#I bet the riddler is bald

[ijustthinkhesneat]

I think I’m gonna start only putting my juicy thoughts in the tags now.

[mxfloof]

This is my Halloween pick for the year. Feral Tim. Robin Jason. Snark.

'Gotham's Eve' by Honeybuttons

“And you look so stupid in that cloak and that hat! Did you glue it onto your bald spot to keep it from slipping? I bet you have a giant bald spot hiding under there” Tim yelled, going for an extreme hurt.

The wannabe was on his feet now, being easily restrained by Batman’s strength. His face was redder than blood in shame and wrath.

Tim pointed at him viciously, called him out in front of his heroes, the dead of the cemetery, and in front of anything or anyone who would hear him. “You’re just a nobody wannabe. Try some originality, would you? You’ll never make it as a villain if you try to copy everyone else. A freeze ray? A cane that looks exactly like Riddler’s? Who do you think you are? This isn’t a game. Are you just one of those tourists or trick or treaters trying to cause a ruckus?”

“A ruckus? That was uncalled for!” the wannabe roared, finally struggling against Batman, but to no avail. “And I am my own man, who—”

“And Van Helsing?” Tim scoffed. “You couldn’t come up with a better look than that? You have caused shame to Van Helsing with your cheap looks and your cheaper actions!”

[bazingerrr]

ive just been seeing your riddler posts for a while and only now took the time to see what he looks like and tbh he looks a bit stank like the kind of guy to put toast in the toaster for 10 seconds just to make it lukewarm and eat it just like that but actually i get it i understand it mate you have pretty good taste in men better than most i bet. continue.

Thank you for your permission?

Jahsjshs I like the riddler lots, wish I could brush his hair (or coddle his face for the bald designs) and kiss his face all over!

My friends think he’s a little weird but their silly guys r blue sheldon and have strange facial hair, (curly AND straight??) so I will laugh with and at them xdd,

Ofc bill is still holding my hand in my head too, all my FO’s live in a house together and hang out in my brain,

Shane doesn’t like Bill, he can stand Eddie, Bill doesn’t like either of them, it’s funny,

[the-brilliant-questioner]

This is My Family... (Gotham x OC’s)

This is a story I thought of inspired by the mini Gotham life @high-functioning-fangirl473 and I fantasize about. And due to it being about a year since we became really close friends and her changing my life forever I would like to present this. I don’t own any of the characters except for the OCs. I do hope you like this, it will be another multi-part series, please enjoy. 

Plot of Series: Two sisters Theodora and Phillipa met through the crime families that reside in Gotham City. Phillipa, a hitman and Theodora the daughter of a combined mob family and a cartel. This story shows their journey through hell and back (multiple times) and Theodora creating a family of her own from the major criminals that inhabit Gotham.

Our lives are not the easiest that’s for sure, but what do you expect from living in Gotham. My parents were one of the top families in Gotham. My mother came from the mob family the Burkes an Irish family, they were slowly losing money, power and their respect. My father came from a struggling cartel known as the Ochoas. And that’s where their marriage and myself came into play.

I in truth was merely an asset to show a new era of power and partnership or something like that. Despite the two families together they did not have all that they dreamed. So they partnered with the Falcones . And that’s where I met someone who would change my life forever. Her name was Phillipa , but I like to call her Pippa. An assassin I met while helping my parents with business. She was a refreshing sight after being with high class people all my life. Not to mention she was more family than the family I had.

Being the eldest from my parents came with a lot of added expectations. If the slightest thing was imperfect about me they would snuff it out in a heartbeat. Puberty was a trip, a time of change and imperfections mocked for years. And mistakes as a child remembered for life. Would they ever think about putting this guilt on my sibling? No never, I always have to be the one that can’t ever do anything wrong, which makes every little detail a problem. Even at schools, people only saw my nerdy brain and my families money. Which turned into regular bullying.

Nothing I did was good enough it seemed. But not to Pippa, she saw me as no one had before. What everyone saw as something crazy was sane to her. And it was comforting. She became my sister no matter what people said. Sadly the words and hate and spite became too much. So Pippa decided to take me in and never let those people hurt me ever again. Some literally, others figuratively. We have been through hell and back multiple times.

Despite being a hitman money was hard to get for us. I hated it but I did keep a secret from her. “ Theodora, I’ve got a job tonight. That means I’m going to be home late. “ She told me packing her back. “ That’s okay. I’m pretty sure I can handle myself. Don’t worry about it. “ She then shook her head saying “ I’m your sister I’m supposed to worry.” We then hugged like we always do before her jobs. “ I love you, come back in one piece okay?” And I she went out the door she replied with an “ I always do.”

After I knew she was gone I threw some money into my jacket and headed out. At times when Pippa didn’t have a job or her jobs came in really slow we became strapped for cash. So I would sneak out to a place called Cherries. Sure gambling was not the best solution, but I can read people well. Especially with some of those fighters. I just take their mass, structure, and will into account and I rarely lose money. It’s all in the statistics.

As I walked into the fight club I arrived just in time to put in my votes for the night. ‘First of the night start small.’ I thought. Looking at the roster I found a name I didn’t recognize. “ Excuse me Cherry, but who’s Grundy? I’ve never seen that name before.” Cherry sighed and pointed “ Some new guy that’s over there. The whole house is against him so I wouldn’t waste your time. But seeing how you win a lot of money from us betting on him might be what you need to do.”

I glanced over in the direction she was pointing and my heart stopped. It was The Riddler and someone who looked an awful lot like Butch. And judging by Pippa and I’s history with them or at least with people they hated, I could only hope they didn’t recognize me. Even in fear of them killing me my heart started to flutter. I may or may not have a huge crush on Edward Nygma. Though now seeing them they seem to focused on the fight I went on with my bets. Two hundred seemed like a good amount. And I know Butch he can take and give a mighty hard punch.

As the fight started to commence Butch or Grundy as he was called was not doing to well. Ed rushed over angrily “ What are you doing? Fight!” I wish he hadn’t worn his suit leaning into the ring out lined parts I didn’t need to see, yet I couldn’t stop staring. “ Grundy fight now?” He asked so sweetly. “YES! NOW!” 

By the end of the fight Grundy won and the Hammer had is last fight and breath. Cherry then walked over to Ed gave him his winnings and then handed me mine saying “Kid if I didn’t like ya so much and think your sweet, I would have kicked your ass out months ago.” I gave a cheeky smile and thanked her. 

As the night went on I had earned quite a lot of money. At least five thousand dollars. So for my last thirty minutes I had before Pippa was going to be home I spent at the bar. A large person sat next to me, and started staring. It was none other than Grundy himself. “ Hi.” He smiled. I replied with a nervous hello. He then placed a hand on his chest “ Grundy.”

 Puzzled I looked at him. Maybe he wasn’t Butch or maybe he doesn’t remember. Either way judging by what I’m seeing now this is the personality of a different person. “ I’m Theodora. My friends call me Thea. Since it can be a mouthful to say.” I said introducing myself. He then started to open his mouth and started focusing really hard “ The-Theo-dor-Theodor-r-ra?” He struggled and started to get upset he couldn’t say my name. “ Hey it’s okay. You can call me Thea.” I said placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. “ Grundy your friend? “ he asked confused. “ Um Sure.” I smiled which he also did in return. “ Thea! Grundy think that name pretty.”

“ Why thank you.” Then there was an interruption “ Grundy what are you doing?” Ed asked walking up to us. “ Talking to Nice Lady.” I couldn’t help but let out a small laugh he’s like a giant puppy. “ Don’t I know you?” Ed asked. I couldn’t comprehend the question out of fear and my heart swooning. “ Um-Well maybe?” I answer. Those chocolate eyes were so enchanting. That was my last problem when Pippa would work with Penguin, I would get distracted by Ed. I was snapped out of it when I heard my phone buzz.

I quickly read the text, it was from Pippa. ‘ Coming home soon. Bring the Beautiful Bald with me.’ I sighed at my sisters little nicknamed. “ I’m so sorry to cut this short but I have to go.” I said getting up and making my way towards the door. “ Bye Nice Lady!” Grundy yelled after me. And with that I dashed home.

[bughead-fic-request]

The Last Great Cult Movie: Chapter 1 - Pulp Fiction

Summary: Video store clerks Jughead Jones and Betty Cooper find themselves in scenes from the greatest cult movies of all time. 

Words: 1,717

Warnings: Violence and swearing

A/N: I’ve had this idea for years. It’s really strange, I hope you like it. You can also find it on AO3. 

I also edited this myself so there are probably errors. 

“So we both can agree The Dark Knight is the best Batman movie?” Jughead Jones asked putting movies away in the last video store in Nameless, Texas.

“What do you mean?” Betty Cooper asked while she counted the snack food for inventory.

“I mean there is no competition between The Dark Knight and the rest of the Batman movies. Some people say the 1989 Batman is the best one but I fucking hate Tim Burton, man.” Jughead adjusted the crown shaped beanie on his head, allowing one black curl to escape.

Betty shrugged and looked up at him. “I guess if you think good acting, writing, directing and cinematography means something is the best, then yeah, The Dark Knight is the best. It’s not my favorite Batman movie though.”

“Please don’t say its Batman & Robin.” Jughead begged.

Betty made a face of disgust. “No, god no.” She shook her head, her blonde ponytail swaying back and forth. “Its Batman Forever.”

Jughead stopped what he was doing and placed the stack of movies on the shelf, letting them teeter on the edge. “Betty, I don’t know if we can be friends any more.”

“We aren’t friends, Jug. We are work associates who are forced to work together night after night and happen to have a few things in common.” Betty liked to joke that they weren’t friends even though they had worked together at Bandito Video since their junior year of high school. Jughead was her best friend and they were almost never apart.

The truth was Betty was in love with Jughead and had been since her first day. He was smart, funny, had always been kind to her and he was very easy on the eyes. His smile had the power to make her melt and his eyes were sparkling blue, making Betty forget that she was a 23 year old college dropout with no future.

He smiled. “Well, if that’s all we are I would hate to have to fire you over your terrible movie tastes.”

“It’s a fun movie filled with color and camp and I’ve seen it like forty-two times.”

“Sentimentality doesn’t make a good movie.” Jughead pointed out as he strolled towards her.

“For me it does and Jim Carrey should have been nominated for an Oscar for playing The Riddler.” Betty cocked her head and put her hands hips.

“I will agree with that, no one will play The Riddler better than Jim Carrey. That’s still no excuse for Batman Forever being your favorite Batman movie.” He grinned at her.

“You’re both wrong, the original 1968 classic Batman: The Movie is the best Batman movie of all time.” Dilton Dooley proclaimed from two shelves over.

They looked over at him. “No one asked for your opinion, Dilton.” Jughead snarked at their former classmate who was incredibly annoying.

“Why are you in here anyway, we’ve banned you for life, remember?” Betty pointed over to a sign over the register. It was a picture of Dilton with the word BANNED written over it. Underneath the photo is said, “Movie tastes are so bad he can no longer be tolerated in this store”.

“If I’m banned, how come you both keep letting me in here?” Dilton adjusted his coke bottle glasses.

“Because we love kicking you out.” Jughead said pointing at the door. “Leave!”

Dilton huffed and rolled his eyes before leaving the shop, the bell above the door ringing when he left.

Jughead and Betty both went back to what they were doing before Jughead started talking about Batman.

Jughead loved working Saturday nights with Betty. After work, they would head to Wickie’s, the local pub, where they would have one beer after another. Sometimes their friends Veronica and Archie would join them but it was mainly just the two of them. He would encourage her to tell story after story as he tried to build up the courage to tell her how he really felt about her. He always lost his nerve no matter how drunk he got.

Just before closing, the bell above the door rang and Jughead kept his eyes on his phone. “Dilton get out, we are closing in fifteen minutes.”

“Jeez, he has no idea when to give up does he?” Betty said from behind him as she organized the last few movies that needed to go out.

Jughead snickered at his best friends comment.

He could hear foot steps approaching the counter. “Dilton, did you not hear what I said?” Jughead looked up and felt his heart drop into his stomach.

There was no way he could possibly be looking at what he was looking at. Standing in front of him was John Travolta and Samuel L. Jackson but they weren’t as they were at present. They looked exactly as they did in Pulp Fiction. They were as young as they were then and dressed on the same black suits with black ties. Jughead froze when he saw the guns in their hands.

These two men weren’t John Travolta and Samuel L. Jackson at all, these men were Vincent Vega and Jules Winnfield.

It couldn’t be possible, there was no way they could be standing in front of him. “Can I help you?” He finally managed to squeak out as he took a step back trying to reach for Betty.

They two men stood perfectly still and watched him.

“Betty, Bets!” He hissed still trying to reach for her.

“What?”

“Turn around.”

“What are you talking about?” Betty said in an annoyed voice before turning to look at him. Her gaze moved from him to the two men, her eyes went wide. “What the fuck?” She managed to sputter out.

“What country you from!” Jules finally shouted causing them both to startle.

“What?” Betty asked.

“"What" ain't no country I know! Do they speak English in “What?”" Jules asked her taking a step towards the counter.

“What?” Betty stuttered again.

“English-motherfucker-can-you-speak-it?”

Jughead started shaking his head. There was no way this was happening.

“Yes.” Betty answered.

“Then you understand what I'm sayin’?"

“Yes.”

“Now describe what Marsellus Wallace looks like!” Jules encouraged.

“What?” Betty was practically choking on her words.

Jules leaned across the counter and pushed the barrel of the gun against Betty’s cheek. “Say "What" again! C'mon, say “What" again! I dare ya, I double dare ya motherfucker, say "What" one more goddamn time!”

Betty began to shake.

“Now describe to me what Marsellus Wallace looks like!” Jules demanded.

“Well he's... he's... black –“ Betty stuttered.

"– go on!"

“What are you doing Betty? Stop answering him.” Jughead said to her.

Betty looked up at him and started shaking her head. Her mouth open and closed but no words came out. She looked like she was in pain as the next words seemed to tumble out. “...and he's... he's... bald -” It was like she couldn’t control what she was saying. She was filling the role of Brett whether she wanted to or not.

“– does he look like a bitch?!” Jules asked.

She fought against what she had to say next. They both knew what would happen if she spoke but whatever force was controlling her won out in the end. “What?”

Jules looked over at Vincent who smirked back at him. Jules raised the gun and pulled the trigger. The bullet lodged itself in Betty’s shoulder and she began screaming, blood pouring from the wound.

Jughead’s hands wove into his hair knocking the beanie from his head. He wanted to help her, he wanted to go to her aid but he was frozen in place.

“Does-he-look-like-a-bitch?!” Jules screamed at her.

“No.” Betty sobbed.

“Then why did you try to fuck 'im like a bitch?!” Jules asked with raised eyebrows.

“I didn’t.” Betty shook her head, tears screaming down her cheeks. The light pink sleeve of her cardigan was soaked with blood.

“Yes, ya did Betty. Ya tried ta fuck 'im. You ever read the Bible, Betty?”

“Yes.”

Jughead couldn’t understand how this was happening. It was impossible.

“There's a passage I got memorized, seems appropriate for this situation: Ezekiel 25:17. "The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men.  Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children.” Jules proclaimed as he paced back and forth in front of them.

“Holy shit, oh my god, Betty! We gotta go!” Jughead shouted but when he went to move it felt like his feet were glued to the ground. Betty whimpered beside him holding her bleeding arm still not able to say anything off script.

“And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you.”

Jughead grabbed Betty’s hand before closing his eyes.

Jules and Vincent raised their guns and began shooting.

They waited for the bullets to hit them, for the shooting to stop, for there lives to be over but nothing happened. There was only Jules voice again.

“That was... divine intervention. You know what divine intervention is?” Jules questioned.

Jughead and Betty opened there eyes to realize they weren’t hit by a single bullet. It was exactly like what happened to the characters that stood before them in the movie.

“Holy shit.” Jughead breathed.

“Yeah, I think so. That means God came down from Heaven and stopped the bullets.” Vincent spoke for the first time.

“Yeah, man, that's what is means. That's exactly what it means! God came down from Heaven and stopped the bullets.” Jules explained, looking at his partner.

“I think we should be going now.” Vincent said moving around the counter towards Jughead who, like Betty, still couldn’t move from his place.

Vincent took the butt of his gun and Jughead in the back of the head with it.

Betty watched him fall to the floor. She looked over at Jules, her eyes wide, wishing she could say anything before he took the butt of his gun and hit her over the head.

Everything went black.