#I am so pissed bc my first draft of this didn’t save so this is a recollection of my initial thoughts

[womendeservehumanity]

I am so tired of this white savior virtue signaling breed of white women. It’s always so disingenuous to me

Because for someone who is oh so critical of white supremacy and the way whites are complicit in it surely you talk about white men and how they have always been at the head of it. Using the power that the patriarchy gives them to further oppress and subjugate bipoc? Oh no? You can have one dedicated to condemning circumcision, but not that? Interesting

This is gonna be a long one so gonna cut this off for anyone who doesn’t care

Let me just say. I am all for white women being criticized for the way they collectively are complacent in and often times participate in white supremacy. But there’s this reoccurring theme I’m seeing where this only applies to white women. As if only they have unique ways of interacting with racism and white supremacy. Completely absolving white men any of that individual accountability. As if their racism always speaks for white PEOPLE and is never dependent on their gender. So there’s no need to make a distinction. And this woman is one of the main culprits of this type of subconscious mindset. I’ve seen her a handful of times on my fyp and you can tell she thinks she’s “one of the good white women” who can tell it how it is. But her takes are half baked and lukewarm at best.

This is one of her most dogshit takes my lord. First off, the constant coddling of men of color as if they’re incapable of oppressing and harming women (yes that includes white women 😢). But the real kicker is her saying that this woman, whether you think her fears are misplaced or not, has a kink. That she gets sexual excitement from the idea of her and her child being kidnapped, raped, and trafficked. Do you hear yourself? Do you hear the words coming out of your mouth? This sounds like something I’d only see a conservative man saying because errrr women have rape fantasies so why do you guys act like you’re scared of rape? Is this the lengths of pandering you’re willing to go to just for men of color to still not respect you?

And yes I’m calling her a panderer. And saying she’s virtue signaling. What else could explain cringe shit like this? For some reason tumblr’s not letting me paste the link but I kid you not, it’s literally just this lady sitting in silence while Liam Neeson’s monologue from taken plays in the background. She’s dead serious too 😭 she props herself up as this “chosen one” amongst white women. The one who actually gets it. Meanwhile white men are leaning more and more towards the far right yet I’m supposed to believe white women are our biggest concerns?

And this is what I mean when it’s like her takes are lukewarm and half baked. Because in a general sense she’s right. But before I say how I partially agree but in the end think it’s a shit take, is there a better testament of her political illiteracy than her saying white women have “internalized racism” 😭 WHY DO SO MANY PEOPLE NOT KNOW WHAT INTERNALIZED MEANS. YOU CANT INTERNALIZE SOMETHING YOU DONT FACE STOP USING BUZZWORDS. I’ve seen people say that men have internalized misogyny. Just talking to talk.

But anyways, all that aside, racism and white supremacy was a core value in the founding of the United States. And it is so heavily ingrained in our history and society. So yes every white woman (and men hello?) no matter how educated and progressive has some sort of subconscious racism and racial biases. But of course this has to come down to how this affects men of color. Her perpetual victims. She hardly ever mentions women of color mind you. And I think women have every right to fear men. And that includes men of color. And yes I’m aware there are MANY white women who have absolutely no problem with white men and are only scared of men of color because of the fact that they’re poc. But the idea that women fearing their oppressors (even the ones who are marginalized as well) is bad is fucking bullshit.

Because men of color oppress women. They harm women. They hate women. With the same fervor as white men. And yet white women have to coddle the feelings of men of color over their own safety because you wanna be a white savior? Hell it doesn’t even only apply to white women. I remember seeing a video of this black man recording himself running at this Asian woman as a “joke” and the poor woman was absolutely terrified. It’s an especially terrifying situation considering she was alone at night. And there were thousands of comments calling her racist (I think the man in the video may have as well I don’t remember) women are expected to forfeit our safety because well actually that man might not be bad and you’re hurting his feelings by being cautious.

And honestly, as a black woman, some of the worst misogyny and violence towards women I’ve seen has been at the hands of black men. Because men of color always operate on their maleness being first. And you can see that by the way they treat women in their communities. They fight against the oppression that directly affects them just to uphold and participate in the oppression of women and uphold the patriarchy. The amount of black men I’ve seen shame black women for not wanting to be submissive and traditional is insane. All while advocating for the liberation of black people from the system of white supremacy. So many men of color hold such conservative values expect when it would negatively affect them. They want to live in a world where they’re essentially white men. Where they can be free and equal but women (including their female counterparts) remain below them.

I am just so tired of this type of rhetoric because it always feels just one take closer to “we should bring back female hysteria as a medical diagnosis because these ladies are out of control”. And it all just reeks of americentrism because I guess you can’t paint men of color as these 100% victims of the big bad white woman in their homogenous countries. Also because they just don’t care

[t4tozier]

Jace pregnancy hc you say? How do you think he finds out? And how does Porter find out (my personal hc is a 9th level witch bolt but i'd love to hear your thoughts)

HA okay i have to think about how jace actually gets pregnant in the first place so you’ll actually get porter’s reaction first. jace for sure is not doing some cutesy little pregnancy announcement.

so i’ve learned i can’t answer asks that are saved as drafts on my phone without saving them every time i leave the app. bc i had three paragraphs that just got trashed. anyway.

there are two ways i see jace’s reaction going and therefore the way porter finds out. the first is the witch bolt route, in which jace is fucking pissed. he yells at porter and tells him he didn’t ask for this, he didn’t even want kids, and porter doesn’t even care all that much. he’s just happy that the cliffbreaker/sunstone name will live on in their demigod child. but the thing is jace could decide not to go through with it. he specifically doesn’t look for any alternative.

and then there’s the other, possibly more sexy version, in which jace is thrilled to bear porter’s child(ren). it’s one more way to serve his god, to connect him to jace, and he’ll happily take anything he can get. as soon as porter gets home, he’s sinking to his knees, wrapping his lips around his cock to make sure porter knows how much he appreciates the beautiful opportunity he’s been given. when he finally pulls back and porter asks what’s going on with him, he just smirks and says, “you wanna fuck me so good you put another baby in me?” and it’s over for porter.

i think either way jace finds out in pretty similar ways, it’s just the reaction that differs. he’s been complaining to zara all the past week that he’s been tired, his back has been hurting, and he’s been getting cramps unrelated to the minimal exercise he does. zara brushes it off as his typical jace complaints, even (especially) when he starts talking about his acne. “have you ever seen a bump on my face, zara? no? i didn’t think so. so why the fuck am i getting them now?”

and jace knows there are potions, there are blessings, but he’s never been able to afford one, much less be powerful enough to deserve a god’s blessing. and yet, when he thinks about it, his dreams have been more vivid than lately, talking about destiny and duty and fertility, and maybe, just maybe, he’d been given a blessing after all, without even asking for it. had he asked for it? it’s hard to remember, now. all he can think about is the new heir growing inside of him.

[baekhvuns]

hi, sunbae. how have u been? how has baekhvuns villagers been?

im kinda off tbh. my mental health hasnt been the greatest (im getting professional help tho, dw), and now besides gaza there's a massive flooding in one brazilian state, rio grande do sul, and it has made me feel so bad. im not from there so im not at risk, but as a brazilian it has made me feel so angry. people lost their whole houses. there are thousands of people missing. the situation is awful, all due to climate change and a state governor who is a fucking asshole.

sorry to rant, im very pissed. i dont know if people outside brazil know ab whats happening in rio grande do sul, but please donate if you can. things are really serious.

but! talking ab nice things, i just came back from a trip with my sibiling and it has helped me to relax somehow. im writing a bit and taking care of my health, so... yeah.

(and idk if this is still as fun as it used to be bc now u know who i am and im not even half as funny as i used to be when i started sending u asks, but thats what i have to offer for now lol)

see yall soon :)

-hoobae anon

hello!! i’ve been good, just extremely busy w uni 😀, hope you’ve been well as well!!!

im kinda off tbh. my mental health hasnt been the greatest (im getting professional help tho, dw), and now besides gaza there's a massive flooding in one brazilian state, rio grande do sul, and it has made me feel so bad. im not from there so im not at risk, but as a brazilian it has made me feel so angry. people lost their whole houses. there are thousands of people missing. the situation is awful, all due to climate change and a state governor who is a fucking asshole.

sorry to rant, im very pissed. i dont know if people outside brazil know ab whats happening in rio grande do sul, but please donate if you can. things are really serious.

omg i’m glad you’re getting help! pls do pop in whenever you want if ur wanting to talk!!!

stop i heard of that, it was all over my TL and my brazillian friends were informing me of it, what an absolutely terrifying situation to be in. fUCK that governor, there’s atp literally no good governor there ???? 😭😭😭 i hope the situation is a little better than before (unfort i do not know how it’s been now as my TL’s the same as when it first happened!!) no please rant, blabber all u want!

this one has a good donation site link if i remember!

but! talking ab nice things, i just came back from a trip with my sibiling and it has helped me to relax somehow. im writing a bit and taking care of my health, so... yeah.

oooo, where did you go??? i’m glad it did helped you, writing a bit, 👀 do give us some hint because i loved your last one, i was wondering if u got the ask! i was worried it never reached so ihave it saved as a draft on my notes in case it didn’t 😭😭😭

what writing 👀 idk if it helps u with ur writing but a webtoon by the name the mafia nanny might help with some inspo ☺️

(and idk if this is still as fun as it used to be be now u know who i am and im not even half as funny as used to be when i started sending u asks, but thats what i have to offer for now lol)

IT IS DON’T YOU WORRY 🫡 NO IT DOESNT MATTER UR FUNNY AF PLS DONT STOP 😭😭‼️

[venomous--fics]

Anon asked: maybe a continuation of the peter b parker kid thing where they finally confront the mom and get the readers things back 😩💞💞

a/n: ask and thou shall receive! this spent so long in the drafts bc i felt so insecure about it tbh, so any feedback is appreciated! I love seeing messages about what you guys think! really keeps me motivated! also, requests are open

Warnings: mentions of past abuse

Peter was sitting at the kitchen table, constantly looking at the clock. It was almost 5pm, you were supposed to be home an hour and a half ago. Yes, he keeps track of everyone's schedules, yes he knows the exact second you should be walking through the door. He's already texted you, but maybe you had detention. Nah, you were a good student, he highly doubted you'd have to stay after school.

His phone finally rang, and he was way too quick answering it.

"You okay?"

"I need some help."

"What is it?" he was already out the door.

You sighed, knowing he was probably going to give you an earful later.

"Well, it's a really long story, right.. But my mom showed up after school-"

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, I think. Anyways, we got into it on the way home, which is no- Not normal." you adjusted how you were sitting, "And since she was dragging me back to the house, I figured I'd just get my crap and come home, right? Makes sense, saves us the tri-"

"She took you without permission?"

"Technically she is my m-...Parent. I guess, y'know, legally she can do whatever- But..Okay." you began to feel bubbles of anxiety and pain and even resentment form deep in your core, "She locked me out." You rubbed your neck.

"Are you," he paused, looking around at all the faces passing by him, "Still there?"

"Yeah. Unfortunately. I'm sorry."

"What are you sorry for? Don't apologize, you didn't do anything."

"I keep causing problems for everyone."

"Not for me. Or Mj."

It was quiet on your end.

"You still there?"

"Yeah."

"I'll be there in like ten minutes."

"You probably shouldn't."

"Nah, nah." He said, having a sudden wave of anger rush over him, "Let me take care of this."

And true to his word, Peter was there in ten minutes. You hopped up from your spot on the porch as he made his way up to the door and knocked on it as hard as he could. He gave you a reassuring pat on the back.

The door swung open, and your mother seemed awfully surprised and confused to see some random man just standing there. Peter held no emotion has he looked her dead in the eye, "Can we come in."

She opened the door wider so that way you two could step in.

"Go get your stuff." is all Peter said to you.

Wasting no time, and not wanting to be in the middle of a potential argument between the two, you skedaddled to your room. It almost felt like too much to be in there. It looked so empty and barren compared to your room at Peter and Mjs place. Seems really dull. Lifeless, almost. Dust covered every surface, which meant that nobody had ever even bothered to see if you were even still in there.

You heard their voices from the living room, but they seemed so distant, seeing as all you could focus on was every shitty thing that woman put you through.

You remember the day that you got bit. It made you deathly ill, and you just thought you were dying from some sort of allergic reaction to the spider bite. You tried to get her to take you to any doctor or anywhere that could help because all you could seem to see were stars.

Everything then was so loud. Everything was so bright. It was all too much, and you were certain that the reaper was waiting for you. What did she say?

"Suck it up and stop pretending. Everything has to be so dramatic with you."

Or that time you forgot a single item on the shopping list. You got this whole speech about how stupid you had to have been. To forget one item. It was the world's most useless item.

Everything else seemed to play all over again, all at once. Like a waterfall. It should've made you sad. It should've made you cry, or scream.

You recounted all the times you wanted to fight back, or just run away. Leave everything behind and just run until your legs gave out. But you never did. You always found some reason to linger.

The conversation was growing louder where Peter was.

"You aren't going to do this to them ever again. Sign the papers."

You nearly dropped your last belonging on the floor as you scrambled to your door. Papers? He wasn't serious. Well, obviously he was. He just said it.

"Fine. It's not like the-"

"Zip it. Sign the papers."

"Who are you anyways? The law? If so, whatever they've told you is a b-"

"Listen, lady. I didn't ask for any attitude. I told you to sign the papers." he seemed to huff in annoyance, "That doesn't require talking."

"I'm a good mother."

"And I'm the king of France."

"Really. I gave them a good home. I have fed them and kept them warm-"

"Really? You think you did all that? Or are you convincing yourself that you did all that?"

"I am-"

"Can I be honest with you?"

"Ye-"

"I've never said this about anyone, ever. I don't like speaking to or about anyone like this.. Ever, but, you? I think you're a piece of shit."

"Excuse me?"

"Oh, look. You finished signing the papers. I'll take those. Thank you."

Realizing that it was your time to go, you stuffed your blanket into your duffel bag and rushed out the door and down the hall. Peter looked at you, expecting to see at least three bags. But he only saw the one.

"Where's the rest of your stuff."

"Uhm," you shuffled around, pretending as thought you dropped some, "This...This is all my stuff."

"That can't be ri-" He laughed a little, and noting the expression on his face, you saw that he was NOT happy. "That? That single duffle bag is all you have? That's it?"

"Yes..." you took a step back, "This is all.."

"I can't believe it." he said, "You're joking! One bag worth of stuff?"

He turned his attention back to your mother, who, for the first time in your life, actually looked like she got caught red handed, "You're pathetic. Absolutely pathetic."

"But they're so u-"

"No! No, you don't get to talk anymore. You've done enough."

You awkwardly shuffled behind him, in the event that you two had to make a mad dash out the door. That and you needed to not be seen as you tried to hide your almost evil grin.

"The hell is wrong with you? You have this amazing kid, and THAT'S all you've ever gotten for them? And you sit there and call yourself a mother? Absolutely, without a doubt, bullshit. I'd be ashamed of myself to call myself a father if that's all I've provided for my kid. Don't even get me started on you as a person, we made that clear."

It almost felt cursed to hear him swear, seeing as he made it a point to tell you to not swear. Every time you did, you have to give a quarter to the swear jar. Mj was always on your side, though. She'd say a swear that was much worse and have to pay a dollar. Each word had a value.

"Maybe we should just go." you suggested, tugging on the sleeve of his arm, "She's not worth it anymore."

"She was never worth it, it seems."

You finally made eye contact with her, and the look in her eye. It's like she understood, but was choosing to not do anything about the situation. She could look sorry all she wanted, but you knew she wasn't.

"I'm sorry, Y/n. You know that right."

"That means nothing to me."

"I can change."

"If you can change now, that means you could've changed then. You just chose not to."

"But I'm your mother, you should realize how I feel. You should want-"

"You're not my mom. You stopped being my mom the first time you-" You turned towards the door and started walking towards it, "Whatever. You mean nothing to me."

You practically kicked open teh door just to leave, and Peter was right behind you, shouting about how he'd make sure to egg her house everyday, just to piss her off.

"Do you really think I'm amazing?" you asked, the walk home feeling rather quiet.

"I think you're more than that. Just can't put it into words."

"Did you really mean it...That we could egg her house?"

"You want to? There's a store right on the way home."

"How about tomorrow."

"I'll have to clear up my busy schedule. See if I can work in a drive by egging. Well, swing by egging."

"You promise?"

"You kidding? I haven't egged anyone's house since college."

You had so much more you wanted to get off you chest, but you opted to just talk about it at home, with everyone present. You wanted to talk about how you felt about everything, and the papers. Whatever those were. But you were, for the moment, busy laughing about Peter's story about how he used to Egg this one reporters house. Someone named Jonah.

You wonder if Jonah ever put two and two together.

[its-deputy-caleb]

If you’re comfortable sharing... id love to hear about your OCs! (Especially if in the far cry universe)

sksks get ready for a lot of oc brain rot i feel like i’ve been sitting on my oc content for years and i will slowly dump it all here but i am genuinely excited that y'all wanna hear about em. and yea i’m sticking with just far cry oc’s for now

I will also post a couple of fc6 oc templates soon if anyone wants to make their own <3 pls we can have an oc party

Obvi i got my main bro caleb from far cry 5, the link here explains him a hell of a lot more and he’s probably my most developed character cause i’ve worked on him since 2018 or whenever the game came out. but he’s basically my dep (and where i got my username from) so he’s your typical average white guy but he’s the gentle giant, tough but emotional kind of guy. I also have another oc who is his sister and she ends up as the captain in new dawn, i named her eleanor or ellie and they're the badass nelson siblings i guess.

Now i feel hella excited about my FC6 oc’s cause they’re new n fresh and i love em to bits >:))) but i’m still workin’ on all of them so they aren’t complete of course 

–

The first one is Manuel ‘Manny’ Suárez Landaverde and he’s an FND soldier who starts off as a medic because he loves helping people (and lowkey a victim of all of castillo’s propaganda) but he ends up getting promoted through the ranks to special forces as a sniper for his skills. I haven’t really decided if he will defect and it would be cool to make him a double agent or he turns completely to libertad or another faction of the resistance but I've mostly just been working on his personality.

He’s totally soft and shy as hell, definitely doesn’t socialise well with the other soldiers at parties (but i kinda wanna give him a grouchy fnd boyfriend too idk) and he’s got a very cosy apartment in esperanza before he moves into the special forces block in barrial. Think like lots of windows, house plants, some cool art from zenia and he definitely has a cat.

Manny is like the precious cinnamon roll meme but could kill you, he’s just over protective of those he loves but mostly he just wants to use his skills to save lives and mainly is stationed at outposts or accompanies special forces rather than actually being a full blown soldier.  But I don't have his backstory worked out yet or how to write him into the canon timeline.

–

The second is my weirdly specific but probably all time favourite Yulia Dmitrievna Mikhaylov. That’s her Russian name but once she immigrated to Yara, the Russian ‘Yulia’ became the latin ‘Julia’. She’s very much a historical character (because she’s born in 1882) because I wanted her to be like an old loving grandma by the time the first revolution came around in ‘67. I’m keeping it short and sweet here since I have like a whole ass essay on her in my drafts but she basically moves to Esperanza with her husband (think the whole soviet cuban missile crisis) because her husband is a military officer and she’s this badass spy.

Julia is like the stone cold old Russian lady who gets pissed at the FND if they bother her in town but she absolutely adores her family members to bits (and I'm currently working on her mother, father and husband who will mostly be based in Russia). 

She’s the product of two ideas basically; the first i wanted to have juan’s backstory (since ubisoft the bastards didn’t give us one) and i also wanted to have like a russian spy oc so i combined the two.

The reason why she’s gotta be old is not only to fit the historical time period of soviet influence in cuba and hence fictional yara but she ends up being a small 8 year old juan’s found family since that’s my favourite trope. I did a rough timeline of events and the closest age I can pinpoint Juan is around 73ish, like 1949 DOB.

This is important bc Julia’s husband passes away so she gets lonely and when she meets juan who’s still in an orphanage in esperanza by this point she takes him under his wing and reads him her husband’s old russian spy novels, comics, teaches him to read in russian and so on bc this is how i figured he’d get all his influence to later work for the KGB and go on to be the infamous spymaster and such.

Basically she teaches a smol juan to be an evil little shit (affectionate) and so i nicknamed her “grandma cortez” and if you read the hidden histories ‘The Cabinet of Dr.Medico - Issue #3’ which is one of Juan's comics. It's super heartfelt so she calls him “little Juanito” like the letter and it’s just core memories and found family for everyone.

I will post more about her cause i love her to bits but she’s basically juan’s badass spy grandma who's got a bunch of stories from her days and she’s partially her own cool character and my excuse to write juan’s backstory since ubisoft didn’t do it.

– 

And finally my latest oc actually doesn’t have a name yet but she’s an oluwa goddess and i’m basing her off the tirada treasures and lore, the supremo + weapons + outfit and oluso. 

i also haven't decided on a look yet, hence the two almost identical ones (i'm also conscious of trying to portray her in a way that doesn't feel overly sexual/exotic/mythical) whilst basing her look of oluso with the glowing eyes and all the symbols from the treasure hunts so she's very underdeveloped

I really want her to be like a myth in yara and an old legend so she’s gonna be thousands of years old. I have to credit @juskru for giving me such a cool idea to tie her in with the legends of 67 and specifically lucky

Her powers are definitely going to be of healing properties but she used to be much stronger. Before she could take life and death willingly and was kind of the lifeline to all living things in yara but she’s been weakened by wars and particularly when McKay Global started exploiting resources and land she can only heal wounds or injuries (and is very drained afterwards).

Even though she’s not as powerful, people still pray to her and the other Triada and I really like the idea that the Oluwa blessings are asking her to protect family members or to heal soldiers or guerrilla’s after a fight.

@juskru gave me the amazing idea to have her teach Lucky how to heal and give the basics of medicine and that’s why she’s the Legend’s top combat medic. That’s why I want to tie her story into the revolution of 67 and it reignites some of the Triada religion which the Castillo’s have historically tried to ban and suppress.

I definitely want to do more with her and the others but i’m far from finished with all of them :))))))) hope ya'll enjoy these as much as i enjoy hyperfixating lmao

[saint-patrice]

i don’t even have a precursor for this, i think we should just get right to the good stuff ↴

see here for other posts like this one! i am also taking requests for ‘em :)

(via @suicidepokecheck) i mean this is genuinely just peak flower. like if i had to pick one visual to describe marc-andré fleury to somebody, it would be this. trickster god who loves nothing more than to play harmless and stupid pranks on teammates. would recommend this video for even more fun

y’all i’m-

BARK-ANDRE

(via @suicidepokecheck) baby face says “i’m innocent,” shovel says “i’ve got a body to dispose of”. i suspect both are true, somehow

i mean... i guess i can’t disagree?

safety first!

if you didn’t cry when he lefts the pens - how does it feel to have literally no emotions? i am not exactly a pittsburgh fan, but damn if i didn’t cry like a baby when this was all happening!! he does seem to be having a good time in vegas, and they love him there, so that’s nice at least. expansion drafts: ruining lives since 1967

(via @dickgraysoni) i saved this as “do you ever just cry” and....... yeah, i do ;-;

i love how all-in everyone has gone on “flower” as a nickname. i mean, obviously most players have nicknames and you’re familiar with your team’s nicknames, but i think most of us would be flummoxed for a second if somebody referred to flower as marc-andré. also this light show is so pretty. what a vibe.

a baby draft flower! just a seedling!!! fleury was only the third goalie in history to be drafted first overall (michel plasse and dipietro are the others, for those wondering). quite the achievement, maybe it will even convince the HHOF selection committee to abandon their apparent ‘no goalies’ rule when he retires... 😶

(via @musuniverse) penguin²

when you commit so many crimes that you forget what crimes you have committed! goalie penalties are so funny because it’s like dude... you’re literally just making more work for yourself here. but sometimes you just need to go apeshit, apparently

every year he and his wife win hallowe’en, no contest. it’s spectacular

(via @nylanders) he is just happy to be here!!!!

what i think is funny is that if he were less Completely and Utterly Charming he’d have gotten the shit kicked out of him years ago, yknow? like if some random skinny french goalie did this to me i’d be so annoyed..... but it’s FLOWER, you CAN’T hate him!!!

(via @gfhockey; @samgirard) i think he’s got what it takes to be in the circus, guys. retirement plans sorted

(via @vgk-sinbin) from when he got caught trying to block his net with some snow before being pulled for the sixth skater - hiding behind his glove bc he’s embarrassed! mcnabb beside him on the bench laughing at him! gallant pissing himself about the whole thing! this was honestly one of my favourite occurrences from last season

(via @samgirard) on a scale of floof to flow, this is slap bang in the middle

flower showing this that, hey, hockey players spent their quarantine learning new life skills that maybe they should have gotten round to ages ago too!

he has socks with his own face on them. i have an infinite amount of respect for that power move

(via @vgk-sinbin) sometimes. sometimes you just have to do a little goddamn dance. and sometimes that sometimes is in the middle of a hockey game and there’s a puck right in front of you that you need to prevent from getting in the net. so you combine you gambolling urges and your goaltending ability and this happens.

and there you have it! he’s french; he looks adorable with puppies and with his very cute kiddos; he loves his wife; he swears an awful lot; he’s a spectacular goaltender and even better prankster; and i don’t think it’s possible to dislike him!

[paragonshep]

Happy N7 Day, friends and ememies, and welcome to an unplanned stream-of-consciousness thought experiment I like to call

The Bare Fucking Minimum

What is this, you ask? Well I am, once again, thinking about Jacob Taylor. Specifically, I’m thinking about the complete shitshow that was Jacob’s story arc. What were the themes, the overarching concepts? And were they deliberately trying to piss off everyone who romanced him? 

In honor of the announcement of a remaster that will almost certainly do nothing for him, I’m here to ask: if we assume that all the major story elements must remain the same, what’s the minimum that could be changed to bring all of his everything from a major shitshow to a minor shitshow?

Let me preface this by saying that 1) I am not a writer, and 2) I am not black. The scope of this post is fairly limited, and mostly relates to tidying up the themes and emotional arc while keeping the actual events largely unchanged. I’m fully aware that Jacob’s loyalty mission, for example, is absolutely steeped in racist tropes, and that a lot of people out there would prefer to just throw the whole thing out and start over. I get that, but that’s not something I’m equipped to do, so if that’s what you were looking for, this post probably isn’t the one for you.

This is also pretty much spun right off the top of my head. I didn’t draft this, I’m not really digging too deep. I’m just collecting and laying out some thoughts I had floating around in my head, so this is gonna get pretty disjointed. Feel free to throw out your own thoughts in the notes. I may or may not dive in and chat with y’all, since this is mostly just to get these thoughts out of my head and on a page. We’ll see once things get going.

Anyway let’s start at the top.

1. What’s it all about, when you get right down to it?

So, Jacob’s whole arc is a complete fucking mess and feels like they just threw a bunch of random shit at it to see what would stick, but ultimately I think it’s about masculinity and Jacob’s conception of what makes a man. I think the key to Jacob as a character is understanding what traits embody masculinity, and which people he thinks have missed the mark. There’s clearly things like strength and integrity, but follow-through, duty, and keeping promises seem to be major elements in his definition of masculinity. Put a pin in that, we’ll come back to that later. Unfortunately, it’s time to talk about...

2. The Loyalty Mission

Oh boy. Welp. Let’s get this over with, I guess.

So obviously this is racist and really shit and really Bioware should just throw the whole thing out, but again, that's not what we're going here. This is the part I've given the least thought to, so it will probably be short and not come to many conclusions. anyway let's grit our teeth and look for the theme that ties in into Jacob's greater narrative arc. Specifically, if Jacob's whole thing is "what makes a man", then we need to look at how exactly his father missed the mark.

Spoiler alert: it's duty.

Ultimately, his father was captain and it was his obligation to get the crew home, even if it was personally inconvenient. It was his duty as a father to try to get home himself for the sake of his family. It was about obligation, oaths and promises he broke. Can I get some uhhhhhhhhhhhh fucking themes. Dive into that shit more.

I’m too tired to get more into it bc I’m actually writing this section last, but it’s interesting to note that even afterwards Jacob’s feelings about his father are complicated. Like, he hates the guy and thinks he’s despicable, but he still feels a need to try to find that things he got even half right. He can’t bring himself to write off everything the man ever was. That feels like a rich vein they could have done something with, but they didn’t.

3. The Romance, ME2

This one is an absolute fucking mess.

So there are two threads running through the core of this romance arc: the kink/powerplay element and the time element, and a major problem of the romance is that it doesn’t really know which one it is.

So, I know a lot of people dislike the whole kink element just on principle, but I’m not here to do that. Not everyone is into soft vanilla stuff, and it’s a little irritating how much of the fandom (and the world) tries to paint kink as inherently evil or unhealthy. THAT SAID, the kink here is inefficient in terms of storytelling, it’s sloppy writing, and the whole time I played the romance I was thinking “What’s the point of this?”. The problem with that element, and the fact that the ME2 love scene focuses on it, is that it does not serve any overarching narrative, either in terms of romance progression or Jacob’s whole character. It feels slapped on. It’s just not good storytelling. (and while i’m generally for kink, I am also side eyeing Bioware for slapping this on ME’s first black character and only him. not offensive in and of itself, but feels like part of a greater racist picture)

I’m honestly shocked they didn’t lean harder into the whole theme of time, and specifically time running out, because it seems like the obvious choice. It’s built into the whole main plot of ME2, and it’s an element of multiple other romances. You’re all heading into a suicide mission, there’s a serious chance you’re all going to die, and you don’t have enough time. Like what the fuck! That would have been emotionally satisfying! 

Imagine if the final romance scene had featured Jacob coming to see Shepard and having this whole speech/rant about how he doesn’t like to rush into things, how he likes to take it slow and really get to know each other, but now there’s no more time and you both might die tomorrow, and he might regret this choice if you live but he knows he’ll regret not making it if you die!!!!!! That’s some real shit! it completes a narrative arc! It ties into shit we know about Jacob outside his romance!!! Why the fuck didn’t they go that route!!!!!!! Can you tell I’m still angry!!!!!

4. ME3

So Jacob’s role in this game is pretty minimal, so there’s not a lot to work with and not a lot to change. Good thing I can fix like 90% of its issues with one change:

It’s not his child Dr. Cole is carrying.

Like that alone you can use to fix a bunch of issues without changing the core themes of his character arc! It works in a romance and non romance playthrough! You can still do a fatherhood “doing better than my own father did” arc even if Jacob didn’t contribute the sperm, Bioware!!!!!

So here’s how I picture it: The stuff about meeting and getting to know Jacob can stay the same. The father of Dr. Cole’s child is someone we never meet who is generally out of the picture. Possibly one of the other scientists she was working with who were killed when their part of the project was complete. Her partner disappears, she goes to Jacob for help, and Jacob promises to help her and her coworkers get out and keep them safe. Remember that shit I said back under point one about keeping promises? Boom! Narrative arc complete. This would also serve as an excuse to keep Jacob from coming back the the Normandy, since he made a promise to Brynn and he’s going to see it through. This works even with a romanced Jacob, because he can love Shepard and also note that she’s not the person who needs him most right now! Is this a perfect solution that would please every player? By no means! But I bet a lot of us would be less absolutely livid about it!

In conclusion,

I realize actually implementing these changes would actually be a whole lot of work, and this is not, in fact, a simple quick fix. My point is mostly that this did not require changing any actual plot beats, just recontextualizing them, and that Bioware and the writer(s) responsible could have saved themselves a lot of angry players if they’d just picked a coherent theme for this character and stuck to it. There’s no excuse for Jacob’s writing being as incoherent and terrible as it is.

I could probably write a lot more about this, but since I’m basically illiterate this took me pretty much all day to write and I’m tired. Bioware Stop Being So Racist Challenge, and Happy N7 Day.

[boobdolan]

a review of melodrama (2017) by lorde

hey what’s up it’s your boy b-dawg. the b is for boobs as in breasts. this post is a track-by-track review of melodrama, the grammy-nominated sophomore studio album by ella yelich-o’ connor (aka lorde), a new zealand singer-songwriter who likes to dance funny and eat onions. her first album was pure heroine which was pretty big bc i think people (angsty teens) related to her songs about being an angsty teen.

i’m gonna keep it real with you chief. when i first heard green light (the lead single from the album) i thought it was pretty ass. but you know what. i’m an ass man despite my username. so eventually by some karmic circumstance i was reintroduced to the album and i realised: “hey! this is pretty dope! 😎” and then i ended up writing a 4000-word extended essay on it for the IB. but that’s another story.

green light is also the first track on the album, and it’s a hella effective one. with its intro bringing listeners acapella ella™️ over sparse piano chords, it kicks open the door to the sound of melodrama and immediately subverts any expectations for a pure heroine 2.0. as the song progresses we get additional elements of new and old - the boom-bap drums recall the hip-hop influences that permeated pure heroine, while her high-pitched backing vocals in the chorus introduce listeners to new vocal stylings from a singer who was previously known for being a Cool Bean who was Too Cool for all that stuff.

as the maximalist bop green light ends, listeners are thrown even further away from the sound of pure heroine with sober. personal note: sober was the song i most liked on the album upon first listen. and I can see why. it’s because i’ve got good taste! from the spacey uber-processed backing vocals to the bongo beat to the horns in the chorus, the song’s really unlike much else in the pop scene today. i especially like the “night, midnight, lose my mind” intro because when i first heard it i was like “wtf???? cool 🤠” anyway, point is, ella and her bf did well on this track.

at this point one might think, “this girl has a thing for acapella intros to her songs”. and she does! homemade dynamite starts, like an action movie, in situ, with its musings about top gun and the house party that the album is conceptually based around. one thing i love about the song is its synths. the 80s inspiration is obvious, with the synth pad emulating the iconic Fairlight sound on kate bush’s running up that hill. however, the moodiness of the synth pad is contrasted with a sprightly riff that comes in every now and then, emphasising that Potent Teenage Mix of Emotions™️ that the album is focused around. lorde also uses contrast in her lyrics, pairing wordy, literary, stream-of-consciousness style verses with almost childish phrases like “know I think you’re awesome, right???” it’s things like this that really encapsulate the state of being teenaged to me - that uncertain transitional period between adolescence and adulthood.

the following song starts with a very indie-sounding guitar, which is an unconventional sound for a lorde song. but the louvre is so typically lordey in that it shows off one of her greatest skills - the ability to create memorable, quotable lines with unique phrasing. who else would think of stammering the line “i overthink your punctuation use”?? who else would think of using a spoken “broadcast the boom boom boom boom and make ‘em all dance to it” as a hook??? another thing of note in this song is its extended U2-esque instrumental outro, courtesy of jack antonoff. sometimes when i listen to it, i understand why ella is banging him.

jack then mumbles the intro to the next song and starts playing the piano. after a few bars, ella joins him and her voice basically has sex with his tinkling on the ivories. liability is objectively great. lyrically, she reaches mind-bending extremes that many of her contemporaries can only dream of achieving. there’s a verse where she goes “home, into the arms of the girl that [she] loves” which is very interestingly constructed - it hits listeners with the initial shock of “oh wait is ella coming out” and just Leaves It for a few lines. and theN BOOM!!!! she’s actually talking about herself. that’s pretty cool. one other thing is her rhyme scheme in the line “the truth is, i am a toy that people enjoy ‘til all of their tricks don’t work anymore” which has a devastating effect that always gets me, even though it greatly takes advantage of her bananies voice.

now the listener is halfway through the album, and at this point they’re likely as hard as the feelings in the title of the next song. hard feelings/loveless brings us back into the world of electronic drums and synths after the minimalism of liability, and it does so excellently, providing an ambient atmosphere with its muffled beat and echoey distorted guitar. this song used to be one of my least favourites on the album because I thought the L O V E L E S S chant in the second part sounded kinda dumb and edgy. but then i watched lorde’s performance of the song for VEVO and ?????? WtF????? it really shines with a small choir and a boombox. fantastic. i also appreciate the little paul simon sample that bridges the two parts together - it’s a rare example of lorde wearing her influences on her sleeve for this album. also paul simon is one cool mf. i pop my pussy to graceland 24/7. 😎👌

taking a note from jack antonoff’s albums, the next song is a reprise, which have been used by many artists after the beatles to say “hey look my album is cohesive!” even though the only reason why it’s cohesive is because it’s cohesively shit. that’s not the case with sober II (melodrama), which functions as a response to the first sober. the parent song’s repeated calls of “can you feel it?” are immediately countered in sober II’s first line: “you asked if i was feeling it, i’m psycho high”. that’s cool because it reinforces the house party concept of the album. however, while i think the strings and trap drums combo sounds cool on paper, this production choice is the album’s first misstep because it sounds like jack put together 2 apple loops on garageband that didn’t quite fit.

luckily, before lorde turns into one of the migos, we’re treated with another piano song - writer in the dark. a word about lorde’s vocal performance in this song: WOW!!!!!!!!!! 😃😃😃 good stuff! in the verses, her raspy, imperfect voice highlights the intimacy and personal nature of the lyrics. in the chorus, she double tracks her voice and sings with a more round tone, which gives the eerie effect of sounding a bit like kate bush. it’s ok. i’m a bush man too. jack does a little production trick in the outro where ella sings the hook progressively louder as he fades out her vocal and lets the song be overtaken by strings. while it’s cool, i feel like he quite obviously snagged it from the outro of david bowie’s “heroes”, where a similar trick was achieved by the production god brian eno. jack then did it again on the song slow disco by st. vincent later in the year. side note: i’m still kinda pissed about what he did to st. vincent’s masseduction. more on that another time.

the next song, which should’ve been a single, features the metaphor of a supercut. i’m not sure how i feel about that because, on one hand, the term feels very millennial, like a better-written version of katy perry’s save as draft. you know what i mean? like those songs that aged fast - crazy in love with its pager reference, and payphone with its..... payphone reference. on the other hand, a supercut is pretty timeless, as montages have been used in cinema since the french first figured out how to make moving pictures. and the word sounds cool, so it’s ok i guess. but that’s beside the point. the song’s really nice, with some very interesting moments. one notable instance is lorde’s phrasing and the instrumentation in the prechorus - “in your car, the radio on”. the instrumentation just stops for a beat after ella sings the line, in a genius move that makes the song Even More Boppable!!. another moment is how the beat changes during the final choruses - from mellow, with her voice sounding like it’s coming out of a cassette player, to full, regaining all the instrumentation of the original choruses. then the song ends with a weird echoey vocal outro that’s a fantastic moment for me, especially after the intensity of the final choruses. boner time!!!!! 😃 one last cool thing about the song is that i feel the line “so I fall into continents and cars” is an Excessively paul simon thing to say. it’s one of those abstract things that just sounds GREAT, like “fat charlie the archangel sloped into the room” from his song crazy love, part II.

speaking of part twos, the end of supercut transitions into the bassy, atmospheric synths of liability (reprise). unfortunately, i still haven’t gotten round to fully appreciating this song. to me, it’s the biggest misstep on melodrama. don’t get me wrong - it’s a nice enough song, it’s really chill, but it feels slight because of its association to the majestic, melodic liability. apart from their lyrics, there’s not much that links the two. i feel that liability needed no reprise; it’s a work that stands on its own. i felt the same way about yandhi when kanye west announced it. yeezus doesn’t need another album associated to it! it’s perfection by itself. also, someone pointed out that the drums on liability (reprise) are the same as those on taylor swift’s call it what you want, and the last time taylor and jack screwed up a great indie artist’s work was fast slow disco, which we don’t talk about in this house.

finally, we come to the end of lorde’s house party with perfect places. and what a brilliant ending it is. there’s something so stirring about the drum beat, with its crunchy, decisive snare. there’s something equally moving about the synths and chord progression in the chorus, which give me chills like loud organs echoing in a church. when put together, they sound industrial, menacing, as if they move into your soul and alienate you from your own body. but at the same time, they’re an emotional release, a source of comfort like bruce springsteen’s cathartic 70s and 80s albums. another cathartic element - the use of the word “fuck” in the chorus. i could write a whole essay on it tbh. to me, it represents an intensely freeing release of the bad vibes and negativity in one’s life - for lorde, perhaps, her failed relationship and the state of the world in 2016. you know how studies have shown that when you shout “FUCK!!!!😡😡” after hitting your toe on furniture, it helps ease the pain? it’s like that. so while saying something taboo on the record is such an edgy angsty teenage thing to do, but also reflects lorde’s release from her pain. or maybe i’m reading too much into it.

the album ends as it begins, with ella’s bare vocals, reminding us that she is once again the Queen of Indie Pop. overall, melodrama gets a

9/10

for being really cool. peace out bitches. 🤠

[qlmondmilk]

reflex

pjm x reader. last day of summer, falling for a boy with telekinetic abilities + science crack.

part 1 of ? words: 1619

note: the first part as written a year before, so this was untouched for long, sitting in my drafts and gathering cobwebs. the build-up is so long but i'm sorta writing it with the most detail so it would smoothly run in your imagination?? like a tv show hehe 

shitty title preview bc i know nothing about graphics

Jimin was pissed, to say the least.

The start of regular activity in San Fransokyo Institute of Technology was a sleep away, but no one in his university cared for a few more popsicles to consume and savor. Far too eager to start on their respective projects, almost everyone busied themselves with the sense of responsibility and the desire to create. This included Jimin's reasonable number of friends, leaving him to be the only one aching for the one day left for rest. Given that he'll celebrate the sunset alone, he declared that today would be somewhat peaceful.

Not.

Of all mornings to mess around with, Yoongi decided that Jimin would be a perfect lab rat for his seasonal crack project. Without any warning or whatsoever, Yoongi managed to wake up in the ungodly hours to set up a station and special headphones, testing if specific wavelengths and frequencies would easily influence an orgasm. On Jimin.

Jimin was happy to be greeted by a Daniel Caesar song, but not too keen on flushing red for having to cover and change his embarrassingly soaked sweats. He would've chased after Yoongi, who ran out of his room with a triumphant gummy smile after recording all of Jimin's stunned antics; but Yoongi wasn't to be fully blamed, for it was partially his doing as well, having entrusted his hyung the keys to his room. That, and for being a heavy sleeper.

If only all geniuses would dedicate their time to making good use of their aptitude, Min Yoongi wouldn’t have used ‘for the greater good of science’ as an excuse to obtain blackmail-worthy material, and Park Jimin wouldn't be hacking into Min Yoongi's database so damn early only to be hit with arbitrary urges. A generous sip of good booze could salvage his morning.

The only solution to silence the impulse was to give in, naturally — so it's 6 o' clock am and he's got his least favorite sweater on, set out for a bottle of vodka. Coming out in that dire time of the day means seeing little to no one at all, which is a relief, he wouldn’t have to encounter a crazed schoolmate eyeing him up as a potential lab rat.

This morning in San Fransokyo is quiet, save for the constant humming of the technology scattered all around. Matching the infrequent serenity, the city seems to bathe in the sun’s soft illumination, on the rare hope that when people step out, they’d appreciate its kind appearance reserved only for the last day of summer. Still, even without the harsh lighting, Jimin’s eyes remain weary, comfortable wearing them as crescents for a while.

He doesn’t notice that Yoongi’s not the only one who didn’t pay attention to the sun, and definitely not the only one who woke up extra early to work. The streets near his university were made of the asphalt with infused programming and coding tools, a special project of the seniors a few years back. Anyone was free to reach down, do their magic, and have their work plastered on the ground for 24 hours. Every midnight it reverts back to an empty canvas, so the serious programmers wouldn’t dare leave their code vulnerable to the public and have all versions of it gone by the next day.

The cobbled code path Jimin’s walking on turns out to be coded on already, resounding with his quick footsteps, imploring for him to look down and take note that he’s stepping on someone’s unfinished code art, and shit, his steps were precise accidents, but it looks like sabotage. But he doesn’t look down, and what used to be half a butterfly is now a muddled creature with its forewing absolutely wrecked, compound eye gone, antenna sticking out way too long - only the proboscis is intact.

Blessed are his feet, truly.

Damn Jeon Jungkook. Jimin is ill-equipped to be buying alcohol. 

Not that Jimin looked like a kid and he'd need verification to drown himself in liquor, no. The Christmas sweater that Jungkook gave wasn't enough to shelter Jimin from the coldness of the store and the icy stares from middle-aged ladies that were there for marked-down items. They didn't wake up early to see an abominable sweater being worn by a resting-bitch faced kid that looked like he'd lived through a thousand lifetimes.

Giving an ugly sweater is one thing, but to give a sweater with a gingerbread man flexing his icing abs is on an entirely different league.

Even the store is on a different league. It's close-set, aiming to provide as much as it could with the little area it has. What its span lack, the height of its shelves surely make up for it, reaching up to 7 rows. Not tall enough to be touching the ceiling, but it definitely towers over Jimin. So he sucks it up, cold, height difference, and all.  

Height is an issue, yet the store's strategy in product location is ludicrous. Who in the right mind would allow such a thing? Jimin thought San Fransokyo was a progressive city, however, precious liquor settled in the same aisle as laundry detergent says otherwise. Most importantly, Jimin's favorite brand of liquor sits at the sixth row, just a little bit beyond his reach when he jumps. The only staff present are the saleslady that could challenge Jimin's resting bitch face, the two cashiers from his university looking dead before the semester even started, and that one janitor being reprimanded by one of the early-comer middle-aged ladies for placing a wet-floor sign near the 35% off fish fillet.  

This aisle is more than a minefield.

There are two ways to complete his task. One is to arduously climb the shelf, grab a bottle or two, climb down, then go in peace. Two is to grab it in his mind and the bottle will come floating down to him, no climbing involved. Telekinesis worked like that, right? But his presumably telekinetic abilities (powers, whatever) came to him out of nowhere, and it could betray him for no reason. The shelf isn't made for occasional customer climbing. Both options are dangerous, and there are other variables to consider. The janitor reprimanding lady could happen to pass by the aisle to get to the rack of 50% off wet wipes and see Jimin - may the convenience store gods forbid it.   

He tries to will the bottle to descend from the shelf. He imagines a path and directs it to his open hand, but to no avail, from any onlooker he appears to be forcing to shit himself. 

He tries again. The entire shelf of laundry detergent and the whole sixth row of bottles float for a while and he panics. The detergents somehow spill themselves and join in the 'make Jimin panic more' party. All but the bottle that he wanted stops floating and blesses the store's floor by simultaneously breaking, along with Jimin's heart at the thought that he had to explain the mess. What would he even say? 'Sorry, I didn't want to disturb your staff to get the item I wanted so I took it upon myself to miraculously break all the bottles on the sixth shelf? Don't worry, I may have student loans to pay but I'm sure I'll compensate for this mess eventually!'  

Even worse, he would have to choose whether to take the second semester and survive with cup noodles or work full-time as Yoongi's lab rat. He still has a shred of dignity to keep, no thanks, Yoongi.

He already broke things anyway, so it's all or nothing. Better come home with a bottle than none at all. Jimin resorts to first original option, because climbing is obviously way more safer than 'grabbing the bottle with his mind.'

So he climbs. Bingo. Should've done that the first time.

It's not a big store, so the small amount of staff and patrons they had heard the crash and are silently watching Jimin elegantly climb down the shelf, avoid bits of glass on the floor, and tiptoe on the sea of unicorn vomit. On one end of the aisle, the saleslady seemed heartbroken for the janitor, who didn't spare a second look at whatever calamity swept through. He had already turned on his heels, heading for his mop and bucket. The fish fillet lady looked absolutely furious. Not good.

Jimin is stuck a very delicate place.

He continues to tiptoe on the unholy offspring of fabric conditioner and booze until—

"Oh hey dude, what ha—?" One of the cashiers suddenly appears sat the other end of the aisle with a concerned look on his face, which iss oddly familiar to Jimin. Could he be one of Taehyung's past flings? Or that dude that Hoseok drunkenly kissed one time. Probably both. 

Regardless of the cashier's identity, Jimin runs away.

Of course he fucking slips.

"Fuck, fuck, fuuuuuuck." His palms and knees took most of the impact and earned scratches. Still all or nothing, he continues to run even though his limbs disagree with the spontaneous plan to exert energy, wobbling with the guilt and panic of evading responsibility.

"Sorry man, not my fault!" Jimin shouts. Immediately spotting a rack full of Hello Kitty bandages, he grabs a handful and speeds across the store as fast as his unwilling limbs could take it.   

A Jollibee statue is waiting for him at the exit, so with Jimin's last functioning brain cell he throws two 20 dollar bills somewhere and makes it out of the store, turning Jollibee into a casualty by knocking him down at the exact moment Jimin's legs give up.

"—ppened here?" the cashier says to Jollibee's decapitated body.

[ts-crossroads]

Episode Nine - “I’m An Indecisive Mess” - John

I really hope that this is the round that we get Julia out. There's one thing that I do not tolerate, and that's people who LIE ON ME. Julia was in on the Ned vote the entire time and wouldn't even own up to it after the vote until I confronted her on it. I went from trusting her the most to not trusting her at all. This round is crucial. From what I've gathered, the other side wants to take out Sam and I can't lose another ally. I need to keep numbers on my side so that I can gain back control in the game. Ryan wants Sam out because she got mad at him on call and apparently made a chat with him the first round of merge and then voted for him. Julia somehow knows that Sam and Autumn are voting for her (probably Ryan) so she wants them out too. It comes down to Dane and John. Dane told me straight up he didn't want to vote Sam out, so I think he's good. But John is being weird. He wants Julia out because I told him she called him shady a bunch of times but he's constantly worrying about what Ryan will think. STOP PLAYING RYAN'S GAME! I need John to side with us regardless if Ryan agrees or not to make this move.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=XS5jlv-lEcQ

I think im gonna go pray to the godess an calm down. I honestly feel like im being paranoid. I mean do I trust the 6 alliance anymore? No. Hell no. Do i trust some of them? Yes. Rebecka, haley, an ryan. Autumn has been asking who people are voting, so it makes me think sam may have the idol, or that sam dosen't and autumn just wants to ride majority. So im hoping this is the case. Still nervous but, ya know.

At this point in the merge nothing really exciting is going on anymore it's kinda easy sailing since I'm in majority and then have my own alliance within that one. Jake sam and autumn are just sitting ducks at this point and then the rest pluck one by one 

So last vote was almost a success. I wanted to get to the end without a single vote cast against me, but what can you do when we have bitter betties? Okay so i have 10 minutes so my plan overall right now is to blindside Julia with Rebecka, but Ryan doesn't know that and he's supposed to be my f2 but he was fake to me before tribal council so I'm not trusting him atm. I'm going to pretend that Rebecka isn't flipping and I'm acting defeated that my plan isn't going to work out, but it will. 

Okay so I haven't made a confessional since reward was posted. I was stressed about immunity bc I tied with jake and then I lost the tie breaker, which sucks. But I think I can work something out. I found another half idol so NOW I HAVE A FULL IDOL! I am playing it tonight. I don't know who is voting with me or against me, but I don't think I have the numbers and I am NOT going home with an idol. Ned did it and I would rather waste it than take it to jury. Me Jake Autumn and MAYBE Dane and MAYBE Rebecka are voting Julia, but I'm not confident enough to trust them. Everyone else is voting me so. Also, I need to stop crying about Ned and Bryan. Time to start playing the game. I am ready.

I'm an indecisive mess. 

Okay tribal just happened. I'm sweating a lot. I wasted my idol basically. I did get votes, but only 4 of them. There were 4 for Julia and then I voted for Ryan. If I would have voted for Julia and not played my idol, I would still be here AND have an idol for the future. But since I switched my vote, it tied and then my idol made her go home. It's hard bc a part of me is pissed that I wasted it. But another part of me sees a light in the distance. Autumna and Jake are the only ones who know I voted Ryan. Not even Dane knows. Right now, Coffey and Ryan think it was Rebecka. This hopefully will cause them to trust her less. But Dane's crazy advantage may mess us up right here. There is no immunity. Dane can sit out of tribal tomorrow, be immune, and not cast a vote. Or he can come, vote and potentially be voted out. He told me that he is too busy and he is sitting out, which sucks. Now there will be 7 votes. And I know Haley, John and Ryan won't vote with me. My only hope is Rebecka. And either way, none of those 3 believe that she voted with them. Julia got 4 votes. The obvious solution would be me, jake, autumn, and dane. They would never assume I would throw away a vote to ryan, especially how low I am, numbers-wise. AND there was a voting confessional for Julia (I think Autumn wrote it) but it said "this is for imperium" and i have literally cried to ryan and john about how sad i was seeing ned then bryan go back to back. They most likely think that was me. I think this then created distrust among them and rebecka, so hopefully we can pull her to our side. I think the smartest vote this round will be Ryan. He has had it out for me for a while and he has the closest connections on the other side. Let's face it, he is holding the other side together. John and Haley are not close, but Ryan has been playing both of them against us. I'm stressed whew. I'm lowkey mad at Dane for skipping, but it makes sense for his game so I don't blame him. I just need to work on Rebecka right now. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LtkSVB5MpwU

Never thought I'd be able to say this in Crossroads but I'm in the majority and the dog days might be over!!! http://cdn.playbuzz.com/cdn/812ff861-5e39-403c-899c-9e6e33e7d36c/d5504a1c-f8e2-4028-96f6-6b038180e644.gif Highkey told Dane before tribal that I'd hang him out to dry if he flipped back to voting Sam and voted Imperium out for the 3rd time. And we all know I'm cracked enough to deliver soooo we stan tough love haha. He's still cancelled, BUT John and Ryan can enter jury before him/ they already have 3 strikes. I'm so done with John I can't even; he has no backbone and all his does is flop and lie. How are you gonna say we should work together every round and then ghost whenever it's time to vote or when I ask you what's happening? Fakest person in here and he's voted someone Imperium the past 4 rounds; I want him gone so bad but I gotta maximize Dane not being able to vote and put the target on Ryan

 Also y'all saw Owen use his admin powers to blow up my game on camera by reminding everyone that I'm on Imperium and that the tribe has voted out Imperium the past 3 rounds right? OK COOL JUST CHECKING http://i.imgur.com/uN6iEBs.gif So if the tribe speaks this week and I suddenly go to jury, do me a favor and riot cause Owen is rigging for the uglies thanks

My sleeping meds are making me miss this whole game Bc I'm always SLEEP rip 

Everyone is still trash and thus they are still cancelled. Ryan and Haley are pressing me about the vote and I'm like what is there to talk about?? Y'all been coming for my side of camp the past 4 rounds. Flattery will get you nowhere. In other news Rebecka and I are officially on the same side/ working together!! Our parents Duncan, Mitch, and Amanda are probably so proud. Also I think Dane is done flopping and is back to being trustworthy?? But never say never Also John is going home tonight because he can't stop lying, constantly flip flops, doesn't have a backbone, has voted someone Imperium out the past 4 rounds, etc. It's funny cause I like John as a person hahaha; he's just doing too much and he needs the Boardroom's permission to do anything. The Boardroom would be John, Ryan, and Dane because anytime me, Jake, or Sam try to talk game to them, they say "ok I'll talk to the guys" and disappear for 4 hours. Then they come back like "ooh uhhh I don't think Dane/Ryan/John is on board" or "yeah I still don't know what I'm gonna do" when the vote is due in an hour. Anyway, I'm tired of building each round around what The Boardroom may or may not do. NOW LET ME OUT OF THE WOODS DAMMIT IM OWEN https://i.pinimg.com/originals/a4/76/7e/a4767e9175f6fd603aa51d12b23c1ddf.gif

Hi VL!!! Sorry I didn't start talking to y'all until recently because I only recently learned that vl confessionals are a thing that I'm allowed to do lmao. Anyway you guys are in for a treat tonight- people swear they're going home even though they're not getting votes while others aren't even talking to me and I've already used majority to seal their fate. So a lot of games and drafts are getting wreckt tonight and you don't wanna miss it. Watch Crossroads tribal tonight at 10 pm EST!! 

Tribal is happening soon. I'm very nervous. Me, Autumn and Jake originally had a plan to get Ryan out, but apparently he has an idol he wants to use tonight, so we had to switch our target. Hopefully he still plays it. We are voting John out, and Rebecka is telling us she is with us, so hopefully he goes 4-3. Dane isn't voting with us so we can't rely on him to save us this time. Haley came to me earlier and asked me for a name. It was really weird. I know she went to Autumn and Jake as well. I don't know if she truly is desperate in this game or she thinks she can actually get information out of us. We told her Ryan, and she says she will write down any name at this point to not go home. There are 2 scenarios that could happen from this. 1. Haley goes immediately to Ryan, he plays the idol on himself and it is wasted. or 2. She votes out Ryan because she is so desperate to not go home. Then we vote out John, and then Ryan is left and knows that Haley flipped on him. Having those two here and not trusting each other would be great. I feel like Ryan has such a handle on John and Haley and we really need to split him away from those two. It's scary to think about the future, because I don't know if I will be there. A part of me wants to start planning my FTC speech and my f3 (which would most likely be Jake and Autumn) but Haley told me a few hours ago that John and Ryan were voting for me this round too. They think it's safest because my idol is gone. Now I' m stuck with just 2 coins that I'm impatiently waiting to exchange them for something. I'm really annoyed at Ryan and John constantly going against me and my side. I understand why Ryan is, I flipped on him and voted him out when we technically did have an alliance together (even though my heart wasn't in it). I just don't understand why I can't get along with John in this game. I have done nothing wrong to him. All I have done is listen to him and be lied to ever since merge started. It sucks that he has been so against me, especially because I thought we were good friends outside of this game, but he wants nothing to do with me, and he wants me out of the game so badly. I'm definitely getting votes tonight. I just don't know how many. Me Autumn and Jake are voting for John. If Rebecka joins us, we have majority. I just worry about any idol plays. It's getting to the end and people won't have much longer to use them. I need to compete hard in this upcoming immunity if I'm still here. Also I don't think me voting Ryan was the worst move anymore. Haley today told me that she thinks Rebecka voted for him, and I knew Ryan and John already think that. Also, another thing, I'm nervous that I may have lost some trust with Autumn and Jake over having the idol. Because I told Jake in pms first and then hours later he was like maybe we should tell autumn and I'll pretend I don't know, and I was like that sounds great. So I told them. But Autumn was a little hesitant with me when I told her. I hope it was just shock and not betrayal she felt. I really need these two to make it in this game. I couldn't even imagine having to strategize with Haley or John. 

Sooooooooo, I decided to make a move this round by pushing for Julia to go. I love Sam and Autumn but they want John out and are working with Rebecka to do it and I can't vote out John. I brought it up to John and Haley and then talked to Ryan and they seem down to do it. Rebecka seems to be extremely close to Dane, and Dane seems to have ties with just about everyone in this game...except me. I'm sorry but why should I vote out John who's always been honest with me and talks to me over Rebecka who hasn't bothered talking to me all game. I need to take some power away from Dane before he takes us all out.

Wow what a twist! Definitely didn't see Julia going home last night definitely miss her psycho ass. People are all on edge and think they are next to go and people don't know who has idols anymore in this game or who has half. I just hope we can keep the numbers and john, Ryan and myself will go to finals.

https://youtu.be/Unb-Fl7JsUQ

[survivorniue]

Ep. 4: “Please Send Help” - Ned

KEVIN

honestly I'm kinda sad Jay went home i was looking forward to voting him out bc he voted me out one time and it was mean :/ he had it coming :/ anyways this tribe swap...yikes! i always flop at schoolyard pick swaps bc i'm asleep and i delay everything skdjdjssj so honestly just cancel this swap 

VAN

So I do the finishing touches on my Econ paper and I look back and see that we’re swapping tribes! Okay, that’s fine, I sorta expected that. Interacting with the other tribe will be fun and all, right? We’re all in this chat, and a few minutes later, I notice that I have a notification that I had joined the Iloa tribe! NED PICKED ME BECAUSE I DRAFTED HIM IN BANGLADESH I’M SCREAMING. I actually wanted to work with him in a game sometime in the future and I’m glad it’s worked out this way. I had to pick, and I wanted to pick Coffey, but I didn’t want to make it obvious that I want to work with him so I went with Ned’s suggestion to pick Sam. Hey, that’s all cool with me. Ned can make decisions for me and I’ll go with them…for now. :p And hey Coffey ended up on my tribe anyway so it all worked out in the end :D So for my new tribe impressions like I love this tribe. We seem so strong and I love everyone like Ned: Literally in love that he picked me first AHHH. I like him and I’d love to work with him if it’s possible but I literally want to work with everyone so idk how that’s gonna turn out Sam: She seems so nice like I love her too John Coffey: I already talked about much I love him. I’d love to work with him again but who knows what he wants. I’ll see how he’s feeling once we’re fully settled in Kait: I like Kait a lot of course and I’d still love to work with her if I can Forrest: I love Forrest too! Like!!! I know I’m sounding like a broken record but I do love Forrest And last but not least Billy: Our tribe “Ricky” seems very sweet and nice too. I’m still waiting on the twist that will bring him and Ricky into the game but we’ll see. Oh my gosh though hopefully this will be fun though! I was ready for a change.

ASHLEY

Well I fell asleep before tribal and got a self-vote, and Jay went he was in my alliance with me, him, John, and Sam but he seemed like he almost had too much power so I'm some-what glad he went. I said I didn't know he was leaving but I actually did, because Pat who I'm really close with had heard from Ned and Dan that they were voting Jay, so I knew that it was very possible he was going. And now it's a swap! It's 3 original Miti vs 3 original Iloa, I'm trying to stay Iloa strong, and Dan says he's pretty close with Amanda so she could be our 4th number to not force a tie, unless she has strong ties with original Miti.

NED

So the swap happened. I got Sam and John on my tribe, and we also have Van, Kait, and Forrest. I would be totally fine with this, except it was just revealed that Kait was a sockpuppet in my first "all newbies" season, and she teamed up with the other sock to vote me out. Now let me get things straight: Kait is a sneaky, vile person, and she's rude and I have nothing good to say about her. She acts friendly but is a completely horrible person if you actually try to have a genuine talk with her. This is like Francesca getting put on a tribe with Phillip in Caramoan. I'm with the person responsible for my downfall in the same situation twice in a row. If I'm the swap boot again because of her, I will not be surprised in the least. Please send help.

KEVIN

LISTEN OKAY I had to get my beauty sleep last night so people better not come for me for flopping at the challenge, and I'm sure there are plenty of others who were asleep at that time (did we get all the early sleepers or something on this tribe???) So either I'm gonna have to kick ass in the challenge and hopefully redeem myself or...I possibly have a kinda crazy plan that will save me, maybe, but only if I need it.

SAMANTHA

I JUST FOUND AN IDOL! I AM SO HAPPY! I really don't want to tell anyone, because I don't know who I want to work with. I'm going to keep this to myself for a while. And I don't want to play it yet. I want to save it for as long as possible. Omg I can't believe I found one. Now just one other to worry about. If it hasn't been found yet, it's either at the stream, the field, or the well. I'm definitely going to start looking every four hours now that I know about that rule. I thought it was just one freebie per round. But knowing I can look like 6 times a day and I have it narrowed down to 3 places. One of which I have some other peoples' guesses to start off with, hopefully I can find the other. This is just so exciting omg. Oh and I know he's not playing, but I love Billy so much <3

SAMANTHA

So pissed about immunity. I fucked up my part, which normally I wouldn't be as upset bc everyone is equal, but this one i was put at a higher level, meaning I should have down better. I only spent like 2 minutes on the maze but I spend fucking 5 minutes trying to figure out how to edit the thing. I put it on light shot and tried to edit but the maze was too small and the pencil was too thick, I finally gave up and had to download it and edit with paint. I'm pissed that I took so long. I hope my tribe doesn't try to blame me for taking a higher level than I actually am and blame me for if we lose. Ugh I hate this. 

AMANDA

TRIBE SWAP TRIBE SWAP CALLED IT CALLED IT! And i got to stay with Ricky so YAY hahaha Here's my new tribe assessment woo! Ashley- I'm pretty sure we've only talked once rip Dan- Um well ive known him since i was like 12 lmfao We went to school together so the ties have been here for a while. I'm not turning on him unless he gives me a reason to. and if he gives me a reason i'll give him hell for it haha Kevin- Like i said in my last confessional, we talk alot. I still wanna work together moving forward. Nicky- We've been talking more for sure. Pat- I LOVE PAT. Ive hosted Pat multiple times but we've never gotten to play together so when i saw him on the cast i was pumped. aka why i picked him first with the tribe swap lmaooo I really wanna work with Dan Pat and Kevin. Dan said he wants me him and Pat to stick together so im almost there with my goals lol I want Ashley to leave this week because she doesn't talk. Also Dan said she flops with challenges and came at him last week? so yeah thats not gonna fly. But Pat seems to want Nicky gone so I gotta figure this out. At the end of the day im not gonna put my neck out there to save either of them this week and then screw myself over in the process but id def rather see Ashley go. I can't wait for America to hate me for wanting another girl to leave! Yas America call me trash!  Sorry id rather work with guys and win! https://media.tenor.co/images/e8b7a7627e607872f02a69abcb6a2720/raw

KEVIN

the question is, do i want to go to rocks for these people??? would i be willing to flip on them??? we just don't know. i have no idea what the other tribes dynamics are, but i'm hoping miti is united enough from our two tribals to stand together this tribal 

KEVIN

Me having multiple number one alliances and trying to keep them all alive at once? More likely than you think Dan told me that it's between Ashley and Nicky, and praise God because he's going forward Nicky. Not only that but apparently Iloa (which i thought was named Ilda until today) was very divided after their last tribal. This is honestly my FAVORITE song and I'm gonna keep it on repeat as long as I can. Dan also said he has talked to me and likes me the most out of everyone else...don't know if that's true but I love the concept of it. I'm telling people I'm not super concerned with tribal affiliations which technically is true but um...it's mostly just a way for me to get information out of people. But yeah things seem like they're swinging our way unless Dan decides to make a #bigmove and blindside us, and in that case I'll still be in comfort because I know he will fail to reach any success in this game! :)

ASHLEY

Yikes tc tonight and my iconic comp skills are on point! So people want me out but pat told me nicky so I'm just going to write down Nicky and pray for a miracle!