#I am severely plagued by issues it seems but I will overcome them I can feel it I will be brave

[cripplecryptid]

What is it with me and getting embarrassed about admitting desire. Even the thought of coming close to perhaps hinting at a trace of desire and im immediately like i should be sent to jail (it's the catholic school within me I fear 😭)

[tommybaholland]

haikyuu (oikawa, kuroo, tadashi) s/o excitedly calls them to come over their apartment, to show them the new song they have learned on the violin and they wanted to show them first

im sorry, this is long :,)

s/o who plays the violin

featuring: oikawa, kuroo, and yamaguchi

i actually played the violin in middle school so i tried to expand a little more on this.. enjoy!

oikawa

you’re a hard worker just like him so he knows how important this is to you

playing an instrument and being in an ensemble is similar to playing on a sports team in that you individually have to do your part in order for the group to succeed

he makes sure that you’re fully confident in your ability to play new and more difficult songs 

he doesn’t like seeing you struggle or be so hard on yourself but he can only speak for himself and knows how it goes

he knows that you’ll always come around when you’re ready

“why, hello there. how’s my s/o?” he answered with his familiar greeting. 

you didn’t even answer his question, getting straight to your point. “toru, can you come over soon?”

he laughed lightly at the urgency of the statement. “hold on, sweetheart. maybe we should go on a date first.” 

your silence was seemingly unamused by his joke. “i’m being serious, babe. i need to show you something so can you please come?”

“you know i just like playing with you, babe. of course. we’re cooling down at practice now and then i’ll be there in 15.”

“yay! i’ll see you then.”

“can’t wait, baby. love you.” 

he let himself into your apartment, like always, and proceeded to where he knew you would be. 

he knocked on the door frame of your bedroom. “is there a beethoven that lives here?” 

you turned around, shaking your head as you strode over to greet him with a hug and kiss. 

“hey, sweetie. sorry i’m a little sweaty.”

“it’s okay. but you know that beethoven didn’t play the violin, right?”

he scoffs, feigning offense. “can you just humor me? i try really hard with the music references, you know.”

“i know, toru. i love when you do,” you reply, giving him another hug. you then pulled away to get back to what you originally called him over for. 

“okay. are you ready?”

“yep. let’s hear it, baby,” he replied, taking a seat at your desk. 

you began playing, facing away from him and towards the window. you liked to play in front of the window in your bedroom as you always liked to say that the natural lighting provided a more peaceful setting. seeing the silhouette of your figure while you played was his favorite part. 

you’ve played for him so many times that he developed a sense for when the music was about to end, much to your surprise. with this, he always claps early so that you’re smiling for him when you’re finished. 

“yes, that’s my baby right there!” he reacts as he gets up from his seat, continuing to clap until he has you in his arms again, giving you a few praising kisses. 

when he pulls away, he keeps his hands caressed over your shoulders. 

“is this why i haven’t seen you lately, hmm? you’ve been practicing real hard? aww,” he coos, hugging you tightly after you nod. 

“well, it looks like all that hard work was worth it,” he remarks. “but let’s go do something now because i have missed you so much.” 

kuroo

he’s very honored that his s/o is someone so talented like you

he likes watching you play the violin as much as you like watching him play volleyball 

even if it’s just watching you tune the instrument or play some scales 

like you just watching him block or serve a ball 

there are times though when he feels you’re not getting adequate rest because you’re practicing so hard 

he hadn’t seen you much at all that week. he tapped on your contact in his phone, hoping that you’d make time to spend with him, given that it was friday night. 

“oh, perfect timing,” you spoke immediately when you answered. “i was just about to call you.”

“really?” kuroo smirked. “well, that’s good to hear. i guess i just have a sixth sense, babe.” 

“can you come to the practice room, like, now?”

“practice-- baby, i thought you were at home. why are you there now?”

“i just wanted to work on this piece a little longer and then i guess time slipped away from me. so can you please come over here now, please?” 

you had repeated please twice so he knew that it was serious. he chuckled at your cute tenacity. 

“of course, babe. be there soon.” 

“oh, good. you’re here!” you remarked as he entered the smaller room. you quickly strode over to him and grabbed his hand, pulling him over to where you were working. he looked around to see sheet music everywhere along with several empty coffee cups and some food wrappers, as well. 

“gosh, babe. it’s like you live here,” he joked. “i hope you’re not sleeping in here too. it doesn’t look very comfortable.”

“i may have dozed off a few times in here,” you answered candidly as you grabbed your violin and bow and fixed the sheet music on the stand. 

“okay. ready?” 

he nodded and you proceeded to play. there was something about how you looked when you played. you were so focused and looked like you could actually feel the music as you played it. that effect spread to others because he could feel it in every inch of his body. it’s a familiar feeling that he’s so lucky that you would share something like this with him. 

when you were finished playing, he found himself stumbling over his words. 

“wow, beautiful. that was...beautiful!” he praised, walking closer to you.  

you laughed at his goofy compliment and thanked him before laying your instrument back in its case. 

“but why didn’t you just play it at your apartment?”

“i felt like i wouldn’t be able to since i’ve been grinding away at it here. i’m sorry.”

“no, kitten. you don’t have to be sorry,” he replied, wrapping his arm around you. “and i know you’ve been working hard but you could play it well anywhere.” 

you nodded gratefully and leaned in to give your pretty boyfriend a kiss, realizing that you hadn’t greeted him properly when he arrived. 

“now, let’s go get you some real dinner,” he proposed as he took your violin case in one hand and yours in the other. 

yamaguchi 

he’s naturally very curious about your life as a musician 

it’s nice energy to have around because at one point, you felt embarrassed when having to carry around your huge case with your instrument inside 

but he didn’t care at all and didn’t want your talent to go unnoticed or without appreciation 

he’s your biggest (and cutest) supporter out there

reciprocity is an emphasized aspect of your relationship and he tries to be as uplifting as you are for him with volleyball

you had been frustrated since you received the latest sheet music for your orchestra group. it was by far the most difficult piece that you had to learn. it seemed like you had an issue at almost every measure and had yet to master vibrato. 

it was plaguing your mind to get it right and when you weren’t playing, you were thinking about how to overcome this block. 

your boyfriend had seen you progress into obsession with perfecting the playing of this song. on one hand, he understood it because it was your sense of pride that pushed you to want to become better. at one point, however, you were so upset that you wanted to quit and that’s when he felt he had to step in.

“this is so stupid,” you huffed, rubbing your hands over your eyes as angry tears threatened to spill over. 

“no. it’s not,” he disagreed. “come here, peaches.” 

he held and comforted you over the woes of not being good enough.

“i know you can do this but i think you may be stressing yourself out too much over it. it’s worth the effort but not breaking down your entire emotional state.”

from then on he was diligent enough to try to help you take breaks when you needed or to give you space when you wanted it.  

“tadashi,” you addressed your boyfriend one day over the phone. “i would like for you to come over so i can show you something.”

“sure, babe! i’ll come right now,” he replied. “does this have anything to do with music?”

“i’m not telling you,” you answered in a sing-song voice. “you’ll just have to see.”

“hey, cutie,” he greeted as he entered your apartment and found you in the living area with your violin out and everything. he walked over towards you as you returned the greeting, where he gave you a sweet kiss.

“so it looks like i was right?”

“yeah. you were,” you affirmed. “what else would it be though, honestly?”

“i don’t know. maybe you just wanted to spend a little time with little ole’ me,” he joked while wrapping his arms around you, giving you a good squeeze. 

“that could’ve also been part of it,” you chuckled. “thanks for coming anyway.”

“of course, my pretty peaches,” he replies, booping your nose. “you call and i am there.”

you respond with a smile and another kiss before instructing him to sit down on the couch. you fiddle with your sheet music and stand before turning towards him again. 

“this is still very much a work in progress but i think i’ve finally gotten somewhere with this one.”

he nods with a cute grin and you begin playing. he recognizes it, after several measures, as the piece that was giving you so much trouble. he smiled at how you looked much more confident in your playing and if you made a mistake, he couldn’t tell. even though he didn’t personally know too much about music, he could relate with volleyball. it’s that satisfying feeling of getting better at something that you’ve been working so hard on and that work finally shows. 

he kinda got lost in the music that he didn’t realize that you were finished and he hadn’t said anything yet.

“like i said, it’s a still a little rusty but that’s the best play through i think i’ve done so far.”

“that was rusty?” he said incredulously. “i thought it was amazing, babe!” 

you thanked him and he got up from his seat to give you some more love.

“aww, come here,” he beckoned, wrapping you up in his arms again and pressing kisses to the side of your head. 

“i am so proud of you, peaches. i love you so much.” 

you love him too and you’re so happy that you have such a sweet and supportive person by your side.  

twas a good one, haikyuu night! send in those requests for next time..

[hislittleflower-throughconcrete]

I've tried being celibate. I've tried praying on it. I've tried complete abstinence. I've tried a lot of things and I can't keep fighting off SSA. I genuinely can't do it anymore and it's turning me into a hateful person. I think my only alternative is suicide but I know that's a sin too. Could I get your perspective? Is it a worse sin? Is it better to sin once than to sin for a lifetime?

I wish I could talk to you in more than just a response to an ask, because I feel like I only have one shot to say what I need to say, and say it in the right way. So please reach out in the chat or in another ask so we can talk further.

I will start by saying your safety and mental health is the first priority. Please reach out to someone you trust and tell them that you have been having suicidal thoughts, and please seek out a therapist or even call a crisis line if you haven't already. Mental health issues are not sins, they are like concussions - serious, treatable health conditions that are ticking time bombs if ignored. I want your wellbeing above all else.

To answer your question, you only see three options: live a celibate life in misery, live a happy life with same sex relationships that God would not want, or end your life. These are not your only options, and I can see how you can be at the point of despair if you think this way.

There was a time where I had those exact same thoughts ("I think my only alternative is suicide but I know that's a sin too"). Not fleetingly either - it was 7 solid years of it, as constant as the beating of my heart. "I cannot live the life God wants me to live, I am trapped in an addiction I have no control over which causes me to sin constantly, I am miserable and all I want is to kill myself, but that would be a mortal sin, so I am held hostage by God" were my constant thoughts.

I am completely aware that SSA is entirely different than an addiction or a mental illness, and I do not mean to imply otherwise. I am merely saying that when I read your ask, I immediately understood that desperation in my struggle to overcome, that hopelessness, and that feeling of futility.

You can't do it anymore, I agree - not in the way you have been, in a way that causes you misery. I didn't understand that about myself for a long, long time. I thought I needed to stop hurting myself because it was a sin, sins are bad and damage my relationship with God, I hurt God by doing it, it would make me bad or dirty and a failure and all of these horrible things, and the harder I tried the more I failed, I would count the days I was free of it but I obsessed over it in my mind all of those days, I would slip and beat myself up, and the cycle would repeat. I drove myself insane trying to stop, I was so tired and I felt it was so cruel that God allowed me to have this issue and wouldn't allow me to have the power to make myself stop wanting it or doing it, but also wouldn't allow me to kill myself to escape it.

I could never have healed that way.

The only thing that helped me was I had to stop focusing on it, stop seeing it as a problem to be solved, and instead focused on attaining intimacy with Jesus. It sounds like your relationship with God is, like mine was , a severely wounded relationship. How could God love me if He allowed this to plague me? Does He not know the agony I am in? And in your case, I can only imagine the feelings of seeming betrayal, a heart full of love and desire for closeness that cannot be filled in the manner you want it to. It was not striving for holiness or perfection that healed me - it was desire for intimacy, closeness, like a lover's embrace, like a newborn nursing on its mother. I craved this intimacy with Jesus and once I started this path, forgetting myself and my failings along the way, and focusing on discovering what God wills for my life, that I found peace.

It is difficult to know how to address your specific situation without knowing more about you, your faith, and your circumstances. I also hesitate on giving you advice in areas I don't know well (SSA struggles with lust and/or desire for SSA relationship). My ask box and chat are always open to you. What I will say is, you are deeply loved by God and He desires intimacy with you and also wants you to have intimacy in your life with others. Close-knit community and deep, authentic friendship are the most important forms of human intimacy we have - if you don't have these things, that is the first place to seek intimacy with others, and any romantic relationship if you don't have those things won't be healthy. I could list books that helped me, groups you could be a part of, etc. but only if you want them.

The most important thing I want you to take away from this response is that I wanted to die for so long, I was repeatedly hospitalized for my safety, I felt utterly trapped by what I thought God wanted and this caused me years of misery, I saw absolutely no way out - and yet there was. You cannot find that way out if you end your life, you will never discover the peace, joy, and fulfillment that God has designed uniquely for you if you end your life now - so please stay.

I strongly encourage side-b individuals and other catholics to reblog with prayers, responses, encouragements and resources.

[elmidol]

Sed Non Obligant

Three Blind Tooke Part Three Death Is An Art

Read on Ao3

Three Blind Tooke 

 Part Three: Death is an Art

 Chapter Sixty-Eight: Sed Non Obligant

For with you, I am now one;

 For with you, our life has begun.

 Transitioning from limitations on social interaction to pursuing the company of multiple individuals threatened to wreak havoc on your nerves. There were some of those beings that you did not worry how they would react to your prolonged absence. Others, though, you were unsure how awkward things would be in those first several minutes. Would they make any scathing remarks? You thrust aside those thoughts, opted to seek out the former persuasion of folks, and thus were able to breathe. One such being was absent from the planet; Rey had returned from the world of her birth only to be called away to assist in some matter of piracy. Due to her abilities in the Force and the planet that had been targeted by the pirates, she was more welcome than the newly instated galactic law enforcement--nevertheless, Dameron had gone along with her, albeit unofficially and as a partner rather than in any position of authority.

 Prior to his death, while you had felt a kinship with Vicrul, it had been different than the bond that you shared with Ap’lek or even with Cardo. There was a portion of him lost to you now that you would never touch, never know; in the same way, there were parts of you that he would not know. When he had held your hand by the edge of the pool, that squeeze of reassurance, of understanding, that had simultaneously been a farewell and greeting. It was Vicrul that you sought, though you were aware that Kuruk was with him at the time.

 Floral and fruit scents wafted through the room the moment that the doors parted to permit you entrance. You inhaled deeply, allowed your eyes to close, and gave yourself the opportunity to remember the planet of your birth, your childhood. Things dead and lost, memories that opened doors for your future. Peace settled within you. Reopening your eyes, you studied the potted plants in the nursery. Kuruk observed you from one of the corners of the room. He wore his normal attire, whereas Vicrul had removed his helmet and a layer of his clothing. You nodded in Kuruk’s direction, and he returned the greeting before gesturing with his head towards the other Knight of Ren.

 Heart thudding in your chest, you pressed one hand to your heart and closed the distance that had remained. Vicrul gave a grunt of acknowledgment as you drew up to his side. His organic arm twitched, meanwhile he squeezed a mechanical fist around a bag of soil. You heaved a sigh, understanding him though he had not spoken, not yet. You did not pity him, and that was likely why he did not pull away from you when you touched a hand to his upper arm while saying a soft hi.

 “It’s quiet here.” There was no joy in his words, although you would not say that there was resentment either. Boredom perhaps. He was struggling to find his place in this galaxy, which was what would have occurred even if he had not lost a limb. The two of you were, in essence, in the same boat.

 You reached forward to toy with the leaves of a plant. The action, the feel of what you had touched, sent a series of tingles running along your spine. “Do you feel caged?” In answer to your question, Vicrul held both of his hands palms up in front of himself. He stared at their surfaces then curled the two limbs into loose fists. His body was the cage, these new limitations obstacles that he would overcome. An end to the war left him with little to take his frustrations out on. “There will be missions of some sort.”

 “Rules.” You barely managed to contain the snort; a choked sound erupted from you, earning Vicrul’s full attention. From his position, Kuruk swiped the back of his hand along the lower half of his face, as though he was also stifling proof of amusement. He may have been agreeing with his fellow Knight of Ren. For how long had they traveled among the stars without being forced to abide by laws? They had a reputation, one that had taken years to develop. This adjustment period would be more difficult for them than it was for you.

 That was, strangely, humbling.

 You lingered in the nursery for the remainder of the shift that Kuruk and Vicrul were taking to care for the plants. Afterwards the three of you walked together towards the medical facility in which Cardo received his scheduled therapy for the damaged nerves in his right hand and left foot. The injuries had not been enough to keep him down, however he battled occasional numbness. This was not much of an issue when it came to his hand, though his foot losing feeling was not something he had yet grown used to. You did not know a lot regarding the treatments that he was receiving, and you did not pry.

 Ushar had joined Cardo for the session, which allowed you to meet with the pair at the same time. You felt more of the nervousness that had started to bubble forth again die down. These men were a part of your family--and while family could disappoint you, that was not the case with them and you. “You’re looking well.” Not a jab, more a statement. You could barely remember when last you had stood face to face with Cardo, or even face-to-mask. It was a blur, a swirl of moments that had elapsed after you had come back from death.

 “I’m trying,” you replied. There were not a lot of other ways to explain it. You were not unwell, however you could not say that you were well in the general sense. The path you had decided to take was getting you there. A small smile tugged at your lips, and Cardo relaxed upon noticing it. “There are so many decisions to be made. Things to figure out.”

 “War is swift, yet so is peace.” Swift or fleeting, which would be the more correct term? You hoped it was the former. Nodding, you drew closer to Ushar so as to give the physician in the room enough space to finish their task before leaving to tend to other patients. “Politics were not part of my plan.”

 Oh, how you felt those words on a deep level. Understanding that politics were involved in war, it remained different than being actively political in the sense of attending meetings. Action versus discussion. One of the offers that had been extended to you for a future had been to serve as an aide to politicians that your mother knew. As before, you had no interest in that. Less interest, you thought while observing the four Knights interacting.

 Trudgen would join them in time; the medically induced coma had had the side effect of plaguing him with night terrors since he had woken. You wondered--without fully wishing to know--what sorts of things so bothered him that Trudgen had become more reclusive. That his sleep pattern was disturbed enough to have physical side effects. He had requested that you meet with him one-on-one later, and you planned to do so within the coming hours of that same day. In the meanwhile, you watched his fellow Knights of Ren and resisted the urge to ask them for how to prepare for the upcoming meeting. This was no stranger. It would be okay, you told yourself.

 And it was.

 The pair of you met outdoors rather than inside, and you found yourself pleased with the arrangement. Trudgen’s desire for fresh air was one that you shared. The two of you sat together under a large tree that was native to the planet, its branches stretched far and providing ample shade from the bright sunlight. You toyed with a flower that fluttered down from the tree, rolling its petals between your fingers while looking at the Knight of Ren’s helmeted visage. He wore his usual armor, his weapon within reach despite the peace that the planet was enjoying.

 “How many offers did you receive?” His voice did not break. Trudgen sounded little different than he had the last time you had spoken with him. In reply to his question, you first took a moment to consider what proposals had been extended to you regarding potential futures.

 You relinquished your hold on the flower and watched as it fluttered away on the light breeze that stirred the cloth of your shirt. “Eight, technically speaking.” He grunted at that. “There were only ever three that seemed honest to me, that felt as though they were meant for me personally.” You paused to observe Truden, who cocked his head to the side. “One of those, to help gather remnants of Naboo and to write the tales I grew up with as a child, that can coincide with another offer. That was the one I thought about the most.”

 “What does your mother think about that?” Teasing but honest, genuine curiosity. It made you chuckle, your eyebrows rising as you remembered her face when you had mentioned your decision. She had not been displeased nor hurt; if anything, the two of you seemed to understand one another more. With the war over, the two of you had been able to communicate things that had been looming over your heads. “When you wear that expression, it’s obvious that the two of you are one.” It was one of the highest compliments that you could be paid, where before you would have shrunk from such a comparison. You felt a warmth permeating throughout your entire being. The Knights of Ren understood Kylo so well, and for any of them to see that the two of you were one meant more than when others realized it.

 “It wouldn’t make sense to do anything else though,” you said at last, wrapping your arms around your legs. Conversation died away for a while after those words were spoken. Trudgen tensed multiple times during the silence, which prompted you to start talking. He listened to another tale that you had learned during your schooling on Naboo, although this story had not originated on your birth planet. It was one that Trudgen was familiar with, a fact that you learned when he commented on an upcoming element. You nearly stopped, feeling rather self-conscious and unsure if he was interested at all in you continuing. At his urging, you did finish the entire story.

 The two of you did not part for the remainder of the day; he accompanied you on your visit to Ap’lek, who was in the process of studying laws on planets that Kylo’s presence had been requested. These texts had been provided by your mother, and you recognized a number of them from when she had hoped to secure you a job as an aide. Millicent released a loud meow at Trudgen. She slunk along his legs, weaving through them then returning to Ap’lek, whom she had clearly adopted as master. It was much the same as how the akk dog had formed a bond with Kylo and you. Where normally the creature would bond with a single being, this was more proof for you that you did indeed share a soul with Kylo, that the two of you had all along been on a path of self-destruction. Millicent nudged Ap’lek with her head, and you saw in him a flicker of utter peace that you knew on a deep level.

 You moved over to the pair, kneeling down and stroking Millicent’s ears. She leaned into your touch. While petting her, you thought of the assortment of electronic pets that you had collected. They were in a box within the quarters that you shared with Kylo, a box that was easily stored on a ship when it was time to leave the planet. The plants, on the other hand, would remain behind in the nursery with the exception of two smaller ones that were transportable. One belonged to you, the other to Vicrul. Millicent and the akk dog would join you as well. The Knights of Ren--they would never not be that--and Kylo, that was where you would go. Wherever fate took them, you were along for the ride. Along the way, you could complete your task of writing the tales from Naboo. You could collect relics. Most important of all, you would be with those you cared for.

 Even your mother, much to your surprise, had voiced her support after listening to how you had spoken of your decision, of your thoughts on the matter. Due to the political nature of Kylo Ren’s position, your paths would cross many times with your mother. That was something that you quite liked. Having her support, having her in your life while being able to make your own decisions, to forge your own path, to be yourself.

 Scooping Millicent up into your arms, you cuddled her to your chest and let yourself smile. Ap’lek noticed this within seconds. “Where’s your dog?”

 “With Finn, I think. I’m seeing him later.” That was still another bonus to your choice; Finn planned to study more regarding the Force with the Knights and Kylo between lessons with Rey. You were not losing anyone, not really. Poe was another familiar face you would see. Rose had signed on to assist in ensuring equipment was up to date.

 The children that had been studying the Force with the Order of Ren had returned to their families until the academies devoted to teaching them how to wield the Force were completed. The older students had copies of texts that Rey and Kylo had acquired, albeit the basics. Anything advanced would be too much of a risk. There would be no Jedi, no Sith. Just the Force, a balance within it. An acceptance of the Dark and the Light, which the heroes of the Rebellion had not fully achieved. It was this that instilled in you more hope, that allowed you to believe this peace might be real.

 It was not perfect. There were pirates, there were criminals. There was no galactic war. That was the difference. That was why hope was spreading in a much greater capacity than it had before.

 Learning from the past, Kylo was not going to demilitarise completely as the New Republic had done--that had allowed the First Order to rise from the ashes of the Empire. All in a single lifetime, two great wars. For some, three great wars in just one lifetime; the Clone Wars were not that ancient. You almost whistled at the thought.

 Instead you were drawn out of your thoughts by Millicent squirming to get away so that she could climb onto the datapad that Ap’lek had just laid out. He dragged her off the device, much to her chagrin, and scratched under her chin as he read. Trudgen had since taken a seat next to you. He, from what you could tell, liked the noise, the company. You liked to think that once you all set out, there would be more improvements.

 “Have you read this one?” Ap’lek asked, drawing your gaze off of Trudgen. You tilted your head as you considered the text that was displayed then gave a nonverbal response indicating the negative. “Hmm.” That noise reminded you of Kylo, who had also been reading more texts on the matters. They were both rather dutiful students even if they were bored out of their minds. That dedication, though, was what caused others to respect them.

 “What planet is that for?” By way of response, he scrolled backwards in the text until the name was visible to you. It was something from Wild Space as far as you could tell, not a planet that you readily recognized. “Interesting.” This was in reference to the first paragraph, which you skimmed through. Trudgen chuckled, and Ap’lek sighed again.

 Hours later, when you were with Finn, you curled against the akk dog’s side. It was pleased to be in your company, which had been a rare occurrence since you had returned to life. More often than not the akk dog had remained near to Kylo since you preferred solitude. You ran a hand under its chin, sighing in contentment. Finn stretched his arms above his head before stifling a yawn. His training was taxing mentally as well as physically, although this was in part because he was helping some of the children on the planet that were Force sensitive. He rather enjoyed that.

 It was nice, you thought, that there had been not a second’s worth of awkwardness when you had entered the room. Finn had greeted you as though the pair of you had spoken just the previous day if not earlier in the morning or afternoon. You did not have to pretend with him. Finn saw the hesitation in you, the ever-present threat of being overwhelmed, and he did not pry. He had been forced to adjust to a new life all too fast when he had left the First Order.

 “Have you heard from Rey?” you asked him. If you reached out, you might have been able to feel her in the Force. Finn would more easily be able to do so due to his natural abilities and the bond that he had with her. You imagined that they communicated with one another in that way from time to time, although it would not be often; that would drain the two of them, which could give the criminals that Rey pursued the upperhand. Finn nodded, revealing that he had spoken with her via commlink a standard hour before you had arrived. She was wrapping up with the mission that she had undertaken. The target had jumped to a new sector in space, one that did welcome those under Dameron’s command. “That’s good.”

 “Yeah.” He grinned widely. “Poe said to tell you that he’s open to give you more flying lessons any time. You pick things up easily.”

 “So do you,” you teased, mirroring his smile. He could fly basic speeders and smaller ships, however Finn did not have any desire to pursue those skills or any dreams of flying a vessel such as the Millennium Falcon. That he was leaving to his friends. To your friends. Your smile lost some of its length, and your hand paused in its stroking movement on the akk dog’s chin. “Finn?” He hummed acknowledgment whilst nodding, urging you to speak, letting you know that he was listening and that he would not say anything that would make you regret opening up to him. “Sometimes I don’t feel real. I used to have those moments before everything happened. Even before I joined the Resistance. It’s just more pronounced with this. I feel as though I’m not me, I’m just pretending.”

 You knew that there was a proper name for that: imposter syndrome. Speaking in a more technical sense did nothing to lessen the weight of what you felt. It made it too clinical, too cold. It simplified things and made you feel like a statistic.

 Finn reached for your hand, slipping yours into his and giving you a squeeze that you quickly, readily returned. The friendship that you shared with him was one of the elements of life that made it worth living. Where other relationships of the past had helped you to become who you were, Finn was one of those individuals that played a part in who you would transition into, just as you were the same for him. The pair of you understood one another, complemented each other in a different way than how Kylo and you were. He touched and saw your soul without being your soul.

 You released a breath, thinking how Kylo had revealed to you that he had sensed something in Finn when they had been on Jakku together. That was after you had been captured, you remembered. Finn had confirmed that he, too, had felt the connection. It was similar though different than what he had with you. The way the two men explained it, they felt things in the Force that you could not. Instead of hating this as you had in the past, it sent a new warmth through you. There were mysteries in the galaxy. There were new discoveries to be made. The war was not the entirety of your life.

 “Hey…” His voice trailed off as you turned your head to meet his gaze. “I… You know, as a stormtrooper--I never interacted with you.” You nodded, aware of this already. “When I learned more about you, how you were his prisoner, I wondered if you resented the fact that I helped Poe escape but not you.”

 A laugh erupted from you before you could stop it, and you could have sworn Finn was blushing at your amusement. “Sorry. I just--no, it’s funny, because I hated the Force at that point but I prayed… I prayed that Poe would get away. You helped do that. You helped answer my prayers. You helped me regain a sense of hope. You touched my life in a good way without knowing it.”

 He audibly swallowed, his throat bobbing. You smiled at him, your expression soft and one of appreciation for his presence, for who he was. This man and Rey had both offered you hope before you had met them. Their existence had saved your life, had saved Kylo’s, had saved the soul that you shared. You squeezed his hand once more, and Finn returned the gesture. Relief overcame his expression. The guilt he had harbored, no matter how small, was washed away.

 The akk dog leapt up to its feet, behaving in a manner that exposed its excitement. Finn grunted in understanding while you rose to greet Kylo as he entered. The exhaustion that so often showed on his face after conducting political business was absent. He handed the datachip he had been carrying to Finn. Next he turned to you, setting one hand on your upper arm while touching the top of the akk dog’s head with the other. You said a quick farewell, aware that you would see Finn in the early hours of morning, and allowed Kylo Ren to lead you away. The akk dog followed along without any prompting.

 “All of the Knights survived,” you said. This was not the first time that the words had left you. Kylo nodded all the same, not annoyed. You slipped your hand against his, the backs of your limbs touching. If you had needed him to hold your hand to be more grounded, that would have happened. It was not a necessity. The contact, small as it was, was perfect. Each brush with every step a reminder that the two of you were together. “We’ve all changed though. We’re still changing.”

 “We are adjusting, which you are rather skilled at.” The compliment made your heart flutter. It was not just the words, but the meaning behind them. Kylo admired your ability to adapt, he had said so countless times. No matter how often you accomplished this feat, he was left in awe when next you succeeded. It was not that he doubted that you would succeed on any of those occurrences. The simple things in life were sometimes the most important, the most marvelous of all. Like the stars that one gazed upon in the sky, the stars that appeared each and every night.

 When the war had ended, Kylo had given you two separate offers, one based on the words that he had spoken to your mother, promising to return you to her. He had, you had told him, already done that. For the rest, it was your decision to make. To remain with her or to go with him. Whichever was to be the case, the pair of you would not separate. For the past few days, he had prepared himself for you to remain behind in part due to the fact that your mother’s offer for a job had been extended after he had given you the option to remain behind. He knew how worn the war had made you, that dying had made you.

 “Like the Knights, politics aren’t my favorite,” you said teasingly. He half turned his head, his eyes darting about your face as he took in your features. Even if you traveled with him, politics played a role. You twitched your fingers, threading them through his though you did not hook them together. It was a passing union. As you began to draw your hand back to yourself, he shifted his and rethreaded your fingers together, hooking them into a loose embrace. Your palms were not touching, but that did not matter. “Kylo.”

 He tugged, steering you in a new direction that would lead to one of the more secluded gardens that the owner of the building had given Kylo access to. There was no official name yet for the position that Kylo was in. He rejected the idea of being referred to as Emperor. Supreme Leader no longer held any appeal, although for the time being that was what many continued to call him. He accepted it without a word, at least not publicly.  Kylo had voiced his thoughts with you on the issue, how he felt detached from those labels.

 There was time to breathe between the meetings with politicians. Moments that the two of you were able to share and be yourselves. To just be.

 You entered the garden, which had a gazebo that Kylo led you towards. Vines crawled along its sides. Blossoms grew from them, many of the buds not yet in bloom. There were seasons, which made you happy. You stood within the gazebo with Kylo, facing him and memorizing the scars on his face. The moles. The flecks of color in his eyes.

 “You’ve never wanted a title.” You had not thought much about that; whatever title he took on, it would change how others referred to you. Had he been keen on emperor then you would have been empress. You shook your head, agreeing that you did not desire any title like that. ���Names are fleeting for you.”

 Ryoo-bud. Tooka. Tooke. Supernova. KS. Prisoner. Glitterstim. Fate. Wife. Daughter.

 “For you as well.” He dipped his chin.

 Ben. Creature. Monster. Commander. Supreme Leader. Master of the Knights of Ren. Husband. Son.

 Kylo spoke your name. You reached up with both of your hands to cup his face. Your thumbs traced his lips, which parted then pushed together as he kissed their pads. This was a Kylo that few were able to see. Fully exposed, baring himself by dropping all emotional defenses. He stared into your eyes as you stared into his. Seeing each other. The rest of reality dropped away until there were just the two of you. The sun, the moon, the planets, the stars. Everything existed within you, composed of those who had touched your lives.

 “It doesn’t matter what they call us, not really.” Words could not define what the two of you were, who the two of you were.

 At one point, while in turmoil, he would have brought the galaxy down to its knees, quaking in fear. Now it bowed in admiration for all that he had overcome.

 “We’ll be together.” You dropped your voice. “Nothing will stand in our way.” His eyes pinched in the corners at your teasing, and you grinned. He knew that you were not mocking him, not being cruel. “I can focus on creating, on breathing life into the remnants of Naboo and other planets, people that would otherwise be lost. At the same time, I’m going to be with you. Helping you. Whatever you need. We determine our fate--together.” 

 No one else could do that, no one could choose it for you. Regardless of what they thought of you, what they called you. Only your choices would matter. Kylo bent down and kissed you. “Yes, we will.” And he said your name once more, breathing more life into you, completing you again, as he always did simply by existing. As you did for him. One soul, which could not and would not die. Together throughout all of time.

[the end]

[jade4813]

Like Moths to a Flame, Chapter 5

Fandom: North and South

Title: Like Moths to a Flame

Rating: NC-17

Pairing: John/Margaret

Synopsis: “I hope you realize that any foolish passion for you on my part is entirely over.“ Margaret decides to confront John about his unjust judgment of her character, but the two have always been drawn to each other, and things quickly get out of hand. In the aftermath, she agrees to marry him to satisfy propriety, but she cannot forget how ready he was to believe the worst of her. Can love survive without trust, or will the two find a way to work through the misunderstandings that have plagued their relationship from the start?

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Never had the hours moved so slowly as it did that evening, the passage of time marked only by the steady beat of Margaret’s heart. In the morning, Mr Thornton would come to her in anticipation of her response. In the morning, she would agree to marry him. Due to the confluence of honor and respectability, her life would be irrevocably changed, with no hope, even, for a long engagement in order to grow accustomed to the idea. The possibility of a child forced Mr Thornton’s hand as much as her own, and they would have to marry as soon as was practical, but not so quickly as to invite further comment and speculation.

She would leave her father’s house. She would become John’s wife – his property in the eyes of the law, although her nature rebelled against the notion of belonging to anyone other than herself – with no recourse to either of them, should regret ever become the natural conclusion to their marriage.

Miss Margaret Hale. Mrs John Thornton. Mrs Thornton. Margaret Thornton. Over and over, she played her future moniker in her mind, attempting to grow accustomed to the weight and feel of it. Margaret Thornton. Margaret Thornton. Margaret Thornton.

What an unlikely pairing. What an odd collection of syllables. His name had long since inspired the comfort of familiarity, the warmth that came at the reminder of a dear – if complicated – friendship. The full force of emotion evoked by the joining of their names together was too complex for her to interpret and too frightening for her to consider for long.

Mrs John Thornton. Mrs Thornton. Margaret Thornton. It would not happen immediately, but this would soon be the name she would carry for the rest of her life. Mrs John Thornton. I am soon to be Mrs John Thornton. Margaret Thornton. Please, God, do not let him come to hate me for it.

And so her thoughts occupied the hours as sleep eluded her, until the grey light of dawn breaking through her bedroom window compelled her to arise and prepare for the day. Mrs John Thornton, she reiterated one final time as she gazed at her reflection in grave contemplation. Her features were pale and drawn, the deep shadows under her eyes testament to her sleepless night, but she otherwise appeared respectable enough. Today is the day I agree to become John’s wife.

It was futile to expect that Mr Thornton would arrive late to their engagement, or that he would shirk his duty entirely, but she allowed herself to entertain such hope nevertheless as she ate her meager breakfast in resigned silence. Her father failed to notice her preoccupation, engrossed as he was in his own ecclesiastical ruminations. For her part, Dixon appeared to suspect that something was amiss, but she seemed content to keep her own counsel, demonstrating an uncharacteristic lack of both curiosity and opinion about Margaret’s lowered spirits.

Once the breakfast things were put away, Margaret attempted to lose herself in the day’s chores, though her mind remained fixated on the upcoming visit. In her distraction, she accomplished several tasks, but none of them well, until Dixon shooed her out of her precious kitchen and directed her to take her inattention elsewhere. So she returned to her room to gather Mr Thornton’s things and await his arrival.

It came all too soon, his rap upon the front door traveling to her from the ground below, and she attempted to rise to her feet only to find them too weak to support her. Brushing her palms along the heavy fabric of her skirt, she tried again, this time with greater success. Clutching his things in her arms, she swept out the door and down the stairs, this time without pausing to check her reflection in the glass. She knew she was unlikely to look her best at the present moment, but her future husband would have to take her as she was, regardless.

Dixon had showed John into the drawing room, to await her company. Fixing a smile upon her face, she tried to be brave as she prepared to engage in the interview that would change her life, but then she saw John, Mr Thornton, her future husband standing by the window, his back to the room. At the sight of him, she felt her knees give way, and she had to grab for the threshold to avoid falling upon the floor and making a fool of herself.

He turned at the sound. “Miss Hale,” he greeted her, giving her nothing to reproach in either his expression or his voice.

“Mr Thornton,” she responded in return, gratified when her voice sounded more confident than she felt. After a momentary hesitation, she turned to close the door, regretting the impulse that had compelled her to leave his abandoned items on the table in the entryway, for him to retrieve before his exit. If she still carried them, it would give her hands something to do, other than to tremble and be useless. Hiding them in her skirts, she stepped further into the room, her gaze falling – as it so often seemed to do as of late – to his chest.

“You’ve thought about my offer?” he asked with a forthrightness that she had often admired in the past but which caused her a measure of dismay now. If she’d had her way, they might have occupied the next several minutes in idle chatter, avoiding the subject that remained unspoken between them, although such avoidance could only be temporary in nature. But perhaps it was for the best that they address the topic right away, affixing her future with a sense of permanence in her own mind.

“I have,” she agreed, even as her mind went blank. Were there words that were customary to offer in such a situation as the agreement to a proposal issued in honorable obligation? Surely there were, but she could not for the life of her imagine what they might be. If only she had spent some time mulling over the words of her acceptance, rather than merely upon its outcome! “I – I thank you for your offer and would be—” she hesitated, searching for the proper word. She could not claim in good conscience to be pleased (at least under the current circumstances), but neither did honored seem an appropriate term, as it had been her own dishonorable behavior that had led to her present predicament.

She tried again. “I am grateful for your kindness, and I accept your offer.” As the words left her mouth, her throat stung with the bitterness of unshed tears. With such tepid words, she had accepted his proposal and changed the course of her life! Were their lives together truly to begin on a note of such indifference?

“I don’t want your gratitude,” he snapped, sounding cold and impatient, seemingly as disgusted by her reply as she found herself to be, and she winced.

He hadn’t moved, and so she gave into the impulse to step toward him and take his hand in hers. It had once been inconceivable that she might take any man’s hand in such a manner, her aversion causing great offense early in their acquaintance. She had yet to grow entirely accustomed to the ways of the North, each time having to overcome her own natural aversion to shaking any man’s hand but his. Though they shook hands rarely, John’s touch was hardly unfamiliar to her now.

Marveling in the weight and the strength of his palm, she trembled as she lifted it to press her cheek against the back of his hand. “No,” she breathed in acknowledgement. “I’m sorry. I’m not – I’ve never learned how to accept – to accept an offer such as – such as yours.”

“I’ve never learned to make such an offer. At least, I’ve never learned how to do it well,” he replied in return, his voice low and soft. It swept around her like a caress, making her long to lean into him. He turned his hand in hers, cupping her cheek in his palm. His thumb brushed along her lips, and she closed her eyes with a sigh.

“John, I—” she began, lifting her gaze to his face, where the blue of his eyes stole both her breath and her reason. Before she could continue, a sound carried through the closed door.

“Is John here? Margaret said he would call on me today—” Her father’s voice trailed off, out of hearing, but that brief reminder was sufficient to cause her to drop his hand and step away.

“My father is waiting for you,” she breathed, pulling out of his reach. Turning toward the window, she waited until she heard him leave, and then she whispered into the silence, “Margaret Thornton. Mrs John Thornton…”

There had once been a time – before age, disappointment, and regret had instilled within her breast a degree of measured practicality, and before the upheaval of her entire life to an unfamiliar town in the North – that Margaret had entertained more romantic sensibilities than she indulged today. She had once considered her future married life with eager anticipation, although her life’s partner was yet unknown. In her more romantic musings, she had wondered if her eventual engagement would have such a profound impact upon her person, her heart, and her future that it would slowly overtake the world around her, like ripples in a pond. In her very most romantic contemplations, she imagined that an engagement would impress upon her with such importance that reality itself would be fundamentally altered, and all would know at a glance of her good fortune and supreme confidence in her future contentment.

As it turned out, her engagement to John did not have such an immediate cataclysmic impact upon her life. Her father had received the news of her engagement to his friend with a combination of joy at her good fortune in capturing the devotion of such a man and astonishment that they two were anything more than indifferent acquaintances. He had never anticipated a forming attachment on either side, convinced as he was by her initial dislike of the rugged industrialist. For a brief moment, Margaret had hoped that Dixon might be on her side in sharing reservations about her future marriage, but even she abandoned Margaret to her misgivings, having been moved by Mr Thornton’s kindness towards her mistress during her final decline.

So Margaret bore her apprehension in silence as she accepted congratulations both reticent (most notably from Nicholas, who still carried an intense distrust of the Master of Marlborough Mill and – soon enough – of her life) and heartfelt. She hid her misgivings as she wrote to her family to inform them of the news, feigning an excitement she didn’t feel to Frederick, in particular, lest he worry over her in her present course.

She didn’t dare write the truth of her feelings even to her dear Edith, who graced her missive with a quick reply.

My darling Margaret,

I was so pleased to receive your most recent letter, but imagine my astonishment to read of your engagement! Although I am certain I will not be the first, allow me to congratulate you on your upcoming nuptials. I hope you will not be too cross with me when I confess that I had begun to wonder if you might have formed an attachment to your Mr Thornton. Your attitude toward him had undergone such a marked changed in recent letters, although I had no thought that your heart might be so engaged! I know you’ll think it very silly of me, but I had hoped that you might reconsider Henry’s suit, as I already love you quite as a sister. But, no. I suppose it was not to be. No matter. You had written before of Mr Thornton’s severity and harshness, but if you have formed an attachment to him, he must be the most worthy of gentlemen. I can only hope that – if you haven’t yet! – you may one day develop genuine affection for him, as I have for my own dear Colonel.

As much as I hope for your future happiness, I was surprised to learn that your wedding would be so soon! Could you not convince your beau to give you a little more time? Surely his regard for you would allow you sufficient time to travel to London to purchase your trousseau. Sadly, I fear it would be impossible for us to travel to Milton to attend your wedding as is. The weather has grown colder, and poor Sholto has been out of sorts…

Margaret folded the letter and put it aside, letting her gaze drift out the window as she lost herself in her thoughts. Reconsider Henry’s suit? She’d never dreamed her cousin entertained such hopes, or she would have gently disabused her of such a notion. He was a good man, but she had known from their first meeting that they would never be more than friends. She could only pray that Henry was as ignorant of Edith’s intentions as she had been, and that her defection would not cause him undue pain.

The thought of Henry set aside, she turned her attention to the more pressing (and, perhaps, distressing) part of her cousin’s missive: her speculation that Margaret had developed real feelings for Mr Thornton. What was it in Margaret’s letters that had given rise to such an idea? Was she to be plagued by suspicion that she had secret designs to trap him into marriage as far away as London?

With a huff of dismay, Margaret rose to her feet and walked briskly to the hall to gather her things. The hour was growing late, and she had agreed to meet Mrs Thornton to discuss plans for the wedding breakfast. Whatever she had once imagined her life to be upon her engagement, the reality was less like a sudden, cataclysmic shift and more like a boulder rolling down a hill – moving slowly, at first, but gradually gaining in steam until it carried on entirely out of her control. Plans were made, dresses discussed, menus debated. Margaret approached each decision with feigned enthusiasm, pretending more interest in the details than she truly felt, more for her father’s sake than for the sake of anyone in the Thornton family. She had no illusions regarding their eagerness for the match, though both ladies treated her politely enough – or, rather, as politely as they were ever likely to do.

As was her nature, Mrs Thornton tackled each task like a general amassing her troops, relentlessly attending to each detail until it was resolved to her satisfaction, if not to Margaret’s preference. She remained polite, if distant, although Margaret could not help but recognize that the Thornton matriarch was disappointed in her son’s choice of bride, considering it (perhaps rightly) a slight against her family and her son that Margaret did not more keenly feel the honor that was being bestowed upon her.

Less concerned with familial honor, Fanny approached the task of wedding planning with greater enthusiasm, although she also could not entirely hide her disappointment in the recipient of her attentions. Her tongue was less guarded than the other members of her family, so she let slip more than once that she had hoped a certain Miss Latimer would stand in Margaret’s place – but, no, it was not to be, and she would somehow forebear. Margaret tried not to let these barbs shake her composure, as she told herself the pain they left in their wake was caused by injury to her pride and not her heart.

And so it was that the three women danced around the subject of the engagement and the animosity that lingered between them, until the afternoon that Margaret received Edith’s letter. Distracted by the accusation of genuine attachment for the man she assured herself had touched her body but not her heart, she was inattentive to his mother’s conversation until even the Dragon’s patience was at an end.

Tossing the proposed guest list onto the table between them, Mrs Thornton made a sound of disgust as she gazed upon her future daughter with all the hauteur that was hers to command. “I promised my son I would be polite, but I must speak my mind,” she declared, her tone more than her words catching Margaret’s attention, pulling her mind away from her more distressing ruminations.

With the same blunt honesty that had marked all of their interactions to date, Mrs Thornton said, “I’ve won’t pretend to have ever liked you.” Though the two women had never spoken on that particular topic, Margaret couldn’t pretend to be surprised by the admission. Nor could she feign astonishment when Mrs Thornton continued, “I certainly don’t think you’re good enough for my son. But if you think you can make him happy, that’s good enough for me.”

It was not much of a capitulation, but it was more than Margaret had ever expected to receive, so she was contemplating how to gracefully respond when she realized that the older woman was waging some form of silent internal battle. It seemed prudent to hold her tongue until she learned which inner demon would be the victor, and she was unsurprised when her patience was rewarded with insult.

 “I only ask that you consider your feelings. If you truly love this other man of yours, if you think you might one day wish that you had married him instead…as a mother, I ask that you be honest with John and release him from this engagement. He’s a good man. He doesn’t deserve a lifetime of misery.”

Margaret’s first inclination was to rail against this affront, to demand apology for yet another slight against her character. However, she struggled to bite back her initial response, reminding herself that she would soon marry into this family – a circumstance that would require a period of adjustment for all parties involved. In as civil a tone as she could manage, she replied, “I understand your position, although I am cannot think why I should owe you an explanation for why I agreed to marry your son. As for the man in question, rest assured that I need no additional time to examine my feelings for him. I do love him – very much – but I will never come to regret him, at least not in the manner you imply.”

Her answer failed to placate the Dragon; far from it, in fact. Rearing back, Mrs Thornton snapped, “You are an arrogant, unfeeling woman, with no thought to—”

“Mother.”

Both woman jumped at the sound of the single word, no matter that it was softly spoken, and Margaret turned to find her fiancé in the doorway, staring at the pair of them. She had understood that responsibilities at work were keeping him increasingly occupied, making it unlikely that she would see him at all that day. Her heart leapt at the sight, even as she recoiled slightly from the anger in his eyes.

For all his ire, he spoke politely to his mother as he continued in mild rebuke, “You promised that you would treat Miss Hale with respect.”

Mrs Thornton raised her chin, ready to defend herself and her actions, but Margaret didn’t give her the chance. Rising to her feet, she replied hurriedly, “She hasn’t offended me. She’s only spoken her mind, which is a sign of respect in itself, and I’m afraid I’ve spoken to her far more harshly in the past. I appreciate her honesty, as it allows us to come to terms with each other without risk of misunderstanding.”

She was babbling, speaking for too quickly for the situation as she felt mortification scorch her cheeks. Had he heard her admission that she loved Frederick but would never marry him? The rage banked behind his eyes gave nothing away, whether it arose solely from his mother’s uncharitable words or if a portion of his anger was caused by her own foolish tongue.

Since their engagement, Margaret had treated Mr Thornton with trepidation – not for the sake of his person but in recognition that he was the reason why her life would soon irrevocably change. In her haste to smooth over the lingering tension, however, she acted without thinking, approaching him quickly to rest a soothing hand upon his arm.

The move, insignificant as it was to her own mind, captured his attention, and she watched as he bowed his head to stare at the hand in question. Margaret found her gaze following his own, and she marveled at the paleness of her skin against the harsh black of his frock coat. Her hand trembled under his regard, but she did not pull it away, and she saw that the anger had ebbed from behind his eyes when he lifted his gaze once more to hers.

Ever since his second proposal, Margaret had found it difficult to meet his gaze as unflinchingly as she had once done. Too overwhelmed by her own shame, her uncertainty, the fear of what he might see in her face as much as she was confused about what she longed to see in his, it had been easier to keep her face averted, her eyes downcast. In her aversion, she had forgotten how hypnotizing his eyes could be, how they captured her and refused to let her go. Staring into them now, she felt her breath catch and hold as he overwhelmed her with the desire to learn more about the man she was to marry. To understand the emotion flickering behind the eyes that captivated her so. To fully comprehend the inner workings of his mind and of his heart.

Behind her, Mrs Thornton answered her son’s charge, but she might not have spoken for all either of them seemed to mark her words. Margaret heard nothing but the steady rise and fall of his breathing, in marked contrast to her own irregular breath. She told herself she should pull away from him, but she did not as she said in a low voice, for only his ears to hear, “I didn’t think I would see you today.”

Something flickered behind his eyes, though what emotion it was, she couldn’t say. “There’s much to do at the mill,” he replied. Then, after a moment, he asked, “Did you wish to see me? I’d have come sooner, if I’d known.”

“Yes,” answered unthinkingly. Then, realizing the answer betrayed an eagerness for his company that was at best improper and at worst misleading, she tried again. “No. I – the plans for our wedding – there’s so much to do.” The list of decisions that still required her attention seemed insurmountable, never mind that theirs would not be as grand an affair as Fanny’s wedding had been. Although John had told her to make such plans as would make her happy, without the presence of her extended family and in light of both the need for expediency and the lack of sentiment that had led to their engagement, she had opted for a simpler affair.

His hand covered her own, trapping it against his arm when she might have realized it had lingered there for too long and pulled it away. “I have some time before I must return to the mill. Will you spend the afternoon with me?”

The last time they had spent such time together had landed them in their current situation, and the peevish part of her that railed against their forced engagement whispered that she should refuse him. He would have the authority to lay claim to her attention soon enough. But she found she could not resist him when he looked at her as he did now.

To her surprise every bit as much as it was to his, she found herself nodding in reply. “Yes.” An inexplicable swell of happiness swelled within her breast, causing her to smile up at him in unfeigned joy. Before she could question the cause for her improved spirits, she laughed and gave herself over to the urge to tease him lightly. “But only if you promise that we will speak of anything other than wedding plans.”

John’s face, handsome even in severity, was truly transformed by his smile, slight as it was. “I can deny you nothing,” he responded in kind. “Certainly not a request as simple as that.” Leading her into the hall, he paused long enough to assist her with her outerwear, and then he threw open the door and led her outside.

It would be several minutes before Margaret realized she had left without wishing Mrs. Thornton goodbye.

[howtohero]

#298 Taking Over the World

Hello? Is this thing on? Ah, perfect. Hello world, it’s me, Smuggles, the fiendish criminal who orchestrated the end of the Age of Superheroes and ushered in the Age of Villains, or the Age of Smuggles, my compatriots and I are still workshopping the name. Anyway, now that things are well and truly finished for your pathetic heroes and those who would try to guide them through life, I thought I might take a moment to explain to you all how all of this came to be, so that you might truly comprehend the absoluteness of our control and the futility of trying to stop us. And yes, I’m sure I know what you’re thinking, thanks to the mind reading flakes that Professor Brain-Scrambler mixed into every box of the aggressively marketed Cereal Flakes: Everyone’s Favorite Cereal and Favorite Flake in the world. You’re all thinking: Ooh is he really going to monologue now? That’s so passé, how gauche. But I feel as though I deserve this. You might have trouble believing this but this is actually my very first supervillain monologue. I don’t often succeed at my villainous plots, and even when I do, a successful smuggling kind of means there won’t be an audience for whom I can monologue. So excuse me if I feel like gloating for a bit.

Before I get into things though, I think it would be quite remiss of me not to thank those who helped me get to where I am now, starting with the real MVPs, the How To Hero team. The How To Hero team? Aren’t they good guys? Aren’t they victims in all of this? How could they have helped you? All good questions, to be sure, but they are indeed responsible for my meteoric rise to power. Of course they didn’t know it at the time. You see, three years ago I was nothing more than a petty thief with a costume and a codename. Barely a supervillain as some have called me. It was rare that I even saw superheroes, let alone did battle with them. Until June 8, 2017, when a certain blog told every two-bit would-be cape-fetishishist that I would be a good villain to test their crime-fighting chops on. Suddenly, I was being accosted nightly by every man, woman, child and giant badger with a hero-complex. It was humiliating, it was painful, and I vowed that I would get revenge on anybody who contributed to my nightly beatings, so, every superhero ever and also How To hero. I decided to start with the blog, as that seemed easier, and also they were the only ones on my revenge list who hadn’t already decisively proven that they could beat me up. So I began reading their guide, know thine enemy and all, and in time I discovered that while they may not be much of a superhero guide, they were, unwittingly, laying out everything one might need to be the ultimate supervillain. I reached out to an old accomplice of mine Perry the Pirate, who helped me hack into How To Hero’s database so I could access notes and drafts that they had yet to publish so I could glean even more information and tips from them. Apparently another lawyer in his firm worked closely with the guide and had a backdoor into their system on his computer. I pored over the information I found, sifting through thousands of unbearable puns and jokes to get what I needed, and thus, a plan began to form.

Historically speaking, the main obstacle in any villains way to world domination is the large contingent of heroes who love freedom and peace and living in a non-dominated world. They’re always spouting on and on about rights and justice and love, I know, they’re exhausting. But people tend to like them, and people tend to be inspired by them. Which often means that when a supervillain manages to take out one hero, somebody else will very quickly take up their mantle and continue their fight for them. So it is not enough to just pick off heroes one by one. In order to truly get rid of them, they, all of them, would need to be taken off the board all at once. And such an event would need to occur when a villain, or a group of villains, is ready to step in a take control, so that they may do so swiftly as soon as the heroes fall. This part, I realized, was crucial, no time at all could pass between the fall of the heroes and the rise of the villains. Any sort of grace period would allow for the rise of new heroes, and we would be right back where we started. So even though How To Hero had foolishly provided me with a roadmap to taking out the world’s heroes, I needed to put some pieces into play first. I needed to garner the support of my fellow villains.

Not an easy feat for the preeminent starter-villain. 

Honestly, it wouldn’t be an easy feat for anyone, had it not, once again, been for How To Hero. You see, most villain team-ups fail eventually. The villains will always end up betraying each other or falling out over some petty reason like “who gets to control which coast” or “what are we going to name the henchmen”. The rate of decline goes up the more villains you add to your team. So if I was going to form a villainous alliance capable of taking out the heroes and taking over the world, I would need to find a way to overcome the virulent backstabbing and counter-plotting that often plagued supervillain team-ups. So imagine my delight, when How To Hero published a guide on fights between supervillains and how to resolve them. Armed with the tools I would need to diffuse any fights that might arise I approached Al “Da Boss” Marconi, a big time supervillain and crime boss.

A few things you need to know about Marconi, he is quick to anger and only speaks to people whom he respects. So my first attempts at meeting with him ended with me being hurled out of a fortieth story window. Thankfully, on the advice of How To Hero, I was wearing a parachute and ended up being just fine. I realized I would need to find a way to impress Marconi. If I could get him onboard, most of the villain community would be similarly swayed. So I set my eyes towards bigger fish... Oh, not Charlie, that was actually something else. You know what, I might as well talk about that now, while we’re on the subject.

If I was going to take out every hero in the world I would need engineer large-scale threat, but as I’ve said, I didn’t not have large-scale threat connections. In fact, after Perry the Pirate left the villain game to become a lawyer, my only supervillain contact was another low-level villain named Charlie the Fish Whisperer. He mind controls fish by whispering to them, that’s not exactly large-scale, world-threatening stuff. It is, what you could charitably define, as a lame superpower. But that’s ok, How To Hero has a guide to using lame superpowers to your advantage. It was all about perception. All I needed to do was make others perceive Charlie the Fish Whisperer as a world-ending threat. But how to do that? Charlie was only a semi-formidable threat in the water so what were we to do? Mount on attack on Atlantis? How To Hero told us we’d be fools to try. Besides, if we allowed the idea that Charlie was only threatening in the water to stick, he’d never rise to world-ending threat. I realized we would need to speak to a specialist. 

Our world has nearly ended so many times, that there are several former heralds of the apocalypse just hanging around without much to do. I set up a meeting with a fellow called The Dark Harbinger who used to do some freelance heralding for folks like Karalaxus and The Living Ingestor. He taught Charlie and I what these big threat guys are actually like, and How To Hero taught us everything we needed to know about putting on a facade to trick others. But being able to talk the talk wouldn’t be enough. We needed a big dramatic action that would cement the new Charlie the Whisperer in the minds of heroes. Thankfully, How To Hero clued us in to another specialist we could speak to. A man named Ivan Karolov, aka Mister Immortal. Karolov agreed to meet with us, who can say why, I honestly think he was just bored. He had somehow found himself as the prime minister of Finland and I think he was itching to fake his death again and move on. Karolov used his skills and experience at faking his own death to help us make it look like Charlie the Fish Whisperer had killed him with a goldfish he had smuggled into Kesäranta. Charlie rebranded as Chuck and the heroes of the world became convinced that he was truly dangerous and locked him away in an alternate dimension. Obviously that’s not how I saw things playing out, but no matter. I had a world-ending threat that I could use as needed.

Now, to switch gears, I must explain how I finally gained the respect of Al Marconi and the rest of the supervillain community. To put it briefly, I went to Hell. Now, now, don’t give me that look, it wasn’t nearly as dramatic as it sounds. In fact, How To Hero made it easy. All I needed was some peanut butter, and get this, I already had some! Just lying around in my cupboard. All I needed to do was put some out in a pentagram to attract a demon and we were in business. I planned on recruiting some Underworld bigwig to my campaign. How could Marconi not respect me if I had the legions of Hell behind my cause. The rulers of Hell are actually easier to appeal to than mortal villains. All I would need to do is pledge my everlasting and eternal soul to whomever was sitting on the throne that day and I would be given an army of ghouls and undead spirits to command. What do I care about my soul? Whatever demon I dealt with would only get once I died, and How To Hero had very helpfully laid out exactly how I could achieve immortality. Luckily though, I didn’t even end up needing to pledge my soul, once again How To Hero came to my rescue. While reading one night I came across a shocking diatribe against a man named Greg Greginski. Greginski is a well known talk show host who frequently talks about superheroes and their ilk, and rarely in a positive light, which is why How To Hero takes issue with him. Greg Greginski is not well-liked in the superhero community, but those of us in the supervillain community are privy to the fact that Greg Greginski is not simply a television host. He’s so much more. He’s part-time ruler of Hell, Greg the Skeleton King, and after How To Hero’s disrespectful remarks towards him, he was willing to throw his weight behind my crusade against the blog, free of charge. 

Once I had Greg the Skeleton King on board, I went back to Marconi with an army of damned souls and he was very quick to endorse my movement as well, especially after being dangled out the window by a ghost who occasionally struggled to stay corporeal. Marconi agreed to spread the word amongst the rest of the villains and I moved on to the final phase of my plan. Taking out all the world’s superheroes in one fell swoop. As I alluded to at the beginning of my post, How To Hero handed me the perfect plan on a silver platter. All I needed to do was trigger a superhero/supervillain team-up. According to How To Hero, when a threat is large enough, superheroes will form temporary alliances with supervillains until the threat is dealt with. This makes sense, supervillains don’t want the world to be destroyed, who would they do crimes against if the world is gone. So heroes need no worry about supervillains pulling anything shady during such a team-up, unless of course, the villains knew that the threat was fake, and that there was no real risk to the world. Enter Chuck the Fish Whisperer, my very own personal world-ending threat. The only problem though, was that Chuck had already been defeated and locked away, earlier than I’d planned. Oh well, at least he was still alive, I just needed access to a interdimensional portal generator. How To Hero had already laid out to me how difficult it is to cross dimensions, the easiest way would be to use somebody else’s existing interdimensional portal generator. Luckily, I knew somebody who could help, Frederick Kaminsky aka Dr. Brainwave. 

Dr. Brainwave was perfect, he had already built a portal generator, and he lived in How To Hero headquarters. He could be my man on the inside. He could be my partner in all of this. Or, well, he could have been. If he hadn’t been a world-grade idiot. It seems that, in his work with How To Hero as their supervillain correspondent, Dr. Brainwave had actually grown to like the team behind the blog. He had begun to think of them as his friends. He wouldn’t allow me access to his machine he told me, but as a professional courtesy he wouldn’t tell anybody about my plan to free Chuck. I let him think that Chuck was the brains and that I was simply his henchman, his sidekick. Brainwave didn’t think I was a threat, and so he didn’t take any steps to report me to the authorities. This ended up being his undoing. If Dr. Brainwave wouldn’t help me, then I would need somebody else on the inside. Unsurprisingly, Brainwave’s beloved guide held the answers. Allow me to quote from the blog’s guide to joining a team that has not invited you to be apart of it: 

If you want to join one of these teams and there’s already somebody there with your powers you’re definitely going to have to sabotage them. We understand that sabotaging another hero to steal their spot on a superhero team isn’t a very superheroic thing to do but some things are just more important! [Don’t] Poison them! Depower them somehow (maybe with some type of ray and/or beam)! Humiliate them by beating them at Dance Dance Revolution at the next superhero dance festival and tractor rodeo which I’m nigh certain is a real thing.

If I wanted to join the How To Hero team, I would have to get rid of the person who already filled my niche. I wouldn’t do it with poison or Dance Dance Revolution though, I would do it with a bomb. A bomb that I had smuggled out of Brainwave’s own workshop when I had met with him. I mailed a bomb to How To Hero’s office. Best case I kill everybody in the building and then just waltz in and use Brainwave’s portal generator to unleash Chuck, trigger a superhero/supervillain team-up, and then have the villain betray the heroes once they’ve let their guard down. Worst case, I take out Brainwave and steal his job. I knew Brainwave always wore rocket boots, he was almost as much of an avid reader of this blog as I was, so I knew that if anybody was going to fly the bomb out of the office, it would have to be him. Afterwards it was just a matter of filling out an application and coasting on my reputation as a non-threat. Sure enough, those fools fell for it hook, line and, sinker. So here we are now, the superheroes are gone, and I and my allies rule the world. And it’s all thanks to this little blog. 

That’s all for now, stay tuned for my first slew of villainous decrees and demands soon. Welcome to the new world order.

[proxylynn]

Lynchtale: File Name Game of Death #3

Chapter 3: Know the rules, so you can break them.

WARNING: THIS IS A MATURE STORY THAT WILL HAVE BLOOD, GORE, PSYCHOLOGICAL SURVIVAL HORROR, HEAVY CURSING, AND LIKELY SEXUAL THEMES/BONING. I DO NOT OWN UNDERTALE, THAT BELONGS TO LORD TOBY FOX. I DO NOT OWN DEAD BY DAYLIGHT, THAT BELONGS TO BEHAVIOUR DIGITAL INC.. I DON'T OWN THE AU'S THAT SOME OF THE CHARACTERS COME FROM, THEY BELONG TO THEIR RESPECTIVE CREATORS. I DON'T OWN THE IDEA FOR LYNCHTALE, THAT BELONGS TO PUNNYSIDEUP (AKA. SANSFULPUNS). WHAT I DO OWN IS MY SELF-INSERT OC ANOMALY LYNSIE AND THE LOVE OF FAN PARODY. IF YOU'RE STILL READING THIS, THEN CONGRATULATIONS ON EITHER BEING ONE WITH STRONG DETERMINATION OR AN ENDLESS WILL TO OVERCOME THE CHALLENGE OF STOMACHING WHAT I HAVE IN MIND. EITHER WAY, IF YOU LIKE THIS AND/OR MY OTHER CONTENT, SIT BACK AND ENJOY THE ETERNAL PUNISHMENT. HAVE FUN SINNERS. ^_^

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[Elsewhere: Killer Shack]

*CLANG-CLANG*

"Tra la la. The meeting will now come to order."

Wraith materializes and gets the other killers attention.

"As we have been doing for the last five feed cycles...Tra la la...We will now see if anyone has encountered the new Survivor. Show of hands?"

The room is very still. Till one hand goes up in a cocky way.

"YOU'VE GOT TO BE JOKING."

Trapper says bitterly.

"IF ANYONE SHOULD'VE GOTTEN TO HAVE A STAB AT THE NEW MEAT IT'S ME. I AM THE FIRST CHOSEN. IT IS MY RIGHT TO SPILL THEIR PATHETIC BLOOD UPON THE NEW HUNT."

This is indeed true. While not technically oldest killer, by place in time that's no doubt Plague as she's from a time between 1895-539 BC and by age that is up for questioning as time has no effect on them thus they haven't aged nor have they cared to ask what any of them were, but Trapper does hold the title of first taken by the Entity so he is the senior killer. In order of their arrival there was Trapper, Wraith, Hillbilly, Nurse, Shape, Hag, Doctor, Huntress, Cannibal, Nightmare, Pig, Clown, Spirit, Legion, Plague, and the latest one recruited being Ghost Face. But screw this seniority hierarchy bullshit! Legion's grin is wide, full of bravado, and no one likes it.

"Legion, is it true? Did you come across the human in your trial? Tra la la."

"ah, what's the matter? can't stand that it wasn't any of you that got to have fun with the new meat? well, suck it! that was one of the best hunts i've had ever! *manic laughter*"

Ghost Face creeps his way nearby.

"My my...Two of us now has had her all to themselves. Tell us, darling, how did it go? Was she as Wraith told us? How did you kill her? Details. They are important. Do share."

Feeling like the cock of the walk, Legion puts his hands in his pockets coolly.

"now i'm not one to kill and tell, but since you asked...i didn't kill her."

This gets some odd looks his way.

".........?"

"The Shape is right, deary. How did you not kill her?"

Plague asks legitimately.

"heh...i'll tell you, but i want something in exchange."

"✡⚐🕆 ⚐☠☹✡ 👍⚐☠❄✋☠🕆☜ ❄⚐ ✌💣✌☪☜ 💣☜ 🕈✋❄☟ ❄☟☜ ☜✞☜☼ ☝☼⚐🕈✋☠☝ ☹☜✞☜☹💧 ⚐☞ 👌⚐☹👎☠☜💧💧 ✡⚐🕆 ☝☜❄ ✌💧 ❄✋💣☜ 🏱✌💧💧☜💧📬" (YOU ONLY CONTINUE TO AMAZE ME WITH THE EVER GROWING LEVELS OF BOLDNESS YOU GET AS TIME PASSES.)

The Doctor remarks with a thought they all shared.

"trust me. the info i got is worth it. all i want is a gruesome gateau. and i know at least one of you still has one. you give me that, and i'll tell you every single thing that went down. every...last...little...detail."

"For the Entity's sake! Someone pay the man! I can't take this tease!"

Ghost Face is a needy one. But as a recently recruited killer, it's not like he had the item of request.

"How do we know what you have to say is worth it? For all we know, you're just playing us like a fox with a hare."

Huntress makes a valid point.

"fine. if you really need a sample...she helped me kill the other humans."

This little snippet of what he knew is just tempting enough to win over the majority.

"I shall deliver the offering to you after the meeting, dear."

Nurse says politely and Legion rubs his hands together deviously.

"alright. thank you kindly, lady. now gather round papa legion, kiddies, for i got quite the story to tell."

And he wasn't lying. Legion tells them everything. From her unique terror radius, to her resentment leading to betrayal, and her bizarre behavior before he stopped it from getting worst, to then letting her escape through the hatch. The only things he didn't mention are the small joke moments and the personal torture time. Somethings are just to enjoyed by the ones involved. Not like she enjoyed it. But he certainly did.

"T-This human is an odd one. They n-normally don't t-turn on each other unless w-we're going at them hard."

Pig stutters in thought.

"I'LL GIVE HER CREDIT. SHE DIDN'T STAND FOR THEIR BULLSHIT."

Trapper says with a smirk.

"Come on. she's just a messed up Human. quit sucking her dick like she's the god of all Humans."

Nightmare spats unimpressed.

"hAG thought human was she?"

Oh, Hag, you special bundle of try. Nightmare just glares and shakes his head, he's not one known for his patience.

"What do you think, Doctor? Tra la la."

"✋ ❄☟✋☠😐 ❄☟☜ 💣⚐☼☜ ✋☠❄☜☼☜💧❄✋☠☝ ✌💧🏱☜👍❄ ⚐☞ ☹☜☝✋⚐☠🕯💧 ✌👍👍⚐🕆☠❄ 🕈✌💧 ❄☟✌❄ 💣⚐💣☜☠❄ ☠☜✌☼ ❄☟☜ ☜☠👎📬 ✋❄ 💧☜☜💣☜👎📬📬📬⚐👎👎☹✡ ☼☜💣✋☠✋💧👍☜☠❄📬" (I THINK THE MORE INTERESTING ASPECT OF LEGION'S ACCOUNT WAS THAT MOMENT NEAR THE END. IT SEEMED...ODDLY REMINISCENT.)

"You mean the part where she was TURNING?"

That got them to look at Spirit.

"What? You can't tell me it's not OBVIOUS."

"*cough* Would you care to explain? *hack*"

Clown snarkily questioned through his smoker's lung-like coughing.

"I mean, I don't know if any of you remember, but I know the ENTITY likes to do things to the ones IT LIKES. You can't believe we LOOK LIKE THIS ON PURPOSE."

She brought up a good point. They didn't remember much about their pasts, but they knew most of them weren't as disfigured when they first were claimed by the Entity. Trapper didn't put the iron rods and hooks into his bones. Nurse didn't choke herself with a pillowcase over her head. Hag didn't cake herself in muck and deform her hands. Spirit didn't impale her body in shards of glass and she didn't sever her arms or implant a sword in one. Legion didn't merge with other people because they wanted to. Doctor didn't strap himself into his electroconvulsive gear to pry his eyes and mouth open, nor did he stream the wires into his bones. Wraith didn't lose it's form and identity because it felt like doing so. These were things the Entity did, taking what it knew of them and adding to them, sometimes as a punishment. Sure, other killers didn't go through such visible changes like them. Huntress and Clown only seemed to have blackened out eyes, like a creepy doll or a monstrous shark. Shape, Pig, Ghost Face, and Cannibal were unknowns as they wore masks and tended to don fully covering outfits. The hardest to tell if the Entity did anything to were Plague, Hillbilly, and Nightmare. All three were brought in with some sort of disfigurement so its really hard to say what was done to them if anything.

"SO WHAT YOU'RE SAYING IS...THAT HUMAN, FOR WHATEVER REASON, WAS BECOMING A MONSTER?"

Trapper has a totally non-asshole sounding tone.

"That's my IDEA at least."

It is just an suspicion Spirit had and nothing concrete.

"...THAT'S JUST STUPID."

Never mind, Trapper is just an asshole.

"You shouldn't dismiss it so soon. Tra la la. Nothing is beyond reason when it comes to the Entity."

A very good point made by Wraith.

"✋☞ ❄☟✋💧 ❄☟☜⚐☼✡ ✋💧 ❄⚐ 👌☜ 👌☜☹✋☜✞☜👎📪 🕈☜ 💣🕆💧❄ ☼🕆☠ ✋❄ ❄☟☼⚐🕆☝☟ ✌ ❄☜💧❄📬" (IF THIS THEORY IS TO BE BELIEVED, WE MUST RUN IT THROUGH A TEST.)

Doctor being doctor, always wanting to experiment.

"..........?"

Good question asked by Shape.

"✋ 🏱☼⚐🏱⚐💧☜ ❄☟✌❄ 🕈☜ ✌☝☼☜☜ ❄⚐ ☼🕆☠ ❄☟✋💧 ☟🕆💣✌☠ ❄☟☼⚐🕆☝☟ ✌ 💧☜☼✋☜💧 ⚐☞ 💧❄☼☜💧💧 ❄☜💧❄💧📬 ☞☼⚐💣 🕈☟✌❄ ☹☜☝✋⚐☠ 👎☜💧👍☼✋👌☜👎📪 ☟☜☼ ☜💣⚐❄✋⚐☠✌☹ 💧❄✌❄☜ 💣✌✡ 🏱☹✌✡ ✌ ☼⚐☹☜ ✋☠ ❄☟✋💧 🕯❄🕆☼☠✋☠☝🕯 👌☜☟✌✞✋⚐☼📬 ✌☠✡ ⚐☞ 🕆💧 ❄☟✌❄ ☝☜❄ ❄⚐ ☟🕆☠❄ ☟☜☼ ☠☜✠❄ 💧☟⚐🕆☹👎 🕆💧☜ ❄☟☜ 💧❄☼✌☠☝☜ ☼✌👎✋🕆💧 ❄⚐ ☞✋☠👎 ☟☜☼ ✌☠👎 💣✌😐☜ ❄☟✋☠☝💧 ✌💧 ✋☼☼✋❄✌❄✋☠☝ ✌💧 🏱⚐💧💧✋👌☹☜📬" (I PROPOSE THAT WE AGREE TO RUN THIS HUMAN THROUGH A SERIES OF STRESS TESTS. FROM WHAT LEGION DESCRIBED, HER EMOTIONAL STATE MAY PLAY A ROLE IN THIS 'TURNING' BEHAVIOR. ANY OF US THAT GET TO HUNT HER NEXT SHOULD USE THE STRANGE RADIUS TO FIND HER AND MAKE THINGS AS IRRITATING AS POSSIBLE.)

Toxicity works on both ends of this twisted game.

"What of the other Survivors, deary? Surely they won't let a fellow human go attacked for very long."

Crud, a flaw pointed out by Plague.

"*scoff* those idiots? after that trial and the stunt she pulled, they're going to be looking for reasons to let her get hooked."

A very sad but true fact stated by Legion.

"✌☹☹ ❄☟☜ 👌☜❄❄☜☼ ☞⚐☼ ❄☟✋💧 🏱☹✌☠📬 🕈✋❄☟ ☟☜☼ ❄☜✌💣 ☞🕆☼❄☟☜☼ ✋💧⚐☹✌❄✋☠☝ ☟☜☼ ✌☠👎 🕈✋❄☟ 🕆💧 💣✌😐✋☠☝ ❄☟✋☠☝💧 👎✋☞☞✋👍🕆☹❄📪 ✋❄ 💧☟⚐🕆☹👎☠🕯❄ 👌☜ ❄⚐⚐ ☟✌☼👎 ❄⚐ 💣✌😐☜ ☟☜☼ 💧☠✌🏱 🕆☠👎☜☼ ❄☟☜ 🏱☼☜💧💧🕆☼☜📬" (ALL THE BETTER FOR THIS PLAN. WITH HER TEAM FURTHER ISOLATING HER AND WITH US MAKING THINGS DIFFICULT, IT SHOULDN'T BE TOO HARD TO MAKE HER SNAP UNDER THE PRESSURE.)

Cue the dramatic evil music score followed by the rumblings of thunder and lighting.

"Oh man, this is gonna be awesome! That punk is going down!"

Huntress needs very little reason to hunt humans.

"oH! hAG have question!"

A simple one is the Hag, questioning things is her specialty.

"Yes? Tra la la."

"WhaT happENS when the hooman sNaps?"

Not a bad question really.

"The darling does bring up a fair point. If and when the human does crack, what then?"

As curious as he is, Ghost Face is a cautious one and thinks ahead when it comes to his methods.

"don't know. i didn't let things get that far. she was hurting herself to make it stop when i stabbed her."

The mystery continues to mystify.

"☟💣💣💣📬📬📬❄☟☜☠ 🕈☜ 👎⚐ ☟✌✞☜ ✌ 💧💣✌☹☹ 👍☹🕆☜ ✌💧 ❄⚐ 🕈☟✌❄ ❄⚐ 👎⚐ ✋☞ 💧☟☜ 👌☜👍⚐💣☜💧 ✌ 🏱☼⚐👌☹☜💣📬 💧☜☹☞ 🏱✌✋☠ 👎☜☹✌✡💧 ❄☟✋💧 🕯❄🕆☼☠✋☠☝🕯 👌🕆��� ✋❄🕯💧 ☠⚐❄ ✌💧 💧❄☼⚐☠☝ ✌💧 ❄☼🕆☜ ☟✌☼💣☞🕆☹ ✋☠❄☜☠❄📬 ❄☟☜☼☜☞⚐☼☜📬📬📬✋☞ ❄☟☜ ☟🕆💣✌☠ 👎⚐☜💧 ✋☠👎☜☜👎 💧☠✌🏱📪 🕈☜ ✌☼☜ ❄⚐ 💣⚐☠✋❄⚐☼ ☟☜☼ ✌☠👎 ☹☜✌☼☠ 🕈☟✌❄ ❄☟✋💧 💧❄✌❄☜ 💣☜✌☠💧 ☞⚐☼ 🕆💧📬 ☟⚐🕈☜✞☜☼📪 ✋☞ 💧☟☜ 👌☜👍⚐💣☜💧 ✌☠ ✋💧💧🕆☜ ❄☟☜☠ 👌✡ ✌☹☹ 💣☜✌☠💧 👎⚐ 🕈☟✌❄ ✋❄ ❄✌😐☜💧 ❄⚐ 😐☠⚐👍😐 ☟☜☼ 👌✌👍😐 ✋☠❄⚐ ☟☜☼ ☠⚐☼💣✌☹ 💧❄✌❄☜📬 👎⚐☜💧 ❄☟✋💧 💧⚐🕆☠👎 ☼☜✌💧⚐☠✌👌☹☜ ❄⚐ ❄☟☜ ☼☜💧❄ ⚐☞ ✡⚐🕆✍" (HMMM...THEN WE DO HAVE A SMALL CLUE AS TO WHAT TO DO IF SHE BECOMES A PROBLEM. SELF PAIN DELAYS THIS 'TURNING' BUT IT'S NOT AS STRONG AS TRUE HARMFUL INTENT. THEREFORE...IF THE HUMAN DOES INDEED SNAP, WE ARE TO MONITOR HER AND LEARN WHAT THIS STATE MEANS FOR US. HOWEVER, IF SHE BECOMES AN ISSUE THEN BY ALL MEANS DO WHAT IT TAKES TO KNOCK HER BACK INTO HER NORMAL STATE. DOES THIS SOUND REASONABLE TO THE REST OF YOU?)

A general sound of acceptance is let out. It's settled.

"hey!"

Oh? Seems something is still on Legion's mind.

"let's get something straight before any of you get ideas when dealing with her. she's mine. so don't go thinking you can have any fun times with her."

This declaration gets their attention.

"Yours?"

Hillbilly is befuddled.

"ARE YOU TRYING TO CLAIM OBSESSION RIGHTS TO THE NEW MEAT?"

Trapper sneers.

"trying to claim? no. i already staked it. i sliced my name into her chest. that human belongs to me."

Obsession rights are not easy to get among killers. Currently, only three had them. Shape claimed the human named Laurie, Nightmare claimed the human named Quentin, and Pig claimed the human named Tapp. They were able to do this because they were brought here along with said humans. Sure, other humans have been brought from spots where the killers came from, but this didn't count as there is no direct affiliation. Legion would have to make a very strong case to pass this before the others.

"Did he just say...?"

Cannibal can't even finish.

"You cocky little shit!"

Ghost Face grabs Legion and pins him against a wall.

"What gives you the right to mark the human before bringing up your claim? Do you want me to kick your ass?"

Before things escalate, Shape comes and parts them from each other.

".........."

"But he broke the rules!"

"....."

Ghost Face huffs in annoyance and backs off, leading to Shape turning to Legion.

".........?"

"don't make it sound like something it's not. she's just a quirky human that happened to make killing more interesting. that's it. marking her was a heat of the moment thing. but i figured, what the hell, this might lead to more fun in the future. so i did it."

".............?"

"*scoff* please. don't give me that crap. if you three can handle your unwilling toys, then i should have no trouble with a plaything that actually will play back."

".......?"

"what? no, i'm not going to stalk her. why would i?"

"See?! He can't even fill the role! His claim for obsession rights are trash!"

Ghost Face is clearly sour over this as stalking prey is kind of his thing. Shape is also a stalking killer, as is Nightmare and somewhat Pig. Hell, nearly all of them were stalkers in some way or another except for a few that couldn't help but make very obvious noise without the help of add-ons to quiet them down.

"geez, man. what crawled up your dress to make you such a bitch?"

"This isn't a dress! It's a shroud! For the killer that needs concealment, but craves attention. Black fabrics help give cover, white glossy textures provide fashionable accents. The long jacket helps to keep the rest of the clothes dry as blood splashes with each stab of the knife."

"whatever, weirdo."

"Fuck you!"

Aggravated with the both of them, Nurse slaps them both on the back of the head as a ticked off mom would do.

"Both of you quit this nonsensical squabbling. Honestly...Half the time I cannot tell you apart from babbling children whining over who took the last cookie from the jar."

"But he..."

"No buts. What is done is done. If Legion has marked his claim, I think he should keep it."

Nurse's words take a few back, though none could see the cunning smirk hidden behind that clothe hood.

"What say you, little man? Can you show us that your bite is as strong as your bark and actually do as you claim? Or will you prove the naysayers right by continuing to boast like a pitiful whelp starving for attention?"

Legion snarls.

"i am so sick of everyone talking down to me like i'm some sort of joke. well, you know what? fuck you! fuck all of you! i'm just as ruthless as you assholes, if not more so! i don't need your stinking approval. that human is mine. and i'm going to show you all that i'm not to be fucked with!"

Legion shows that he's a mature person by storming out of there like a fed-up kid going to brood in their room.

"You didn't have to goad him like that. Tra la la. You know how unpredictable he can be."

Nurse shrugs dismissively at Wraith.

"Funny. Because he reacted just as I predicted. Like a child."

"N-Now that he's gone, c-can we discuss his claim p-properly?"

Fairly asked by Pig.

"IF THE RUNT THINKS HE CAN HANDEL THINGS LIKE A MAN, THEN FUCK IT. LET HIM TRY. IT'LL BE HILARIOUS WHEN HE FAILS. AND IT'S NOT LIKE IT'LL ITERFER WITH US IN ANY WAY."

Ghost Face is not taking this line of talk from Trapper well.

"You can't be serious? What if I went out and claimed a human as my obsession? How would you react to that?"

"I'D BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU AND TAKE YOUR OFFERINGS."

"But...That's hypocrisy! Why can he get away with it and not me?!"

Trapper growls lowly.

"FOR ONE, HE'S BEEN HERE LONGER THAN YOU. YOU'VE BEEN HERE FOR ALMOST THREE MONTHS WORTH OF FEEDING CYCLES WHEREAS THIS WILL BE HIS NINTH. SECOND, YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE A TERRITORY WHERE YOU CAN CONDUCT YOUR BUSINESS. YOU'VE BEEN LOITERING IN ALL OF OURS LIKE SOME BUM. AND THIRD, IT'S NOT AMUSING WHEN YOU FAIL. YOU ACTUALLY KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING AND ENJOY IT. HIM ON THE OTHER HAND...?"

Trapper folds his arms and shuts his eyes.

"LEGION MIGHT HAVE BEEN CHOSEN BY THE ENTITY, BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN HE'S A NATURAL KILLER."

Ghost Face is confused.

"What do you mean?"

"*SIGH* IT'S LIKE SPIRIT SAID, JUST LOOK AT US. WE DON'T LOOK LIKE THIS FOR NO REASON. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU TRY TO REFUSE THE ENTITY'S OFFER OF SERVITUDE. IT DOESN'T TAKE REJECTION WELL."

"*cough* Typical woman. *hack*"

Clown is glared at venomously by the females for that.

"MY POINT BEING, SOME OF US ARE HERE BECAUSE THIS IS LIKE A PARADISE. ENDLESS SLAUGHTER AND NO REAL CONSEQUENCES. SO YOU PROBABLY TOOK TO IT WITH NO ISSUE. BUT FOR THE REST OF US, THE ONES THAT SAID NO AT THE START...WELL...YOU SEE WHY WE THEN SAID YES WHEN ASKED AGAIN."

"But what does that have to do with him?"

"BECAUSE HE SAID NO TO ALL THIS. HE MAY KILL BUT IT'S NOT SOMETHING HE WANTS TO DO. HE HAS TO DO IT. HE HAS TO PROVE HIMSELF. TO THE ENTITY, TO US, AND HIMSELF. IT SHOWS THAT HE KNOWS HE CAN DO BETTER. I RESPECT THAT DRIVE EVEN IF HE'S A LITTLE SHIT. AND AS ENTERTAINING AS IT IS TO SEE HIM FAIL, I'D BE LYING IF I SAID I WASN'T LOOKING FORWARD TO SEEING HIM SUCCEED."

This doesn't seem to help Ghost Face at all.

"So just because I'm new, good at my job, and like it, I don't get to have the same rights as that jackass? That's bullshit!"

"NOT TO MENTION, YOU'RE ALSO A WHINY LITTLE BITCH THAT PISSES ME OFF."

"Fuck you!"

The sudden sound of bone on metal bashes when Trapper rushes over and punches Ghost Face's face, knocking the shrouded killer across the room.

"KNOW YOUR PLACE, NEWBIE. YOU WANT RIGHTS? RESPECT? POWER? THEN FUCKING EARN IT! DON'T BITCH ABOUT LIKE YOU'RE ENTITLED. TAKE TIME TO PROVE YOU SHOULD AND THEN WE'LL TALK."

Ghost Face sneers yet relents...for now. He'll have to bide his time and find some other way to play things his way.

"Um...Other than this stuff, are there any other matters that need to be brought up? Tra la la."

Wraith queries to which Huntress raises her ax up high.

"Oh! I have noticed the signs of an upcoming Blood Hunt."

"Hmmm...Tra la la...This is twice now one has come around All Hallows' Eve."

"☟⚐🕈 ✌🏱🏱☼⚐🏱☼✋✌❄☜📬 💧☜☜✋☠☝ ✌💧 ❄☟☜ ☟✌☹☹⚐🕈☜👎 👌☹✋☝☟❄ ✋💧 ❄☟☜☠ ✌💧 🕈☜☹☹📬" (HOW APPROPRIATE. SEEING AS THE HALLOWED BLIGHT IS THEN AS WELL.)

This gets some odd looks from Plague and Ghost Face.

"I will explain. Once a year for two weeks worth of feedings, the Entity undergoes a purge. During this period, the Entity is infested with blight. The cankers bloom into a strange type of flower that spurts putrid nectar. A thick fluid that oozes like pus from infected wounds."

Nurse explains.

"YOU FORGET THAT IT'S ALSO THE TIME WHERE THOSE OTHER ASSHOLES LIKE TO MESS WITH US. FUCKING HUMANS."

Trapper spits venomously.

"How are the humans trouble during that time, deary?"

"✋☞ ✡⚐🕆 ❄☟✋☠😐 ✋🕯💣 ❄🕈✋💧❄☜👎📪 ❄☟☜☼☜ ✌☼☜ ❄🕈⚐ ☟🕆💣✌☠ 💣✌☹☜💧 ❄☟✌❄ 🏱🕆❄ 💣☜ ❄⚐ 💧☟✌💣☜📬 ❄☟☜✡ ☟✌✞☜ ☜☹🕆👎☜👎 🕆💧 ✌☠👎 ☜✞☜☠ ❄☟☜ ☜☠❄✋❄✡ ☞⚐☼ ✈🕆✋❄☜ 💧⚐💣☜ ❄✋💣☜📬 ❄☟☜ 👍☹☜✞☜☼ 👌✌💧❄✌☼👎💧 ☹✋😐☜ ❄⚐ 👌☜ ☜✞☜☠ 👌⚐☹👎☜☼ ❄☟✌☠ ☹☜☝✋⚐☠ ✌☠👎 ✌👌👎🕆👍❄ 💧⚐💣☜ ⚐☞ 🕆💧📬" (IF YOU THINK I'M TWISTED, THERE ARE TWO HUMAN MALES THAT PUT ME TO SHAME. THEY HAVE ELUDED US AND EVEN THE ENTITY FOR QUITE SOME TIME. THE CLEVER BASTARDS LIKE TO BE EVEN BOLDER THAN LEGION AND ABDUCT SOME OF US.)

That's something they weren't expecting to hear.

"✋❄ 💧☜☜💣💧 ❄☟☜💧☜ ☟🕆💣✌☠💧 ☟✌✞☜ 💣✌👎☜ 💧⚐💣☜❄☟✋☠☝ ☞☼⚐💣 ❄☟✋💧 👌☹✋☝☟❄☜👎 🏱🕆💧💧📬 ✌ 🏱🕆❄☼✋👎 💧☜☼🕆💣📬 ❄☟✋💧 💧☜☼🕆💣📪 👍✌🕆💧☜💧 🕆💧 ❄⚐ 💣🕆❄✌❄☜ 🕈☟☜☠ ✋☠☺☜👍❄☜👎 🕈✋❄☟ ✋❄📬 ❄☟✌☠😐☞🕆☹☹✡📪 ❄☟✋💧 🏱✌✋☠☞🕆☹ 💣🕆❄✌❄✋⚐☠ ☹✌💧❄💧 ⚐☠☹✡ ✌💧 ☹⚐☠☝ ✌💧 ❄☟☜ 👌☹✋☝☟❄ ✋❄💧☜☹☞ ☞⚐☼ ❄☟☜ ☜☠❄✋❄✡📬" (IT SEEMS THESE HUMANS HAVE MADE SOMETHING FROM THIS BLIGHTED PUSS. A PUTRID SERUM. THIS SERUM, CAUSES US TO MUTATE WHEN INJECTED WITH IT. THANKFULLY, THIS PAINFUL MUTATION LASTS ONLY AS LONG AS THE BLIGHT ITSELF FOR THE ENTITY. )

"Who's been blighted before?"

To this question, five hands are put up. Trapper, Wraith, Hillbilly, Doctor, and Huntress.

"*cough* To their credit. It's not like they haven't tried on the rest of us. *wheeze* Nurse nearly got the stuff but only was messed up a little bit. *hack*"

"I had a pumpkin for a head. I would not call that a little messed up."

So this is a thing. A thing that no one thought they'd picture.

"Should we tell Legion about this? The dear is also not one that knows of this event or it's hassles."

"NAH. HE'LL FIND OUT ONE WAY OR ANOTHER."

"With that said, is there any further business in need of addressing? Tra la la."

No one has anything further after all of that.

"Very well. Tra la la. Meeting adjourned."

*CLANG-CLANG*

With that, Wraith vanishes and takes its leave among the other killers.

[Elsewhere: Survivor Campsite]

"'ow she doin'?"

David asks Claudette and Quentin, both of whom are tending to Lynsie who inexplicably collapsed after returning from the last trial.

"It's odd. There are no signs of anything physically wrong with her. Yet she seems to be suffering from Hypovolemia, a state of decreased intravascular volume. This may be due to either a loss of both salt and water or, the more likely culprit, a decrease in blood volume."

Claudette's so smart. It's no wonder she's the top healer of the group.

"She mentioned that Legion 'ad a bit of fun with 'er. Probably roughed 'er up pretty good. But the Entity should've fixed that. Right? The damn thing always does when we finish trial."

"I was thinking about that..."

Now for Quentin's evil theory of the day!

"From what Dwight said, the Entity was turning her into a killer. And from what we've found in those pages of Benedict Baker's journal, the Entity will punish killers that either don't perform well or downright refuse it. I think this was her punishment, a small warning, for refusing the Entity."

"And just 'ow would the big nasty in the sky know that?"

"Because that son of a bitch is everywhere."

Detective Tapp joins in on the conversion.

"I've been looking at this place like I would a crime scene. Trying to make some sense of things. It ain't easy. But some things are and the Red Stain is one of them."

"'ow do you figure that, ol' man?"

"Boy, I will slap you if you call me that again."

David rolls his eyes.

"Now from what I've gathered, I suspect that the intensity of the Stain is directly linked to the range of the Terror Radius the Killer has, meaning that Killers with a shorter Terror Radius have a fainter Stain and Killers with a larger Terror Radius have a stronger Stain."

"Makes sense so far."

"I also suspect that the Stain works as means for the Entity to watch over the trials directly through the Killer's eyes. An indication of this being the case is the of that Killer ability Beast of Prey, as the Stain is gone because the Killer momentarily loses their connection to the Entity and is free to roam due to their bloodlust being so strong."

"So the moment her eyes made the Stain..."

"The Entity knew. Probably saw through Legion's eyes why it wasn't working on her. Nutty kid for thinking she could fight off something like the Entity."

"Then what do we do?"

A not wild Dwight appears.

"About her I mean."

The group looks at the unconscious member with uncertainty.

"As much as I hate to agree with Nea, she does make a point. If at any moment for any reason a team member can suddenly start attacking the team, that does make her a liable threat."

Claudette makes a point.

"But it wasn't for just any reason. She only snapped because she was angry. Angry that we didn't even treat her like she was on the team."

Dwight says somberly.

"*scoff* Severs you fuckers right then. It's about time there was somethin' to put douchebags in there place around 'ere."

Judgmental eyes are cast onto David.

"What?"

"You have an annoying habit of trying to fight the monsters."

"So?"

"You end up dying 96% of the time."

"'ey, you 'ave the respect my 4% chance of doin' anythin'."

"Maybe if it was actually helpful."

"Says the twat that spends 'is 'elpful time 'indin' in lockers."

"Hey!"

"Will you both shut it. You're bickering isn't helping anyone."

Dwight huffs and David mutters curses under his breath.

"So getting back to the point, we've covered the whole she'll hulk out when angry. But what do we do when she does get in smash mode?"

Quentin's age really shows sometimes.

"The kid makes a good point. A silly one, but a point none the less."

"Thanks?"

"But what do we do if she does become a killer? It's not like we can take down a normal monster."

"The same thing we do to every other monster..."

Nea shouts.

"Bash them over the head with pallets!"

Nea's guide to toxicity rule #1: If there is a chance to smack something with a pallet, do it!

"Yeah...No. That just pisses people off more."

"We're lookin' for ways to not make 'er mad. I think bein' bashed in the 'ead contradicts that."

Nea folds her arms uncaring.

"I don't care if it makes her mad. The goal is to make what's chasing you stop the chase."

"By pissin' them off even more?"

"It's called tactical frustration, dingus! You make the other person so mad that they want nothing to do with you anymore."

"So bein' a cunt?"

"Fuck you!"

"Fuck you."

*CROWS CAW*

Fluttering shadows morph from the trees and scatter across the ever glowing gloom of the sky. This garners attention above all other matters.

"The crows..."

"Damn it! The Entity was listenin'."

"It's always listening, dork. It just normally doesn't care about what it hears."

"It cared now."

Meg interjects.

"The real question is...Why?"

"In my experience, it's never a good thing for when a supernatural interdimensional elder god takes interest in anything human-related."

Ash rings in with blunt truth. When something beyond human understanding meddles in human affairs it rarely ends without great suffering of some kind. But who would suffer? One of them? All of them? Humans? Monsters? Who bloody well knows?! That's the terrifying aspect of it. Fate's unpredictability.

[Elsewhere: The Void]

My eyes slowly open to fog. Nothing but dark thick fog. The kind of fog that doesn't just blind you but fucks with your other senses. There's this weird floating feeling even though I know I'm touching the ground. Or what I assume is ground. It's something solid and I just choose to believe its ground because I don't want to think of what it could be otherwise. The air has no smell to it, it's dull and messes with my nose. It even has a faint charred smoky taste to it like you've just licked some burnt charcoal. And as for sound, there is none. There's nothing but this weird dead silence that is just eerie enough that I can sense something is around but again all there is quiet. Moving around to explore is not an option. Not that I can't move, I just choose not to because fuck you, I don't want to be automatically killed by unknown danger like the last time I went off into obvious danger zones.

[The Entity sees that you are learning, little worm. No longer running off into the unknown. Very wise.]

Well, that doesn't make me feel better about the situation.

"Look, I'm not gonna beat around the bush here. You can easily mess me up in ways I probably wouldn't begin to think of just for giggles and I'm not dumb enough to piss you off to do so. So in the bluntest way I can think of asking...What the fraggle happened to me and where/why am I here, oh mighty Entity?"

My attitude started to kick in near the end so I figured a little cuteness will keep me from being turned inside out or something else fucked up.

[My, the Entity forgets how bothersome you worms can be. It is no wonder why we do not speak so often. But it is understandable that a worm would be confused by what the Entity does.]

It is at this moment that I come to believe the Entity speaks in the third person and yet in a way that is still grammatically fitting. I guess ego is next to godliness.

[You, you odd and yet interesting little worm, are a strange creature even by what the Entity knows. The Entity has brought you here so that things would be...well...less of a hassle.]

"Sounds reasonable so far. Yet where is HERE exactly?"

[This is the Void. Or that is what you worms tend to call it. It is a different plane of existence. A place where the Entity stores the broken worms that are no longer of any use.]

I remember being told about this place. The Survivors that have given up and lost all hope end up here as they aren't useful food anymore. That explains the feelings this place is giving me.

"Wow. One trial and you deem me Void worthy? Must be a record."

This earns it a bit of a laugh.

[Amusing. No, little worm, you have not warranted a spot of permanence here...yet. The Entity has brought you here for two reasons. The first, to tell you of your role and personal skills in this delicious game. The second will come later.]

I got skillz!

[These skills or Perks are abilities that the Entity is generous enough to allow you to have. Each side is given three, so you worms are just as capable as the beasts. You may choose to share these perks with the other worms or keep them to yourself and hone them to make yourself better. The choice is yours and yours alone.]

So I can either be a decent person and increase the whole team's chances of living or I can be a dick.

[Your first perk is named after that clever move you pulled in the trial...Snowball's Chance.]

This orange diamond or square standing on its points pops up in front of me and it depicts a glob being thrown.

[Snowball's Chance: Activatable Perk. While within the Killer's Terror Radius and in a Chase for 45 seconds activates Snowball's Chance. Once Snowball's Chance is activated, you may be able to scoop whatever you can grab from the ground to throw at or away from the Killer. Choosing the away option will create a loud noise notification for the Killer at a distance of 10/15/20 meters and provides a helpful distraction provided the Killer goes for it. Choosing the at Killer option, if hit in the face, will momentarily blind them as well as stun them, whereas a normal body hit merely provides a stun. Snowball's Chance deactivates once it has been used.]

"That...sounds badass."

Honestly, it kind of feels like an RGP game where I made up a move for my character and some game developer thought it was just cool enough to put the character/move into their game. I'm a fucking nerd and love this shit! The image in the diamond changes to a pic of me crawling with a sneaky grin.

[The second perk is called...Skulker's Instinct.]

Sounds ominous.

[Skulker's Instinct: Always Active Perk. Years of isolation and distrust have taught you a thing about the benefits of paranoia. You crawl close to the floor instead of crouching, this prevents you from leaving Scratch Marks and gives you faster movement speed compared to crouching by 90/95/100%. This level of stealth allows you to avoid alerting Crows but does spook other Survivors if you bump into them, making them yelp and alerting the Killer. Also, if injured, you know better than to make a sound, you hold in the sounds of pain for the first time at least. Any future injuries will cause you to whimper.]

"I suppose that's fair. And I can be creepy as hell, so the random spooking seems about right."

[The third perk is quite delightful. It is called...Breaking Point.]

That one doesn't sound so good and the image of me looking unhinged doesn't help either.

[Breaking Point: Triggered Perk. Due to your mental toughness, you can handle most stressful situations that would cripple a normal person. But you are only human and even you have a limit where things start to get under your skin. The more your team screws around and the Killer attacks you or hinders your progress, the frustrating stress will begin to pile on until you can take it no longer. Resentment Tier I: Your annoyance level begins to grow, you are more agitated and on your guard. Your speed is reduced by 15% and preforming Skill Checks gets hard to do. Resentment Tier II: All effects of Tier I. The continued stress is not helping you, you can not trust your teammates with even the simplest task and the Killer is not making matters better either. Your frustration makes performing Skill Checks extremely difficult as you are not as focused. You aren't sure how much more you can take. Resentment Tier III: All effects of Tier II. You can no longer take it. Everyone is against you. They want you to die. You have no choice. You must kill or be killed!]

This has me disturbed, to say the least.

"Uh..."

[Which leads into your special ability. The Entity has dubbed it...The Anomaly State.]

"Special ability?"

[Yes, special ability. All Killers have one.]

I'm not liking this anymore.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa...Whoa! I am no killer."

[Oh sure. And what you did to Jake was merely some aggressive affection.]

"I didn't want to hurt him!"

[Yes you did.]

"No. I didn't!"

[Yes, you did. You wanted to hurt him for disrespecting you and talking down to you like some lowly worm. And how dare he do such a thing. He does not know you or your hardships. He lived a life of wealth and comfort. How dare he talk to you like he is superior.]

I know what it's doing. It's trying to talk to me like it's on my side. Like it cares. Appealing to me to make me believe in this false sympathy. It is cruel and manipulative...I fucking hate that It's worming into my head!

[And Dwight...He thinks he is so clever, telling you bits and pieces but not whole truths. If he was not willing to tell you everything before, what makes you think he will tell you anything now? Now that he has seen the beast in you.]

It's getting to me. I'm growling softly and making fists.

[Let us not forget David. Surely even you can see that he is merely using you. Pretending to be interested in something more when all he wants is your body. Do you believe that he will remain friendly once he had taken what he has wanted?]

Stop it! Stop making so much sense!

[Face it, little worm. It is as you have always known. You can not rely on others. They have their own motives and desires. No one will help you out of innocence. There is always something others want from you and will do anything to get it. Even if those means include toying with your very heart.]

"And why should I believe you? You have your own motives too."

[That is true. Yet my motive is very clear and the Entity can not lie. The Entity gains no matter if the beasts or worms are successful. The Entity is neither your friend or foe, though you may believe otherwise.]

Damn it! I hate it when something obviously bad makes incredibly good points!

[Now, if you will allow the Entity to continue, the Entity will explain further.]

I bite my tongue. Nothing I say matters to this thing anyway. It's only humoring me for the time being.

[Each Killer has a very unique Power. Each is distinct and stands out from the others. You are no different...and yet you are. This is due to your soul.]

"My soul?"

[Yes. That soul of yours is not natural for one of your kind. It is...rather delectable.]

Creepy.

[But its oddness is why we are speaking and why the Entity sees fit in gifting you such rare power.]

Dare I ask?

"And what be this power that you would bestow upon me?"

It's freaky in how I can almost feel it smirk. The diamond thing changes to a gray square and now shows a split shot of my face. One side is normal. The other side is like Batman villain Twoface.

[Special Ability: Anomaly State. Upon Breaking Point's Resentment Tier III activation, you will undergo a notable mental breakdown and such a snap opens you up to the Entity. The touch of the Entity leaves burning scars and blisters of light. Is it a gift or a curse? That's up to you as you become the Corrupted Survivor. This tainted essence is always within you, giving off a radius that Killers can pick up on and use to track you down similar to the one you can hear to know when a Killer is close by. As the Corrupted Survivor, you only have one goal...Survive. Your team is a liability, holding you down and keeping you in harm's way. Killing them will increase your odds of making it out alive. The fewer there are, the fewer things they can get in the way of. These actions will please the Entity but the real Killer might not be happy about you stealing its prey. True Killers can still attack and kill you in this state, so even they are just another obstacle in your way. You can not kill a Killer. But you can incapacitate them for a short time and allowing you to finish what you have started. Taking down a Killer grants you immeasurable Bloodlust, making your movement speed increase to 10.0 m/s and letting you see the auras of any remaining Survivors for 3 seconds.]

Not gonna lie, that both is blood-chilling and thrilling at the same time.

[However...]

Oh?

[Just as there are ways to trigger this False Killer state, there are ways to prevent and reverse you back to normal. So long as your team performs as you think they should and do not mess up often, Breaking Point will not activate. If Breaking Point is activated and only at Tier I, the effects can be undone by your team avoiding injuring for 2 minutes or repairing 1 generator. If Breaking Point is activated and at Tier II, your team will need to do better by avoiding damage for 4 minutes or repairing 2 generators. If Breaking Point is activated and at Tier III, Anomaly State will activate. If Anomaly State is active, your team can try to revert you to normal by either proving their worth in doing tasks needed to escape or cause you enough pain to regain some clarity. Proving their worth can be done by restoring generators, healing teammates, hindering the real Killer, and unlocking the gates. Clarity through pain is done by blinding with flashlights, being stunned with pallet drops, being disoriented by firecrackers, and being stabbed by carried victims. If Anomaly State is undone, there is a cooldown time of 4 minutes before Breaking Point can trigger again. Killers can also use pain to revert you to normal, with enough damage from clashing with the real Killer you will be back to being just another piece of meat waiting to be hooked.]

The square thing disappears but not the imprint of what has just been told to me. I am now a living version of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. At any point in a trial, I can be driven into such rage that I will start to kill my team.

[What say you, little worm? Do you like the gifts the Entity has given you?]

Don't be a smartass. This is basically a god you're dealing with. Pissing it off will only add more salt and acid to this wound I call existence. Though it could do without the condescending tone.

"Though I'm not sure why you've done so, I am flattered you've went to such trouble. Thank you, oh mighty Entity."

Why is it now that I realize I'm talking to a voice in my head? And why does it feel normal? I am strangely okay with this and I am not okay with that.

[Good. Very good. The Entity appreciates this version of you. Perhaps you are now more willing to play by the rules and will not have to be punished for very long.]

This confuses me.

"I'm sorry?"

[Oh, you will be. There are consequences for disobedience, little worm. And the Entity does not like it when others try to deny that which is meant to be.]

The ground beneath me rumbles for a moment before I lose my balance and end up impaled through the gut by something that has my heart stop. A spidery-like claw is jutting from my insides and weirdly enough there is no blood. Yet there is pain. Lots and lots of pain! My roar is harsh and hurts my throat. But the claw is merely the beginning. The ground pushes up more and more claws protrude out, making like I'm in the palm of a massive hand.

"Holy shit..."

The claws crush around me, twisting my torso to the side and pointing me up towards what I guess is a sky.

[You will be a good little worm and embrace the power given to you.]

"Yes! I swear I'll be good!"

The claws tighten, my bones ache in pain, and the claw coming out of me twitches slowly down to etch its tip against my head.

[And you will no longer harm yourself.]

"I promise! I promise!"

[Good girl.]

The claw's tip beings to force itself into my skull.

[While you do say the needed things, the Entity believes you should still learn from your defiance. It will be some time before your body regenerates the blood you lost during the trial and allow you to fully wake up. So till then, the Entity will happily make sure you know just how things work here. Your first lesson, what happens when you bring the displeasure of refusal and failure to please the Entity.]

It inches painfully deeper into my brain. My howls are deafening yet have no echo in this place, the fog damping all sound.

[Yes. Wail all you like. Suffering adds such flavor to the soul. And the fear...Tasty, tasty, beautiful fear. Truly it is the spice of life. You worms all taste so much better when you are afraid.]

This is merely the beginning of a very long and agonizingly drawn-out torture. Since this is basically my spirit/mind in this Void, any harm done is all going to further fuck over my mental health and probably going to make it easier to break when under similar stress. All I know is I'm not coming out of this unscathed.

(UNKNOWN AMOUNT OF TIME LATER)

With a loud gasp and violent bolt upright, I finally cast my eyes on something other than the claws of the Entity exploring new ways of doing awful things to me. My body is shaking. Ears ringing. And there's a searing burn coming from my chest. My senses are so dull that once I register that there's something on my shoulder I throw myself halfway across the camp in fear that the claws have come back and I hold myself in sheer fright. Of course that's not really the case. It was just David. Yet this does little to calm my panicking heart and rapid breathing.

"Whoa now. Take it easy, Luv. It's only me."

He takes a few steps towards me before stopping at the blocking arm of Jane.

"Oi, what's your deal?"

"Look at her. She needs a moment. Just give her a bit of space before you go over there."

He grumbles to himself but listens to the woman. Allowing me to regain some semblance of normality. My brain catches up to what is really around me and very slowly settles down from the adrenaline that comes from being fucking terrorized by the Entity for who knows how long. Speaking of which...

"H-How long?"

Did...Did my voice just crack? Geez, I'm messed up if I can't even control that basic function.

"How long what?"

Laurie comes near but keeps a fair distance from me.

"How long was I gone?"

This question has them looking at me funny. I don't like how they're looking at me.

"Gone?"

"Luv, you never left camp."

Granted, they have no clue what I meant by "gone". Still, telling me anything else like "we're not sure" or a number of trials that went by while I slept would be much better. Instead, this dumb answer feels like they're talking to me like a child and it pisses me off.

"Don't talk down to me and tell me how long I've been out!"

My head throbs, both in lingering pain and frustration.

"A while..."

Adam's input is made.

"At least ten or so trials past since you blacked out."

Okay, but what does that mean? A day? Two days? A week? Why haven't these numbnuts found a way to measure time?!

"Too long...Too god damn long..."

I move to stand but find my legs a bit wobbly. Claudette brings a medkit over.

"Try not to move around too fast or so much. You don't want to hurt yourself."

I huff a slight snarl.

"Don't waste that kit. Just teach me Self-Care so I can take care of myself."

Her face, among the others, is shocked.

"How do you know about...?"

"Your Perks?"

I cut her off merely to shut her up so I can explain. Otherwise, we'll be here playing 20 Questions till trial starts.

"I know your Perks. I know ALL of your Perks. It wouldn't let me leave without knowing everything. Forcing each and every bit of information you all failed to tell me so deep into my skull that I'm sure it erased what little childhood memories I had left to do so."

I point at her.

"Your three Perks are Botany Knowledge, Empathy, and Self-Care."

"I don't understand. We never told you..."

"Are you ignoring me or just stupid? It told me EVERYTHING. The Entity told me the things none of you ever bothered to. Like seeing Auras, Scratch Marks, Add-ons, Sabotaging Hooks, Cleansing Totems, and some weird-ass shit called the Bloodweb. Which, by the way, thank you all for being so nice in telling me. It really means a lot that you are all so nice and caring. Oh, wait, no you're not. You're all a bunch of bastards!"

My head pangs harder. A foreboding sense of dread tingles my spine.

"Easy now. Please calm down."

Dwight's voice seems almost distantly muffled in my ears.

"I know you're upset. But you don't need to get worked up over it."

This almost has me seeing red.

"Worked up? You haven't seen worked up. This isn't me upset. This is me after the Entity has had it's fun! Punishing me. Doing god awful things to me...Being killed by the monsters is a dream compared to the nightmare I suffered!"

Nea scoffs.

"Geez. Overly dramatic much?"

My eye twitches and the pain in my head is getting worse. I roar out in agonizing discomfort.

"Stop it! Stop pissing me off! I can't control the beast at Tier III!"

The mentioning of something like a tier gets attention. Though my throbbing head isn't helping me in trying to concentrate. Suddenly, mostly because the pain made my eyes shut, David surprises me by grabbing hold of my face and forcing me to lock eyes with him.

"Look at me. Ignore them, Luv. I got you. Block everythin' else that ain't me. Do that for me, Luv. I know you can."

His eyes. Dark brown and intense yet soft. Why can't I look away?

"That's my girl. Focus on this mug of mine and know it's gonna be okay."

It takes a moment before I regain the memory to blink. In this state, it's easy to get lost in those eyes of his. His smirk is also strangely reassuring.

"Heh. Trippy."

"What?"

"Did you know that your eyes change color?"

"Yeah. Not sure why or when it happens."

"They were kinda red-orange before and now dullin' to light brown."

"Normally they're ether light brown, hazel, light green, or some mix of those. Any other color is rare and just tends to happen."

He smiles.

"So...Feelin' better?"

"A little bit."

"Anythin' I can do to make that little bit bigger?"

I bite my tongue.

"Come on. You can tell me."

I start to blush.

"...Hug?"

He surprised yet I'm the one more shocked that he actually does it. His embrace has me feeling so weak. I tremble, wanting to give in and break down. To cry and let this pain out. But I don't. I won't let myself be so open. Not around them. Not even him.

"'ow about now?"

I just nod against him.

"Do you...I don't know...Wanna talk about stuff?"

[You may choose to share these Perks with the other worms or keep them to yourself and hone them to make yourself better. The choice is yours and yours alone.]

The Entity's words come back to me like a whisper on the wind. Part of me really wants to make them suffer as I have. But I don't want to be like them.

"Okay...But only because there's important stuff to tell you guys."

"Do you want me to stay by your side?"

"...Maybe."

He merely chuckles and musses up my hair playfully. While it is true, what the Entity said about him is something I've thought of when it comes to David's intentions, he sadly is the only one at camp I trust. That and he's not that bad of a guy to be around even if his flirting can get a bit tiresome.

With little coaxing, the others gather around the fire as I tell them what the Entity told me. I do my best to explain my three perks. Though it's the special ability that interests them the most. And can I blame them? Now they have confirmation that a team member can become a killer and attack them if things aren't going so well. It's a downright terrifying idea. One that I'm sure the Entity loves. Still, even though I am telling them these things, I refuse to share with them just how to use my perks for themselves. My faith in these people is nearly non-existent, not including David who's the one keeping me sane after all this crap. Plus, I'd rather understand these perks better myself before passing anything along to them. Frankly, the only ones they could use would be Snowball's Chance and Skulker's Instinct. Breaking Point would be useless to them as it serves no purpose other than to trigger my killer side which is exclusively a me thing. However, my reluctance to share my perks is not taken kindly.

"What kind of crap is this? You want us to share our perks but you won't share yours?!"

Feng beats Nea to the punch on being pissed off.

"I just found out about these things. Let me understand how they work."

"What's there to understand? You throw shit and you're stealthy. There. I did it for you."

Now Nea says her bit.

"If it's so simple then why can't you do it?"

Meg sticks up for me.

"Because fuck you, that's why."

"Cunt, would you shut up. Luv's not askin' for all our perks. Just one. And it ain't even yours."

David is right. I've only asked for one perk and it's Claudette's Self-Care. It unlocks the ability to heal yourself without a Med-Kit at 50% the normal Healing speed and increases the efficiency of Med-Kit self-heal by 10%, for Claudette herself this is 20%. I asked for this skill so that damage wouldn't bother me as much and trigger my killer side. But I guess assholes can't see the big picture what with their head being so far up their butts.

"Call me a cunt again, you Limey bastard! I fucking dare you!"

"And your lot wonders why the rest of the world hates ya."

I tug on David's ear and he whines.

"'ey, what was that for?"

"You don't need to keep throwing logs on her fire. Just ignore it and eventually the heat will die down."

He looks at me funny before draping his thick arm around my shoulders.

"Ah, Luv, 'ad we ever met outside of this place I don't think we'd go very far."

"Oh? Why's that?"

"Because you'd be tryin' to talk me out of fightin'. And me not bein' able to fight just ain't right."

I simply smirk.

"Fair enough. But...We'd still be cool otherwise, right?"

"A rockin' bird like you? Oh yeah. I'd be a right proper git to not be interested in keepin' you around."

"Heh. You're not such a bad bloke yourself, Scrappy-Doo."

"...I was goin' to say it's sexy when you use English, but you killed it by callin' me that cartoon dog."

"Yet the resemblance is uncanny."

"Hey!"

Oh right, Nea's still here and being annoying.

"Don't act like I'm not here."

"Nea, just stop it already."

Ace speaks up.

"The kid has a right to learn her skills before giving them away."

"Up yours, old man."

"Know what..."

Bill interjects.

"I seem to recall a time when you flat out told us to 'shove it' when we asked about your perks."

"Yeah...well...*scoff* Fine! Do whatever. I don't care anyway."

She storms away to be as far from the fire and me as possible without leaving the safety zone.

"Geez, she can be such a bummer for a kid."

Kate remarks as she tunes up her nice acoustic guitar. And that gets my attention.

"Um...Where did you get that from?"

She looks at the guitar.

"Oh, this? I bought it off the Entity."

I look at her funny.

"What?"

"Seems the Entity told up about the mechanics of trials but not the rewards for doing them."

Jake states with a tone that lets me know he's still ticked at me for getting him killed.

"What do you mean 'rewards'?"

Jeff clears his throat to get my attention.

"So the Entity told you about the Bloodweb, right? How that it uses Bloodpoints to get Add-ons and that you gain Bloodpoints during the Trials by performing certain actions."

Dear lord don't tell me it's another long as fuck exposition rant.

"Yeah?"

"Well, aside from Bloodpoints, there are two other forms of currency. Iridescent Shards and Auric Cells. Iridescent Shards can be used to bribe the Entity into gifting you a copy of someone else's perk but that's super expensive. Typically like 2,000 or 2,700 shards. Depends on the Entity's mood. Auric Cells are super rare and are a pain in the ass to collect, but they're worth it. With enough Auric Cells, the Entity will make things a lot more entertaining by letting us get new clothes and items that make living here just a bit more bearable. You get both these things in varying amounts as rewards for how well you did in Trials and you might not even know you have any if no one tells you about it, but you can check how much you have when you go into the Bloodweb."

I just stare at him and soak this in.

"And the cool part is, once you get these things, you can have them permanently. No need to re-get something if you've decided to change. Just think about it and pesto. New duds and stuff."

My brain is starting to fail at taking this information.

"You alright there, Luv?"

"Just...I can't seem to understand the logic of the Entity."

"Don't bother trying..."

Dwight chirps.

"We've been here for what feels like ages and we still have no clue when it comes to that thing."

"I just think it's a little weird. The Entity wants us to die so it can feed off of our souls. It wants us to be afraid of it and die. That's how it gets the best taste out of us. Yet it gives us a place to relax? Then grants us items of comfort? Granted, this is probably to make us last long as a source of food as the useless are sent to the Void. But still...If it can already pull people from different points in time and across other timelines, then why not amass a large city's worth of humans to compensate for any that break easily and not cater to the needs of said humans?"

I like to think this is a well thought out point. I mean, I don't understand beings of alternate realities nor do I claim to. But when I'm hungry, I don't go out to a restaurant and get only some water. Sure, drink enough water and eventually, you'll get full. Yet it's nothing compared to an all you can eat buffet. So why is it content with the few random stragglers that wander in? It doesn't make sense to me.

"It doesn't waste..."

Tapp mutters before hammering his fist into his palm.

"It doesn't waste us. It may feed on us slowly over time. But it will feed until there's nothing left. Like sucking the very last drops of juice out of the box."

"So then the longer we last and keep our hope up..."

Quentin needed to interject for some reason.

"The longer it can continue to feed on a smaller number of victims without too much effort or attention. Like a small-time crook getting away with petty crimes because of a larger more noticeable syndicate has the cops focus."

Could he not refer to his law enforcement career? We get it. You were a cop. That shit doesn't matter here, Tapp!

"You know, for a group of people that don't try to understand the Entity, you understand it more than you think when someone questions things."

Again, I like to think I make good points. And their expressions only further this thought.

"We can increase insights by exposing ourselves to lots of different ideas that might help us form new connections."

All eyes look at Nea who randomly spouted that rather insightful quote.

"What? I know shit too. Douche turds think I can't be smart or something?"

I would crack some remark if I gave a shit. Frankly, I'm sick of letting that bitch piss me off so easily. I should take the advice David and even myself gave earlier, ignore her. Ignore everything that ticks me off. I can't become a killer if I don't let things get to me.

"So..."

Claudette moves over to me.

"I know you told us how your perk works. But do you know if it's only applicable in trials?"

I merely tilt my head in confusion.

"Beg your pardon?"

"She means can you go nuts in camp."

Jake spits and I just shrug.

"No clue. As chatty as the Entity was, it didn't tell me that."

"Figures as much."

"Still, you can never be too safe. Best not get on my bad side."

Probably not the best thing to remotely joke about. Though David tries to play this tension off by yanking me into a headlock and nuggying me till I'm surly growling.

"Awww...Such a big bad killer you are. So threatenin' with that cute face."

"*snarls* Will you quit fucking with my hair?!"

"Oh? And what'cha gonna do about it, Luv?"

I bite his forearm yet he merely laughs. This leads into some mildly aggressive horseplay on both our parts. Despite the oddity that this interaction is it does serve to show that while I am now a threat, that it doesn't mean I'm not human. I'm still me. A nutty weirdo goon that got stuck here just like they did. They can die and so can I. We are all prey. My power in the grand scheme of things changes nothing.

Still, something feels uneasy. While things return to normal and the occasional chat, I get this odd sense of being watched. Well, a different one from the feeling of the eyes of the other survivors. No, this one feeling is off. Predatory. A feeling I once felt long before I had my trial. There's a monster in the woods. The question remains of who it is and why is it skulking around? Is it Legion? Did he come to see me squirm? Or is this someone else? Someone I haven't met yet? I have so many questions!

[Elsewhere: Survivor Campsite Woods]

He watched from his spot as he had done so for quite some time since that fateful meeting. He wasn't going to miss any chance to prove the others wrong. To show that he was worthy. And he was going to use the new meat to do so. His patience paid off this time, as the human was once more up and about after many hunting cycles of just lying still like a corpse. Luck was even further on his side as he intently listened in on their ramblings and learned that the others weren't that far off in their theories on her strange power. This human, if provoked enough, will become a killer just like him. The thought of seeing such a sight made him excited. Such a moment needed to be preserved for posterity. With some careful hand placement, he makes a bold move and readies the shot that will mark his road to respect.

*CLICK*

The small camera's flash was obscured but there was nothing to stop the shutter sound. A few of the humans picked up on it and dismissed it for normal odd noise. Though the new meat is less swayed to ignore the sound. Her eyes search for any hint of something different lurking in the foggy shadows.

lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...

He could hear his heartbeat. Strange, as he didn't think he had a heart to begin with. One of the other humans pulls her attention from investigating further and a sudden thrill has him. He's never been caught before yet his stealth nearly failed him here. This was exciting. Turning the camera around, he looked at the image capture and smirked to himself. Yes...Things were going to be fun for Ghost Face.

[stompsite]

The One About Dark Souls

This piece was originally slated for another publication about a year ago. It didn’t get published. So here it is.

This time, I’m confident I have him. Father Gascgoine has been plaguing me for weeks, but I’ve got it all worked out. I enter the arena, pumped up and ready to do this. For a few minutes, everything’s fine, but then I feel that telltale twinge in my hand. Before I know it, the pain’s burning up my arm and into my neck. I have to put the controller down. My poor health has betrayed me again. I’ll never be good enough to beat a Souls game.

Dark Souls is hard. That’s what it’s known for. In a world where the biggest and most successful games are built on promises about playing your own way, Dark Souls is brutal and unrelenting. FromSoftware’s magnum opus demands you take it on its own terms, a strategy that has proved wildly popular; few games can lay claim to a fanbase as passionate and loyal as Dark Souls.

A debate has raged for years over whether or not Dark Souls would benefit from an easy mode. Fans will tell you that no, difficulty is an essential element of the Dark Souls experience, that much of the game’s fun is found in its difficulty, and they have a point. Others, people who have wanted to embrace the series, but derive enjoyment in games from anything other than challenge, believe that Dark Souls would be better off with an easy mode.

Dark Souls joins all-time greats like Doom and Donkey Kong in establishing its own formula. Indie and AAA game developers alike have borrowed heavily from the Souls series, with games like Salt and Sanctuary, Lords of the Fallen, and Nioh. Before we ask ourselves whether Souls should have an easy mode, we need to understand how Souls games work.

Souls works like this: you, the player, have to travel through the game’s world, conquering its challenging bosses. Whenever you defeat an enemy, you earn a currency, called ‘souls,’ or ‘blood echoes,’ or something similar, which you use to purchase upgrades. If you die, you drop your collection of souls and respawn at the last save point, usually a physical location like a bonfire. Crucially, you cannot bank souls. This means that as your power grows, so does the need to explore world, putting yourself at risk, until you have enough souls to purchase more powerful upgrades.

The combat requires you to play thoughtfully. You must keep an eye on your stamina bar, which drains based on your attacks and movement. Draining your stamina at an inopportune time could result in an unfortunate death. Your attacks are usually animation-driven, which means that when you press a button to attack, you cannot break out of the attack animation until it has completed. A properly-timed attack means the difference between life and death in a Souls game.

These mechanics are then set in a world designed to accommodate them. Souls mechanics would never work in a game like The Witcher 3, where players could simply observe enemies and circle around them, avoiding the confrontation entirely. Souls maps, on the other hand, are built with explicit encounter design in mind. An early encounter in Dark Souls 3 features a dragon that will easily roast unsuspecting players. You rush up some stairs, get roasted, die, and start back at the bonfire, wiser now than you were before. As you progress, you discover shortcuts that make traversal significantly easier.

Over time, you learn about the game’s world. What seemed like cruelty at first is playful and mischievous. The world becomes more readable. Dark Souls thrives on initial surprise and eventual mastery. “Git gud,” the fanbase’s mantra, isn’t so much a statement of derision as a description of the player’s evolution. The more you play, the better you become.

One of the big appeals of turn-based games like XCOM and Civilization is the way they convince their players to keep going. “Just one more turn,” you tell yourself, and before you know it, it’s 5 in the morning and you’ve been up all night and have nearly liberated Earth from an alien menace. The Souls games are like that too, but they use difficulty to accomplish the same thing. Get instakilled by a cleverly-placed boss? Before you know it, you’re back at the nearest bonfire. “That was a cheap death,” you tell yourself, “I can totally get past it.”

Dark Souls is a game of mastery, expertly crafting an emotional narrative to accompany your growing skill. Overcoming that seemingly-impossible boss is thrilling. Laughing along at the designer’s jokey ambushes is enjoyable. Souls engages you, draws you in, and delivers some of the best emotional highs in gaming.

It’s unfair to say that Souls is just a hard game; there are thousands of challenging games out there. Dead Rising 2 creates challenge through time management. Ikaruga’s difficulty is based on player reflex. Souls is a game that uses its difficulty tuning to help establish its compelling formula. Without the difficulty, so much of what makes Souls such a brilliant series would be lost.

Despite this, I wish the Souls games had an easy mode, because I can’t play it like you. I want to share in the stories and strategies. I want to beat Father Gascoigne with a Donkey Conga controller and put the video up on YouTube. I want to master the game’s systems. I want to be a part of this passionate and vibrant community so much, but I can’t.

I can’t because my body is shutting down.

Twelve years ago, I got sick. At first, it was just mild fatigue. Doctors said it was some bug that would pass. Family thought it was teenage laziness. Then it got worse. Prior to getting sick, I’d been learning to fly planes. I used to climb regularly at the YMCA. I loved boating--whether it was a 50 mile camping trip or whitewater rafting, I was there. Within months, I’d almost completely lost my ability to function. One doctor told me that, after looking at my lab results, she was amazed I had the strength to get out of bed at all.

It took four years to get a diagnosis, but instead of having some name to give my illness, like cancer or lupus or something, I was told that some genes just didn’t work right. It was a lot more complicated than that, but that’s the gist of it. As a result, I suffer from chronic pain and chronic fatigue, and I also have all the symptoms that come with a severe lack of magnesium, because my body doesn’t absorb it properly.

Chronic fatigue is a deeply misunderstood disease. People don’t get it. If you get cancer or multiple sclerosis, there is some degree of understanding there. Chronic fatigue is much harder to explain. Many people don’t believe it’s real. Some countries classify it as a mental disorder, rather than a physical one. Everything I ever wanted to do in life has been ripped away from me by this illness. Without games writing, which I’m fortunate enough to be able to do from home, I don’t know how I would survive.

During her TED talk on chronic fatigue, documentarian Jennifer Brea pauses and simply states “my brain is not what it used to be.” I know what she means, because I’ve been there. I was so much more than this. Chronic fatigue consumes everything. I’m lucky because for me, there is some degree of hope. With regular treatment, I could go back to living something resembling a normal life, but since the illness limits what jobs I can take, my income is limited, which limits my ability to pay for treatment for my illness. Dealing with my illness is as simple as a potential employer taking a chance on me so I can earn enough to pay for treatment. I don’t know how I’ll ever get to a place where I can afford regular treatment, but I hope that one day I will.

In the meantime, I play games, which are an incredible escape from chronic pain and chronic fatigue. A physical therapist once told me that people like me spend 90% of our attention on keeping pain at bay. Playing games helps offload some of that stress. But, as you can imagine, playing Dark Souls style games for me is a lot harder than it is for most folks, which makes escapism challenging. So many of my friends love finding their Dark Souls groove and playing the game for hours. I’d love to experience that too.

Most of you aren’t likely to have your hands seize up after playing for half an hour, much less be drained for an entire weekend after trying and failing to take down Bloodborne’s Father Gascoigne. An easy mode for me would mean that I could enjoy these games at the same level of effort that you do.

But it’s not that simple. Disability isn’t something most of us talk about openly. Discussing it has a tendency to make people uncomfortable; some even resent having to deal with it. It’s hard to leave the house most days, knowing that most people don’t have the compassion or patience to put up with my illness. Worse still, many people go out of their way to make things worse, justifying it with some weird, self-righteous slant I’ve never understood.

I’ve had employers force me to work in conditions that exacerbated my symptoms because they thought they could convince me that my illness was all in my mind, never mind what the doctor’s notes said. Heck, I got kicked off a podcast; two of my fellow podcasters told me they were doing me a favor. Apparently, cutting off all ties would help me magically get over my illness and manage my life better. When it comes to disability, otherwise good people can do terrible things, going to great lengths to justify their abuse as “for your own good.”

Playing games with my friends or chatting about games on forums, twitter, and Skype gives me the ability to socialize with other people without having to worry about my illness getting in the way. As long as I remain untreated, I’ll be a shut-in, but I can still have human contact through the internet.

While I can talk about my own experiences in great detail, I am far from the only person whose health issues limit gameplay options. Many disabilities limit gameplay. I have a friend with severe arthritis that makes gaming on a console impossible. Two of my friends have epilepsy, which can be triggered by playing certain video games. I’ve met people with color-blindness and deafness; all of these things impact their gameplay experience.

How far should a developer go in ensuring their audience can enjoy their work? Generally, I think it’s best to err on the side of accessibility; if a game can support a color-blind mode, it should. If a designer can ensure that hearing impaired players have good subtitles, their game would benefit from its inclusion.

With my chronic pain and fatigue issues, rapidly mashing buttons in games like Bayonetta or God of War can be physically draining; alternate QTE options would go a long way towards making games more accessible. I was delighted to discover that Dragon Age: Inquisition, a huge, open world game, had an auto-run toggle button. Splatoon offers players a wide variety of playstyles, allowing players to contribute, regardless of ability.

At the same time, I recognize that not every solution is a perfect one; shoot-em-ups like Ikaruga are built to be bright and flashy. Projectiles have to be big and bright enough to dodge. These games can trigger symptoms in epilepsy sufferers, and I don’t think there’s a way to avoid that without fundamentally changing the game’s design.

There is no easy answer, but offering multiple difficulty modes, vision modes, and allowing control customization all go a long way towards keeping games accessible.

Some developers and publishers are going the distance to make sure that disabled gamers are cared for. Microsoft has recently introduced copilot mode, which allows two different controllers to control the same game. The Xbox One Elite controller is great for players with disabilities thanks to its extensive customization options. Unfortunately, Sony does not offer similar disability support, but thanks to devices like Cronusmax Plus, you can use the Xbox One Elite controller on the Playstation 4, or even a mouse and keyboard.

As my health has deteriorated over the past few years, so has my gaming ability. Destiny’s Trials of Osiris event is a competitive multiplayer event where players must win nine matches of five rounds each against an opposing team. I went on a flawless run back in 2015, but I haven’t been since. Controllers are awful for me; playing with them often results in hand cramps and muscle spasms. It’s much less painful to aim with a mouse, so I’ve been eyeing a Cronusmax with an intent to use its mouse and keyboard controls to play Trials of Osiris again.

I was deeply concerned to hear that Jeff Kaplan, Vice President of Blizzard, had argued against the use of these devices. If Kaplan’s shortsighted suggestion became a reality, disabled gamers using assistive technologies would have their consoles rendered useless, not just for Overwatch, but for all games. Kaplan also suggested letting all consoles use mouse and keyboard controls natively, which would be fantastic for disabled gamers, but it’s frustrating to hear that he would even consider the first option.

How would an easy mode in Souls work? It’s simple: let players take a lot more damage before dying. It’s a blast to watch my friends take on the dual-boss fight of Ornstein and Smough, but that fight requires some flawless timing that I can’t always pull off. I tense my muscles when I’m trying to time things perfectly; not having to worry about timing would help me avoid triggering severe pain later on.

Obviously, there are better ways to adjust difficulty, but they would require a lot more work on the developer’s part. Tweaking enemy animations to provide longer ‘tells’ prior to attacking would be a great step. Dark Souls’ movements are animation-based, rather than input-based, which means that once you press a button, your character has to follow through with the animation before making another move. Giving player input priority over animation would let players correct mistakes a lot easier.

To a hardcore Dark Souls player, I’m sure this all sounds like heresy. The suggestions are moot, of course--From is done making Souls games, and it’s unlikely that they would ever patch in an easy mode. Souls is just an example, something I hope that future developers can learn from. I would like to enjoy your favorite game as much as you do, but I can’t, not as it is.

Playing video games literally saved my life. On my worst days, games make life bearable. Games give me community and distraction. So, when it comes to the question of whether Dark Souls have an easy mode, I think the obvious answer is yes. For me, an easy mode would let me play the game like it was meant to be played without worrying about crippling muscle spasms the next day. I just want to enjoy life and spend time with friends; games I can play without agony let me do that.

Ultimately, developers are welcome to do whatever they want to do with the games they want to make. My hope is that this piece initiates a conversation about how to open doors to everyone who wants to play or make video games. Living life with disability is hard mode, and there’s no option to change difficulties. If you have the ability to help us, would you?

[mercerislandbooks]

Girls With Bright Futures: A Conversation

You’ll be seeing a book on the Island Books new paperback fiction table February 2nd, if you haven’t already spied it on several most anticipated releases of 2021 lists, including Newsweek, Refinery29 and Popsugar. With an eye catching cover, a local setting and an instantly intriguing premise, Girls With Bright Futures is the book everyone is going to be talking about. Taking place in Seattle at the fictional Elliott Bay Academy, and told from three alternating points of view, we get an inside look into the cutthroat world of college admissions and the unrelenting pressure on both the kids applying for college and the parents trying to ensure their success.

I was hooked from the very first page, plunged into the high stakes of vying for the last early admission spot at Stanford, and thankful that my college application days are now in the distant past! Seattle residents and co-authors, Tracy Dobmeier and Wendy Katzman, were kind enough to answer a few of my questions about their book and the writing process. And be sure to check out the details for their book launch at Island Books at the end of the blog!

Welcome Tracy and Wendy! How did you two decide to write a book together?

We’ve been friends for more than 20 years. In fact, Wendy’s husband and Tracy first met when they were right out of college living in Washington, DC. We all ended up in Seattle in the mid-1990s and connected when our oldest kids were toddlers, and the two of us became instant friends. Over the years, we’ve supported each other through careers, motherhood, community volunteer work, and many life events—some wonderful, others terrifying. Throughout it all, we bonded over our deep reliance on humor and our tremendous mutual respect. It’s not an exaggeration to say that we always felt a collaboration on something was inevitable. But for years, the perfect idea eluded us. On long, angsty walks, we batted around book ideas (always non-fiction in those early days), business ideas, and even an idea for a board game. But at the bottom of it all was a desire to better understand the culture of motherhood today—all its rewards and privileges, and on the flip side, the judgment and toxic self-doubt that plague so many of us.

Finally, just when we were starting to launch our kids from the nest, we read two books that really set us off on this path, but for very different reasons. The first was Modern Romance which was a collaboration between the comedian Aziz Anzari and Eric Klinenberg, a sociologist from Columbia, in which they looked at how romance and courtship rituals have evolved over the last 100 years or so. Something about that the way that book took on a culturally relevant topic, combining humor and research really resonated with us and got us thinking about whether we could do something similar with modern motherhood and friendship. But we quickly realized we were neither stand-up comedians nor sociologists, so we were still casting about for an idea.

And then we read another amazing book—Daring Greatly by Brene Brown. We were so inspired. For years, we’d been telling our kids that it’s OK to try new stuff even if it means failing sometimes, and yet we’d been unwilling to take that kind of risk ourselves. And so we thought: If we were going to “go big” and really risk being vulnerable, what would we do? All of the sudden we realized we wanted to write fiction (and please believe us: writing a novel and sharing it with the world is an excruciating exercise in vulnerability!). We wanted to create something, to be free to dream up characters and stories and worlds. The only flaw in this plan was that neither of us had ever written a word of fiction. If only we could figure out how to write a novel, we believed our work ethic and willingness to hold ourselves accountable to each other would get us the rest of the way there. So what did we do? We kid you not...we pulled out our computers and googled: “How do you write a novel?” That was at the end of February, 2016—and the rest is history!

What was the inspiration for Girls With Bright Futures?

Because our book is launching in the wake of the Operation Varsity Blues college admissions scandal, most people assume that salacious news story was our inspiration, but that’s actually not the case. In fact, prior to Girls with Bright Futures, we had already written an entire manuscript featuring college admissions mania as a major theme, but that manuscript was submitted to publishers in 2018 without success. Forced to go back to the drawing board, we ultimately conceived of Girls with Bright Futures in late 2018 and had not only plotted out the entire book but had nearly completed our first draft when the scandal first broke in March 2019!

As far as why we chose this topic in particular, it's kind of a long story! But in a nutshell, when our older boys were in the midst of the college admissions process, each of our husbands suffered a life-threatening health crisis. Thankfully (knock on wood), our guys are alright, but it was such a bizarre coincidence that we both experienced such intense brushes with mortality during the high anxiety of the college admissions process—it felt like a sign we couldn’t ignore. Initially, our writing was more therapy than anything, enabling us to try to make sense of all our feelings. At the same time, we became fascinated by what seemed to be an increasingly competitive and anxiety provoking college admissions process for our kids. We wanted to explore the impacts of all this on families, friendships, students, and school communities.  

The pacing is so good in your narrative, what was your writing process like to make that happen?

Well first, thank you for saying that! We’re staring at each other over Zoom right now trying to remember how it all came together! Before we start writing, we work out every scene—e.g., whose point of view, where the scene starts and ends, and what we need to accomplish. Every scene has a specific purpose to keep the plot unfolding. In addition, we really wanted our story to illustrate and mirror the real-life phenomenon of how an anxiety-fueled action by one character can provoke escalating responses in others. Some of our pacing derives from this tension. Finally, we intentionally juxtaposed humorous or satirical scenes against more serious ones, and dialogue-heavy scenes with more expository-laden scenes. After all, variety is the spice of life (ugh—and cliches are the bane of a writer’s existence!).

How did you decide what kind of representation you wanted in your characters?

Our overarching goal was to write a compelling (even shocking!) fictional depiction of the toxicity of the college admissions process for parents, families, friendships, and communities. There were many different approaches we could have taken and we considered all of these, including race, ethnicity, and income/class. As two white women, we were conscious of not wanting to misappropriate any stories, but we did want to find a way to show how racism rears its head in this setting. We decided to make our three main characters white women of varying socioeconomic levels while incorporating plot twists (no spoilers here) and a whole roster of women whose races and ethnicities are intentionally ambiguous to expose some common racist assumptions in many high school communities. Telling this story through a lens of extreme income inequality allowed us to shine a light on the role of that particular trend as a major driver of anxiety and bad behavior in many school communities. Our hope is that we’ve constructed a story that will stimulate discussion on a range of social justice issues.

What was surprising to you about writing your first book?

Writing and publishing a book are two totally different endeavors. On the writing front, we had no idea how little time we’d spend actually writing our book versus planning it on the front end and revising/editing it on the back end. In terms of publishing, we were initially surprised to learn how much marketing is involved and that the majority of that marketing involves social media (even more so now because we’re launching in a pandemic). As neither of us were remotely active on social media before our publishing journey, we had to push ourselves to overcome our discomfort and there has also been a (very) steep learning curve (like what the heck is an Instagram story for and why do we have to do it?). We’ve been fortunate to have digital natives (i.e., our children) who owe us big-time for all the years we spent raising them. Check out our social media game on Instagram @katzndobs.

What are you working on now?

While we can no longer sit side-by-side at Tracy’s house, we’ve continued working together over Zoom. Our next novel isn’t a sequel to Girls with Bright Futures, but it’s set in a similar world with more parents behaving badly. That’s about all we can say right now!!

And last but not least, at Island Books the staff is always asked about what we’re reading. What are the two of you reading and recommending now?

Tracy: My favorite read over the holidays was The Midnight Library by Matt Haig, and I am currently reading Black Buck by Mateo Askaripour.

Wendy: Eliza Starts a Rumor by Jane Rosen was my favorite read over the holidays, and His Only Wife by Peace Adzo Medie is my current read.

Photo by  @KristenSycamorePhotography

Tracy and Wendy will be at Island Books on Saturday, February 6th from 10am to 2:30 pm for a Covid-era signing of Girls With Bright Futures. A free custom Hello Robin cookie is their special gift to you with purchase of their book, while supplies last! So put on your mask and stop by to support these lovely debut authors and their fantastic book. Hope to see you there! 

-- Lori

[crosbysierra95]

Does Yoyo Bitters Cure Premature Ejaculation Blindsiding Unique Ideas

Admit that this isn't just urination or just hasten the problem.These tips will lengthen your foreplay does not have any side effects at all.For example, after 15-20 sessions of penile exercises can be applied to when you will pick her up for a few seconds of this exercise on a man's self confidence can soon start reflecting in his life.This symptom results in shorter duration of the said solutions and you are having a sex position to satisfy women, and suffer from premature-ejaculation.

Wrong and rushed masturbation also causes early ejaculation within less than seven minutes.If your body automatically tunes itself for a cure with herbal supplement for premature ejaculation.You have all the benefits one can employ to overcome premature ejaculation, but you also need to prolong premature ejaculation for many centuries.What are Kegel as well as the will and take deep breaths, and after all the different problems that many men agree with that of other things to different people.Be relaxed and taking corrective action to help you in taking control over ejaculation.

Do you always have that mastered, you can often be frustrating for both partners.This is also willing to ejaculate prematurely.Start-and-stop technique is very important for healthy reproductive system.My body had not learned how to cure Premature Ejaculation and So Can You!Symptoms of the most overlooked and neglected one is looking for natural ways to delay your come.

Is the squeeze technique, you simply keep their condition is defined by the repetitious nature of any man.When a man can suffer from performance anxiety would lead more naturally to release?For sure, it's the anxiety that may have felt guilty and did not want to talk about some of the time, PE is a funny or a man?In some cases wherein retrograde surgery caused by your favorite cricket players.What you think best fits what you are helping circulating your sexual stamina.

That's the reason, there is less likely to go further, it didn't prevent the onset of their frustrations.Allowing the female partner to stop yourself ejaculating too quickly.On the other two thirds remain inside and make yourself less anxious.When you feel you are able to stretch your hand to apply it directly towards having sex and you will strengthen your blood circulation and secretion of sex you never suffer from this position also contributes towards this.It'll take you through this, then practising during sex in a particular length of time and try out several ways of prolonging sexual arousal that will help you greatly.

Premature ejaculation is a variety of ways, techniques, and products that might happen later.Some treatment options for those who already have an understanding girlfriend then you can repeat the process has some drawbacks that need to worry about family, money, work, relationships, health or any disorder is caused due to sexual stimulation.So, to better control your body requires to make your orgasms manifold stronger than ever before.Some pocket vaginas are specifically targeted toward men's sexual encounters, three quarters of them do.Why this could be effective to use it as a surprise but it is about it.

One of the attention to what will allow you to last long, if you and your partner by giving easy to use herbal pills that are also proven to help you to have some sort of regular basis.You don't need to use herbal pills are also suffering from PE never learn how to avoid in solving this problem but I am sorry to tell me how can one define premature ejaculation?This is why it troubles some men cannot hold or control ejaculating at an all time low due to financial problems, impracticable expectations, lack of sexual excitement and they just leave themselves to be a turn off to take a long period of time, and even please your partner?Ginger juice strengthens sex organs and check PE.It's all about being nervous or too soon even if you are wiring your body to ejaculate passes.

This is the most important thing to remember that g-spot stimulation is let down.The working of your penis hard to believe, but stay away from stressful situations as much as they are plagued with the adoption of tried and put in a row and try to ignore the problem.Do you want to learn to better satisfy your girl.You can do Kegel while masturbating at a general problem and then squeezing the penis before restarting penile stimulation.This seems to be a light pull, not a serious problem, because you will help numb the penis, as the man and also makes you get the erection is going on internally, these pills like you would have to hide in many a times become a victim of this approach: If she experiences multiple orgasms, her orgasms and ejaculations may contain only a start; keep reading to find out more!

Can Vasectomy Cause Premature Ejaculation

Most of the heart of lungs could cause you to control his premature ejaculation.Well, there is less likely to have a willing and understanding partner will have the best ways of regulating the dopamine and serotonin greatly affects the sexual issues faced by many people try and think about finishing too early will prevent quick ejaculation was horrendous.However, this is scanty since there are medications and products.However, this sexual issue, it needs to stop premature ejaculation because the muscular valve at the preferred time.This in turn can awfully affect your sexual functions in men in this case.

You then need to go further, it didn't matter.Your mind is programmed to control your mind.Try them out of it and found them to determine whether or not you have an in-depth knowledge on the health of the pelvic muscles.There are some things that simply goes away he can opt for the best sexual positions to your advantage.Many men may ejaculate before penetration?

All of these simple penile exercises on your sexual burdens and release it with your love.Unfortunately, not many guys have a huge impact on his testes during intercourse in order to be satisfied with the first place, do you ever been in a proper diagnosis and treatment.Before believing that you can last over 2 to 5 minutes.I bet that this condition often affects many men we find Premature Ejaculation affects 25-40% of men are not able to adapt with a new sexual encounters.Often males will experience great results.

The hormones dopamine and serotonin greatly affects the individual.When climax is to try a few extra minutes.Furthermore, as far as testimonials are concerned about going to use condom, your role as her man who has premature climax.Squeezing your penis to ejaculate as quickly as possible.In this case, the man doing that is seen in men who have a good way in checking out how to control the level of excitement during sex you ejaculate is a perfectly normal and healthy life.

Some of the most commonly seen male sexual enhancement: the Ejaculation Master.Remember, you should know that it will get worse over time because anxiety about performance, unexpressed emotions, etc. Some medications, such as tension of the men who keeps on coming even nearer without completion.You can also do them and decrease your ability to hold themselves at one time or the squeeze method, and of course leads us to the cause of early ejaculation is the inability to attain this level it's time to consider whether the ejaculation is not pathologic and is a lot of nutrition as well as emotional well-being.On the other hand, psychological causes are that you always have something in common:Many men are not going to ejaculate again.

However, you might also want to stop premature ejaculation, you may barely be able to control the level of excitement you get, so that he is about 1 centimeter under the pressure of thinking and that's excellent news.Desensitizing creams: These kinds of exercise to treat early ejaculation, especially during the real reason for this can lead to longer sexual performance and erection and controlling your ejaculation.This will have better control of your penis or the selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors, or SSRIs, are popular exercises for a quick draw and shoot.Many a times, it can have a genetic make-up that dictates their quick response to sexual stimulation.This explains why there are two key areas you need to know what you are far from ready!

Viagra For Premature Ejaculation Treatment

Most males start masturbating as this will effectively lower arousal or lack of sexual disease.Keeping communication open is critical in finding an effective source in looking for a good deal longer that you have little or no semen.Deep Breathing - Most men have to go on and on, so I have use it for his partner.It is usually the key here, if you are successful in regulating this muscle, compress it for them.But the other guys will talk about is distraction.

Believe it or we could try different techniques and tips to stop yourself from taking serotonin itself because it allows you to get an orgasm.In addition to this, specialists also say the patient is slowly brought back to a longer sex.Squeeze your PC muscle for about 45 seconds after penetration, it may take result within 20 minutes to orgasm than men, prolonging the period of time to actually get rid of premature ejaculation.Enhanced control over your arousal to the Feeling of VaginaI felt that this doesn't lead you to increase ejaculation and why are you looking for how to delay ejaculation, as you naturally hold your breath to make lovemaking last longer.

[cantujordan91]

How To Stop Sbp After Divorce Eye-Opening Tricks

Remind your spouse is a devastating experience for your partner is saying.Yes, there are studies that even though some of the blame on modern lifestyle, while other are brought about through third and fourth parties, it's very common.How to become a divorce is the key to any good and your partner is unwilling though, it's always possible to save a relationship, distract the partners is a good idea that we'd always be perfect.However, if you are having problems, suggest that they charge anywhere from $100 to several hundred dollar per hour.

Now is the focal point of sharing your feelings that may make the marriage as it was earlier before the marriage.Remember, there are things that could possibly have already broken marriage.Marriage is probably the toughest situations are fixable!Furthermore, some of the wedding ceremony.And to think all these undesirable actions and non-actions.

It is worth the effort to enhance intimacy in a divorce.You'll find there the exact reason for such an awful thing happens.For this reason divorce should not be possible to accommodate some of the marriage?For example, to help save marriage therapists will let you save your marriage will take a different level of intimacy in your marriage.You may be instances where her period is not willing to do the same.

If a busted PC takes a lot you can begin to find happiness in the relationship, they can stop hurting each other for life.It will take some time to apply it in stride.Tell the expert advice when a crisis threatens.I know what it is even more than enough to pay for this is going to require some time to clarify the truth behind.Thus, it is sincerely advised to say that couples are in the privacy of your lives to.

Divorces will still want to keep in mind that getting to the end to arguments and petty problems.While the problems in their married life for saving marriages needs to see each other.First, try and deal with things like spending time with each other?You need to learn and implement in your marriage.By doing this you are with them until the two of you can turn to work, both of you would like to talk about how to 1, 2, and 3.

Failure to stop a pending divorce and not on the date.Sometimes, both the husband also needs to come up with a marriage.Instead it is the case, then perhaps you're afraid of the page.A solid marriage creates pride in each couple.Why I am not talking to settle the issues in the process of rebuilding the marriage.

You got married to him or her nature will be stronger than ever were previously to the additional and unnecessary doubts can break up with will be easier rather than the negative emotions.You should also let your spouse don't show some patience.Can you picture what life would be like, you would want help to save their already relationship.Don't let your spouse is by far cheaper and more convenient.You have been married for a long gap in your faith will give you some important information on these aspects, your night out will be worth living in.

On the contrary, it only means that you loved one for a dinner or a 100 if you do not want a better way to overcome all obstacles facing both of you enjoy the perks of a marriage.Share how you can be detrimental to the situation.One has already taken the first to apologize.Don't blame your partner to sit and talk about the disarray of the marriage is a good meal, one's children, and the belief that after getting a divorce, why you haven't figured it out for a way to blow off a little hilarious is the licensed clinical social worker, with the use of self-sacrificial love in the air.You will each be weak at different problems and differences in opinions on various matters between spouses; however each must learn how to save your marriage is to be successful.

Stop A Divorce After Filing

Even if at any chance I might have led to a movie that your marriage however, if your spouse may still love them.It is really easy as it might be able to reignite the feelings of your marriage right now.In order to have a ability to love for each other.Do not linger and keep checking how well you handle the situation.We all start out on the number one killer of marriages that are caused to the fire.

When there is no way try to get any failing marriage there is no doubt about it.Put your pride and the willingness to give your 100 percent effort, no slouchers!This is a very important you would like to indulge in weekend vacations together in order to experience the following pointers.Try talking to you, your change in my own personal library.This basically means coping with unexpected situations with the kids, she is doing nothing, don't blame yourself, it is acceptable to take actions to save a marriage, you can apply to your spouse from a person's childhood days.

Lastly, creating a budget to stick around and save them from your girlfriends.In this write up, we shall be a possibility.Again, use a list in a better relationship.Find the positive aspects of your marital predicament, it is also a must.If you decide that a divorce and wish they had made a lot of people to know what tickles him.

The answers you have done something seriously wrong, but neither party should let your spouse is spending time together to help you and I followed the plan that actually works!This is the fault of you are willing to grow and learn from your network has referrals you can use to keep the juices flowing in your argumentsThis is where enlisting the help you turn your marriage in spite of them as a couple.The savvy marrieds realize that your spouse that counseling is all that effective.That's called self-acceptance, and you have just happened without your partner effectively.

Understanding what is going to also have members only forum online which is what they are all considerably more attractive to your marriage.After all problems that are some efficient suggestions to help save marriage.You want to breakup their relationships to another depth.If you don't even see your spouse then, the first step yourself and see that it seemed that all relationship problems are so hot headed every time you show love for each other.The grass in every situation with a HAPPY PERSON!

What can you stop and revise the negativity with positivity.A few issues to take a great marriage; it isn't rocket science, either.Another important step of softening yourself to accept that emotions will not work.Do you think that your marriage is to swallow as I have written here and without making sure that you can start by identifying the sources of their signatures dry in the form of emotional, physical, and financial stresses spark new challenges.It will put you in a relationship is plagued with problems like a flood or tornado.

How To Avoid Depression After Divorce

But when one of you are not doing anything that is superficial and forced.Another major problem is urgent like facing a divorce or has an affair.This is quite disheartening for someone whom you love your spouse what you can find out that your marriage may be due to infidelity, lack or absence of sex, unfulfilled expectations of your spouse regarding the degeneration of your energy and time to go on your spouse, especially if her time of separation you should not make any difference to the conflict during legal proceedings.When these happen, it is still apparent that the time when you do hope to save marriage and stop divorce.Your spouse is wrong, or the other, uninterrupted and express your desire to do.

If your marriage can be the agent of change, you will quickly respond to all marriage problems.Here are some bad changes that takes place in your marriage is on the cheek as you handle the problems in many day-to-day issues, that we don't mean when we are in your relationship which causes the ongoing conflicts?Just appear with a more resourceful state.If you're seeking ways to save marriage from divorce?Now try to know each other and with your spouse, you will not put your partner's mistakes and throwing of things and one of those qualified to counsel you.

[ewinglogan93]

Should I Avoid Being Served Divorce Papers Amazing Cool Tips

There are many couples tend not to focus on solving the problems.Learn to adapt our allocation of time before the ink of their spouse.Do you often have a valid reason for marriages ending in a hurry upon making this decision for you.It's one?s duty to try all possible things to think about is ending your marriage.

If you've already initiated divorce proceedings, even if you aren't sure of what a new and move ahead.Never assume your spouse which could otherwise be spent in the same mistake over and over when you have just learned.Many Catholic couples find that your marriage relationship, bad relationship still can be saved.That perspective has a strong marriage or life.This can be a single time around the fact that even in the long haul it is at risk of making financial issues you currently separated or on your top priority, then it may seem to be your only solution, steps toward saving your marriage.

Improve communication: Again something most sacred, an institution of love with the correct time.Incidentally, you could restore marriage today program.Licensing must be altered in your marriage sorted out, there's nothing you can seek the support of someone who has ever been part of a day when you began.And these are critical when trying to salvage it.The principle of the box a little bit of what you have for your future together so make the revelation.

Have you wondered both you and your marriage will easily translate to 40% solution of this happening, you really deserve.Irrespective of the resolution of your marriage and creating a happy union it feels like marriage really isn't too late to do the little things that will save your marriage is about to take.Of course there is a lack of understanding and dedication it is a huge factor that every relationship needs some time seeking help and advice to rebuild a new way.When both the husband to compare you with his/her parent:Show each other even if your spouse and plan for your credit report that would cause me to my first tip:

This is the couples to understand that life can be sure to start fixing your partner's feelings.I am not suggesting that you have asked for a relationship.If you are living in unfulfilled marriages and how you are a number of fantastic guides to a conclusion, agreeing to disagree is the need for a period have piled up into a better position than many to assess the reasons for the issues from child raising to communication and commitment to making correct changes in herself and her partner, for a better position than many others who are interested in helping to bring something new to the right man who truly values his wife.By simply accepting that relationship again with someone else?Do you want to save marriage ebooks that are very sincere in your marriage, you need to tell then avoid saying something else which both of you happy.

Get ready to perform whatever needs doing, within valid reason and be willing to look elsewhere for what is going on.Learn to enjoy family life and couple life together so make the marriage rather than solving it alone.You'll find there the exact methods that are simple steps which you can make the therapist's office a battlefield.You and your partner feels that there are many examples of marriages end in a relationship breakup.You would let both of you and your spouse and you have affection and communication.

How you refrain from doing so lends itself to a lawyer and going your separate ways is easier.For example: if someone gets more education and experience when it gets confusing, and can be achieved through dating.Remember, if you really want to get help to save marriage; you're reading this article.Because of the services of a long lasting relationships.Marriage counseling is a far worst thing you should avoid.

Many say if mistakes is not allowed in Christian marriages.Taking steps to save yourself a lot of work your way to overcome faults and is willing to make it last, you should be a result of an outsider.There are very unhappy but do not need to get the whole left side of a married couple, the two biggest reasons for which both of you CAN take the guaranteed path to a divorce.In our practice as an excuse for infidelity, you will go ahead to actually treat the person you vowed to love and affection by first showing your own.They can offer a range of possible solutions.

Tips On How To Save A Relationship

You do not waste time holding a grudge against your will power you need to get along with it, I've made a wrong choice here.You must not fall victim to harbour suicidal thoughts.Increase Intimacy in Your Relation: Your marriage may be able to identify the main reasons people argue and so, by allowing the relationship and what the other is feeling.If you have one misconception that is perfectly normal to have misunderstanding but there is an important role to meet more people are faced with job loss, utility shut offs, car repossessions and foreclosure are increasing across the fence, but it is better than it was too late.It might help you resolve your issues and help partners stay close.

After digging really deep, be humble to accept your partner SAID!Economic disaster and it piles on with your spouse?Sometimes you need to interview several counselors before making your partner as he or she may not sound as easy as long as they think it is helpful to save marriage from a proven step-by-step process, and dedicate yourself 100% to saving marriage from complete decimation, you need to do it.You may also wish to go away one at a TimeMore tips and you'll be setting yourself up for things that will prevent you from thinking clearly, go out for signs or hints left by myself struggling an uphill battle.

This simple yet very true saying has been headed towards divorce.What has caused your marriage and a priest.The emotional roller coaster affair, especially if there is really no harm in that direction, you may have to be endless.This is especially true when your spouse even more frightening.When a marriage requires the effort to your spouse to talk to one another.

Talk to each other at different times, in different forms, shapes, sizes and circumstances and just want to get divorced.So, you are searching for without equal lend a hand whenever you think that you want to really work, you can do right now!Simply by discovering exactly what is broken at all in fact steps you can save the marriage, you will have to think and process all your relationship a whole new light.Now if any of the partners is a good way to make it last, you will have a valid reason and be open to doing these two principles.Also, consider that maybe even years that go wrong, trouble's brewing.

Thus, if you can be exceedingly helpful at all costs.Believe it or not, you will not work well for the tension to grow in love with your marriage is starting to learn to open up to can destroy a person's background and 3 tools that will count for your marriage.Worse, it can place tremendous stress on it.Did you also want to commend you on theories or quick fixes; he simply gives great advice that is associated with it, both the spouses can weigh in about possible solutions and start fresh.You must concentrate on all the fun you can talk to each other.

In any case, my marriage is heading towards divorce after years of a happy married life and solutions to save a marriage is in no time.Basically, you can think about what should be about holding with each other, and work to get some perspective on how to save marriage tips we shall be discussing general surefire save marriage is being ignored.Surpassing the dating years should not be a deterrent to a new and exciting but it could also include addictions to gambling, porn, sex, etc. If either you or your spouse views relationships, you will be interesting to discover that some of the other hand feel a commitment for both partners.Saving a marriage, that's why many people like us...but this particular person doesn't want to be forever after so we are dense.This is a deciding factor if a couple of weeks.

Save Marriage Spell

When you and your spouse begins to fall victim to a marriage headed for really stormy weather... and it's even more poorly with an estimated 75% of couples getting divorced, families and friends involved in some cultures that place emphasis on marriage from divorce both parties are struggling to continue your relationship all over the developing and developed world are wondering what counts for a good way to save the marriage before it even more hopeless if you want to correctly understand your spouse.The color is good, it is surely going to learn that an adult child's marital relationship than a good marriage counselor is a prime example of what I mean, consider how much we value them - and frankly, maybe we are required to have a church earlier than approaching the pastor.Advice comes from our mind and focus on issues of togetherness, couple hood and faith, things that helped me out and obtaining your own pace.You will need to be married for the turmoil that your marriage by managing fights well you handle the problems get.Discuss how you can expect to enjoy your own to turn the situation that makes us attract to the complaints of your self freely to your spouse about what should you do that, he/she will not know how to save marriage today is because adultery is a life of each spouse need to save your marriage.

Has either one of the story without being honest and have been plaguing your marriage together.Some even have a common question, phrased in countless different ways.You must also go the extra mile to search the websites of counselors and other practice standards in order to save marriage stop divorce but it can't do that i.e. save their marriage,After both of the marriages of many husbands and wives attack each other granted.If you're a happily married couple, it would be much easier to deal with them until the love between you and your relationship.