rush to leave, they figured they might as well be too.

“Goddamn, already outta gas,” he muttered, hitting his steering wheel. “This is some bullshit. I told you we should’a gassed ‘er up.”

The gas station came into view a mile or so down the road, a lonely convenience store from when people worried about gas prices and not whether they’d live long enough to pay for it. Ellis pulled the truck into the lot, the tires crunching over broken glass and debris.

“Where the hell are the people? They already left? Man, I better not get a flat from all this glass, I'm serious.” Ellis said, shaking his head as he turned into one of the pumps.

“Shit, this place looks like a scene outta a horror movie,” Keith said, leaning out the window to get a better look. “Betcha there’s bodies in the back.”

“Shut up,” Ellis grinned, slapping him on the shoulder. “Ain’t funny.” He said, despite his smile.

He killed the engine and stepped out, the heat slamming into him like a wall. Goddamn the Georgia heat was relentless. It was quiet. No birds, no wind, just the sound of his boots on the pavement as he walked to the pump. He glanced around—two empty cars, both with busted windows, but not a soul in sight. I mean damn, he didn’t think it would be all peaches and cream, but he definitely didn’t expect nothing like this.

“Hey, you think they got snacks inside?” Keith called from the truck, stepping out and shutting the door.

Ellis smiled and looked over his shoulder, Keith’s words distracting him from reality– like they always did. “Oh, that’s a good idea right there. Man, I could go for a slurpee– or a beer.” He shook his head. “You think they make beer slurpees?”

Keith didn’t answer, and Ellis figured he ran off somewhere to find some food. He was silently wondering if he still had to pay or not, gripping the pump handle, his fingers trembling just a little. He hated how quiet it was. Hated how weird this whole thing felt. He started getting wrapped up in his head again, something he never does. Maybe this whole flu thing was a bigger deal than he thought.

“El,” Keith called again, catching Ellis’s attention.“You see that?”

Ellis turned, following Keith’s gaze to the corner of the lot. A shadow darted between two cars, quick and low, like an animal.

“Prolly just a dog or some shit,” Ellis said, though he didn’t believe it himself. Just ignore it, he told himself, get the gas and go.

Keith snorted. “Yeah, a dog the size of a goddamn linebacker.”

Ellis laughed at that, setting the pump back in its cradle and turned toward the truck. “C’mon, we’re leavin’. Not a man here, so I ain’t payin’. And I sure as hell ain’t killin’ no dog.”

But Keith wasn’t in the truck. He was a good twenty feet away, crouched beside an overturned box, squinting at something on the ground.

“What'd ya find? Hurry your ass up, man.” Ellis smiled, approaching him. Ellis usually didn’t mind the way Keith treated all this like it was just another story they’d laugh about later, it kept his mind from wandering to the parts of this whole mess he wasn’t ready to think about. He didn’t know if he ever would be. Now, Ellis was starting to get a little worried. But he’d never let Keith know that.

Keith looked up, grinning like an idiot, waving the yellow cylinder in the air. “Found me a box of Twinkies! They ain’t even opened!”

“Awh, yeah! Get some and let’s go man, cmon. Move your ass.” Ellis said, beckoning him with a little more insistence in his words. The hairs on his neck stood up, watching as Keith shoved a couple more in his pocket.

“Alright alright. Damn, don’t get your panties in a twist–”

And then it happened.

The “dog” from before launched itself at Keith, moving faster than Ellis blink. Keith barely had time to scream before the thing was on him, its claws ripping into his chest, its weight slamming him to the ground. This wasn’t a dog, this was a human– or it was at one point– as wild as an animal

“Keith!” Ellis yelled, his voice cracking, pulse skyrocketing. “Holy shit!”

The thing snarled with gritted teeth, blood already dripping from its mouth from God knows what. Keith thrashed and yelled, using all the force he could to push the thing off, but it was no use. It’s hands– almost clawed, tore into Keith's ribs, jabbing into his organs again and again and again. This thing wasn’t like the zombies in movies. It wasn’t looking for brains or running on hunger– it was looking to kill.

Ellis grabbed the crowbar he kept in bed of his truck and ran, his legs moving on instinct. The first hit connected with a sickening crunch, sending blood and bits of bone flying. The Hunter reeled, its claws twitching, but Ellis didn't stop. He brought the crowbar down against its skill– feeling every hit– until the thing was a lifeless heap of infected flesh on the ground. Ellis stared in disbelief for a second, panting with burning lungs, before he heard a babbling cough beneath him.

“Keith!” Ellis gasped, forgetting the crowbar and dropping to his knees beside him. Blood pooled on the asphalt under Keith's body– his shirt and flesh shredded to pieces. Keith’s eyes were wide, his chest heaving, blood pouring from the gaping wound in his side, coughing up more of the red liquid from all the internal damage. Ellis reckoned it must’ve hurt something fierce, but the sheer shock and adrenaline must’ve kept Keith from feeling a thing.

“Ellis,” he choked out, his voice weak, looking down at himself in complete disbelief. “Holy fuck, man– holy fuck!” He repeated, his mouth gaping open in surprise. “What the fuck was that thing?!”

“Shit!” Ellis yells, shaking his head. “Holy shit, man! No, it's alright. You’re always fine. Remember the fireworks? The gator?” He tried to chuckle, but it just came out as a choked sob. “Keith, c’mon man, get up! You’re alright…”

Keith tried to smile weakly, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “Man, this ain’t the same, Ellis! I’m all– I'm everywhere…” The corners of his lips turned downwards. His hands trembled as he attempted to sit up, he couldn’t seem to look at anything but his organs pooling out of his body. Keith gurgled, more blood rising from his throat and out of his teeth. His breath was ragged and thick, the thing must’ve hit one of his lungs.

Pressing his palms to the wound, Ellis tried to stop the red stream from spurting out as best he could, but it only stained the back of his hands. Keith began to choke, and cough out another gush of blood onto his shirt. His wide eyes settled onto Ellis’s face, tears streaming slowly down them. Keith never cried.

“I think I'm gonna die, man…” He whispered, voice quivering as his hand reached for Ellis, fingers weakly gripping his shirt. “That thing knocked the life outta me.”

“No,” Ellis whispered, his voice breaking, shaking his head in denial. “Shut up, man. No, no, no. No, man you’re not gonna die.” He pleaded, silently praying, repenting for every sin they’ve ever committed. Not Keith man, he couldn’t lose his best buddy.

“Shit, Ellis man.. I don’t wanna die…” Keith said, his panicked voice dropping low, words slurring. “I’m– You’re my best friend, man…” His eyes grew big for a few seconds, so full of fear, looking up to the sky at something Ellis couldn’t see. Ellis shook his head, his lips beginning to move, begging for him to keep holding on. Begging for God not to do this to either of them. Keith took a few more ragged breaths, and one last sticky heave, before his eyes shut. His body went slack, head lolling to the side.

“KEITH!” Ellis yelled, shaking him now. “No, no no no. Man, c’mon man!” He said, gripping hard on his shoulders. It was then when he realised he was crying himself. Keith was dead. Keith just died in front of him, in his arms. “Shit!”

Ellis abruptly stumbled to his feet, sticky with his best friend's blood. He studied his muddy hands, palms up, palms down. He could feel his pulse in the tips of his fingers, his hands sore from gripping the crowbar so hard. Staring at Keith and the zombie's lifeless body, a numbing despair settled over him. It all happened so fast… so fuckin’ fast.

He had to get out of here.

Ellis climbed into the driver’s seat, fumbling with the keys and staring at his hands. He found a grease rag in the compartment of his truck, desperately scrubbing his best friend’s DNA off his skin, though it didn’t do much but dry them. His blood was in the beds of his fingernails. He started the engine and pulled onto the road, hands trembling on the wheel. He didn’t look in the mirror, he didn’t dare look back.

He was going to the evac station– he’ll meet Keith there.

Keith wasn’t dead. That wasn’t his body dying in Ellis’s arms. He was back in the truck, laughing about Twinkies or pools or something stupid. Or better yet, somewhere at home with a beer and a shotgun, safe as can be. Yeah. He’s alright.

Keith was fine. Ellis never saw anyone die.

He had never seen a zombie before.

Nothing could ever touch him.

✟ ✟ ✟

[threepandas]

Sun Burnt: Yandere Reborn

Lot of stereotypes came with having certain Flame types I mused. As bullets rammed into my back, ricocheting around me like bouncy balls of death. My feet eating up the earth as fast as I could. It was all kinds of unfair.

Like? If you were a Sun? You were expected to be gregarious. Cheerful. Some happy go lucky healer type. To hell with your ambitions, I got a paper cut! And a storm? Well OBVIOUSLY watch out! We got a HOT HEAD over here! Look out for the HOT HEAD! A TEMPERAMENTAL ASSHOLE coming through!

I mean? Maybe they're pissed cause you keep POKING at them, huh? Wouldn't anybody?

I dodge down an alley. Jumping trash cans. Throwing them down behind me. Hearing curses and howls of outrage. Man, they are persistent. And! And like? Being a LIGHTNING?! God, being a LIGHTNING can SUCK sometimes! Sure, I get to be a Tank. And yeah. Human tazer. Pretty neat. But the ASSHOLES!

It's all "ooooh~! You're nothing but a DUMB MEAT SHEILD! Come be my DUMB MEAT SHEILD and lick my BOOTS, meat sheild! That's all you're good for! Because you're so DUMB! Impulsive! We wanna use you to solve our stupid ass turf disputes and lead you ooooon~!" Like? Fuckin REALLY?!

Is it MY fault your brains move so slow? That you're so SQUISHY? I'm not fucking IMPULSIVE! I think things through! I just do it FASTER then you jack asses! Granted... never said I do it BETTER. I may, in fact, be a dumbass. Probably am. All signs point to "maybe"...

......ARE THEY SERIOUSLY STILL CHASING ME!?

It was MY haul!!!

Steal your own SHIT!!!

And yeah, was it WISE to flip the table, punch the Don, and jump out a window with the fugly ass statue they planned to stiff me on? No. No it was not. But I REFUSE to not get paid! Try to steal from ME will you?! I'ma toss this fucker into the SEA!!! Swim for it BITCHES!

I skid onto the main road of Mafia Island. Knocking over somebody's fancy ass mistress. Probably gonna pay for THAT too. Fuck it! Yolo! I am pouring on the Lightning flames at this point. COATED. The metaphorical bull in this, the mafia land China shop. Pulling shooting. Amused and playing bets. Flames rising up to brush against me.

I am a fuckin circus act on display and I HATE it.

But by all that is holy! Those bastards ARE NOT getting their stupid statue back!

To the SEA with it! I shall cast it to the briny BLUE!

FUCK THOSE GUYS!

The crowd is parting like the red fucking sea. Except... except?! Oh shit! Pretty guy on a suit! Move pretty guy! MOVE!! Aaaaah!

I barely... BARELY!! Manage to stop myself from running into Pretty? Hiiitman? Hitman. Got a gun. Very calm. Yep, hitman. Barely! Dodge! By forward flipping OVER the guy and Superhero sticking the landing. Dropping the statue but... meh. Don't care. I still plan to...

Are. You. FUCKING SERIOUS!?

Drugs!?

That FUGLY STATUE WAS HOLLOW! No WONDER they were so desperate to get it! They were BREAKING Vongola's BAN!!! Ooooooh! I'm TELLING! You FUCKERS USED ME!!! Jail! Ten thousand years JAIL! Kill um, Mr. Hitman! They're dirty, non-thief paying, DRUG MAKERS!

Am I pointing accusingly? Yes. Hanging over the hitmans shoulder like the tattling tattle that I am? Absolutely. Jail for them! Get um! Boooooo! My flames still coat every part of me. Which is why I can FEEL when the hitman decides... "fuck it. Why not?"

I can TELL? Because it's like feeling the mountain you're standing on suddenly deciding to move. Like a giant, blinking their eyes open and beginning to stand. Rising up and up and UP. So great it feels impossible. The Sun flames infront of me? Go beyond the concept of "powerful".

It's like standing in front of a star up close.

So bright and burning fury, it consumes all other light.

I can't even FEEL the other Flames around us anymore. Almost can't HEAR what's going on. He... he has a low, purring voice. Like espresso. Smooth. The smell of gunpowder and decadent things... CLINGS to him like a lover. The suit under my carelessly grabbing hands... f... feels EXPENSIVE.

Bad. T... this is BAD. D..Don't panic. Just. Just let go! Yeah? Let go, be polite, and apologize. Y... you'll be okay. Oh god. What did I DO?! L... LET GO. Move! W.. why can't I MOVE?!

I feel more then hear the shots. The slight recoil. Utterly effortless, he ends their lives. An amused lilt to whatever he's saying. His head tilts so he can view me from the corner of his eye. A mean smirk on his beautiful face. I amuse him. My FEAR amuses him.

His Flames reach out like a crushing fist... I... I can not move...

The world seems to STOP.

As two notes of the same song find each other. Flitting and high to some great and terrible low. The two farthest ends of a Set, still empty, with no sky to hold it in balance. Yet? Resonance none the less.

"Oh~?"

The flat disinterest of those abyssal eyes changes. Like a damning light flickering on in the dark. Leading something terrifying straight towards me. No longer just background noise. I was interesting. I... I didn't WANT to be interesting! No, no, NO!

He turned towards me.

And my stomach plummets straight through the earth. Oh god. Please God, no.

Before me stand a terrifying legend. Living infamy itself. THE World's Greatest Hitman, it's greatest killer, Reborn. Who's eyes were locked on my face with a terrible interest. Who's Flames, vast and hungry, tugged and prowled at the edge of my own. His mean little smirk had turned into something that could pass for charming... if I didn't know who he was.

If I wasn't probably going to die.

He casually tucked his gun away. Pulled his other hand from his pocket. And then... oh god. Then two burning weights clamped down on my shoulders. No where to run. No chance of escape. He leaned forward, towering over me.

"You know, I didn't catch your name, bella. Who do you work for again? We have so much to LEARN about each other, don't you think? All the time in the world. Now... give me your phone."

I whimpered. His hands were almost burning with Sun flames. They washed over me in a greedy search for ties that bind and cracks in my defenses. Pushing and pushing. Trying to get IN. Covetous.

"After all~ It's not like you could possibly escape me."

[animemakesmeanxiouss]

You don't know how you got here. Or why you were even doing this.

Bakugou has always been such a cocky jerk to everyone, ESPECIALLY you. Ever since you met in your sophomore year of college with his major and your minor in hero studies colliding, he's been the biggest pain the in ass.

So why was it that in this very moment, he was so deep inside of you you thought you might break? You'd just grabbed his hand in the dining hall at the hero ranking ceremony and ran with him to the 2nd floor restroom where you knew nobody would be and the moment you turned to face him, he slammed you against the wall and his teeth were already on your neck. Biting so hard, it'd be no surprise if the skin broke but God, it felt amazing. Then he switch up from just biting to kissing, and sucking. His rough hands adjusted themselves under your thighs so he could pick you up better. Slowly, one of them wound up under your chin, forcing you to look into his ruby red eyes where you could see the ferocious lust inside of them that make your insides stir.

"Just a one time thing, never to be spoken of again, huh," he mocked. Remembering the words you said to him at your most recent sexual encounter.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

You two had been arguing about your recent spar session, where he had played dirty, the fucker, considering he used his quirk when the instructor had said this was preparation for close hand-to-hand combat should you ever find yourselves in a situation where a villain is able to cancel out your quirks, similar to Eraser. The argument ensued all the way back to the changing rooms, with your friends laughing at the two of you bickering until you went your separate ways and shower.

"God, that guy is such a giant dick!" You shouted in frustration.

"Yeah, but I bet he can back it up," your friends joked. You rolled your eyes at them as they were always thinking about dumb things like dick size when it came to fancy hero types including their hotheaded sidekicks, all because they gained some notoriety.

You had to wait your turn to get a shower and you ended up being the last one in the locker room when you finally got a chance, so you'd have to be in charge of locking up and leaving the key in the deposit box at the front office. The warm water soothing your aching muscles, while also highlighting where the worse bruises were going to appear the following morning.

You heard the door open about 5 minutes after you got into the shower, when all of the other girls should've been long gone.

"Did you forget something?" You asked, waiting to see who would respond.

"Uh, yeah! Left my deoderant in my locker, silly me," said Yaoyarouzu, "Sorry for the bother!"

The was odd, Momo was incredibly meticulous. Couldn't she have just...created another one? You shrugged it off though, even the greatest of minds can be forgetful. You heard her leave, and that was that, on with washing off the dirt and sweat from moments prior.

You finished washing your hair and once you had lathered the body wash all over you, there was a giant SLAM of the door, making you jump.

What the fuck was that? Surely not Momo again?

You heard loud stomping getting closer and a thousand scenarios were running through your head. First one being, you're naked. You hope to hell you don't have to fight naked. The towel was hanging outside the shower stall and your clothes were waiting in your locker. The only thing you had on were shower shoes, how were you gonna get out of this one?

Suddenly, the shower current swung open with such violence that a strong breeze hit you and before you could react, you were pinned against the cold shower wall.

"Where the fuck did you put my clothes?" the angry voice growled.

You slowly opened your eyes, which you didn't even realize had been shut, to reveal Kaatsuki Bakugou. As you realized what was going on, you went from scared for your life to downright pissed.

"Why the fuck would I know where your clothes are?"

"Because the only ones left on campus are you and me, and you've been on my ass since sparring so you took them to make yourself feel better about getting your ass whooped!"

You gave him an incredulous look. You did NOT get your ass whooped, he played dirty. Also, what stupid reasoning, Momo left not too...long...ago. That bitch, she set you up?!

"Well?! Answer me?!" he demanded, his arms still pinning yours against the tile.

But first, there was a situation that needed to be addressed, and the water was going to go cold.

"Bakugou, you know I'm naked, right?" His brow furrowed, and he looked down to realize what his blind temperament had gotten him into. His face flushed the slightest bit as he stared a moment longer, then brought his eyes back to your face. It made you feel insecure, and the cold air wasn't helping considering the way your body was reacting.

"Well, so am I and it's going to stay that way until you get my clothes from wherever you stashed them." His eyes felt intense on your face, and you realized he was trying not to look down at your body again but it seemed like he was struggling quite a bit. You rolled your eyes and felt a small growl come from his throat.

"Well, at least let me grab my towel so I can help you look. Someone came in for a bit and then left, I'm guessing they're the ones who set this whole thing up."

"Yeah, maybe," as he turned to exit the stall then stopped, "Wait a second. Do you think I'm stupid?"

"What?"

"If I get you a towel, you're just going to run off with my clothes AND yours and I'm going to be stuck here."

"Dude, seriously? You are covered by a towel, you expect me to just stand here in nothing?"

"I expect you to tell me where my clothes are so I can get the hell outta here!" Oh my god, this man was stubborn as all hell. But clearly, he's not going to let you get dressed until he does and the bastard won't even let you cover up. So you did the most logical thing you could think of.

You ripped off the towel from around his hips. He growled, and while the original plan was to wrap it around yourself, his pounce made you decide to roll it up quickly and throw it into another shower stall all the way down.

Right as the cloth left your hands, you felt his body ram into you from the front and your back pounded again the tile wall again. Not enough to hurt, just enough to make you fully aware that you were now in a very compromising position between the wall and his body.

His rock, hard body that was pressing against you in ways that made your insides swirl. The frustration of your conflict and the intense pressure between you was making you both pant.

"Fuck," he muttered, and just as you were about to ask him how he liked being in your predicament now, you felt it.

The pressure you felt between your bodies was now growing, even moreso against your right leg and inching towards your center. Yours eyes looked up to meet his and there was a whole new kind of frustration brewing in them. One that you felt inside of you as well.

He slowly leaned his head down to bring his lips to yours and you, surprisingly, didn't hesitate. You cupped his head in your hands and massaged his lips with your own. He didn't have a specific taste to him, but it was like his lips and his tongue carried a sort of spice to them.

As he continued to kiss you, you felt his left hand slowly glide up from your hips to your waist, then your breast. His thumb caressed the most sensitive part of you that had already been affected by the cold earlier, so you couldn't help but let out a soft, breathy moan. He did the same with the other, and soon his hands were exploring your breasts with a gentle kind of roughness and his lips were on your neck. Biting, kissing, sucking on the skin.

Great, more bruises from this guy to show up tomorrow. Would it make sense to cover them up just on my neck

Before you realize it, he wasn't just using his mouth on your neck anymore. You felt the combination of his thumb on your right nipple, followed by his tongue soon after, repeating the same thing he was doing on your neck for several minutes shooting pleasurable chills down your spine, and then working on the other. While this was happening, one of his hands abandoned your breast and went back down, sliding between your thighs. You felt two fingers slide inside of you, making you gasp and he slowly pushed them in and out.

"You ready?" his gravelly voice, even moreso, as he mumbled against your jaw, "You're soaking wet."

You didn't want to say anything, afraid the words would give away how weak you were under his touch, so you just nodded.

"Say it." This asshole.

"Yes," you said, your voice cracking in the process. You felt his lips curve up before he pulled your lips to his and devouring you intensely, before he picked you up.

"I won't be gentle," he chuckled before you felt him thrust into you with the utmost force, it made you cry out in shock and pleasure.

You had already been so close to the edge, and as you matched his you felt the intensity building with every movement. You could feel his abs push into you with every breath and grunt he made while his biceps felt like they were hugging you as he held you.

Your legs wrapped around him securely as he readjusted your position to make sure you don't fall. This time it was you who pulled his face to yours as it was the only power you had in this situation, kissing him with all your might and both of you moaning into it, causing him to speed up and both of you so out of breath and feeling your insides ready to explode. Finally, right as you reached the edge he bit into your neck again, forcing you to fall apart over and over again while he messily pushed through it for his own eruption, causing you both to slide down the wall, holding eachother as if you wouldn't see tomorrow, until you met the floor, gasping for breath.

After a few moments trying to recover, he helped you stand up and deciding to shower again and clean up whatever mess you made, before he grabbed both your towel and his to cover yourselves up should there be unexpected visitors in the locker room who snuck in during your loud activities. You opened up your locker and found that Momo did, in fact, set you up by putting his clothes in there and before you could retrieve it yourself, you felt his chest press against your back as he reached in himself and recovered them.

"Looks like it wasn't just your friends who set you up," he murmured as he pulled away and started getting dressed.

You gave him a confused look, to which he responded by unrolling his t-shirt, from which a long silver thread fell out of and onto the floor.

Condoms. Lots of condoms. A gift from Kirishima, no doubt.

Your face turned red and he smirked, mocking your shyness after what had just occurred.

"This is just a one time thing, never to be spoken of again, got it?"

"Sure, princess. I'll leave these in your locker though, I don't need them. I doubt you will either, though, being the prude that you are."

"Asshole," you grumbled, not caring if he could hear but turning beet red when his words confirmed he could, and did.

"We can try that position next time," he winked, before tossing you his jacket and walking you back to the university dorms.

[ladykailitha]

Royal Pain Part 19

Hey, guys. Sorry it took so long to get this out. The chapter was fighting me and I have had the absolutely worst week. However in slightly happier news, my partner got a new job and that means I should be able to quit mine and go back to writing full time. I'll let you know more when I do, but it's looking more and more likely.

I realized it had been a while since we had an Eddie centric chapter and decided this would be the one. And I left it on a cliffhanger again. But don't worry next chapter will see more than one villain vanquished.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18

***

Eddie was seething. He hadn’t been this mad since he learned Max was moving to New York. Actually. No. He was madder then that. He was pissed.

Gareth grimaced. “They won’t do anything?”

“No,” Eddie growled. “Because he technically hasn’t violated the protection order, according to them.”

“If he can’t get with in five hundred feet,” Brian said, “then how did he find out about Steve.”

Eddie threw up his arms into the air. “That’s what I asked.”

“I’m betting,” Mandy said, “that they didn’t have a good answer?”

“Apparently since Seth showed up at Hopper’s,” Eddie snarled, “and not Steve’s shop, that he was just going around to all the tattoo parlors and threatening everyone.”

Jeff rolled his eyes. “I bet they didn’t even check with other tattoo shops and just made that shit up.”

“I even talked to Officer Callahan who was in charge of the original case file because he’s not supposed to be out of jail yet,” Eddie said, beginning to pace. “He never went.”

“What?!” came the shocked cry of outrage from everyone.

“Yeah,” Eddie continued. “Apparently he made a deal with the DA and they didn’t tell me. He got two years probation.”

“That’s bullshit!” Mandy hissed. “He was going to kill you.”

“Criminal mischief,” Eddie said. “Domestic abuse down to criminal mischief. $300 fine, two year probation, and forced to take a class about how not to be a violent offender.”

“It’s because you’re a man, isn’t it?” Gareth asked, licking his lips slowly. “These fuckers don’t think a man can be abused.”

Eddie pursed his lips into a line and nodded.

“Hop’s calling in a couple of favors to keep Steve safe,” he said. “But that does jack shit about me. And this isn’t me calling out that shit. That’s Hop’s prerogative but he’s my dumb ass ex, who’s protecting me?”

“We are,” Jeff said. “You don’t go anywhere without one of us. Garth, since you’re the only one without a roommate at the moment, Eddie’s going to stay with you. Brian, talk to Cecil, he’s studying law. See what he can recommend.”

Gareth and Brian both nodded.

Eddie buried his head into his hands. “This is such bullshit.”

Mandy came up and gave him a hug. “We’ll get through this. We did before and we will again. And this time we have more people that would be willing to help. Steve, Robin, Chrissy, hell the whole of the Royal Pain would throw hands for you.”

Eddie chuckled. He knew that too. “Well, maybe not Erica.”

Brian snorted. “That girl would sell her own mother for a cookie.”

“Not even a Girl Scout cookie,” Jeff agreed. “That girl is bound for world domination.”

“No doubt.”

*

“You tell me right now,” Wayne said when Eddie had called that night, “do you need me up there? Because work be damned, boy, I’ll be up there in two shakes of lamb’s tail.”

Eddie chewed on his nail. He felt like that little boy all over again. Being given the choice between being with his uncle or being put in a foster home. He didn’t want to be a bother to anyone, but he knew. He knew that Wayne was someone that wouldn’t care. That he could be as big a bother as he wanted, he would still be loved.

He let out a shuddering breath and like that little boy all those years ago said, “Yes. Please.”

“I’ve got some vacation time coming,” Wayne said as if he didn’t have weeks and weeks of it stored up because he was never sick a day in his life. “I cane be up there for as long as you need me, you hear?”

“I’m staying with Gareth for the time being,” Eddie said solemnly, “because Jeff is worried that Seth will follow me home.”

“Smart man, your Jeff,” Wayne agreed. “I have a friend in Indy I can crash on the sofa of for a couple of days until I can find something a little more permanent.”

“Yeah,” he whispered. “Let me know when you get into town and we’ll meet up for lunch.”

“You can finally take me to that pizza place you’ve been going on about for months.”

Eddie laughed, a knot loosening in his chest. “You’ve got it, old man.”

*

A few days later Steve was waiting for the pizza he had ordered for the shop, playing silly games on his phone when the bell announced new arrivals. He looked up instinctively and grinned.

He waved. “Eddie!”

Eddie lit up with a big smile. “Stevie?” He hopped over, an older man following a little slower behind.

“Hey!” Steve greeted. “Fancy seeing you here.”

Eddie’s smile turned into a grin. “DiMaggio’s is the best pizza place in Indy, not coming here is a crime.”

“If it’s not it certainly should be,” Steve agreed with his own answering grin.

“Steve,” Eddie said, “this is my uncle, Wayne. He’s staying in town for a few days.”

Steve’s mood was dampened a bit, knowing why he was in town. “Nice to meet you. I was planning a trip back down Hawkins at the end of the summer so that Eddie could introduce us, sorry we had meet under lesser than ideal circumstances.”

Wayne blinked at him for a moment before turning to Eddie. “This one is a keeper.”

Eddie blushed, shoving his hair in front of his face, ducking his head to hide his embarrassment.

Steve just smiled fondly at him. “I think that’s up to him.”

Wayne’s eyebrows shot up. “I like him.”

That surprised a laugh out of Eddie causing him to drop the hair. “Me too.”

“Let me just go order our pizzas,” Eddie murmured and darted for the front counter.

“He’s cute,” Steve said, waving his hand to the chair in front of him for Wayne to sit.

Wayne took the seat and smiled. “He certainly is. I’m glad the world didn’t beat the silliness out of him.”

“Me too,” Steve agreed. “I love how earnest and outgoing he is.”

Wayne hummed. “He tell what was going on?”

Steve nodded. “I’m afraid it’s my fault. Seth came after me at a friend’s shop, tried to threaten me into leaving Eddie alone.”

“I don’t think being threatened is the fault of the victim,” he said, his voice a deep comforting rumble.

Steve blushed. “That’s what Jeff and Robin said.”

“Jeff I know,” Wayne said, “Robin I don’t, but it sounds to me like they both have their heads on straight and you should be listening to them and not that voice in the back of your head.” He tapped Steve forehead for emphasis.

The bell above the door rang again and Mike and Will walked in. Steve raised a eyebrow when he spotted them.

“DiMaggio’s is certainly hopping for a random Thursday,” he commented dryly to Will when he lead a slightly reluctant Mike over to their table. Eddie arrived at the table just moments later and there are hugs and greetings all around.

“You caused quite a stir at the latest family dinner,” Will said with a huge grin to Steve.

Steve huffed out a laugh. “Yeah, how did that happen?”

“Jonathan is back on Mom’s couch,” he said with a smirk.

Steve reared his head back. “And how did that involve me?”

“Argyle kicked him out of the apartment because him and Nancy lied to him about who’s fault your and her relationship ended.”

“Nancy is furious at them both,” Mike said with a half shrug. “I’m not sure their relationship is going to survive that little revelation.”

Steve winced. “Yeah...that’s on them though. How was I to know that Jonathan hadn’t been honest to Argyle about that.”

Eddie bumped his shoulder. “You weren’t.”

“Oh we are totally on your side,” Will said.

Mike nodded. “Yeah, man. It was straight up bullshit all the lying they did.”

“Mom’s pissed because she really liked you,” Will continued, “and believed Jonathan about how things went down. Like of course she did. He’s her son, but she should have tried to get your side of it.”

“Those eight years are totally on her,” Steve said, holding his hands up in surrender. “You’ve been trying to tell her for years to at least talk to me about it.”

Will and Mike nodded.

Mike chewed on his lip as he played with the loose string on the hem of his t-shirt. “Is it bad I hope Nancy and Jonathan break up?”

The table got silence for a moment.

Wayne lifted his chin. “Why’s that, son?”

“Because I don’t think she wants a relationship. I think she was only with Jonathan and Steve,” he said waving at him with his left hand, “is because that’s what you’re ‘supposed’ to do.”

“Steve!” the counter called.

Steve got up to get his pizza order, he stopped back at the table. “I don’t think it’s a bad you want your sister to learn how to be herself without a partner. I think it shows that you’re more mature then she is. You’re a good man, Mike.”

He clapped Mike’s shoulder and then waved goodbye to everyone. He pulled out his keys and walked out to his car, flipping the key ring around as he thought.

He never intended this to happen when he saw his ex at the grocery store, but honestly? Maybe it was a good thing to get all those wounds brought to light so that they could heal properly.

For all their sakes.

*

Steve was ready for the weekend. His week had been a literal hell. But Eddie had promised that he would have fun. The band had been practicing a couple of new songs and were debuting them Saturday night.

He sat at the curve of the table, sandwiched between Robin, who wouldn’t care, only to tease him mercilessly later, and Mandy who got it, how fucking sexy Eddie and the band was when they were on stage.

Steve wished he could say he was better prepared every time Eddie got on stage, but every week Eddie went out of his way to drive Steve absolutely wild.

“He does this on purpose doesn’t he?” Steve asked after a particularly hot number where Eddie fell to his knees grinding on his guitar.

Mandy laughed. “I would like to put you out of your misery and say yes, but no. When Eddie gets on stage he loses all connection to the audience and just rocks out. His fans love it.”

Steve looked around the dingy bar and had to agree. They were just as turned on as he was. He shifted uncomfortably in his jeans, clearing his throat. “If we...” he cleared his throat again. “I mean if Eddie were to–if we were–”

Mandy took pity on him. “If you two were going out would the fans tear you to pieces for touching what they can’t?”

Steve bit his lip and nodded, looking at his hands that were twisted in lap.

She gave his knee a squeeze. “I honestly don’t know what the fans would do. But Eddie wouldn’t give a damn what they think. He’s been booed before for a song that they didn’t think was metal enough and he didn’t let that stop him. Not once.”

Steve let out a breath. It was always something that worried him. He knew he went against the grain in everything he did, but he didn’t want that with Eddie. He didn’t want to be with Eddie just because it went against the norm of what was expected of either of them.

They arrived at the club and already Robin was on the dance floor. She loved dancing and soon Mandy, Chrissy, Jeff, and Brian were out there with her. Gareth, Eddie, and Steve watched in amusement as their friends let loose on the dance floor, living it up under the rainbow lights and the thumping beat of the music.

Steve turned around and Eddie wasn’t there.

“You seen Eddie?” he shouted at Gareth.

Gareth shot up and looked around. “Shit.”

Somehow during their watching of their friends cutting it up, Eddie had slipped away.

“You check out back to see if he’s gone for a smoke,” Steve said.

Gareth nodded.

“I’m going to check the bar.”

Gareth nodded again.

Across the crowded room, a man in a tailored white suit grinned as he moved to the back of the club where the restrooms were, eyes glittering with want and rage as he scented his prey.

***

Part 20 Part 21 Part 22 Part 23 Part 24 Part 25 Part 26 Part 27 Part 28 Epilogue

Tag List: @spectrum-spectre @estrellami-1 @zerokrox-blog @artiststarme @swimmingbirdrunningrock @gregre369 @pyrohonk ​ @renaissan-vvitch @goodolefashionedloverboi @chaoticlovingdreamer @maya-custodios-dionach @messrs-weasley @val-from-lawrence @plyerice27 @thedragonsaunt @sapphirecobalt-1 @a-little-unsteddie @i-must-potato @danili666 @carlyv @rozzieroos @wonderland-girl143-blog @itsall-taken @justforthedead89 @emly03 @bookworm0690 @aizawa-emma @redfreckledwolf @thesuninyaface @bookbinderbitch @yikes-a-bee @littlewildflowerkitten @scheodingers-muppet @archermightbegay @hallucinatedjosten @ellietheasexylibrarian @anne-bennett-cosplayer @cinnamon-mushroomabomination @bestwifehaver @xxfiction-is-my-realityxx @oldwitcheshat @nightmareglitter @tinyplanet95

[7nessasaryevils]

Earrings off? Check!

Sleeves rolled up? Check!

Punching bag with Ter's face on it? Check!

Blanket to scream into? Check!

Tears ready for whatever nonsense I'm about to get into? Check and check!

Alright episode 9 of Wandee Goodday... hit me with your best shot.

- oh we just full on skipping over the fact that Yak just confessed?? We doing that?? Alright then.

- pfft Yak's immediate whine 🤣 he is a babie ♥️

- fuck yeah sexual assaulter getting arrested!!! Damn right!

- ...is it that obvious... he asked if it was that obvi- YES IT IS THAT OBVIOUS YOU DUMB ASS GAY!!! FUCKING MARTIANS CAN SEE HOW MOONSTRUCK YOU ARE!!

- okay but Taem saying "don't be the person who realizes their feelings too late" cuts so deep 🥺🥺🥺 sweet sweet girl you deserve so much ♥️

- heheheheheheh getting to see dr. Fuckface's face fall for a second time is just as delicious and delightful as the first time!

- me cheering as wandee and Yoryak win for hottest couple

- me when i see dr. Toerag in the back looking like a kicked horse

- my desi wearing queen is back!!! Hi baby!!!

- FOR FUCKS SAKE GET A CLUE!! WE DONT WANT YOU HERE TER!

- starts punching the bag get (punch) your (punch) damn (punch) hands (punch) off (punch) him (punch) you (punch) piece (punch) of (punch) shit (punch)!!

- ...ter on his knees is a surprisingly wonderful ima- WHWKEBISWNHSW YAK!!! COME BACK AND PUNCH THIS ASSHOLE TOO ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS!!

- ohhh prayers are coming true left right and centre 👍🏽🤣♥️

- what. the. fuck.

- hey Dee? You're a bone doctor so you know it'll hurt when I break your jaw what the hell are you doing?!?

- never mind no jaw breaking I'm giving you all the hugs and condoms you will ever need!!! GOOD JOB BABES!!!

- I am so fucking proud of Dee in this scene, honestly... him finally realizing that he is worth so much more than Ter ever made him feel and understanding that it's Yak who's helped him be this way ♥️♥️ bonus is getting to see Ter left behind in the trash where he belongs!

- but seriously though... are we really not going to talk about Yak saying I love you??? Really??

- yak being worried that Dee would be mad at him for hitting dr. Dried dog-shit but Dee just worrying that yak might have hurt himself 🥺🥺🥺

- GIVE YAK HIS KISSES DAMNIT!!!

- sigh what's become of us that 10 seconds of a kiss makes us feel like this? (I am us...)

- WHO THE FUCK IS AT THE DOOR?! SOMEONE BETTER BE DYING I STG!!!

- never mind it's from Kao. And a gift from Kao to these two is a gift to all of us!!

- I just need a second to wheeze about the tape over drake's nipples 🤣🤣🤣

- MERMAID TAILS?!

- ... cowards 🤣♥️

- WE'RE TALKING ABOUT IT

- "we started with sex but we're more than that now" really?? You're coming to that conclusion now?? searches for that Scar gif

- flirtatious bet era my beloved 🥹🥹

- oh found it!!!

- see... normally I'd squeak about the domesticity of this... but you fuckers have been doing this for a while so 🤷🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️

- taking a page from Pran's notebook I see... well done Khun Yoryak

- daily flowers? Check! Fun trips together? Check! Therapy?!?!?! CHECK CHECK CHECK!!!

- no but I'm actually sobbing 😭 Dee making therapy a condition for yak to be his boyfriend is fucking adorable ♥️♥️ he wants for yak to be mentally healthy and I love that!

- ohhh no... oh no no no this is where Dee gets mad at yak... he even looks uncomfortable 😣

- ohhhh... ohhhhhh he just wants yak to be true to himself rather than trying too hard!! Oh thank fuck

- ...bugs... why it always gotta be bugs????

- the worry in Dee for Yak... here comes the gwenchana 😭😭😭😭😭😭

- hey Dee? Darling I know you're worried but.. DOCTOR PATIENT CONFIDENTIALITY IS A THING YOU FOOL!

- Kao my king! Always doing the most! (they do not understand your vision sweet boy keep making your mermaid costumes!!)

- Kwan!!! Hi love!

- oh shit oh shit STRANGER DANGER STRANGER DANGER fuck right off you horse shaped floppy cock you couldn't have Dee so now you're going back to Kwan??

- canon: Mho Ter is a waste of time

- FUCK YEAH KWAN FIND YOUR HAPPINESS!!!

- ahhh ter surrounded by what he deserves... nothing

- zazaki!!! First off, sir, Zuko would be so proud of you! Honourable man! 🤣🤣 second... your girlfriend is precious and I want her!

- whiny babie yak has my entire fucking heart my god

- aww Dee throw him a bone!

- YEI!!! NO GET YOUR FILTHY HANDS OFF MY SON!!!

- I feel like Cher knows... he won't say it because he knows Yei is trying to protect him but he knows ... at least... I hope he does

- heads on lap I'm so fucking fine 😭😭😭😭😭😭

- my heart breaks for Yei here... he's the oldest but in so many ways he's still a child. He has so many people to take care of, a legacy to uphold, promises to keep... all that grates on a person. Him curling on Cher's lap is the one time he can stop being a pillar for the gym and just be a man who is tired.

- SHIRTLESS YAK OYEI AND HIS PROBLEMS WHO?! (I'm kidding I'm kidding but seriously... sweaty shirtless yak... Dee you lucky bastard)

- Ayyyyyy Dee is back with the family!!!

- yeah cher stand your ground! Or sink to the floor on your knees... either way Yei will say yes 👍🏽🤪🤣

- the way i went oh fuck when I heard their full names being used 👀😱 I don't know how to feel about their father... who I have yet not seen cause I paused to rush over here 😅

- THATS LI MING'S MOTHER!!! HI!!!!

- oh no... oh yei is not happy... and really I can't blame him. Your son is drowning in debt so where the fuck have you been sir???

- ohhh he doesn't like the step mom... oh honey 🥺

- hey! You don't get to come in here and ask questions!! You haven't been around! So shut the fuck up!!!

- that entire sleep sequence has me like this

- are you speaking about the pants or the boy Khun Yoryak??? 👀👀👀🤣

- Dee. Sir. If you intended for that bolster pillow to be a protective divide between you and Yak... you might not want to use a DICK bolster pillow 🤦🏾‍♀️🤣

- not one single athlete has sex before a competition you liar!!! (Except Babe... but that's cause he's a bottom alpha slut 😘🤣)

- snuggles puppies 🥺🥺🥹🥹🥹🥹

- game time lets gooooo!!!

- aww hi Taem!! (Chill Dee, our girl gets it!)

- Fashionista Grim Reaper is back son of a bitch

- LOOK AT YOUR ANGEL YAK HES THERE TO GUIDE YOU TO VICTORY!!!!!!!!

- BOOOYEAH TAKE THAT YOU LITTLE VELVET WEARING HARBINGER OF DEATH!!!

- Cher I'm gonna give you every single damn thing you pretty heart deserves

- Zazaki... you are now my son. Welcome to the family! I can't adopt Mai or Taem because I'm kinda in love with them so...

- WELCOME TO THE FAMILY FOR REALLL!!! (also love that Yei had to check with Cher 🤣🤣)

- you're about to pull some nonsense right now, aren't you Yoryak?

- Wandee!!! You don't get to judge yak on his flirting!! We all remember this 🤣🤦🏾‍♀️🤪

- more kisses??? 👀👀 please give yak more kis-damn you and your rules wandee!

- I LOVE WHEN WE BREAK THE RULES!!!!

- look at them kissing and being disgustingly in love 🥰 ♥️♥️🥹🥹🥰

Now what do we have for next week?

... SON OF A BITCH

join me next week when I bang my head into a wall watching our two beloved brothers go to literal blows 😭😭😭😭 poor Cher and Dee are gonna have to watch their lovers hurt...

[kycken]

[Continued from HERE.]

@rxsolvx:

"You will." Tora murmured. He was laying on his back, staring up at the ceiling. It was just the two of them in Valhalla's hideout, it was too late for the others to be hanging out as well. Tora just preferred the quiet of it all, and Baji seemed hesitant to leave his side lately. "It's been two years since I got put away. I know you made new friends, I know you lived a life without me. Bet you realised it's better without me. Bet you were disappointed when I got out and you were stuck with me again. Maybe y' don't think that right now but its there. One day you're gonna realise how much you resent me, and then you're gonna disappear." He spoke with such numb acceptance. It made him angry, sometimes, this future he'd spun out in his mind. But sometimes he could accept it. Even when everything was fixed... Tora was too much for people to handle. Too violent, too cruel, too broken. "When it happens you better go far away or I'll kill you. Or maybe you should just kill me first, y'know?"

Baji sat there and listened to every word, every insidious little thought that had ever oozed it's way into Kazutora's mind. He wasn't like Kazutora- In that he was one of the lucky few who actually had a supportive and loving parent. What he considered to be difficult and even borderline obnoxious in his own personal life was nothing- Not even close to the kind of hardship that Hanemiya went through.

When Tora had first lashed out at him over that basic fact, Baji had been stunned into silence. It made him feel foolish in hindsight, forcing his poor friend to listen to his shallow complaints- Day-in, day-out. It had dawned on him, then... That he hadn't really bothered to understand much about someone who was supposed to be his comrade.

"A lot of intense shit has gone down since then, yeah. But I'm dead serious when I say a day hasn't gone by where I didn't think about you. How you were doing cooped up in that lousy place, if you were eating properly, sleeping enough- If the others were keeping outta yer business, if I might have to bust in there myself and straighten 'em out. Fuckers wouldn't even let me visit. That's why I decided to start taking my writing seriously. There were so many things I wanted to say, that I thought about all the damn time but never said out loud, random stuff I could'a shared with you, but didn't... I had a lot of regrets."

His hands were slung loosely into the pockets of his Valhalla uniform, fingers tensing on and off due to restlessness.

"I don't regret stickin' by you, though. And I don't resent you, neither. Might not sound like the truth cuz you're convinced of a different script you wrote up in that stubborn-ass skull of yours, but I'm not smart enough to come up with a buncha lies I'd have to actually remember. Why would I even bother with shit like that."

He spat loudly to the side, as if the very idea of attempting such a pointless scheme were too dumb even for him.

But this was all just... Too. Much. Talking.

Keisuke moved from his sitting position to kneel over Kazutora, stared down at the fellow Toman founder, the very first generation ever created- Barely blinked, simply met Hanemiya's gaze with his own.

"You feelin' a way about me, then talk with your fists- Enough of this crap."

[marvelandponder]

💖 📥 🖊 🌝 📝 🤔 💻 💭

Hahaha! You're going all in, huh? Thanks for the interest! Fanfic Ask Game! I'll save the snippet for last so it can live after a cut! 💖 What do you like most about your own writing? Answered this one but since you asked, only fair to answer again! Let's see, another thing... I love when my stories have good set-up and pay-off. Bevin and I love to joke that my favourite word is consequences - it's so satisfying when you get to see little seeds grow into something bigger, or something from earlier on be recontextualized into something new! Timber sure is Sunset's new best friend :D

📥 What is your fave fic to receive comments/messages on? Currently, Empathy for the Devil, since it's the most recently released and Bevin and I worked the hardest on it. But that answer's probably gonna change when we start releasing The Ex Files, so I guess whatever's most recent! 🌝 Who is one character you haven’t yet written for that you would like to? Also answered, but again, only fair to give you a different answer! Someone else I'd love to write for is probably Pinkie. She's so fun and great when I've written her as a non-perspective character, I'm real excited to write in her POV! 📝 What is one growth area you have for your writing? Scene vs. summary! I actually tend towards a lot of scene, but don't summarize spans of time very often I've also been working on subtlety in my show vs tell. I'm trying to play around with language more since it didn't really come naturally to me as much as dialogue did! 🤔 What is the hardest part of writing fic? Answered, but I bet I've got another one! Perfectionism. Sometimes, that's with the prose itself. Now, it's just being satisfied with the number of hours I get to spend writing per week. It's still a ton, but I have to fight the perfectionism demon who lives in my basement. He's a nasty one 💻 Do you do research for your fics? What’s the deepest dive you’ve done? I do! I was researching little things just this morning! The deepest dive has maybe been reading actual research papers on brain chemistry cross-referenced with the Greek forms of love. Ironically, what the characters techno-babble about in that story (which also involved mechanical engineering) is way less researched than the thematic stuff! The Ex Files is gonna be a really fun time! 💭 What is a headcanon you have about your own work? Aww, I like this question! It's actually a tough one because I usually end up writing my headcanons into stories, so it's tough not to give away too many spoilers. Here's a small one: Sunset came out to see Timber sometime after Empathy. They hung out and had a besties weekend watching too many sitcoms, and ended up bonding over a really embarrassing one from like the 80s. It's their show now. 🖊 Post a snippet from a current WIP.

Loathing. Unadulterated loathing is what it was.

“He thinks he’s so great,” Sunset grumbled into her punch, “...just because he kind of is. What an asshole.”

“Is he actually? You think he’s secretly a big dumb jerkface?”

“No,” Sunset sighed, disappointed. She had her arms folded save for the cup of punch in her left hand. “I’ve been scoping him out ever since camp. I know he’s clear of Equestrian magic and all, but I wanted to see if he was really as good as he seems for Twilight. And the fucker’s as big of a dork as he seems. Who’s like that? Drives me nuts.”

“You too?” Flash slapped his chest. “Oh wow, I thought it was just me! I’ve been getting weird vibes off that guy since we met him!”

More specifically, since canoeing lessons out on the lake when Timber’s shirt got wet and he pulled the sopping wet fabric off revealing a pristine six pack. Worthy of a fitness magazine, probably even better than what Flash had… once. Flash couldn’t stop staring the whole time they were out on the water, and it made Timber’s whole Charming, Able to Socialize With Everyone All the Time Super Easily routine that much more aggravating. 

Sunset really looked at him as if she hadn’t quite noticed there was anything in the room except Timber Spruce. “Dude, seriously?”

“Yeah, seriously! I hate that guy!”

Sunset lit up. “He’s the worst!” 

They clinked their plastic cups together. 

“Oh my god, okay, I’m not crazy here! I hate Timber and his stupid, perfect, handsome⁠—”

“What?”

“What?” 

Sunset stared at him, interested all of the sudden. More so than she’d been in a long time. He didn’t entirely feel like he was in on the joke, and he was almost nervous the longer she looked him over. She smiled that halfway smile of hers. “I missed you, dude.” 

 “Missed you, too.” He nudged her shoulder with his drink hand. He didn’t want that to sound like a come on, because it wasn’t, so he said the dumbest thing that came to mind (which also happened to be the first). “Good for you, moving on. Kind of, I guess. I didn’t know you had a thing for Twilight.”

Sunset’s eyes seized open and she shoved her hand over his mouth, shuffling the both of them over to the side of the room, landing them in front of the buffet table with all the fancy stuff his mom set out. She threw a glance over her shoulder and then shushed him again for good measure. “Dude! Not so loud!”

“O-oh! Okay, yeah, sorry,” he came down to her vocal level, and her height, caught up in her conspiracy. “It’s just. Seems kind of obvious. You know, with the whole⁠—” He would have gestured to all of her, but that wasn’t accurate. Just difficult to make a hand gesture to the numbered going on countless little nervous tics that Sunset once had around him that she’d been rocking around Twilight now. So he gestured to all of her. “Thing you do.”

That was unfair, and he knew it. Could have been twenty different things, especially to anybody not in the know. He just had insider information. 

“Yeah? Well, nobody else knows, okay? And I’m trying really hard to keep it that way.” While checking her back to see if anybody would overhead, Sunset got distracted with Twilight laughing nervously across the room and Timber swinging an arm over her shoulders. She grimaced. “She’s happy. And she worked really hard to get there. She deserves it. They both do, I guess, so I don’t want to be the one to ruin that.”

“Uh-huh, of course.” Flash’s eyebrows lifted. “But, it’s killing you not to go Old Sunset on their asses, huh?”

Sunset scrubbed her eyes and muffled a moan that mimicked a sob in her the palms of her hands. 

He clapped her shoulder and picked up a plate of pre-cut cake to offer out to her. “I think this one is chocolate.”

[lurkingteapot]

Laws of Attraction กฎแห่งรักดึงดูด Ep 8

I really, really enjoyed this finale. I'll have to rewatch with subs at some point, at least in parts, because some of the details were lost on me (what was that new case of Chaan's about?), but I'm looking forward to it. I hope we get more queer shows out of One31 going forward -- can Organ and Sylvie get a spinoff, maybe? aaah I'll keep dreaming. Anyway! The live blog.

--

Six days late, but I'm watching this! I'm very sad that this is going to be over. Excited, too, though. Alright, going in.

WHAT THE FUCK is this cold open with the flashback in the moment of death type scene

Oh no, going to pay respect to his mum before he goes join her, huh.

ooooh is Maayaa going to broadcast whatever confession Rose catches at that warehouse live during her announced live? I BET she is and that's such a smart move, can't make something tens of thousands of followers saw unseen

this house remains an abomination

oh god Nawin please shut up

asdfasdf of course they're gonna punch each other about it

pick up the gd necklace, that's a tripping hazard or something

oh baby, crying in business class, huh

well that knot came apart easily

rescuing our lovers solidarity, huh

YIKES those boinks to the head with that thing would've had a pretty decent chance of killing the dudes if this were real

hahaha of course Chaan planted stuff. Let's hope this plays out as he hoped. can hardly believe Thatthep is this dumb, though on the other hand …

… oh god is Tinn going to ruin this take. He IS, isn't he.

I am SO nervous, goodness

he's pretttty convincing

250k viewers is pretty incredible

WOW this dude is cold as ice

ahahaha of COURSE someone was going to tell them this was getting streamed and they REALLY should've seen that coming

just put the freaking doll away and HIDE ffs Chaan

Tinn to the rescue

you fuckers, RUN

what are you doing

oh ffs Tinn don't RUSH the guy with the gun, and you, Chaan, don't just STAND there ffs

yeah that … was going to happen and I sure hope he's wearing body armour of some sort

how many shots does this thing HAVE??

hey. hate to interrupt but thatthep is still RIGHT THERE and ARMED

ROSE <3 <3 <3 I love her so much oh my GOD

okay everyone here is useless, why hasn't anyone called an ambulance

also I feel like Tinn should've been able to FEEL the body armour but w/e

so did they pull Thaenthai off the plane or what

adsfasdfasdasdf oh no he was being that passenger but I guess it's all for the best, huh

over the top and overdramatic, 10/10 no notes

asdfasdfasf Chaan being a BRAT because he can

GRANDMA 😂

asdfasdfasd of COURSE she'd be like "this is a HOSPITAL"

oh poor baby, your dad doesn't even want to see you in this situation, huh

and he said it himself

man I feel bad for Thaenthai.

offering Chaan "everything/anything" is a dangerous thing, Tinn

Tinn is so cute in his slow realisations. yes it's sorta overacted. no I don't care.

awww POST IT NOTES

oh no this is so cheesy (I love it) 😂

(it's a northern song!)

a proposal! wow. you've not even lived together yet! you only know his regular bad habits, not the living together ones! AND THEY'RE SHADING THE LEGAL SITUATION I love them

god they are ADORABLE

oh no, shovel talk!!!

asdfsdfasd TINN 😂😂😂

aaah the wlw mlm solidarity we love to see

I really dislike proposal and marriage plots but I'll give it to them, this admit this is cute

Nawin 😂

MORE shovel talk, oh no

oh, perfect drowning opportunity!

… is Thatthep trying to be a big man even in prison? I was so sure they'd ostracise him for killing a kid

ffs someone shut this dude up already (let it be Thee)

… oh WOW yikes ouch

I kinda hate that it was this was something Chaan probably set up. Not a fan of people making third parties get their hands dirty for revenge

awwww Thaen

whatcha gonna do with all this, hm? sell the house, get an apartment somewhere, be happy with Thee?

I really wanted for them to get to kiss, but you know what? these hugs are so heartfelt, I'll take them

oh Tinn, don't do that to yourself

look at grandma! look at Tinn with that ridiculous oversized bow tie!

Chaan subscribing to the "sun's out guns out" philosophy of fashion even on his wedding day, I see

ah, so he does have a jacket

oh they look good. hair and make-up on POINT

I have opinions on the set-up of this but there's a time and place for salt and this is probably not it

ASDFASDFDS GRANDMA

I like the "noise fades away and they're in their own world" of this love Sylvie's singing voice, godDANG

oh, Rose, looking at her all in love <3

Win 😅

of course they watch wuxia. probably domestically produced ones, too. incredible.

oh god I love them

KISS!!!!!!

aaaaaah can Rose and Maya kiss, too? for me?

god Chaan's "I'm so lucky" in love eyes. Film's expression here is so different from Thian's in-love-face and I love both of them.

AAAAAH MY GIRLS!!!!!!

PRODUCT PLACEMENT hello. I want twenty of those but also this REALLY shows the age of the intended target audience

ahaha Chaan back on the job, stirring shit. I love him.

oh my goodness, Chaan actually said it

this is reaching PatPran levels of interruption

I love them

I guess that was supposed to be cute but I couldn't see it as anything but overstepping, sorry, Tinn

oh, I love these long shots

… and that finaly second of that shot was 100% Film turning to the camera like "are we done yet" 😂

[pixie-dust-and-pain]

Another One?

Summary: Bucky and his spouse didn't want kids, but nobody said anything about a pet. or four.

Warnings: swearing, shreksual innuendo, fluff, bucky pls stop adopting ever fucking stray animal, not edited

a/n: I'm writing in second person for the first time and this feels very weird. Also, bucky calls reader doll but not necessarily in a feminine way

Word Count: 635

James Buchanan Barnes is scary and edgy and a deadly assassin, and the kitten he's trying to hide from his spouse does not change that fact, no matter how much Sam or any of the others insist otherwise. He's scary, period.

His beloved loves him, that's why they're his beloved, so they should understand his impulses. People do different things to cope, his spouse indulges in trashy soap operas and cackles at horror movies, some people take long naps and take self-care days, so he shouldn't be judged for adopting, or attempting to adopt, every single stray he comes across, right? After all, at least he isn't watching The Kissing Booth.

Really, Bucky should've divorced you the moment you forced him to watch the movie and its sequel, eyes positively gleaming with delight and cruel joy, and the only reason he didn't is because he loves you. Plus, you're cute.

"If having kids will make you stop, then you're free to put it in me,"

Bucky freezes, hand on the apartment door he'd tried to close without letting you know. Clearly, you knew. Fuck.

"What?" He questions, deciding to play it dumb. His bag lets out a meow. Fucking shit goddammit. He thinks he's running out of swear words, though you have increased his vocabulary considerably. Your reasoning behind making him sit down for a "Swear Session" was that you didn't want him moaning 'fiddlesticks' in bed. He did it once, just to annoy you. According to you, the worst part was that he hadn't even been in bed.

"World's best assassin," you mutter, raising an eyebrow as you make your way towards him, hand held out expectantly.

"Look, I know we have too many-"

"We have three,"

"-and this might be more than we can handle-"

"The smell of dog food is giving me trauma, Buck, we have more dog treats than human food,"

"-but she was so sad-"

"you named the last dog 'Turkey' Who the fuck names a dog Turkey,"

"I couldn't say no-"

"Are you into pet-play? Is that it? Fucking zoophilia, always knew you were weird, no wonder the penguin at the zoo likes you so much,"

He opens his duffel bag and shoves out a white kitten into your face, staring at you expectantly. You're not sure which one is cuter, Bucky or the cat. In the end, you're the cutest, you decide.

"Doll-"

"You gonna name her Q-tip? Ovulation? Cum? Bleach Baby?"

"Her name's Alpine," he says, surprising you with a shockingly normal name, and pulling her away from you and covering her ears at your crass language, "and don't say that in front of the kids,"

"Kid," you correct him, "the girl downstairs is walking the rest of 'em,"

"So," he begins, raising her little body, "Can we keep her?"

You sigh, rolling your eyes affectionately, "You're such a fucking himbo. Fine,"

He grins, and you think you're going to melt. So fucking cute.

You reach out to pet her, and she hisses at you, making you withdraw your hand.

"Broody," you note, "like you,"

"I'm not-"

"Sure you ain't. I bet she's an aries," you say, not even letting him finish his sentence, and nod towards the cat.

"Aries slander," he chides, and you shrug.

"At least she isn't Pisces,"

"Hey, now!"

You watch her trot around, examining your odd choice in furniture with distaste. She tips over a plastic glass, and you grin.

"She's like me,"

"A walking disaster?"

"One more word and this disaster is walking outta here,"

He smiles, hugging you from behind, resting his head on your shoulder. He laces his fingers with yours, placing a kiss on your cheek and whispers, "So, while I was coming here, I saw a dog-"

"Finish that sentence you fucker and we're getting a divorce,"

[its-tiamat]

Hiii! I hope you're doing great o(≧▽≦)o I have a request, if it's alright :D I'm soo curious, how does it feel to be close friend with Shigaraki and Miruko (separated. and, if you write for Miruko. If not, just Shigaraki is fine!)? I wonder how they will treat their closest friend, and how they will spend their time with said friend~ that's my request heheh. Thank you soooo much!! (≧◡≦)

|| YOUR BEST FRIEND ||

Ofc I will write for them! I love them both! Also there's not that much Miruko content, so it's an interesting request <3 I do have a soft spot for Shiggy too, actually I should write more about him. Anyway here we go, hope you will like this!

Pairings: Tomura Shigaraki × gn!reader • Miruko × gn!reader

Warnings: there are some swear words here and there lol

Shigaraki doesn't have a lot of friends, and sometimes he doesn't text back for months.

You know he's probably busy with the League though so when a week later he finally answers your text, asking if you wanna go over to play videogames, you always accept.

As I already said in my other headcanon, please bring him snacks bc he forgets to eat. And to clean his room. I just KNOW his room is a mess, and that there are little piles of dust on the floor that used to be things he didn't need anymore, and that he decayed for fun. And left there.

The other members of the league are used to it/too scared to point it out, when you come over and start scolding him they are kinda relieved. Of course, you're the only one that can bully his dumb ass without getting decayed.

He's almost nice to you to be honest. He can't really bully you back without sounding like an offended toddler.

"God, Tomura, your room looks like shit. I bet there are rats living under your bed."

"Who cares, I've already turned on the console, let's play." He shrugs.

"No, you landfill raccoon looking hobo," you say unplugging his game, "We are cleaning up this place."

"Are you ssstupid?" he hisses back. You point at a pile of dust near him. "What did that use to be?"

"...I don't remember."

After the room goes back to looking like a place you can actually live in, you finally let him beat you at whatever game he wants, and try out new ones together. Sometimes you let another member of the league join, as long as they bring more snacks.

To you, Miruko (but you call her Rumi of course) is like an older sister. An energetic, loud, stubborn older sister.

Like, I honestly can't imagine her if not as an extremely loud person, probably when she calls you on the phone you gotta turn the volume down a bit if you don't want everyone in the room to know what she's saying. And to save your eardrums. Anyway, not someone you can play Telephone with.

Also, forget about putting her on speaker around others. She just can't keep herself from swearing, and all the four letter words she managed to keep to herself while on hero duty are going to come out. You don't really mind it, she has such a stressful job after all. She needs to blow off some steam, and that's what friends are for.

"Hi Ru-"

"You have no idea what piece of fucker I had to save today. Shit, those people should be left to drown."

"Girl, you shouldn't say that kind of stuff though..."

"No Y/n, you don't get it. I'm jumping out of a canal with this man over my shoulder. And the fucker tries. To touch. My ass. Stop laughing, I was this close to dropping him back in the water."

Also, she's stubborn af so get ready for long ass discussions on whether she's right or you are over the most disparate topics.

God only knows how many times you were just about to throw hands, but that's also part of your relationship. You value her opinion. She values yours.

So even when you argue, it's never just for the sake of it. Which I think would be kinda toxic, to be honest.

Under her tough exterior of muscles and swear words, your friend is an honest, caring woman. You can trust her to always be true to you, and to be there when you need someone to cheer you up.

masterlist

[everlune-evotide]

Incorrect Quotes Game Tag

I was tagged by @asher-writes! Thanks for the tag! 

Rules: use this quote generator & list as many quotes as you like using characters from your WIPs, then tag as many people as quotes you listed.

I tag anyone who wants to do this. Because I did way too many of these. 

characters are from several of my universes lol mostly from “Broken Resonance” and the unnamed series that takes place before that.

—

Jerecho: Name a more iconic duo than my crippling fear of abandonment and my anxiety. I'll wait.

Jasper: You and me!!!

Jerecho, tearing up: Okay.

—

Jasper (who is dyslexic): petition to remove the 'd' from Wednesday 

Jerecho: Wednesay 

Jasper: Not what I had in mind, but I'm flexible

—

Jasper: A theif. 

Jerecho: Thief? 

Jasper: Theif. 

Jerecho: I before E, except after C. 

Jasper: Thceif. 

Jerecho: No.

—

Brass: Bad things keep happening to me, like I have bad luck or something.

Jerecho: Brass, you don't have bad luck. 

Jerecho: The reason bad things happen to you is because you're a dumbass.

—

Jasper, struggling to keep upright in her 1 inch heels: Yeah, I-I don’t really think heels are for me

Mercy, pointing at them and walking flawlessly in sparkly golden 6 inch heels: WEAK.

—

Brass: You fuckers don’t know about my knife stick. It’s a knife taped to a stick and it’s the ultimate weapon.

Sterling, not looking up from his book: Spear.

Brass: BLOCKED.

—

Brass: Raegan! My face is on fire!

Raegan: Brass! Are you ok?!

Brass: Oh yes, I'm fine. I just said that to make sure you'd come in here quickly.

Raegan: But your face is on fire.

Brass: Yes. It's much faster than shaving.

—

Jasper: Okay, help me please!

Mercy: Got two words for you.

Jasper: I bet they won't be helpful.

Mercy: Your problem.

Jasper: I was right

—

Jasper: You really put aside everything and came all this way for me? How did you even get here so fast?

Sterling: Several traffic violations.

Jerecho: Three counts of resisting arrest.

Brass: Roughly thirteen cans of energy drinks.

Mitch: Also, that’s not our car.

—

Jasper: You're a loose cannon, Echo. 

Jerecho: No, I'm not. I'm a cannon maybe, but a loose cannon? Is that what you think of me? 

Sterling: I think you play by your own rules. 

Mitch: No way, he thinks rules were made to be broken. 

Jasper: Those are all attributes of a loose cannon. 

Jerecho: No, I'm just a reckless renegade. Brass is a loose cannon. 

Brass: *smashes a chair*

—

Sterling: Anyone d- 

Jerecho: Depressed? 

Mitch: Drained? 

Brass: Dumb? 

Jasper: Disliked? 

Sterling: -done with their work... what is wrong with you people …

—

Jerecho: I’m an idiot.

Jasper:

Brass:

Mitch:

Sterling:

Jerecho:

Jasper: If you’re waiting for us to disagree, this is going to be a long day.

—

Raegan: Why are Jasper and Jerecho sitting with their backs to each other?

Brass: They had a fight.

Raegan: Then why are they holding hands?

Brass: They get sad when they fight.

—

Brass: What if I press the brake and gas at the same time? 

Jerecho: The car takes a screenshot. 

Mitch: For the last time, get the fuck out.

—

Brass: Who thinks I can fit 15 marshmallows in my mouth? 

Mitch: You’re a hazard to society 

Jerecho: And a coward. DO TWENTY.

—

Brass: Here’s a fun Christmas idea. We hang mistletoe, but instead of kissing, you have to FIGHT whoever else is under it.

Jasper: Brass no.

Jerecho: Mistlefoe.

Jasper: Please stop encouraging him.

—

Jerecho: In my defense, I was left unsupervised. 

Sterling: Wasn't Jasper with you? 

Jasper: In my defense, I was also left unsupervised.

—

Sterling: You have to apologize to Jasper 

Mercy: Fine. 

Mercy: 'Unfuck you' or whatever.

—

Mercy, pointing: May I sit there? 

Mitch: That's my lap 

Mercy: That doesn't answer my question, Mitchell.

—

Jerecho: Let’s watch Sharkboy and Lavagirl.

Jasper: Okay.

Jerecho: And make out during the scary parts.

Jasper: Th-

Jasper: The scary parts.

Jasper: Of Sharkboy and Lavagirl.

—

Jerecho: I slept for almost 12 hours but I might still be tired so lets go for 12 more just incase.

Jasper: Echo, that's a coma.

Jerecho: Sounds festive.

—

Jasper: Dandelions symbolize everything I want to be in life 

Jerecho: Fluffy and dead with a gust of wind? 

Jasper: Unapologetic. Hard to kill. Feral, filled with sunlight, bright, beautiful in a way that the conventional and controlling hate but cannot ever fully destroy. Stubborn. Happy. Bastardous. Friends with bees. Highly disapproving of lawns. Full of wishes that will be carried far after I die. 

Brass: edible

—

Shapeshifter: *transforms to look like Person Mercy* 

Mercy: Okay, are you like BLIND? You look nothing like me. First off, I'm way taller. Secondly, I DO NOT look so sleep deprived and lastly, if you could drag comb through that hair you're like a 7 on a good day and I've been told I'm a constant 10.

—

Jasper: You often use humor to deflect trauma 

Jerecho: Thank you 

Jasper: I didn't say that was a good thing 

Jerecho: What I'm hearing is, you think I'm funny

—

Jasper: If you bite it and you die, it’s poisonous. If it bites you and you die, it’s venomous. 

Brass: What if it bites me and it dies!? 

Mercy: Then you’re poisonous. Learn to listen. 

Mitch: What if it bites itself and I die? 

Jerecho: That’s voodoo. 

Brass: What if it bites me and someone else dies? 

Sterling: That’s correlation, not causation. 

Mitch: What if we bite each other, and neither of us die? 

Jerecho: That’s kinky. 

Jasper: Oh my gosh. 

—

Jasper: Dumbest scar stories, go! 

Sterling: I burned my tongue once drinking tea. 

Mercy: I dropped a hair dryer on my leg once and burned it. 

Brass: I have a piece of graphite in my leg for accidentally stabbing myself with a pencil in the first grade. 

Mitch: I was taking a cup of noodles out of the microwave and spilled it on my hand and I got a really bad burn. 

Jerecho: 

Jerecho: I have emotional scars.

—

Mercy: Who the fuck added me to a fucking group chat? 

Mitch: >:O language 

Jasper: Yeah watch your fucking language 

Brass: OKAY WHO TAUGHT JASPER THE FUCK WORD? 

Jerecho: 'The fuck word'. 

Sterling: Are you stupid? You guys use the f word all the time 

Jasper: Oh my gosh he censored it 

Jerecho: Say fuck, Sterling. 

Jasper: Do it, Sterling. Say fuck.

—

'Can I copy the homework?'

Sterling: I can help you with it! 

Jasper: Yeah, sure. 

Jerecho: Bold of you to assume I did the homework. 

Raegan: lol nope. 

Brass: Wait, we had homework?!?!?! 

Mercy: *Read 5:55pm*

—

Aiko: Good responses for being stabbed with a knife? 

Anastasia: Rude. 

Kristofer: That’s fair. 

Kadence: Not again. 

Anthem: Are you going to want this back?

—

Kadence: Where are you going?

Anastasia: To get ice cream or commit a felony, I’ll decide on the way there

—

Anastasia: Am I in trouble?

Kadence: Take a guess.

Anastasia: No?

Kadence: Take another guess.

—

Kristofer: Am I going too far? 

Kadence: No, no, no. You went too far about seven hours ago. Now you're going to prison

—

Kadence: How do I deal with my enemies?

Kristofer: Kill them

Kadence: That's a bit extreme, I was hoping for a more passive solution

Anastasia: Kill them only a little?

—

Anastasia: I made tea.

Anthem: I don’t want tea.

Anastasia: I did not make tea for you. This is my tea.

Anthem: Then why are you telling me?

Anastasia: It is a conversation starter.

Anthem: That’s a lousy conversation starter.

Anastasia: Oh, is it? We are conversing. Checkmate.

—

Kadence: *Screams* 

Anthem: *Screams louder to assert dominance* 

Anastasia: Should we do something?! 

Kristofer, observing: No, I want to see who wins this.

—

Anastasia: Is stabbing someone immoral? 

Kristofer: Not if they consent to it. 

Anthem: Depends who you’re stabbing. 

Kadence: YES?!?

—

Anthem, tending to Anastasia's wounds: How would you rate your pain? 

Anastasia: Zero stars. Would NOT recommend.

—

Anastasia: I was arrested for being too cool.

Anthem: The charges were dropped due to a lack of supporting evidence.

—

Kadence: You know, not every problem can be solved with a sword. 

Anastasia: That's why I carry two swords.

—

Kristofer: Someone will die.

Kadence: Of fun!

—

Kristofer: Are you the big spoon or the little spoon? 

Anastasia: I'm a knife. 

Anthem, from across the room: She’s the little spoon.

—

*Kristofer and Anastasia sitting in jail together*

Anastasia: So who should we call?

Kristofer: I’d call Kadence, but I feel safer in jail.

—

Anastasia: Must be hard not being able to laugh

Anthem: I do have a sense of humor you know

Anastasia: I’ve never heard you laugh before

Anthem: I’ve never heard you say anything funny

—

Kristofer: Self care is actually getting into fights with randoms in dark alleys. 

Kadence: No, self care is stuff like taking a bubble bath, or putting on a lot of makeup if you like it, or taking a nice warm nap! 

Anastasia: Self care is the burning heat when rage washes over you!! Self care is when you feel the bones crack under your powerful fists!! Self care is the fear in your enemies’ eyes!!! 

Anthem: Lmao self care is taking your birthday cake just so I can eat the frosting. 

Kristofer: If you touch my birthday cake I’ll make you eat your hands.

—

Axel, addressing the squad: And if you have any suggestions feel free to put them in the suggestion box. 

Des: But – that’s just a trash can. 

Axel: It sure is!

—

Axel: What is your biggest weakness?

Des: I can be uncooperative.

Axel: Okay, can you give me an example?

Des: No.

—

Axel: Des and I have the kind of easy chemistry where we finish each other's- 

Des: Sentences. 

Axel: Don't interrupt me.

—

Logan: This is such a bad idea.

Axel: Then why are you coming along?

Logan: One of us needs to be able to talk the cops out of arresting us when this inevitably goes wrong.

—

Shane: Is something burning?

Raelynn: Just my love for you.

Shane: Rae, the toaster is on fire.

—

Cassi, whispering to Axel, who’s on the phone with Des: Ask her something!

Axel: How are you feeling?

Des: Fine.

Cassi: Something personal!

Axel: At what age did you first get your period?

—

Mackenzie: I think we're missing something. 

Rebel: Teamwork? 

Dakota: Cohesion? 

Xander: A general sense of what we’re doing?

—

Mackenzie, setting down a card: Ace of spades

Dakota, pulling out an Uno card: +4

Rebel, pulling out a Pokémon card: Jolteon, I choose you

Xander, trembling: What are we playing

—

Xander: Look. I may not be a saint, but it's not like I’ve killed anybody. I’m not an arsonist. I’ve never found a wallet outside of an IHOP and thought about returning it but saw the owner lived out of state so just took the cash and dropped the wallet back on the ground. 

Dakota: Okay, that's really specific, and that makes me think that you definitely did do that.

—

Mackenzie: Man, I only ever see you awake, do you ever shut down or stop running? 

Xander: Oh, I’m always running 

Xander: The question is from what

[whimsically-ominously-auspice]

This punk

You see that teal blue square to the right of the screen?

That's the booth me and my great aunt and 3rd cousin used to allllwwaays sit at.

And she would eat crab legs and the owner would always being special tools for my aunt and they only had two sets so we always returned it directly to her when we left.

He's a punk.

...

So then Alex took me... He said "where do You want to eat? I have money. No i really do"

And he was always bugging so I said "do you like Chinese?"

So he said "yep"

And I said "I know this one spot you will love because every time I see you, you're complaining about how hungry you are. Come on lets go"

So he told me "what's with you? You're never this nice to me!"

But i had went over to see Brandy and she had just left for work and i fell asleep on the couch because he said he didn't know where she went and he left me alone and sat on the floor which was absolutely disgusting with some animal fur like white masses of fur. Cat apparently but when I was there the cat always hid under their bed. So it was just gross. But he was all nice and I would hear the door creak and it would wake me and he would say "shhh she's asleep" and one girl was loud and I was all "you guys I got a headache" and he kicked them out.

So after I woke up I was staring at him and watching him and I touched his ear with my toe. And he like moved his head to his shoulder like I was a bug. So I did it again 4 more times and he said "if this fly one more dam time" and he got up to get the fly swatter off the wall. It was dark because he was playing PlayStation like one... It was 1998.

So I was all do I dare? I thought about it and I was all I bet he's slow because hes into this game and it happened to be a race car game..so..

4 more times.. Then I put my toe on his neck and he goes "alright thats it if I have to turn on the light to find you and wake her!!! -- oh ill turn on the kitchen light, that's what ill do" so he did and then he waved the fly swatter around and was all "don't wake her" finally he could see my eyes open and more so my smile and he was all "are you awake? No probably not. Ill just play my game here and maybe then I can get me some food. If she will take me. Yeah usually she says she will take me to the store but usually u say I don't want to" then suddenly he hit pause and put his arm on the couch and then looked at my face and said "huh" like he was asking me and I said nothing and he squeezed my knee 2x and said "yeah you know you are"

And I said "take you to the store or....?" Because by then he was so oblivious I wondered if I could smoke and him even notice. So I timed my lighter when it was loud and in a turn in the road so he would be paying attention to the game.

"No smoking hot! All I smell is smoke! Sabrina are you even awake or just messing with me?"

"Asleep" and so i would blow my smoke hard into his face and all.

"Now I'm realky hallucinating! And i ain't smoked since... Idk when doesn't matter!"

So I put my toes on him again because i was all if i finish this cigarette and he doesn't notice im actually awake. Hes dumb.

"Alright then! Im mad!"

And he turned on a lamp in the other room and he thrn could see my eyes because the lamp unlike the kitchen light was in front of me and he looked at me and then the lamp "oh you want it off? Ill turn it off"

"No its alright i need to put this cigarette out"

"Oh then you want it on. I want it on. We will leave it on. Now where is this bug?"

"A listening one or a one with feet?" And i had to laugh.

"No a listening one is uhh in the bedroom... Oh wait you actually do talk?"

"Yeah" i giggled

"That's why i always ask if you want to go to the store because you are always so silent but i think if i ask you you'll tell me "yeah i want to go to, too" but you never do. Are you really awake?"

"Why would I say i would want to go to too? Why not I'm heading that way like i usually do?"

"Because you would bring me back..."

"But why? Would you want to?!"

"Alright that's it IM DREAMING! im going to take my shirt off. Do you see me?"

"Yes you're naked"

"No I'm not besides im not even naked. I just said I would but your head turned like you didn't want to see that's what i do know"

"What color is your under wear? Red?"

"No blue"

"You better be checking because when you went into the kitchen to turn the light on, you lifted your shirt to wipe the sweat off your forehead even tho its not hot. And you seemed to be upset about your hallucinating i tonight i should give you your privacy."

"Oh. How long have you been awake!?"

"And he whines!!"

"And i can't believe you. You say you want me to have my privacy but you're laughing so hard you can barely talk!"

So i just laughed...

"So is there even a bug?"

"Oh you mean this?" And i ran my toes down his back

And he threw his controller down "are you fucking kidding!?!?!"

And i laughed and said "yes"

And he picked it up and said "no youre not"

And then i put my toe on his ear and left it ao he went to slap my toes and his hand touched my ankle "is that your leg?"

"Mmm no!"

"Alright now you're bugging me!"

"It was my ankle!"

"You know youre not infuriating as i thought. I say leg. You say no and i think you're lying but you say its your ankle"

"You know i don't live in the direction of the store anyway"

"Yeah you do. I live south of you"

"By a couple of blocks!"

"I live North of you i mean"

"Well i head south but not all the way to the store! I dont even live as far as my gramma! But i do always go to the store when i leave here anyway"

"How come?"

"To get something to eat. Usually I get a hot pocket, pepperoni and a couple of chips, sometimes a brownie no its a fudge round by little debbie oh and a Pepsi"

"You get that every night? I thought I was hallucinating"

"Hey do you think you're hallucinating when ever a girl tells you to give her a kiss?"

"No. Idk. Why?"

"Because i just did. 4 or 5 times"

"You what?" And he said "you lie" the same time i said

"I lie"

And he put down his controller all violent and he said "well you know what liars do around here?"

"What?"

"Get punished"

"And ill bet that's your kiss" and that fucker is fast! I barely had time to duck or even have time to finish teasing him

"Oh now don't duck" and he started tickling me

"Oh you're so mean to me!!" I had to gasp for air

"Oh! I'm mean huh!?? Then you get tounge too as soon as you quit laughing"

So i did...

...

So when we went to the restaurant the owner said "the same booth?"

And i said "uhh im with someone different" and tapped his shoulder

And she said "okay then the second one" and did wll Vanna White like i taught her "here's your booth!"

So he told me to get my plate first and I saw him talking to her and she came and said he ordered me a Pepsi and was it okay because i always got water. I told her it was.

Because my aunt was on social security I always got water to make it cheaper for her plus i didn't drink alot of water at home. My cousin would get Dr Pepper and my aunt would get 7up they carried for her in a can but i got water. And she asked me at the table "why you always get water but he gets you a Pepsi and you say its okay?"

"Oh because my aunt doesn't have alot of money and she always pays and always says she will pay and I work over across the street at Mazzios and I always advise people on a budget when they ask what is cheap to skip the drinks and get water instead although we have a water filter and it takes way longer to get the drinks"

"And do they listen?"

"No, but that's also because I recommend one of the deals that comes with soda"

"Oh now I see you" she touched my wrist and wagged her finger at Alex "now I don't want you beating her!"

And she walked off and he was all "woah!" And looked down at the table and laughed "you look amused sobi can i ask you--"

"Yeah?"

"What the Hell do you do in this place?!?!"

'What?! Why?!"

"Idk how many customers you remember but this is a buffet and it gets busy!"

"Almost all my regulars. I always work the same nights"

And I heard all this laughter bubbling up from around the corner

"Oh my now here she comes"

"What? No you're kidding me" he said angrily

"She will watch" but the laughter continued "go get your food!"

"How long until she comes?"

"When she quits laughing"

"How long?"

I heard the door swing to the kitchen "oh she will be awhile, she went to the men. Go get your food!"

"Oh wow its getting louder and that's just HER!! Are you sure she won't be back soon?"

"Uh huh. Once she calms down she will tell the boys and then she will begin to laugh again then she will stop and we will hear them when the door opens and closes that's when you know shes out but you don't hear it creak. Idk why I never do"

"That's ghost! Doesn't it bother you they're always laughing at you?"

"No. Go get your food! I told you this is a fun place! Go! Eat. Food! Hello! Comida!"

"I wanna see how long it takes. They never and I mean never heard her laugh much less "the boys" how do you know who works in there anyway?"

"Oh I bust in there!! Its a long story she will likely tell you"

"No you tell me because I don't want them laughing at you. This is making me mad"

"You are mad. I mean really! My food is getting cold. I can't eat without you... Okay Fiiiinnne! One day I came in here and she had tears in her eyes. But she didn't. Wasn't upset or anything until i heard the door creak and then these make voices yelling at her. And she came back and she had tears in her eyes. And everytime she went in they yelled and i thought no way they are beating her. Or else why would she be so upset?! So I went in there and there was no one. I MEAN NO ONE. The whole kitchen was EMPTY. So I knew what i heard and I asked her and she said yes there were indeed in fact people behind that door. So I went and opened it and There Were!! And so I yelled and they even laughed at me and so one of the guys came out and he looked like he had blood all over him you know on his apron and he told me "no she is just upset that you look like someone she knew long time ago in a past life." And she had come up right about that time and he wrapped his hands around her shoulders and said "no we love this one" anyway that's the story why i know they are all men"

"So why does she do Vanna White like you do?"

"Oh she asked me. Food! Cold!"

"Why would she say that to you?"

"No i say that to you! Now! Goooo!"

"No answer me first"

"Fine ill starve. They're gonna CLOSE! NOW! GO! FOOD!"

"Then I guess you better answer me. Look. I didn't pick on you about bugs--"

"That's because we had sex"

"Alright but ill be right back but don't go anywhere"

"Where am I gonna go!"

"Well I'm gonna go. Youre right she does take a long time! Okay? Ill be back"

"Alright" then I got paranoid like why would he say that? So I looked in my purse for my keys. Which were there.

He came back

"I didnt want to seem like a bum or anything but I was so hungry I was about to eat off your plate" and he looked down "wow this is food. I am awake aren't I?!"

I seen our waitress, the owner, duck down like a a kid and duck walk over and say "this is his booth"

And he got so scared!!

"Woah hey! Where did you come from?! I got scared!!"

And she stood and laughed and shook his shoulders and patted his chest. "Oh you're all grown! No time to be scared!"

"Oh! Well okay then. If you say so" he had tears in his eyes

"This is his booth like I say. She sit right here" she patted the seat behind him "always. Not ever on tbe other side. She used to until you started to come here when the 1st booth was always full then she only always sit in this chair right behind you. I tell you I notice" and she squat down "she always do this at work, too. When her back hurt. I think it's to get eye level or seem inferior. But I ask her one night at work. She passed. I never sit on her section -- she always work where it's closest to the entrance to the kitchen and I ask her too if they had sections and she said no and so I ask her why she squat and she rubbed the small of hwr back right here and she say "because my back always hurts and it provides some relief""

"No way! I always wondered that too!"

"When do you go in there? I rarely see her!"

"Well apparently you always have your regular customers you're always intuned to!"

"Well if you notice i am very busy!" I kicked him under the table "you should sit in my section!! they keep me busy all my regulars...."

She laughed and repeated what she saw.

"You, too. Little Missy!"

"Ill be right back i have to tell the kitchen!"

"I see why you dont get mad! For all their laughing"

"Why is that?"

"You're cute!"

"Oh my god really??! All that -- you hear that? You look smug with pride but i say it why -- they're laughing and you're blushing?"

"You treat me like such a little kid"

... .... ...

"So do you want dessert?"

"No I'm full" I laid down in the seat

"Don't go to sleep"

"Oh well" I touched his blonde hairy knee. He moved them

"What are you doing?"

I sat up "well you were adjusting uncomfortably in your seat but I didn't see anything"

He leaned forward and laughed like a maniac... Blushing.

"Can I ask you Something?"

"Shoot"

I shook my head "that's not what I meant to say, can I Tellll you Something?"

"Shoot. That means go ahead"

"Yeah well I know." I put my thumbs between my eyebrows

"Well what's wrong? Hey are you okay?!"

"Well Idk if I should that's all. Our maybe just not here, I couldn't tell. Or even if it matters... In so many ways"

"Just please tell me"

I smiled but tried to hide it"

"Just tell me"

"Only because you whine, I just wanna tell you I didn't think you were as big as you were"

"You mean...? What? What are you referring to?" He took a sip of Pepsi

"Only if you don't drink"

"You mean this?" He stuck his straw in his mouth and did a head bobble and stuck out his hand "I'm not stopping until you tell me"

"I mean your dick" I scarcely had time to close my eyes while the soda he spewed and choked on flew straight into my face from his mouth "I knew you were going to do that" I crossed my arms on the table while soda dripped off my nose and down my cheeks and off my hair. I waited while he choked and the waitress patted his back and tried not to laugh

"See? She likes you like I told you, she did not even yell. You two enjoy ill be around the corner there. Clean up her" she gave him one last pat then turned to me "I thought I would have to give him the heimlich he was choking so bad. You be good" then she brought a fresh warm towel from hot water.

And he cleaned my face "no no that has bleach!" She said

"Too late" I replied.

"Okay so now after all that I'm just gonna ask you what you mean"

"Ill leave you to be but I'll be just around the corner"

"No stay"

"No I'll be just around the corner"

"Which means she can hear" i whispered loudly. She laughed.

"Now before you answer I mean about "too late""

"Oh because you washed my face"

"Oh not about you being pregnant?"

"No I'm on my period. I think. No wait. I stopped. No why?"

"Oh she was talking I guess you didn't hear"

"I guess not"

It was quiet at the table. A little too quiet...

'So about that dick"

"Which one?"

"Yours! So i never thought it would be so big because youre so skinny"

"Being skinny has --"

"No stop. Now listen to me. So when we humped I thought yeah I'm right he's small"

He put elbow to fist on the table "what?!"

"But then when you took your pants off...I thought well hmm he might be bigger than I thought"

"Geez" he brushed his hair to the side... Seemed to be nervous but pleased

"Wait I'm not done" I leaned forward to whisper "but when you pulled out I thought, wow man that's big where in the hell did he put all of it?! I just thought you should would want to know"

"What?! That im a big dick?!?!"

"No that You're bigger than average. Alot. According to books anyway"

"I just want to go home with you right now"

"Do you want to drive? I mean unless you drive slow. I'm assuming since you drive racing games you like to go fast. You do have a license? I mean a real one?"

"Geez. I mean yes. Yes I do. Want to see it?"

"No its alright I trust you.. But what do you mean about geez? I mean this time"

"How much did you see? How long were you awake?"

"Since the first bug... Well wait! Don't blush yet because before that i heard you were really angry and something like "now what the hell would Sabrina think? I beat that bitch like that. But she deserved it tho. Now I'm all bloody" and I heard the sink and i heard paper towels. And I went back to sleep. I think. Then i heard "dam! That fucking slut coming in here all loud like that, sorry honey. I hope you're okay" then I was confused but you patted my leg so i thought and i hoped you meant me and i thought that was odd I didn't like you like that you always annoy me so i turned around to look at you and a realized you don't annoy me at all. I annoy me. Because I'm always hoping you mean you want me to take you to the store but then you turn me down and it makes me feel sad. Why do you always do that?"

"Because I'm always hoping that you will say yes. Then you do and i realize I'm not so hungry after all and so i choose to stay home"

"Instead of going with me?!"

"Because i don't want to bother you"

"And you bother me! Like! Alot. So please dont do that to me no more"

"What? Ask? Or not go?"

"Look if you ask me then you should go if I say yes"

..

So he did it again so the second time he asked me I said no. The 3rd time I didn't answer and the 4th time i said no.

The 5th time Jesse and Matt Hagan were there so i told him "get your money and lets go, hurry before I say no again"

They all wanted to go so I said "no. Two doors. Only two can go"

So when we came back I took a minute to finish my cigarette on the porch. Alex rushed in all "what the fuck?! Stay here!!"

Apparently Matt Hagan had his bag threatening to dump it out until he was told how many times we kissed. Then when I went in, he was beating the shit out of him and Jesse.

So I pulled him off and said "come on lets just go you can go to my house, my dad won't care"

Then they were all mocking me and he said "you're right lets go. He's dead or nearly. Y'all don't be touching my stuff. Lets out. Hold my hand"

I took a look "yeah that Matt Hagan is dead"

"Jesse ain't. He will probably resuscitate him"

"You mean mouth to mouth?" I stopped at the door and yelled back in "have fun with mouth to mouth you Boys"

So then when i took him back a week later they were still there... And so they snatched his bag off his back and Jesse turned it over to dump it while Matt ran off like a little bitch. Snatched up his cocaine and took off.

Then they both got in my car to snort it so I called the cops when they refused to get out and kept locking it when I unlocked it. They were all handcuffed and arrested for attempted grand theft auto.

Brandy lied and said they weren't because they were embarrassed. They had good lawers from OKC so they got off with 1300 hours community service total. 700 each which they paid some poor snuff to do it. Then they killed them. 2 black guys as if matt or jesse are superior to anything much less two legit men

I don't play with their shit. Don't fuck with me.

[datingadviceonreddit]

DEAR GOD GET READY FOR THIS LONG ASS SHIT STORM OF A STORY. TLDR. Does this go in r/Relationship? If you find yourself reading this, I am a girl who is in desperate need of help so I can fucking stop thinking about this crap and move on -_- Please give me your thoughts on the fucking situation that is driving me and my friends insane.DISCLAIMER: I curse a lot, and I am up to HERE raises hand up to neptune with the stress this shit has caused me. So disregard me as I release some pent up rage.OKAY. I believe both of us are in the same looks league so I won't even comment on that.Player 1: Guy, 29, caucasian, raised in southern GA. Let's call him Bill (no his name is not Bill). A musician. Omnivert, into videogames. Pisces. Bill has been single for 3 years and basically abstinent lol. NOT RELIGIOUS AT ALL. He has also been EVER SO SLOWLY healing and coming out of a depression of sorts. He also has minor anxiety issues. He has VERY high standards for almost everything, and loves 80's things.Player 2: Me, Girl, 24, caucasian hispanic, raised in Miami, FL. We'll call me Bitch becau- no... We'll call me Bear, because why the fuck not. A filmmaker/photographer. Omnivert, into videogames. Libra. I have always hung out with people older than me because I don't get along with the millenials my age -_- the're all focusing on partying while I'm trying to move forward with my career. Also I have been abused by several men (which scars to bear [get it]) so I'm very verbally forward with dudes about how I feel, but I also have mega anxiety for physical proximity.Setting: Atlanta, GAISSUE: Does my best friend like me? It's not issue if he does, BUT I just NEED to know. We have minor history and he has said no when I've asked but THE FUCKING WORLD tells me otherwise. Also, my gut tells me otherwise (sometimes), and I have no idea if I should be trying to get my flirt on or just leaving the poor kid alone because he hates me or something.Late 2015: We meet for a film project and I have this innate magnetic feeling towards him to be his friend. JUST FRIEND. Nothing more. We work on the film project and you know, it's cool. We good. We chill. Nothing interesting, nothing to see. Player 1: Single Player 2: Married in on/off state (private)Early 2016: We start hanging out WAY more. Like WAY more. And we become besties and work together on every project ever. Its' the best female/male bromance I ever did saw. Both gamers, both omniverts, both into adventures, both low self esteem, both idiots. IT'S WONDERFUL I TELL YOU. This time period bleeds into summer time too. Player 1: Single Player 2: My marriage finally collapses and we finally have the balls to separate publicly. Bill helps me a lot through this whole process.late Spring/Summer 2016: BEST. OF. FUCKING. FRIENDS. We hang out all the time and at this point everyone asks us if we're together. We get told what a cute couple we are (we deny all claims though). He calls me after work everyday and we sometimes fall asleep talking to each other. Equal conversation. His family tells me that "he's the happiest I've seen him in a long time". His sister calls me his "girlfriend not girlfriend". And I am totally okay with that because... I'm starting to like the guy. And I have slept in this dudes bed like 3-5 times at this point and we have not cuddles once. I have major anxiety for sleeping his bed because I have no idea what I'm supposed to do if he wants me to make any moves. Also, we promise each other to be honesty buddies for life. Also also, He goes to daytona for a weekend and then says he has no one to hang out with so... I got flight benefits, you want me to come? "Sure, why not". SO I fly there and we have a blasty blast. There's also this moment that we're out drinking and we go for a walk and this homeless guy approaches him for money, Bill tells him nah, then the homeless guy starts walking towards me and Bill steps inbetween me and the homeless guy (who is not even close) and he says "No, you don't need to talk to her, you talk to me" (fucking fell so hard deeper than I already was, right then and there) Player 1: Single Player 2: SingleDRAGON CON 2016: He goes out of his way to go buy my eyelash glue, literally OUT OF HIS WAY. Then at the con he eats a tootsie roll drug thing (I am a newb when it comes to that shit) and he's tripping. We hold hands the entire time (relationship hold, not "let's cross the street" hold). At one point he jumps in bed and opens his arms out to me to invite me to cuddle, and god damnit I fucking accept. So we cuddle in front of the majority of his friends. We take an uber to a far away restaurant and just lay on each other the whole time. Then we go to my place and go to bed and don't cuddle sadness. That was saturday night into sunday morning.SEPTEMBER 2016: The week after Dragon Con we barely talked. Then I fly somewhere for something and when I'm flying back he texts me that he doesn't want to ruin our friendship because of his feelings of loneliness. And I'm like WOAH BRO, YOU WON'T RUIN ANYTHING. WANNA TALK IN PERSON? NEED HUGS? And he's like Come over and jump in bed, lets cuddle (or w.e. the fuck he said, the jump into bed part is accurate though). SO. My plane lands and I fucking take a FORTY FUCKING FUCK FACE DOLLAR uber to his house. I go to his room and jump in bed and we had the most AWKWARD cuddle in the fucking world. Why? Because part of me did not want to cuddle him because I was so fucking confused. And then because he was no longer drunk -_- (fuck you Bill... fuck. you.) Later that day he is very angry. And I mean, VERY. ANGRY. We got out and eat food, his friend ends up being our waiter and asks if I'm his girlfriend and he very aggressively says "no". And then after that day he stopped talking to me. HE JUST STOPS. Motherfucking Bill does not talk to me at all. I then get him to respond to me and he says he doesn't want to be friends anymore and he needs a break from "all this" (WHAT THE FUCKFACE IS "ALL THIS?!?!"). So I try to give him space but HOLY SHIT WE WERE JUST BEST FRIENDS AND NOW I AM SO FUCK NUGGET CONFUSED WHAT THE BITCH MADE FUCK?????? So I ask for a solid reason as to why it's happening and I could not get a solid answer. At all. To this day, I'm still not sure what the fuck that was. But anywho, he says he doesn't know if he'll ever want to be my friend BUT if there's an emergency and I ever need him, that he'd be there for me.FAST THE FUCK FORWARD to the week before my Birthday party (oct 1). It's friday, it's late, like 11pm late. I go outside for a phonecall and my phone starts dying. I walk back to my apartment door and it's locked. I call my roommates, no answer. (I later find out that my roommates had left and locked me out). So I have no keys, no wallet, a dying phone, and it's late on a friday night. WHADOIDO?!?! I start calling people to see if they can pick me up so I can crash with them. LITERALLY NO ONE CAN. I get to the point of using tinder and asking my ex. But before I go that route I'm like... you know what, Bill said he would be there for me if I really needed, I'm calling him (i knew he would not want me to have resorted to my ex so I thought this was logical). I call his beautiful ass up (and I mean beautiful) and his friend answers (oh so it IS just me that you needed a break from you dick twat). I explain the situation to his friend (lets call him Matt). Matt: "Oh yeah, we'll come get you!" "Check with Bill first, I don't think he'll be cool with it" Matt: "What? Ofcourse he'll be cool with it" "Wanna bet?" Matt: "Two dollars says he says yes" "Done. Now ask him" Matt asks Bill Bill: "Yeah, no. Not in the mood" (or w.e. his bitch ass said) Matt: "Bear, I am so sorry. I'm surprised. Good luck with your situation" "Yeah... thanks" And so I resort to tinder and ex -_- then end up sleeping at my community pool until the next day when my roommates get back. NEXT WEEK: I tell this mother fucker Bill that we need to talk. He calls me and says he doesn't want to talk to me and hes angry about it. And I tell him in the nicest way possible "fuck you". And I explain to him what an asshat he is and that I didn't do anything to deserve this treatment from him and that HOW DARE he tell me he'd be there for me and then he's just not. Fuck. You. Bill. And he fuckign apologized 0_0 and said I'm right. And then I told him he could come to my birthday party if he wanted to, and that I would like him to and he said that he didn't know but he'd try. BIRTHDAY PARTY: He showed up with his brother and sister and friends. All in one car. It was so nice seeing him again and knowing we were okay. God. what a fucking relief he was done being a dumb ass.Have you made it this far? Take a break, pat yourself on the back, go grab some hydration. Thank you and I fucking love you you stranger. Player 1: Single Player 2: SingleLATE 2016: We start hanging out slowly, I take piano lessons with him because I want to and because it's a good way to reintroduce hanging out. I then meet someone that I actually have an interest for. Cool regular dude but the fact that I kinda like this guy is like "oh, I might pursue this". SO before making any moves, I ask Bill: Bear: "Hey, do you like me?" Bill: "What! Like romantically?" Bear: Yeah Bill: laughs uh NO. Bear: Yeah I was just checking, because, people have told me you do. Bill: Yeah no. Who? ----- I felt so fucking humiliated because of how he handled saying no. It was like he thought it was embarrassing to even think that he could like someone like me :( SO lower self esteem and now a fucking challenge to get over my feelings for Bill, I get into a relationship with random guy who we'll call... Homer. Homer and I end up dating for a while, Bill is ALL FOR IT. Says I need someone Homer him right now. So i fucking go for it dude. Like, full commitment dawg. I'm talking real intimate planning homie. And BOY DID THAT BACKFIRE. Player 1: Single Player 2: Single -> begins datingEARLY 2017: I eat furbies. Just kidding, making sure that you're still awake :D So me and Homer are living together per his request (SHOULD NOT HAVE DONE THAT). And I cannot be myself around him because I'm high energy and he's like "you're too much" (fuck your dick ass face you bitch haired mother fucker). So I go crying to Bill who is now my freindtherapist and tell him that I cannot be myself with Homer and it's fucking killing me. Now Bill is like, oh nah, that dude right here brah? He's garbage brah. Get rid of him brah. You can't be with dat brah. (more or less) But I can't break up with Homer because if I do then I have to face my feelings of wanting to be with Bill and that is just WAY TOO MUCH FOR ME TO DEAL WITH AT THIS POINT IN MY LIFE. Player 1: Single Player 2: In a relationshipSUMMER 2017: Homer and I are not doing too hot, at all. It's become apparent to many folks. But anywho. SO there's this event yeah. Where I'm presenting an award yeah. And I put on an amazingly sexy gorgeous dress yeah. And I invite Bill and my newest friend Keaton to attend the event with me since Homer will be out of town. Keaton is Homer's bestest friend (key info for the test at the end guys)(...just kidding)(this wont be on the test)(...just kidding, there is no test). So I look fucking fabulous. I mean... fucking. fabulous. Like, even my low self esteem was like DAY-UM BITCH. I asked Bill and Keaton if I looked good and Keaton responds with "Yeah you look great" and Bill just nods and he's like "yeah" (YOU SON OF A BITCH). So we go on our way to the event. At the event I get Kanye'd because why not hire a drunk host :D so I'm ultra bummed out and the 3 of us go downstairs to drank my sorrows away. Then I find out that the film I produced one an award and I wasn't there. FUCK.MY.LIFE. so then i'm like LETS GO TO THE BAR BOYS. But before that I have a "cry on shoulder moment" with Bill. SO, we call uber to go to bars and WELL YOU SEE... I WAS WEARING A BEAUTIFUL WHITE DRESS... SO... THE UBER DRIVER THOUGHT I HAD JUST GOTTEN MARRIED. To who? To Bill -_- (FFUUUUUUHHHH) And what does Keaton do when the driver starts asking questions? Driver: Woah, did ya'll just get married? Keaton: YES! MY TWO BEST BUDS, BILL AND BEAR, MADE THE LEAP! At this point, Bill and I look at each other and are like N-NNO-N-N-NO-NO-NO-NO, but Keaton is SO FUCKING LOUD, he overpowers us and eventually we just go with it. SO we start giving made up details and calling each other "babe" and "sweetie" and gay ass shit like that. We get to the bars and low and behold, we find out you can drink free by having just been married... so naturally WE MILK THIS SHIT OUT OF IT. We move our rings to the married side and he has his hand on my waist, holds my hand at one point. Gives me a back massage. My god, it's fucking great. And eventually we go home. Keaton loses his phone in the uber home and so when Bill and I go back to my place, we're trying to get n contact with the uber driver. So we're just chatting and Bill is about to leave so we hug good bye. As we hug... I have no idea why... but... I grow the biggest pair of balls... and say... Bear: Want to know something weird? Bill: Suuuure Bear: I have feelings for you Bill: silent I pull away from hug Bear: But you probably already knew that Bill smiles and he nods and he's like "yeah" and so we talk about it all. And here are the key take aways from everything he said: "I'm not going to lie, I've wanted to make out with you several times" "Tonight felt... natural. It was just so easy for us to be that way. It was comfortable" "Well you have a boyfriend so...." And eventually he goes home and we decide to talk about it sober.SOBER TALK #1 He tells me he has no feelings for me, that he cares about me as a friend and nothing more. He also tells me that everytime he was interested in me is because he was lonely. (oh Bill... YOU SACK OF SHEEP SHIT) And so I take all that in and let it process over the weekend. I then write him an email. Yes. A fucking email. Because I suck at communicating on the spot. And in this email I tell him MANY THINGS, one being "fuck you for using me" and the other being "I don't believe that you don't have any ounce of feelings for me, because you could have picked any girl but you chose me. (SIDENOTE, BILL IS VERY BEAUTIFUL AND CONSTANTLY HAS GIRLS WANTING HIM). So I email his ass and he reads it and we decide to have a second talk.SOBER TALK #2 He apologizes for using me and having led me on and that he'll be more careful with our friendship. And we completely skipped over the topic of him having any slight possible feelings for me or if he might ever. What evs. I'm so done with it all at that point (or was I?) Player 1: Single Player 2: In a relationshipDRAGON CON 2017: SO Homer gets obliteratingly drunk and violently pushes me (not the first time he got aggressive). But check this out. He pushed me, in front of the crew, including Bill. According to witnesses, both my feet went in the air. There was like a 3 second pause of silence and Bill fucking pushes Homer's ass out the hotel room and slams the door in his face. He then asks me if I'm okay and he is fucking LIVID BRO. I have never seen him in such a rage before O_O Player 1: Single Player 2: In a relatonshipFALL 2017: So dragon con drama dies down and I can no longer talk to Bill about my issues with Homer (yes I stayed with him) because Bill is fucking annoyed at me for staying with him. He thinks I'm dumb for staying (he's not wrong). So I find a new friendtherapist. Anywho, we continue our vague friendship where I feel like I have to hold back because what if I flirt with him, it'll make him uncomfortable and I don't want that. So now I feel like I can't be my full self around Billy Boy. Eventually I have my business trip to California with Homer BUT I break up with him the week before -_- so I'm not stuck on a trip with my ex. WONDERFUL. But when I told Bill, he was very happy for me and was proud I hadn't done anything stupid. Eventually Homer invites me to go to a Legend of Zelda Symphony of the Goddesses tour and I'm like FUCK.YES.DAWG. and he has two extra tickets so I invite Bill and his brother. When stranger Things 2 came out, we binge watched it friday night and saturday night. And that weekend was just so great. We just netflix and actually chilled And later when we talked about the weekend he told me "that is one of the nicest weekends I've had in a long time." CUZ WE'RE GOOD TOGETHER YOU TURD DICKZELDA SMYPHONY 2017: So Homer and I get there (I still live at his place with Keaton, I just sleep on the couch) and Bill is DRUNK. He invites me to his hair cut appointment the next day (we have the same hair dresser) and He starts talking to me about his weekend plans (which include a funeral and us watching Justice league together on Monday) and then how Monday me and him have our date. My face is like huwah? And he repeats it "yeah, we have our date!" buwuh? and I'm just like OO OH-KAY, YES. YES WE DO SIR. Concert starts, we watch the show, he keeps drinking. At this point I've never seen him this drunk before (it was quite amazing). After the show, I have to use the bathroom like the basic bitch I am. Bill says he's going to go look for his brother and homer who have disappeared. When I walk out I see him waiting for me in a corner and I'm like "what are you doing??" ANd he's like " I've been waiting for you this whole time. All these dudes were waiting for their girlfriends, one at a time they start leaving, and here I am waitng for you, WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG" and all I did was laugh because he's fucking hilarious drunk. I end up going home with Bill and his bro because I don't want to sleep on the couch and now that I'm single, I can sleep in Bill's bed again. SO, we're in the car and here's the conversation. Bill: Wow, I'm surprised at how well that went. Homer was very pleasant towards me. Brother: Why wouldn't he be pleasant towards you? Bear: Well- Bill: Oh, he's jealous of me and hers relationship. Bear: O_O HOMER WAS NEVER AT ANY POINT JEALOUS OF ME AND BILL. In fact, Homer LOVED Bill and always wanted me to invite him to places and he wanted to hang out from him and learn music from him. So that was just a lie .. Anywho, we go home and I sleep in this dudes bed and LET ME TELL YOU THE ANXIETY WAS SO FUCKING REAL. He has NEVER slept that close to me EVER. I could feel his arm and knee on my shoulder and leg (no boners guys, sorry :/ ). And I had no idea if I should try cuddling him or not because what if he's just drunk and doesn't realize it OR he's sober and just DOES NOT want that weird comfortableness of cuddling someone you're not into. So I do nothing except stay awake in anxiety till he wakes up the next day. And the only thing he says about the night before is "Man, I felt like I could take over the world last night, like nothing was in my way" and that was that.Monday: He invites his brother -_-THANKSGIVING 2017 (one week later): So I'm kind of sort of co-hosting with him but not really but I promised him I'd help with cleaning up and I'd bring mega food. By this point, we have a trip to NY planned (Mid January) and paid for...for... THE FUCKING FINAL FANTASY DISTANT WORLDS SYMPHONY AT CARNEGIE HALL, OH MY FUCK. We're talking about our plans (he invited his friend [guy, we'll call him Ron] so it was no longer going to be a potentially romantic trip sadness) and Bill says "Hey, let me know if you two want to go matching!" Ron is like "uhhh... no" as any normal guy would respond to that weird ass request. And then I say "uhm... Yeah sure." BECAUSE WHY NOT BEAR! WHY THE FUCK NUGGETS NOT. Bill and I go to his room later to look at his suit and see what I'm working with. And he says "If you find something else then I can try to find a different color shirt or tie". So we're fucking matching dude. Also, he play flirted with me for the FIRST TIME ever. Like Keaton noticed it too. Bill looked me directly in the eye.And now I'm here, visiting family in Miami, writing this fucking post because I'm so gay for this dude it's stupid. And I have been dress shopping and sending him the options and he is still going with us matching. ANYWHO here's where you the reader comes in...Answer these questions please and thankses: 1) DO YOU THINK HE'S INTO ME? 2) Should I ask him if he wants to kiss... 30 seconds before new years eve? 3) Should I try anything in NY? 4) Should I shut the fuck up, calm down and just fucking stop? 5) Should I just give up in him and I? If so, HOOOOWWWW??I REALLY don't want to make him uncomfortable but damn I can't keep holding back with this mystery. It's horrible. But he also seems like he's making sure we're not alone at any point in time... which I have no idea how to interpret.KEY FACTS: - Yes I feel that he is into me, SOMETIMES. Not always. But I get that urgle gurgle feeling from him sometimes. - He still does cute things like buy me my favorite junk food at the gas station. - We have NEVER kissed - We get each other on some surreal ass level, it's weird. - Yes we are idiots - Yes this is a TLDRIf you actually read everything... YOU'RE AMAZING AND THANK YOU!! If you didn't... Then good for you for not wasting your time! via /r/dating_advice