#I am trying SO FUCKING HARD not to doompost about everything

[negativepeanuthoarder]

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[overgrownmoon]

doomposting hours

before i start let me reassure everyone that i’m okay and just really need to get some shit off my chest. i’m posting this to tumblr in hopes that i’m not alone in my thoughts.

worlds been a scary place for the last decades of my life.

i’m living through Unprecedented Historical Times and it’s fucking terrifying. First a pandemic, then a crusade on queer rights, and now a genocide on the Palestinian people. what in the fuck is happening anymore?

i know things will get better. they have to, i have to hold onto that hope. but things always get worse before they get better and oh boy has shit gone downhill. for some people things will never get better. those people are dead.

i’m appalled at both Israel’s and Hamas’ actions. No civilians should have ever been harmed; but they were, they got hurt, and now millions are being punished for it. I stand with Palestine. I stand with the people going through this horrific occupation. I do not stand with Hamas, let me make myself clear; Hamas does not represent all of Palestine.

I’m scared. I scared that i’m gonna turn on the news and see the headlines of a genocide in the Gaza strip, that i’m gonna see the photos of bodies piled high while the west pretends to weep and say “we didn’t see it coming, we didn’t know they would go this far” while the buildup has being happening right in front of our eyes.

I fear the day that my own politicians cheer and clap for the death of a thousand muslims and arabs; christ, that day already happened years ago when 9/11 happened and the US slaughtered hundreds if not thousands of people in Iran, Iraq, and Syria. the islamophobia in this country is so fucking sickening.

I don’t even remember 9/11, man, i wasnt born yet. I don’t know what kind of patriotism people want me to have for this country when all i ever see it doing is hurting more and more and more innocent people.

I’m not patriotic. I’m not nationalistic. I don’t support my government or my military. I have never been given a reason to. I grew up with the occupation of the middle east, with drone strikes on refugees, with hate crimes on mosques, and with ignorance pronounced in peoples hearts. i have nothing to be proud of. i have nothing to respect.

and yet i still live here. i didn’t choose to be born here yet here i am, in my cushy middle class home with my white-ass skin and american-ass privileges, crying about atrocities a thousand miles away that my own elected people rally and support. what am i doing, man. what right do i have to complain.

i feel both helpless and complicit. it makes me feel that my own issues are insignificant and in the face of these real horrors they are, because who cares about my pronouns or my social life when real families are dying? what in the fuck do i have to complain about? i’ve never not had food or shelter or luxury items. i’ve never lived in want. i have everything and that’s not fair when so many other good people have nothing. what i’d give to give all of my luxuries and niceties away to help just one family survive.

i think they’d deserve it more than i do.

so what did i do? vote, i guess. i’d try to donate but nothing is getting through the border. i’ll carry on in my life, knowing that what i have millions would die for, and continue being ungrateful about living in the USA. i really do hate it here, between the homophobia and transphobia and islamophobia and the christian nationalists and the ignorant masses. talk about first world problems.

woe is me. the White Person is sad. what a hard life i live. boo hoo.

[vermanaward]

6.1 stuff. here be spoilers (all content)

msq  - generally good. the new dungeon is neat. love the armour set. tataru’s glam set was a surprise, but a pleasant one. tickled me just how many people i saw running around in it (dyed or otherwise). it’s a nice set; simple, but nicely detailed. my only gripe is there are no pants for some reason?? tataru pls

pleasantly surprised that we’re touching on Void stuff again so soon. disappointed that the void quests from shb had zero mention but them’s the breaks.

i adore the contrast between the cowards of sharlayan and the alchemists of thavnair. sorry but if your response to ‘we built an artificial voidsent’ is not ‘holy shit that’s awesome’ what kind of scholar even are you. (little disappointed that allag’s artificial voidsent saw no mention but i guess those only really show up in like. fates and not story content)

...i should go talk to cylva and unuk (and beq for that matter) again to see if they have any new dialogue. (they won’t, but hope springs eternal)

drk 🤝 rpr 🤝 blm [spending the 6.0 patch cycle looking into the camera like they’re on the office]

my drk-trained-blm wol eyetwitching every time someone refers to the void as ‘the abyss’, like

i like a lot the implications of That Voidsent turning up free from Contract. curious if he or golbez are going to attempt a heel face turn. little sad that the Cloud is seemingly confirmed dead, but until we see a body etc

awful plot twist could be that vrtra’s sibling is the Cloud. or That Avatar. don’t know how probable it is squex would go that route but. dragons are by their nature unsundered, which would give her a huge advantage over other voidsent...

alliance raids - The Monkey Is Up To Something. i initially mistrusted deryk too but it seems to be just good old fashioned social anxiety? idk!

the art style for the ‘twelve’ makes me think a lot of the Four Lords, which makes me wonder if they are ancient auspices or something of that sort.

raid itself is a lot of fun. far more colourful in design and variety than the nier trainwrecks, music slaps, wiping on nald’thal twice because half the alliance (me included) didnt realise you could see the scales was more funny than it has any right to be. armour is gorgeous. i was on rpr and scored the chestpiece, idc about stats it’s just pretty

endsinger - lovely weapons. music is eh but i got tired of that just being pulled into msq endsingers. fight itself is gloriously mech heavy. had a bash at it last night and we got her to 50%ish. i confused the fuck out of both the static healers and my usual melee buddy by tanking (our usual OT was otherwise engaged). healing your own living dead is fucking glorious.

pve balance - mch’s ‘balance’ is insulting, ,nobody was surprised. smn and rpr players doomposting are the bane of my existence. sam got dumped on big time, we all knew it was coming, yoshi p knew they would hate it, and yet. as a drk enjoyer i feel for them i really do, their dps just got fucked. drk came out extremely well and i’m just going to enjoy it while it lasts.

pvp balance i’ve only had a chance to play the new mch in pvp but. bruh. if pve mch fucked half this hard i would never play anything else. deleting players across the map is grand. everything feels satisfying to use, and there’s a better risk/reward for pressing your buttons versus just spamming heat blast. drk looks like a blast but i only had time after raids for a couple of matches before i crashed. ngl am tempted to mod the appearance of the drk pvp lb onto pve shadowbringer

pvp mode seems fun?? only played a couple matches, was weird to get feast achievements lel. took me a while to work out the whole team needs to be present to ‘lock’ a crystal’s progress but it makes sense. matches are fast at least. gonna try ranked later and see how it goes.

kinda eh about the majority of ‘new’ pvp rewards - upscaled hw af armour, and old feast weapons. yay. there are some new weapons (for some classes only, ones added since hw i think??) available for the season rank currency which look nice. gnb is sick. rdm is just. weird.

[448psychosis]

It’s coming up on the ten year anniversary of my big trip to Europe and I saved eveything all the brochures and tickets and maps in a big scrapbook and took a peek at it today. I printed out all my pics I took on my digital camera too. I actually didn’t have a cell phone at all on that trip just a blackberry tablet lol.

It’s weird to look back on it because of how different everything is. That was when I thought I’d move to Europe one day and just live the same life as when I was on vacation lol I know that’s stupid

But I am able to say I was very lucky to experience all that. I was in a museum every day for like four months straight. I was just eating and looking at art or learning history and I love that for her lol

I was also thinking about how I started that trip off with my friend from theatre school who in retrospect I definitely had feelings for. And how we spent a month together and then we had a fight in Switzerland so she went to Portugal while I went to austria. Pretty sure the fight was cause I wasn’t getting my way…

Then we met up in Vienna and then we were together for another month before she went back to Canada. Then I went to Germany and I was alone for a long time. Then my family came and that was so fun.

And then Bryn came and that was so excellent and I was so glad to experience all that stuff with her. Bryn was really good for me and to me and that marked the end of interpersonal problems caleigh. She really chilled me out lol

Then we went home for a bit before England which was. Hm. Another time.

But it was a really wonderful four month period between two really difficult periods in my life. But I guess I always thought for sure I’d be able to do that again but honestly it probably won’t happen. Not to doompost or anything I’m happy with where I’m at and just happy I got to experience something like that. Shoutout to my mom who provided me with the perfect childhood and early adulthood before I fucked it all up. Lol. But I brought it back around again I think, you know, and there’s always a possibility I’ll be able to do that again this time with the love of my life and wow how amazing would that be. Ok so new life goal I’m gonna really try and work hard to make that happen :)

But man I was a go getter lol the mania of it all