#I am trapped in the prison of my own making
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PAMPER HIM | prisoner mark x reader
invincible masterlist
warnings: mention of scars, past injuries, blood
IMAGINE THIS: After noticing how badly Mark neglects his own care, you plan a pampering night just for him—robes, tea, face masks, and a massage to help him finally relax. Touched, he tries to return the favor the next day with a chaotic but heartfelt attempt at breakfast, a glitter-filled bath, and the clumsiest massage ever—proving love doesn’t have to be perfect to be real.
You caught him bleeding again.
It wasn’t dramatic. Just a thin, shallow slice across the inside of his forearm, like it had brushed against some jagged corner while he was fiddling with the broken heater in the garage. The blood had already crusted when you found him sitting on the floor beside the open panel, sleeves rolled up, face smeared with dust and concentration like he didn’t even feel the sting.
“Mark,” you said, crouching next to him.
He glanced at you. “Hmm?”
“You’re bleeding.”
He blinked. Looked at his arm like it was someone else’s. “Oh,” he muttered. “Guess I am.”
You grabbed a rag, your lips pressed thin. “Why didn’t you say anything?”
He shrugged. “Didn’t feel it.”
You cleaned it off gently, quietly. He didn’t flinch. He never flinched—not because it didn’t hurt, but because pain was so normal to him now he barely registered it. And when you frowned, he only smiled that tired little smile you hated. The one that looked more like surrender than joy.
“Baby,” he said softly, brushing a kiss against your cheek, “I have a million scars. This tiny one won’t make a difference.”
You stared at him, heart twisting.
And then you stood up and said, “That’s it. We’re having a date night.”
He blinked up at you, confused. “What?”
“No arguments,” you said, already walking away. “Put the tools down, take a shower, and don’t you dare disappear into that basement again. Tonight’s about you.”
He protested. Oh, how he protested. You practically had to drag him from the bathroom with a towel over his body, still grumbling about how this was unnecessary, ridiculous, and probably a trap.
You tossed a plush robe at his chest and said, “Mark, shut up and moisturize.”
He blinked down at the robe. “…It’s soft.”
You nodded. “Yes. Because comfort is not illegal.”
He narrowed his eyes. “Feels suspicious.”
You threw a second robe on yourself and pulled your hair up into a messy bun like it was a battle helmet. “You are getting pampered tonight, Grayson. Sit on the couch. Now.”
He sat. Defeated. Curious.
You straddled his lap with a smug smile and a tiny tub of honey oat mask in your hand. “Close your eyes.”
Mark did not. “I feel like you’re about to commit a war crime.”
“You’re lucky I didn’t buy the glitter one.”
You dipped your fingers into the jar and began smearing it across his scarred, weathered cheeks, careful not to touch too close to the embedded goggles or the rough patches. He tolerated it with a scowl, but you could see the tension easing from his jaw.
“It smells… edible,” he muttered.
“It’s not,” you warned.
You pressed cool cucumber slices to his eyelids. He immediately peeled one off, sniffed it, and popped it in his mouth.
“Mark!”
“What? I’m hungry.”
“They were for your eyes!”
He smirked. “They’re in my system. Mission accomplished.”
You gave up and brought him a tray of snacks instead, then plopped down beside him and handed him a steaming mug of chamomile tea. He took it like it was a bomb.
“…This smells like flowers.”
“That’s because it is,” you said. “You’re going to sit there, sip it, and enjoy not being in a freezing death camp for once.”
Mark glanced at the candlelit room, the blanket across his lap, the fact that you’d put on soft jazz in the background.
“…This is the nicest hostage situation I’ve ever been in.”
Later, you coaxed him onto the bed—gently, this time, because now that the grumbling had died down, the exhaustion was catching up to him. You dimmed the lights, turned off the music, and rolled up your sleeves.
“Lie down, handsome,” you said, warming oil in your hands. “Time to get all these knots out.”
He raised an eyebrow but obeyed, laying flat on his stomach, cheek pressed into the pillow. He sighed. “If you find a landmine buried in there, just defuse it and keep going.”
You laughed quietly and straddled his hips, palms pressing into his shoulders with firm, even pressure. He groaned—loudly, shamelessly, like it actually startled him how good it felt.
“Oh god,” he muttered into the pillow. “That’s illegal.”
“You are so dramatic.”
“No, seriously—what the hell. Did you go to a class for this?”
“Nope. Just in love with you,” you said sweetly, working down his spine with slow strokes. “And I happen to know where every knot in this scarred-up body lives.”
He said nothing to that. But the muscles under your hands softened. Slowly. Quietly. Like a surrender he hadn’t realized he was capable of.
You massaged every inch of him. Shoulders, back, thighs, the tight places behind his knees where the tendons always tensed when he had a nightmare. You kissed his neck when he sighed, and his cheek when he muttered, “I feel like I’m dreaming.”
“You’re not.”
“I don’t deserve this.”
You leaned down, arms wrapped around him, and whispered, “You do. You always did.”
The next morning, you woke up warm.
Which was unusual, considering you were normally the one who woke up first, dragging Mark into the present with slow kisses and sleepy whispers. But today, he beat you to it. And you could tell, because he was gone. His side of the bed was cold. Suspiciously so.
You groaned. “Mark…?”
Then something crashed in the kitchen.
You sat bolt upright.
By the time you padded out of the bedroom, wearing his robe and nothing else, the smell of something burning hit you like a wall.
Mark stood in front of the stove shirtless, barefoot, covered in flour and… was that jam?
“I—uh,” he said, holding up a mangled, aggressively black pancake. “This was supposed to be a gesture.”
You blinked. “A gesture of arson?”
He looked so proud. “It’s heart-shaped.”
“It’s on fire, Mark.”
He turned and saw the smoke curling off the edge, then yelped and flung it into the sink like it bit him.
You laughed so hard you had to lean against the counter.
“I was gonna bring you breakfast in bed,” he muttered, ears turning red. “Also maybe massage your feet. Maybe run a bath. I’m improvising.”
“With napalm?”
“With love,” he grumbled, reaching for a towel to wipe off the jam on his chest. “It’s your turn. I wanted to do what you did for me.”
Despite the burnt offering and minor kitchen war crimes, your heart nearly burst. He was trying. That meant everything.
You agreed to sit. Mark tried again—with supervision—and managed to produce toast, scrambled eggs (a little rubbery, but edible), and lukewarm tea. He carried the tray in with exaggerated care, tongue sticking out in concentration.
“Milady,” he said solemnly, setting it in your lap.
“You’re such a dork,” you beamed, cupping his cheek. “My dork.”
He leaned into your hand like a starved cat and whispered, “Bite me.”
You did. Right on the jaw.
He disappeared into the bathroom next. You heard clinking, splashing, and more than one “shit, shit, shit” before he emerged again, soaked at the hem, grinning.
“I made a bath.”
You raised a brow. “You made a swamp.”
“No, no, it’s good,” he insisted, dragging you to the tub. “I put in those scented things you like.”
You peered inside. Bubbles foamed up aggressively over the rim, the water vaguely pink, glitter swirling in chaotic clumps like a magical potion gone wrong.
“How many bath bombs did you use?”
“…Yes.”
You laughed, threw your arms around him, and kissed the corner of his smile. “You’re lucky I love you.”
“I know,” he said, absolutely shameless. “I’m a catch.”
You wrapped yourself in towels. He lit candles. He put on music.
Terrible music. Like, saxophone solo levels of cheesy.
You didn’t stop him. He was trying.
Mark pulled you down onto the bed, made you lie on your stomach, and massaged you like he was trying to knead bread. Clumsy, too hard in some spots, too soft in others—but his hands were warm, his touch was reverent, and his voice never stopped murmuring soft things against your spine:
“You deserve this.”
“I want you to feel how much I love you.”
“Tell me if it hurts.”
“You make me feel human again.”
At one point, he pressed a kiss to your back and whispered, “Thank you for giving me something to live for.”
And in that moment, your chest clenched—because he wasn’t just pampering you.
He was healing you, too.
By the end of the night, the two of you were curled up under the covers, sticky with oil and glitter, smelling like bath bombs and burnt toast, tangled together like a knot the universe would never undo.
And as Mark fell asleep beside you, one arm around your waist, you whispered into his hair:
“You don’t have to be perfect to be loved.”
He didn’t answer. But the smile on his face told you he heard.
#x reader#reader insert#x female reader#prisoner mark x you#prisoner mark x reader#mark grayson x reader
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Last Line Written
thank you for the tag @flowersforthemachines <3
Rules: Post the last line you wrote and tag as many people as there are words in the sentence! (except i'm tagging a random assortment of people because that's too many goddamn words)
The crooked little half-smile on his face she catches as she looks past the carriage's curtains feels like a long lost friend.
tagging: @marvelous-goose, @orangeandclover, @thewardenisonthecase, @howdyfromantiva <3
#last line tag#yes it's goddamn bea/illario again#i am in fact trapped in a prison of my own making#my writing
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i have SOOOOOOoo much internet stuff to catch up on but i (foolishly) embarked upon a real-life project with a hard deadline that is maybe turning out to be an excellent example of "biting off more than you can chew," and i'm too deep in it now to turn back, so i'll be back online in like. two weeks. when it's finished.
#i want to do FANDOM but i am trapped in a prison of my own making#living at speedrun pace right now#i know i can finish it in time but AT WHAT COST#rl
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The things my heart wants are things my hands are very much against but then my brain goes "But it'd look so cute :((( don't you wanna draw it ;)))"
#「✎ Yuu's journal ✎」#I'm in a prison of my own making#I am trapped in this endless cycle#Yet I can't stop because I love original characters
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im HUNGRY
#i misjudged how much i ate today.#ive been ravenous in the past couple months. especially for protein#testosterone is hitting hard#anyway. i ate a normal amount for my pre-second-puberty self#but im so fucking hungry now.#and the nearest food i have access to is a 10 minute walk away and i am live on the radio#so i cant do that#and i think paying for delivery is the biggest scam if you are mobile#trapped in a prison of my own making. and hungry.#tree talks
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i have to finish my college app essays. i want to scream
#bestie HELP#i am trapped in a prison of my own making#(sitting at my laptop scrolling thru tumblr and ranting about The Bear to my little sister instead of switching tabs#and just writing my fucking essays)#this is bullshit actually#i should be able to just ask nicely and they say “of course you can come!”#“and dw you don't have to pay any money either cause you're super cool”#but no#i have to write and beg them to let me pay them money for this shit#i am going to commit a violent crime 😋#lee rambles#lee rants#college
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trying to cope w the fact that after many years on the internet getting bombarded with misinformation, i am in fact full of misinfo, and my coworker calls me out on it every time
#i hate it this is the worst game ever i am not having a good time#and the worst thing is i don’t learn#i just continue getting misinfo from the internet and not researching it and then spewing it in real life just to get called out again#why am i like this#and then i hate my coworker for it when it’s literally all on me#why the fuck is my brain built like this#ughhhhhhhhhhhhh#how do you tell someone ‘i’m sorry i learn a lot of things but most of them are wrong and i haven’t sorted out which ones are wrong yet’#‘i only get the sense they’re wrong after i say them out loud bc most shit in this world doesn’t make sense to me’#‘i am trapped in a prison of my own making but didn’t realize i made it. please don’t judge me for it’
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Lose sight of yourself
My favs love terrorizing children 😍👍
(Characters:
Nikolai Gogol from "Bungou Stray Dogs" and
Bill Cipher from "Gravity Falls"
- Summary for those who may not know GF: Bill is a cunning dream demon that makes deals with people and is able to possess someone's body if they agree to it and shake his hand. And of course he loves to toy with people psychologically-)
The background in the first few slides is a visualization of the inside of Nikolai's mind
I got this idea when I thought about Mykola's idea of freedom vs Bill Cipher's, and how they basically have what the other wants xD Canon Nikolai wants to be free from his emotions, his humanity, while Bill Cipher wants to be free from the mindscape and be able to access our world, in other words: physical freedom.
Bill is literally not human, not bound to biology, and probably has the kind of "free will" Nikolai desires, while Nikolai on the other hand has the physical freedom Bill wants- even more so than other humans thanks to his ability.
But in this one-part-comic Mykola starts out believing that it's merely his body that is the trap, until Bill Cipher makes him realise that it's not how it works. Young Nikolai in this AU viewed the concepts of "body" and "mind" as separate units where one (the mind/ soul) represents his own self and the other (the body with all its sensations and emotions) is a "prison" that his self is trapped in. However, in reality BOTH components are part of his real self, equally, and one cannot exist without the other. Losing one of them would mean to lose oneself entirely.
And well- that's what Nikolai decides to try, ultimately ending up with his canon goal:
"You're fighting against God in order to lose sight of yourself."
I hope this makes sense, I am very deep in a BSD and Gravity Falls brainrot and whenever I fixate on two things at the same time this is what happens😭
(Btw, Bill possessing Nikolai is not him achieving his ultimate goal, it's merely a step. A vessel is still just a vessel, and not physical freedom in the way he wants it.
How exactly Nikolai's body could be useful to Bill's plans is up to interpretation since it's not the focus of this mini comic xD)
Caesar, 3
A1Z26
Bill's symbol substitution
#bungou stray dogs#bungo stray dogs#bsd anime#bsd#bsd nikolai gogol#nikolai gogol#mykola hohol#bill cipher#gravity falls#crossover
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The Cold Embrace (2/2)
Requests are closed!
- Summary: As time passes, snow begins to melt.
- Pairing: velayrion!reader/Cregan Stark
- Note: @missisjoker So, here is the second and last part straight from the oven that was being baked all night. I had a lot of fun writing it. I hope you guys like this conclusion of this two part story.
- Rating: Explicit 18+
- Word count: 8 000+
- Previous part: 1/2
- Tag(s): @sachaa-ff @alyssa-dayne @daeryna @melsunshine @21-princess @jellybeanstacey0519 @strengthandstay @anne-mary-1d @lovelyteenagebeard
The crisp chill of autumn clung to the air, painting the landscape of Winterfell in muted shades of orange and gold. The sun had dipped lower in the sky, and the days had grown shorter, yet despite the changing season, little had thawed between you and Cregan Stark. The cold inside the walls of Winterfell seemed to mirror the tension that still lingered between the two of you, each day marked by stilted conversations and, more often than not, sharp exchanges.
Today was no different.
"You speak of duty as if it’s something noble," you spat, your voice tight as you stood across from Cregan in the courtyard, your cloak billowing in the wind. "But this—this life you’ve trapped me in—it’s a cage. You call it honor, but what is honorable about ripping me away from my family?"
Cregan, his expression as hard as the stone walls surrounding you, stood tall, arms crossed over his chest. The northern winds blew through the yard, stirring his dark hair as he met your gaze with his own unflinching one. "A cage? Is that what you see this as? I have given you more freedom than many would expect from a lord. You come and go as you please, and I have not demanded anything of you that you have not been ready to give."
"You think freedom means letting me roam these cold, barren lands?" you shot back, your voice rising. "I am a dragon, Cregan, not some northern wolf content with howling at the moon. I am bound to the skies, to fire and wind, and every moment I am here, I wither. You cannot understand that."
His jaw clenched, his eyes darkening with frustration. "I have done everything to make this a home for you," he said, his tone dangerously low. "But it’s clear that nothing will ever satisfy you. You’re too busy yearning for something you’ve lost to see what is right in front of you."
You scoffed, turning away from him, your steps hurried as you walked toward the godswood, needing space, needing air. "There is nothing here for me but snow and silence," you muttered, though you knew he heard you.
Cregan watched you go, his heart heavy as the weight of your words settled in. He stood there for a long moment, the wind tugging at his cloak, his expression unreadable. Inside, however, there was a storm brewing—a storm of disappointment, frustration, and something else, something deeper that he had been trying to deny for months.
Finally, with a heavy sigh, he turned and made his way back into the keep, his mind racing with thoughts he could no longer ignore.
In the warmth of the solar, the fire crackled in the hearth, its light casting flickering shadows across the room. Grand Maester Kennet sat across from Cregan, his wise old eyes studying the lord with a mixture of curiosity and concern.
"You’ve been quieter than usual, my lord," Kennet said, folding his hands in his lap. "Something weighs heavily on you."
Cregan leaned back in his chair, staring into the flames. He had kept his feelings bottled up for so long, unwilling to admit to anyone, let alone himself, how much this situation had affected him. But now, with the distance between him and you growing each day, the burden felt too great to carry alone.
"She doesn’t want to be here," Cregan said quietly, his voice rough with an emotion he rarely let show. "No matter what I do, no matter how much I try to make this place a home for her, she only sees Winterfell as a prison. She longs for Dragonstone. For her family."
Kennet nodded thoughtfully, his expression sympathetic. "It is not uncommon for one to yearn for the place of their birth, especially when it’s been taken from them. The Princess... she is like her mother, strong-willed and fierce. The North is a different world for someone raised among dragons and fire."
Cregan exhaled slowly, leaning forward in his chair, resting his elbows on his knees as he rubbed a hand over his face. "I know that. I’ve known it since the day she arrived. But... there’s more. It’s not just that she can’t find a place here." He paused, his voice dropping, as if the words themselves were difficult to admit. "I care for her, Kennet. More than I thought I ever would. When Jacaerys first came to me, he spoke of her with such passion and admiration. He told me stories of her strength, her spirit, how she was a woman who could stand beside any man, even one like me. And I believed him. I admired her before I even met her."
The Maester listened in silence, his brow furrowed in thought as Cregan continued.
"And when she arrived," Cregan went on, his gaze distant, "I saw it. Everything Jacaerys said was true. She’s fierce, and proud, and... gods, she’s beautiful in her own way. But she looks at me like I’m the reason for all her misery, like I’ve taken something from her that she can never get back. She’ll never see me as anything but the man who keeps her from the life she wants."
Kennet sighed softly, shaking his head. "Love is a complicated thing, my lord. You cannot force it, nor can you expect it to bloom in a place of resentment. The Princess... she is grieving the life she left behind. She may yet come to see what you offer, but it will take time."
Cregan’s eyes flickered with doubt as he looked at the older man. "Time may be something we don’t have. The war brews in the South, and her family is at the heart of it. She feels trapped here while her brothers and mother fight for the throne. I’ve heard her speak of it—how the North is no place for dragons, how she feels as though she’s losing herself in the cold."
The Maester tilted his head, considering Cregan’s words carefully. "It is true that the North is no easy place for a soul like hers. But perhaps... perhaps if you can show her that she can still be who she is, even here, she might come to find her place."
Cregan stood from his seat, pacing the room, the weight of his frustration palpable. "How can I show her that when she refuses to let me in? Every time we speak, it turns into an argument. She doesn’t trust me. She doesn’t want to be here, and she certainly doesn’t want to be with me."
Kennet rose slowly, his hands resting on the table as he regarded Cregan with a calm, steady gaze. "Then you must be patient, my lord. If you truly care for the Princess, you will have to endure her fire, much like one endures the harshest winters. But winters pass, and even in the North, the snow melts. Perhaps in time, her heart will soften."
Cregan sighed deeply, staring into the fire once more. He wished it were as simple as waiting for the snow to melt, but as the days passed, he feared the rift between him and you was growing too wide to ever close.
He wanted you to see him, truly see him, not as the man who kept you here but as someone who could stand beside you, strong enough to weather the storm of your spirit. But until then, all he could do was wait.
And hope.
The halls of Winterfell buzzed with an unusual energy, a hive of activity that Cregan hadn’t expected so soon after the summer's end. The brisk wind of autumn howled through the open courtyards, and yet the chill in the air was not the only sign that winter was approaching. Men and women rushed through the keep, arms filled with supplies, voices rising in quick, urgent conversation.
Cregan furrowed his brow as he observed the flurry of work. His bannermen and servants seemed to be following orders, yet none had come directly from him. His curiosity piqued, he caught sight of one of his men, Ser Roland, directing a group of stable hands with a sense of urgency. Cregan made his way over, his long strides carrying him across the courtyard.
"Ser Roland," he called out, his deep voice cutting through the noise. "What’s all this about? I don’t recall ordering preparations for winter just yet."
Ser Roland turned quickly, bowing his head in respect before answering. "Lord Stark, it’s not your orders we’re following. The Princess has taken it upon herself to make sure Winterfell is ready for the long winter ahead. She’s been directing the stores, making changes to the rations, and ensuring that all livestock are accounted for."
Cregan’s brow lifted in surprise. "The Princess? I wasn’t aware she had taken an interest in such matters."
Ser Roland nodded, his expression a mixture of admiration and confusion. "Aye, my lord. She’s had us reorganize the grain stores and instructed that additional salt be used to preserve meats in case the winter lasts longer than expected. She also had some of the women gather herbs and berries for medicinal stocks—said it’s something her mother did on Dragonstone. Even ordered new tunnels to be dug beneath the walls, should the snow block access to certain parts of the keep. It’s... impressive."
Cregan was silent for a moment, taken aback by the level of thought and strategy that had gone into the preparations. The Princess, who had made it clear she despised this place, was ensuring it would withstand winter’s cruelty. And yet, she hadn’t spoken a word of it to him. His initial surprise gave way to a grudging respect.
"And where is she now?" Cregan asked, his tone more curious than demanding.
Roland hesitated before answering. "The Princess took to the skies a short while ago, my lord. She went flying on Silverwing."
"Flying," Cregan repeated, his brow furrowing. It wasn’t unusual for you to seek solace in the skies, but the flicker of worry began to creep in. "And who accompanied her?"
Roland shifted, his expression turning sheepish. "Your son, my lord. Young Rickon went with her."
Cregan stiffened, his heart quickening at the thought of Rickon riding atop Silverwing. His instinct was to feel alarmed—to think of all the things that could go wrong with a boy so young riding a dragon, even one as gentle as Silverwing. For a moment, the image of his son, small and fragile, atop such a powerful beast made him want to storm out and demand answers.
But then he stopped himself. Rickon was not some fragile boy. He was his son, a Stark, raised to face the wild north and the dangers that came with it. And more than that, Silverwing was under your command, a dragon bound to your will. His mind raced with the desire to scold you for being reckless, but something held him back. Rickon had begged for a chance to fly, ever since he had seen the dragons for the first time.
"Thank you, Roland," Cregan said curtly, turning away from the bustling activity of the courtyard and heading toward the godswood where he knew you often landed with Silverwing.
The cold air bit at Cregan's face as he walked through the open fields behind Winterfell. The godswood stood tall and silent in the distance, but it was the open expanse of land beyond it that caught his attention. There, just returning from the skies, was Silverwing. Her massive form settled gracefully on the ground, her wings folding in with practiced ease as you and Rickon dismounted.
He could see Rickon from afar, his small figure bounding toward the keep, his face lit up with sheer joy. As Cregan approached, he heard his son before he saw him up close.
"Father!" Rickon shouted, running full speed toward Cregan, his excitement bubbling over. "I flew, Father! I flew on Silverwing! She let me ride with her, and we soared above the trees! You should’ve seen it!"
The boy’s face was flushed with exhilaration, his cheeks red from the cold wind, and his eyes sparkled with uncontainable glee. He practically bounced in front of Cregan, his enthusiasm infectious.
Cregan knelt down, placing a hand on Rickon’s shoulder. "Did you now?" he asked, a small smile tugging at his lips despite himself. "And you weren’t afraid?"
Rickon shook his head vigorously. "No! The Princess told me not to worry. She said Silverwing wouldn’t let anything happen to me." His voice dropped to a near-whisper, eyes wide with awe. "And she didn’t. I felt like I was part of the sky. Can I go again, Father? Please?"
Cregan looked down at his son, his heart swelling with pride at the boy’s bravery. The initial urge to reprimand you, to accuse you of putting his son at risk, faded as he saw the pure joy on Rickon’s face. How could he take that away from him?
He stood up, his eyes drifting toward you. You were brushing snow from your cloak, your gaze turned elsewhere, as if trying to pretend you hadn’t noticed him approaching. But you had noticed. You always did.
For a moment, Cregan was silent, the tension between the two of you palpable. He could have said something. Could have warned you against taking such risks with his son. But instead, he let out a quiet sigh, looking back down at Rickon.
"You can go again," he said softly, ruffling the boy’s hair. "But only when the Princess says it's safe."
Rickon beamed and immediately ran off toward the keep, his excitement carrying him as fast as his legs could take him. Cregan watched him go, then turned his gaze back to you. You still hadn’t spoken, but your eyes met his, guarded as always.
"I should scold you," he said, his tone measured. "You had no right to take Rickon flying without asking me first."
You straightened, your chin lifting slightly. "He wanted to go. And Silverwing wouldn’t have harmed him."
Cregan nodded, but his expression remained serious. "I know. But he’s still my son. And as much as he may adore dragons, I need to know he’s safe."
The tension hung between you for a moment longer, but Cregan couldn’t help the way his heart softened slightly. Despite everything—despite the constant bickering, the distance between you—he could see that while you might not want this marriage, you cared for Rickon. The way you had taken him flying, giving him the one thing that had brought him so much joy, didn’t go unnoticed.
"Perhaps," Cregan added quietly, his tone softer now, "you don’t want me. But you will be a good mother to Rickon. I can see that."
For a moment, you didn’t respond, your expression unreadable. Then you gave a small, almost imperceptible nod. "I’ll keep him safe," you said, your voice barely above a whisper.
Cregan watched you for a long moment before turning and heading back toward Winterfell. The coldness between you two remained, but now there was a small crack in the icy wall that had stood between you since the moment you arrived.
The cold air was sharper here, beyond the walls of Winterfell, biting deep into Cregan’s skin as he led his men through the thick snow-covered wilderness. The northern winds howled, carrying with them the scent of pine and frost, mingled with something far more sinister—the smell of smoke from a Wildling camp. They had been tracking the Wildlings for days now, ever since word came that a raiding party had crossed the Wall, attacking isolated settlements and stealing what little food and supplies they could find before winter’s full grip took hold.
Cregan’s blood thrummed with the familiar tension that came before battle. His breath formed clouds in the cold air, his grip firm on the hilt of his sword as he and his men closed in. They could see the crude campfires in the distance, flickering like beacons in the darkening forest.
"Stay low," Cregan whispered to his men, his voice barely audible above the wind. The Stark bannermen, seasoned and loyal, followed his command without hesitation. They fanned out in a loose line, their cloaks blending into the snowy landscape.
The Wildlings had set up in a small clearing, their crude weapons and fur-lined tents marking them as a desperate group. There were perhaps a dozen of them—armed with spears, axes, and the occasional rusty sword—but they were not to be underestimated. Wildlings were fierce, survivalists hardened by the lands beyond the Wall. This fight would be bloody.
Cregan motioned to his men, and in unison, they surged forward, the snow muffling their approach until they were nearly upon the camp.
The first clash came fast and violent.
Cregan’s sword met the steel of a Wildling’s axe, the sharp clang of metal ringing out into the frigid night. The raiders shouted in surprise, their camp erupting into chaos as the Stark men descended upon them. The Wildlings fought back viciously, their crude weapons swinging wildly, aiming for any vulnerable flesh they could find.
Cregan swung his blade with precision, cleaving through a Wildling’s chest, blood spraying across the snow like ink on parchment. He turned just in time to parry another blow, gritting his teeth as the impact jarred his arm. Around him, the sounds of battle raged—shouts, screams, the wet thud of bodies falling into the snow.
But then, something sharp and hot bit into his side.
Cregan gasped, stumbling back as a Wildling spear pierced his flesh just below his ribs. The pain was immediate and blinding, spreading like fire through his body. His grip faltered on his sword for a moment, but he didn’t let go. With a roar, he swung his blade in a brutal arc, slicing through the man who had struck him. The Wildling crumpled to the ground, but Cregan was already weakening, his vision blurring at the edges.
The fight continued around him, his men cutting down the remaining Wildlings, but every movement Cregan made sent waves of pain crashing through him. He gritted his teeth, forcing himself to stay upright, even as the blood began to seep through his furs, staining the snow beneath his feet a dark crimson.
At last, the battle was over. The Wildlings lay dead, their bodies scattered across the snow like broken dolls. Cregan’s men stood victorious, though bruised and bloodied themselves.
One of his men, Ser Vayon, rushed over to him, his face pale with worry as he saw the blood. "My lord! You’re wounded."
Cregan waved him off, trying to mask the severity of his injury. "I’ll live," he growled, though his voice was weaker than he intended. "But I can’t make it back as fast as the rest of you. Take the others and ride ahead. Get help."
Ser Vayon hesitated, his eyes darting between Cregan and the rest of the men. "We can carry you—"
"No," Cregan interrupted, his tone firm despite the pain. "I’ll slow you down. If you ride ahead, you’ll reach Winterfell faster. I’ll follow behind." His vision blurred for a moment, and he had to steady himself against a nearby tree. "Go. That’s an order."
Reluctantly, Ser Vayon nodded, glancing back at the other men. "As you command, my lord."
With that, they mounted their horses, casting one last worried glance at him before spurring their mounts and riding off through the snow. Cregan watched them go, the sound of hooves fading into the distance, leaving him alone in the quiet, snow-covered forest.
He took a few shaky steps, but each movement sent a fresh wave of agony through his body. His hand clutched his side where the blood still flowed, staining the white snow beneath his boots. The world around him tilted, and he fell to his knees, his breath coming in ragged gasps. He tried to rise, but his strength was failing, his body too weak to carry him any further.
Just as his vision began to swim, he heard a sound—a distant, high-pitched screech that cut through the silence like a knife.
Cregan blinked, his vision blurring as something massive appeared in the sky above him. He squinted through the haze of pain, trying to focus, and then he saw it—Silverwing, her silver-scaled body descending from the clouds like a gleaming specter. The dragon landed with a soft thud, her wings folding as she approached him, her eyes gleaming in the dim light.
Cregan cursed under his breath, trying to wave her off with a weak motion of his hand. "Go on, beast," he muttered, his voice slurred with exhaustion. "I’m not your rider."
But Silverwing ignored him, her massive head lowering as she nudged him gently with her nose. The touch was surprisingly gentle for such a fearsome creature, as if the dragon knew he was on the brink of collapse. She nudged him again, more insistently this time, her warm breath washing over him as if urging him to stand.
Cregan tried to push her away, but his strength was gone. "Damn dragon," he rasped, his body trembling from blood loss. "Leave me."
Silverwing let out a low rumble, her large eyes narrowing as if in disapproval. She nudged him one last time, and when he still didn’t move, she took matters into her own talons. With surprising care, Silverwing wrapped her claws around his body, lifting him effortlessly from the snow.
Cregan groaned, the world spinning around him as Silverwing took flight, the sensation of being carried through the sky both terrifying and surreal. His body was limp in her talons, the wind whipping through his hair as they soared above the treetops, Winterfell a distant shadow on the horizon.
His eyelids grew heavy, the pain in his side fading as numbness took over. The world below him grew smaller, the sky a dark blur above.
As Silverwing’s wings beat rhythmically, the wind howling in his ears, Cregan's consciousness began to slip away, the edges of his vision turning black.
The last thing he saw before the darkness claimed him was Winterfell’s walls in the distance, growing closer with every beat of Silverwing’s wings. Then, nothing.
Cregan Stark knew no more.
The courtyard of Winterfell was a storm of chaos as you pushed through the throngs of servants and guards, your heart racing, breath short. The cold northern wind stung your face, but you barely felt it. All you could focus on was the sight ahead—Silverwing, her massive silver form crouched low on the snow, her head lowered protectively over a motionless figure sprawled at her feet. You shoved past a startled servant, your voice rising above the din of panic.
"Move aside!" you barked, pushing through the crowd until you finally reached the clearing where Cregan lay, blood staining the snow beneath him, his face pale and ashen.
Silverwing rumbled softly as you approached, her enormous eyes watching you, but she made no move to stop you. Her wings shifted, creating a barrier between the man she had carried home and the gathering onlookers.
Your heart leapt into your throat. The sight of Cregan—your husband, though it had never felt real until this moment—bleeding and unconscious before his own keep sent a surge of fear through you that you hadn’t expected.
"Where is Rickon?" you demanded, whirling around to one of the women standing near the edge of the scene. Rickon’s nanny stepped forward, worry etched on her face.
"He was playing with the other children when we heard the commotion," she said nervously, glancing toward Silverwing. "Should I—?"
"Find him," you interrupted quickly, your voice firmer than it had been in weeks. "Keep him away from here. I don’t want him seeing his father like this."
The woman nodded, clearly relieved to have something to do, and hurried off into the crowd. You turned back toward Cregan just as Maester Kennet knelt beside him, his hands moving with the steady calm of a man who had seen too many battle injuries in his lifetime. His fingers probed at the wound beneath Cregan’s furs, his face grim.
"Will he live?" you asked, unable to keep the edge of desperation from creeping into your voice.
Kennet didn’t look up, his attention still fixed on the blood-soaked gash. "The wound is deep, but he’s strong. If we can stop the bleeding and keep the fever from setting in, he has a chance. But we need to get him inside—now."
Already, several of Cregan’s men were lifting him carefully onto a makeshift stretcher, their faces pale with worry. You followed as they carried him toward the castle, your feet moving without thought. The icy wind cut through your cloak, but you ignored it. The only thing you could focus on was the sight of Cregan’s lifeless form being carried through the halls of Winterfell, his breathing shallow and labored.
As they reached his chambers, the men gently placed him on the large bed, stepping back to allow Maester Kennet to work. You hovered just beyond the bedside, your hands clenched into tight fists at your sides, helplessness gnawing at you. Despite everything—despite the constant arguments, the coldness between you—you couldn’t bear the thought of losing him like this. The stark realization struck you hard, knocking the wind from your lungs.
You didn’t want him to die.
For what felt like hours, Kennet worked over Cregan’s body, stitching the wound with deft hands and applying herbs to stave off infection. You stood nearby, your eyes never leaving Cregan’s pale face. He was so still, too still. The sight of him like this made the cold inside Winterfell seem even more unbearable.
Finally, after what felt like an eternity, Kennet finished his work. The room was filled with the scent of medicinal salves and the sharp tang of blood. The old Maester wiped his hands on a cloth and turned to you, exhaustion etched in every line of his face.
"I’ve done all I can for now," he said quietly. "He will need time to heal, but whether he wakes or not depends on his own strength."
You nodded mutely, your throat tight with unspoken fear. "Thank you, Maester," you managed to whisper. Kennet gave a small nod, then gathered his supplies and left the room, leaving you alone with Cregan.
For a long time, you stood there, staring at the man who had become your husband, the man you had fought with, resented, and yet now feared to lose. His breathing was shallow, but steady, the rise and fall of his chest a small reassurance in the overwhelming uncertainty that hung over the room.
Without thinking, you moved closer to the bed, sinking into the chair beside him. Your hand reached out almost instinctively, and before you could stop yourself, your fingers closed around his. His hand was rough and calloused, larger than yours, but in this moment, it felt fragile.
"You stubborn, foolish man," you whispered, your voice breaking as you held onto him. "You always have to be the hero, don’t you?"
Tears stung your eyes, but you blinked them away, unwilling to give in to the fear gnawing at your insides. Instead, you lowered your head, closing your eyes as you prayed softly in Valyrian, the words flowing from your lips in a desperate plea to the gods of your ancestors.
"Grant him strength," you whispered, tightening your grip on his hand. "Give him the will to fight, to wake up."
The room was silent save for the crackle of the fire in the hearth, the warmth of the flames doing little to thaw the cold dread that had settled in your chest. You stayed by his bedside, refusing to leave, your heart pounding with every passing second.
Despite everything, you weren’t ready to let him go. Not yet.
And so, you stayed, waiting, praying, and hoping that Cregan Stark—your husband—would find his way back to you.
Cregan awoke slowly, his mind swimming through the thick fog of pain and disorientation. The world around him was hazy, the room spinning as he tried to make sense of where he was. His body felt heavy, weighed down by a deep, aching fatigue that seemed to seep into his very bones. He blinked, his vision clearing little by little, and as the soft flicker of firelight came into focus, he realized he was back in his chambers, the familiar scent of burning wood and herbs filling the air.
It was then that he noticed her.
You sat beside his bed, your arms crossed, your expression a mixture of concern and irritation. The furrow in your brow deepened as you noticed him stirring, your lips pressed into a thin line that barely masked the relief you must have felt. Despite the heaviness in his limbs and the sharp pain that shot through his side with every breath, Cregan couldn’t help but find it almost... amusing. There you were, the Dragon Princess, always so fierce and untamable, looking as though you were about to scold him, even now.
"You're awake," you said sharply, though there was a tremor of emotion beneath your voice that gave you away.
Cregan tried to sit up, wincing as the pain lanced through his side, but before he could make much progress, you were leaning forward, pushing him back down with a firm hand on his chest.
"Don’t even think about it," you warned, your tone brooking no argument. "Maester Kennet said you shouldn’t move. Not unless you want to tear your stitches and end up back in this bed for even longer."
He lay back with a grunt, the faintest smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth despite the discomfort. "Well, I wouldn’t want to upset the Maester," he muttered, his voice gravelly from disuse.
You gave him a look that would have wilted lesser men. "You almost died out there, Cregan."
The smirk faded from his face as he looked at you more closely. There was something in your eyes—something raw and unguarded. The irritation, the frustration—it was all there, but beneath it, there was a depth of feeling that surprised him. You were angry, yes, but not just at him. You were angry because you had been scared. Scared of losing him.
The realization hit him like a punch to the chest, and for the first time in years, he felt something stir inside him. It was warmth, not from the fire in the hearth, but from the way you were looking at him—fierce and tender all at once. It had been a long time since anyone had cared for him in that way, and now, seeing it in you—the woman who had resisted him, who had fought him every step of the way—brought a strange sense of peace to his heart.
"You care," he said softly, more to himself than to you.
You scoffed, crossing your arms tighter as you sat back in the chair. "Of course I care. You’re my husband, for better or worse." Your tone was sharp, but the emotion in your eyes betrayed you.
Cregan couldn’t help but chuckle, even though it sent a sharp pain through his side. "I didn’t think you’d admit that so easily."
You glared at him, though the fire in your eyes wasn’t the same angry blaze he was used to. It was different now—softer, though no less fierce. "Don’t flatter yourself," you shot back. "I’m only here because Rickon can’t see you like this. He’d worry too much."
Cregan’s lips twitched into a faint smile. "So, you’re saying you’re here for Rickon, not for me?"
You opened your mouth to retort, but then you stopped, your eyes flicking away for a brief moment before returning to his. "I’m here for both of you," you admitted quietly, your voice losing some of its edge. "You were reckless, Cregan. Going after those Wildlings in your condition was foolish. What were you thinking?"
He sighed, his hand moving slightly to rest against his bandaged side. "I was thinking I needed to protect the North. To protect my people."
"At the cost of your life?" you shot back, incredulous. "Your people need you alive, not bleeding out in the snow."
There was a pause, and then Cregan gave a small nod, his eyes meeting yours with an intensity that surprised you. "You’re right," he said, his voice low and steady. "I was reckless. But it’s what I’ve always done. I’ve always put others first. The North, Winterfell, my family... I didn’t think anyone would care if something happened to me."
The silence that followed was heavy, thick with the weight of unspoken things. You stared at him for a long moment, your expression softening, and for the first time, Cregan saw something shift in you. The walls you had built between you—the ice that had kept you at a distance—continues to crack, again a little more than before.
"I would care," you said quietly, your voice barely above a whisper. "I may not have wanted this marriage, but I don’t want you dead."
The warmth in his chest grew, spreading through him like a fire kindling to life after a long, cold winter. He had known you were strong, had admired your spirit from the moment Jacaerys spoke of you. But now, seeing you like this—caring, vulnerable in your own way—it was more than he could have ever expected.
"I never thought you’d stay by my side like this," he said, his voice soft, his dark eyes searching your face. "But you did."
You looked away for a moment, your fingers tightening in your lap. "I stayed because I couldn’t leave you like that. No one deserves to be alone when they’re hurt, not even you."
He chuckled softly, wincing at the pain it caused. "You have a strange way of showing concern, Princess."
Your lips curved into the faintest of smiles, though it was laced with exasperation. "You’re insufferable, you know that?"
"I’ve been told," he muttered, still smiling despite himself.
The tension between you seemed to ease then, the space between you no longer as cold and vast as it once had been. Cregan felt it—the change, subtle but undeniable. And though he knew things wouldn’t be easy, though you would likely bicker again and clash as fiercely as you had before, there was something different now.
For the first time in a long while, Cregan Stark felt something stir inside him—a warmth, a sense of hope. He didn’t know what the future would bring, but for now, he was content with the knowledge that you were here, by his side, and that perhaps, just perhaps, you cared for him more than either of you had realized.
And that was enough.
The godswood was bathed in the soft light of the late afternoon sun, the ancient red leaves of the weirwood tree rustling in the cool breeze. Cregan walked beside you, his stride steady now, fully recovered from his near-fatal wounds. It had been months since that day when Silverwing had saved him from death's grip, and in that time, the distance between you and Cregan had shifted. You still bickered, your sharp words clashing like swords, but there was something different now. Beneath the teasing, the arguments, there was a warmth that neither of you could deny.
"I still think you're insufferably stubborn," you muttered, your arms crossed as you walked along the path beside him. "Charging into battle like a fool—next time, I won’t be sitting by your bedside."
Cregan chuckled, a deep, rumbling sound that made your irritation flare even hotter. "Ah, but you did sit by my bedside," he said, a glint of amusement in his dark eyes. "And I seem to recall you staying there for quite some time. Worrying about me, even."
You shot him a sharp glare, though it lacked the real venom it once held. "You should be thanking the gods you survived, not teasing me for caring whether you lived or died."
"I do thank the gods," he replied, his voice quieter now, more serious. "But I also thank you. You stayed with me, Y/N. I haven’t forgotten that."
The sincerity in his tone caught you off guard, and for a moment, you felt the familiar defenses you had built around yourself begin to crumble. You glanced away, your gaze falling on the gnarled roots of the weirwood tree, trying to ignore the way his words made your heart flutter.
"You’re still a fool," you mumbled, though the edge had left your voice.
Cregan stopped walking, and you felt him gently take your hand, pulling you to a halt. You turned to face him, and in the quiet of the godswood, with only the wind rustling through the leaves, you found yourself caught in his gaze—those deep, grey eyes filled with something you hadn’t allowed yourself to see before. There was no frustration, no anger—only warmth, only want.
"And you’re still the most stubborn woman I’ve ever met," he said softly, stepping closer. His hand reached up to brush a strand of hair from your face, the touch so gentle it sent a shiver down your spine despite the cold air. "But I wouldn’t want you any other way."
You opened your mouth to retort, to say something biting, but the words never came. Instead, you found yourself closing the distance between you, your breath catching as his hand cupped the side of your face. His thumb brushed lightly against your cheek, and the last remnants of the ice between you began to melt.
Before you could think, before you could stop yourself, your lips met his.
The kiss was soft at first, tentative, as though both of you were testing the waters. But the moment your mouths touched, the fire that had been simmering beneath your bickering flared to life. His hand moved to your waist, pulling you closer, and your arms wrapped around his neck, deepening the kiss.
Neither of you spoke; there were no more words left to be said. The cold air around you seemed to disappear, muted by the heat that surged between you. His lips were warm and insistent, his body pressed against yours with a need you hadn’t known you could feel.
Without breaking the kiss, Cregan’s hands moved to the ties of your cloak, loosening them with deft fingers. You tugged at his own furs, pushing them from his shoulders, and soon the cold was biting at your exposed skin, but you didn’t care. And neither did he. The warmth of your body, of your fire, was all that mattered to him now.
Your cloak fell to the ground, forgotten among the roots of the weirwood, and Cregan’s hands were on you, pulling at the fastenings of your gown. You gasped as the cold air hit your bare skin, but his hands were there to chase it away, his touch rough and gentle all at once. You tugged at his tunic, eager to feel his skin beneath your hands, and when he pulled it over his head, you marveled at the strength of him, the way his muscles rippled beneath the scars and callouses of a warrior.
Before long, the two of you were bare to the elements, the cold air forgotten as he lowered you gently to the ground. The soft moss beneath you was cool, but the fire in your veins made it bearable. Cregan’s body hovered over yours, his eyes searching your face for any sign of hesitation.
"Are you sure?" he asked, his voice husky with desire, but still full of the respect that had always been there beneath your bickering. "I won’t force this, Y/N."
You stared up at him, your heart racing, and for the first time, you felt no resistance. No walls, no barriers. You nodded, your voice barely a whisper. "I’m sure."
With that, he kissed you again, slow and deep, as his body pressed gently against yours. His hands were everywhere—on your waist, your hips, trailing down your thighs, sending sparks of heat through your entire being. When he finally entered you, it was with a slow, deliberate tenderness, his eyes never leaving yours.
The brief flash of pain as he broke your maidenhead made you wince, but he was there, soothing it with soft kisses, his hand tangled in your hair. And then, as the discomfort began to fade, the pleasure took its place, warm and insistent.
You moved against him, your body finding a rhythm as you urged him on with the softest of moans, your hands gripping his shoulders, your legs wrapping around him. His breath came in ragged gasps, his control slipping as he gave in to the fire between you, the primal, unspoken connection that had been building for months.
The cold wind whispered through the trees, but it could not reach you. The warmth of your bodies, entwined beneath the ancient weirwood, was enough to drive it away. Cregan’s movements grew more intense, his lips never straying far from yours, his hands gripping you as though he feared you might vanish.
Your moans mixed with his groans, the air between you thick with the sounds of your love-making, the passion that had been hidden behind walls of ice and words for so long. Every touch, every thrust, brought you closer to a place neither of you had been before, and when the moment came—when your bodies finally reached the peak—you clung to him, your breath ragged, your body trembling with the force of it.
He followed you over the edge moments later, his own release marked by a soft growl that sent shivers down your spine. For a moment, the world seemed to still, the wind quieting, the godswood holding its breath as the two of you lay entwined, the warmth of his body pressed against yours.
Cregan didn’t move, didn’t pull away. Instead, he rested his forehead against yours, his breath mingling with yours as he whispered your name. You closed your eyes, letting the weight of the moment settle over you, your heart still racing from the intensity of it all.
And for the first time in what felt like forever, you felt truly warm.
The day was crisp and clear, the sky a bright blue canvas that stretched out endlessly above Winterfell. Silverwing, her silver scales shimmering in the afternoon sun, stood in the godswood, shifting her weight restlessly, her wings fluttering with barely-contained excitement. You stood beside her, hands on your hips, grinning as you watched Cregan approach, his expression a mix of wariness and resignation.
"You look like you're marching to your execution," you teased, unable to hide the amusement in your voice. Silverwing gave a low, eager rumble, her eyes fixed on Cregan as though she sensed his hesitation and found it endlessly amusing.
Cregan, on the other hand, didn’t seem to share Silverwing’s enthusiasm—or yours, for that matter. He slowed his approach, eyes narrowing at the massive dragon before him. "I thought I was done with near-death experiences for a while," he muttered, giving you a sideways glance. "But here I am, about to climb on the back of something that could roast me alive."
You chuckled, stepping closer to him and placing a hand on his chest. "Oh, don’t be such a Stark about it. Silverwing wouldn’t dream of harming you—not as long as I’m here." You flashed him a grin, though you could tell from the way his jaw tightened that he wasn’t quite convinced.
"I suppose that’s supposed to reassure me?" he asked, glancing up at Silverwing’s massive head as she tilted it curiously toward him.
"Well, it should," you said, rolling your eyes playfully. "Besides, she likes you. Remember how she likes to nudge you? If a dragon doesn’t like you, trust me, you’ll know."
Cregan swallowed hard, his eyes flicking back to Silverwing’s gleaming teeth. "Comforting."
You laughed, grabbing his hand and tugging him closer to Silverwing, whose tail flicked impatiently behind her. "Come on, brave Lord of Winterfell. It’s not every day you get to ride a dragon. You might even enjoy it."
"I highly doubt that," Cregan grumbled, though he allowed you to lead him closer.
When you reached Silverwing’s side, you placed a hand on her flank, feeling the familiar warmth of her scales beneath your palm. The dragon lowered herself slightly, making it easier for you to mount. You turned to Cregan, your smile widening at the sight of him standing there, arms crossed, clearly trying to mask his discomfort.
"Up you go," you said brightly, giving him a playful shove toward Silverwing’s side. "Ladies first."
He shot you a look that could have frozen the Wall, but with a resigned sigh, he began to clamber up the dragon’s side, his movements careful and deliberate. You followed him, slipping easily into the saddle behind him, wrapping your arms around his waist to keep both of you secure.
"You’re going to want to hold on tight," you whispered into his ear, your voice laced with mischief. "Silverwing can be...enthusiastic."
"Great," Cregan muttered, his knuckles turning white as he gripped the saddle. "Just what I needed to hear."
Silverwing, sensing the shift in your posture, gave an eager roar, her wings unfurling in preparation for takeoff. The wind stirred around you, and you felt Cregan tense beneath your arms, his muscles coiled with nervous energy.
"Here we go!" you called out, laughing as Silverwing leaped into the sky with a powerful beat of her wings.
The ground fell away beneath you in an instant, the cold wind rushing past as Silverwing soared higher and higher. Cregan let out a startled curse, gripping the saddle with both hands as if his life depended on it, while you laughed, the exhilaration of flight filling you with a wild sense of freedom.
"Relax, Cregan!" you shouted over the wind, leaning into him. "You’re not going to fall!"
"I’d rather not test that theory!" he shot back, his voice strained as Silverwing dipped suddenly, her wings cutting through the air with effortless grace.
You couldn’t help but laugh again, leaning your chin on his shoulder as the dragon steadied herself, gliding smoothly over the landscape. "See? It’s not so bad, is it?"
Cregan didn’t respond immediately, though you could feel the tension in his body slowly start to ease as the flight became less of a frantic rush and more of a smooth ride. The wind was cold but invigorating, and beneath you, Silverwing hummed contentedly, clearly enjoying the chance to stretch her wings with both of you on her back.
"Alright," Cregan finally admitted, his voice quieter now, though still laced with reluctance. "Maybe it’s not as terrifying as I thought."
You grinned, tightening your arms around him as you pressed a kiss to his cheek. "See? I told you. You’re a natural dragonrider."
"Let’s not go that far," he muttered, though the corners of his mouth twitched upward in a smile.
For a while, you soared together in silence, the vast expanse of the North stretching out beneath you—white fields, dark forests, and the distant peaks of mountains all bathed in the pale winter light. Cregan relaxed more with each passing moment, his breath steadying, though he still gripped the saddle firmly. You could feel his heart pounding beneath your touch, but it wasn’t the frantic rhythm of fear anymore. It was something else—something closer to excitement.
After a while, you guided Silverwing back toward Winterfell, and as the dragon swooped low over the godswood once more, you couldn’t help but tease him again. "I think you might have even enjoyed that a little."
Cregan shook his head, though there was a faint laugh in his voice. "Enjoyed? Let’s not get ahead of ourselves, Princess. I’m still deciding if I’ll ever do this again."
You smirked as Silverwing touched down with a graceful thud, her wings folding as she lowered herself to the ground. You dismounted easily, then turned to help Cregan down, though he shot you a look as if to say he didn’t need the help.
"I’ll give you credit for bravery," you said, watching as he finally stood on solid ground again. "You didn’t scream once."
"That’s because I was too busy clinging for dear life," Cregan muttered, though his lips quirked in a smile. "But I’m alive, aren’t I? That’s something."
You laughed, stepping closer and placing a hand on his chest, feeling the steady beat of his heart beneath your palm. "You did well. Maybe you’re more suited for the sky than you thought."
He looked down at you, his expression softening as he rested his hand over yours. "Maybe. But for now, I think I’ll leave the flying to you."
You grinned, leaning up to kiss him softly. "Suit yourself. But you’re always welcome to join me."
Cregan chuckled, pulling you closer. "We’ll see about that. But if Silverwing’s happy, I suppose I’ll consider it."
Silverwing let out a soft, approving rumble behind you, and you couldn’t help but smile. "I think she likes having you around."
"Gods help me," Cregan muttered, though there was warmth in his eyes that told you he didn’t really mind.
And as the two of you stood there, with Silverwing watching over you, the cold air seemed to fade away, replaced by the warmth of your shared laughter and the fire you had ignited between you.
#house of the dragon#hotd x reader#hotd#hotd x y/n#hotd x you#cregan x you#cregan x y/n#cregan stark x reader#cregan x reader#cregan stark#hotd cregan#cregan x
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I've seen a couple of takes on what Varric is in Veilguard, what Solas's role is in 'keeping Varric alive' and I love to read people's interpretation of it, so I thought I'd throw my own two cents on the table.
I never saw Varric as a spirit or something Solas created/ manipulated through the blood connection. Varric was something Rook constructed. The only thing Solas did was to make Rook completely forget he was dead. Turn their confusion into denial, both through the use of blood magic (literally reshape their memory) and through lies. The rest was Rook. This is very important to me because it's a key element of the story: a story about guilt, about the strength you need to overcome it lest it cripples you. Varric's presence for Rook is about traumatic events that you just push out of your conscious mind because guilt and grief, and emotions in general, can be strong enough to take you out of commission. It's a recurring theme in the game - as an example, Lucanis in his quest is literally paralyzed because he doesn't want to face the outcomes of the choices he needs to make. It feels well woven into the story how Varric's presence is something Rook made up.
He's the voice in their head that they talk to when they panic and don't know what to do. As an aside, the absolute contrast between the fact that the dialogue options when dealing with the companions' problems are always reassuring vs. the doubt and exhaustion in Rook's voice when they're talking to Varric is striking! Varric is the conviction that keeps them going. It's what Rook thinks Varric would have said. So in a way EVERYTHING that Varric says to Rook is what Rook says to themselves. It's why the last thing you tell Varric, at the end of the proper goodbye, is 'I know where to find you when I need you': because it shows acceptance, and it shows that Varric will always be the voice in Rook's head that will provide reassurance. It's what people go through: grief, doubt, and finding answers within themselves. It's not uncommon for throughs in your head (both negative and positive) to take on the voices of people in your life. For me, in this bittersweet instance, it's all Rook. Moving on to Solas and how he plays into all of this. I don't think there was any good intent behind Solas's manipulation. There was no benevolence, there was just selfishness, but in the most painful way. The only heartfelt thing Solas did was when he said to Rook 'Tell Varric I am sorry'. That line was so twisted and beautiful because it had two edges: on one side it was manipulative, to check that Rook still believed the lie and to continue building on it, and on the other, it was pity and selfishness. He didn't say that for Rook or Varric. Not really. He said it for himself. Because the only Varric that was still alive was in Rook's head. So if Rook's version of Varric accepts his apology, it gives him a bit of comfort, forgiveness, and absolves him of murdering his friend. That line is SO, SO selfish and intricate. It's beautiful! Such fantastic writing.
The only reason Solas played with Rook's mind in this manner is because he thought it could chain Rook to his prison through their own grief and guilt. That was his plan because his own shortcomings meant that he could only perceive Rook as a mirror of himself. Pridefully, he couldn't see Rook through any other lens. As a result, he is fully convinced that once Rook realizes Varric is dead, after so much time spent in denial, it will break them and keep them trapped in there forever. He allowed Rook to forget his death so he could drown them in so much guilt that his prison would mold itself to them. Solas thought Rook is just like him. That his pain, grief and loneliness are justified punishments, that they are absolutes. He was convinced there was no way of interacting with these emotions other than his. And Rook proved him wrong. I can go as far as saying it's the proof that Solas has been looking for for the past 10 years. That he is wrong and that there IS another way. Rook outgrowing their guilt and self-pity for the benefit of others: that is the first real crack in Solas's own prison.
I could talk endlessly about how the game deals so fantastically with the motifs of guilt, grief, and choice, with the ideas of using others as mirrors of ourselves, but I think this at least sums up how I feel about the whole Rook - Varric - Solas dynamic.
#dragon age#veilguard spoilers#varric tethras#solas#dragon age rook#dragon age the veilguard#datv#da: the veilguard#dragon age meta#dragon age lore#textpost
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Coiled In Sweet Lies (Shadow Milk × Reader)
CW: Hypnosis, Coiling, Gaslighting, Bad End
Characters: Shadow Milk
Summary: Never ignore the Beast of Deceit. He'll give you something to look at.
Note: This fic is Safe For Work! BUT, if your not a fan of nagas, then this ain't your fic.
You breathed in slowly, then breathed out slowly. Breathing in again, it was a little faster. And so was breathing out. It wasn't working, you were far too freaked out to calm down now.
One moment, you were in the silver kingdom, helping the group find answers to sealing the beasts away again. The next, you were waking up in a garden near a river. No, a courtyard. One that belonged to some sort of palace.
It had a strong scent of blueberries and yogurt filling the air. A serene place that would be nice to embrace in any other situation than this.
But right now, you needed to figure out how to leave. And fast. You had to get back with the others. You had to be there for when the beasts would attack. You needed to be there!
Trying to head to an exit, you climb up some stairs towards a door. When you open it, you find yourself on the other side of the courtyard. What the-? Back tracking, you look for another way. Through a small hole, down another path, every door you could find. But it was no use. It all lead back to the garden and the stream. Something was keeping you here.
Great.
Heading near the river, you decide to take a break and clear your head. Maybe taking a drink would help. Reaching for the river, you dip your hand in, licking it for a taste. Despite the blueberries floating above the surface, this yogurt held none of it's flavor. It was kind of bitter.
Watching the ripples, you start thinking of some alternate solutions. If you couldn't leave the garden physically, maybe there's someone who was making you stay here. Or there was some sort of curse binding you here. Was there a way to find out? Surely there had to be something to this whole place that made it function.
It was then you became distracted with your own reflection. It was changing. The colors tainted into blue as a familiar face appeared instead of you. He grinned and stared right back.
"Lost in thought, aren't we?"
Jumping in reaction, you back up against a tree and breathe heavily in shock. Watching with wide eyes as he rose from the river, floating above it with his usual playful act.
"Hehehe~! You are so easily spooked. I would have never guessed, considering how you handled yourself last time."
You grit your teeth as you glare at him. Of course the beast of deceit would drag you into his trap like this. Must be planning to torment you until Pure Vanilla or someone came to save you. Pulling yourself together, you stand up and sigh. No matter what he did, you weren't going to break.
Noticing your composure, he tilts his head in confusion. "What? Am I suppose to be intimidated by that?"
Without a word, you walk away. Beginning to search the courtyard for any hints as to how you can escape this prison. Starting at the edge of the walls, you search for some sort of markings or spells. You knew nothing of how magic worked, but you did wonder if there was a seal you could break or some markings to erase. Surely there could be something-
A tug on your wrists pulls you away from your position and dangles you in front of Shadow Milk. His smile faded into a pouty frown. "Honestly, how rude of you. I've brought you to my spire to play with me and you're just ignoring me."
You look away. "You're the one who's rude by kidnapping me."
"Come now, you can't want to leave when we've hardly had our fun!"
"It's only fun for you."
Shadow Milk pulls you close as he hugs you. "I'm a professional entertainer. Surely you don't assume I've brought you here to make you miserable~!"
Clenching your fists, you turn to face him. "Look. I know what your game is, so let's get this over with! Go on and do what it is your wanting to do with me! But don't think for a second I'm going to let you enjoy it!" He blinks for a second. Almost surprised by your little outburst. Then he answers back, more calmly. "And what is it do you actually expect me to do to you?"
"I don't know! Anything that involves me screaming and you laughing! What, are you trying to fish for ideas!?"
Once more, he was silent. But then he smirks. Cutting your threads, you fall down to the ground as he backs up. "Well well well. I see you are determined to keep up the charade then." Charade? What was he talking about? "Why don't we try something else then, little cookie~."
Suddenly you feel something wrap around your waist. It clings to you tightly as it pulls you up one of the willow trees. Higher and higher, as though it were as tall as a redwood. You scramble for branches, trying to grab something, anything! Yet your grip keeps slipping as you reach to the top.
All around you are other branches, winding and twisting around like a cage of some sort where light was barely peaking in. Getting a good look at what is around you, it appeared to be a snake tail. Following the coil, you notice a large black snake entwined with the branches, and hissing as it stares at you.
You struggle against your restraints. But looking down once, you can see the danger in trying to get out now. The drop was long, and most likely wasn't going to end well if you did. Shadow Milk may not want you to die, but he could make you feel the impact and damage of it all.
Appearing in a puff of confetti, the clown himself lands on the serpent, next to his head. "Much nicer of a view, isn't it?" He strokes the reptile in approval as he walks down, closer to you. "Although, I can understand you aren't comfortable yet. Don't worry. That will be earned later."
You scowl at him, hiding your nervousness. You weren't giving him another drop of fear or weakness. If he wanted to feed you to his pet, then you would face it head on. You weren't going to . . . wait . . . was Shadow Milk . . .
"PFFFFFF-! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! OH, you really have a wild imagination, don't you!"
Wh-what? You didn't say anything! What was he talking about!?
"It is a creative idea though. Feeding cookies to a summoned monster, I should use that next time~!"
Your jam ran cold as you could guess what he was talking about. But that would mean . . .
"My my, are you piecing it together?"
A small gasp escaped your lips. Could he be reading your mind?
"RING DING DING! Smart cookie you are, smart cookie!" He applauds you as he leapt off the ground, floating right next to you. "Do you now get it? Here, everything belongs to me. Which means you belong to me. Body, soul, and mind."
Flinching, you feel vulnerable. What did he want with you? What was he going to do now? You wanted to ask these things, but you were unable to put it to words! And technically, you didn't have to.
The beast runs his hand across the scales of the serpent as he grins. "All it took was a little digging for a couple of seconds, and I was able to find something interesting. Mrehehehe! Who knew you were into this kind of thing~!"
Trying to piece together what he was talking about, you look back at the snake. Something you were into . . . oh no. Your entire face turned red. A small squeak escapes you when you feel the tail coil another loop around your torso.
Covering your eyes, you shut the lids tight in defiance. Nope nope nope! This was not happening! There was no way you were going to fall for this! NO!
Of course, now you couldn't see what was going on, so you had to guess as you heard Shadow Milk continue to ramble while floating in front of you. "Now now, you know this won't work if you're not playing along. What? Are you embarrassed?"
"Shut. Up." Your tone was warning him to back off. You didn't want him to know this, no one was suppose to know! HOW DID HE FIND OUT!?
"It's not that bad. Just a little peek is all it takes~." The beast's voice was trying to sound sweeter. Less silly and loud, now softer and alluring.
No! This was still the beast of deceit. He can't be trusted. If you opened your eyes, he would put you in a trance for sure. You would be vulnerable. And you hated that thought so much. You had to fight back, but how!? How could you fight him!?
For a moment, your body could feel the breeze of wind hitting your dough. You were being moved. The tail dropped you into something, and you tried to stand up. However, the ground wasn't stable enough to do so. It was . . . moving. And smooth. Using one of your forearms to cover your eyes, you use your other hand to properly feel the area you were dropped in. It was a nest of coils. Just big enough for you to move around, but small enough to contain you from running or tempting to stand up.
In defense, you sit on the floor of the nest, continuing the plan of keeping your eyes covered until the nightmare was over. Someone was going to come for you. So there was no reason to rush things. You could wait this out.
"Oh, I don't think you will be able to," he teases, leaning in closer and closer, "your temptation will soon give way. I know so."
A thick coil slides up your back slowly. You stiffen and straighten yourself up as you squeak. Your heart races a little.
Stop it, stop it, stop it, STOP IT! Your mind is screaming for it to stop. For him to leave you alone, to be released from the cursed snake. To get out of here! You didn't . . . you didn't . . .
Shadow Milk leans into your left ear as you hear him whisper gently. "I already have seen it. Buried deep within you, under a lie you tell everyone. Including yourself. The scales and the colors are all but flash and flare compared to what you truly wish to gain. The core of your desire."
You bite your lip. Stop. Stop!
He hovers a little back away as he circles you. His voice echoing all around. "The world sees you as a brave hero! Strong and resilient! Hopeful in the darkest moments! Fighting every day to have victory and peace be yours! And it does come . . . but not for you. Everyday you continue to show the bold you, and it never gets a break. An endless charade you play to give them what they want. Because the one thing you want is something you cannot show. The one thing you don't want anyone to find out."
He leans into your other ear, whispering again.
"Vulnerability."
You curl into yourself, turning redder than you ever had been in your life. You knew that he was grinning at that, even as you could feel him backing up again to circle around once more.
"Tough on the outside, yet soft deep down~! And if you had any say in it, you wouldn't show it to anyone until the day you crumbled. HAHA! Oh you've imagined how awful that would be if they knew. That they would look down on you. See you as lesser. Or treat you like you were nothing more than a fragile thing."
"Stop . . . Please . . . stop!" You lost a bit of your bravery. Your tone no longer harsh and cold. It was sounding more like a plead then a demand. You weren't sure what to do anymore.
Hearing Shadow Milk's voice becoming closer again, you could tell he was right in front of you. "Awwwww, but that just left you with only one option. To double down and keep up the act. All in the hopes they won't hate you for the scared little cookie you are." The tip if the snake tail lifts your head a little. You squeeze your eyelids tighter together. He places his hands on your arms. "There's no need to hide from me though. I can see right through you. Every little truth and lie that makes you who you are. And I know you want nothing more then to finally let it all go."
With little effort, he pushes your arms away from your face. You didn't offer any resistance. You just let him do it as you keep your eyes shut and turn your face away. Still blushing like you were ashamed of what was happening. His voice was so gentle and sweet, it was throwing you off with how blunt he was.
"It's not like anyone else will be willing to do this for you. Or at least, you won't have the courage to ask anyone to do it for you. Heh!" Shadow Milk reaches his hand to your cheek, resting it on there with nurturing care. "So do yourself a favor . . .
Indulge yourself for once. And open your eyes~."
Swallowing your breath, you wavered. You have been fighting. Fighting for so long. To be this person you knew everyone needed. And yet, you were too scared to let it all go. To relax yourself for one moment. You always were on edge. Always thinking of how to survive. Not a single word he said was wrong.
But you knew what would happen if you did cave. If you looked into his eyes. If you did, you would lose. He would have everything. And leave you with nothing. There was nothing to gain. And yet . . .
More and more, your focus on your sense of touch was becoming more aware of the shifting coils around you. The serpent slithered around, containing you in your nest.
A thought crosses your mind. That temptation to just . . . sink in a cocoon of coils. Easing yourself of worry and fear. To just have everything stop for a moment. To just finally . . . stop.
One of your eyes gives up. Peaking a little. Darkness. There was darkness around you. Except for a few blue diamond patterns shifting around in fixated circling spots. Opening your eyes a little more, you were piecing together where you were. The snake had coiled into a cage. One that felt like you were trapped in a dome of it's body.
Looking around, you take in the scenery. Only for the room to fill with some eyes that opened wide to stare at you. You stare back at them. A mistake for sure.
You focus on one of them as it begins to illuminate. From it's center, you see colors bloom from it. Like ripples in a river. Each one being a shade of blue, or white, or black. The pattern was slightly slow and steady, but none the less a display to behold. You kept watch as the colors continued to ripple over and over again. Looping endlessly before your eyes.
It doesn't take long before a hand touches your chin, turning you away to a new pair of eyes. Shadow Milk's grinning face stares back at you, with a similar yet brighter rippled pattern in his own. "There you are~!"
Unlike before, you could feel yourself becoming lost. The aura was strong, and alluring. Eyes widening, you freeze in place like deer in headlights. Blue, white, black, blue, white, black, blue, white, black.
The longer you stared, the dizzier you seemed to feel. Head spinning to center yourself as it dragged you in closer and closer into the illusion.
"All that bravado just melted away, didn't it," he says, "bet all that stress has left you tired. So so tired and exhausted."
You blinked. "N-No, I'm not- . . . Not tired . . . "
"Ehe! My my, you are one stubborn cookie." Shadow Milk strokes your cheek. Your breath hitches. "Shhhhh. Calm yourself. Look into my eyes and let yourself relax. Feel yourself grow more and more sleepy the longer you stare."
As you sat there, you could feel it wash over you. A sense of vertigo that slowly crept within you. Eyelids becoming heavy as tension left your body. You could feel yourself getting tired, just like he said.
Shadow Milk's coat tails twist around his legs as they extend into a tail, growing scales and circling around you in the air. You don't react as your too focused on staring.
Blue, white, black, blue, white, black, blue, white . . . black . . . blue . . .
Your thoughts slowed. Blurring in your mind. You wanted to say something, but your words were becoming harder and harder to collect themselves. No. No, you couldn't . . . you couldn't give in yet. You had to . . . had to . . . blue, white, black, blue, white, black.
The colors were consuming your mind the more you stared. You couldn't look away. Your shoulders slumped as your arms dangled from the sides. Coils wrap around you, slithering slowly up your body as you watched. They felt so smooth against your dough. Their grip on you was tender, holding you up.
"Drop deep into my eyes. Let my voice carry your thoughts away and fill your mind. Relax, little one."
You tried to speak. Nothing came out. Whatever it is you wanted to say, you couldn't remember. It faded with the rest of your thoughts. The beast's voice sounded so clear and in focus. As though it was coming from your head. His tail now had reached your shoulders, snug and tight around you like a blanket. Your eyelids were getting heavier and heavier.
So tired . . . you just wanted to . . . sleep . . . for a moment. Your head leans foward to drop. But the tip of the tail pushes your head back up to those hypnotic eyes.
"Ah ah ah! I didn't tell you to sleep just yet. Such a silly cookie~."
" . . . I . . . wasn't . . . sleeping . . . " The coils were slithering around your neck. Finishing the job as they held you in place.
"Comfortable?"
" . . . yes . . . " Your voice was faint. But he could hear you well.
He leans closer. The colors in his eyes moving a little faster now. "Good. Such an obedient little puppet, aren't you?"
His praise makes you shiver a little. The title 'puppet' bounces around in your head as you think about it. Is that what you were?
Shadow Milk smiles as he responds to your thoughts. "Indeed you are. A puppet that listens to your master. Obedient and loyal."
" . . . mas . . . ter . . . "
"Why that would be me of course!"
" . . . master . . . " Blue, white, black, blue, white, black.
You felt your body go limp in his coils. Your jaw is slack. All around you, the world faded into white noise as your focus on Shadow Milk heightened. For all you cared, he was the world. Your world.
"Sink deeper," he commanded.
" . . . sink . . . " you reply.
"Sink deeper then ever before."
" . . . deeeeeepeeeerrrrrr . . . "
"Rest and surrender your will."
You blink slowly. Colors start to glow in your eyes. " . . . . okay . . . . "
Shadow Milk chuckled, pulling you closer to him.
"From now on, you are MINE!"
Once he says those words, you feel something tug from within. It settles within you as a small smile creeps on your face. Your fighting spirit nothing more than a shattered remnant of your old self. Trapped in a spell that only the Beast of Deceit could wrap you in. And you were content.
You couldn't tell what had happened next, but you remembering hearing Shadow Milk's voice whispering sweet lies into your ear as you stare off into space. They were beautiful lies. Wonderful lies that you fully accepted with no resistance. After all. You were his puppet. Obedient and loyal to the end.
Suddenly, the coils unravel from around you as the large snake's own coils rests your body on it like a hammock. Your limbs dangled helplessly as you laid there empty mindedly.
Master Shadow Milk, now back to his original form, floated up to you and petted your head gently. "Such a good puppet you are."
You smiled. "Thank . . . you . . . "
"Now then, I have quite the busy schedule. So for now, it's time to sleep."
A yawn escapes you as the coils sway gently. You feel your eyelids closing as you drift into a blissful slumber. Resting ever so deeply.
You breath in. You breath out. Finally, you feel peace and calm.
--------------------------------------
Heyo! This took me a while to make. Both for busy reasons and writers block reasons. Hope you enjoy this, i know i did! Feel free to let me know how you feel about this one. Also, one of my old one shots got themselves into a reblogging I was not comfortable with recently. So if you wanna say something about this piece, please put it in the comments. If you wanna make your own sequel to this, please make this a separate post and tag me in it.
#cookie run kingdom#crk#cr kingdom#cookie run#shadow milk cookie#fanfiction#hypnosis#naga#snake#shadow milk x reader#x reader#sm x reader#smc x reader
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Mediaeval Prisoner!Simon Ghost Riley had a predicament
drifting in and out of consciousness, simon was confined to the soft sheets around him. his mind trapped in his own body. he heard doctor laswell a few times talking with king price, even his comrades johnny and kyle took the time to come talk to him. like he was there. filling him in on what’s been going on at court, even if he didn’t care to hear of it when he was awake.
but one night, he heard the door open as soft footfalls came towards him. the smell of chicken broth wafted in his nose as the person whispered.
“better than what i used sneak for you, isn’t it?”
you laughed softly to yourself. he wanted to hear it again.
“don’t worry though. once you awaken, you’ll be back on solid food soon enough. this is just to get your strength back.”
he felt a spoon rest on his lips but it didn’t tip back. you waited for him to open his mouth so he could swallow it himself. he parted his lips just a tad, savoring the soup.
“i knew you were in there”
a few more times of this motion allowed simon to get his full of the soup, with one droplet spilling from his mouth. you were quick with a clothe to make sure it didn’t go down any further than his chin. so attentive, you were.
“i don’t think you remember this but you saved my life, years ago”
he did?
“the day the usurper took the throne, you rescued me. a guard almost killed me when i tried to flee but you stopped them.”
he heard a rustling before something was tied around his wrist.
“you cut a tapestry ribbon trying to fend them off. i kept it. wore it every day in my hair. some days i had to hide it too”
how badly he wanted to open his eyes and finally see you. fate was sometimes cruel.
“you probably saved many lives when all of you fled that day but, i am here now because of you. taking care of you is the only way i could ever show my gratitude. i fear it will never be enough”
he felt soft lips on his forehead, gentle as ever to make sure he doesn’t stir.
“sleep well sir riley. regain your strength please, for all our sakes”
when he finally heard the door closing after you, he became a man on a mission. you had to depart from him this night but once he fully recovers, he would never part from you ever again.
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NEXT>>
#simon ghost riley#simon riley x reader#mediaeval prisoner!simon riley#prisoner simon riley#mediaeval simon riley#briarscreek#task force 141#tf141
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isat fake-posting but its just
🌌 melancholy-method-actor Follow
AITA for trapping myself in a prison of my own making?
I, (27, N-B) recently trapped myself and my family (25, M), (21, F) (45, F??) (10, N-B) in a seemingly endless timeloop brought on because i selfishly didnt want our time together to end. i had to die countless times to figure out what was trapping me in time, it sort of drove me insane, and i ended up seriously hurting my family's feelings. theyve all forgiven me, and all agree that while i was out of line, i was apparently "traumatized" and that it wasnt my fault that i lashed out at them.
i think theyre being too lenient with me, but i cant convince them!!
#aita #i mean im pretty sure i am #i just ... want an outside perspective #sorry for any bad grammar vaugardian isnt my first language
🎑 poterian-photography 🔁 from melancholy-method-actor
is it insensitive to say vaugardians are just. Like That?? LMAO
#sorry that happened op #i mean if this is real #im assuming it is because #after what happened to vaugarde #anythings possible
📝 daily-pierre-jauques-ernest 🔁 from poterian-photography
As someone who's half-Vaugardian, can confirm we're just Like That. I wouldn't be surprised if they managed to blame themselves, somehow
#not pierre #sorry for so many not pierre posts in a row but this unfreezing business is crazy and my dash is flooded #aita #nta #su speaks
🌫️ blacksmithingbaddie 🔁 from poterian-photography
Digging Vaugardians on what's clearly a vent post is crazy work actually!!!
#rb #tw self hatred talk #← (from ops post)
🖼️ the-meat-slicing-addict 🔁 from poterian-photography
yall isnt op one of the crabbing saviors
#WHY IS NO ONE COMMENTING ON THIS #I THINK THEYRE THE BLIND ONE
🌅 chronicallyfrozen 🔁 from the-meat-slicing-addict
"the blind one" ableism isnt cute...
#change its always tbmfiha series fans #get a personality your series sucks
🌌 melancholy-method-actor 🔁 from chronicallyfrozen
hwat
#i forgot abt this post #its been weeks can people stop reblogging this,
#siffrin in stars and time#in stars and time#fake posting#unreality#isat#in stars and time siffrin#in stars and time spoilers#isat spoilers#isat siffrin
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pirates gold, H.S series part 4


series masterlist
my masterlist<3
summary: another day on the ship with your captor turns into him teaching you a thing or two about the pirate life. but as controversy’s of your past come up, somehow the captain and the princess wind up back in his bed- with anything but sleep on their minds.
warnings: mentions of violence, talk of unconsensual past experiences (not descriptive!) swearing, SMUT: f!rec oral and fingering, m!rec oral with slight edging, p in v penetration, dirty talk, lots of sex, anyways oopsie enjoy
a/n: i genuinely can’t believe how long this took to write and publish. thank you all for your patience, i like to think the sex they have makes the three million year wait worth it. can’t wait to hear what you all think<3
———
Nothing can prepare a person for realising they don't know themselves as well as they thought.
There's a mixture of disappointment, shame, dread. But sometimes, deep down—despite not ever admitting it to oneself— there's can be an element of excitement.
Not always, but occasionally. There’s that moment of wonder, who really am i?
It’s a bewildering spiral of good and bad feelings, you hardly know left from right, or up from down.
Rarely did you do things for yourself purely for the sake of it. Back at home there was someone for everything, not only to do things for you, but to make sure you weren't stepping out of line.
You couldn’t experiment. No finding out who you are deep down. There was never the chance for self discovery.
Now, you’ve landed in a situation where somehow you’re supposed to be more trapped. Yet you don’t think you’ve ever been more free.
No more straight posture at the dining tables of the banquet hall, being left to sit with a cautious mouth for hours upon hours. Engage in colourless and dull conversation while you imagined freedom.
Funny to think of it now… the picture in your head. Neatly pulled back hair. A spotless dress without a hunch of what was past the waters you stared out at every night. It was like trying to explain what something tasted like, yet having never tasted it yourself.
You knew nothing of freedom.
Not until you felt the sea nearly swallow you, the wind whip your hair a mess, the heart in your chest pounding as you ran out of Sintir— a place you’d only ever seen on a map.
Indulging in late night caressing with a pirate, something that selfishly bled into early morning, in his own bed. Hands on bare skin, hands in hair, hands wherever they could feasibly touch without crossing some sort of invisible line. Definitely not something that would’ve flown back in Kelna.
Yet that is exactly what you did a few days ago, and your head has been a complete mess since. After you stooped as low as to beg the Captain of this very ship to stay with you, he did just that. For how long, you dont even know. Long enough a crew mate of his was rapping his fist upon the locked door, calling out in bemused annoyance.
“You're either so hungover you cant move or tied up in there by our supposed-to-be prisoner.”
The heave of his chest underneath your head is ingrained into your memory. A strong huff, perhaps annoyed, but something you hope was from sadness. A regret for having to leave at any point, for not being able to stay forever.
"Free of any ties, Tanner. Just... tired." He calls back, tone rather harsh.
You'd moved yourself off him, "I'm embarrassed i didnt think to do such a thing."
The quip lacked all venom it used to, and you scolded yourself internally. You were screwed.
---
The days since were as bipolar as the weather at sea. You craved him, his touch, his voice of silk. It was like a drug. But you knew better for yourself.
After the hangover wore off, and the reality of what you had done set in. You forced distance between the two of you. He saw it coming, even he played along with it.
You two never stopped the game. You just went from a chess piece on his board to being the person opposite him.
Meant to be playing to win.
Up on deck, now the sun has come back out, everyone is saying the good weather is to return from now. Unsure whether to trust it— like many other things on this ship. You keep your gaze trained on the distance, where the waves ripple and swell. There is still a gusty wind, but the sun is hot on your skin.
Slowly, you chew on the fish roll you made in the kitchen with Zayn. He is a gifted cook, you on the other hand, are far from it. Used to it ‘being done for you’ he'd scorned playfully.
He'd shown you a few things this past week, stuff you feel envigored learning about. Knowing how to live independently for yourself is freeing, just as you knew it would be.
Wiping the crumbs off the sides of your lips with the back of your hand, you wonder how you are to go back to living the way you used to.
Before you could spiral into that rabbit hole, someone interrupts.
"Y/N." Harry said, his tone unreadable.
Tearing your gaze from the far horizon, your eyes met his.
The purple silk top covering him today has a typical amount of ruffles for a fashion heavy pirate. He looks tragically good in purple.
"Yes, Captain." You kept your own voice level.
The past week your walls have gone back up, albeit, haphazardly. You still struggled to stay on your side of the bed. And the few brief moments the connection between the two of you has festered in the air, and you’ve allowed it to linger.
Or better said, the moments you didn’t have the strength to resist it.
Like brushing past him in the kitchen yesterday, his hand coming to your waist as you attempt to squeeze through the gap. He wasn’t holding you, but you stopped dead in your tracks.
For but a second you both sucked a breath in. No longer than that, and then you cleared your throat and pushed past him.
Either way, he's noticed it, obviously. Feeling like he should regret the night after taking you into Sintir. But he selfishly cant.
He can’t regret it when the sensation of your skin is burnt into the pads of his fingers. No part of him is strong enough to forget the way your body felt pressed against him, leg thrown over his waist and curled into his chest.
Yet, despite all of that, back to the game you both went, head first. Your bickering was more contained, but his title of mean pirate was attempted to be restored in your mind.
Maybe he couldn’t forget the imprint of your skin against his, but he did love a good game.
Who was he not to feed into that?
A chuckle rumbles in his chest, “Captain, aye? We back to that are we. Two can play at this game Princess.”
The name makes your stomach stir, a small punch of adrenaline tingling in your limbs. How far can you push this before someone gets hurt?
He leans down to you, the blouse is loose on him and falls at the front. He’s eye level with you but your gaze locks onto the view of his chiseled chest between swirls of purple fabric, the tattoos you can vividly remember tracing with your fingers.
His tan skin is glistening between his pecs… a light sweat over him, making your mouth dry.
Suddenly his hand lifts your chin, “my eyes are up here, dove.”
“Don’t be disgusting.” You scoff, despite being caught in the act.
“What is it you want. Why are you pestering me?”
“Such a princess thing t’say, that im bothering you. You’re on my ship, need I remind you.” His fingers tap your cheek with a smirk.
“Need I remind you, that’s not to any choice of my own.” Your voice is indignant, and you pull your chin from his grasp, turning your face away with a scowl.
He’s pressing your buttons, winding you up exactly the way he knows how.
“Well, I haven’t heard much about how deeply y’long to be back home.”
It works a charm, because you’re quick to snap back at him.
“That is none of your business. And frankly I would rather keep that matter to myself than share it with the people who are responsible for kidnapping me.”
He loves hearing your accent when you argue like that, the pompous royal tone returning briefly to you. So stuck up, said always like a challenge.
Letting out a breathy laugh, his hands suddenly coming to under your arms. He hoists you off the floor like you’re but a parcel of feathers, standing you upright.
“Won’t you leave me be!” The raise in your voice causes a few crew to turn their head at the scene.
“‘M trying to make y’useful ‘round here.” He chides, his hand snakes down to one of your wrists, a smirk pulling at his lips.
The feeling takes you back to the first day on the ship merely weeks ago, when that was the only way you got around.
His hand wrapped around the rope tied around them.
You think back to when you threw yourself off the ship, When he swam out to retrieve you, when his hips pinned you to hull of the ship and he cut the ties free.
“Instead of jus’ leeching our supplies,” his voice draws your attention away from the tan hand wrapped around your wrist. “And laying around not carrying y’weight.”
“Maybe you can just starve me then. That way I won’t be taking away from your precious supplies.”
“So much sass on y’today,” The smirk that comes across his face is devilish, walking you over to the bass of a mast, “c’mere”
He pulls you infront of him, his chest to your back. Forcing himself not to take any notice to your figure, the white blouse covering your top half and the black fitted pants that are tight around your bottom.
“See this rope, how it’s worn?”
Your head turns over your shoulder to catch his eyes, and your heart lurches in your chest as you clock how close his face suddenly is to you. The green in his eyes is captivating in sunlight. With his captivating eyes burning into you, his mouth is still holding a smirk.
You give a swift, forced nod, but you’re not even looking. You’re pretty sure you haven’t even blinked.
This causes a laugh to bubble from his chest, suddenly he’s leaning in.
What the fuck?
Your brain is racing as his body leans towards you, and face is inching closer.
There is no way he’s about to kiss you.
Suddenly he’s placing something in your hands, and his body is going back to its original stance.
He was handing you the rope.
Your cheeks feel like they’re on fire, and he’s surely seen the flush that’s spread across it. It’s making you overheat, and your lungs are rising up and down in your chest ten times as fast compared to just five minutes ago.
What is wrong with me?
You snap your gaze down, hoping that your hair falls enough to cover your flaming cheeks.
“It’s…” your voice falters— great— you’re so embarrassed right now.
“Princess, has a cat got your tongue?” He chides with sarcasm.
“It’s frayed, feels weak, yes.” You nod hastily.
“Good girl,” he watches you purse your lips at his silky praise, and focuses on purely the amusement riling you up stirs in him. Not any of the other emotions that arise.
“Y’gonna help me replace it.”
“Like hell i am. Do you want your ship to fall apart?” You scowl, there is no way you can do that without something going terribly wrong.
“That’s why I’m teaching you, y’could do with a bit of hands-on work.”
Your eyes trail up to what the rope connects to, it’s holding down a part of the sail, helping to pull it taut.
“Taking this off won’t do much since we aren’t on too rough of waters, so it’s a good time t’change it.”
He steps a few feet away from you and retrieves a wad of fresh intact rope. A lot of it too, metres upon metres.
Your body remembers the sensation of it wrapped around your hands and your feet with a slight shiver.
“Firstly, we’re gonna untie and remove the old one.”
“Harry, I don’t know what im doing.” You whine, wishing to be anywhere but here, immediately frustrated.
He tuts, dropping the pile of new rope down next you both, “Zayn did tell me y’were bad at this.”
“Excuse you?” You scoff, shocked at his audacity. Slightly offended.
He steps back behind you, ushering you forward so you’re close to the metal bar that the worn tie is wrapped around.
“Told me y’don’t like being bad at things. Don’t like not knowing how to do stuff.” His voice is smug, like that is a fatal flaw.
“I—“ you’re so annoyed right now.
“I am not!”
“Y’defensiveness only proves m’point.”
You don’t even know what to say to him right now. Truthfully— ego aside— you don’t know if that’s how you get. You have gone laps around the sun without knowing this kind of stuff about yourself.
In defiance, you don’t admit this to Harry. But you stay silent as his hands reach for the knot in front of you.
“Now, princess. Look at this.”
“I’m looking.” You huff.
“Where do you think we’re gonna start untying this, what kind of knot do y’think this is?”
“I have half a clue of what kind of knot this is, Captain.”
“This is a water bowline, angel.” The words mean little to you, but your stomach does a weird squeeze at his confident words, the way his accent makes the word angel sound.
“I’m going to guess this loose end here,” Your right hand extends out, tugging at the few inches of rope that extends out the middle of the knot, “has something to do with untying it.”
He smiles at the way you’re starting to soften at the idea of what’s happening. Yes, you’re still standing tense and your tone is still veering on irate. But you’re indulging, playing along at the least.
A small sense of pride bubbles through him, “Smart girl, it does.”
“You’ll see these knots everywhere on the ship, in many different forms. They’re nice and secure, can take a lot of tension but aren’t hard to tie or untie.”
“This here,” his fingers trace a loop in the top of the knot, “is what you’re gonna pull on first.”
You grab it and he brings his hand to your waist. The action makes you flush as you try and focus.
“Fold it forward, this is gonna loosen it against the standin’ end of the rope.”
You don’t know what that means, but you pull the part he’s directing you to towards yourself, applying a bit more pressure when you see it needs it.
He hums in approval, and your lips purse together, “Now that loose end, feed it out of the wrap in the middle there.”
You do that, and he reaches forward to add tension on the upper section of the rope as you now use both hands to untie the rest of the knot— unhooking it.
“Tha’s it. Now we can replace it, and I’ll show you how to tie the knot.” He takes the old rope and figure 8’s it around a metal hold, so it’s still holding the sail.
He sees your curious eyes at his action, and explains, “We could cut it, but just incase it’s better to have it handy until y’know you’re ready to replace it.”
You nod, and he grabs the fresh rope and sets it up for you.
Grabbing your hands, he walks you through the process first himself, then he unties it to make you do it.
You curse for the first few minutes as you try to tie it properly, but once he guides you again, you’re staring at the tied knot.
“There you go, look at that princess. Jus’ tied ya first water bowline.” He comments proudly, and you can’t help but smile.
“Thanks…” you feel good, accomplished.
“I’m gonna secure it in the eyelet up there now, y’stay down here.”
He leaves you down there. All while you watch him bring the sail in, so he can reach it from the mast. Rope tied to his belt loop, he unties the old one and lets it drop.
You’d stepped back so it could fall without nearly taking you out by the head. Staring with hardly enough shame as Harry worked his fingers to create a new knot through the eyelet of the sail.
His brow furrowed in concentration, unbothered by the metres between him and the deck of the ship as he balanced entirely unsuspended.
His strong thighs are tensed as he holds himself stable, black pants look good on him.
He cut the excess rope off with a dagger and climbed down with ease. Unbelievable how good he can look doing something like that.
Once he’s back down, he walks over to where you stood and admires the new rope alongside you. You aim to pretend you hadn’t been checking him out the whole time.
Nudging you with his shoulder, “And who said princesses couldn’t learn pirate things.”
“I’ve learnt plenty of pirate things.” You state.
“So, what are you, more princess or pirate then, dove?”
With a frown your eyes slant to him, trying to search in his gaze the motive behind the question. So many tricks are up his sleeve, he never fails to remind you that.
“I’ll leave that up to you.”
His eyes scan your face, flickering over you. A tick of silence, and then he curtly nods, “Well, they say practice makes perfect, so don’t think we’re done yet.”
He intends on spending this afternoon with you, regardless of what other things he should be doing.
“I thought it was my turn to teach you something.”
“What? Like how to manage my table manners?”
You can only roll your eyes.
And to be fair, you did plenty of that as the blue sky bled into sunset.
“No, you dolt. If you picked up that fork first they’d barrate you on the spot.”
“Whatever,” he’d sighed, “I find getting your hands dirty with a good meal is the only way to eat something.”
The evil smirk on his face as he’d said that was all telling.
The two of you did both lots of thinking and lots of talking. Lapsing between periods of comfortable silence and discussion.
A part of you wondered if this was his tactic to pry your guard back down. You hated yourself for letting it work, the fact you somewhat allowed him into the works of your brain again.
After finishing the last rope he wanted to replace, you’d stretched out your shoulders.
"Do y'feel accomplished?" His own arms reaching above his head.
"I feel productive, which is rare that happens.”
He starts walking in the direction towards the communal quarters, in presumption that you'd follow.
You do just that, wasting no time matching his pace.
"Thanks. For showing me." The words are hard to push pass your lips, they're clunky and almost shy. But they pack the same level of meaning.
He stops the few steps in front of you, right next to the wall of the communal quarters. He turns around so his full front is facing you. The sun has dipped below the horizon of the sea, the warm golden hour glow sinking with it.
Now it's lingering in that space of inbetween, where it’s not quite dark, but not light enough to class as sunset still.
You can almost relate.
His green eyes have pinned you to a stop as well, your hands falling to the front of your white blouse. The wind is toying with the loose material, gently, your fingers ring the ruffled bottom that cuts off midway down your ribcage.
He's been forcing himself to hold his eyes strictly to your face, not anywhere near the sweetheart neckline thats dipping to show the swell of your chest.
Can’t believe I bought that for her and thought I’d be able to not stare, he thinks internally.
"You dont have t'thank me." He answers truthfully. Despite the fact he may have mocked your lack of gratitude he wholly believes you did him a favour today.
"You showed me how to do something. Something useful, and practical." You remark cautiously, watching your tone doesn't give away too much sentiment, "I cant tell you the last time i've had that."
"Y'can read right?" he chuckles, stepping forward.
"I went to school Harry."
His eyes rolled playfully, finally breaking off you, making you feel like you can suddenly inhale again.
"What do they even teach you there."
"Table manners, exactly the knowledge I so kindly imparted on you earlier." you dryly joked, despite it being entirely true.
"How to talk, how to act, what to do, what not to do." You sigh as you think back on it, walking to go lean against the wall.
"Ooo” he hums, intrugied, "what not to do?"
You prattle off the first ones that come to mind, "Dont get caught lying, it brings dishonour. Dont curse, it displays immaturity and impurity,” a pause, and you scoff— one drilled into any royal in the court, “dont engage in any premarital relations."
His pupils are the only part of him that reacts at the mention of the third rule you listed, they dilate and almost shake with the intensity he’s staring at you with.
A shrug of your shoulders, "That one gets surpassed all the time though.”
At your words, his brows twitch, he thinks you're talking about yourself. The look that passes over his face is unmissable. You can't pinpoint the exact emotion, and honestly, neither can he.
You are old enough to make your own decisions, he reasons. Old enough to decide if you want to...
His brain crafts a million different scenarios. They flash past faster than he can keep up with. Lingering heavily on whether or not it was consensual.
You had spoken about how men in Kelna acted around you. Whispering disgusting things, touching you. He thinks they’d be people similar to Garret, dirtbags who would’ve forced anything if they wanted it bad enough. The thought makes him livid, to his very bones.
"You look worried." You comment ambiguously, toying dangerously with the curiosity surrounding his reaction.
When he doesn’t reply, you take it a step further,
"Does my value decrease if i cant be labelled as a pure, untouched little angel?" Your tone is sarcastic, but the second the words fall from your mouth, he reacts.
His whole body tenses where he stands, and he steps closer to you.
"Y/N." A stern but bordering protective voice comes from him, a way he’s not spoken before. "Do not ever talk ‘bout yourself like that on this ship, or I swear..."
His throat tightens with anger, voice faltering and eyes fluttering with tension. A hand grabs the wall you're standing near. Knuckles white as his fingers dig into it, "I swear t’god, it makes me want to break something."
"If somethin’ happened to you in that fucking ring of psychotic royals—” He spits it out like the thought disgusted him, “You're a human being, not a slab of meat."
It’s not often he feels the need to genuinely punch something. Someone. But right now anyone that has ever done something to you is on his immediate black list.
In the back of his brain, he recognises that in your eyes he’s equally a bad person for what he’s done to you. He stands here a hypocrite.
Furious at anyone whose ever hurt you, yet being the very person that’s holding you somewhere against your will.
The tension rolls around in your stomach, almost making it ache with the sudden anxiety. You’re so utterly confused with how to feel in this situation you force your mouth to move,
"For the record, i was not talking about myself." The clarification comes out meek despite trying to keep your tone unbothered.
He doesn’t attempt to hide his feelings, face contorted into a sneer, “Wouldn't put it past those pigs."
“No one did that to me.” You amend again, this time, your own tone stern.
“Alright Y/N, what did they fucking do to you then?” His question forces you relive every unwanted advance you’ve had to uncomfortably sit through.
Every ‘accidental’ hand placement, every provocative comment directed to you, every situation that made bile from your stomach rise into your throat.
Somehow, you find it in you to argue back, even though you don’t believe Kelna is even a shred better than a ship of pirates, "Its not like im safe in your world either."
It’s clear this is his tipping point.
The heart in his chest clenches and his body is moving before he can register it.
Because suddenly, the space surrounding you is being entirely filled, he grabs you with his hands. There’s not a sliver of violence in it at all, but it does make you jump.
Regardless, he sinks his hands into your hair. He can’t help it, curling them gently into the soft strands at the nape of your neck.
Despite how pissed he is, his touch is nothing but gentle.
It causes you to shudder, unsure if it’s out of unease or somehow a little bit of pleasure— the feeling his ringed fingers graze across the nerves that typically lay behind your hair untouched.
They ping around in your muddled brain, electromagnetic signals making you light headed. It’s overwhelming, how did this even happen?
Even with the soft touch of his fingers, the look behind his hard gaze makes your skin prickle with goosebumps.
“I…” you try to make words, yet nothing comes out. Hands against skin are all you can make sense of.
It’s tangible, they’re there. If your strip everything else away, it’s just someone holding you.
Someone touching you softly. Someone who you—deep down, no matter how hard you try to feel otherwise—are okay with touching you.
You can swallow that pill. If only you could make it that simple, of course.
“Harry.”
One thing he’s learnt since having you around is that he can’t handle the way his name sounds when it comes out of your mouth.
Especially not with that whined tone. When it falls from your lips like a plea.
He can’t seem to find the words either. Your feet are planted between his and your own hands are braced on his hips.
“Dove, y’can’t keep bloody doin’ this to me.”
“I’m not doing anything to you,” his hands slide to your face, they cradle your cheeks, “Harry im just standing here. I’m telling you the truth.”
His face feels so close to yours, you swear you can feel the breath that passes through his lips meet your own.
Intimate almost, if you think about it hard enough.
“I don’t care about that, I care about you.”
“You can’t do this to me!” You whine, pushing his hands away, stumbling back. Breaking that connection by force if you have to.
You don’t remember how you ended up like this, with your blood pulsing in your ears and your chest heaving so hard your ribs could break.
Exasperated, “I am fine! I am okay!”
He is at a loss for words. You are so complex, so intricate. His curiosity for you deepens, even when he thinks it can’t anymore.
“I do not need any kind of pity, there is nothing to pity!”
“They made you not trust people.” He says with disgust.
You cant believe he can say that when he literally kidnapped you. And although he’s right to a degree, this experience hasn’t been great for your trust issues either.
“This world made me not trust people.” You gesture out to the ship around you, in sheer disbelief, “I’m standing on a fucking boat in the middle of nowhere because nothing is okay!”
Yelling against the wind, “Because the only thing people care about is themselves, and what they can gain from exploiting others.”
“I am a fucking object to everyone I’ve ever met.”
A part of his heart cracks hearing this, he has to physically restrain himself from stepping closer to you.
Space, give her space, his brain urges him— despite his physical body begging to do the opposite.
“Y/N,” his voice attempts to stay level. He watches your reaction.
Like a timid yet fired up animal, your hair is being thrown by the wind, pupils wild.
“There’s nothin’ i can say that will justify any of this. I know tha’.”
“There’s not.” You snapped, eyes threatening an emotion you can’t imagine letting out around him.
Crying is another thing frowned upon in the court, not unless the circumstance is so dire it warrants it.
You think for a second that you’re going to have the strength to pull yourself together, but suddenly, a wet and salty tear slips past your waterline.
The humiliation inside you that followed the single tear that just slid down your cheek would be enough to crush a grown man.
You knew he’d seen it, your face is flaming with embarrassment.
“This— this conversation is over.” You curtly reply, voice worn as you force out a tone reserved for Kelna.
The way you’re speaking to him like an associate causes him to move, “Y/N, stop—“
But your feet are suddenly moving, “Do not follow me.”
The warning is clear, he hesitates into a stop. Debating what to do.
Give you space or force you to stay in his company?
The conflicting thoughts on his face are clear.
Yet he swallows, and nods.
Then you turn around and walk away.
———
He forced himself to wait an hour. An excruciatingly long one.
After he watched you walk away, he went into where his crewmates were. Predicatably, they were sharing pints and throwing darts. The room was warmly lit, filled with chatter that echoed inside the dark wooden walls. A few of the boys asked where you were as Harry passed them. He could only lie.
“Tired after working.” Was his chosen reply, hoping now was the time more than ever that the crew just took his word for something.
“Probably the hardest she’s ever worked aye?” Tanner drunkenly joked to him, patting his back and throwing another sip of beer back.
Harry had to refrain from shooting him a look. Despite it being something he’d likely say himself, right at that moment, all he felt was worry for you. Even a shred of defensiveness, but that’s a feeling he has to shove down for the moment.
Making way to the cupboards that held their fair share of staple pirate beverages, he pulled a metal flask out and leaned against the bar top.
He forced himself to act as though he was unbothered, and that he was interested in the games of darts unfolding.
However his brain was heavily preoccupied,
Is she okay? Did I do the right thing letting her have time to herself? Is she mad at me?
Questions ran on loop, running a hand through his curls he struggled to reason with himself.
A hand was placed on his back, that interrupted his spiralling thoughts as he sipped at the flask of whiskey. A short sideways glance revealed his blonde haired crew mate.
“Y’seem off.” He quietly remarked.
Niall, often unserious, was surprisingly good at knowing when something was up. And even better at handling it discretely.
Due to that, Harry let out a short sigh through his nose before admitting a shred of truth.
“May have struck a cord with her.”
“Go too far with something, mate?” He asks quietly, curiously.
“No,” he frowns, unsure if he’s insinuating something else, he quickly clarifys, “was talking about the courts, got her upset.”
Niall’s blue eyes dart to meet his captains. Allowing a curt nod before looking back out to their crewmates that are fake tackling eachother over a stolen swig of beer.
“Y’checked on her yet?”
“Givin’ her space. She’s not too happy w’me at the minute.”
He lets out a light snort, “Good choice. Unless she’s thrown ‘erself off the ship, then t’was a bad one.”
“Ha-ha.” He fake laughs and rolls his eyes at Niall, taking a moment to swallow down the anxiety that’s built in his throat.
He can’t avoid stressing about you.
After a few ticks of silence, Niall clears his throat,
“Jus’ careful wit her. For both your sakes.”
He adds on with a pat on the back, “here if you need cap. It’ll be alright.”
Anyone else he would’ve been annoyed for saying that, but Niall is probably wiser than Harry himself. So his advice is taken with gratitude.
“Thanks mate. I’ll be careful.”
After another half hour, he’d had enough of the ill feeling that stirred in his stomach.
He left the room to find himself outside in the now cold but still windy air. It took a second for his gaze to adjust to the darkness, immediately scanning the deck around him for you.
Without any sight of you, he checks all the places he can think you’d be. His room, the cells, the kitchen.
His heart doubles in pace every time you’re not in a place he thought.
Coming out of the kitchen, his quickened pace. Starting to walk along the deck that leads him along the perimeter of the boat.
As he gets closer to the stern of the boat, he feels genuinely sick.
What if you had—
“Y/N!” He gasps without any thought the second his eyes spot your silhouetted frame.
You’re leant against the edge of the boat, staring out into the black water that swirls beneath the ship. He thanks the stars you’re not in it right now, given he was starting to think the worst of the situation at hand.
He doesn’t give you any time to talk before his long strides are invading your personal space. Warm hands coming to your cheeks, turning them to inspect your face for any damage, as though you are some kind of treasure to him.
“Im sorry.” He immediately begins.
“I shouldn’t have pushed m’luck.”
Your eyes scan his, taking in his face as his hands have come to rest in the crook where your neck and shoulders meet.
You still haven’t said anything, which isn’t working in his favour because his words are filling the silence, becoming more risky with each passing second.
“Jus’… the idea of something like that happening to you made me…” his thumbs stroke upwards along the valley of your throat subconsciously, “makes me fuckin’ sick.”
Your lips part as he begins to spill things he probably shouldn’t. Swearing that he can probably feel your pulse in your neck where his fingers lay.
He can’t stop now, “hearing you talk about y’self like that, like y’an object... I know I am no better than any average person in the Kelna courts for what I’ve done to you. But I promise you that I’d take a dagger to my own hands till there was nothing left of them before I ever let something of that nature happen to you…”
A deep breath and he shakes his head, “Not without your permission, darling.”
He doesn’t even care what that’s insinuating. Never does he want you under the impression he has control of you in a sexual regard.
The thought of you even believing that made him sick.
The air around you feels pressurised, and it’s like you’re about to spill even more out to him.
“I am being held captive, yet I’ve never felt more fucking free. How fucked is that?”
He is silent to your admission, shocked into it almost.
“You don’t understand how it feels to go from having to watch your every move, every word, just to stay alive. You are loved with conditions.”
Your voice suddenly heavy with anger again, “People cannot be trusted, everything is always two-sided, no matter what they say to portray otherwise.”
His hands have slipped from you, you’ve started pacing the deck and throwing your own hands out as bouts of sheer outrage wash over you.
“Here, god— you’re atleast half fucking honest with me. I don’t have to conform to any stupid rules to how I speak or sit or dress. I can swear at you, and you only raise the stakes.”
He can’t really fathom that you’re not speaking less of him. That you’re admitting that the life you lead on the ship as a hostage is better than as a princess.
“And I go against every promise I made to myself when I woke up here. I would let you do anything to me, Harry. Do you not understand that? How hard that is to live with everyday?”
“y’implying a lot right now…” he answers.
“You have my permission!” You spit out, pissed off now. At him, for being so charming and handsome that you’ve wound up as the lamb that fell for the lion. And pissed at yourself for being so unable to halt your snowballing emotions for him.
You’re self aware enough to know you’re an idiot, yet you’re still in the same position nonetheless. You’re also going to blame it your lack of education on how to handle sexy pirates that kidnap you for ransom money.
All the same, you’ve come aware that you’d let him do anything to you. You’d do anything to him.
God forbid the day you would do anything for him.
You’re terrified because whether or not this is some kind of fucked up situation of Stockholm Syndrome, you’re too deep in it to turn back now.
“Fucking Jesus Christ…” he curses to the sky, stepping towards you where you’re pacing.
“I hate you, you know! For putting me in this position.” You point at him, stating with contempt once you lock eyes.
“Y/N. Stop.” His voice has dropped several octaves. The wind has urged the curls that usually sit pushed back to fall over his eyes and forehead. Standing over you, his gaze is pinning you to the spot.
His brows are furrowed in an unreadable expression, but you don’t care. Right now, everything you have is about to go on the line.
“Stop what? Telling you that there’s something going on with me— with us here?” You gesture between the two of you.
“Am I meant to tell you that I—“ His hands come to your waist and urge you backwards against the edge of the ship.
The low of your back is pressed into the wooden beam, something you should be scared about realistically, but his hold around you is tight.
“Don’t fucking say it.” He says, “whatever you’re about to say, keep it to yourself.”
“Can’t handle the truth, Captain?”
He tips your chin with his hand, bringing your head on an angle to look him in the eyes, “You won’t be able to handle what comes after that, Princess.”
You’re unsure when both of your breathing became short and laboured. His panting chest made your head physically spin.
“What? Are you gonna put me down in the cells, hang my by the chains on the walls?”
His exhale stutters out of parted lips, “Don’t even joke about that.”
“Ignoring your problems does nothing, Harry. They keep getting bigger while you hide from them. Out of sight out of mind doesn’t work the way you think it does.”
Your frustration easily spreads to him, pushing him closer to a point neither of you can come back from.
His hands grab yours suddenly, they wrap around your wrists and hold them tight between you both. Like he’s grasping for any element of control he has left before everything spirals.
“There is no problem here, Y/N.” He whispers into your ear, voice stern, “do not make one.”
The tension between you both is absolutely palpable, his body is so close to yours it’s spinning your senses haywire.
“So we what? Go back to your room and act like nothings going on… I go get into your bed, and I let you wrap your hands around me like it’s just— it’s just…”
There’s not even a word for it, your voice trails off. His breath hot against your ear, and his one hand still tight around your two wrists.
Fuck it, fuck this, you think.
You turn your face to his, noses bumping.
It’s like the pull between your lips is so strong it’s easier to give in than put an inch of distance between them.
Your body squirms against his. It’s making him wild, he needs you so bad it’s going to break him.
“Not doing it.” He pants out, voice so deep it sounds like he just woke up.
“Not kissing me?”
“Nope.”
“Im giving you permission.”
“Numbing your problems doesn’t make them go away. Feeding into them only makes them worse.” His eyes fluttered shut, brows in a deep frown as he holds himself back with every part of his being.
“So you admit there’s a problem.” Your voice sounds dignified.
The metaphor of your situation has taken on a nickname clearly, and you’re not sure if it’s helping at all.
You nudge your nose into his again, his head falls into a tilt. His mouth so easy to access…
A dance between you ensues. Your mouth moves forward but his moves back.
“It’s so wrong…” he whispers, tongue jutting out to wet his lips. They’re left parted open, air escaping and fanning onto your own.
“I want to rip your shirt off your body right now, how’s that for wrong?”
“if I kiss you, Y/N,” he begins, breath stuck in his throat, “I’ll never be able to send you back.”
And how wrong is it for you to admit that’s beginning to become exactly what you want.
A stretch of silence, and you finally just lean into him. The second your lips meet his, your whole body melts.
Air empties out of his lungs in sweet relief, he swears for a moment he feels so lightheaded that he’s dreaming this whole moment up.
The hand wrapped around your wrists slides off and finds refuge on your waist. A voice in his subconscious is selfishly begging your own soft fingers to touch him wherever they can.
It appears words are suddenly useless to you both, and all that’s important is the kiss that is finally happening.
The meaning behind it weighs like a tonne of bricks, yet somehow makes it all the better. It shows in the way his mouth moves against yours like velvet, kissing back into your upper lip like he’s desperate for you.
He still recalls the first time he caught himself thinking about kissing you.
You were down in the cells, playing the waiting game after pushing him one step too far. It’d been over a day since he’d pulled you out of the water you’d thrown yourself in.
The sun was hot on his skin as he thought of your fully soaked body that he pressed into the hull of his ship. He remembered looking up to your lips as he untied your bound wrists.
They were glossy with water from the sea.
As he thought about, he only could imagine tasting them. Kissing over the salt water until they no longer shone with ocean drops, but with his saliva instead.
He had to physically shake his head at himself. Blaming it on not having been laid in so long.
Didn’t take long to release that was far from the problem when it came to his unseemly attraction to you.
A deep whine sounds from your chest, drawing him back to the present, and he pushes his body as far into your space as it can. You’re physically pinned against the edge of the ship. Theres not a care in the world at the endlessly deep swell of water thats just past you.
You don’t even remember when tongue started getting involved, nor when exactly you worked up the courage to lick into his mouth.
It’s hot, so hot.
His body feels like it’s on fire, and your hands feel that tangible warmth as they slide underneath the purple silk covering his chest.
That heat isn’t just budding in chests, it’s striking hot between legs. Only growing worse by the minute.
“My fuckin’ god…” he groans into your mouth, hands squeezing the swell of your chest.
“You taste devine, angel…”
His words make you tipsy. You smile and kiss him harder, letting his hands roam your body like you’ve never touched eachother before.
Despite the nights he’s dragged a delicate touch along your back and the skin over your waist, it’s nothing compared to this. It’s like you’ve never felt him before. The way his tongue glides against the roof of your mouth skilfully, and firm yet gentle hands are palming the flesh between your ass and thighs.
He’s wasted no time roaming and squeezing every inch of your skin, even over clothes he’s desperately trying to commit it to memory. Rubbing over the swell of your ass like you’re the only thing in the world he wants this bad.
“Harry.” There it was, his name.
The way it falls from your kiss swollen lips in that same pretty plea that sends him spiraling every single time. Yet it was so, so different in this moment.
Sheer pleasure courses through him, and he pulls your leg up to bracket his hip, letting him push himself closer into you. Imagining what lay between the peak of your thighs.
Wishing to see the state of you, wondering if this situation has worked you up to the same extent as him.
You can feel him, every inch. Every hard slab of muscle is pressed into you, warmth radiating off him like rays of the sun.
“My name.” He murmurs into your lips, “Say it again.”
His kiss trails down your neck, sucking gently over your pulse before licking a stripe back up your throat. His saliva leaving a hot, wet trail behind.
“Harry, please… more.” You don’t even have to try, the words all come from your mouth like it’s your only purpose.
His prick is swollen in the black trousers he’s in, shamelessly being pushed into your thigh. The feeling, it’s like heaven. You don’t have any single other way to explain it.
He’s behind layers of clothing and he’s pretty sure this is better than any sex he’s ever had.
Your little experience with genuine sexual interactions has not stopped you at all. And reflecting on every past experience of a sexual nature, they fall incomparably flat to this.
Despite the majority of them being unwanted advances, even the few you engaged in— mostly with random strangers at ballroom parties— were nothing to this.
They took place in dim hallways and in secluded gardens, the kisses were always slimy, laced with the intention of taking anything from you they feasibly could. You always stopped it when you released you felt no desire to go further.
This, however, was happening because no matter how hard you both attempted to deny it, you both wanted it. Wanted eachother.
And this time, all you felt was desire.
Your hand comes down to suddenly cup the bulge of his cock between you. He moans at the feeling, rocking into your palm shamelessly.
“Fuck— I could come jus’ like this. Against your innocent little hand…” he curses into your neck, making your mind swirl with his lustful and dirty words.
“Tha’s no fun though.” He amends, swollen lips coming up to your ear, “Not when I could take you back to our bed…”
Our bed… your hazy brain notes, trying to commit it to memory as his tongue drags lightly over the shell of your ear.
“I could leave your hands free, so you could lace them into my hair. Pulling on it like I know you would while I lick into you, Angel.”
“Or would you prefer them bound up against the headboard? Just as we’ve always joked, all tied up. At my mercy.”
“Please… Harry.” Your whole body feels like it’s been set alight, the pulsing between your legs so intense it made your knees weak.
“Please what, dove? Or you don’t care? As long as someone is looking after that pretty place down here, hmm…”
His hand meets the fabric between your legs, both of you now rutting into each others palms.
You can’t help but whine, “it hurts… Harry. Fuck…”
He shakes his head, leaning in to kiss your lips. He can’t believe you’re so worked up you’re telling him its physically hurting you. He thought it was just him, with his cock so hard he is bordering on being in pain.
“Cmon,” he starts to pull you back, your body leaving the dangerous edge of the boat.
But you hardly can figure out how to walk, almost like a little spring doe. Knees struggling to function.
He picks you up effortlessly by your thighs, wrapping them around his waist. Your arms naturally draping over his broad shoulders, tangling into his messy brown hair.
You whine and push into his chest without any thought. Attempting any kind of friction you can, causing his to laugh. His eyes finding yours, “you’re so needy you’re grinding against my chest…”
His long legs make quick distance across the boat, out of the cool wind and through the winding halls below deck.
Thankfully not running into a soul as he enters his room with you, locking the door swiftly behind him.
The second the latch flicks in place, his lips are back against yours. The kiss is sloppy and desperate, open mouths pushing against eachother like you’ve been apart for weeks.
You’re moaning into his mouth as he squeezes your ass in the dark room. Walking over to his bed, still holding you against him as he climbs atop the mattress.
He lets your back drift down until it meets the plush comforter, but your legs still elevated by his. Ass against his thighs, and his erection tightly pushed against you.
He follows your lips the whole way down, hands rolling up and down your body, lingering against your breasts as he nicks your bottom lip with his teeth.
“This okay?” He breathes out, making sure you’re alright.
“Yes…” You nod, responding without even a second between his question.
He soaks up the feeling that swells in his chest as you consent to him. You said it without an ounce of hesitation. He’s almost feeling honoured.
“This is on your terms, my Princess… you tell me to stop and I stop.”
My. Your brain struggled to compute his possessive words.
My Princess.
You drag your hands up his back, sliding them all the way to his cheekbones.
Your eyes find his.
They lock with intensity. Green gaze piercing into your soul.
Silence ticks over between you, only filled by the panting of your breaths.
Your thumb slips down to his plump lips, pulling down his bottom one. The pad of your finger tracing over its fullness, dipping into the wetness that coats it.
He allows it, eyes fluttering at the gentle yet seductive touch.
He is so gorgeous.
When your thumb is wet with his saliva, you bring it back down to your mouth. He watches you, the action so small yet so utterly filthy as you draw your finger into your mouth. Taking it between your own lips and sucking it clean.
Once you draw it out of your mouth, you keep your big eyes looking at him, “You have my permission, Captain.”
He curses at your words, and they kick him back into gear. His body folds over yours again, meeting your lips with his— fuelled with a fever that makes his head spin.
He tastes like whiskey, and you feel simply drunk off of it. You want to drink him up. He is the warm, tingly feeling in your throat after throwing back a shot of the brown liquor.
His mouth moves down your neck again, kissing and licking as far as your clothes will allow. He gets to the very top of your chest before the fabric gets in the way. Having half the mind to just mouth over your nipple anyway.
But, it’s the satisfaction that’s to come with stripping it off of you. The very clothes he bought.
Fingers shuck the material up over your chest, and your arms lift up instinctively to help him get it off. He’s surprised to see you were without a bra.
There you lay, arms up above your head, back arched against the mattress, and your beautiful chest on display for him.
“Oh, dove… you are a work of art.” He coos, hands immediately coming to run against the soft skin of your breasts.
He stares intently in the dark, suddenly asking, “Can I light a candle?”
His voice is hasty, “I can see you, but not s’well as I would if there was a bit of light.”
“Want t’see your skin coated in that warm light,” he leans down, voice dropping into a whisper, “and so I can watch y’nipples harden when I wrap my mouth ‘round them.”
You nod quickly as you speak a desperate yes, squirming at the idea.
It would be unfair for you also, not to see his chest and tattoos while you two did whatever this was together.
He pecks a chaste kiss over your lips.
“Thank,” kiss.
“…you.” another gentle kiss.
He slides upright, struggling to tear his eyes off of you as he fumbles for a match to light the candle on the sconce mounted to his wall.
You hear the match flick alight, and the room suddenly being cast on a golden glow as he brings the flame to the wick.
Discarding of the match, he wastes no time coming back to where you lay— hair fanned out underneath you. He stands at the edge of the bed, staring breathlessly at you.
He had hummed the second he saw you—properly saw you. Your cheeks are flushed red, beautiful brows upturned into an expression of sheer want.
“Let me take yours off,” you gesture with your eyes to his own shirt, “please?”
“C’mere then.”
You bring yourself up, knees to the edge of his bed. Your hands lift the purple fabric over him, and suddenly the tan, chiseled skin you eye off so often is finally yours to freely touch.
Tattoos and muscles, fine hairs and freckles, he is the embodiment of beauty and sex.
You run soft hands over his abs, the muscles almost rippling as he feels the skin to skin contact. Throwing his head back, he groans into the tension filled air.
Hands wrap around your bare waist, pulling you flush against him, chest to chest.
He follows through with exactly what he’d said moments earlier, kissing a trail down to your breasts before wrapping his soft mouth around the peak of one of them.
Wet and hot, his tongue sucks and swirls until you’re moaning embarrassingly loud. You react like you’ve never felt someone like this before, because truthfully, you hadn’t.
Your spine arches, pushing into his mouth and lacing your hands around his neck.
He pulls away, smirking at the hardened nipple he’s looking after, while you catch your breath.
“My turn.” You whispered, and despite your legs feeling like jelly, you kiss your own way down his chest until you meet his defined pectoral muscle.
Your lack of experience doesn’t show, you’re so eager to please him it makes you only confident. You lick against the warm skin of his chest, lulling your tongue over his own nipple— something a girl has never done to him before.
“Fuck—!” He bites out, teeth clamping down onto his lower lip.
You pay some attention to it before trailing up his shoulder, sucking the skin above his collarbone. Biting against it and making sure to leave a mark.
He slaps lightly at your ass, still covered in tight black pants, just as he is.
“You are so filthy, dove.” His voice lilts, dripping with honey,
“Who would’ve known… to look at you, no one would know you’re the kind of girl that’s going to wrap her hot little mouth on any skin she can.”
“Innocent thing you are, ready to do anything, hm?”
His nose nudges yours so he can get better access to your mouth, kissing into it again.
Merely minutes since he last had his lips on yours, and it feels like the first time all over again. It strikes and stirs hot in your stomach. Making you arch into him again, pressing your chest against his.
“So needy… you must be soaked…” his thoughts spill from his lips out loud.
“Panties that I bought you are probably wet through by now, little cunt all weepy for something it’s never had.”
“D’ya want it, baby?” His sultry voice asks.
“Harry, I want it, I want you.” You plead, and he unbuttons your black pants.
The zipper is pulled down by him, and he slides his hand in between your legs. Cupping over the fabric, it’s almost hot to touch.
“So warm in there, I can feel y’clenching around nothin’.”
He rubs softly over you, and you moan out, rutting into his hand.
His lips kiss you hot and slow as he runs tedious circles over the top of your panties.
Once you’re moaning and arching into him, he slowly retracts his hand out, “get in the middle of the bed.”
You follow his instructions moving to lay in the centre of his mattress as he shucks his pants off.
He’s in nothing but boxers as he climbs above your legs, “No one else has ever made you come, have they?”
His green eyes lock with yours,
“N-no.”
“No one’s ever wrapped their lips around your swollen clit and sucked until you finish against their tongue? Or fucked their fingers into you until you are almost crying?”
You can’t even verbally answer, only able to shake your head side to side.
“Mm, okay,” he hums, lowering down to kiss your belly as he slowly pulls your pants down from your legs.
A smirk rises on his lips as he kisses below your navel, “Then I take it no one’s ever pushed their cock into you?”
Your cheeks were burning as you squeezed your thighs together, only in black lacy panties that he bought you.
“Alright baby,” he smirks, “look at you then, in this little pair of black underwear I got ya. Did you think about what was going through my head as I picked them out?”
“Never thought I’d be privledged enough to see y’in them.”
The warm candle highlights the goosebumps that have already prickled over your skin, each kiss he’s pressed to your bare body has made them spread like wildfire.
He takes his time to tease you, lips lulling over your lower stomach, tongue tracing the upper band of your underwear.
This continues until you’re begging him for anything, “I can’t— h— fuck… Harry.”
Your speech is slurred like you’re half awake, “Please touch me.”
“I am touching you.” He stated, green eyes flickering up to yours, face with devilish intent.
“More…” was the only word you could sigh out to him, unable to hold eye contact with him for longer than a second.
His hand comes to the back of your knee, pushing it up so your legs spread. He licks a slow, pleasing stripe against the dip between your thigh and where you want him the most.
Your hips jut upwards, and his fingers trace over your centre above the fabric covering it. As you whine wordlessly into the comforter, he tucks his finger into the edge seam of your panties. Pulling the elastic back and letting it snap back against your skin.
Not enough to hurt, but enough for the vibration to ripple through your core.
“Jus’ say the words, dove.” He murmurs, kissing over where your clit is.
“Take them off.” Your own hands start frantically pulling the sides down your thighs.
“Tha’s my girl.” He taps over where he just kissed with his thumb, laughing at your attempt to get them off, helping you get them all the way down. Tossing them over his shoulder, leaving them somewhere behind him to be dealt with later.
His eyes finally lock onto your bare body. Entirely naked.
How badly you want him is evident, and his fingers immediately move to run down your dripping centre.
“You…” he speaks, voice raspy and dripping with desire, “are a fucking angel.”
“Prettiest little cunt I’ve ever laid my eyes on. Fuckin’ hell. The things im going to do to you if you’ll let me.”
The second they glide down you, grazing over your entrance, all conscious thoughts and conscious movement disappear. Almost like a magic trick. Suddenly everything you do is automatic, like your breathing or your heart beating. You have no conscious play in it.
This includes the words coming from your mouth.
“Finger me.” You moan shamelessly, clenching around nothing as he touches you.
He almost groans at your request, “Mm, well I gotta stretch you out, hey?”
Taking a few moments to rub over you slowly, he eventually slides his middle finger into you. It glides in so smoothly. Even just the idea of his hands touching you this way has you completely melted, your back arching off the mattress as he moves in and out gently, the subtle rolling inside you enough to send you insane.
“C’mon dove, let me taste.” He pushes your legs open wider.
No part of you registers what he’s saying until his lips attach to your clit, licking over your arousal that’s spread entirely over your core.
“God!” You cry out as he flicks his tongue and curls his finger, the combination heavenly.
It’s bliss for him just watching you, the way your body reacts to every little touch he administers.
Another finger pushing into you and you’re already a mess around his hand and mouth. At whatever point he thought you couldn’t get any wetter, he was entirely wrong.
“Y’gushing around me, baby. Two fingers and you’re clenching like you could finish jus’ like this— so tight too.” His words are spoken against you, and the vibration just makes you fall deeper and deeper.
“Feel so good, Harry.” You moan out, hands finally finding his soft curls. Wrapping around them and tugging his face into you.
The scene is erotic. Pink lips against you, fingers pushed into you. Same tan arm holding onto your leg that you’ve stared at many times before.
His cock is aching while he does this to you, hearing you whine his name like a broken record as he picks up the intensity. Tongue and fingers forming a rhythm, one that quickly is building an intense heat in the low of your stomach.
Sitting up, he removes his fingers without warning as he repositions himself. You immediately miss the feeling of him inside of you, somewhere in the back of your head wondering how you’re ever going to go without the sensation.
It blips suddenly to wondering what the fuck you’re both going to do after tonight… something that would make you overthink into a deadly spiral usually. But it’s quickly forgotten about again when he rests on his knees between your spread legs, and pulls your ass up onto his thighs.
Your legs are spread open completely, he has a view of you he’s only ever dreamed of. Your wet glistening cunt in front of him, entirely his to please tonight.
You’re still babbling out his name like a mantra, mixed with a few different sighed words. Varying from “please” to “fuck” to “touch me”.
They get lodged in your throat when you watch him dip down and lick along you completely. Spitting onto your clit once he gets to it.
Fucking filthy.
You loved it.
His free hand reaches to touch your chest, rocking his tongue against you. Mixing spit and arousal together over your swollen core.
“Taste so fuckin’ good.” He moans into you, flicking his tongue over your entrance.
He’s eating you out so damn well you want to suck him off desperately in attempt to thank him.
It doesn’t take long before the same hand that was pressed into your breast, tweaking your sensitive nipples his sliding back down along your waist.
“Three,” he murmurs into you, “reckon you can take that like a good girl?”
“Yea… yea!” You eagerly nod, your own hand coming to squeeze your breast, “need to feel you.”
“You are so fuckin’ dirty… beggin’ t’take more n’ more of me.”
He holds the back of your thigh as he works to push in a third finger. This one burns, you never put more than two of your own fingers inside of you. And compared to his— size wise— they don’t measure up in the slightest.
The pinch you feel is a mixture of pleasure and pain. But your body registers the sensation that feels otherworldly as you stretch around him.
“Harry!” You whine out, hips stuttering as he slowly curls his three fingers inside of you, “Holy shit.”
He moved feverishly, showing clearly how bad he wants you to come. He wants to watch you entirely unravel between his touch.
Everything is starting to build up in your stomach, the pressure twisting and clenching. Your hand comes up to your own hair, fisting through it at the intensity.
He pumps his fingers in fast, quick movements, curling them quickly inside of you as he watches in complete awe at your bodies reaction to him. Your back is arching, lips whining out beautiful sounds, a light dusting of sweat shines between your chest.
“Taking it so well,” he murmurs, leaning down to attach his lips to your clit as he continues fucking you with his fingers.
The second his tongue swirls over you, you realise you’re about to loose it.
“H-harry—“ the sheer desperation in your voice tells him all he needs to know, along with the pulsating of your entrance.
“Don’t stop…” pleading to him, “i— im gonna come.”
He smiles against you, sucking harshly as you start to squirm and pant underneath him.
“Want to watch it,” he presses a kiss above your clit, “want to watch every second of it.”
You nod feverishly, head starting to spin and body starting to feel like it’s floating.
“Are you gonna show me, dove? Show me just how good im making y’feel?” His voice is seductively low.
“Don’t want you holding back, I want to hear you.”
“Harry.” The thrust of his hand is beginning to tip you over the edge, his words only bringing you closer.
He leans his body over yours, mouth coming to kiss over you. Trailing up your chest until his lips meet yours.
The kiss is open-mouthed and desperate as you moan into it.
You want his fingers as deep as they can possibly fit into you, and you suddenly are verbalising this, “harder, deeper, please…”
“Want it rough, baby. I’ll give you rough.” He chuckles against you.
All the sudden, his pace quickens, and he’s pushing them in and out of you at a rate your brain can’t even keep up with.
The feeling of the palm of his hand slapping against your clit makes your whole body seize up, you cry out in pleasure as he talks in your ear.
“Cmon, let it all out baby.” He coos, voice soft compared to his movements.
Your moans are loud and stuttered out at each thrust. Starting to shake as your stomach tightens, “Please, please!”
His movements don’t falter for a second, and suddenly your orgasm hits you like a train. Whole body shaking as you clench around his fingers.
He even moans as he feels you finish, imagining how it would feel to have your cunt squeezing his cock instead.
You cry out his name so loud it echoes through his bedroom, all while he rocks his fingers through your orgasm.
“That’s it angel,” palm hitting your clit to make you clench again, drawing out the pleasure, “fucking gorgeous…”
“So beautiful, letting me watch your face screw up as you came all over my hand.”
“Can’t wait to have my face down there someday.”
The thought makes you writhe against him, “maybe later, hm?”
“I’ll get my tongue inside of you, play with that pretty clit until you do that all again… finish on m’face.”
He’s dirty talking you as you come down, and even when he finally draws his fingers out of you, you can’t help but want more.
Unsure if it’s just him telling you all the stuff he wants to do, or just how badly you want him in general, you realise how worked up you still are.
Not often would you orgasm and still be craving more, but right now you swear you could be doing this all night with him.
His soaked fingers run up between your chest and come to his mouth. His green eyes finding yours as he sucks them clean, humming as he tastes you.
“Fuck me—“ a sudden burst of energy comes to you, hands coming to push yourself to sit up. During it all, you’d slid off his lap and back down onto the mattress.
“Let me suck your cock.”
He’d straightened upright along with you, sitting back on his knees as he had been earlier.
His brows shot up in surprise as you suddenly had this new found energy, “baby— you haven’t even fully come down yet, just have a moment.”
“Harry.” Your gaze snaps to him, “im going to suck you off until you decide you’re going to fuck me, okay?”
“I need you to fuck me.”
“Jesus Christ.” He curses, throwing his head back. His cock is aching, and he can’t even imagine saying no to that.
“I’m gonna struggle not to finish the second you wrap your lips around me, princess.”
“You can hold it, captain. I want to taste you.”
It doesn’t take you long before you’re pushing him backwards, making his legs stretch out as you kiss him quickly.
He hums into your mouth as you palm at his briefs, squeezing the fabric over his hard cock.
You move to pull his briefs down his thighs, listening to him groan once he is finally out of the tight confines. Pulling away from his warm lips, you look down between you.
Jesus Christ.
Of course the Captain was heavily equipped.
The tip of him was flushed and swollen, you just knew how well it would fill your mouth. He was the embodiment of pure sex. Everything about him.
“Can i?” You glance up, looking at the way his plump bottom lip is taken between his white teeth.
He nods quickly, fluttering his eyes as he pictures the mental image of what you’re about to do to him. How much this is about to fuck him up.
Not having to imagine long. Your body sinks down, knees pushing back on the comforter as you half lay between his legs.
“God—“ he draws out, you haven’t even touched him, but the sight of you is enough to make his head spin.
Your bare ass and the arch of your back is all he can pay attention to as you rest on your elbows between his thighs.
“You look so…” he struggles to find the word, and the thought will never be completed. Your hands wrap gingerly around him, and although you’re unsure how to go about pleasing him, you waste no time licking along the underside of him.
“Fuck!” He spits out immediately, hips flexing upward at the touch.
Lips wrapping over his head, you just go with what feels natural, sucking the tip gently, careful not to nick him with your teeth.
“Y/N.” He sighs out your name, letting you envelop his senses entirely.
He doesn’t know how long he’s going to be able to hold out from finishing in your mouth. He’s already feeling that tightness spread across his abdomen, and you haven’t even been on him for a whole minute.
You hum around him in response to your name, hands sliding up his thighs and meeting the muscles of his chest. Selfishly you palm over the hard slabs, watching his brows furrow in pleasure as you slip further down his length.
Hollowing your cheeks you suck around him, moving up and down gently as his hand laces into your hair.
“You… your mouth is like fuckin’ heaven.”
“Could sit here all night with that thing wrapped around me.”
You revel in the idea, saliva dripping down his cock as you draw back up to having only his tip between your lips. Gently pulling off to talk, “I’d do it.”
He feverishly lets his head fall back, pulling at the hair he’s got between his fingers.
“You’d be a good girl and warm my cock all night with that mouth of yours?”
You nod as he leans down to pull your face up to his, kissing your lips without shame of where they’d just been.
He slides his tongue into your mouth, drawing across your bottom lip, “Another night baby. You wanted me inside of you, so you’ll get that.”
“A little longer on you, please.” You whine, wanting to please him with your mouth just like he had for you.
The briefs hanging onto his thighs get pulled all the way off before your body leans back down, kissing over his length and sucking harshly at certain sides of him.
Who is he to say no to you.
Licking along him, you drag your tongue over his tip before sliding your lips down him again. This time you move faster, and he is trying to keep his thoughts controlled as you fill your mouth with as much of him as you can without gagging.
“Good girl,” he moans, watching your ass rise and fall with each bob of your head.
His prick is practically dripping with your saliva, and he don’t think he’s ever felt a better feeling in his life.
So good that he can only go so long before he’s swearing, and pulling at your hair, “Fuck— Y/N I’m going to come if y’don’t stop.”
You hum around him, having half the mind to just keep going so you can taste him fully. Somehow he finds the strength to hold it off, “No, baby, take your mouth off— please.”
You slide off him with a pop, looking up at him with swollen lips.
The sensation of your mouth trailing up him had him teetering on the edge of his high, “Fuck,” his hips stuttering against nothing as his head is thrown back. Attempting to push down the feeling he was so close to giving into.
Its so hot. Watching his frown get deeper as he screws his eyes shut, all the hard muscles on his body tightening.
His hand comes to his hair as he pulls on it, the orgasm he was so close to was finally receding. You’d just unintentionally edged him.
“Y’so fucking horny.” He pants, “can’t even wait to have me inside you.”
He lifts you up by your arms and pulls you on top of him, chest to chest. You can feel his length curving against your ass as his lips come down to suck on your nipple. Licking over it harshly without mercy.
“Want you to fuck me senseless, Harry.” You moan, back arching into him as you grind down against him, arousal practically dripping down onto his cock.
“Please,” you begin to beg as he works over your breast. You can’t seem to stop the words flowing from your lips, “I want you so bad.”
His mouth moves off your hardened nipple, looking you in the eyes, sighing out a deep breath.
You search his unreadable gaze, and there’s a sudden blanket of silence that falls over you both. Maybe a hint of realisation has set in, in that what you’re about to do is irreversible.
“I jus’ want y’to be sure.” He says, sobering the intense moment.
“Think about it for a moment, okay? Just take a second.” He kisses your cheek, hands rubbing delicately on your back, “I don’t want this to be something y’regret.”
You nod slowly, pursing your lips as you genuinely take the moment to consider everything. You are about to fuck a pirate. Which isn’t even the worst part.
Still, even as you think about the situation, and all the potential repercussions, you can’t find it in yourself to want to stop.
“I know we don’t know where this is going, and we both know we shouldn’t be doing this.” You speak quietly.
He hums in agreement, his pink lips pursed as he lets you talk, “but… no. I still want this.”
“And I rarely ever get to make decisions for myself… so thank you for letting me do that.” You say, voice sounding certain.
“Don’t thank me for that, that should be your right.” He states, brows furrowed.
“Shh, let me thank you anyway.” You nudge his nose to the side, kissing him gently. Lips clicking as you both take a moment to do just that.
“I think i have condoms,” he begins.
A laugh bubbles from your chest at his uncertainty, “You think,”
Shaking his head in a sort of amusement, “I haven’t used them in a long time, dove. I don’t bring girls in here.”
“Yet here I am.”
“Yet here you are.” He hums, hoping you pick up the underlining statement in his words. You are special. Much more than just a girl he’s got in his bed for the night.
“Wanna feel you.” You whispered, implying you don’t want to use anything. And honestly, your whole body ached to feel him for the first time without a condom on. Especially since you knew it wasn’t an issue with it.
“The court mandates us to have a rod…”
He frowns, “what do you mean?”
“So I don’t get pregnant before I’m married. It’s fine it’s reversible… they can take it out. They do it to most girls incase we start fooling around behind their backs.”
“Fuckin’ Hell. I hate them.” He spits, “Always controlling other people bodies.”
“If you’d prefer to—“ the sentence doesn’t even make it out of your mouth before he interrupts,
“No baby, that’s your choice.“ His tone is entirely certain, not wishing to have any influence on your decision.
“As long as you don’t have some kind of pirate STD, i wanna feel you, harry.” You tease, but tone still genuine.
It causes him to laugh, “No STD’s here.”
“Alright, good.” You nod, mouth forming a grin, “I trust you, if you trust me.”
His green gaze searches yours, and you feel the weight of your words for a few seconds until he breaks the silence, “I trust you.”
Nodding, you bring your lips back to his. Giving him a chaste kiss of appreciation that he smiles into.
But now that you’ve committed, that sense of need is rushing back into you. But this time, it’s like the flood gates are open, your movements starting to get quickly eager again.
That gentle kiss quickly turns heated as you grind down over his length, excited he gets to feel you skin against skin.
He mutters into your mouth, “Perfect baby, every inch of you.”
Immensely tired of waiting, your voice whines out a plea, “Fuck me harry, please.”
“M’gonna fuck you, don’t worry.” He whispers, grabbing your hips and flipping you around. Leaving your back pressed into the pillows as he pulls your waist to his.
He looks down at you, hair fanned out and big eyes looking at him with parted lips. His own gaze dips to the supple flesh of your tits, inexplicably excited to watch them bounce as he fucks you.
You can’t help but take the opportunity to commit his stance above you to memory, the muscles of his tan chest and the dark ink of his tattoos. The thought of scratching your nails along his laurel adorning hips…
He can’t take you staring at him like that. He leans down to pepper kisses along your neck— finally grabbing himself, a hiss coming from his teeth as he rubs his tip along you and over your clit.
“Tell me if it’s too much okay?” He says, lining his head up to your soaked entrance.
You sigh out several words of agreement, clutching his shoulders as he slowly starts to push into you.
With how turned on you are, and his early preparation with his fingers, his tip slides into you with some ease. There’s still some tension as he pushes in, “Relax, dove…”
His voice is so deep. He’s still clutching onto every ounce of his control, praying he can hold himself together when he hears you whine as you’re being stretched out by his cock.
“I won’t last long if you keep squirming like tha’.” He screws his eyes shut, holding you still by the hips.
“Fuck—“ it feels so different to anything you’ve ever felt. He curves into you like it was fate, like every inch of him was tailor made to you.
“Deeper, go deeper please…” you beg, nails scratching at the messy curls on his head.
His brain works on overdrive to process the fact he’s the first person to ever do this to you. That you’re experiencing this with him for the very first time.
Virginity is a tacky term for him, in the pirate world it’s regarded as the best thing you can take from a girl. The way it’s treated disgusts him. But the only thing for him that’s important is that your first experience is the best he can give it, and that you feel safe— treasured even. Exactly how you should.
“Takin’ it so well…” He sighs out, finally all the way inside of you.
“Kiss me, Harry.” You say, and he wastes no time leaning down to capture your mouth.
Kissing him with his cock fully pressed into you is an entirely different experience. As your tongue glides against his lower lip, he stutters his hips inside of you. Hand coming to play with your clit as he starts to move gently.
You roll your body against his uncontrollably, wrapping your hands into his hair to pull his lips further into yours.
“Feels so good—“ you groan into the corner of his lips, the stimulation you’re getting feels like it’s coming from all angles. Like you could float away.
“You feel so good. So tight around me, Y/N.” He thrusts a little harder as he speaks, moving back down to kiss you. It’s also harder this time, both your tongues clashing against each other as he starts to build a pace between your legs.
He can feel how coated he is with your arousal, your cunt only growing wetter as he ruts into you.
“Do what you want to me.” You pant out, your body aching for anything he’s willing to give to you.
His green eyes are almost swallowed entirely by his pupils, “Fuck.”
“Can y’take it rough y’think?” He asks, nose bumping yours as you hold eye contact.
You nod feverishly, and it causes his head to throw itself back as he starts to work himself into you harder. Taking the opportunity, you bring your lips to suck against the arch of his throat.
He never wants this to end. He wants to take you like this all night. Change locations, fuck you on the floor, against the wall, bent over his bed, even with you pressed into the counter of the bathroom so you can watch it all in the mirror.
His throat is vibrating as he moans, you can feel it against your lips. You’re licking over his tan skin with your tongue, swearing you can feel the beat of his pulse underneath.
You start to loose yourself in him again, hands drawing down to scratch against the muscles of his chest as you clench around his cock. He is captivating at the best of times, even when you’re 5 feet apart you can get swept up by him.
It’s like a hold down under a wave, you can’t get up above the surface long enough to catch a breath. You don’t know what way is up or down, you’re spinning and all you can feel is him, he is the water glistening with rays of sun that fully surrounds you.
Now amplify that by a hundred and maybe that begins to cover how he feels while he’s inside of you.
Moans start bubbling out of you with each thrust, you feel him hitting that spot inside of you everytime he ruts back into you, balls slapping against your ass as he gives you himself exactly how you’d asked.
He moves his hand off your clit and grabs your hips, angling them up, pulling you flush against him. Entirely rough as he fucks into you at a slightly new angle, this on its own sends you wild.
Your back arches off the bed, crying out as he slams into you, your wet cunt taking him as deep as it allows. Squeezing around him so hard his jaw is going lax, curls on his head sticking to his forehead.
“Good girl,” he groans out, “taking my cock so fuckin’ well.”
“Knew how good this would feel. M’gonna want you all the fucking time.” Slapping your ass, he keeps the filthy words coming from his mouth, “Gonna be bending you over any chance I get, angel.”
“Please…” you nod feverishly, “Need you all the time, need your cock.”
His tattooed arm comes from your hip and runs up along your side, hand cupping your bouncing tits. Squeezing one of them, he then trails up your neck and coming to cradle your jaw. His thumb slides past your lips and presses into your wet mouth.
You don’t need him to even tell you, you just suck on it, letting saliva pool around his warm finger that’s rubbing circles against your tongue. He draws it in and out, rubbing over your plump lips and tracing a line down your chin. Eventually coming to flick his thumb against your nipple— your own spit coating it.
All of this, and you start to feel the pressure build in your stomach, of course you couldn’t last long as he fucked you like this.
“Harry!” His name started to come from your lips over and over again. Legs beginning to shake, heart racing in your chest.
“Gonna come?” he grunts out, “this sweet pussy gonna come around my cock? Drip all over it?”
You cry out as his body pounds against you, his hands guiding your hips into the movement as your eyes physically can’t stay open. You swear stars are beginning to explode behind them.
They squeeze shut as your whole body almost stops working. Your heart and lungs feel like they completely seize as you hang onto the peak of your orgasm for a breathless moment.
“Fuck—“ he hissed out, feeling how tight you’ve gone around him, “I’m gonna finish with you, cmon baby.”
His fingers come to quickly rub over your clit— a few fast, tight circles, and that is all it takes.
Your moan reverberates around the four walls of his room as you come for the second time, bouncing against his cock as your whole body writhes in your climax.
“Harry, I’m coming!” Your voice is pitched so high, half whine half cry as you state the obvious. As if he missed the fast clenching of your entrance around him.
“Fuck— fuck, im—“ He can’t get the sentence out as his cock starts to pulsate, his balls tightening as he realises he’s about to follow along with you.
He gives a final, deep and hard thrust that brings him to his orgasm. You feel the heat of his come inside of you as the movements of his hips become sloppy with each squeeze of his cock.
The strength of his climax is only amplified by you edging him accidentally earlier, he feels this in his bones.
“Yessss—“ The feeling of him emptying out in your cunt is like heaven, “give it all to me, Captain.”
“Want all my come huh, fuckin’ filthy thing?” He rasps, body hunched over at the heat still bursting through his whole body.
You both ride out your highs with eachother. Hands coming to touch eachother all over as your bodies begin to slow down. His palms skate over your breasts, and your own fingers run up and down his tensed arms. The two of you start to stop shaking and squeezing as the high of your orgasms naturally close out.
The sound of panting is all that fills the room. Breaths laboured and exhausted.
“Baby,” he says, sounding entirely out of breath, “took me so good.”
He leans down to kiss you gently, and you whine against his lips, unable to find the words for anything that just happened.
Slowly, you make out with eachother. Tongues licking gently along lips and against one another. An entirely different sort of intimacy from the sex you just had, and a silent form of a thank you as he slides his cock out of you.
He groans into your mouth as he does it, feeling sensitive as he slips out of your warmth. He pulls away to look at the state of you, something he’s not willing to miss.
The sight was something he wish he could capture forever— no matter how filthy it sounds. Your pussy is swollen, all fucked out as his come is starting to drip out of you.
You watch him stare, a prideful smirk on his lips at the mess he’s made of you. Chocolate curls over his forehead, cheeks and lips flushed a warm red, and his tan skin glistening in a sweat.
Looking at him is like looking at a painting.
He longs to lean down and clean you up with his mouth, but it’s clear how exhausted you both are, so he gets up instead— despite you begging him to stay, he kisses your forehead, “Just getting a cloth to clean y’up. I’m coming back.”
Running water over a washcloth in the bathroom, he comes back out to wipe the fresh and damp material over you. You whine at the touch, the area sensitive from two intense orgasms. Despite the dirty nature of it, it makes him smile softly.
Tending to you after he’s fucked you breathless is almost half the treat. Watching you smile back at him, how content you look. Knowing you’re safe in his company.
Once you’re cleaned up, he chucks the dirtied cloth back in the bathroom to be dealt with later, not wasting any more time and coming to lay back down with you.
“Thank you.” You whispered, now that your brain is clearing you’re becoming unsure what to do now. Do you act as normal? He senses your sudden unease like instinct, wrapping a hand around your waist and tugging you into his chest.
“Don’t be shy, y’fine dove.” He kisses you again, hand running over your side comfortingly, “just had m’cock in you, no room left for that.”
You nod into the gentle kiss he’s giving you, pressing your body to his as you feel less anxious now he’s affirming everything is okay.
As you both lay with eachother, softly touching skin, you wonder what this will change. How the after effects of this will alter the future.
You’re hyperaware standing on top of a precipice of change. Despite wishing you could act naive, and attempt to believe that everything can go back as it once was— you know that will never happen. It’s something you’re both excited and terrified of. But in this moment, with the way the captain of this ship is holding you, touching you, kissing you— you can’t help but feel like everything is going to be alright.
———
taglist:
@saturnheartz @slap-me-harry @ilovehsstuff @ameerakane20 @matildasatellite @harrysslut7 @sunflowersey @styleswiftie @anotheryoutubefanpage @straightontilmornin @oknothanks26 @closureesny @angel-upon @brother-lauren @maddie7writes @tenaciousperfectionunknown
let me know if you want to be added to the taglist for the next part<3
another a/n:
wow!! so hello
mini catchup on me being absent for literally half of last year!! 2024 I was sooo busy with my studies, but you’d all be proud since I pulled some really good grades last year, so my absence in creative writing field on tumblr did have a reason and at the very least paid off. but I missed posting soo much and I’m so happy to be back. unbelievably grateful for how many messages and inboxes I got about my writing over last year as well, I love you all so much.
i literally can’t believe it’s been so long since part 3 of pirates gold was released. really left yall high and dry😔 hopefully not after this part, I swear this is the longest piece I’ve ever wrote on tumblr, so I hope you all have enjoyed it. I have plenty of plans for part 5 in my notes app so yall keep ur eye out for that.
thank you for not only reading my silly authors note, but for reading this next part. your support means the world, and I am planning on being much more active this year so get excited for heaps of oneshots and other tidbits.
much love to you all, stay safe and hydrated I’ll see you very soon!!
P.S ALSO IM SO SORRY FOR ANY TYPOS I MISSED💔 I have reread this as much as my brain will allow me the last week, I will be making edits over the next little while to fix those mistakes but hopefully there’s not too many x
#harry styles#harry styles fanfiction#harry styles smut#harry styles fluff#fanfiction#harry styles x you#fanfic#pirates gold#fluff#1d#one direction#pirates#they finally did it#I finally updated this#harry styles writing#harry styles imagine#harry styles series#harry styles smutshot#piraterry#royal y/n#series#this took me decades to write im sorry#love you#harry styles oneshot#fantasy#he’s so hot im sorry#need that
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On my list of things I hope Eternal Sugar can do is make people fall asleep and trap them in a permanent dream. Dreams that are so happy and perfect that there’s no reason why the victim would ever want to leave. I think of it like something similar to what Bill did to Mabel during the gf finale, where he trapped her in this dream bubble prison that catered to everything she wanted, pretending to be the cure all for all her insecurities: an ideal paradise with an ideal version of her family.
Now imagine that for Hollyberry. If Happiness is going to be the virtue addressed in their arc, then I could see it as ES challenging what really makes Hollyberry happy. Drinking excessively? Feeling like a failure to your kingdom and trying desperately to make up for it? What if you just closed your eyes and let the sloth take over, the peaceful sleepiness that will carry you to a world where nothing ever went wrong, where you’re still queen, everyone loves you, your missing daughter was never lost, and you never failed to protect your kingdom. It’s pure happiness, right? Hollyberry would want that, right?
The way for Hollyberry to break out of it is to admit that drowning sorrows out doesn’t help. Something something acknowledging her faults but not letting it bog down her own personal happiness and passion. If ES preys on escapism, then escaping that escapism is what leads to their defeat. Call it a mix of a theory/hc because if this isn’t something ES can do in canon, I sure am adopting it
#beast yeast#cjj sayeth#eternal sugar cookie#hollyberry cookie#crk theory#crk headcanon#beast yeast theory#also i need this to be real for au reasons lol
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[ENG SUB + Translation] Hou Minghao's farewell message to Zhao Yuanzhou, 16 Nov 2024
"There's always a breeze or two in the mortal world that can send me on beautiful dreams for 18,000 miles."
This trip in the mortal world is a journey that I, Zhao Yuanzhou, had to make.
A one-word spell: Dream. Now, let me tell you a story...
In the Great Wilderness, everyone knows me, and everyone sees me as the Great Demon that has committed every evil deed, deserving of death. But I made the unexpected choice to enter the fray with sworn enemies, old friends, and new acquaintances, embarking on a new path investigating cases and hunting demons together. To voluntarily sign a contract that decided my death date... most people would think that is an ill-omened beginning. But to me it was a relief, to finally be free of the prison that was of my own making...
Fate bound our demon hunting team together, and as we solved cases together, we got to know each other's true hearts. Some amongst us conquered might with gentleness, some amongst us were full of righteousness, some soft-hearted despite our tough exterior, some are lively troublemakers, some holding on to a true heart. Such a motley crew coming together and the only thing they seemed to be able to agree on was: that I wasn't to be trusted. They know me as Zhao Yuanzhou, but they can't forget all the evil I did as a Great Demon. But it didn't matter since I didn't hold much hope for myself as well, so all these other emotions didn't mean anything to me.
If you asked why I came here, I would tell you it's because I am the Great Demon Zhu Yan, forced to bear the burden of being born as a "vessel". I lost control and made an unredeemable mistake, and only death can eliminate the pain in my heart. Living is torture; Death is the gift of relief. However, I also wanted to give myself a chance at redemption, a boat rowing against the current.
Along the way, the demon hunting team encountered many complicated cases, but we worked hand in hand to solve them and the blades that we had pointed towards each other were turned towards the outside. Sworn enemies became comrades in arms, and as we took one step closer to saving the world, we also uncovered wounds that had already scarred over. As we saw each other's past wounds more clearly, we saw the past laughter that was used to hide the pain. Those who had a responsibility to protect found themselves unable to, those bearing the burdens of upholding the family's honour were just trapped in a dream, and those should have grown up with no worries found their world turned upside down overnight...
If you have a nightmare, someone might comfort you by saying don't worry, everything that happens in a dream is inverted. But what if it's a beautiful dream? Everything I'd experienced felt so real to me. As I journeyed on, I began to get lost in the dream. I started to wonder, what was I going to do if I was the one who lost everyone else in the end? I have to confess, I began to feel reluctant to part with everyone...
The lonely boat travels across the bitter seas, but friendship caused waves to rise in a heart that had died. Along the way, we mended each other bit by bit. What I have experienced is too beautiful for the other "me" to ever understand. The wish to enjoy the passing seasons and happiness of an ordinary life held great hidden strength, so that even though I already knew the ending, I did not give up the struggle. Because of all of you, I was driven not just by my thoughts of despair, but by my desire to protect all of you.
Be it the Great Wilderness or the mortal realm, everything must return to its original path. If you grieve over the fact that Zhu Yan did not get a chance to choose, then I will tell you that it was only a dream. If you are looking forward to embarking on a new journey with Zhao Yuanzhou's companions, then you have to wake up to hear the rest of the story. By the way, don't forget what I said – in the future, when it rains, that means I've come to accompany you. Turn the boat around and think of it as a big dream. On the other shore, someone is searching for me. A one-word spell: Wake.
The days I spent with Zhu Yan/Zhao Yuanzhou, confining myself to my shell and experiencing a life seeking an inevitable end, but I also felt the redemption in the countdown. For an actor, this was a very special creative process. The director's help, encouragement, and trust played a huge role in letting me experience this unique and meaningful role of Zhao Yuanzhou. He gave me a lot of room to interpret the one and only Zhao Yuanzhou, and with this support, I was able to accompany Zhao Yuanzhou through this journey, and finally entrust him to you, the audience, with peace of mind.
Also unforgettable were our companions who were with us every step of the way, and the process of everyone coming together in the creative process is very enjoyable, very satisfying, very worthwhile, and I will remember those scenes vividly. I will miss the Great Wilderness, the Demon Hunting Bureau, and the Kunlun Mountains... places where we left our joys and sorrows. Thanks to Wen Xiao, Xiao Zhuo-daren, Pei Sijing, Xiao Jiu, Ying Lei – because of our little demon hunting squad, Zhao Yuanzhou left knowing he was loved. Thank you to my ride-or-die Li Lun, we didn't forget our oath to protect the Great Wilderness. Thank you to my dear friend Zhao Wan'er, and Grandpa Yingzhao, who gave Yuanzhou the rare warmth of familial affection! Last but not least, I would like to thank all the crew behind the scenes for their hard work over the past few months. I have woken up from the dream, but my heart will always remember.
Signed, Zhu Yan/Zhao Yuanzhou, with remorse but no regrets
#fangs of fortune#hou minghao#zhao yuanzhou#zhu yan#it was such a beautiful and heartfelt farewell letter that I had to share it#大梦归离#侯明昊#赵远舟#朱厌#LM's translations
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