#I bet he's an HR nightmare

[textsfromthetva]

Loki + tumblr [151.2/?]

[hotchner-edu]

The Bet | Aaron Hotchner

Synopsis: The team bets Aaron that he won't be able to find himself a date for Dave's annual summer barbecue. Little do they know, he's already got his eye on you.

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x F!BAU!Reader

Warnings: Fluff, Hotch being perfect

It's half past ten, the smell of paper and brewing coffee permeates through the bullpen, and your eyes were narrowed at the small little circle surrounding Emily's desk.

"Okay, I'll bite. What are we talking about?" You finally lean over to ask, rolling your eyes fondly when Derek flashes a mischievous grin at you. He had been giving you numerous glances over the past ten minutes to try and draw your attention, possessing the giddiness and subtly of a puppy.

"Rossi's barbecue is next week." Emily muses, a bright glint in her eyes.

You nod slowly and cautiously, not sure what you were walking into. "Right..." you drag the word out a bit. "And? What are you planning? You only have that kind of smile when you're up to something, Em."

"Well, Rossi's making plus one's mandatory this year." Derek says with a sly grin, crossing his arms as he leans back against Emily's desk.

You raise your eyebrows and glance to Spencer. "Oh? And we're all in agreement with this new rule?"

"I believe Rossi's exact words were 'you people need to get out more,' so..." Emily laughs softly, shrugging as if his words had become law.

Spencer frowns a little and nods. "He also said that it would be good to bring someone we actually like and know because 'a man who doesn't spend time with his family can never be a real man.'"

"Did Rossi really just quote the fucking Godfather at us." You deadpan and glance over to Emily who raises her hands up and shrugs again. "Okay, fine. Now I'm a bit scared to ask, but why are you guys laughing?"

Derek smiles brightly before answering with an amused tone. "Because this means Hotch has to bring a date too. Rossi's already made a bet with him that he won't be able to find a date, and we're all getting in on the action too. Losers owe a hundred each."

"Wow, Rossi's not wasting any time. So, what did you guys bet on?" You ask with a near unimpressed tone and raise an eyebrow.

Spencer glances between the three of you guys before giving you the Sparknotes version. "Well, the three of us are betting with Rossi. Penelope's still deciding, and we haven't gotten to JJ yet."

"Well, I'll bet you twenty that JJ decides to sit out on this. I mean, guys, please, are you all really convinced that Aaron Hotchner of all people can't score himself a date?" You raise your eyebrows, unimpressed by the wit of your three friends.

You have to refrain from speaking further, knowing it'd turn into a spiel of how attractive you thought your unit chief was. Plus, you weren't trying to deal with them profiling the HR nightmare-sized crush you harbored for Aaron.

"You're going against the grain, sweetheart?" Derek chuckles, lips tugged into an excited grin.

Emily shakes her head and interjects. "Okay, but there's no way he's going to be able to get a date before the party. He was hand delivered like two weeks worth of paperwork this morning."

"It's Hotch. He's full of surprises." You grin, glancing around the bustling bullpen. "And anyway, you guys already have dates?"

Derek clicks his tongue and nods with a pleased smirk. "Yep. You guys remember Savannah, right?"

"Oh yeah, I like her." Emily chimes in before groaning and leaning back in her chair. "Ugh, I don't know if my guy is going to be busy."

You shake your head and smile, teasing her with a sympathetic tone. "Well, if he has any sense, he'll drop whatever he's doing to come with you."

Emily flashes a grin at you, silently telling you that she'd talk to you later about outfit details. Spencer is lost in thought for a second before you see him frowning.

"Spence?" You ask slowly, tilting your head.

He hesitates for a moment before looking at the three of you. "Do you guys think Rossi will let me in without a date?"

"No." Rossi's voice suddenly rings out as he walks by, blowing on his steaming coffee to hide his grin as he beelines to his office.

Derek snickers and claps his hand over Spencer's shoulder. "There's your answer, kid."

Later that day, you're hunched over your desk and nursing your headache with a cup of tea as you read through some reports. Just as you were about to reread the paragraph you zoned out on, you hear your name being called.

Raising your head up and blinking away the blobs swimming across your vision, you see Aaron standing in front of his office door, hands on the railing as he eyes you. "My office."

Standing up slowly, you feel your muscles aching as you stretch a bit. When you've made your way into Aaron's office, you see him leaning back against his desk, arms crossed.

"Yes, sir?" You ask and slowly come to a stop in the middle of his office.

"You've heard about Dave's party next Saturday, yes?" He asks lowly, eyebrows drawn together.

Nodding in confusion, you wait for him to continue.

"And his terms for the night?"

"Uhm, yes, I have. Is this about the bet being made, sir?" You prod gently, wanting to know if he was trying to sleuth out who was betting what.

"Yes." He answers with an unyielding gaze, looking unsure of himself for a moment. "I was wondering if you had someone you were going to bring."

"Oh." You blush a little and smile smally. "No... A lot of us are still trying to find dates."

Aaron huffs in amusement and nods. "Yeah, Dave's really stepping on our necks this year."

"He just wants an excuse to cook more, I'm sure." You chuckle softly.

"It wouldn't be the first time..." He smiles before clearing his throat and straightening up again. "Well, I was wondering if you'd like to accompany me that evening as my plus one." He says, looking at you gently.

It feels like the wind is being knocked out of you as you stare at him owlishly. "Me?" You ask dumbly.

"Yes, it's okay if you would prefer not to though, I know this is very sudden." He reassures you.

Blinking rapidly, you see the slightest bit of pink creeping across his ears. "Oh, no, I would love to be your date for the party." You answer quickly, not wanting to let the opportunity slip through your fingers.

"Really?" He says with a bit of relief, the stress immediately dissipating from his face.

You nod and smile shyly, fiddling with your fingers. "Yes. I'm happy that you thought of me."

Aaron nods back and tries to compose himself a bit. "Of course... and I'm happy that you agreed."

Grinning softly at him, you chuckle a bit. "Well, I'll call you this weekend so we can settle the details, if that's okay..."

"That's perfect." He answers quickly, his eyes warm and filled with an indistinguishable emotion.

"Great! Well, I'll, uh, leave you to it then." You slowly back out of the room, shooting him a reassuring smile and fleeing back to your desk in disbelief.

When the night of Rossi's party finally turns up, you're anxiously pacing around your apartment, checking your outfit for the fifth time. Aaron had insisted on picking you up, ever the gentleman.

Time trickles by slowly, and when you finally hear a gentle knock on your door, you're practically flying toward it. Checking the peephole for a split second, you swing the door open and your eyes immediately dart down to the bouquet of roses in Aaron's hand.

"Oh!" You sputter out in shock, taking a moment to gather yourself. "Wow, they're beautiful. Thank you..." Blushing brightly, you smile as he hands you the bouquet.

"You look beautiful." He speaks gently, but his gaze is intense as he takes you in.

"Thank you. You look amazing..." It's clear that you're a bit flustered as you hurry to quickly put the roses in a vase, eyes continuing to flicker to his figure in your doorway.

He was in a black button up that hugged his arms and torso in ways that had you almost faceplanting with every step.

You're amazed that you manage to make it down to where his car is parked without your knees giving out as his hand ghosts over the small of your back the entire trek there.

He opens the passenger door for you and waits for you to get in before gently closing the door. It was driving you up the wall how gentle and warm he was being, and you almost wanted this to be a real date.

As he drives you both to Rossi's mansion, you speak softly to him, trying to ignore the way he steers with one hand on the wheel.

"Spencer texted me yesterday. He's bringing a girl he met at a coffee shop." You smile softly, meeting Aaron's gaze as he rolls to a stop at a red light.

"Really? That's good." He responds quietly, smiling fondly at the mention of Spencer.

"I know. He was worried about it all week, but I don't think he realizes how many women are attracted to him." You chuckle softly, nodding subtly toward the windshield as the stoplight turns green.

Aaron nods and grows quiet. A few minutes of silence pass before he speaks up, voice laden with nerves. "I'm grateful that Dave made the bet."

"Really?" You respond in surprise, wondering if it was because he was going to be a couple hundred dollars richer by the end of the night.

"Yes because it gave me the push I needed to finally ask you out."

Your lips part a bit at his words, butterflies swinging around your stomach and buzzing to the tips of your fingers. "Aaron?"

"I don't want tonight to continue with the pretense that I only asked you out to win the bet." His voice is mellow and growing more confident by the syllable, eyes occasionally flitting to yours as he drives on the highway. "I've admired you for a long time as an agent and a friend... and it didn't take long for that to turn into something more for me."

"Why are you telling me this now?" You muster up the courage to ask, leaning a bit closer to the center console between your seats.

"Because I realized these feelings were only growing everyday I saw you. Even if it's selfish, I want to be honest with you." He braves another glance at you.

You let out a heavy breath full of relief as you smile brightly at him, the setting sun casting a glowing pool of pinks and oranges across your beaming face. "I like you too, Aaron. I have for a long time as well."

Aaron's free hand reaches for your hand, and you happily let him tangle his fingers with yours. It was clear that nothing more needed to be said between you both, the connection between your hearts growing stronger with every ounce of relief and adrenaline that filled you both.

The feeling of his calloused hand in yours keeps a buzzing warmth coursing through your body for the rest of the drive.

When you pull up to Rossi's opulent house, neither of you notice the curtains of the window by the front door moving as your team take turns peeking outside when they realize Aaron's car has arrived.

Aaron walks with you to the front door with his arm around your waist, a bright glint in his gaze as he's radiating unadulterated joy.

Neither of you even pretend to be sheepish when the door swings open and Penelope's squeals meet your ears, everyone piecing together the puzzle when they see Aaron holding you close.

"We were starting to think you both got lost." Rossi's voice rings out as he chuckles and beckons you both in, looking at Aaron with an impressed smirk.

"Thanks for having us, Dave." Aaron grins, squeezing your waist before loosening his hold to let Penelope tackle you in a hug, Emily and JJ's enthusiastic questions not far behind.

"When did that happen?" Emily gapes, excitedly poking your side and raising her eyebrows.

You hug JJ and answer her from over JJ's shoulder. "The day you all made the bet. I told you guys that Aaron's full of surprises."

"Remind me to never bet against you in the future. Well, someone get Derek over here." Emily shakes her head in disbelief as you all slowly migrate toward the kitchen.

Aaron's hand finds yours again as you triumphantly smile, "Oh right, I hope you all brought your wallets! It's time to pay up."

"My man!" Derek's voice echoes around the house as he emerges from the wine cellar, beaming at Aaron. "Where's your date?" He asks, clearly unaware of the proximity between you and Aaron.

Aaron holds up your joined hands and chuckles. "I think this means I win?"

Morgan nearly drops the bottle of wine in his grip as he swivels his head for a double take at you both.

Rossi leaps toward Morgan, arms extended forward as panic seeps into his eyes. "Careful! That's 1860 Madeira!"

Morgan groans and lets Rossi wrestle the bottle from his grip. "Will you ever let us win at something, man?"

Aaron's chest rumbles with a chuckle as he rubs your knuckles with his thumb and shakes his head in amusement. "Not a chance."

[wayfayrr]

Alright, I wonder how long an ask can be. U asked for it!😝

Also, if u were curious, since I’ve only played Botw and most but not all of totk, 98% of the time my yandere self-aware ideas will be of Wild/Tears.

How does Wild/Tears feel about the fairies? Like, is he embarrassed that reader has to watch that? Does he worry what they think? Or is he just like “eh, I can’t control their upgrade animations, sorry”. Then how does he feel when reader thinks it’s kinda cute/funny? I don’t want to traumatize the poor guy, but I must admit watching the level four animation is slightly funny bc I feel so bad for him. And in level three when he covers his face is cute.

What about when he just has to sit there for 10 hrs his time? Listen, I wanna upgrade the darn champion’s tunic but the stupid upgrades require 2 of each farmable dragon Zelda item. And I couldn’t find her for so long it was annoying. Ik she follows a certain path but even so u have to just keep following the path hoping u eventually run into her. So I just decided to farm an item, then sit there for 10 minutes r time until she’s farmable again. So how does Tears feel? Am I wasting his time? Is he bored? If he had an animation for it would he fall asleep? Would he glare at me for making him sit there for 10 hours? Plus, ima be honest. For those 10 minutes of me just waiting, I’ll usually scroll on my phone. I’m not gonna stare at the tv for 10 minutes, sorry lol. So is he mad that I’m not paying attention to him and stuff?

What about if I laugh at him? Alright, I don’t do it That much lol, just if I make an embarrassing mistake w him and he looks a little funny. Would he be embarrassed? Mad? ….?? I think he’s cuuute! It’s fiiine, right…?😭

Thinking about my one ask where I used him for science, totally not using bombs on him for any other reason! Anyway, so I have to admit, his overheating animation I like. I’m all for angst/whump w characters. Whenever I read AO3, 98% of the stories r angst/whump for Wild/Tears. Sicfic? Yes please! Nightmares? Yes please! Psychological torture? Sign me up! There was this one fic someone wrote about Wild being hit by a curse that trapped him in his memory next time he unlocked one, so he had to watch it over and over and over. The rest of the chain had to save him. Tho, if it makes u feel any better, I only like happy endings, no open ended ones, no sad ones, or character deaths. Nope. Fairy tale where they all lived happily ever after please and thank u lol. So anyway, I got sidetracked lol. My question was, would he be mad if I just put the game on the clothes menu when he’s overheating so he doesn’t lose any hearts over it, just watching him do it for a minute or two?

Sometimes I need to wear like one clothing item per outfit so I can use like 3 different abilities. For example, maybe bandana to climb faster, gloom shirt for an extra heartbreak, and snow pants bc it’s freezing? And sometimes I’ll complain that he looks ugly, well, not him, but the outfit, and say that I wish I could make him look cuter but I need these abilities atm. Does he hate the outfits like I do? Does he care more about function? Does he hate that I care so much?

How does he feel not being able to talk? Like literally every other character can talk except him. And he can’t do anything by himself. Everything he does is either a programmed animation or an action by my controller. I bet he has a lot he wants to say but can’t. Does he ever worry that if he were to get out and see me, what if he couldn’t talk to me??

🐰

yeah it's always a lot easier to think about the links you know better for stuff like this ngl, so I don't blame you for sticking to them. plus wild and tears are just fun too right? :3c

so starting from the top -

I think the fairies are a touchy subject for him, if you like the cutscenes then he can set his discomfort about being picked up and kissed somewhat - don't get me wrong he doesn't enjoy it but for your happiness he'll do it as many times as you make him (although, unless he finds a way to override the controls then it's not really like he has a choice in it) he'll make notes about how you like him acting in certain ways though - I mean if you like seeing him as a blushy mess covering his face in the game then you'll like it more when he's doing it in person right? Please don't make him recreate the level four one though.

To be honest, there's nothing that you could do to him that he could ever consider a waste of time. would he prefer you to be actively engaged? sure. Is he bothered if you're still there but just waiting for a bit for the dragon to recharge? Not really, yeah he'd prefer to be doing more, but at the same time it gives him a chance to observe and to get more of a grasp of how the game works while it's on and running compared to when he's robbed of his body and is left a being floating in a desolate void of numbers and machine code. He can relax and still have feeling and eyes on you and your eyes on him every now and then even though it's not as often as he'd like. as for the time? I think once he became aware he stopped running on hyrules time, so it's only ten minutes for him too. Ten minutes that granted feel longer than that cause of the scenery, but still only ten minutes. if it were a situation where he was still in a hyrule then he'd be further detached from anyone else. (my thoughts are if the game is left in standby on the switch then it's all still loaded and the links have free reign but if it's closed and you're playing another switch game then it tosses them into the abyss)

laughing at him for being cute is all good but please don't make fun of him ;-; he's only doing what you make him do after all!

I need to write more whump and hurt/comfort for tears actually, thanks for the reminder Well, he's not getting hurt by it -soooo he's kinda a bit deluded into thinking that it's another show of love for him. You simply love all the sounds that he's making <3 (and I don't blame you, his whimpers are actually just so adorable?????) You care so much that you're not letting him get hurt for your happiness!!!!

I think he takes it as a compliment that you care so much about how his outfits look, he wants to look his best for you too!!! If he could he'd find a way to stack the different bonuses so that you could treat him like a proper dress up doll without having to worry about the environment and how it impacts him :c he doesn't care what outfit he 'wears' cause it's not like he's actually wearing and interacting with it. it's glued to him like a second skin so whether you're keeping him shirtless or putting him in the thickest shirt possible there's no difference to him just don't mod him so that he's no longer himself please

The fact that there's a chance he wouldn't be able to communicate with you is something that he worries about alot, not even just not having a voice. He'd be fine with being mute if he can write or sign to you, hell he could probably delude himself into being fine that he couldn't do that if he could move freely and hold you. what scares him the most is the idea that he'd be like a puppet cut, that if he gets out that without the code acting as his strings he falls limp like a puppet cut loose. that's what's horrifying to him. anything else he could learn to live with, but that potential keeps him from making any rash movements where the cost could outweigh the benefits. I like to think that out of desperation, (this goes for sky in the fic too) they stole another characters voicebank from another game :) one that speaks your native tongue preferably, but at the very least one that shares a language you speak

[bullet-prooflove]

Headcannons for being in a poly!relationship with Joe Velasco, Mike Duarte & Terry Bruno

Tagging: @rosaliedepp You did this! It got too long for reblogs so I thought I would do everyone a favour and pop it behing a readmore.

Following on from this HC

I can literally imagine Mike sighing and watering these poor plants because Terry forget to all the time because of shifts. He would complain to the plants but then prune them when they are a bit wild. Terry is the one that repots them though when they get a little big.

Sleeping Arrangements:

Night time I imagine it's you and Joe in the middle, Mike on one side of you, face to face and Joe draped over your back. Terry always snuggles in with Joe because he's good at soothing him when he has nightmares or sleep paralysis.

Workplace:

So in work I think it's kinda an open secret. Everyone acts professional, they're cops they have to but there's always small gestures. I think Mike and you work in different divisions so you're not all in one place at one time unless a case crosses over. I think with Terry and Joe it's more noticeable, Terry will always reach out to Joe during a hard case, like a shoulder squeeze, or drops by his desk for a chat, even a quick hug in the locker room. Likewise Joe will make sure Terry eats as I think he gets hyper focus sometimes. If anyone is feels they haven't seen one of the others, they will drop by their desk to check in and make sure their ok and looking after themselves.

If there is an argument at home Terry is very good at being professional and will be cool and a little aloof. Joe will probably ignore Terry if the issue is with him unless he absolutely has to respond. Terry is very good at defusing situations so if Joe does get snappy he will give him space until he is ready.

I think Joe and Terry told Liv together, like we're in this relationship with Mike and reader. It doesn't effect or work but you have to know for HR.

With people making comments in a professional environment Mike would go for the throat. He would verbally eviscerate them, he is very protective of the three of the three of you and hates his business being blasted. Joe is more likely to get into a scuffle. Terry is more likely to ignore it. The only time he can’t ignore it is when you’re branded a slut for it. Then he’s getting in someone’s face. The one time Mike was called to deal with one of you in custody, he was very surprised to find Terry in the holding cell with an ice pack on his face because someone couldn’t keep their mouth shut. Mike had a word with the fella afterwards.

PDA:

I think PDA is very dependant on person so Mike’s not massive on PDA in general as he’s a very private person. He’s all about light touches, lingering in your proximity, buying drinks and giving you that smile. I think Mike genuinely relaxes when he’s round the three of you, even if you’re out. He laughs more, touches more. Terry’s sort of flipflops with PDA, he’s very intuitive so if he feels someone needs it he’ll willingly give it. If not, he’s happy to sit in his chair and laugh with the rest of you. Joe, I feel is hands on and it progresses the more he drinks. I think he uses touch as reassurance, (do you still want me, I’m here kind of thing) He’s hand on whoever’s at the bar’s lower back, kiss on the head as he drifts past one of you to go the bathroom, even playing pool he’s like let me show you how to line it up better. Terry and you enjoy that, Mike doesn’t need his pool game stepping up, he was hustling to make ends meet back in the day.

When it comes to anyone putting themselves in danger it plays out like this:

Mike will go through every possible eventuality with whichever one of you it is. He will try to deter at first but if they’re resolute, you bet his baby is gonna be as prepared as possible. He’s one running through UC identities with you, peppering with questions trying to catch you out. He’s also the one that makes sure the person has a weapon they can use on them at all times, he’s given every single one of you a push dagger just in case. When they are away on op he’s grumpy, short tempered and abrasive, constantly checking in with the superiors for updates.

Terry is the one that checks in on the emotional well being. He learns as much as he can about the op, the people who are watching your back and expresses how important the person is and what may happen of they get harmed. He usually uses Mike as the threat. When their away on op he busies himself as much as possible and tries his best to take care of the others as Mike will drink too much and Joe will spend a little too much time at the gym beating the shit out of people.

Joe will give whoever it is tips because he’s had the most UC experience up to date. He’ll have burner stowed away at a mutual location close to the target area in case shit does hit the fan. You have a code word that the others don’t know about in case things get a little dark. He will also be super clingy on the lead up. He suffers a lot when of the others goes away. He doesn’t sleep well, constantly asking Mike for updates. The other two in the relationship will take care of him, make sure he eats and pay him special attention.

This was fun feel free to send more!

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Like My Work? - Why Not Buy Me A Coffee

[our-marvel-universe]

IRL

Pairing: Jake Jensen x reader

Warnings: Non - just fluff

WC: 1.7k

Summary: You and Jake work together and you're really good friends…but you've never met IRL.

A03 Link

“So…” Missy looks at you raising an eyebrow

“So what?” you ask as you scroll through your inbox

“Next week is the big day, what are you going to wear!?” 

You turn your head giving your friend your full attention.

“What are you talking about?”

“Your long distance work buddy. He starts Monday” your best friend smirks into her coffee cup as you shake your head in disbelief. 

“No, no he doesn’t start for another 2 weeks!” 

“Nope” she says, exaggerating the P, “Change of plans, they asked him to move up his start date so he would be settled in before all the upgrades next month. Which your boyfriend will be heading up.” Miss adds with a smirk. You’re in such shock you don’t even stop to correct her. 

“Lucky for you, your best friend works in HR and can keep you in the loop about these things” Missy is smug as she gives you a wink but you don’t even notice your brain is moving a mile a minute trying to process all this information. He’s going to be here MONDAY. There is only 1 weekend standing between you and…

“Ohh” Missy says, dropping her voice down to a whisper “by the way I reviewed the policies and the two of you are good to go. You can bang as much as you want, although if you bang in the office try not to get caught, the paperwork will be a nightmare for me!”

“Oh my, Missy!” You say slapping her arm “cut it out. Seriously. Last thing I need is for him to think I’m some pervert before he even gets settled in!” You scoff.

Missy, naturally ignores your scolding and continues on her matchmaking mission for you and a certain IT associate. 

“Do you think he’s cuter in person? I bet he’s cuter in person” She muses. 

“Well I wouldn’t know. I don’t even know what he looks like.” You say trying to calm your internal turmoil. 

“Oh I’m well aware I can’t believe you haven’t looked him up I mean you aren’t the slightest bit curious as to” You cut her off before she can finish that thought. 

“I can’t believe he starts next week. More importantly I can’t believe he didn’t tell me!?” I mean why wouldn’t he tell me?”

“Ohh come on, it’s understandable.” Missy says in an attempt to comfort you. I mean he is very busy with a cross country move. He probably forgot. Or figured you’d find out I mean” Missy says as she puts a hand on your shoulder. “The important thing is the guy you’ve been crushing on forever will be working a mere few feet away where you can drool over him in person. Think of how much more vivid your fantasies will be once you see him in person. You can tell a lot about a man from his walk you know.” She says wiggling her eyebrows.

You slap her hand off you and attempt to hold back your laugh, lest you encourage her. How someone with a mouth as filthy as hers ended up in HR you will never know. 

Jake. Jake Jensen will be here in person with you in just a few days. You will finally get to lay eyes on the man you’ve been crushing on for the past 6 months.

You and Jake both worked for the same company, a startup based out of Boston. You work at the office although a lot of your coworkers work remotely from all over the country, including Jake.  

You were first introduced to him 6 months ago when you were having technical problems and he helped you, virtually of course. When you called for help you were lucky enough to have him answer. From the moment you heard his voice you were completely enamored with him. The two of you immediately clicked and not too long after you found yourselves talking outside of work. 

You and him have really gotten to know each other. What started as emails and slack messages eventually turned into texting and talking on the phone late into the night. As much as you liked him, you never brought it up, afraid of not only the “we work together” conundrum but there was also the we live 2,000 miles apart issue. So you let your feelings grow, but never bothered to say anything to him. 

Then a month ago he told you the big news. He was relocating to Boston to be closer to his sister and her kids, which meant he’d be able to work right out of headquarters with you. When he first told you, your heart soared at the possibilities. Being able to see him talk to him face to face, the thought was too much. You are already so smitten with him! And it’s easy over text but…in person..you’re afraid you’ll freeze up. 

Or worse what if he’s not how you imagined? You could have built up this amazing man in your head but what if the real one falls flat? Or worse what if he’s as great as you imagine but he doesn’t like you the way you like him. There are way too many variables. Maybe it would just be better if he stayed where he was!

But that is not an option. No matter what you want he is on his way here. Hell he’s probably already here in the city unpacking his stuff right now. Your heart picks up at the idea he may be near you. 

It’s first thing Monday morning and your day is already awful. You changed outfits 6 times. Yes 6. 4 times last night and then twice more this morning. Despite the cute fit you are wearing you feel a wreck. You were tossing and turning all night, only to fall asleep only moments before your alarm went off. Then to make matters worse, you spilled your coffee, not on your outfit thank god, but still no coffee for you. You didn’t have time to stop for another cup since you were already cutting it close on time.

You are rushing into the building determined to not be late. You completely miss the handsome man in glasses at the front desk trying to check in. 

Missy finds you in the break room attempting to make a cup of tea and is kind enough to let you vent over your terrible weekend and even worse morning.

“Seriously Missy, this day could not possibly get worse and it’s not even 930am. Maybe I should just call it and head home.” you sigh. “I don’t have any meetings scheduled today.  I’ll just tell Carly I’m not feeling well and do the rest of my work from home” 

"Do it. Take care of you…" You love Missy. She may be a little vulgar and definitely NSFW but she was always so supportive of you. 

Firm in your decision. You’re headed back to your desk to write up a quick email to your boss and then head out. 

Turning the corner you slam into what you assume to be a brick wall someone added to the office over the weekend, leading you to drop your drink and fall onto the ground.  

You vaguely hear an “ohh God” through your haze as you try to not completely lose your shit. Looking down you take deep breaths through your nose as you push your tongue into the roof of your mouth in an attempt to keep the tears at bay. 

“Oh my god I am so sorry are you alright!?” 

The person you bumped into crouches down in front of you and you are completely taken aback. 

Turns out the man who made you drop your second beverage of the day was rather handsome and his beautiful blue eyes were trained right on you. 

After triple checking you were ok the man you bumped into ran to get some napkins. He insisted on helping you clean up.

You’re sure he’ll be back in a moment but before he arrives you see Dave from HR walking towards you. 

“Hey what happened here?”

“Ohh there was a bit of an accident. I bumped into someone but he’s going to get paper towels now.”

“Ohh man ok well I was just looking for, Ohh Jake there you are!”

You turn and see your mystery man walking towards you, paper towels in hand. 

“Ohh, hey Dave, sorry I was headed down to find you but..” Jake tapers off while gesturing between you, him and your spill.

“It’s totally fine man. Take your time, no rush! Maybe once you two are done cleaning up and Jake is ready maybe you can show him back to my office?” Dave says, looking directly at you. 

“Ughh yeah, sure” You reply. Your over tired and under caffeinated brain is trying to make sense of everything that’s happening. As you are slowly trying to make sense of things you turn to Jake and see him sheepishly rubbing the back of his neck before he looks over at you. 

“Guess I forgot to introduce myself. I'm Jake, Jake Jensen, IT. I mean I work in IT.” He says sticking out his hand for you to shake. 

You can’t believe it, this is Jake your Jake and he is so handsome and…shaking your head you remember your manners. Shaking his hand you introduce yourself. Jake’s face lights up as soon as you say your name. The two of you stand there holding hands for longer than necessary before you recover and remember to separate. 

You grabbed some paper towels from him and you both start to clean  up.

“You know this is not how I envisioned our first meeting…” You confess.

“I know,” Jake replies “I didn’t think it’d be so easy to sweep you off your feet.”

You laugh out loud at his super lame pick up line. Although you have to admit that line along with that blush has you crushing even harder on your newest coworker. 

A/N - what did you think of these 2? I have been toying around with this fic for a while and there could possibly be a part 2... leave a comment and let me know what you think!

[upsilambic]

👻Which KHR character is your spirit animal?

🩸You have been dragged into the Varia. Why? Well, the pay is great and there's excellent eyecandy. So! What would be your go-to murder method?

omg I'm sorry. This got so long!

👻 Lambo! There's that duality to Lambo with his present/future selves I feel like I resonate with, disregarding the fact he's five, and I'm...not. Most of the time, I go about the day in my reasonably enthusiastic, if largely disorganized way. Some days I do wonder how I am managing at all. Then something will come up that must get done, so Practical and Efficient Kitt swoops in at the last minute to save the day. Of course after that, I go back to being my disaster self. Also, grapes. If you're going to eat fruit flavored candy, grape is a good, safe bet. There's no trusting banana or watermelon.

Not spirit animal, but for those times when life feels like it is barely restrained chaos, and I am expending all of my energy herding cats, that's when I will channel Squalo. Just without actual violence or murder.

🩸 What do I do in the Varia? Well, for starters, I don't have a weapon. I am a weapon, but possibly not in the way you are thinking. It's definitely not in the "martial arts human weapon" way. I tried martial arts once, and well...Well, I tried. Once. I wasn't allowed back. Anyway. No, I am like a weaponized Rose from the Golden Girls. You know that one character who tells all the stories that tend to get kinda convoluted? Yeah, that one. Now imagine Rose with cloud flames.

They don't send me out into the field very often. It's pretty close to never. My talent is put to use when they need someone for interrogation or torture. It's set up like the old good cop/bad cop routine. I walk in and start chatting. Pretty soon they're like, "Holy shit! Was that a 300 word run-on sentence?" And I'm like, "You bet your sweet tushy it was. Now buckle up, Buttercup because I'm about to create a labyrinth of tangents and non sequiturs that will leave you wishing you could get lost in one of Mammon's nightmare mind scapes instead."

Actually, that happens kind of a lot. Them wishing for something like that.

I don't notice it, but I'm told the cloud flames make things sort of intense. I know I'm on the right track when the eyes of person in the chair glaze over with an overwhelming sense of doom once they realize that I'm still talking and no one else is going to walk through the door to torment them. The room suddenly feels smaller, there's a primal urge to gnaw off a limb to escape, and finally the body decides the best course of action is to self destruct and that's when the organ failure starts. The executive officers are really good at stepping in just before that point to get the information they need.

Honestly, it's kind of a hit to the self-esteem to see the person in the chair light up like a Christmas tree when an officer comes in. You know, as if the guy with all the knives is their personal savior. I'm not the one whose gonna slice you to bits. Just saying.

But, um, to get back to your question, no I'm not in HR. They're farther down the hall four doors on your left.

[dangerously-human]

For Lockwood & Co Appreciation Week 2024 Day 6: AU Day, have a snippet of my "Skull as office menace" AU I've started working on. It's not ready for posting to AO3 yet, but the concept is hilarious to me even scarcely developed. The idea is that the skull works in an office generally making a nuisance of himself - he's not a whole living person or anything, he's a skull in a jar working in a normal, mundane office environment, being a problem in the absence of the Problem.

“His ideas are decent, and he’s an excellent source of gossip” - Angeline’s always got her priorities in order - “but you know he’s an HR nightmare.” The other girls all nod. Neha clucks her tongue. “Diversity hire, I bet.” “It’s true,” confirms Melanie, punctuating her statement with a satisfying stapler thud. “Pretty sure he only got the job because he threatened a discrimination suit. Now they can’t get rid of him without risking it, so he’s got free rein to act like that.” Rosa snorts. “Sure, that and he’s got Carol in HR wrapped around his nonexistent little finger.” Angeline opens Neha’s drawer and pulls out a paperclip, ignoring the latter’s halfhearted protests. “Oh, but that’s Carol for you, isn’t it? She’s got a soft spot for the lot of them, all those boy’s club dickheads. Racking up harassment complaints like they’re points.” “Speaking of,” Neha says in a stage whisper, “I keep hearing he and that Lucy girl in Barnes’s department are an item.” “Which Lucy? Fonnegra?” Rosa gestures to Melanie for the stapler. “No, Carlyle.” Melanie barks out a laugh. “You kidding? Everyone knows she’s got a thing for her boss.” “Ooh, Lockwood, right?” Angeline stretches from her perch on Neha’s desk to grab the coffee mug from her own. “Can’t say I blame her.” “Angeline!” Neha scolds. Angeline flashes an unrepentant grin. “You’ve seen the way he looks at her?” Rosa shakes her head. “Now that’s a lawsuit waiting to happen.”

[cosmicjoke]

hi, I had this thing on mind since a long time:

Isayama said Levi sleeps on a chair rather than a bed and sleeps only for 2 hrs.

Levi prefering to sleep on chair always was in back of my mind it says a lot about him and how he has messed up sleep schedule. It was definitely his paranoia from underground and nightmares .

I always thought Levi wouldn't allow himself comfort in order to stay in control.

What your thoughts on that and what do you think about his sleep schedule is as of now considering his condition. I wonder if he sleeps his free time away, but considering all the mental and emotional wounds nightmares are too natural of occurrence for him, so if he still avoids sleeping.

Also how he would spend his time, like would he study more about the world or how would he manage his cleaning habits now?

These are all really good questions.

I agree, that Levi's difficulty sleeping probably has some relation to how he grew up, and the environment he grew up in. The Underground was the most dangerous place behind the walls, where ones life was constantly in danger, so it was probably pretty much impossible to relax. I imagine Levi was forced to become hyper-vigilant early on in order to survive, and that likely resulted in him not sleeping for more than a few hours at a time, and what sleep he did manage was probably pretty shallow. His body probably got trained to wake up at the slightest sound or even change in the air. Also, yeah, nightmares are something I'm certain Levi suffers from. We saw a little bit of that in that one shortpass story, about him dreaming of his comrades all being dead. Levi's been witness to so much brutality and violence and depravity in his life, it's a certainty that it must haunt his subconscious. I wouldn't be surprised if he has nightmares not just about the people from his past that he lost, but the people he has now being killed and him being unable to save them. I think that would be a big fear of Levi's, considering all the loss he's suffered in his life. I think he fears the thought that he won't be able to protect people, that others will lose their lives because he wasn't able to protect them. He values people's lives so much, so that would be something constantly on his mind.

As for now, I think Levi probably still remains a light sleeper. That's the sort of thing that, once your body conditions itself for it, is hard to break out of, I imagine. And as you bring up, his condition now probably doesn't help. Levi must suffer from some chronic pain at this point, given the injuries he sustained, and it probably makes it difficult to get comfortable for him when he's lying down. I imagine he probably gets pretty stiff too if he has to stay in one position for too long, so that discomfort would likely make it hard for him to sleep for long, or to find uninterrupted sleep.

I doubt Levi sleeps his free time away. Levi seems like a really productive person to me. Someone who likes to stay active and get things done. I'm sure he still manages to keep himself and his space clean, haha. There's nothing lazy about Levi, so even if it's more difficult for him to maybe get down on his knees and scrub the floors, for example, I think he would still manage to do it. It just might take longer. Maybe he has to break his cleaning sessions up into shorter blocks, instead of doing it all in one afternoon, or whatever.

I bet Levi is curious about the world, so I wouldn't be surprised if he studies it and likes to learn. Though I also think Levi would maybe be most content just engaging in practical tasks, like gardening or reading. Maybe he picks up some hobbies, maybe crafting of some kind or, if he ever got to open that tea shop, he probably enjoys researching and learning about all the different teas there are out there. I also think Levi probably spends a lot of his day just helping people, like we saw at the end of the anime, going to refugee camps and handing out candy, helping to rebuild and plant new trees to recover the land, etc... I think Levi wouldn't feel okay if he wasn't out there helping others in some way. It's such an intrinsic part of who he is, helping others. He's just so naturally kindhearted. So actually, I think he probably spends the majority of his time doing that, helping to improve the lives of other people, in whatever ways he can.

[mastcrmarksman]

hey, clint. what about those monster ladies (and guys), huh?

What's that ⸻

Oh, is it the sound of groaning? The sound regret seeping deep into his bones, reminding him that he should have let that one d-listere villain sew his mouth shut. Honestly, if he had let that happen it would saved him from a lot of bad decisions.

Is he ever going to learn that when his mouth opens? Words are going to spewl out and the rest of the world is able bodied and hearing. So they are going to hear the things that come out of his mouth and remember it. Let's not get into his memory issues, he can only lose so much in one day from one question.

On top of the sound of groaning, there's the distinct mouth feel and taste of foot-in-the-mouth (no! not like that! that is not in his ⸺ please). That would be due to the fact that more than one person, and why did he ever confirm that to America, knew that he may or may not find some individuals with monstrous features attractive.

Clint has a chance now, right now (is he going to take it), to not open his mouth and say nothing. If he says nothing right now, he will have some dignity left. The bar was very low, he should considering upping his standards but he was a superhero after all.

Except. . . . he was Clint Barton, professional dumpster fire, master of word voice, and he might as well explain it. What's the worst that could happen? It gets out on the news and Helen has to call him in for a meeting about PR. He swears to the god-that-is-dead if he has to watch or see HR about this kind of thing (the avengers hr-made sexual harassment video has to be he worst thing he has even seen).

❝ Well... Big tall women... or men.. ❞ or any way they identify. Does he need to mention the strange awakening he had after Venom held him by the throat while he was naked surrounded by super villains? Not he firsst time a big montrous man had their hand around his throat and certainly won't be the last. ❝ with... you know... green skin, or... claws and tiger stripes... scales and... t-tenta- uhhhh, aren't off the... ❞ Those first two of those sounded eeriely like a team mate or few that he's had. If they ever knew, well, they scare him and scarousal is a real thing for him.

❝ h-hairy... ❞

See exhibit a (venom) andd then see his concern about HR? He's not weird about it; he really wasn't. When Wanda generally turned down his advances, he accepted it. He tries to be a good guy about it; always more then ready to handle a creep, d-bag, or scum if they were bothering anyone with unwanted interest.

Shut up. Please, shut up, close your mouth.

❝ Doesn't everyone dream about big... tall... thirty foot not-entirely human entities sweeping you up and craddling you and... so what if they've got a long tongue, or extra limbs, or other features... ❞

You have a lot of dreams about giant monster women, Hawkeye? I refuse to answer that on the grounds that the answer is "yes" Gross, Barton. Also don't steal my lines.

The point has been thoroughly gotten, at least, he hopes so. Clint's tried not get into the details or specifics, because they'd be damning. And he really was trying to repair his whole reputation. What kinks, who he was into, his preferrences and positions.... That'd be a nightmare of a twitter swarm.

Can the ground swallow him up now before Clint Barton is a monster fucker is trending? Not, that he actually has. Fantasy does not make reality.

❝ That's normal... normal people... I bet you were dreaming about Godzilla and the Mothman last week ❞

[toinfinitywinning]

What you see & hear- or even if you can. Just a cover.

Open it? There’s no tellin’ the worm. But you bought the ticket. It’s your Day 1.

They’re gonna try to break you.

Yk every Day I wake up. And I’m scared of it. Don’t want to. And not b/c im warm in my bed snuggling w/ my feather duvet and rain, with the weight of a horse on my legs play pretending he’s a 3 lb Show shhnowzaa but b/c I’ve already, already lived it. And having been in a constant State of fight or flight, normal or abnormal, sometimes u can’t tell —I still feel bad. W/e differentiation you had to separate the two both ended up at the North Pole but you’ve at least got Santa.

So this means I’m confused all Day but I still want some of Michael’s Secret Stuff Gatorade (haterade) from “welcome to the space jam—alright.” 🎵. To get me through. A safe energy drink. And your body doesn’t ☊ anymore so the more you talk to yourself the saner. It’s just I’ve never had to fake I’m physically okay to be present so much. Physical sickness affects ur mind Health and if you already struggle w/ that my condolences b/c your leg hurts too.

It’s a nightmare never 1-upping to a dream of being without. Then some days it’s will hear a song or remember a Good time or just Start crying-faucet not included. No acute-reason onset. (We gotta find another word for trigger no joke). I only subconsciously wonder will today be better…Will I get better? And I don’t know why I continue to continue being somewhere inbtw positive and negative. All the sudden my mind is taxed and so are your paychecks and I’ve been up for 15 minutes not even thinking I was thinking b/c Truth is, when something becomes your reality for such a Long time, everything just runs together. You’re afraid to feel anything yet know if you don’t it’s not just your body ready to atrophy. Not Good. And it’s a sneaky lil’ mf.

I can’t Imagine the omnipresent (best word for constant I got) Pain people feel having been with Illness their whole lives. How differently their world is shaped. Pain, prolonged cynicism, Illness prolonged, disability prolonged, w/e u used to think about things is gone unless you’re born one of these ways. Now to be clear I was born this Way but not THIS Way don’t get it twisted. Some days I wonder what it would be like to swap around. W/e it is—This presence does not belong to God— but maybe its mere existence really does b/c we won’t have anyone to thank if things get better? And there’s no joy in the things we’ve hoped for and overcome? And everything always has an End result of some kind…Right? If that’s my endgame I can only look at some things very matter of fact-ly. But. Here we are. Pending. Loading. Accept All Cookies. Your Health for potential healing is At the mercy of literally a button click away from quality or lifesaving or changing Medicine or therapy. CAN YOU AFFORD TO STAY ALIVE? Be fired? Bankrupt-ed? Evicted? No college, no trade School, but you work ur butt off to provide but you’re still paid $7.25/hr as I was as head intramural supervisor at Georgetown College. 15 years ago. Not just that, exist, like eating, clothes to wear, some sort of roof. So you’re choosing between crappy and crappier. Literally no difference. How in the is someone even going to try to stay healthy?!

Thankfully I don’t have to worry as much about the material, which, its Stress alone induces more trauma and Anxiety, but I’d bet how we feel physically isn’t too different. All the sudden again in the subconscious where I am all the time I’m figuring and not truly present you really think existentially like how in not God’s name clearly did I get here? I fixed everything. But Life isn’t played by a claw that has never won anybody a teddy bear. I wouldn’t pin karma to me in itself but it sure makes you think.

None of this is about to make sense but it’s where my mind took me.

Think about what was happening in your Life before things changed. Before literally waking up one Morning and knowing that very second things had to change or I was headed toward death a lot faster than I thought until that God moment. I don’t have many of them that are that dramatic but nothing was clearer to me in that moment. And then that Damn bat and conspiracy crap of government population control. If anthrax was sprinkled in Amazon boxes we’d be extinct. But Pretty sure we know how to get rid of people without breaking a beaker or test tube and then turning on a fan just gifting particles. And Unraveling ALL of the many ways of healing I’d finally lived into. I was so close. To every Fk up id invited. And so asking why anymore seems vacant. Echoing. And my ears hurt. ATP I’m More so saying well, I’m not sure that strategy is going to work anymore. Where’s the ღ in Health. It’s lost it. How much are you worth? No, like write down a monetary number on a piece of paper, fold it and slide it across the desk. Insurance companies be like: I see your offer and I’ll raise your offer: have you tried dying yet? B/c you could save a lot of money that way. The money it will take to bury you might even be more deadly.

So The most defeating part is beginning the Day as it ends. When I think about that it’s just like how did I get here? I’m still stubborn about it but maybe regardless of w/e someone accomplishes there’s the reality you’re still living in an imperfect world where you can only control so many things. Even if u gain that control back all those traps R still available. So you can Imagine my surprise when there’s not enough OCD to Go around to control THIS. regardless of what we can have control over, do that, b/c the smaller victories become magnified and walking to the kitchen to take your Meds that may or may not be helping is like an 8-ball w/ only 8 options. Eenie meenie miney. Mo.

I don’t set out to cry or tear up in the videos I share. I’ve always been a cryer. I’ve been told I feel things more intensely so it hits different, does different. The direct quote will remain anonymous but the sentimental pack rat in me wrote it down ASAP. Like, a handwritten letter. You took TIME for me. The quote—It was several years ago and I almost can’t stand it b/c it’s me in whatever kind of Shell is available at the time.

[“people perceive me as an individual who has the kindest of all hearts, but who struggles with the realities of life given that kindness…Like how the tenderhearted feel the pains of the earth more intensely.”]

It’s so true. But if I can’t be real what Good’s that gonna do? For me it further affirms what I already am living. In Edgar’s scary A** pit or with the company of not one canary in the coal mine.

C’ya in the AM. 🫡

[deepslowpanicfics]

♡ deepslowpanic Namgi Fics ♡

True North [ E | 11/11 | 117k ] long distance relationship | first meetings | road trip | solar eclipse | online relationship | falling in love | emotional hurt/comfort | anxiety and misunderstandings | communication | soft emo boys and music references

You're One in a Melon [ E | 20k ] big gay farm universe | online dating | awkward sexting and flirting | chance meetings | banter | it's nuts but so, so sweet | appreciation for namjoon's chest

All I want for Christmas is Ewe [ E | 14k ] big gay farm universe |christmas fluff | established relationship | horny gremlin yoongi | soft and sweet namjoon | fluff and love | relationship milestones

Some ASSembly Required [ E | 8k] strangers to lovers | 5+1 | ikea worker yoongi | helpless himbo namjoon | building and breaking furniture | awkward flirting | getting together | sexual tension | pining | silly situations | thighs

'Cause You Stop the Noise [ E | 7/7 | 70k] strangers to lovers | meet cute (sort of) | missed connections at an mcr concert | first dates | getting together | soft emo boys | shy namjoon and confident yoongi | music as a love language

Subliminally Yours [ E | 10k] friends to lovers | pining | music nerds | feelings realization | idiots in love | love confessions through song | music as a metaphor for love

Fine Art [ E | 6k ] friends to lovers | art gallery dates | 5+1 | pining and sexual innuendos | sexual tension | yoongi is a tease and namjoon is suffering | public sex

Helping Hand [ E | 7k ] friends to lovers | roommates | recreational drug use | watching porn together | it's not weird to jerk off with your friend | just bro things | pining | docking

You, In the Distance [ E | 3/3 | 32k ] exes to lovers | post break up | lonely namjoon | music producers | slow burn | misunderstandings | communication | sad boy hours x10 | getting back together | love confessions | yoongi is yoongi but also... there's a cat

You've Gotta Be Kitten Me [ E | 14k ] secret camboy yoongi | tattoo artist namjoon |awkward flirting | meet cute | teasing and flirting | namjoon is having a hard time | fluff and a little angst | getting together

Project Mismanagement [ E | 15k ] coworkers | one sided enemies to lovers | office pranks and shenanigans | sexual tension | yoongi is an hr nightmare | accidental nudes

Let Hyung Help [ E | 6k ] strangers to lovers | neighbors | 5+1 | hurt/comfort | yoongi is a good hyung | namjoon has a broken arm | getting to know each other | intimacy

Recipe for Disaster (or Love) [ T | 6.5k ] strangers to lovers | chef yoongi | rapper namjoon | kitchen disasters | minor injuries | soft boys falling in love | cooking lessons | food as a metaphor for love

Tangerine Hues [ E | 3k ] friends to lovers | getting together | sleepy confessions | touching and kissing | soft boys and vibes | sunsets and honey and love

Riptide [ E | 4/4 | 35k ] strangers to lovers | meet cute | aquarium | awkward flirting | confident yoongi is bad at feelings | hurt/comfort | lots of miscommunication | degradation kink and aftercare | they're both messes but they can make it work

Geometry [ E | 8.5k ] established relationship | misunderstandings | sexual experimentation | trying to spice things up | idiots in love | namgi try to 69 and it goes about how you'd expect

In the Soap [ E | 4k ] established relationship | emotional hurt/comfort | caretaking | bathtub sex | very soft and slippery

Meowments in Time [ E | 4k] established relationship | emotional hurt/comfort | thunderstorms | yoongi turns into a cat when he's scared | soft love

Greater Heights [ E | 9k ] friends to lovers | traveling together | sharing a bed | exploring a new city | accidental (?) cuddling | love confessions | getting together | idiots in love

Songs I can't believe I forgot [ E | 8.5k ] friends to lovers | roommates | music festival | soft punk boys | idiots in love | getting together | cold hands

The Feline is Meowtual [ E | 7k ] established relationship | horny monster namjoon | yoongi loses a bet | kitten play | collars and cat ears | breeding kink | rough sex

Hearts are Bound to Beat [ E | 3/3 | 35k ] soulmates | slow burn | overcoming loneliness | fluff and feelings | soft shy boys | falling in love and letting go

Louder Than An Orange Flame [ M | 15k ] hurt/comfort | convenience store | underground boxing | surreal imagery | soft and melancholy | namjoon just wants to help

[eldrai]

I hate it here. AKA a lovely collection of transphobia:

[Image ID: a twitter thread replying to a tweet by Squeaky (@squeakyvitch): As someone who frequently interviews and appoints, I see pronouns as a massive red flag #pronouns

Deb: Is it because you think that person is going to be hard work and/or a bit of a trouble maker? Because that's what I'd think.

Squeaky: Yes and there's something about putting pronouns conspicuously on a resume that almost seems challenging]

[Image ID 1/2: A separate reply thread to the tweet.

@ cybertune21: Its not a red flag at all. It does not hurt you at all.

Nobody: It's not about whether it personally hurts the interviewer. It's about what it indicates about the applicant's attitude and ability to get along with others. And yes, HUGE red flag that will hurt your employment chances, no matter how much you whine on twitter that it shouldn't.

End ID]

Worth noting how many more likes the reply got than the one sane person in this thread.

[Image ID 2/2: A separate reply thread.

Ellie: I always try to remain neutral but how someone will fit into your corporate/office culture has to be a consideration when you are hiring. I think that's something a lot of people overlook.

TabbyTail: On the other hand, there are corporate cultures an applicant may not want to fit into, so flagging this at the application stage might be beneficial for both sides]

Yeah, transphobes are famously fucking known for being considerate.

[Image ID: Two separate reply threads.

The first username is obscured: It's not about their personal choice of self representation, you can tell when someone puts pronouns by their name, if it's being used as a badge and shield giving away special rights to behave a certain way, which can terrorise and be unfair to other workers. Creating hostility.]

[The second reply thread

Hackney Poundshop: They're going to be trouble. That's how I look at it.

Donna: Yup a bloody nightmare for any hr dept - unless the hr dept is captured of course. They did attempt to get us to put pronouns in our e mails at our work - there were blank stares all around and then it went all quiet.

Emmeline Wyndham: I have an appreciable say in company communication, and have made it clear that there will be no pronouns in email signatures on my watch.

End ID]

So first of all, I'll bet anything the special rights mentioned is just,, being annoyed at being misgendered. Terrorising colleagues... for fuck's sake . Poor TERFs. Same as the second person saying they'll be trouble.

Also that last person. How miserable do you have to be to spent time actually caring about email signatures? Like it's one thing if it's a matter of professionalism but bloody pronouns?

[Image ID: four separate replies.

LyraValdo84: I know someone who works as Head of HR for a large company and he feels exactly the same. I'm pretty sure he saves himself many hours of headaches by just filing those cv's into the bin.

Rhiannon: To me it's a signal of a truth denier. If they can't even acknowledge truths that's a massive 🚩 what other lies will they tell

Wanda Leng KPPS: I'm so glad to hear that. I wouldn't feeling safe working with a pronoun person these days. They're a huge 🚩 to me too.

Angela N Taylor: When I see applications listing pronouns I assume it's a warning of potential ofdice drama. They're pretty much an immediate rejection.

End ID]

"pronoun person" Jesus christ. You could just not be a TERF, Wanda. That would work.

I hate that these are the kind of people hiring. Having an influence on people's jobs. It makes me feel sick.

[ID: four separate replies.

IamGroot: Great way of reducing down potential interview candidates to a manageable number though I'd imagine.

Pronouns on the CV = straight to bin.

DS: My pronouns are fire/bomb/gun and all must be yelled to be properly inclusive.

ReWitched: It takes hours to reduce the pile of CVs to a manageable 8-10 to be interviewed in a single day, the max time managers can afford to take out of normal working. Anything to help reduce the pile is good, either pros (skills, experience, tone) or cons (difficult to work with?)

Hip Dipp: Gotta admit tho, it helps filter out the problem makers. It's a good thing we have a way to identify weirdos.

End ID]

Just the number of likes on all of these, and all of them themselves, make me sick. England is fucking awful to trans people and nobody is talking about it. Nobody seems to care

[zavianglorywrites]

In honor of the fact that I am finally on the last round of edits for this book and it will be available at the end of the month, here is part of the first chapter of my debut paranormal/supernatural romance, Mortal Protection.

It was the piercing ring of a phone that drew the being back into the present, back to the plain apartment bedroom and the comfortable-yet-unused queen-sized mattress and its wonderfully cozy, though equally unused sheets. The sheets and the bed didn't need to be used because there was no mortal in the apartment who needed to be protected from the sleeping being and its incomprehensible true form. As it awoke, it began to orient itself, wondering how many days had passed since it had returned to the apartment after its most recent job. If it turned out the being had been sleeping longer than usual, it would soon be time to return to the other place to rest, where it couldn't endanger the fragile mortal minds surrounding it.

The phone rang again, this time with a very distinct tone that told the being just who was calling.

Everything snapped into place. The bed hit the wall with the sudden addition of a human body falling from the ceiling onto it. The human grunted and wondered why he never thought his first waking transformation through when it happened. Of course, the change was almost instinctual, considering how much time he'd spent in that particular form over the last century and a half. He climbed from the bed, unconcerned by the nakedness of his chosen human form.

He grabbed the phone off its charger and swiped the screen. "Hello, Lisa."

"Oh good, Aamun!" She sounded relieved to hear the voice he used with that particular form. "I was starting to think you'd gone down to hibernate."

He sighed in a very human way. "It's not called 'going down to hibernate'," he said for probably the millionth time. "Most of us call it 'recharging' nowadays. And it's not 'down.' I know you know this by now."

"Where's your charging cable plug in? And Hell definitely isn't up, so where is it?"

This time he snorted, another thing he had learned from mortals. "Well, since you're mortal I can't tell you about the charging port. It would break all the rules. Of course, you could ask Lewiel about it. I'm sure he has no concerns about bending rules for you. And I don't know where Hell is, I just think about going there and there I am. Just like I don't know where Earth is, either. I just think about coming back and here I am. If I was going to go recharge I would notify the office."

She completely ignored the reference to her partner when she replied, "That was why I was worried. I didn't want to tell the boss you'd become an AWOL Fallen."

"I've been fending for myself for thousands of years," he told her, which was only a bit of an exaggeration. He'd always been around his brethren in one form or another since the day he had been created. "I'm only working for the office because eternity is boring without something consistent to do. If I get equally bored with it I'll be sure to formally quit, not vanish on you. So what's the new job?"

She cleared her throat. "Right. So there's a warehouse store not too far from where you're at. It's called Smith's. There have been eight different safety complaints in the last two weeks, and you know that where there are that many safety complaints being reported to a government agency, there are other kinds of issues going on. I bet it's an HR nightmare."

"And HR nightmares are often orchestrated by demons, real or mortal."

"Precisely. If you're interested, I'll get the details ready and you can go be handsome, charming, unassuming Aamun."

He nodded to himself. "I'll do it."

Getting hired at Smith's was as easy as usual with the false identity the office had provided for him and with the active white-man form he was currently wearing. It was why he chose that particular form for most of his jobs, now that he was more interested in taking down abusive corporations than corrupt church officials. He'd needed a break from that after four hundred years, and he had plenty of brethren who were happy to continue the work, to attempt to wrestle God's corrupt minions away by showing them the truth. This form, though, allowed him to slip into any company he needed to and dismantle it – or, at least set the process in motion – before anyone even suspected him.

Over the last few thousand years he had mastered the art of playing into assumptions and prejudices to protect and defend those who needed him. In this case it would be all the underpaid staff expected to toil away all day in unsafe conditions, possibly fueling the energetic demands of demons with their suffering. He did not often fail his jobs, and he didn't plan to fail this one, either. His entire existence was centered around teaching humans that they should care about each other and the Earth on which they all lived, and protecting them from those who simply wished to cause suffering to increase their own joy, be they unchangeable mortal or true demon.

The employee who was tasked with showing him around the store and teaching him his job was a tired man in his mid-thirties, about the age Aamun's fake identity said he was, also. There was something about his scruffy face and bloodshot eyes that called to Aamun's compassion. He introduced himself as Jake, a supervisor of the employees who did most of the shelf stocking.

And the first off-the-record thing he said to Aamun during the tour, when they had their first moment away from other employees or customers, told Aamun that Jake was going to be immensely helpful to the investigation.

"I suggest you start looking for a new job soon. This is a toxic place to work."

Aamun hoped he looked surprised. "That's weird. The hiring manager assured me we were all like family here when he interviewed me."

Jake glanced around, then shook his head and said quietly, "That's one of the biggest red flags in any workplace. It's to compel you to feel like you owe the store – management – something personal. But you don't. It's a job. Clock in on time, do what you were hired to do for your scheduled shift, and clock out on time. Don't do this place any favors because God knows they won't do you any, either."

Aamun gave him a long look, then threaded his next words with a touch of compulsion, "What did they do to you?"

Jake just shook his head again, though he seemed to hesitate. "I don't know you. For all I know, you could be a pawn of theirs. I could be walking myself into getting fired by telling you anything. Hell, even what I just said could get me fired if you talk to them. I can't afford that, not after the pay cut they just gave me."

Aamun had no desire to force him to speak when he carried so much worry, but it further confirmed that there was work to be done here. He withdrew all hint of compulsion before he spoke again. "Are they cutting costs?"

"They're just trying to hurt us where it counts. Our paychecks. They're sending a pretty heavy message not to try fixing this messed up place."

Before Aamun could try asking anything more or begin to earn the man's trust, they arrived at the receiving department. Pushing through the swinging doors, Aamun stopped short when he saw the burly, messy-haired man standing in the middle of the floor. He held a clipboard and towered over the delivery driver who was signing a sheet of paper on the clipboard. It wasn't the size of the man that startled Aamun, but the fact that he wasn't a human man at all. Aamun could see through the glamour, unlike the mortals at work around them.

Beneath the human-appearing flesh of the glamour was a demon. This one was as burly as the glamour he wore, but his feet were hooves and his hands were well-maintained claws. On his head were two great horns that curled back around and below his pointed ears. Aamun couldn't tell through the haze of the glamour if he had skin or short fur or scales.

The demon suddenly stood more upright and seemed to draw a deep breath before slowly turning to face Aamun and Jake. Under the glamour that made his face appear like that of a bearded mortal man, his true face was sharply angled, his nose bull-like, his brows pronounced, and his horns were decorated by fine chains like the necklaces his glamour wore, one dropping down almost into one massive eye. He had clearly not been expecting to meet someone who could see through his glamour, because the moment he recognized what Aamun was, he lowered the clipboard to cover – barely – the very male anatomy between his very muscled thighs.

Aamun knew the demon couldn't see his true form, but he'd been told by other supernatural beings that he and the other angels had a smell and a glimmer about them that made it obvious what they were, even if mortals weren't aware of it. There was, however, no way for others to tell the difference between the Fallen and Blessed angels at a glance – Aamun was thankful to know he didn't smell like charred meat at least. The fear on the demon's face assured Aamun that this wasn't someone causing harm in the store, just someone taking advantage of it for survival. Chaos demons were like that. If he'd been the guilty one, his first instinct would have been to run or fight, according to Aamun's previous experiences.

"That's Henry," Jake explained. "We call him The Bull."

"Uncanny," Aamun replied.

[pewpewpew]

Better off being a wild one

A spectre, a demon, the last nightmare you have | ANBU Kakashi off the rail

[siyteefe]

Ted Lasso Season 3 Wish List

Okay so here’s a list of all my wishes/predictions/fears for season 3:

I want Sam and Rebecca to be a thing. I do think it’s an HR nightmare for Rebecca to be dating a player, so I don’t know how that can actually happen but I just love them. He’s too young to stop playing and focus on his restaurant, I’d hate for him to leave the team to date her, so idk. Or maybe he gets the call to play for the Nigerian National team and goes away at the end of season 3 to play back home and they do long distance!

I don’t know if it’s implied that Jamie’s mom has passed away, but if not, I want to see Jamie’s mom (and I want him to cry when they’re together) We’ve seen the dad twice, Jamie handled him, I don’t think we need to see him again unless he’s literally being arrested for assault and banned from Wembley for life, so I’d love to meet Mrs. Tartt

Sam’s parents fly out to see him play! I mean, they have to, right? 

In season 1, Ted was an excellent coach; he knew exactly what his players needed to hear and truly united a disjointed group. In season 2, of course we see him take a step back, leaving Nate and Roy to coach for the most part, and they do not have that wise, fatherly touch. I want Coach Lasso back in season 3, solving conflicts, using metaphors and manufacturing scenarios that help people grow, and maybe help Colin come into his own this year (he is a strong and capable man)

Edwin Akufo is coming back and it’s gonna be bad. I’m so scared about what he has planned. I don’t think he needs to team up with Rupert or Nate at all to wreak havoc on Sam’s life or Richmond as a whole and that makes me even more worried. Maybe he buys Cerilium Oil and straight up destroys all of Nigeria (evil overlord billionaire type stuff) 

I don’t want Nate to return to Richmond. He’s entitled and a narcissist and has been since day one when he had no power and it just got worse once he was given power. He thinks he’ll be respected as a head coach for West Ham United, but he’s a mere bargaining chip for Rupert and will be disposed of as soon as the team loses to Richmond. He won’t get the respect he thinks he’s owed because he is a terrible leader and he’ll realize that when he’s fired and no team wants him.

I’d love to see Ted actually show that he’s learned a thing or two about soccer and not still be oblivious to the rules 3 seasons in. Let’s show some growth, come up with a play that’s not American football inspired.

I hope Roy and Keeley find some kind of work-life balance in their relationship and they stay together. I feel like their relationship will be strained or they’ll be “on a break” for the first half of the season and then they’ll find each other again towards the end.

More team shenanigans! More Jan Maas! More Dani Rojas! More Isaac McAdoo! I love all of them

Higgins might be my favorite character, he has the best jokes, he’s the most stable character, I love his wife and family - too cute. I’d love for him to get a storyline, playing on the few heart-to-hearts he’s had with Ted, Keeley, and Jamie. He’s a great husband and a great father so maybe he helps someone in that regard.

Okay so similarly to Ted making a bet with Rupert to con him out of his seats in the owner’s box, I think they’ll place another bet leading up to the final showdown between the two teams or just the final match of the season and if Richmond wins, they get Nate’s contract or Rupert has to resign, idk and if Rupert wins, Ted has to go back to the states or Rebecca has to sign over ownership of Richmond back to him since the club is the real love of his life? 

I kind of want Ted to yell at someone. Could be Rupert, could be Akufo, could be Nate, Could be Jamie’s dad, literally any of the established villains.

I don’t want Ted to end up with Rebecca , or Dr. Fieldstone, and I don’t want him to end up with Sassy. They’re too English for him, he needs someone who thinks his puns are funny and who doesn’t like tea (bare minimum criteria -I know Sharon doesn’t like tea but still, I don’t like the idea of him dating his therapist either). Maybe he finds someone on Bantr and they connect with humor and weird regional colloquialisms <3

[blorbocedes]

But what if silly season went on like the following options:

A. During the summer break, team principals would gather and play poker, with their drivers as their chips. They could bet one or both, or throw in academy drivers (ferrari and red bull have lots and they just play games out of them). Since there's only two seats per team, the winning team principals could choose to discard the other chips they got by gifting them to the ones who lost, thus them dictating which teams will get the not-that-good (i hate to say shit/bad) drivers and monopolize the good ones, while also playing with drivers' careers.

B. They meet up before the first day of testing and spin the wheel. Constructors champion gets first spin and got 10 tries, then 2nd gets 9 tries, so on so forth.

C. This one is also done during the summer break. Team principals can auction off their drivers or bid on other drivers. This explains why the good ones are always at the rich teams. In the case of retiree drivers, they buy their way out of their contracts (because theyre actually contracted till forever) or until f1 drops them out of the roster,then in which case the team principals vote which of the F2 drivers they want to bid on.

Idk just thoughts that you or the anons might want to expound on.

this is SO interesting?? what a world building to bite upon and CHOMP down....

Unfortunately like my fellow residents in Monaco I'm not legally allowed to gamble and have no idea how poker works 😔 but that's so fascinating??? TPs and the rich teams having an inherent advantage while the lower ranked teams fight for the scraps and reserve drivers... i also like the idea of drivers just being forever contracted and they have to Pay their way out!! it's giving HR nightmare!! I love it

I do think this makes team principals insanely powerful which I'm not sure if they are the sole decision maker in stuff like this but I do like them all bidding on f2 drivers... that means if you have rookie in your junior program you gotta sell him Well to the other TPs as well to get him bidded into f1 while making sure he sticks to you... really interesting stuff! thank you!